#idk how to function in group settings anymore

[maladaptive-daydreaming-aphant]

me before hanging out with a new group of people: i'm gonna be so normal and not obnoxious this time. i need to be Normal and Not Obnoxious this time please let me be a socially Competent human being for once in my fucking life—

everyone else after 5 minutes of dealing with my obnoxious ass, probably:

[stellar-haikyuu]

haikyuu characters as messages i've sent/received in group chats (pt. 5)

Hinata: i am in enemy territory again oh my god

Kageyama: so, uh a kid just randomly cried in front of me? for no reason? 

Tsukishima: [miyagi private school] drama is a whole other world of problems

Yamaguchi: the panic will set in at around 1am ngl

Oikawa: that is literally how ppl will remember me from high school I HATE IT HERE

Lev: omg i was almost recruited for a multi-level marketing scheme Kenma: i’m surprised you even realized Kuroo: nope i got him outta there. he was literally about to say yes

Daishou: ok FINE i'll stop making fun of people. god will think i deserve to trip on the stairs again.

Futakuchi: impression management who? idk her

Aone: he actually sat next to me during class IM CRYING INSIDE 

Koganegawa: LAST SET! LET’S GO! YEAHHHHH!!!

Terushima: i think my scalp is fucked

Tendou: idk about u guys, but i believe in karma!

Goshiki: nobody needs to know about the delulu stuff in my head

Atsumu & Osamu (talking to Aran for the first time): interview with foreigner? DONE

Suna: wtf some rando just followed me on insta? INSTANT BLOCK BITCH

Kita: my executive? functioning.

Aran: don’t you ever want to go apeshit?

Hoshiumi: why do the adults always dump me at the kids table Hirugami: bc you belong there duh Hoshiumi: I DONT WANNA HEAR SKIBIDI AND GYAT ANYMORE

← part 4 || masterlist || part 6 →

[i-yap]

omg you are also south indian!!!! i find it really hard to find south indians on here, could you do the batboys reacting to reader wearing traditionally indian clothing for a wedding they are attending???

Im north Indian with a little spanish in me shifting to NY actually but yea the indian dc fanfic community is smaller. I love the idea of a traditional indian s/o with Jason particularly. Dick with someone spanish , tim with an African American, Damian with caucasion and bruce with someone asian. Idk why Thats just How I imagine it. Its in no way a canon to their character or a generalization of people from a culture but the cultures ,and norms and values of these cultures really suit the batboys. Hope this isn't offensive. So Im just going to do batboys x reader in a family event .

Batboys(tim, dick, jason , bruce)x y/n - At a family event

Dick Grayson

is also dressed in your cultural's traditional clothes. Dick has traveled all over the world and he likes seeing you in your traditional clothes. Being comfortable in your traditional wear, being in "your element" . He charms up all your family members, no-one even calls him the white boyfriend anymore . The women also hit on him( of all age groups srsly) He is part of the family by the end( or within 5 mins) of the night . Dont be surprised when you find him and your family laughing about what jokes your parents are going to make at your wedding. He isn't even nervous before going. He is a real charmer and you couldn't be prouder.

Jason todd

doesnt want to go. Really thinks your family wont like him and they probably wont the first time they meet him. Will still wear his leather jacket but at least he wore a white shirt and clean jeans? He even agreed to take the car rather then the bike. Will stop complaining the moment he sees you in your element. Like goddess pro max what even , so ethereal ,the world is shaking . Staring dialed up to 100/10 . plus his complaining was never serious to start with. He wants you to have a family, be connected to your background,. Its just one of the things that make you you and he wont change a single hair on you. Will probably get insecure ( I get set up or marriage proposal talks when I go to family functions - just indian girl things I hate it tbh. And I've noticed its a thing in a lot of cultures) because he'll think that you deserve that traditional life with people who 'get you" but no one will ever get you the way he does and you just need to remind him of that. He is a bit broody , tall and just kind of sticks by you . The men and boys of the group are probably fascinated by him so as the night goes he starts getting more comfortable around them. The kids lowkey like him a lot so its cute and you may get baby fever. And the older women of the group are poking at him( why the jacket? whats with that scar) and you'll have to rescue him. He'll do it all over for you though.

Tim drake-

time to put on that practiced facade. He is used to putting on a fake winning smile at those galas so imagine his surprise when his old tricks don't work at your family function. Personal space? privacy?? fake formalities?? don't exist. Bonus points if it isn't a fake rich family. But he gets to see you In a pretty clothes and he is simping, teasing you on how you look like a real girl now(but he lowkey prefers you in the geeky shirts you guys share) . he did research so like ask him the They are still very impressed by your respectful young man ( who is super rich and smart). He gets by tbh, a bit shy because he is just so not used to all this. But keep him near you, show him how to dance properly and get a few drinks in him and its a party. He loves it, your family loves him and your cousins are now his besties (don't ask when that happened). He loves having a family and it just leaves him with wonder. He is in awe of this and so grateful that you let him into your life.

Bruce wayne

does a lot of research . He knows exactly how to act, what to say and what to do. A bit cold and aloof . Still surprised by the whole chaos . But unlike tim he keeps his cool. your family is impressed by you "bagging" the rich billionaire boyfriend. If this is batman with robins ver then they are worried about the huge amount of kids he adopted and what that means for you. So uh..just mention the billion again? They ask really personal questions but bruce prepared and is so ready for it. He loves seeing you in your traditional clothes, probably encourages you to wear them casually too. As if anyone can stop you, go to galas in traditional clothes or just wear home traditional in the mansion. Over all he loves getting a peak into your life and what experiences shaped you to be the woman he loves so dearly now.

If there's anything offensive about this let me know and I will change the content or even delete the whole thing. Ive based it a little of the four different cultured families I have and the common stuff I've noticed in all of them. But I've tried keeping it as general as possible tbh. So I'm sorry if this is offending anyone.

[eight-freakin-gids]

Before we get to see the Bloomburrow Commander previews, I want to get my predictions in for what planeswalkers we'll see in the remaining 3 Commander decks as well as what their fursonas will be. Here are some of my considerations, but also a Read More because this got a bit long:

We know for sure each deck is going to have one planeswalker, and we already know Tamiyo is in the Bant group hug deck. The Jace, Nissa, and Liliana we've seen are not in the decks

I don't think we'll be seeing more than one planeswalker card of the same type among all of the set, so I am assuming the precons won't have any other Jace, Liliana, Nissa, or Tamiyo planeswalkers.

I would guess that there will be an effort to keep the color distribution even, so that fans of every color can get at least one planeswalker (though not necessarily a mono-colored one).

I am assuming that the planeswalkers in the precons will not be radically expensive or be multi-format competitive staples. It wouldn't look good for wizards if people bought out precons just to scalp them for chase rares (anymore than that may or may not already be happening, idk)

For the most part, I am trying to keep the fursonas to the animal races we've already seen in the Bloomburrow previews and the story. The exception is if there's a very obvious option that doesn't feel out of place.

I am sticking to planeswalkers who are alive and have not been confirmed to be desparked (despite the fact that they included Tamiyo. I'm already indulging with one prediction, I can't get my hopes up for a new Gideon)

I'm inferring what each precon's strategy is solely by looking at the commander.

Since the Jeskai deck has a 1 power theme, I am predicting we will see a Bird version of Elspeth, Sun's Champion. Specifically, I would guess a dove. This is both something I would really want, but also something I think has a very good chance of happening. After all, the Bloomburrow birds are a chivalric knightly order, so Elspeth will fit right in. Not to mention that as an angel she would be one of the few people able to seamlessly transition to a different all-flying creature type. Sun's Champion is a great card in the format, evidenced by it making it into other precon lists. Theoretically any Elspeth or any 1/1 token producing Planeswalker can fill the role, but I think this is the best option. There is admittedly some anachronism between depicting this card as modern Elspeth while the name references the Theros story, but I think that's something that can be ignored. Look, I just really want to see bird Elspeth, okay?

The RG precon is the only other one with Red, so we gotta have a Red planeswalker here. There aren't a lot of planeswalkers who synergize with this deck's strategy. Daretti only works with half of the deck, and Jaya, Fiery Negotiator isn't doing much aside from making tokens with Prowess. So, I propose Lizardfolk Chanda, either Flamecaller or Fire Artisan. Since the lizardfolk are associated with fire magic, this one's pretty obvious. Chandra, Flamecaller has a sweeper effect which doesn't destroy your indestructible enchantment/artifact creatures (though it can kill your commander, point not in this one's favor). Flamecaller's other loyalty abilities are fine as well. Fire Artisan is very linear, but does function as a card advantage engine. Torch of Defiance isn't too powerful for commander, but I think it sees too much play elsewhere for it to be a good inclusion here.

For the BG squirrels + tokens precon, my pick is Garruk, Primal Hunter as a badger. We haven't seen any badgers in Bloomburrow aside from Hugs, but if anyone deserves to be Big, it's Garruk. A raccoon would also probably work, but wouldn't be my first pick. I choose Primal Hunter specifically because it makes tokens on it plus ability, and can draw cards as well. And, it's among the most played Garruk planeswalkers in the Commander.

We'll see how this post ages in a few days

[number1villainstan]

For the Utena ask game: 2, 3, 9, 11?

2. favorite episode (bonus: favorite scene)

Cop out answer, but I'm genuinely not familiar enough with the show to have a single favorite episode. I've only watched it all the way through once, and I'm still in the middle of a second rewatch (it's a group rewatch, the Utena Weekly thing that's going on on the Empty Movement forum). That being said, I really like Wakaba's second episode in the Black Rose arc, and the Tale of the Rose episode in the Akiopocalypse arc. And Nanami's two parter (also in the Akiopocalypse arc).

I love the scenes of fake domestic bliss between Wakaba and Saionji in the BR arc for entirely selfish shippy reasons--they're so damn bittersweet, a taste of what could have been, and you hope desperately that this can keep going even though you know that it can't, even though you know that it's only able to function because of the choking secrecy and play-pretend. Even though you know it's gotta come crashing down around their ears.

Tale of the Rose doesn't have one specific favorite scene for me, but I really like this episode because it does genuinely so much heavy lifting in the context of the show. It gives you two different versions of the same story, and both of those versions give you so much information, both directly and indirectly, about the world of Ohtori, how to decode its symbols, what Really Happened when Utena was a child, how the systems of Ohtori function and what their basis is. I called it the 'lore climax' on my first watchthrough, I think? And I stand by it. Because holy shit. The first half is a great little play, but the second half is like the Flashback To End All Flashbacks.

Nanami's two parter in the Akiopocalypse arc--probably my favorite scene in that episode is right after Nanami 'loses' the duel. It's such a wild emotional ride to see her get hit with a car and then still be standing. Still be on her own two feet. I genuinely think I might have been close to crying from triumph during my first watchthrough when I watched this scene.

3. favorite arc

Oh man, I almost wanna say the Black Rose arc? It's definitely the weakest of all the arcs, but it's got more focus on a lot of the characters that I'm drawn to more than I'm drawn to Utena (rip Utena, you're a great character but you're just not my type). Specifically I'm thinking the focus on Wakaba and Mikage's whole deal. Akiopocalypse is also a solid contender, because of how much it fleshes out Anthy (another of my faves) and also how well it ties all of the themes of RGU together. Seriously, RGU is like a masterclass in how to tell a story and it's going to be influencing my writing for ever and ever.

9. favorite aspect of the show to analyze/read analysis about

FUCK IF I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW IS SO DAMN GOOD I CAN'T CHOOSE

I think my favorite thing to analyze (not necessarily read analysis about) used to be Saionji and his relationship to and position in the systems of Ohtori? But I'm not sure if it's that anymore. At this point I'd probably read literally any analysis ever about anything about this show.

11. favorite and/or most interesting relationship (doesn't have to be romantic)

hhhhhhh DEFINITELY Wakaba/Saionji. It's definitely A Ship but IDK if I interpret it as strictly romantic, but I've definitely written for it (go check out setting down roots for a look at a post-Ohtori possibility for them. Although it was one of the monthly short pieces that was only one draft, so it doesn't cohere quite as well as I would have liked it to, especially on the symbolic side). They have SO MANY PARALLELS (to me). They could have broken down Ohtori themselves if Ohtori's systems hadn't doomed them from the start. They're an intensely tragic pair but only in the specific circumstances that canon put them in. I go crazy over them every time.

the ask game is here

[catwouthats]

I didn’t want to post anything Loki related bc I don’t like promoting Disney shit after what they did (FUCK DISNEY! they donated 2 mil to Israel. So, don’t give them money y’all), yet somehow this is RELEVANT for social issues???

Basically

Mobius- Structural Functionalism

Sylvie- Conflict Theory

Loki- Symbolic Interactionism

But Loki and Mobius flip flop a little.

If you know sociology, this probably just damaged you emotionally. If you don’t know sociology, you are probably confused. Let me explain. Also I have more I want to say about what this all means. (SEASON 2 EPISODE 6 SPOILERS)

Structural Functionalism- Basically, things like institutions (schools, prisons, etc), roles (what you are expected to do), rules, and strict control are seen as important to hold society together. Each part is needed for the system to survive (else something else will try to take the broken system’s/part’s place… usually messy. Thinks break/slow.)

Conflict Theory- A lower class is oppressed by the upper class. Belief that the systems in place are made to oppress those who don’t have the power

Symbolic Interactionism- seeks to understand relationships between people. The importance of them on an individual level. Why and how one’s personal circle affects how they interact with the world as a whole. focusing on the symbols that help us give meaning to the experiences in our life. Symbols are subjective. Everyone has a different interpretation. The meanings of these symbols can change.

Mobius- Was devoted to TVA (institution). Generally interested in how to use the system as it is. Likes the structure and set up (until later?). Doesn’t question authority (until others do. Follows norms and peer pressure). Did not want to know who he was a while (against social norms in his society that was the TVA institution)

Sylvie- TVA oppressed her all her life. She’s interested in all the people wronged by imbalanced power that is the TVA (herself and everyone along branching times). Interested in equality. Mad at bourgeois (She is passionate and didn’t know as much as Loki —WHO WAS FUCKING TIME SLIPPING SO OFC IT MADE MORE SENSE TO HIM— so ofc she gets mad and makes “rash decisions” bc in her eyes they are logical.)

Loki- Personal. Think “Why?” Questions. Why did He Who Remains do this? Why do I have to be alone? He’a affected by his family/friends. THAT is what causes him to invoke change in society. He doesn’t admit it at first, but it’s clear that he treats everything personally to him. He is a God, something I see as more symbolic rather than functional because it makes everything personal to him on a different scale. The symbol of the TVA changed it’s meaning to the tree of life because of him.

He fixed it all by fixing his personal issues… or breaking them. It’s not how real life exactly works —it’s magic— but it’s interesting. It makes an interesting point. Not that one person is the hero, but that, despite EVERYONE’s group work, still at least ONE person had to give up living (usually it’s too many).

The reason I bring this up is because, again, it is so interesting. I thought this was gonna be copaganda (that one Ep Loki says some wack shit.. which he doesn’t agree with anymore I don’t think bc he literally ripped it apart)(maybe it still is copaganda?? Idk, that’s not the point of this thing). This media actually showed the importance of each social theory individually though. AND HOW THEY CAN WORK TOGETHER TO BRING CHANGE! I’d argue they need to work together to bring change.

You need to have that closeness to each other, that understanding of why people are reacting in ways (symbolic interaction). So you can grow stronger as an organized group and figure out plans (structural functionalism). So you can stand up STRONG to your oppressor without leaving ANYONE behind, so you can reduce the HARM of the oppressive system (conflict theory).

I know this is all over the place and I apologize. It seems weird to talk about something so serious using a show (especially when the thing owning that show is part of what you’re speaking out against??)(like seriously wtf Disney!??? Fuck you!!!??)

That said —off topic again— when it comes to Loki, I think he is going to have to find away to be with Sylvie & Mobius again. He has no defenses. They, Sylvie and Mobius, are his defenses. They help him to not die/kill others. They help keep the TVA workers stable to support him. They help keep things in check so no one gets treated unfairly. He needs both of them.

Anyways, back on topic, this can all be overwhelming. Society as a whole. Just remember that we have each other’s backs. You might not feel it yet, but trust me, more and more people are coming together. They/we are doing more and more amazing things, things that get bigger and bigger with more of an impact.

We are stopping weapons from being shipped.

We are boycotting.

We are donating to support.

We are spreading the word.

There is love, it’s just not ever given by the oppressors. Don’t ever look for love there; the people that are hurting family and friends are not ever going to give you love.

Also, if any part of this is off or insensitive please let me know. I’m terrible at being socially human, like my words don’t get interpreted how I interpret them.

[likeamothtoalighthouse]

UNTITLED ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE PROJECT LORE DUMP

THE WORLD

This is a pretty typical post-zombie-apocalyptic setting, with the main distinction being that instead of it being mad max nonsense It's focused on a pretty chill and normal village/commune/safe zone called the Orchard. The story is set like 100-150 years after the apocalypse, but culture has shifted more rapidly than usual due to 1) the massive change in everyone's lifestyle on account of the apocalypse, 2) the sheer number of people who died, taking with them tons of culture and information, and 3) the fact that the internet and most modern technology doesn't exist anymore because who the fuck is maintaining it. I need to do some more concrete worldbuilding stuff here but it will happen.

In this universe there is a "zombie virus" but it's like. It basically eats the part of the brain that lets it feel pain and drastically reduces higher cognitive function. People affected are technically "alive" but they're like salmon swimming upstream; their bodies are falling apart and rotting while still alive, but since they can't feel pain they aren't incapacitated and don't notice. Theoretically a zombie kept in a completely safe environment wouldn't get all nasty and rotting and stuff but the brainmelting tends to make them get injured a lot and then they just kind of walk around getting injured and infected and gangrenous and decaying and it's just really gross and bad times. It is transmissible via bite but also any other bodily fluid which means yes it is technically an STD. Do not fuck the zombies. Anyways it's basically just Sci-Fi Rabies because rabies is like. the scariest disease.

THE CAST

AVERY HARTMAN: Farmer, trans woman, tea enjoyer, literally just wants to have a normal life with her wife and malewife but NOOOO the evil mad scientist lady is in a one-sided toxic yuri situationship with her and is making it her problem. Grew up in the orchard, started going on trade runs to other towns once she was old enough, on one of those trade runs ended up getting kidnapped by Dr. Alekseyeva's lab. Cue aforementioned toxic yuri and then once she gets the fuck out of there a very long process of getting back home. Fun times for no one except me :)

HARLOWE UNDERWOOD: ok so yknow how the concept of this universe is "what if the apocalypse were way more chill than people think its gonna be"? Well that's not entirely true. the Orchard is a nice chill area but there are 100% groups out there doing mad max shit for absolutely no reason. Harlowe was raised by one of these groups after they raided her home as a young child; she grew up with them and fully drank the Power Is Only Attained Through Violence kool-aid until she was severely injured and left to die during a raid on the Orchard. There she met Micah and Avery who kind of collaboratively rehabilitated her into being a functioning person. She also has a lot of memory issues; she's basically lost her memory of her entire childhood except for little snippets, and she deals with memory loss way more than like. The average person in their mid twenties.

MICAH RAMOS: The only normal and well adjusted guy in this story. And he's not even that normal. He's the Laios Dungeonmeshi of the zombie apocalypse. He's autistically fascinated by the zombie virus and trying to find some sort of vaccine or preventative measure. Nominally a doctor and actually very good at that job, but his real passion is studying the zombie virus. After Avery gets kidnapped and comes back he sort of becomes the idk... main emotional support of the polycule? Like Avery's always filled the role of being The One Everyone Can Go To and then she can't do that anymore and it's definitely a struggle trying to fill this role that he's not really built for. Very intentional parallels and contrasts to Dr. Alekseyeva in terms of worldview, approach to science, approach to finding a cure for the virus, etc. Really what it boils down to is that Micah is a deeply compassionate person and will always put others first, while Dr. Alekseyeva is blinded by her goals and lofty ideas of success. Speaking of her:

DR. OPHELIA ALEKSEYEVA: Evil scientist, has big dreams of being the one to find a "cure" for the zombification bullshit. Part of a faction descended from the ultra-rich who just went into their private bunkers when the apocalypse happened; her group split off about a generation ago and came to the surface to research a cure instead of just waiting forever. Her theory is that there's a gene that gives certain people resistance to the virus, hence all the kidnapping people (namely Avery) to do experiments on. Eventually she sort of snaps and gives up on the cure for a variety of reasons, and instead goes down the route of trying to create human superweapons to kill all of the zombies. This plan is terrible on every level but she's fully lost it by this point. Anyways im obsessed with her shes so unethical <3

There are other minor characters but they're much less fleshed out and I don't really know what I'm doing with them yet. We'll see

[blizzardfluffykpop]

Bias Spreadsheet Math

Okay, so I have a spreadsheet for my biases because I have quite a few (currently on this sheet: 27) and I like to keep facts about them stored. Just to see what lines up with the other ones. (Side note: None of my biases seem to line up...)

Anyways, I always have to manually put in the age they've turned. And I've had this spreadsheet for like a few years now. And it's tiring...

Cause I'm lazy & okay with math- I made an equation? So, the =DATEDIF() equation only works w/numbers. While Google does have the function for "TODAY" it wouldn't work in said function.

So, if I wanted it to always solve from birthdate to today. I'd have to come up with a different way, so I'd never had to type their ages manually again. I configured a little 'today's date' cell in the sheet. Thus, dubbing "AB2" as the dedicated cell.

And here 'X' will stand for any birthdate/cell w/birthdate. And years will be represented by "Y." After all, that is what we are solving for.

Thus the equation looks like:

=DATEDIF(X, AB2, "Y")

I'll be the first to admit I love math, but as a person who doesn't like to do the same tedious work over and over... This is going to make a nice difference when I look at the sheet again in the future.

Also, disclaimer: I didn't get the idea for the bias spreadsheet, someone else made the original. I have just made it custom to me. It does have some functions from the original, most of them have been scrapped tbh. Especially because this is my third version of the spreadsheet. (I don't keep up w/a lot of groups anymore, so I made a new one to decrease clutter). I don't know how much of it remains? I do have the link to the official one tho.

Anyways- if you've read on this far- and are still intrigued! If you wish to start your own: I have the link to the original and can also link mine! And if you'd like I'd be more than happy to help you set it up!

Idk I'm very proud of myself for figuring it out. It took me a little bit, but algebra was my favorite in school, so it came with ease! :)

(Also, this post marks: 25,000 posts *reblogs & originals* 🥰)

[nhyhu]

a little comic i did for @pencildragons !

stuff under cut

^^^ without text, lineart, and sketches

basically obi wan left and went back to melidaan after the clone wars ended to essentially retire and cody and some of the 212th need to lay low for a while so they go and track down their former general. And they find him hands deep in dirt farming of all things, and theres this whole thing between cody and obi wan about how they fell out of the closeness they had when they were in war(theres a moon lit conversation that is in my head and not on paper I HAD IDEAS) and they miss each other, they really do, but they don't know how to function together without the war on their backs.

Now obi wan isn't only a farmer no no hes a busy boi, he also helps out at the local clinic/hospital because him having the force means it's easier to understand how people feel which means it's easier to diagnose the patients. So one day he's working and idk his neigbor or something knocks on his door, and the troopers that where living with obi wan are all like whos that, so cody goes and opens the door and it's just someone obi wan knows coming to ask him for some help, and that person is like who are you? so cody says he's a good friend of obi wan's and is visiting him, and that obi wan is at the clinic right now. The neighbor guy is like ok and goes to find obi wan.

And when the guy finds obi wan they go "obi wan i didn't know your boyfriend and his family is visiting" obi wan internally is going " boyfriend????" and obi wan goes along with it because it's a good cover for the clones. and when he gets back to his house he announces himself with "my dear im home" and he and cody bond via pretending to be a couple because it reminds them of having a mission. And with the whole fake couple thing they learn to be domestic with each other, and function together outside of a war setting.

Until the group of clones don't have to lay low anymore and they can go back to corusant. and both cody and obi wan are like, i should tell him i love him for real and they do and they live happily ever after :)

[write-orflight]

Settle Down: Prologue

**Gif Not Mine**

Prev -  Next

Pairings: SpencerXReader (kinda enemies to lovers) 

Rating: M

Words: 2.5K

Warnings: None, will be smut in eventual chapters

Request: OPEN/CLOSED

Summary: Y/N and Spencer don’t get along but turn to each other for the one thing you need someone else for... A baby. You can plantonically start a family, right?

A.N: this is a bad bio but idk how else to put it. it’s a baby fic! I wouldn’t say this is enemies to lovers but they certainly don’t like each other at first so it kinda is. comment on this chap or message to be on the taglist. much love, Cia

                Prologue:  A Powerpoint, Really? 

If you had told 16 year old Y/N that she’d be working at the FBI, she would’ve called you batshit. 

Not only, did you not have any respect for authority or any inclination for rules in that matter, working for the FBI was never in the forefront of your mind. But when given the option of Jail or a full time job with benefits, it was fairly easy to make a choice. You remember the first day when you met your work partner and now best friend Penelope Garcia or specifically the day she caught you. 

You were waiting tables like you did every weekend to stay afloat. Today was unreasonably slow so you were just finding small things to do. That’s when she came in, an extremely brightly dressed woman, sat at the bar of the diner. 

“Hi, how can I help you?” You smile at the woman who looks up at you and smiles. 

“Yes, I’m looking for the Emerald City.” She says, smirking at you. Your face drops, you knew what she was talking about. 

When you started hacking it was only supposed to be a one time thing. You grew up poor, spent most of your life poor so when you saw your childhood home was set to be demolished to build a fancy new headquarters for Scotty Realins, an upcoming asshole tech CEO, without a cent going to your parents.  Something in you snapped. You had already been pretty decent at code and you flirted with a couple of guys in your STEM classes to learn how to hack so you would say you were pretty good at this point. So you hacked into the website and made sure all the Revenue for that day actually was wired to lower-income housing. At the end of the day, it was only a couple hundred thousand dollars but what was pennies to Scotty Realins changed some people's lives. 

So you started doing it more, to different companies under the pseudonym OZ. The money always went to different places that needed it whether it was paying the rent for a bunch of families or anonymous large donations to food banks or soup kitchens. You gained a bit of fame in the hacker community as a modern day Robin Hood. 

All good things come to an end though. And the end was standing in front of you in clunky, rainbow colored jewelry. 

“You don’t look like a cop.” you say, crossing your arms. 

“I’ll do you one better.” She says, pulling her FBI badge out, showing it to you briefly. You curse under your breath. “I’ve been following you for a while, OZ. Though I wasn’t expecting the man behind the curtain to be a woman. I will say, having my computers route back to a loop of “We’re not in Kansas anymore.” everytime I tried to track your IP was impressive. I couldn’t even be mad about it.” 

“Clearly not that impressive because you found me.” 

“Still took me longer than usual, which is saying a lot.” 

“This is a really long winded conversation if you’re just here to arrest me.” You say, taking off your apron. No use in keeping it on if you were going to be in handcuffs soon. 

“That’s because I’m not here to arrest you. I’m here to offer you a job, to work under me as a Tech Analyst in the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI.” Penelope says. 

“And if I don’t want to?” 

“Then you’re going to want a lawyer and my very good handsome friend outside is going to arrest you. You’re smart and you have a chance to help people which is why you started hacking in the first place, right? Please don’t make me do that.” She looked at you pleadingly like she really cared and didn’t want you to go to prison. You didn’t say anything but something told you she’d been in the same boat as you before. 

“Hmmm…. I’m tired of waiting tables anyway.” 

So you uprooted your life and moved from Philadelphia to Quantico. Garcia took you under her wing and pretty soon the two of you functioned in her batcave like a well oiled machine. You could do without the constant gore that filled your screens but at the end of the day, you loved what you were doing and you wouldn’t change that for the world. 

The team was an added bonus, it was nice to have your own little found family. Garcia, of course, taking on the role as best friend mere days after your first meeting. You met Derek Morgan right after you agreed to take the job, he’d been there to arrest you and was very glad he wouldn’t have to do that. He told you often about how you reminded him of his sister and he regarded you in the role of younger sister from that day on. The next person you met had been Aaron Hotchner, your new boss. It took him a couple of weeks to warm up to you, you guessed he had a difficulty trusting new people and when he would call you guys for information he would always ask for Garcia instantly instead of you, not very trusting in your skills yet. Though that changed when you had been the one to track down the Unsub once. 

Rossi was easily won over when you told him about your Italian side of the family, specifically your grandmother who loved to cook and left you a lot of recipes. You and him often went back and forth in sharing dishes. Emily and JJ had also been easily won over with one bottle of tequila and a regrettable girls night. 

Then there was Dr. Spencer Reid.     

You had a lot of opinions on Dr. Reid, most of them weren’t good. It wasn’t like you hated him in fact, you’d consider him a friend but the two of you seemed to butt heads on well, everything. Both of you needing to be the smartest in the room and neither of you wanting to admit when you’re wrong will do that though. You still respected Spencer though, he was an extreme asset to the team and he was your best friend’s other best friend so you couldn’t really hate the guy. 

You also didn’t have to like him. 

So you had a good job, good friends, a nice house to live in. You were finally happy, content even. So why did it feel like something was missing? 

The something missing came in a stroller pushed by JJ the next week. 

The last case had been rough. Really rough. So while the team was on their way back you and Garcia hatched a plan for JJ to come visit from maternity leave and surprise everyone with the baby. While you guys were waiting for them to land, Garcia wanted to show JJ something she had gotten her godson so JJ asked if you could watch him and feed him until she got back, which you obviously agreed to. As you were feeding the child his bottle, and his ravioli sized fist wrapped around your finger you realized what had been missing. 

Fuck, you wanted a kid. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

You told Garcia first, it slipped when she noticed how off you were being. You wanted to have a kid bad now and you knew you didn’t want to wait. Penny tried to convince you that you’d “find the right person” but let’s face it, with this job, long term relationships were few and far inbetween. Plus you didn’t need a man, you had a good job and insurance, you knew you could provide a child with a life full of love it deserved. So you made an appointment at a fertility clinic. As the doctor was talking to you about your options, you felt yourself feeling more and more down about your decision and that only increased as you looked in the book of sperm donors in front of you. You looked at too many serial killers daily that it made you uneasy, carrying a stranger's baby. Maybe Garcia was right and your best bet was to wait for ‘the right guy.’ Even though you really didn’t want to. 

You walked into work later, a little sullen. Heading immediately towards the coffee machine. Penelope, who had been at Derek’s desk, makes a beeline towards you.  

“So how’d it go?” She says, smiling. “Did you make an appointment to be baby-fied?” 

You sigh. “I couldn’t do it, Pen.” You say, frowning. “I just-- We see so much here that I don’t want to accidentally end up with a sociopath’s baby because I couldn’t wait.” 

“But you don’t want to wait, do you?” She says softly, empathizing with you. 

“No, I don’t.” You sigh again, finishing making your cup before walking back out into the bullpen. JJ had brought Henry again for the others to see on the slow paperwork day. You tried not to look bitter but it was like she was flaunting the one thing you couldn’t have, even if it was unintentional. You watched as she handed the baby to Spencer, who instantly smiled and made faces at the laughing baby. 

“Spencer is actually a surprisingly good godfather.” Garcia says, smiling at the exchange in front of you. “Kinda makes you wonder what he’d be like with his own baby geniuses.” She says before walking over to the group and scooping her godson out of Spencer’s arms, Spencer still held on to his fist with his pinky, smiling down at the child. 

“Yea…” You say, to no one in particular. 

You had an idea. A probably bad one. 

-------------------------------------------------------

You were sitting in the coffee shop, nervously fiddling on your laptop while waiting for Spencer. You were surprised he even agreed to meet with you for coffee though you were sure he was just doing it out of curiosity because you told him you had something important to talk about. You weren’t even sure if you were going about this the right way. Hey Spencer, I know we’re not even friends but how would you feel about fathering my child? God, this was going to be terrible. 

You looked up when you heard the tell-tale bell on the door indicating someone walking in. Spencer gave you a small wave before going to the counter to get a coffee. You took that time to nervously sip yours. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, it was now or never. 

“Hey.” Spencer says, when he finally gets to the table, coffee in hand. “Why are you all the way in the corner?” 

“This isn’t really a conversation I want overheard.” 

Spencer tilts his head confused at that. “So what is the conversation we’re supposed to be having. I asked Garcia but she seemed to also have no idea.” 

“Yea, I didn’t tell her on account of this maybe going extremely bad.” You say, before sighing and turning your laptop around so Spencer could see the Powerpoint screen you have on it. When he reads it,  he chokes on his coffee.

“A Powerpoint, really?” He chokes, still coughing around the coffee. “Y/N, what is this?” 

“This is Reasons Why You Should Make a Baby With me.” 

“Yea, I got that from the title, Y/N.” He says, still shocked. “Is this a joke?!” 

“I wish it was, Reid.”

“Can I at least ask why you thought a Powerpoint was the best way to ask?”   

“Because I felt you’d be more inclined to consider it if you knew I spent time on a presentation.” 

“That’s true.” He leans back, taking a sip of his coffee, gesturing for you to continue. You hit the next slide. 

“Ok, reason number one is we both want kids.” You say, looking at him. “Garcia told me the other day that you were talking about how much you wanted a kid and I also want a kid.”  

“I did tell Garcia that.” He muses. 

“Reason two, an offspring between us would probably result in another genius. As you know, you are smart.” 

“Yes.” 

“And I am smarter.” You say, Spencer opens his mouth to protest but you keep talking. “A child between us could probably be the next Einstein.” 

Spencer nods and you continue. “Reason three, I’d be a great mom.” 

“That’s a debatable fact.” 

“No, it’s not. You’ve seen me around kids, have I ever given an inclination that I wouldn’t be?” You ask, he shakes his head. “Plus, I happen to think you’d be a great father. Which brings me to Reason 4.” You say clicking through the next slide. “If you don’t want to be involved in raising that’s fine. I’m perfectly fine raising the child myself an--” 

“What?! No!” Spencer says, sitting up. “If I do agree to have this baby, which I’m not completely doing yet. I want to be involved, I want them to know I’m their father and that I didn’t abandon them because I know what that’s like.” He says, seriously. You nod, already knowing this about Spencer. 

“Reason 5: I’d be the perfect platonic co-parent, I won’t ask you for anything unless it’s pertaining to the child and if you decide that later down the road you want your own family, I’d be supportive and help you along the way.”

Spencer nods. “We’re never home enough for a baby.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong because I’ll be here. I mainly stay here anyway and if there’s ever a case where you need a tech analyst to fly out, Garcia’s already agreed to have it already be her when I floated the baby idea around last month.”  

Spencer hummed, silent for a second. “You really want a kid, huh?” 

“Yes.” You say. 

“So much so you’re asking me?” Spencer says, matter-of-factly. “A Coworker you barely speak to?”

Well, when he says it like that. 

“Yes. I’m asking because while we don’t get along the best you are still one of the most compassionate, understanding men I know. And I know that if I have to raise this kid with somebody, you would love them just as much as I would.” You say, Spencer nods at that. “So, please?” 

Spencer sighs. “When’s your next appointment? At the fertility clinic?” 

You didn’t even want to ask how he knew about that. “Next tuesday.” 

He nods. “I’m going with you.” He says, standing, pulling the strap of his messenger bag over his shoulder. “This isn’t a yes.” 

“It’s not a no, either.” You point out. 

“No, it’s not.” He says, leaving you behind in the coffee shop with a huge grin on your face.

Taglist: @moonshinerbynight​ @crimeshowtrash​

Message/reply to be tagged!!

[millakatariina64]

Happy Saiou Day!! 💙💜

So if anyone remembers last summer I said I'd post the complete portraits of my talentswap designs and a climactic scene from the AU with a full summary when they're finished? Well, I didn't forget!

So, below are my headcanons for Ultimate Supreme Leader Shuichi and Ultimate Detective Kokichi~!

(I'm really passionate about this AU, I hope you read it ':3)

(Tho no climactic scene unfortunately)

Ultimate Supreme Leader Shuichi

So first of all Shuichi's parents are still celebrities, move overseas and leave him with his uncle. However in this AU Shuichi's uncle is a politician who actually has a really good reputation. Problem is, his uncle is incredibly busy and is almost never home because of that. Still, he wants to be like his uncle (though the wish is fueled more with wanting to be good enough and accepted). Shuichi's personality is basically the same.

So then one day I Alligator girl's (Gonna call her Wani) alligator gets stolen by some group who're going to sell it and they threatened Wani to not call the police or tell anyone. So she asks Shuichi to help. Somehow they manage to retrieve the alligator together secretly (idk) and right afterwards one of Wani's friends is in trouble with some shady local business. So Wani suggests they make a group to stop these sorts of people and that Shuichi would be the leader. He agrees, he still wants to do something to make this world a better place like his uncle.

After that Wani starts asking her most trusted friends at school if they'd like to join (Shuichi would never have the social courage to ask someone that). When they get to 10 members (all girls) they stop growing for some time and decide to get themselves uniforms. When they're finally considering getting more people into the team since Shuichi doesn't really know these people, he decides to start wearing a mask to be safe. He also starts using the code name "Crow". The other 10 members go by flower names.

The group then grows a lot. And by the time Shuichi's officially scouted to be an Ultimate, it has around 1500 members. And it's making him very worried as Shuichi's not even sure anymore if he's skilled enough to lead it. The group started out stopping or changing corrupt businessmen, unethical businesses and other evil groups. And although that still is what they do, he's realized that the way they go about things is pretty illegal. (When he first realized this, he started wearing a hat.) Obviously he forbids violence, but they still use blackmail and steal information. Also they need money for the group to function at this point so they've had to get it through illegal means that Shuichi's not sure of anymore. So Shuichi is immensely scared of being revealed as the organization's leader because it would completely destroy his organization and it would also annihilate his uncle's as well as his parents' careers on the spot. Basically everything would get ruined and it would be a nation-wide scandal. Perhaps even an international scandal.

He gets even more worried when the police finally start realizing there's some sort of group that's blackmailing big businesses and start investigating.

When he gets scouted to Hope's Peak, the letter comes to his base and even HPA doesn't know his identity, just that he's a high school student. He doesn't think like he deserves the title at all since it's really his organization that does the hard stuff and Wani's the one that's made it grow and he shouldn't be panicking like this if he really was a "great leader". But he still decides to go due to "If you manage to graduate from Hope's Peak, you will be set for life!". But as his family can't know of him being scouted there as the Ultimate Supreme Leader, he forges a letter claiming he's the Ultimate Lucky Student which he shows to them. And at HPA he requests he be referred to by that title.

Problem is, now his year group has 2 Ultimate Lucky Students and a certain Ultimate Detective gets suspicious.

Miscellaneous: Shuichi really wants to use make-up but he's really afraid to at home since he feels his uncle would think it's really weird. So at the organization's base Wani heard about it and got him some makeup and now Shuichi wears makeup when on missions and at the base. Also the organization has a helicopter. (It's a central part of that climactic scene I talk so much about.) Shuichi thinks about becoming a detective perhaps, but he's not sure how he'd be able to leave his group anymore so...

Ultimate Detective Kokichi

For Kokichi I still have my pretty elaborate origin story. His early years are great until at some point his real father finds out that Kokichi's mother had actually had the Kokichi and his older twin brother with him and not her husband leaving him alone. And thus he murders Kokichi's mother out of spite. Kokichi and Tamotsu (my headcanon name for his twin) see the murder take place and flee. However, they were never actually able to make out who the murderer was and they knew even less of why their mother was murdered.

The murder never gets solved and this mystery stays in Kokichi's mind. Who ruined his life, who killed his mother?

(I feel they'd have like an uncle and their mother's husband lived with them obviously. There'd also be other factors like disposed evidence and the suspects vanishing making the murder so much harder to figure out afterwards.)

So Kokichi and Tamotsu end up at an orphanage, one related to the one Maki's at. It's kind of a terrible place, but it's where Kokichi meets (most of) Dice. They become inseparable friends (tho don't form a group with the name Dice. I'll still call them that here for clarity's sake though). However Tamotsu who had always been supporting Kokichi and being there for him at his side starts becoming bitter (jealous?) against Kokichi due to dice and starts turning against them. This is the time when Kokichi starts developing his lying to protect himself from Tamotsu as well as the borderline abusive authority at the orphanage. He's also started to figure out the dark secret of the orphanage training children to become assassins.

I feel like during this time a detective was investigating the orphanage. So when things get too dire and Kokichi and Dice escape the orphanage the detective ends up taking them in after finding them on the streets afterwards since he can't just send them to an orphanage at that point. So Kokichi and Dice end up staying with the detective and start helping him out. Kokichi's especially interested in the orphanage now and he and the detective with the help of the other Dice members figure out a lot of stuff. (This is also the time the rest of the Dice members "join".) Until one day the detective gets assassinated by someone from the orphanage sending them a message to stop the investigation.

So Kokichi takes over the Detective's office and to get by he starts working on all kinds of small cases with the help of Dice. And that's what they mostly do. Among those small cases are often cases that have something to do with saving children. However Kokichi occasionally also takes on homicides and investigates organizations. He wants to be prepared for when he finally investigates his mother's murder as well as the organization behind the orphanage. He wants those people locked up in jail forever.

Personality wise Kokichi's pretty much the same. He still loves pranks, lies all the time and would have elaborate stories (lies) about like for example how he was the one who managed to put the previous Queen of Novoselic's assassin behind bars. (The previous Queen was not even assassinated). He'd also jokingly blackmail people by claiming he knows something about them or could figure out something incriminating about them. He never really means it, though he would like try to find out harmless embarrassing secrets to mess with people.

Around the time he gets scouted to Hope's Peak he's specifically requested to assist in the investigation of a mysterious organization that steals information and sends blackmail and other such things. It's a huge flashy case, so of course he picks it up.

At Hope's Peak he then meets an (surprisingly mysterious?) Ultimate lucky student who seems really interested about his Ultimate detective talent and his lying.

Bonus

The original portraits from summer 2020. My laptop just broke when I finished the lineart and then I couldn't really edit them on my new tablet anymore and they were getting really old so I just decided to completely redo them. Also lmk if you want the sketch of the climactic scene since I'm not sure if I'll finish it even though I really like it. It looks pretty okay even if it's unfinished.

Also hope this is coherent and that I haven't forgotten anything aah. And damn if you actually made it this far gezus. This took like 4+ hours?? oops.

[shoichee]

May I request a matchup please?

I go with she/her and I'm Straight! Pretty outgoing at some point but mostly is that calm sunshine in the group (or that's what I've been told) I am a Virgo and an ENFP! You see where the energy is coming yes? Hehe

Anyways,Hobbies,, You can say almost anything fun. I love sports especially Volleyball and basketball. I definitely enjoy singing, drawing, painting, writing and so many things- I just can't stop haha!

Strength? The ability to talk to Everyone easily! Communication! I love interacting with people and I honestly think its one strong point for me! I usually get pissed at people easily but Somehow they turn around and become nice to me so It doesn't bother me much anymore!

Weaknesses,, Stress is the biggest one. I can't function straight with stress and I lose my control and focus. I get really vulnerable and weak under it and like,, oops. Also Insecurities are part of the whole thing but that goes with Everyone I guess.

My interests revolve around almost everything. Curiosity. Mhm. Oh and Also I LIVE for making Others feel better. No matter who I try to take care of Everyone around me and all. Even if other people thought they were bad and Hideous. I just give the person a chance and then,,,, I get easily attached. Help.

Ah, I am not the tallest but Is 5'475 tall? Hehe,, lets not talk about the rest- Long dark hair with some hazel highlights and slightly tanned skin.

Hmm what else. Ah yes! One main thing that I LOVE is Roller Coasters.

I hope that's enough?? Haha Hope you have a good day/night! Stay Hydrated!

I just saw that another anon Said that they forgot something and since mine is in the askbox I was wondering if It's okay to add some small things? Minor details? If so here are mine🥺 (I don't remember if I submitted as an anonymous or not but I'm the ENFP gal who has a lot of energy uhh Volleyball basketball gal?)

I am a big softie who EASILY gets attached to people/things/animals and even numbers. If I liked someone and they liked this specific number, this number is now one of my favorites. Colors as well. Anything that resembles someone I really like. Plushies? If anyone got me one I'm definitely cherishing it but best gifts would be colorsets. I love coloring so any color set makes me happy.

I am a total softie. I would appear to be confident and more mature but I have this soft side in me. (And that side who squeals and screams in horror movies as well) I cry while watching shows and Whatever happens that makes me happy makes me soft like 🥺

Food makes me happy as well (Idk I'm hungry had to put that in)

Sorry If that caused you confusion and if that was messy-

Hope you have a Lovely day/night Darlin!!💖💖

AHHHHH HI, I AM BACK AND READY TO DO YOUR MATCHUP FELLOW ENFP(and ENTP oof)  HERE TOO I RELATE KEKE YOU SOUND SO WHOLESOME AND SWEET JUST AHHHHHH– anywho….. I am…. Sincerely sorry I went on an unannounced hiatus–

Best Matchup…

Sakurai Ryō

listen, HEAR ME OUT

he’s an INFP first off, the butter to your ENFP bread and he’s a virgo too

he’d probably be intimidated by you first by how chatty you can get ✋😭 but he’ll always be in the background, noticing your presence, being that the very observant guy he is

but you’re always hanging around the basketball courts and he has that curiosity in him that he can’t bring himself to shake off

everyone calls you the oh so wonderful “calm sunshine” and the mega-softie that he can’t help but want to get to know you, but he doubts your reputation and rumors about you just a smidge bit when he sees you yelling your ass off at Aomine, because let’s face it, he brings out the worst sides in everyone LMAO and he’s NEVER OUTWARDLY NICE (Aomine—stop making things harder for everyone, I’m begging–)

of course, noticing Sakurai doing his own shooting drills many times while you hang around the courts, you’ve tried a few times to approach him to say a quick “hi” and a chat, but he IMMEDIATELY books it out the door every time, all while frantically chanting “sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

you’re here like: “??????????? What did I do?”

it was by pure chance when you guys ended up in the same class that spring, I just know it

it was during a break when you, who were seated pretty close to Sakurai, couldn’t help but take a quick peek on his desk when you realized he was moving his pencil in a way that only an artist would do: he was drawing something

oh no… someone got a wee bit excited at that, totally not you right now or anything

even when he was half covering the paper while timidly sketching, you could totally see that he was drawing some manga panels and quickly outlining some dialogue bubbles

you made a suppressed delighted noise and he INSTANTLY scrambled to cover his sketch with his entire body on the damn desk and snapped his head up to look at the source of the sound: you

“Uh-uh..Uhm…! I’m sorry!”

“No, no!” you tried to reassure him. “I should be sorry for looking at your art without asking…”

“Oh…” he hesitated, before sitting properly again… though his arm still protectively covered the paper. “It’s fine… so…”

“But by the way!” you chimed. “I really love your art style! I draw too, so I was just really excited to see you did too, sorry if I scared you… I never meant to, ehe.”

he dares to try to glance at your figure at your giggle, but he immediately averts his gaze away in embarrassment… does he have an eensy crush on Touou’s “calm sunshine?” he doesn’t dare to even think

I would think for the next few weeks, you would be the one to initiate all the conversations with him in class, talking about manga and sharing your own drawings to make him feel better, even bringing up basketball as a topic frequently

he slowly becomes more comfortable with you, now realizing that you aren’t here to hassle/embarrass/bully/take advantage of him… poor guy

I suppose this is where your comforting side kicks in a lot more; you’re very protective of him in general, because LOOK AT HIM and tell me he isn’t the SOFTEST GUY YOU’VE EVER MET?

you’ve slowly led him to have more agency on himself + with others and have a little more self-esteem on all the encouragement and reassurance?? and you always try your best to make him feel better?

he likes that you’re the more “mature” and “put-together” one out of the two, you’re someone he can rely on in that sense

there’s gonna be a LONG TIME where he thinks he can’t be with you because he thinks he doesn’t deserve you—someone help this poor guy out

and you’re probably giving the most OBVIOUS signs that you’re smitten with him and everyone around you two are just slapping their faces like: “DUDE… you’ve GOT to be kidding me…”

fast forward where you’re probably the one who confessed and then you two get together

he’s surprisingly calm under large amounts of pressure (he has to, that’s his entire life on the courts), and when it’s with you (someone who he really, REALLY cares about) he’s willing to steel himself to be someone you can rely on during periods of high-stress and vulnerability

he gives sound advice, being really down to earth

as much as he has tons of insecurities on his own, when you have your own bouts of insecurities, he’s rushing to reassure you so adamantly and vehemently that it’s almost comical how passionate he is to dispel your negative thoughts

like, he understands you down to a T because he faces the same struggles himself

you BOTH can cry and squeal at all the types of movies together in a collective sobfest for movie marathons

bonus: there was a time when you gifted Sakurai a mushroom plush, as per his team’s suggestion… not knowing that they were snickering the entire time

“Wha-wha…? What’s with everyone associating me with mushrooms…?”

“Hm? I thought they were your favorite food? And your team told me you would love something like this…”

“Uh… erm… I guess… though I don’t think I’ve ever said any of that.”

a light bulb went off in your head, then a very large irk mark replaced it… you immediately turned and stormed off to find the conniving Imayoshi to yell his damn ear off… leaving a very confused Sakurai behind

his gifts for you on the other hand, are impeccable and well-thought out, always giving you art supplies and trinkets and plushes you might fancy

Runner-Up Matchup!

Kiyoshi Teppei

I was debating between Sakurai and him SO MUCH

let’s just say both are great matchups to you

Anyways, our local ENFJ here is just as sunny as you here

with you two together? godamn, it’s too bright looking at you two standing next to each other, flashing everyone the brightest smiles out there like there will never be rain (cue the sunshine anime sound effect with all of the yellow rays coming off of you two)

both of you guys are quite the conversationalists, livening up any place you guys go to

like… you guys are really similar to each other, no really

it’s not hard to believe for anyone that you two would become great friends and then accidentally fall in love with each other eventually, and it feels all too natural

the only thing that distinguishes him from you is his very strong will and strong mental state overall

he isn’t the “Iron Heart” for nothing

he would definitely keep you grounded on your feet when things get mentally tough, always being there to say the right things and help you relieve the stress through massages and doing some work for you (if he can); also canon because he does this for the Seirin team

and he’s always there to stop you from being too nice to people (especially if these people were vicious and awful to you one moment and then become nice to you the next)... or instead of stopping you from doing anything, he LETS you be nice and chatty, but while you turn around to leave/do something different, he gives them a quite threatening (knowing) smile of his own as a warning not take advantage of you

he’s… not adept with his hands in terms of arts and crafts, so while you stare at wonder at his basketball techniques, he admires your dexterity with a pencil and brush… you’re like the Renaissance goddess to him or something

“Please Teppei, It’s not THAT much of a masterpiece.”

“(y/n), you know you should give yourself some cre~dit.” He would cheekily say while mussing up your hair (he, in fact, quite loves that your highlights really do remind him of sun rays)

“Hey!!”

both of you are literally holding onto each other for dear life when you two thought it was a bright idea to sit down and watch a horror movie together; it’s canon that a horror movie caused him to develop a huge fear of rats… so I’m just saying

“(y/n)! You sing?? Wow, lucky me, getting free front-row seats.”

“And who said I sing for free?” you playfully chided, and he gave a good-natured smirk of his own

“I’m glad you asked, because I can be the instrumental backing to your vocals, so I’ll be technically working to support you, as always.” he reaches into his back pocket to pull out…

a harmonica

a fucking harmonica

“How am I gonna sing to THAT?”

“Let’s try it out, shall we, (y/n)?”

bonus: imagine the hellstorm the Kirisaki Daichi team is gonna get when you see Teppei in a horrible state after that match

Honorable Mention!

Kise Ryōto

did you say your interests revolve around everything??

did you say that you like to sing?

did you say you like to talk with people?

say less, for you have summoned the one and only Kise

canonically, Kise is pretty much the only guy with dyed hair (he actually has brown hair while everyone else has natural black), so when he spies your hair also being a bit different from the rest, he remembers your face

he noticed how sociable you are and how you got along with most people around school

and he finds you a bit more intriguing than your average person to be honest

why did I not put this guy at the top of your matchups? it all lies within his twisted personality

Kise, being an asshole that he is, would talk to you frequently and have you wrapped around his finger (YIKES, aka the people Teppei would warn to stay away from you)

I can already imagine the drama between the two of you and all the misunderstandings things are gonna cause–

see, you’re a great communicator, and contrary to popular belief, Kise really isn’t the best communicator at all—always keeping his real feelings to himself, accidentally assuming things at times, jumping to conclusions, hiding his motives at times

you’re an ultimate softie at heart and get attached really easily, and Kise at first, chalks you up as any other fangirl he’s met (OUCH)

and even when he finally reveals a more sinister side to himself, and you get pissed off and storm off, he’s a bit… thrown off… when you’re back to begrudgingly talk to him again the next time you encounter him

like, you guys will be going through 75282 hurdles before you guys truly see eye-to-eye with each other, but IF THAT HYPOTHETICALLY DID HAPPEN ALREADY…

you guys would be softies together!! he glomps on you, gets all childish on you, and you’re the sentimental person crying and being emotional

when you’re unbelievably stressed, he’s automatically by your side to support you and your needs

and when his team loses again in another match/tournament, and Kise is THIS close to crying again, you do everything you can in hopes of comforting him

people would probably look at you two and go, “eurgh, cheesy”

frequent karaoke night trips!!

you guys just share hobbies and try everything like it’s a trading card game

always going to the fairs and amusement parks to try on all the rides for fun

insanely tooth-rotting fluff in a nutshell if you can get past the huge initial obstacles

[the-lightning-strikes-again]

Yeah the Loki finale was meh/disappointing it doesn’t even feel like a Loki show anymore. I swear you could swap him with another character and the story would barely change.

Hi, anon! I'll put thoughts under a cut since idk who all has seen the Loki show yet.

Tbh, Loki is my favorite character from the MCU. I have waited for YEARS for this character to have an actual spotlight...

And I really wanted to like this show, I really did. Like, I legit wanted to just turn off my brain and enjoy everything?

But yeah, your message resonates with me. There were things I liked about the show, but once I got over the cool CGI and angst and female gaze, it just...feels like Loki got sidelined in his own story? The focus hadn't been about him specifically since episode 1. It instead shifted to Sylvie, who is different enough from Loki that she might as well have been Hawkeye still on his Endgame rampage for justice. And it was Sylvie's problems and Sylvie's motivations that drove the story. Which, you know, were interesting in their own way but not what I was expecting from a Loki show. A lot of scenes were just Sylvie running around and Loki somewhat helplessly following along in a daze that this is what his life has become. He was just ultimately a very passive character in someone else's story...because as the finale clearly showed, his core issues that needed to be worked out weren't in alignment with her own.

So it's sad to me that the show opened up by saying that Loki's destiny was always to function as a dead-end catalyst for other people's character development/journeys. And in the end, that's...exactly what Loki became for all the other characters in this show. ;A; And I'm not sure what they have going on for s2, but I fear he'll just play second-fiddle to Dr. Strange at this point.

I have other issues with the show as well....

___

I felt like they also massively declawed him? Ignoring the comics entirely (where he's even more badass) and looking just at the movies: He survived a Hulk smack-down, could toss humans like they were nothing, could travel between worlds through a variety of means, could already see into people's minds/memories and cast illusions and even change his form, and yet somehow all of this got retconned to make him a less powerful sorcerer compared to his Variants.

I remember this guy being actually dangerous and physically capable, which is why they locked him up. Loki used to have Avenger-level capabilities and strength. But now, he can't hardly fight off a human, and his defense skills are relegated to basic hand-to-hand combat and a dagger. The show even makes fun of his abilities and calls him a pussycat and turns him into a tie-wearing analyst...But I suppose that's in line with the general downgrade of his abilities in recent MCU movies...

___

And if being a sidekick in his own show and having his abilities retconned wasn't enough, I feel like the show failed to convince me that it really understood and is working to grow Loki's character.

The underlying issue that the show calls out as Loki's ultimate weakness is that he's "afraid of being alone," and that this feeds a narcissism complex. But this doesn't really make sense to me? Because he didn't grow up alone or unwanted. He had a mother (Frigga) who loved him deeply and taught him magic. He clearly made it into adulthood believing that Odin was his father, who certainly wasn't absent. He was always on adventures with his brother. He had clearly tried to build a reputation for himself that was differentiated from his brother's (the Silvertongue). This goes against how narcissists don't really have a personality of their own because they just absorb other people's mannerisms to fit in...So like, idk about parsing out the details of narcissism as a clinical diagnosis because I'm not a psychologist, but something feels a little odd here to me? Like, it's more than just...fear of being alone that drives Loki to be destructive? The loneliness is only a symptom??

The problem based off the early movies, providing that I'm not entirely an idiot in listening (which I suppose I could be), was that he was always in Thor's shadow and was never considered an equal, someone worthy of respect despite their differences. Even in the 2009 movie, his peers belittled his title as a Silvertongue and his love for magic. Discovering that he was actually an unwanted frost giant just twisted that knife in deeper and set him on a self-destruct path, once and for all. And it's really interesting to me that throughout this show, people are still constantly trying to establish themselves as alpha over Loki and make jabs about him as worthless and weak. And he's just desperate enough for validation to still try bonding with them the instant anyone tosses a bone of mild curiosity at him.

The fact that he's still positioned as less valuable and less respected than Sylvie, and that even Sylvie herself ultimately usurps equality in their relationship/partnership to enforce her will is just...depressing.

And for all this discussion about Loki changing/redeeming himself, at the end of the day, his perspective hasn't really changed? He still identifies himself as untrustworthy, even though he careens as a desperate lap dog for Mobius' approval and then Sylvie's once she gives him an ounce of attention. He has difficulty with accepting the value of a life, especially in regard to his own life. For example, he was still willing to consider upholding the death of future untold numbers via pruning despite being such a victim himself. And that's not a slam to his worry about a worse alternative, which is probably valid, but it's still weird that he does not believe he could contribute to a powerful resistance group capable of taking out multiple variations of one human man.

It's even weirder that he still seems to be caught in a tailspin regarding "necessary dictatorship," even though Loki is supposed to be a Silvertongue and could have won He Who Remains over as an ally against the other Variants of He Who Remains, thereby dismantling the TVA and freeing the multiverse. But unfortunately, he still can't see beyond two binary roads (mass chaos vs. subjugation). He has totally lost his confidence and identity as a Silvertongue. He can't see an alternative option despite supposedly being a Master Strategist, and that's echoed in how his initial thought to defeat Alioth was to kill it in a very Thor-ish, Asgardian way.

And because he has accepted the show's narrative that he is not capable or worthy of respect for his own unique talents, he openly just..accepts the concept that he's not meant to mean anything to anyone but himself ("I just want you to be okay") or do actually anything meaningful with his abilities. This probably underscores why he is so incapable of using his full powers for a Chaotic Good.

And for one final jab of hopelessness, the show immediately reverses the one (1) other mildly positive relationship he had just started to build via Mobius, solidifying that once again, Loki is not allowed to have friends. Loki is not allowed to have equals. Loki is not allowed to be respected. Which is probably why even when he's surrounded by other people, that's why he still feels alone.

I'm just sort of dead that for all the time the show spent on diagnosing Loki, it never got deep enough to ask why he feels alone.

Conclusion

So idk, the show just kinda depressed me tbh. I don't want to be this critical??? They have really great actors, interesting concepts, and clearly a strong CGI department. Again, not sure I could do better, so I recognize I'm playing armchair critic here. Maybe it'll get better in s2. I really want this show to prove me wrong and move Loki into a level of character development where he can like, actually have purpose in his own title show beyond serving as second-fiddle to other people in other people's self-discovery journeys.

Like please, just let him realize that he can have a positive, meaningful purpose. And that whatever his purpose is, that he is Enough just as he is, and that he can contribute meaningful things to others and be fully worthy of respect. And I think once that clicks with Loki, we'll see him really grow into something phenomenal. Something truly formidable, even if that character doesn't sit on a throne....

It's possible the show could go there? But I'm just a little leery that it's not really a show about Loki....

[eventual-ghoste]

TOG rambling

Hello! This post has to do with Andy and some revelations at the end of Force Multiplied. Spoilers I give aren’t super specific but they’re there, and I can’t promise they won’t bite.

This is also in response to a TOG discord question I couldn’t stop thinking about, regarding Andy’s history as compared to Nicky’s, as posited by Em | salzundhonig:

But Nicky's past as a crusader and his growth from his past was well received, surely that'll be the same with Andy right?

I apologize if these ramblings sound like a rant but I swear my intentions are in the spirit of debate/discourse, and they are not an attack on any individuals.

The TL;DR is: Andy has work to do. Hopefully Hollywood and Rucka don’t fuck that up.

Feel free to check/correct/call me out if I’ve misspoke anywhere here (I realize I still have a lot to learn) but IMHO, I don’t think a semblance of Andy’s growth will be well received. Or, at least, I’m not so certain it should be because, in the comics, I genuinely don’t think Andy has grown. At the end of Force Multiplied, she still defends her actions with the “this is how I grew up” argument, and says it was “a long time ago,” and as much as I love love LOVE Andromache the Scythian for her badassery and how she’s a vision of female empowerment, I can’t help but think about how I hear those words all the time from people defending themselves against racist and/or sexist comments from so-called bygone eras.

Wanna know a sad difference between those people and our beloved Andy? They apologize for what they’ve done, or who they were. As hollow as the words will sound, however unforgivable their actions, however self-serving the apology will be— Those Asshats apologize. Comic!Andy never does, not even when confronted by Nile, an African American woman who likely descends from slaves, and has undoubtedly experienced racism and discrimination on a regular basis. It’s been thousands of years and Andy doesn’t even know how to say sorry (if she ever does, kudos to whoever finds a timestamp/panel, and let me know!). Instead, Andy buries the truth of her actions with a load of justifications to the point that she becomes self-deprecating, calling herself “vermin,” concluding she’s no better than the apathetic, selfish, evil POS they hunt. She may have spent the past millennia with TOG, trying to make things right but then—

But then she gives up. She’s tired. She resigns because she doesn’t have it in her anymore to fight the injustice she once willingly and self-servingly participated in. So, on top of being incapable of apology, Andy also doesn’t vow to do better. She doesn’t accede to change.

If there is one reason for why “The Old Guard” is a fucking absolutely shitty title, is that it refers to people who refuse to accept new ideas and progress. We are in a fandom that has four canonically queer characters, three people of color, and two female leads! Maybe the irony is intentional but damn, why is it that Andy, PROTAGONIST #1, hasn’t completely caught up with the program?

And that brings me to why I think Andy’s reckoning will not be on the same level as Nicky’s. Because as popular as Kaysanova is, neither Nicky or Joe are the main protagonists of TOG.

We don’t follow Nicky or Joe (or Booker) into scenes. The men are strictly back-at-the-ranch, supporting characters. We follow Andy or Nile (who also have the most screen time, I believe, but fact-check me). Filmically speaking, we ought to value them with a measure of precedence. Their words and actions matter the most, especially Andy’s by nature of how everyone looks to her for guidance.

So, with all that in mind: How does one reconcile a beloved protagonist with a despicable past in slavery, of all things? In the wake of an international racial reckoning, how is a celebrated, white South African actress going to fulfill that role? How is production going to balance fantasy with reality? How are Rucka and other involved writers (Theron, Prince-Bythewood?) going to alter the original IP, while retaining the nuance of this moral quandry?

Forgive me for the overkill but: How is it going to happen?

I’m well aware that my thoughts are going down a rabbit hole, and I am definitely overthinking this, but as somebody who’s genuinely curious about whether Victoria Mahoney and the rest of the TOG crew will have the guts to confront the issue head-on, or if they’ll take the easy way out. Excise the bits that no one wants to talk about, much less watch in a feel-good film that TOG has become for many fans.

Whatever production ends up doing, I hope that 2O2G doesn’t end on a cliffhanging “pity Andromache” note because, damn, I’m gonna feel real uncomfortable scrolling through fandom posts, reading people defending slavery and giving the same “the past is a foreign country; they do things differently there” spiel, in order to protect a fictional character played by a conventionally-attractive cis heterosexual white woman.

(Also: If the past is so different from the present, why are there still calls for social justice? Why do ALL industries still lack diverse and equitable representation?)

Now, this is where I’ll go back to the original question and say: While I think Nicky functions well as an example for change/growth/redemption, I don’t think his change serves as a good comparison to Andy’s. I say this, even while I’m aware of double standards in gender, and even between the reception of gay characters vs lesbian characters vs etc. (re: I’m open to critique).

My line of thought stems from the fact that, canonically, Nicky always had Joe. The two have seemingly been inseparable from the moment they first killed each other. It’s likely that Joe would check Nicky whenever he said or did something wrong and offensive, and perhaps this symbiosis was mutual.

(I also have a feeling that many people easily disregarded the Christian/Muslim conflict because A) lack of knowledge in BOTH religions and B) the onscreen couple appear very much in love, especially when one is giving a beautiful monologue on the nature of their relationship. When we meet Joe and Nicky, we meet them at their best. Shout-out to interfaith couples who know more about this than my single (and secular) ass does, and might have more to say about this.)

On the other hand: Andy never had someone who was like how Joe was for Nicky. No one ever calls out Andy because A) she’s the oldest, B) she’s the lead, and C) her business card says ANDROMACHE OF SCYTHIA, WAR GOD. Yeah, she had Quynh/Noriko but— at the risk of yelling at Rucka for vilifying a queer woman of color (or praising him for not leaning on the stereotype of Asian passivity? idk, anyone got thoughts on this?)— Noriko is clearly not encouraging good behavior. Neither will Quynh if Netflix lets 2O2G be as faithful to the comics as TOG1 was.

Which means the Law 282 conversation might be…unavoidable? Somewhere along the line, we still end up in the hotel room with Andy, on the floor, pleading for her crew to not abandon her, even though she is the one who abandoned their cause.

This sets up a circumstance in which Fade Away might be spent trying to redeem Andy/Charlize Theron, bring her back to the “good side,” teaching her to be better— thereby highlighting her experience and “salvation,” rather than making a point of her past, and the reality of her actions. In other words, a “pity the white woman” fest.

(Because I’m crossing my fingers that TOG production/Netflix know better) In an effort to prevent that from happening, I wonder if Rucka will combine Force Multiplied with Fade Away for the 2O2G script. Given the series’ track record, I think it is feasible that FA’s release coincides with 2O2G’s, and that it finally resolves Andy. Whether by revitalizing her energy as a do-some-gooder, or finalizing her vulnerability by putting her 6,000 years to rest, thus handing off the reigns to Nile and a new generation of leadership.

The last thing I want to leave off with is: I don’t hate Andy. It’s a credit to Rucka and fellow writers (from film and fandom) that I don’t.

I might not love her character as enthusiastically as I used to, but that doesn’t mean I’m not amazed by her creation. She’s a female lead whose sexuality is not exploited by the male gaze; whose emotional vulnerability is not considered a hindrance to, nor an explanation for, her battle prowess; and whose unabashed queerness is not reinforced by cookie cutter stereotypes. Andromache the Scythian is AMAZING.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to excuse or ignore her most glaring and contemptible flaw. More than anything, I’d love to sweep her past under the carpet so that 2O2G can be problem-free. Like many people, I just want to enjoy a movie without getting triggered.

I want to see Quynh and Andy kiss and make up. I want to see Joe rocking Those Shorts, and a cheeky shot of Nicky appreciating his ass. I want to see Nile welcoming Booker back to the family again. Some form of group therapy would be chef’s kiss.

But something about glossing over/removing slavery from Andy’s narrative reeks of dishonesty, and reminds me that the (Hollywood) movie industry is full of people who do not want to be tainted with negative perceptions. Understandably, appearances are their livelihood— but that particular truth is something they still have to reckon with.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #335

“on my forehead, a birthmark  /  remove it with the kiss of a knife  /  even if it causes me to die”

Do you recover well from surgery? Judging by the two surgeries I've had, oh yeah. I was hyper as hell when I came home from getting tubes put in my ears as a little kid, even though the doctor said I'd be very sleepy. Then, after my cyst removal, I was put on very strong painkillers but was still warned it was going to be a painful recovery, when it totally wasn't. I literally only took painkillers the first day. What addictions have you had? Caffeine, technology. Would you change your name if you became famous? Nah. If Cupid were real, would you hire him to make someone love you? No. I don't want somebody forced to love me. Ever been to an auction? No. Which word(s) do you generally use to describe someone attractive? (e.g. “fit”, “sexy”) It kinda varies with gender. Women I tend to call "beautiful" or "gorgeous," sometimes "hot" or "cute," while men I usually refer to as "handsome" or "hot"/"sexy." The last person you kissed - are they older or younger than you? She's a bit younger. When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused? Hm. I dunno. I have a hard time saying "no," so. When was the last time you had Pop Tarts? What flavour were they? Many months ago; I kinda stopped eating them because they're truly not filling and just a load of sugar that veils itself as an actual breakfast choice. But anyway, I liked the chocolate sundae ones. Have you ever felt a temperature below 0? No. Did you ever play Spyro? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! SPYRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those games were my CHILDHOOD, and it's half the reason I'm dying for a PS4 to play the remastered trilogy. Speaking of which, it'd be awesome if they remade the The Legend of Spyro trilogy as well. I might just like those games more than the originals, but that's a bold statement I'm unsure about. Have you ever dated someone who was of a foreign origin? I dated a Hispanic guy for less than a day. Have you ever read any of your idols’ books/autobiographies? Ozzy Osbourne's, yes. I'm just fucking waiting for Mark to write one, but he's always said he has so little interest in writing about his life. DO IT, YOU FUCK. Do you own any succulents? No. I think they're pretty, though. Do you have a drone? No. What’s your favorite Netflix series? *shrug* What is something a lot of people like but you don’t? Summertime. The heat, the humidity (at least here), the sunburn from just standing outside for ten minutes... I hate all of it. The ONLY two things I enjoy about summer is swimming and then flowers, though spring is the more floral season here anyway. Do you have revenge fantasies that you never actually play out? They've... happened. Did your first real significant other change you at all? Pretty sure forever. Are you waiting to have sex until you’re married? Once upon a time, that was the plan. Now, nah. I'd just want to be in a healthy, stable, and long-term relationship. What do you think about divorce? It's sad, but necessary for some people in order to be happy, which everyone has the right to be. I used to be very firmly against divorce except in extreme cases like abuse, etc., and I'm still definitely no fan of it and think couples should do their best to work things out, but it's incredibly unfair to believe that someone should be stuck for the rest of their life with a person they just don't love anymore. Getting married can be a mistake; don't damn people forever to be chained to their bad decisions. Do you remember the first time your heart broke? What was the reason? It was probably when Dad just abandoned us. What's the worst prank someone has ever done to you? I don't think anyone's ever pulled a sick joke on me. Have you ever seen someone sleepwalk? Yes; my little sister deadass tried to walk outside late at night. Thank God I was on the computer in the living room and stopped her. What song are you listening to right now? I just turned "Mutter" by Rammstein on. When is the last time you cursed? I'm not re-reading, but I have probably cursed fifty times in this survey already. It's so deeply ingrained into my vocabulary. Are there any words on your shirt? No; it's just a plain gray tank top. Why do you forward forwards? I never do because they annoy the fuck out of me. How many people are you interested in at the moment? Just one in a healthy and logical way. I can't be truly interested in Jason because like come on I haven't spoken to him in four whole years. My PTSD just ensures I never forget the memory of who he was, who probably no longer even exists. I mean, look how much I'VE changed in four years. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Nnnnope. Who was the last person (apart from family) that you spent time with? What did you get up to? Apart from family, I have no idea. If you have pets, when was the last time one of them got on your nerves? Venus never does, but Roman can get on my nerves sometimes when I don't let him lay on me when I'm on the laptop in bed. He's a large cat (not overweight, just a big male cat) and blocks the screen big time unless he lies down properly, which he doesn't always do. He still tends to win when he tries to come over, but sometimes I'll block him with my arm, and this spoiled brat will actually slap it a few times before walking away lmao. Would you rather live in a house with a swimming pool or an indoor cinema? Absolutely a pool. I want one badly. Do you own a credit card? If so, do you currently owe any money on it? Could you afford to pay it off tomorrow if necessary? No. How many hours of sleep do you typically get each night? Is that enough to function or would you rather have more? Especially lately, I don't get nearly enough. Like at the time I'm answering this question, it's 4 AM, and I've been up for almost a couple hours. I struggle with falling asleep, I will ALWAYS wake up at least once in the night, and I jerk awake from nightmares regularly still. It's a big reason why I pretty much require naps. Does your house have a loft/basement? Are they functional or do you just use them for storage? We only have an attic. Do you suffer from road rage? What kind of thing tends to set you off or wind you up while driving? No. I'm way too timid of a driver to get that outwardly pissy about stupid people. I'd just judge them in silence, haha. What kind of animal did you last see in the wild? Is that a common sight where you live? Because of just how common they are, I'm going to assume this excludes birds, in which case it was probably a squirrel? Yeah, the normal brown ones are common. Do you post a lot on social media? If so, what kind of thing do you tend to post on there? Since I was fucking stupid enough to post a suicide note on Facebook (I don't want to hear a goddamn thing about "attention seeking," I genuinely wanted to say goodbye), I almost never, ever, share things about my personal life. Even before, it was rare for me to actually share what's going on with me. All I really do now is share relatable, wholesome, or funny shit I find, as well as political things I'm in firm agreement with. What are some habits you have in common with your parents? I pace like my dad, and it drives people crazy because it apparently makes them anxious? I can't think of an obvious one I have with Mom, but I'm sure one exists. Where's your favourite place to swim - the ocean, a pool, river, lake etc? I feel safest and most clean in a pool, but c'mon, swimming in the ocean is so much fun. When you're saving your place in a book, do you use a bookmark or fold your pages down? Or something else? It depends on the book, it seems. Especially if someone else owns it, like in school or something. Is any part of your body hurting at the moment? Is there a specific incident that caused the pain? My legs always hurt. I've shared enough as to why; it wasn't an actual, singular "incident." What was the last thing to make you laugh out loud? OH MY FUCKING GOD. So in group therapy the other day, one of the girls had her bearded dragon out, and he was being aggressive. I think he tried to bite her aND SHE SAID WITHOUT REALIZING HER MIC WAS ON, "fucking dickhead," and everyone d i e d. She's a really cool chick, I'll miss her when I'm finished with PHP. Who was the last person you heard sing? Myself, surprisingly enough. I barely ever sing. Do you bite your lips a lot? Yes, especially when they're dry. .-. What part of your body would you never get pierced? Anyone who gets a piercing "down there" has a greater pain tolerance than this bitch right here. Have you ever dated someone with tattoos? Juan had quite a few. I don't remember if Tyler did... but I think maybe a The Legend of Zelda-related one? Have you ever failed gym in school? No. Are you scared of dogs? No; I love dogs. What is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Man, idk, I'm a little bitch when it comes to emotional movies. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is high up there, as is of course Johnny Got His Gun. Old Yeller, too. Which one of your friends is most likely to be famous one day? Why? Sara's gonna write a fuckin book series ok you can't convince me otherwise. What is the worst present you have ever gotten? Damn dude, what an ungrateful question. I'm just appreciative someone even thought TO give me something. Do you shave your arms? My armpits, yes, but not my arms themselves. How many people have you dated? I only count three as even remotely serious: Jason, Sara, and Girt. Have you ever performed in a play? I remember back in Sunday school as a tiny kid I played Mother Mary in one we did in class. Do you chew gum? I have been more lately since my doc upped the dosage of one of my mood stabilizers (which I think is actually helping); I mention that because apparently a side effect is dry mouth, and it's the fucking Sahara in there. He advises those who deal with it to always carry around hard candy or something like that for the sake of forcing salivation, so gum works for me. How old were you when you first started dating? I was in the 7th grade when I had my first "boyfriend," but it was total puppydog love. I started dating my first "real" bf when I was just shy of 16. Are/were your parents strict? Dad, no. Mom, only to a degree that I feel was pretty reasonable. She only ever wanted to prepare us to be functional, independent adults. Didn't work so well on me though, ha... Do you wear glasses? Yes. God, I need new ones. I'm blind as hell. What do you miss most about your childhood? Being so outgoing and happy to just be weird lil me. Do you write “To-Do” lists? Not really, no, but I do have notes on my phone about a couple things, like a bulleted list of planned monetary investments by importance, as well as a list of drawing ideas. Do you have a favorite quote? What is it? I don't, really. There's loads I like, but no one favorite. Could you survive as a vegetarian? I pretty desperately want to, but I don't know if it's realistic. I am so, SO picky, and without meat, it's very questionable as to where I'd get an adequate source of protein. I still want to try again though once I'm at my goal weight. Has anyone ever asked you for your autograph? Lol no. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah, but that was a looong time ago when I was actually some semblance of pretty. Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? I used to be someone who firmly stood by nighttime showers, but now I'm all about them in the morning. It's a nice way to wake up and start the day with productivity. Could you handle living with a male roommate? I mean, I lived with my then-boyfriend once, but I'm going to assume you'd consider him more than a "roommate." We lived with our two other friends, though, also a couple, and I was totally fine with living with them. Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yes. Do you like Freddy Krueger? His concept is very scary, but all the movies I've seen bits of have always been super cheesy. Which do you prefer, Naruto or One Piece? I haven't seen either and really aren't interested. What do you think of Rob Zombie? I've never really watched his movies, but I'm a fan of his music. What’s you fetish? I don't have one. Have you ever been in the “friend zone?" Well, what I'd call a "fake" one with Jason after the breakup until I was blocked on Facebook. I know now he absolutely did not want to be friends; he was trying to appease me. Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative? Definitely conservative. Do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? Yeah, me. Were either of your parents baptized? I'm certain Mom was, but idk about Dad. I think so. The last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? No. What was the last computer game that you played? World of Warcraft. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. Are any rooms in your house themed? No. What was the last thing that you recorded? I think Mom and I singing "happy birthday" to my late dog Teddy; we knew it would be his last. Do you like the show Futurama? Not really. Have you ever been in a choir class? I was in the elementary school chorus, as well as the choir at my childhood church. Are you ashamed of any of your family members? No, only myself. Were you a chubby child? No. Did you ever have senior photos done? No, even though I wanted them. Who is the person you dislike the most? God, this is so petty... but it's the girl Jason dated after me. I know it's childish as hell to feel like she "took" him from me, and I just feel this horrible hatred towards her that is entirely uncalled for. I just can't get myself to move past it. Do you take part in paying the bills for your household? No, as I'm unemployed and also don't have disability, so I literally can't. How do you usually celebrate New Years? I really don't do much. Sometimes Mom will grab a pack of daiquiris, but that's pretty much the extent of it. Does the place you work have music playing? What sort? N/A What was the last job interview you went to? At a local grocery store to work in the deli. Got the job, lasted there for not even two hours. :^) Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Autism and mood disorders, yes. I myself may have high-functioning Asperger's (yes, I know that term doesn't technically exist anymore, it's just the umbrella term of "autism," but w/e). Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? My grandmother died of pancreatic cancer, and it's pretty much guaranteed that, unless there's some sudden accident, my mom will die of cancer, too. Hers got too bad to entirely eliminate every trace of cancer cells, so it will inevitably re-emerge at some point, just obviously some place else given that she had a total hysterectomy. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? Office. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? I enjoy all of those, but sour I think tops the list.

[apatheticfluorescence]

i went to this big housewarming party and it was so loud in there i dont understand how people can function in settings like that like speaking really loudly and listening in loud noise for hours like how are you gonna have enough energy to talk to several different friend groups consecutively. i talked to one person for a while and then i just went outside cause i couldnt handle it anymore which made me realize if i were to be normal in that setting i'd either have to be more dumb or not mentally ill in the ways i am or medicated. srsly like idk maybe socializing is exhausting for me also cause my standard is a bit higher and i'm not okay with just talking about nothing. striahgt up. like my voice was starting to give out i felt like i had a sore throat it was so lame also i wasn't getting drunk for some reason