#incorrect bleach

[turnbackthependulum]

Orihime, leaning against the bakery counter: Hey, handsome. You come here often? Ichigo: *pauses for a while* Ichigo: Is this the part where I remind you that we're already married, or do I play along? Orihime, giggling: Just play along! Ichigo: Ah. Sorry, not interested. I'm married.

[nevaronn]

Shuhei: you think the wind is trying to tell us something and we just dont know how to hear anymore?

Izuru: I just want you to stop saying odd shit

[1ncorrectbleach]

Dumbass

Rifted Lexi.00’s version of JK on IG

[syesmic]

[crispybonkeggllama]

Urahara: Kurosaki-san, are you alright?

Ichigo: I wanna crack someone's skull open.

Urahara: *slowly blinks* uh huh?..

Ichigo: *the calmest stare he ever made*

Urahara, now mildly terrified: Oh, please forgive me, I was just thinking what possibly could get you into this mood-

Ichigo: Don't worry, I won't hurt you.

Urahara:

Ichigo:

Urahara: that sounds even worse

[thefifteenthdivisionarchives]

Rukia: Okay. What does y-e-s spell?

Uryuu: Yes.

Rukia: What does e-y-e-s spell?

Uryuu: Yes.

[Rukia starts wheezing from contained laughter a little and Uryuu is confused.]

Rukia: What does e-y-e-s spell?

Uryuu: E-yes?

[Rukia wheezes harder and Uryuu is still confused.]

Uryuu: What is happening?

[Ichigo comes up, wondering what's going on.]

Rukia: What does y-e-s spell?

Uryuu: Yes?

Rukia: What does e-y-e-s spell?

Uryuu: ...E-yes.

[Rukia wheezes even harder, tears start to form in her eyes, and Ichigo starts snickering a little.]

[Uryuu is growing frustrated.]

Uryuu: What are yo-

Rukia: Okay. Try again. What does y-e-s spell?

Uryuu: ...Yes.

Ichigo: What does e-y-e-s spell?

[Uryuu thinks a little; trying to find the trick answer.]

Uryuu: ...Eees?

[Both Rukia and Ichigo are *struggling* to keep their laughs down.]

Uryuu: Eh-yes?

[They are struggling even more. Rukia even snorts.]

Rukia: I can't breathe!

[Uryuu is getting more frustrated as he's trying to figure out the question, the gears in his head turning.]

Uryuu: E-y-e-s. E-yes!

[Rukia and Ichigo starts full blown laughing]

Rukia: S-say it again. What does e-y-e-s spell?

[Uryuu thinks harder, his eye twitching as his frustration escalates]

Uryuu: E-yes.

[Rukia and Ichigo are turning red from laughing, tears streaming.]

Uryuu: What?

Ichigo: E-y-e-s.

[Uryuu spells it out slowly before it finally dawns on him.]

Uryuu: O_O Eyes.

[Rukia and Ichigo laughed even louder.]

[lexl52]

Bleach Incorrect Quotes

Nanao, holding compression swim-pants and a matching, short-sleeved, midriff-baring, compression swim-shirt: I can't wear this, showing my belly button is too embarrassing.

Lisa, hugs Nanao from behind: Nanao-chan, you've worn a microkini on several occasions, and you went skinny-dipping with Anko-chan, Robin-chan and Naruto-kun without any worries on the weekend.

Nanao, puts on the swimsuit: Point taken... And I need to get revenge on Naruto-kun, Robin-chan and Anko-chan for tying me up and tickle-torturing me.

[zarathebleachfox]

I just realized that a parody song I listen to almost constantly nowadays gives me Renji Learns Of Delivery Services And That They Also Work With Food And Jinta Is Tired Because Urahara Is Interested In New Economic Ventures Including Food Delivery™.

So I chose to translate the song. Any Italian fan could recognize it easily. It is PanPersTube's parody of the song Brividi, originally done by Mahmood and Blanco.

Here it is translated, with also Renji and Jinta associated with the lines. I went insane laughing about this last night and so should you...

... Maybe. Idk. I have been told my sense of humour is not all that humorous lmao.

A warning, the Renji you see here is Renji pre-marriage while he is in such a mood that he won't even try cooking anything. He is bored as fuck and wants to eat.

Jinta would like to punt him into the sun but Urahara needs his customers. I don't think I need to tell you which of the men in the video is supposed to be Renji and which is supposed to be Jinta. After all, Renji is a bit of a mooch in his early characterization. Jinta here is the rider.

RENJI

I have dreamed of a gourmet sliced steak,

and of spaghetti with shrimps...

But then I get up and in the fridge, all I see,

is nothing but fennels...!

What is my fear? Having to heat up the Thai leftovers...

I look in the freezer, but there's chicken breast as old as the Third Reich..

But then again, who should I even cook for?

Every day, it ends like this...

I will use the delivery service,

In order to eat all you have to do is sign up...

And I should be careful with doses,

But I always get it wrong...

I wanted 2 tartares but I clicked for 7...

And then who knows why,

I don't go to the tavern

That's right here, down the road,

Yeah I should get up and go there

But I always stumble

On the button of the delivery...!

JINTA

You,

Who, be it night or day,

You,

You want me to deliver a sandwich

You

Keep checking on the GPS

If there's a faster route

And you!

For whom it's scandalous if I slow down

And you,

Who curse if I stop for a bit at a corner of the street

And you...

Not even a "thank you" or a "good day",

You leave me standing there...

Man of the delivery service

As generous as the Ligurians

RENJI

I would give a tip to the rider, but I always run from them...!

And if he forgets the bread, I give a 2 star rating...

JINTA

And I would pay to get the street wrong,

Or to provoke you an allergic reaction...

Even when I want to beat you up, I always smile...

How nice is the delivery service...!

JINTA

Come on, tell me I am wrong!

I cycle under the sun or under the storm!

Next time, fuck it, I will just package your food and tie it to a drone!

RENJI

Deliveroo, Just Eat and Glovo are so good it's almost libidinous

Eating sitting on the sofa has become a habit...!

JINTA

This vice

that you give yourself to, every day,

You should know, it pollutes the world

RENJI

All it takes is a click

And then you are here...

Paladins on audacious bikes, you are my saints...!

Wait, but I ordered a 8.30 p.m. and it's 9 o'clock... Where is the delivery...? How long will it take Jinta?

Where is the delivery?

JINTA

At the doorbell, looking at the numbers...

RENJI

And I've tried making two gilthead breams, but got the fish wrong...

JINTA

I would try ringing, but the name's missing...

And I would pay someone to let me leave

RENJI

I could even bite a chunk out of a Golia chewing gum...

JINTA

And I would like to phone you, but you have no signal...

RENJI

Refund my delivery...!

For those who reached this point, know that the song speaks of Ligurians because the people of the region Liguria, here in Italy, are stereotyped as greedy.

[911-incorrect-quotes-dispatch]

Eddie: I dyed my hair blonde and I don't wanna hear any comments about it.

Chim: Are you ok? Are you having a crisis?

Hen: He's a 30 something repressed ex catholic gay bottom in LA who's in love with his best friend. I think it's obvious he's having a crisis.

Eddie: Ouch, but basically yes.

[turnbackthependulum]

[In an AU where the Quincy vs Shinigami war didn’t happen.] Yhwach, over the phone: I've kidnapped your father. if you want him back, the price will be- Shunsui: Oh no. Shunsui: DON'T HURT HIM. DO YOU HEAR ME?? Yhwach: I won't hurt him if you pay the- Shunsui: Shut up, man! YAMA-JI? YAMA-JI?! CAN YOU HEAR ME???? DO. NOT. HURT. HIM! Yhwach, now sweating as Yamamoto stands behind him: What???

[celaenaeiln]

At the dining table for breakfast

Jason: Heh.

Jason: Hahahaha.

Jason: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bruce: *raising the newspaper up higher*

Alfred: *placidly pouring coffee into Bruce’s mug* Did something interesting happen, Master Jason?

Jason: Alfred, I am about to have the perfect surprise for that bony a-Tim. The perfect surprise for Tim.

Alfred: *putting away the bar of soap he pulled out of nowhere* Is that so? Please do be careful not to make a mess here. The waxing was just done in the dining room.

Jason: No problem, in fact-

Tim: *entering sluggishly*

Jason: In fact…in…fact…Megamind, what are you doing here?

Tim: ……..hm?

Jason: What are you doing here?

Tim: eating??

Jason: You-why are you coming from the right side bathroom-weren’t you going to use the upstairs one on the left?

Tim: oh. Dick was already in it so I decided to use the other one.

Jason: what.

Tim: what.

Jason: No. Hahahahaha. You’re joking…nononono-god, Tim, WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?

Tim: ????????

Jason: You-

Dick’s voice thundering from a floor away: JASON!!!!

Jason: *staring blankly then running forward and smacking Tim on the head* It’s all your fault!

Tim who hasn’t slept or had coffee or know why something he doesn’t know about is his fault: ???? WHAT DID I DO?!

Jason: *running past and leaping out the window* See you later, losers. Bye, Alf.

Disappearing seconds before a blur of wet skin, white towel, and neon pink hair rushes past and follows him out the window.

Tim:

Bruce:

Tim: ……Did you have breakfast yet?

Bruce: …….Hrmgh.

Alfred: *tutting* I just had the floors done. Master Bruce, would you mind redoing them? I’m afraid I must catch the mailman before he gives treats to Titus again. He’s leaving crumbs all over the entrance.

Bruce: What about Ti-

Bruce: *glancing back to see a lone leaf float in and drop slowly to the ground*

Bruce: ………

[de-lua-1325]

I AM HAVING A LAUGH CRISIS I LOVED IT

Dumbass

Rifted Lexi.00’s version of JK on IG

[dullday]

#1 𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘴

[crazy-dark-rainbow]

Ichigo: Shouldn’t it be, “You saved my life, now I owe it to you”?

Grimmjow: No. In the opposite direction. You saved my life and now I’m your problem. I do not like this? Kill me.

Ichigo: But-

Grimmjow: God wanted me dead and now you can find out why.

[basilsimp43]

Aizen: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.

Grimmjow: Mine just says "Grimmjow no."

Aizen: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

[triple-u-and-one-y]

i imagine their meeting would be something like from villain meeting in wreck it ralph but it's like showing their job as villain in a monitor and they chat after.

Dio, praising Aizen to dig something deeper: You slayed.

Aizen thinking about how he slashed his enemies and confused why Dio mentioning something obvious: ??? I did.

And then it's silent for minutes.

og lyrics (b/w one) from superstitious by no na

the red ink is supposed to be done by dio with pen and this is printed photo or something