#injecting meth in my....

[jonnycumlatelys-blog]

We

[nakajimaslover]

WOAAAHHH wait how do u do the last method.. its something id have a BLAST doing but im kinda stupid

an open letter to those who have not yet shifted.

i don't know how many of you will see this, let alone how many will read it entirely. this letter is for those who have been trying to shift for two years, five years, more. those who cannot give up, and those who will not give up, and maybe even those who already have. to preface, this letter will not rehash everything you already know. you've scrolled every forum, you've seen every method, you've read every tip. you've trialed, and errored, and persevered... but you're still here. law of assumption, manifestation, belief, intention. but you're still here. you've been told all about shifting... right? you already know what shifting is... right? you should already know how to shift... right? but you're still here.

this letter is not intended to debase or invalidate those who do already believe in those things and who are satisfied with that. this is for those who have been trying that way for 2 years, 5 years, and more, and still haven't shifted. this is for those who might want an alternative perspective.

what you've been told

in my personal opinion, the online shifting community as it currently stands is very... rigid. narrow. there are a few dominant views, and then the many who drown out any possible dissent or disagreement. i do understand why this happens. reality shifting is already a marginal belief, hounded by anti-shifters and disbelieved and debunked on all sides, so it makes sense that people feel the instinct to close ranks at any sign of an outsider. unfortunately, this has led to a community that raises its hackles at even other reality shifters who simply don't believe the exact same way that you do. law of assumption. manifestation. intent. (and dare i say it, the multiverse.)

i don't believe in any of that, in the context of shifting.

now, wait! don't go yet, stay with me. it's okay if you do. i'm not intending to change the minds of those who already believe in these things. i'm not going to go at anyone and say "i'm right, you're wrong, and you must change your mind to agree with me!" that would be silly, and counterproductive. let's lower our guards, and extend an olive branch, please. if you feel these things serve your journey, then carry on. you're allowed to disagree with me, i won't be upset. you're allowed to think i'm wrong, if you want. literally no worries at all.

but i am a little tired frankly of certain ideas being treated as the only options, and often in a rude or hostile manner. if you are someone who has spent five years trying to shift, and you see yet another post that boils down to "all you have to do is want it hard enough" does that not hurt your soul? the following sections of this post are for those who these ideas have not been working for. for those who have not yet shifted. it's been two years. five years. more. and you're still here. are you open to another possibility?

what is reality shifting?

i've told you what i don't believe, but what about what i do? i'll try to keep this as concise as possible for the sake of brevity and comprehension, knowing i could potentially clarify in future posts. but please continue with the understanding that im a chronic overexplainer, and my curse is the fact that the extra words don't always actually increase understanding. bear with me.

reality shifting: broadly speaking, this refers to shifting your linear experience of reality from one, to another. this has been known by many other names in the past, across continents and cultures, even in pre-agriculture societies. i'd include ideas like persistent realms, quantum jumping, focus 21, etc. language is subjective, and people may describe or understand the same experience in different ways.

i believe reality shifting is a haphazard side effect of our limited ability to perceive and comprehend reality. let me explain. space, as we understand it, is three dimensional. but reality isn't. it's our bodies and minds limiting our perception and understanding that makes all of reality seem that way to us at surface level.

1D: let's consider a hypothetical one dimensional existence. everything would a straight line, and the only way to perceive anything else would be as a single point directly in front or directly behind you. forwards and backward. the 2D and 3D are beyond your limited ability to physically sense or feel, let alone to comprehend. Forget about the 4D (time). due to your lack of comprehension, you cannot move at will in two dimensional planes, let alone three dimensional space or even time. you are static, a single point.

2D: let's consider a hypothetical two dimensional existence. it would be a flat, infinite planar expanse. you might be a square, or a circle. you can move freely in two dimensional directions (forward, backwards, side to side), but not in the 3D. No up, no down. If you tried to perceive a three dimensional object, you would only be able to comprehend it as linear, a line on the horizon where it intersects your 2 dimensional plane. you would perceive the 3D as moving around or within you on its own, without the ability to direct it. the 4D, or time, if you could perceive it, would be static, a singular point at a time.

3D: what about our three dimensional existence? congratulations, you now are a form, such as a sphere, or a cube. you can move freely in a voluminous, infinite three dimensional space. Forward, backwards, side to side, up, and down. if you *try* to perceive the fourth dimension (time), you can only comprehend it as linear, a line where it intersects your 3 dimensional space. You perceive it as moving around or within you on its own, without the ability to direct it yourself. any dimensions higher than that, if you could perceive it, would be static, a singular point at a time.

quick 4D sidebar: clearing this one up now because this will confuse some of you who are involved in other communities. in many law of assumption and manifestation communities, "4D" has been used to refer to your imagination, inner world, a bridge to "higher vibrational states", etc. i don't use it that way. i use it in the sense of the mathematical concept, or linking three-dimensional space with time. 4D=time.

4D and 5D: so, time is the fourth dimension. that means it is four dimensional, yet due to our limitations as 3D creatures, we can only perceive it as linear. we perceive it as moving around us, without our direction, forwards, (or backwards in some cultures). what about the 5th dimension? the static one? the one we can only perceive one point of at a time? let's call this 5th dimension... reality. due to our limited perception, it may not seem like it, but time and reality are just like space in that all of it exists at once. if you were a 5th dimensional creature, you wouldn't see a bunch of different realities, you'd just see one the way we just see one 3D universe around us right now.

tip: think of it this way, if a three dimensional creature moving through time is only able to perceive it linearly, it may think that each point of time exists separately, passing by in chronological order. this would be like a character in a book, the character experiences each page one at a time as we turn the page. but we know that actually, the entire book exists all at the same time, and already did exist before we picked it up and started reading it, and continues to exist even when we set it down. the same is true of time, and reality. even if we perceive it as linear, or a point, all of it actually exists simultaneously, like space.

still, we can only perceive one point of reality at a time. i believe when we reality shift, we are by some freak of nature (or nurture) finding a way to trigger a "movement" in this "5th dimension," and therefor shifting our linear experience of time and our singular perceptual experience of one reality to another. ("movement" is a bit of an abstraction here, as movement generally refers to 3D space. you're not actually moving anywhere, you're already there, you just... can't see it at the same time as this.)

ok, so how the heavens do i shift?

if you read through all of the above, i assume that's what you're asking by now. "get to the point shimmer! how do i shift?" if you don't need intention, belief, assumption, manifestation, three gallons of water, crystals, or anything else then what do you need to shift?

if we boil shifting down to its absolute core, all you need to do in order to shift is to shift. (put down the pitch forks, and the flaming feathers and tar. i'll elaborate.)

shifting involves finding a way for us 3 dimensional creatures to trigger a shift in a dimensional direction that we do not have the capacity to perceive. so what i mean by "all you have to do to shift, is to shift" is that there is no physical movement, or secret password we can whisper that makes us shift, not inherently. it's sort of like being told to find your invisible and non corporeal primordial tail, and then swish it in a direction that doesn't spatially exist. find your "move in the 5D button", and then press it. except, there is no button.

so how do we "move" from one point of reality to the other? well, the first clue to this is in noticing what part of us is actually doing the "moving".

you don't make it happen with your three dimensional form. there is no body part or mass or motor function in your 3D body that triggers a shift. there's nothing that allows a three dimensional form to move in five dimensional directions... you just can't. your body stays here. that's good news actually, in my opinion. there is no need to force yourself into strange bodily positions, or chug water, or whatever else. your 3D body is irrelevant, because it's not going anywhere. you don't have to do anything with your body to shift. some people can shift awake, asleep, in the shower, walking around, etc.

you also don't necessarily do it with the fourth dimension, time. there is no specific amount of time that you'll shift after. it might seem you've spent a lot of time trying to shift, but the actual shift itself is instantaneous. some people shift their first try, and some of you might be on your second decade of attempts. again, the time factor being irrelevant is good news because this means it doesn't have to take time.

i also don't think we do it with just intent or belief. the intention word gets used so much it basically means nothing, but the general idea is that intent is the driving force that manifests your desired outcome. in the context of shifting, people use it like "set your intention to shift, and you will" or "intent makes you shift." or the dreaded "you just have to believe harder." personally, i don't think that's true. i don't think intention makes you shift. if it did, you all would have shifted by now, right? i think looking anyone who's been trying to shift for 4 years dead in the eye and telling them they just haven't intended to shift yet is honestly a bit cruel and unusual. some people who intend to shift will shift, but in my opinion, its a case of correlation, and not causation. there are also people who shift without intending to, or who intend to shift but don't.

it's also not really our thoughts that shift. or our mind as a concept, or our entire self. we know this because you don't turn into a comatose vegetable when you shift to a different reality. your thoughts, mind, and self here are unaffected by your awareness shifting away from it. if you successfully "permashifted" to hogwarts tonight, your self here would still wake up in the morning and go to work.

so what does shift? only our linear experience of our own awareness. so in order to reality shift, we just need to find a way to trigger our awareness to shift from one point of reality to another in a non linear fashion, and then integrate that into our linear experience. aha! you think. great! now how do i do that...? unfortunately, this is not an exact science (yet.) once you begin shifting regularly, i think it gets "easier" in some regards because you get a sense for how your awareness "feels" and what works for you. for those who haven't shifted, i can't say "take three deep breaths and recite the secret words, and then you'll shift." there is nothing specific you can physically do that will for certain make you shift. there's no secret passwords.

there is no key to shifting. the good news is, this means there is also no lock.

what we can do is get ourselves primed, into a state that increases the chances our awareness is triggered to shift. ie, find the "move in the 5D" button, (you know, the one that doesn't exist) and learn how to press it. and because it is our awareness that shifts, my "methods" have to do with priming your awareness for shifting. you don't need to believe, which is a good thing because it means doubts won't hold you back. you don't necessarily need to intend, which is a good thing because it means there are no secret blockages in your way. no "subconscious", no "reprogramming", no "delusion is the solution." you don't need any of that. you also don't have to do anything specific with your body or space unless you feel like it and want to. you don't need a script, but you can make one if you want. it's whatever, it's irrelevant darling, it's non-consequential.

these three methods below basically encompass all shifting methods out there. i might expand on techniques for these methods later, but for now i'll go over the basics.

method one: pure awareness

it basically boils down to two steps. get into a state of pure awareness, and then shift.

the first step for this method is actually a simple one, sort of, but i think it's unkind to call it easy. it can be easy, if you just happen to have a perfect technique that works for you on your first try. if so, congrats! if not, don't despair. it comes more naturally to some than others, at first. you can probably build the skills and try different techniques necessary for you to get there.

but what is pure awareness? it's currently very often being called "the void state", but i'm not using that term for a few reasons. one, i think using the term "the void state" or calling it "the void" is making people think it's some sort of place that they're trying to go. it's not. it's not a physical place at all, and that's kind of the point. most of the time, your awareness is perceiving reality through the confines concept of 3D reality, because that's the data input it's receiving from your brain and body. that grounds you in this reality, and allows you to go about your day to day life. your goal with the pure awareness method is to focus on just your awareness, absent of all 3D distraction data and input. that way, your awareness is primed to be triggered to shift its focus to the 3D perception of a different point of reality when you come out of that state.

i might make a post about techniques for getting into the state of pure awareness, but this post is already long enough.

method two: destabilization of awareness

this method gets over complicated, but it basically boils down to two steps. destabilize your awareness, and then shift.

honestly, most shifting methods i see online are in some way doing this. lucid dreams, the hypnogogic state, SATS, self-hypnosis, "symptoms", and also all those iterations of the "raven method" the "staircase method" the "alice in wonderland method" etc are all basically ways to destabilize your awareness from the linear perception it is so used to in this point of reality, offering the opportunity of triggering a shift to a different one. they're all sort of either distracting or subverting your focus on the 3D here in this point of reality.

basically, you'll be trying to discombobulate yourself to the point your awareness is not focused on 3D reality, and trigger a shift.

method three: absence of awareness

sleep method gang, rise up. i'm serious. this method involves reducing your awareness to zero, or as close to it as possible, another potentially prime state to trigger a shift. (and by sleep method, i don't mean lucid dreamers or SATS, i mean simply going to sleep here, having a period of complete unawareness, like totally dreamless sleep, and then waking up in your DR.)

this absence of awareness during sleep is (in my experience) the most common cause of accidental or unintentional shifts, but you might be one of those who can trigger a shift to desired realities with this too.

sleeping is not the only way to get to the state of the lack of awareness. i'd say total distraction methods also count for this. you're not asleep, your body is awake, but you're so "zoned out" (or alternatively in a meditative state such that) you're absolutely not aware of the 3D experience of this point of reality anymore.

this is completely different from the state of pure awareness by the way, because in the state of pure awareness you are aware. like, in pure awareness you have a full train of thought and total control. the absence of awareness is the opposite. it feels sort of like a "blip" where reality time and space passed you by and you were not aware of it.

[kipskiptrip]

Me versus my dad's elephant coffee

[theehorsepusssy]

Why did u quit doing dr*gs? Did it happen because of when u fell off the toilet? Or any other contributing factors ? Thnx !

A bunch of factors. I was laid off from work. I was trying to use meth to get off of opiates but ended up addicted to both. I was doing a lot of drugs but couldn't feel "high". I was really weak and could barely walk up to the store. Six weeks in the hospital with internal Infections. Infections at injection sites. A nasty thrush infection. My doctor told me I'd be dead in 6 months but that time had passed and I was still alive. My access to dope was becoming less reliable and finding new dealers was difficult. I spent all my money. I maxed my credit. I started taking abilify cuz of all the delusional behavior and kinda just stopped smoking and getting high. I binge watched Downton Abby and ate bologna and margarine sandwiches and became a Born Again virgin

[scientia-rex]

Because my most popular post is about weight loss and how it's a crock, I get a lot of questions about various things, including bariatric surgery--just posted the link to the post I did about that--but also Ozempic/Wegovy, the once-weekly injectable semaglutide medication that was developed for diabetes but was found to have independent benefits on weight loss.

I always said that weight loss was like Viagra: when a medication came along that actually worked, it would explode. We'd all hear about it. Fen-phen in the 90s worked, but it was bad for your heart. Stimulants, like meth, may cause weight loss, but they do it at the cost of heart health, and raise your likelihood of dying young. Over the counter weight loss supplements often contain illegal and unlisted thyroid hormone, which is also dangerous for the heart if taken in the absence of a real deficiency. Orlistat, or "Alli," works the same way as the Olestra chips Lays made in the 1990s--it shuts off your ability to digest fats, and the problem with that is that fats irritate the gut, so then you end up with fatty diarrhea and probably sharts. Plus Alli only leads to 8-10lbs of weight loss in the best case scenario, and most people are not willing to endure sharts for the sake of 8lbs.

And then came the GLP-1 agonists. GLP stands for glucagon-like peptide. Your body uses insulin to make cells uptake sugar. You can't just have free-floating sugar and use it, it has to go into the cells to be used. So if your body sucks at moving sugar into the cells, you end up with a bunch of glucose hanging out in places where it shouldn't be, depositing on small vessels, damaging nerves and your retinas and kidneys and everywhere else that has a whole lot of sensitive small blood vessels, like your brain.

Glucagon makes your liver break down stored sugars and release them. You can think of it as part of insulin's supporting cast. If your body needs sugar and you aren't eating it, you aren't going to die of hypoglycemia, unless you've got some rare genetic conditions--your liver is going to go, whoops, here you go! and cough it up.

But glucagon-like peptide doesn't act quite the same way. What glucagon-like peptide does is actually stimulating your body to release insulin. It inhibits glucagon secretion. It says, we're okay, we're full, we just ate, we don't need more glucagon right now.

This has been enough for many people to both improve blood sugar and cause weight loss. Some patients find they think about food less, which can be a blessing if you have an abnormally active hunger drive, or if you have or had an eating disorder.

However, every patient I've started on semaglutide in any form (Ozempic, Wegovy, or Rybelsus) has had nausea to start with, probably because it slows the rate of stomach emptying. And that nausea sometimes improves, and sometimes it doesn't. There's some reports out now of possible gastroparesis associated with it, which is where the stomach just stops contracting in a way that lets it empty normally into the small intestine. That may not sound like a big deal, but it's a lifelong ticket to abdominal pain and nausea and vomiting, and we are not good at treating it. We're talking Reglan, a sedating anti-nausea but pro-motility agent, which makes many of my patients too sleepy to function, or a gastric pacemaker, which is a relatively new surgery. You can also try a macrolide antibiotic, like erythromycin, but I have had almost no success in getting insurance to cover those and also they have their own significant side effects.

Rapid weight loss from any cause, whether illness, medication, or surgery, comes with problems. Your skin is not able to contract quickly. It probably will, over long periods of time, but "Ozempic face" and "Ozempic butt" are not what people who want to lose weight are looking for. Your vision of your ideal body does not include loose, excess skin.

The data are also pretty clear that you can't "kick start" weight loss with Ozempic and then maintain it with behavioral mechanisms. If you want to maintain the weight loss, you need to stay on the medication. A dose that is high enough to cause weight loss is significantly higher than the minimum dose where we see improvements in blood sugar, and with a higher dose comes higher risk of side effects.

I would wait on semaglutide. I would wait because it's been out for a couple of years now but with the current explosion in popularity we're going to see more nuanced data on side effects emerging. When you go from Phase III human trials to actual use in the world, you get thousands or millions more data points, and rare side effects that weren't seen in the small human trials become apparent. It's why I always say my favorite things for a drug to be are old, safe, and cheap.

I also suspect the oral form, Rybelsus, is going to get more popular and be refined in some way. It's currently prohibitively expensive--all of these are; we're talking 1200 or so bucks a month before insurance, and insurance coverage varies widely. I have patients who pay anything from zero to thirty to three hundred bucks a month for injectable semaglutide. I don't think I currently have anyone whose insurance covers Rybelsus who could also tolerate the nausea. My panel right now is about a thousand patients.

There are also other GLP-1 agonists. Victoza, a twice-daily injection, and Trulicity, and anything else that ends in "-aglutide". But those aren't as popular, despite being cheaper, and they aren't specifically approved for weight loss.

Mounjaro is a newer one, tirzepatide, that acts on two receptors rather than one. In addition to stimulating GLP-1 receptors, it also stimulates glucose-dependent insulinotropic polypeptide (GIP) receptors. It may work better; I'm not sure whether that's going to come with a concomitantly increased risk of side effects. It's still only approved for diabetes treatment, but I suspect that will change soon and I suspect we'll see a lot of cross-over in terms of using it to treat obesity.

I don't think these medications are going away. I also don't think they're right for everyone. They can reactivate medullary thyroid carcinoma; they can fuck up digestion; they may lead to decreased quality of life. So while there may be people who do well with them, it is okay if those people are not you. You do not owe being thin to anyone. You most certainly do not owe being thin to the extent that you should risk your health for it. Being thin makes navigating a deeply fat-hating world easier, in many ways, so I never blame anyone for wanting to be thin; I just want to emphasize that it is okay if you stay fat forever.

[notacaligirlsoimforgetable]

MORE STRANGER THINGS AS THINGS MY FAMILY HAS SAID (p.t. 3)

Chrissy: Hitting kids with cars are hereditary.

Angela: I'm gonna hit my second child with a car.

Argyle: There's a convenience store inside the homeless shelter so you can smoke weed.

Murray: The Biden administration and the trans illegal immigrants are stealing my oreos.

Lucas: Look, it's bad luck bowl cut!

Mike: Neither, I'm injecting it in my anus

Alexei: She only has so many friends ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hopper: I was so angry, I ate a rolling pin.

Will: ✨We're so good at speaking!

Max: I have so much hate in my heart, I just hate.

Vickie: You HAVE to love women.

Carol: Dude that's bologna... I hate bologna.

Nancy: Why did you wife get my husband pregnant?

Tommy: Her name was bologna, and she was a showgirl for lactose intolerant people.

Billy: Sex, sex, and validation.

Eddie: I love my schools meth lab.

Dr. Brenner: I'm part of the door kissing community.

Ted: My technique is putting a knife in a toaster.

Jason: Black people didn't exist in the 80s.

Dustin: Yeah, a penis goes there.

Kali/08: Let's go to the list of ethnic slurs.

Barb: I don't think your family will be ejaculating into your pool.

El: Because we're not Greek, we're barbarians.

Robin: I'm paper. Scissor me.

Erica: Yeah there are two sexs. The one I have with your mom and the one with your dad.

Jonathan: I'm gay. This is gay. Everything is gay!

Steve: If the song title was "The Climax of a Gay Man Having Sex With a Donkey" and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, I don't fucking care about the title.

Joyce: My toaster gets more action than you.

[head-of-0ncology]

OK, @ariluvzzz , what the hell is all of this?!

While I am glad you feel comfortable in sharing your thoughts with me, these messages you are leaving in my inbox are just frankly beyond me!

I shall however, address all of these questions....

Ah yes, you've found me out! I find that it's a great chaser to the horse tranquilizers I inject directly into my heart. NOT! I do not smoke Crystal meth, so not my thing... not that any drugs are, uh, my thing! Insulting thing to say!

What?!? How did you get into my office?!? How did you find my burner phone?!? This is a complete and under invasion of my privacy! Who are you, House Jr.? GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!

Keep dreamin'!

No, I would prefer you did it on the inside of my window, the temputures drop at night and I wouldn't want you to get cold. Again, NOT! If I catch you outside my window I'm calling the cops, PERV!

I believe you have a misunderstanding of type of doctor I am. I am not a shrink, but an ONCOLOGIST!

[kuruk]

sorry but I literslly need xanax sorry and my mom's boyfriend has soo much that I wouldn't feel very guilty taking a few from, because he won't even miss a couple when he does like several bars each time.. I mean who's even going to remember how many there were before not him. and he stole 6mg of my mom's prescription xanax so it's kind of literally my duty to get back what we're owed and I'm actually helping him and doing a good deed by allowing him to cut back and learn moderation to fight addiction and such so yeah quite responsible and noble of me... also I kind of just do not like that guy. anyway I really need some but I'm not completely sure it's real help. he bought some once and he got mad because they were pressed and idk how long ago that was... I think now it's just farmapram but yeah. But even though he refused to take those specific pressed pills he kind of doesn't care if he lives or dies. once he tried to kill himself by overdosing on coke for some reason and another time he tried meth just because the coke he bought ended up being meth and he was like Well since I already bought it I guess I'll inject it :/ So I suppose I do not really trust his judgement here

[carlos-in-glasses]

Thank you for the tag @strandnreyes @alrightbuckaroo @jesuisici33 @welcometololaland @rmd-writes @carlos-tk @thisbuildinghasfeelings @three-drink-amy and @paperstorm 🧡

It's 2016 in Flashback Fic and TK has had a rough day. Let's meet his dealer, Spike:

Over by the window, Spike is smoking a joint and staring mournfully at the distant Tribute in Light – two blue beams like endless neon rods piercing into the night sky.

“Can’t believe it’s been fifteen years,” he says, wandering to the couch to pass the joint to TK, who takes a hit and passes it to Dan. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Strand,” he adds, “The [redated], too. Fuck.” He crouches by TK; TK watches as Spike drags at his lip to reveal a missing molar. “Had my tooth knocked out that way.” Spike shakes his head. He’s only twenty-eight, but he seems fifty for all his lived experience. "I do have something that’ll make you feel a lot better, though.”

One charming thing about Spike is how he carts drugs around in one of those old lady red-white-blue bags. He keeps a bed sheet poking out of the half-zipped opening, so it always looks like he’s on his way to the laundromat. He hoists the bag from where he dumped it aside the couch, and from a black sack within, he withdraws a packet of something pale beige.

“Heroin?” TK asks. He’s only half-sure. He hasn’t fucked with heroin before. All sorts of pills, booze, cocaine, concoctions of purple drank, sure – but never heroin or meth, and he’s never huffed solvents or computer cleaner. That shit’ll kill you. 

“With a magic touch of powdered milk,” Spike says eagerly, “I call it Cream. And, ladies, a little bit goes a long way.”

“I’m not injecting shit,” TK says, “I’m on fucking PEP. Last thing I need is an infected needle.”

“Who said anything about injecting?” Dan tuts, “I’m not collapsing my veins.”

Spike cuts the ‘Cream’ on the kitchen counter with his library card and Dan rolls the dollar bills – he’s got a knack. Spike is meticulous, very keen that they don’t overdose. He’s quite thoughtful for a dealer. But then, it’s a smart business investment for his clients to live.

They snort what TK thinks must be exactly the right amount, because they’re all sitting on the kitchen floor now, but it also feels like floating on a warm jet of air. TK has no regrets. He forgets about [redacted]. He doesn’t feel bad at all about what happened to him a couple of nights ago. He doesn’t care that he’s paying for heroin out of the $50 that guy gave him because he thought he was a hooker, and TK accepted the money as a fuck you.

He doesn’t know what it’s going to take to overcome an addiction to this.

Open tag and tags below:

Tagging with no pressure: @eclectic-sassycoweyes @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @inkweedandlizards @whatsintheboxmh @paperstorm @wandering-night19 @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @heartstringsduet @noxsoulmate @lightningboltreader @orchidscript @freneticfloetry @reyesstrand @never-blooms @lemonlyman-dotcom @ladytessa74 @bonheur-cafe @goodways @herefortarlos @redshirt2 @louis-ii-reyes-strand @inflarescent @fitzherbertssmolder @basilsunrise @mikibwrites @taralaurel @catanisspicy @chicgeekgirl89 @sugdenlovesdingle @theghostofashton @taralaurel @rosedavid @spaghett-onaplate @sanjuwrites @kiloskywalker @liminalmemories21 - if you want to share/ haven't already!

❤️ 🩷 🧡 💛 💚 💙 🩵 💜

[kuro-ttsuki]

On My Own | 13 Reasons Why

The murder

You weren't the same after what happened, I mean who could have been? Zach thought for a while he killed Bryce but he was just a part of it, the reaction to Dominos falling row by row. No one apart from Alex and Jessica knew you were there when it happened, you wanted it to be that way.

Why? Because you tried to save him, you didn't just stand there like Jessica when Bryce was pushed in the water, you tried to save him. Jessica tried to hold you back when it happened but you pushed her off and jumped in the water.

You remember the water being so cold it felt like you, yourself was dead. You would've been if you continued to try and save him that night but it was impossible, his body weight was half the size of yours, he was weak, scared, in pain and so were you; scared. He was already dead when you were trying to swim up to the surface with him but you held hope. Hope that if you can make up to the surface, you can save him but again. It was already too late, his dead weight was practically pulling you down with him till you had no choice but to let go, watching as his body sank down.

You walked home that night, you couldn't bare being in the car with his killers. As much you hated Bryce, with how much pain he caused you; the secrets, the rape, the manipulation. Everything he did to you, you should've wanted him dead more than anyone. Maybe at first but now? You wished you could've taken that thought back. He didn't deserve to die like that, and you definitely didn't deserve the trauma his death brought you.

After hearing Ani blame the murder on your ex-boyfriend Monty and his death in prison, you snapped. Liquor and drugs became your best friend, at first it was weed and Hennessy then weed got replaced with shrooms, then Molly and acid and soon it was meth, and any pill or alcohol you could get your hands on. You would even bring them to school, drinking and swallowing or injecting between classes to get by.

As you were spiraling down to a dark path, so was Clay and Zach but never Alex and Jessica. You wondered why what happened didn't affect the actual guilty but instead the accessories to murder. But then again, you stopped caring.

After Clay and Justin busted you over your drug use, you were on 24/7 watch, in fact the whole group had to watch you. Jessica and Ani would make excuses to sleep over at your house; Tyler, Clay and Justin would walk you to your classes and Tony and Zach would take turns being with you after school. That part backfired though. Soon Tony ended up getting busy with his fighting, leaving you and Zach alone all the time.

You two ended up finding comfort in each other, you two were both broken beyond repair so you two became each other's bad influence. Zach would keep secrets about your continuancely drug use and you would keep drinking with him. Drowning y'all's sorrows with any alcohol imagine and sooner rather than later, your two bad habits became intoxicated hookups.

It became a daily occurrence that you ended up finding yourself into being sexually connected with Zach more than the drugs. He was your drug but you weren't his. During the time that you were getting better, he was fucking some other Bimbo from school.

You were hurt by this, yes. But were you really that surprised that it'll happen? No. Once again you were on your own. You began using again, this time you were skipping school.

Everytime Clay went looking for you, you were at every party imaginable rather it be highschool parties at other schools, or frat parties at colleges, you were there. Always high, always shit faced, always in danger. Rather it was you being a danger to yourself or to someone else or they were a danger to you. You were just fucked up you didn't care anymore.

It was like you drowned that night with Bryce. Maybe you should have.

[helyiios]

Benji relapsing and Ethan finding him

TW : drug abuse, semi-detailed description of someone shooting meth into his body.

There's a weird sort of thrill every time he takes out a clean needle from his medicine cabinet. A thrill that wasn't subsided by the adrenaline of his last mission, the one that had gone so horribly wrong he still wondered how he'd made it out alive. Serves him right for being part of Ethan's team. 

He knows the guy, actually. Not—not Ethan. His dealer. He knows his dealer. Back when he'd settled in the neighborhood he'd seen him around at the 24/7 shop, had spotted that deliriously addictive white powder dangling from his hands and it had taken tremendous self-control to not run up to him and beg him for some. 

Tonight was different, though. Tonight he felt hollow, he felt hollow but also so horribly excited, and he doesn't know why. 

There's around ten thousand things he wants to do, jump in the air, scream, bite, shoot, hurt someone, hurt himself—

He knows that if he goes by the razors, he might not be able to regulate it, and he doesn't want to risk it. The white powder was the second best option, and as he stares at the small and transparent packet he'd retrieved earlier, he's almost relieved he's so used to it. It's empty now, relocated into a small glass, dissolved into water.

He hasn't actually touched it since he'd joined the IMF. But then again, back then he hadn't had to watch a psychopath tie a rope around his neck and tighten his grip, tighten it so hard he'd struggled and struggled and passed out—had he died, for a few seconds ?—before being set free by his teammate. The rope burns are still here, yellow and purple and dark blue and red, an odd canvas on his usually pale skin, shaped like disgusting veins and choking him whole. 

He presses his warm compress to his arm—he's used to it, it's like riding a bike, really it is. He knows his good arm is his left, because that's the one where his veins pop out the best. They were ever the more visible now that he actually had muscles over there. The next step is always a little more annoying, because he's not and has never been good at tying things. He does his best with his tie though, stares at it for a few seconds.

Is this how Lane had felt, when he'd gone over his neck ? What the feeling that...pleasing ?

He tightens it.

The syringe is right besides him, and it doesn't take him very long for him to retrieve his little glass of diluted powder and to gently place the end of the needle inside it.

He pulls up. Not air bubbles.

Damn, he smiles. He's good. 

He places the small needle into the most prominent vein the corner of his eye can catch, his chest so full and his eyes so, so wide.

Just once, he thinks. C'mon. Just once, to help with the pain in my neck. 

Just this time. Then I'll stop again. I've done it once, right ? I can do it again.

He grins, and then he laughs. He laughs softly, gently almost. 

Then a little louder. A little higher. Before he knows it he's downright cackling. 

He's laughing and it feels good, it feels good because he's on the cold floor of his bathroom and the lights are bright and white, and he's alive and he feels so good. 

I missed that feeling, he thinks again, going to fill the syringe once more. Just one more time. 

It was exhilarating. He can actually spot his old injecting points, some not crossed out by the blade of his razor, and for some reason it's fucking hilarious to him. He's just so fucking happy right now that he could die. 

What a way to go, wouldn't it ? To die so happy, so cheerful, what a fucking way to go. 

It was expensive, comes his next deliberation. It'd be a shame to just flush it down the loo, wouldn't it ?

He grabs his syringe again, doesn't even notice his missed spots and the blood trickling down his arm. He wipes it off mindlessly, still cackling, almost stabbing himself as his fingers and hands were less and less steady. 

It hurts a bit, this time. 

He doesn't know how long he's stayed seated, because all of a sudden he's on his feet and his swinging his fists in some pretend-boxing way, picturing Lane in front of him, a gleeful expression scaring his face. 

You didn't fucking get me, he singsongs, no matter how much you'll try, you can't get rid of me ! And someday, I'll get rid of you. 

He's in his living room now, downing a can of Coke before—shit, he should've gotten some coke at well. 

FUCK ! he screams out, slamming the can so hard it explodes, he should've thought about getting coke !

Why was he so fucking stupid all the fucking time ?! Huh ?! Why couldn't he just fucking get things right ?!

His head's spinning quite a bit, and he's not too sure if the TV had always been on that side of the room—hadn't it been on the left, near the book—wait, he closes his eyes, rubs them so hard he's afraid they might pop, wait, this wasn't how his flat had been designed. Had it ? No, he'd remember...

He collapses on his sofa with a scream, something between a joyful yell and a frustrated groan.

He needs to punch something, there's an excess of energy he can't quite get rid off, he picks at his skin and the unhealed scars, scratches his arms and thighs, his chest, there's a buzzing in his body that he can't seem to shake off, God, why does he feel so fucking restless ? 

Lane's staring at him.

He shrieks.

Lane's staring and walking towards him but his eyes are too big and too blue, his hands—his fingers are so sharp that he can't even recognise them, his teeth are like fangs and he's walking, walking, step by step, so he jumps on his sofa and shrieks, shrieks, shrieks, tells him to stay away, to not come closer, he needs help, he needs—

He stumbles off the sofa and crawls to where his phone is, slams the buttons as quick as he can, looks up his contact list—FUCK his dealer, he'll fucking kill that guy, where the fuck is he, God, and Lane—Lane, he can see a distorted smile on his face and he's so fucking scared, he screams out, don't fucking try it, I have a gun, I have a fucking gun, I'll fucking shoot—

[Baby ?] comes a very clear voice from his speaker, [are you okay ?]

"He's going to fucking kill me Ethan," he hears himself scream, "he's here, he's—I've seen—he—" 

[Wow, hey, wh—who's here ?] the other man asks suddenly, and he hears a weird sort of rustling over the line, [Benji ?]

"LANE !" he yells, "Lane's here, and he wants to fuck with me and kill me, you ne—I—fucki—help, you need to hel—" 

[Don't leave your flat. I'm coming.]

"But Ethan, he's going to murder me !" he protests and he can hear the sobs breaking through his voice, "I don't wanna die, I'm scared, I'm scared, I don—"

[Don't. move.]

The call ends and he stares at his phone in pure anger, how dares he hang up on him ? Were they not fucking lovers ? How could he just fucking do that, he'll hurt him, he'll kill him—he throws the phone on the floor before letting himself fall to the ground and grab it again, only for him to slam it times and times again against the tiles, screeching louder and louder with every hit, fuck you Ethan he want to say, I'll fucking kill you ! 

There's a breeze against his neck and he's too scared to move, too scared to turn around so he stays there, eyes wide and pupils blown, breathes but not too loud, stares at the shards in his scarred and bleeding hand, lifts it up to his face, almost going crosseyed at it. 

Lane's behind him, someone's behind him and he's going to die at any instant so he tenses and takes it in, waits for the horrific pain to come, waits, waits, 

Wait. 

"BENJI !" 

The steps coming up to him are definitely louder than they should be because he winces at the noise, only turning around when he hears Ethan's familiar voice calling out for him.

"Benji, wh—FUCK !" 

He stares up at Ethan and offers him a wonky smile, mouth contorted in some twisted and sickened grin.

"What did you do," the other man breathlessly asks, looking at his surroundings in pure horror, "is that—"

"I wanted—to—I wanted a break," he pants, "a break from my neck so I thought—I thought—" 

"Benji, what did you take," Ethan growls, crouching so they were at eye level, "please, tell what you took." 

"Just—just meth, diluted ? I—" he breathes erratically, his heart is going so fast it's hard to catch up, "I wanted—I forgot to ask for coke, so I just—I took—" 

"What way, did you—oh, fuck," and it's the most he's heard Ethan swear, ever. He's looking at his arms and at the smeared blood and there's something like dread that's draining the colours in his face. "You shot yourself with meth." 

"Yeah ? Like the good old times," he snorts, finally letting go of his phone, letting what was left of it clatter on the floor, "I thought—it just—" 

"I'm taking you to a hospital," Ethan says, voice frightened, "we need to go, now." 

"But—but Solo—Solomon Lane, he's—" 

"Up," the other man says, grabbing him so he could rest most of his bodyweight against his chest, "okay, good, stay with me, stay with me, my car's just a few meters away." 

"No, no, Lane's going to to follow us, he's going to k—“

"Lane's not here, Benji," Ethan replies, as calmly as his panicked state allows him to be, "you're high, and you're at a high risk of overdosing, so I'm tak—hey, no, stay awake, stay with me !" he yells as the other's eyelids dropped, "BENJI !" 

"Awake, awake ! Jesus fuck mate, I'm so cold."  

"I'm—it's going to be okay," Ethan breathes out, "it'll be fine, just stay with me okay ? I'm taking you to a hospital to—God, fuck, Benji. FUCK !" 

"Sorry," the younger man can only say. "Sorry." 

His body goes limp. 

[javascript-official]

When I was 13 I invented "Doctor Stronge" as a joke with my friends: He was a powerful wizard (Meth head) who had the power of a time stone (injecting anesthesia directly into his arm) and used the power of a gun and some drugs to fight the forces of evil (Paul blart mall cop) and honestly it was hard peaking at such an early age

[nathan-steelman]

Owed To My Ex

Hey cum-dump slut, I just thought I’d tell you that I hope you’re doing really well and enjoying life right now because it’s about to get really shitty. I wouldn’t be surprised if your school dispels you upon your return. You’ve fucked me up and over for the last time. You disrespected me and betrayed me, stabbed me in the back, hurt me repeatedly physically, mentally, and emotionally. You think that you can get fucked by a druggie/meth injecting, prostitute and willingly take his cum and diseases inside of you and pass them onto innocent unsuspecting poor me and get away with it? You went a second time, knowing and willing that you were subjecting yourself to dangerous, dirty, kinky, risky sex with a degenerate and even texted me you didn’t care. That makes you guilty of reckless endangerment. Then you knowingly misled me to believe your gonorrhea of the throat could only be strep but knew you could have been exposed to STI’s because you had just had sex with trashy toothless meth head two nights before you came to sleep with me. You even said in text that it could be an STD and that’s why I found out you got fucked and bred and intended to keep it a secret from me in the first place. That makes it assault and the fact you gave me two STI’s at all is battery. You misled me to believe you were clean for anilingus and transferred the shigella virus to me that you picked up somewhere being a promiscuous cum-dump and getting fucked by degenerate drug abusers. You even admitted you got gonorrhea of the throat from the felon that you spent April 2nd, and the following two Fridays doing GHB and smoking meth with. Then you got it again from the guy you hooked up with on Oct 20th 2023 when you said you only had the one lover (the 56 year old pedophile you been screwing around with since you were 18/19 y.o.) You said you were done with the dating apps because they always lead to trouble and you end up with gonorrhea. You said you broke it off with the two dudes you matched with on Hinge and deleted it and Grindr not to be used again. Then you used Grindr to hookup with a meth dealer and get gonorrhea again. Then you say you’re going to delete it and never use it again because of the demise it brought you AGAIN by getting fucked and getting diseases and almost killing me with shigellosis. But then you downloaded it AGAIN when you deceived me and cheated on Oct. 11th to sleep with another stranger hookup dude and lied to my face with a fresh load of cum in your ass, covered in fresh sex sweat and degraded me by calling me a “horny sex obsessed dog” for wanting to have an intimate sexting relationship with you my “lover.” You constantly say you’re going to do something and then change your mind about it without telling anyone. Just like how on the 10th of Oct we agreed we were lovers and would only be with each other unless we met someone and got to know them and then decided to sleep with them and gently introduce the situation to the other person. Then change the terms the next day.

Because you intentionally shut me out and turned away from me I’m going to get justice. Because you cannot control your impulses, your desire for risky dangerous kinky sex, your “cum-in-me” fetish, and your disregard for the law and rules, I’m going to ruin your life the way you’ve ruined mine and my health. Everything you have dreamed and worked for is going to be taken away from you very soon. Because you have no empathy, remorse, or regret, and you disregard people’s emotions, values, and rules, I’m going to take your joy and security away. Because you are manipulative, impulsive, aggressive, dishonest, irresponsible, insensitive, and uncaring I’m going to force you to live with the consequences you’ve evaded for so long from sheer luck and avoidance. You’re going to have to think about the stupid choices you made when you said, “I don’t care. I’m going to do whatever I want to do” and recklessly endangered my health and stole my right to consent. I’m going to take away your freedom because you cannot be responsible and held accountable. I told you not to do certain things and be with certain people in order to protect you from ruining your future and diminishing and ruining your reputation. But you turned it into me trying to control you. You have twisted and manipulated my attempts to nurture and maintain our relationship into me being too needy. You said you were finally free of not feeling like you had to text me every day but that was all on you. You were the one who couldn’t go more than two days without contacting me. You were the one that was obsessed with me when I didn’t pay you constant attention when I was focused on Matt and I. You feeling like you had to text was simply that: you feeling like you had to. I never freaked out about not getting a text and you neglected me constantly from May until July when I almost died and I never said anything about it or pushed you. From Oct ‘23 until May ‘24 I never said or did anything about you being a cum-dump slut and fucking degenerates and old men or getting gonorrhea frequently. It wasn’t until you led me to believe we were only going to be with each other for the summer, so as not to get jealous or diseases, and you went behind my back is when I freaked out. I had a legitimately damn good reason to freak too. You took my trust and security away when you intentionally chose to defile them by fulfilling your selfish needs and wants by means of deception and getting fucked by that toothless, diseased, meth injecting, prostitute, scum bag. You took my good intentions and twisted them into negative actions to suit your narrative. Because I see and remind you of the terrible things you do that make you a terrible person you have to reject me and act like I have done you wrong to the point that you cannot see me or talk to me. You act like a wholesome, good person but your actions are depraved, self serving, and evil. It’s your actions, not your words and intentions, that make you who you are and you’re a bad person. If a good person does bad things intentionally then that makes them a bad person. You didn’t accidentally sleep with degenerate scum and take their seed into you. You willingly and eagerly take it into you with no concern. You’ve had gonorrhea 2 times more in a 6 month period than I’ve ever had in my 20+ years of sexual activity. 6 times since October 2023, that I know of. You’ve slept with more men in a year than I have in a decade. You are a walking toxic hazard to all around you because of your actions and mental illness. You’re a ticking time bomb of disastrous decisions. So I’m going to stop you and take you out of the equation. You are so delusional that you think you’re going to walk away from all that you’ve done to me and just carry on being beautiful, free to fuck whom ever you choose, and focus on obtaining your dreams.

But I’ve got to tell you that you fucked over the wrong Bitch, Bitch! You’re going to get everything you finally deserve and it’s not going to be all at once. It’s going to be years of torment to match the hurt, pain, suffering, anguish, disappointment, loss, damages, and torture you’ve forced me to endure for the rest of my life. You’re gonna pay bitch! With every little drip… I’m going to see you cry for real. Real tears will be pouring out of your pretty green eyes or you are truly a psychopath. You’re not BPD, or at least not only. You are a sick fuck. You need to get serious mental help because you are seriously a sociopath, narcissist, nymphomaniac, egomaniac, and delusional person. You don’t need to be free in society with an antisocial personality disorder because you are just reckless endangerment walking around like an idiot waving a loaded gun with the safety off around a crowded room of innocent unsuspecting people or a person on Valium and alcohol behind the wheel of a car in 5 o’clock traffic. You are done. I’m taking you down.

[xxdarkxmoth17xx]

The Start Of A Series Of Posts Of Me Rambling About The Plot Of The Fragile Since This Album Is So Good Holy Fuck Oh My God Trent Reznor Please Marry Me.

TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR MENTIONS OF: SUICIDE, DRUG USE, SELF-HARM AND OTHER DARK TOPICS.

The Fragile Is Nine Inch Nails' fourth main studio release, being also reffered to as Halo 14, it was released in September 21, 1999. It features the sounds of Industrial Beats, Heavy Rock and even some Ambiental, The Album is a spirital successor to their last studio release "The Downward Spiral" from 1994, one of the things it shares with The Downward Spiral is the fact it's a concept album with a story.

So time for me to make a post on here and ramble about my interpretation of TF's Story and also why I like this album so fucking much...

So yeah uhh... For Context this doesn't consider TF as a sequel to TDS, not a literal one, but rather a spiritual sequel, they share themes and stuff but they have seperate antagonists and stuff, also the NIN wiki is gonna be a main source for this thing. Oh also I reccomend that you listen to both The Downward Spiral and The Fragile, oh also maybe watch an explanation thing for the TDS songs, as I will reference the events of TDS from time to time.

Somewhat Damaged

SD is a song that uses a single motif throughout it's entire duration, a simple four note guitar riff, with the first half of the song written in a 9/4 (or a repeating 3/4) time signature. The Motif starts as a acoustic guitar, and as the song goes on the motif is played by distorted guitars. The song's lyrics are from the perspective of our first character, our protagonist, who shall go unnamed, much like everyone in this story, the title is an understatement, this guy's not somewhat damaged, he's way more.

The first stanza of the song, gives us an idea of how he is doing "So impressed with all you do... Tried so hard to be like you... Flew too high and burnt the wing... Lost my faith in everything" he seems to be talking to someone he wanted to be like, I interpret this song is about drug use, more especifically Heroin, it made our protagonist turn into a more self-destructive version of himself (similar to Mr. Self Destruct from TDS) before the events of the album our protagonist went through a downward spiral, though it isn't THE Downward Spiral the protagonist from TDS goes through, as our protagonist is still alive. (The TDS protagonist shoots himself in the end) Our protagonist is at rock bottom, that's evident as the song goes on. Also the lines "Tried so hard to be like you" and "Flew too high and burnt the wing" will be referenced in later songs.

The second Stanza starts "Lick around divine debris, Taste the wealth of hate in me, Shedding skin, succumb defeat... This machine is obsolete" our protagonist is angry at everything, he feels defeated, I presume the "machine" mentioned in these lyrics are a representation of our protagonist.

Pre-Chorus time: "Made the choice to go away! Drink the fountain of decay, Tear a hole, exquisite red! Fuck the rest and stab it dead!" the protagonist wants to step away from using drugs, he wants to improve himself. "Drank the fountain of decay" referencing the protag using drugs for the first time. "Tear a whole, exquisite red! Fuck the rest and stab it dead!" references shooting up, which is injecting a substance, often drugs such as meth or heroin, with a hypodermic needle, the needle tears a whole into the skin.

SD's Chorus starts with "BROKEN, BRUISED, FORGOTTEN, SORE! TOO FUCKED UP TO CARE ANYMORE!!" pretty obvious, our protagonist doesn't care about the fact he's using drugs, he doesn't care about how he's killing himself by using drugs. "POISONED TO MY ROTTEN CORE!! TOO FUCKED UP TO CARE ANYMORE!!!" he compares himself to a rotten apple, since he's been corrupted by drug use. these lines are repeated a second time.

"In the back, Off the side, And far away... Is a place where I hide, where I stay" keep in mind this "place" this place is mentioned again a few times throughout the songs of the album.

outro starts "Tried to say, tried to ask, I needed to all alone by myself, where were you?" drugs at first kinda made him feel better at first but it slowly worsened his life in the long run. "How could I ever think, it's funny how everything that swore it wouldn't change is different now, Just like you would always say, we'll make it through... THEN MY HEAD, FELL APART AND WHERE WERE YOU?!?" to me this is him trying to blame the drugs for his self destructive behavior, maybe he tried to give up earlier but he couldn't do it.

"HOW COULD I EVER THINK IT'S FUNNY HOW? EVERYTHING YOU SWORE WOULD NEVER CHANGE IS DIFFERENT NOW?!?! LIKE YOU SAID 'YOU AND ME, WE'LL MAKE IT THROUGH' DIDN'T QUITE, FELL APART, WHERE THE FUCK WHERE YOU!?!?!?!" The protagonist is calling himself a fool for using drugs, and becoming addicted to them, he feels betrayed, this might imply he nearly overdosed and died due to drug use. The songs ends with a cresendoing synth based on Trent Reznor's voice, as it slowly fades into the next song with a slow, menacing drone... but uhh since this post took at least half an hour to write I'll think I'll make every song into separate posts, so I'll have to make 25 different posts for each song, I hope I can get the next rambling by tomorrow.

[indiiglow]

Okay yeah I'm enjoying House but I'm not *hyperfixating* on it and the horrors are starting to creep back in need to inject pure fucking meth into my veins or something idk

[iceeericeee]

god i love them so fucking much i need their essence injected directly into my veins to survive like they're made of meth and are the only thing keeping me alive