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hollowed-theory-hall · 9 months ago

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Harry Potter and PTSD

I think no one would argue Harry Potter isn't traumatized, but I actually wanted to go through PTSD symptoms and find evidence of them in book quotes. It's mostly as a fun, little exercise (the word fun is debatable here, it made me quite sad, actually) as I'm not a licensed therapist, and I have no qualifications to diagnose anyone with anything. But I wanted to take a look at some of how Harry's trauma manifests especially in the final 3 books as the signs of PTSD are most obvious and glaring after Voldemort's resurrection and get worse after Sirius' death.

(As the title and first paragraphs suggest, this post isn't a happy one, so beware. I will be discussing symptoms of trauma as shown in the HP books)

I will be using adult PTSD symptoms since:

Older children and teens usually show symptoms more like those seen in adults. They also may develop disruptive, disrespectful, or destructive behaviors. Older children and teens may feel guilt over not preventing injury or death, or have thoughts of revenge.

(Source)

All further quotes regarding PTSD and its symptoms and how they might show were taken from the same website linked above.

To be diagnosed with PTSD, an adult must have all of the following for at least 1 month: * At least one re-experiencing symptom * At least one avoidance symptom * At least two arousal and reactivity symptoms * At least two cognition and mood symptoms

So, let's get straight into it and go into the diagnosis categories:

Re-experiencing symptoms

* Flashbacks—reliving the traumatic event, including physical symptoms, such as a racing heart or sweating * Recurring memories or dreams related to the event * Distressing thoughts * Physical signs of stress Thoughts and feelings can trigger these symptoms, as can words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event.

Harry definitely suffers from nightmares post-Voldemort's-resurrection, and memories coming back about it:

Had they all forgotten what he had done? Hadn’t it been he who had entered that graveyard and watched Cedric being murdered and been tied to that tombstone and nearly killed ... ? Don’t think about that, Harry told himself sternly for the hundredth time that summer. It was bad enough that he kept revisiting the graveyard in his nightmares, without dwelling on it in his waking moments too.

(OotP)

In the meantime, he had nothing to look forward to but another restless, disturbed night, because even when he escaped nightmares about Cedric he had unsettling dreams about long dark corridors, all finishing in dead ends and locked doors, which he supposed had something to do with the trapped feeling he had when he was awake.

(OotP)

And it continues even months later, he's still dreaming about the graveyard:

He was not going to share his dreams with anyone. He knew perfectly well what his regular nightmare about a graveyard meant, he did not need Ron or Professor Trelawney or the stupid Dream Oracle to tell him that...

(OotP)

Distressing thoughts are par for the course for Harry, but I'll bring up some examples:

And Harry saw very clearly as he sat there under the hot sun how people who cared about him had stood in front of him one by one, his mother, his father, his godfather, and finally Dumbledore, all determined to protect him; but now that was over. He could not let anybody else stand between him and Voldemort; he must abandon forever the illusion he ought to have lost at the age of one, that the shelter of a parent’s arms meant that nothing could hurt him.

(HBP)

He feels responsible for all of their deaths even though they are all adults who chose to be there and protect him. Harry still feels guilt and responsibility over them, even when it isn't his fault, and he shouldn't feel responsible for those who stood between him and Voldemort.

While Harry shows physical signs of stress (such as a racing heart or sweating), They are shown in actual moments of stress where any human would be stressed, so I don't count them here since they are not an immediate result of trauma.

Regardless, I'd say he does have relieving symptoms. Recurring dreams, thoughts, and a sense of guilt are all present.

Avoidance symptoms

* Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience * Avoiding thoughts or feelings related to the traumatic event Avoidance symptoms may cause people to change their routines. For example, some people may avoid driving or riding in a car after a serious car accident.

Harry doesn't actually have the luxury to really avoid anything (poor boy) but he does avoid talking about his dreams of the graveyard, as mentioned in the quote in the Re-experiencing section. He doesn't tell anyone, not even Ron or Hermione about his nightmares. Neither does he want to talk about Cedric. He doesn't even want to think about the graveyard and Cedric as mentioned in one of the above quotes:

(OotP)

Even though Cho keeps bringing Cedric up to process her own experience, Harry does not want to talk or think about him and what happened at the graveyard.

She shook her head and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “I’m — sorry,” she said thickly. “I suppose ... it’s just ... learning all this stuff... It just makes me ... wonder whether ... if he’d known it all ... he’d still be alive...” Harry’s heart sank right back past its usual spot and settled somewhere around his navel. He ought to have known. She wanted to talk about Cedric.

(OotP)

“I came in here with Cedric last year,” said Cho. In the second or so it took for him to take in what she had said, Harry’s insides had become glacial. He could not believe she wanted to talk about Cedric now, while kissing couples surrounded them and a cherub floated over their heads.

(OotP)

Zacharias said dismissively, “All Dumbledore told us last year was that Cedric Diggory got killed by You- Know-Who and that you brought Diggory’s body back to Hogwarts. He didn’t give us details, he didn’t tell us exactly how Diggory got murdered, I think we’d all like to know — ” “If you’ve come to hear exactly what it looks like when Voldemort murders someone I can’t help you,” Harry said. His temper, always so close to the surface these days, was rising again. He did not take his eyes from Zacharias Smith’s aggressive face, determined not to look at Cho. “I don’t want to talk about Cedric Diggory, all right? So if that’s what you’re here for, you might as well clear out.”

(OotP)

And when he mentions some of it, he's emotionally overwhelmed and stumbling over his words. He didn't really process everything that happened in the graveyard and he doesn't know how to talk about it:

Ron and Hermione were still smirking and Harry felt his temper rise; he wasn’t even sure why he was feeling so angry. “Don’t sit there grinning like you know better than I do, I was there, wasn’t I?” he said heatedly. “I know what went on, all right? And I didn’t get through any of that because I was brilliant at Defense Against the Dark Arts, I got through it all because — because help came at the right time, or because I guessed right — but I just blundered through it all, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing — STOP LAUGHING!” The bowl of murtlap essence fell to the floor and smashed. He became aware that he was on his feet, though he couldn’t remember standing up. Crookshanks streaked away under a sofa; Ron and Hermione’s smiles had vanished. “You don’t know what it’s like You — neither of you — you’ve never had to face him, have you? You think it’s just memorizing a bunch of spells and throwing them at him, like you’re in class or something? The whole time you know there’s nothing between you and dying except your own — your own brain or guts or whatever — like you can think straight when you know you’re about a second from being murdered, or tortured, or watching your friends die — they’ve never taught us that in their classes, what it’s like to deal with things like that — and you two sit there acting like I’m a clever little boy to be standing here, alive, like Diggory was stupid, like he messed up — you just don’t get it, that could just as easily have been me, it would have been if Voldemort hadn’t needed me — ”

(OotP)

He mentions how it isn't easy for him to talk about it when he does his interview for the Quibbler:

Harry had not found it an easy experience to talk about the night when Voldemort had returned. Rita had pressed him for every little detail, and he had given her everything he could remember, knowing that this was his one big opportunity to tell the world the truth. He wondered how people would react to the story. He guessed that it would confirm a lot of people in the view that he was completely insane, not least because his story would be appearing alongside utter rubbish about Crumple-Horned Snorkacks. But the breakout of Bellatrix Lestrange and her fellow Death Eaters had given Harry a burning desire to do something, whether it worked or not...

(OotP)

So, I'd say Harry shows avoidance symptoms in abundance as well.

Arousal and reactivity symptoms

* Being easily startled * Feeling tense, on guard, or on edge * Having difficulty concentrating * Having difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep * Feeling irritable and having angry or aggressive outbursts * Engaging in risky, reckless, or destructive behavior Arousal symptoms are often constant. They can lead to feelings of stress and anger and may interfere with parts of daily life, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.

"CONSTANT VIGILENCE!" anyone?

But more seriously, Harry is extra vigilant and alert in the final 3 books especially. As mentioned in the above quote with Smith, Harry is more angry in the final 3 books:

“If you’ve come to hear exactly what it looks like when Voldemort murders someone I can’t help you,” Harry said. His temper, always so close to the surface these days, was rising again.

(OotP)

His temper, which was always present, got worse after the graveyard. In book 4, Harry holds Ron back from hitting Draco when Draco throws his usual insults:

“You know your mother, Malfoy?” said Harry — both he and Hermione had grabbed the back of Ron’s robes to stop him from launching himself at Malfoy

(GoF)

In book 5, Harry punches Draco himself over similar insults because he's angrier and has less of a handle on his emotions and reactions. He is barely aware of what he's doing:

Harry was not aware of releasing George, all he knew was that a second later both of them were sprinting at Malfoy. He had completely forgotten the fact that all the teachers were watching: All he wanted to do was cause Malfoy as much pain as possible. With no time to draw out his wand, he merely drew back the fist clutching the Snitch and sank it as hard as he could into Malfoy’s stomach —

(OotP)

And in general, Harry is much more on guard:

He raised the cup to his lips and then, just as suddenly, lowered it. One of the horrible painted kittens behind Umbridge had great round blue eyes just like Mad-Eye Moody’s magical one, and it had just occurred to Harry what Mad-Eye would say if he ever heard that Harry had drunk anything offered by a known enemy.

(OotP)

He startles easily and is ready for an attack at all moments:

Dudley lay curled up on the ground, whimpering and shaking. Harry bent down to see whether he was in a fit state to stand up, but then heard loud, running footsteps behind him; instinctively raising his wand again, he spun on his heel to face the newcomer.

(OotP - after the dementor attack)

Malfoy wheeled around, drawing his wand. Instinctively, Harry pulled out his own. Malfoy’s hex missed Harry by inches, shattering the lamp on the wall beside him; Harry threw himself sideways, thought Levicorpus, and flicked his wand, but Malfoy blocked the jinx and raised his wand for another —

(HBP)

“Pathetic, Weasley,” said Snape, after a while. “Here — let me show you — ” He turned his wand on Harry so fast that Harry reacted instinctively; all thought of nonverbal spells forgotten, he yelled, “Protego!” His Shield Charm was so strong Snape was knocked off-balance and hit a desk. The whole class had looked around and now watched as Snape righted himself, scowling.

(HBP)

By HBP and OotP, Harry is always ready for an attack and he defends himself on instinct. It doesn't matter where he is or what he's doing, fight or flight instincts take over and he's acting. It's always there, under the surface, ready to spring.

After Sirius dies, we also see a change in what Harry keeps to himself and what he says out loud. All his sassiest quotes towards Snape come from after Sirius dies. Harry becomes more reckless with his words (and actions in general). The pain makes him care less about his own life and future:

“What are you doing, Potter?” said Snape coldly as ever, as he strode over to the four of them. “I’m trying to decide what curse to use on Malfoy, sir,” said Harry fiercely. Snape stared at him.

(OotP - after Sirius' death)

“Yes, sir.” “There’s no need to call me ‘sir,’ Professor.” The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying. Several people gasped, including Hermione. Behind Snape, however, Ron, Dean, and Seamus grinned appreciatively.

(HBP - yes, this famous scene is because Harry is depressed)

This is Harry just speaking his mind with complete and utter disregard for the consequences of what comes out of his mouth. This is something we see with him only after Sirius died, as before that, he made an attempt to not anger his professors, even Snape. In the earlier books, Harry is all for de-escalating situations with Snape:

“What on earth were you thinking of?” said Professor McGonagall, with cold fury in her voice. Harry looked at Ron, who was still standing with his wand in the air. “You’re lucky you weren’t killed. Why aren’t you in your dormitory?” Snape gave Harry a swift, piercing look. Harry looked at the floor. He wished Ron would put his wand down.

(PS)

“Let’s see,” he said, in his silkiest voice. “Fifty points from Gryffindor and a detention each for Potter and Weasley. Now get inside, or it’ll be a week’s worth of detentions.” Harry’s ears were ringing. The injustice of it made him want to curse Snape into a thousand slimy pieces. He passed Snape, walked with Ron to the back of the dungeon, and slammed his bag down onto the table. Ron was shaking with anger too — for a moment, it felt as though everything was back to normal between them, but then Ron turned and sat down with Dean and Seamus instead, leaving Harry alone at his table. On the other side of the dungeon, Malfoy turned his back on Snape and pressed his badge, smirking. POTTER STINKS flashed once more across the room.

(GoF)

Harry may be thinking of wanting to say/do something, but he doesn't, because he has some self-preservation. This self-preservation disappears as the books go along. Harry in the early books is much more concerned for his own well-being than in the later books, and I don't think it's due to bravery or childhood trauma, at least, that isn't all there is. I think it's a reaction to some of his more recent trauma as well. A combination of feeling responsible for everything and thinking it's fine he goes through pain and danger because that's what he should do. In HBP and DH, he repeatedly says how willing he is to endanger himself, but not others. It's why he breaks up with Ginny, it's why he initially doesn't want Ron and Hermione to come with him on the Horcrux hunt. He thinks his own life is worth less. That it isn't so bad if he dies.

So he shows 3 arousal and reactivity symptoms at least.

Cognition and mood symptoms

* Trouble remembering key features of the traumatic event * Negative thoughts about oneself or the world * Exaggerated feelings of blame directed toward oneself or others * Ongoing negative emotions, such as fear, anger, guilt, or shame * Loss of interest in previous activities * Feelings of social isolation * Difficulty feeling positive emotions, such as happiness or satisfaction Cognition and mood symptoms can begin or worsen after the traumatic event. They can lead people to feel detached from friends or family members.

I already mentioned Harry's guilt regarding people "who stood between him and Voldemort". And it's true for this section as well. And I mentioned above how Harry considers his own life as worth less than others, which leads him to be incredibly reckless.

Besides the above two points, Harry also shows clear signs of depressive states:

On the fourth night after Hedwig’s departure Harry was lying in one of his apathetic phases, staring at the ceiling, his exhausted mind quite blank, when his uncle entered his bedroom. Harry looked slowly around at him. Uncle Vernon was wearing his best suit and an expression of enormous smugness.

(OotP)

Harry mentions that after the graveyard in the summer between 4th and 5th year, he starts having what he calls "apathetic phases", in which he just feels too tired to even think, just staring blankly at the ceiling. Him calling it "phases" as in, plural, suggests this is a common occurrence at the Dursleys.

Even later in Deathly Hallows, we see this is something Harry still does. After Ron leaves Harry and Hermione are at their most depressed:

She [Hermione] threw herself into a chair, curled up, and started to cry. Harry felt dazed. He stooped, picked up the Horcrux, and placed it around his own neck. He dragged blankets off Ron’s bunk and threw them over Hermione. Then he climbed onto his own bed and stared up at the dark canvas roof, listening to the pounding of the rain.

(DH)

Hermione reacts to her emotions by crying and letting them out, she's processing her emotions in some capacity, as hard as it is. Harry, on the other hand, just gets tired. His mind goes blank and he just stares blankly at the ceiling. Another one of these "apathetic phases". Instead of feeling, he goes numb.

We also see in book 6 how he loses some of his interest in Quidditch. The one pastime that reliably brought him joy, wasn't as important to Harry post Sirius' death. Sure, he was still playing, still interested, but there was none of the joy described previously. He doesn't have the same passion and interest even though he's the captain:

Harry smiled back vaguely, but as he pulled on his scarlet robes his mind was far from Quidditch.

(HBP)

“Don’t be stupid,” said Ron sharply. “You couldn’t have missed a Quidditch match just to follow Malfoy, you’re the Captain!”

(HBP)

Some of it is to follow Draco who Harry thinks is a Death Eater, sure, but Harry in 4th year would not have acted the same. He wouldn't have let it make him miss a game, he wouldn't have even considered it.

In Deathly Hallows we also see Harry struggling with happiness in many ways. Yes, the situation is bad, but he is so incredibly affected by it, and I do want to mention that:

But they were not living, thought Harry: They were gone. The empty words could not disguise the fact that his parents’ moldering remains lay beneath snow and stone, indifferent, unknowing. And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off or pretending? He let them fall, his lips pressed hard together, looking down at the thick snow hiding from his eyes the place where the last of Lily and James lay, bones now, surely, or dust, not knowing or caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because of their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.

(DH)

This above quote makes me so sad whenever I read it, and I do want to mention it here. Like, Harry isn't actively suicidal, but he's in a lot of pain that he wants to stop. These negative thoughts are practically a constant in DH even when he isn't wearing the Horcrux.

A hundred dementors were advancing, gliding toward them, sucking their way closer to Harry’s despair, which was like a promise of a feast. ... He saw Ron’s silver terrier burst into the air, flicker feebly, and expire; he saw Hermione’s otter twist in midair and fade; and his own wand trembled in his hand, and he almost welcomed the oncoming oblivion, the promise of nothing, of no feeling. . . .

(DH)

Harry is the character with the most reliable Patronus, but even for him at some point, it's too much and he struggles with it. Struggles to bring up the happiness he needs for a Patronus. The happiness part is what he always struggled with most when it came to this spell, after all:

“No!” said Harry. He got up again. “I’ll have one more go! I’m not thinking of happy enough things, that’s what it is. ... Hang on. ...” He racked his brains. A really, really happy memory . . . one that he could turn into a good, strong Patronus ...

(PoA)

So, I'd say he shows at least 4 cognitive and mood symptoms.

Conclusions

Someone get this boy a hug and therapy, I really don't have much more to say.

I started writing this post to see if I could find evidence of PTSD symptoms in the books, and I searched and found so many that it just made me sad. So, yes, Harry obviously deals with untreated PTSD he has no idea how to regulate in the final 3 books and I think his readiness to walk towards his own demise is influenced by it.

#harry potter #hp #hp meta #hollowedtheory #harry potter meta #harry james potter #tw trauma #tw ptsd #tw sui ideation

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stovetoast · 1 year ago

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pillow tpot headcanons (long ramble expanding on the ocd part under the cut)

ok so first warning: i am not a psychiatrist. this isnt a super educated essay on ocd, just me projecting my lived experience onto an object show character. this is just an observation. if i get something wrong feel free to correct me, ill add it here. (its also worth noting i am self diagnosed. not "quick google search" self dx though, ive gone over it with a therapist and everything)

and that leads into the second warning: this ramble will get a tad bit personal sorryyyy

and finally the third warning: i put she/it on the ref but im just using she/her for simplicity (+ i forgot LOL(

anyway so yeah i think that pillow has ocd and is basically the embodiment of "letting intrusive thoughts win" except like. actually. this headcanon didnt stem from the killing or the strange impulses though, i think she has it because of her fixation on good and bad luck in tpot 10.

for me it manifests in a few different ways. my main one is counting—i have good luck numbers and bad luck numbers. i need to take a specific number of snacks every time i have a bowl of them. i have to shake medicine bottles a certain amount of times before taking them. i am always counting the "syllables" of whatever im doing, and it always has to land on a multiple/factor of my lucky number. and if i break any of this, i (generally, if i cant convince myself its fine or if i dont notice) have to count to my lucky number otherwise something bad will happen. hell, i added more flags to this ref because the number of them was my unlucky number.

i have a few other things that affect it that are completely unrelated to counting, though. like a particularly bad one is that i straight up cant wear certain articles or clothing anymore because theyre bad luck. or my ungodly long night routine (which is probably more of an autism thing tbh. but certain parts of it are absolutely influenced by the ocd, like having to say goodnight to my dog).

that ^^ is what i saw in pillow. she was distraught that her team lost in 9, because not only did she think she was doing the challenge right, but killing people (bringing death) was good luck for her.

i think her killing people was a compulsion, and her whole thing in 10 was her scrambling to find a new one after that stopped working.

and before anyone tries to be all like "oh thats fucked up why would they portray ocd like that," one: i dont think this was on purpose this was just an observation, two: i mean..... fuck dude if i lived in a world where revival was incredibly accessible and one of my compulsions were to kill people, id do the same thing. death is fairly normal in bfdi, to the point everyone literally has a kill count on the fandom wiki (hers is 13 as of tpot 11 btw, a commonly unlucky number ironically enough. if she gets eliminated in 12 with an unlucky kill count thatd be so funny). once they get past the pain, its. really just an inconvenience to them.

when it comes to ocd, you. HAVE to do these things. its not a choice until you can get some outside help with it, and oftentimes its an inconvenience to those around you. i dont think its right for her to be going around killing her team, but when i get past the fact that is literally what made her my favorite, i get where shes coming from. shes trying to help in a way she "knows" will work.

or maybe shes just silly idk

#art #artists on tumblr #bfdi #bfb #tpot #battle for dream island #battle for bfdi #the power of two #pillow tpot #tpot pillow #bfdi pillow #pillow bfdi #bfb pillow #pillow bfb #bfdi tpot #object shows #object show community #soooo scared to post this

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 1 year ago

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Ok, I'm gonna preface by saying I am being brave and REALLY stepping out of my comfort zone asking this. Also, this is a bit hard to phrase, so bear with me. Every time I do anything remotely sexual I feel Dread. Like, if I masturbate I will feel a sinking feeling in my stomach as if something bad is going to happen. This happens as well if I touch my nipples or get aroused. I don't get aroused often, (asexual) but I hate when I do because of this.

I don't know what's causing this, and I don't know if it's normal or if you know of this happening to anyone else. I don't expect you to know exactly why I'm dealing with this, obviously, but I'm really just confused. I don't miss masturbating or anything, Its not as if I've lost my libido and want it back. I just want to get read of the Dread! Have you heard of this happening to anyone else? Is there something wrong? If there is, I'm a minor and I really can't bring this up with a therapist (I have bigger fish to fry.) Do you have any advice, or is it a "don't do that if it hurts" situation? I'm perfectly fine just waiting to see if it goes away and I'm not super worried about it, but I am curious. Thank you!

(P.S: I can confidently say that me experiencing this feeling of dread is not linked to any sexual trauma. I really haven't experienced anything close to that.)

hi anon,

so I would like to. very gently. push back on the idea that this isn't something that should be brought up with a therapist, because this is absolutely a mental issue that is absolutely 100% impacting your quality of life and does not seem likely to go away on its own.

I fundamentally do not believe in attempting to diagnose anyone with anything on my blog, because I'm not qualified to do that and it would be irresponsible to pretend otherwise, but what you're describing sounds a lot like my own experiences with extremely bad anxiety and the experiences some close friends have had with OCD. that's not to say that you necessarily have either of those things! but it is a good indicator that what you're experiencing here is something substantial enough to be worth addressing with a professional who can help you worth through it.

so to answer your questions: yes I've heard of something like this and yes there's something wrong; the answer to both is "mental illness, babe." please take that seriously, babe; you deserve to live a life in which you don't experience Dread just from touching your own body.

#sex edventures 2024

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drea-ms · 1 year ago

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SMOKED CIGARETTES AND EMPTY BEER BOTTLES. GETO SUGURU

げとうすぐる. Please don't try to kiss me on the sidewalk, On your cigarette break. I can't afford to love someone, not the way we loved each other.

warnings. heavy angst. no happy ending. hurt NO comfort at all. major character death. suicide mentions. depression and anxiety. mentions of smoking and drinking. toxic situationship. right person not enough time trope. canon complient? haibara lives tho so 🤷‍♀️. slight mention of suguru x oc (nakamura kyouko) but it's not mentioned or deep enough. sugu n reader r NAWT okay. not proofread, but when has my shit never not been proofread? grammar mistakes. inspired by xanny by billie eilish.

masterlist. next

A six pack box of beer, (the sweet ones, you never like the bitter taste of beer.) the sunset looking as beautiful as ever, and you sitting on the rooftop, a cigarette you stole from shoko in your hand (You didn't smoke. You used it as to have something your hands could play with). Life as a traumatized jujutsu student couldn't get better than this. Hell, you wished you could've gone back to the time before your fight with him. You knew you couldn't stop him, you knew you both weren't good for each other, but that's what made it work for you and Suguru. At least you thought it did.

Leading to the weeks before the fight, was the death of Riko. You knew she was somewhat close to Suguru, like a little sister. He told you about her, it was sweet that he had a sister like figure. Then after her death was the almost death of Haibara. You knew something was up that day, so you headed to where Yu was clearing a mission and saved his life, the only consequence was the fact that you were hurt more than him. He got upset, you understood him. But at the same time you didn't.

You understood that he liked to smoke, and you didn't. You understood that you liked drinking more than smoking, and he didn't. Complete opposites, yet fit each other so well.

Your mother told you it was best for you to get a therapist (one that knows about jujutsu.) so that they could help you. (it worked for a bit, but can you fix what was already broken?) Later, you got diagnosed with Anxiety, they told you to take medication for it, you did. (You never liked taking pills. After the incident with an old friend you couldn't handle them.) All of this was never told to Suguru. Not like he would care, right?

Why would you tell him? it's not like the two of you were dating, if anything, he was more interested in her. (You wouldn't blame him, Nakamura Kyouko was a beauty.) Why would it bother him that you don't tell him anything? Why does he get jealous when other guys flirt with you? why does he act like your boyfriend when he isn't? You don't understand Geto Suguru.

He has her. But why does he always keep coming back to you?

Then there was the fight, the one between you and him. The one where he couldn't hold back and tell you everything he thought of you. You weren't even sure what started the the fight, but you were sure that you lost the moment he brought up how useless you were, he was comparing you to how she could do better then you. (Why did Suguru bring her up? Kyouko made sure that she didn't have a thing with Suguru, that instead she wasn't ready for a relationship at all. You couldn't blame her. not when he was right.)

"Do you understand what I'm saying? you're weak, [name]. You always have been! Why can't you get that through your thick skull?! You put others before yourself. You don't even have a grade level! You're useless in the jujutsu world. What more do you want to know?! Huh?" you see even sure if he was yelling or not, to inside your mind to figure it out.

"There's a reason as to why, Geto. There's a god damn reason as to why I don't have a grade level as a jujutsu sorcerer. You wanna know why Suguru? Huh?! You wanna know why the ever loving fuck I don't have a grade level like the rest of you all?! Because as of the time I'm living and willy be living, I am considered a threat to the jujutsu world. My technique hasn't been used since eons! No one is sure when my technique is ready, no one knows when I'll lose control and kill everything single fucking living think I come across of. Get through your thick fucking skull Geto." tears starting coming out of you, harsh. You didn't want to cry infront of him. Because if you did, the he would've known that he won the argument. So you did what you've done best.

You left.

Now that you think about it, you missed it when it was just you and him, with no care in the world, where you were still in a complicated relationship with him. Where the only argument you had with him that was serious was when he kissed you with him smelling like cigarettes.

"C'mon Sugu, don't kiss me on the side walk! Everyone's gonna see and it's crowded here!" you would pout at him, which made him weak in the knees

"[nickname], it's my only break I have where—" "Where you can smoke, yadayada, just... don't smoke and then kiss me?" you ask, lips kissing his nose.

"Of course," he smiled at you, you smiled back.

You missed those days.

Now that you were out of your head, the alcohol making you dizzy, and looking at the sunset, you realized that you weren't cut out to be part of this hell. After leaving the fight with Suguru, you avoided him and then avoiding going to school altogether, you started going to therapy more often (it helped i little, then it didn't, you were later diagnosed with depression. Yay.) then dropping out of therapy after.

You knew that, what you were doing was the better option for everyone and yourself. You wrote letters to everyone in jujutsu high (including the higher ups, but you just cursed them out and told them that in the next life you would kill them with your own hands.) and You left your dorm at night, opting to to stay at an inn under a different name. You wrote two letters to Suguru that night. Only heading back to the school dorms to leave them on his door.

Now standing up in the rooftop, you decided to turn around, not facing the sunset, not looking down at how high the building you broke into was, instead, you closed your eyes and fell backwards.

With not one care in the world.

(NOTICE FROM THE JUJUTSU HEADQUARTERS; [lastname] [firstname], the unregistered grade sorcerer is no longer a threat. please get rid of any file related to her.)

NOTES ; half of my blog is literally angst related. i can NEVER write happy and fluffy things, except for saiki..... i love writing angst like alot idk i think while listening to music and then boom angst idea! anyways, please tell me if you enjoy this price i wrote this one lil an hour, also send reqs in my ask box!! i'm bored!!!

#🌙 — val writes #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #geto suguru #jjk geto #jjk suguru #geto x reader #getou suguru x reader #suguru x reader #geto angst #jjk angst

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pansyfemme · 10 months ago

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if you dont mind me asking, how did you go about getting diagnosed with hEDS? i suspect i have it as well, and ive tried talking to my dr (as well as an orthopedic and physical therapist) abt my joint pain & other issues but i dont think i get taken seriously bc im 19 :-(

it was a long and frustrating ordeal. i started suspecting around 13 years old, it took me until 18 to get a diagnosis. I was discussing my joint pain and dislocations with my doctors the whole time, but i was given solutions like ‘weight loss’ pretty consistantly or told it was something else. When i wouldn’t drop it, i was eventually referred to a specialist where I flat out told him I wanted him to check me for ehlers danlos even if he wasn’t convinced by what I was saying. He mocked me for self diagnosing a bit but then. sure enough. That was five years into it. While bringing up a potential diagnosis explicitly often causes doctors to question you- if you’re insistant enough they may.. actually test you. which does not happen if you talk around it and hope they come up with the solution themselves. I’ve heard of people going in with binders of notes and photos. We know our own bodies. Be prepared, be firm and be adament and make sure your doctor understands they are denying you tests you may need. Best of luck to you.

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syscultureis · 2 years ago

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Plural culture is just vibing and then seeing a singlet explain why you shouldnt self diagnose being a system and you just having. To sit there like. 'Bitch what I am I gonna do, pretend my alters dont exist? I tried that once and it was beyond detrimental to my mental health'

SINGLETS. PLEASE. GOOD GOD. Yes being professionally diagnosed is better than self dxing BUT 1. I HAVE MET SYSTEMS WHO HAVE TRIED TO BE DXED AND TURNED DOWN and 2. not being professionally dxed doesnt magically make your symptoms not impact your life until you are. Omfg.

A diagnosis is an *explanation* and something you can use to get accommodations, its not something that gives you the disorder fucking hell

Ppl in general just need to understand a diagnosis doesn't mean you start having something, it means you've had it the whole time.

And a lot of ppl DO notice their symptoms first. In fact, with ALL of our mental disorders (depression, anxiety, PTSD, paranoid personality disorder, ADHD, autism) we had ti self diagnosis first!!

We had to bring up that we thought we might have something, and want to figure out if we're right or not and then figure stuff out from there!

And ya know what, if you're wrong the worst that would happen is a therapist can help you figure out what it really is, and then you get help with that!

Also diagnosis can be expensive! Or unavailable! Or the only ppl you can afford/reach don't believe in your disorder, or aren't educated enough on it, or any other reason and then someone can't get a diagnosis!!

Self diagnosis means you recognize something isn't normal, and you can find ways to make you function in a way that benefits you.

#endos dni #osdd #pdid #did #did system #pdid system #osddid #actually did #traumagenic #actually dissociative #plural culture is

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dream-bee-baby · 1 year ago

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MATCHUP EXCHANGE — HOTD & JJK

I am super excited to do this exchange thank you so much again and I can’t wait to see the results!

MISC: For HOTD, I would prefer to be matched with a male character and preferably the targaryens if that’s something you can do ofc :) and for JJK, I’m fine with anyone as long as they aren’t minors (this also goes for HOTD).

My name is Jaxrel! People mostly use “Jax” as a nickname for me which is perfectly fine! I go by many other names like Ian, Alex, Levi, etc. I go by he/him pronouns, i’m a (trans)male, and im bisexual with more of a male preference. I’m an aquarius. chaotic neutral/evil. choleric-sanguine, morally-grey. ENTP, extrovert (but also introverted as well). enneagram-4w3, and a Slyffindor. :D

PERSONALITY:

Σ੧(❛□❛✿) I'm very extroverted but I also have introvert traits as well. My personality is very unique but also a bit hard to describe. I'm very confident, straightforward and I have a sense of justice for myself (I have a urge to correct someone of faulty information), uses "big" words, good sense of humor, playful, entertaining, optimistic, mischievous, curious(l'm nosy and I love gossip/drama), I can be a rule breaker(sometimes don't mean to). l'm extremely independent, when comfortable I talk about a lot of stuff for hours, loud talker (I can also be really quiet to the point where no one around me can hear), emotions come off as sarcastic or silly due to autism). I’m also pretty monotone/nonchalant and blunt(unintentionally). As for my sense of humor I can be sometimes crude. l'm a very chill and intelligent person but some people would say I have some "repressed anger issues, get a reallyyy overractive Brain, tend to get deep and philosophical when I'm left on my own for to long, I can be verbally aggressive when prevoked. Usually when I meet people I come off as awkward and shy and sometimes even distant and cold but l'lI get comfortable with them soon enough. Usually at first I can come off as cold and calculative in demeanor but it can get mixed up for me being arrogant or detached from people around me. l'm always there for someone no matter what. I'm the dad friend. When I go out I always bring water bottles, first aid kit, chapsticks (pretty much anything you can think of). I have a lot of social awareness but i often intentionally act in a rash and unapologetic way because personally i do not care at all for social norms or rules. As l'm the dad friend (also the therapist friend too) l've been told give a lot of good advice and im also a very good listener too. I tend to take risks for my curiosity or if it’s for something I really have to know. Here’s more information about me

MISC:

(^з^)-☆ I've been diagnosed with a lot of disorders such as Autism, ADHD, Schizophrenia, BPD + etc, it's hard especially with my Autism, sadly a lot of these run in my family unfortunately and I gotten a lot of them, I'm prone to psychosis / delusions and sometimes it happens in episodes that can last for months. I also get really mad if people piss me off which goes for my repressed anger issues. I love texting with kaomojis and silly little emoticon thingies :D. I’ve been compared to Victor Nikiforov a lot because of how cheerful can be and from what I know I don't seem to understand -or even care about-conventional social norms. I also have that rock star charm. And as an extra I can always dazzle woman and men alike without a single glance). Clumsy (accidentally + sometimes purposely). Misuses slangs or common phases. Im able to pick up new skills relativity easy. I can sometimes point out the most oblivious things and sometimes miss so many details. Prone to be a bit directionless in life and prone to bad luck but try to find humor in most situations. I approach life to live a life of varied experiences, not take life too seriously, to not dwell on the past. I’m comfortable with confrontation and I don’t shy away from conflict (I often meet heated conflict with a snarky/condescending smile, a bit combative with authority and those who irritate me) but is generally easygoing, even-tempered, logical, intelligent (as I said previously…), not sentimental, does not hold onto regrets, good at self-reflection, generally does things out of self-interest but willingly helps others out occasionally. Affectionate with loved ones, very teasing(only if I know that they don’t mind), I wanna be a youtuber / twitch streamer who games a lot and reacts to vocaloid songs, true crime, etc… My lucky colors are all shades of yellow, gold and green. My lucky gems are moonstone, cats-eye, peral and any kind of white stone, my lucky bontanicals are elder, blackberrys, hops, juniper, linseed, grapes and all types of fruit juices.

KINS:

Σ੧(❛□❛✿) hiyori tomoe (enstars), yoosung kim (mystic messenger), jumin han (mystic messenger), hanako (tbhk), felix kranken (twf), albedo (genshin impact), shoya ishida (a silent voice), tom (eddsworld). eridan (homestuck), karkat (homestuck), shu itsuki (enstars), miyamura izumi (horimiya), michael afton (FNAF), william afton (FNAF), lolbit (FNAF), mangle (FNAF), natsume sakasaki (enstars), sora harukawa (enstars), urumi akamaki (alice in borderland), V (mystic messenger), hagumi kitazawa (bandori), argenti (honaki star rail), matsubara kanon (bandori), shinji ikari (neon genesis evangelion), kanade uryuu (platinum end), minami kotobuki (oshi no ko), lain iwakura (serial experiments lain), hajime hinata (danganronpa), k-angel (needy streamer overdose) and more.

KINS I RELATE TO THE MOST:

Σ੧(❛□❛✿) Victor Nikiforov (Yuri On Ice), Tei (Nameless), Cutthroat (Akudama Drive, Except the Bloodlust cutthroat has.), Gu Won (King The Land), Ranpo Edogawa (Bungo Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu (Bungo Stray Dogs), Space Ishtar (Fate), Okita Souji (Fate), Langa Hasegawa (Sk8 The Infinity), Sherlock Holmes (TGAA), Suguru Niragi (Alice In Borderland), Mira Kano (Alice In Borderland), Aguni (Alice In Borderland), Shuntaro Chishiya (Alice In Borderland), Takeru Danma (Alice In Borderland), Zack (Final Fantasy 7), William James Moriarty (Moriarty The Patriot), Vash The Stampede (Trigun), Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist), Otonashi Yuzuru (Angel Beats), Karma Akabane (Assassination Classroom), Mafuyu Asahina (Project Sekai: Colorful Stage), Vanitas (Study Case of Vanitas), Zoe Hange (AOT), Shinoa Hiragi (Seraph of The End) + more

HOBBIES:

Σ੧(❛□❛✿) gaming, anthropology pathology, theology, zoology, music, dancing, filmmaking, art (drawing, painting, pottery, digital art, etc), learning different instruments/languages, cosplaying, skateboarding, tabletop RPG's, taking pictures of things that I think are pretty, collecting figurines/stuffed animals and puppetry, science/history, soccer(football)/volleyball/ basketball, skating and swimming, cooking/baking, art is definitely my main hobby I dedicate a lot of time to it, I can play 5 instruments which is the piano, cello, koto and bass/electric guitar, I know 6 languages and I'm learning more right now (which are hindi, german, thai, portuguese, cantonese and chinese if your interested).

HOBBIES MISC:

Σ੧(❛□❛✿) I love gaming a lot and I play a lot of survival horror games, role-playing games, visual novels, etc, spent a lot of my money on games for my nintendo, Ps5 and computer. I play too much on roblox and basically during my freetime when I'm not studying other things I like/OR for school I'm usually in my gaming seat playing away and eating junk food. The games I really enjoy playing is roblox, class of 09, needy streamer overdose, honaki impact 3rd, omori, any rhythm games, any horror games and etc… I also like writing and reading a lot, including with a studying new things with history, languages, etc. I love taking naps too and I also enjoy watching youtube (my favorite youtubers are flamingo, berleezy, kub scoutz, markiplier, benoftheweek, funkyfrogbait, etc). This also includes with me liking to watch movies as well, same goes for tv shows, animes, asian dramas, etc.. (I also tend to rewatch a lot but not too much; like watching the harry potter movies, any of the marvel movies, horror movies, etc). I've been told I'm a very good dancer! I do belly dancing and I also do hiphop dancing as well. I've been in a lot of sports for years now since I was little (thank you to my mother for forcing me :,D) and now I'm in so many! and l've won a lot of rewards and I've been to a couple championships all because of me.

LIKES:

Σ੧(❛□❛✿)Chocolate, Strawberries, Pizza, Iced Coffee and Boba Tea, Anime/ Manga, Music, Food, Winning in arguments online or irl, Reading, Cats, Sharks, Animals in general, Cold/or Rainy Weather, Shopping, Action or Romance movies, Kdrama(pretty much any asian dramas), Skincare + GWRM routines (I ENJOY doing those things, they make me feel so awake), Spicy & Sweet Food, Wax Candy, Chinese Takeout, Chicken(any kind of meat), Ramen.

MUSIC:

Σ੧(❛□❛✿) I LOVE music a lot. I'm a k/jpop stan, I listen to metal/rock a lot, I listen to vkei and vocaloid a lot too, this is also another genre I enjoy listening to but idk what to call it but it's similar to 6arelyhuman, Odetari, Kets4eki, etc (I make similar music to them and I’m a small vocaloid producer), I also listen to a lot of indie pop, rap music and scene music. I've been a really big lemon demon fan and I really like listening to any sad music too.

LOVE LANGUAGES:

Σ੧(❛□❛✿)Gift-Giving, Physical Touch, Quality time. You wouldn’t know how much I enjoy it when someone gifts me something I love/like a LOT, for example like getting me cherry pepsis, energy, arizona tea, etc and anything food/drink related or even giving me plushies, chocolate strawberries or even a sanrio plushie bouquet I’ll be over the moon and it makes me feel like I’m loved. I’m pretty clingy when I’m not doing anything ngl, I love physical touch as much as I love receiving gifts, I love hugging my beloveds close to me and lay my head on their shoulder, I’ll also listen to my partner and everything! They’ll get whatever they want from me since I would throw my money to get them what they want and I’ll just be there for them. I love going out whenever I can, I love aquariums a lot and o would love to have those kind of dates, I enjoy shopping too, like for clothes, merch, books, etc, I’ll probably spend my entire life’s savings on those things.

APPEARANCE:

Σ੧(❛□❛✿) l'm pretty tall l'm 5'9 right now and l'm on the very skinny side / very slender. I'm half Polish and half West Asian (Iraqi). People usually get confused and a lot I get questions if I'm from Hawaii, Brazil or Mexico (even though I’m not from either of those country’s I’m happy that people think that), I have dyed black hair. My hair is pretty short (but a little long only going down my neck a few inches) but I get a lot of compliments for it. When I get out of bed from sleeping my hair is always looking like a mess (psst I also have bangs too. Ive been told I look both masculine and feminine). I’ve also been told that I look a lot like those hot webtoon characters. I have piercings (one in (?) my nose, two on the bottom of my lips, and a couple more on both of my ears). I want a tattoo so bad, If I ever get one it would be on the side of my belly and it would be a spider tattoo. I have a dimple on my chin and I have hazel almond eyes.

AESTHETIC/CLOTHING STYLE:

Ok so this is definitely what makes me unique to people other than my personality, my fashion extends to gyaruo (hime gal, himekaji, agejo, rokku, manba, banba, kogal, tsuyome, and kigurumi), goth (trad goth, romantic goth, mall goth, cyber goth, and victorian goth), scenemo/emo (ofc), & Y2K, shoujo, jirai kei, vkei, ouji and lolita, suits (+ MORE). I only wear all these outfits in a more masculine way on so many days, but I sometimes wear some feminine as well (usually going for gyaru, scenemo, lolita, jiari kei, etc, especially hime gyaru omfg). I usually wear these fashion outfits whenever I’m in school, when i'm out somewhere, during my job, or just to look cool. Whenever I'm not in my crazy outfits I'm usually dressed in my "IDGAF" outfits by that I mean are like pj pants and a black shirt, usually I look like I'm alternative whenever I'm not dressed, I wear a lot of jeans, sweatshirts, etc.

HOTD INFO:

Σ੧(❛□❛✿) I’m definitely from a royal family (I think House Martell would be perfect for me). I would also come from a different house (this is a made-up house but I feel like it would be perfect to add in here) and that other house is also very powerful as much as the other royal houses, it’s located in a very dark/gloomy place and it’s away from the villages and it’s castle is more gothic looking and large, with this I would be from two different royal houses. Even though I wouldn’t have so much Targaryen blood in me I was able to claim one of the most powerful dragons known. I would be a really good political person and can possibly win for either side or somehow keep peace with them while they’ll get whatever they want, it would be simple for me. I would totally wear a lot of ouji / vkei in this universe as well, I’d be called a dark prince due to how much gothic-looking clothes I would wear for sure, but I would also have the cutest wardrobe ever too, since I wear a lot of pink as well I would have the best dresses too, just I wouldn’t wear them so often. I also think that I would be king material as well… honestly I would make a really good king if I think about it. Though, in this universe I think I would be more manipulative and cruel (but at the bare minimum + it’s only towards naïve strangers). I’d definitely be many things while being royal (historian, philosopher, poet, writer, counsellor AND adviser).

Thank you so much again! I cant wait :)

House of the Dragon:

I ship you with Aemon Targaryen! I wasn't even done reading your info before I paired you two together. I think Aemond is the perfect balance of dangerous and stable for you

Aemond would definitely wait awhile before introducing you to Vhagar, but the two of you would get along well. She's a war dragon and incredibly ancient, so ultimately Vhagar is going to do what she wants. She also sees these traits in you, she would trust you to respect her and her wisdom. You and Aemond would ride around whenever you were both available. Maybe even setting some things on fire for funsies

You help bring Aemond out of his shell, encourage him to live a little. Since he's hesitant to show vulnerability around his family, especially his brother, the two of you alone is when he really shines. Spending time trading knowledge and books in the library, he would love to see you out in the gardens painting. You would even be able to capture Vhagar's beauty and you two would bond one on one

I think Aemond would love to learn some of the languages you know as well. Obviously he speaks both english and high valyrian, you wouldn't even have to ask. He'd just start speaking to you in another language just to make sure you feel seen. He'd also totally make sure you had all the instruments you could ever want in the house. If anyone was ever caught complaining about the noise, he'd instantly hurt them

When Aemond cares and is dedicated about something, he has the patience despite feeling confused. I think sometimes you would baffle him, both with your contrasting personality traits and with your mental health struggles (obviously this isn't exactly things they would regard back then). But I think Aemond would really be willing to support you the best he can. If you ever suffered a long episode he would make sure important things were around you (food, water, comfort items, etc). I think he would remain quiet, not knowing what to say, but he'd never leave your side. He'd read to you and tell you all about his family drama

I don't think Aemond is one for heavily fancy things, but he'd get you anything you wanted. It would perhaps find it strange you like children's toys (that's how he would regard plushies and such), and he wouldn't want them on the bed but he'd make sure you were stacked. Commissioning people to create plushies or toys of Vhagar, your personal dragon, etc. He'd encourage you to express yourself however you want, if his family had a problem with it they'd have to take it up with his dragon

He isn't good with words but he still makes things incredibly intimate. Lighting candles/incense of your favorite scents, visiting your home as often as you'd like, lightly playing with your hair or caressing the skin his hand was on/around. He would feel respected and comforted by you. Being both gentle and caring but honest with him. You'd be partners in crime, balancing both cruelty and deciding it's not worth your energy. The two of you are always learning how to better understand, read, and support each other. Creating an eternally engaging and loving relationship

Jujustu Kaisen:

I ship you with Takuma Ino! He's not super popular, but I had a good feeling about the two of you together

Ino carries immense respect for those more experienced around him, as seen with Nanami. He did not want to advance to level 1 without Nanami's approval. He's very upbeat, dedicated, and loving.

Depending on who he is around, Ino has the complexity to be more fun and youthful or be more quiet and responsible. I think this is also a good match for you. Ino is able to make things very fun and loving, even in serious situations. I think (and I could be wrong) it would help you feel grounded. Having someone who is both caring but casual can help things feel more calming

I think the only potential conflict is he's very ethical, he thinks things should be done the best way possible. But unfortunately, not everything can be done without bloodshed. You would definitely tell him the upfront truth of what needs to be done, which also helps him remain safe. He finds a way to keep innocent people safe, but you can do the more dirty work to make sure that the threat is properly exterminated and his life isn't in any additional danger

He strikes me as someone with many hobbies, perhaps he jumps from project to project. The two of you would definitely bond over your unique and many interests. Ino would have lots of different training equipment scattered around with your instruments, maybe even timing his breathing or movements to the pace of your playing

Ino struggles with some self confidence and I think you're perfect for him in that sense. You're sure of yourself, your taste, and how much you care for him. It would help him gain confidence in himself and avoid insecurity in your relationship. He loves to see your different styles, although he is very simple and minimalist he loves seeing you happy and confident

He'd help you dye your hair, maybe help do diy piercings or pay for your new ones. He'd help clean up and care for you if you were ever struggling. I don't think he experiments with his own fashion, but I think he'd be willing to do some subtle matching emo looks as he wears all black. I think you two are very sunshine and moon pairing. He'd love kissing your chin dimple and would make you breakfast. He'd buy a fancy coffee machine and get all the flavor syrups you'd ever want. He'd make you drinks whenever you wanted, in the mornings while he brewed your coffee he'd move your bangs and hair back into place after it got messed up while sleeping

#jjk x reader #hotd x reader #aemond targaryen x reader #takuma ino x reader #hotd fanfic #jjk fanfic #matchup #headcanons

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lisa-jennings · 6 months ago

Text

"Happy New Year Cole, do you have any goals for this year?"

[He was silent for a moment as he did a few more stitches in his embroidery. Maybe today wasn't a talking day, that was fine. But just as She thought that the young adult spoke.]

I... kinda? I don't know how to word it though. It's like...

[He was silent for a second still doing stiches rather then looking up at Lisa, which she was fine with, whatever made her clients the most comfortable.]

I want to, uhm, I guess, uhm... like, I uh, you know, I want to start like... actual therapy?? I mean I'm not- I know I'm in therapy, but I've avoided doing like... any of the therapy bits, you know? I don't want to like... just sitting here in sessions, at least not all the time...

[Lisa couldn't help but smile at that. It was moments like this that made it all worth it, that made it feel like she was making a difference. Anyone who even slightly cared about their job could help most of her clients, but most wouldn't have the patients to wait for their client to be ready like this. Most wouldn't take their days off to learn skills just to teach them to a client they had barely spoken 50 words too at the time. But she did, because she wanted to give every client as many opportunities as possible, and this wasn't to say she thought no one else cared about their clients as much as she did - no, she just knew this job was much more draining on most then it was for her.]

"I'm over joyed to hear it, though I can't say I'm too surprised, even if I expected this to be a more gradual shift. You had already began to open up to me a little with the jealousy with your brother's friend, and the issue with your parents, but what changed your mind to do more of the 'therapy bits'?"

Well uhm, I just, uh, I've had like... I've been like talking with people more and I just... I feel like I'm... too much.

[That was enough for Lisa to get what he was saying, but having him say it in specific was important.]

"Too much in what way?"

Like it- I have too many problems, so everyone can has to help me and I can't like help anyone else. It's- not like even and not fair, so... I need to fix it.

[That mind set was something they would eventually need to talk about, but that could be brought up later. Countering something so instantly could shut down this opportunity for him to heal and grow.]

"Okay, well is there anything you have in mind that will help you fix your feeling that you're 'too much' and not providing enough for your friendships?"

Not really, I mean, you're the therapist, aren't you supposed to know?

"I don't know everything, I can only guide you. So in the future it might be good for you to come here with an idea on what you want to work on, but for now I can bring up some less relevant issues I've wanted to discuss."

Yeah, sure.

"Okay, I wanted to ask about your schizophrenia diagnosis. I like to reconfirm diagnosis I didn't set in the first place. Not because I think your old phycologist was bad, or because I doubt your experiences, but because I think it never hurts to have a second set of eyes to make sure nothing was missed. So if that's alright I'd like to just ask you about the criteria and you answer as honestly as possible."

[While that was all true, she also just wanted to make sure he wasn't actually dealing with anons. Especially since the nurses have reported that none of the tried medication have seen much results.]

You... didn't diagnose me?

[Cole looked up from their embroidery, the surprise was evident in everything about their reaction, which was odd.]

"No, it was written in your file that the nurses gave me."

I... never saw a psychologist before you. I don't know how I could have gotten that.

[Well no wonder it wasn't working! Oh, she was going to have a stern talking to with the nurses about this. They couldn't just assert a diagnosis like that and then not explain how it was an assumption. There are so many disorders that experience hallucinations, and several that don't that are often confused with schizophrenia anyway! There's a reason she needed a doctorate to diagnose people, and even then she can still get it wrong from time to time!]

"That explains your medication issues, I'll make sure you're taken off of anti-psychotics right away. I'm so sorry you had to deal with the wrong medication for so long."

[Now they needed to figure out what his real diagnosis was as well, if anything. Though Cole just shrugged.]

"Do you still deal with hallucinations, or at the very least seeing and hearing things others can't."

Yeah... sometimes. Nurses kept thinking I was getting into shit, like I'd just dump a cup of water on myself.

"So things happen to you that you don't do."

[If this isn't anons it sounds more like a dissociative disorder then schizophrenia. Though she would need a lot more evidence to diagnose DID, that was just the feeling she had thus far. She wasn't going to misdiagnose this kid again.]

Yeah, I guess that's one way to describe it. But since I'm the only one in the room...

"Well, you see things and hear things, have they ever created things?"

[Cole didn't answer for a second, but eventually he nodded.]

"And these things, can other people see those?"

Uhm... sometimes... but they like could be playing along or something...

"The gummies from a few weeks ago, were those created by the 'hallucinations'."

[The silence was longer as Cole fidgeted with their string, not doing any more stitches, just where the needle was on the length of the string sliding it back and forth. Either he didn't know how to answer that question, or just wasn't sure if they were. Either way she let the silence sit as he thought about his answer. After a few minutes there was a quiet response.]

yes.

"They aren't hallucinations at all, are they?"

[Cole shook his head.]

"I see them too, you see this frog here? And that rabbit? Both gifts from anons."

[That felt weird to admit out loud.]

Oh... I- you... don't think I'm crazy, or making this up?

"No, I know you aren't. Cole, you can tell me anything as long as you're ready. I'll trust you, after dealing with anons for a little over a month I'll believe anything about what I know can be wrong."

Okay, well, uhm, if you're... seeing anons, uhm, you should probably know, uhm, just... call me Diamond.

#a therapy session #sitting down to talk #genlosers do rp

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detective-inspector-her · 3 months ago

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The Higher Ups of the Corrival Crow Flock... + Omen Darkly Incorrect Quotes

Introductions first: Aziz - Flock Leader Ashley - Second in Command Bryson - Right Hand Man [There's a difference between the second and the right] Peccant - Designated Adult

Right let's get started

Peccant: Does everyone know their job for today? Bryson: Water the flowers. Ashley: Vacuum the carpet. Omen: Wash the dishes. Aziz: Pretend to be a wolverine. Peccant: Close enough.

Bryson: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you? Ashley: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Ashley: I was just diagnosed with deez. Aziz: Good, I hope it’s lethal.

Bryson: What are you planning to do? Aziz: Hey, now. "Planning"?! Do you KNOW who you're talking to?!

Aziz: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it. Omen: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.

Aziz: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. Bryson: Wow, I've gotta hear this. Aziz: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share. Bryson: You forgot pride. Aziz: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

Omen: As you know I keep a list of all my friends in order of how likely they are to betray me. Aziz: Where am I on the list? Omen: Well I can’t tell you that because then you’ll quickly move up or down depending on your reaction.

Omen: Are you coming to bed? Aziz: I can't. This is important. Omen: What? Aziz: Someone is wrong on the internet.

Omen: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP- Bryson: …Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE?? Omen: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!

Ashley, clearly drunk: Omen, hit me another drink… wooOO HOOoo… Omen: I think you need a therapist and not a bottle. Ashley: I think yooOOoou need to shuUT YOUR MOUTH!

Peccant: So, Aziz and Bryson. Peccant: According to this, you two are being accused of: Armed Robbery, Vandalism, Drug Abuse, Grand Theft Auto… Aziz: We had a bad day. Peccant: And… MURDER?! Bryson: It was a pretty bad day…

Ashley: Hey guys I just found a new song I really like- Peccant: Is it about death? Ashley: No. Omen: Is it about drugs? Bryson: Is it about sex? Ashley: NO- it's about happiness and peace and- Peccant, Omen, and Bryson:

Ashley: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Omen and not do the thing, Ashley: Well there’s a clear right answer here. Ashley: proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke

Bryson, writing in a letter: "I'm going to kick.. your… ass." Bryson: THERE. Now send it. Aziz: Dude, your handwriting's terrible, are you sure you want to- Bryson: JUST DO IT! later Peccant: So what does it say? Ashley, reading the letter: They say they're going to "lick my…." Peccant: Ashley: Peccant: Gross-

Aziz: I would let you ruin my life. Bryson: Sorry, I’m busy ruining my own. You’ll have to wait.

Peccant: Prepare to feel really bad about yourself. Omen: I’ve been prepared for that my entire life. Peccant: Omen: Or something mean about you.

Skulduggery: How many children do you have? Peccant: Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference. Valkyrie: Angry hissing

Omen: sighs Ashley: You bored? Omen: Yeah. Ashley: Wanna start drama for no reason? Omen: I thought you’d never ask.

Aziz: Yeah, I find it quite emotional. In like a cool way. Omen: Did you just say it makes you cry in a cool way?

Omen, to Aziz: You wanna fight? All right, let’s take this outside. The stars are so bright tonight and the moon looks so nice. Here, hold my hand—

Peccant: I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Aziz's phone number just by choosing random numbers.

Peccant: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell! Aziz: Struggling to hold a seagull Fucking say that next time!

Aziz: Oh and for your information, I don't have an ego. Aziz: My facebook photo is a landscape.

Aziz: Oh my Omen. Ashley: Don't you mean 'oh my god'? Aziz: You worship your god, I'll worship mine.

#skulduggery pleasant #omen darkly #uther peccant #aziz najm #ashley sand #bryson grace #Winged AU

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yourfriendlyneibourhoodrobin · 12 days ago

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I feel like ranting, so stay with me, okay? I have been in therapy for the better part of a year mostly due to stress. I go once a week, and my therapist meets with my parents pretty much every months. She asks them questions, and brings up things i ask her to. About two months in, she apparently brought up to my parents the concept of diagnosing me with asd (autistic spectrum disorder). A month later, she explicitly told them i should go get diagnosed. Neither my parents not my therapist brought it up, until my mom mentioned it in passing. Coincidentally, the day before my mom brought it up, i have decided to ask my therapist if she thinks i should get diagnosed for autism. I have studied everything there is to learn, talked extensively with my girlfriend and best friend, and finally felt comfortable enough to bring it up. We talked, and my parents agreed to send me to get diagnosed, but they weren't very happy about it. In the passing year, things have been becoming harder for me. Noises are louder then ever, i have panic attacks, and school has become almost unbearable. I think i can count all the weeks this year where i haven't missed a day of school on one hand. I constantly need to be picked up, i cant sleep, and on and on. It has been almost half a year since i learned there is another human being who believes that I'm not just weird, but there is something more here. A part of me have been hanging onto that like some sort of lifesaver: "youre not a bitch, lazy, weak or crazy (it rhymes!)". And my parents have agreed to send me to get diagnosed. They have. But... My dad doesnt think im autistic. He pretty much told me he thinks its a waste of time for me, sonce there is nothing to be found, and my mom thinks its a waste of time for everyone because she doesn't believe in "labels". They are going through with it, but it kind of feels like they are only doing it to come out in the end and say:"see? It was nothing!", and not because they care. Now, it is important to mention that every single person ive told im fetting diagnosed wasnt surprised. My olders sister, my girlfriend, my best friend and several other friends all saw it coming but not them. They cant connect any of my struggles to autism, and to them, it seems like I'm not even trying to get better, when the reality is, all i ever do is try to fix something that may not even be broken. I love my parents and we are close, but I'm not sure what to do.

Anyway, noone will probably read this, but if you do, have you/anyone you know evere experience this? Does anyone have advice for me? Am i the problem? (Kinda feeling Reddit vibes now)

Sorry for the rant and thank you!

#autism #neurodivergent #diagnosis #actually autistic #i think #even if no one will ever diagnose me

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schizosupport · 1 year ago

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so with brain stuff or whatever

Who am I supposed to bring stuff up to at the start?

I'm currently in the middle of a lot of changes (trying to switch primary doctor and get a therapist and stuff) and one of the reasons for me changing that stuff is that my brain is very weird and I need to figure out why/get help with it

But when I'm bringing up symptoms or whatever, I had very much assumed that would be therapist but I'm also not fully sure who does what in a system like that (primary doctor vs therapist vs psychologist) and in the past have had some problems with that (still don't really know who the hell is supposed to diagnose sensory processing disorder)

Also any suggestions for like... what's a good area or amount to start with when trying to bring stuff up? I haven't talked to someone about mental health type things in a really long time and have had problems with derealization/depersonalization, possible depression, possible ocd, some weird situations in which I wasn't really sure what was real, a couple anxiety spirals over illogical things, intrusive thoughts, etc and I don't really know what to prioritize or how much to say in a way where I wouldn't overwhelm someone new, wouldn't be worried about telling them too much, but would also be able to give enough information about something to lead to a diagnosis or help

Sorry if this is too long or too much information or too many questions or anything like that

Hi there!

Okay so the annoying truth is that this depends a lot on the healthcare system where you live, and I don't know where you live (nor do I know the system everywhere) but I can try to give you some general pointers.

Your primary doctor is the first person to talk to, if you need a referral to see any of the other professionals you mentioned, but usually the primary doctor isn't the one doing the diagnosis or treatment (though they may prescribe some types of psych medication, and they often take over prescribing from a psychiatrist once the right meds have been found).

The psychiatrist is a type of doctor, and they are the person to talk to if you're interested in medication, and in some systems psychiatrists may also be who refers you to see a therapist. In a lot of systems it's primarily psychiatrists who diagnose people, too. Sometimes clinical psychologists also do diagnoses, but psychiatrists always do diagnosis + medication (and only very rarely do they engage in therapy).

A psychologist is someone who's educated in the field of psychology, so they (ideally) have an in-depth understanding of general human psychology, and they often are also educated in mental disorders and in different approaches to therapy. In terms of treating mental illness, some psychologist do diagnose, but the most common function is for them to do talk therapy.

Therapists can technically have any educational background, and refers to anyone who "does therapy".

If you're looking for a mental health professional to treat you with talk therapy, you ideally want a therapist who has a degree in psychology. If you're looking for a mental health professional to diagnose you and prescribe medication, you're looking for a psychiatrist (doctor of medicine who specializes in psychiatry).

If you have the ability to see any of these professionals without a referral, you can choose which one based on what you are looking for. And if you need a referral, then the first step is your primary doctor.

With a primary doctor you want to give them enough information to ensure getting a referral, but you don't have to throw your whole heart out there. If you are in a diagnostic setting, usually (ideally) they follow a semi-standardized questionnaire like the PSE, so a lot of the time they are the ones leading the conversation and asking you questions. Sometimes they will do an initial interview where you tell them freely about what's bothering you. Try to focus on the things that are causing you the most distress, and try to avoid clinical language.

With a therapist, the goal is to build a therapeutic relationship, and you can approach it based on feels - it's ok not to open up about everything at once, but it can also be helpful to take time to define the goals of therapy together (which would include what you're struggling with and wanting to work on).

Hope this was at all helpful,

Best of luck!

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