#it doesn’t destroy his self-image

[alexiethymia]

‘ollie’ and ‘eury’

Alice uses ‘Ollie Lamb’ as a pseudonym. There doesn’t seem to be any connection to any existing character, and I’m still confused about ‘Eury Lamb’, like obviously this is a reference to Eurydice. I see some sources saying this is the new name Villhelm Lamb gives to her, or another pseudonym she takes up herself. If it’s one she takes up herself, then it would make sense she’d use ‘Eurydice’. Even if it’s a name Villhelm gives to her, with the hints that ‘Orpheus’ was working with Sam Bourbon (and possibly Villhelm), could the name still have come from him?

Anyway, back to Ollie, what if this is ‘Orpheus’ real name? Like her nickname for him is Ollie, from Oliver, the same way Little Girl calls him, ‘Orphy’.

They are seriously intriguing. I love going back to Identity V lore and finding out about all of these updates. Headcanon-wise (or even canon??), they have all of the hallmarks of twisted devotion, and that is absolutely my jam. No relationship in Identity V is healthy, but seriously, childhood friends? Alice being called his ‘light’, the hints that he wrote the letter welcoming her back and calling her ‘his bravest nightingale’? I am not immune to tragic love stories, platonic or otherwise. There’s how they were childhood friends, ‘Orpheus’ couldn’t forget her and it’s possible that Alice is at the core of his motivation for whatever (shady) things he does, but how Alice and him are being placed on opposite sides, with Alice ready to face forward and to move on from her trauma, but with ‘Orpheus’ who keeps on looking back, looking back.

They remind me of Anastasia and Dimitri, and Ryang-ha and Chateau from Koroshi Ai. But at its best, ‘Orpheus’ is still an unwitting, or possibly willing pawn to the machinations of the manor. At worst, he’s Baron Deross trying desperately to cling and rebuild paradise, possibly responsible for Alice’s death (if she did die, or possibly turned into Miss Nightingale) in between AoM and ToR. (Could be a reason why ‘Orpheus’ possibly erases his memories again for ten years.) That is absolutely my jam. What else can you expect with the heavy parallels to a tragic mythological couple. They’re one of those inevitable, preventable tragedies, and ‘it matters that the love was there’ tropes I love.

P.S. I find it fated that like how her playmate entertained her with his stories, she still managed to continue reading his stories as ‘Orpheus’ even if she doesn’t recognize him (yet). Based on what we’ve seen, she seems to have a veritable collection of his books.

[thebaldursmouthgazette]

I think a huge factor in people not being able to understand this game is that the game as a whole relies on understanding Solas’ character as written, and people are refusing to understand it

Solas is, and has been since his first appearance, an egotistical, hubristic, racist, manipulative, abusive and condescending asshole who regularly commits atrocities and pretends that being sad about them is enough penance. He is a terrible person who insists he’s actually the hero of the story. He is a liar and a manipulator, and he lies to himself as well. He uses other people like chess pieces and sacrifices them for his cause without much of a thought, and without them even knowing they are being used.

This is who he is. This is who he was always written to be. And veilguard is almost entirely about deconstructing that. Every member of the veilguard is a foil to solas. They are all who he pretends he is, and his false hero fantasy falls apart when you put them next to him.

Every single companion storyline is about that character successfully doing something that Solas is incapable of, but would be capable of if he wasn’t such a terrible person. And they all face a dark reflection of themselves and come out the other side mostly unscathed by that, aware that this dark reflection is not them because they are not actually like that.

Solas faces many of the same challenges the companions do, and fails each and every one of them, because, unlike them, he is not actually a hero. He is not a good person. He does not learn to accept that just because something is broken doesn’t mean there aren’t parts of it worth saving. He does not learn to accept the harsh truths and move forward. He does not accept that he is responsible for his own actions, even if someone else orders them. He fails every time.

Solas faces not one but two dark reflections of himself, Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain, the prideful god who always thinks he’s right no matter the consequences, and the servant and lover of another god whose atrocities are not justified by having been pushed by their lover and mistress, but does not come out the other side unscathed because it turns out he IS actually like them. His reflections are accurate, they’re real parts of himself that he pretends don’t exist, not just twisted versions of their fears like they are for the companions. At the end of the game he even admits that yes, he is very similar to Elgar’nan.

Pretty much the entirety of veilguard is a very careful and deliberate deconstruction of Solas’ character and self image. We go through, in elaborate detail, all of his crimes, all of his mistakes, all of the reasons why he is wrong, why his actions are unjustifiable, why his regret doesn’t absolve him of responsibility, how he thinks it does anyway.

We completely tear down every single aspect of the image he has constructed for himself. We destroy every single excuse with clear examples showing that that was not how things had to go. Every justification. Every insistence it’s okay because he’s sorry. Every time he insists he knows best and we should leave him to it. Every single illusion that he is a good person is shattered. By the end of it there is absolutely nothing left, and his repeated attempts to keep up the facade come off as pathetic and ridiculous. In all his banters with companions he tries to use his usual tricks, pretty excuses, belittling comments, fake niceties and every time he’s completely shut down.

He tries to imply Davrin has a biased view of him from stories about the dread wolf, Davrin responds with evidence the truth is even worse. He tries to apologise to Harding, she comes back with a list of all the terrible things he’s done that an apology can’t cover. He tries to appeal to spite, spite points out he hurt Rook so why should he trust him. He comes up with excuses for killing Varric and Neve points out that there’s no pretty excuse for using blood magic on Rook in such a cruel way afterwards. The illusion is shattered. That’s what the entire game has been building up to. And it makes his last attempt at betrayal seem embarrassing, because we now see through the facade and know that he was too obsessed with himself to even consider we’d see it coming.

But the thing is a lot of people refuse to see this. This is where his characters been heading since the beginning. This is who he’s always been. But a lot of people ignore any and every negative thing about him, and then complain the game doesn’t make sense. Of course it doesn’t make sense. You’ve ignored every single theme, plot point, and piece of characterisation to make up a version of Solas in your head and that’s not the Solas the game is about. It makes complete sense when you see Solas as he truly is, as he was written to be. It’s such a good bit of writing when you actually let yourself experience it as it is and allow yourself to be open to the idea that the guy who is trying to commit his second genocide might be a bad person.

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

.⋆｡The Way｡⋆.

Din Djarin x plus size reader

You don’t know your place in the verse and he’s lost his way. 

Warnings: smut, labelling this dub-con just because Din is a bit forceful, this has a lot of angst, mostly relating to awful self-image and hate towards one's own body, restraints, Din doesn’t know how to deal with emotions, possessive!Din, ownership kink, breeding kink, blindfolds, forced marriage (reader doesn’t fully understand what the vows mean but she accepts after), drinking, no foreplay, creampie, fluff WC: 5.3k Minors DNI

Library- @hannibals-favourite-meal-library

The market was bustling in the late afternoon light. The child cooed over the many bright colours and shiny objects in the vendor’s stalls, little hands reaching out to touch every time you got close. Big brown eyes reflected the lights perfectly. You smoothed over the whips hairs on top of his head, making him smile and snuggle closer to your soft chest, content in being held in your thick arms.

“We should go soon. I don’t want to be here after dark.” The modulated voice easily identifiable in the chatter of the crowd. You tilted your head up slightly, the Mandalorian’s armour glittering the same way as his son’s eyes. 

“Just need to pick up one more thing and then we can go.” You reassured but still hurried along, struggling to keep up with the taller man. He grunted, sounding annoyed but with a large hand placed on the small of your back, you knew he was just tired.

You took your time sorting through the fabrics on the cart, allowing the baby to feel some of them. You kept the softest fabrics in your hands, intending to make more clothes for him since he had quite the nasty habit of destroying them beyond repair. “What a beautiful family.” The vendor cooed, “I’ll even give you a discount so you can take care of that baby of yours.” You opened your mouth to protest but were quickly stopped by your companion.

“Thank you.” You felt your entire body flush as he stood closer, taking credits from his own store to pay for you. As he led you away, you spoke up. 

“You didn’t have to pay for me, Mando. I do have my own money.” He didn’t respond at first, humming under his helmet. 

“It’s my money cyar'ika, I spend it how I wish.”

Your heart pounded as you looked upon the powerful warrior, strong body towering over you, glowing in the light of the setting sun. 

Silent tears fell as you kept your head down, listening as goodbyes were said. Your heart broke as you heard the Jedi begin to walk away, the boy you had grown to love as your own giving a small cry, calling out for his father. There was a whispered ‘I’m sorry’ from Mando, his voice clear without the modulator in his helmet. 

You didn’t speak as you followed him back to the Crest, your heart broken, your arms empty without the little one in them. Mando climbed into the cockpit, slamming the door behind him. His rage and anguish filled the ship, only compounding your own sadness. You lifted up one of Grogu’s little tunics, the colour meant to emulate his father’s armour, that had been laid out on the table as you did laundry. 

Sobs ripped through your chest as you clung to the small outfit, collapsing onto the metal floor, bending over yourself as if it would sooth the incredible ache settling in your chest.

——————

Mando hadn’t spoken to you in a week, taking all his meals in his bunk or the cockpit, grunting in acknowledgement when you told him of the dwindling supplies in the ship’s store. You were no better. That little boy had become your son over the months he had been in your care but now he was gone and you found yourself struggling with your purpose.

You were hired to take care of him when Mando was on a hunt, nothing more. You were just a live-in nanny for the boy, you knew Mando chose you because you weren’t a threat. You were big, sure, but soft, your hands absent of calluses. You weren’t a danger to him, never posing a threat even in those rare occasions where you became furious, usually when Mando had unnecessarily risked his life.

You mothered both of them, keeping them fed, making sure the ship and themselves were clean. And giving Grogu lessons that Mando would sometimes listen in on if they were traveling between worlds and he had nothing else to do. It was what you loved, caring for others. But now, there was no one to care for.

Mando could handle himself, and now that the child is gone, he could easily get rid of you, not having to worry about another mouth to feed, another person to protect. He could easily leave you on some planet somewhere just like when he found you.

It wasn’t like you had any other use. You weren’t even pretty to look at, let alone fuck, no matter how much you yearned. You had, regretfully, developed an overwhelming, devastating crush on the bounty hunter pretty much as soon as he hired you and that had turned into full blown, heart-stopping love. 

Every moment you spent with him was torture but every moment without him was pure agony. But you knew he would never look at you, not when he had women like Omera. Small women with pleasant faces who could actually keep up with him. Not someone like you with a stomach flap and stretch marks and acne on your breasts. Not someone who could barely run and got winded after multiple trips up the ladder to the cockpit. You didn’t deserve him.

Your bags had been packed, all your things collected and carefully stored, you were just waiting for the day when the Crest would land on some stretch of planet and he would tell you to leave, maybe you would even get a thank you for your job, but you doubted it.

The ship vibrated beneath you as you sat on one of the many crates, a ball of yarn sitting between your folded legs as you used your fingers to crochet a little bantha. Making little toys for Grogu was a habit you still kept even without his presence. You already had a small box full of the little stuffed creatures in some kind of hope that Mando would bring them to him if ever he saw him again. Or maybe, you’d just sell them to get some credits when Mando kicked you out.

You hummed under your breath, being hyper aware of the volume of your own voice, not wanting to annoy the bounty hunter, even if he was locked in the cockpit. The soft yarn tangled around your arm as you put the finishing touches on the animal. Using the small pair of scissors from your sewing kit, you snipped off the extra yarn and winding the ball back up.

With a heavy sigh, you kissed the little head of the bantha before slipping to your bare feet, a shiver rolling up your spine from the cold metal, and wandered over to the small collection of things for Grogu. You carefully pulled the cover off and delicately laid the plushie on the top of the ever-growing pile, quickly shutting the lid before you could cry again.

“We’ll be landing soon.” Mando’s deep voice broke the silence of the hull, pulling you out of your self-deprecating spiral. 

“Yeah, ok.” You muttered, keeping your head down as to not look at your boss, knowing that one glance at his berserker would send your mind reeling, wanting to beg him to let you stay but you just shuffled off to your make-shift room to gather your things.

The cockpit door slammed shut once more and the rumbling beneath your feet increased as the ship entered the atmosphere. You sighed and checked your things one more time, sitting on your cot and pulling on your boots, waiting for the next stage of your journey.

Your breath was caught in your throat but you forced yourself to take a deep inhale, filling your lungs completely as the Crest settled down, jostling you slightly. You steeled yourself for the doors to lower. When they did, a frighteningly cold wind whipped through you, almost knocking you off your feet.

In the distance, you could see the dark outlines of buildings against the horizon. It would be a long walk but perhaps it would give you time to think about what you were supposed to do next. With one last pleading look up to the shut cockpit door, you stepped off the ship and drifted off into the dusty plateau.

“You haven’t asked any questions about the armour.” You looked up from the collection of educational holo programs you had been organising and met the mandalorian’s steel gaze. There were times, you felt, where he could see directly through you, observing your every emotion and thought you tried desperately to keep locked away.

His favourite blaster was half disassembled on the table in front of him, something he only did when the kid was asleep for fear of the little womp-rat stealing pieces for his own amusement. He seemed to fill up the limited space of the ‘kitchen’ with his bulk yet you couldn’t bring yourself to fear his size when he had been so gentle towards you since the moment you were employed.

You cleared your throat and occupied yourself with the various videos before you answered the man. “I don’t think there’s anyone that doesn’t know at least something about a mandalorian’s armour, even if it was just an unfounded rumour they overheard once. Besides, it’s not really my business to ask questions about your wardrobe or lack thereof.” You giggled to yourself, just barely catching the huff of annoyance from him.

“Just because I wear this armour, doesn’t mean I don’t change my clothes beneath it cyar'ika.” You levelled him with a knowing look, one that was far more brave than you felt.

“I think you’re forgetting which one of us does the laundry here.” He grumbled something unintelligible, making you laugh as you turned back to your work, a comfortable silence settling between you. From the corner of your eye, you could see the bounty hunter shift in his seat, said armour glittering beneath the warm light of the Crest. 

He grunted as he finally settled, his back against the wall, his thighs spread. You grinned in his direction, your chest warming with the domesticity of the moment. “You gonna tell me about it then? The creed?”

His head dipped towards you, his fingers still skillfully cleaning the barrel of the blaster. “Mask stays on, I fight, I build something new with a clan of my own.”

“Poetic. Seems like you have it all figured out.” The holopad beeped with an alert, pulling your attention away from him and just barely missing the sigh of disagreement that escaped him.

“Could I get a room for the night?” The inn-keeper gave you a look but complied anyway, snatching the small pile of credits you left on the counter.

“All the way down the hall, last door on the right.” 

The walls of your room were bare save for the cracks in the brick and a singular window that seemed an afterthought to whoever built the inn. You sighed and threw your bag onto the bed, it wasn’t like you would be here for long. Surely there was another ship out there willing to take you on as an extra hand or at least give you a ride to somewhere that would. You’ve made due before, this time wouldn’t be any different.

You chose to ignore the ache in your chest at the thought. 

Noise from the cantina next door drew you from your spiral of self-misery. You knew it was never going to last but for some stupid reason, you had hoped it would. Mando had never hesitated when it came to you, he didn’t underestimate your abilities nor your drive like so many others had done, maybe that was why you had stupidly let yourself believe that he actually liked you.

Maybe a drink would help. Or twelve.

The dense smoke that filled the cantina made your eyes water as soon as you stepped inside, burning your nostrils in a way that pulled your mind from the pit in your stomach for the first time in days. Even on a planet as desolate as this, the bar was crowded, bodies filling every available space as they clambered for drinks. You pressed through the throng, the allure of something that could burn a hole in your throat calling to you. 

You didn’t care that it was probably made out back of the cantina in a distillery that hadn’t ever been cleaned, nor that if the mixture was wrong it could turn you blind. You just wanted to feel something other than the gaping void in your chest that the child and Mando had occupied. 

A credit slammed onto the dusty counter earned you a glass of the fluorescent green liquid that would make you forget, for just a moment at least. The glass was drained in a second and then slammed back onto the bar, another credit joining it. The bartender didn’t even give you a look, all-too-used to the sight. You would think about consequences tomorrow, about how you would have to start over yet again, to be at the mercy of another employer who would most likely berate you, remind you over and over again of your worthlessness. Eventually, you would forget about the Mandalorian, tucking him away into the recesses of your mind for nights when you would succumb to your weakness and fantasise about what could have been.

The blaring music began to fade into the background as you lifted your third shot, intending for it to follow the first two but you suddenly stopped, the rim of the glass resting on the fullness of your bottom lip. The hairs on the back of your neck raised as you felt the crosshairs of a predator’s gaze settle on you. You looked out of the corner of your eye — No one else seemed to notice the target suddenly scrawled on your back.

As nonchalantly as you could, you lowered the glass back down, pushing it to your right, where it was snatched up by the patron next to you. You weren’t in any real danger, somewhere in your hind mind assured, but you had seen what Mando could do when he was pissed and you doubted your hasty departure had made him happy. Though, you were surprised he noticed this quickly, maybe he had wanted something from you before he left the Crest.

People stepped out of his way as the hulking mass of beskar walked towards you, crossing half the length of the room in only a couple steps. “Cyar'ika.” His nickname for you, which he had not uttered in what seemed like forever, almost stopped you, but you couldn’t waver now. A woman close to the door moved closer to her companion, opening up your escape.

You ran.

Dust kicked up under your boots, no doubt leaving a trail for him to follow, but you hoped that he would get the hint. He had to have known that your time aboard the Crest was done, his child was gone, there was no use left for you and you had to leave before he figured it out and kicked you off himself.

You slipped into the now abandoned inn, silent save for the sound of you trying to catch your breath. This is what you wanted.

In your spiral of self-induced misery, you didn’t hear the heavy footfalls of the bounty hunter until it was too late, maybe if you did, you could’ve gotten away before he reached your door. Just as you thrust the ancient key into the lock, a huge hand landed on your shoulder, the strong fingers gripping the bone tightly, almost enough to make you wince.

“Why did you go?” His modulated voice was cold like the armour he wore, unyielding as you blindly tried to reach for the handle.

“It was time for me to leave.” You couldn’t bring yourself to look back. You tried to pull away but he held you tighter. 

“You want to leave me?” If you didn’t know any better, you could’ve swore he sounded sad. Your head tipped up to meet his gaze.

Without the filter of your wholly sober mind, your thoughts spilled from your lips. “We both know I’m just a burden to you. You’d be better off without me.” 

“No.” He sternly replied. 

“No? What do you mean ’no’?” 

“I mean no.” The door opened with a slam that made the thin wall tremble and suddenly, you were shoved into the dusty room, trapped with a man who you gravely misunderstood. Mando appeared as stoic as ever, all while he shut the door behind him, the lock snapping into place once more.

“You won’t leave me too.” He snarled and you gasped but it was quickly cut off as Mando spun you around, pressing your soft body into the hard wall of the inn.

A massive gloved hand clamped down on your hip as the other was planted by your head, caging you in, unable to escape the huge mandalorian. “You’re mine.” 

His chest heaved against your own, keeping you pinned in place as you struggled to breathe around the lump in your throat. He had never gotten this close to you before and it was entirely confusing. The cold metal of his chest plate pushed into your breasts making your nipples harden with the chill. Fear crawled up your spine quickly as his helmet tilted in the way it always did when he was observing a bounty.

“I fucking own you cyar'ika or did you forget about our contract already.” The leather of his gloves creaked as his grip tightened on your hip. You swallowed down a wince, unable to have a single thought other than how large he seemed like this. “You don’t get to leave.”

“Contract?”

Faster than your empty mind could comprehend, your employer’s hand flew to the belt that sat across his slim hips and pulled, drawing your gaze downwards. Though the plates on his thighs and the cup between them remained firmly on, from this close you could see the way his flight suit strained behind it. You forced your eyes back up to the dark line of his visor as he pulled something from one of the pockets on the belt before dropping it carelessly to the floor.

“Arms up.” He barked.

You balked, remaining frozen when you finally saw what was in his hands. A pair of cuffs.

“Up. Now.” Mando grabbed both your wrists in one massive paw and forced them above your head without so much as a peep of resistance from you. The cuffs closed around your wrists with a hiss that made his shoulders ease ever so slightly. His other hand remained on your hip, his thumb pressing into the bone like he was trying to ground himself.

“Mando what-“

“You were gone. I came down and you had taken off. I thought you were hurt or lost, but no, you were running away from me.” His head tipped down, scanning the length of your soft body that wasn’t pressed against him. “And now, you’re saying that I don’t want you, need you.” He kneaded the plush flesh of your hip as he stepped closer, now the whole length of him pushed against you, blocking your view until all you could see was him.

“You were wrong.” You tried to protest but he chose in that moment to press his leg between your own, forcing a whine from your lips before you could even think of smothering it.

“You belong to me.” The world flipped on its axis, knocking the wind from your lungs as the bounty hunter flipped you onto his hard shoulder. You almost expected him to throw open the door and carry you back to the Crest but the Mandalorian tossed you onto the bed in the center of the room, leaving you breathless and very confused.

“I-I can give you back the credits you gave me if that’s what you want.” He yanked at the fasteners on his forearms, letting the armour fall to the ground with a clatter. “Or something…” You trailed off as the beskar on his legs followed, somehow hoping that this was going in the direction you had wished for and it wasn’t some cruel joke he was playing to get back at you.

Mando scoffed beneath his helmet as the chest plate joined the rest of the set, leaving him standing over you in the dark grey flight suit you had seen dozens of times before, but never like this. The front was pulled tight by the heft of his cock pressing against the suit’s seam, a darker patch slowly growing where his bulk ended. 

“You haven’t seen it have you?” With your wrists still bound, you were pliant to his touch. His hands pulled at the shirt you wore, examining it before he suddenly gripped it tight and ripped the fabric apart.

“Hey!” Fear raced through your veins as your body was exposed to the man you had fallen for, you knew he would turn away, find you so wholly disgusting and unattractive that he would leave you on this bed in an inn that could barely be called that on a planet you didn’t know, taking your heart with him when he did. 

“Mesh'la.” His whisper crackled with the modulator in his helmet, but you heard it all the same.

“Please Mando, I’m sorry I left but we both know my usefulness ran out a long time ago. There’s nothing else of me that you want.” You tried to lower your arms over your stomach but he caught your wrists once more and forced them back over your head, keeping you exposed to him.

“I want all of you.” He tugged at the zipper of his suit with his free hand, slowly revealing his own lean body to you. Dark hair speckled his tanned chest, leading down to a soft stomach littered with scars that only added to his beauty. You knew he was strong, immensely so to get his job done, but seeing his strength laid out so plainly to you almost had you drooling. He ripped away the rest of your shirt without much more protest, tearing the fabric apart until all that remained was a thin strip in his hand. “This stays on.”

With more delicacy than you thought him capable of, Mando wrapped the fabric around your eyes, binding it behind your head, blinding you and then removing his touch from you entirely. “Mando, I don’t understand.” Your voice had grown weaker.

“You will.” He assured before another dull thud rang through the room. “I’ll make you understand just how badly I will always need you.” It took you a moment, disoriented from being blindfolded, but you suddenly realised that there was no modulation in his own voice.

“Mando?” 

“Trust me mesh'la.” It was then that his touch returned, burning hot and trembling with desire that you had never felt before. He touched your body with reverence, the tips of his fingers tracing each mark and marr with a soft admiration. “You don’t know what you do to me. So gentle, so soft, so perfect.” Lips followed each careful brush of his fingers.

“I’m not-“ You choked on the protest, tears burned behind your covered eyes.

“I tried to stop myself. I cannot give you the life you deserve but I couldn’t let you go, not after- You are my greatest sin. And my saviour.” Your pants slid down your legs before the weight of the bounty hunter replaced them, your skin flush together, no barriers between you. “And I am never letting you go.”

You tensed in surprise as he pressed his cock against your pussy, letting the heat between you grow unbearable. “I’m not any of those things. I’m not enough.” He froze, though he didn’t pull away.

“You think I’m lying to you.” Anger seeped from his pores. “I don’t lie to you, cyar'ika. Ever. I know you can feel how hard you make me, I’m always like this around you.” His hips pulled back, the tip of his cock falling to notch at your entrance. Even barely pressed into you, you burned with the stretch.

“It’s too much.” 

“You’ll take it.” And with that he blissfully, tortuously, began pushing into you. “You were meant to.” Your back lifted from the thin mattress, arching into him as you took more and more, the length of his cock almost never ending. Your hands curled into fists, your nails biting into the flesh of your palm.

Pain swirled with pleasure, muddying your mind more than any alcohol or spice ever could. Your jaw dropped open as he finally reached the hilt and stopped. “Remember to breathe.”

He drew back and then punched into you, forcing your body further up the bed. You didn’t even get a chance to draw in a breath before he did it again and then again and again until the frame beneath you shook with his power, threatening to collapse if you didn’t move with him.

You yanked your arms down, planting your hands on the solid muscle of his chest like you could steal the air from him in return but Mando grabbed the cuffs and pulled them back up over your head. “Breathe.” You gasped at the reminder, the pain suddenly morphing into blinding ecstasy.

“Please!” You begged, not knowing if you were pleading for mercy or for him to give you more. His lips descended on your neck, coarse hair scratching at the sensitive skin that only fed into the growing feeling in your stomach. His cock hit at something deep inside of you that set your nerves alight.

His body moved against yours perfectly, a dance of pleasure he somehow knew all the steps to already.

“I need you.” You lamented, the words flowing from you like a dam burst inside you. “I was so scared, I needed you and I couldn’t lose you too.” Tears wet the makeshift blindfold, making the fabric darker with each one that fell. 

“I’m sorry, it was all my fault.” He kissed up your jaw with each word. “You were my responsibility and I failed you, both of you.”

“He was mine.” You cried, chasing his lips. You thrust your bound hands into his hair tugging on the thick curls until you could feel the tip of his nose brush yours. “Please, I need-“ He smashed his lips to yours but then quickly pulled away, his voice ringing through your ears once more.

“Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde”

“What’s it mean?” You slurred but instead of an answer, you received a snarl of frustration.

“Repeat it.” His hand pressed down on your stomach like he was trying to feel his cock pounding into you beneath the layer of fat but he only succeeded in adding more pressure to the already building mountain inside of you. You wailed, thrashing beneath him in some vain attempt to escape the pleasure he was inflicting on you but he didn’t relent for a second. He growled and threw one of your legs over his shoulder, forcing himself even deeper inside you.

“Repeat it.” He hit your g-spot with every thrust, brutally pushing you higher and higher. 

“I can’t! I don’t understand!” You sobbed.

He groaned as you tightened around him, your pussy desperately trying to suck him in. “Repeat this; We are one when together, we are one when parted, we will share all, we will raise warriors.” 

“We are one when together.” The cuffs unlocked and your fingers tangled together with his. “We are one when parted.” Your legs wrapped around his waist. “We will share all.” One of his hands cupped the back of your head, pulling at the knot on the blindfold.

“We will raise warriors.” He repeated with you before he yanked off the fabric. The light blinded you for a moment before he became clear. A halo of warmth surrounded his head, illuminating the delicate, harsh features of his face, a face that had not been seen since he was a child.

“My riddur, my wife.” He cupped your full cheek, wiping away the tears that had been steadily leaking from your eyes. “Say your husband’s name when you cum. Let me feel it.”

Your hips rolled upwards, matching his gentler thrusts as you squeezed his hand. “My husband.” His smile punched a hole right through you, tying the knot in your stomach even tighter.

“Din.” He supplied with a moan against your lips. Your legs wound tighter around him, pulling him into you.

With one more deep roll of his hips, the thatch of hair at the base of his cock brushing your swollen clit, you fell, succumbing to mind-numbing pleasure as you howled his name over and over again. Din shuttered above you, desperately trying to keep up his pace to ride out your orgasm for all its worth.

“Kriff.” He gritted his teeth, his hips catching as his own end barrelled into him. Your thighs sealed him into you as he let out a growl. “I’ll make sure you remember you’re mine with my child in your belly.” Din pinned you to the bed with his hips as molten heat exploded within you, filling you with everything he had. 

Your breaths mixed as you both finally came down from your highs, leaving you sore but pleased. There was so much left to ask, to say, the air was thick with it, but there was only one assurance you could utter to the man above you, in you.

“We will get him back, I promise.” You pressed your lips to his, the scruff of his facial hair poking your skin yet you reveled in the feeling, you may never feel it again. He sighed into the kiss as he slowly softened inside you.

“Do you remember that day in the market? That was the day I knew you were mine, my aliit, my clan.” 

You smiled at him. “That’s the day I knew too. I never thought you’d feel the same.” He kissed you again, his lips unsure but eager against yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck, keeping him close for just a few seconds longer.

“It’s time we go, find our son.” He pried himself from you and began to gather the discarded pieces of his armour as you attempted to recover from his attentions. The silence and occasional grunt of exertion as Din forced the cold metal back into place, eased your mind. He was here, he came for you with no hesitation and he proved that you were the one he wished to build something new with.

You threw your legs over the edge of the bed, shakily standing as he donned the last of his beskar. You reached for your pants but instead picked up the final piece of his armour. He swung his head around, far too much like Grogu used to when he had lost something, taking a hesitant step further from you in his search. You cleared your throat, immediately bringing his big brown eyes back to you as you lifted the helmet.

“You ripped my shirt.” You reminded him with a smirk, looking down at your bare chest. 

With a sheepish look on his face, Din yanked off his cape and bundled you up in it, making sure you were completely covered before taking the helmet held lovingly in your hands. His smile was the last thing you saw on his face as he placed the helm back onto his head, once again becoming the Mandalorian. He swept you into his arms, keeping your body tight to his chest as he stepped into the hall.

“We will get him back.” He repeated, holding you closer. 

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[yuikomorii]

I genuinely think Ayato is a total pushover. Like, he is the one handing people the doormat and saying, “Please, wipe your feet on me.”

I get that he’s scared of being abandoned or left out, but come on — there’s a limit. He forgives everyone, no matter how horribly they treat him. It’s like he’s running a charity for emotional abuse.

He’s desperate to be “included” by a family that basically treats him like trash. I still remember in Laito’s LE route — after Laito emotionally shredded him into bits — Ayato was like, “What about me? Can I come along?” EXCUSE ME?? Sir?? Have you tried... I don’t know... dignity?

Honestly, he needs professional help. And clearly not the kind Yui offers, because whatever she's doing is not working. I adore Ayato — his sweet, innocent nature is endearing — but there’s a difference between being pure-hearted and being a self-destructive doormat with a masochism side quest. At this point, I want to shake him until his last brain cell files a complaint.

And let’s be real — if any other character suffered what Ayato went through, there’d be no happy ending in sight. Just a bloodbath, a burned-down mansion, and probably half the cast plotting revenge like it’s a full-time job. Meanwhile, Ayato’s over here forgiving everyone like it’s a group therapy session — Honestly, without him constantly forgiving everyone, the game would have ended way earlier .

// Unfortunately, that’s a very common way of writing main characters, especially in shounen series. Someone could deliberately kill the hero’s family, curse them or basically do something to destroy their whole life and the hero will be like, “It’s okay because everyone deserves a second chance and I don’t hold grudges, so I forgive you uwu”. Of course, what Ayato does is very noble, but I do believe it’s also very unfair. Forgiving someone who’s actually showing remorse is understandable, but still holding onto people who don’t care about you as much as you do about them is pretty painful.

In his LE vampire ending and after story, it’s shown twice how he developed PTSD from what happened to him there. LE is for real Ayato’s suffering porn game, because he’s just so pure to the point of losing his self-respect. Like… Ayato, come on now, you’re too pretty for THIS:

Credit to: dialovers-translations

I also wouldn’t call him a masochist. He never starts liking being treated poorly, but he just thinks he doesn’t deserve to be treated any better because he made mistakes throughout his life too.

In his LE route, his brothers were too in-character, which gave us some sort of culture shock. We’d gotten used to seeing a more sugarcoated, softened version of them than in the earlier games, but here they act exactly as you'd expect based on their default personalities. Laito and Reiji are envious, so of course they’d be mean to someone who has what they want. Shu just sits around, but he’ll throw in a cutting remark if he's in the mood. Kanato is a ticking time bomb, so it’s easy to get on his nerves. And Subaru is a coward who will jump on the bandwagon because he doesn’t want to become a target too. Ayato doesn’t get treated like a victim because he doesn’t match the stereotypical image of one. There’s this narrow mindset that unless someone is visibly depressed, crying their eyes out, sui€idal or drowning in self-hatred, they must be totally fine and not worthy of empathy and support.

Regarding your last paragraph, that’s basically the point. Karlheinz confirmed that Ayato is the mentally strongest among his sons. If any of the others were in his position, things would have turned out much worse. Even Rejet has acknowledged that Ayato is the driving force of the story.

[extremely-judgemental]

I am sick of seeing ‘Tamlin is a narcissist’ ‘Nesta is a narcissist’ all over this fandom and so now you get an unsolicited lesson in psychology because these accusations are driving me crazy! I’ve dealt with narcissists all my life, and no, it’s not code for ‘I hate them and they ignored my feelings that one time, so they must be a narcissist’ but people with legit condition, and one of them being my biological father.

This isn’t a judgement on anyone with personality disorders. Modern media loves to glorify them as the driving force behind all evil in the world when not everyone diagnosed is plotting to destroy lives. Narcissism is a vast subject and can’t be dumbed down in a few bullet points. The following are the common traits associated with this condition and a true narcissist will check most of these boxes.

Exaggerated sense of self-worth: They believe they are special and unique. They have superiority complex and regard themselves on high standards that are ‘unachievable’ for normal people. Everything they do and say is remarkable because they did it. Their whole existence in your life itself should be treated as the Second Coming of Christ.

Now, the two characters in the entire series with the such low opinions about themselves that the combined value of their self-worth is in the negatives are Tamlin and Nesta. And you are calling them narcissists?

Entitlement: As a result, narcissists believe they are special, that they deserve special treatments. So they are above punishment or can get away with anything since they are wiser and nobler than everyone around them. You should treat them as the sun and the moon and the stars in your life. If not, they won’t stick around. If not, you are the entitled one disrespecting them.

When are Nesta and Tamlin given special treatments or shown to want it? They are literally treated as doormats by everyone. And Nesta sees herself as an accessory to others. She is Feyre’s sister. She is Elain’s protector. She is Cassian’s mate. She is a friend of Gwyneth and Emerie. During the Blood Rite, she is dispensable so they could live. She doesn’t even see herself as a person on her own.

Obsession with self-image: Narcissist have a carefully crafted persona for the public so they are perceived as nothing short of perfection. Their friends, their family, their career, their lifestyle—everything exists to reaffirm that image and serve them in one way or the other. It’s their way of obtaining public validation to satisfy their ego.

After their family recovers from poverty, the last thing Nesta is worried about is how others see her. Don’t even get me started on Tamlin. He’s been an open book from the start and never did anything for himself.

Self-preservation: Narcissists have a strong instinct to protect themselves because they can’t ruin the reputation they worked so hard to build. There is no way they are putting themselves in harm’s way for the sake of others. They are just too precious. There is a subset of this condition where they may stand up for social causes but that is again a projection of their self-worth and inflation of ego. Okay, I’m digressing.

Nesta went to Wall looking for Feyre. She scried and went to the Middle so Elain doesn’t have to. She stayed behind to fight so Emerie and Gwyn could survive.

Tamlin literally doesn’t know what that word means. He’s been wrecking his life and image left and right ever since the beginning.

Craving for power, attention and dominance: Most of what a narcissist wants is for external validation. Power, beauty, success, fame—whatever earns them that. And anyone who doesn’t offer this to a narcissist becomes inferior. Also, since they think so highly of themselves they only respect the ones who possess what they believe they have or they wish to have. If they want power, they will respect ones with power, because they are equals now. And, lying goes hand in hand with narcissism as they want to protect their facade by all means. It’s easier to control the narrative when they are in ultimate power.

When did Nesta want power or dominance? Over and over again we see her to want to be left alone. After their family came into wealth, if she were a narcissist, she would be hosting parties, scoring the wealthiest man to secure her future, have left her family right away. If she were a narcissist, she’d thrive in the attention she was receiving after the war. She would’ve been a weeping mess so her sisters could coddle her.

I can’t believe I even have to explain for Tamlin. He hates the title of High Lord and the distance it forces between him and his friends. He uses his title when his decision is opposed and when his fears are justified (which is most of the times) and people don’t listen to him otherwise. He is seen to only pull ranks when he is left with no other choice.

Need for praise and validation: A narcissist loves to talk about themselves and their achievements. They are too special for others to understand, so the attention they get satisfies them for a while and strokes their ego. They will surround themselves with people who validate their fantasies of grandeur. And anyone who doesn’t is demonised for life irrespective of their true nature.

Remember the time when Nesta willing boasted about all her trauma to anyone who listened? Or her experience with the Cauldron at the High Lord meeting? Remember when Tamlin cried to Feyre every night about his experience UtM? Or how it’s so hard for him to restore his court all the while protecting her and so she should be grateful to him and dote on him? Yeah, no one in the book either.

Sensitivity to external perception: Narcissists can’t take criticism well as they see everything as a threat to their self-image. They will never admit their shortcomings as in their minds, they can do no wrong.

Tamlin and Nesta have received nothing but criticism from everyone throughout the series. Most of the times, they admit it themselves, apologise, and work to be better.

Competitive and envious: Everyone gets jealous, but it’s heightened for narcissists. Everything is a competition and everyone is jealous of them because of their exaggerated achievements and self-importance. And their sense of jealousy doesn’t come from a place a lack, but entitlement: ‘I deserve it more than them, and so it should be mine’.

Just, where? Nesta and Tamlin are barely holding their lives together to even worry about what others have. If anything they want to give up what they already do have for some peace.

Lack of empathy: Narcissists don’t feel empathy, so they can’t feel guilt either. It allows them to exploit others without remorse. They will justify their actions and never take responsibility for it because of their entitlement—everyone is a monkey in their circus.

If Feyre’s hunting is an exploitation by Nesta, then Feyre exploited Nesta’s labour at home. Their life during poverty is two little girls trying to survive in a terribly dysfunctional family in extreme conditions. They were abused and exploited by their father, not each other.

And Tamlin takes on every burden upon himself and stumbles through it without expecting anyone to understand him. He wears his mistakes openly as much as he does his rights.

And these two are nothing but a walking lump of guilt and empathy.

I’m sorry that not everything revolves around Feyre and I’m sorry that Nesta didn’t put her on a pedestal every day of her life. Besides, it didn’t work out so well for Tamlin when he did either.

Nesta is self-sabotaging because of the pain she carries. Her self-centredness stems from guilt that she wasn’t enough for others and didn’t live up to their expectations. She is not a narcissist for finally succumbing to the shame and pain that she has been living with ever since their mother died and family went into poverty, especially when everyone around her loves to rub it in her face.

And Tamlin is a broken man afraid of being helpless again after he witnessed his people suffer and die for him for decades, and his partner be sexually assaulted every night for two months all because she came to his rescue. His domineering tendencies are a manifestation of his fears of failing the people he loves.

But, do you wanna know who is actually a narcissist in the entire series? Take a wild fucking guess. If I start listing names, there’s gonna an army crying over a cardboard cutout who has zero personality other than a mate and some flowers, and a stupid overgrown man-child who can’t think about anything but his dick for more than two fucking seconds.

See, it’s easy to label someone as a narcissist when you already have a low opinion of them. Everything they do is selfish, self-centred, and manipulative. You are allowed to love or hate any character you want, that’s your prerogative as a reader. Hate Nesta all you want, hate Tamlin too. But why do you have to mischaracterise them with a disorder that’s already stigmatised in the society?

And, narcissism is a spectrum just like everything else and not everyone who exhibits these tendencies is a narcissist. And not everyone diagnosed is pure evil. I assure you most of you won’t even recognise one if you meet them. If your gauge is based on one life event, I have news for you—even you will qualify as a narcissist.

These disorders are not a moral failing, instead a condition they are born with. These people don’t get to choose how their brains are wired and they struggle to live by certain normal, socially accepted principles that they don’t/can’t understand. They can’t open up about their issues without someone villainizing them for no other reason than their conditions.

Oh but you, with your perfect brain and your perfect morals and perfect ideals, the proclaimed advocates of victims and survivors are walking around calling people names and accusing them of being an abuser because they like a fictional character?

Honestly, you are worse than the people you demonise because you are aware of your actions and you are choosing to be a bitch.

Your opinion is not a fact. Not everyone you hate is a narcissist. Not everyone you hate is a psychopath. And you are neither cute nor smart for slapping these label on others to justify your hatred. Just say you hate a character and shut up.

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

thinking about transfem metal sonic again bc she’s like. the most transfem character in fiction whos not in any way actually transfem or coded transfem like it’s entirely unintentional and that’s what makes it so interesting to me. bc like her entire Thing is identity issues she was built to emulate, surpass, and be a superior version of sonic which like. we can talk about eggman hating sonic so much he literally made a better version of him as his own child another time but besides that metal's entire life has been being forced to fill the expectations placed on her to Be someone she can never be. and this is something that causes her a great deal of anguish! she literally has a mental breakdown over it it’s something that’s clearly traumatic and distressing to her bc she can’t do it! defeating and proving herself superior to sonic is something inexorably linked to her, and both cause her nothing but misery and are both very literally dehumanising towards her. she clings to them, bc she has nothing else and it’s the only path that she’s been allowed to even consider, but they don’t make her Happy. she wouldn’t be so fucking angry all the time if she was happy! but it’s what she’s literally been programmed to believe she wants even though chasing that ambition provides her no joy or relief.

and in sonic heroes, the pressure makes her snap. if she Has to fill the mould she’s forced into, then it’s the outside world saying she’s doing it wrong that’s the problem, because she Has to be perfect, right? metal sonic is the golden child out of all of her “siblings”, and while that means she’s not outright going to be destroyed by her father and faces much less verbal abuse and marginally more affection, it also means she’s forced to uphold the perfect image her father sees her as, else she fail and face the same treatment she’s seen her fellow badniks go through. and that image she’s always tried so, so hard to force herself to fit is that of her father's magnum opus, his masterpiece, a superior version of his enemy. and to be superior to sonic she has to Be sonic and so if everyone says she’s Not they have to be the ones in the wrong and not Her she has to be the real true superior sonic and she has to Prove it.

but the thing is, not only is she forcing herself into performing the perfect role set on her- one that’s specifically masculine- she also reinvents Herself. this is something in heroes a lot of people miss, but neo metal sonic isn’t an upgrade From Eggman to her (and also came After her breakdown, she did it Because she felt she couldn’t Beat Sonic And Therefore Be Him if she stayed the same) her neo form is entirely self designed, and it was done all by her own hands. neo metal sonic is probably the closest we can get to how metal actually wants to present herself to the world, that’s Literally just named to be the New Her, and. ma’am this is a goth girl.

like. not only is she Literally Wearing A Skirt, not only does she Literally Have Eyeliner, she's also designed in such a way it looks like she’s wearing clothes, which feels silly to bring up until you remember sonic anthro characters almost universally only wear clothes if they’re female. and neo metal sonic straight up has hatsune miku sleeves a belt with a flowy skirt and leg warmers but with spikes. like it’s already fem as shit (in a emo edgy fourteen year olds oc way) but like i'm pretty sure by mobian standards this is about as feminine as a murderous robot can reasonably get. and while obviously that doesn’t = gender, metal specifically presenting as feminine in her idealised form she designed herself, while having a meltdown because she’s unable to Be A Specific Boy and is having an identity crisis bc she’s miserable trying to chase that is… like, that’s just a closeted trans girl innit. like this is Very Obviously not the intended read but like… it’s an extremely obvious and resonant one?

metal is, canonically, a scared teenager. as in, she herself says that she was scared Before her transformation. she’s mentally like 15 afraid of failure with an abusive and neglectful father figure suffering from psychotic episodes brought about by golden child burnout. like that’s not how it’s phrased in a 2003 game rated 3 and up but that is like, objectively what’s happening in sonic heroes she’s very open about her motives that’s just canon. which doesn’t make her Trying To Burn A Toddler Alive in any way not absolutely horrible like people forget how excited she was to murder a group that included Multiple small children in it brutally she’s fucked up. but her issues with her identity are more tragic than anything. her being dehumanised and treated only as A Superior Sonic broke her. and when she finally is able to express herself in any way, she's able to present as, well, a very edgy teenage goth girl but in robot form! she’s a fucked up and evil person but she’s also unable to be her true self and she’s scared and frightened and alone. and she’s not incapable of good! she Did sacrifice her life for shadow in rivals 2 like she can care for people she’s not inherently evil she’s a Person just one that steals your IP address. but what Makes her evil is sticking to a path and presentation that makes her evil.

tl;dr: canonically transitioning would have saved her (this was not an intentional story decision they just accidentally made her ideal form goth girl hatsune miku before hatsune miku was even an idea)

[willowed-wisp]

NSFW alphabet [ giyu tomioka ]

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He’s very touchy feely after sex, it’s rare for you to get peace alone. Giyu just holds you in his arms, remembering how you felt- warmth, plushness for an eternity. He swears that it would be the final thought before succumbing to death. Whenever that would be.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

ON HIMSELF: He isn’t an egotistical guy, barely looks in the mirror- doesn’t know what one really is if he’s being honest. His body is essentially ‘just a weapon’ to destroy the demon scourge.

ON YOU: Your lips, whether it’s watching you talk or hungrily devouring them… your lips are his getaway from reality and the void in his head. He’s also partial to your hands, they’re so soft compared to his.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He doesn’t have a preference, doesn’t feel the absolute need to fill you up and doesn’t mind getting a cloth and wiping his cum off your body.

He’s game for anything, other than on your pretty face.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Would just love to have sex in a public place, not that his anxiety would ever be able to take that but he fantasises about eating you out against an alleyway wall. Giyu knows he could never do it, but that’s his dirty little secret.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Giyu Tomioka is a virgin because he doesn’t lose. But he’s a fast learner, very fast learner. He goes from completely inexperienced to making you cum in seconds from one sexual entanglement to the next.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

MISSIONARY : Not surprising, he’s eyes azure steeled watching your face contort as only his hips snapped. Stone holding you close to his beating chest. Losing his composure, cracks in that seamless image. Kissing you every thrust, delicate with your frame. Giyu likes missionary, because he can see how you come undone for him… breathless moans shattered.

SITTING UP COWGIRL: He’s a missionary guy but if you wanna spice it up, he very open to cowgirl where he’s sat up instead of laid down. Coiling you in his capable arms, he’s not threatened by you having control. It lets him get out of his own head. Likes leaving hickeys along your collarbone working up to your jaw. Your arms around his neck as he loses all sense of composure, thrusts busting upward. All the while those marine eyes are focused on your face.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Very composed, I wouldn’t say serious. Giyu is in general very unemotional and it shows during intimacy until he starts to crack by your movements on him. There’s a laugh when he cums with a grunt… almost in disbelief but that composed front would never shake with Giyu.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Before you started to be intimate, he left it up to nature. But respects that it must not be pleasant with all the hair. He doesn’t get rid of it all but keeps in managed. Keeps his snail trail, you instructed him to.

Overall, Giyu isn’t very hairy. It’s more noticeable because it matches his hair colour so very dark hair.

On his partner, I don’t think he minds the length of hair down there. As long as it’s not a jungle he’s quite a chill guy about it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Loves looking into your eyes and hearing how your breath hitches off beat when he lays kisses from your lips down to your pussy. The world moves in slow motion for Giyu when he’s with you, and he savours that pit in stomach when you look so angelic shadowed by his body.

He likes to take you to picnic dates and make love to you on the blanket in a field of flowers. He’s quite thoughtful in that aspect and goes to quite a lot of effort to make moments special for you. So I guess you could say he’s romantic.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He’s never had a need to.

Giyu doesn’t need sex- he finds it messes up his focus- so unless you are with him, he’s not giving it the time of day. It’s his attraction to you that makes him want it, which is why you never work on missions together, he can’t bite it down sometimes.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

LIGHT BONDAGE: You saw how he tied up Inosuke, Tomioka has serious bondage skills. He’s not into shibari (Japanese bondage techniques), it’s more your hands above your head bound type of deal. As long as you’re comfortable with it, it just turns him on to have full control over what he can do to your body. He doesn’t get too wild.

LINGERIE: The first time he saw you in lace, he was kissing you. That was just your normal underwear so when he sees stockings- he’s leaving a trail of kisses front ankle to the apex of your thighs. He just adores seeing your body, never has the lights off- he loves to see all of you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He loves the comfort of the bed, it’s squishy and nobody will bother you there. Adores alone time with you, as long as you’re uninterrupted he’s not too bothered where you do it.

But…

Giyu LOVES making an occasion of sex, he’s a teeny tiny bit of a romantic.

I think he likes to get away to the swordsmith village when your nichirin swords need some TLC. A date by the hot springs and it ends up with you in his arms and Giyu inside of you in a carry fuck position.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

There’s a reason he doesn’t train with you and that’s because he is utterly distracted by your movements and grace… in a battle, that’s a different story. He’s laser focused on the task at hand, but training- he’s rock hard. Tengen will probably tease him about it… so he just shuffles away without a word to his elder.

Also, when you’re kind- when you’re witty and sarcastic. It doesn’t get him rock hard but he feels a twitch because he’s just so attracted to you in those moments. He’s a gentle soul.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Water sports and stuff like that, despite being the Water Hashira but NO.

Degrading you and being unkind to you in any way, you respect him he will respect you. And unless you call him a whore during sex- he ain’t gonna say it to you.

Anything involving other people, yeah, I know that’s boring but he isn’t the sharing type. Loves having you and your undivided attention- it’s adorable.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Isn’t going to say no to you giving him one after a long Hashira meeting or unwinding after a mission.

But he prefers going down on you, he’s not a like a starved man- he’s more reserved and knows what buttons to press so your toes are curled. He knows his way around your pussy.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

May lose himself in the heat and is deep and quick but in general he’s like a steady tide. Building up the pleasure inside of you. He’s not quick to finish so can take his time with you.

If you beg him, he’s like a jackrabbit but if you don’t ask you won’t get.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Loves to take his time with you. As mentioned before- there’s romance involved in every effort he makes. He can’t help it and you wouldn’t change it.

You have had a quickie here and there but it’s not regular.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

On the outside if you got caught, he wouldn’t appear to care but on the inside he’s red and can’t fight that embarrassment of being discovered. So he prefers to keep it private, but he has been known to fuck you in hot springs that anybody could find you in.

He’s flexible to experimentation but resorts back to what he’s always done.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Enjoys long drawn out sex sessions, he needs a 15 minute break between cumming but he’s good to go again.

It could sometimes be all night long love making, but the intimacy doesn’t die down when he’s resting- he’s cradling you in his arms. Kissing you after lasting for 40 minutes- making sure you’re on cloud nine every second of it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Strikes me as old fashioned and has a proud aspect that deters him from accepting help from sex toys.

Does have bondage specific rope stashed beneath tatami boards.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Has the capability to tease, it just depends on what lengths you drive him to. If you’ve been a pain or teased him yourself. What goes around cums around and justice is served.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not very loud, he’s telling you how good you are and praising you nonstop. It’s only when he’s cumming that he’s got a finite grip on your hips and moaning- grunt-like and wholly attractive. Otherwise, he gives the odd noise but you could mistake his heartbeat for that.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

As predictable as Giyu Tomioka is, you never expected him to drag you into the store closets in the Butterfly Mansion. Nor did you anticipate his hands ripping down your trousers. Or his cock slipping in and out of your pussy like a prayer, heavy breaths behind you.

An explanation told after he’d released inside you. “When your fist went into Shinazugawa’s face… I knew I had to have you here and now…” Note to self: punch Sanemi more often.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s longer than average- about a 6.5 inches with decent thickness but this man knows what to do with it.

Giyu is a Hashira- he’s been training rigorously for years under Urokodaki and then alongside others of his rank. He’s a ripped guy but he’s very modest, not because he’s trying to be but because he’s never viewed himself as attractive. Just not a vain person in general.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Doesn’t REQUIRE sex in his daily life- only if you do certain things. He’ll have it if you ask and tease him.

Scale of 0-10, he’s a solid 6.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Maybe struggles with insomnia on rare occasions and he doesn’t get tired easily. He’s more than likely wide away after the sex, if you’re ready to go another round he doesn’t mind.

Makes sure you’re taken care of before considering falling asleep after a long night of worshipping you. Really doesn’t think his wellbeing means shit.

————

anime m.list | kny m.list

[quietplace26]

I just had an idea for Furina! Mc soulmate au.

So basically Furina has our dear index’s name written on her: and she’s nervous and excited (and fearful) about meeting her. But the issue comes when they first meet and he doesn’t have Furina- he has her old old name, MC.

And Furina like in the beginning was like internal- ‘it’s might be me- that’s that’s my name- it it might be me’ but over time (and being Furina for so long) that she’s like ‘okay probably not me, very heavily likely not me. I would know by now if it was me.’

Now I image at somepoint after the trial and all that Furina just needs to get away from everything: the (her) index, the people of Fontaine harassing her and just to be free of her acting. So she’s leaves and heads to chenyu vale and settles down there working at a tea house and one day Meets Zhongli (I image his soulmate is dead [Read: Guizhonh]) and those two kinda settle into a relationship.

Meanwhile our index knows something is seriously wrong because while previously he held a sixth sense of his soulmate being within Fontaine and now it’s just gone- outside of his reach and Fontaine has been thundering for days now.

This idea also works well with the exile and diary au’s!

Anyways your thoughts?

Oh, here we go! Note, this isn't gonna take place in either the exile or diary aus.

Well, to start us off, Furina!Mc original had no idea her soulmate was Neuvillette, because the scribbled across her wrist said Leviathan, his pre-Neuvillette Sovereign name.

It's only after meeting him for the first time does Furina!MC's wrist burn, signaling this was her soulmate!

.... Only, he never reacts to Furina!MC. And its only after 100 or so years that she finds out the name he has is orginal self's name. The one she had back in her past life. And Furina!MC... she finally let's go of her stinf hope for her soulmate, for hope that canon would be different.

Because there was no way, even with his name on her wrist, that Neuvillette would believe that her name. It didn't help that Furina!MC knew about his own view on her. A selfish, bratty Goddess.

Not at all worthy of Soulmate material...

So, fast forward to post prophecy, and Furina!MC finally leaves Fontaine. She didn't feel safe there, not with her people harassing her so viciously, the Steambird dragging her name through the mud, her house being vandalize, and so on.

And Neuvillette never did a thing. he offers some poor comfort, but he immediately turns his attention to more important matters.

Furina!MC was not an important matter, not anymore. Or was she ever?

It brings up the question that's always floating through head... if she ever told him her true name, would anything have been different? Would he had saved her from Focalors? Would he have stopped giving her cold stares, brushing her away...

So, she left, ignoring the throbbing pain coming from her wrist where Neuvillette's name laid...

...She eventually settles into Liyue, throwing her 'Furina' name, and taking back her old, rightful name of MC.

She found a small job at a tea house that didn't mind she was foreign, and things went from there... only for a few weeks after arriving to her new home, does she bump in Zhongli.

And suddenly, things start to change. For the better.

Zhongli knew who she was, but even so welcome her to his nation. He invites her out to tea and walks, they chat about this and that, and soon, MC starts to notice the pain she used to constantly feel on her wrist had begun to lessen...

...One day, while having tea in Zhongli's home, he brings up the topics of soulmates. He asks her if she had one... she answers honestly.

"I... I do, but... b-but he doesn't know it's me, and even then, he never-"

Her hands began to shake; her wrist starts burning again as she remembers all the cold and harsh moments between her and Neuvillette. How he never once defended her, how he ignored the abuse she went through from all of Fontaine-

"...If he knew, he would've immediately destroyed the mark."

She says it shakily but matter of fact. Because it's true. It only took her 400 years to finally come to terms with it.

Zhongli stays quiet, before shifting around to sit beside her on the couch taking off one of his gloves, and pulls down his sleeve-

There was a scar on his wrist. MC knew what that means. When a soulmate dies, their partner gains a scar over their dead partner's name...

He tells her about Guizhong, how much he loved her... only to lose her in the Archon war. He says he thought he lost the ability to love another like he did with her... until... MC.

MC looks at him with shock. It doesn't truly hit her what he was talking about until he took off his other glove and rolled down that sleeve to show-

Her name. It was still faint, but the more MC looked at it, the clearer it became.

She heard of this phenomenon, when a soul pair either loses a soulmate to either death or to them forcing their mark to fade because they didn't want them, on their other wrist, sometimes a second soulmate's name will appear.

So to see it happening with her name...

"Y-you like me? You... you want to l-love me?"

Zhongli nods, and MC cries with a weak but happy smile on her face as he brings her into a hug, and unknown to her, the name on her wrist that read Leviathan, starts to slowly fade, and on her other wrist, the name Morax slowly begins to form...

And back in Fontaine, a violent storm never before seen in Fontaine begins to form as Neuvillette stares down horrified as the name that's been his constant since he reincarnated as a human starts to fade away.

[hermajestyimher]

Redeeming the Law of Attraction: A Believer's Guide to Manifestation in Alignment with God

I receive a lot of questions from you guys regarding how to reconcile the LOA and your faith at the same time. Or whether that's even possible. I fully agree that as a Believer, it can be confusing to navigate the concept of the Law of Attraction (LOA), especially given how closely it mirrors some Biblical principles, yet how deeply it has been distorted by New Age ideologies. While many LOA teachings emphasize personal power, manifestation, and relying on "raising your vibration," the Bible teaches us that all good things come from God (James 1:17) and that He alone is the true source of our abundance, protection, and fulfillment. So how do we reconcile this principle with our faith without veering into pride or idolatry? My opinion is that the answer lies in understanding LOA as a created principle that's part of God's divine order and not a substitute for God Himself.

1. God Is the Source, Not Us

Deuteronomy 8:17–18 gives us a direct warning against self-idolatry: “You may say to yourself, ‘My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.’ But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth.” The core issue with many LOA teachings is the belief that we can bring things to pass through our own will or energy, independent of divine grace. But Scripture reminds us that every ability, every blessing, and every outcome we achieve ultimately comes from God.

When we remove God from the equation, we risk elevating ourselves to the place of the Creator. This is the same pride that led to the fall of Lucifer and the rebellion of Israel. We see it played out in the consequences of Israel's disobedience and reliance on their own understanding, leading to exile and suffering (Isaiah 30:1–2; Hosea 4:6).

2. Pride Destroys, Alignment Protects

Manifestation without humility is a spiritual trap. The more we insist on controlling outcomes, the further we drift from the protection that comes through surrender to God. Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Even when we are pursuing good things, if we do so without seeking God, we step out of alignment with His covering.

In the New Age framework, the LOA often becomes a form of self-worship. But for the Believer, true manifestation is not about making ourselves gods, but about aligning with the will and timing of the one true God. The difference is critical. God’s protection, insight, and timing are what shield us from attracting things that may look good but ultimately destroy us.

3. We Are Co-Creators, Not Sovereigns

The Bible tells us in Psalm 82:6, “You are gods; you are all sons of the Most High.” This doesn’t mean we are divine in the same sense as God, but that we are made in His image (Genesis 1:26–27), given creative power through our words, thoughts, and actions. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue,” and Jesus Himself said, “Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours” (Mark 11:24).

We are, in a sense, spiritual creators—but under divine authority. The moment we see ourselves as sovereign over our lives without God’s governance, we step into dangerous territory. We may manifest what we think we want, but without discernment, we often call in things rooted in trauma, pride, lust, or broken ambition.

4. The LOA Is Real, but Fulfillment Comes from God

We should not deny that there is truth to the Law of Attraction. Our thoughts, emotions, and spoken words have power. But that doesn’t mean we are the ultimate power. God created the universe to operate on spiritual principles: sowing and reaping (Galatians 6:7), asking and receiving (Matthew 7:7), faith and expectation (Hebrews 11:1).

Non-believers can and do use these principles to gain success. But without God’s direction, success can become a snare. People can attract toxic relationships, wealth that isolates, or fame that destroys. Only the Lord gives true fulfillment. Proverbs 10:22 reminds us, “The blessing of the Lord makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it.”

5. Faith = Surrender + Expectation

Where LOA emphasizes belief in self, biblical faith emphasizes belief in God. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” This isn’t a mere transaction; it’s also a transformation. As we align our heart with God, He plants His desires in us, but also delights in giving us the things we've longed for that are for our good.

Prayer and faith are not passive, they are bold, expectant, and active. Yet, they are also surrendered. We ask in full belief (James 1:6), but trust that if something doesn’t manifest, God has something better, or is protecting us from something we cannot yet understand. Romans 8:28 assures us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Final Reflection: Manifestation Under Lordship

Ultimately, the Law of Attraction is not a rival to God; it is simply one of the many principles He put in place to govern His creation. Like gravity, it works. But like any tool, it can be used righteously or destructively.

When we manifest under God’s Lordship:

We invite the Holy Spirit to shape our desires.

We allow God to filter our intentions.

We steward our thoughts, words, and energy in a way that honors Him.

We relinquish the outcome to His perfect will (to prosper us and not harm us, to give us hope and a future, Jeremiah 29:11).

We are not victims of randomness, nor are we gods unto ourselves. We are image-bearers of the Creator invited to co-create with Him in trust, humility, and alignment.

So yes, believe. Visualize. Speak life. Walk in expectation. But do it all from a place of surrender, knowing that the One who holds the universe also holds you, and He has the final say and that is a privilege for you! Because in the same way a loving parent would never allowed their children to blindly get harmful things due to lack of understanding, neither does He want us to suffer because we aren't fully aware of the negative outcomes that some of our selfish manifestations may carry with them. God is not an authoritarian figure, but a protective and loving one. Remember that.

[thepersonperson]

Sukuna’s Loneliness Part 4 (Sukuna’s Negative Rizz)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5

Some warnings before we start.

1) This analysis deals with sexual topics.

2) I will be mainly using the TCB scans because of their accessibility. Raws are from mangareader(.)to.

3) This was written as of JJK 262 266. (I'm just going to keep updating this until I stop finding things I should've noticed earlier.)

4) The raws broke me in ways you cannot possibly imagine.

(Click images for captions/citations.)

Fighting as Communication

Baki the Grappler. This is a manga where men destroy each other’s bodies as a test of strength. It’s poorly written but the art is terrifying and I love it so dearly. Between fights of extreme violence and body horror the characters eat. And that’s it. That’s the manga.

I bring Baki up because Gege is a huge fan of Fujimoto Tatsuki, the creator of Chainsawman. Fujimoto is a fan of Gege too, but more importantly, he is a huge fan of Itagaki Keisuke, the creator of Baki. (His daughter made Beastars btw.) In a way, this means Jujutsu Kaisen has been influenced by Baki. But that���s not a surprise, a lot of manga is.

Itagaki’s work is so massively influetial on Japanese media that it’s kind of hard to grasp since it’s not as popular overseas. When listening to interviews from various Japanese creators, Baki will often be cited as a major influence. And the thing is, you can tell when a creative has read Baki. There’s nothing quite like it. If you’ve read Baki and consume Chainsawman, you will see its bones everywhere. I feel the same about Jujutsu Kaisen.

The main antagonist in Baki is Yujiro Hanma. He is the strongest creature alive. So much so that he has no one to call a rival. He’s bored. He causes trouble. He kills his wife to motivate his son, Baki into becoming stronger. His son, Baki, who he grooms into becoming a fighter that might beat him in combat one day. Kind of sounds like Sukuna, right?

But that’s not my point here. My focus is how Baki doubles as a discussion about strength and manhood. It’s aggressively bisexual. Men love each other with their fists. Straight up the main character says having sex with women is the same thing as fighting men.

And it just doesn’t stop there. The homoerotic nature of the fights is never shyed away from. Here’s an example of my favorite.

He grabs his balls and compliments their size. That’s pretty gay, right? Well there’s this reanimated prehistoric caveman called Pickle that fights Baki’s brother Jack. And how do they fight? They kiss.

I didn’t call it a kiss. Itagaki did. I didn’t say they melded together. Itagaki did. This mangaka overtly calls attention to the homoerotic nature of men fighting men, and how men communicate their love for each other through violence. And yes, it’s sexual. Itagaki wants you to read it that way.

But sometimes he doesn’t want you to read it that way. Sometimes the fights are a dialogue, an emotional conversation. Like one between father and son.

Itagaki is a master of narrative framing. When he wants you to feel a certain way, you will feel it. He also tells his readers that there’s more to the fights than just fighting.

Those are the ideas that help me see the bones of Baki in other works. Men loving men with violence. Men communicating with men through violence. I see these ideas in Jujutsu Kaisen too.

Jujutsu Communication

I’ve gone over how Yuji commucates with other people on their own terms. And a lot of it is through fighting. A conversation without words, learning how someone works. Yuji is good at using fights as tool of communication.

But he’s not the one who tells you that there’s more to the fights than just fighting. Maki does in her spar with the sumo guy.

Just like Baki. Fighting is a means of communication. Gege has told you that there can be more to the fights than fighting. It's a tool used to understand the self and others.

With that in mind, I want to reexamine a particular fight under the lens of Baki rather than Umineko.

Sukuna vs Gojo

Baki tells you that homoerotic readings of its fights are intentional. If you ask me, this probably stems from historical stances on masculinity and homosexuality in ancient Japan. Men loved men and women differently, but both were ok. That’s how Baki can have a girlfriend and his gay fights. Peak bisexual optimization.

What does Jujutsu Kaisen have to do with this? Well it has been extremely queer friendly. We have a multidue of canonical trans characters, non-binary characters, and other flavors of queer characters not disparaged for their identities, Gojo Satoru included. It may not be stated outright, but Gojo and Geto do love each other in a gay way. The subtext is so persisent it’s basically text.

In other words, Gege has already told us, yes please have queer readings of this text. It’s the same way Baki tells you, yes this is straight up convoluded gay sex. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to reread the Sukuna and Gojo fight as some ridiculous mating display between two men who are fighting over can miscommunicate their intent the hardest.

Framed as Courtship

Let’s start with the framing. The pre-fight set up. How does text tell you queer readings are allowed?

Kenjaku does. It’s romantic. It’s a date. This reading has been made valid explicitly. And if there’s room for doubt because of the sarcasm? There’s still additional support for it.

We already know how badly in love Gojo is with Geto. The fight is on the 24th of December, the most romantic day in Japan. And in a fun little Geto parallel, who declared the start of war on this day, violence underlines this new romantic venture.

That doesn’t include Sukuna who recalls Yorozu’s words about teaching love in the context of marriage.

Gojo never heard that conversation which is why the next point is absolutely insane.

The outfit Gojo initially is in resembles that of a groom at a Shinto wedding.

Shinto weddings were implemented after the Heian era. Part of the ceremony includes a priest and a shrine maiden who respectively stand to the right and left of the altar. A purification ritual will occur, lead by the priest, to cleanse the shrine before vows are exchanged. Gakuganji is the priest and Utahime is the shrine maiden. To the right and left of Gojo respectively.

The bride at a Shinto wedding wears mainly white. After the 200% Hollow Purple cleanses the area, the dark shawl is removed and Sukuna remains in mostly white.

How interesting that this battle has been framed as one between groom and bride.

The thing is, marriage in the Heian era was far more lax. There were no major ceremonies. If a man was interested in marrying a woman, he would visit her for 3 nights after receiving approval from her father. Upon the passing of their 3rd night together, the family would have an informal celebration of their union in private. Even after marriage, multiple partners were allowed and sometimes encouraged.

Yorozu’s big celebration proposal to Sukuna and banning of concubines was quite improper by Heian standards. Though it is in line with modern marriages. If Sukuna did not consume any Shinto wedding literature, he probably didn’t recognize that Gojo was dressed as a groom.

But did Gojo dress this way for Sukuna intentionally? The Toji fit served an entirely different purpose. It’s the robes and pre-fight ceremony that catch my attention. So I propose the following:

1) Gojo dressed up as a groom to die and be wed with his one and only Geto in death.

2) Gojo dressed up as a groom in part as an offering to Sukuna. And because Sukuna is from the Heian era it went over his head entirely.

3) Gojo intended for both of these things at the same time and left who he would end up with to fate.

Regardless of what Gojo was going for here, it’s a visual cue combined with the knowledge of it being Dec 24th that encourages the reader to perhaps consider the fight as something other than just a fight. A date perhaps? Kenjaku made the connection and neither Gojo or Sukuna really denied it. Gojo gave the weak excuse of a death anniversary confusion. But much weirder, given how hostile he was to Yorozu, Sukuna did not object to the romantic framing in any capacity.

Am I reaching? Is this reading intentional?

When I start getting this confused by how a translated work wants me to read it, I try to refer to the original language text and anyone who knows it for missing context. Sometimes localizations add things that weren’t there or push readers towards one interpretation. So for the rest of this analysis, I’m going to be focusing on the raws.

I’m going to be honest. My Japanese fudging sucks. I can barely read kanji and can’t reliably translate anything. Feel free to correct me if I got something wrong. That being said, with what little I do know, I have discovered something interesting.

In this post I talked about how weird Sukuna’s manner of speech is. I focused on his you pronoun usage of お前 (Omae) for everyone else and 貴様 (Kisama) for Gojo since this is a strong indicator of how a character views their relationship to someone.

Here's a summary of the two points I made in that post:

1) Omae is informal and either a casual thing amongst peers or indicates the speaker's higher status. Since Sukuna is arrogant, we can reasonably assume he's talking down to people.

2) Kisama historically was a formal show of respect, but in modern times it is a hostile insult, much more rude than Omae. Since Sukuna is 1,000 years old and hates Yuji (who he uses Omae with), we can reasonably assume Sukuna was being friendly to Gojo when he used Kisama.

With that pronoun usage in mind, while examining the raws for the infamous “You Cleared My Skies” speech I found this:

Kisama. Sukuna is very happy and lavishing Gojo with praise. The assumption it was formal from the start seems to be correct. It's hard to read this any other way.

Though Japanese can easily be dubious in its interpretation, there are instances where context can cut off all other readings. I truly believe this one of those cases.

Now, to confirm Sukuna is still only treating Gojo this way I started looking at his you pronouns as he got excited post-Gojo death. Maki is the person he seems to admire the most.

He’s still just using Omae. What does that mean? Gojo is in his own fudging category for Sukuna and he has been there since the start of the manga. (For more on why this is significant, refer to this post.)

Wow ok. That’s pretty intense! We’ve got Gojo dressed up as a groom on December 24th and Sukuna treating Gojo different from anyone else. I read their fight again under the lens of explicit courtship and focused in on these specific panels.

Satisfaction. Now that’s a word that can easily carry a sexual connotation. Love as well. The parallel syntax fascinated me in English. So I decided to look at the raws and see how close they are.

Pretty much the same except for "the one who will teach you love" and "the one satisfying him now". Since the one being satisfied is Gojo by Sukuna, it really seems we can assume the one being taught love is Gojo by Sukuna.

Time to learn some Japanese again!

Kanji has multiple readings. Most have at least two. The Onyomi (Chinese) reading typically used for nouns and the Kunyomi (Japanese) reading typically used for verbs. (This is not always the case but it’s the basics.)

That’s probably why 満 is read as まん (man) when Gojo and Geto are talking about “satisfaction” using the On version and み (mi), the Kun version, when the narrator is talking about who “satisfies” who.

However 満 on its own does not mean satisfaction. It means full. To be filled. Or fullness. 足 (zoku) is added as a modifier after 満 to be read as satisfaction 満足 (manzoku). 足 usually means feet, but it can also mean to be sufficient. Manzoku therefore has a direct translation of being sufficiently full. It’s not a surprise a lot of food places in Japan use Manzoku in their names or advertising.

But what’s this? Why is this sentence written as 満たして or Mi(tashite) instead of 満足して or Manzoku(shite)? The addition of Zoku is what transforms Man into "satisfying". Without the Zoku, it’s just "fill". The means this sentence can be read as “The one filling him up now is—”

We’ve already established that the blank is Sukuna. The new problem is that he’s filling Gojo up. And boy, does that sound homoerotic to put it lightly. But perhaps I am reaching.

So I did what any sane person would do in this situation. I read hentai.

Surely if the phrase 満たして (mitashite) can carry a sexual connotation I will find it in hentai.

...

I immediately found a yaoi doujin called Fill me with your Big Love aka おっきな愛で満たして (Okkina Ai de Mitashite). Honestly, I found too many doujins about creampies specifically. (You have internet access verify this yourself.) When you search Manzokushite the results are much more in line with life satisfaction than sexual satisfaction. ...So Gege decided to use the more frisky phrasing.

Manzoku is also the name of an active sex toy manufacturer (I’m not linking them use a search engine.) and a discontinued adult entertainment news company. So the satisfaction Gojo and Geto talk about, along with Geto using 妬 (ya), the jealous kanji often used between lovers, is definitely probably carrying a sexual connotation too.

So, I’m not reaching. What the fudge did Gege mean by this?

Now that we've established that I am NOT reaching. What do we do with this information?

Well, we ruminate on the fight with the knowledge that Sukuna, of his own volition, decided to get Gojo off, probably.

I have forgiven Nanami for calling Gojo a pervert. If I watched someone bust a nut after being cut in half by his sworn enemy instead of saving the country, I too would be like what the fudge.

Anyways, the typical phrase used for an orgasm in Japanese is 行く(iku). It translates as to go. And yes it can mean to die, as in going to the other side. To die and go to heaven if you will. Which is what Gojo did with a big old smile on his face.

There’s also the term 心天 (tokoroten). It refers to a dish were a semi-opaque white substance is pushed through holes to create noodles. Literal translation using the kanji for heart 心 (kokoro) and the kanji for heaven 天 (ten). (Don’t ask me why them being smack together turns the Koroko into Tokoro. I don’t know.) Which in slang refers to prostate orgasms. This has nothing to do with this analysis I wanted to drop this fun fact in here. …And this image of Sukuna clutching his heart while looking at someone he sent to heaven.

(This is a reach but the idea of this being an elaborate gay pun amuses me greatly.)

I have another fun slang term: 賢者タイム (kenjataimu) which directly translates to sage 賢者 (kenja) time タイム (taimu). This refers to post-nut clarity sending someone into a meditative-like state.

Oh that’s a bit familiar. Sukuna was giving sagely advice to Kashimo and reflecting on satisfaction and love.

And what’s this? Mitashite has made a reappearance! Sukuna is saying “I’ve never thought about needing another person to fill me up.” Which 1. further supports the 'The one satisfying/filling him (Gojo) now is—Sukuna.' reading and 2. suggests Sukuna is a top suggests Sukuna really doesn’t have sexual interest in people. (Since the context of this convo is relationships and love.)

By the way. Acts of eating in Japanese can be modified to carry sexual meanings. It’s a bit more suggestive than English, but it carries over pretty well I think? 肉食系 (nikusokukei) refers to someone who aggresively pursues romantic or sexual relationships. Composed of the kanji 肉 (niku) for meat, 食 (ta) for eating, and 系 (kei) class. If you noticed, 食 isn’t usually read as Soku. It becomes Soku when paired with Niku for some reason. (I don’t know why someone please help me.) Side by side the kanji 肉食 (nikusoku) means meat-eater.

食 is still interesting on it’s own. The 食べる (taberu) reading is normal eating. The 食う(kuu) reading is an innuendo. It can mean to devour someone, like a cannibal, or devour someone sexually.

Sukuna has made it very clear that his eating of people is literal. There’s no innuendo. In fact, if you read into it, he’ll kill you (rip Yorozu and Kashimo).

Gojo, however, appears to be his sole exception to this rule. When Sukuna tells Kashimo not to spoil his pleasure he uses the kanji 興 (kyou). This of course can be directly translated as pleasure, but the Chinese reading of it can also indicate intense excitement or sexual arousal.

Sukuna is pretty good at double-entendre wordplay if his earlier stunts with the kanji for Enchain doubling as Megumi Activities if read a different way is anything to go by. He's a fan of Chinese literature. It's not a stretch to assume there's more going on here.

And if notoriously homophobic Reddit dudebros are posting things like this. Maybe there's a lot more merit to this reading than I can currently grasp.

I’m still pretty convinced Sukuna is aroace. That of course doesn’t bar him from pursuing romantic or sexual relationships. Sometimes there’s the one exception. Sometimes the desire to be with and please an allo partner allows for engagement of activities they aren’t into. Sometimes the actions are pursued without the emotional attachment because they physically feel good. There’s also the gray-scale and demi labels to consider.

With that in mind, I want to emphasize this all points to how important Gojo is to Sukuna regardless of sexuality. He tried to engage with and understand Gojo on terms he won’t for anyone else. And he’s been pursuing this connection relentlessly since the start of manga.

Sukuna’s Negative Rizz

Ok I established that reading the Sukuna vs Gojo fight as unhinged courtship is supported by the text. That doesn’t really say anything about Sukuna sucking at it.

But, my dear reader, that in of itself is proof of his negative rizz. I had to sit down. Learn about Heian era and Shinto wedding rituals, learn more Japanese, splice seemingly unrelated manga panels together, read hentai, and know that Gege is into yaoi to come to this conclusion. I had to rip every little shred of characterization and context apart and rearrange it into something comprehensible.

You know who can’t do that? Gojo.

As far as Gojo is concerned, Sukuna hates him. Kisama is an extremely hostile you pronoun in modern times. And if Gojo can’t tell Shoko (his closest friend after Geto) is stressed over him being used like a meat puppet by her visibly falling back on her addiction, he’s going to default to the assumption Sukuna hates him just as much as everyone else.

And Gojo does just that. He assumes he failed to reach Sukuna. Despite how often they did hand to hand combat and weaponized their knowledge of each other, Gojo believes they never had proper conversation through fighting. He dies not understanding Sukuna, convinced the other was not trying to communicate with him at all.

And if you recall, all of this fight occurred while Sukuna was wearing Megumi’s face. That boy is pretty much Gojo’s adopted child. From my experience, most single parents do not go looking for clones of their kids as partners.

If someone wore the skin of my family member I would assume they were trying to torment me. And torment Gojo Sukuna does. He draws attention to Megumi’s soul being used as collateral and attacks him with the 10 Shadows. We as the audience know this is all for the sake of getting past Infinity using his Shrine. Gojo doesn’t know that. He’s fighting an evil dude who is puppeting the body of his son for god knows what reason.

Seriously, Sukuna sucks at communicating intent.

In Part 3 of my examination of Sukuna’s loneliness, I said Dismantle is a tool Sukuna uses to understand. And that him upgrading it by making Gojo the center of his world was indicative of his desire to reach him. I also said his refusal to use it on Yorozu was him expressing how little interest he had in her.

Yorozu is pissed by this. She sees it as Sukuna rejecting her and I don’t think she’s wrong. Sukuna saved his special Cursed Technique (CT) for Gojo while turning Yorozu down. If we’re considering all the wedding imagery and references that started with Yorozu, I’m certainly allowed to read that as him saving himself for Gojo. (Think of how he lied to Gojo about being the first one he killed.)

There’s also the fact that Yorozu saw their battle as an expression love and lust—that the usage of CT is a type of foreplay under certain circumstances since it is an extension of the self. Combine that with the established premise that fighting is a type of a communication thanks to Maki vs Sumo Guy and you can start to see the courtship logic behind Sukuna’s treatment of Gojo.

If we are to read “The one who will teach you love is…Sukuna” there’s another adorable caveat. Yorozu uses the you pronoun あなた (Anata) for Sukuna.

It’s an informal you pronoun used by people learning Japanese. Native speakers try to avoid using it as it can come across as rude. But in the context of love? This is colloquially called the wife pronoun as its often used by a wife to her husband.

If you wanted to localize its usage in the way Yorozu means it, Anata might become “you, dear”. So here we have Sukuna dressed in white, like a bride to Gojo’s groom, thinking of him as Anata.

The problem is, Gojo doesn’t know that. Sukuna never bothered to open his mouth and say this was an act of love. Sure he told Kashimo in the most roundabout way possible, but Gojo was the one who needed to hear that. If a courtship is going to be this diabolically complicated, there has to be clear hints for the other party. JJK is not Umineko where there’s a witch that can revive the dead over and over until the idiot finally understands this was all for them.

Gojo also doesn’t have access to the kanji Sukuna uses to describe certain techinques or words. He hears the phonetics and runs with whatever best fits the context. This means there’s no way for him to catch the double-meaning unless he’s a certain type of lingust, which he is not. His manner of speech and personal interests don’t line up with the flowery language of the Heian Era. The types of written works Gojo is into are historical war politics from the Sengoku period (known for violence more than the fine arts), Shonen manga, and physics/math.

And what's this? According to CFYOW (the canon light novels): JJK Thorny Road at Dawn, Chapter 3 Asakusabashi Elegy, Gojo doesn't even like ancient poetry. You know, the thing Sukuna enjoys and tries to communicate with.

The Kokin Wakashu Gojo off-handedly disparages is a compilation of Hiean Era poetry known as Waka. This was the primary means of communication amongst the noble class and spiritual leaders at the time. And the thing is, this poetry is supposed to be read into. Down to the quality of stroke and paper, not just the kanji written. Especially for courtship.

It’s not that Gojo is stupid. He just doesn’t specialize in the studies that would give him a more critical ear to Sukuna's words. And Sukuna doesn’t seem to understand that no one in the modern era communicates like this anymore.

If you didn’t know, this is why Japanese characters introduce themselves they often describe what kanji their name is spelled with. Take for example: Satoru. He uses the kanji 悟 meaning enlightenment. This kanji can be read as Go instead of Satoru. Additionally, the name Satoru can be written in kanji as 聡 for smart, 智 for wisdom, 知 for knowledge, 了 for understanding, 哲 for philosophy, 聖 for virtuous, or 暁 for daybreak. That’s 8 different kanji possible if you hear the name Satoru.

This is why Sukuna’s wordplay for everything else can be easily missed by other characters. They hear the words and cannot read the kanji like us. Context decides what Sukuna means for them. And since Sukuna’s context for most is violence and insults, it’s very hard for them to think about his words in any other way.

And boy howdy does Gojo miss it. Sukuna straight up calls him his husband and it took me several rereads to catch it. While mocking Gojo for being unable to open his domain, Sukuna calls him "painfully ordinary". This is localized from the word 凡夫 (bonpu) which can also be translated as unenlightened. (A layered insult! Sukuna is pretty much saying Gojo's sorcery is so boring he shouldn't even call himself the Honored One.)

The thing is...Bonpu is comprised of the 2 kanji 凡 for mediocre, and 夫 for husband. (Please note that there are many other ways to call Gojo a ditz without using the kanji for husband.) And an update from the Replies: Turns out there's layers to the gayness too.

It's come full fudging circle. Gojo came dressed as a groom for a wedding and Sukuna thinks they're already married. The miscommunication is off the rails.

But wait! There's more...

Earlier I mentioned that the kanji for Enchain doubles as Megumi Activities. Let's break that down more. (Unfortunately the Twitter account of the person I referenced may or may not be nuked so here's this screenshot I've doctored.)

So we have the translation of Enchain from 契闊 (Keikatsu), which might be better localized as Separation.

This term comes from a Chinese poem about lovers who are husband and wife in The Book of Odes, Section I (Lessons from the States), Chapter 3 (The Odes of Bei), Poem 31 (Banging the Drum). (Here's a link to the full poem and context of it.)

In summary, it’s about a soldier who is on the brink of death, having lost nearly everything after being abandoned by those in power, lamenting the happiest days of his life with his love are ones he can never get back. (Hey that sounds just like what Sukuna did to Yuji!)

Keikatsu specifically comes from this passage:

“Our vow is beyond death and life”, I and you are together I always remembered. I will hold your hand, And together we grow old.

Too pitiful we are faraway apart, The distance separates us to meet again! Too miserable this takes forever, And it does not let us fulfill our vow!

Keikatsu is used to exemplify how the physical distance between the husband and wife prevents them from fulfilling their wedding vows. And that's just what Keikatsu/Enchain does to Yuji and Megumi, it causes painful separation neither of them wanted.

Keikatsu also tells Yuji exactly how Sukuna plans to do it. 契(kei)闊(katsu) can be written as 恵(kei)活(katsu). The kanji 恵 can be read as Kei or...Megumi. (It's the literal kanji used for his name.) The kanji 活 (katsu) can mean "activities", which is how we get Enchain=Megumi Activities.

A two for one special! Sukuna mocks Yuji for being so close with Megumi while telling him exactly how he's going to destroy their relationship.

It seems this has nothing to do with Gojo until you consider the 3rd possible reading from wordplay with 契闊 (Keikatsu). The kanji 契 when read as Kei refers to a promise, pledge or vow. When 契 read as Chigi? It can refer to sexual intercourse, especially between husband and wife.

So we have 契闊(keikatsu, separation), 恵(kei Megumi)活(katsu, activities), and 契(kei chigi, spousal sex)活(katsu, activities). It's no wonder he erased Yuji's memory of it.

Keep in mind, that when Sukuna uses Keikatsu, the only vow that he has made at this point is his promise to kill Gojo. He eventually does that using Megumi's body during a fight framed between groom and bride. And for reasons beyond their control, Sukuna and Gojo have been unable to fulfill that vow through lengthy separation.

Notes from poem "Banging the Drum" Sukuna references include the following:

"And during the operation, he lost his horse, which was a desperate situation (horses in ancient time carried soldier supply and weapons, are life companion for soldiers in advance or retreat), he lost his horse, his supply, maybe his armor and weapons, and the road he was facing that we may lose his life so he may never go back. In all these mess, he started searching, and somehow at this hopeless moment he started to revisit his happiest moment, when he together vowed in marriage ceremony with his wife, and he was even afraid that he might never see his love again."

"And His last statement for his true value is his home, his love, his fulfillment of his vow is his true duty. Hero's duty is to pursue love."

In Buddhism, which JJK is heavily influenced by, horses are a pretty big deal. Horses can represent the path to enlightenment, especially since The Buddha's horse is what takes him on this journey away from his wife and children. They separate in the end though, the horse dying of a broken heart.

Remember how Sukuna called Gojo unenlightened? He sort of guided Gojo to enlightenment using Mahoraga, whose Eight-Handed title is a reference to the Eightfold Path to be followed for enlightenment. Buddhist enlightenment is centered around liberation from suffering. (Just check the wiki entry to verify this.) Infinity was the source of Gojo's suffering and Sukuna cut right through it.

Sukuna has been running around with a broken heart for a good chunk of the post-Gojo fight. And if you take that into consideration with this poem and all the other symbolism, he's somehow a Buddha, a Bodhisattva, the dying husband, the widowed wife, and the heartbroken horse all at the same time. Not unlike his wordplay taking on every possible meaning at once.

But my point here is that Sukuna might’ve seen his fight with Gojo as consummation of their marriage. (There's probably a joke in here about the husband reaching climax while leaving his wife unsatisfied.) Remember in the wise words of Itagaki Keisuke, "Fighting and sex are exactly the same!"

In Conclusion?

This is possibly one of the most bizarre and elaborate expressions of love I have lost my mind over. Sukuna gave everything Gojo ever wanted from Jujutsu violently. He did it in such an unpleasant and cruel way that the target of his affection thought there was nothing between them. Sukuna also hid his intent under social norms that no longer exist. Unless Gojo happened to be into ancient literature, there was never a scenario where he would catch onto this. Sukuna's failure is critical on multiple levels.

It’s impressive. It really is. No one knows how Sukuna’s strange little brain works so he’s stuck being loner without anyone that fully understands him. (I’m still thinking about how Uraume didn’t know Sukuna was a twin for over 1,000 years.) He’d have to let people in and tell him outright, but he’s just like Gojo so I guess that’s never happening.

[highly-flammable]

What do you think Peeta is trying to say with the if I can grows wings I could fly after Katniss says it is good if he can start to identity the shiny memories as then he can figure out what is true? He then says mockingjays need wings to survive when she says real people don’t

This scene is a very subtle and tentative display of compassion between the characters.

Peeta at this point is starting to sort out some of his memories, but bear in mind that all he can do is separate the shiny ones from the ones that are not shiny. He cannot actually recover the memories which have been already tampered with, at least not by himself, and even if he is shown footage of those moments and told that the truth is different from what it feels like to him, the emotional consequences of his hijacking are still not wholly removed. All of this is to say that his mental state is extremely confused.

Katniss is trying to comfort him by offering him a simple solution, but his situation is actually not simple, and that is why he uses quiet sarcasm here. It’s like this, “Yeah, I can just sort out of the memories and learn what is true, the same way I can just grow wings and fly.” He is not being unkind towards her, but rather bleakly pointing out how unlikely it is that he will ever be able to fully understand and internalize what was true and what was not.

In response, Katniss gently tells him that people don’t need wings to survive. With this line she acknowledges that he is right and the task she spoke of like it was so simple might be impossible for Peeta, and he doesn’t have to do anything impossible to survive. It is okay that his perception of reality is a mess, it is okay that he is damaged, he can still live. (By the way, this is a big piece of development in their relationship, because as far as I remember this is the first time Katniss has been able to voice her acceptance for hijacked Peeta. This is her letting go of the near-perfect image of the old, resilient, strong Peeta, and acknowledging that Peeta is not gone, only changed, and whoever he is now, that is okay with her.)

But this kind of grace is hardly ever extended to Katniss herself. She had been turned into a symbol of revolution before she even knew it, and then she was paraded around, made to look like an inspiration and source of strength, pressured into compliance, even when she was traumatized and afraid and grieving. It is a deadly game for Katniss, with no out. She can either be the Mockingjay, or she will be destroyed.

Haunted, broken Peeta, even though he had been programmed to hate and fear her, has come to understand some of this as he tries to work out who Katniss truly is. This is perhaps especially because Coin has sent him to join Katniss’ squad. Confused as Peeta is, he is smart and likely has worked it out (especially after the psychotic break when he tried to kill Katniss roughly a day ago) that Coin actually wants her dead. He and the rest of the squad have also figured out that Katniss is lying about the mission for Snow’s assassination being sanctioned by Coin, that it is actually her personal mission. They understand, or at the very least Peeta understands, that this means Katniss knows her situation is dangerous enough that she cannot go back to anyone who can then hand her over to Coin. She feels like she herself has to end this and buy her freedom and safety through that Herculean feat. All in all, Katniss is immensely burdened. She cannot afford to be her authentic, flawed self, to be afraid or weak. She has to be a symbol of strength and hope, even now. To choose otherwise is to choose death or some other form of annihilation.

This understanding is why Peeta says, “Mockingjays do (need wings to survive)”. He cannot offer her the comfort that just being who she truly is, is going to be enough for her survival. But he can acknowledge what a difficult situation she is in.

By the way, after this exchange is the first time Katniss voluntarily touches Peeta to soothe him since his hijacking. And Peeta feels safe enough with her that he lets her.

[yvannile]

I wonder what Megumi is like after a rough mission...💭

⊹　 ︶︶　 𖹭᪲　 ︶︶　 ⊹

Megumi! Who watches you from a distance after the mission, his eyes filled with a storm of emotions he doesn’t understand himself. The images of his failure—of the people he couldn’t protect—haunt him, and when he looks at you, all he can feel is guilt. The fear of losing you, of becoming the very person who hurts you, keeps him away. He doesn’t know how to fix what’s broken, so he isolates himself, convincing himself that pushing you away is the only way to keep you safe.

Megumi! Who walks past you like you’re invisible, the weight of his failure heavy on his shoulders. He can’t look at you, not when every time he does, he’s reminded of how he couldn’t keep his promise to protect those he cares about. He tells himself it’s for the best, that he’s keeping you at a distance to shield you from the darkness within him, but all it does is make the silence between you grow unbearable. He watches as you begin to laugh with others, each smile a dagger to his heart, reminding him that he’s the one who pushed you away.

Megumi! Who can’t shake the image of your face when he snapped at you in anger and fear, the hurt in your eyes etched into his mind. In that moment, he was overwhelmed—by the guilt of his failure, the anger at himself for not doing more, and the fear of losing you. That fear consumed him, making him lash out, but now it’s suffocating him. He can’t bear the thought that he’s the one who caused the pain he’s seeing in your eyes, and it eats at him every second of every day.

Megumi! Who stands alone in the dark, remembering the screams of those who suffered because he wasn’t fast enough, wasn’t strong enough to protect them. He thinks of you, of your kindness and warmth, and the thought that he might have ruined that forever sends a chill down his spine. The more he tries to push you away, the more it feels like he’s losing you completely, but he doesn’t know how to stop. He’s terrified that if he lets you in again, he’ll only end up hurting you, just like the others.

Megumi! Who sees the distance growing between you, the way your once-friendly smiles have faded into something more reserved, more distant. He’s the reason for this coldness, and the guilt crushes him. He remembers your tears, the way you’d hide your pain, and he curses himself for not being able to shield you from his own self-doubt and turmoil. He wants to apologize, wants to beg for your forgiveness, but he’s too afraid that the damage is irreparable, that he’s already lost you.

Megumi! Who is haunted by the memory of your last conversation—the one where he pushed you away in a moment of panic and fear, certain that it was the only way to protect you. The words still echo in his mind, and each time he sees you, that same terror rises in his chest. He wants to fix things, to show you that he cares, but he’s too afraid that he’s too broken, that there’s no coming back from what he’s done.

Megumi! Who stays up at night, torn between his regret and his fear of losing you. The emotional weight is unbearable. He feels your absence like a hollow ache in his chest, knowing he’s the one who caused it. He watches as you pack up your things, and something inside him shatters. He realizes, too late, that he’s pushed you to the brink of leaving, and that the walls he’s built around himself might be the very thing that costs him your love. The thought that you might walk away for good is too much to bear, and it breaks him to know that, in his attempt to protect you, he might have destroyed everything that mattered.

≿————-　ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🌷་༘࿐　————-≾

[kindest-little-fella-in-town]

starl-high-t expreeesssss

aka. some doodles from a slowburn greased lightning/hydrusty highschool au me and my friend have been cooking up… explanations included :^]

⭐️

mx. electra is a polite & solitary compsci teacher who’s really damn good at their job, to the point that they have a gang made up of of 2020s-style neurodivergent teenagers from broken homes who stay in their classroom long after school is over to pick their brain about stuff and generally just hang out.

mr. greaseball is this big buff physed teacher who ALSO has a gang of teenage boy jocks that worship the ground he walks on. he’s macho as all hell and spends most of his free time in the school’s gym. whenever he’s not doing that, he’s off flirting with dinner ladies.

they do their best not to interact when they can help it. greaseball’s boisterous nature irritates electra. electra’s effortless charisma irritates greaseball. greaseball’s jocks probably shove electra’s nerds into lockers, and electra’s nerds probably give greaseball’s jocks 0% whenever they mark their tests. it’s slowburn for a reason!

⭐️

onto other folks. cb is a super senior who sells drugs to kids in the hallways, and slick is his protégé. she’s an a-grade student who uses her grades and Thrifty Siblings to cover for her crimes, because cb doesn’t really gaf about potential expulsion/grades slipping… he doesn’t even want to graduate. he’s just doing it for the love of the game…

(also, yes, control is the headmaster. yes, he is still, like, 7 years old. it’s funny to imagine ok)

hydra is a good kid. he is semi-involved in the Family Drug Business but doesn’t commit as hard, in part because he is far too busy angsting over the guy he has a crush on (who himself, poor oblivious idiot, is too busy angsting over the popular girl he thinks he has a crush on). he cries about it to mx. electra’s cult; in turn, they all try and wingman him in the stupidest ways possible.

also really random bonus but i wanted to draw it. greasebear Exists, as he does in most of my aus, because i feel like a stuffed animal would fix at least 50% of gb’s attitude problems (and also cause it’s really fucking funny). he keeps losing it around the building and has to find increasingly complicated ways to smuggle it back without people finding out it’s his (because every teacher thinks it belongs to a student, and it would destroy his manly image!). sakaki-azumanga-type shenanigans ensue…

⭐️

perhaps i will draw more doodles of other characters if anyone else fucks with this, or write some fic maybe. for now i’m just tossing niche self indulgence in ur faces lol,,,, enjoy🙏‼️:D

[tobyisave]

Lore/Art dump for my postcanon Kiiruma AU

Because I don't think I have it in me to write actual fic for this at the moment so just picture it with me ok?? I call it Anhedonia and it's Miu centric!

Plot / more art under the cut~

Basically, everyone's data is recovered from the NWP and Shuichi & co use it to simulate Miu, thinking she can help them rebuild Kiibo. She agrees under the condition that she builds her own body first so they can't throw her out after (which they were kinda considering ngl).

Once in her new body, she realizes she doesn't have her constant stream of ideas anymore and it really freaks her out. She starts spending all her time trying to recreate her perfect goddess body (because she believes it housed all her talent — but also fueled by a disastrous attempt to seduce Shuichi). Since her self image is completely unstable, she’s stuck making a never ending series of robot models, each one a more distorted caricature of herself than the last.

Of course she’s too busy doing this to design a new body for Alter Ego Kiibo, so she just sticks his AI inside one of her older models. But now she can’t really stand to be around him anymore, since looking at his temporary Miu body just triggers her own obsessive dysmorphia. She’s also starting to resent her existence as a robot in ways that Kiibo really doesn’t appreciate. 

The bodies are named MIU3.0, MIU3.1, etc. because Miu considers this the 3rd incarnation of herself. The first died in a car crash, and the second died in Danganronpa. 

Kiibo is also on his third life; his first self died after hurting Iidabashi, and his second self died after destroying the school — which starts to make him wonder if the world is just better off without him, since it seems that in each life he’s doomed to snap and destroy himself along with everyone he loves.

Not to mention he now has to share his Ultimate title with someone who's actually very knowledgeable and accomplished... and who won't look him in the eye anymore.

So...... basically it’s a huge trainwreck!

^^^^ Art has been most to least recent btw! This is the fake CG I drafted right after I finished V3... I started planning robot Mius the second I found out she died lmao

[aplaceforallmystupidshit]

In my Skip and Loafer re read I’ve been struck by how much Mitsumi is a product of her environment? Like I mean obvs, with Chieri’s eternal read of “You must have been raised in an environment with a lot of love” [paraphrasing] but like, it’s also in Chapter 20 right? How Mitsumi falls down a lot but is able to *pick herself back up*. When Shima doesn’t want her to get hurt we realize he’s kinda projecting his feelings about his younger self onto her, cuz he was raised in a tumultuous environment and is only now starting to learn how to want and grow.

and it’s like, so often characters (esp protagonists) are great at dealing with situations cuz of their complex and tragic backstories. And there is a point to that! It is in many ways a skill to be accustomed to dealing with the disasters of life. But also like, I enjoy that Mitsumi is a shining example of how it is kinda a superpower to have a strong and stable foundation, and how that makes her a greater presence in everyone else’s life for it. It’s not that Mitsumi doesn’t have problems, but when she does she has the ability to learn and grow without it destroying her self image. Which I think it an amazing superpower in it of itself

[whosthatfunkyrat]

Chapter 26 of Crooked Kingdom is so well written,

Literally it is a chapter of conflict. And I love that So much. Everything conflicts.

The way Kaz describes things, distance distorting, feeling too far and not far enough.

The way Inej makes him feel, her gentleness making him want to not be gentle.

His thoughts, the conflicting wants.

Helping/destroying

The way she looks at the world in contrast to how he does.

The way Kaz relies on Violence to help heal her. Direct opposites. He’s been so used to being dirty hands that he doesn’t know how to be gentle without relying on the experience of violence to help him.

Also the line “I can best this” in contrast to “he could not do this”

_______

|”creating a gap, feeling both regret and release as he broke contact with her skin”|

(Not pictured bc tumblr pic limit)

Feeling both regret and release when he stops touching her.

_______

| “He secured the knot. 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘱 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. He did not step back.” |

(Not pictured because tumblr pic limit)

Disregarding his own commands.

How the sickness is there, the need to run, but so is the need for something else (alluding to his longing to be close to her)

“Kaz thought he knew the language of pain intimately, but this ache was new.”

“After all she’d endured, he was the weak one.”

How it hurts for him to stand so close to her, but it also hurts to be so far away.

“ 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐’𝘮 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸 he thought wildly”

Despite the pain, he pushes himself close to her.

Him waiting for her to reject him, her accepting him.

His imagination running wild the moment he kisses her. Images of her, alive, well, images of love. Only to be replaced with images of loss, her dead body before him, eyes that were once filled with life replaced with coldness. He feels Disgust and longing twisting in him.

Kaz is always at battle with himself. His wants are constantly conflicting depending on what side of him is talking.

I think the reason the chapter conflicts with itself so much is because this is the first time we see inside Kaz’s head as he directly is confronted by his other self. Kaz Rietveld is the boy who wants to love. Who wants to beg Inej to stay. Who wants to kiss her. It was Rietveld who bent his head to her neck. It was Rietveld who wanted the net. It was Rietveld who took his gloves off. It’s Rietveld who keeps pulling on Brekker’s strings. Loosening him until he gives. Kaz cannot hold off his other self. He cannot hold off who he is deep down. The farm boy who was filled with wonder. Who is 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 filled with wonder every time he looks at Inej.

And what makes this stream of thought horrible- is that when you follow it, everything Rietveld does, everything he Wants, everything he tries- touching her- kissing her-

Every time Kaz tries- Rietveld dies again. In the harbor, with his brother’s body in his hands. Every time Kaz allows his softer side to take hold- he’s brutally murdered again. He drowns. And eventually what’s left standing is Brekker. Cruel and inhumane.

When Kaz kisses her neck, he gives into Rietveld. His mind is flooded with images of love, things he scarcely let himself imagine because he scarcely let himself Be Rietveld. Only when he hears her laugh, sees her smile, looks at her hair, her eyes, does his mind wander to the soft side- the tender side of himself. Only when he’s near Her does he wonder “what happens if I move closer?”.

He kisses her and desire corses through him, love corses through him. But then Rietveld dies at the harbor again. Her body turns into a corpse’s and all the lovely lively things about her die with all the same things in him.

He jumps back, and stops her when she tries to draw nearer. He becomes cruel again. Brekker. He snarls on about who he tortured, who he killed. He see’s her flinch and a pain goes through his heart because beneath the layers of Brekker he’s built atop his heart will Always be Rietveld trying to reach out.

He covers himself in a facade, a mask, layers of clothing, gloves, armor. Layers to protect the boy inside him, still raw and hurt and in need of warmth, in need of love. He has armor in more ways than just his gloves. He builds walls nearly impossible to scale. But Inej is The Wriath, and there is no wall she can’t scale, and no secret she can’t steal.

“Then you can steal my secrets too.”

The hard truth Kaz has to face is that no matter how hard he tries, he will Always Be Rietveld. Deep down he’s not a demon. He’s a human boy. He needs love, companionship, friends.

“Tell Jesper he’s missed… around the slat.”

He cannot face the world alone despite the reputation he builds around the lie that he can. He cannot keep from Loving Inej. No matter how hard he tries, no matter how scarcely he lets himself think about her- he always will eventually wind up thinking about her when he lets his guard down, let’s himself be human, even if it’s for but a moment when her hair is freed from its braid and the sunlight dances through the window behind her. When she laughs. There’s no way, no matter how inhuman he believes himself, he can keep himself from wanting human things to want. Everyone needs love. It doesn’t matter in what capacity you’re talking- everyone NEEDS it. Friendship, romance, companionship, a pet, a kind word from a stranger, opening the door for someone, any of those things- it’s human nature and there’s no avoiding it.

Kaz Brekker Thrives being called a demon. He thrives on the mystery, the myth, the cruelty. He breathes it in because he can’t survive without it. His reputation is quite literally all he has. And his friends are even a result of it. The violence Fuels him. And he’s gotten so reliant on it that he doesn’t know how to be anything else. He doesn’t know how to be anything for anyone unless it involves a scheme, a score, a bit of blood. He quite literally cannot help Inej with her bandages unless he thinks about it as if he were drawing a weapon on someone. Violence was easy.

But the truth is he cannot be Brekker solely.

And he cannot be solely Brekker happily or even contently because he knows Inej will not have him with his armor. So the only option he’s left with is to indulge in Rietveld. To let himself die again and again at that harbor, for her. To use her voice as a tether so that he may not die again. So that she may pull him out of the sea. So that Rietveld can live to give her the love he longs to. He NEEDS Rietveld because he IS Rietveld. And there is no reasoning behind it, no scheme he can concoct to keep his truest self away.

“Dirty hands would have cut his losses and moved on”

But still he says “I would come for you”

Still he reaches out, grabbing Inej’s hand, staying with her, desperately fighting back the waters.

Still, he catches her when she falls, holds her up with worry in his eyes.

Because he’s not JUST Brekker. He’s not JUST dirty hands. He cannot be. No matter how much his hurt self wants him to be. He has to fight to stay alive in the harbor every time he touches her, but he will. Over and over again. For her. For them. He has to.

I’m not suggesting Kaz has some sort of personality disorder or something-

I’m saying I think his past is who Inej sees behind the cruelty. She understands the language of pain intimately, and knows when someone is responding out of pain. I think she sees him for all he is, Brekker and Rietveld, and loves him. He isn’t two people- but one- a very hurt boy who behaves like one, who’s built his life on pain. He conflicts so much with himself because he KNOWS Rietveld was too weak to survive in the barrel. He knows he cannot let himself be too soft. His tell is his love for Inej, and when all that mattered was for him to keep his cool, he looked at her- and Van Eck took her from him. His life is the same story written again and again with a different victim of his love each time- and he’s afraid that should he love anyone, go soft for a second, he’ll lose them. But there’s no way to avoid loving people. There’s no possible way to keep from caring about his friends.

So his only option is to let them have him, have Rietveld.

His only option is to balance both sides of himself, Rietveld and Brekker.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.