#just because you’re afraid of people with penises

[brittababbles]

I’m sitting here trying to work out…. Transphobia aside because obviously but, what, and I cannot overemphasize this, the fuck

Many of you might be unaware but if you’re a transphobe there’s a 98.7% chance that your brain is replaced with mushy peas within the first five years.

[issysh3ll]

I'm super scared to suck my boyfriends dick for the first time, I said I'd do it next time we hang out because I really do want to but I'm kinda scared and I don't even know how to do it or how to make him feel good.😭 so do you have any tips or something?

Of course!

If you are feeling ready and want to do this it can be a lot of fun

If you’re nervous, make sure you let your partner know, tell him to be gentle and let you take your time. Make sure he knows to tell you when something feels good and he can give pointers while you’re going if he knows what he likes already.

Here are some tips:

- you don’t have to go deep to make it feel good. There is no need to be deepthroating to make it enjoyable for him. Keep one hand wrapped around the base so that you can control how deep you are taking him

- use your tongue. Penises like to be licked as much as vaginas do. When you first get down there, give it a good lick from bottom to top. It’ll feel good for him and give you an idea of what you’re working with. You can swirl your tongue over the tip before you put it in your mouth and he will love that

- the wetter the better. Get slobbery, drool etc

- cover your teeth. If you’re worried about biting him or scratching him you can use your lips to cover your teeth

- suck does actually mean suck. A lot of people think that when you suck dick you’re not actually sucking but you are. Once your mouth is around the dick you can suck in like you’re drinking from a straw and that will feel good for him

- just go slow, take your time. Slow and steady is the best approach. Pick a pace that is comfortable and easy to maintain and just bob your head up and down at that pace.

- all at once. You kind of have to do all the things at once. Keep sucking, keep moving up and down, keep swirling your tongue on his tip inside your mouth and keep moving your hand along the length

- breathe through your nose. Don’t let having something in your mouth stop you from breathing. You can breathe through your nose while you’re working

- If you need a break to breathe or your jaw is hurting you can pull your mouth off and just use your hand for a bit or you can just use your tongue while you catch your breath

- slurping is good. Little slurping noises around the dick really add to the experience. And don’t be afraid to moan around him. The sloppy and loud head is the best head

- eye contact. A lot of people really like eye contact while being sucked off

- Tell him not to push your head. That’s rude when they do that and it hurts. Guiding you gently is ok but shoving you down is not. Make it clear if he pushes without permission you will be stopping and not doing this again.

Those are my top tips but I’m sure your boyfriend will appreciate any contact you give him.

[princessbrunette]

Stepbro!Rafe is too hot to handle, idk out of all characters the trope suits him so well 🥵 I love your stepbro!Rafe headcanons because you just know he’d be so possessive and never let another man touch his step sis. Him with a sweet naive step sis would be so hot!! Like he makes it his business to make sure every man in Kildare is afraid of him so they never even dare approach his step sis. That leaves her never having gone on a date or even having been kissed so she innocently and naively pours her heart out to Rafe on night all vulnerable and lonely and sad thinking there’s something wrong and off putting about her because no boy has ever asked her out when all her friends are gossiping about their active dating lives and sharing intimate details of their sex lives whilst she’s feeling left out because she’s never had close to any of that. Little does she know Rafe threatens every man he sees even talking to her. So she innocently asks him stuff like “I wonder what I feels like to get eaten out” and he coaxes her into letting him do that to her because he’s just being a “helpful step brother”. And another night she’s curious about how to give a guy a blow job because she wants to be prepare for when she gets a boyfriend (foolishly thinking Rafe would let any man but himself touch her in that way) so he’s more than happy to teach her how to. And begins frequent night where she innocently wonders into room asking him to each her how to do things she hears her friends doing with their boyfriend like “Rafe, what does doggystyle mean 🥺?”, “Rafe did you know people have anal sex 😯?! Where men put their penises in inside the woman’s butt! I wonder what that would feel like???” Hmmmff step bro Rafe is a fave trope 🥵!!!

i love this a lot because there’d be so much manipulation involved and… idk when it’s rafe its hot 🙏🏼

“girls really… do this kind of thing? i don’t know rafe, it seems a little gross to m—”

“look, i just don’t want you to embarrass yourself, a’ight? you’re my little step sister… wouldn’t wanna have to beat some guys ass because he got mad you don’t know how to suck him off properly… right? y’know i’m just tryna take care of you.”

also, bonus points if reader starts to catch on. i mean you’re not an idiot, after the first few ‘lessons’, seeing how much rafes enjoying himself you start to realise it’s mostly for selfish gain. but… you turns a blind eye to it because as much as you know it’s wrong, you like it too. he makes you feel good.

you’ll come slinking into his room with your most innocent face on, pawing at him, so helpless and sweet, talking about “apparently… you can grind on a guys thigh and it feels really good… heard the girls talkin’ about it and i felt left out ‘cos i’ve never done it before…” your hand playing with the north face fleece he wore. he stares down at you knowingly, fighting away the urge to smirk.

“y’think i’m dumb or something?” he rasps after a minute and your eyes widen.

“huh?”

“you come in here… actin’ all sweet cos’ you wanna get felt up by your big bro again, ain’t that right?” the way he words it makes you recoil, shoulders practically at your ears as you rapidly shake your head. “yeah… yeah you want a freebie. i know your game.” he begins to back you against the wall, and you could cry from the humiliation.

“s’not true rafe, i just wanna learn!”

“bullshit. what happened to you, hm? i think… i think i’ve turned you into a slut.” he mocks concern, tilting his head with wide worried eyes. your bottom lip juts out just like he thought it would, shaking your head still in denial.

“no…” it comes out small.

“uh-huh. and you know what happens to sluts?” he closes in. “gotta be punished. i can’t have you turnin’ out like that… running around town trying to get yours. i gotta nip it in the bud, yeah? m’a proactive person, you know that— a good big brother, i gotta teach you a lesson.” he’s dragging you over to the bed, manhandling you to bend over his lap.

you must’ve caught him on the wrong night.

[lorainelegacy]

It’s funny that you think it’s one person “obsessed” with you and not people who see your stuff in tags and on their for you page. And yeah, the grandpa dick made it to my home page too. So it’s 100% against my will and not being “obsessed” with you like you think everyone is.

But as anon said, you are so hypocritical. You’ve never once said people can like a version of Sebastian in their head that isn’t 16. You’re just attacking people who like Sebastian all together no matter the circumstances, if they age him up, even if they are the same age as him and for what? To make yourself feel better or something? And when called out on it, you say “no I mean just people who like the game Sebastian!” First, no. You never said that, only backflipped when you got challenged for attacking half the fandom and second, you said yourself, it’s fiction and you can do what you want so why can’t everyone else? It was the 1890s, if they were real, Sebastian would be dead. Just like Grandpa Fig. Would Sebastian be 16 forever?

Fig was once 16, by that logic. Disgusting that you sexualise him because he was once a child too. Ugh.

Do you understand how fucking ridiculous you sound? Just accept you get off on a fucked up ship and own it like you’ve been told instead of moving the earth and the stars to try and make it okay.

Also, throwing slurs around, you must be a lovely person!

What the hell do I care if people like Sebastian!? You're saying things I've never said. I don't care if people like Sebastian, or Ominis, or any of the characters. I have only said that I do not think it is right that an adult person is attracted to a boy who is a minor and who physically also looks underage. That's all I've said. It's just that you have a VERY hard head and you don't understand it. I imagine that all of you (well, now I feel flattered knowing that you are more than one) share the same neuron not to understand something so simple.

I don't care that people like Sebastian, he's a great character like everyone else. And no, I've never backed down, I've always had things very clear and I'm not afraid of some kids from the fandom attacking me, I think you are adorable in fact. You just haven't understood anything. And by the way, the first to disrespect were you (in general) calling my images "monstrosities" etc. You may or may not like them, but you can criticize constructively and without attacking others (or just ignore it). I was taught homeschooling unlike others, but as you can understand I will not continue to be educated with people who do not deserve it.

By the way, if you don't want to see any more penises I suggest you block me and that's it, it's not that complicated honey.

[mushroom-gt]

so anyways, here’s a reminder that trying to engage with bigots on the assumption of good faith is a straight-up recruitment tactic. terfs operate by trying to get you to accept a reasonable opinion that no one would disagree with, and then subtly shifting the definitions until you’ve given them more ground than you intended. they don’t come out swinging with “trans women are men” it’s

“i just think women should feel safe” (sure! agreed!) -> “women shouldn’t be afraid of being assaulted in the bathroom” (yeah!) -> “people with penises shouldn’t be allowed in women’s bathrooms” (uh oh.) -> “people with penises aren’t women” (there it is.)

see how that works? they never outright say their underlying assumptions (people with penises are inherently dangerous to women; anyone with a penis in a women’s bathroom is there to do harm) but they equate these damaging positions with reasonable ones. unless you’re already versed in these tactics it’s extremely hard to back out at step three because suddenly it looks like you’re disagreeing with the reasonable opinion presented in step two.

it isn’t a debate, but they will try to make it one. there is no acceptable “middle ground” to be reached here. trans women are women, full stop. if you want to make an honest attempt at educating someone who holds these beliefs, go with my blessing, as long as you’re aware of the kind of shit you’re wading into. but saying it’s my responsibility as a trans woman to engage with someone who would prefer me dead? yeah, sorry, no. please ask yourself why you think a trans person should put themself in the line of fire and make themself a big obvious target for harassment and dogpiling because maybe it’ll make a cis person less of a bigot.

[your-ace-fluffy-neighbour]

I watched the new Ricky Gervais special on Netflix. He explains that the jokes he’s telling are just jokes and there should be no limit to comedy, because it ironic an stuff.

Listen. You’re wrong.

There were parts where the audience could easily tell if his story is exaggerated and so you could easily tell that he’s joking. But you gotta understand: saying things that many people actually say and do in real life is not the way!

You saying: “I have a jerk-off-room to baby H*tler covered in 10 years worth of cum” is not equivalent to “women aren’t funny”. One of these is believed by the majority of men, the other is clearly a joke. You can’t just say “haha jk” after stuff like “trans women aren’t women cuz they have penises”, because a joke’s a joke if we all agree that it’s a joke. Or at least agree that it’s ridiculous enough to be true. (Or if it’s a relatable subject, which in this case would be very wrong.) Many people will look at your performance and applaud you for these statements because they do think that way! (They sometimes are also afraid to show their true colors and hide their beliefs under jokes…)

And sure, you can say it’s not your responsibility, but is it really worth giving these people voice and encouragement?

[suzuki-violin-school]

Dinner with the Nymphs

Once again, I have written wind nymph Mina being a lover of penises???

Masterlist <Previous Chapter // Next Chapter>>

Y/n sat cross-legged at the edge of the pond, listening to the whisper of the trees around her as Tsuyu bathed her ward in the pond.

“Lady of the forest, I have arrived with your silk!”

Y/n jumped, startled by the sudden loud voice. The barbarian murderer king sighed heavily as Tsu continued wiping him down with the cold pond water.

“And who is this?” The criminal asked exasperatedly.

“My name is Denki,” the newest nymph introduced, handing carefully folded silk to Y/n. She stood up to take it, examining the cloth closely.

“Wow, I didn’t know you knew how to fold things, Denki,” she said, genuinely in awe of the smooth folds.

“I don’t, Fumikage helped,” Denki sighed sadly. “So this is the infamous deer-killer, huh? I can’t wait for the trial tomorrow!”

“So does everyone here know I killed a deer?” The barbarian asked frustratedly.

“Yeah,” Denki said casually, nodding. “Koji is fuming. It’s terrifying, I’ve never seen him so angry.”

“There,” Tsuyu said softly, water sloshing around her as she exited the pond, taking the barbarian’s hand and tugging him along with her.

“Oh, it’s a human-man penis!” Denki said excitedly. Mina appeared beside him in a rushing whirlwind, grinning.

“I heard the word penis and came flying!” She said excitedly. Her eyes went wide as she stared at the criminal hunter. “Wow! I’ve never seen a human penis before!”

“Stop staring at my junk!” The barbarian cried, hurriedly covering himself with his hand. “It’s super invasive for us normal people, you forest freaks!”

“Y/n, you’re the one in charge of him, right?” Denki asked. Y/n nodded in reply. “Is there a way for you to shut him up? I don’t like the way he’s talking to us.”

“We’re supposed to treat him like a guest,” Y/n said, sighing. “I don’t know why the king told me to be nice to him, but I have to respect the king’s orders. That means no shut-up spells.”

“Ugh. The king bosses you around all the time,” Denki whined. “I wish you could just-”

“Denki,” Mina said firmly. She gestured to the barbarian. “Keep our matters in-house. The guest’s fate hasn’t been decided yet, so don’t go talking about other people’s secrets!”

“I’m pretty sure the guest’s fate has been decided,” Denki said slowly. “Just not publicized. Yet.”

“We won’t know until tomorrow,” Tsu said, taking the silken clothes from Y/n.

Tsu was quiet as she dressed the guest in fae silks, watching him silently as he watched Y/n whispering with Mina and Denki.

“If you’re all nymphs, the hell element is Denki in charge of?”

“You’ll see for yourself later,” Mina said teasingly, taking Denki by the hand and walking off towards the homely tree. “We need to help set up the feast!”

“I’m afraid I have to join them, too,” Tsu said politely, taking her leave of the hunter-king and trotting off towards the carved tree.

“…And that leaves me with you,” he grumbled, glaring at Y/n. “What the hell kind of secrets do you people even have? And why were those other nymphs talking about my trial like that?”

“The fae are tricksters,” Y/n explained vaguely. “It’s already known your trial won’t be fair. The king has three unfair judgments for trials like this, and Denki thinks he knows how your trial will turn out tomorrow because he remembers when- Well, we’ve all seen plenty of trials pass this way.”

“You’re making it sound like the king’s gonna kill me.”

“He might,” Y/n said casually. “Come, it’s time for dinner. As the guest of honor, no one gets to eat until you’re served, and I’m sure everyone is holding Denki back from breaking that rule.”

“What’s with you and rules?” The barbarian asked. “That’s what Denki was going off on about earlier, right? You’re always following uptight rules and shi- And stuff?”

A look crossed the nymph’s face for a brief moment that sent chills up the barbarian’s spine.

“…Come. Dinner.”

Y/n walked towards the carved tree briskly, leaving the barbarian behind to catch up with her after a moment. Clearly, she did have secrets, but clearly, it was best not to bring them up. 

There was a long wooden table set up outside of the tree that was clearly home to the nymphs- Crudely carved, yet well-maintained. The strings of light in the trees were dark, unlit since the outsider’s arrival since the sun had still been high.

“Your spot is at the head of the table, esteemed guest,” Mina teased. “And now, you’ll get to see one of my favorite of Denki’s tricks!”

“Lights please, Denki,” Y/n said politely, taking the seat closest to the barbarian. “I’ve refueled all the lanterns.”

Denki grinned, rubbing his hands together mischievously.

“Y/n, my darlingest, do I have your blessing to burn the wood of your trees?”

“Yes,” Y/n said firmly, nodding. “I give you my blessing to use your power against me.”

“Awesome!” Denki said excitedly, standing up and extending his arms in front of him. The barbarian watched, entranced, as Denki’s fingertips began to spark. The nymph leaned forward towards the center of the table and set his hands on a small, meticulously-stacked pile of twigs. The sparks of his hands against the wood set the twigs on fire. He did the same thing with a lantern hanging beside him, lighting dry wood aflame in place of a candle. 

“Oh, oh! This is the cool part!” Mina said excitedly.

The barbarian watched as Denki wrapped his whole fist around the string all the lights were hanging from. With a particularly intense surge of lightning from the nymph, the pure energy traveled the length of the- wire, not just a string, the barbarian king noticed. Each lantern hung in the trees lit up one by one in quick succession, the entire grove going from barely illuminated by the deep sunset to being washed in bright patches of light. 

“So? What’d you think, criminal?” Denki asked, hyper as he sat back down in his seat.

“It was… Cool,” the barbarian said. He sighed. “And would you stop calling me that? I have a name just like all you forest freaks do.”

“What is that name?” Tsu asked.

“Bakugo.”

“Sounds like you just made that up,” Denki grumbled. He perked up again as new nymphs exited the carved tree with platters of food in their hands. “Time for a feast!”

Bakugo eyed the new nymphs carefully as they set the platters down on the table, and he spoke before they even sat down.

“One of you is Koji, right?” He asked. One of them nodded silently. “Sorry I killed your deer. May I have your blessing to eat the meat you guys just served? At least, I’m assuming it’s from one of your creatures or some shit.”

The barbarian realized his mistake only as Y/n backhanded him across the face again.

“Your vile words are insulting,” she hissed. She turned to look at Koji. “He could’ve said it nicer, but at least he tried, right? Please don’t starve the guest.”

“I give you my blessing to eat the flesh of my animal,” Koji said, sighing. “And thank you for the apology, though your punishment’s already been decided.”

“Yeah… About that- Tree nymph lady, what did you mean when you said the king has three predetermined trial sentences?”

“‘Tree nymph lady’?” Denki repeated, giggling. “Y/n, did you tell him your name is sacred again?”

A sly grin crossed Y/n’s face as she nodded.

“It’s funny watching them fumble,” she admitted. She cleared her throat before answering her ward. “We’ve already told you more than you’re supposed to know. I can’t morally tell you the possible outcomes of your trial.”

“Yuga might just kill you and be done with it,” Denki said. He glanced at Koji. “Does your blessing extend to the rest of us?”

“It always does,” Koji said, smiling at his friend. 

“Thanks a million times over!” Denki said excitedly, reaching for the platter closest to him with his bare hands.

“Wild creature,” another of the new nymphs muttered, reaching for the same platter with a fork in his hand. 

“Never expect Denki to act civilized, Rikido,” Mina said, laughing. “I don’t think he’s ever used silverware before.”

“Oh, I know,” Rikido said, sighing.

“So what are you all about, Rikido?” Bakugo asked, watching as Y/n filled his plate for him. “Like- The spirit of food or something?”

“Oh, I’m not one of them,” Rikido said, vaguely gesturing to the nymphs surrounding them both. “I’m just a guy who’s good at cooking. I was born in this forest, though, so I don’t leave.”

“Huh.”

Y/n set a full plate in front him, comprised mostly of meat but still holding a generous helping of unfamiliar berries and a fruit he’d once been told was poisonous. Something about the way she’d put together a meal so perfectly tailored to him without having known him long was… Impressive.

“Eat. Tomorrow will be difficult.”

“…Thanks, Y/n.”

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[redheadbigshoes]

Another way I think the"lesbian = terf" thing is damaging is that it makes lesbians that are not attracted to or uncomfortable around penises feel excluded from a lot of places.

It's possible that it's changed because I haven't frequented them recently, but I was driven away from the lesbian subreddits for this reason. It felt like they were so afraid of being accused of being TERF spaces that they felt the need to over compensate with frequent posts about non- wlw trans stuff, and comments on most posts on any topic would be filled with ppl saying how much they loved trans women and "girl dick". No matter how relevant or irrelevant it was.

The general trans posts were the most irritating, because there are plenty of trans and general LGBTQ+ subreddits where they would be more appropriate! I understand the need for solidarity, but I feel like the more general spaces are enough for that? Again my big problem wasn't posts about both trans and sapphic things, just the posts that had nothing to do with anything sapphic. It's just weird when you're scrolling through a lesbian subreddit and there's more posts about trans things than lesbian things.

I guess the comments didn't exactly bother me, now that I think about it more. It's more that it was just really odd that those communities felt the need to constantly affirm how supportive they are of trans people. Because you can scroll through mlm subreddits and you definitely won't see anything similar with them talking about trans men..

I hope this doesn't come across wrong. I know I did stray from the topic I was aiming for when I started typing this ask. For the record I do 100% believe that trans women are women and do belong in sapphic spaces if that's how they identify! I just don't believe lesbians should feel the need to say something about trans rights and wanting to date a trans girl every 5 seconds to avoid being called TERFs, or have someone jumping down their throat with "you forgot trans girls!" if they say they like vaginas, or that they don't like penises.

Yeah I agree with you. Some people have trauma with certain genitalia, some people are simply not attracted to certain genitalia. It doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to trans people, just that you’re not comfortable/attracted to the ones that have a penis.

Even though I personally wouldn’t mind dating someone with a penis it doesn’t mean every other lesbian does the same.

And yeah I often see gays talking about not being attracted to trans men (sometimes not because of genitalia, but because of transphobia) and the way people attack lesbians way more than them just shows the double standards they have and how misogynistic they are.

And I also agree with you about the last part. Non-lesbians need lesbians to constantly prove they’re not terfs (and even if you do that you’re probably still gonna be called a terf), and that doesn’t really happen when it comes to other identities. And I feel like when it comes to straight women, straight men and gays people don’t do the same if they talk about how they only like [insert genitalia], but when it comes to lesbians… I do understand some people exclude certain genitalia because of transphobia (probably because they don’t see, for example, trans women that have a penis as women), but a lot of people simply don’t like it or are not comfortable with it.

[doberbutts]

Hey Jaz, this month I’ve been thinking a lot, and I’ve been reading and watching and listening a lot thanks to you! I’ve accepted that I’m trans, and I’ll always be trans but I’m afraid I can’t ever transition fully because of my physical limitations, I’m 5”0 and I’ve got bad hips that prevent me from exercising properly, very large breasts etc, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t feel like the process of transitioning is worth it for me if I’m not going to ever truthfully pass as a man y’know? I’m just a bit lost now, everything feels so far and so near. I hope you’re doing well, rest easy.

Hey, thanks for your patience with this ask. I didn't want to fire off some short bullshit in response to this on my phone, which meant I had to wait until I was at an opportunity to be in front of my computer.

I don't know your exact limitations, but I want you to remember that people come in all shapes and sizes, and that includes men. I know short men, tall men, men with wide hips, men with delicate shoulders, men with moobs, men with pecs that would fill a bra bigger than my cup size, skinny men, fat men... and all of those I mentioned include both men who were born with penises, and men who were not.

So you're not going to transition into a skinny tall waif-like twink. That's okay, not all men look like that. I certainly won't look like that! You might not even be approaching dadbod or hunk territory. That's okay! There's plenty of short, curvy cis men out there that everyone recognizes as men.

Not everyone passes. Not everyone who fears they won't pass ends up not passing. You can't control what traits T gives you. I know trans men who have never exercised a day in their lives who are just physically active enough at their jobs to have gotten significant gains just by taking T. I know trans men who have poured years of labor at a gym and come up with little noodle arms. I know cis men on both sides of that coin as well.

Hell, if you want TMI with Jaz time, I'm not even on T yet and what I've got in my pants is bigger than one of my cis exes. Not even exaggerating, the first time we had sex he complained that he was smaller than the guy supposedly born without.

The thing is, at least with me since I am exposed to a pretty wide variety of men thanks to my dating pool, that there is no one correct way to be a man, and there is no one specific look that is "male".

No matter if you ultimately decide if transition is "worth it" to you or not- and that is a personal journey that every transgender person goes through- you owe it to yourself to live your truth as authentically as you can. Be safe, be kind to yourself, and for what it's worth... you don't have to pass to be a man. I hope things get better for you, anon.

[rawiswhore]

Shawn Michaels, Triple H x Fem Reader- "Titties & Beer" Part 1

Sorry for not posting a fanfic on Thursday.

I did type a fanfic that day and planned on posting it, but I didn't finish it.

I almost finished the fanfic yesterday, but I had these thoughts before finishing the fic.

_____________________________________________________________

At the end of the year 1997, the former classy 1800's blueblood gentleman Hunter Hearst Helmsley was turning into what he'll still be known as today: Triple H.

No longer was he wearing those white, long sleeved button down dress shirts and carrying a cane, he started off by wearing short sleeved polo shirts, and eventually tight short sleeved T-shirts, black leather jackets and blue denim jeans.

He also acted differently too, from scoffing and turning his nose up at those lower than him who had bad manners, he suddenly became what he hated: spitting at the camera, acting rebellious and refusing to listen to authority.

He also joined up with one of the most iconic wrestlers of the 1990's and all time: Shawn Michaels, where they'd form a little duo, or rather trio, called D Generation X.

The reason I put "trio" is because Hunter's bodyguard Chyna was also a key member.

D Generation X were rebellious, obnoxious, out of control disrespectful cads who would do anything to annoy and anger people and refused to follow rules.

They're basically if oppositional defiant disorder was a person, or rather, people.

Some people could also say D Generation X were fratboys: uncouth, usually classless young men that are members of college fraternities.

Even though they didn't guzzle beer in the ring and party, DX did act rather fratboy-like, between mooning the crowd their asses, acting obnoxious and immature, and sexually objectifying women.

Since they acted like the fratboys you remember from high school and college, an idea popped into your head involving Shawn and Triple H.

You also thought of inviting Jeff Hardy to your rendezvous, since he and his brother wrestled in the WWF in December of '97, although he as well as his brother didn't play a character in the WWF at that time.

Jeff was and still is so damn hot and cute, but then you remembered Jeff wasn't old enough to drink then.

Then again, Jeff did lie about his age during the mid 1990's, and while no one drinks alcohol once they turn 21, Jeff wasn't the legal drinking age.

Besides, Jeff didn't play a fratboy at that time.

You also thought of inviting Billy Gunn, who was now in a wrestling duo known as the New Age Outlaws, but the New Age Outlaws really played Southerners who stole things, hence their names, not exactly fratboys (though fratboys can steal things).

And while Billy is handsome and the hot one in the New Age Outlaws, he isn't really that hot.

In December of 1997, after a time Shawn and Triple H acted like immature imbeciles on "Monday Night Raw", you shared with Triple H and Shawn an idea you had involving them.

Shawn smiled from ear to ear hearing your idea, and even Triple H liked your idea as well, and you talked with them over where they should do your agenda.

You talked over if you should do it in a hotel or motel room, that gives it more of the feel of being in a dorm since Triple H and Shawn are roleplaying as fratboys, but you're worried people next door will hear Shawn and Triple H chanting and shouting and won't be able to sleep.

Triple H, too, is worried about people next door hearing him and Shawn celebrating and cheering.

You did suggest doing it in your locker room or the wrestling locker room in general, though you are afraid other wrestlers might see what you, Shawn and Triple H are doing.

You're pretty sure most of the wrestling roster are sick of seeing you having sex in the locker rooms.

You decided to do it in a motel, since it adds to the roleplaying of being in a fratboy's dormitory.

Plus, you're booked to this motel to sleep in, so are Triple H and Shawn and most of the other WWF roster.

When you invited Triple H and Shawn to a motel room, you as well as they brought a 6 pack of beer cans and extra bottles of vodka and tequila, just in case you'd run out of one bottle of vodka and tequila.

Remember, fratboys are infamous for being partiers that get drunk, especially on beer.

After you, Shawn and Triple H were in the motel room, you crouched down to the floor until you were standing on your knees on the carpet while Triple H and Shawn stood in front of you.

Shawn and Triple H were both dressed in T-shirts and denim jeans, they both had their long hair hanging down, not having an elastic band tying back their hair in a ponytail.

You love the way they look like this and told them to look like this for the occasion.

Shawn and Triple H both grinned while looking down at you at the floor, their thumbs unbuttoning their jeans and sliding the zippers down.

Now, they didn't unbutton each others jeans, like Triple H unbuttoning Shawn's jeans and vice versa, as well as didn't zip each other's zippers down.

Your eyes were growing wide and wild whilst they unbuttoned and unzipped their jeans, only for them to grab the sides of their jeans and pull them down to their knees.

The roof of your mouth could nearly salivate seeing their cocks in front of you, your mouth spread an ear to ear smile seeing their penises in front of you, Shawn and Triple H can tell by the expression on your face that you're ready for their dicks.

Since fratboys are known for chugging down beer, you took your hands and wrapped your fingers around the bottom of Shawn and Triple H's shafts and pulled their penises closer to your face, specifically your mouth.

Your hands haven't touched the carpeted floor because you don't want your hands to touch Triple H and Shawn's penises after they've touched the filthy floor.

You made the tip of Shawn's penis enter your mouth first, where the tip of his penis was in between your lips and halfway inside your mouth.

You started sucking on his dick, letting his shaft get into your mouth this time, your mouth bobbing and going up and down his penis.

His cock was growing harder while you sucked his dick, blood swelling and circulating to his shaft, making his penis grow longer and stand taller.

Some precum leaked out of his slit and dripped onto your tongue as well as down your throat, some of his precum seeped into your tongue.

Shawn was smiling from ear to ear whilst you sucked on his penis, and if any precum was spilling out of his slit, your throat swallowed it, you also leaned your head back like you really are guzzling on a beer.

Shawn could hear the gulping noises your throat was making while sucking his penis, implying you're swallowing his precum.

Shawn and Triple H are really thinking about chanting "chug! chug! chug!" like they really are fratboys partying, you thought of them doing that as well, but not only are those chants unsexy, people next door will hear you.

Although, this is what fratboys do, or at least stereotypical ones: they chant "chug! chug! chug!" while someone chugs a beer or any other alcohol.

Was it necessary for you to wrap your fingers around Triple H's shaft, considering you're not doing anything with his penis right now besides holding it?

However, Triple H is getting an erection while he looks at you giving Shawn a blowjob, Trips' shaft has blood circulating into it and swelling it up, making it stand up.

Speaking of Triple H, he's smiling whilst he looks at you, though he is wondering deep inside why you're not masturbating his dick or anything despite holding his shaft.

Since you're busy sucking on Shawn's cock, Shawn lifted his hands and made them form an "x" shape at his wrists above his crotch, where he gently slammed those hands above his genitals, making sure not to knock the wind out of his stomach.

"Suck it!" he shouted while his hands were in that "x" shape crashing into his abdomen, thrusting his crotch out when he shouted that vulgar catchphrase.

He laughed and cackled a bit after he shouted that obscene quote, even Triple H couldn't keep a straight face and he burst a bit into laughter as well.

Their laughter was spreading to you, you couldn't help but crack a little smile while you had his cock in your mouth.

And you did try to continue sucking it, sucking his cock and swallowing any precum trickling out of his shaft.

When you sucked his penis, you didn't lick precum off of his shaft, since you're basically chugging down his precum like it's a beer.

Shawn's hands separated from each other and made chopping motions at his cum gutters as they're called, his hands forming a "v" shape this time at his crotch.

"Suck it!" he repeated while his hands made chopping motions and formed a "v" shape pointing at his crotch, thrusting and pushing his genitals forward while he shouted that vulgar phrase.

And you obeyed him, still continuing to suck onto his penis, gulping his precum down your throat.

You sucked his cock for a while after hearing him shout that, giving yourself time to suck his penis.

Triple H's hands joined together and crossed at the wrist, making an "x" shape, where he slammed those hands into the area above his crotch but below his abdomen, not slamming them too hard.

"Suck it!" Triple H exclaimed, smiling when he shouted that and while he slammed his hands above his genitals in an "x" shape.

Your peripheral vision could see Triple H's hands form an "x" shape and crash a few inches above his private parts, and since Triple H hasn't had his cock sucked yet, you shifted your head, face and mouth over to Triple H's penis, letting his penis inside your mouth this time.

Your lips were wrapped around the head of his cock and eventually his shaft, where you sucked on his dick, feeling how hard his penis was.

Your mouth was automatically elevating up his shaft while you sucked it, precum began to spill out of his slit and seep into your tongue.

Your throat was there to swallow any precum that spilled out of his shaft, gulping and chugging it down.

Does Triple H and Shawn really need to shout "suck it!" while they crotch chop at you?

You know what their gesture means without the words!

Triple H's hands separated from each other and made chopping motions towards his penis, his hands forming a "v" shape this time.

"Suck it!" he repeated again while his hands made that "v" shape and chopping motion at his genitals, and since his penis was in your mouth, he made his crotch push and thrust when he shouted "suck it!".

Shawn laughed when Triple H shouted that, Trips grinned while he exclaimed that quote.

Wonder if people next door hear Triple H and Shawn shout that vulgar quote?

Triple H's hands moved up and down at his private area, not masturbating his dick, but his hands made these chopping motions while still forming a "v" shape" when the tips of his fingers pointed at his crotch, basically doing NWO's crotch chop.

His hands did this over and over without shouting "suck it", even though it's so sexy when he shouts that vulgar catchphrase DX will always be remembered for.

And you listened to him, sucking his cock for a while, swallowing his precum and not licking his shaft.

Some people guzzle beer with 2 or more cans or bottles, just look at Stone Cold Steve Austin or ECW's Sandman.

When you reached the top of his penis, you pulled your face away from his cock and turned your head in between Shawn and Triple H's dicks.

You opened and widened your mouth as much as you could and tilted your head back, where while you still gripped onto their shafts, pulled their dicks, specifically the heads of their penises, closer to your mouth, although their penis heads were already quite close to your mouth.

You pulled their penis heads underneath your top row of teeth, where you proceeded to masturbate their shafts, pumping up and down their hard erections.

Your fingers rotated around their shafts when you jacked them off, your fingers could feel how wet their boners are thanks to being in your moist mouth, as well as some of their precum probably trickling down their shafts.

Their penis heads are pointing and aiming at your mouth, into your mouth.

Some of their precum did get into your mouth, but it is rather difficult.

You shut your eyes just in case they jizz on your face, when you get cum in your eyes, it hurts.

Shawn and Triple H saw you jacking their cocks off and pointing them into your mouth, they both smiled from ear to ear at this.

[felswritingfire]

Would you mind doing sfw and nsfw with dating Hephaestus from TAS? Also can the reader be male, if not thats okay.

Anon, you are my favorite person now and OF COURSE I CAN DO A MALE READER, DEAR

(Also this is another one that’s a second round because,,,,,, Tumblr decided that the original draft was a good sacrifice to Cthulu,,,,, haaaha)

Dating Hephaestus

(SFW)

Hephaestus is elated when you two get together

It's a bit weird at first, especially since he keeps calling you Mama while he holds his hand, so, like, there’s a couple of mixed messaging there

After a while he (truly) comes to terms with the fact you may have his Mama's soul in you- but that doesn't mean that you're his Mama

And once your relationship has been a thing for a month or two, he'll start using your actual name, which he's really blushy about it the first couple of times he uses it 

He likes to make you little trinkets out of scraps of metal that he manages to get his hands on

They can range from being figurines of you two holding hands to an intricately designed pocket knife and even a chain to hold your wallet (if you use one that is!)

You have no clue how he gets so much detail into such little things, but boy does he do a good job of it, holy shit-

He will combust into a flustered mess if you compliment him; he will also be glowing for the next week as well

He prefers at home dates opposed to ones that involve you guys going out, he’s super paranoid from what has happened in the previous loops

His favorite at home dates involve you guys popping in a movie and him laying his head on your chest as he listens to your heart beat and his arms loosely hugging around your waist and you play with his hair or rub his shoulders

He will go out on a date every once in a while if you really want to, he’s just on guard for more than half of it and even jumpier than normal, but he’ll try just for you!

He gets really shy with kisses, he’ll give you a hesitant peck if you smooch him first

After he does, though, he’ll hide his face in his hands, trying to hide the blush that’s raging on his cheeks

Heph is not surprisingly a possessive partner; he’s terrified about the possibilities of you getting hurt, coupled with his insecurities, he has a nasty tendency to come off as hostile to other people that he deems as a threat. Especially Talos

 If he catches him chatting to you or (oH NO) touching you, he will go charging up to him and get in his face, the ever-burning flame on the side of his face glowing a furious red, as he bears his fangs at Talos 

It’s really up to you to calm him down: take his face into your hands and whisper sweet words to him or place a kiss on his cheek and he’ll immediately relax

He enjoys listening to your voice and it calms him down immensely

No matter if you’re taller than him or shorter, he will hide behind you when he gets nervous with a situation 

If you haven’t already, you’re definitely meeting the Crafters 

And you get sucked into their family really fast after their done freaking out about the fact that Heph actually has a boyfriend

NSFW

AMAB USED

(Sub Hephaestus)

I apologize if you’re a sub, but you’re most likely gonna have to take the reigns the first couple of times

Our boy is horrified at the thought of hurting you and his insecurities get the better of him in most cases so he’ll just freeze until you make a move

He really likes when you press him against the bed/cushions while massaging his pecs with your other hand and sucking his earlobe

He’ll sigh and arch into you, resting trembling hands against your lower back as you trail kisses down his body until you hit the zipper of his jump suit and take it between your teeth and slowly drag it down

He’s a tad embarrassed of the size of his dick (he feels that it’s too big, which fun fact for y’all! He made Talos’ dick smaller and it makes complete sense why because Ancient Greeks would view smaller penises as more attractive than bigger ones! The more you know, if you didn’t already)

But if you manage to deep throat him (judging by the size of his bulge, our boy is pretty well endowed) he will instantly N U T- and no, there is no warning, the feeling of the walls of your throat fluttering at the weight of his cock resting at the back of it will be enough to send him to the ninth heaven, let me tell you

If you give him a rim job he will be a mess

He’ll hold onto the sheets/cushions as he loses himself in the feeling of your hot tongue laving against him; groaning as he feels you poke inside of him

He’ll adamantly press his ass back against your mouth though

He’ll squirm when you start to finger him, blushing all the way down to his neck, it only getting deeper as you begin to add more fingers and scissor him to loosen the tight ring of muscle until he’s begging you to please, please put it in- please, oh, Gods, he needs your cock right now-

His head will snap back and he’ll arch his back as you enter him, slowly, marveling at the feeling of being filled by you as you leave him breathless

You can actually feel his entire body tremble as you bottom out, your balls flush against him as you give him time to adjust

He prefers doggy style when you top because he’s genuinely embarrassed of the possible faces he makes

The loudest he gets is groaning and even then it’s really not that loud 

His entire body will tremble when he cums

If Heph bottoms it is A GOOD TIME IS WHAT I’M GETTING AT

(Top Hephaestus)

Just because he prefers to sub at the beginning doesn’t mean that he’ll never top, it just takes him a bit to warm up to it is all

When he does top, he prefers positioning you in a way where he can see your face, though he’ll completely understand if you’d prefer one where your facing away

On the topic of positions, he really, really likes the cowgirl (cowboy, in this case, I suppose-)

It gives him a chance to watch you bounce on him and feel the tight walls of your ass clench around him while allowing you to set the pace! It’s great and it’s practical- what’s better for an inventor like him then that????

He’ll treat you like a god: smoothing his hands over your chest and stomach, before caressing your hips before running a hand back up to your navel and following the path down to your erection where he can tease it with slow and gentle touches

He’s kind of afraid he’s going to break you, not gonna lie

Heph isn’t the best at oral, but he isn’t the worst either

He thinks it feels a little funky at first to have something in your mouth and he might just stick to sucking and you’ll definitely have to convince him to take more of you, because???? He has a gag reflex and he’s so afraid of accidentally throwing up on you, my dude, and then you’ll never want to have sex with him again- and what if you break up with him over this??? HE CAN’T HANDLE THAT-

There has to be a lot of communication and encouragements from you to him to get him to calm down

He’s eager to please, he’s just nervous he’s going to fuck up

He’s much, much better at fingering

Like, he knows how to hit your prostate just right that you’ll be seeing stars and it won’t even take him very long for him to find it

Once he does, he’ll hyper focus on it for a bit because he really likes the way your skin flushes when he does grind his fingers against it

You might be overstimulated before you start ngl

Once he’s done hyper focusing on your (poor) prostate, he’ll be very slow about entering you, because again, our boy is pretty big 

But boy, does he feel amazing-

You can feel every vein as he presses into you and the stretch, even despite how much he stretched you with his fingers, still has that burn that quickly dissipates into pleasure

Once he bottoms out, he’s trembling to keep himself up and trying not to loose himself in the feeling of you

He starts out with soft, slow thrusts but if you ask/tell him to go faster he’ll for sure oblige

If he’s jealous he’ll be a tad rougher than normal; he might actually bite you if you don’t watch it

After Sex

He’ll be blissed out afterwards, his consciousnesses, seemingly, floating about in the clouds, no matter if he was top or bottom

But that doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t cater to your needs- you need a glass of water? On it. Need a towel to wash off? You want the yellow or the red one? You want to take a bath with him? He’s already got the water running

If you just want to cuddle afterwards though, he won’t be one to say no, but he will remind you that either he/you need to... clean yoursleves out it y’all didn’t use a condom (practice safe sex, my pals!) in a little bit

Even if you guys had sex a hundred times, he’d still get flustered about it

[transamorousnetwork]

Am I Attracted To Transgender People?

Dear The Transamorous Network,

I’m Jay and I’ve been interested in your site for a while. The only thing is, I don’t know exactly where I fall in the whole transamorous thing. Because I can’t really say that I’m specifically into transgender women.

What I find is that I’m a straight man actually into clean shaven effeminate men who cross dress. Unlike trans-attracted men, I pretty much label what I have as a fetish. I compare it to men who are into dressing up in leather, but instead, I’m into gay guys that dress up in women’s clothing and wear makeup. I’ve know this since I was in my early 20’s and now I’m in my late 50’s. But I struggled with it because I was afraid that this made me gay. So I explored that just to see if it was the case and as hard as I tried, I was just not into men. Not into muscles, penises, bodily hair, masculine men, bears, twinks, etc. But an effeminate gay guy dressed in women’s clothing was a turn on.

In my 30’s I had the opportunity to be with 2 cross dressers and it was amazing. Neither evolved into sex, but there were numerous kissing sessions with both and I can say the level of sensuality was incomparable.

Here’s the twist. I’m married and have been for 20 years. But still, I have that part of me that still has this attraction, however I have no intention nor desire to act on it. My outlet is through cross dresser porn once in awhile. I will not venture past that because I refuse to cheat on my wife with a cross dresser or anyone else for that matter. So this feeling is something that will obviously not go away and it’s not hurting anyone so I’m just trying to accept it.

My reason I’m writing this is because I don’t know where I fit into the transamorous title. When I’m watching adult materials, I actually skip the transgender section and go straight to the cross dresser section of the gay site to find depictions of bottom cross dressers being intimate with top men. And again, the level of intimacy and chemistry that I enjoy is unmatchable. So I’m not sure if there are others who relate to this.

Lost in my sexuality

Howdie Lost!

There’s no need to label your interests. Especially no need labeling your interest as a “fetish”. Your interest is not “abnormal”. “Normal” gets us all into so much trouble. What’s normal is, the vast diversity of everything, including sexual and romantic interests as well as sexual and romantic expression. So just enjoy what you enjoy and be done with this.

Your interest as you describe it doesn’t fit in the category “Transamorous” though. Transamorous as defined by its creator (not me) means “someone who is romantically interested in transgender people.” You describe your interest as categorically not that.

Now, some cross dressers are likely somewhere along a trajectory leading toward perhaps some version of transitioning from male to female. That could make that person trans, even if they don’t recognize it in them yet, in the same way trans-attracted men would, strictly, be defined as “queer”. But again, who cares if your interest falls into whatever category?

What we offer, in terms of encouraging people towards what they want, towards greater self-appreciation, self-acceptance and self-love, applies equally to everyone. Not just transgender and trans-attracted people even though that’s our focus at The Transamorous Network. In other words, no reason exists justifying you feeling confused, bunged up or shameful about what you find attractive, arousing or alluring. Enjoy your experience for what it is: a unique expression of what you uniquely are.

So what that you’re married. You can be married and still enjoy your attraction. It would be better if your marriage partner knew this about you, of course. That could afford greater freedom of both expression and being. But I can understand if they (your marriage partner) don’t know and you wanting to keep them in the dark, as many marriages aren’t built so much on trust and honesty as they are on desire, security and social norms.

The whole “am I gay” story trips so many people up, you’d think it’s the only option to “straight”. But there are as many variations of human sexual and gender expression as there are people. I would encourage you to drop labels and attempts to categorize yourself and accept who you are as you are and know what you are is right…just as you are. Relief you might feel in that may open more doors to all kinds of pleasurable futures.

Life is meant as a fun experience. Make it so by telling stories consistent with that. Then watch how your life becomes fun, the way it’s meant to be.

TTN

Dear The Transamorous Network,

Wow…wow!

Thanks so much for this affirming and uplifting reply. This made my day! I’ve had this attraction for years and have always kept it as my private joy.

I must admit that there was a ton of “confusion” in regards to my orientation at first but I never felt that I was gay because the litmus test that I used was that I had no desire to “receive.” By that, I mean even though I had a major turn on for transvestites, I had no desire to give oral or receive anal from them. I suppose to put it in gay terms, I would be considered a top. And not that this means anything, but we like what we like.

In regards to sharing this with my wife, I’m still a bit shy about doing that. Although she is liberal, there are still some conservative resembling opinions that I’m sure would inhibit her from fully embracing that part of me. I also know that there are people who are fully aware of their spouses’ tastes, but they make it work. For example, I belong to an Atheist organization and met a woman at one of the conventions who was happily married to a man, yet she identified as bi-sexual. For her, it was enough to state that she is bi-sexual and she has no desire to cheat on her husband. Likewise, I can say that I have an insatiable attraction to transvestites, but it doesn’t mean that I am going out there to live out my fantasy. I was with a gay crossdresser years ago and while it was very intimate, we did not go the whole way. But for me, that memory is enough for me to cherish because without a doubt, it was one of the most sensual, intimate experiences of my life.

I think that what it boils down to is that we all like what we like and there’s nothing at wrong with it as long as no one is getting hurt or taken advantage of. I’m trying to embrace this more and more and your response has helped me tremendously already.

So thank you for your words of encouragement. You are very good at this and I’m sure that you’re helping a lot of men who are dealing with a lack of self-acceptance.

All my very best,

Lost, but now found

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #462

i am way too tired to mentally flip through lyrics to put here, rip

Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) I have zero idea. When did you last travel alone? Where were you going? The last time I visited Sara in Illinois. Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Yes. What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? I think I got purple highlights? What was the first social media site you ever used? MySpace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? One. Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? Sara's house is lovely. Have you ever been catcalled? No. Are you allergic to any dogs? I might be. Have you ever touched a plant and had hives shoot up your arm? No. Do you think dragonflies are cool? Absolutely! What’s your favorite thing to draw? Meerkats!! Did you toss your hat in the air at graduation? Not high. I wanted to keep it. Do you like fudge? I CAN FUCKING DESTROY SOME FUDGE. Are you an affectionate person? Very. Name something you have to do today: Girt and I are hangin', making fun of bad Netflix anime and going to Buffalo Wild Wings. :^) Would you ever write to a death row inmate? No. People don't get on death row for no reason. I ain't got shit to say to them. Do you reckon online friendships are real? No fucking shit. Most of my most genuine friendships began online. Do you like Slipknot? Yep. Can we talk about how fuckin BADASS Corey's new mask is btw?????????? What do you think of Gorillaz? I like "Feel Good Inc." and one other song I can't remember the name of. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? BOTH!!!!! :') What is the cutest Halloween costume for a baby to wear? GUYS I recently saw a picture of a little baby dressed up as a Little Oogie Boogie and it made my ovaries cry. Which of your friends is the tallest? Which of them is the shortest? Jesus, Girt is a giant. I don't know about my shortest... If you could re-paint your bedroom, what color would you choose? Pastel pink. :') What has been the best night of your life so far? Why? Probably something sexual so let's keep it on the down low lmfaooo Would you ever even think about taking part in a wet t-shirt contest? Uh, no. Even if I WAS confident in my body. Is you hair color the same as it was when you were a baby? No. It was dirty blonde. Have you ever been in trouble for being too loud? Ha, yeah, at school with friends. Not big trouble or anything, we were just hushed. Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? No. What is something that you were surprised you were able to do? Hm. What is the most bullshit-sounding true fact that you know? Male cats have spiked penises lkasdjfal;kje;kjwr it's something to do with preventing other tomcats from mating with her. What Oreo flavor is your favorite? Gimme that Double Stuffed, friend. Sour gummy worms or plain gummy worms? SOUR. Ever been in a talent show? How many times? What did you do? Nope. Ever try out for the talent show and not make it? Did you cry? Nope. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about? Y'all when I was a very little kid, during my older sister's b-day party, I sobbed because I couldn't pin the tail properly on the donkey lmaoooo How do you feel about the use of nuclear weapons? Absolutely fucking barbaric. What song has the most meaning to you? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus!!!! :') Have you ever made bread? No. Has anything ever fallen asleep on you? Pets, a baby I was watching after, and Jason. Ever been dominated in a game you were/are really good at? yep alskdjfla;jwej Have you ever decided to set fire to something out of anger? No. Would you rather be a house pet or a wild animal? Wild animal, I guess? Have you ever listened to a group of chanting monks? I haven't. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? Probably of Teddy. I've still yet to decide on the total design of his tribute tat I'm getting. Do you like the smell of men’s colognes better than woman’s perfumes? I think so, yeah. How mad would you be if someone copied your original work (story, poem)? I'd be pretty fuckin pissed. Have you ever blown something up in science class? Ha, no. Have you ever gotten a serious wound from shaving? Not serious, no. Have you invented anything, only to find out it actually exists? I feel like I have? Ever realize you never truly LOVED your first love? Absolutely not. I loved him. Would you want a Bachelor/Bachelorette party before you get married? Sure, sounds fun. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? As of very recently, I returned to using pads. I used tampons for most of my maturity, but I got annoyed with them for TMI reasons and resorted back to pads, even though I don't like them either. Have you ever dated a model? No. What is your ultimate goal in life? To die happy with my life and what I (hopefully) accomplished. What colour are the socks you’re wearing today? I’m not wearing any. Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? Girt. It was something regarding how I once considered doing the suicide mission at BWW where you eat a select number of their hottest wings, but I didn't wanna die via chicken. :^) Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I'm average in height. I wouldn't change it, nah. Especially now that Girt and I are together the ridiculous height difference is hilarious but also cute lmao. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? Like, while I was there? No. Have you ever had casual sex? Nahhhh. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Chocolate. @_@ When you think of your childhood, are the memories mostly happy or sad? Mostly happy, I guess. What is it like being you? Is it enjoyable? It's very boring with few sources of joy. What are your thoughts on the cause of homosexuality? I would *assume* it's a genetic mutation. Reason being, having a romantic partnership without the ability to reproduce defies the motives of science. There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, wrong with said (and hypothetical) genetic mutation, though. Mutations are just another part of science. They occur naturally. What subjects did you find most interesting in school? Least? Most interesting: literature/English (especially reading like, old mythology and epics and stuff like that), LOTS of branches of science (but primarily genetics), art, and I looooved my four semesters of German. Least: ANY and ALL math, history, economics, social studies... that kind of stuff. Which do you enjoy more–hot or cold beverages? Cold, for sure. What were some of your favorite bands from childhood? Green Day was one. Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? Buried alive, for sure. It would be much, much slower. Should you really be doing something more productive right now? Well, I SHOULD be sleeping. Today's going to be a long day, because when Girt comes over, he has a tendency to not leave until like fuckin midnight or later alksdjfl;waje Have you ever lived out of your car? No. Does your family own more than two houses? HUNNY we r poor. A relative just committed a very serious crime, do you turn them in? It depends on the exact crime, but odds are, yes. If you're endangering others, byyyyeeee. You’re in the woods, alone, at night…are you honestly not afraid? Bitch I'm terrified. I have zero survival skills. You are on life support, what would you want a loved one to do about it? For the love of god, please kill me. Your child has only a while to live, do you still enroll them in school? That would be up to them. Also, define "a while." How would you feel if you met your idol and they ended up being rude? WELP I have a tattoo in his honor so that would suck ass lmao According to the tale, was Eve wrong for eating and sharing the apple? "God was wrong for even setting up an apple tree and making up rules in the first place." <<<< There ya go. And the punishment was fucking ludicrously extreme. Are you working on any goals? Yes. I'm currently going to the gym regularly to try and better my physical health and then find a job. I know that being connected sounds odd, but trust me: I can barely carry out very simple tasks just because I have absolutely ZERO stamina to do almost anything. I need energy and endurance. I'm also working towards developing some self-love. Which parent named you? I wanna say my mom. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I mean, myself. Aforementioned self-love is hard. I'm just annoyed my head is so reluctant to accept that I'm not a piece of shit for a million reasons. Why have most of your past relationships ended? They all ended for different reasons, really. Are you having any online conversations, currently? I'm not. What’s on your mind? I'm just tired and going back to bed real soon. Have you ever had an argument with a teacher? No.

[spidercakes]

can we see something with transTony/Peter?? I just feel like not enough gets done with Tony teaching Peter how to properly take care of his pussy. As a trans person myself i just have a mighty need.

Alright, fair warning I’ve never written a sex scene with a trans person before, or with anyone with a vagina before. I mean, I’m non binary, which I guess some people put into the trans category but I personally think the struggles are similar, but different so- I’m hoping I’ll do this some type of justice!

Also I’ve mostly avoided words to describe vaginas mostly because I think there aren’t any good ones. There’s a million ways to address a penis that range from clinical to crude (but crucially not in a gross way), but describe a vagina and you either sound like a physician or an incel. Anyway, that’s literally just personal preference lol.

Warning: vagina is mentioned once, so be aware of that!

*

Tony presses Peter back into the mattress and he can feel that he’s unsure. “Peter,” Tony murmurs, nipping at his bottom lip. “I’m not made of glass, you can touch me,” he points out.

Peter’s hands haven’t moved all that far from his hips and they both want more than heavy petting, they have for awhile but Peter gets nerves and Tony has decided he’s had enough of that. “I know that,” Peter mumbles like he’s offended that Tony has suggested he doesn’t know that.

“Then fucking touch me, baby. I know you know what to do with a damn vagina, its not that hard.” Contrary to popular belief, and Peter has mostly dated women anyway. If anything, penises should freak him out.

Peter turns bright red and Tony can’t tell if its the vagina thing or if its Peter’s normal shyness. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he says eventually.

Tony rolls his eyes, “Peter, I learned a long time ago to get comfortable with my body because no one else was going to do it for me. I’m not going to be uncomfortable. If anything I’ve been known to give too many directions.” Seemed to irritate his partners or relieve them in equal parts, depending on how much of an asshole they were. Peter doesn’t strike him as an asshole, just nervous and maybe a little confused on how to deal with what he’s got going on. Which, contrary to popular belief, also isn’t terribly complicated.

“I can work with too many directions,” Peter says with a little too much relief in his voice but that’s fine, Tony can work with that too.

“Here,” he murmurs, guiding Peter’s hand between his legs, “don’t be shy and actually touch me.”

Peter moves slow, careful, and Tony decides to speed this up a little as he winds his fingers into Peter’s hair and pulls. He moans softly into Tony’s mouth and Tony pulls his hair again. He doesn’t expect Peter to flip them over, guiding Tony onto his back and tangling his fingers through Tony’s, pinning one hand above his head. He makes a small noise of surprise but its not unwelcome as Peter leans into his neck and kisses him softly, teeth grazing a sensitive spot. “You okay?” he asks and Tony snorts.

“Baby, I told you. I’m not glass, I’ll be fine,” he murmurs. That and he sure shit isn't afraid to ask for what he wants either. Peter nods and lets go of his hand, reaching down and fumbling with Tony’s pants for a moment before he slips his hand in and under his boxers. He lets out a small moan, “finally,” he tells Peter, hand settling over Peter’s through his jeans, “like this,” he says, guiding Peter’s movements.

Peter takes the hint, following his guidance as he keeps his eyes on Tony’s face.  Tony is used to this by now, kind of likes it actually, guiding his lovers into doing what he wants. Peter kisses him softly, still a little nervous but not quite as unsure as he was before. His hand slips a little lower as he pulls back, giving Tony a questioning look and he lets out a soft laugh. “S’okay,” he tells Peter, “I’d tell you if you did something I didn’t want you to and-” his words cut out as Peter slips his fingers inside and curls them a little. Tony nods, “that’s it baby, like that,” he murmurs.

Its all the encouragement Peter seems to need as he leans in and kisses Tony with more enthusiasm, fingers working their way in and out of him with a surprising amount of skill considering Tony was starting to wonder if maybe Peter’s nervousness was something else all together. Peter moans as Tony tugs at his hair a little and he nips at Tony’s bottom lip. “Baby,” Peter murmurs into his mouth, “can I eat you out?”

Tony snorts, “is that even a question?” he asks until it becomes obvious that it is. “Yeah, Peter. Please, feel free.”

Peter grins and pulls away, ignoring the disgruntled noise Tony lets out as he pulls his hand out of his pants. “Shh, you know I’ll take care of you,” Peter says like Tony has any evidence that he will. He doesn’t, but he’s not doing badly so far either. Tony lifts his hips as Peter pulls his pants off and tosses them aside, boxers following quickly. Peter looks down at him with an enthused expression on his face and Tony raises an eyebrow as Peter leans in, not paying much attention to Tony’s face as he kisses Tony’s thighs, teeth grazing the sensitive skin there. He runs his fingers over the spot he’s worried, kissing it softly again before he moves his way down Tony’s thigh.

His other hand runs his fingers down Tony’s other thigh, thumb rubbing circles over the skin softly as Peter’s mouth moves between his legs. Tony’s hand lands in his hair as Peter sucks at him gently, teasing and Tony moans. Peter looks up at him as he leans in again, grinning as he licks at Tony, tongue touching him lightly but not enough.

“Peter,” Tony says, unsure if he’s issuing a warning or praise as Peter moves in and sucks at him again. He pulls away way too fast and Tony makes a disgruntled noise, “Peter,” he says again, tugging at his hair a little.

“What? I like to tease some,” he says.

“Not after five months of sexual frustration you don’t, get to work,” Tony tells him.

Peter licks him softly, lips gently sucking as he pulls away, “come on baby, let me tease you a little.”

Tony uses the hand he’s got in Peter’s hair as leverage and pushes him in closer, “not today Peter, not- oh.” He stops talking at Peter licks at him again in an easy, practiced way that has Tony tightening his grip on Peter’s hair. “There you go, baby, like that,” Tony tells him, pressing Peter’s face further into him.

He takes the action well, hands curling around Tony’s thighs as he get more into it, tongue circling him enthusiastically. Peter moans as Tony pulls at his hair, earning a sharp gasp out of Tony as the sensation transfers to him. “Put your fingers back inside me,” Tony tells him. Peter complies, curling his fingers a little when he does and Tony sighs softly. “That’s it baby, that’s-” his words cut out as Peter sucks at him a little harder and he moans. “Fuck, Peter,” he murmurs, “that feels good.”

Peter takes his time laving Tony with attention, lips and tongue working him over in a way that quickly has him arching his back in pleasure. “Peter, baby,” Tony moans, fingers curled tight in Peter’s hair. The hand Peter has wrapped around his thigh tightens a little as his teeth graze over Tony lightly, barely there, and Tony’s hips jerk involuntarily. “Fuck,” he breathes out, caught off guard because teeth never really seemed like a good mix until now. Peter leans back in and sucks him in, tongue circling over him and Tony’s back arches high.

“Peter!” he says, voice going up an octave. “Fuck baby, keep sucking me like that, ah!” Peter moans again as Tony pants and makes soft noises of pleasure, gently pulling at Peter’s hair to encourage him.

“Tony,” Peter moans into him, “fuck you taste so good,” he murmurs as he licks at him again.

“Baby,” Tony says harshly, “m’gonna cum soon if you keep- fuck, yeah, keep doing that,” he tells Peter, “fuck yeah, suck me Peter, just like- just, baby keep licking- ah!” He pants harshly, legs curling up around Peter’s head as he tries his best not to crush his head between his thighs. “Baby m’gunna cum, m’gunna- ah, oh fuck,” Tony moans, head thrown back as he presses Peter’s face further into him. “Keep going, just like that, oh my god,” he says as he feels himself clench around Peter’s fingers.

Peter pulls away carefully as Tony untangles his hand from his hair. Its a disaster now, but it works for him. “Can I keep going?” Peter asks, fingers still working their way in and out of him softly, carefully.

Tony nods, “just give me a minute, m’sensitive,” Tony tells him. Peter nods and kisses the inside of his thigh, sucking at the sensitive skin there. “Who the hell taught you how to do that?” he asks, curious.

Peter grins, “MJ has no patience for guys who don’t know how to go down on her and I actually really like it, so um,” he shrugs.

He really likes going down- “Peter, you have no idea how offended I am that you fucking like this so much and haven’t done anything about it until now.”

Peter’s cheeks turn a little red as he tucks his face into Tony’s thigh, “I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with it and I didn’t want to push your boundaries.”

Tony rolls his eyes, “pro tip Peter, if I can be counted on for anything its pleasuring myself. Feel free to tell me what other tricks you’ve got up your sleeve while you’re at it.”

[imaginejamesandsirius]

hey! so, i love your work, literally im in love with your stories, i think I've read them all like 7 times. I don't know if you are ok with trans characters, but trans sirius comming out to james, (they are already dating) and james being kinda confused at first becouse, how is the relationship supposed to keep going? and at the end he is ok with it, angs and fluff please:))) sorry if i had any mistakes, English is not my first language:)

((A/N: Warning for some transphobia!!! James is trying his best but has a reaction that’s kind of transphobic because he’s never dated anyone that’s trans. He works through it during the fic, but if that’s something that might bother you, you might want to consider skipping this one))

"So," Sirius said. 

"So," James echoed. They'd agreed to talk about sex before trying anything. It sounded adult and healthy, and not like anything James had done before. Most of his relationships had started with sex. First time doing anything with a bloke had been because he sneaked out of school one night and found a queer pub. He'd been too young to be going, obviously, but he'd gotten his first kiss there. He hadn't been out to his parents by the time they passed, so his relationships had exclusively been late night encounters and illicit meetings-- not so illicit the older he got, but it had never been open until he started dating Sirius. "I'm- I mean, I'm pretty much up for anything. I've never been really picky. I'm... ready whenever you are, basically." 

"Right." Sirius chewed on his lip a little, turning that over in his head. "I should- erm, I guess I should tell you that I'm. Erm. I'm trans. So. Y'know. There's some things I won't be comfortable doing. And er. I know that's a deal-breaker for some people. If it is for you, you should tell me now." 

James blinked. "Oh. Er. I don't- er." 

Sirius looked a little crestfallen but tried to cover it. "Yeah. I kind of expected that. It's fine. I should- I guess I'm going to go." 

He started to stand, but James stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Don't- I mean- I just." He clamped his mouth shut so he didn't keep stuttering. He took a deep breath. "Can I think about it? I've only ever dated... I mean, you're pretty much the first person I've ever dated. And I've only ever shagged- well, people with dicks, you know?" 

Sirius nodded. 

James dropped his hand, and Sirius straightened the rest of the way. "I just need some time to think about it." 

"I can give you a couple days, but James... I'm not going to wait around forever. Either you're alright with it or you're not." 

"A couple days is fine," James hurried to say. "That's all I'll need. Thank you." James stood and gave him a quick kiss and flash a smile that was weakly returned-- he didn't want for Sirius to think that he didn't like him anymore. "I'll call you, alright?" 

Sirius gave a small nod, then he left. 

James threw himself onto the couch. He couldn't do this by himself. He was an utter dumbarse; he knew this. He needed outside help. Remus was trans so he'd be able to see Sirius's point of view on this, but James didn't want to inflict this conversation on him. Remus had another shite to deal with without having to walk James through his insecurities. That left Peter. Peter was probably the better choice since he was the one dating Remus. James reached out and grabbed his phone. 

"Hello?" 

"Hey Pete. I need some advice." 

"You're asking me for advice? Bloody hell, the sky must be falling. Alright. What is it?" 

James opened his mouth to say 'so Sirius is trans and I could use some advice since I'm bollocks at this dating thing and am only good at sex but it turns out that what I know isn't going to help me any' only to stop cold. He couldn't tell Peter that Sirius was trans. There were rules about this sort of shite. "Nevermind." 

"Okay-?" 

James hung up on him. He'd apologise later. Who the hell was he going to talk to? He couldn't talk to anyone that had met Sirius, but he still needed someone he was close enough with that he could talk about this sort of thing with them. He scrolled through his contact list. Lily. Bloody hell, that's right; Lily was back in the country. She'd gone to the States for a few years to study, and they were supposed to meet up for tea this weekend to catch up before she went back. He didn't want to wait until the weekend to talk about this though, so he hit call. 

"Hey James. Canceling on me?" 

"I wouldn't dare. I was hoping for some advice, actually." That she wouldn't have a chance to meet Sirius before she left made this better, because it wouldn't be retroactive outing or summat. 

"From me? This should be good." 

"Well- maybe advice isn't the right word. Someone to talk to? See, I've started dating someone, and he's trans." 

"Alright. And?" 

"And now I'm worried about sex." 

"A vagina isn't a buggering goblin, Potter." 

James rolled his eyes. "I'm well aware, thank you." 

"Then what's the problem?" 

"I don't know how to... do anything with those parts. Comparatively, penises are much easier to understand." 

"I'm sure they are, but you like this bloke don't you?" 

"'Course I do. If I didn't, I wouldn't be worrying about this. Listen, Lils, I know this is kind of shitty. I like him and what he's got in his pants shouldn't effect that at all." 

"It shouldn't," Lily agreed. "Has it?" 

James frowned as he thought about it. "I don't think so." 

"Well you're not a total shit-head, that's a point in your direction. Listen mate, you're only going to work past this if you talk to your boyfriend about it. For all you know, he doesn't want you to touch him there, anyways. I can't give you catch-all advice for how to have sex with him because I don't know what he wants. Just- be honest. Open." 

"Tell him I need a fucking step-by-step for how to have sex?" 

"Yes," Lily said. Her tone was free of judgement. Straight and to the point. Yes, James needed to say that to him-- probably with those exact words. 

"That's embarrassing," James muttered. 

"How? It's not wrong to admit when you need help. Besides, it'll be less embarrassing for you to admit you don't know what you're doing than try to muddle through it and have someone get upset. Or hurt, depending on how badly you bugger up." 

"For fuck's sake, I'm not going to hurt him." 

"Maybe not intentionally, but if you don't talk to him, that might end up happening." 

"I hate it when you're right." 

"Do you? Me being right only helps you these days." 

"Yeah, yeah," James muttered. "Thanks for the help, Lils, I'll think about it." 

"Mmhmm." 

"I'll see you Saturday, yeah?" 

"Yep. Have a good time agonizing over this." 

"You're such an arse." 

"Yep," Lily said again. "You can agonize over that too, if it'll make you feel better. Good luck." 

They both hung up, and James sighed. He knew this wasn't going to be a problem. He knew he'd be able to get past it. The trouble was in getting his emotions to sort themselves out. He knew, with one hundred percent certainty, that in the end, this didn't really matter to him. But he couldn't get that through his fucking head. 

He didn't know what he was doing, here. He had no idea how to do normal relationships, and he'd thought that was as far as not-knowing-what-he-was-doing that he was going to get in this relationship. He'd figured that sex was going to be the part of this that he was actually good at. 

Fuck, that's what was tripping him up, wasn't it? It's not that Sirius was trans-- which, thank God, James didn't really want to be an asshole and Sirius definitely didn't deserve it from him-- it was that James had lost the only good thing he was bringing to this relationship. He couldn't guarantee Sirius a good time-- not at first, at least-- and now it felt like... nothing. It felt like he had nothing. Nothing to offer, nothing to give. Except for the mess of a person that he was, that is, but that wasn't exactly a high value. 

*

"I'm a mess," James said into his phone. He was laying down on the couch because it was easier to talk about the hard shit like that-- maybe those therapist couches had the right idea. 

"...Okay?" Sirius said. 

Yeah. Maybe not the best opening he'd ever had. "Wow, yeah, should've started differently. Sorry. Restarting," James declared. "Hi, Sirius, how are you?" 

"Fine?" 

"You don't sound too sure about that." 

"My boyfriend said he needed time to think about our relationship and then he calls me acting like maybe he's not alright. So... I am fine, but I'm not sure you are." 

James winced. He was buggering this up; was anyone surprised? "Right. Sorry. I'm fine, that's why I called. Or- I guess it would be more honest to say that I've realised I'm not fine but that's okay?" 

"...Er. Alright. How about you just say what you planned on and I'll figure out what you mean from there." 

"Right. So. Erm." He'd practiced saying this. Why did it have to be hard now? "You being trans? Totally not a problem. The er- problem is that I don't know what I'm doing." 

"Like in life?" 

"That too, but er, I was thinking more like with this relationship. I think I've told you before that you're the first person I've really dated." 

"Yeah, you mentioned." 

"Right, so when I figured out that I'm not going to be good at anything in this relationship, I sort of panicked. That's what that was. Also I told one of my friends you were trans because I needed advice, but she doesn't know who you are and you haven't met. I don't really know if that's alright or not but I wasn't getting anything done thinking on my own so I had to outsource- and wow now that I say it aloud that sounds really bad. I'm sorry." 

To his surprise, Sirius snorted, completely uncaring. "James, I'm glad you didn't out me unnecessarily, but you and your mates are pretty much the only people that don't know. When I told my parents, they sort of lost it and told... well, everyone in a fifty kilometre radius from our house. Believe me, you're fine. I was nervous about telling you because I was afraid you'd-. Well. Panic. Which you sort of did, but now it sounds like it wasn't about me." 

"It wasn't, rather. Do you know what it's like to have nothing to offer? I'm not used to filling that role." 

"I'm- I'm sorry," Sirius said, amusement filling his voice. "Did you just say that you have nothing to offer? Is that what you think is happening here?" 

"I mean. Yeah. I've met me. I'm a whole lot of fun to be around, but not good for the long term commitment shite." 

"Ooo is that where we're headed? Long term commitment? That sounds like it will be a beautiful disaster, between you and me. Mostly me. I find it absolutely hilarious that you think you are the only disaster in this relationship." 

"Hey, we're having an important relationship conversation over the phone because I was too bloody scared to have it in person. Clearly, I am the bigger disaster." 

"Oh James," Sirius sighed. "You have so much to learn." 

"Lily- oh, Lily, that's the friend that I called, you haven't met her because she's in the States most of the time these days-- she said I have to admit to you that you're going to have to teach me about sex since I wouldn't know what the hell I'm doing with you." 

"Always a good thing to admit beforehand," Sirius said, and it didn't sound like he was mocking James. Not that James had really thought that he would, but it had been a concern in the back of his head. "Don't worry about it, we'll go nice and slow. As much as I would love to hop right into bed with you, past encounters have taught me to be cautious." 

"That doesn't sound like fun." 

"It wasn't," Sirius said honestly. "But I'm sure we'll be fine." 

"I'm glad you're confident about this, because I'm sure as fuck not." 

"Stop being so bloody pessimistic." 

"Yes dear." 

Sirius laughed. "Usual date night alright?" 

"Sure. You want to go out or are we ordering take-away?" 

"That's a whole day away; I don't know why you would think that I know." 

"Flying by the seat of our pants, then?" 

"As usual," Sirius agreed. "See you tomorrow." 

[kitten-keith]

Horrid Self Indulgence

Wrote this long thing and now it’s gone cause I posted it to the wrong account and copy paste didn’t work so /fuck me/ anyway.

The whole following fic is purely self indulgent garbage, thus the name (it’s even called this in my google docs because I HAD A PLAN for what I was doing and it was supposed to be insanity) though as usual things get derailed and Idk. I had wanted to get into the hijinks of this concept but lost steam after starting the second bit. But the first bit can stand alone. ish. I guess.

Idk. It’s all completely ridiculous though so idk have fun.

Klance, slightly intoxicated, sharing a bed, Keith is uncomfortable AF and Lance is trying to be chill about it. Weird head shit and accidental rituals. You’ll see. Seriously. Horrid self indulgence.

-----

It was a pleasant moment between comrades that went horribly, heinously, horrifically wrong. 

And if that’s what bonding with Keith friggin Kogane gets him then absolutely not, never again.

It was such a simple stupid fuck up. How was he supposed to know?!

They were at a dinner, stumbling awkwardly through an alien planets customs, trying unsuccessfully to pretend they were okay with the garbs they’d been forced to wear and that the food didn’t make them nauseous when Lance had made the biggest mistake ever and looked at Keith. 

See, because he was the leader his attire had to display this-this—nobility. And god, Keith was anything but noble. He was sitting to the right of the planet’s leader, Allura across from him, and he looked like they might as well have sat him at the kids table with how his brows furrowed and he looked at the ground like he was trying not to cry.

His face was red enough to match the silk scarf loosely clinging to his shoulders and his thumbs rubbed absently over his ungloved hands. He was bare aside from the scarf and a darker one wrapped around his waist for modesty that he’d had to fight for. Apparently this planet had no concept of an external penis or whatever and needed to be educated on human biology before they gave in to Keith’s demands. 

The whole thing was about respect, leaving yourself bare to show you had nothing to hide, but to remind everyone of his station the locals had him decked out in jewels from head to toe. They were braided into his hair, dangling from thin chains across his chest, Lance was positive there was some sort of jeweled sandal decorating his tiny delicate toes too. 

(And not because he paid attention to that sort of thing. Just. Ya know. Shiny shit.) 

Allura was actually dressed about the same though being a woman with no external penises she was actually way nakeder than Keith. And, as she was a full on princess they’d given her a whole slew of silver that had strategically covered all necessary bits that Lance’s mother might have flinched at. 

Not that Allura seemed to give a fuck in the slightest and even seemed to enjoy it as she spoke animatedly to the world leaders, the jewels on her body making small clinking noises with every movement. 

Lance had spotted perfect (and he means perfect) dark nipples exactly 16 times since they’d all sat down to their meal and absolutely couldn’t take it anymore so that was when he’d turned his attention to Keith. 

And somehow had been unable to turn away from him since.

The other Paladins were stripped some and given a few shiny baubles. Lance himself was wearing flowy pants slit up the sides over the dark boxers he’d thankfully been allowed to continue wearing. A couple gold plated necklaces and an arm band and he was good to go. Lance has no issue being topless and actually kinda liked the style. Hunk was a bit more uncomfortable, same pants, same boxer treatment (his were white with yellow suns on them, Lance clapped him on the back for unintentionally matching.) 

Hunk had the same kind of jewelry too but try all he might he couldn’t drop his hands from where they were wrapped around his chest.

He said he was cold repeatedly but lance figured he was just self conscious and offered him plenty of wolf whistles back in their dressing rooms because “man hunk you wanna bench press me later cause those arms are making me weak~!” 

But sadly it didn’t seem to work. 

Pidge was an interesting sell. Same bottom situation in her signature green but she’d also managed to get away with a pair of socks that she was no longer wearing on her feet.

They were providing just a hint more cover for her chest after she’d wrapped Lance’s, Hunks’s, and her own scarf around herself like a makeshift halter top. The locals hadn’t liked it and Allura had tried to explain that female breasts were nothing to be ashamed of but Pidge’s size and thus assumed age had granted her the “let the child be” excuse. 

And sure, Lance was a grown man who was all for equality and free the nipple and aaallll that jazz but if they had forced his pseudo baby sister to go topless he might have lost his absolute shit and gotten them all sent back to the castle. 

Not that that would have been the worst thing at this point because then he wouldn’t be staring at Keith like this— to avoid staring at Allura! Of course— and then he wouldn’t have gotten elbowed in the side by the Pidgeling and gotten the funny look from Hunk and nah man okay. 

Lance wasn’t ogling the leader of voltron. 

He wasn’t. 

He was just. 

Uh. 

Worried about him. 

Yeah, that’s right. Worried. 

Which was what lead him to follow Keith’s retreating form the second they were allowed to adjourn for the night. 

It’s what compelled him to bump his shoulder and wave a hand in greeting. 

And maybe that pout had something to do with Lance’s laughing, throwing his arm over his shoulders, and ushering him to his room for the night. 

“Come on dude, I've got something for you, stashed from that one planet with the abomination? You know the one… Kell? Krell? It’s good okay, better than what they just tried to feed us. Take the edge off.” 

Take the edge off. 

Famous last words? 

Keith groaned and wrapped his arms around himself tightly but nodded and willingly turned off course from his own room. Lance wondered if this was so easy because he’d been so beaten down by the day or because he actually found solace in Lance’s company. 

He didn’t have the nerve to ask and instead simply sauntered into his room, leaving Keith to stand idly by the newly shut door. 

“It tastes better than nunville but it’s a little stronger so you’re gonna wanna sip at it okay?” 

Keith nodded but his eyes looked glassy, like he wasn’t actually listening. 

Lance moved to his temporary rooms vanity setting and shuffled through his bottles of toiletries. When they’d decided to indulge the locals in their customs and stay a few nights basking in their hospitality Lance had been told to pack quickly but he hadn’t forgotten anything important. This included the little silver pouch that he’d somehow barely touched since keeping it with him all this time. 

He opened the pull top with his teeth to take a small sip before offering it to Keith who was still standing right against the door as if he was afraid to move. Considering how loose the scarf around his waist looked, he might have been. 

He did look… good though. 

Remarkably so. 

Amidst the finery and the sheer and silk fabrics, his hair in a loose braid over one shoulder and that almost permanent flush across his cheeks, he was beautiful and adorable and stunning all at once and it was doing ridiculous things to Lance’s chest. He almost regretted taking the sip that he did because he worried about what he might let slip aloud, looking at Keith like that, but as the alien substance travelled down his throat and warmed his body he kept his wits. He felt the buzzing under his skin but retained his sense. He was here to offer Keith a moment to relax. Nothing more.

He walked over to Keith and instead of handing him the pouch he resealed it and held it softly under one arm as he reached out with both hands for Keith’s waist. 

Keith flinched so hard his back hit the door, “what are you doing?!”

Lance rolled his eyes, pushing closer and grabbing on to the scarf around his waist tugging and tightening it for him. 

“Looked like you were having trouble.”

Keith’s flush was so hot Lance could practically feel it.

Poor thing. 

“Right… thanks…” he stayed against the door but took the pouch when Lance offered it. 

Lance turned to walk over to his bed and make himself comfortable and by the time he turned his attention back to Keith the boy was swallowing.

“You remembered what I said about that stuff being hard hitting… right?”

Keith shrugged.

Took another sip. (This one looked more like a sip at least. Maybe Lance wouldn’t have to carry him back to his room later.)

He sealed the stopper and looked around the room briefly before walking in the straightest line imaginable to sit on the foot of Lance’s bed, holding the pouch out to him again. 

Lance considered it, wondering if it would help or hinder his case to not make a fool of himself with Keith looking like that and decided why not. Besides, he could pace himself, unlike some people. 

When he finished taking his last sip, feeling the warmth and the contentment sitting in his stomach as he leaned back on his elbows on his bed, he hummed to himself and shut the top, putting it to the side. 

Keith shuffled around so his back was to the bed post and he placed his hands over his lap uncomfortably.

“So uh. Was—was that it?”

“Chill Keith. You’ve been looking so tightly wound today I figured you could use a break.” 

Keith visibly paled and moved to curl in on himself but thought better of it. His thumbs started to track back and forth over his fingers though. Bad sign. 

“Relax!” Lance demanded, stretching the vowel sounds to make it more playful. 

Keith neglected to heed this order and instead looked away. 

“Look, I doubt it’ll cause any problems, everyone knows their customs made you uncomfortable. Here, if you want you can go ahead and get under the covers.” Lance reached behind him and pulled up the bed sheets. It would help his own situation too. Cover Keith and that pretty skin of his up. Put that beautiful body away because his own was starting to get ideas he didn’t need. 

He remembered Allura looking just as beautiful if not more so and it helped for a second to feel better mentally but he was still fighting not to be turned on next to half naked (that was being generous) Keith. 

“That might actually be… are you sure? I could just— leave. I could leave.”

Lance rolled his eyes. 

“Would you chill if you left or would you stay up all night worrying about the kinds of impressions you’re leaving?”

Keith was silent. His thumb disappeared behind his pointer to dig his little blunt nail into his middle. 

“Get in the bed. Let me tell you stories.” 

Keith’s eyes lit up at that and for a moment he started forward to crawl across the bed toward where the sheets were up, but he stopped himself again. 

Lance sighed.

“Feeling exposed?”

Keith nodded.

“You know we showered together back at the garrison right? I’ve seen you naked. Completely naked. And lathered.”

Of course, this was before Lance’s full sexual awakening and before Keith had filled out like he did with those abs and thighs for days but uh— that wasn’t a necessary addition to the conversation it just wasn’t. 

Keith still flushed like a tomato and it made Lance’s little traitorous heart do a flip.

“Right right. I forget you didn’t even remember me from the garrison.” Lance offered sardonically, trying to shift the mood. 

Keith bit his lip. Man, even that looked good. Lance wanted to bite that lip. He could just see it. Lip to lip with Keith Kogane groaning out. Lance’s hand on his shoulder pushing him back on the bed, the other reaching beneath him to get a nice big handful of that round perky ass—

Okay. 

Okay maybe Keith shouldn’t get under the covers. 

Maybe he should leave. 

He should leave. 

He should—

Keith started to mumble something when Lance turned away and shut his eyes. 

“Alright you have ten seconds, go on princess.”

It was silent for a moment. 

Lance squeezes his eyes shut tightly because this was the exact opposite of what he was supposed to be doing.

“10.” 

But he was doing it.

“9”

There was the sound of Keith shuffling behind him, pulling up the sheets more and crawling into bed. He was getting comfortable by the time Lance reached 3 and Keith spoke up telling him he could stop. 

Lance nodded and turned around so he could face Keith, continue conversations, see if he could find a relevant story in his brain about his family or something simple back home that would help Keith unwind. 

Instead he was struck a bit dumb by Keith snuggled under his (always color coded) blue bed sheets, his inky black hair splayed out on the pillow. Lance had always thought Keith’s eyes were this remarkable shade of blue but surrounded by all the blue in his bed Lance realized he was wrong. They were clearly more of a violet, wide and staring at him under lashes that were too long and too elegant for a guy who made a living kicking furry alien chinchillas in the face.

And with that thought came the image of Keith kicking ass, those muscle toned legs under skin tight space suits…

Now basically bare and in his bed. 

Naked. 

Naked Keith in his bed. 

Naked Keith in his bed staring at him expectantly like— like—

Right. Right he was waiting for a story. 

Okay. 

Lance flopped onto his side, too close to Keith but in an effort to remain comfortable and casual it had to be done, and went back to racking his mind for an idea that didn’t involve pressing his body as close to Keith’s as physically possible. 

Something jingled as he went down and he remembered the abundance of jewels that had been decorating Keith’s body. 

There were still a few left in his hair that he seemed to not care about but it looked like the little jeweled sandals were there, as were the ones that had decorated his arms.

It took him a second but Lance scooped them up and put them on the bedside table before getting comfortable again. 

“Oh okay so, let me tell you about the time my big sister Veronica brought home the biggest stupidest “boyfriend” she could find…” 

Lance could see Keith smile just beneath the blanket. 

He reached out and started to pick the jewels out of Keith’s hair as he spoke, occasionally running his fingers through it. If Keith had a complaint he didn’t voice it. Besides, just because it was styled stupid didn’t make it any less soft.

By the time Lance got to the big reveal of the story, the part where Veronica had hired the guy to piss off their dad over an argument they’d had about Veronica’s openness to bringing a girlfriend home (maybe, in the future), Keith had completely knocked out.

And for some reason, Lance thought that was alright.

They could totally just. Sleep in the same bed. No problem.

With Keith wearing nothing but a silk scarf.

He thought this was a perfectly good idea as he showered and put on a fresh pair of boxers and crawled under his sheets to the sound of Keith’s light breathing.

He was a little dizzy, but forgot that the biggest after effect of inebriation was poor judgement, and easily curled up next to Keith.

Keith, who was just awake enough to take Lance’s hand.

Lance thought it was adorable.

Because Keith was adorable. 

And Lance wanted to be touching his skin like this (sort of) anyway.

It worked for him. 

He was sleepy too.

So sleepy he lapsed almost instantly into dreams.

Dreams of Allura dancing just out of his reach. Of her nonchalance at his flirting and efforts to be noticed by her. Making him feel useless. Undesirable. Unworthy.

He was so pathetic.

Keith’s voice was in his head. 

Telling him how kind he was. How sweet he was.

“I couldn’t do any of this without you Lance.”

“I need you.”

“I hope you know that. I hope you know that—if you could see yourself how I see you…”

“Lance you’re so…”

“I want…”

“I wish…”

Keith was at his side. Mumbling those nothings into his ear in little breathy sighs. 

It felt nice. 

It was nice to hear. 

Nice to feel Keith pressing in beside him.

“I wish you could see what I see in you… love yourself as much as I do...Lance, I…”

Well this was awfully self indulgent of him. Dreaming of a Keith who would say those kinds of things. As if the real Keith capital L Loved him. 

Like Lance hadn’t spent years trying to get his attention the same way he had with Allura too. 

As if he hadn’t gotten shot down with every attempt to—

“I liked you then too! I was just… afraid to let anyone in…”

“Liar, you didn’t even remember me.”

“That was the lie…”

“That was…?”

“You were so cute… always trying so hard… always going the extra effort to make people smile or laugh… I always thought you were…”

“You liked me back at the garrison? Like... one smoothie two straws, like-like…?”

Keith turned away, rolling onto his side. Face probably flushed a deep crimson again. Man he was so cute…!

“Like write your name in my notebook with a bunch of hearts, like-like… yeah.”

Extremely self indulgent dream. 

But Lance was gonna take it.

He squeezed himself close to Keith’s body, wrapping an arm around his chest as Keith jumped.

“And now you…?”

“Now I…”

It was silent. 

Lance tried to ignore how perfectly Keith’s ass cheeks felt pressed to his crotch.

He felt naked.

Naked Keith in his bed. Saying all these pretty hopeful things...What a perfect dream…

Lance gently bumped his hips. He couldn’t help it, and it was his dream after all right?

Keith was silent, but reached a hand back to slide down Lance’s waist, breathing loud.

Was that how Lance’s mind worked? Show me a love confession followed by an immediate bone. 

Lance’s wet dreams were clearly things of substance.

“Do you love me?”

He bumped his hips again. His dick hardening fast.

Keith’s fingers dug into Lance’s boxers, applying just enough pressure to drive him forward, keep him pressed to his ass.

“I do… do you…?”

“Hmm… never thought about it before.”

Keith made a low unhappy noise.

“I def love your face… your so fucking pretty face…” 

Keith went silent again. Lance ground his hips against him and his hard cock was finding a very comfortable place right between his cheeks. 

“And I love this body...your ass is heaven, Keith, wish you could feel this...” 

Keith was definitely naked. Naked enough that Lance was desperate to get out of his boxers. 

How could his dream provide him perfectly naked love confessing Keith and not leave Lance equally perfectly naked?

Sense, where was it?

“I love how brave you are… stupid and reckless and it drives me insane with worry. But brave.” 

Keith backed into Lance’s lap, rolling his hips and made Lance’s mind stutter.

“I love how—how much you care about things even when you don’t show it… I love your laugh…”

He could feel Keith’s entire body against his front, a single useless silk scarf around his waist, the rest probably lost somewhere in the bed. His hand found one of Keith’s nipples and he started to slowly rub his fingers around the nub causing Keith to raise his chest into the touch a bit more with a small high pitched sound.

“I love how you hum during flight simulations and I always leave coms open so I can hear you…”

With Keith raising his chest for Lance’s hand it gave him a moment to slip his other hand underneath him. He pinched his nipple between his thumb and forefinger once before sliding that first hand down the span of his body. Feather light touches over the ridges of his abs, loving the way Keith twitched and rocked harder back into Lance. 

“I love how unbelievably dense you could be sometimes, you’re such a mess you’re perfect—” Lance moved his head so he was right against Keith’s ear for the word “perfect” but lost his nerve when he dropped his face into the back of Keith’s neck, “What am I saying… of course I love you.”

Did Lance have feelings for Allura? Yes. Did he wish she’d reciprocate? Yeah. 

Did Lance feel guilty about indulging himself in a dream with someone who he also had some very strong (possibly stronger) feelings for? No, not at all. 

Because real talk? If Keith had said half of this in real life Lance’s heart would have combusted and he would have kissed the life out of him by now—

Because that was just what Keith did to him sometimes. 

He just… blew his mind with how much he could make Lance feel. 

Christ.

Good lord.

He hadn’t taken advantage of the opportunity to kiss him yet. 

He reached up with the arm that was beneath Keith, his hand spreading wide over his neck to grab his jaw and tentatively guide him to face him. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Keith’s hips ground back hard as he laughed, “you’re asking that now?”

He was right. 

Besides, kinda stupid to ask permission from a dream right? 

“Stupid stupid me, right?” 

“Stop that.”

“Right let’s get to the smooching.”

“Yeah alright I take it back.”

“If you love me you have to love all of me.”

Lance could practically hear Keith rolling his eyes. 

“Hey it’s my dream—“

And it was absolutely superpowered. Maybe there was something in his drink that had different properties on this planet because when Keith parted his lips and lifted his head they had never looked so inviting in his life. He had to stop himself mid sentence to dive for those lips.

Smashed up his nose a little bit on Keith’s cheek which he was sure he would have felt too if this wasn’t a dream but Lance didn’t care because he was kissing Keith Kogane.

And yes. He’d had plenty of dreams where he’d kissed Keith. Plenty of dreams where they’d made out on the rec room floor or the garrison showers or had sex in reds cockpit. 

But they had never ever felt like this.

His brain practically fizzled out. 

He felt Keith’s tongue against his and then suddenly it was gone.

Felt like he was falling, disoriented. Someone (Keith?) reached out to catch him. Dug little blunt nails into his arm in panic.

“Lance—what—“

The dream shifted. Lance was alone, floating in an empty pool, naked and confused and annoyed.

The water was cold but didn’t make him shiver. 

There was a splash in the distance, and Lance hoped it was Keith but he couldn’t see anything. Time passed and he started to lose sense of where he or the water began. 

He’d have given anything to be back with Keith. 

What a shitty way to end his dream…

When he woke up his throat was dry, like he’d had too much to drink the night before and his head spun a bit. 

He sat up and found he was on the far side of the bed where Keith had gone to sleep. Didn’t even see Keith, so maybe he’d gotten up earlier and Lance had managed to settle into place where his body heat had been. 

Of course that was for mere moments before he glanced to the opposite side of his bed and found… himself?

He also realized very suddenly he was buttnaked with only a silk scarf tied loosely around his hips and his hair was long enough to tickle his shoulders.

He looked down at himself and saw the expanse of absolutely flawless Keith body, down to the little dark hairs just under that useless scarf.

Lance wasn’t sure why he did it, but he reached down to grab himself in his palm (Keith in Keith’s palm??) And was immediately overwhelmed by the sensation of it. He had to bite his lip to keep quiet and fell back on the bed hard as his hand tightened to seek out the feeling. He was partially hard already and from the feeling of it he must have been suffering all night.

But excuse you Lance. This isn’t your body what are you doing? 

Dreaming? Still? Could have sworn he was very much awake now…

He forced himself to stop, noting quietly that he was absolutely not going to forget what it felt like, and looked over at his own body. 

Had to be a dream. 

Had to be.

He shut his eyes, letting his finger tips graze over the inside of Keith’s thighs because dream or no there were so many nice things about that he was gonna keep doing it.

Well until someone shook him awake (again?) 

It was strange seeing an expression that was so clearly Keith, puzzled with furrowed brows and tight lips, on his own face. 

But there it was. 

Staring at him like he was the strangest mystery in the known universe. Which, to be fair, if he was still wearing Keith’s face he kind of was. (And kind of had to be considering he definitely wasn’t the one wearing his own face.) 

Keith (you know, it felt like Keith and acted like Keith, but he really didn’t know if that was Keith) was the first to register the shock of the mornings revelation. Lance actually felt kinda slow and confused. Maybe he’d drank too much— no wait, Keith did. 

Anyway.

So. 

Keith started screaming. And Lance started screaming. 

And maybe that wasn’t a great idea while guests on a diplomatic mission in another world palace with your comrades in arms down the hall while you’re both pretty naked and in bed together. 

But uh. 

Fun morning.