#just thematically thinking about how this could fall into an in between place

[nipuni]

Alright, time to share my opinions about Veilguard!! I have both criticism and praise so bear with me as I jump from one extreme to the other 😆 spoilers ahead of course!

The game has a very rough start with the dialogue being formulaic and rushed and the characters overexposing. It feels like a heavy handed attempt at summarizing all of previous games' lore for newcomers or in case you forgot but it's so overdone it feels coddling and trivializes a lot of previous events. Luckily this gets better once all of the introductions are out of the way, though the excessive hints and clarifications continue until the end sadly.

The locations are absolutely incredible and very diverse!! This is a highlight of the game for me. There is so much detail and care in every map and there are so many of them. My pc is struggling to reach medium settings and yet everything looks stunning. The verticality of the maps is so imposing and the graphics have a very dreamy quality that I love. I also enjoy the maze-like structure to the maps, it's more linear but makes everything look a bit more intentional. The color and light direction was amazing, all the visual development really!! it has to be one of the prettiest games I've ever played.

When I started I have to admit it did not feel like I was in Thedas and it all felt a bit theme-parky, if that makes sense. A lot of previously important and established world elements that made Thedas what it is were overlooked or made irrelevant. But the more I played the more it started to feel a bit more similar to Inquisition, for better or worse depending on what you feel about Inquisition. But!! this also feels like a selectively sanitized version of Thedas compared to previous games. In it's attempt to stay safe and uncontroversial in some aspects it loses a lot of substance and it changes the tone. The surface level politics, ignoring previously established major societal issues and a tell-don't-show approach makes the world seem more simple and shallow with no grey areas to explore. ( the humor also falls flat and out of place often too, and WHY is everyone always smirking, enough!! godlike beings are destroying the planet please this is not the time for Marvel banter aaaa )

The pacing at the start is a bit of a mess. It is so fast it felt like jumping from one world shattering discovery to the next with no time to process. The characters also seem to underreact to important information and major developments. It felt like the game was rushing me through all this to get to the part of the story it wanted to tell me while I was still wrapped in my shock blanket trying to catch my breath lmao. I really like all the key story points they touched upon, I just wish they dwelled more on them to give them more narrative weight. ( though blaming every bad thing to ever happen on the Elves was certainly..a choice )

I think the writing could have used more subtlety in the first half and more boldness in the second 😆 but I loved the thematic parallels between Rook and Solas and how every quest informs the main storyline. I do wish Rook was given more impossible choices and put in more difficult situations that forced them to lie or betray their own to better drive the point home though ( listen I just love a Trolley problem!! we need more of those, I'm the Trolley problem's number one fan!! ) I feel like they missed the chance to put Rook in Solas' role and be as vilified and hated for it as Solas was despite their best intentions which would make Rook's regrets stronger and in turn make their escape from the fade all the more impressive and give them a better understanding of Solas to either use against him or earn his respect. The line 'they called me the Dread Wolf, what will they call you when this is over' from the trailers was so good I was waiting for this!! But everyone just loves Rook no matter what!!

But I feel like I stated too many negative aspects in a row so moving on to some things I enjoyed!

The characters were very lovable to me. The romances weren't as long or impactful as I would have liked but I enjoyed all the companion quests. Emmrich is a delight and his quest is so wild and fun. I loved learning about Nevarra and I was awestruck by the Grand Necropolis. The mourn watch was so interesting, it showed a whole new side of Thedas' lore I knew nothing about! and I loved Manfred! Davrin is so charming, he became a favorite. I loved his quest too and learning more bits and pieces about the Dalish was great, I wish we got more. Seeing the Wardens through his quest also made me enjoy them a lot. Assan was very cute too and I'm glad he was treated as an animal and not turned into a goofy Disney sidekick too much lmao 😭 Lucanis is hilarious. The fantasy Spain/Italy was a bit silly and off at times but he is very sweet! and I love the Spite possession, that was so fun I'm glad they kept him that way! Bellara is adorable, her first backstory quest made me cry and I just love a nerd! I wish the second part of her story was written better however, and she sort of devolves into 'it's hard, I wish it was easy but it's hard' dialogues too often sadly. Anaris and the Forgotten Ones' portrayal was underwhelming and anticlimactic which was disappointing. Harding is also very cute and her Titan plotline was the most interesting to me, I bawled my eyes out in her quest!! I love the dwarven lore of this universe I'm so happy we got more of it!! ( she also fucking died in my playthrough?! I was devastated what the hell 😭 'whatever it takes' WEUEUGHHHG I'M SO SORRY) Neve was a slow burn for me because of my choices in game slowing that relationship down ( saving Treviso I mean, perdón amor 🙏 ) but I love detective novels and she is such a badass I ended up loving her. Taash was unexpected, I didn't think they would be so young. The coming of age story was sweet, though I found myself cringing a lot too at the handling of it I have to admit ( and the Lords of Fortune in general, and the Antaam...and que Qun..listen- kajshfgf ) but I also enjoyed learning more about the first expedition and the Qunari in general despite the messy writing and choices. I also loved Antoine and Evka! and Strife! And I haven't even read any of the novels they are in 😆 also Mila!!!! and her dad oh my god and Felassan haunting the narrative!! speaking of haunting, I would have loved for Cole to be in the lighthouse too I think it would have worked well 🤔 especially with the whole 'reading Solas' secret diary' thing the game had going on lmao

Everyone seems to get along except for a bit of friction that is quickly resolved at the start, which is hmm missed potential? I would have preferred more tension personally. I enjoy the drama! gives me more to work with and gives you a better grasp on everyone's personality by contrasting values. I think they wanted to speed run a found family trope for the new hero to establish some emotional stakes early on but it ended up making everyone seem like a group therapy session instead. The group meetings also have everyone either state the obvious or repeat the same opinion or conclusion to each other, I would have loved these meetings to have more bickering, have people get mad and storm out and also get to listen to different takes on a situation. Make Rook struggle more to take the reins and keep the team functional, learning how to be a leader.

Speaking of Rook! ( who in my case has a northern British accent that I loved so much 🥺) They seem to have a very established personality. I was expecting more of a blank slate but I'm lucky that the personality they went for kind of matches what I would normally choose in a first playthrough. Though the lack of range in the choices is irritating and takes away some replayability and role playing potential. Rook is very supportive and selfless, I wasn't expecting this tbh! But it all made my Rook turn into the team's weird supportive necromancer mom so it worked out in the end I guess lmao. I can't wait to draw her!!

I was so overwhelmed by the amount of information we got about Solas and his past!! I was expecting answers but not these many and not for them to be such an integral part of the plot!! The game feels like it's about him more than anything else. His arc is the best written out of all. He is mentioned in every conversation, he's the main advisor and the narrative foil, you get to talk to him often, you work for him and with him and go into his memories it all feels so surreal to me lmao I love him so I'm delighted ngl! but also making the other Evanuris so cartoonishly evil makes Solas into such an obvious choice of an ally, god of trickery or not, that it sort of takes the decision out of your hands and makes some dialogue options and companions' opinions seem almost nonsensical. I have no idea how this game would feel to someone who absolutely hates Solas' guts honestly. I suppose I will find out soon enough 😆

About Solas' story, I loved it! I somehow also feel that I knew it already, all the speculation and theories that Solavellan fans were crafting for years were so accurate that it was all very validating. Even the wildest ones! Solas as the Maker, the elves spirit origin, Mythal giving him a body, the war with the Titans, the origin of the Blight, Solas being on your side as advisor, I can go on, we knew!! Also I have to mention this I'm sorry but they made him look so hot!! unbelievable. And the bloodied teary eyed pathetic look in the end ouurghhh I'm cheering and clapping!!

The romance conclusion was so lovely 😭 the Loki and Sigyn ending we deserved to such a mythological epic!! and open ended enough for all of us to cook!! and we got to see him fight and transform into the Dread Wolf!! and whimper and cry!! and bleed and love!! that's all I ever wanted, incredible we were really spoiled what the hell I still can't believe it 😭 GDL acting was brilliant as usual! the visuals were also incredible and exactly what I had in mind when I imagined where the story may go, the eclipse, the giant wolf, the glowing eyes, the Elvhenan ruins, the statues, even the hair lmao it all aligned exactly to what I've been painting all these years but better I was thrilled 😭

Solas backstory with Mythal also offers players that didn't romance him a chance to see him act out of love and show a side they wouldn't be able to reach otherwise and I think it was smart! also very tragic and sheds more light into all of his choices and words and his relationship with Lavellan too and the parallels and reversals and uughh thoroughly enjoying the emotional distress 👌

Pleasing both the Solas lovers and haters at the same time was always going to be hard with him being such a polarizing character by design and the world states being so different but I think they did a good job! at least from my side of things.

I think my favorite part besides the Solas related stuff was the Blight. I loved how horrific and gross and threatening it was! I've always loved the concept of the Blights and I'm glad it was such a huge part of the story in this game. I also loved Treviso!! has to be the most beautiful city in Thedas ahhh and the Necropolis!! the gardens!! Vorgoth!!! Kal-Sharok!!! I can't believe we got to see it!! and a Titan!!! the giant floating face of Ghilan'nain in the clouds??? and the huge archdemons and dragons!! oh and that warden dragon trap in the shape of a griffon?? and the giant blight tendrils!! the siege at Weisshaupt was outstanding!! and the floating panopticon castle situation in Minrathous uughh there is so much I loved.

OH I also enjoyed the Varric arc even though I saw it coming since the trailer it was still played well and it was touching 🥺

The ending felt a bit jarring to me in tone though, a bit too cheerful considering...the horrors. Over half the continent destroyed and most of the problems Thedas had before the game are still there. Veil in place and all 😆

But I had fun!! I'm nitpicking really, the conclusion to Solas' story feels very satisfying to me which was my main worry so I'm happy. It is a good game!! with a sort of soft reboot feel to it and aimed at a younger audience which is probably what they were going for? You can sort of feel the struggle the team went through during production in the way the target audience seems unclear sadly. I also can't help feeling like this is an ending, so much was revealed and resolved!! but maybe I feel that way because that is what I felt after Shadowbringers / Endwalker in FFXIV once my favorite part of the story was wrapped? They can always pivot to a new continent and expand on the world and cultures we know almost nothing about, but that is always harder to sell so I have no clue where they will go from here 😵‍💫

Anyway I'm still processing a lot of stuff that I will probably talk (and draw) about later, this is already long enough!! for now I'll look up how to get the artbook because the art direction of this game is fantastic!! I would love to hear your thoughts too really, I'm curious about the experiences of players who made different choices and with different tastes to mine!!

[novlr]

Do you have any posts on turning a book into a series, and/or deciding how many books the series should be? I searched but couldn't really find anything. Im plotting my story and not sure how to split it up into how many books if I decide it's too much for a stand alone. Do I just go with trilogy? Thought there are many authors who have like 5-10 books. How do I know?

The choice between writing a standalone novel or committing to develop a series isn’t always straightforward. While some stories naturally lend themselves to multiple books, others work best as self-contained narratives. So what do you have to think about to actually make these decisions?

Signs your story might work better as a series

Complex worldbuilding

If you’ve built an intricate fictional world with multiple cultures, magic systems, or technological innovations that you can’t fully explore in a single book without overwhelming readers, you might have series potential.

Multiple major story arcs

When you have several significant plotlines that feel rushed or cramped into one book, or story threads that naturally extend beyond your story’s major conflict, this could show series potential.

Character development opportunities

If your characters have growth trajectories that would feel unrealistic or rushed within a single book, or if you have multiple interesting characters whose stories deserve more content, a series might be best.

Scope of conflict

Stories with conflicts that escalate naturally or reveal larger implications beyond the initial problem often work well as series.

Signs your story might work better as a standalone

Single central conflict

If your story revolves around one main conflict that can be satisfyingly resolved in a single book, it might be better as a standalone.

Focused character arc

When your protagonist’s journey has a clear beginning, middle, and end that rarely spawns new questions or conflicts, consider keeping it standalone.

Contained story world

If your world-building serves the immediate story without requiring extensive exploration of other aspects, it might not need expansion into a series.

Thematic resolution

When your theme can be fully explored and resolved in one book, forcing it into a series might dilute its impact and spread the story too thin to remain interesting.

How to decide the number of books

If you’ve decided your story would work better as a series, consider these factors when deciding length:

Natural breaking points: Look for places where your story has significant shifts in conflict, setting, or character development.

Story complexity: More complex narratives might need more books to do justice to all the elements.

Market considerations: While you shouldn’t write for marketing alone, if you plan to publishing, be aware that publishers and audiences often prefer certain series lengths for different genres.

Story structure: Some narratives naturally fall into traditional structures:

Trilogy (three acts)

Duology (two-part story)

Quartet (four interconnected arcs)

Longer series (episodic adventures or expanding scope)

Questions to ask yourself

Can your story be told effectively in one book without sacrificing depth or rushing important elements?

Do you have enough material for multiple books without resorting to filler?

Are your subplots and secondary characters strong enough to sustain reader interest across multiple books?

Does each potential book have its own complete arc while contributing to the larger story?

Are you personally invested enough in the world and characters to spend years developing multiple books?

Remember that there’s no universally “right” answer. Some stories that started as standalone books often grow into series (think crime series that tell self-contained stories but use the same protagonist throughout), while others that originally released as series are often condensed into a single volume for a better reader experience (like Ursula Le Guin’s Earthsea Quartet, or Susan Cooper’s The Dark Is Rising series).

Let your story guide you. Don’t force a standalone into a series just because series are popular, and don’t compress a story that needs room to breathe just to fit it into one book. Focus on telling your story in the most effective way possible, and the right format will often become clear during the writing process.

Whether you choose to write a standalone book or a series, make sure each book can stand on its own merits while serving the larger story you want to tell.

[knight-a3]

Heavenbound AU

Hazbin Masterpost

Lucifer the Fallen Angel; the King of Demons; the Scapegoat

There is a lot of lore and history to go over with this one. Let me teach you a thing or two about the bible!

Notes under the cut.

--Design notes--

Between dolls, snakes, apples, circuses, ducks, etc, there were just too many motifs/thematic elements to shove onto just Lucifer. So, I streamlined and distributed. Lucifer is goat themed, Lilith is snake themed. Charlie is a mix of the two. I also use this to partly to imply that "the Devil" is not solely Lucifer. But humans mistake various different demons as one character. Lucifer is just the one who gets blamed for everything. That's part of why he's a goat; he's a scapegoat.

Goats: There was a Jewish practice during Yom Kippur to place sin onto "scapegoats" and release them into the wilderness to basically rid the people of their sin. Specifically, they were sent to "Azazel", meaning "remove from or separate from god", which refers to a desolate place.

Goats as a demonic symbol comes primarily from pagan influences rather than the Bible. I had a couple goats before settling on sheep instead, and they're just silly guys. They're not evil.

Apples- I reduced this because I think it would be more fitting for Adam and Eve. Both ate the fruit, and it didn't make them evil or anything. Also, the fruit is never stated to specifically be an apple. That only happened due to how language evolved. But I still like how his coat kinda resembles an apple core...so it can stay.

Doll- I know Charlie is meant to resemble a porcelain doll. And in canon gets it from her dad. But I don't really understand why, so I took it away from him and gave it to Lilith, since she was created and placed on earth like a doll.

King- He does not have any real authority beyond his power as a fallen seraphim. It's basically a prison, and even Lucifer is caged. Nobody bothers to respect him. So the "crown" on his hat resembles a gate or cell bars.

Ducks- I never understood the choice to associate Lucifer with ducks. And thematically, I can't really justify it. He can still like ducks, I guess. But it won't be a design motif.

Full demon: Since I'm committing to his goat theme, I figured he could have multiple horns instead of wings. He lost his wings when he fell. As an angel, his symbol was a star. As a demon, it got flipped upside down to represent a falling star. That's the pentagram. In images of the satanic goat, it often had the pentagram on its forehead, so I included that.

Angel: I want angels to look more human, so that's that.

--Wings: Seraphim are described as having 3 sets of wings. Rather than deal with all that or even try to figure out the anatomy of that, I just gave them three sets of primary feathers, which sort of imitates the 6-winged look but is easier for me to wrap my head around and draw. Also, "biblically accurate angels" aren't as biblically accurate as you think.

--Halos: I have a specific idea for how angel halos work, but I plan to get to that in a different post. For now, just know that seraphim have two halos for a reason.

--Star: A pentagram is an upside down star. It represents the fall of the morning star. So his angel symbol is a star.

Name: Helel, Lucifer, Samael

As an angel, his name was Helel, then the elder seraphim renamed him Samael after he fell, so they could pretend they're different people. He took on the name Lucifer himself after his fall.

Helel: Helel is the Hebrew word that was translated as the latin word lucifer. Helel means "shining one", while lucifer means "light bringer" or "morning star"; lucifer can also be a verb that basically means to light a match.

Lucifer: Instead of translating the word into an English equivalent, Helel was translated as the latin term, lucifer. The word lucifer is used only once in some translations of the Bible, found in the book of Isaiah, but not as a name. Lucifer was often used as an epithet for the "star" Venus, and was used to represent pride because it rose and fell before the sun. Hence why lucifer also means "morning star". In Isaiah 14:12, The king of Babylon is being called the morning star as it falls from heaven. The capitalization of lucifer was possibly a misinterpretation by the translators.

Samael is, in some Jewish stories, the husband of Lilith. So I found a way to use all three names(Helel, Lucifer, and Samael). It means something along the lines of "severity of god" or "poison or venom of god". It is also not in the Bible.

Backstory

(Feb 21, 2025- changed the flame color to blue instead of red for lore reasons. Updated title lines.)

[amaltheas-garden]

This snip from S7 script

"Jon has truly never seen a girl like this before. Her beauty, her strength, her grief and the pain in makes him feel... they all push him to the realization that he loves her

What do you think D&D were thinking when they were writing this? Did George give them the notes about jonerys falling in love or he told them Jon and Dany will have an affair and D&D took that to mean it's love? In the books, most are convinced there will be a marriage for love between them but we never got that in the show. Why would D&D not have them marry if it's such an important mileage in their relationship? All we got was the "parallel' with R and L but that's actually not a parallel because we were shown RL getting married.

I'll preface this by saying I haven't watched any season in full past 3, so most of what I know of the later seasons comes from yt clips and posts on here.

This is going to be in three sections:

Why did J/D not marry in the show?

Why J/D won't marry in the books

Why J/S could happen in the books despite not happening in the show

1: On the first point, idk what d&d were going for, and I absolutely have no clue what grrm told them regarding Jon and Dany's relationship.

The main point of contention seems to be in reconciling the J/D romance and Dany's death, with a large portion of the book fanbase expecting a J/D romance and marriage. I know it's an unpopular opinion, but I just don't think Jon and Dany will be the main love story of the next books. Regardless, the short answer to 'why did d&d not have J/D romance end in marriage if it's an important milestone in the books' is that they won't get married in the books either.

2: As far as using the show as an indicator for the books, I'd say focus on where characters end up, not how they get there. For instance, Sansa and Theon got completely butchered because d&d saw an easy way of cutting corners. They knew they needed a Theon pov to know what was going on w/ Ramsay and Winterfell, and knew Sansa had to go from pawn to player and meet Jon at the Wall for the eventual retaking of Winterfell. So, they thought instead of doing separate Theon-Sansa storylines with a few girl-in-grey red herrings and spending money on a tourney scene and boring Vale politics, lets just skip over the Vale stuff, have Sansa be Jeyne and kill two birds with one stone! With Arya, they sent her off to Braavos to become a badass, cut out the thematically important Stoneheart stuff, and then just shuffle her back to Winterfell. And Bran, the worst offender of the bunch, is practically cut from the show before being brought back to be king. That's all the evidence you need to know D&D only cared about taking the shortest, simplest route possible to (grrm's) predetermined endpoints. (I might have one-sided beef with brando sando, but d&d reallyyy could have benefited from hearing Journey BEFORE Destination!)

I'd also point out that book-show personalities are different: Sansa is still a young girl desperately trying to still cling to hope and belief in goodness and kindness like the heroes in her stories, Arya is a traumatized child who just wants to go back home while also trying to balance her desire to protect innocents and take revenge against those who wronged her family, Bran had all his dreams taken by one man's actions and now has to find his place in the world, and Jon was intended to be the subversion of the classic fantasy-hero archetype. But in the show, Sansa is an ice queen, Arya is badass sword girl, Bran is there, and Jon is a dumb stereotypical hero. Show Jon just doesn't behave in a way book!Jon would, so I'd expect a lot more complexity in book!J/D's relationship than straightforward romance. Point being, D&D are fine having characters end up where grrm told them to put them, they just don't care for the getting there part (also known as a story). If J/D was supposed to be a romance ending in marriage, they would have done that. Jon lives, Dany dies, Sansa rules the North, Bran becomes king, Arya continues her adventures are the points we should take away from the final seasons. The journey of how we get there is something we'll only find out when grrm publishes the books 🤡.

3: And because this is a filthy Jonsa blog, and I must connect everything back to it:

Some (most) of this is going to contradict what I just said, but bear with me. Dany's death was clearly meant to be the big shock twist of the show. The main criticism of her arc was that it came out of nowhere and was underdeveloped. D&D had to accomplish three things: J/D meet, Dany dies, and the audience doesn't see it coming. Easiest way to do that is have J/D romance, tease a possible marriage to unite the North with Dany, then have a half assed rug pull where she goes coo coo for cocoa puffs and her former lover stabs her. Regardless of the sincerity of the feelings, a romance subplot was the easiest way to insert melodrama, Stark infighting, and make the audience believe there could be a happy ending between the two. Was it done well? no. But could I see what they were trying to do? yeah.

So how would book Jonsa come into play and why would D&D ignore that element? Simply put, if Jonsa happens, it would have started developing in S6, and if Jon knows he feels for Sansa in *that* way, it makes the idea of Jon going team Dany less likely, and in turn makes the audience more suspicious of Jon's true motives. This will be even worse in the books, seeing as Jon will have (hopefully) developed a closer relationship w/ Sansa, got his beloved baby sister back, and the last of his half-brothers. The close sibling bonds keeping him allied with House Stark means Dany's main in with Jon so to speak would be through a romantic relationship, and if that place is already occupied by yet another Stark, it becomes pretty obvious that Jon will never fully be on her side. This is a problem, because we pretty much know the Starks are supposed to come out on top, so being in conflict with them isn't a good sign for Dany's endgame. Making Jon and Sansa's relationship platonic/familial instead of romantic makes a happy J/D endgame feel more likely to the audience/ makes her villain turn & death less obvious.

Grrm is a self-proclaimed romantic at heart, and I find it very hard to believe we won't get a sincere romance involving his favorite Byronic hero. This is pure speculation on my part, but I tend to think Jon will entertain a marriage with Dany as a way of securing the Starks' safety/ making peace between Dany and the North in a very obvious act of Duty over Love. Having those good ol' forbidden feelings develop between Jon and Sansa in Winds, being separated by Jon's decision to enter a politically advantageous relationship w/ Dany only to discover they're cousins and could have been together adds a nice dimension to the Starks v. Dany conflict. And Dany dying in the end means Jon has the choice to choose a love marriage over duty. But if we assume (and I'm aware it's a BIG assumption), that Jonsa is a book possibility, then the romantic aspect was played down in the show to make Jon's betrayal of Dany less obvious and preserve the shock value of her death. And at that point, they couldn't really end the show with a Jonsa marriage because there was no basis for it (not that that stopped them from doing King Bran I guess but whatever... a girl can dream). If I were to make a snide comment on the ending, GoT did like doing surface level girlboss moments, so Sansa ending up as a solo queen instead of a sappy Aragorn-Arwen love story was consistent with their other character decisions. (I honestly do love Sansa's coronation scene and there are some good metas on Sansa-Elizabeth I, so I don't want to dismiss that possibility entirely, I just think D&D's track record of throwing Arya/Sansa/Dany into the same stoic/badass stock character blender might've influenced their choice to downplay Sansa's possible romantic storyline despite it being a central theme in the books).

Just to summarize, Jon and Dany didn't get married in the show because they won't get married in the books, the book relationship will be much more complicated than the show version, and D&D's character writing in terms of their internal journey doesn't matter that much since they overtly changed character personalities from the books, and only care about characters getting where they need to go regardless of how it comes about. Assuming book Jonsa happens, this subplot was abandoned to prioritize shock value and keep audiences guessing who would win till the literal last episode. And because of the scrapping of a romantic relationship between the two, their respective endings were modified.

[silent-sanctum]

"Jotaro as a Father"

Alright, this is another popular discussion about Jotaro's character. It also falls victim to the fandom's tendency to resort to "black and white" thinking, perhaps combined with other minor factors (and another case of me liking to overanalyze my favorite characters because Araki left so much about him vague)

This user has posted this on another "opinions that I will defend until the end of time" and garnered thousands of likes. This was probably the most liked quoted retweet. And it irked me. Am I surprised? Not really. Disappointed? Absolutely. And they are probably the 80% Jotaro fans that don't understand him.

And as your local Jotaro defender and anti-Jotaro mischaracterization person, I am here with another essay exploring more of his mentality. This time, it's about him being a parent, and while he isn't the best father, he isn't that bad either, or at least how the majority of the fandom thinks him to be.

I have made a previous character essay that talked about Jotaro's crippling weaknesses under the facade of strength and competence in detail. If you're interested, I'll leave this sentence linked to the post.

Now keep in mind: This character study is all assumptions and headcanons, BUT they are grounded in canon (e.g., pattern of behavior, general personality, actions he took, etc.) instead of what is popular in fanon interpretations. And much like how I wrote my previous essay (with the CEO and her POV on her emotional reservation), I will be drawing a lot of thematic comparisons with another show I've watched.

Why? Because sometimes, there are patterns on how groups of people can function in life, and it's not just the writer's bias and blind defense of their favorite character.

Second, I need to make this clear also: Jolyne is valid for being mad at her father. I am not invalidating her feelings at all. This essay is about exploring his headspace and what led him to do what he did. That's it.

Okay. Now onto the essay itself.

"Is he a bad father?"

Ehh, I can say that while he isn't good, he isn't bad either. His parenting lands more in the grey area, instead of either end of the spectrum. Because we all know at the surface level that he got married, had a daughter, went AWOL, divorced his wife, and stayed away from his family for their safety.

The action was bad: Neglect is neglect, no matter the excuse, and it can cause the affected people to respond to it negatively in the long term, especially for children with an absent parent.

However, the intention was good: He chose to stay away from his family because he attracted danger to his loved ones, who couldn't see the threat. He's a Stand user who could likely draw in other Stand users. He cared for them, and he wouldn't want to risk their safety by being around them.

It's complicated and nuanced. I feel like it's wrong to just shoehorn him into the "bad father" category, when the generalized view of what a "bad dad" is being abusive or leaving the child with malicious and/or selfish intent. But he doesn't hold up the "good father" title either, when being a "good dad" involves being a constant support for one's child, which he didn't do in Jolyne's late childhood to her teens.

So, he's neither good nor bad. He's a father doing all that he can with his current circumstances.

And yes, while I could leave it at that with the whole "he's neither good nor bad, but somewhere in between", many have placed their arguments about why he's a bad father and the alternatives he could've taken instead of completely choosing the self-isolation route.

The most popular one was this question:

"If he knew he was a danger, why did he have Jolyne? Why did he choose to have a family when he was going to stay away from them in the end?"

Here's the thing though… He didn't.

Jotaro doesn't have the hindsight that the audience has. He couldn't have known until he noticed it later down adulthood, where he grew to become more observant of his surroundings.

And even if he did know, is he not allowed to be human? Do you want him to just be a lonely marine biologist who just does the Speedwagon Foundation's (SWF) Stand work 24/7? Is he not a person who is capable of feeling love for someone else, and has wants for himself outside his job?

Yes, he's diligent. He is capable of self-preservation. He is powerful. But even the strongest individuals have families of their own. They have close bonds with others that they treasure. Why? Because being able to love and feel love is what makes someone "human". Jotaro is a human just like most of us. He isn't a working machine who just does his job.

Let me introduce this show called "Moving." It's a show where basically "superpowered parents who used to be special agents, hide their superpowered children from organizations who wish to exploit or kill them." It's a relevant show to this essay since the protagonist's father behaves similarly to Jotaro.

In the show, this man is the government's best agent with special abilities. He carries out his missions and reports back after completing his task. He does his job seriously and rarely fails an assignment. In isolation, he describes himself to be cold and stoic, who is unable to socialize much due to his role as a special operations agent.

One day, he encounters the protagonist's mother: The organization's top graduate with exceptional marksmanship, who also possesses special abilities.

And despite both of them knowing the risks of getting too personal and intimate, guess what happened?

They both fall in love, even if it means being locked into being exploited by the government. And not only that, guess what else happened.

They have a child together.

Let me remind you: They know they are high-profile agents. The best of the best. They are aware of the risks that come with interpersonal connections, but they had that family anyway. Why? Because they were human. To find normalcy in the midst of their circumstances.

My point is that Jotaro is a person who's allowed to have a life, even if it couldn't be completely normal given his situation. Jonathan got married and had a kid. Joseph got married and had children. What makes Jotaro any different? Because he's workaholic, stoic, and reserved like the dad in the show? That's not a fair assumption if you ask me.

Another thought raised was this:

"Couldn't he just have given and trained Jolyne with her Stand?"

It seems plausible, and it sounds cool. But you have to know how Jotaro operated and why that couldn't be the case. His life after Egypt went down the drain. Heck, you could even say that his life changed when Star Platinum awakened in him. When Stands became a permanent thing in his day-to-day.

No matter how much he likes to focus on his day job as a biologist, he now had to shoulder being the SWF's go-to investigator for the supernatural. Not only did he work hard in his profession, but he had to do the Foundation's tasks as the Joestar bloodline's active patriarch and as the one who slayed DIO.

He couldn't have a normal life anymore. Not with his involvement with the Foundation and the enemies he attracted.

Now answer me this- What parent who loves their child will subject them to a life like theirs?

"Moving's" main premise is the lengths that families will go to protect their children, including from their past. The couple I mentioned raised their superpowered baby in hiding. And here's the kicker: It's the father who chose to suppress his son's abilities so he could live a normal life.

Again, this is the same cold, stoic man whom the organization treats as its best agent. And it's not just this family. There are multiple examples of parents in this show choosing to let their kids hide their powers.

Your daughter has caught the teacher's attention because of her power? Fake her death.

When you see the organization's leader smirk at you after learning that powers are hereditary, and you have a child? Go off the radar and leave everything, but your family, behind.

Jotaro never wanted Jolyne to be involved with Stands. He didn't want her to risk her life fighting a random Stand user when she could live the life of a normal teenager. She didn't have a Stand. Her mother didn't have one either. Why burden his child with the responsibility he had?

And did his isolation work? For the most part, yes. That is, until the incident with Romeo.

But then you ask yourself:

"He could've called her! Texted her! Sent an email- something! It's the 2000s! Technology's a thing by this point!"

Remember what his main character flaw is… Communication. If there's any fault that he has without debate, it's his inability to connect and socialize with others properly, and his poor maintenance of his bonds (as I have stated in my previous essay).

This argument could go in two ways. One is the whole communication issue, and maybe he was either too caught up in his job to update them, or he didn't want to share any details, thinking it's best for them not to know. As flawed as that thought was.

OR we could go the Snipster route, wherein he DID call Jolyne to check in on her, but because he kept making excuses as to why he's not coming home and is always away, she gradually grew to resent and hate him through the years, up until at one point, she yells at him to not call her anymore if he was going to continue being an absent father.

Pick your poison.

This leads to the next argument:

"He's a bad father because he's completely absent from Jolyne's life! He rarely bonded with Jolyne at all!"

Then why does Jolyne have so much anger towards him? If he were a fully absent father (as in I-didn't-know-you-existed type of absent), she shouldn't be holding so much resentment toward Jotaro. So, why is she hateful to him?

Because at one point, he was a present parent in Jolyne's childhood before he left. Yes, he could be busy working, but he could've spent his few moments of respite taking care of his daughter to the best he could as a loving father. She is the child he cherished after all. His weakness.

Not to Jonathan or Joseph levels of "golden retriever" and "grandiose" type of affection, but perhaps in more domestic, quiet ways: Cook her meals, read her books, listen to her talk about her day, help and teach her with homework, etc.

If he were a fully absent father, Jolyne should've felt apathetic and confused when meeting him again, not anger. If he were completely absent, Jolyne wouldn't have engaged in delinquent activity to catch her father's attention.

Again, in Moving, the protagonist is raised by a single mother from his childhood to his teens. He does not know who his father is, because when the dad was present, he was a toddler and therefore couldn't remember him. To him, his father is a stranger.

And how he reacts to the father at the end of the show is him not being upset or mad. It's him being surprised, confused, and neutral toward him. Why? Because he doesn't know him.

I would show the images but there's an image limit and I'm sad

Heck, you can say the same for Josuke and Joseph if you want an in-universe example. Josuke never knew who his dad was and was raised by Tomoko all his life. And when he meets old man Joseph for the first time, he's confused and is generally neutral to him. He's shy even when he helps him after his cane broke.

---

Jotaro leaves a lot to interpretation, and while I see a gem of a post here and there sometimes, I have to trudge through a sludge of mischaracterization and an oversaturation of memes that downplay what's canon in favor of fanon validation.

And I get it. I browse Twitter, check the timeline for updates, and notice that most users are impressionable teenagers who are from the West and go about their days living with Western individualistic values.

Maybe, just maybe, some people will project the "bad father" image to Jotaro as a result of their own daddy issues. Just like how misogynists will project themselves onto a favorite character like Jotaro.

I'm not saying this as a definitive truth, but as a possibility. Jotaro is fictional after all, and people will use fiction as a reprieve from reality.

TL;DR? He isn't a bad father, but he isn't a good one either. He's a father who does what he can to protect his daughter, with all his flawed mentality and caring heart.

[kindlespark]

this is gonna be SO long and rambly sorry anyway i saw a post abt how babel does queer characters and it got me thinking abt why the tropes it uses would usually turn me off other stories but didn’t here

MAJOR BABEL SPOILERS //

i feel like i’d be more mad abt how robinramy ended up in babel if it marketed itself as queer lit at all or if its fans were going “WOW AMAZING QUEER REP” abt it. but no one told me any of that, so finding out they were gay was just a fun little bonus surprise to me. i get why ppl are eh abt robinramy not getting together/technically still being subtext (which i dont think is really true btw like the book literally says “robin was falling in love” but idk i guess if you were stupid you might’ve assumed that it was falling in love with oxford given how romantic some of the other language is (WHICH IS ALSO THE POINT bc i think robin’s friendship with ramy blurring into romance is why he romanticised like all his friendships/experiences in oxford BUT IM GETTING OFF-TOPIC)). i just think robin’s repression abt being gay was intrinsically tied to his attitudes on imperialism (wrt refusing to acknowledge anything that complicated his life until it was too late) and i don’t consider it a cop out or queerbait. like i genuinely don’t think robinramy could ever have gotten together without drastic alterations being made in terms of plot and character. plus i think it’s clear that kuang didn’t want to write a story with any kind of focus on romance at all, because it’s not that kind of book. there’s no successful het romance either, so it grates a lot less. the only reason romance is included at all is to show the ways in which white entitlement manifests. so the tragic way robinramy played out just made sense to me.

and i speak as someone who accidentally spoiled myself on You Know What in the middle of reading and i was like ugghh boooo dreading it the whole time expecting to roll my eyes when it happened but then when it did i was like. wow im actually not that mad LMFAO 😭😭😭 actually thematically the book sets it up so well that i believed that this was unfortunately the only way it could’ve gone. babel is about the loss and tragedy and grief that colonised people experience. it’s about the lengths people will go to to uphold empire and the lengths ppl will go to to tear it down like idk 😭 i guess it is bury your gays but it didnt bother me this time because i thought it fit thematically ❤️ i enjoy tragedy as a genre a lot and i would’ve made it gay anyway you know. thanks rf kuang for doing it for me so i didnt have to.

WHICH IS ALL TO SAY that i guess if you’re going into babel for the queer rep without appreciating that the story is fundamentally a tragedy it would feel like it’s just reusing tired tropes….. but i think the choices kuang made were rly deliberate and not in a way that feels like trauma porn or shock value. the book is fundamentally about the struggles of poc so the layer of queerness that was introduced felt like a subtle extension of the experiences of characters of colour in the book, and i enjoyed and related to it as a queer chinese person who kind of realised they had to prioritise their fight for the liberation of poc over queerness mainly because the idea of western queer liberation cannot be dissociated from imperialism and many aspects of homophobia as we know it was an export of christian european empire into our colonised countries in the first place and FUCK THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER TANGENT ABOUT HOW I THINK RAMY AS A CHARACTER IS EMBLEMATIC OF THE TENSION AND STRUGGLE THAT QUEER POC DIASPORA HAVE BETWEEN OUR IDENTITIES GODDAMNIT OK FORGET IT POST CANCELLED i just rly think babel’s handling of queer characters is fine and makes sense and i like it personally and maybe i will make a coherent analysis about it one day but that day is not today byeeeeeee

[raayllum]

The Celestial Elves & Aaravos' Plans

Going into s6, there's been two big questions at the forefront of my mind: what can we expect from the Celestial elves, and what exactly is Aaravos' plan?

I've speculated briefly on the former, so I want to clarify further what I mean when I say the latter.

Aaravos' plans, seemingly, have at least two pretty clear steps, if you will:

To be freed from his pearl prison

To get revenge on the Startouch elves for his banishment / some other wound

This was as much spelled out to us in TDP's short story, Patience, before S4's release:

I have not seen the stars in centuries. But when I see them again—when the stars are forced to look upon me, their dark brother—they will know how I have waited. And when everything they have built lies shattered, I will savor their fall from the sky. For I have been patient.

I don't think Aaravos has much of a plan beyond revenge, as the Cycle is thematically and literally unsustainable in comparison to rebuilding and the Narrative of Love. What would be left for him, after all, besides seeing his 'family' (and Xadia) suffer further for what they've done to him? And I'm not here to say that there's a secret third step or anything (though there might be).

What I want to talk about is Aaravos' Plan timeline in regards to getting what he wants.

We know that around 1,000 years ago, humans were exiled from Xadia for dark magic use. It isn't clear if Aaravos was banished before or after this event, but given that Ziard saying "one of the Great Ones" doesn't seem to immediately give away Aaravos' identity, there seem to have been a few still kicking around, although this contradicts the Midnight Star poem, which clearly indicates the Stars leaving ("Elarion, unworthy whelp, / Wept as the stars turned black the sky, / They donned their masks / They turned their backs, / And left Elarion to die") and then humans receiving dark magic ("‘till the last star / Reached from afar / His touch: a blaze, a gift, a spark / [...] Elarion, black-eyed child, / her twisted roots spread deep and far, / The humans’ might").

It is possible, of course, that the Startouch elves could've left but hadn't actually expelled / cut contact with Aaravos directly, but that gets even dicier timeline wise.

Either way, to stay on topic: there's roughly a 700-1000 years, if not more, between Aaravos' banishment from the First Elves and achieving his final aims (which we'll likely see the beginning of in late S6).

Why?

Why does this period of time in between Banishment and Revenge exist? If Aaravos is so powerful...

Even after [Zubeia] and Avizandum allied ourselves with the other Archdragons, we could not risk a direct confrontation. We had to beat Aaravos as his own game. [...] We had to conspire and plot, and deceive this deceiver so that at the exact right moment, he would lower his guard, and we could imprison him forever.

then what could've possibly existed that he couldn't just take outright? Why even make nice with the Archdragons at all, and not stay focused on using his human mages in the west? And what, why, was he using them in the first place pre-imprisonment?

A young human girl uncovered a great secret of history. A dangerous deceiver was revealed: it was one of the Great Ones, the Startouch elf, Aaravos. For a thousand years, Aaravos had been pulling invisible strings like a puppet master. Every great crisis the world faced had seemed the work of some ingenious and powerful leader, but in each case, it was secretly Aaravos, whispering in their ear.

Now, of course Aaravos just could be a sadistic bastard who enjoys messing with people (and I'm sure there's spades of that) as well as ideas of being "elegant and efficient" in that why take things by force when you can convince other people to do stuff (and take the fall) for you. But in my mind, there's one main reason to maintain secrecy around people you're trying to use or convince: you want to maintain their trust, and you want their trust because you want their Knowledge.

Additionally, the more I've thought about it, the more sure I am that Aaravos was ingredient collecting for Something before his imprisonment (300 years ago, and still a thousand years at least into his grand plan). We see two powerful figures disappear close together — Luna Tenebris, who "mysteriously died" and Queen Aditi, who vanished — and we already know Aaravos "swallowed" the latter.

We know from Viren and Claudia that dragons, particularly archdragons, are incredibly powerful. Zym, just as a baby and with the staff as a conduit, would've been enough for Viren to "transcend his moral form" and presumably let Aaravos out of the mirror permanently by... taking over Viren's body, maybe? The details are fuzzy, but the intentions and initial endgame stage (freedom) was probably plain.

Moreover, if Aaravos did need a Powerful Sun Object and a powerful Archdragon (moon? sky?) Object to get things underway, it'd also explain the choice to go to Lux Aurea to get the Sun staff and corrupt it, as that choice inadvertently led to another 'downfall' (if he and Viren hadn't gotten the staff, their army probably would've had enough time to take the Storm Spire before the dragons even arrived; they were only held off so long because the Sunfire elves were there).

Like before, with Aditi, there's also a potentially powerful Sun source in both the sun seed itself and in Sol Regem, particularly if either or both become corrupted. Zym still exists as a possible source of energy to exploit, and there could be something Moon wise with Luna Tenebris' unsuitable heir or even Rayla.

I'm also not going to pretend to have definitive answers. That said, given that everyone else has been on a perpetual chase for knowledge throughout arc S4 and S5 ("I don't even know if she's alive" / "How do you know?" / "Having knowledge isn't the same as knowing it" / "If Akiyu knows helped make it, then she must know where it is" / "To love is simply to know this...") it wouldn't surprise me if the Mystery of Aaravos is about him, yes, but also one he's been trying to 'solve' all this time.

And on the one hand, this has also already been sort of true, given that despite his powers, Aaravos genuinely seems to 1) have no clue of where he was imprisoned or 2) in what (the pearl). The idea that his powers and foresight as a Fallen Startouch elf weren't extended far enough for him to be able to go back to the 'Heavens' whenever he wanted, that the Startouch elves are somewhere currently beyond his reach... That would kind of track and explain the 1,200-1,000 year interim and Why it's taken him so long to figure certain stuff out.

If he doesn't need Objects (which might play into the lack of coercion or construction, perhaps?) or at least not entirely, then Knowledge of something he's missing may be partially the clue needed to go back Home and wreck shit up. Not needing objects per se could also explain why things that may be useful to him — like the Nova Blade, if he wants to kill his own kind; or potentially the cube (but who knows) — weren't confiscated as it were before his permanent Fall to earth.

This is where we get to the Celestial Elves.

The Celestial Elves, in spite of being a late stage addition to TDP's lore in comparison to most other elements, have always felt very purposeful. As laid out in my post above, there's some very particular choices made about them that seem Obviously intentional in a way that say, other design choices regarding the elves aren't necessarily.

For example, original concept of Aaravos featured him bald, in robes, and blindfolded, but were scrapped for being "too obvious" / on the nose, leading to a very different final design. While blindfolds in TDP don't have much of a negative association largely thanks to Lady Justice and Harrow, the idea of not being able to see clearly (hi Viren!) is absolutely a motif the series returns to over and over until it reaches fruition: "I finally see the truth."

As mentioned in my linked post, the fact that all the Celestial elves are Skywing elves feels intentional as well. Sky (freedom) in the series is the opposite to Star ('destiny') if we're just going by primals and not looping in dark magic. The choice to make the Celestial elves Skywing specifically, when they could've been any kind of elf or even a grouping of different kinds of elves living together (which we haven't seen before) is probably because their understanding of the Sky arcanum and the concept of Star magic is going to be radically different than Callum's; I wouldn't be surprised if they've partially turned their back on the idea of "nothing is pre-determined" by instead saying everything is, which is his ongoing worst fear with the possession plot line.

Then there's the fact that they are devoted to Stars, and Startouch elves have had (as far as we know) little to no contact with anyone since they all left a thousand plus years ago... except for Aaravos, who would have an interest in the Nova Blade at the very least (and maybe the Corona of the Heavens belonged to him, too). The way they're called "an ancient sect" of Skywing elves is also not a point in their favour given that outside of Ancient Draconic, everything else that's been labelled that way has been negative ("the relic staff" / "the cube is an ancient relic" / "wounds from an ancient and disturbing practice" / "Infantis sanguine. It's one of the old spells").

Furthermore, the true sight serum Viren poured in his eyes in 2x02 is also what inspired the bulk of today's thinking meta, as the season two novelization states:

He held the last of an unusual liquid that he had inherited from Kpp'Ar. The liquid was a rare serum that the Oracles of Ophidia were said to have used long before the fall of Elarion in order to see through the illusions of the world. They would harvest venom from the fangs of eyeless vipers; and it was said that the venom had to be extracted on a moonless night. All it took was a single stray beam of moonlight to taint the serum and bring out its most dangerous qualities. Instead of clearing one's illusions, a dose of tainted serum would drive a person into a permanent, irrevocable madness.

Oracles are fortune tellers, which is already very Star arcanum-y adjacent. Ophidian is derived from the Grecian root for snake, which is very dark magic-y accordingly. We know that the Oracles were ancient if they predate Elarion, and we don't know whether they were humans, elves, or both. The fact that this lore is 1) here and 2) connected to Kpp'Ar, who it seems Viren likewise 'inherited' the staff from AND who had a perfect twin box that matched the one Aaravos has in his mirror... None of it bodes well, and I think there's reasonable speculation that the Oracles had some connection to a Startouch elf at least, once upon a time, and possibly ties to the Celestial elves as well.

All of this to say is that whatever the Celestial Elves stance on Aaravos is will inform their practical role in the story, yes, but will also inform what he's been Waiting patiently for all this time, I think.

If the Celestial elves are largely against Aaravos, then them hiding themselves and hiding these powerful and dangerous objects makes sense; cloaking themselves from him would take time and effort and if he's not willing to go back to 'Heaven' without being able to kill people, then maybe he's been waiting all this time to locate the Nova Blade (which Callum is now taking him directly to; great!) or one of the quasar diamonds is his missing piece, or whatever.

This would give me more pause as 1) said info was found in like one afternoon of searching in the Great Bookery, which Aaravos presumably would've had access to and 2) the Starscraper is probably the Star Nexus if there is still one, so I'd imagine Startouch elves would know where it is. That said, Callum and Zubeia never made the mirror connection (Callum had no reason to think it was stolen, and Zubeia had no reason to think that if Viren still had it Callum wouldn't have noticed upon inheriting the mage study right away, so wires got crossed) so who knows. Sometimes story's gotta story so reality's gotta bend a bit!

If Aaravos has been looking for information and/or an object outside of the Starscraper's walls (a spell? the cube?) then the Celestial elves pivoting to being a more antagonistic force makes more sense to me. If they have no reason to hide from him, then they have significantly less reason to be narratively Opposed to him. That doesn't necessarily mean they're exclusively evil or anything (though they could be!), but I could see internal fracturing and having our one named Celestial elf, Astrid, be a contrarian force for good as things go to shit (much like how Ethari is our one Silvergrove villager because he breaks the Ghosting spell, or we spend more time with N'than because he's willing to go against drake rider traditions).

We know regardless of anything else Callum and Rayla can't just waltz in and have everything they want immediately handed to them on a silver platter without a hitch, so at best there might be a trial or two to pass (which speaks to some ambiguity about the danger Aaravos poses) and at worst, they might lure the two in with a false offer of help and security / trials only to actually just rip the floor out from under them.

Conclusion sort of

The good news is that by the end of S6 we will probably know most of these answers, excitedly enough! Given that the Merciful One has their stardust quote to Aaravos in 6x01, and that 6x09 is called Stardust, Aaravos referencing that line while he gets some of his vengeance would track accordingly (especially because know he says it at one point, thanks to the first teaser trailer).

Additionally, it's likely that since the end of S6 is the most 11th hour "worst possible things ever are happening" moment, Aaravos getting to have some of his revenge is I think a fair expectation to close out the season, and give us lots of high stakes for S7. Whatever he's been patient over, his waiting will finally be over, and the apocalypse of sorts will start, for the Stars that he's finally strong enough to 1) return to and 2) wreck havoc upon but also for everyone else, too.

But yeah - this was definitely a more rambling meta than most and I hope it got you thinking! It's hard to believe that in under two months we'll have answers to some of these questions we've been asking for so long, and I can't wait to find out what they are!

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

One of my fave mashup nights: liverpool n2 this is what you came for/goldrush and the great war/you’re losing me

Why did I not even remember she played Liverpool during Eras lol.

Also I see you anon, trying to sneak in a 2-for-1 deal for Mashup Madness! 🤔 Just kidding.

This Is What You Came For x Gold Rush

So once again, it's kind of incredible to me when she takes a quintessentially dance/pop song and kind of yeehawifies it to turn it into a fun folky medley. And as someone whose tastes lean more folk-rock, I fully support it.

Everybody's watching her, but I don't like the gold rush.

She does some reaaaaaallly interesting things with the melodies and her vocal delivery in this one! I loooooooove her hitting the high notes in the "ooohs" gold rush and I love the kind of improvising she does with the "Eagles t-shirt/dinner parties" lines. And dropping the beat for the last verse of gold rush because we love a Girl and her Guitar moment!

Thematically, the songs are a great match too!

Baby, this is what you came for, lightning strikes every time she moves -> But I don't like a gold rush, gold rush, I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush // Everybody's watching her, but she's looking at you -> Everybody wants you, everybody wonders what it would be like to love you // We go fast with the game we play, who knows why it's gotta be this way -> I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush // We say nothing more than we need, I say, "Your place," when we leave -> At dinner parties I call you out on your contrarian shit and the coastal town we wandered 'round had never seen a love as pure as it

I love the juxtaposition in the mashup story of everyone's eyes being on her, but in her mind they're all on him, because she's so infatuated with him.

(lol I don't think I ever realized how few lyrics are actually in This Is What You Came For. Also fun fact, years ago one of the coaches at my club used to use this as the song for warmup so this song is forever ingrained in my head.)

and now for the main event:

The Great War x You're Losing Me

So this is one of those "she has to do it" mashups because I distinctly remember having conversations with friends like @soberqueerinthewild and @taylortruther about the parallels between The Great War and You're Losing Me with the war motifs and then she went and did it 😂 We feel you blondie.

This might be one of my favourite lines she's ever mashed up because it's the entire theme of the combination, but also the end result of the relationship and a huge part of TTPD:

I can't find a pulse anymore, but I survived the Great War.

Oof.

(That's "So Long London" in one line.)

In this mashup, the "Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur" end up culminating in her pulse (and the pulse of their relationship) flatlining which is just elite storytelling 🤌

I find it soooooo interesting that she sings nearly all of The Great War, until she slips into the bridge of You're Losing Me after the bridge of The Great War. That was the night I nearly lost you, I really thought I lost you... but how long could we be a sad song 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life? THAT is what the mashup comes down to: how many battles like these could we fight before it ended us? How much blood had to be shed before we realized there was nothing left to revive?

I can't find a pulse from all that bloodshed, crimson and clover.

Instead of the battle being a sign of fortitude, being burned for better like it is in The Great War, it turns into the realization that it was just, well, death by a thousand cuts in You're Losing Me. They weren't actually strengthened by going through this test, it was just more hits against the relationship. The pipeline from All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier to I can't find a pulse from all that bloodshed is gut-wrenching. It's someone who gave and gave and gave all they had until there was nothing left to give.

She spends the whole of The Great War mostly blaming herself for the conflict, and vowing not to keep repeating it if they make it through, but then by the bridge of You're Losing Me, she's saying: actually, I offered you nothing but understanding and compassion, and you stopped giving me any of that in return, so why am I doing this still? Why do we keep ending up back here if I'm now carrying this load on my own? Why am I fighting in your army and you never fought for mine?

To me, it feels like the story of the mashup is this major conflict between two people that seems like it might break them, and they come to a ceasefire, but it actually was just a détente instead of an "good faith treaty." In the end, there could only be one victor, and that was herself. And not in the sense that she "beat" him, but in the sense that if she continued the battle, she was going to lose herself. So by leaving, she ended the "war" on her terms. (And I don't mean war as in attacking the person, in this case the war is what became of their relationship in the mashup story.)

It comes down to: I vowed not to cry anymore if I survived the Great War.

It's like: in its original form, "I vowed not to cry anymore if we survived The Great War" sounds like someone saying "I'm going to leave this in the past and stop bringing up this thing that almost broke us if we make it through the conflict." But in this instance, where it changes from "we" to "I," it sounds more like, "If I make it out [of this relationship], I'm not going to let myself ever get to that low a point ever again." It's heartbreaking but also such a testament to growth and coming out of grief and trauma.

It's also really curious to me that "You're Losing Me" became such a B Stage favourite as well, because you'd think it'd be too heavy or too, I don't know, specific to include in mashups on the regular, but I get the feeling it might have been its own form of bloodletting for the better. Plus, it's a damn fine bridge and she knows it lol.

I looooooooove her vocals during "you were playing with fire," like yes GO OFF GIRL. Also, it's wild how much the crowd loses their mind when the bridge to You're Losing Me comes in. That bridge is IT and gives so much catharsis. Also speaking of catharsis, her smirk at "I'm the best thing at this party" is amazing! Yes queen, you are still bejewelled, and nobody should forget it. (Least of all your partner.)

Hope you enjoyed double the fun today!

(and as always: I still have many of these to go through, so please refrain from sending more mashup madness asks until I get through them thanks friends 🫶)

[multi-fandomfuckboy]

Stranger Than Fiction

Part 23: Study

Billy Hargrove x Reader (Slowburn)

Part 1,... (Masterlist)...Part 24 (Coming Soon)...

AN: Got it done! This is a LONG one so strap in. Word Count: 6068 Warnings: Language, Suggestive themes

You remain next to Billy for the next two hours. He explains the first section of material to you in a way that makes the whole thing sound like a classic tragedy. You start to see different events as small pieces that fit into the whole flow of the story, when you take a step back it makes thematic sense. It’s interesting to hear Billy speak in a tone other than flirtatious or angry, but when he’s tutoring you he almost sounds professional. After recovering from the initial shock of Billy Hargrove agreeing to tutor you in exchange for free meals, you have to admit he is a pretty good teacher.  

Like when it’s clear you don't understand a portion of the chapter he takes the time to explain it within the context of the larger story. And to make sure you’re actually grasping the material he intermittently asks you to explain portions in your own words. The two of you fall into an easy rhythm of work, only falling into hushed silences when Billy thinks he hears movement outside his bedroom. You eventually find yourself interested in learning what happens next. Just like anticipating the next chapter of a story. 

When you can hardly get through a sentence without yawning, Billy closes the textbook.

“Alright, no use in studying if you can barely keep your eyes open.” he mumbles, setting the book on his night stand. Glancing at the time you internally curse, it’s already past 11, listening for a moment you note that the rest of the house is completely silent. 

“I should get going anyways.” you say, pulling yourself away from Billy. You hadn’t noticed that during the course of your study session you ended up sitting thigh to thigh on the bed, with the book spread between you. Your side feels cold without him next to you.

Scooting to the edge of the bed you gather your bag from the floor and move to stand.You're stopped by Billy’s hand gently grabbing your wrist. Your heart leaps slightly as his fingers hold you in place. 

“You can stay if you want.” Billy offers. Your eyes dart to his face, prepared to see his smirk. Instead you are met with his tired gaze, no hint of teasing in his eyes. He rubs a hand over his face, looking as exhausted as you feel. You’re reminded that along with school, Billy also had basketball practice today. You’re filled with guilt knowing that you’ve kept him up so late helping you. 

“No, it’s okay.” you say, fully standing. Billy keeps his light grip on your wrist. You know you could pull away if you tried. You’re overly aware of how warm his hand feels against your skin. You chuckle, trying to ignore how your heart is racing. “Is this your lame attempt to get me in bed with you?” You ask jokingly. Billy immediately stands, his grasp moving up to your elbow.

“I’ll sleep on the floor.” The seriousness of his tone stuns you for a moment. Or maybe it’s just hard to focus on anything other than the way he’s gazing down at you, the dim light of the lamp casting shadows over his sharp features. Your heart leaps into your throat at the feeling of his thumb gently grazing the skin inside your arm. Swallowing thickly you search his expression. He looks tired, but his blue eyes are clear. He’s not joking. “It’s the middle of the night. Walking home alone isn’t smart.” He explains, his eyes staying on yours. 

For a moment you let yourself imagine staying. Imagine crawling into his bed, under his sheets, knowing that they undoubtedly smell so much like him. Think about Billy only feet away on the floor. Think of being in that space that is so entirely him, surrounded by him. You feel heat creep up your neck, unable to stop a few thoughts from pouring into your mind. 

“I-it’s fine Billy, really.” You look away first, unable to hold his penetrating gaze with the thoughts currently wreaking havoc on your mind. “I walk home alone all the time.” you try to minimize his concern, forcing yourself to take a step away from him letting his hand fall from your arm. Turning from him, you grab the empty food container and shove it in your bag.

Billy sighs, rubbing his hand over his face again.

“That doesn't make it any safer Loca.” he insists, sounding slightly more irritated. 

“I’m sorry, I must have missed the part where you became concerned with my safety.” you quip, rolling your eyes. “With how you drive, I didn’t know you even knew the meaning of the word ‘safe’.” You tease. Glancing over your shoulder you see the slight upward twitch in his lips.

“I don’t think you have room to talk about my driving. I was lucky that I didn’t have to replace my clutch after you drove my car ONCE.” He shoots back, following you as you head for the window. You can't stop the small smile that pulls at your lips.

“I guess playing it safe isn’t either of your strong suits.” you say, slinging your bag over your shoulder. 

“I guess so.” Billy relents, allowing you to flip the lock on the window and pull it open enough for you to slip out. “Still though…” Billy starts, taking your arm again. This time he pulls it towards him slightly, grabbing a pen from his night stand. “Call this number when you get home.” he instructs, cradling your hand in his as he scribbles a number onto your palm. The feeling of the pen moving swiftly over your skin tickles, sending a shiver down your spine. “Let it ring once and then hang up, just so I know you got home.” He tells you.

“Got it.” you confirm curtly. You curse your body's reaction to his touch. To make it worse, when he finishes writing he brings your hand closer to his face, blowing gently on the ink to make sure it dries. Something swirls deep in your stomach at the action. The feeling of his hand gently holding yours, his warm breath fanning across your palm.

You don’t want it to stop. It’s so quiet between you, it seems like your heart is pounding in your ears. Thankfully Billy doesn't seem to notice the quickening of your pulse or the blush you know is creeping over your entire face. 

“That should be good.” he assesses, keeping his eyes on your palm. With your hand still in his, he swipes his thumb over the ink to check it. The swirling in your stomach quickly tightens. You pull your hand out of his. 

“Thanks.” you manage to get out, hastily moving to the window, hoping to escape into the darkness before Billy notices how flushed you are. You can’t be sure but you think Billy chuckles lightly as you rush to swing your legs out the window. Placing your palms on the sill to lower yourself to the ground, your toes search for the top of the plastic crate in the dark. You nearly topple off of it as you finally drop down. 

“Hey!” Billy whisper-yells down to you, leaning out the window slightly. Looking back to him, you can barely see the smirk pulling over his teeth. “I like my eggs with a little tabasco.” he says with a wink. 

You open your mouth to snap back that you’re not a servant, but he clicks his tongue wagging a finger at you. 

“Hey now sweetheart, a deal is a deal.” he reminds you, seeming to delight in this new aspect of your relationship. 

“Fine.” you grit out, reminding yourself that he is, in fact, doing you a favor. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” you grumble. 

“See you then Loca.” He grins, closing the window as you walk into the dark. 

The journey home is quick. You seem to be buzzing with electricity. Hyper-aware of the number inked onto your palm. You pick up your pace, trying desperately to stop your mind from wandering back to Billy’s hands on you. He’s been so different since that night, somehow gentler with you. How could someone like him possibly be so gentle? 

The memory of Steve’s battered face flashes through your mind. You walk faster.

When you get home you immediately head to the phone dialing the number scrawled on your hand. It rings once and you hang up, just like Billy told you. Then you stumble to your room falling onto your bed, you pass out on top of the covers. 

---

The next morning you're woken up by your mom coming home. She comes into your room to check on you because you’re normally up when she comes home. Seeing that you just slept in a bit, she gives you a quick hug and heads to bed.

You make breakfast, packing an extra portion for Billy (not forgetting the hot sauce). Then get started on lunch. You’re not sure what Billy likes to eat so you stick with the basics, packing him exactly what you normally eat. You double his though, rationalizing that he needs more energy because he’s bigger than you and has practice after school. 

Finishing with that you turn your attention to getting a few things prepared for dinner. Billy mentioned meatloaf, so that’s probably a good place to start. You skin and dice potatoes, for mashed potatoes. You snap the green beans, setting them in a bag. Finally you pull a pound of ground beef from the freezer placing it in the fridge to thaw. 

By the time you finish, Steve is already pulling into the driveway. 

His arrival draws your attention to a gaping hole in your plan to pass history with Billy’s help. There is no way in hell Steve is going to let you be alone with Billy for more than a second. Your mind spins as you pack your bag, placing Billy’s portioned food at the top. 

As you exit the house and head to Steve’s car, he gives you a sleepy smile that sends a wave of guilt through you. There is no way you can tell him. You know he still has nightmares, it’s one of the many reasons he stays at your place so much. You can’t place this on his mind, he’ll go crazy with worry. 

You shove these feelings and all thoughts of Billy into the back of your mind, opening the passenger door. You set your bag on the floor as you slide into your usual seat.

“Morning.” Steve greets you, a yawn cutting off the end of the word.

“Tired?” you ask, buckling your seatbelt. Steve only shrugs, rubbing sleep from his eyes. 

“Yea, my parents are both home.” he offers in explanation. You understand the meaning behind his words. He once told you during one of your late night conversations that his parents are hardly ever home at the same time. But when they are it’s like a silent war is being had. Neither of them speaks to the other, only interacting through passive aggressive comments and actions taken to provoke the other. Steve told you that his parents never fight, but he wishes they would. Just for once have them say exactly what is bothering them to bring air into the vacuum or their marriage. He explained that the tension between them puts him on edge most nights they are home and it makes it difficult for him to sleep. 

You give him a sympathetic smile.

“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t get much sleep either.” you say, leaning back in your seat. Steve chuckles as he backs out of the drive. 

“Yes, of course knowing that you’re suffering always makes me feel better.” He jokes. You roll your eyes, shoving his shoulder lightly. 

It’s so comfortable between you. You enjoy being with Steve. For some reason it’s reassuring to know that through everything the two of you have been through, he still manages to laugh. And somehow make you laugh with him.

“Are you still having those dreams?” he asks. Glancing at him, you catch the worry in his expression even though he keeps his eyes on the road.

“Yea.” you confirm. “It gets harder to remember them though. I just wake up with this weird feeling, like my mind has been somewhere else all night.” you try to explain. 

Steve knows about the dark dreams that have prevented you from getting a full nights sleep since you woke up in the hospital. There have been many nights where you have woken Steve up after coming out of one of your dreams. He’s theorized that they have something to do with what happened the night Eleven closed the gate. Like maybe you have some connection with the upside down. Neither of you like talking about it though.

“If you want, I can try to sneak out and stay over tonight.” Steve offers, pulling into his usual spot in the school parking lot. It’s a nice offer and you almost accept it reflexively, but your eyes land on a familiar blue car two spots down. 

“That’s okay Steve, I don't want you to get in any trouble with your parents home.” you say, gathering your bag into your lap so you don't have to look him in the eyes when you lie to him. You hear him sigh.

“I doubt they would even notice. They are currently in a “not fight” about my mom buying a persian rug.” You feel another pang of guilt, you hate having to keep Steve out, but there is no way you can study with Billy AND stay home with Steve. 

“It will be okay.” you reassure him. “Plus you are always complaining that the cot isn’t as comfortable as your bed.” you remind him. 

“Well, it’s not.” he grumbles, reaching into the back for his bag behind your seat. “But I do sleep better at your place.” he adds. You look at him, seeing that he’s still twisted in his seat, his arm stretched behind you to feel for his bag. In this position he’s somewhat leaning into your space. He pauses when your eyes meet. 

“I sleep better with you there too.” you admit. “But it’s better in the long run if you don’t get in any trouble.” you explain, keeping your eyes on his. This close to him you can see the slight flush in his face at your words. His throat bobs as he swallows, his gaze flickering over your face before he blicks quickly, finally grabbing his bag and sitting back in his seat.

“Yea, you’re probably right.” he relents.

“And I need a break from your snoring.” you tease, trying to hide your smile when Steve scoffs.

“You must have confused me with some other guy that sleeps on your floor, because I sleep like an angel.” he snaps, looking only slightly offended. 

“Whatever you say.” you say, opening your door to climb out into the frigid December air. Steve follows your lead, both of you heading towards the entrance. 

“I’ll have you know that I have never once gotten a complaint from any of the girls I’ve slept next to.” Steve defends himself. 

“I’m sure they just didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” you continue, unable to hide your smile at his displeased expression, his brows furrowing in indignation. 

“I do NOT snore.” he insists.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure one day you will find the nicest girl… who can sleep through a fire alarm.” Steve finally breaks, a smile splitting across his face. He slings his arm over your shoulders to pull you roughly into his side. You laugh, only stumbling half a step as he jostles you slightly.

“You’re such a pain in the ass.” he groans, keeping his arm over your shoulders as you walk through the parking lot. You chuckle at his antics, resisting the initial urge to pull away. You know now that Steve is a very physical person. It’s how he shows affection, with a hug, or a pat on the back, a gentle touch here and there just so you know he’s there with you. It was jarring at first to have someone touch you so casually, but the more it happened the more you came to associate the gentle touches with Steve showing you what good friends you are. 

On cold mornings like this, you can’t say you mind the warmth of his arm over your shoulders.

A prickling sensation creeps over your skin before you enter the building. Glancing around, your eyes fall on Billy. He stands next to his car, unmoving, as students file past him to get into the warm building. His eyes are locked on you, watching you with such intensity you wonder what exactly he sees in your expression. The first bell rings, but he remains leaning against his car, waiting. 

You suddenly stop, ducking from under Steve’s arm. He immediately turns to you, a question in his eyes. 

“I forgot something in your car.” you explain before he can ask. You take a few steps back, trying to keep your smile casual. 

“I’ll go with you.” Steve says, taking a step towards you. 

“No, it’s okay” you insist, waving him off continuing to walk backwards. “I’ll be quick, you’re going to be late.” you warn. As if to emphasize your point, the second bell rings. “I’ll see you at lunch.” you reassure him, turning to walk back to the car leaving no room for discussion. You glance over your shoulder a moment later to make sure Steve has gone to class. Luckily he has.

You walk in the opposite direction of the flow of students into the building. By the time you reach Steve’s car the parking lot is practically empty, except for you and Billy. You walk past Steve’s car, heading straight to Billy’s. He watches your approach, his expression so carefully bored. A look you’re sure he’s perfected. 

“Looking pretty cozy with Harrington this morning.” he says, looking down his nose at you. You ignore how much like his father he looks when he does that. You roll your eyes, slipping your bag off your shoulder to pull out his packed food. 

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous, Hargrove?” you ask, extending the containers of food out to him. Instead of taking them, Billy smirks, taking a step towards you. A predatory gleam fills his eyes causing your pulse to spike as you take an impulsive step back. Following you back, Billy’s arms bracket around you as your back connects with the cold metal of his car.

“Jealous of what? Harrington?” Billy asks, his smirk growing wider into a wolfish grin. You hold the containers of food between your bodies like a physical barrier. He leans in closer, watching you so closely you swear he can see the thoughts racing through your mind. “How can I be jealous when I know it was my window you were sneaking into last night.” His voice is low and he’s so close you can smell the peppermint of the gum he’s chewing. 

“Do you want the food or not?” you ask, narrowing your eyes at him. You do your best to keep your voice calm, irritated by your body’s response to being this close to him. In an attempt to make room so you can breathe properly, you push the containers into his stomach. Billy just chuckles, it’s like pushing against a solid wall. 

Seeming to take mercy on your nerves, Billy lowers his arms, taking the containers in his hands, but does not take a step back. 

“I don’t want to be late for class bringing you food every morning.” you tell him. “From now on, meet me outside the bathrooms behind the gym before first period.” you say, doing your best not to inhale the smell of his cologne too deeply. 

“Why there?” he asks, looking down at the containers in his hands. “Scared your boyfriend will see you with the competition?” he asks. It sounds like a joke but there is something sharp under his tone.

“Steve’s not my boyfriend, he’s just protective.” you explain, avoiding his question. Billy’s eyes return to yours, pinning you there, he searches your eyes like he will find an answer there. You swallow past the lump in your throat. “I need to get to class.” you say, struggling not to shift under his gaze. 

“Alright, fine. I’ll wait by the gym tomorrow.” he confirms, finally taking a step back. You sling your bag over your shoulder walking away quickly, before you can give in to the small part of yourself that wants to stay pressed between him and his car.

---

When you get to history you see Billy has occupied the seat next to you again. You're not too surprised, it makes sense that he would want to sit next to you during the subject he’s tutoring you in. He seems to keep an eye on you through most of the class, leaning over to look at your notes every so often. 

When the bell rings to excuse class you pack up your things preparing to head out but before you can stand, Billy steps into your space. He places one hand on your desk and the other on the back of your chair. Your head snaps up to him as he leans down close to your face. 

“Bring your notes when you come over tonight, I have a few ideas that might help you retain what you write.” he tells you. His tone is serious, but to anyone watching the two of you it would look like he’s coming onto you. You glance around, seeing a few pairs of eyes on you as your classmates exit. You grit your teeth, giving him a shove which is enough to get him to take a step back giving you space to stand.

“You’re enjoying this too much.” you say, turning to leave, knowing he’s following behind you. 

“What’s the matter? Scared people will think you like me?” you can hear the grin in his voice.

“People already think I’m a freak, liking you would just make me look like a masochist.” you explain, making a beeline for your final class. Before you can escape into the classroom, Billy’s arm darts out blocking you. You whip your head to him, glaring at his cocky smile. Your look doesn't seem to phase him as he leans in, practically whispering in your ear.

“I’ll see you tonight.” you grit your teeth, knowing he’s just trying to mess with you. That knowledge does not help the heat pooling in your gut at the feel of his breath against the shell of your ear.

Then he's gone. Taking a deep breath you begin to mentally prepare yourself for whatever is waiting for you tonight. 

---

All the mental fortitude in the world could not have prepared you for that night. 

Billy is all business. From the moment he helps you crawl through the window to the second he ends your study session. Not one joke or jab intended to make you blush. It’s like he flipped a switch and now his main goal in life is to cram as much history into your brain as possible. You’re partially thankful for that, not sure if you could fully focus with him flustering you. 

He doesn't argue when you leave this time, just telling you to call the house again so he knows you’re home. 

Wednesday follows the same routine. You meet Billy by the gym before school to give him his food and he’s all charm, invading your space and doing his best to make your face so warm it could serve as a space heater. Then that night he’s back to being professor Billy. 

It’s so intense you’re almost sure you’re dealing with two different Billy’s. But you can’t argue with the results. By class on Thursday you actually feel like you’re retaining the information being thrown at you. Granted after three nights of staying up late with Billy you’re having a hard time staying awake in all your classes.

After school on Thursday you finish dinner, say goodbye to your mom and pack your bag to head over to Billy’s. Stepping outside you notice the exceptionally crisp chill in the air. Glancing at the sky you see what look like storm clouds rolling in. 

You start walking, knowing that it shouldn't take you too long to get over to Cherry Lane. You keep an eye on the menacing clouds closing in and hope that you will be inside by the time the storm is on you.

Unfortunately snow starts to fall 10 minutes into your journey. It’s alright at first, big fluffy flakes that want to stick to the ground, easily handled by your winter jacket. It doesn't stay that way for long though, soon the flakes turn to rain mixed with sleet as it freezes in the cold atmosphere. You try to run but the combination of snow and rain mix into a dangerous concoction that makes the asphalt slick, threatening to take you down every other step. 

You move as quickly as you can, but by the time you reach Billy’s window your hair is plastered to your head, the ends beginning to turn stiff as the water freezes again. Your jacket has kept your torso protected but your jeans are soaked and you lost feeling in your hands and toes a while ago. 

Billy meets you at the window, like he was waiting for you. He takes one look at your shivering form before he hauls you through the window, not even giving you a chance to attempt the climb. He grabs your arms and lifts you easily into the room. You can’t even feel the relief of being out of the rain, the cold having numbed most of your body.

“Fuck!” Billy curses, pulling you further into the room as he closes the window. His eyes scan over your in a quick assessment. “Your fucking lips are blue.” he says, he looks pissed but his voice is low and calm.

You try to stutter an explanation but the violent chattering of your teeth cuts you off. Billy doesn't seem to need an explanation, he immediately starts moving. First he grabs a towel from the back of his door and drapes it over your head, hastily twisting your hair into it and piling it on top of your head. He grabs the zipper of your jacket but pauses, his eyes meeting yours, you're shaking so hard it makes it hard to focus on him.

“We need to get all the wet clothes off and put on dry ones.” he explains. His face is so intense, his eyes searching yours, looking for a sign that you understand him. “Focus on your breathing, I’m going to help you change, okay?” he asks, his brows pulling together. You know that he’s right, you’re likely to freeze to death at this rate if you don't get out of what you're wearing. 

You manage a nod. He moves quickly, unzipping your jacket and pulling it off your frigid frame. He tosses it in the corner of the room, quickly grabbing the hem of your shirt and lifting it over your head. You’re thankful that he’s helping you because looking at your numb fingers you can barely move them. You don't have the presence of mind to be embarrassed about standing in front of him, shaking, in just your bra, but when he darts behind you to grab a dry sweatshirt your chest tightens. There is a slight pause in his hurried movements and you can feel his eyes on the scars that cover your back. You close your eyes tightly, you have never really let anyone see them, even in locker rooms you keep your back to the wall as much as you can to hide them. You can barely stand to look at them yourself. 

Billy pulls the dry sweatshirt over your head, helping you get your arms into the sleeves. You keep your eyes closed, not able to look at him as he unties your shoes, pulling them off of your numb feet with your socks. Quickly unbuttoning your jeans, he peels them off, helping your step out of them and into dry sweatpants. 

Being out of the wet clothes helps, but you're still shaking uncontrollably. Opening your eyes again, you see Billy reassessing. His brows are pulled together and his lips are pressed into a firm line while he thinks. Seeming to come to a decision he grabs your arm gently pulling you towards the bed.

“You need to get warm again, get under the blankets.” Billy tells you, there is no room for argument in his tone. You want to protest but another wave of violent shaking urges you forward. You don't fight him as he guides you under the blankets. Burrowing under them, you try to curl tightly into a ball to generate heat but Billy pulling back the blanket again confuses you. You glance up in time to see him strip off his shirt before sliding under the sheets next to you. 

Your heart pounds as his arms wrap around you immediately, pulling you against his now bare chest. 

“I-I-I’m F-Fin-n-” you try to say, but the moment his warmth starts to seep into you all thoughts of pulling away leave your mind. 

“Jesus christ, you feel like ice.” Billy grumbles, beginning to move his hands over your back and arms to generate more heat. 

He’s so warm, all you can do is pull yourself closer, your hands curl against his side pressing into his skin. He hisses, the muscles in his stomach contracting away from your touch, only for a moment before he pulls you tighter against him. Your face is pressed against his chest, tucked under his chin, some of the sensation returns to your nose. You borrow your face into him, taking a shaky breath.

Billy continues to run his hands over your shuddering form for what feels like an eternity. All you can focus on is breathing in and out as he gently warms your body with his. Every so often you can hear him grumbling to himself. 

“What were you thinking… fucking crazy…I swear to god if you get hypothermia for a fucking history test I will never let you live this down… “ the last one actually makes you chuckle, though it sounds more like a groan with your teeth gritted together. 

When the shaking finally stops you are left with a feeling of utter exhaustion. You can finally feel your fingers and toes again but your eyelids feel unbearably heavy. You keep them closed as you take slow steady breaths. You are still pressed against Billy, your legs tangled with his under the sheets, your cheek resting against the muscle between his shoulder and chest. 

Being this close to him stirs something low in your gut, seeming to add to the warmth he’s already generating in your body. You have to resist the urge to wiggle against him. He smells so good, like the forest after rain. You know that it’s most likely his cologne but something about it is so undeniably him, and you can’t get enough of it. You unconsciously tilt your head closer causing your lips to gently graze the column of his throat. 

You feel him tense under you, his breath catching slightly. You find his reaction to the slight touch interesting. Normally he’s the one making you flustered, so his physical reaction is surprising. This is the closest you’ve ever been to a boy. But there is something inside you urging you to do it again. To press your lips against the thundering pulse in his neck. To see what kind of reaction that would get out of him. 

It feels like you're in a dream, surrounded by Billy, in his bed, his arms around you holding you close. You’re so tired of bad dreams, you just want this good one to last a little longer. Without thinking you press closer, your lips gently kissing the smooth skin of his throat.

Billy inhales sharply, his arms going taunt around you. You feel his hands fist into the material of his jacket you’re wearing. When he doesn't push you away, you move your head slightly, your nose grazing along the curve of his jaw. You notice that he tilts his head back slightly, allowing you to place another light kiss to the skin under his ear. His breathing is shallow, you can feel it from where his chest is pressed against yours. Your insides feel molten, pulsing heat through you.

“You should stop.” Billy whispers, his voice is gruff breaking the silence. It shocks you back to reality, breaking whatever spell processed you to act so boldly. Your eyes snap open as the embarrassment and shame slam into you all at once.

“I’m sorry.” you rush to sit up, Billy’s arms falling away from you. “I dont know what- I just- fuck.” you scramble out of the bed, unable to even look at Billy. He was just trying to keep you from freezing to death and you go and practically molest his neck without warning. The embarrassment feels like it's going to swallow you whole and the worst part is there is no escaping. Your only option is back out the window and from the looks of it the rain is still coming down in sheets. 

You run a hand through your hair, pulling at the roots slightly. Your mind spins in circles, making it difficult to take full breaths and the room feels like it’s closing in around you. 

“Fuck!” you curse under your breath. Your stomach twists unpleasantly and you feel nauseous. What does Billy think of you now? You took advantage of him just now. What could you have possibly been thinking? He literally had to tell you to stop. What kind of monster acts like that?

“Hey, hey, don’t freak out or anything, I didn’t mean it like-” his voice sounds muted in your ears. You still can’t look at him, keeping your back to him. “It’s okay, just calm down, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Billy insists. You wish you could believe him, but nothing about what you did was okay. 

“I’m so sorry.” you say again. 

“It’s okay. Seriously, it’s fine. Let’s- Let’s just study okay?” He suggests, sounding slightly out of breath.

“What?” you ask. How could he suggest studying after all that?

“You still have an exam tomorrow. Or did the part of your brain that stores lost causes get freezer burn?” he asks pointedly. You see him grab a shirt from the floor out to the corner of your eye. Glancing back at him you watch him quickly pull it over his head. Meeting your eyes evenly he lifts a brow. He doesn't look bothered by what just happened, his face is a bit flushed but other than that he looks unphased. You expected anger, maybe even teasing, but he looks completely serious. You swallow back your initial panic. If Billy is okay with acting like nothing happened then… so are you.

“Grab the textbook and some paper.” Billy instructs gesturing to his desk with one hand. While you grab the book and paper you hear the rustling of sheets as Billy moves to sit up. Heading back to the bed you sit next to him, being sure to keep your distance, noticing that he’s pulled one of his pillows over his lap. Guilt stabs at your mind, knowing that it's likely to keep you off of him. You bite the inside of your cheek and swallow down the apology that rises up in you again. 

Billy clears his throat.

“Alright, go to the section we covered in class today. It’s definitely going to be on the exam and I want to make sure you totally grasp the timeline.” he explains, easily slipping into his teaching mode. 

He goes over the material, teaching you calmly, just like any other night. If it weren't for the fact that when you finally leave you're still wearing Billy’s clothes, you would have sworn you imagined the whole thing.

AN: I warned you guys it was going to be long! Let me know if you guys liked this! Reader was feeling a bit bold, leave a comment about what you think and what you want to see in the story going forward!

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[cosmicjoke]

do you think hanges death is unnecessary? Considering some people were unsatisfied with her conclusion?

No, I don't think Hange's death was at all unnecessary. Beyond just the practical necessity for her death, buying the alliance time to get off the ground with the plane, and thus make it to the final battle against Eren, it also made thematic sense for Hange to sacrifice her life.

I understand people being upset at Hange dying, but given Hange's insecurity in her role as Commander, and her sense of failure as Commander, and also given the theme of duty and sacrifice that runs through the entirety of "AoT", and how Hange's ultimate sacrifice reflects and mirror's Erwin's, it makes perfect sense for her character to have gone out the way she did.

Levi specifically says to Hange that she "sounds like him" when she starts talking about whether their comrades are watching and whether they feel proud of them, and Levi delivers his line with an obvious sense of grief and despair. I think one of the main themes of "AoT" is the tragic aspect of duty and of how having a sense of duty to something often destroys people. It destroyed Erwin, with the way he was torn between his personal dream and his duty as Commander, creating in him a deep sense of self-loathing, and we see the same thing, tragically, happen to Hange, not because she's torn between a dream and her duty, but because she feels she's failed to live up to Erwin's example as Commander.

I think Levi is maybe the only one who realizes that tragedy, which is why he looks so sad when Hange makes her decision to die. I think Levi views the pressure to live up to the duty and expectations placed on oneself, either by oneself or by others, as something regrettable, again because it can destroy a person. I think Levi's ambivalent feelings about his comrades sacrificing their lives to the cause of the Survey Corps, because they felt it was their duty to do so, is rooted in that, too. Levi wished they could live in a world where nobody would have to feel like they needed to give their lives to any cause, because, after all, Levi values life above all else, and he wanted to see people able to live. That's also, I think, why Levi looks so despairing while the other members of the alliance are forced into battle against the Yeagerists on the dock, because they've been forced into this sort of duty to stop Eren, and it's forced them to have to kill people they once considered comrades and friends. It's a total tragedy. "AoT" often frames duty and obligation as such, as something tragic, and Hange's death falls right in line with that portrayal.

[cloudyswritings]

Moth Lore: Of Blinding Light, and Malignant Flame

Alright y’all, welcome to some more Hollow knight speculative biology/lore crafting!

Slumber:

Radi and Grimm actually started out as one unified god of the dreaming realm. This god-Slumber- was a being more on par with Unn at her prime(check out my thoughts on the best slug, they’re somewhere probably) and was the functional opposite to the void. This was true both in scope, and in behavior.

notably other gods we see in canon still make use of essence and dreams(ie white palace, and godhome to and extent). All essence and the dreams of both mortals and gods alike used to fall under Slumbers ponderous gaze

Thematically Slumber opposed the void in a couple of ways. First it was bright, among the brightest of the first generation of bright gods even. Second instead of devouring ideas, people, and gods that entered it, it instead preserved them as sort of echoes(this is how the radiance clung on) functionally these echoes appear as ghosts but they’re really more like imprints on the dreaming realm. In some places these imprints punch through to the waking world, becoming wounds and sorta spilling essence out(Slumbers blood, though I think it’s probably more like how crinoids use sea water as blood basically)

Slumber, if it ever bothered to take a form, would be some sort of grub or large caterpillar(lifeblood creature?????)

It really was essentially the foil and other half to the void and so despite the differences between the two they also operated similarly, with neither really taking physical form or engaging in direct battle with one another, if anything their “fight” looked a lot like one giant chess game played over time with gods and mortals servings as the pieces. The end goal was seemingly over who could get the most gods and mortals to fall into their realm/be absorbed by them. So basically politics and a popularity contest.

Going back to the “wounds” that sometimes happen, ie dreamnail and all it’s shit with ghosts, these only began occurring with the birth of the Radiance, and represent the weakening of the borders between the dreaming and physical worlds.

See what happened is that over time “lighter” dreams sorta moved towards the outer edges of the dreaming/Slumber, and the “denser/heavier” ones got pushed towards the center, and eventually congealed into the nightmare heart.

Interestingly this makes Grimm the older sibling(kinda the heart and Grimm are very much not the same thing)

Anyway all of lighter dreams eventually accumulated into the Radiance, when she was born Slumber officially stopped existing as one deity, before her birth it just had a semi independent heart.

You’ll note both of their births parallel stars with Radiance effectively having been born from a nebula and Grim mimicking an early born red dwarf star or a small black hole.

they both parallel/represent a binary star system.

After they come into existence Slumber ceases existing, but dreams and nightmares continue to share a realm for a while.

Radiance

She has far broader range of powers compared to the heart and Grimm, this is because of how she was formed. She’s made of a much larger variety of dream/essence compared to Grimm, and came into being from that larger distribution condensing.

Starts the fight with the Heart that eventually ripped the two realms apart because it actually had/has a stronger hold on those entering its realm and had begun to infringe on hers by sheer spiritual gravity/mass accumulation.

Basically it was getting too big and she also really cared for her dreamers back then, though this eventually warped into possessiveness in the lead up to the fight.

She doesn’t actually care about nightmares though, like she doesn’t find them distasteful until after the spilt.

The battle between her and the Heart took place entirely in the dreaming and was really less of a violent but brief struggle and more of a cruel, protracted, and deliberate war between the two where each one attempted to twist and distort the nightmares and dreams of mortals, the goal being to turn dreams into nightmares and vice versa in a way the other wouldn’t notice, essentially they were trying to poison or override eachother.

Radiance largely won this, just due to the width of her power when compared to the Hearts, that said the Heart become far far more insidious as a result of this.

the final excision of the Heart came when the Radiance had managed to subvert most of its agents, both in the mortal and dreaming world. She essentially gave the Heart the choice of being subsumed or fleeing and it, being much wiser, fled.

Radiance uses the techniques she learned during this war to create the infection.

PK reminds her of the heart, which is one of the reasons she really hates him.

Radiance thinks the war is over, the Heart very much disagrees, and likely wins in the long run. This scheming is actually why Grimm befriends/allows Ghost to summon them, it clues ghost in to other possible alternatives to taking THKs place, eventually leading to the void consuming Radiance.

Also Radi literally doesn’t have a heart, like her body is entirety missing one. This isn’t a huge deal for her, especially because she’s the goddess of dreams so like, runs on dream logic basically. In general most gods could survive something as fatal as literally cutting out their own heart, but not with as much ease as she did.

She isn’t aware if how it’s hurt her conceptually though.

The Heart may have been responsible for terror and all manner of horrors, but it was only out of those horrors that growth and compassion could spring. Over time it’s absence causes her to grow callous and her realm to grow stagnant

see the Heart may only mostly be a metaphorical heart, but it also was responsible for basically cycling and refreshing dreams, dreams that had gotten too old/stale were drawn into the Heart, becoming nightmares, and then after a time returned to being dreams, albeit completely unrecognizable.

Basically it did what hearts do, pump shit, and without it Radiance is literally a corpse and doesn’t even know it because she’s so disconnected.

Grimm

Grimm himself is one of the few bugs that was left over from the war between the Heart and Radiance, he was sort of a high priest and advisor to the heart. It was at his advice that the Heart fled, and to honor him and keep the Heart(which was grievously injured) alive they settled on the symbiosis we see in game.

The ritual is basically the divine version of both a dialysis machine, and iron lung, and a pace maker.

it allows the heart to survive outside of its body(which is now Radiance) and continue to perform and use abilities most whole deities are capable of.

Needless to say it’s an agonizing form of existence, but as the millennia pass it gets more and more bearable, it may even be possible for it to grow its own “body” for a lack of better terms if it were to gain enough followers.

Due to the nature of the Heart as well as Grimms natural curiosity, members of the troupe tend to be cycled through rather frequently. They get picked up, offered the chance to forget their troubles(whatever they may be) by wearing the mask of the troupe. By the time they’ve completely forgotten who they were they either try to leave the troupe and become a refreshed version of themselves(like Nymm) who aren’t burdened by their past, or they choose to stay and let themselves dissolve, becoming one of the troupes specters and fusing with the heart itself. Essentially they’re something between blood cells and stem cells that the heart is using to rebuild.

Meanwhile Grimm is just kinda chilling and also happy to be traveling the world and seeing new and beautiful sights.

this sorta parallels how the heart feels, it misses the beauty of dreams, but it also found beauty in twisting them into nightmares as well so who knows.

In hindsight this post was way more lore than I intended it to be, so I’ll be making a more biology focused one in a bit, it’s kinda just my headcanon/context needed for the next post.

[the-demon-prodigy]

thoughts on the role of the protagonist in bungo stray dogs

today im talking abt the protagonist stuff i see in the fandom all the time! i'll only be talking abt dazai and atsushi here, but anyway dazai would NOT make a good bsd protagonist, not personality wise nor thematically.

first of all, the story of bsd is about people who are lost, who dont know how to live. atsushi is the best fit for that thematically because he starts the story at the very bottom: just kicked out of the orphanage, no friends, etc etc. by the time that the story takes place, dazai has already gotten a good chunk into his little healing journey so its not a good idea for him to be the protagonist because part of him is no longer a "stray dog" thematically.

another thing is that the story could not follow pm dazai, this is because the story of bsd at the end of the day is partially abt the strength of perseverance and hope and its a story about choosing to do the right thing, it would be thematically contradictory for it to follow pm dazai. anyway atsushis personality also fits because he is honest, uncertain, yet he is also determined. he has a stronger connection to the shows themes overall.

also, dazai wouldnt be a good protag simply because the story would be too simplified. dazai views the world in a very complicated way, which would muddle the story, but he also solves everything too easily which would remove the stakes.

as the author himself stated, dazai fits best into the mentor role because he is a living representation of the eventual success that comes to a person if they ig apply the overall themes of the story in their life? hes kind of a success story at the point of the current story and i feel like the story also sorta needs that solid proof of how strong its themes can be like i just mean like the story needs someone who's already gone through a mostly complete arc to reinforce its themes and their actual relevance. and dazai also likes being secretive so hes cuter as a mentor idk also atsushi needs guidance and i cant think of anyone else who could do that for him you know??

also a lot of the story parallels fall apart if atsushi isnt the protag bc the parallel between dazai and chuuya is strengthened by the one between akutagawa and atsushi and vice versa.

also a character like dazai who has a lot of connections and fits in a lot of places in the plot is best in a secondary role because they can guide/push the story along with their influences but they dont drive the story firsthand because if they did then it would be cheap/not really earned and bsd is partially abt thriving after making an effort. in conclusion, atsushi is a good, thematically sound protagonist, and as much of a good character as dazai is, he doesnt fit into the protagonist role

[litsnobconfessions]

A Year of Animation Day 24: The Wind Rises

Date: January 24, 2025

Day: 24

Content Watched: The Wind Rises

Year: 2013

Rating: PG-13

Run Time: 2 hr. 6 mins.

I wanted to follow Avatar: The Last Airbender with a Miyizaki film because one of the videos I watched while researching Avatar said that the showrunners were inspired by Miyikazi (as are we all.) But Miyizaki is also a big name in animation—I think I've heard him referred as the "Disney of Japan"—and I think that you really cannot effectively talk about modern animation without talking about Miyizaki.

I believe Miyizaki started working as animator in the 60s, and about 20 years later, he co-founded Studio Ghibli, which also worked on The Red Turtle, which we watched last week. Both the studio in general and Miyikazi in particular are famous for creating animated masterpieces. I honestly think that Miyizaki's films really show us the power of animated media in a way that Disney can't because not only are they beautifully animated, but they are filled with realistic characters and complex storylines and unlike Disney, they are not made exclusively for children. Therefore, I think that someone who says they don't like animation or non-Disney animation or modern animation needs to watch a couple of these movies before they make that determination.

I was first introduced to Miyizaki by my parents' Japanese friends. I was really little, so I didn't know who this director was, I just knew, years later, when I re-watched his movies that they were already familiar and they felt like old friends. Miyizaki's films also tend to fall in the category of magical realism, rather than the more standard fantasy worlds that Disney creates. Magical realism and coming of age are probably my two favorite genres, and I think Miyizaki may have had a hand in that.

I watched this movie with my husband, and in case you're wondering, we did choose to watch it in English, to better focus on the film and not have to focus on subtitles. I thought the DVD was interesting, though because it asks what language you want to watch in before it plays the previews, and I'm curious what the Japanese previews would have been. Also, for that matter, the French ones because it also had French as an option.

One of the things I'm excited about with this project is getting to see studios' fingerprints. Like, even if you don't know what movie it is, most people can recognize a Disney movie when they see one because there is an animation style that is immediately evocative of Disney. Likewise, when we watched How to Train Your Dragon, we saw characters who looked like they were right out of Shrek. Dreamworks has a style. Studio Ghibli has a style. (This is what made The Red Turtle so interesting--it wasn't drawn in the style we typically associate with Studio Ghibli.) But I'm going to go one step further and argue that Miyizaki himself has a style--both artistic and thematic--which is what has made him such an iconic director.

Sure enough, Miyikazi's fingerprint is immediately evident in this film. It's filled with beautiful landscapes and baby Jiro resembles Kanta from My Neighbor Totoro. The animation is, without a doubt, filled with details. In the scramble to escape from the broken down train at the beginning, we see a pair of broken glasses and an abandoned shoe lying in the dirt. The difference between the German cities and the Japanese cities is clear in the way they're drawn. And even Kastrup looks way different from the Japanese characters--he actually looks like he could be a character in The Triplets of Belleville--and I think that's there to show that he stands out as a German in Japan. 

Also, in several scenes we see men playing baseball like... off to the side of the airplane hanger? Like... it seems like a weird place to play baseball? But it makes sense in that these are men who are probably here for long stretches of time, and this is the best way for them to take a break from their work. I think it also adds a lot of the world we're in. I mean, I know this is more or less the real world, since this is a biopic, but I don't know anything about Japan in the 1930s and 1940s, and I feel like this little detail tells me a lot.

Also, the baseball scene just makes the space feel lived in. Like in Persepolis, we see a lot of locations like this in The Wind Rises. The train car is so busy that Jiro gives up his seat to another passenger. And the masses of people who are fleeing the train, and then the fire are all animated. Unlike Persepolis, they are not in sillouette, and unlike Avatar: The Last Airbender, none of them are static. Every. Single. Person. moves as the aftershocks of the earthquake roll under them. And this is not at all to criticize the animators of ATLA or Persepolis. I've already talked about why I think that animation works. But if we're talking about motion in the frame, this is like watching Nimona. Everything is moving. And this is from 2013, so it certainly flies in the face of hypothesis 4. At this point, it's practically superflous to talk about Jiro's workplace or the cafe or the hotel also feeling like busy, lived in places, but they do.

Some of the other movement we see includes the trains passing, as well as the scenery passing from the point of view of the people on the trains. There's the meeting with all the military men talking over one another, and quite frankly, both this and the earthquake scene at the beginning provide a feeling of chaos that reminds me of M*A*S*H. And considering they're both kind of about war, that sort of makes sense. I also really love the scenes where just see people's shadows moving. This is often connected to the secret police, and I would love a film that focuses on that type of event happening in a country and really utilizes that animation. Then there's the grass moving in the wind, which is another standard Miyizaki thing, as well as the gust of wind when the plane they're testing flies overhead, which brings me to one other thing. 

The movie is called The Wind Rises, which is a line we get several times in Jiro's dreams of Capproni. But the wind also blows his hat away the day he meets Nahoko and Kinu. And it blows Nahoko's parasol on the day he re-meets her. There's this beautiful visual of the wind throughout the movie, which makes the wind itself feel like another character. This comes up in some of the shots in the film, like at the beginning, when Jiro is imagining flying a plane, and we're in the cockpit, watching the terrian fly by. Or when the model airplane is flying directly toward the camera. It puts the whole film in constant motion.

There are some other interesting shots as well. At the beginning of the film, we see thorugh Jiro's glasses and the mosquito netting around his bed. We have shots on the wings of planes, which show us just how big they are. At one point while evacuating the train, the camera focuses on everyone's feet. In another scene, we see Jiro and another character at a table, shot from above, almost from the perspective of the overhead light. I don't know if all of Miyizaki's films do this, since I've never given them that much attention, but I did think it was very interesting, visually.

My favorite scenes are probably the dream sequences. I read ahead of time that this film doesn't have the same magical quality that Miyizaki's films usually do, which makes sense since it's a biopic, but I also disagree with this assessment. No, the dream sequences aren't the same kind of magical realism as soot sprites or forest spirits, but they are both ethereal and vivid, creating a sense of magic in a world that (theoretically) has none. I find this especially true in the scenes in which Jiro "dreams" while working. This indicated to me that these dreams--whether actual dreams or daytime imaginings were part of his work--that this is how he develops his ideas. This also really makes me wonder if Miyizaki saw himself in Horikoshi, and if any of the elements he depicts in this story, are, in some way autobiographical.

Like The Red Turtle, this movie doesn't really follow a 3-act structure, like we're used to in the United States, so I do think some people might not like it as much as Miyizaki's other films. Personally, I felt like there were plot points that got dropped along the way, and the storytelling just didn't feel as tight as I'm used to from Miyizaki. For example, Jiro's sister only shows up in three or four scenes, and she always seems to yell at him, but then follows up with her affection for him. And while this isn't necessarily out of character for a sibling relationship, she appeared so infrequently, that I felt like I never got a feel for her character, and kind of wondered if she needed to be there at all. I'm guessing she's there to show how Jiro struggles to balance his work with his personal life because almost everytime she sees him she starts with "let me guess, you forgot I was coming."

I also felt like there were some interesting anti-war threads that started weaving through the story, but didn't exactly go anywhere. For example, Katstrup tells Jiro in a very hush hush sort of way that ther German engineer doesn't want to work with Hitler. And a while later, there's kind of a side comment about the secret police coming after him? But we don't really hear any more about either of these things, or for that matter, about the secret police also looking for Jiro in one scene. My husband said he had similar feelings about Oppenheimer, so this may be a side-effect of biopics.

I do think this was a good follow-up to ATLA because of its war themes, and particularly its anti-war themes (I haven't seen this one bfore, and I didn't actually know was it was about before watching it.) In Jiro's first conversation with Caproni, Caproni tells him that planes are beautiful dreams that are not meant to be used for war or money. My husband observed that it feels like Jiro is interested in passenger planes, but keeps getting dragged into making bombers, and the film indicates that the Germans feel the same way. So over and over, the engineers emphasize the importance of planes to help people, rather than hurt them, as their governments desire. I noticed the soundtrack also reflects this, switching from romantic strings to military brass.

All of this leads to the final scene, which is perhaps the most striking in the film. Jiro dreams once again about Caproni, meeting him this time in what is essentially an airplane graveyard, as the romantic strings play incongrously over it. Miyizaki is known for pacifism and his anti-war stance, and despite making a film about a man who designed bombers, still made clear the destruction and devasation that war causes. Airplanes are beautiful dreams, Caproni tells us at the beginning, and at the end, we see dream after dream after dream cut short. I can't help but think that Avatar Aang would have been moved by this film.

Tomorrow, we'll see a different kind of turbulance as we watch a very different animated biopic.

[bthump]

I’m not coming from a place of hate at all, I enjoy your takes on Berserk homoeroticism and appreciate your refreshing ability to make well informed, intellectual analysis so accessible for other fans. It is an important resource to have when dudebros try to make their homophobic bias sound like good arguments. However, when it comes to your analysis of Casca, I find myself disagreeing with almost everything you say. I’m usually only reading your blog quietly because I enjoy the discourse, but I feel like I need to add my two cents. I agree that Cascas writing falls flat to a degree, but I can’t help but think that you’re downplaying her character and arc because you don’t enjoy the parts of Berserk that aren’t about homoerotic tension between Guts and Griffith. Their homoerotic tension is also what is most interesting to me, but it’s not what Berserk is inherently about. We could dismiss Casca by saying ˋMiura can’t write women´, but then again characters like Farnese exist who have an entire complex thematic arc tied to religious extremism, authoritarian character and freeing herself from dogmatism and Berserk as a story is not punishing her or asking for redemption and is instead inherently ridding itself from moralizing judgements of characters. She’s allowed to evolve by herself. As a queer person, I see myself in her. Theres so much queerness and comphet in her story, I’m sad that there’s not many meta posts about her on here. Does Berserk have ideological streaks of conservatism and misunderstands women because Miura has a misogynistic bias? Yeah, unfortunately. But the story and many of the main characters are too complex and ambiguous for me to write them all off based on how some of their arcs are not feminist enough and could need improving. Imagine writing such a complicated and long story with so many characters as just one simple Japanese dude who never leaves his house and who was born in the 70s or whatever. Like, I get separating the story from the author and impact versus intent, but dismissing Casca because of her flaws in writing is dismissing all of Berserk because of some thematic flaws. It sounds like you’re expecting the perfect story for her to be a valid female character and that’s just not possible. I for once made peace with her flaws and am not rejecting her. I think Cascas story works for what it is and I empathize with her as someone who has experienced misogyny and SA. Farny and Schierke working through her trauma magically was a nice metaphor for solidarity between women and it’s rare to see that coming from a male author, I don’t think it’s less valid just because Miura has some gender bias. Casca still experiencing PTSD afterwards is also realistic and shows that Miura is willing to give Casca enough agency to work through that by herself without magic some time in the future of the story. Her story is uncomfortable and her character arc is long and flawed, but that’s what makes it impossible for me to dismiss her. I’m a bit disappointed that so many fans on the tumblr side are willing to basically rid Griffith from all his wrongdoings but then empathize the flaws in Casca and don’t understand that maybe they also have some internalized misogyny that doesn’t make them understand that bias. Especially with the argument that I often see with She Should Have Died. Why? Because she’s uncomfortable? Maybe explore that within yourself. Other than that I am happy to have this queer part of the fandom where we don’t judge each other for liking Griffith and enjoying GriffGuts as a ship. And I hope that you don’t think too harshly of my criticism, for it is only to improve our fandom discourse culture and not to throw stones. Thank you for existing!

Okay look, while I do appreciate the appreciation for my non-casca blog content, I can't look past this coming hand in hand with a lot of pretty insulting, and frankly baseless assumptions about my motives. I'm glad you're not coming from a place of hate, but from the sounds of it you're coming from a place of presumptive judgement, and I want to address that.

I've always been very direct and clear about how I don't think someone's tastes or opinions about a story reflect on them personally. I don't judge someone's character by their fictional interests, I judge it by their words and actions.

If you're going to be interacting with my blog, I'd appreciate being extended the same benefit of the doubt.

You seem to see someone who doesn't enjoy Casca's storyline and make assumptions about why, rather than taking the reasons I provide at face value. I have explained why, very thoroughly, quite often, and quite recently, while constantly referring back to the text and to Miura's comments to justify my conclusions. I literally don't know how I can possibly be more direct about how I am discussing the narrative of a story on its own terms without going full dry academic language lol, come on.

I like to think I'm also very clear about when I'm expressing my subjective opinion (eg i dislike het romance; I'm super into romantic betrayal as a trope, etc) vs when I'm analysing the story based on direct textual evidence (eg casca has no active involvement in the narrative post-eclipse; casca's sexual abuse is eroticized; etc). I certainly try to be. And frankly it is genuinely pretty insulting that you think I'm incapable of judging Casca's story on its own merits or lackthereof, and must be over-emphasizing the flaws of her narrative because I only care about griffguts.

The truth is I genuinely believe that Griffith and Guts' relationship is the thematic core of Berserk, based on the text of the story, and I also genuinely believe Casca's storyline sucks ass in most ways. And it's okay to disagree with one or both of those takes, but yeah I'm gonna take a little bit of offense at the insinuation that I'm too biased by shipping or misogyny or both to analyse the story.

If you love Casca's story despite its flaws, good for you. I'm happy for you. I have no desire to argue with you to make you change your mind. And I don't think it makes you misogynist or ableist or racist, even though I think Casca's storyline contains all of the above to some degree - but if I was going to respond to you in the same vein that you've responded to me, that would be fair game as an assumption. It would also be fair game to assume that you only like Casca and are dismissive of or blind to many of the story's faults because you're projecting or you ship gtsca or you think good feminism is all about stanning certain designated fictional characters regardless of their actual depiction. And I think that is something wrong with fandom culture. I think those are all shitty assumptions to make about someone based on which fictional characters they enjoy reading about most. So like, straight up, you're the only one throwing stones here.

So I want to ask you: why is it that someone discussing offensive fictional tropes makes you assume they are the real misogynist? Why are you equating criticism of writing with criticism of real women, as though media trends and narrative framing don't exist? Why do you think it even matters if I "reject" a fictional character because I don't like how she's written lol?

This strikes me as the same line of thinking that leads to shutting down all criticism of misogyny in media - how dare you say this outfit is unrealistic for a martial artist, some women like to wear high heels! How dare you criticize the average husband/model-esque wife trope, some beautiful women love their average husbands! How dare you criticize comics for fridging the girlfriends of superheroes, women sometimes suffer horrible fates in real life! How dare you criticize the born sexy yesterday trope, some women are naive! etc etc etc.

And this is why it's important to have at least some understanding of narrative framing and greater media trends when discussing media on any level beyond headcanon and projection. Casca isn't real, and as a construct she is not a sensitive or realistic depiction of a traumatized woman, regardless of whether someone identifies with her. She's not a sensitive or realistic depiction of a disabled women either. There are literally "funny" cartoonish background gags involving her shoving random things into her mouth. She gets sexy fanservice while regressed to the mentality of a toddler. She is sexually assaulted by and then shipteased with the protagonist. I could go on all day lol, lbr here. I should not be obligated to brush all that aside and pretend it doesn't irritate me and sometimes offend me in order to valorize a woman who doesn't like, yk, exist.

You and anyone else are free to project on her and relate to her and sympathize with her and love her, and I think that's great and what fandom is all about, but that still doesn't make her writing strong. And I think it's worth discussing how and why her writing fails, the same way it's worth discussing any other flaw of Berserk, like Guts' character flattening with the Eclipse, or Farnese's sudden personality 180, or the awkward pacing, or the prominent scary black man trope, etc, all of which I've also discussed plenty. If you feel like I've disproportionately focused on Casca criticism, then there are 2 reasons for that: 1. I respond to asks 99% of the time, so it's what the people are asking about. 2. Casca's storyline is the most prominent bad and offensive writing in the story, like it's the number one thing that's likely to drive new potential fans away, so of course people are going to want to talk about it.

Also I've written like, a lot of meta and speculation and headcanons etc about Casca beyond criticism of her narrative lol, so if you're sad about the lack of discussion and meta about her it's ironic that you're coming to me with that complaint. Be the change you want to see in the world, start your own Casca centric blog if you want more meta about her to exist, or read more of what already exists. I'd say I'm doing my part as far as I'm concerned lol, but I don't like the way that phrasing implies that anyone has an obligation to focus their interest on any particular fictional character.

I'm glad you enjoy other aspects of my blog, and if you stick around after this admittedly irritable response I hope you continue enjoying them. But if you feel the need to engage with me to defend a fictional character from my criticism again in the future, I'd appreciate it if you engaged with that criticism directly and analytically, rather than speculating about my character and motives.

[twilightofthesandwiches]

So, do you think all the universes we see come fr a wish, or some just happen to exist? Farmworld and Lichworld are wishes we've already seen, but it's hard to imagine who's wish could have caused Vampworld.

Maybe Winter King's nice about "manifesting your own reality" implies that world was born out of an Ice King's wish, who maybe just wanted to stop being so sad all the time.

Well, we know some universes aren't born from Wishes because Prismo explicitly said that about Flapjackworld!

But I also think, with the thematic focus being given to Wishes in this series, it's very likely that all of the universes we've seen were probably born from Wishes... or at least it's fun to speculate about lol

However, I personally find it unlikely that Winterworld was born from a Wish made by the Ice King/Simon, and it's actually for the same reason I don't think it's 'unlikely' that someone wished for Vampireworld - a Wish granted by Prismo always backfires on the wisher.

The only way Jake got around it is by changing the Lich's Wish, so "I wish for Finn and Jake to go back home to Ooo" would turn out badly for the Lich, which would mean it would go right for... basically everyone else.

We've seen it with Farmworld, which went very very badly for Finn, AND ALSO hit him with the pedantic ironic twist of the difference between asking that the Lich never existed and asking that he won't exist in the future

And like, the only reason Farmworld Lich was stopped was because he and Ice Finn/the Snowman were threatening every reality and that forced Prismo to initiate that Crossover. And the only reason why Finn was freed from the Magic Crown's curse was because Mainworld Finn begged for it. If the Farmworld Lich hadn't started poking around the Multiverse, Farmworld Finn's fate would've been to be the Lich's Mad and Sad right-hand goon... forever.

And even now, that world is a pretty lousy place in general, and not exactly super-great for Finn in specific

Extinctworld went badly for the Lich by just... giving him what he wants but showing him the futility and lack of satisfaction in his ultimate goal. Leaving him basically extremely depressed.

According to Word of God, Babyworld was a Wish made by BMO and it backfired by making them into an inanimate (...or at least seemingly inanimate) Baby Monitor.

So when I'm thinking who is likely to have Wished up a World, I'm thinking what sort of Wish could've lead to that timeline... but also who got fucked over the most by the changes. As such I have a hard time believing Ice King/Simon created Winterworld, since, like, the Winter King is basically the only actually happy person in that whole world?

I mean, I guess turning into a huge asshole that your former self would find morally repugnant would be a kind of Ironic Twists. Or the fact the Candy Queen might've killed him eventually, but I dunno... compared to the other Worlds we've seen, it doesn't feel Ironic enough to me.

Ever since that episode aired, my personal bet has always been that this world was Wished up by Marceline. She has all the Motivation to Wish, like, "I wish Simon could remember who he is". And look how terribly all of this went from her perspective! Simon is 'himself' again but is utterly unrecognizable as the loving surrogate father she remembers. The love of her life is now tormented by that same Curse she tried to free Simon from. And, well, while it's unclear what exactly happened when she and Simon had their falling out...

But doesn't look good for her.

For Vampireworld... I know some people would say that's the Marceline Wish Timeline since there's so much focus on her - but I kinda doubt it for the same reason I doubt the Ice King Winterworld thing. The Star is one of the only two people having an Actual Good Time in that universe and, even if things would've gotten bad eventually, with the dwindling food supply and all, that still feels like kind of a serious slow burn of an Ironic Twist compared to others we've seen.

I think it's most likely that Vampireworld is a Wish from one of the Vampire King's Court we saw back in 'Stakes'.

Between the Star being said to have 'outlived' the rest of the Court, her having seemingly the same powerset as Mainworld Marceline (which she gained by sucking the souls of these Vampires as she slayed them) and her clearly having no qualms about killing her fellow Vampires

I think the implication here is that the Star still killed the Fool, the Empress, the Hierophant, the Moon - but exclusively to become more powerful and gain more approval from her 'dad' in the process.

So I think the Ironic Twist narrative is, like, the Hierophant or someone Wishes for a world where Vampires rule... and that's exactly what they got, but their most hated enemy is still around. And now they get to watch her upstage them, take their rightful spot by the Vampire King's side and then kill and consume them alongside their closest brethren. Then their civilization collapses in on itself due to the lack of food, I think that's plenty Ironic to me.

I've also heard a suggestion that it could've been Peebles' Wish. Like, she tried to Wish Simon never put the Crown on just for Marceline's sake (and to try rid herself of her annoying stalker but still mostly for Marceline's sake)... and she ended up in a grim and dying world without her beloved kingdom, and also without the love that made her give her one Wish for Marcy's happiness instead.

I still think I prefer the Vampire Wish theory, but that one also has pretty solid foundation.

[adobe-outdesign]

if you haven’t yet, could you review the dragonite line?

I'll be upfront, I've always really liked this line, with Dragonair being one of my top ten favorite Pokemon. I think part of it is just the simplicity; there's just the right amount of real-world elements and fantasy elements, without too much detail to over-clutter things.

Dratini, for example, is just a small sea serpent, and there's not even a clear theme at this stage. However, details like the fins on its head and the white nose make it stand out enough so it's not overly generic. It also does a good job of looking enough like its evo while still being distinct due to most of the main elements being different (head fins, bump instead of horn, white nose, rounded underbelly, lighter color, etc.).

Speaking of its evo, Dragonair is just straight-up beautiful. The long slender body is really elegant, and the minimalist details give it just the right amount of flavor without being overbearing. It's one of the only Pokemon in my top 10 favs that earns that spot solely through visuals alone.

The new orbs on its body are perfectly placed, and their addition makes the theme of this line clear—it's an imugi, a Korean lesser dragon that only becomes a true dragon when a jewel falls from the sky every 1000 years. In addition to the theming, these orbs are also distinctive and serve to convey the vibe of a semi-mythical animal.

In addition to this, the body has some white countershading that starts and ends at the orbs, which breaks up the main body just enough. This white is then accented by the white of its horn and the two wings on its head; another unexpected element, and another very pretty one at that. As far as I'm concerned, nothing about this design could be improved.

I know some people really dislike Dragonite, but I'm going to defend it to a degree. Yes, it is much more generic than Dragonair, having lost some of its more distinctive features, and I do think that's a shame (losing the orbs makes sense because that's how imugi work, but why replace the fluffy wings with utterly generic dragon ones?). And yes, the change between it and its pre-evos is a little jarring.

HOWEVER, people tend to act like its completely detached from the rest of the line, which is just plain wrong. It still has:

The same rounded head shape

A horn

Two things on either side of the horn

A lighter-color underbelly

A smooth, curved body shape

Even thematically, the change from a serpent to a dragon ties into the imugi thing, with Dragonair obtaining the orbs and then becoming a true dragon. It's definatley not the best evolution out there in terms of memorability (it's a fairly generic dragon at this stage) or coherency, but it still makes sense as an evo.

If I were to make any tweaks to Dragonite, it would simply be to change the colors. I don't know why it suddenly becomes orange, and the change is jarring when a clear pattern was established with both of the pre-evos being blue. The line looks 200% better just by keeping the colors consistent, and you could always make the orange its shiny:

I also would've kept the wings on the back but kept the feathered look of Dragonair's; its much more interesting and would've further helped with consistency. Everything else, however, I think is fine. Not as good as its pre-evos, but certainly not awful by any means.

Side note: there's a lot of talk about this line getting something in the future. In all honestly, I don't think it needs it; it's still an iconic and well-loved line with decent stats. That said, Dragonite is one of the only psuedo-legendaries that doesn't have a new form, so I guess it would be fair enough to give it something. A regional could work, maybe something that brings Dragonite in-line with Dratini and Dragonair a bit more. I could also see a split evo being a thing.

Anyway, overall: Dratini and Dragonair are the perfect blend of mystical and normal attributes, and are quite beautiful all around. Dragonite is also good, but more generic and suffering a bit from some strange color choices. As a whole, however, this line is pretty fantastic.