#just. this concepts really resonates with me for some reason..

[im-smart-i-swear]

aroace nika mickiewicz. is this anything

[salemlunaa]

YES, WE ARE ALWAYS SHIFTING ˚∘𓇼

manifesting and shifting are one. but why, and how?

so i did promise a longer post and had many asks prompting me to go into more detail

and to do that we must define what shifting is, like what is really is.

The GENERAL DEFINITION for the word “shifting” is "A change in position, direction, or tendency."

A change in position as in where you are in life, direction as in where your life is going and tendency being a likelihood or natural indication. For example, "she has a tendency to be lazy" a shift in that would refer to a reality where she isn't lazy.

That's it, that's all it is

You can interpret manifestation any way you want, however the reason a lot of you can't see this is that you don't understand. The stigma around "shifting" has altered your perception of the word and the process. Shifting isn't just you being whisked away on a broom to Hogwarts. Shifting isn't just you being a kpop star. You've seen people speak about shifting in such a way that you think it's this crazy astral, otherworldly experience.

Both concepts are altering your reality, whether you are inducing the void, manifesting or shifting, you are changing your position, tendency and direction. Shifting isn't change, that's it. Both concepts rely on the principle that consciousness creates reality. And in both cases, you are embodying it until your desired reality until it becomes your experience truly.

There are infinite realities, the reason why there is no difference between manifestation and shifting is that in both cases you are moving/placing your awareness in your desired reality. Yes, you shift because you manifested green eyes, because there was already a reality in which you had green eyes and all you are doing by affirming and watching subliminals for green eyes is resonating with that reality and placing your awareness in that reality.

The same goes for pure consciousness or the void, without the barriers of the time, the 3d and outerman limitations, you are able to shift timelines to a reality where all your desires have materialised.

TO SHIFT IS TO EXPERIENCE CHANGE. TO CHANGE IS TO EXPERIENCE A SHIFT. THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO IT

✺✺✺

Now for everyone's favourite counter argument: "Why would my entire family change if im losing some weight?" "I don't want to leave MY reality, with MY people for manifesting something small"

cue deep sigh….

You aren't "Leaving" anyone, when you shift your awareness and place it in your desired state, because everyone is you pushed out, the people around you will "shift" with you to update to YOUR assumptions. This isn't to say that you can shiftier enter the void to help others it means your perception of the people around you will change to accommodate your new assumptions.

You don't "lose" people, you experience them in alignment with the reality you see as desired, eg, you experience the mother who knows you with green eyes instead of brown, nothing else about her changes. You’re not getting some other mother like in Coraline

The Law didn't start existing when you found out about it or when it's convenient for you. This HAS been happening but because you didn't notice, you were fine. When you have made small changes through manifesting, your reality has shifted to where that has been true, again if you wanted green eyes, great there is a reality where you have blue, brown amber or even multi coloured eyes, but you are choosing to place your consciousness in the reality where you have green eyes.

Your family and friends aren't going to disappear because you have made a change about yourself. Your perception of them changes. If you manifest that you always had blonde hair, your parents will change but the only thing that will change about them is their recollection of you with brown hair, as they now know you've had blonde hair your whole life.

It's not some out of body experience it's shift, you're not waking up in magic world because you wanted a change in weather. A shift doesn't have to be this extravagant event. You only have that assumption because when you've seen people use the word "shift" they use it to describe massive life changes, completely changing the world around them, whether that be for a tv show or something they've scripted themselves.

Shifting means to change, that's it, that's all. "I just want to manifest in my reality" you don't have a home reality as you're always changing. There is no such thing as "your reality" for just one. All these realities are yours in the same proximity. And we are always changing.

There is no such thing as a "home reality" because reality is not fixed-it's fluid and ever-changing. Every time you manifest, you are shifting to a version of reality where your desire is already true. You're not "bringing" something into one set reality; you're aligning with a new version of it. So whether you call it manifesting or shifting, you're doing the same thing, selecting a different reality from infinite possibilities.

I think looking into quantum jumping and a quantum shift will allow you to easier see the unity in shifting and manifesting

Manifestation = having a desire → deciding you have it → by using methods, your awareness is placed in your desired state where you have that desire, nothing else has to change, but it's still a change, a shift.

WHEN YOU STOP SEEING THE CONCEPT OF A SHIFT IN SUCH A HEAVY LIGHT, YOU’LL UNDERSTAND

THERE IS NO SEPARATION, IN THIS COMMUNITY WE’RE ALL DOING THE SAME THING

NOW HERE’S THE LINK TO PART II

[artsekey]

Disney's Wish

Look, Disney's Wish has been universally panned across the internet, and for good reason.

It’s just…kind of okay.

 When we sit down to watch a Disney film—you know, from the company that dominated the animation industry from 1989 to (arguably) the mid 2010’s and defined the medium of animation for decades—we expect something magnificent. Now, I could sit here and tell you everything that I thought was wrong with Wish, but if you’re reading this review, then I imagine that you’ve already heard the most popular gripes from other users across the web. So, let me focus in:

The biggest problem with Wish—in fact, the only problem with Wish—is Magnifico.

Whoa, that’s crazy! There’re so many things about Wish that could’ve been better! The original concept was stronger! The music was bad--

I hear you, I do. But stay with me here, okay? Take my hand. I studied under artists from the Disney renaissance. I teach an adapted model of Disney’s story pipeline at a University level. I spent a ridiculous amount of time getting degrees in this, and I am about to dissect this character and the narrative to a stupid degree.

First, we need to understand that a good story doesn’t start and end with what we see on the screen. Characters aren’t just fictional people; when used well, characters are tools the author uses (or in this case, the director) to convey their message to the audience. Each character’s struggle should in some way engage with the story’s message, and consequently, the story’s theme. Similarly, when we look at our protagonist and our antagonist, we should see their characters and their journeys reflected in one-another.

So, what went wrong between Asha & Magnifico in terms of narrative structure?

Act I

In Wish, we’re introduced to our hero not long into the runtime—Asha. She’s ambitious, caring, and community-oriented; in fact, Asha is truly introduced to the audience through her love of Rosas (in “Welcome to Rosas”).  She’s surrounded by a colorful cast of friends who act as servants in the palace, furthering her connection with the idea of community but also telling us that she’s not of status, and then she makes her way to meet Magnifico for her chance to become his next apprentice.

Quick aside: I'm not going to harp on Asha as a character in the context of Disney's overall canon. Almost every review I've seen covers her as a new addition to Disney's ever-growing repertoire of "Cute Quirky Heroines", and I think to be fair to Asha as an actor in the narrative, it serves her best to be weighed within the context of the story she's part of.

As Asha heads upstairs for her interview, we're introduced to the man of the hour: Magnifico. He lives in a tower high above the population of Rosas, immediately showing us how he differs from Asha; he’s disconnected from his community. He lives above them. He has status. While the broader context of the narrative wants us to believe that this also represents a sense of superiority, I would argue that isn’t what Magnifico’s introduction conveys; he's isolated.

Despite this distance, he does connect with Asha in “At All Costs”. For a moment, their goals and values align. In fact, they align so well that Magnifico sees Asha as someone who cares as much about Rosas as he does, and almost offers her the position.

… Until she asks him to grant Saba’s wish.

This is framed by the narrative as a misstep. The resonance between their ideals snaps immediately, and Magnifico says something along the line of “Wow. Most people wait at least a year before asking for something.”

This disappointment isn't played as coming from a place of power or superiority. He was excited by the idea of working with someone who had the same values as he did, who viewed Rosas in the same way he does, and then learns that Asha’s motivations at least partially stem from a place of personal gain.

Well, wait, is that really Asha's goal?

While it's not wholistically her goal, it's very explicitly stated & implied that getting Saba's wish granted is at least a part of it. The audience learns (through Asha's conversation with her friends before the interview) that every apprentice Magnifico has ever had gets not only their wish granted, but the wishes of their family, too!  Asha doesn’t deny that this is a perk that she’s interested in, and I don't think this is a bad thing.

So, Is Asha’s commitment to Saba selfless, or selfish? I’m sure the director wanted it to seem selfless, wherein she believes her family member has waited long enough and deserves his wish granted, but we can’t ignore the broader context of Asha essentially trying to… skip the line.

Then, we get our first point of tension. Magnifico reveals his “true colors” in snapping at Asha, telling her that he “decides what people deserve”. This is supposed to be the great motivator, it’s meant to incite anger in the audience—after all, no one gets to decide what you deserve, right? But unfortunately for the integrity of the film and the audience's suspension of disbelief, at least part of Magnifico’s argument is a little too sound to ignore:

Some wishes are too vague and dangerous to grant. Now, there’s visual irony here; he says this after looking at a 100 old man playing the lute. The idea that something so innocuous could be dangerous is absurd, and the audience is meant to agree.

... But we’ve also seen plenty of other wishes that might be chaotic—flying on a rocket to space, anyone? The use of the word vague is important, too—this implies wording matters, and that a wish can be misinterpreted or evolve into something that is dangerous even if the original intent was innocuous. His reasoning for people forgetting their wish (protecting them from the sadness of being unable to attain their dreams) is much weaker, but still justifiable (in the way an antagonist’s flawed views can be justified). The film even introduces a facet of Magnifico’s backstory that implies he has personal experience with the grief of losing a dream (in the destruction of his home), but that thread is never touched on again.

              What is the audience supposed to take from this encounter? If we’re looking at the director’s intent, I’d argue that we’ve been introduced to a well-meaning young girl and a king who’s locked away everyone’s greatest aspiration because he believes he deserves to have the power to decide who gets to be happy.

              But what are we shown? Our heroine, backed by her friends, strives to be Magnifico’s apprentice because she loves the city but also would really like to see her family's wishes granted. When this request is denied and she loses the opportunity to be his apprentice, she deems Magnifico’s judgement unfair & thus begins her journey to free the dreams of Rosas’ people.

              In fairness, Magnifico doesn’t exhibit sound judgement or kindness through this act of the film. He’s shown to be fickle, and once his composure cracks, he can be vindictive and sharp. He's not a good guy, but I'd argue he's not outright evil. He's just got the makings of a good villain, and those spikes of volatility do give us a foundation to work off of as he spirals, but as we’ll discuss in a bit, the foreshadowing established here isn’t used to the ends it implies.

              While I was watching this film, I was sure Magnifico was going to be a redeemable villain. He can’t connect with people because he's sure they value what he provides more than they value him (as seen in “At All Costs” and the aftermath), and Asha’s asking for more was going to be framed as a mistake. His flaw was keeping his people too safe and never giving them the chance to sink or swim, and he's too far removed from his citizens to see that he is appreciated. Asha does identify this, and the culmination of her journey is giving people the right to choose their path, but the way Magnifico becomes the “true” villain and his motivations for doing so are strangely divorced from what we’re shown in Act I.  

Act II:

His song, “This is the Thanks I Get!?” furthers the idea that Magnifico’s ire—and tipping point—is the fact that he thinks the people he’s built a kingdom for still want more. Over the course of this 3:14 song, we suddenly learn that Magnifico sends other people to help his community and doesn’t personally get involved (we never see this outside of this song), and that he’s incredibly vain/narcissistic (he's definitely a narcissist). I think feeling under-appreciated is actually a very strong motivation for Magnifico as a character-turning-villain, and it works very well. It’s justified based on what we’ve seen on screen so far: he feels under-appreciated (even though he’s decidedly not—the town adores him), he snaps and acts irrationally under stress (as seen with his outburst with Asha), and he’s frustrated that people seem to want more from him (again, as seen with his conversation with Asha in Act I).

              But then… he opens the book.

Ah, the book. As an object on screen, we know that it's filled with ancient and evil magic, well-known to be cursed by every relevant character in the film, and kept well-secured under lock and key. But what does it stand for in the context of the narrative's structure? A quick path to power? We're never told that it has any redeeming qualities; Magnifico himself doesn't seem to know what he's looking for when he opens it. It feels... convenient.

I think it's also worth noting that he only turns to the book when he's alone; once again, the idea of connection and community rears it's ugly head! Earlier in the film, Amaya-- his wife-- is present and turns him away from taking that path. In her absence, he makes the wrong choice.

This decision could make sense; it contains powerful magic, and if it were framed in such a way that the people of Rosas were losing faith in Magnifico’s magic, as if what he can do might not be enough anymore after what they felt from Star, going for the book that we know contains spells that go above and beyond what he can already do would be logical. Along the lines of, “If they’re not happy with what I do for them, fine. I, ever the “martyr”, will do the unthinkable for you, because you want more.”

            It would keeps with the idea that Magnifico believes he's still trying to help people, but his motivation has taken his self-imposed pity party and turned it into resentment and spite.

 But, that’s not the case. Instead he talks about reversing that “light”, which has had no real negative or tangible consequences on Rosas. Everyone had a warm feeling for a few seconds. Again, it’s meant to paint him as a vain control freak, but… he hasn’t lost any power. The citizens of Rosas even assume the great showing of magic was Magnifico.

Act III

              Then, we get to the consequences of opening the book (and perhaps my biggest qualm with this film). The book is established as being cursed. Magnifico knows it, Asha knows it, and Amaya—who is introduced as loyal-- knows it. The characters understand his behavior is a direct result of the book, and search for a way to save him. This is only the focus of the film for a few seconds, but if you think about it, the fact that his own wife cannot find a way to free him of the curse he’s been put under is unbelievably tragic. Worse still, upon discovering there is no way to reverse the curse, Magnifico—the king who built the city & “protected it” in his own flawed way for what seems to be centuries—is thrown out by his wife. You know, the wife who's stood loyal at his side for years?

              It’s played for laughs, but there’s something unsettling about a character who’s clearly and explicitly under the influence of a malevolent entity being left… unsaved. If you follow the idea of Magnifico being disconnected from community being a driving force behind his arc, the end of the film sees him in a worse situation he was in at the start: truly, fully alone.

              They bring in so many opportunities for Magnifico to be sympathetic and act as a foil for Asha; he’s jaded, she’s not. He’s overly cautious (even paranoid), she’s a risk-taker. He turns to power/magic at his lowest point, Asha turns to her friends at her lowest point. Because this dichotomy isn’t present, and Magnifico—who should be redeemable—isn’t, the film is so much weaker than it could’ve been. The lack of a strong core dynamic between the protagonist and antagonist echoes through every facet of the film from the music to the characterization to the pacing, and I believe if Magnifico had been more consistent, the film would’ve greatly improved across the board.

I mean, come on! Imagine if at the end of the film, Asha—who, if you remember, did resonate with Magnifico’s values at the start of the film—recognizes that he's twisted his original ideals and urges him to see the value in the people he’s helped, in their ingenuity, in their gratitude, & that what he was able to do before was enough. Going further, asking what his wish is or was—likely something he’s never been asked— and showing empathy! We’d come full circle to the start of the film where Asha asks him to grant her wish.

Pushing that further, if Magnifico’s wish is to see Rosas flourish or to be a good/beloved king, he'd have the the opportunity to see the value in failing and how pursuing the dream is its own complex and valuable journey, and how not even he is perfect.

 The curse and the book (which, for the purposes of this adjustment, would need to be established as representing the idea of stepping on others to further your own goals/the fast way to success), then serve as the final antagonist, that same curse taking root in the people of Rosas who’ve had their dreams destroyed, and Asha works with the community to quell it. Asha’s learned her lesson, so has Magnifico, and the true source of evil in the film—the book—is handled independently. Magnifico steps back from his role as King, Amaya still ends up as Queen, and Asha takes her place as the new wish-granter.

This route could even give us the true “Disney villain” everyone’s craving; giving the book sentience and having it lure Magnifico in during “This is the Thanks I Get!?” leaves it as its own chaotic evil entity.

All in all, Magnifico's introduction paved a road to redemption that the rest of the film aggressively refused to deliver on, instead doubling down on weaker motivations that seem to appear out of thin air. Once the audience thinks, hey, that bad guy might have a point, the protagonist has to do a little more heavy lifting to convince us they're wrong.

Look at the big-bad-greats from Disney's library. There isn't a point in the Lion King where we pause and think, "Wait a second, maybe Scar should be the guy who rules the Pridelands." Ursula from the Little Mermaid, though motivated by her banishment from King Triton's Seas, never seems to be the right gal for the throne. Maybe Maleficent doesn't get invited to the princess's birthday party, but we don't watch her curse a baby and think, Yeah, go curse that baby, that's a reasonable response to getting left out.

What do they all have in common? Their motivation is simple, their goal is clear, and they don't care who they hurt in pursuit of what they want.

Magnifico simply doesn't fall into that category. He's motivated by the idea of losing power, which is never a clear or impactful threat. His goal at the start seems to be to protect Rosas, then it turns into protecting his own power, and then-- once he's corrupted-- he wants to capture Star. The problem is, there's no objective to put this power toward. Power for power's sake is useless. Scar craves power because he feels robbed of status. Ursula believes the throne is rightfully hers. Maleficent wanted to make a statement. Magnifico... well, I'm not really sure.

[4dkellysworld]

After deciding 'it is done'

This is more of a manifestation themed post (it's a draft from March when I spontaneously felt like writing it but didn't post it) because I felt like it but I'd appreciate if I didn't get any asks about manifestation* (unless I change my mind later) cos I'll share what I can and there's a lot of material available already! You can see my past post on this topic here. For more posts on it, see @4dbarbie-archive and realisophie's posts here and here and there's also some over at @ndjournal in the experience sharing tag.

*Also because I don't want to send mixed messages to the readers of this blog. I see conscious manifestation as a way to challenge & break limitations and concepts from the mind, not to get things in the world (kinda like Neo learning to bend the spoon in the Matrix if you get me lol). The latter will only pull you deeper into ego and the world, which isn't conducive to self-realization (if that's your goal) if you're focused on satisfying ego and the worldly life. If that makes sense and you resonate and agree with that, then we are on the same page but not everyone is and that's okay too, just do what feels right to you. Just sharing my reasoning :)

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I've been reading this book called Parallel Universes of Self because I read the author Frederick Dodson had an interesting reality shifting experience. I didn't expect to read info on manifestation but they are pretty much the same. I have a few books of his that I'm skimming through out of curiosity and there's some interesting stuff (I might share some other things later, he doesn't just talk about manifestation, but also consciousness, reality and even non-duality).

I thought I'd share the below excerpt because it's explained really well and might help some others. It's also a nice succinct summary of what Ada and Soph talked about for materialization/manifestation as well. I can remember pretty much 95% of the things I've ever "manifested" were from when I acted the way he described after I had decided "it is done". It's easier to do this for things you don't care about because you just end up forgetting about it entirely and then it shows up and you're like 'oh yeah!! nice'.

In the hours, days and weeks after simply rest in the new viewpoint, rest in the fulfilled reality. This means that you don’t try to “make it happen” because you have already claimed it as real. You don’t affirm, visualize, repeat or wait for it. You don’t hope for it to come in some future. Because you have claimed it as already real you don’t even think about it much either. You don’t ask when, how, where it will show up. Instead you simply do what offers itself to you throughout the day, and this will involve commonplace activities. Daily life continues in a natural manner without neediness or lack. Once in awhile you may want to re-feel the body sense of the chosen reality, and enjoy what you have claimed as true, but often not even that is necessary. Furthermore you needn’t be “acting as if” the desired reality is manifest, for that still implies separation. Simply cease to behave in a way that presupposes that it is not already so. You may refuse to ascribe relevance or importance to any events that seem to contradict your newly chosen reality. From the new viewpoint such events may still exist and come up but they are no longer relevant enough to be reacted to and interacted with. They may be the way things are at the moment, but they are no longer the way you are. The corresponding physical manifestation will appear when you stop needing it, chasing after it, looking for it but are instead willingly and lovingly identified with it…not for the sake of “making it manifest” *, but for the sake of experiencing its joy in the here, now and today. *Because trying to make it happen/manifest reinforces the idea/belief that it isn't

This is the same as what 4dbarbie said about getting ego out of the way or as Lester Levenson said, let go and let God. Just let it happen and stop trying to control the process because the more you try, the more you reinforce the fact that it isn't already so. Basically stop putting in effort once you know it is true, just continue knowing with calm and ease that it is the way you want it. Ada also said here:

If you have thoughts like "I need to say my affirmations", "I need to check my state", you're not living in the end but still desiring. When you're able to look at the thing you desire as being something that was once a dream, but now only a memory - you've entered the state of the wish fulfilled. When desire turns into identity, you know you've succeeded in fulfilling yourself.

Yes we're conditioned to think we need to work hard and put effort to earn things in the world but when it comes to manifesting, this sort of mentality will only sabotage and hinder your success. You can literally just decide you have it and then never look back. This sort of mindset can take a bit of time and practice to get used to because it is not something we're used to but the more you practice, the easier it gets.

Here is an excerpt from an astral projection book (I think it's from The Illusion of Method?) I thought was really apt at describing this too. He's talking about AP but you can apply it to manifesting or pretty much anything as well.

Unless you are masochistic, I ask you to reconsider the painful idea of obsessing about time. Bear in mind that results will come whenever they have to, and counting the minutes won't make the outcome arrive faster. It's best if you just forget about it, and accept that it is something that you can't control. You must be patient—most of the time the desired results arrive immediately after giving up control of time. If you are frustrated and/or are afraid of failure, then it means you believe you are in control—and this translates into the feeling that you are responsible for both positive and negative results. Well then, stop thinking that way! Exempting yourself from responsibility is the best course of action there is. As seen in the previous chapter, those who project on command are the ones who couldn’t care less about AP. But the more you obfuscate yourself, the lesser your chances of success —and trust me, you won’t want to get trapped in that vicious cycle. Astral projection works when you stop worrying about failure because you trust that it will happen, whether you “do” something or not.

It’s the same thing: just in the same way that being hasty for sleep to occur keeps us wakeful and alert, being expectant over the OBE will keep us caged in the physical body. If the mind is constantly thinking about the goal, it can easily enter a state of expectancy* and impatience. In such state, the mind is no longer relaxed because expectancy is a state of unrest. This form of tension is what hinders the outcome—thus, the key to being relaxed (i.e., essentially lacking mental tension) is to forget about the goal entirely. If you don’t have the goal in mind you don’t enter a state of expectancy, and therefore you are free from mental tension. *expectancy is the same energy as trying to make something happen.. reinforcing the idea/belief that it isn't so

So, exempt yourself from responsibility means there's nothing more to do because ego is not in control and can do nothing.

[softantlers]

i have a sad lottie & her dad headcanon i want to hurt your feelings with

okay so like, there is debate in the fandom generally around how lottie conceptualizes her mental health pre-crash. it makes sense. for the 90s and for a childhood diagnosis of schizophrenia, she is pretty exceptional. there's an argument to be made that maybe she doesn't have the sort of precision when thinking about her mental health that we, the viewers, have because of the... idk... subterfuge of her father's interventions and the strangeness of navigating the diagnosis as a girl in that era.

but i think the reading that i prefer is that lottie is aware that she has schizophrenia. she has very clearly (to me) been in therapy for a long while. she admits as much to travis-- she says she has "shrinks" when they discuss it after she reveals that bit about shauna saying "needing a shrink doesn't make you one." she also deploys some strategies for calming travis through his panic attack in season 2 that make me suspicious. the familiarity with which she tells him to breathe makes it hard not to conclude that lottie has had panic attacks-- to the extent that she has apparently gotten advice on how to soothe them. what exactly that looked like? hard to say. but i think it's clear that this girl has been seeing psychs, doctors, etc. she is very much in therapy.

okay so my little headcanon. i really like the concept that lottie went off her meds at some point pre-crash. what resonates with me is the setup of her scene in the pilot, where she takes the loxapine under the maid's supervision. it gives this vibe of... surveillance. the idea that the maid has been tasked with making sure lottie takes her medicine logically brings up the question... why can't lottie be relied on to take her own medicine?

my theory: she totally went off it at some point!

okay, so the reason i think this is because lottie doesn't follow rules. when that fanon went around that she would be bodying people off the field and getting red cards in soccer games, i was just like... yes, this is correct!! the dynamic really tracks with her character! like even after the vote for ben was determined, lottie jumped in front of a loaded rifle to switch the game. she doesn't have respect for rules imo. she breaks them!!

one thing that i think gets lost in the shuffle on characterizing lottie is that she has a lot of... mmmm... biteyness... snappyness? there are undercurrents of something rougher beneath her surface. it can get a bit petulant (like when nat snaps at her for reassuring travis and lottie is like "what do you want from me, nat? i was just saying what i feel!"). but it can also be a bit harsher (ie: her calling travis flex and making the cousin clapback to mari). she is not a docile lamb. she has resentment and frustration swirling underneath it all...

so, i can see living under her parents... living under them not noticing her, being somewhat profoundly uninterested in her... and the weight of that disinterest, weighing her down, making her feel so isolated, so fucking garbage... having to take these fucking pills every day, which feel like this reminder of how she's not what they wanted-- she can never be what they want... which is normal. and she's not normal. she tries so hard to be normal. she has everybody at school fooled!! but her parents... she will never, ever, ever be normal to them. not in the way they want her to be. she is deficient because she needs these pills. she is a stain because she needs these pills.

these pills... these pills... and then slowly and steadily, lottie just says to herself, "fuck these pills."

she doesn't take them one day... and then she doesn't take them another day... her parents don't notice that she's not taking them because they simply don't notice her. and it's not even that anything bad happens. she doesn't crash out. she doesn't spiral. it's only been a week or two... it's fine. maybe it's the maid who notices that she's not taking them. maybe it's the maid (the only one who would ever spare enough attention to lottie to notice) who informs her parents.

and i just have this very vivid image of lottie trying to talk to her dad. she's trying to explain. she's trying to say, "hey, nothing bad happened. hey, i'm wondering... i'm wondering if maybe there's another way i could do this. hey, i'm thinking-- i'm thinking--"

and just the idea of lottie's dad, who has never tried to talk to her about this since she's been diagnosed, who has only ever wanted her to quietly go to the appointments and take the fucking meds without ever bringing it up again... the idea of this man saying, in such a clipped tone with a voice that is suddenly very raised and is BOOMING across the room, "charlotte, you are psychotic."

it's a fact. it's in her medical records. but he names it, defines her through it, with all the authority you'd expect from a rich white man.

it's a fact. it's in her medical records. but she hadn't... well... now it's in her brain. now it's stuck into her, dripping down her insides. you are psychotic. she'll never be able to get it out of her rib cage.

it would have been better if he had slapped her in the face.

lottie doesn't say anything. you can't say anything to that.

after that, she has to be watched. the maid hands her the pills every morning.

[iamthatonefangirl]

time - jackson era joel miller

guys this is literally just me rambling after i saw this banger edit and wanted to write about joel holding me but i completely lost sight of the plot i had in mind

i am coping by pretending that everyone is lovey-dovey and happy ok. so plz just humor me here.

~~~

time was a funny concept.

you never knew when you were going to run out of it.

living in a world knowing nothing but tragedy, knowing so little about the world that came before it? it made you think about time often.

how different your life could have been if you had been born only ten years earlier. if you had just a little bit more time with your family before the world as you knew it came crashing down, causing you to be on your own years earlier than you anticipated.

somehow, you found your way.

you were lucky to find community in Jackson. you hadn't known what true loyalty had been before that; it was a do or die world, and you could never really trust anybody. you spent years getting burned by people you thought you could trust, and so once you made it to Jackson?

it took you time to re-learn the trust you had once given too freely. but you were grateful that you had the opportunity to now.

~~~

and then one day, suddenly a man and a young girl showed up seeking shelter.

although you were many, many years younger than the man they called Joel, you could see yourself in him. the way that he trusted few, but cared deeply about the people who were lucky to gain his trust.

his brother. his pseudo-daughter. and after a while, the people of Jackson, too.

there was something about him that you were drawn to. call it the way you resonated with his pain, the loss of your family, the inability to see where you stood in this new, scary, dangerous world.

for a while, you thought that maybe you just saw what you wanted to see.

~~~

he was off-putting for many of the first interactions you had with him, for reasons you understood.

you took it upon yourself to bring the new neighbors a casserole the first day. a lasagna a few days later, and eventually, you scouted enough of the ingredients you needed for a chocolate pie.

the man, Joel, was not keen on accepting the meals the first few days. the girl, Ellie, was happy to snatch the food from your hands with an exclamation of "thanks!" before running off back into the house, leaving Joel to apologize for her behavior. you'd flash him a bright smile, to which he would pause and just maybe smile back at you before thanking you and shutting the door.

the look in his eyes when you brought the chocolate pie over? can't beat that, the look of excitement and some small semblance of joy in a world severely lacking it.

so he accepted the pie, without the assistance of Ellie this time, and invited you in for a slice.

the smile on his tired face was too pretty for you to decline the offer.

~~~

if you began putting all your efforts into cooking meals for the new neighbors, you wouldn't admit it.

if you accepted that it meant you might go hungry sometimes for lack of enough groceries, then so be it. you wouldn't worry about it. you didn't need the sustenance the way these folk did, still adjusting to this new way of life in Jackson.

but you never did go hungry, because Joel would never let you return home without serving you up a plate of whatever it was you had made for them.

"I made this for you and Ellie, Mr. Miller. please don't worry about me," you would smile at him, waving off his concerns.

"wouldn't be right o'me to send you home, a pretty girl like you, without a belly full of food, don't ya think?" he told you one time. a pretty girl? like you?

"and please, call me Joel," he said, that southern drawl just melting your heart. "Mr. Miller makes me feel old," he confessed.

so maybe you accepted his offer to come in. and maybe, Ellie was gone that evening, so you gladly ate dinner with Joel, forcing yourself not to stare at his pretty face while you did.

"it's real good, darlin'," he would compliment you, to which you would blush once more.

"thank you, Mr. Miller," you would say, focusing your gaze on your plate, fighting back a smile. if you looked up at him, who knows what would come out of your mouth.

"would love another one of those chocolate pies you make, darlin'," he began, darling?, "almost as sweet as you."

you realized it then. he was... flirting with you.

you looked up to see him smirking at you, seeing the way your cheeks flushed pink and how you almost seemed embarrassed.

"what, has no man ever told you how pretty you are, sweetheart?" he asked, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest, all while his legs stayed rooted in their spot, spread so you could see...

"no," you pipe up, even more embarrassed then.

"why don't you let me show you, then?"

~~~

it wasn't much longer before you were moving in with Joel. Ellie was happy to live in the garage, having some much desired space as a teenager.

when he asked you, he played it off as though it was for efficiency, given that with all the new refugees, needing the space and whatnot...

you would never turn down such an offer. you'd found a comfortable spot in your relationship, and nothing could ever change that.

~~~

Joel was most certainly the first person you truly trusted in a long time. you trusted him with your secrets, your past, your life.

for the first time in a very long time, you felt safe. you felt wanted.

he held you close to his chest, wrapping his arms around your chest and stomach to keep you in place. anywhere else, anywhere away from him, and he couldn't protect you. so there you stayed, happily.

the luxuries you had now were ones neither of you had experienced for many years prior, including the cool, clean sheets under your skin now.

you held onto his arms as they kept you pressed against him, feeling the way his biceps were so naturally defined from the years of such physically demanding work, just to stay alive.

his body radiated warmth. you had a heater now, too, although you swore he would keep you both warm enough until the end of time.

time had always been a struggle for your entire life. there was never enough of it, but always too much. you never seemed to find the right timing until you met Joel.

right now, right here, when he held you?

time just melted away.

~~~

masterlist

join my tag list

joel miller tag list:

@clavedelune @bananababygirl10 @daisydark @lowrisemiller

[anistarrose]

Asexuality can be about more than just sexual attraction and lack thereof. There have historically been multiple avenues to asexuality.

First of all: of course, you don't have to identify as ace if you're sex-repulsed/sex-averse, but feel like your attraction has something else going on that's important to you. And of course, you can identify as ace if you're sex-favorable, but feel like your lack or near-lack of attraction is important to you too. Nothing I am about to say negates those things.

However, for some people, sex aversion/repulsion is the most important factor in falling under the mantle of asexuality. The most important factor in resonating with the language of asexuality, finding a home in the asexual community, and considering asexuality both an identity they can take pride in, and use to communicate their experiences.

As useful as it can be to describe and discuss sexual attraction, said sexual attraction is ultimately a social construct that may be impossible to parse, uncomfortable to parse, inapplicable, and/or irrelevant to many on the asexual spectrum. Many of us active in the asexual community are familiar, either firsthand or secondhand, with how slippery the concept of sexual attraction can be — the turtles in ponds metaphor, the search for something you're not sure you even know the shape of. What's the boundary between attraction and non-attraction, between sexual and sensual and aesthetic?

Really, should something so slippery and confusing be the only metric we're allowed to define ourselves by? I argue it can be useful for many, but should never be a requirement — and personally, it's not how I define myself. I identify as asexual in part because the question of "Do you experience sexual attraction?" is fundamentally impossible for me to answer. An intractable problem, which I reject the need to answer or solve in order to know myself as a person.

Moreover, asexuality has a long history, serving as a useful term and community to ace-specs with a wide variety of experiences with attraction, desire, and action. While the "Non-Libidoists" of the early 2000's were by no means correct that a lack of interest in sex/masturbation should the only avenue to an asexual identity, they highlight that aversion and indifference to sex have been many people's reason to find a home in asexuality, throughout much of that term's usage.

Multiple avenues to asexuality are possible, and that goes both ways. Asexuals who have or want to have sex need to be welcomed and cherished, but positing that "little to no sexual attraction" is the only valid definition of asexuality is an overcorrection — and an alienating, exclusory overcorrection at that.

[alieinthemorning]

Deepest, Darkest, Purest Love [Sylus] 

Content: World Underneath: Sealed in Dust Spoilers, Sylus Story Speculation, Angst, Soft Sylus, POV Second Person, Reader-Insert

Pronouns: None

Reblogs: Let me know that you enjoy my work and want to see more, so don’t forget to like and reblog (and comment in the tags. I love seeing people’s rambles in the tags)!

This work’s concepts, plot and original characters are my own which means I do not allow any sort of creative theft nor do I allow my work to be entered into any sort of A.I. bots. Thank you for respecting my space and boundaries.

Sylus…was an enigma to you. After the Nest, the forced resonating, and being told that he wanted to achieve his goal, he needed you to like him in some capacity. Now, you’ve ended up here in one of his many safe houses, wrapped in his arms on the couch while some movie played. Domestic bliss as its finest, but how did you end up here? You knew that it wasn’t just him playing with your feelings while you hopelessly fell for it. No…you knew that his feelings for you were real. His actions and words, although not always obvious, were always clear in the intentions. 

“You know very well that I adore you. There is no love purer than mine.”

Despite how you acted toward him, or tried to deceive yourself. You knew you loved him. You loved this man something fierce. And honestly? 

It scared you—terrified you.

You understood that you and Sylus shared a past. One of your many pasts, over your many deaths. Unfortunately, you couldn’t remember much (not that you think you ever could). Since EVER had gotten their hands on you and the Aether Core, memories come up spotty and painful. You want to remember, you really do, but it doesn’t seem like you have an actual say in the matter. But from what you can remember…you’ve both died…many, many times. Pitted against each other for some reason or other, then forced to become close—fall in love, just to do it all over again—Oh.

Oh.

“You know very well that I adore you. There is no love purer than mine.”

You were pitted against each other for the Aether core. That’s what wants to devour him—this damned Aether Core. 

“Sweetie?” His thumb brushed against your under eye, catching the wetness there. “Why are you crying?” 

“I’m sorry!” You wail into his chest. “I’m so sorry for hurting you!”

“I’ve told you before that it was my fault for pushing you—” He grunted as you shoved away from him, shaking your head violently. 

“I’m talking about before! Way back when—I still don’t remember it all, but I know that I hurt you, so—” You looked up at him, tears caressing your waterline. “How can you love me so deeply?” 

“I’ve told you this once, and I’ll tell you as many times as you need.” He smiled, and you break. 

“You know very well that I adore you. There is no love purer than mine.”

You know, and you hate yourself for selfishly enveloping yourself in that love. 

A love you do not deserve. 

I was trying to do Soft Sylus, which! for the two lines that he speaks, he is in fact soft, so I'm counting it! But it ended up as angst regardless lol.

Now, let's get into what might be his Myth or one of his many pasts with you. I think that the two of you were pitted against each other for the Aether Core. Whoever the hell had y'all fighting wanted to make one of you stronger, and having one kill the other for the core seemed a lot more fun than just choosing one. But! I don't think it worked, y'all got tired of fighting and choose not to take arms when it was time, which not the best idea because you'd be punished, but hey, it did eventually get the message through to them. However, they took another approach, which was getting the two of you closer, so when they did pit you two against each other again, one of you would have to throw your life down for the other, and in this case…it was Sylus.

At least! That's what I'm thinking lol. Just a little theory!

I'm on Bluesky btw~

Ko-Fi | Masterlist

[sanzaibian]

Which writers do you recommend ? What stories did you like?

I follow quite a bit of creators, so it would be quite overwhelming to include all of them ! So I'll only include those I especially like and have things to say about.

I'll of course shoutout @joshslater, he's honestly a bit of an idol to me, since his stories are always so imaginative - and well-written ! In that category I also add @salmonskinrolltf of which I especially like the multi-parters, and how he explores a gimmick very thoroughly, @maletfsstories who always write great stories that hook me up even on kinks I don't have, and @rozza22365 who basically was the one to introduce me to the guilty pleasure of gay to straight by his thrilling prose !

I'll also shoutout the very prolific @papermoon357 (because, let's be honest, who wouldn't !), whose skill really shines in the stories he posts between captions, @fredwkong and @octuscle who both have a similar style of reader-driven posting that brings a ton of varied content, with each their own spin (thinking about it, it might very well be in the continuation of the style of feu collegenerdtojock, whose tumblr has been taken over by pastry for some reason), as well as @coyotes-rules-of-change who always nails down perfectly what I find hot in tf !

And for newer writers, I'll shoutout @occamstfs who does an extremely good job, @tidetfs who seems to have pretty similar interests as me, and @alphajocklover who kinda does have that old tumblr tf community vibe to his stories !

Finally, a few mentions that I don't know how to group, I shoutout @dreamingtf and his stories that very often make me feel good, @idesofrevolution who has a nack of writing immersive stories, and @nonotnolan who writes some really sweet love stories ^^ (and I'll add an honorable mention to Programming Prince, who was banned multiple times from Tumblr, and since quit writing stories, but was very impactful in my introduction to the community ^^)

As for stories, well, you make me dig deeper, the list has already been so long to write ! But here are some of my all-time favorites, of which I link through my likes/main blog (so that if the link perishes, it perishes with that account ^^') :

@fullfriendnerdpurse's trio of alpha car, forced imposter and how to make a douchebag (not the actual title), all are great concepts of which I love to throw myself inside, and I think could all make a thrilling longer story, @rozza22365's Brotherly Changes, that one story that convinced me to follow him, @alphajocklover's Unmoved, which resonates with my personnal experiences a lot, feu tyranitartf's I'm a dumb jock, very hypnotic and thrilling, @anomanlyarchives' text message swap (not the actual title), of which I love the love story, I-don't-remember-whom's Chess Rival, republished by @marcoh1234, a good all classic that just doesn't get old, @erogenousmind's Turing, one of those stories that just scratches my existential horror erotica itch, @0ng0ingw0rk's To Love and to Cherish..., a great love story, @joshslater's Wet Dreams, the story I blame for my diaper fetish, Happy Endings' The Mind Palace (gayspiralstories), honestly my favorite story of all times, I love the concept, love the execution, the sweetness and the corruption. I do an RP on it (or at least did until I took a break), and I think that's the one concept I won't be bored of ^^'

There's a buch of other stories I love and would love to show off better, but that list is already long enough, so I focused on the most impactful stories ^^'

[skibasyndrome]

I wanted to ask your thoughts about a topic that I think might resonate with you since a lot of your writing surrounds it and since you talked about it the other I thought it'd be nice to hear what you have to say.

I grew up feeling very ashamed of having sexual feelings, and other things taken in account made me really repressed. For a very long time I didn't even admitted to myself I was queer until I was actively in a fandom with queer people.

But sex in general was always taboo regardless of gender but for some reason young royals has destroyed a bit of the misconception I had around it. The show in itself depicts a beautiful and safe environment for queer sex which I'll always be so grateful for.

And then fanfic came along and that was another block taken down because fanfic allows us to be even more free in our writing etc but sometimes I feel conflicted about how it can feel good to feel this free reading about these characters but irl still have this block.

Your writing is so amazing in that regards because your character are exploring it all and I don't know how it would be if writers would stop themselves from writing what they'd want to bc they're afraid of what others might think... I wouldn't have read all these stories and felt myself freed from societal rules of what's okay and isn't.

But sex is also drench in shame regardless bc if you like kinky stuff your weird, if you like too much sex then it becomes dangerous. But writing about those very things feels like a rebellious acts, do you agree? It's like art can do so much and sex in that regard is something we have to push through as well in order to make our point across like there's nothing wrong with it but why do we hold on to the shame more ? Of course we can keep it strick to fanfic I don't expect you to reveal yourself etc I was just thinking about the way yr is different in that concept because it challenges us to see sex differently because Wille and Simon see it differently, does that make sense ?

Hi, dear anon! Thank you so much for sending this in and for trusting me with it 🫂💜 I definitely have loooots of thoughts on this, and I hope that I can express them coherently. Sorry if this gets rambly!

First of all: I'm very, very sorry that you grew up with all that shame around sex and sexuality around you. I'm really happy to hear that things are better now (at least the part about admitting to yourself that you're queer 💜) You deserved better, everybody deserves better. But I relate to that a lot. I grew up in a politically and religiously conservative environment, so of course sex was something people got shamed for and homophobia and queerphobia was rampant.

Interestingly enough (or maybe it's not that interesting at all, who knows) being in a fandom did the same thing for me, except I got lucky because I was able to find a place in a fandom and with fellow queer people at a pretty young age. I think without that, I would've had a way harder time coming to terms with my queerness, even though I remember already thinking about it when I was like eight or something. It's absolutely invaluable to be able to get a sense of community like that and to know that there's more out there in the world, be if for you and your own identity or just what's possible for humans in general. I'm endlessly grateful for fandom and especially for fanfic for being able to provide that!!!!

And the funny thing is, even though this is far from my first fandom and far from my first time engaging with queer content there was still something incredibly special about Young Royals and the way (queer) sex is treated on the show (and I know it's not just queer sex, but that's kind of the lense I use to look at it, so I'm going to be focusing on that). Like... even though, technically, I had it all more of less figured out already, the show did change something for me, and even 1,5 years later I'm still struggling to put it into words. But there's something about the way the sex is depicted that makes it so... uncomplicated? Like, even though the sex is very central to the story, to the way Wilmon connect, and to one of the main conflicts (with the video tape), it's never an issue in itself. They're both so quick to admit it, they did nothing wrong (maybe... maybe the most important line of the whole show to me tbh). And even though shit hits the fan because of the video and they both go through hell and back in all kinds of ways because of it, there's never any inherent shame around it. It's so different and refreshing in that sense - these two guys like each other, so they do what feels right for them, and there's no issue with that. It's almost... celebrated? Is that the right word? throughout the show, it's what they do for comfort and connection and to feel closer to each other. I don't watch nearly enough tv or movies to really know if that is overall as revolutionary as it felt to me in particular, but... yeah. For me, personally, that was one of the first times queer sex on screen looked like that. It really is exactly how you call it, beautiful and safe!

As for the freedom that come from reading fic: yep. hell yes. That is definitely a big part of why I love writing and reading fanfic. It's freeing, in so many ways. Of course that's not something that's exclusively limited to fanfic, and you will always find me talking about the inherent emancipatory potential of art of all kinds, but I do think that, especially compared to what you'd call traditionally published (romance) books, fanfic has a lot more freedoms. Fanfic writers have the possibility to publish the most self-indulgent stories ever, we don't have to tie everything into a neat bigger plot, we don't (unless we struggle with perfectionism, but... you know) have to try to make the story perfect or fit into any of the molds traditional publishing or literary history provides for us. We can create straight from the heart, on a whim, to work through shit or to ask questions or just because we thought of something interesting and couldn't let it go. And, when it comes to smut, we can just (again, theoretically, I won't pretend there aren't always all kinds of pressures that do influence what people feel comfortable writing and publishing)... write whatever.

It makes it easier to explore things that other types of media don't always give people the space to explore, like smut, kink, queerness, all sorts of different forms of relationships. And I think it gives a lot of writers the time and space to just explore. And I think that's something more people should be allowed to, both in fiction, but also just in their minds or even in life, explore. This can mean all sorts of things, but I also very much mean those things, sex, kink, queerness, relationships, etc. But especially for people who don't have the means to get into these things themselves, for all kinds of reasons, but also for people who don't really want to explore things as themselves fic can provide a safe space. Because you do get a close insight into things you've maybe never seen before or even thought about before, you get to experience them alongside the characters, and it can go all sorts of ways. It's safe, because you're not putting yourself on the line, but you're also right there, emotionally.

And that is not to say that reading smut is something that has to do with personal sexuality for people (although I think it absolutely can), but it's like a playground to just. Exist in. See what happens. Enjoy the variety of ways human beings can express their feelings for each other, enjoy the variety of ways human being can experience joy and connection and pleasure, or even the more difficult emotions. It's cathartic to be able to see all that.

I think that is also where the difference between reading about characters experiencing these things vs trying to face them in real life comes in, because fic is such a safe means of engaging with (sexual) things. It makes sense that it's easier to enjoy these things theoretically. Because even after we go through all these efforts of trying ourselves out and deconstructing the harmful notions and the internalized shame and then things society or our parents of whoever got into our heads instilled in us, they're so difficult to fully get rid off, and there's always more puritanism of all flavors coming our way. Don't beat yourself up about not being at a level of comfort that you want to be at (yet), but I hope as time goes on this will get easier for you 💜 I know thus far this has been a very allo kind of conversation, but you know, even if sex isn't something you're interested in for yourself at all, there's still a lot to be taken from engaging with it through fiction I think. That's also part of the beauty, even if there's something you could never envision for yourself - you can experience if through art!

I'm so incredibly happy that my writing could contribute to you feeling freer yourself, that is an incredible compliment and I appreciate you so much for saying it 💜 I really feel the same way about all the fic I've gotten to read, honestly. And I do love that we have fandom spaces to, for the most part, be able to read and write freely. I do think that's an act of rebellion in itself! Creating art is always rebellious in some ways, and art that you will not get paid for and thus don't have any restrictions on even more so (again, nuance, out there in real life art should get funding, but it should still always be able to exist independently of market pressures). I think especially in a society that's still so horribly sex-negative (because even though sex is omnipresent in a lot of ways there are so so soooo many restricting ideas tied to it, like for whom is it okay to have sex, how much sex, what kinds of sex etc) and queerphobic it's absolutely an act of rebellion to lean into these things and depict them as the beautiful and messy and amazing and complicated parts of human existence they are for many people.

And this is where I tie it back to Young Royals specifically: Again, not an expert on all things media depiction of queer sex, but to me personally, YR and Wilmon are revolutionary, just for the fact that their sex is so normal. Not in a normative sense (because, fuck that. there's no normatively normal way of having sex, it's all beautifully weird), but in the sense that it's just what they do. Because they want to, because it feels good, because they want to try things out, because it brings them comfort, all kinds of reasons! And it's never something they think they shouldn't be doing, it's never something they are made to regret. It's the people out there who try to shame them that are the problem, never these two queer guys having sex. That's fucking beautiful and comforting and will forever be one of my favorite aspects of the show.

[general-brain-rot]

The Soul and that time you first googled “what is depression?”

I think what I’m really enjoying about the course of Deltarune so far has been my interpretation of the relationship between Kris, the protagonist, and the Soul, the embodiment of the player. The two entities are independent of each other yet inextricably linked through some Gaster mumbo-jumbo or just some greater plot we aren’t aware of at this time, but what’s important is that basically two sets of personalities are residing inside one body and that is causing, uhhhh, problems for everyone involved. Kris often tears us out of their own chest in obvious pain to seek out surprisingly mundane things without our watchful gaze and consuming control, like downing an entire warm pie left in the kitchen or absolutely demolishing multiple glasses of chocolate milk (or it’s pilk because I think that little weirdo would absolutely do that, or the far more evil option is that was alcohol and our local enby teen is in worse shape than we thought-) or playing the piano. This is a seemingly desperate bid for autonomy from the player that both breaks my heart when I think about it too hard and also intrigues me deeply considering I don’t think I’ve ever played a game with this much confusing animosity between player action and a playable character’s life. And while I’ve had a ball seeing other artists, authors, creators of all kinds expand upon the in-game Soul and Kris dynamic in ways like making ‘soul-sonas’ which are all so adorable/funny I love them, I still haven’t seen anyone discuss the potential of a metaphorical interpretation of that bond (bear in mind I may be grasping at straws in an unfinished story to reach) about the concept of having a piece of your identity directly in conflict with the rest of itself. I absolutely acknowledge that while the Soul that the player guides is *not* Kris but its own entity entirely, there’s something to be said about the commentary that this relationship gives, so without further ado…

Being a teen and trying to figure out what your deal is:

It’s unclear whether or not Kris needs the Soul to survive, but they keep us nonetheless for reasons relatively unknown to us (we’ll get to the cage stuff later), and seeing the pain they put themselves through to separate us for even a short time is hauntingly relatable. I feel as though it’s hardly a stretch to say that the majority of the people who resonate with Toby Fox’s work also have experience with challenges to their mental health, I know that I absolutely fall into that category, and Toby is just one of those creators that can articulate a lot of the nuance that comes with enjoying being alive but having to fight to stay that way. Kris’s story, while only halfway realized at the point of writing this essay, has resonated deeply with me and I think I can finally start to articulate why: the Soul feels like a physical manifestation of the parts of Kris that they feel in direct opposition with, like if all the intrusive thoughts you have and bad habits you’ve relied on and social masks you’ve manufactured and can no longer let go of had a physical presence within you instead of just being woven into your psyche.

Whether it’s chronic pain or insomnia or uncontrollable dissociation or any other plethora of things, a lot of us have some aspect of ourselves that are fundamental to our existence yet are also hostile towards ourselves, pieces of us that we are in constant battle with just because we are simply alive. And when you’ve dealt with your own mind/body/soul fighting against you for long enough, the fantasy of being “rid” of the very things that ail you become increasingly enticing. I imagine that I could probably become the most powerful person on Earth if only I could remove my dissociative habits under stress, for instance. The birdcage at the foot of their bed leaking old blood out onto the carpet serves as a stark reminder of every painful strategy both Kris and any potential player has ever used to try to free themselves from their own overbearing pieces. The Soul, the part of each of us that is sharp and intertwined in our most heavy memories and guides every customer service voiced de-escalation or white lie for the sake of comfort or tight lipped smile when all we want to do is crawl into a dark place for a while, stakes its claim over Kris in a similar yet literal way to how we on the outside of the game are familiar with the feelings. Kris removing the Soul feels like a literal representation of someone like, fighting with their brain to do something they think is fun even if they’re bad at it while their brain yells at them for being bad at the thing. It’s that type of energy to me, going to drastic and self-damaging lengths to allow other parts of your own personality to get the chance to exist past the ever-present fog of your own psyche.

It reminds me of the strategies other games like Omori use to get a wider player base to understand a particular feeling. Case-in-point, Omori forces even the most neurotypical of people to face what it feels like to make any mistake and feel like it’s impossible to forgive yourself for it, which is something many people with depression and other adjacent mental issues deal with in their lives. The game does this by forcing the player to face a seemingly unforgivable act so intense that most anybody would struggle to forgive themselves for letting it happen and convince them to forgive themselves anyway. While the game provides an extreme example to showcase it’s point, the more common instances that the game comments on are times where you may say something accidentally insensitive in conversation and tear yourself down for having said it, or if you’ve broken something precious to someone on accident and can’t bring yourself to look them in the eyes after, or literally any other accidental blunder that you feel like you need to be killed with hammers about. Even if it’s something small, the weight of their mistakes weighs as heavy on them as something catastrophic as depicted in game. It’s exaggerated symbolism, and it’s extremely effective. I think that, while maybe not the point, Deltarune is doing a fantastic job of allowing the Soul to act as that exaggerated symbolism for the struggles of navigating a contradictory and at times hostile sense of self.

Told you I’d talk about the cage stuff later, well, later is *now*:

If the in-game prophecy explored a bit in chapter 4 of the game is to be believed at face value, then Kris being described as “The Cage, with human soul and parts” paints a bleak picture of their situation but may also play into this idea of the metaphor of The Soul. If Kris is a “cage” for something, said something assumed to be the Soul, then their fate as stated directly is to not let the Soul out of their control by trapping it in a sense. By extension, to go to any length to manufacture a personality and body that will jail the Soul (a manifestation of the hostile parts of all of our own minds), which feels so similar to the experience many young adults can call back to when they were first learning about mental illnesses during their teenage years. It’s as a teen that we are first exposed to the raw world of psychology at large and can actually start to see patterns in our own behavior and begin to navigate them, and that early exploration of the self often feels a bit like losing control over our own life. One day you wake up and learn that there’s a part of yourself that you don’t fully understand but now are equipped with the knowledge that it can be detrimental to not only your own wellbeing but the wellbeing of the loved ones you surround yourself with, and all you can think to do is immediately try and trap and control that possible beast in your mind. For Kris it looks like changing their tone of voice when the words coming out aren’t exactly right, or yawning in the middle of a hurtful phrase to cut themselves off, or covering their mouth with their hand to muffle the sound of things they don’t want to speak out loud (or in Weird Route cases, biting their hand hard enough to bruise). I’ve mentioned the birdcage above but all the imagery of cages throughout the game thus far adds depth to the idea that something (like the Soul) untamed, potentially dangerous, and relatively unknown, must be contained despite how integral it is to the game, how integral it is to Kris. While perhaps not integral to survival considering how they absolutely beat the hell out of us with that hockey stick or in the continued Weird Route when they pummel us in the trashcan, they’re obviously keeping the Soul around for some necessary reason or else why stick through all the pain we’re causing them? That is likely a deeply story-entwined answer that we won’t be getting anytime soon but thinking about it through the lens of our working metaphor, it could be because Kris can’t just throw out part of their personality so simply like that. If we could just cut out the habits spawned by mental illnesses, then therapy bills would be way cheaper and look more like visits to wreck rooms rather than patient and long-term work. But that’s unfortunately not how it works and Kris, like us, has to figure out how to tame the hostile parts of themselves, because keeping it caged forever is both not sustainable and not healthy for anybody long-term.

Grats on making it to the end of my musings! Here have some mac n cheese for your efforts, we also have vegan mac n cheese if that’s your style. I like reading way too far into metaphors that may or may not exist in media I enjoy based on vibes, so if anybody else has fun thoughts on Deltarune’s many metaphors (I skipped over the big ones like freedom, hope, resilience, and teen spirit because those are already being fleshed out and are fantastic to read about) please please please share! the delicious! thoughts!!!

[muniimyg]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ bbydaddy!jk (16) ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ debrief ! + kimi's note

hi !

i've gotten a few asks in my inbox regarding part 16 that (i feel) lean towards negativity @ babydaddy!oc.

as much as i appreciate interactions,, it surprised me with how it (my work) was received. i understand that everyone has their own opinions, but some of the asks come off more as a vent/hateful pov,,

and listen,,, i get that this is a fanfic LOL

but the reason i'm making this a post is that, truthfully, i don't want to (individually) answer these asks. i've spent the past few days reflecting on the feedback i was given and the chapter itself... i've concluded that i’m all abt conversation (!!!) but don’t think these asks lead the ones i want to have on my blog. i also don't want to share them because i feel that these opinions undermine the experience of other readers who enjoyed and resonate with the chapter.

at the same time, i also don’t want them to go unaddressed because these are real ppl who spent time and sent thoughts in. one way or another, i believe my work resonated with u and the most i could ever really ask for as a writer is to write something that makes people feel.

so to those anons that sent in these asks, i want u to know i that i’ve let your thoughts sit with me and i think you made good points. in that same sense, i want to defend my work and explain a few things..

context:

full bbydaddy timeline (as of 16)

bbydaddy was originally meant to be a one time scenario

upon request, i extended the series multiple times

since the series extended,, in terms of plot,, i took as an opportunity to dig deeper into their dynamic (as a family, as lovers, and as individuals)

one: bbydaddy!jk and bbydaddy!oc's lore

first and foremost,,, there are no sides.

there are layers to their relationship. both characters go through and process differently. oc's experiences should not be invalidated just because her emotions are voiced 'wrong.' the career and the depth of it can and should be looked from different point of views. though i didn't write it in, i personally pictured oc to be the eldest daughter in her household. the constant need to be the best is a natural feeling for her and isn't necessarily seen as a flaw through jk's eyes. if anything, she believes in him more than he believes in himself. in her pov,, that's how she loves him. she wants more for him because she believes he deserves more and that he's worth more. it wasn't meant to be a 'greedy' attribute but i understand where it initially comes off as that.

all in all, i think this is one of my very few fics where i picked her flaws on purpose and wrote some in by accident. as a writer, i thought this brought more authenticity in her character as well as sparked the ongoing questions of; what does it really mean to love someone and how much of yourself can you give until there's nothing left? and when there's nothing left; what then? do you pick the pieces together? do you learn and move forward or do you stay where you are and feel it. feel everything and drown in it so you don't miss a thing?

i think oc's character dives into those concepts really well. initially, as i read the asks and 'reviews' on oc,, i felt bad for her (LOL) because truly... she's so misunderstood.

as for jk... i think that man is delusional to the core. but !!! that's my error. i think in the beginning,, bbydaddy jk has this... douche-ness in him that really captures and captivates their dynamic. over time, as the story goes on, you see how fragile he actually is and how pathetic he can get. him proposing to oc was 1) bad timing 2) inconsiderate since he was definitely in his own headspace for thinking and putting his feelings first 3) jus for the drama. LOL !

all in all, i don't think jk did anything wrong (neither did oc) i jus think their relationship is the sole definition of timeless but untimely.

two: asks and anons

please don’t send in asks that bring negative vibes. if u don’t like a character (it’s ok to feel frustrated and all) u can jus move on. no need to send in 'fuck her' if its not in an ironic way 😭 be mindful and remember ur manners. jus cos u’re on anon doesn’t mean u’re held any less accountable !

if u have nothing nice to say,, don’t say it at all. i may not be ur fave writer and this may not be ur fave character or fic ….

and that’s ok.

u are probably not my fave reader anyway 😝

i am not the only smau writer on this app or fic writer at that. i'd encourage u to branch out and find new writers if my characters frusterate u so much (ToT)"

i love receiving silly asks and heartfelt ones even more so when they’re abt my plot and are positive notes regarding my writing! i look forward to those because they remind me of my growth and make me feel appreciated. these fics and smau i make take time btw. like... lots! unfortunately, i'm not talented enough to wake up and write a fic all the way through the end in 1-3 sittings. i need like 5 business days to figure out which jk pic i'm using bro

anon will be turned off for my peace of mind (for now). ikkk it's annoying bc most of u guys are so kind and sweet ,, but it feels like every time i turn it back on,, ppl get ballsy and like srsly???

i am scared of balls

three: kimi's note

at the end of the day, i’m jus a girl writing a silly little story in her free time!

did u catch that? in my free time. the time i put into sitting down, writing, fixing and pacing plots, etc; are all unpaid. i do this because i want to share my creativity and delusions. with that, as a fic writer, i understand and have accepted that there are times when i should feed into the audience/readers' expectations and needs...

and that’s exactly it.

i get to pick and choose what to feed into, what i give out, and what i keep.

with being on tumblr for 4yrs, i've seen so many fic writers leave bitter notes because of how nasty their asks inbox gets. (thankfully, mine is nothing like that) i will not let my inbox become that. i refuse to let my blog and fics burn me out.

i’ve grown so much as a writer over the years. i'm so proud of myself too. yet, i am aware and understand that i am still continuing to learn abt what boundaries i need/have when it comes to my work. i am learning what that means with my social media presence. i am learning how to not let passive/negative asks bother me. i am learning.

if u've been following me long enough, u know how often i take breaks to take care of my mental health, school/work schedule, and maintain/improve my quality of fics.

to be honest, i was really hurt and discouraged when anons gave their 2 cents with my break idea. i posted that to communicate where my headspace was and to have received entitled and inconsiderate responses really threw me off. although, i understand it may not be that serious to the ones that sent it in and i (probably am) overreacting,, i would still like to put it out in the universe that i am not okay with receiving responses like those. please think before you send in. some things are better left unsaid and often unnecessary as it makes me feel like i'm jus a content machine or smt.

and in case u forgot— 

i am a real human with feelings (sometimes with too many).

i'm thankful to have realized and accepted my (known) boundaries. i'm grateful for the confidence and security i have with my wonderful readers and work, knowing that i'm worth the wait.

i know i can and will be taking all the breaks i want. i will binge/content dump all i want. i will take 2 weeks if i want.

through all of this,, i promise to do my best and be better in the future !

if u read everything,, thank u. i wanted to say everything from a place of love and reflection,, so i appreciate u taking the time to understand me. i hope i continue to be a writer u look forward to.

promise ! i'll make u proud ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა

all the love,

kimi ♡

[laurasimonsdaughter]

Do you have any recommendations and ideas about writing around healing magic and disability?  How magical healthcare would affect disability, and more importantly allowing disability to still exist in a realm where supernatural healing exist? 

This is one of my biggest grips with healing magic across most fantasy media, that’s it’s often used in a lackluster, simplistic, and often accidentally ableist fashion. Completely invalidating disability by having it cure every ailment imaginable with just the wave of a wand. 

It's a complex concept to translate into fantasy! And a rather sensitive topic at that. As someone who suffers from chronic pain, the idea that it could be fixed with magic is sometimes a really nice fantasy. But a story with a character that lives with chronic pain the way I have to live with it, will probably resonate more strongly with me.

As to my personal opinion on writing about magical healing (and how it effects illness and disability), I think you have to weigh several factors as a writer:

What kind of world is this? In some fantasy settings death and illness are simply not relevant, so pain and disability might not feature either. But any world more resembling our own most likely would have to reckon with it. And if that world has healing magic:

Is it medical magic, based on research and knowledge? If so, it is highly unlikely that every single ailment and condition is perfectly understood and can be counteracted with magic.

Is it intentional magic, based on "restoring to health"? If so, who defines "health"? The caster of the magic, the recipient of the healing? I was born with overly flexible ligaments. They cause me pain, but I'm sure my body considers the way that they are the way that they should be. Even if I was given infinite magical energy to heal myself, my body probably wouldn't know how, while it would know how to use that energy to fix up a wound it was already working on.

Can the healing magic be used/accessed by anyone at any time? Even if there is a fantastic free magical health care system in place, unless every individual can do flawless healing magic, even on themselves, the answer is probably "no". And if so, that probably has consequences for how well something can be healed.

Personally, if you're writing in a world with loads of magical solutions, the best question to ask - after you have figured out what kind of healing magic you want - is: "what would my character want?"

Someone who has always worn glasses (like me), might feel very strange getting rid of them.

Someone who was born deaf, could have no desire whatsoever to becoming hearing.

Someone who was born with three fingers on one hand, could have no desire to change that.

And if we're getting grim: someone who lost an arm while defeating the chimera who killed their friend, might have strong emotional convictions as to why they wouldn't want that arm magically restored to them, even if it was possible.

There are plenty of reasons, either from a worldbuilding or a characterisation standpoint, for a fantasy world to include disability. And if it is not just a magical, but also a supernatural world, the concept of "disability" will likely be very different. When humans live among other species, who have entirely different bodies and abilities, it makes very little sense that the overall society's opinion on what is "normal" and "expected" from a body, wouldn't change.

But none of that means that you cannot give disabled characters cool magical solutions!

Wheelchairs could glide, hover, or fly instead of rolling.

Glasses could be enchanted to also give the wearer a different eye colour, just for fun.

Wrist braces could shift around the wearer's arm/hand depending on where they need the most support (and would never ever chafe or pinch).

Language barrier's between people who do not speak/hear the same (sign) language, could be solved with magic monocles, enchanted ear pieces, or a service creature that is able to translate perching on the person's shoulder.

Prosthetic limbs could be engraved with runes or inlaid with magical materials that make them extra effective for channeling magic or performing certain spells.

To me, those kinds of things would make a world far more fun and fantastical than a hand-waving "magic "fixes" everything."

[rhiannons-bird]

a sea change made me so happy (might’ve cried twice but still!) in so many ways I still can’t believe we actually got to have this, unorganised thoughts with spoilers under the cut:

- Matthew learning to let go of his guilt yes please

- I really liked that he got to properly grieve Christopher, or rather that we at least had a glimpse at his journey through his grief and its long-term consequences

(it resonated with me a lot because I too lost a person at a very traumatic time when there wasn’t much room to grieve and it was cathartic to read about the same process I went through)

- seeing Christopher was kind of a lot though ngl

- some of Matthew’s inner monologue is devastating but very accurate to how I imagined it and I’m just so grateful to finally get his POV

- the vampire theatre troupe speaks to the IWTV fan in me! (though they’re a lot less unhinged)

- I feel like Matthew matured in his relationship with downworld in a way that seems like a very natural progression from what he was already like at a younger age, and ofc he‘s the rare type of shadowhunter who understands the concept of verbal conflict resolution <3

- I feel like Cassie perfectly captured that sense of Matthew having changed but still being Matthew and continuing on his journey (not just in the literal sense), it feels both familiar and novel at once

- idc what anyone says he‘s fucking hilarious and Sylvain clearly agrees with me on this

- James and Cordelia consistently being mentioned aah

- nooooo not another sad parabatai story 😭

- I love Sylvain! I enjoyed the randomly peppered in bits of French way more than is sensible haha

(even completely separate from how he reminds me -and Matthew- of James, he’s genuinely great on his own)

- that being said, Heronchild nation was fed, yay!

- Vampire!Matthew reference who cheered

- Matthew running around unaware of his celebrity status is hilarious to me

- not Oscar immediately falling asleep after saving Matthew and completing random tasks for him lol (at least that means he slept through Math and Sylvain hooking up in the same room 😭)

- « MATHIEU » OMG I ADORE THEM

- this was a much needed addition to the ChoT ending, our golden boy deserves happiness and healing, I‘m just so happy for him

- but also on a more personal note, there‘s ✨reasons✨ I relate to Matthew so much, atp he genuinely motivates me to stay on the path of recovery, and some lines were incredibly hard hitting, I‘ll definitely carry them with me into a (hopefully) brighter future

[scarletwritesshit]

🐉 Jiyan x F!Rover 🐉 Dragon's Faith

Rover stood by Jiyan’s side, her body tense and nervous. She wasn’t nervous due to simply being in close proximity to him, as they were both well adjusted to each other’s presence. This time around, however, things were far more properly structured than a battle on the fly or a casual hangout. She tried her best to look imposing and refined, as a Resonator of her caliber theoretically would be, but she couldn’t free herself of the nerves still bothering her.

Just how does he do it? she thought, looking at Jiyan. He’s so noble and imposing, yet it all came to him naturally. I don’t even know who I am, let alone the minute details of how I’m supposed to present myself.

Imposing glare. Straight posture. As still as a rock. Jiyan made it look easy. Whenever Rover took a deep breath to try and steady herself, she only succeeded in making herself look like a paranoid chicken. She could not figure out why she all of a sudden felt so on edge.

Jiyan, though focused on supervising the soldiers as they practiced, noticed Rover’s poorly hidden anxiety out of the corner of his eye. He put his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to gently get her attention, but she jolted out of her skin.

"I apologize, but I did not mean to startle you," Jiyan said. "You seem awfully tense, is something the matter?"

"No. I’m perfectly fine. I think," Rover said, taking a deep, shaky breath.

She was not fine. Rover felt as if Jiyan was silently judging her down to each individual breath. She even felt as if she was incorrectly using her own two feet to stand.

"Are you a little nervous?" he asked.

"Me? Nervous? I’m absolutely fine," she spat out.

"There’s no reason to lie. I can see you practically trembling in your boots."

"...Okay, maybe I am a little nervous. But can you blame me? I’ve never had to stand in front of a well-respected army before. I think."

Jiyan gave Rover a reassuring rub on her shoulder.

"Relax. You hardly need not worry about supervision as I call most of the shots here."

"But what if I’m, oh I don’t know, standing improperly?"

"…Standing improperly? I don’t believe there is such a thing as that. Your posture is fine and you are acting respectfully, if that is what you are concerned about.”

"Er…not exactly. You make everything look effortless, and it makes me wonder if I should even be standing on the same level as you."

"Of course you are. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t have been able to fend off the onslaught. Cut yourself some slack, my love."

"It’s one thing for us to unwind together in private, but you’re a completely different person while in command of your troops. I can’t help but feel intimidated."

Jiyan glanced to his side and gave her a reassuring smile. Although he had to keep an eye on his troops as they trained, he could spare a few brief seconds for Rover. She was just as important to him as any individual force. Perhaps Jiyan would consider her to be even more important, but he was in no position to be playing favorites.

"I don’t even feel worthy enough to be with you,” she continued.

"This theoretical concept of worth you speak of is of no concern to me. I’ve been rather fond of you since the time we first met."

Rover tilted her head. "Really?"

"Indeed so. Even if you were not as incredible as you have proven yourself to be, I still would love you dearly regardless. Besides, we’ve endured literal hell side by side together. I have more than enough of a reason to have complete faith in you."

Rover took a deep breath and once more attempted to steady herself. Jiyan was rather insistent that she was fine, and that she had no reason to be so self-conscious. Still, she could not shake the nagging feeling that she was out of place standing next to the general.

Jiyan pulled Rover in close and rubbed her side in an attempt to soothe her further.

“Relax,” Jiyan said, softly looking at Rover. “Unnecessary stress is detrimental to your health."

Rover looked over at him and nodded her head in acknowledgement. She knew that she would have to relax, but that was far easier said than done. Jiyan lifted his hand away from her shoulder and kept it still as Rover noticed a green Loong manifesting from behind him and coiling down his outstretched arm. He held out his hand as it slithered past his palm and gazed at Rover, tail still wrapped around his lower arm. She could feel her anxiety increasing once again, as now she had the general’s Loong watching her every move.

"It’s not just my trust you have," Jiyan said.

The Loong nudged Rover’s shoulder, like a cat headbutting its beloved owner. Her arms remained tense, despite how gentle each nudge was. It was kind of adorable, and Rover did want to pet it, but she held still and stared at it nervously out of fear of accidentally disturbing it.

"Go on," he said, "I know you want to."

Rover held out the palm of her hand, reluctantly inviting the Loong to slither into it. It looped around her arm once, still remaining somewhat wrapped around Jiyan, then rested its head in her hand. She scratched the underside of it gently, and it quickly melted into her hold.

"See? Nothing to worry about, love."

The Loong slithered in the air around her, and Rover kept her hand held out. It coiled completely around her arm and nudged its head into Rover’s open palm. Despite her ever-present nerves, it strangely seemed to be soothed by her presence. In fact, it almost seemed fully trusting of her.

"It… seems friendly," Rover noted, still wary.

"Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be?"

"I guess if you’re truthfully fond of me, then I’m not sure, actually."

Jiyan’s companion continued nuzzling against her hand, making a sound as close to a purr as a small beast could manage. If even his Loong trusted her, then she ultimately had no reason to be so tense around him, even if it did take a little bit for her to force herself to calm down. After a few headbutts to her palm, the Loong dissipated, and Jiyan smiled and nodded with approval.

"You’re overthinking. Deep breaths, and soon you’ll be leading the troops right by my side."

"Y-yes sir," she said.

Jiyan squinted his eyes at her.

"I mean, yes, Jiyan."

"Much better."

[optiwashere]

Six Song Soundtrack OC Tag

Thanks so much to @tacticalgrandma for tagging me in this! 💜 It took me forever to put this together, and I blame that on the fact that trying to pick just one song for each of these things is so difficult lol.

I'll tag (no stress, of course) @arach-tinilith @druidfolk @razzberrydazz @silent-moons-camp @moonshine-out-of-shield and anyone else that wants to do this! Y'all can think of it like a mass tag if you want to do it.

So, naturally, let's pick some songs for my bbygirl.

Event that defines the character's past

So innocent, eyes open wide I felt so empty as I cried Like part of me had died I'm learning all about my life By looking through her eyes And as her image wandered through my head I wept just like a baby as I lay awake in bed —"Scene Five: Through Her Eyes" by Dream Theater

It was really hard to pick one thing. The three core moments in Asheera's background were the death of her friend that she feels responsible for, her divine transition granted by Gond, and becoming a paladin. But I think, really, I had to pick this.

This is pulled from a concept album, which can be difficult, and this one deals with navigating a "past life" experience. In it, the narrator learns about a woman in another life of theirs, and it affects them so deeply it feels as if they are that woman at times. While it's not explicitly trans-coded whatsoever, it still resonates like that with me in places.

Though Asheera underwent a magical sort of transition via Gond, it forged her into that woman that she saw in her dreams.

How your character sees themselves

If I sow a wind now, I will reap a storm. You saw me sliding, away from the sun. And tomorrow, who will come and put their hand over mine? Mine with the burning shape of a gun. —"The Racing Heart" by Katatonia

One of Asheera's major flaws is an inability to see the good in herself and how that turns itself into a sorta martyr complex. A form of self-hatred, really. It bleeds all over the fics that I've written about her, sometimes in text but sometimes left to tone and subtext and the way that she behaves with other people.

This song really encapsulates that feeling, at least for me. Most Katatonia songs are more like tone pieces with their lyrics, so they could really be "about" anything, and that's how I've always interpreted these lyrics. They're about someone that seems themselves as the harbinger of failures to come.

How others view them

Back against the wall and odds With the strength of a will and a cause Your pursuits are called outstanding You're emotionally complex Against the grain of dystopic claims Not the thoughts your actions entertain And you have proved to be A real hero A real human being —"A Real Hero" by Electric Youth & College

Though this song has a real-world inspiration that becomes more obvious in the second verse, I think the general concept is how some people would see her. The vibes are right, OK? It's hard to generalize "others" like this since there are certainly people that do not like Asheera whatsoever (including those without some deeply personal reason, like Blades explores).

Either way, it's the refrain in particular that hits me for her. How people would see a real person and call her heroic in spite of how she views herself. The juxtaposition of how she sees herself vs. how others see her is always so fascinating to me.

And, frankly, for those that think lesser of her, some would likely see her the same way. They might see no one special there. No one worth noticing. Perspective is wonderful like that.

Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

My imagination sees you Like a painting by Van Gogh Starry nights and bright sunflowers Follow you where you may go Oh, I've loved you from the start In every single way And more each passing day You are brighter than the stars Believe me when I say It's not about your scars It's about your heart —"All About Your Heart" by Mindy Gledhill

I'm something of a huge Mindy Gledhill stan, so I have a problem associating some of her songs with ships. Either way, I think this very clearly describes Asheera/Shadowheart. Specifically, how they each see one another as more than whatever they believe scars them.

There are plenty of platonic relationships that helped to define Asheera—with her family, with friends, with some paladins in her order, even with Gond—but I'd be a lil remiss if I didn't talk about my favorite girls.

A major fight scene

I can't shake this feeling from my head There's a devil sleeping in my bed He's watching you from across the way I cannot make this feeling go away I know it's not the right thing And I know it's not the good thing But kinda I want to —"Kinda I Want To" by Nine-Inch Nails

It's very on the nose because part of Asheera's characterization is that she, on some level, enjoys violence. It's at odds with everything she tries to be and everything she strives for, but she does kinda want to.

She's pretty good at finding the non-violent path, all told. But sometimes she must fight, and sometimes violence is the only reasonable answer. This is the voice in her head when she doesn't get to indulge in that last tenet of her oath of redemption.

End credits song

The instrumental "Tamarack's Gold Returns" by Panopticon.

Asheera's post-game is well documented at this point, but it's safe to say that she's still trying to find the peace this song embodies. How fitting that she wants to find that sort of pleasant, safe life with Shadowheart?

This song is so quintessentially Asheera that it has to be the "end credits" sort of song for her. The folksiness, the calming atmosphere. It all feels like her, strong but neither overbearing nor forceful. Like a reassuring embrace when that's all she wants.