#like I SUSPECTED but knowing and Knowing are different things

[teaboot]

Question that I suspect is autism related

I have, on more than one occasion over multiple decades, been told that I “need to have the last word” and that I “have a response for everything”.

Additionally and in a similar vein, I’ve been told that “everything is an argument with you” and I “always have to say something”.

When I was a little kid I was bad at conversations. People said stuff I had no opinion on or didn’t need follow-up and so I wouldn’t answer and they’d get bored. And eventually through trial and error I figured out that if someone said something to me, all I had to do was say something related back, and the interaction could go on as long as it needed to.

But then as a teen- and now as an adult- a number of people (mostly people I’ve found to be very delicate and particular about things in a sort of need-to-be-in-control authoritarian way) have expressed the identical observation about how I naturally try to converse, and I’m not sure what to do about it.

And the thing is, I have a sibling that talks like this too. We bicker all the time. He changes his own opinions seemingly at a whim for the purpose of being contrary, and it’s impossible to make a statement or observation out loud without him contradicting it, and even when he is demonstrably, factually wrong about something, he will dig his heels into the dirt and defend his stance to the grave.

And like. I hear myself responding, or adding on to people’s comments, but I don’t hear the ‘arguing’ they describe, or the contrarian habits of my sibling. Even when I’m paying attention and being bery careful not to follow up too much or speak too often or disagree or correct something that isn’t important, I get called out for “picking a fight”. They say something, I answer, they reply, I continue, then seemingly out of nowhere they snap. I think everything’s fine until suddenly it isn’t.

And so I guess my question is, how can you tell if you’re a contrary sort of person? How can you tell when to respond or follow up on a person’s statement and how do you know when to leave it in silence? Does everybody see me this way, and is it only people who are already short-tempered who are willing to say it?

I honestly don’t really have that much to say, and half the time I don’t even really want to talk at all, but I’ve been told countless times that I “just seem to like the sound of your own voice” and have to just be “tuned out after a while”. So if it isn’t necessary and I don’t even want to, why am I doing it?

Is there a reason I’m like this? Why is my sibling like this? How do I stop talking when there’s nothing to say, and how can I tell the difference between a conversation and an argument before the other person visibly snaps?

I’m a full grown adult

[darkbluekies]

Countryside getaway

Yandere!mafia oc x reader

Summary: Silas has decided that the two of you should spend some time together, far away from his world, and you get to experience each other's real sides. No fear, no worries.

Warnings: mentions of crimes, mentions of murder, Silas dirty minded humor, but overall a softer oneshot

Word count: 2.3k

No one knows where you're going. Not even you. He has one hand on the steeringwheel, the other one holds your thigh. 

He's wearing a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, exposing the tattoos on his arms.

“Keep your eyes on the road, map reader, or we'll never get there”, Silas says, giving you a teasing look.

“You have a GPS”, you mutter and turn your head more comfortably against the pillow.

“My GPS does not have your voice.”

“I don't even know where we're going.”

“You don't have to. Just read the directions.”

“How much further do we have to go? We've been sitting here for hours …”

“I did not know I had brought a child with me. I've planned something romantic and you're just complaining.” He caresses your thigh with his thumb, chuckling. “One more hour, little thing. That good enough for you?”

You groan and hide your face in the pillow and he laughs. He's different like this, when he's not surrounded by his men. When he's not in that space. Here, in his sports car with just the two of you, he's different. Softer. Human. It loosens your walls too.

“So whiny”, he chuckles. “Slept bad?”

“Don't kid”, you mutter and make yourself comfortable against the pillow again.

“Maybe we both need this. I need a break and you need to be able to sleep. Can't do that at home, can you?”

No, you can't. Not when he comes home in the middle of the night, bloody and roughed up. At home, you wake to every little sound with your heart beating in your chest.

“You know”, Silas starts, “its important to do this. To get away. Especially in my industry. Otherwise you get consumed.”

“Will SIC be able to handle things?”

“He has no choice.”

“Are you really okay to go by yourself? You’re recognizable.”

“Darling, they can't do anything. Thankfully, the law is strict and as long as there is no evidence connecting me to something they can't actually take me. They can suspect me, but never catch me. I'm fine.” He smirks, glancing at you. “Why? You're worried?”

You give him a glare and turn your head out the window.

“I'll break that facade down, Y/N”, he smiles and leans back in his seat. “We have four days all to ourselves. And I'll make the most of it.” His smirk deepens. “With no one around … I can take you just however I want to, whenever. And if I'm not wrong, SIC said that the house is remote. You can be as loud as you want.”

You slap his shoulder.

“Ouch, I'm driving here”, he chuckles. “Mind your hands?”

“Focus on your driving then.”

“How can I when you're sitting right here?”

His free hand on your thigh squeezes ever so slightly. You stare at him, contemplating opening the door and throwing yourself out on the highway.

The car has since long ago pulled in on a gravel road with no cars. Red flowers cover the fields around you, and for a second you're sure he has orchestrated it. 

The house is smaller than Silas's house back in the city, less modern. 

“Jump out, little thing”, he says as he unbuckles himself. “We're here.”

You stretch, legs wobbly from hours of sitting down. Silas unlocks the trunk and carries your bags inside. You stand in the middle of the gravel driveway, looking around and listening to the absolute lack of noise.

“Are you coming or what?” Silas asks from the front door. “Don't be slow or I'll carry you too. No gentler than these bags.”

You hurry after him. He smirks.

It's not hard finding the bedroom. A note lay in the bedding. Silas picks it up and scoffs at the familiar handwriting.

“Be nice to the bed, it's old, you break if you pay for it — SIC.”

“That son of a bitch”, Silas chuckles and turns to you, showing the note. “Seems like he read my mind.”

“You are kind of predictable”, you say.

Silas starts to walk towards you, backing you up against the nearest wall, wearing a soft smirk. “Me? Predictable? If I was predictable I wouldn't be a crime organization leader, my dumb little Y/N.”

You shrug. “I’m just saying.”

“Yeah, you’re good at saying things.” His hand sneaks up to your jaw. “How about you put your poor mouth to other uses for once? I know a pair of lips that would die to meet them.”

His cheesiness makes you scoff out a small smile, enough for him to close the distance. Ever since you’ve forced him to start using lip balm, his mouth is soft when it moves against yours. You sigh out and he swallows the sound in a greedy inhale. He holds you close, one hand on your back, the other on your jaw. 

“Silas, you’ll bruise my lips”, you chuckle and try to turn your head away. 

“Let me”, he breathes and directs you right back to his mouth. 

And he does. He doesn’t half-ass things. He pulls back with proudness in his eyes. 

“Let’s go shopping now.”

“Shopping?”

“We need food. Can’t just live off each other, unfortunately.”

He grabs your hand and leads you back out to the black sports car and you’re once again put on map reader duty to find the nearest grocery store. You can’t remember the last time you’ve actually grocery shopped with him. Normally, he sends out someone to buy things, and if he can’t trust anyone, he sends SIC. Just because Silas can’t be arrested, doesn’t mean he’s a hundred percent safe. 

“Alright”, he mutters and grabs a cart. “Let’s pretend to be a normal couple.”

You can’t help but chuckle and he gives you a quick look. 

“Let’s get this shitshow on the road, let’s go”, he mutters and nods at you to follow. “Don’t start running around or I’ll place you in the cart like a three year old. Okay, what do we need?”

“You need steak”, you joke. 

“Damn right I do, but I get my steak from high quality butchers, I’ll get sick if I get it from a grocery store.”

“Aw, is your little tummy sensitive?” you ask, making sure it sounds more like “wittle”.

“Y/N, I’m warning you.”

His warning isn’t serious. Not now. Not like this. It only maks you smile. 

“Are you going to be a brat all vacation just because you think I won’t do anything?” Silas asks behind you, pushing the cart into your back. “I did tell you we are remote, didn’t I?”

“Don't touch me or I'll scream.”

“Oh, you'll scream alright.”

“Silas!”

He chuckles, eyes softening. “I couldn't help it. You played that into my hands a bit too good to pass up on.”

“You’re so childish. Maybe you should tone it down on the threatening part if you don’t want more people staring at you. You don’t need to give them a reason to recognise you.”

Silas scoffs, but there’s a smile tugging at his lips. He enjoys this side of you way too much. He can only enjoy it in situations like this, far away from his world. When you're not scared of him.

“What's the budget?” you ask him.

“What?” 

“The budget? You said to pretend to be a normal couple. Normal couples don't have your credit card.”

Silas groans audibly.

“I'm not compromising my money”, he says. “Stop messing around, grab what you want.”

You handle the actual shopping part while he pushes the cart behind you. People glance at him, if not for recognising him, then for his tattoos, but he pretends to be unaware. 

“Little thing.”

“Hm?”

“Grab those.”

You follow where he nods. Chips. They fall into the cart. So do a lot of other things Silas usually doesn't buy.

“Might as well go for it now that SIC can't bully me”, he shrugs. 

The cashier seems to recognise Silas, but she doesn't say anything. Silas is polite and wishes her a good day, as if he wasn't who she thought he was, before turning to you and grabbing the plastic bags.

Back at the house, he puts everything into the fridge and starts to cook right away. 

“You’re not allowed to help”, he says and taps your forehead. “I want to actually eat tonight.”

“I can cook”, you insist. 

“Yeah. Sure. How about you go and set the table while I handle the knives and the stove?”

“Fine.”

You do as you’re told, searching the drawers for cutlery and plates. He glances at you from time to time and can’t help but smile. Maybe this was what he wanted all along? To play family.

“It’s not often we get to do this”, he says as he plates the food. “Domestic things, I mean. Should enjoy it while we can. Oh, I saw a pool out in the backyard, by the way. I think we should try it out after dinner. I brought alcohol from back home.”

“Drinking and swimming doesn’t sound very safe.”

“Then you’ll just have to rescue me. They didn’t teach you life guard duty in swimming class?”

“Yes, but they didn’t prepare me to drag a man that weighs enough to crush a car.”

“So my workouts are working?” His grin widens as he takes a sip of his water. “Thank you, Y/N.”

Conversation die out for a moment, but Silas won’t let the night pass. 

“So?” he says. “Don’t you have something to say?”

“What?” you ask. 

“We don’t often get to just talk. Spew something out. Anything.”

You think for a moment. You usually have a lot of thoughts, but when put on the spot all seem to vanish. 

“I like the food.”

Silas laughs. Actually laughs. You haven’t hard a genuine, carefree laugh from him in a long time. His back eyes curl into half moons. 

“What?” you ask. “What is it?”

“You can say a million things and that’s what you choose to say?” he says. “That the food is good? I didn’t think I cooked that good food, enough for that to be the only thing you think of.”

“You put me on the spot, I just said the first thing that came to mind!”

“Try again, then.”

“Well … I … could really go for some alcohol right now.”

Silas smiles and rises from his chair. He disappears out of the room and returns with two bottles. One brandy, one red wine.

“Okay, your majesty”, he says. “Which fancies your taste buds?”

“Wine, probably. Fits better with dinner. You'll get brandy, I suspect?”

“You know me well.” He opens both bottles and pours. “I'm responsible for you, so it's my duty to make sure you don't get absolutely decked.”

“I thought I was the one that had to make sure you didn't fall face down in the pool?”

“Yeah, but let's be realistic for a second. I can hold my alcohol … you? Please.”

“Rude.”

“It is not rude if I'm stating facts, you just want to deny your incapable alcohol consumption.”

You take a sip of your wine and glare at him.

Silas jokingly suggests you both skinny dip. You shoot down the idea. He's a predator, taking your whole arm if you foolishly give him a finger. You'd like your body working for your getaway.

You're not sure what prompts him, the alcohol or his childishness, to jump into the pool like a bomb. Water splashes everywhere, both on your dry form and your towels, and he breaks the surface with a wide grin. He pushes his black hair back and swims over to the edge. His tattoos warp under the water.

“I’m wet now”, you say in a ‘matter of fact’ tone. 

He looks up at you, squinting one eye full of water shut. “Yeah? Jump in then.”

You decide to get in slowly, but he has other plans. His hand grips your wrist and pulls you into the pool. You yelp, but never have a second to worry about inhaling water, because he holds you.

“So much drama for nothing”, Silas chuckles and wipes water out of your eyes. "I've got you.”

His tattooed arms half hug you, half cradle you as he sways back and forth in the water.

“Today”, you start, hesitant, “when we were at the grocery store, and people looked at you, and what you said before that … I started to think about something just now.”

“What?” he asks softly.

“What do I do if you're taken? Or killed?”

“That will never happen.”

“But what if it does?”

Silas sighs, arms around you tightening slightly.

“If I ever were to never come back home for whatever reasons”, he started slowly, “then SIC would follow the instructions I’ve told him.”

“What are those?”

“To get you far away from everything and everyone and keep you safe. You'd get a cute little house on the coast where you could live peacefully. You'd have my dog, and how many bodyguards it takes to replace me. SIC would be there too. He’d check up on you.”

“That sounds pretty lonely.”

“What? Are you planning to become the Great Gatsby after I disappear?”

He caresses your face with a wet hand.

“I have money put away for you in case anything happens”, he promises and rolls his eyes. “And I might have made a deal with the devil to get you new papers in case something happens.”

“Who?”

“The parasite I'm unfortunately to call brother.”

“Ares?”

“Don't say his name. Let's drop this now. I don't want to think about it. Especially since it won't happen.”

The entire wine bottle is empty once the two of you get out of the pool and head to bed. Silas wears a dark Grey hoodie and sweatpants, insisting you wear comfy clothes too. He thinks it is better for cuddles. You're wrapped in his hoodie covered arms, face pressed to his chest. You'll be damned if you try to get out of his arms any time before morning hours.

Somehow, you wish this little getaway could last forever. Life would be easier that way. Silas sighs out, unbeknownst thinking the exact same thing. 

[cat-mermaid]

Ok *cracks knuckles* lets do this party people

what am i saying here i'm saying THERES A FUCKING HAND/HANDS CRAWING AROUND OUT THERE

(i didn't want to go back and dig in the text dump for it, but the translation from the japanese prophecy window for the cage says "human soul and body parts")

Kris is pulling a fast one on us, remember this part here?

throws us into the cage then slowly and theatrically pulls out the knife for us to see? See they were gonna do a naughty no no? Yet so many times after that, they make a point of shoving us somewhere and then running off so we'd have no idea wat they were up to?

Kris has been keeping us (the Soul) focused on them with their shifty behavior while "their" appendage/appendages are scooting around out there creating dark fountains and doing god knows wat else

And just to be clear: when first i saw that cage prophecy window i did think that it was supposed to be metaphorical for Kris holding the SOUL captive, but now I think differently. And to also be clear: i'm not saying that Kris's actual hands are detaching, i'm saying they have control/are in cahoots with a second pair of hands that are "theirs". So, why oh why does this kid have one or two magic hands? i guess we just have to fucking wait and find out, but heres something to chew on....

....doesn't this look a little like a hand to you?

what if there was one hand in the dark world and one in the light?

(its shows up at the 2:07 point)

also somthing somthing theres a reference to Super Smash Brothers in like every chapter so far somthing somthing MASTER HAND CRAZY HAND

somthing somthing Master Hand symbolism of using the Nintendo game characters as literal toys/puppets for its personal games

and i reiterate, the knight ain't Dess or Carole. thats like the most transparently obvious hoodwink of a thing ever, especially wat with the antlers just slapped on there. Straight up Toby chicanery and the second i saw it i said uh huh no. Kris's fucking knife is the damn knight, in cahoots with those/that hand/hands. Thats not to say that its really fucking obvious mayor Holiday is part of this somehow. I just think her sudden appearance and the whole "katana aficionado" thing following our introduction to the knight is just waaaay too convenient and might even be another planned subterfuge by Kris and whoever else for our sakes

not convinced? creep a peep at this:

do my eyes deceive me or is that our pal the Knight/KNIFE with their two partners in crime the FUCKING HANDS

whom, since i first made this post, i'm starting to suspect really might be a "master hand" "crazy hand" situation because:

...the “mantel” (maybe?) and “friend” sure are shaped alike huh

anyways friends and neighbors, remember:

[omniphilic]

ahem* hi hope you’re having a great day! Here are some concepts I thought of because there’s so much potential for angst in the Milf reader universe. Also the amber for this concept is show amber , I’ll wake one for comic amber later (if you want me too hehe)

Some people age like milk, some people age like fine wine but Ambers Mom?, she ages like ambrosia. That’s the local inside joke in the neighborhood, some moms envy her, some men love her, sons can’t go a day without staring at her. Does that mean she’s promiscuous? Oh no not at all, she’s kind, with a smile that can run a city, cooks like she was taught in the womb and always makes everyone’s day a but better, she also loves her daughter fiercely, VERY. FIERCELY. And would insult and/or beat the ever loving shit out of you if you mess with her family.

That’s why when Amber brought her first boyfriend home and he started making some berry suggestive passes at her mom, she did the best thing she could do, leave the room. Soon after he left, she called her daughter fi a chat and told her how her boyfriend made her uncomfortable and would want him at the house anymore, keeping the true story to herself so as to not sabotage her relationship with her daughter. Amber knew that there was still some truth yet to be told but trusted her mother either way, her relationship with her first boyfriend went smoothly (aside from her mother’s obvious distaste for him) that was until one day she caught him pants down jerking to a photo of her mom that he got from facebooking. She broke up with him instantly.

Now, you said in one of your answers to an als that this has been a recurring problem with amber and her boyfriends and I just think that’s why she avoids bringing them home to meet Milf reader , partially because she doesn’t trust them and part because she doesn’t want any of them to try to get too handsy with her mom (I feel like this may have happened before) and the other part is because she doesn’t want her mom to feel bad about it any time she breaks up with her boyfriends because of it. But when amber met mark, she felt he was different than the others, that he wouldn’t even dare do such a thing (how wrong she was).

It starts slow but she starts suspecting and soon she finds out and she is DONE, she comes back home angry and tear faced, MILF reader asks her what’s wrong and she EXPLODES and eventually saying a few words she can’t quite take back. Reader is mortified and immensely guilty, she begins to drift away, not out of spite or anger but fear that her presence will mess up the possibility of Amber finding true love, she can’t even look her own daughter in the eye and hovers around like she’s lost her spark and she has, her lovely daughter hates her (she doesn’t and feels guilty about what she said but doesn’t know how to apologize) so now everything just doesn’t seem right anymore.

Do they make up? Maybe idk but the whole concept gave me brain worms and I don’t know how to get rid of them , what do you think?

I LOOOOOOOOOOVE THIS BECAUSE YOU ARE LITERALLY LIVING IN MY MIND!!! you are in my cell dude, because from top to bottom, yes yes yes all over this. just. yes.

tw: inappropriate advances + touching. onesided, background reader x amber's boyfriends (mark's in too deep). slutshaming of reader, accusations of cheating and homewrecking towards reader. Mostly examining Amber and Readers relationship.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀18+ content below / MDNI

Amber has a great mom. You've been her number one fan ever since she could draw breath, you'd lose an arm and a leg for her, die, if it would make her dreams multiply. You already give her the world and have begun plotting on the moon.

So... you have a bit of a problem on your hands when that new boy she brings home sauntered up to you.

Your daughter is beautiful, so it's not very surprising she's bringing home boys. You want her to live her life to the fullest so you've no interest in cramping her style, eager to meet her little friends, even the ones you don't like that much. This one, you think has a bit of a problem.

He has that stupid smirk twisting his lips. You are quite familiar with that kind of boy--he's got something loaded in the chamber and an itchy trigger finger; whether it'd be cool or cruel, you think, naturally, it's some dumb one liner you'll find a way to one up.

As simple as boys can be though, you always forget how unpredictable kids these days are. Bold. Audacious.

He's all puffed chest and pomp, walking past the threshold of the kitchen island. You're smiling because it's your default, head tilted towards, face curious. You make an inquisitive noise, put on to his approach. He doesn't falter for a second, rosy cheeks bunching up with his smile. He's sweet just standing there, but then he opens his mouth, and things get sour.

"Hey, Mrs. Bennett!"

He exchanges pleasantries while standing watch hawkish, waiting for the right time to dip down with talons and catch you up.

He can manage normalcy for at most four minutes.

"Hey, bud! Anything you need from me?" He says 'no', but doesn't stand any less imposing or bothersome, blathering on about nothing for a few moments. The weather, the pool him and Amber are heading to, what kind of swimsuits 'look the best'.

You're half listening, hands busy and mind scoring over the itinerary for the day, so you almost don't hear him.

"I think you'd look really good in a bikini!" His eyes glance down at your breasts in your low-cut shirt, then flick back up. "Or in any swimsuit really. I see where Amber gets her beauty from, you know." Your head arches back, the corners of your eyes wrinkling as your expression expands, lips pursed as you nod, fixing your face as your mind recovers from that white flash. "I guess I'm just sorta surprised Amber doesn't dress like you do..." He sticks up his hand to cradle his chin between thumb and forefinger. "She doesn't really like to be all... showy."

Your body is shot, state of shock so strong you don't notice you cut your finger until it stings under the cool water. You grunt and glance down at the sink, look at the rivulets of blood tinting the water red, and think. He keeps going.

"I guess I'm just lucky she has a beautiful ma—looking at you is sorta like looking at her. Just a... bigger version."

You want to clean out your ears with the dish soap because you couldn't--can't--have heard him right. Disbelief makes you snort as you finish the last of the dishes and wash out your cut. You turn off the water and turn your head up, just to see him standing there, lingering effluvia, looking every part bitch and bastard.

He's staring at you because you never turn your back on a big cat and he's wishing the cougar would pounce. For the other shoe to drop, where you fulfill his fantasy and go belly up for him, claws sheathed, tail aside. Maybe he's imagining you'd be flattered, shy, meek, the take-it-like-a-good-girl type.

"I thought you were gonna tell me a joke or say something funny when you walked up like that. I mean, I guess I wasn't entirely wrong. But this isn't the place for whatever the fuck you got going on." You dry off your hands, wring them in a towel that you ditch on the counter. "Back up."

"What? "

You don't falter.

"I didn't stutter. Behind the counter, now." You don't ask nicely and he realizes he's forgotten himself, cowed, less enthusiastic as tries to back pedal. "I hope you don't speak to Amber like that—never mind your mother." You sneer at him, poised viper-like.

"Amber!" You call out, sing-songy. "Can you come here, please?"

Sunshine ducks her head in and the kitchen becomes very bright, alive despite the blight stood beside with you. "You good mom? Did something happ—Oh! You're in here?" She is immediately distracted by her boy-thing, and you wave him away. "Your boyfriend here was telling me you two are going to the pool?"

You watch him walk and stand beside her, plant a kiss on her cheek.

"Yup! You ready to go, babe?"

She looks up at him but is unable to meet his eye as he quickly brushes past, then back at you. Her face isn't mad, but not happy either, just confused. You smile with no teeth.

"I just hope you two have lots of fun out there, okay? Don't forget to take your sunscreen. Oh! And pictures."

You'll need to have a talk with her when she gets back.

She has very little patience for these kinds of things now but you try to settle the matter as delicately as you can each time.

"Your boyfriend... I think he's gotten a little too, comfortable, don't you think?" It's a delicate matter to discuss over meatloaf but the discussion is most certainly had, with you explaining as sweetly as you can manage how it’d probably be best if you two started meeting at his place is all.

They didn’t stay together for much longer after that, though Amber never exactly told you how it all shook out.

She doesn’t really need to.

Every boy seems to get it in their mind at least once, when they come over. It's always something. Brushing up against you in places with space for ten people, off color comments, backhanded compliments aimed at putting Amber down to big you up.

It's not only sick, but sad.

You could leave the room all you like, put on different clothes, say something, or say nothing. But nothing would change.

They all act the same.

It always ends the same way, too. Your tear-damp shoulder and more time wasted, mounting resentment hidden behind her trembling lip all coming to a head when the apple of her eye falls far from the tree.

This past one was a real shame, too.

That Mark Grayson. An adonis in a modern age, armed with a charm befitting of a boy and a smile you're not surprised wormed it's way into your daughters heart. He wears his interests on his sleeve, if the Seance Dog shirt he wore to dinner one time is anything to go by.

She was afraid to show him off to you. Called him her ‘friend’ whenever he came up in conversation, forgetting how her smile turns up whenever his name comes from betwixt her lips.

You had no problem not knowing. Though it would be better to stagger the arrival of this one, as she’s done times before. To lessen exposure, delay the inevitable.

But eventually, you will meet.

He's sweet enough, you'd reckon, if a little shy when you come 'round. Always head down, light blush as if he's always a little sunburnt.

"Hey Mark, could you pass me the—" Salt. It's in your hands before you can even finish the sentence, as if he knows what you want before you yourself. You found it sweet, if a little too attentive. Mark certainly knew how to make someone feel seen, special, though his affections should've been reserved for his girlfriend, not you.

Starts small. Hugs that last too long, odd looks across the couch, room, dinner table. An arm around the small of your back instead of around your shoulders. A heat simmering on your chest, though when you look up, it’s gone.

She watches you more carefully than him and maybe that’s what stings—that she doesn’t feel entirely assured that you’re batting for her team, that you’re not just trying to secretly whittle her down, because what really are the chances?

The chances she’ll catch Mark with your name on the tip of his tongue, chances she’ll catch him with your panties slip-sliding out his pocket?

Higher than zero.

After a point, you have to see how easy it is for her to concede that some of this is likely your fault.

The fault of a whore. A hoe, housemaker and home wrecker in equal measure, and while you aren’t surprised at the words she slurs and spits at you, it doesn’t make the disrespect hurt any less. You would think your bond paramount to that of any she could’ve forged with those boys—you wouldn’t sacrifice your relationship with the light of your life just to fuck about with pieces of meat, those stupid little men.

You thought your daughter would think so much higher of you.

You were mistaken.

In reality Amber is a young person dealing with complex emotions regarding inadequacy, having not felt like enough for a very long time.

You guys would talk very little in the following weeks, only when she needed, if she wanted. It’s lonely but you’ve your own friends to keep you company, to rave and rant to until Amber has worked through her emotions and chooses circle back around—discuss the things she’d said to you that night.

I think you and her would ultimately resolve your issues. Her new man, is it Kyle? The picture perfect gentleman, wouldn’t look at you sideways cause he’s too busy kissing the ground Amber walks on, treating her with tenderness, care.

You can find it in yourself to be happy for her, simultaneously breathing a sigh of relief. At least it’s over now.

[alexanderwales]

Thoughts on Chilli, Northen Caves, and When I Win? Personally they're probably my favorite things on the whole list, but I feel like they never got as big a reception as a bunch of the other stuff. :(

The Northern Caves: I really really loved the first 80% of so of this. I grew up with forums and their particulars, the ways in which you'd come to know the personalities, and how the superfans would get into these long, drawn out debates that were steeped in the prior histories of conversations. There's something really magical about how TNC does this, and the "found media" elements work really well. It reminded me of the better parts of House of Leaves, I guess, and was also just hugely nostalgic (since I was in high school during the Forum Years). The philosophical stuff was also great, and the series they were reading felt rich, and nost is a great writer with wonderful prose. And then I just did not enjoy the ending at all. I think that in spite of that, I recommend it highly, and think it's one of the things on the webfic bingo card that's most worth reading.

Chili and the Chocolate Factory: I adored this one from start to finish, and also Dahl was one of the authors whose works I was steeped in growing up and also at the time it was coming out I was rereading a lot of Dahl's books with my son and also there are a few references to me and my discord server within the work. So I'm biased heavily in favor of this one, but I also also think that it's got this crazy energy to it, an insane density of ideas and weird things, and a wonderful sense of humor. Remy would probably hate to hear me say this, but I think he's one of the best writers I know. It's really really rare for me to read something and have so many individual pieces of it stick with me. I do wish that it were easier to get people on board with, because I have no clue how to pitch it to prospective readers.

When I Win: A few things here: I am just not a Pokemon guy. Red and Blue came out in 1998, when I was 12 years old, and everyone at my school was obsessed with it, and I just did not get into it, and had to suffer through a lot of Pokemon conversations I wasn't interested in. It's like the opposite of FOMO, then you wish that everyone would shut up about this thing you're "missing out" on. So whenever I read Pokemon fic, it's an uphill battle to care about the core thing, and I have enough Pokemon knowledge to get by, but sometimes it'll end up feeling like homework if I have to look up references or jokes or just understand things. Another thing is, I think Bavitz and I have very different tastes in character dialogue. I noticed this with Cockatiel x Chameleon too, and I suspect that when I get around to Bavitz's other stuff I'll see it there too. The differences in speech seem really exaggerated to me, blown out of proportion, idiolects heightened, and I think I've gotten in disagreements with people over whether this is actually true or not, but it's definitely how it feels to me. I found Cely in particular to be fairly grating whenever she spoke. This is a personal preference thing, and I don't know how much it generalizes to other people; I'm not sure that I've seen anyone else mention it, but I also haven't read a bunch of reviews.

So with that said, Bavitz is a skilled author who goes into a story with Something to Say, who milks the premise and theme for what it's worth, and brings a literary sense to his works. The fight scenes are really well done, even for someone like me who is not a Pokemon guy. There's a lot that I found interesting about competition and stagnation, the capture of competitive drive. Bavitz likes to think about the end of history a lot, and it shows here. It's thankfully a concept that I find interesting. I enjoyed the core relationship of Cely and Toril, it's a good, interesting dynamic. Without spoiling it, the ending worked well for me. Well worth reading.

[thebroccolination]

THEORY TIME WITH DETECTIVE KEY!!!

Okay, so. Potential spoilers for "The Ex-Morning," so proceed with caution, oui?

We're finding out in episode seven why Tam left, so!

TIME TO SPECULATE BEFORE WE GET TOLD!!!

First things first, they've got the same outfits in these two scenes:

So it's the same day, just different times of day. I'm gonna guess that since Phi sounds like he's on the verge of crying when he says, "I know why you left me that day," the top image is the scene where he and Tam finally talk about it. He certainly looks the appropriate level of distressed and traumatized.

The bottom image is likely later that same day, and Phi's clearly come to terms with whatever it is, enough that he's not angry with Tam. The whole vibe of that kiss seems fairly composed, so I imagine they're on more even footing by then.

And I mean, even in the top image, Phi's crying, but he's also hugging Tam pretty tightly while Tam strokes his hair, so….

Obviously there's no excusing how he left, but I've been banking on the reason being a mix of external and internal from the beginning.

'Cos here's the thing: I'm pretty sure there was some kind of threat behind it.

The series literally began with Phi and Tam investigating illegal activity as students with Phi talking on camera about how this local drug business could be connected to a member of government. They made this video for a competition, so I doubt their footage was ever made public, but they did get multiple people arrested, so it probably made the news news. The actual news.

And in the trailer, we have Phi saying, "Sorry for putting you through all this."

That, to me, seems like he could be apologizing in general: if he hadn't blown up at Tae, Tam wouldn't have come back, and maybe if they hadn't been so clumsy about their first major investigation together, whatever theoretically happened to make Tam leave wouldn't have happened, either.

I think Yong knows, and I think Paul found out through him.

And I think Paul told Phi.

I actually suspected Tam wouldn't be the one to tell Phi in the end. It seems like he's struggled with open communication all along, but also:

If the reason he left was that the award that landed Phi his job also endangered them, I can see Tam not wanting to tell Phi that it was technically his own fault in the midst of Phi trying to rebuild his career - a career he only got because he broke down crying during an interview after Tam broke up with him.

Then I can see why he's reluctant to tell Phi. If it's also Phi's fault, he doesn't want to kick him when he's down.

Like, "Okay, so not only was your career breakthrough ruined by my leaving, I'm also going to ruin one of your happiest memories by telling you the thing we won an award for also ended up fucking up everything."

It's also super possible that if this theory is true, then Tam doesn't blame Phi at all. After all, they were a team, and Tam did the research side of things. He might entirely blame himself.

Anyway, I think that's what that scene with Paul is: telling Phi the reason why Tam left because it's urgent enough that Paul feels okay with going over Tam's head.

Like, Yong definitely knows. There's this shot of a flashback scene from the behind-the-scenes special of Tam going in to talk to Yong, and he's

Same outfit from the flashback that starts episode 3 in which Phi gets the interview he'll fall apart doing because of Tam's breakup text.

Interestingly, we also get these flashback shots of Yong presumably back when he and Gaogie were dating/engaged:

So we might find out some stuff about him too.

Still many missing pieces, but I'm delighted with this week's episode. Went in a total curveball that made me go, "Ooooh," as a writer because it's not the direction I would have gone, but it's also really good. I would've been a little sad if they only got together at the very end, and I like that Phi took that leap of faith.

Time to rewatch again byeeee!

[prism-forgone]

kris and the soul

my hot take is that i think the soul inside of kris is, in fact, theirs

the prophecy calls them THE CAGE, WITH HUMAN SOUL AND PARTS. if it was just the soul that was mentioned, i could consider the possibility of the first hero simply housing that soul. but parts - as in, a body - implies both the soul and the body are both parts of one whole - of the cage.the soul and the parts are of the cage. unless we're arguing kris's body isn't theirs either

additionally, the soul getting hit when it's out of kris translates into damage to them (this screen is from after Kris's Justifiable Crashout in the bathroom, i don't remember if HP loss happens after the part in the closet in dess's room. though i suspect it does, given they collapse there too).

if it's not theirs, why would it be tied to them in such a manner for such a thing to occur? it's a different matter in the dark world, where it getting hit can translate into damage for any and all party members, including kris, but this is in the light world. the light world, where kris has to reach into their chest and rip the thing out instead of it freely flowing out of them to close a fountain, for combat, however diegetic it is, or to uh. gayly descend down the inside of a titan with it between kris and susie

regardless!!! if kris were to be obtaining damage in the dark world for the same reason as on the rest of the party, so due to the soul getting hit, this influence would most likely cease in the light world alongside all that freedom of movement. the light world is a bit more concrete, barring the soul from having such a heavy metanarrative sway, making it less a concept and more a tangible thing, and setting it more solidly within kris. and yet, the moment it gets hit, it impacts kris's body, independently of if it's in them

i think kris falling over after inserting the soul back is a hint to have us check the hp and notice this because why else would you put it there, they hadn't had that kind of reaction before after inserting the soul back

as for the soul being theirs and us controlling it - it shouldn't be anything new. that's exactly how undertale worked, no one ever argued the soul wasn't frisk's. hm. i shouldn't say that. i don't know that for a fact, and i know how utdr theories can be. cough. i don't think it'd be reasonable to argue that it wasn't frisk's. there was no reason to question it at the time but we, in retrospect, hijacked that soul the same as the one within kris in deltarune

we - and i mean we as singular players all independently playing our instances of the game, not the collective playerbase - are not a real character in deltarune. we don't have a body and we attempt to make a vessel. our soul does not literally leave out bodies and enter the survey program, it would stand to reason it would be something provided for us. no one can chose who they are in this world, so why would the soul be yours?

and if the soul is not kris's but still some other human soul that just so happens to just there, the presence of that other human soul, with no other human in hometown other than kris in sight, would demand an explanation. and i honestly think it would be too messy no matter how you slice or x-slash it

this isn't meant to drag anyone because all this is for fun but i think that too often i see people argue for something being possible without considering that it's part of a story. they're meant to be cohesive and have elements lead into each other. the fact that something isn't impossible doesn't mean it can happen because the most important question isn't "how?". it's "why?" - to what end? what sort of ending would it beget? would it be satisfying? i can't help but feel like this is the third entity discussion reincarnated

[beannoss]

SxF read along volume 2! (part 4)

Specifically on the moral and ethical worldbuilding in SxF.

I wanted to bundle these flashbacks of Anya's about Yor's lesson to her with fighting:

Both Yor and Twilight operate knowing the impacts and boundaries of the power they wield, one day I’ll write all my thoughts about this being fundamental to the wholesomeness of SxF, but it’s so nice to see it plainly articulated so early on too

👀👀👀 I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Yor and smiling and wondering how often maybe her smiles aren’t… entirely true… and anyway I’m 👀👀👀

… not me feeling like a dummy for trying to puzzle out Yor’s guiding principles from her actions throughout SxF when she just fuckin’ states them from the beginning 😂🫣

In all seriousness, Yor does practice these throughout as regards her contract killing... Endo does this very carefully threaded weave of SxF's internal ethics, how he keeps Yor and Twilight on the 'good' side of grey, where the lines in the sand are regarding antagonists, villains and cruelty. A fair bit of that threading is done with Yor and Twilight specifically, in how they do the morally dubious (at best) things they both do. It's also a careful balance, philosophically, because the only reason there is any sort of moral argument for Garden and WISE is because Ostania is implicitly facing a moral crisis, which is most especially demonstrated through the SSS...:

(I should have highlighted 'surveilling the public' above too; oversight!) This is also such a chilling panel:

Back more directly to the topic at hand, there is a marked difference between the work Yor and Twilight are shown doing, and this introduction of Yuri:

I think potentially one of the trickiest things with navigating SxF is that the internal ethics need be judged by the internal matrices we're shown. Twilight isn't really akin to a real world spy: he can change his face, body shape and voice within seconds, and it's clear that he and WISE are invested in some level of protection of innocent people who get caught up in their missions (or at least mitigation of harms, if Twilight's comment that WISE would look after Yor and Anya post-Strix is indicative). Yor isn't really akin to a real world contract killer: never mind running faster than cars, she can just stand in the middle of the road on one leg and kick a car hard enough it veers into a streetlamp, and otherwise her targets, at least, are consistently shown to be individuals or groups that would, by rights, be brought to criminal trial and that they are not indicates a clear failing in Ostania's criminal justice system. Which makes sense, when we see the explanation of the SSS above.

WISE and Garden are only an ethical option when the SSS is the main arbiter of justice: the SSS's fundamental model is flawed, because it is demanding its citizens see one another as inherently suspect, to surveil one another and ultimately to turn on one another. If the metrics for traitor-of-the-state are things like being a single woman and having extramarital affairs, then what makes for the truly traitorous is diluted to such an extent as to essentially be meaningless. The SSS aren't looking to implement justice; their goal is clearly control under the spurious declaration of order. Control and order are not justice; they are reiterations of power and oppression masquerading as justice and safety, leaving instead a void. And into that void of justice and safety step groups like Garden and WISE, and, jumping ahead for a moment, even the way Olka Gretcher's crime family was described demonstrates them stepping in where the government failed (and the Gretcher successor reneging on that role).

I wish I'd snapped some of the statements from/about WISE in the first volume, but I also tend to think SxF's primary exploration of the intersection of morality and justice is going to be in the contrast between the choices made by the Briar siblings and the potential inevitable clash between Garden and the SSS. And the intersection of morality and safety may well play out between Twilight and Donovan Desmond, and the choices they each make. To that, choice overlays everything, and the contrast of the exercise of power.

[fir-fireweed]

Hellooo, I tried your IF and I got really invested and did not sleep at all. I want to ask one question about MC, probably a stupid one though I just kinda want to know. How well could MC read lips without relying on their actual hearing?

I imagined a scenario where someone deliberately sets MC on the spot by mouthing some words however not actually speaking it. Would other people notice how MC seems to somehow understand what they're saying despite how their lips would move vaguely? Would there be instances that people would test it, if they actually suspect that MC is neither blind or deaf? Calliope seems to notice how seemingly good MC is with reading lips when they first met. Others might not tell the difference reading lips because of how certain lip movements can be similar to one another. It's just a small thing I pondered about while playing. Maybe I should reread it again in case I missed some things. Btw already invested in this hahdhhaha

Hello, anon! Not a stupid question, though neither is it a scenario that will ever come up.

No, the MC can’t actually read lips. I imagine they’ve picked up some skill at it, just from years of practice. But if put in a situation like you suggest, they’d likely fail.

As for Calliope, she was more fascinated with the idea of lip reading than anything. She doesn’t think MC is particularly good or bad at it, she just loves making new discoveries. 😁

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Phantom Grin

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: Bruce Wayne visits his son’s grave on the night of his resurrection. Will it change Jason’s fate, or is it all simply inevitable?

Chapters: 20/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, Barbara Gordon, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain

Relationship(s): Jason Todd/Original Character

Additional Tags: Canon Divergent AU, Jason Todd Has Chronic Pain, Jason Todd is Disabled, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Resurrected Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Communicating, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne Get Along

Chapter Twenty: Conduit

Jason curled up in Bruce’s chair while Barbara talked to Dick, Bruce, and Helena about a few of the missing person’s cases around the same time Jason was buried. Bruce glanced at Jason, who seemed worse for wear. “Are you okay with listening to this part?” Bruce asked. Jason nodded.

“I’m okay now… I wanna see this through,” Jason whispered as he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Lucia Arevalo. Fifteen-year-old exchange student. She fell from the bell tower of St. Peter’s. She’d been strangled prior to falling, and a witness on the scene said he could hear her reciting a prayer. He didn’t see in time to tell if she was pushed—.” Jason glanced up at the crime scene photo on the screen, and Barbara hesitated. 

“She climbed up there to get away from him, and he forced her to pray before he shoved her. She thought that it would buy her time. He’s a ritual killer, so she didn’t think he’d push her. She knew people would be in the bell tower soon after she climbed over, and he pushed her anyway to cover up his crime. I was still able to taste the communion wafer she ate before she died,” Jason explained. Everyone stared at him, silently horrified by Jason’s answer. 

Barbara cleared her throat to break the silence. “J.D. Christensen. Twenty-year-old Gotham-U student went missing after her niece’s christening. The main suspect was her boyfriend at the time, but with no body or blood, they let him go,” Barbara described. Jason swallowed hard as he looked at her university ID picture. 

“Abandoned apartment building. Tied to a radiator and beaten before he stabbed her in the chest, dragged her to the bathtub, and let her bleed out while he washed up. She thought about her dad… He um—. She thought of her dad surprising her on Christmas. He lied and said he was on a business trip, and he met her outside her apartment. She jumped into his arms… It was the last time she felt truly safe,” Jason forced the words out. He turned his head away to regain his composure. “I don’t know where he put her… I’m sorry. I didn’t—. I couldn’t stay in the—.” Jason couldn’t catch his breath long enough to think. 

“You’re doing fine,” Bruce reassured him, “This is all great. We know who did it, we know what happened to an extent, and we have insight on where to look because of you.” 

Jason ran a hand over his face. “They need to dig up some of the graves in the cemetery I was buried in,” Jason stated. 

“What’s eating at you?” Dick asked. 

“We can’t prove that it’s him unless we catch him in the act,” Jason replied. 

Tim entered the cave, looking at his phone. “I can go undercover with Cass and Steph,” Tim volunteered. 

“He targets women, Tim,” Jason replied. He didn’t mean to sound exasperated, but he was tired and achy and reliving three different girls’ trauma all at once. 

“I know… I can go undercover as a girl, too,” Tim answered. Jason looked at Dick. Dick shrugged. 

“It wouldn’t be the craziest thing Tim’s done to break a case… And we’ve got better chances of him attacking one of three girls,” Dick suggested. 

“Which one of the Powerpuff Girls are you?” Jason asked, half-amused. 

“I’m Blossom for sure,” Tim answered. Jason chuckled. “Laugh now… Wait until you see what I look like in a wig and kitten heel.” 

Jason’s shoulders raised as he thought about it. “No thanks. I’m already in therapy, Tim,” Jason joked. “And thanks for offering to help. Do you even know what—?”

“I’ve been listening in on comms this entire time,” Tim interrupted, “Gonna get Cass and Steph… We’ll get our cover stories together. Don’t worry about anything. We’ve got it from here.” 

**

Jason sat across from Bruce at his desk a few days later, feeling on edge. Bruce ate his pasta quietly while he searched for a neutral conversation topic. “Dad,” Jason mumbled. Bruce looked up. “Can I try yours?” Bruce passed his container to Jason, and Jason gave Bruce his plate. 

“Veal’s good. We should do catering days at the office more often. You were so right,” Bruce whispered. 

Jason smiled weakly as he picked over Bruce’s spaghetti. He saw how hard Bruce tried to help him, and he wanted to give him more energy. It felt like too much of an effort. “I love you,” Jason whispered. 

Bruce’s eyes widened. “I love you too, Jason… Are you feeling okay?” Bruce asked. Jason took a sip of his juice before lowering his turtleneck to reveal handprints. “Does it hurt?”

“It hurts to swallow… But it’s not as bad as it was this morning. I feel like I’m using the missing person’s cases like a checklist. I’ve re-lived him killing three girls, and it’s only been a few days. Three. Has he photographed any of them yet?” Jason replied. 

“All three of them,” Bruce smiled. “Tim can be a very nice young lady in the right wig.” Jason chuckled. 

“Mr. Wayne, Veronica’s here to talk about the details of your date tonight,” Bruce’s assistant announced. “Oh… I—. Hello, Jason.” 

“Hi, Corcoran. Have you eaten lunch yet?” Jason asked. Corcoran hesitated. “Grab some pasta and sit down. I wanna hear about your day.”

“It hasn’t been that interesting,” Corcoran replied. 

**

Bruce gently parted Jason’s bangs with his knuckle as Jason slept at his desk. Jason jerked awake, looking around before meeting eyes with Bruce. “I’m sorry—.” 

“There’s another one… When I came back—. It’s all jumbled and broken… I couldn’t see very well. I—. If she—.” 

Bruce opened his arms, and Jason hugged him. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Okay? We’ll figure it out,” Bruce reassured him. “I’ll have Barbara look into the night you came back… And—.” 

Jason’s phone rang. “It’s Dick. He promised to pick me up, so we can get something to eat,” Jason whispered. Bruce tensed up. “If I can control it, I won’t wander off. I just want to eat. That’s all.”

“Jason, please be careful. Promise you’ll try,” Bruce whispered. 

“With everything in my spirit, Dad. I love you… Will you walk me out?” Jason requested. 

“Of course,” Bruce smiled as he escorted Jason to the elevator. 

**

Dick looked Jason in the eyes and snapped twice. “What’s on your mind?” Dick asked. 

“I don’t wanna talk about it… I um—. I want this to be over soon,” Jason replied as he closed his eyes. “This is taking so much out of me… I don’t know how much more I can take.” 

Dick pushed Jason’s hair out of his face. “Stay with me. We’re gonna figure this out,” Dick whispered. “We’re gonna get some burgers and fries. You’re gonna get a milkshake, and—.” 

Jason turned toward the window and pressed his palms to his eyelids. “I don’t want this… I don’t want to carry all of this inside me,” Jason cried. 

“Jason, did something else happen?” Dick questioned. 

“No… Yes? I don’t know. I think I remembered something from the night I came back, and I—. What if I were walking through the cemetery during a girl’s last moments? I can’t—. I can’t carry that. I feel horrible. I was already gone. I could’ve died again, and it wouldn’t have meant a thing. I—.” 

“Jason, you can’t make yourself responsible for her death. You weren’t in any condition to fight,” Dick reassured him. “Collapsed lung, broken limbs, orbital bone fracture, severe brain damage—.”

“It would’ve given her time… If only I could’ve seen her running,” Jason wept.

“We’d have two victims that night instead of one,” Dick explained. “You’re doing everything you can.”

“I want to do more… I feel like I’m being punished for not doing enough,” Jason whispered. 

“You’re doing enough… It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna find those girls. Okay?” Dick reassured him.

[nullindulgence]

i understand nagito, but it’s quite difficult to write his dialogue and his character. i wish i were more skilled in writing him…

as far as i know, with my brain fog as it is today, is that… (if i have anything wrong or there’s anything i’ve missed, please please tell me! i’m always incredibly eager to know more about nagito, as i relate to him deeply, based on what i know currently.)

sdr2 spoilers, tw for mentions of death, mental illness, and suicidal ideation

nagito’s FT dementia causes him to act in obsessive compulsive ways — such as him attempting to murder twogami, as well as him assisting monica in UDG (i did not finish this game, it was…not enjoyable for me.). i also think that him being on guard all the time because of his luck cycle, brings about further brain fog, which really, really just makes you feel like you’re rotting…

his experiences with his parents dying, being kidnapped, etc. have caused him to be terribly used to his cycle of good luck and bad luck, and also caused him to idolize these ideas of hope and despair. another reason he attempted to create despair in aforementioned events — to bring an equally powerful hope. i think that these experiences have also hurt him much more deeply than he would ever admit. he brushes off these experiences, and anything else bad that happens, because they’re just normal life.

i saw someone talking about how he envies hajime, and the other ultimates, for having the privilege to see death as a unique and devastating experience. i deeply relate to this. many people i know have died, and i often feel very guilty when i can’t feel much over it anymore. i’m sure it hurts me deep down, but i don’t feel it at all!

he believes that either you’re born special, with a talent, or you aren’t, and will not be special — i think that hajime’s existence challenged this fact, nagito thought him to be an ultimate at first, and this lured him in to knowing hajime, and starting to idolize him, but when he found out hajime wasn’t an ultimate…their dynamic is very complex! hajime, despite being a reserve course student, still had skills and other interesting things about him.

that’s another interesting thing about nagito! he seems to be so, so devoted to ultimates because of their hope role in his ideal, but he’s not TRULY interested in them, i feel — the moment he learns that hajime is the only one to not remember his ultimate, he kind of latches on. maybe it’s this idea of him helping an “ultimate” to remember his talent, a task that if he succeeds in, might give him a better view of himself that he, deep down, wants? wants to view himself better, i mean. doesn’t want to be how he is.

i feel like nagito enjoys being able to play “god,” in a way. he becomes very excited when talking about hope and despair, his luck cycle, and he seemed very excited over his plan — he gets to control something, or gets to feel like he’s controlling something, when his luck cycle has controlled his life since he could remember. also, latching onto this ideal of hope vs despair, good luck vs bad luck, gives him an idea of control. if he takes part in the despair to bring hope, it’s control.

more about ultimates — seeing them as symbols of hope, he idolizes them and objectifies them. i’m sure that this, combined with his lack of social awareness and knowledge of social cues, is why he comes off as so off putting. he can be blunt…another reason he’s difficult to write. he has so many inconsistencies, but they’re all very logical!

another inconsistency — sometimes he is aware socially, other times he’s not. or maybe sometimes he just doesn’t care. he’ll be blunt because he’s noticed something, he’ll say stuff that makes him highly suspect and not really care about that.

one thing i wonder though, is how he interacted with mahiru during chapter two, when he was tied up. i wonder if he requested a different food because he wanted to see how far an ultimate’s kindness would go when it came to someone as worthless as him, or maybe he knew she might pass the job off to someone else, which would possibly mean hajime. maybe it was both? maybe he did want hajime to see him, and he depended on his luck to bring hajime to him.

ah! another thing i forgot to mention. survivor’s guilt. i’m very positive that nagito has some survivor’s guilt buried deep within him. i feel like he would acknowledge it, the fact that other people died whilst someone like him is given the opportunity to live. i think he feels guilty that not only he has lived instead of them, but that he feels guilty that it means his luck cycle is still in existence, which means more hurt to the world and the people he cares about.

another thing i should note: nagito doesn’t close himself off emotionally. he just doesn’t acknowledge his feelings because sometimes, as i think, he’s too foggy to recognize them, and he’s learned to brush off the bad feelings, which also contributes to the “unpleasant positivity” he gives off. however, i do think that nagito has moments where he intentionally upsets people, so that their anger towards him will unite them as a group, even though it’s them against him.

nagito wholeheartedly believes everything he says, except for in the despair disease chapter. even the things that upset people! (unless if it’s from a book…i know he pulls shit from books lol.) he can be aware enough to know when to say what. (inconsistency again…sometimes he just says things because he’s not very aware. i notice that when he’s not aware, it’s usually in more calm situations, where his social unawareness would be seen as comedic. when it comes to trials and such, he’s locked in. insane, but locked in.)

again with the ultimates. this is a very very unorganized post…nagito wants them to like him, but he settles for them hating him, because at least he’s still acknowledged. i find that a very interesting parallel of how he treats reserve course students.

this part isn’t mine!! i saw it in an analysis video. but they say that another reason he’s so self deprecating, isn’t just because of the awful luck cycle, his ultimate being something out of his hands and something he doesn’t see as a talent (though he’s learned to utilize it, so that itself IS the talent,) but because of his short life expectancy. he settles for being hated because he doesn’t want to burden them, when he has so little life left to live.

another reason komaeda is so compulsive, i think isn’t just from the dementia, but because he WANTS to die. he doesn’t mind killing or being killed for his ideals. it makes him a martyr, in a way — in nagito’s mind, dying for the things he believes in the most, is the perfect way to go. he’s released from the cycle, his awful life where he’s only ever drifted by on a four leaf clover, and he gets to be in control in his dying moments. and if it causes despair, in his dying moments, he also gets to bring hope to worthy people who will continue to live.

another thing the analysis mentioned is that, in game and in udg, the line he’s willing to cross is different. in udg, he’s willing to participate in the worst event in humanity history (not the exact title…) but in-game, some despair doesn’t make for a good foundation for hope. they say this could be junko’s influence, causing him to be even more extreme in how far he’ll go.

i think i’m done rambling now…this is the analysis i kept mentioning: https://youtu.be/B8Q88U-_pYo?si=oMRUYQlOcSSkf266

give it a watch! it’s very interesting.

again, let me know if i’ve missed anything or gotten anything wrong. it’s been a while since i’ve really paid attention to sdr2, and i haven’t played through udg (urgh…)

[parasite-core]

Ok this could be very interesting. I have too many OCs to think of every combination, so I’ll just go with what I think would make the most interesting changes.

Roland and Mau: Both ended up in an orphanage at a young age, but Roland was in Westcrown in infernal Cheliax, while Mau was in Riddleport. Riddleport still isn’t a nice place, but it is SIGNIFICANTLY better than Westcrown. Roland probably wouldn’t have been adopted by Mau’s mothers, because they specifically took in children with disabilities that made them unlikely to be adopted otherwise. He might have been adopted by the people who adopted Mau’s brother though, which I’ve always imagined would turn out to be pirates or thieves picking up suggestible new recruits. Mau on the other hand would not have the means to run away from the Westcrown orphanage and successfully survive on the streets due to his bad leg. So unfortunately there’s a high likelihood he would either age out of the system and fall through the cracks, or more likely be adopted by a diabolist needing a sacrifice.

Calio and Ileark: Ok this one’s going to be long. So assuming they have the same biological parents and just got switched somehow, this one would be unusual. Because Ileark’s birth mother is the goddess of nightmares, so even if he was switched with Calio she’d still have no problem doing exactly the same thing to Ileark she did in his canonical past. So the only real difference for Ileark would be that he was raised in Irrisen with regular innkeeper parents until Alazhra started shadowing him. He wouldn’t have the knowledge of Desnan teachings to draw him towards travel, and knowing Calio’s parents they would try to take him away to somewhere else in the hopes of keeping him safe, which obviously would fail. I suspect eventually without running to protect people, there would start being actual deaths associated with Alazhra’s continued presence. Without Desna’s teachings to hold onto to remain strong and to not pile blame on himself, I think he’d feel more monstrous about being a changeling, even though Calio’s parents would be just as accepting and loving as Ileark’s canon family. But being raised by generally good people with sound morals, I think there’s still a chance Ileark would deny Alazhra’s path for him, although he’d probably have to think about it a lot more, and depending on circumstances there’s definitely a higher chance he *might* agree to become the new Alazhra. On the other hand, Calio would be raised by Desnans in a sleepy little town, and never went through the ritual done to him by some of Elvanna’s agents. He’d still have been born with the darkness in Irrisen inside him, and he would probably still be a difficult child, but he would have a lot less of a path forward towards perceived greatness. I think he’d still feel drawn somewhere by his ties to Irrisen, but without knowing he was from there I don’t think he’d ever figure out where he felt he wanted to go. He might actually go on a Desnan pilgrimage as an excuse to travel and try to find what’s calling him, but even if he were to make it to Irrisen, he’d be there at a different place and time, so chances are he’d never die, get raised, become the Grimm Rider, die again, get amnesia, and help save the world. At most he might have ended up dead, but without Keisuke he’d stay that way.

The other option is if their birth parents were switched as well. In that case, Ileark would grow up in Irrisen. Unless he also was born with the darkness in him, there would be no reason for the Winter Witches to target him, and so his family wouldn’t move to Ustalav to escape. Ileark would have an extremely normal life and probably take over the family business as an innkeeper. Calio, though. He is not the sort to run. He would probably try to confront Alazhra, even as a teen. I’m not sure how that would go. But ultimately if he were eventually given the chance to become the new Alazhra like Ileark, he would jump at the chance for power. He would revel in being god of nightmares and night hags.

Umbrolus and Draven: One of these two got the short end of the stick in this swap and it isn’t Draven. Technically speaking if they were swapped at birth, Draven would have been raised by Umbrolus’ birth parents who abandoned him as a baby, since Draven isn’t a tiefling so they wouldn’t have abandoned her. But that’s no fun, so I’m switching them when Umbrolus was found abandoned by Aethervox. If Draven were raised by Aethervox, she wouldn’t have grown up thinking she was a dragon, unlike Umber, because she is very obviously not a dragon. She would have had her gender revelation at a much younger age growing up with a non-binary dragon parent. She also probably wouldn’t have become particularly religious, definitely not a fervent follower of Iomedae. She’d probably have left home younger than Umbrolus, and would have travelled around Cheliax. Honestly I’m not 100% sure she wouldn’t have become an Asmodeus worshipper while traveling, I could see this version of Draven finding a certain appeal to his stringently lawful doctrine.

On the other hand…poor Umbrolus. Assuming Draven’s family was still tortured and killed by Jerribeth despite Umber not having Draven’s cursed luck, then Umbrolus would end up severely changed from the big puppy he normally is. He’d be raised in the local temple of Iomedae like Draven was, but instead of aiming to become a warpriest and try to protect others from having their lives torn apart by demons, Umbrolus would become an avenging knight. He would be solely focused on killing as many demons as possible until he dies himself. You know I based part of Draven’s backstory on Berserk, but if Umbrolus were in her place he’d be WAY more like Guts than Draven ever was.

if two of your ocs ended up being switched at birth, how different would they be?

[essektheylyss]

I put on the Empire Sibling Mighty Vibes for the first time in a while in honor of the first day of class and can we please have more Mighty Vibes. I'm begging. I love them so much.

[hellinhawkins]

hot take but I don’t think that lucas or dustin (or anyone, for that matter, other than maybe robin) are going to see what’s going on between mike and will until it happens. they don’t suspect ANYTHING. when they actually get together everyone’s going to be shocked

[anghraine]

It's kind of fascinating to me that towards the end of P&P, Elizabeth has become protective of Darcy and either a) actively tries to insulate him from Situations or b) wishes that she could and gets stressed that she can't.

Darcy deeply loves her and is very ready to do whatever he can to secure her happiness, but narratively, I think the emphasis at the end is very much more on Elizabeth's protectiveness towards him.

It's like:

When Bingley and Darcy first come back to Hertfordshire, Darcy is very quiet and Elizabeth can barely bring herself to say anything—until Mrs Bennet insults Darcy. Then Elizabeth speaks up.

Mrs Bennet enlists Elizabeth to separate Darcy from Bingley with another insult to Darcy. Elizabeth finds this both convenient and enraging.

That day, Elizabeth decides to privately tell Mrs Bennet about her engagement to Darcy, specifically so that Darcy will be spared Mrs Bennet's first unfiltered response.

Elizabeth fiercely defends Darcy's character and love for her, as well as hers for him, to Mr Bennet. She not only says she loves Darcy but that it upsets her to hear Mr Bennet's criticisms of him.

Elizabeth is both relieved by Mrs Bennet's ecstatic reception of the engagement and a bit disappointed by how completely shallow she's being about it, and 100% sure she made the right call in keeping Darcy away.

Elizabeth defends Darcy against Darcy himself, repeatedly.

There's a period where Elizabeth seems to unwind and laugh, but this passes, especially after Charlotte and Mr Collins show up. Darcy manages to stay calm around Mr Collins (I think this is framed as a significant and admirable achievement for him), but Elizabeth does not like him being in a situation where he has to deal with Mr Collins in the first place.

Elizabeth tries to shield Darcy from being noticed by Mrs Phillips and Mrs Bennet, who do seem to make him pretty excruciatingly uncomfortable.

Ultimately, Elizabeth ends up trying to keep Darcy to herself or to shepherd him around to relatives he can handle more easily, and is so stressed at this point that she just wants to get married and escape to Pemberley.

After their marriage, things are actually great at Pemberley and in their married life, despite the occasional complication.

Lydia writes a congratulatory letter to Elizabeth, asking for Darcy to get Wickham a promotion unless Elizabeth would rather not bring it up with him. Elizabeth really does not want Darcy to have to deal with this and handles it by privately setting aside a Lydia fund out of her personal expenses. (IIRC, it's not clear if Darcy even knows about this.)

Elizabeth also is the driving force behind Darcy's reconciliation with Lady Catherine.

This could read as an unsettling, unbalanced dynamic and a very odd ending point for the arc of a woman like Elizabeth, but in the context of the overall novel, it doesn't feel that way. Or maybe I'd see it more that way if I interpreted Darcy (and for that matter, Elizabeth) + their arcs differently? But as it is, I do think that by this point in the story they are genuinely doing the best they can, independently and for each other, and they've both come a long way. They shine in different contexts and support each other as much as they can in the circumstances that do arise.

It seems very them, in terms of their temperament and abilities, that Elizabeth would put all this effort into shielding Darcy, while at the same time, Darcy completely cuts off Lady Catherine for insulting Elizabeth and only ever speaks to her again because Elizabeth wants him to.

[slayerdurge]

okay i'm about 12 min into the finale. i am so glad that at least at first the two marks were nice to each other. i'm sure it won't end that smoothly but it was just so nice to see. 😭