#like nonbinary ppl for example

[f3mtguy]

"stop trying to make everything about you." at trans men asking to be included in conversations about trans people's rights/issues is wild.

i'm sorry. which part do you not consider us to be? the trans part or the people part? cause it's starting to feel like it's both.

[stinkrascal]

it’s so hard being a datv lover on the internet right now, i can’t make any comments about how much im enjoying the game without some weirdo on reddit being like “yeah but dont you find the dialogue so cringe? doesnt it feel so disney+ to you?” and when i ask what they mean without fail they’re like “well have you seen taash talk about their gender” 😐

[woodlaflababab]

Aang and Androgyny

This is gonna be a bit ramblish but I've been thinking about it, A Lot.

I keep seeing people describe Aang as 'feminine' and that's always kinda sat wrong with me but I couldn't really tell why because they usually had a point, but recently I've realized it's because Aang isn't feminine, he's a great representation of androgyny but people see an absense of masculinity (especially in comparison with Sokka, Zuko, and even Toph) and read that as feminine.

He has a few 'feminine' moments, like the flower crown and the jewlery making, and he also has plenty of 'masculine' moments, the first that come to mind being him shutting people up in The Great Divide and him giggling with Sokka over buttresses.

And I've heard people point out that he has many personality traits associated with women, passivity being a big one, along with his empathy and care, but he also has plenty associated with men like confidence and, uh, I don't know what the word for it is, the only word that's coming to mind is tomfoolery, but that vibe. Being a tomfool.

But I think the kicker is, the two (positive) traits I see most often associated with him are his love for fun, and his wisdom. Both of which are genderless traits. When you think of wisedom you either think of an old man or an old woman. The gender of 'wise' is old. And fun loving is also not a trait strongly tied to either gender either, it's one that bring to mind children or the 'young at heart' (and isn't that interesting, that Aang can be most well known for acting both too young and too old)

Even Aang's basic character design has andogyny in it. He's bald, which is something usually associated with older men bc they lose hair. Among the young, both men and women can be bald, it's an unconventional hair choice either way. His outfit for two thirds of the show is one that is canonically genderless, it's simply the outfit given to those who are learning airbending, regardless of gender or age. And even when he gets out of that one, what does he go to? A school uniform. One both boys and girls wear. His final outfit is sorta ??? on the gender scale because like, clearly a woman would need to wear something under that, but also looser more revealing clothing is typically reserved for women (looking at Katara's fire nation outfit). I feel like there's a reason most genderbent art of Aang I've seen retain his outfit just with wraps underneath.

Aang is almost perfectly androgynous in just about everything he does. He's literally the fucking avatar, the symbol of balance, a being that has been both male and female many times.

But, because he's a boy, people see androgyny and think feminine, just like people see girls who lack feminimity as masculine. They're not. Androgynous is a thing a person can be.

I'm not saying like, Aang is genderqueer or anything, his reaction to the Ember Island Players alone shows he's connected to his sense of gender, but I just don't like people calling him feminine, or watching people debate this by pointing out masculine traits. He's neither.

He's just Aang.

[tumblasha]

and pls tell me abt any factors that lead to ur answer(s)! v curious

[mitski-solos]

gay rep in gaming and in kcd2: A Rant

Ok, I'll try to make this as cohesive as possible, but remember that this is a rant after all, so excuse any possible mistakes or typos.

The gay representation in KCD2 is genuinely the most well-done, realistic representation that I've seen in gaming so far. There are multiple types of representation that I see in games, so let's break down what they are, why they do or don't suck and how exactly the KCD2 Hansry romance is superior.

Type N1) forced mechanical bisexuality.

In most RPGs, or really any games where you choose your own romantic interest, there is no gender-based limit on who can romance who, to allow a fully immersive experiance, tho I feel inclined to point out that this mechanic was introduces to gaming quite accidentally during the early era of gaming, when everything was still pixilated to all hell, they js didn't think to add a code prohibiting same-sex relationships cz developers didn't take their existanse into accaount at all, but then some players discovered it was a possibility and that's how mechanical-bisexuality became an almost industry standard, scince it opens up a wider market for the game without feeling "threatning" to the true consumers which everything was marketed towards(str8 white men).

Now, why do I call it "mechanical" bisexuality, u may ask? Well, bc it truly is just that. Mechanical. No character in that game i truly bi, it's solely a mechanic that's easier for developers and more convenient for gamers.

A good example of that would be Stardew Valley. I don't remember which bachelorette it is exactly, but as you romance them, you meet their ex, and the sex of the ex is the same as that of the player. So if you're male, the ex will also be male, if ur female, the ex will also be female. So no bisexuality for you. But ig you could still count it as "gay" rep, even tho for me even that feels very technical and mechanical, as none of it feels actually gay, there is no discussion or reference to sexuality and the weight of being in a gay reletionship is never brought up even if the setting of the game is on earth and not some fantasy world where being gay is considered totally ok and gay ppl arent treated any differently from str8s.

And well, since I brought up fantasy worlds, let's talk abt type N2) gay rep in fantasy.

This can be very well done or absolutely terrible, depending on the writing and premise, and I feel like we can use Dragon Age as the perfect example for both ends of the spectrum.

So I actually haven't played Dragon Age, so my wording or explanations may not be perfect, but bear with me. 

So from what I've heard and know abt the game, the gay rep in old games is great and the way they treat gender is very tasteful and generally well done, at least I've never heard anybody complain. Tho is the newest game, it's... well, let's just say it's not the best. You get this nonbinary character and they spend a lot of time bitching and moaning abt coming out to their mom even tho nothing up to that point has made them feel like their mom wouldn't support them or anything. and look, you may call this good rep cuz oh hey its a real life struggle that they are going thru right? But NO! bc it's the very fantasy setting where being gay is totes cool and ok that i mentioned a second ago and it's not treated the same way as on earth, so taking this character from a utopian fantasy world where even the lable "nonbinary" shouldn't exist bc there is no binary in the first place and projecting this earthly struggle onto them as a sorry excuse for representation feels forced and increadibly boring. Also, some other conversations in the game abt gender were incredibly cringe and also felt very forced, but maybe they were out of context or smth idk but whatever the case may be, it's a separate issue, so let's move on.

type N3) canon gays

So, most of the time, I love all the canon gays in gaming and any media in general.

In gaming, canon gays r mostly in big story games. Like, the first most obvious ones coming to mind would be Ellie and Dina from The Last of Us, or Mileena and Tanya in MK1. Tho those are the only straight up gay gay all up in ur face gay couples that I can think of from AAA games that I've played, so there isn't enough of this type of rep out there. Tho I feel it is the best and most "true" rep in gaming that is the most enjoyable for players AND could be more eye-opening and redeeming for any homophobes playing the game.

So now that all of that is out of the way, you may say, well, aren't Henry and Hans just another case of the so-called mechanical bisexuality? And to that I'll say a very confident no. 

Let's tackle Henry's sexuality first. In both the first and second game, he can get with various women, not even mentioning all the trips to bathhouses, and the only men Henry can get with are Black Bartosch and Hans. The sole existence of the Black Bartosch option is, I feel like, an argument enough to Henry's true bisexuality, but if you choose to turn him down, you need to choose an option saying "I prefer women", so some may argue that there! He said it himself! But there is a second piece of evidence in the game that confirms his sexuality to be canonically bi. When you get to Kutttenberg, one of the first side quests you can do is "A Good Scrub" in which you help the new bathhouse owner Betty safely transport her bathhouse wenches from some inn to the bathhouse. While on the road, you can talk to them and at some point they'll ask you if you prefer tits or ass(game of the year type convos am i right?) and u could either staight up answer ass or tits or you could try to evade answering the question, and if you choose the last option, the girl will joking ask henry "are you sure your don't prefer boys?" and that gets Henry INCREADIBLY flustered, he starts stuttering and can't fully deny it and just mutters a quiet, frustrated "fuck" at the end. Yall that's not a reaction of a str8 person, it's a reaction of a queer man that's just been clocked. Don't even try to deny it.

Now onto Hans. We do see terribly little of him and his interactions with other ppl, but there is still very strong evidence for his bisexuality, which is a book that you find under his bed in the Devil's Den, titled "A Collection of Somewhat Bawdy Poems". It's literally just a book with a bunch of homoerotic poems in it, I'm not ever kidding. Here are all of em so you get the full picture:

"My love for you is heartfelt.

You can tell from my unbuckled belt.

My mind is troubled badly

by one question above all:

When will my lover fondly

caress my left ball?

"Love thy neighbour", saith Our Lord.

And I took it to heart.

I started to fulfil His word,

at least in their southern part.

My heart is mourning dejectedly.

Even my hand rejected me!

By day and night I think of you,

I shall love you always.

My heart is faithful, loyal and true,

Though my body sometimes strays.

A knight in battle attire

got into bed with his squire.

Instead of conquering forts,

They played with each other's swords."

That last part I highlighted is literally them ARE YOU SERIOUSSSSS. Now I did see someone on Reddit saying that the book appears in the room before Hans ever moves in, but let's be so honest for a second, in a game as detailed as KCD2, that book being specifically under HANS'S bed is no coincidence, even if it appeared earlier than Hans himself. The devs knew what they were doing. and that book is still there whether you romance Hans or not, so call me delusional if you want, but for me, that's evidence enough.

Now, onto the most important part: why is Hansry so good?

In my purely subjective opinion, I think that if KCD2 was a story game instead of an RPG, it would be a type N3 representation, and Hansry would be the canon couple. Henry undeniably has the most connection and chemistry with Hans. He doesn't interact with Katherine much and it does feel like they're more good friends-at-arms than anything, and at the end of the game, Henry himself jokes that she's too old for him, and ugh don't even get me started on Rosa. Henry literally barely interacts with her, her romance option is so weird to me fr.

I also think that Hansry was planned, or at least thought of and acknowledged by the devs from the very beginning of the franchise. The way they interact in the first game can VERY easily be interpreted as flirting and they're literally your textbook example of the enemies-to-friends-to-lovers troupe. So with the foundation that the first game gives us, their eventual romance is very believable and realistic, it doesn't feel like one of those gay relationships that was never meant to be but was basically "pushed" into canon by fans, ykwim?

So for me what makes their couple such great rep is how even without the gay relationship, they remain queer men, their sexuality isn't purely mechanical. Their relationship doesn't feel flat or forced, like it often happens with optional gay romances. And even without ever acknowledging the weight of their relationship, it feels natural and not like the devs didn't wanna discuss gay stuff yk? Like in early game Henry can literally fuck some girl (i dont remember her name srry:3) out in the open - in a forest, but he specifically locks the door before kissing Hans. After the kiss, Hans looks worried and scared and apologises bc he knows that he, as a man, literally just kissed his dear friend, another man, and he doesn't know how Henry will react to it, and that's why he's so worried. And through these little details, the game acknowledges the weight of their relationship without them ever having to sit down and talk abt it, or the game having to address it, and that's what good writing is! It's refreshingly realistic.

[starrylayle]

no it's not "forced diversity", you just hate seeing minority leads.

I really didn't want to comment on this, but as someone who has recently rediscovered monster high and loves the new show, I've seen so much criticism that isn't exactly...constructive?

I've seen a lot of people say that making Frankie non-binary is 'forced', 'lazy' and 'uninspired', when that is just simply not true?? Let's unpack their character for a moment. They are made of a ton of different dead body parts, some male and some female. If you were to use the 'biology excuse' it wouldn't even make sense in this context -- they literally have male and female organs!! Also alot of nonbinary people feel as though they have lots of parts to themselves,, what better way to portray that than through a monster character struggling with the same thing? It's literally such a cool allegory!! Creators have been using magic/fantasy to describe/symbolise real world issues and feelings for ages,, why is it such a big deal creators do this for more marginalised people. [also,, the orginal Frankenstein creature was heavily queer coded in the first place so its a sweet easter egg).

I also see people say,, 'oh why couldn't they just have made a new character be non-binary instead of changing the pronouns of a former one'. I hate this argument so much because it sounds like it's in good faith, but really what they're trying to say is "stay away from my white cishet characters and go make one of the irrelevant side characters queer or or just make a whole new show starring them that I have no interest in watching'. Just admit you don't want to see queer characters as leads.

I also think that sometimes cishet ppl (or non-marginalised ppl in general but i've mostly been seeing an attack on the queer characters hence the example) forget that we also grew up watching monster high?? and related to the characters?? And we would be so excited if we saw our favourite characters with similar traits to us?? Like sheesh,, cishet ppl have so much representation like let us have this pls 😭 😭

Actually speaking of representation in Monster High, g1 was already pretty diverse and inclusive, and its nice to see g3 follow in its legacy and become even more inclusive as times change! Like, they really said 'fuck you' to all the conservatives and included a drag queen character, a non-binary main character, autistic side character and so many more!! It makes me so happy to see and its probably why its one of my comfort show rn amidst the rise of the anti-lgbt rhetoric, especially concerning children's media.

So respectfully, to all those people claiming that the new monster high is "forced diversity" --- fuck you xxx

[genderqueerdykes]

ik there's a lot of examples of why transandrophobia is "valid/real" and whatever. but I think one that stands out to me is when people make comments like "men shouldn't rest or feel safe until menstruation products are free/men have 0 say in any laws surrounding uteruses/men can't ever know what it's like to be a *insert traumatic experience commonly happening to young girls*" and stuff of the like. just conversations that ignore a large portion of the tmen/masc communities existence (and probably some intersex folk too yh?? and enbies who are like man-aligned or js like. yeah transandrophobia effects a lot of ppl) and experiences and I'm like. so what word do I use to describe this? "just use transphobia" what if I want a word to describe my unique experiences for once that isn't an incredibly broad one for the whole community?? Maybe I want one that quickly describes this unique forgeting tmen exist completely js so you can angrily yell at men without repercussions.

what if I'm sick of yelling "transphobia!" just to be told "oh... no I'm talking about CIS men" as if I'm not actually a man, that cis men are more man than I will ever be and like this is a good thing. or being told I'm being hostile and are proof testosterone makes you evil. what do I call it then. you can't separate the man from trans, I'm a TRANS. MAN. and I deserve a word to describe the things I've experienced just like transfems and transwomen and nonbinary people without being told I'm "speaking over anyone"

idk, food for thought maybe infighting and attacking your own community isn't the way forward. maybe hating men, trans or not, will never be the liberating progressive feminist movement you think it is. maybe just maybe hate is not something you're immune to just because you're hated. maybe we all need to calm the fuck down and revaluate some shit and process our own bigotry /nay

this is a great ask, thanks for taking the time to send this, i appreciate you for telling your story and giving feedback. this is the exact reason i made a post a few days ago about how we have to stop holding back on having genuine conversations about queer experiences and the diversity and struggles transness bring. no trans person has it easy. none. we all suffer because cisheteronormative patriarchy hates the concept of transness. it hates trans men and mascs too

just conversations that ignore a large portion of the tmen/masc communities existence (and probably some intersex folk too yh?? and enbies who are like man-aligned or js like. yeah transandrophobia effects a lot of ppl) and experiences and I'm like. so what word do I use to describe this? "just use transphobia" what if I want a word to describe my unique experiences for once that isn't an incredibly broad one for the whole community?? Maybe I want one that quickly describes this unique forgeting tmen exist completely js so you can angrily yell at men without repercussions.

This entire line of thinking has been so pointlessly rude for no reason this entire time. This is legitimately one of the dumbest, pettiest things I have ever seen in my life and I'm saying it like it is: trans women and transfems do not own the concept of having a specific kind of oppression when it comes to transness. Whether or not you want to accept that trans men are also oppressed under patriarchy isn't our business. But it's the truth. And getting upset because transmascs and men wanted to coin "transandrophobia," what exactly is that solving? Genuinely how is that talking over trans women.

what if I'm sick of yelling "transphobia!" just to be told "oh... no I'm talking about CIS men" as if I'm not actually a man, that cis men are more man than I will ever be and like this is a good thing. or being told I'm being hostile and are proof testosterone makes you evil. what do I call it then. you can't separate the man from trans, I'm a TRANS. MAN. and I deserve a word to describe the things I've experienced just like transfems and transwomen and nonbinary people without being told I'm "speaking over anyone"

Absolutely, you and every other transmasc and trans man and related person deserve to be able to discuss your struggles and experiences. Let's have an honest conversation about it for once. Creating a term, and thus a space and forum where people can go to to have a conversation, share experiences and identify with one another means that there is now a dedicated space to having that conversation. That space is not built directly on top of transfem and trans woman spaces. It is built beside it, laterally. This means that if people want to talk about the specific forms of transphobia trans men, transmascs, and some intersex, nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, bigender, agender and other queer people, there is a specific space to do it, reducing the amount of people who are in specifically transfeminine spaces talking about struggles that are not the same.

Having different terms is a very good thing because it means that people who share the same experiences can come together. This means that trans men and mascs now have a place to talk that lowers the chances of them accidentally or even intentally talking over trans women and transfems. This has never been a bad thing. It's a good thing. If transfems and women get to make specific spaces for ourselves, so are transmascs and trans men. They don't have to "just use transphobia". What they're experiencing is unique to them and you don't have the right to tell them what they are and are not experiencing.

If you as a trans woman or transfem do not want to hear about how transmascs and trans men have it, please feel free to go to spaces that are focused around transfems and trans women where you can talk about the similar experiences you have. Don't take our space away from us just because you don't want to listen, though. Trans men still deserve to be able to talk. You don't have to shut up trans men in order for trans women to be heard.

[the-real-rain-world-confessions]

i do not like it when people misgender SRS. cus i know if they were a guy and people called them she/her, whoever did so would get hounded by ppl being like “erm…. SRS is a guy? why did you use she/her!!” but when its a nonbinary person it’s “erm well it’s just a game, not a real person!” like ??? i guess but then you’re still taking away from the little NB rep us nonbinary ppl get in media. and also there’s something to be said about male defaultism and how ppl just default to he/him for genderless / nonbinary characters (another example of that being thk from HK constantly being called he/him when they’re canonically genderless) but. that’s a diff can of worms.

Anyway thx that’s the confession. doing this on anon so i’m not annihilated!

.

[grecoromanyaoi]

ok i do wonder. if u speak an extremely gendered language (so not english obv. i mean like french, arabic, hebrew, etc.) - how do nonbinary people adapt the language to talk abt themselves? like i speak hebrew and in hebrew most ppl who use they/them or neopronouns in english either use strictly he/him or she/her in hebrew, or use "mixed pronouns" - combining both he and she while talking to them/abt themselves (for example 'he said' in hebrew is 'הוא אמר' and 'she said' is 'היא אמרה' so mixed pronouns would be 'הוא אמרה/היא אמר'). however a few ppl do use they (plural masculine) which kinda doesnt make sense within the language bc a. its still masculine? its just he (plural) and b. there isnt a singular they in hebrew.

anyways i wonder what is the case with other languages!

[imjunebitch]

pisses me off how much trans discourse literally can just be answered by "nuance exists ask ppl"

not sure if someone being transmasc or transfem means they use which pronouns? ask them!

don't fully understand intersex trans ppl? well you don't have to fully understand them to support them, but research! if you have friends in those groups, ask them!

confused abt which terminology to use for nonbinary ppl? well, it varies, bc nonbinary ppl vary a whole lot! ask your friends! commit their personal answers to memory!

is it ok to refer to people as tboys or tgirls? yea, if they like it! if not, fucking don't! is it ok to refer to yourself as such? totally, if you want to!

is it ok to use traditionally gendered terms that you perceive as gender neutral for a trans person? (for example calling a trans woman "dude") only if they're ok with it! ask them!

why are you trying to make huge set rules when people vary and you can show kindness and compassion for them by learning what they like, (and trying to actually respect it!) instead of just going "oh this is what the rule is I'm allowed to impose this on your own self-expression" like. cmon now.

[tirfpikachu]

Hey there! Seriously, I don't want to offend and aggression isn't my intent. But as a TIRF, what do you believe makes someone a woman? I'm trying to understand the trans ideology. Is it about identifying with a body or a set of behaviors? Unless TIRF means something else. Still kinda new to radblr lmfao!

ding ding ding, the million dollars question!

so, for cis/non-trans/bio women, obviously for us, the words "girl" and "woman" are used on us as nouns to mean female humans. our womanhood is just our femaleness, us being ofab (observed female at birth) and just existing as female people. some of us still have some form of dysphoria, and so might use they/them or she/they pronouns for example and identify as nonbinary women, bigender, etc but still be fine with people calling them girls/women to refer to their sex. they just may want ppl to also acknowledge their dysphoric side in some way, and refer to them a certain way. but, yeah, for non-dysphoric female/ofab people, femaleness is our womanhood and girlhood. this is one of the most controversial statements for a feminist to make these days, of course, but things are way more complex than some terf-identified (even ironically identified) people portray them as. especially with transition now being an option.

for trans women, for omab people who identify as women, womanhood is about immigrating into an approximate experience to cis/bio women and/or other trans women. i say "and/or" because for some, they actually embrace their transfem womanhood being different than cis/bio womanhood, and they find pride in it (at times too much pride, ofc, and they can say misogynistic/creepy shit to cis/bio women that we've all seen on radblr). they are defining a new form of womanhood, with it being an androgynous experience for an omab person to have; they are more likely to feel kinship with drag queens and still feel a connection to non-transfem gnc omab people. i believe this may be the healthiest way for a trans person to identify and live as the opposite sex (or attempt to live as, or live as with loved ones and in trans-friendly spaces while perhaps not being seen as such in public by random strangers, which ofc is a different experience than someone who is actually viewed by default as such, both female-passing transfemmes and cis/bio women & transmasc people). they view transfem womanhood with gnc tenderness, and actually recognize in some way their sex, though they don't phrase it as that ofc. i find it also in some transmasc people who embrace not being cis men, and find even feminist joy in that being the case.

meanwhile, there's another category: the transfem women who demand that transfem womanhood be considered exactly in the same category in all aspects of cis/bio womanhood. they may tolerate some transfemmes saying otherwise with pride, but if any ofab person says otherwise, or defines their own womanhood as in any way being linked to their sex, they will pick up pitchforks and demand that ofab allies do the same (often ofab allies fight even harder than transfemmes do). those transfem women often have more debilitating dysphoria, but the way that they treat us is still unacceptable and anti-feminist. they often guilt trans men for having any kind of kinship with women, or identifying as lesbian on the basis of being exclusively same-sex attracted, aka ofab4ofab. they can do so if they partially identify as women, but if they live as trans men yet still view themselves as related to cis/bio women on the basis of their sex, they get viciously rejected by the mainstream lgbtq community as transmisogynists. binary trans women are also often, to a lesser degree in my experience, not allowed to call themselves femboys or relate to gay male culture too much; it makes trans men and fellow trans women dysphoric.

i've mostly seen the worst cases be faced by ofab people though, for pretty obvious anti-ofab misogynistic reasons. when someone is socialized as an ofab person to be sweet, excessively polite, and bow down to anyone from a young age, it shocks people when they say, "no, actually, i'm both a trans man and a female person and i'm okay with that, i feel kinship with cis/bio women and other transmasc people, and we still have things in common that i'm not ashamed of. i still want lesbian community." the mainstream lgbtq community doesn't know what to do with those people, so they get really, really angry. for a community that claims to accept the wide diversity of identities and sexualities and expressions they sure put fellow trans people and cis/bio women in tight boxes. they don't realize that they're reinforcing the patriarchy by not allowing ofab people to have class consciousness and get to bond over their shared unique oppression. they view it as an attack, as us saying that trans women do not face oppression, or that they're lesser women for having a transfem womanhood unlike cis/bio womanhood. they don't want cis/bio women to get to define their own womanhood bc it makes them feel left out. which doesn't actually help them or their dysphoria, bc it just alienates them further from normie cis/bio women, and makes them look totally unhinged to normies.

there is cis/bio womanhood, transmasc womanhood, and transfem womanhood, and while these experiences can have many overlaps, especially if the person's transfem womanhood involves passing as female and facing anti-ofab misogyny (conditionally, which ofc turns into anti-transfem bigotry if their sex is ever found out - smth that obviously isn't easy either, for the tra knee-jerkers reading this).

tirf means being inclusive of everyone who faces tangible misogyny, loving gnc people of all kinds, and being willing to offer accommodations to transmasc people and misogyny-affected transfemmes and hear them out on their unique experiences under the heteropatriarchy. it means placing those who face tangible misogyny at the very forefront of things, but also having deep love for gnc people and wanting to fight against gncphobia, including actual cases of transphobia, which helps us all fight against the patriarchy. we are critical of the affirmation-only model with transition, and many of us are detrans or are trans people for whom transition did not help. many of us are also trans themselves, and have faced horrific misogyny in childhood so they refuse to allow normie tras to brush off their trauma and their oppression, even if those trans tirfs are happily post-transition themselves. tirfism is about building bridges between patriarchally oppressed communities. all the infighting is just a distraction, and only cis/bio men benefit from it. to do so, we need to confront issues and actually play the role of the often hated mediators. tirfs fall under nuancefem, but it's specifically a form of activism that interacts with tras and radfems a lot, since the tensions are so high and harm keeps happening on both sides. many of us have been traumatized by anti-ofab and anti-homosexual (as in the technical term, exclusive ofab4ofab & omab4omab) bigotry in the movement. we are not, as many radfems claim, normie libfems. mainstream tras think we're the fucking devil.

not all radfems need to do our form of activism. many of us if not most don't do tirf activism 100% of the time. but tirf activism often includes reaching out to brainwashed ofab people to make them feel heard, and welcoming transfem allies who show real allyship with ofab people. many tras will ONLY listen to transfem voices, so transfem allies actually matters a whole lot in tirf activism; we also wanna hear their stories so we can learn all aspects of patriarchal oppression and actually dismantle the patriarchy once and for all. and, finally, we interact a lot with normie cis/bio women who are not in radfem or tra spaces and have really interesting outsider perspectives on it all. they often tend to have trans friends or have positive views of trans people while also feeling secure in knowing they face sex-based oppression, so they often already are tirf-leaning without even knowing it and felt a bit lost, not agreeing with the 100% transfem-exclusive and anti-transition normie radfem view but also not agreeing with typical tra views either. tirfism is a way for us to reconcile that, and it can be really cathartic for those of us who already do gnc & trans activism, or used to have dysphoria. it's a way for us to merge that with our feminism.

some radfems loooove to say we're not real radfems, and that's fine, but you can't deny that tirfs are peaking normie tras in a specific way that the more terfy fems haven't done so far. we're really helping traumatized ofab/female people, and we're empowering transfem people to speak up on behalf of ofab rights. we're a bunch of weirdos hated by both sides, but we're just happily doing our own thing :]

[asexual]

How can I tell if I’m aceflux or just have a sex drive? Sometimes I’m really allo and have sexual attraction to strangers. Sometimes I’m really ace and don’t even have sexual attraction to my partners. Sometimes I’m something in between. Is it ok to call myself aceflux? Or is that wrong? And I know you said no discourse but is it discourse if I ask if aceflux counts as queer? I’m queer anyway cuz I’m pan and nonbinary. But don’t know if aceflux is queer too or if only “full” asexuals count.

So before I answer your actual question I wanna acknowledge your no discourse comment — ALL asexual or aromantic spectrum identities are 100% queer by default. When I say no discourse, what I mean is I don’t want anyone coming in to my inbox with Aphobia or trying to argue with me over whether or not a certain orientation is queer enough or not. Like, I’m here to validate aspec people’s queerness, but I’m not here to argue about it with exclusionists. So to answer that…yes, aceflux is queer and if you do feel you might be aceflux, that’s just as queer as you being pan and nb is!

To answer your actual question, I’ll get right to the point of saying there’s nothing wrong whatsoever with identifying as aceflux if you even SOMEWHAT possibly relate to the label. Even if you end up being “wrong” and it’s “just your sex drive” — you haven’t, like, harmed or appropriated actual ace-specs, you know?

but I would say you sound like you could hypothetically be aceflux. While “sometimes fully allo” and “sometimes fully ace” absolutely counts as aceflux, a lot of aceflux ppl will flux ALL around the spectrum — having allo days, ace days, demi days, lith days, gray days, cupio days, aego days, so many things I am forgetting! Is that also a thing for you? I would definitely do some internal searching to see if “fully ace” and “fully allo” are the only things you experience. If there’s more, you can almost definitely claim aceflux. Even if there’s not more, and you truly just switch between ace and allo, you still can call yourself aceflux of course, I just wanted to give more context!!

Differentiating between libido and attraction can be really difficult. Generally I’d say a libido is about IF you’re experiencing desire at all, and sexual attraction is about WHO you’re attracted to. So for example, someone who’s completely allo will, generally speaking, ALWAYS experience sexual attraction in SOME way. Even if they don’t actively want sex at the moment. I’m not saying allos are horny 24/7 or anything, and Im not implying aces are never horny. But a general rule of thumb is that an allo person is always capable of feeling sexual *attraction* even if they don’t actively want it all the time. so based on what you told me you could likely fit the aceflux label if that’s what feels right to you. even if you’re still unsure — why not just try it out? :) Publicly or privately identify as aceflux for awhile, maybe get some pride merch or at least something in the aceflux flag colors. See if it feels right to you. And if it doesn’t feel right, is it because the label is wrong, or is it because you possibly have internalized aphobia? Which if you do — no shame, as we all deal with that in some way, sadly. But I would recommend trying on the label and seeing how you feel after publicly or even just privately identifying as such.

[softantlers]

i am once again here to tell you that if you have a problem with trans people hc'ing canonically cis characters as trans because your underlying issue is that it takes away from "a nuanced cisgender narrative," there are some things you should consider:

trans people grasping for representation that speaks to them in very niche areas of the internet have no power over mainstream discourse or the trajectory of the character you are enjoying. our enjoyment of exploring the character will not hurt you or the fact that your perception of the character will ALWAYS be prioritized. your otherization and condemnation of us will result in further isolation of trans creativity in fandom spaces, and you should feel ashamed about that, especially during a time where we are being attacked on all sides. literally go fuck yourself.

the concept of trans people transitioning to a "new gender" and no longer having any authority to speak on their past experiences living through "xyz gender" is based in respectability politics that are actually often led by white trans people without the consent of the rest of us. because the world tends not to accept trans and gender diverse people for who we are, there is the pressure to memory-hole our past experiences (whether we want to or not) and put forth an unshakeable binary narrative of having always been this way. the goal with this is to be legible to you, cis people, so that you, cis people, will stop trying to annihilate our access to public life and good life chances. the idea of "i never was xyz" tracks for some people but not others, and gender diverse people of different cultures beyond WASP are going to have a different experience. (for example, i have a very specific experience to being the mixed daughter of an east asian mom and while i don't feel like a daughter anymore, i do relate heavily to asian mom/daughter representation and that lived experience is never going away & it is something i do have authority to write about so fuck right the hell OFF.) all that to say, don't police how trans people write or reflect on past gender experiences!! don't assume they're always in the past!! cis people are not in the position to erase what we've lived through.

i mention these points because i've been seeing opinions saying that headcanoning someone as tmasc in a women-led show like yellowjackets is problematic. yeah, you can eat shit. tmasc portrayal is never going to be the same as yaoi-fying the characters into cis men. as the above points explain, your cis woman character is not going to get forcemasced. like literally? there is no threat to you with this. the cis representation will always be prioritized. if someone explores a tmasc portrayal in a fandom space, it cannot harm you or influence the show. it has NO POWER. you HAVE THE POWER, and your marginalization of others hurts people who are only exploring rep of their own FUCKING POSSIBILITY in fan spaces. you should feel ashamed of yourself.

womanhood having a cis center is always going to alienate trans people (be they nonbinary, transfem, transmasc, gender diverse beyond these western categories, etc.) trans ppl are going to have a relationship with womanhood, whether they want to or not. some trans people don't feel the distance from womanhood that you might expect. the idea that womanhood can't be adequately or importantly explored through a trans lens, even if through retrospect or leaving the category altogether, is very limiting and shallow. and it once again reveals that you have no business speaking on trans representation if you can't understand that experiences are a continuum and that the insights we bring to the table with regard to gender are just as important and valuable as nuanced cis portrayals.

but my final point is that we are not in competition. these headcanons cannot hurt you. like jesus god, it's fucking pride. get the stick out of your ass and recognize that trans and gender diverse people are at the wall right now. stop being a fucking cop about something as silly (but baseline more meaningful than you might expect) as headcanons and ficwriting.

[bigmack2go]

Jesus where do i even start with this

Okay so i have too many thoughts on this i couldnt possibly sort all of them out so im only gonna go into the most important ones

First of all: God did NOT only create male and female. There are intersex people and that is a fact and already one way to prove that god did not only create male and female. I can see the sientific facts and still be a Christian. Because that IS a fact. So assuming that God meant for everyone to be man or woman, how are intesex people supposed to know which one? Hmmm… maybe by…. PICKING?! Oh i see! So you CAN choose… i see i see.

Faith/religion and sience can coexist

Remember that pronouns are language and all language was made up. So my pronouns are the last thing that could make me a “bad christian”.

Even the words in the bible have been made up. They were put into words so we can understand them. But those words were made up by humans. Again. This is a fact. Whether the stories are made up is up to the person who chooses to or not to believe in it.

Adding onto that, it had been translated multiple times and also mistranslated a lot over the centuries. So the wording has changed to. So unless you can read the original bible in the original language, don’t even start

Besides there’s a lot of interpretation going on there. I hope you know that.

Also theres a lot of stuff that people don’t even concider about the bible. For example we dont stone ppl for wearing fabric made from two different fibers. (And as a fashion student i know almost certainly you are wearig that too) but guess what the bible says that. Or planting two different crops beside each other? The bible would say you should be burned to death.

Also, even IF god only had created male and female, you can not show me one verse in the bible that says that it isn’t okay to be something else if you wanted that? Like god also said to produce and to add onto his creation 🤯🤯🤯 (which is all completely beside the fact that using those pronouns isn’t even what makes me nonbinary in the first place)

And guess what— your phone, yk the one you typed that ask with, it’s a new creation. I know. Shocker. How come you dont care about that?

And for the record God did not in fact create man and woman only to love each other but also to complement each other. But even if he had, here’s the same thing again— even if he had created man and woman to leave each other, that doesn’t mean he meant for people of the same gender not to.

Also you yourself just used an example that god created humans as his image— guess what! God is genderless. It also says that in the bible. That’s the whole point of god— not a man, nor a woman. So— huh… does that mean that… that we are… since were the image of him… GENDERLESS?! AND WE JUST DECIDED TO MAKE UP DEFERENCES BETWEEN GENDERS?! CRAZY!

And yet we call him “he”. Yunno why? CAUSE LANGUAGE IS MADE UP

Also if jesus says not to judge then why the fuck are you judging me?! Huh?! Why the fuck do you as a minor human being— not even close to the level that god is, allow yourself to decide who is and isnt a sinner or has fallen astray?! No one decides that except God himself.

I dunno what the whole wives submitting to men thing has to do with this but that was also a translation issue.

Apart from all that, i personally believe that faith is a personal experience and that it’s about what you personally believe. It doesn’t mean blind obedience to the bible. Its about what you as a person actually believe, not what Christian communities believe. I don’t believe that a group of people can believe in one exact same thing— everyone thinks that one thing at least is different.

For me personally, i believe in a creator. I believe that there is a life after death. I believe that there is a greater being or form of life and i believe that that people having to suffer after their death, no matter what they did, makes no sense and has no reason and doesn’t help anyone. And Christianity is simply the closest thing to that.

I have a strict moral code and yes, a lot of that is based on the bible but I can still think for myself.

On that note, while i do believe that god has reasons for everything, sometimes too great for us to understand, that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t make them understandable for us or that everything in the bible is just meant to be blindly believed without using ration, reason or logic

And lastly get the fuck off anon. If you really believe what you’re saying then you should at least stand for it. You little pussy what is wrong with you?

Unless of course you’re scared of people knowing who you are and hating on you. In which case, huh… do i smell… disloyalty to the one and only god the creater…? Huh… could have sworn this pers denied their belief in him… crazy

[menlove]

when ppl say "the line between butches & trans men/cis drag queens & trans drag queens/etc is thin" I think yall hear "these identities are the exact same and I am going to call every butch a man and trans women are just drag queens"

when in reality what people are trying to point out to you is that when you go into the real offline world and mingle w the community, there is a huge overlap between these identities. not even just historically, although that's a huge part of it as well, but right now in 2024 there are huge overlaps

like for example I'm a transmasc butch. I'm on testosterone & I've had top surgery and I have a beard. in public, I get read as a man a lot. if I do get read as transmasc, I rarely get clocked as butch and most people assume I'm a binary trans man. I relate to many experiences of trans men.

there's people who blur the line constantly within our communities. there's drag queens who identify as cis but involve themselves heavily in the transfem community bc they relate so deeply to their experiences & live a similar life and just don't choose to label themselves as trans for whatever personal reason. there's butches who do the same. there's trans women who are also drag queens and their drag personas are wildly different from their irl presentation and they identify as queens first. there's nonbinary drag queens who don't want to fit in either category. there's trans men who are not binary men at all but choose the label "trans man" for convenience or broad understanding.

like we aren't telling you there's no difference between us or that you shouldn't respect someone's gender identity. but when you actually go into our communities and interact w them instead of screaming and throwing fits online about how people identify, there's a ton of overlap

[gnc-polls]

i’m wondering if i am gender nonconforming, and i have a question that i haven’t been able to find the answer to from individual research so i want to ask gender nonconforming ppl themselves

so i am under the nonbinary umbrella and afab, but i always present very feminine (like, more than most cis girls)

the definition i’m finding for gnc is essentially someone’s who’s gender expression is different from the societal expectation

in this case i think that would fall under gnc, because the expectation for nonbinary people is to be androgynous, and specifically for afab nonbinary ppl to present more masculine as they transition, however i dress very femininely, in fact more so after i realized i was trans than before

however all of the examples i see for gnc ppl r afabs who dress more masculine or amabs who dress more feminine

i ask bcs while i feel undeniably more myself when dressed very femininely (like, i cannot stand to be otherwise without it taking a decline on my mental health), i do get lots of dysphoria knowing that ppl don’t see me as my gender bcs i don’t act “trans enough”, but being able to take pride in being gnc instead would make that so so much less horrible (like, even just the thought of that potentially being the case feels like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders). but i absolutely do not want to intrude on a space that is not mine, so genuinely asking, would you considering me gender nonconforming ??

The thing is, I will say though, that my blog might've further pushed the belief that you are only GNC if you are either cisgender or binary transgender, and explicitly express yourself in a way that doesnt align with traditional/conservative ideals of your gender identity, but being GNC doesn't have to be that. Another thing is that ok this blog, I usually just post other people's direct poll suggestions, and some submissions may have been exclusive of many (for example, one of the polls submitted here asked "GNC people: are you trans?" and didn't include a binary transgender option.)

GNC is being gender non conforming, aka not conforming to set preconceived notions of gender. A feminine/androgynous AMAB man may use the term GNC. A masculine/androgynous AMAB woman may use the term GNC. but I know some masculine people AMAB may consider themselves GNC, and some feminine people AFAB may consider themselves GNC. They could be binary transgender, or non binary, or something else. But they're still GNC.

In fact, a lot of people might feel like they fit the term GNC, and they don't have to be strictly binary female or male. Some GNC people express gender non conformity I'm the sense that their own concepts and ideas of gender don't fit the binary male or female. I know some non binary people/people with a more complex gender identity that would call themselves GNC on the basis of the fact that they're non binary, and not now they choose to externally express themselves. For example, someone that identifies as xenogender may consider themselves to be GNC, not because of how they express their gender, but just what their gender is itself - though I'm getting a bit off topic // Some people may not call any non binary people GNC due to the fact that being non binary is not as common, so there may not be specific overly popular or traditional norms of what a non binary person "should be". But gender and gender expression are both pretty complex, so I wouldn't gatekeep the term in GNC.

If you feel like the term GNC fits you, and feels right to you, use it to your will. Due to it being a social construct almost entirely, there are not strict rules. For me, personally, I never had to do research on whether I was GNC or not. I just saw the word and the looser definition of it, and accepted it for me, due to personally thinking it fits me. There might be people in this world who might not view me as GNC or "GNC enough", but I wouldn't care too much about them.

A non binary person might be expected to act as androgynously as possible by some people, and so if a nonbinary person expresses themselves in a way that does not align with gender norms or stereotypes set for non binary people, then, ifi were in that position, I would not mind the term GNC for me. This may wary from individual to individual, however.

In short, I don't think there are strict rules to being GNC, because I feel that kinda contradicts what being GNC represents in the first place - not conforming to expectations set by society.

Actually, I'd go as far to say that there are not RULES for being GNC, especially no strict ones. Some people would dare and say that you cannot be a GNC woman/butch if you have long hair, due to the fact that in many cultures, long hair is viewed as feminine - however, what those people fail to realize, is that they may be exclusive of cultures in which long hair is not viewed as feminine. which is important

Another thing - GNC to some people may be a meaningful label, and may bring a huge sense of community and acceptance and confidence, and for some other people it may be just another word that seems to fit them. To me, personally, many words are just that - names for things we experience. For many it can be comforting to know you are GNC. To some, they don't need a name for it. You might. Or you might not.

If you feel like it fits you, then go for it, call yourself GNC - you are not invading or violating anyone, lol. // But those are just my thoughts. Other people might have opinions that differ from mine. // There are many other things I could say, but this is all I have for now. Feel free to ask anything else if you'd like to hear my or anyone else's thoughts!