#nah bro im dead

[paint-it-red-and-black]

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK TWAT THE FUKL

WDYM “Max praises Leclerc”

WDYM “Lestappen bromance”

[pixiatn]

Fucking forget being built like a tank, Gotham Knights!Jason is a wholes ass monster truck bro

[ectonurites]

almost 4am can't stop thinking about the meaning of the idiom 'to have blood on [someone's] hands'—to be responsible for a person's death—combined with the fact that Zach is the one we are specifically shown with Daryl's actual blood on his hands (once for real and once in a dream)... Not Josh who had been holding the sword Daryl fell onto, but Zach who took the sword out.

[radiomurdeer]

My hand slipped and I blame @lilitophidian

[mew-cake]

I'm fucking dead

[spuffyfet]

[notcoolbutcute]

My mum, worried: "Have you seen the news? The children slave trade is happening all over the Europe." Me: "uhh, yea, saw that…" Mum: "anyway have you seen your brother?" Me: "uhhhh"

(pic from pinterest)

[obrien4321]

she was killed a couple months back. why?

...

...

Oh.

[deadghosy]

WHAT ABOUT HAZBIN HOTEL X EYELESS JACK READER ?!

Hungry for some kidneys 😋🏃‍♀️

STOPPP CAUSE I HAD A CRUSH ON HIM- WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME BRO😭 I THOUGHT THIS MAN WAS SOOOO FINE🦆💗 which he still is 🤭😘

HAZBIN HOTEL X EYELESS JACK! READER

prompt: an eyeless man gets dared to go inside of a cartoon for some free “food”

Ben had dared you to go inside of this cartoon show that was becoming popular. You said hell no of course….but then he said the impossible…

“Would you either go in the cartoon for kidneys or listen to me tell you the whole script of the new movie.” Ben says with a knowing smirk at which one you would chose.

Never in your life have you jumped into a tv before so quick. But here you are as you stand in the middle of a red twin with dead bodies around. So you smile behind your blue mask and got to work.

You were so busy kidney hunting, you didn’t notice a tall red figure behind you smiling intrigued at how you were only looking for kidneys with your scalpel. You felt skinny hands touch your shoulders as you immediately tried to stab the hand quickly. But it was a wrong move because you got pushed by some green magic.

“Quick reflexes. Amazing my friend! You would do good for this hotel im helping” the man said as you stared at him. Before you could protest you got transported to a damn hotel.

NOW ENOUGH STORY MODE TYPE SHIT! NOW FOR THE FUN🔥

I imagine Angel one time seeing you use your tongues to eat a kidney that was in disguise and Angel had so many dirty jokes for you.

“Omg, I bet you’re a woman pleaser aren’t you?” Angel says suggestively as you just raise a brow at him not knowing what he is saying.

Charlie would try to get you to wear brighter colors, but you literally deny it as if you are still stuck in your emo phase making Charlie get war flashbacks to her own emo phase.

Imagine taking your bluemask off and scaring sir Pentious into thinking you are a ghost to steal his eyes😭 so evil but so funny.

I can see husk literally side eyeing you as you just eating. Like he is just so confused how you don’t bite on none of your other tongues.

I know some people draw ej with black fingernails, but what if Angel had painted them for you instead 💗

Imagine a cartoony moment where Angel is like “ah shit I lost my wallet..” and STARTS TO LOOK FOR IT IN YOUR EYES 😭 straight up digging his hands in ya eyeless holes to look for it and he actually did find it with a smile saying “ah Hah found it!”

Legit Angel will remind you of Ben as Angel will shove his phone in your face saying some dumb shit like. “Do you see it? Do you see it ? Do you see it?” As he has a stupid smirk on his face. You snapped grabbing Angel by his throat as the crew tried to pull you off of Angel as he struggles to breathe. “It was worth it…”

I headcannon EJ! Reader and Alastor being compatible friends because they both eat from human meat. But both different as EJ! Reader just eats the kidneys as Alastor eats the whole things

NAH IMAGINE KID EJ!READER GETTING THE LEFTOVER KIDNEYS FROM PARENT! ALASTOR’S PLATE😭💗💗 (so damn cute)

“No no, you use the little fork and the knife to cut it.” “….I literally eat with my hands.”

Just two hungry boys staring at each other while discussing flavors to make out of people.

The egg boiz likes to bring you dead sinners as you had promised them to read them bed time stories for kidneys..I mean a fair trade is a fair trade. 🦆

Idk but for me it makes sense for EJ! Reader to bite someone’s hand while sleeping cause in the fanon! slender house they are use to pranks being pulled off so many times.

Literally husk was trying to wake you up cause it was your duty to do the bar tendering and you ALMOST bit his whole hand off if it wasn’t for Husk’s scream.

I can see Lucifer trying to show you his ducks because he found how amusing how quiet and blunt you are as he practically shoved a duck in your face forgetting you don’t have eyes.

“Do you see how cute and amazing this is?! It’s a duck that can do the splits while shooting fire!” “I see.” *awkward silence* “I’m so sorry-” “sorry for what.”

I can see how your dynamic with Lucifer is like “I think I forgot something x I have it in my hand..”

Charlie once had you in red as you actually just stood there while she took photos of you. It was like you were ready for the first day of school as Charlie squealed happy to see her new staff wearing red.

“SMILEE!” Charlie say excited as you just stand there trying to smile but it came out strained showing all of your sharp teeth. “Yeah don’t ever smile again.” Angel said in the background as you jumped at him like foxy in fnaf 2 😭

I imagine you just standing there as Alastor puts his arm on your shoulder like an arm rest. Literally you are “😐 what?” face as Alastor is obviously “😄 what a lovely day!”

I can see you and niffty just playing random games during break time as husk just cleans glasses at the bar. It’s a relaxing sight for once without you trying to get someone’s kidney.

I imagine you and Adam having so much beef as he is annoying asf to you.

“Why are you eyeless? So you can’t see how ugly you are?” “No, so I can’t see how fat you basically are so it won’t affect me.”

THE WAY YOU GAGGED HIM- 😭🤭‼️

I can see the Vee’s trying to get you on their side but you would probably just flip them off as you eat a kidney.

I can imagine Vaggie trying to find out why there is black goo on the hotel stairs to find you are crying since Charlie banned you to scalpel anyone’s kidneys.

Vaggie and Charlie give you the angel dust treatment and try to find any scalpels you have in your room

I can see after the battle of the heaven and hell, you would just stand there like “🧍🏾what the fuck just happened..” as you try to scalpel a few angels only for vaggie to pull your blue hoodie away from one.

When Lucifer first met you, he thought you was a teen demon who just got hired. He wasn’t wrong for the hired part, when you first spoke that man thought he heard god himself as his eyes were wide at you.

I can headcannon Alastor bringing a sinner to your door with a note that say, “eat well <3” and you just stand there like….. “did I just get adopted by a cannibal..” you said picking up the unconscious sinner and grabbing a scalpel.

NAH CAUSE I USE TO BE FERAL FOR THIS MANNNN😨😭😭💗💗 HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS ONE!🦆‼️

[lowkeyremi]

Random haikyuu hcs bc im bored ft. mattsun, atsumu, iwa, tendou and kags

Matsukawa Issei definitely sits around looking at instagram posts with you, rating any and everyone.

"Hey stink, what do ya think about her?" He asks waiting for you to lift your head from your phone.

When you do, you're met with a picture of an elderly woman. "Bro... I am not rating somebody's grandma." You push his phone out of your face and he snorts out a laugh.

"I will, she's a ten in my book." A lazy smirk coats his lips and you smack him lightly.

"You're so annoying."

"You love it." He kisses your cheek.

Miya Atsumu will give you kisses to try and gain your attention. He's lonely without your eyes on him.

He goes for your neck this time, placing a small peck on it. When he realizes you haven't stopped looking at your textbook he tries again. Your faux blond boyfriend goes for a kiss on your jaw.

"Hm?" You finally respond.

"Look at me :((("

His pout turns upward when your cute fingers slowly close the big green textbook to give him your full attention.

"I'm looking."

"Good." His smile is so pretty. Sometimes it's hard to believe you're dating him.

Anytime you text Iwaizumi Hajime that you'll be joining him at the gym he'll use heavier weights to impress you.

"Wow Haji, are you sure that isn't heavy?" You ask watching him lift a sixty-five pound dumbbell in one hand. (idk how much guys like iwa usually lift in one hand so spare me) (i don't lift more than 25 lbs in my normal workouts 😭)

"Nah, these are what I usually use." And you find it cute that he thinks you don't notice the way his muscles strain when his arm pumps up and down and he tries to quiet his exhales.

"You don't have to impress me, baby. You're already impressive as is." He sighs in relief, dropping the dumbbell to the ground.

"I don't know who I thought I was fooling." He smiles at you.

Tendou Satori is always humming/singing a song you're thinking about.

"Tori! I was just thinking about that." He hears you gasp in shock and excitement. A cat-like smile expands on his face.

"Damn, I think we have couple telepathy." You'd never heard of that but it sound like Satori to make something like that up.

"Babe, I don't think that's a real thing."

"I made it up right now :D" How could you crush his spirit when he's so cute?

"Okay! Guess what I'm thinking!"

Last but not least, Kageyama Tobio sucks at card games because he's so easy to read.

He thinks he has the upper hand in Uno, but little does he know the mirror he's sitting in front of shows off his cards and you can see the wild card he has.

I mean, it was already obvious by the way he was smirking in a triumphant way. A proud huff escaping his lips.

So you decide to knock him down a few pegs and place your yellow skip down, his face immediately sours and he grunts.

"Uno!" You call out.

"Well good luck I'm sure you don't-"

You place down a draw four and he stops talking to look you dead in your face, "Uno out!" You giggle when he throws the cards down.

"Tch. I hate card games." He says getting up.

"Well maybe, keep your facial expressions in check, baby. You're easy to read like a kid's book." (hehe see what i did there? tendou dub line :3)

[dilfl0v3rss]

punishment

summary: you act out in retaliation to something onyankopon did, earning yourself a long night of punishment…

cw: spanking ( not a whole lot), cursing, written with a black reader in mind.

word count: 5k (plss i didn’t even realize it was so long😭)

you were pissed. it has been a good week and a half since you’ve last had your guts rearranged. you’re boyfriend onyakopon had been working nonstop making drops and it’s been starting to become irritating how lonely he’s left you. as you laid bored in you and ony’s shared bed, you decided that enough was enough and called your man.

the phone only rang about two times before you heard his deep voice transfer through the speakers. “yea mama?”. it was already hard for you to continue being mad at him but you stayed strong and carried on with your message. “hey pa. i miss you sooooo much.“ you can tell he was smiling through the phone when he replied “i miss you more beautiful. i’ll be home late tonight so don’t stay up waiting for me aii?”. hearing these words caused you to roll your eyes and develop a nasty attitude. “you cannot be for real right now. it’s been so fucking long since i’ve gotten to touch you and you keep on throwing me to the side for some wack ass work.” your irritation began to spread to your lover as he listened to how rude your mouth was right now.

“yo watch your mouth for real bro.” onyankopon commanded. his voice was starting to get you worked up, but giving in wasn’t an option tonight. thinking of all the other times he’s left you all alone until late into the night made you realize that he doesn’t deserve your kindness at all.

”NO. it’s not fair how work gets more attention than me. and i’m not your fucking bro so chill wit that shit.”

onyankopon grips his phone. trying to calmly get through to you. he’s always been pretty patient when it came to you since he knew how sensitive you can be, but tonight you were pushing it. “nah you the one that need to chill. you know damn well all this working i’m doing right now is to keep your little ass happy.”

“i don’t need you to always buy me stuff for me to be happy i just need you to be here”. as onyankopon registered your words he began to feel remorse for how you’re feeling. “i’m sorry mama. i know i’ve been neglecting you a little bit. just one more night and ima be all yours. ima cut back on my work i swear aii?”

listening to your man talk it was becoming harder to stay upset so you decided it’d be better for you to just drop it. “okay boo thank you for listening. and im sorry for cussing at you i didn’t mean to be rude. i was just frustrated and a little lonely.”

“i understand ma it’s all good. i gotta get back to work though so ima see you later. i love you.”

“i love you more baby. byeeee.” as the two of you hung up the phone you felt a huge weight lift off your shoulders. you were a little disappointed in yourself for not being able to stay mad, but being on good terms with your man was always better than being at each others throats all the time. especially when you and onyankopon know that you can barley take him when he’s angry…

as you sat around in your room you were beginning to feel bored again so you decided to call your good best friend sasha. you and sasha met through connie since you usually bought from him and eren. that was until you met up with eren connie and sasha to hotbox in connie’s car. as you snuck out of your moms house to smoke with your friends you approached the car and was stopped dead in your tracks when you seen onyankopon sitting in the back seat wit eren. “you gon keep staring all shy and shit or you gon come sit ma”. as if you were possessed you moved almost instantly to sit down next to the fine ass darkskin man in the car. ever since then the two of you were inseparable and eventually started fucking on the low until you were one day surprised with a beautiful beach dinner, a promise ring, and a card that read “will you be mine?” in onyankopon’s handwriting. while reminiscing on how you and your man met you were interrupted by a loud voice.

“bitch how you gon call me and sit in silence. please don’t tell me you and ony over there fucking and that you called by accident.” you laughed as you picked up your phone to show your empty room. “girl please i’m all alone in this mothafucka. ian seen ony in about seven years.” your words caused sasha to laugh out loud as you rolled your eyes.

“yea whatever girl what you up too?”

“i’m laying in my bed bored as shit waiting for my man to come home”

“good then get the fuck up and come shake some ass wit me”

you scrunched up your face in confusion as you thought about your friends words until you came to an exciting realization

“awww shit i forgot jean and marco were throwing that partyyyy. yea we definitely out to that shit.”

“yea bitch get your baddest fit on quick before that shit get two packed. we gotta be the baddest heffas on the flo to remind bitches that we can’t be fucked wit.”

you laugh as you nod your head in agreement. after a couple more minutes of catching up with sasha you both decide to get ready while on the phone to give each other tips on your outfits.

“we look goooood”

“yea we really doooo. lemme text ony and let him know i’m leaving the house. i don’t wanna get my shit beat in for being home late without saying anything.”

sasha laughed at your statement but quickly stopped smiling a made a stank face when connie entered the frame.

“hey y/n how you been girlllll” connie says in his best girl voice making you laugh.

“hey connn i’ve been good.”

“i’m glad you understand the value of communicating wit your man. this one girl i know never do that shit and always end up getting HER back blown out.”

you immediately knew who this “girl” was and looked at sasha with wide eyes and a smirk.

you can tell that sasha was getting a little embarrassed as she pushed connie out of the camera “yeaaa that’s enough. we coming to get you girl see you in ten”

you say your goodbyes as you hang up the phone and make final touches to your makeup. you decided on wearing a long sleeve brown square neck crop top with your tight black flare pants. you had just gotten your toes done a couple days prior so you decided to wear some brown fuzzy slides to go with the shirt. you usually didn’t have to bring a purse with you to these parties since ony would hold your stuff, but since he won’t be there you decided to bring your mini black leather telfar to hold your lip gloss phone and taser (which your man bought you just incase he wasn’t around to beat niggas up for you). you wore your hair naturally in a curly half up half down. looking at yourself in the mirror you decided to take a couple pictures before hearing the loud ass horn from connie’s car. before you walk outside you make sure all of the doors are locked just incase. knowing onyankopon would be pissed if he came home and seen anything unlocked. you hopped in the back of connie’s black charger only to see sasha back there too.

“what you doing back here? connie what did you do?” before connie gets the chance to speak he is quickly interrupted by sasha. “i gotta tell you sum. connie told me not to but i’m telling you anyways bc you my fav bitch and i can never lie to you.” your face began to contort in confusion as you slowly entered the car “what’s going on boo. what you gotta tell me?” you can tell she was nervous as she fiddled with the strap on her purse. refusing to make eye contact with you “ony is at the party right now. he was never working late. eren been in his ear telling him to go get loose and ‘get from up under’ you.“

you stared blankly at her as you began to try to piece her words together “how do you know this?”

“i saw it all in their group chat on connie’s phone. he’s there right now with eren.”

your blood started to boil with anger as you sat quietly in the car. how could he lie to you like this? he was the main one preaching communication and this is what he does? absolutely not. you leaned back in your seat as you started to develop a plan in your head. “don’t even worry about it girl i got sum for his ass”

you can see connie in the drivers seat shaking his head. contemplating whether or not he should say anything. eventually deciding to try to get through to you. “y/n-“

“ion wanna hear nun. what’s done is done. he lied and i am well within my rights to react however i want.” as the three of you approached the house the party was being held at you turned towards sasha and pointed to your phone. signaling for her to keep an eye out for the text you were about to send.

‘do you remember what he was saying in the messages?’

‘not much but i know eren was all up in there’s telling him he need to get loose and when ony said he was gon tell you about the party he was the main one saying no and how you don’t have to find out’

‘wowwww bet’

‘what you about to do?’

‘if he can do whatever he want without letting me know ima do whatever tf i want regardless if he see or not. since he too pussy to get from up under his little friends he better keep that same quiet energy when he see me wit another nigga’

your best friend smiled at you as she began typing away at her phone

‘ohhh shit he about to be sickkkk.’

as connie went to park the car you told him to drop you and sasha off at the door. instead of objecting he decided to take the smart route and let the two of you out before he got cursed out by sasha for the second time that night. the two of you walked into the party and were immediately hit with the scent of weed and liquor. not thinking of what you were doing you decided to walk right to the kitchen to pour yourself a drink. as you poured yourself a heavy cup of whatever mixture was made in the large bowl you looked around the party trying to find the eyes of your no good lying ass boyfriend. without realizing you started to feel your hands get wet from your over-poured cup of alcohol. “woah shawty calm down. theres plenty more in there for you to get a second cup later.” as you turn around to see where this unfamiliar voice was coming from you end up locking eyes with none other than the person you feel is the cause of this distressful situation. eren fucking jeager. everyone including you knew that eren had a way of getting in peoples ear about shit to get them to do crazy stuff but you’d never thought he’d do it to your ony. but he can’t be the only one to blame. onyankopon was a grown ass man and theres no way that he would agree to do something like this if he truly didn’t want to. after softly shaking yourself out of your thoughts you stopped staring and turned to the person who was talking to you. he was tall with a cute smile, not as cute as your man’s but cute enough to flirt with.

“yea you right. im in my own little world right now so ian paying attention for real” you say with the cutest giggle you can muster.

“its all good sexy. you here wit anybody or can i have you to myself tonight?” his eagerness made you cringe on the inside but in order for your plan to work you needed him.“its just me and my girl sasha” you say while pointing to the clearly aggravated girl on the other side of the kitchen island. “damn what happened to her. I got friends here wit me if she don't wanna be alone”

as if right on time connie comes walking over to comfort sasha. as the boy continued talking your ear off about god knows what you looked around to see where onyankopon was. finally spotting him smoking in the backyard with eren and jean. you turn towards your plaything

“they’re playing my favorite song out there lets go dance.” you command excited as you nodded your head towards the door to the backyard. “yea whatever you want mamas.” he grumbled as he let you lead him outside. you noticed he wasn’t ever really listening to anything you were saying as he just stared as your ass while you walked in front of him. rolling your eyes you continue walking right past onyankopon and his friends not giving them a second glance. you heard all conversation in his area come to a complete stop which made you smile. walking through the other dancing bodies on the grass you made your way to the middle as you started to move your body to the beat of Ku Lo Sa by Oxlade. you let the guy touch all over you as the both of you moved to the rhythm. you were surprised with how well he was keeping up with you as the two of you danced with each other. as the song came to an end and the next one began you felt a soft tug on your arm. after turning around fully you were met with a hard chest under a black t shirt. you notice the familiar gold chain with your name on it immediately signaling to you that it was none other than your no good lying ass boyfriend pulling you towards him.“the fuck you doin here? and who the fuck is this nigga?” hearing his aggressive words you grew even more irritated. but clearly they scared the guy you were with since when you turned around he was nowhere to be found. you sigh. irritated as you turn back towards onyankopon. “what am i doing here? no nigga what the fuck are YOU doing here. you told me you were working and this don’t look like work bitch. you lied to me ony and now im done wit you. go find another bitch to lie to because im not the one.” saying these words out loud caused people to start staring at you which made you storm off into the house with your boyfriend hot on your heals. grabbing your arm again with more force he yanks your body back around and begins raising his voice. “chill wit that bitch word for i really get mad. im not saying you can’t be upset wit me because i know what i did was wrong. but what you not about to do is call me out my name and try to leave me, because im not going for that. we can either talk or fuck it out but you leaving me is not an option.”

“well im leaving you. i refuse to be wit a pussy nigga that don’t have enough respect for his girlfriend to keep his friends out his ear about what he should be doing. now if you’ll excuse me i got my new man waiting on me outside” you say with a big smirk or your face shoving onyankopon out the way. as you were walking away feeling like the baddest bitch in the world you suddenly see everything move around quickly as you are lifted off the ground and thrown over your boyfriends shoulder. you yelled “get off me nigga we not together anymore” to irritate him further which earned you a hard slap to your ass as you’re walked out of the party and into the driveway. as the both of you approached his car you were suddenly put down.

“get in the back now.”

you were going to say “no” but you decided to just get in to prevent yourself from further embarrassment since people were starting to come outside to see what all the commotion was. onyankopon watches you get in before finally entering the driver's seat. after pulling out the driveway he quickly drove the two of you away from the party.

while on your way home onyankopon felt that it was a great time to said his peace. “listen… i feel real bad about lying to you okay? theres no excuse for it and i know better than to be agreeing with anything eren say to me. im very very very sorry mama.” as he spoke you decided to look out the window and try to keep your mind off of the wack ass apology you were receiving. “I see you through the mirror baby can you please be respectful and look at me while im talking to you?” rolling your eyes you brush off what was said. “can you be respectful and NOT lie to the woman you claim to love? seems like you can’t”. his eyes widened at your words and he began growing aggravated. Raising his voice he replies “don’t be sayin that ma you know damn well i love you.”

“clearly not enough to be truthful. but since you such a follower maybe i been fucking wit the wrong nigga. maybe i should be trying to fuck wit the leader. i know eren known for being a player and all but if this pussy changed you one can only imagine what it’d do to him.”

locking eyes with him in the mirror you noticed how his began to sadden making you instantly regret your words. “m’ sorry i didn’t mean that”. you mumbled on deaf ears as onyankopon continued to drive the both of you home.

“daddy i said i didn’t mean it okay?”

“don’t ‘daddy’ me now. you wanna go there wit me then ima show you wassup when we get in the house.”

his calm demeanor put fear in your heart. knowing that you were done for when y’all were now approaching your driveway. as he finished parking the car onyankopon begins lighting himself a blunt. “gon head inside y/n and make sure you stripped and in that bed by the time i get to the room.” the way he said your name gave you chills as you got out the car and made your way inside. feeling scared as ever you did as you were told feeling that you’ve done enough damage. you first removed your makeup knowing that if you kept any of it on it’d be running down your face soon. then you removed your clothes leaving you in your bed fully naked. you waited fifteen long minutes for your man to come in. during them you thought about your actions and began to think of an apology. you realized that even though your ony lied to you he never went around any other girls and was only really at that party to connect with his friends. his friends that he probably also hasn’t gotten to talk to as well due to his constant work. not to make excuses for him but knowing how you are he probably felt that it was a lose-lose situation given that you’d be mad if he said he wanted to hang out with friends instead anyways. being in your own head caused some tears to fall as you thought about how wrong you tried to handle the situation. letting another man touch on you as the man you loved watched and then bringing up one of his close friends to get at him upset made you feel so ashamed. while you continued to beat yourself up about your fucked up actions you hear the door to your shared room open. as onyankopon entered the room he glanced at you, noticing the tears in your eyes and all over your pretty face.

“whats wrong mama?”

hearing how gentle his voice was despite how angry he should be made you feel even worse about your what you did. as you opened your mouth to respond, a broken sob escaped from your mouth. your man rushes to your aid as if nothing that happened mattered other than your wellbeing. wrapping his arms around you onyankopon began to comfort you “don’t cry baby. everything’s alright. i know you didn’t mean it”

as you calmed down you slowed your breathing you got the courage to reply, “i-im so s-sorry ony. i didn’t mean to act up like that. i p-promise i never do that againnn”

all you could do was keep crying into his arms after you got your apology off your chest. your kindhearted boyfriend lifts you up and placed you in his lap while you cried to him. rubbing your back and hugging you tight to keep you feeling safe. eventually he got you to completely calm and relaxed causing you to begin dozing off. after gently shaking you awake, you look up at your lover.

“I forgive you mama, but you still need a punishment. gon head and arch ya shit for me”. you sit up in confusion as you watch your boyfriend get off the bed and start ridding himself of his shirt and sweats. “what do you mean? you said you forgive me.” you protest with a frown

“i do forgive you sweetheart but it don’t take away from the fact that you disrespected me in front of all those people and claimed you wanted to fuck on my friend in the car”

“but pa-”

“ass up pretty. if i have to tell you a third time ima really fuck your shit up.”

deciding that it’d be better if you just did what you were told you got into the backshot position and made the deepest arch you could to hopefully satisfy your clearly still upset boyfriend.

“rules and colors baby” he mumbled while kneading and rubbing on your ass. too caught up in the pleasure of his touch you were brought back to reality after hearing a hard smack with a hot stinging pain in your left cheek to follow. you moan into your silk sheets as your pussy began to soak from the contact.

“you hear daddy talking to you?”

“n-no running, no to-touching, no cumming without d-daddy’s permission.” hearing how well you listened brought a smirk to onyankopon’s face as he continued to rub on your body.

“and your colors?”

“green,yellow, a-and red. and my safeword is cookie”

onyankopon’s eyes widened at the way you went above what was asked of you to please him. ‘damn she must really want forgiveness’ was the first thought to come to his mind after hearing how much of a good girl you were being. this made him almost feel bad for what he was about to do. but almost wasn’t enough. spreading you open onyankopon noticed how wet you already were all from getting spanked once. “no prep tonight ma”. onyankopon began lining himself up with your entrance and thrusted forward roughly. “fuckkk daddyyyy”. his roughness caused you to curse out loud, earning you another hard slap to your ass. “watch your mouth. you want me to go deeper?” you never understood why your boyfriend was so against you cursing, but you didn’t get the chance to dwell on it as he began to thrust harder and deeper into you. hitting all your favorite spots that you’d never be able to reach on your own. even when you were getting your back blown out you still kept your arch real deep which surprised your man. “you taking me so well mama. you tryna make me nut fast?” hearing him talking in your ear so deep made it really hard for you not to cum quick without permission. “im so so so sorry for reaaaaal”. you heard him chuckle behind you as he continued to quickly thrust in and out. “you sorry?”

“yes papa. so so soooo sorry.” as onyankopon took in your words he quickly replayed all the events from tonight again. quickly removing all remorse from his body he laid both of his hands flat on your back an pushed down. causing you to feel him hit even deeper inside of you than ever before. “i don’t know baby you gon have to do better than that for me to ease up on you.” quickly pulling out and turning you over onyankopon notices the many tears in your eyes followed by the spit covering your lips. “c’mere lemme taste you”. dropping to his knees onyankopon began to sloppily eat you out while using his middle and ring fingers to keep you full. your back arched off the bed as a wave of pleasure went all over your body. “what’s rule three?” curling his fingers upward onyankopon smirks up at you. watching you moan so loud it almost sounded as if you were screaming. “oooooh my god daddy pleaaaseeee.” he started to move his fingers faster and rougher as you grew closer and closer to the edge.

“what’s rule three mama? talk to daddy.”

“n-no coming without y-your permission”

your compliance causes his dick to twitch. “thats right. so why do i feel you getting so wet? you about to disobey me?” your face contorts into one of displeasure. as if the mere thought of you disobeying your man made you feel uncomfortable. “i'll hold it pa i promise” onyankopon quickly removes his fingers from your warm heat and stands up abruptly. as you watch him line himself up with your entrance you silently thank god for having him stop because you were really about to cum. “you being such a good girl right now. just keep being good and you'll cum okay?” nodding your head you quickly stop, realizing the mistake you just made. hoping he didn’t notice, you opened your legs wider to show him how ready you were for him. your lover slowly licks his lips while looking at your wet awaiting pussy sitting pretty all for him. “your shit so fat mama, but im not a dummy. i’ll let it slide just this once since you’ve been good so far, but the next time i ask you a question you answer with your words understand?” looking deeply into his eyes you feel a weight lift off your shoulders “yes daddy” onyankopon slowly trusts into you giving you long and deep strokes. while he was holding your legs over his shoulders you felt him start to penetrate your g spot over and over again causing you to start scratching down his back.

“papa’s so sorry for lying. it won’t happen again.” not registering what was being said all you could do was rub on your boyfriend’s back while he continued to hit your sweet spot. “you don’t deserve that at all. i promise you ima do better.” finally understanding what his message you moved your hand up onyankopon’s back and absentmindedly began to caress the nape of his neck. “it’s okayyyy. im s-sorry tooo.” as he kept his steady pase you began to feel a tight knot form in your stomach along with the urge to pee.

“baby im close. please please please-”

“gon head baby im right behind you”

as if your body knew exactly what he said, you were no longer able to hold it in as you came all over your bed and onyankopon’s stomach. soon after you came he began to quicken his pace as you shook in overstimulation. after a few more strokes you felt him fill you up with his hot cum. after both of you finished you were overcome with a wave of exhaustion finally letting sleep overtake you.

when you woke up you seen that you were already clean and wearing a t shirt that clearly belonged to your boyfriend due to how big it was on you. pain ran through your lower half as you tried to sit up which caused you to let out a low whine. as if sensing you were in pain onyankopon enters the room with a glass of water and an aspirin. “i know mama i gotchu.” smiling up at your man you gladly accept the water and medicine.

“thank you so much boo”

“its my job baby no need to be thankin’ me.”

smiling to yourself you quickly took the aspirin and drank a couple sips of water. how did you get so lucky? you really have the best man in the world. your happy thoughts were interrupted by the vibrations on your phone. “oh yea i forgot to tell you sasha been calling for over an hour now. ian wanna bother you so i just put your shit on vibrate.” you look at your phone and see a bunch of messages from sasha.

‘bitchhhhh what is going onnnnn’

‘everybody is so shockedddd. nobody’s seen ony act like that before omgg’

‘now connie mad at me for telling you but idc im grown asf’

‘oh shit now we leaving’

you giggled as you read through the messages from your best friend, deciding to put an airpod in and call her back. “hey bitchhhh” you hear sasha rasp quietly “girl what happened to youuuu” you snicker out as you look at sasha’s hair in a crazy bun. she moved her camera to the side to show none other than a sleeping connie. “i got my shit beat DOWNNN” you continue to laugh until you remember the current situation you're in as well. “i can’t even move my legs” you whisper as low as you can to keep onyankopon from hearing, but he clearly still heard you. “and if you wanna ever feel them mothafuckas again then i advise you take your ass to sleep.” turning towards your man you see that he was already staring right at you waiting for you to hang up and go to bed. you roll your eyes as you hear sasha laugh at you. “ion know why you laughing mami im boutta take your legs along with that throat if you don’t hang that shit up and go to sleep. gon end up being bed rest buddies wit y/n if you keep playing with me.” connie’s sudden speech made your eyes widen as you both silently communicate that you’ll hang up the phone to keep from being fucked up again. as you hang up the phone you cuddle up closer to your man. “are you really gonna make more time for me?” as if expecting you to ask, onyankopon gives you the slowest nastiest kiss ever, causing you to do nothing but start cheesin mad hard. “yea pretty i'm all yours tomorrow. if you can walk i'll take you to the mall.”

hearing the word mall immediately excited you as you cuddled up to him more in love than before and drifted off to sleep.

[oshygoshy]

“do you think i’m pretty?”

word count - 567 words

warnings - cringe couple activities (im so lonely) also i'm not sure abt some chars so i put question marks but these can fit any and all ur faves. lmk if i forgot anyone!!

a/n - back from the dead. school started up again and im depressed and i have so many exams next week but here i am procrastinating!! maybe one day i'll write something again but in the mean time have this (it's been marinating in my notes app for like 3 months by now)

“yeah, you’re cute. adorable, even...” 

he said with a million-watt smile, his fingers absentmindedly tracing shapes against your thigh. you raised an eyebrow, questioning his taste. right now, you were wearing his old pajama shirt and bottoms which were both faded and fraying at the hems. out of all the times to call you cute, did he really choose right now? 

he leaned in to kiss the tip of your nose lightly, his fingers making their way up to your hands from your legs. he held them in his own warm palms, and kissed the corner of your lips. “don’t give me that look,” he whispered. “i think you’re the cutest wearing my clothes, y’know.” he kissed your cheek. “it makes me feel at home,” he said against your lips, and you couldn’t help but smile with him. something about his charm was infectious, and no matter how much you might doubt yourself, you knew he would always love you, tattered pajamas or not. 

hinata, bokuto, komori, yaku (demon senpai or not he definitely has a soft spot), aone, asahi, hanamaki, yamaguchi? aran? tendou? kenma? kageyama?

“beautiful. absolutely gorgeous,” he breathed.

your eyes widen, taken aback at the sincerity of his tone. a light flush couldn’t help but creep its way up onto your cheeks, and you look away, abashed. his fingers brushed against your cheek, tilting your face back at him. “why are you being so shy?” he questioned. “i mean it. truly. even the simplest things you do make me fall in love all over again.” his thumb rubbed soothing circles against your soft skin. "every time you fall asleep on my shoulder, every time you raise an eyebrow at me, and even right now when your cheeks are glowing pink make my heart stutter like we're on my first date," he said with a laugh. you could feel your cheeks burn aflame at his honesty, and couldn't help but look away. “quit blushing,” he teased. “i can’t focus when you’re looking so pretty like that.” 

akaashi, sugawara ("little shit") koushi, sakusa, the hirugami bros (acting like they don't have a combined word count of 20 in the entire series), iwa chan, daichi, semi, kita, ushijima?, tsukki?

“you’re pretty sexy.  hot, if i dare be promiscuous.” 

you roll your eyes at first, huffing through your nose and turning your attention back to your phone before he drags you back to his side. “i’m being serious,” he murmured into the side of your ear, his breath tickling your skin. “it goes beyond your looks, you know. it’s the way you walk, the way you carry yourself…the way you’re so confident in our relationship and in me,” he said, heartfelt. “that kind of unwavering confidence? unbelievably hot.” he leaned back, taking in your entire body. “also, you have a nice ass, which really helps.” he deserved the slap he got, but he couldn't help but grin at the sound of your giggles. he placed a chaste kiss against your temple, his hand looping around your waist again. "keep doing whatever you're doing. i'm in love with you, always. it's hard not to be when you're so irresistible," he whispered against your skin. 

kuroo, THE miya twins, meian, futakuchi, daishou, konoha (that legendary "nah, don't wanna" panel lives in my heart), oikawa, mattsun fs,  suna, noya, i would say tanaka but i don't want to be a homewrecker

[faramirsonofgondor]

I think there’s a gay Hollywood ghost that possesses middle aged male actors and makes their characters super mega queer cause the amount of times where an actor is just like “nah I didn’t play him gay.” and then later they’re like “yea I rewatched this and it’s somehow gay, idk what happened guys.” is astronomical??? Like fym you didn’t intend for him to be queer yet you stared longingly into your male costars eyes for an unreasonable amount of time and every time you touched the contact between you lingered unnecessarily??? what do you mean you stared your male costar in the face and flirted, like straight up insinuated you wanted to do the nasty with him (maybe not in so many words, but the insinuation was THERE and CLEAR), without even a hint of a joking tone in your voice????

W H A T ??????

BUT YOU STILL SAY ITS NOT GAY???? BRO IM PRETTY SURE GAY PORN ISN'T EVEN THIS GAY??? YOUR CHARACTERS CONSTANTLY RISK THEIR LIVES FOR EACH OTHER, THEY'RE DEVASTATED BY THE IDEA THAT THE OTHER MIGHT BE DEAD, ALL OF THEIR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS CRUMBLE TO PIECES BUT THEY ALWAYS STICK WITH EACH OTHER, THEY COPARENT TOGETHER, OTHER CHARACTERS MAKE REMARKS/ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT THEM BEING IN LOVE/TOGETHER, THEY WORE MATCHING COSTUMES TOGETHER, THEY'RE GLUED TO THE HIP BUT WHEN THEY ARGUE ITS TO A DEVASTATING DEGREE - LIKE FULL ON NASTY, MAKING THEIR FRIENDS CHOOSE SIDES DIVORCE TYPE SHIT - AND ONE OF THEM HAS FUCKING RELIGIOUS TRAUMA???? LIKE DO NOT PLAY WITH ME SIR THEY ARE GAY FOR EACH OTHER, THEY WERE WRITTEN THAT WAY AND YOU SURE AS HELL PLAYED IT THAT WAY OTHERWISE SOMETHING ELSE DID (THE GAY GHOST).

(Sorry I lost control of this post the queer gods possessed me for a second to express their outrage.)

But yea so a gay ghost might be possessing these guys cause idk why else they wouldn't remember playing their super mega queer character as queer.

[autumnleaf1111]

𝙸𝚏 𝚋𝚜𝚍 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚜𝚎𝚝:

The “Chuuya shoots Dazai” scene

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Chuuya: this is probably the gayest scene we’ve done… Asagiri! What are even doing anymore!?

Asagiri: making the audience suffer— I MEAN, we need drama.

Dazai: uh huh…

Fyodor: nah fam, y’all two have done gayer shit.

Yosano: “you used corruption believing in me? How beautiful…” you two made that scene so much gayer than it was intended.

Ranpo: WHERE IS ED?!?!?!

Nikolai: Yo, Fedya! You got the garlic breath and pecans?

Fyodor: yup! You got the knives and water?

Nikolai: mhm!

Yosano: tf is yall about to do…?

Fyodor: Dawg, Our business, is our business so kindly kys.

Ranpo: DID NO ONE HEAR ME?!?!

Dazai: yall here sum’ ?

Chuuya: Nah, I think I still got some water in my ear from when we were supposed to drown me and Fyodor.

Higuchi: I can smack your gay ass upside the head if you need?

Chuuya: where tf did you come from?!

Higuchi: My dead mother, NOW WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE MY SHERBET?!?!

Gin: uh, that was me, my bad fam.

Higuchi: I’m telling your brother you have a boyfriend.

Gin: BRO WHAT?! IM INTO GIRLS TF

Higuchi: get me new sherbet then

Gin: no, tf? It’s like 3 bucks, you’re not broke.

Mori: both of you stfu before I take away your crowns.

Gin: whatever

Higuchi: *rolls eyes*

Fukuzawa: Mori, your daughter is trying to break into the alcohol room again.

Mori: Motherfuck— ELISE ELORI ANYA, WHAT DID WE TALK ABout………slowly fades from the room

Kunikida: has anyone seen Katai? We were supposed to go to the new cafe later but I can’t find him.

Nikolai: I saw him by the cameras, I think he was trying to fix it or smth, idfk

Kunikida: Thanks Kolya—

Fyodor: Oi! Watch it Kunikida, only I can call him Kolya.

Kunikida: I get it Fyodor, you’re in love with Nikolai but that doesn’t mean you need to be such a simp.

Fyodor: I am not—

Chuuya, Dazai, Yosano, Higuchi, Gin: Yes you are.

Kunikida: you’re lucky he’s not paying attention, as usual.

Fyodor: alright stfu. Kolya, let’s head out for now, we still got an hour before we gotta be back.

Nikolai: ‘ight, Let’s get boba!

Fyodor: whatever you’d like, Kolya!

Dazai: Nah…they’re so gay for each other, yet too stupid to realize it.

Yosano: you can’t be talking, you’re just as stupid.

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Scene: Dead Apple, Chuuya’s gotta put his face in Dazai’s crotch—

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Chuuya, reviewing the script: *murmurs* then you lean your head close in Dazai's lap— I NEED TO DO WHAT?!?!

Dazai, sitting across from Chuuya: nah, wtf, BRO?!?! ASAGIRI, IM COMING FOR YOU TOMORROW.

Chuuya: There's no way I'm doing that! It's ridiculous!

Dazai: I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to do acting with you.

Chuuya: we are gonna be laughing the whole time— what is Asagiri trying to accomplish?!

Yosano, sitting beside Asagiri, handing him a container of random foods: thank you for doing this, they need to get their feeling together, so if this doesn’t work, I’m locking them in a closet until they talk shit out.

Asagiri, sipping on his soda: so, who should we do next?

Yosano: hm… how about my idiot brother Ranpo and his “best friend” Poe, they are so in love it’s unbelievable.

Asagiri: wait— they aren’t already together?!

Yosano: Nope! Sadly.

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Scene: Nikolai frees Fyodor and Dazai, then calls Fyodor his best friend.

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Fyodor: holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!

Sigma: Bro, you good?

Fyodor: fuck, fuck, FUCK—

Sigma: Uh— Fyodor? Yo! Russian rat bitch, Are you okay?

Chuuya: no, he’s not

Sigma: Why? Tf did Dazai do to him?

Dazai: I didn’t do shit!

Sigma: then why is dawg freaking out like his favorite drag queen just died?

Chuuya: you remember the part where Nikolai held his hands?

Sigma: yeah? Why?

Dazai: well, considering it wasn’t in the script, Fyodor wasn’t expecting his crush to grab his hands so now he’s freaking out.

Nikolai: is Fedya okay?

Dazai: oh he’s fine, he’s just having a gay panic right now.

Nikolai: uh, why?

Chuuya, trying not to laugh: Bro, Nikolai, you grabbing Fyodors hands wasn’t in the script so of course he’s flustered by you, you make him blush all the time.

Nikolai: I make Fedya blush?

Dazai: Every time you get close to him he blushes and is nicer to you than the rest of us, I think Fyodor has a crush on you, Nikolai. I know you like him too.

Chuuya: Dawg, don’t even try to deny it Nikolai, I’ve seen you two have a cuddle session in the break room, you and Fyodor may not be together but you are definitely in love.

Nikolai: ok look, yes, I’m in love with Fedya, but like hell I’m gonna say somthing. I’d rather not ruin what we have now.

Sigma: I’ll lock you two in a closet until you talk about your feelings.

Nikolai: uh— no?!

Chuuya: Nikolai, Fyodor is your best friend and you’re in love with him, he’s in love with you, it’s not that hard to figure out, so tell him you love him.

Nikolai: you have no room to talk, Chuuya, you’re also in love with your best friend.

Chuuya: SHH, he’s literally right there!

Sigma: I’m gonna lock you and Dazai in a closet to talk about your feelings, as well.

Chuuya: no, I’m good

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Scene: Tecchou fighting Kenji

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Kenji: Man, when we finish filming the show, I hope that Jouno gets to live in the end, then you two can have a lovers kiss!

Tecchou: Wait what—

Jouno:What?!

Kenji: oh, c’mon! You two have so much chemistry on screen!

Jouno: Kenji, there are no feelings involved for me and Tecchou, the show isn’t even a love story!

Kenji: With the way Asagiri has everyone acting in this, it’s basically a BL

Tecchou: Kenji, why do you know what BL is, aren’t you 10 or something?

Kenji: I’m 14, not 10, but still, even off cameras you two act like a married couple.

Jouno: we don’t act like a married couple.

Kenji:I could convince Asagiri to have you two adopt me in the show later…

Tecchou: No—

Jouno: just drop it, he’s not letting this go.

Tecchou: Whatever, let’s go back to the dorms.

Jouno: Mkay

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Scene: none, just them being dumbasses

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Higuchi, kicks the break room door open: if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.

Everyone:…

Higuchi: Damn, all y’all hoes depressed.

Q: you didn’t clap either.

Higuchi: SHUT THE FUCK UP—

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elise, trying to go with Dazai when he left the Mafia

Dazai:you can’t go…

Elise, still trying.

Dazai: no…I’m sorry, you can’t go.

Elise: fuck you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gin, sitting on the steps to her apartment.

Some lady walking by: and they were roommates.

Gin: oh my god they were roommates.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elise: CHUUYA! Is that weed?!?!

Chuuya: no— it’s a crayon—

Elise: I’m calling the police!!!

Elise, types 911 on the microwave waves and they answer.

Chuuya:….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dazai: you either buckle down and do your work or you’ll end up at McDonalds.

Q: we going to McDonalds if it don’t do my work?!

Dazai: No?!?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kajii, poor a box of cereal in a bowl but lemons come out.

Kajii: welp, when life gives you lemons.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chuuya: Q, let me see what you have!!!!

Q: A KNIFE!!!!

Chuuya: NO!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[sleepdeprivationheadaches]

And now, i gladly present my incorrect quotes for SVSSS

LB: *walking into SQQ’s room* “shizun please see to it that-“

*room is empty except for a shriveled up mushroom on the bed*

LB: “…shizun?” *turns to maid* “where’s my husband?”

•meanwhile, in the Holy Mausoleum•

SQQ: *wakes up in his original body* “…IM BACK IN THIS FUCKING BODY AGAINNN?!?!? OH MY GOD.”

SQQ: *thinking* i may not be the straightest guy but i am straight…

system: *INSANELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER*

SQQ: WTF??? SYSTEM I AM NOT GAY??

system: *ANOTHER EVEN LOUDER INCORRECT BUZZER*

SQQ: SYSTEM STOP IM NOT GAY??!!

System: *ANOTHER LOUDER INCORRECT BUZZER*

SQQ: SYSTEM IM NOT GAY

system: “OOC!! OOC!!! -500 B-POINTS” *INCORRECT BUZZER NOISE*

SQQ: *tears streaming down face*

basically svsss:

SQQ: i didn't want to eat with him, but i didn't have a choice…i would’ve lost 5k b-points if i declined.

LB: “you look nice shizun…”

SQQ: “fuck you.” but it’s true…i do look nice. the system forced me to wear a beautiful gown that was just my size…skinny..but i missed my old rags. they smelled like bald donkey shit, but they were mine… *he looks down at his food* “you’ve probably poisoned it” *he says sassily*

LB: *takes a bite to prove he hasn’t*

SQQ: *tries it* damn! the food tastes just as good as it looks…which makes me angry..i don’t need his homemade food!

LB: *smirks at SQQ*

SQQ: he smirks at me, an evil, sexy, evil, sexy, smirk that shows off his pecs..UGH!! i CANT keep thinking like this!! he LITERALLY kidnapped me!!! i don't need him, or his fancy evil castle, or his homemade food, or OP-ness, or plot-armor, or the fact that they brushed my hair for the first time in five years!

and now some cumplane antics

*cumplane doing karaoke*

SQH: “OH FUCK ITS IN KOREAN!!”

SQQ: “oh my god do you know-“

SQH: “SHIT-“ *disney knees stance* “외로운 날들이여 모두 다 안녕 내 마음속의 눈물들도 이제는 안녕 !! (^_-)-☆”

SQQ: “WHAT THE FUCK?!”

SQQ: *telling SQH what happened at the water prison*

SQH: “yk what it’s giving?”

SQQ: “hm?”

SQH: “it’s giving wattpad”

*both start dying of laughter*

SQH: “so i’ve been talking to mobei-jun for a couple of weeks and i think i’m ready to ask him out”

SQQ: “i mean that’s cool that you wanna go out with him but…i heard that he only likes guys with blonde hair like-”

SQH: *hair is now blonde*

SQQ: “…bro.”

SQH: “i-i’m just chillin (·ิω·ิ)”

SQQ: “nah like how are you gonna change your entire self for a man bro like-“

SQH: “bro..he has..a hot…brother”

SQQ: *hair is also blonde now*

SQH: ( ·ิ-·ิ) …

SQQ: “see that’s a different story..”

SQH: “that’s what i’m sayin (๑·̀ㅂ·́)و✧”

airplane bro: *creates origami swan*

Shen qingqiu: “oh what’s that? can i see it?”

AB: *hands it to him* “it’s a paper swan ^_^” *clearly very proud of it*

SQQ: *smashes it and tears it up and sets it on fire* “a dead paper swan.”

AB: *tears stream down face*

*the sun gets blocked out for SQQ… it’s Mobei-Jun*

*the sun gets blocked out for MJ… it’s Luo Binghe*

Thank you for your time.

[kawkawsrii]

boruto era kakashi + godaime obito idea (with a ghostbito addition for the sillies)

omg guys hear me out, boruto era Kakashi getting into some shenanigans with a scroll and accidentally dimension traveling to a world where Obito is hokage and needs some help (minato, rin, and kushina r still kicking dwdw). I think in this other world, Obito would be the Godaime, he’s a little bit into the job- but still it’s new to him and he needs some help w it- but he doesn’t want to bug Minato too much about it / Hiruzen is not there but when is he ever lmao (interpret that as he already dead or just ready to peace out in a hospital bed). I think this could be obkk, but it’s much more explicit in the ghostbito addition. Obkk is like two birds on a wire for me, regardless of whether they are platonic or romantic, they will be together and no I won’t shut up about them.

So… Obito decides he’s gonna try some- interdimensional guidance, through the power of bs / tobirama what the fuck / hey this is fanfic don’t take it to seriously / help a boyfailure out here / minato’s well intentioned advice turned into the best or worst idea yet (bro could have added “this just my opinion tho” 😭😭😭) obito has himself an interesting little project. He finds one of Tobirama’s secret, personal projects. A scroll that erases itself everyday. Just kidding, a scroll that can communicate with other worlds (one that was never finished in his world, but was in Kakashi’s). While Tobirama never finished it, he speculates that in another world- he did finish it and if the scroll were ever finished in Hokagebito’s world, communication w/ that other world would be possible. He asks Kushina for advice without mentioning the scroll directly and raises her eyebrow, but ultimately just tells him bc she trusts Obito. Oh boy… so he gets the scroll working. Well done genius. “But what if it’s not another hokage?” There’s no harm in trying. Plus- the other person doesn’t NEED to know he’s the godaime- and worst comes to worst, he can just go RIPPPPP to that sucker lmao.

“Hey who this?” - Godaime. Nah im kidding, he writes a formal letter to the other side explaining that he completed Tobirama’s scroll, that he wants to see if it worked, that he needs… a friend. (Leaving out the fact that he’s the godaime)

Now, Kakashi gets the scroll in a very unique situation. Moreso- Tsunade gifted it to him on one of his birthdays (bc sakumo hung around w the sannin a lot) and was like “ur kid a little genius right, maybe he can figure out what this is for” bc Tobirama in Kakashi’s world never specified what it was for (or if he did, the note fell off). He’s never cared about it beyond “oh this was made by the second hokage!” (if u follow into the Tobirama is Kakashi’s grandpa theory, it’s a nice nod to his grandpa, I actually really like this head canon but I think I’ll leave it out of here). But it’s blank. Did Tsunade just-… gift him a blank scroll because the second hokage once touched it? For the next 30-40 years of his life, thats what Kakashi thinks and admittedly it’s really funny (and sweet in a way), so he keeps it on a shelf and looks at it whenever he needs to remember the simpler days.

And then, one day, the blank scroll has some writing on it.

Oh. It was- for talking with someone from another world? Okay… Kakashi’s seen weirder, still weird, but weird in a way he can somewhat comprehend. So he writes something on the other half of the scroll, and pretends that it doesn’t resemble Obito’s horrid writing (because what the hell?).

On the flip side, Obito is ecstatic, because it worked! Whoever wrote to him, must also be a hokage right? So he asks, “how did you get this scroll?”

“A friend gifted it to me”

“… you’re friends with the NIDAIME?” He has to be someone important then right?

“Not exactly.” Okay then, if he has the scroll, he has to be the current hokage. Because how could Tobirama let this scroll fall into just anyone’s hands?

“Who’s the hokage in your world?”

“Who’s the hokage in yours?” Wow, okay… and then “How many have there been in yours?”

“Five”

“Seven”

And so on. It’s like an online friendship in a way, except they’re chatting with someone worlds away. Eventually, Obito begins asking for advice (advice that’s thinly veiled as work advice (really it’s hokage work but he tries to mask it as something else)). Not because he knows the other was the Rokudaime, but because the other has become a bit of a… friend. Kakashi however, sees through this and when something only a hokage understand slips, confronts Hokage Obito “You’re the Godaime”

“Ah. Was it… obvious?”

“For the Rokudaime, yes.”

Oh. Obito becomes even more excited, and they begin signing off on their letters with Godaime and Rokudaime. Obito assumes that this Rokudaime is younger than him and apologies for asking so much advice (because if he’s the Rokudaime, the Obito in that world must have retired now). It’s just- this Rokudaime is so wise, knowledgeable, a bit of a know it all… reminds him of Kakashi. (Kakashi who he misses with all his heart, who should have been there to watch him become Hokage, who should have been there to help him with the damn papers.)

(Kakashi, whose death weighs on him heavier than any boulder).

Either way, he lets his age slip one day. On the other side, Kakashi just laughs “No, you’re younger. The kids over here have started calling me old man. How rude.” It goes on like that for a little longer. A few months into it, Minato, Rin, and Kushina find out what he’s been doing. They tease him of course, but they also worry. Obito says there’s nothing to be worried about, but still it’s some stranger right? On occasion, Rin watches as Obito writes to the stranger and wonders who could be on the other side. Kushina is worried but also upset that Obito never told her about his success! This is huge! How could he not tell her!? Minato is proud, worried, and calming down Kushina who goes on a tangent. One day, they decide to all see one of Obito and mysterious Rokudaime’s chats themselves. In some freak accident, there’s a bright glow. And then Obito’s gone, with only the scroll. Kushina obv begins to reverse engineer that crap to bring back Obito-

On the other side, Obito finally meets his inter dimensional pen pal.

What the fuck.

“YOU’RE THE ROKUDAIME?” “Obito?” That shuts him up really quickly, because Obito hasn’t heard Kakashi’s voice in such a long time. Aside from that, he’s never heard it in such a tone. “How?” Obito asks, “Was this a bet between us? Congratulations- I feel bad for this version of me though-” Kakashi makes some sad sound at that, his brows kind of furrow in a way that make’s Obito’s stomach twist. Obito can’t help but run up to this Kakashi and hug him. It’s not… too weird right? Technically they’re friends. And technically they did know each other! So, they sit on the blanket of grass, a bright clear blue sky day that Kakashi has decided to enjoy under a tree and one of jiraiya’s pervy novels??? They talk for a minute, two, three, then for about an hour until Obito can feel himself being pulled back. Before he is, he apologizes. For everything, for burdening Kakashi, for making him save Rin, for letting Kakashi fall apart, and for… Kakashi’s death.

Kakashi is in shock, but he assures Obito that… if it was him, truly him, then he had no problems with it.

When Obito returns to his world, he returns a little bit more confident, but also… he returns with tears in his eyes. Happy. Sad. Hopeful.

“I saw him. The Rokudaime. I saw Kakashi.”

Now… I could end this here. And, if you like leaving it at that, then it ends with the scroll being destroyed as a result of Kushina’s interference to bring Obito back. HOWEVER- if u like ghostbito / actual, solid not up to interpretation obkk have I got a pitch for u

GHOSTBITO IDEA

The scroll isn’t destroyed, rather, it gains a new attribute. Being able to travel between worlds, and when Obito is yanked back… so is Kakashi. Whoopsies! Cue, really really emotional scene, omg Kakashi grew up! OMG KAKASHI BECAME HOKAGE- and also cue, Obito showing Kakashi around his Konoha (which is sort of the same, but with many differences. For one, the Uchiha are still around. For two, Minato, Kushina, and Rin are alive. For three, Obito was Team 7’s sensei). Yeah it’s sort of a date, but Obito won’t admit that and Kakashi is oblivious bc free vacation (out of Obito’s salary).

When it’s time for Kakashi to go back, they decide. Maybe, they’ll keep seeing each other, keep being friends. Now they’re not, exactly each other’s Kakashi and Obito, but they can be new friends instead. A new introduction is needed, so they reintroduce themselves. Okay now, Ghostbito is def still looking out for Kakashi. Yeah he’s enjoying the afterlife w/ Rin, ofc, but sometimes… he can’t help but take a peak into Kakashi’s life. Now, seeing that Kakashi had a pen pal was exciting, fun even. Until he sees who the pen pal was, and until he (who’s attached to Kakashi) is also dragged into the dimension travel. Because NO! Kakashi is his teammate! That Obito is not him! It’s childish and Obito has 100% stopped being like that ages ago, but also he can’t help it. That Obito didn’t give Kakashi his eye, he did.

And he sees it, the things Kakashi misses, the way this Obito blushes around Kakashi like how he did around Rin all those years ago. The way this Obito offers his hand in jest (but not really) to drag Kakashi to all of his favorite spots. The way Kakashi looks happy-, oh. Kakashi looks happy. Who is he to ruin that for Kakashi? No, he won’t. Not again. And it’s not like he has beef with Kakashi… no, he has beef with… himself??? Well, he has beef with this Obito!!!

Cue, Godaime Obito getting haunted as ghostbito starts beefing w/ himself from another world. Both of whom, have feelings for Kakashi albeit only one of them can actually pursue him. I think Ghostbito wants Kakashi to move on, but like… NOT LIKE THIS 😭😭😭 in his opinion it’s like a downgrade like why couldn’t Kakashi just be w literally anyone else? Gai, Iruka, Anko, Yamato, Mei, Shizune- literally anyone else!!!

Feel free to add on, I just had a crack idea and began to roll with it. This also led me to another idea, but instead of Ghostbito and Godaimebito beefing it’s Jonin/about to be Godaime Obito and Post-war Obito beefing (w similar plot points being the dimension travel). I just think Obito having beef w every alternate self he encounters is really funny, that man doesn’t play, especially if it’s about his teammates like 😭😭😭 also the idea of Joninbito AU! Obito and Kakashi meeting Postwar AU Obito and Kakashi is funny, I’ll write it later methinks