#need to fix that but it's difficult when im in a mental Place and im trying to move house

[lesbin]

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[toothtalk]

Hi! I just read ur post about dental care and taking care of your teeth while being neurodivergent!! These past few years of my life I have been stuck in a pretty debilitating ocd spiral that took up all my time, and unfortunately as a reault my dental care fell just incredibly through the cracks, as I couldn’t focus on anything but my ocd. I just went back to the dentist after 6 years, and I have 18 cavities!!!! I’m hopefully getting them filled but it’s gonna be a hard process and im really nervous plus I feel extremely digusted at myself for letting myself get this bad, I don’t know a single person who’s had this many in one go!! before this I never had any real dental issues, and never had more than a cleaning. Any advice on what kind of questions I should be asking in my treatment consultation? Or what to expect / how to make this easier/ manage it?

first off, i just want to say i am so proud of you for going to see the dentist again! that is a huge and super difficult step, and you will be so much healthier for it.

i hope i've gotten to this ask in time, but if you've already had your treatment consultation i'm so sorry and i would love to hear how it went! i'll go ahead and tell you what i can, in hopes that even if you've already had it, it will help others reading this post:

i know 18 cavities sounds really intimidating, especially for someone who's never had one before, but i want you to know that having cavities is not a moral failing. i have ocd too, and i know it's so hard to not shame ourselves for things like this, but i promise you are not a bad or disgusting person, and you are far from the only person who struggled to care for their teeth while going through a difficult period with their mental health.

when i do a treatment consult with my patients, i try to approach it from an educational standpoint. i explain why they need the treatment they do, go through the process of what they're getting done if they're not familiar with the procedure, and break the treatment down into steps. hopefully your treatment coordinator will take a similar approach when you sit down with them, but don't hesitate to ask them questions. you've never had fillings before, and it makes sense that you're nervous! they should be able to walk you through exactly what the appointments will look like, and how you can best prepare for them and care for your new fillings at home afterwards.

your dentist will likely have you in for multiple visits; they'll work on one section of your mouth at a time, so that you won't be numb all over or have to sit in the chair for hours on end. it's very important that you keep up on your homecare so that the cavities don't grow while you're waiting for that section to be worked on. you can ask about what options they have to arrest the decay in the meantime; silver diamine fluoride is very popular for this, but it will stain your cavities until they are fixed, so some patients opt to not do that. a prescription strength toothpaste is never a bad idea, either, and it can slow the rate of decay for the time being.

please try not to self-flagellate about your cavities. i'm happy you're back in a place where you can care for yourself, but shaming ourselves for how we survived difficult times will never be the answer. you made it and now you're helping yourself get healthy again! that's so beautiful!

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This blog is for educational and informational purposes only. This does not constitute providing medical advice or professional services. Information on this blog should NOT be used for diagnostics or treating a health problem. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified dental health provider regarding diagnosis and treatment of a dental condition.Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this blog.

[ct2n]

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Tips for burnout

Shifterss *ੈ✩‧₊˚

— *ੈ✩‧₊˚ Shifting motivation *ੈ✩‧₊˚—

u are in charge of ur journey, not anyone else. So if u don’t wanna shift again or “can’t” shift then take a break. Shifting isn’t a job or a career, it’s a skill u choose to use. Shifting doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated or frustrating.

Shifting also isn’t something u have to do right now. If u haven’t shifted yet then that’s fine but also take a moment to reflect on what’s causing u not to shift. Maybe it’s a method ur using, or ur head isn’t in the best place right now. Whatever it is, u need to deal with it to help u shift. I’m not saying u can’t shift without having worries or doubts or fears, but some things may be pushing u back or holding u back from shifting.shifting is 100% real so shift when u know ur ready. It may take a good minute but trying is better then not trying at all.

— *ੈ✩‧₊˚ Shifting mindset*ੈ✩‧₊˚—

reprogram ur mind to shift, if ur stuck on one aspect of shifting or ur not fully understanding how shifting works dont let that hold u back from shifting. U don’t have to understand something fully for mind to do it, u can just do it. Finding the mental block that keep holding u back and reprogramming ur mind to let go of that belief or behavior surrounding shifting. Will help u over come ur burn out and find out why it may not be happening for u right now.

Take some time to reflect on ur past shifting journey and try to figure out some reasons why u keep getting burnt out. Maybe ur focused on the wrong things like having ur script finished. Or ur not consistent enough with ur journey, or maybe ur to analytical about ur shifting journey. Whatever it maybe find it and accept it and move on. Change that part of ur journey and continue moving on. I’m not saying obess over that for weeks im saying use that to better urself and not do it in the future.

— *ੈ✩‧₊˚Taking Breaks *ੈ✩‧₊˚—

Take a break from ur shifting journey, and use that time to focus on something else, weather that be school, an hobby or just life in general. Take time to self reflect and care for urself. Shifting should be easy but if it isn’t that’s completely fine too but all im saying is if it’s getting more difficult for u, relax for a little bit then come back to shifting. And yk u must think “well what if im about to shift” or something like that. Baby shifting will always be there but ur mental health and time won’t. Burning urself out before u get to ur dr will make not only ur cr self burnt out but also ur dr self to. If you were to shift when u weren’t ready there might be things in ur dr that ur not prepared for mentally. Which will cause further damage to ur mental health then if u just took a break.

— *ੈ✩‧₊˚Stop putting shifting on a pedestal *ੈ✩‧₊˚—

Shifting isn’t a new idea or new concept that can magically fix ur problems. Shifting is real and when u shift all ur doing is shift to another version of life, it may be a slightly better version but it’s still life. When u realize that you’ll stop putting shifting on this high standard in ur life. Shifting is a skill and how u wanna use it is dependent on u. So don’t expect to shift to ur dr and have a magically time just cause u thought ur dr was some fanfic or fantasy for urself. Shifting is fun but only if u realize it’s a real thing. U will experience those things in ur dr and u will experience sadness and happiness.

Don’t use shifting as a way to escape ur cr. Like I said about it being real dont use it as a way to escape ur cr problems. Shifting is just shifting it isn’t a magical tool that will fix everything in ur life.

— *ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚—

Ik some of the stuff in here isn’t all sunshine in rainbows but some of yall needed to hear this stuff. But take care of urself and u will shift!!

[minimiance]

hey guys i think i might actually start writing on here more actively again :) ive been so swamped with schoolwork and i still am (the woes of a college student) but im mentally a lot better!

I know this doesnt matter much to anyone, just rambling abt my life, but its my blog so ill talk abt whatever i want to talk abt‼️ for a long time i was kinda letting myself stay friends with people i didnt like and letting people push my boundaries often. and i realized i was just miserable. normal lighthearted gossip was treated as if i was so genuinely upset or caught up on something when i just wasnt. every problem i had was so hyperfixated on and it had gotten to a point where the positive parts of my life were being ignored and then like i had just never brought it up. and it was killing me, i felt like so many people that were supposed to be my friend had the wrong perception of me just because they had met me during a point in my life were i was already in a bad mental space.

and at some point i realized that my mental illness wasnt making my life as miserable as i thought it was. everything bad that happened i had pinned or blamed on the fact that im schizoaffective, because it was the reason and excuse that people accepted the easiest. that i was miserable because i was mentally ill. and yes, it definitely played into. coming out of my almost year long depressive episode was difficult. i was grasping with suicidal ideation all the time, to the point where it impacted how i could function. to the point where it DID make being happy hard. but i wasnt just never happy.

this past year ive lived through so many new experiences, and while im so happy to see the friends that were hurting me out of my life i will still miss it, because there were happy memories attached to it. but i realized that the happy moments were becoming fewer and farther between. they only paid attention to the things i told them about that were negative. not that i had gotten a new job, or that i was finally taking my meds again, or that i had found someone that i could move in with and that i was saving for my own place: and never that i was just in a good mood. and i admit, im a gossip, i can understand that not everyone likes that. but to only be told that after i broke away the friendship when ive always only ever asked for honesty kinda sucked. i felt like i was only viewed as everything bad that had happened in my life.

and it kept me down, i felt like my boundaries were always pushed a step too far, that my questions were ignored for a bit too long, that i was dismissed far too easily. and it sucks, when someone who met you right down in the beginning of your slump, someone who helped you grieve, who got you food when you had none in your house, who genuinely did love you just also didnt like you. i dont doubt that i was very genuinely loved, but i wasnt liked, and i wasnt understood. when everything i did was called into critique even when unprompted or asked for, i began to wonder if maybe i just wasnt correct in… being me.

i felt like it was like they thought i had to handled. saved or fixed or something or another. that there was something so inherently wrong with me that they saw me and didnt think of me as me, but as someone who needed to be saved. and i didnt, ive never needed a handler, or a savior, or someone who wanted to fix me. my problems werent ones that could be fixed, but rather what i needed was support to make those problems more manageable.

but i knew it was time to call it quits when i realized that suicidal ideation was getting to a dangerous spot. when i couldnt spend a single night alone without inflicting myself with pain. when fiddling with the idea turned into fiddling with the trigger. it was suddenly so real, what i had become and where my life was at in that moment. and i realized i couldnt die, i didnt truly want to.

death has come into my life twice in very rapid succession in the past couple of years. its insane how close the events feel despite having a year between them. but grief kills, and when my slump had first gotten better it catapulted me straight back down.

but im not down anymore. and honestly, i havent been that far down in a long time. of course my mind still has that haze of grief, and of course the uncontrollable will still happen. but really, ive felt a lot of genuine joy this past few months. and im a lot more at peace now realizing that the people who couldnt see the joy that i had grown into are finally out of my life.

and on the note, im gonna start writing again :) whenever i have some time set aside, and whenever im ready to type something up, i will. and it wont be what i think other people are willing to see anymore, but instead just what i want to write. thank you to the people who follow me who have been with me through this journey, even though you didnt know it :)

[fortloser]

Hello again! Sooo kinda a personal question but what was yalls childhoods like?

(Also, hope u feel better snipes!)

-Terror

Hallo everyone! I finally got my hands on those portraits! Now most of the others became rather uncomfortable when I started questioning them about their youths. I got answers ranging from “why are you so bloody intrested in how im doing! There’s nothing special about me or my childhood, now bugger off.” to more reasonable explanations. I tried calling Scout on his cellular device but he seemed very preoccupied. Oh well, he’ll get back to you on that, onto the testimonies! Brace yourself friends this will be somewhat lengthy.

I first approached herr Demo, and getting him to open up was fairly easy. His favorite alcoholic beverage and a snack did the trick!

“ It must be me birthday if yer spoiling me rotten doc, I guess I can share something about me youth if yer willing to lend an ear. I grew up in Glencoe Scotland, a great place if you like trails and hiking. Me mum and dad were professional monster hunters and me being the wee little lad that I was wanted to impress em with the greatest catch any child could give their parents, the Loch Ness monster! I did it all on me own but it came at a cost,,”

After that herr demo just stared off in the distance and I made a mental note to ask him more about that later, The Engineer was also very open about his youth! I came to him shortly after dinner knowing he would be busying himself with one of his long-term projects and would enjoy some company, his leg was still a little stiff from a rather nasty fall and so movement was difficult at times. He was more than happy to talk while I assisted.

“Luckenbach Texas, everybody is somebody there. It was recently bought by a goat farmer. Can you believe that? He called himself an Imagineer and after that, a bunch of hillbilly musicians started moving in. Can't complain though, It breathed new life into my home, I hated going back and seeing the state it was in. My mom and pop own a small pig farm there, and I still try to visit though unlike my good-for-nothing twin with his stupid fancy job at “NASA”,,

I don't think I should share his personal frustration about his twin with the public so let's move on, yes? The next day I approached Heavy, he was last on my list and seemingly already aware of me interrogating the entire team, and as he was cleaning his minigun he told me to take a seat.

“You want to know about heavy, Da? Then I will tell you about heavy. Grew up in big town near mountain, you would not know it. Had big family, many sisters and brothers but Heavy was oldest. Family was poor but happy, loved summer, snow would melt and grass and flowers would show, heavy likes this. Went to good school had many friends, now heavy works to give family same life. Doctor is happy  with answer?”

I was surprised he was so willing to talk about his youth, I politely thanked him and left to prepare for that day's battle, I suppose that only leaves me left.

I was born in Germany, my mother was German and my father was Dutch and they both moved to Germany so my mother could be close to her family, he was a watchmaker and she was an artist, this relationship did not last and they got divorced. My motherstayed in germany allowing my father to raise me on his own back in the netherlands. I spent a lot of time in my father's workshop while he was trying to fix up old clocks. I didn't have many friends but who needs them when you have books and wildlife to observe? I excelled in all of my studies and pursued medicine, and eventually ended up here writing to you after I just finished up patching the last of my colleagues.

Stay healthy

With kind regards medic

[jemmo]

to say im in love with the most recent ep of my personal weatherman would be a gross understatement bc my god, i dont think a show has ever pulled off two idiots that are in love and don’t know how to express it so perfectly. 

(put in a read more bc wow that got long)

and this ep is perfect for that bc it explains so well segasaki’s behaviors and attitudes up to this point, where we previously hadn’t got to see that much behind his curtain. we’ve seen yoh, we’re privy to his inner thoughts a lot, and we know why he’s in a difficult place with his feelings at the moment, and we know the way he perceives segasaki, which was complicated to begin with and has only gotten more so. but in this ep, we get to see this whole journey of where segasaki has come from, why he is the way he is, and how he found some kind of solace with yoh, and why he’s panicking at the idea of that solace crumbling.

and it’s genius bc it’s a backstory i never really saw coming, it’s one of the few times i could predict something in a bl. this idea of him not being an outright people pleaser, more so just a good observer of the status quo and acting accordingly to get by with as few problems as possible. and with his looks, his general demeanor and such, it means he can easily integrate with these ‘popular’ people who aren’t actually popular, they just act the way that they think gains them popularity, namely acting superior. it’s never that segasaki was like that, they were just his social security blanket.

(and no, it does not escape me that this set up is very much like utsukushii kare and I’d very much like to dive into how those shows take this same basis to establish in some ways very different and in other ways very similar relationships, and why so often with these dynamics we see these recurring themes of like… extreme obsession and dependency and a fear of being left, but another day)

I think what was a real breakthrough for segasaki wasn’t just first glance, but seeing those drawings of himself yoh did, seeing himself being that removed and void and emotionless and realizing that this random kid he didn’t even know and who’d only seen him for a moment could see that in him. and it’s this simultaneously realization in himself and these burgeoning feelings for yoh that lead to this change. he’s not dropping the mask, it’s more so that he feels this comfort around yoh that he’s never felt before and so he’s suddenly realizing how exhausting it is to put on the act. and he’s both treacherous and unsure and unwilling to expose himself in that way, but also feels this need to reject it now that he knows the weight of it.

and just like that, as soon as it slips, as soon as he lets yoh in, my god he just becomes fixed. he just like yes, this one, he’s mine, end of story. but it’s insane to me that, despite all the undertones, none of it is romantic at this point, and even to where we are in the present, none of it is ever presented or established as a romantic relationship between them. it’s sexual and dependent, bc they both know they need each other, segasaki especially, but they just aren’t able to recognize that it is romantic. and it keeps coming back to this thing about smiling, that the other never smiles for them, or segasaki saying i can smile better than that, they just want to see each other happy, and they want that happiness to be because of them. but bc of the mental places they come from, my good they just cannot do that. it’s such a mental block for them both. yoh is coming from this place of having complicated feelings but all the way back in those early eps, he did all this stuff for segasaki and just got indifference in return and he just wants to feel like those efforts are appreciated, that he is appreciated, and when segesaki said what he did about his manga, that’s the clearest way yoh has got the message that segasaki doesn’t appreciate him as a person. meanwhile segasaki is just so dependent on yoh at this point but still has this lingering tendency not to show his true emotions and remain stoic and removed bc that’s just what he’s used to, and while he does try to communicate his feelings for yoh in some ways, they’re just not the best and yoh doesn’t register, hence the way he behaves, so uptight and on edge around segasaki, that when he sees yoh smiling or having fun or at ease around other people, he just panics and goes to extremes and you know… ties yoh up. he just can’t handle the idea of yoh finding happiness elsewhere bc then he’ll leave and segasaki will suffocate. literally, going back having that front on all the time, like when he’s at work, with no escape, it’ll stifle him so much he can’t breathe. but this is where segasaki needs to start unlearning what he’s used to and being honest and open, and equally yoh needs to speak up for himself if he wants something to change.

but also with yoh, and i wrote about this before when i said this show was like watching two people trying to reconcile with and navigate wanting a dom/sub relationship, or at least something with those undertones, and not just sexually (or even sexually at all), but in their dynamic. bc in these flashbacks we see the essences of that kind of relationship that they have shown up to now, and this is their first prolonged interaction, which shows this isn’t just something that’s been put on them or evolved into per say, it’s a way they naturally behave, their tendencies, that manage to sync up. yoh is instantly willing and eager to serve, to tend to segasaki, not just feed him but cook for him where he isn’t a proficient cook just bc segasaki said he doesn’t like convenience food as an offhand comment. like not many people would go and make a full curry in a guy’s house you’ve talked to maybe 4 times just for that reason, but he does. equally, he goes out and buys a whole range of drinks and puts them out for segasaki to pick bc he hopes that in those choices he picked the one that was right, and in that small interaction of segasaki saying he didn’t mind then picking one, the way yoh goes from disheartened to happy with himself. he wants to look after segasaki, to serve him, and his feelings get complicated when, as we saw with those drinks, he doesn’t get appreciated for it. so when he does the cooking and cleaning and laundry and segasaki doesn’t seem happy about it, that’s when he gets annoyed and angry.

and on the other side, you see segasaki immediately unleash this need to be the only person in yoh’s life, this obsession, to know him the most, and for him to be the only person yoh does these things for. he eats a curry and asks for the rest to be saved in tupperware for him to eat later solely bc he wants to be the only one that knows the exact way in which yoh’s cooking is bad. he wants the joy of someone asking yoh if he can cook, and yoh saying he can make curry, for only him to know he actually can’t, it’s awful. and it’s the way the underlying thing of it is seeing these bad points, these weaknesses of yoh, is what he enjoys as well as the want to see him happy only for him and only because of him. it’s wanting to be able to hold those extremes over yoh, make him overjoyed bc he appreciates him and praises him so much, but also squirm and feel bad bc he knows the ways in which he is imperfect, bc he doesn’t see them as flaws, he sees them as the intricate ways he knows all of yoh there is to know. if that does not scream dom, idk what does.

and what i hope for in this final ep is some kind of exploration in finding happiness in the exact kinda fucked up way their relationship works. i want segasaki to tie yoh up and say these things about him not being allowed to see other people, and for yoh to both stand up for himself but also kind of… like it. it’s such a hard line to tread bc you don’t want to present some of these things as ok, but I think it’s important to show that before you can behave these ways knowing it’s ok, and esp if you don’t have good communication, you have to kind of just… do it. and i think these people care enough about each other that it would never cross the line, but at least in this fictional space it feels like it needs to be there for them to explore it and find the ways they both enjoy it (and im saying this fully only commenting on this in fiction and the way the story is, not a real life situation) anyway, I just think it would be great to show how, in a roundabout, messy way, these two people manage to get on the same page and communicate better and enjoy the ways they are dependent on and obsessed with each other bc at the end of the day they are just so fucking in love with each other, and this is just the way that’s expressed. it’s not gonna be a case of oh I see I was too much I was wrong I love you let’s me a nice happy lovey dovey couple, it’s very much i love you I’m obsessed with you our dynamic is still our dynamic but now we just smile a lot more bc we know we are both happy with the way we love each other. it’s about removing that grey area of doubt for both of them, knowing yes I am appreciated and yes I won’t be left, bc they learn the ways to show their feelings to each other that removes those doubts.

and finally, both bc i forgot earlier and bc i loved it so much and it made me cry a lot (it’s been a long week, spare me), I wanna talk about that prolonged head pat. the way segasaki does it, not just a pat but playing with the hair and down to his ear, more like the actions of an inquisitive baby than anything else, bc that’s what he is in that moment, inquisitive as to why this boy makes him feel this type of way, and the way yoh keeps glancing to it and doing that small laugh that you do when something seems awkward and you wanna draw attention to it hoping someone will see it’s awkward and stop, or at least acknowledge it, bc he’s uncomfortable, but segasaki doesn’t do anything, doesn’t stop or acknowledge what he’s doing, he just carries on, and it’s almost like he looks at yoh as to say no I’m not stopping I’m gonna do this yes it might be weird and kinda awkward but I want to do it so I will and i won’t be the one to stop myself just bc you’re signaling that you’re a little uncomfortable. and ultimately yoh does nothing, doesn’t move the hand, doesn’t even move away from the touch, he just lets it happen, let’s the moment be weird and uncomfortable but also feels that weird joy from it. and like… at least for me, that’s the spark of someone finding out they like that weird idea of being praised and appreciated, and it’s magical that segasaki ignites that in him bc of the specific way he is at his core, not the mask but instead letting feeling out and acting on impulse, being brazen and forward and not backing down when he does something. I just thing it’s beautiful that you see in these flashbacks all these small ways in which they discover the dynamic of their relationship and how it proves that there can be a future where they’re both happy in it after they get over their own doubts and learn to communicate better. honestly this show is just such a treat to pick apart and explore lenses to read it from and god i don’t want it to end

[spacehomos]

today one coworker quit, the other told me my sneezes are quick and to the point. story time of coworker quiting below the cut

OKAY SO

backstory, i work at a place with 4 people there. The boss (Owner), Minion 1 (worked there 4 months) Ex-Minion 2 (worked there a month and a half or so) and Me (Right hand man/Manager)

Minion 1 and i are like this 🤞 (crossed fingers) and we get along well and she distracts me too much but its fun to chit chat. Ex-Minion 2 ( Cant read a ruler dumbass) is 20 yo and what we have come to discover a LIAR.

okay, i work in an embroidery shop and i do the planning and they do the sewing right, well M2(minion 2) is not picking up what we are trying to teach them, and we are like ???? its not difficult instruction.

I once told her how to fix a mistake that she had made a number of times and when i finished telling her, i noticed she didnt listen to a damn thing i said so i asked her to repeat what i just said to her and she COULD NOT. Like listening skills, ??? hello??? i have told you a series of instructions that will literally save you from having to come tell me you made a mistake, and instead fix it yourself, like thats a great thing to know and use. I explained it again and had her repeat it and she remembered it. so thats like red flag no 1.

red flag no2, she tells us she plays softball, nice ya know. 2 week shes working she gets injured on the field, and comes limping in and then gets picked up from work to go to the urgent care, is off work remainder of thursday, friday, closed weekends and return monday, ON ONE CRUTCH. (SIDE NOTE MINION 1 🤞 is an athletic trainer at the university so she is WELL VERSED in sports injuries and pretty much tells her, yeah you gotta get that checked out, then she tells her she will likely be in a boot for a while, next day m2 comes in with a boot, last 2 days.)

Red flag no3. last week and this week. She falls ill. middle of the work day she asks to go get her jacket from her car and that she "isnt feeling good" *ring ring ring* thats the oldest trick in the book, i start a mental countdown for her asking to go home, its about 2 hours later she is clocking out. I'm on my lunch break in the back and she comes up to me and says hey im not feeling well can i go home, and im like sure man, like if youre not feeling well and cant do your job then please go home, dont worry about it. ya know good boss things, like even if i felt she was lying, who am i to stop fsomeone from not wanting to be paid, fareware good luck hope you feel better, imma stay here and collect my paycheck, she goees home on thursday and does not return until tuesday. this past tuesday.

Red flag no 4. She comes in after being sick. im not going to lie i am not friendly, i am not into pleasantries so just said hi, i didnt really ask her how she was doing, but i wouldnt do that for most people so oof w/e anyway. we have a large hat order that needs to be shipped out by a certain day to meet a deadline, the customer took their time replying to me so, so we were rushed. She returned right into the thick of it. BUT at the shop that is actually a good thing, because the work is repetitive and pretty easy to be honest, BUT you do have to be up on your feet pretty much the whole time to make sure things are going smoothly or be will to get up and down at any moments notice. So like most daytime retail jobs. So i get her off tell her what to do, and the FIRST HAT, THE VERY FIRST ONE, NOT EVEN A LETTER INTO THE DESIGN. hey i think something went wrong. me internally *WHAT HTE FUCK* so i get up and take a look to make sure nothing did go wrong you know, because that is a possibility, so i go take a look and she made the mistake that i TOLD HER HOW TO FIX. she improperly put the hoop on the machine and then had to take it off and put it back on and then put it on a different way, (the incorrect part could be the first or the 2nd time, the results are the same) so the machine sewed in different parts of the cap.

Fixing this on the hat and the machine isnt big deal, it happens it took me no more than 2 minutes to fix, BUT I TOLD HER HOW TO DO IT. I MADE HER REPEAT TO ME BACK THE STEPS ON HOW TO SOLVE THIS HERSELF. so tell her that she made the mistake and how it was made, fixed the cap, reset the cap and made sure it would sew correctly, ez enough right.

Red flag 5. Dimensions.

THIS BITCH CANT READ A RULER. So the cap order is finished right time to ship it out on time. she finishes up the hats and gets them all into a box. i tell her "put that box in here *points to a box that is taller but the same width and length of the box she is holding*. and get the dimensions and weight of the box and write it on this sheet"

BLANK ASS STARE.

me: put that box in this box and tape it up and then get the width, length, and height of this box and also the weight. round up to the next number to make it easy" M2: wait im confused. you want me to take these hats out of this box and put them in there? me: ??????????? youre goin to take that box in your hands and put it in this box and get the dimensions of this box m2: wait what me: (ANNOYED) put that box in this box. m2:she puts the box in the box me: okay now get the measurements of it m2: um okay me: *walks away because what the fuck*

okay so like thats wild, as im talking to m1 about another job also going on, i see that shes trying taking the measurements without taping up the box, so i just speak to her and tell her to tape it up first. i go back to the office to get paperwork and come back out and i see that m2 is trying to m1's attention, but m1 is at the back of the machine tying thread together, which i literally just instructed her to do, so i go help m2. shes holding the ruler up to the box, hold up im going to draw this becaue its been pisisng me off

right so thats what i walk up to. the yardstick reads at like 14 and 3/8 nearly 14.5.

me: whats up?

the damning evidence m2:*huffy and puffy* i know what 14 is and i know what 15 is, but i dont know what all the rest it, i know 14 and a half but i dont know how to do this.

me: (LOOSING IT INTERNALLY) it doesnt matter just round up to the next number. (SEE I KEEP MY COOL, MAKE IT EASY) me: Have you never taken the dimensions of anything? (i loose my cool) m2: Sorry ive never done this! (but defensive about it) me: round up on the weight too me: walks away. (to boss) me to boss: She doesnt know how to read a ruler boss: what me: repeats self boss: okay we're gonna have to talk with her.

scene

OKAY SO LIKE AM I THE ASSHOLE AITA BRO WHAT THE FUCK

anyway me and the boss decide that we are going to cut her hours because like what the fuck man, if we know you cannot read a ruler we are not going to trust you with things that require precision, and we dont have enough unprecise work to keep you around for 8 hours a day

TODAY

new schedule. M1 works full time, m2 M,W,F, 1-5 right

morning going smoothly, there a few things that need to be rushed out asap, so im working on that, get it all taken care of, have shirt to press that also need to go out so i get that going, fridays are our busiest days

m2 shows up. I already know what im going to have her do, there is a list and her workspace is clear and ready to ya know just get to work, which i would appreciate, as we have struggled to find things for her to do recently but we were super busy this week.

Her tasks. Sew a sample of design i created on a scrap hat to make sure its going to sew well, then once i approve it sew the dozen or so hats, then do the next job, another dozen caps, and then the next- another dozen or so hats.

So the clock in machine is in the back right. so goes clocks in and then walks up to the front and is talking on the phone saying "Why didnt you pick up the first time i called you, i hate when you do this" just ya know disgruntled phone call and walking up to the front door and looking out of the window. okay whatever ya know, if you had to make that phone call seconds after you clock in then so be it, who am i to tell someone to end their phone call, i go back to pressing shirts.

A customer comes in, i go out front to see what they need. its a somewhat complicated question so im talking to this person for some time, getting information, looking at past orders, understanding what they want, ya know just taking an order and speaking with a customer. M1 comes out and just stands by me, again nothing out of the ordinary, perhaps shes waiting to ask me questions or knows the customer, she goes into the back , then returns again. then the boss comes out and recognized the customer and takes over the interaction as she has much more knowledge about what they have ordered in the pst and would be much more knowledgeable in what they are wanting, also had hella shirts to press.

i go back to the press and m2 says to me and m1 "im leaving forever"

im like???

m2: im quitting, i cant have a part time job and this isnt worth it i have to get another full time job and i cant have this job and also another job so im leaving, me: okay like right now or finish the day or? m2: no im leaving right now,

m2 is a very shy person but the look she had on her face was WILD, she was smiling like she just won, a vindictive smile,

me: oh okay well, good luck with your future endeavors and all the best in the search for a job m2: leaves

LMAO OKAY

THATS JUST MY SIDE OF THE STORY

m1 side of the story

manager is with a customer, and m2 is done with her phone call, ill tell m2 what manager told me that m2 was going to do. she does so, explains what i said earlier.

m2 read the board and looks for the job but cant find the hats (doesnt matter because i need a sample of the design and we use different hats for samples that the customers ordered hats) m1 tells hers its for a sample and would have to find a hat from the scrap hat,

m2 goes over to where the scrap hats are and slaps the job's paper work on the table and says

"I CANT DO THIS I QUIT!"

m2 walks to boss

m1 comes out to the front where i am talking with the customer, litterelay does even get a chance to say anything bc m2 walks away to the boss before m1 can even react. m1 goes back to the back and then passes by boss who is going to the front (with me)

THEN THERE IS THE BOSS' STORY

She is on the phone with UPS due to a shipping label mishap and is trying to get that resolved. M2 is standing at the door wanting to talk but boss is in the middle of a few things so says one sec let me reply to this email. she reply and m2 tells her that shes quiting and HAS A JOB LINED UP AT DOMINOS AND HAS TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW.

Boss is shocked but like uh yeah okay um okay, sure. (weight lifted off her sholders) BECAUSE!!!!! this is supposed granddaughter of a friend and business partner of hers,BUT earlier in the day found out it is not a blood relation and more so friends daughter has taken m2 under her wing and is grandma in more of a social sense but not truly family.

so m2 leaves

we then piece together our stories.

m2 told boss that she has a job lined up, and needs to leave immedietly for it.

m2 causes a scene infront of m1, me or the boss didnt hear it

m2 tells me and m1 that she needs to look for another job and that she is leaving right now

We were flabergasted as fuck, but also relived because like ??? good riddance she couldnt read a fucking ruler

anyway. today was busy like every friday and i think we have a cool new older butch starting next week sometime

thanks for coming to my story time, ignore all typos unless its so bad you need clarification then please ask lmao

if you read all 2.3k words of that i love you and also what the fuck right am i the asshole or is that a crazy type beat

[z-i-a-f-o-x]

(leaving this anon b/c im not looking for any personal reassurance)... Reading your answer from this morning about how you're doing made me think of asking this. What do you wish others understood about your current struggles? Is there anything your friends and loved ones could do differently that would make it easier on you? If there is no concrete answer, that's ok, we will remain patient and be here to support you no matter what.

I was hesitant to answer this question, because I hate the idea of any of my loved ones feeling guilty realizing that they might have made instances harder on me. I know these things were unknown, but more importantly, were also done out of love and good intention.

When I isolate for a long period of time, it’s very difficult for me to find my way back into a social space. A lot of times I feel inclined to reach out or laugh with friends again, and I get bombarded. I know it’s because I’m deeply missed, but it can feel overwhelming and makes me want to retreat again. Perhaps because i do have a short social battery to begin with, even when I’m in a mentally healthy place, I’m unsure. I just want to seamlessly blend into whatever banter or conversation that is already happening, without the pressure of becoming the sole immediate focus. I think that’s what can be difficult for me as a Camgirl sometimes in general actually — Sometimes I wish I was just another friend within my friend group, instead of the like.. the one with the spot light.

Another thing that’s hard for me when I’m deeply struggling like I am now, is even just having people ask me how I am / how my day is going / how am I feeling etc. — Often times the answer is not great.. and if you see me interacting it’s because I’m actively trying to get a dopamine fix and distract myself from thinking about how terrible it all is. When I read those questions, even when asked out of concern and genuine curiosity, it’s just an unavoidable reminder of how dark of a place I’m lost in. I love when my friends are there for me when I need to vent or analyze whatever issue is going on with me, but not when I’m just jumping in for some giggles and light chats. I’d rather any other ice breaker honestly.

[onlyjaeyun]

Zaidieee loveee!! How are you??? How’s your day been?? No how has your week been? I’ve never felt so attached to an author before but I’ve missed you so much is an understatement. When will you be active again?? And by active no I don’t mean your works, I mean replying to asks regularly???? I miss youuu, I need updates daily or I’ll DIE. Is there any drama? Family drama? Campus drama? Work drama? ANYTHING?? Also I have some basic questions for you

1. What’s your favorite season?

2. What’s your favorite food and drink

3. What’s your avorite place

4. What’s your favorite work of yours?

5. What’s your favorite work of someone else?

6. When’s your birthday?

7. Can we PLEASE be moots?? 😭😭

Love you Zaidie, don’t skip meals and remember to update me or I’ll srsly throw a fit 😭😭🩷

hi baby!!!!

thank you so much for the love, I deffo miss you all a lot too and am patiently waiting for the times where life's a little less hectic so I can actually find the energy to properly interact with you guys again!!!</3

atm life's been a little uninteresting, its just hectic because I feel like I keep having to do things and am mentally preparing myself for the semester which starts next week :// but besides that everything's been okay, im just very exhausted from constant social interaction and am genuinely craving a day where im just by myself doing nothinggg </3

to answer your questions!

im an autumn girly all the way!!! I love spring too but autumn is usually the perfect temperature and I love the whole transition to winter!!!!

I love lasagna and sushi!! my fave drinks are anything bitter lemon related lmao

favorite place is deffo my bed im not even trying to be corny or whatever I just love spending time in my bed lol

that question is always so difficult but ive recently resisted my old blogs and one big fave is a fanfic called "what you deserve" which I wrote for an anime character (tooth oikawa from haikyuu!!) which isn't up anymore but it's a 10k worded old friends to lovers fix and kinda means a lot to me idk might reupload it for one of the boys !!!

I've read so much ff in the past few years ive literally forgotten about most or they're just fuzed in my head lmao but I lit love everything my moots write

September 18th!

and yes ofc!!

thank you so much for this baby, I hope youre taking care of yourself too!!!<333

[just-a-carrot]

Not a question, but thought I’d write this out here ‘cause I didn’t know where else to put it. Did it anonymously because it’s kinda personal, but my writing style’s possibly unique enough that you’ll know who I am anyways sooo… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I started playing Our Wonderland around January/February of this year, at a time in my life where a lot of my real world friends had either gotten too busy or abandoned me for another clique. Senior year of high school, ya know?

Basically, mentally I was a bit wack, and even before that I had had the habit of turning to dating sims in order to get my fix of “attention.” I didn’t care how mentally fucked up the character ended up being, as long as he treated me nice, I was over the moon. One of the games I played was basically a gore fest with a small amount of romance moments if you “played your cards right”, and I ended up getting hugely attached to one of those characters. It became a favorite game of mine, and I probably could’ve missed stop lights with the level of rose-tinted glasses I was wearing.

So, when I saw a friend of mine on Discord playing a visual novel that had really gory death scenes and possible romance aspects, my ears immediately perked up. I thought it would be similar to that dating sim I had gotten so attached to, and since my mental health was still doing tHiNgS, I thought I’d give it a try.

WOW THAT TURNED OUT A LOT DIFFERENT THAN I EXPECTED. Not only did I end up reevaluating my whole psyche along the way, but I also view Our Wonderland as one of my favorite comfort games now! Ironic, I know, but it’s true. On those days where life just feels too difficult, I open the game and have Genzou tell me to get my shit together and all is okay. Because someone, somewhere cares about me as a person. (Yes he’s saying it to Iggy, BUT IM PLAYING IN THAT MAN’S SHOES OKAY-)

That was legitimately all I needed from someone, and the fact it was this absolute horror fest of a game that gave it to me was something I never could’ve expected.

Basically, I went from having the equivalent of “someone like Gidget would be okay (like Arcs 1-4 version) as long as they treated me nice sometimes” to actually having standards! Kinda. I still like the character from that game I mentioned prior, but I know what healthy standards are SUPPOSED to be now. Progress!

I’m in a better mental place now, I think, and I’m super excited to see whatever else you put out! Can’t wait for Arc 5.15!

(Also good job being added to the list of 48 dating sims I currently own lolol)

oh my gosh... my heart... 😭💕

this honestly nearly brought me to tears reading this. thank you so much for taking the time to write up so many of these (really personal) thoughts. and i'm genuinely both touched and honored that my game and chars could have this much impact on you?? sometimes it does just happen that we can find something to connect to at a time when we need it. i have certainly had many pieces of media throughout my life that have been the same. the things that have gotten me through rough patches. the times where i've just been a mess. the times i've been been barely able to function because of my anxiety. or things like huge life changes like moving countries. i feel like in every one of those moments in my life, i've had something there to ground me and keep me tethered and get me through it, and it's always been one of the things i was hyperfixated on at the time that formed that core rock (and sometimes also the people online that i met because of that hyperfixation)

right now for me getting through the rough patches in recent years it's been making this game itself LMAO so i'm glad it can also be there and provide a place of comfort for others.

i'm really glad you're in a better mental place now, though i'm sorry you've had such rough periods this year. i hope that your next year will prove much better and give you some peace 💕

[thisistheworldofgays]

i feel like some of the most visceral reactions to posts ive ever made are ones that will have gone entirely forgotten to anyone, the 2 note posts where i turned around a post of myself made in sadness and shame and spoken kindly to myself.

changing a "im just so worthless and annoying and bothersome" into a "i feel like a burden on my loved ones" and then, again deleting it and typing out "I love my friends a lot, and i dont want them to feel negative, im worried i am making their lives harder. im a person who loves a lot and it stresses me out sometimes, even if i know they support me and even if i know i myself tolerate annoyances which are just a part of life." and then finally, deleting it all again and simply posting "i love my friends."

changing a "im some kind of fucking monster and nobody will ever tell me" to a "i feel like ive mistreated others, but its never disclosed what i did. i dont want to hurt people and i dont like when my loved ones are hurt. the idea of being someone who hurts them really distresses me." into "when people who have mistreated me imply i have hurt them or others but dont explain how, it's difficult." into finally "i dont deserve to be lied to and when i make a mistake, i want to fix it."

i feel like its one of the better skills ive learned and i need to take the initiative more often and the discipline to notice when i need it.

its very powerful. sometimes when i talk nicely to myself like that i just break down. the times im spiraling hardest and i take the outside voice of the internal self and i say kindly, "thats not true." and revise it. allow myself to speak back to a silent myself. "i just feel this way. but i feel that way because of this, and i feel that way from that because i..."

vague EX: i felt angry with myself because i was hurt. i felt angry when i was hurt because it was rude. nobody deserves to be lashed out at, i deserve kindness and peace.

or, right now:

what was even the point of remaking if i was going to do half the fucking job of what i wanted to do for myself? am i so pretentious as to tell people how to live their lives when i regularly fail to re-implement those rules into my own life?

i feel regretful that i have misused a good opportunity to return to a better mental place. i felt like a happier and more complete person back then, and i know it's a matter of wills and discipline to get back there. i feel like ive failed myself and everyone else whenever i fail to do this. i have a lazy streak and i just wish i had more drive and determination.

no recovery is linear. i have not "lost" anything sense i moved away from that self. in actuality, ive learned a lot sense than, and i learned a lot from the experience. im grateful to have had it, and now that i know how to get there, i can return when im ready. if i fail to return there, i am not ready, and i have not in fact failed anything. every kindness i give myself is growth, and the cruelties i give to myself is not regression, it is simply something which has been. the kindnesses i allow myself and others are much more powerful than the intolerances, i should focus on kindness towards myself. it feels impossible to balance my potential selfhoods, but its just something i need to learn. i have my entire life to do this, and when i reach my point of peace, i very well may leave it again. the goal should not be to balance myself there, but instead to learn from whats around me and better myself for myself and others by my lessons, and serve to teach others from what i have learned.

i am someone who is in control and in touch with myself. i want to help the people around me. i should have patience with myself and cast away concepts of self failure. i do not lose from wisdom gained. all of life is changing, a change of mental scenery does not imply i have failed to hold life impossibly still. moving forward is a sign of life lived. i am in control of my path, and i am in no rush. all things are temporary, even my future goals.

i am in control of myself and i know that i deserve to cultivate a better mental place. i will get there when i get there. i have learned a lot and i am capable of making these changes.

notice how each step i just navigated myself through became lighter. even if i had stopped at the second introspection, it would have been an improvement. i would not have "failed to reach the final stages", i would have made the triumph of being gentler to myself and clearing the first.

[spookythesillyfella]

Hello <:) I just wanted to show up to ask something related to High Voltage (When you do have the time!) but is there a certain timeline this is set in? Are the characters particularly based on a type of fashion, aesthetic, REALLY ANYTHING.. Is there something about them that separates each of them from one another? (I'm not sure how to explain this but.. Example uhh. In my AU I tend to use the 7 deadly sins to represent each of them but other things could be a favorite COLOR or.. A FLOWER..!)

A mixed up confusing weird ask.. sometimes it helps even just the slightest to be asked about something you're working on when things feel difficult! You don't need to reply to this right away <3 I just thought about it because I love learning about your story and the characters within it. Thank you for everything!!

hi doll !!! thankz so much for the ask !!!

truthfully . ive alwayz been scared of THIZ particular queztion ; i never actually planned to develop the hv! au so much when i first made it – it waz suppozed to be a one off project that i did for the lolz with my lover – so actually having developed a story and a setting for thiz thing iz ... something i waz never prepared for !!!

not to mention the fact that i almost NEVER plan out the thingz i do before i do them – ive alwayz had the awful mentality of "ill figure it out along the way" . where i don't even plan a SINGLE thing and i end up screwing myself over by doing it on the spot [i should really fix that haha !!]

but there are a couple of key datez to the timeline of the au that i can share !!!

[sidenote : thiz iz only eventz leading up to the MAIN fic – it won't include anything that takez place between that and the character ficz that i plan to write afterwardz OR what actually happenz in them]

★ THE BEGINNING OF THE TIMELINE [aprox. 430 yearz before the beginning of the current hv! eventz – which ill be referring to from here on out simply az "HV!"] – thiz iz the beginning of Tonyz life . the farthest back the timeline datez to and the farthest back in time he can recall [im mostly uzing tony az a reference becauze hez the one whoz lived through all the eventz]

★ CHESTER AND TONYZ MEETING [aprox. 415 yearz before HV!] – self explanatory ; an important event in tonyz life that fundamentally shapez him and influencez the way he actz in the current timeline

★ TONYZ TRANSFORMATION [aprox. 411 yearz before HV!] – moment in the timeline when tony died in the woodz and became a vampyre ; enough said

★ CHESTERZ PASSING [aprox. 400 yearz before HV!] – chesterz death and the subsequent centuriez long isolation tony went into

thiz iz where a HUGE break comez in . az tony went completely under the radar for hundrez of yearz – nothing significant to the au happenz in thiz period of time

★ LAST FAILED HUMAN-MACHINE HYBRID EXPERIMENT [aprox. 45 yearz before HV!] – the scientific facility that colin and tracey were brought up in had been trying to achieve thiz technological marvel for decadez on end . and thiz iz the date in which their "last" failed experiment [LEX.1] had to be decomissioned

★ COLINZ CREATION [aprox. 37 yearz before HV!] – the creation of the magnificent machine himself [C0L1N] and how he waz a complete game changer for the world of science

★ BRENDONZ BIRTHDAY [26 yearz before HV!] – thiz iz when a majority of the relevant datez in the au stop being "aproximationz" and instead become "concrete" – and also brendonz birthday

★ LARZ BIRTHDAY [23 yearz before HV!] – integral to the structure of the june 19th importance date ; also hez important . of courze id mention hiz birthday

★ SHRIGNOLDZ BIRTHDAY [21 yearz before HV!] – the birth of the foretold one

★ TRACEYZ CREATION [20 yearz before HV!] – the laboratoryz second succesful human-machine hybrid [Electricity]

★ SKETCHBOOKZ BIRTHDAY [15 yearz before HV!]

★ SKETCHBOOK AND TONYZ FIRST MEETING [aprox. 8 yearz before HV!] – another one with a vague date . but an important event nonetheless

★TRACEY AND COLINZ ESCAPE [8 yearz before HV!] – happened just a few monthz after the other two met

★ BRENDONZ EXILE [8 yearz before HV!] – brendonz 18th birthday ; the day he got kicked out by hiz parentz

★ LARZ AND WARRENZ FALLING OUT [7 yearz before HV!] – thiz becomez relevant to later installmentz and iz also just important to larz character in general . main reazon why im including it

★ TONY AND SKETCHZ RUNAWAY [7 yearz before HV!] – when tony basically whisked sketch away from the orphanage they were being raized in

★ TRACEY AND SKETCHZ FIRST MEETING [aprox. 6 yearz before HV!] – happened on a whim ; the two bumped into one another on the street randomly and started chatting . becoming friendz soon after ; again . year in which it happened iz unclear

★ THE FALL [6 yearz before HV!] – the moment in which shrig fell from the sky and first stepped divine foot onto forsaken ground

★ THE OFFER [5 yearz before HV!] – moment in the timeline when brendonz brother – benjamin – offered to let him live in hiz apartment az well

★ MOVE-IN [5 yearz before HV!] – tracey and colinz offer for sketch and tony to live together in colinz digital world ; the offer waz accepted

★ TRACEY AND SHRIGZ FIRST MEETING [4 yearz before HV!] – the day when tracey first stumbled upon the crying lovebug and offered to help them out ; thiz led to shrignold becoming sort of obsessed with them and basically stalking them with the intent of converting them – he started "randomly bumping into them" more often in an attempt to get clozer

★ THE DYNAMIC DUO [4 yearz before HV!] – after noticing shrignold following them around basically everywhere and learning more about him [and hiz unexpected talent he had when it came to drumming] tracey offered him to become a muzician duo . az they were already trying to get their name out there az a solo guitar player ; shrignold reluctantly agreez

★ TRACEY N SHRIG N LARZ' MEETING [4 yearz before HV!] – theze three meet on a whim becauze larz got a job at the diner where the two play at ; they become good friendz and a sort of "helper" for the two . only occasionally offering hiz talentz to the bass since he didn't want to fully commit to their muzic group

★ BRENDONZ ADDITION ; THE OFFICIAL CREATION OF HIGH VOLTAGE [3 yearz before HV!] – tracey . shrig and larz make flyerz to advertize "High Voltage" in hopez to get at least one more permanent member to officially label the group az a band ; brendon stumblez upon one of the flyerz . showz up at the diner . auditionz and getz the part of voalist AND lyric writer in a heartbeat

★ HV! – the eventz of the main fic ; during the past three yearz . the three work together to make muzic and make a name for themselvez – with the help of larz whenever he feelz like it

i know itz kind of convoluted and complicated and a lot to take in . but i hope ive done an okay-ish job at splattering my brainz on the table and trying to describe what goez on in there

alzo sorry for the EXTREMELY long post

[pir8core]

most difficult part of talking a8out feelings is like. so what. nothing changes. like you can ask me how im going and i can 8e honest and say shit is really fucking 8ad right now. and nothing changes. none of us have the power to make the world a safe and easy place to live. and its kinda fucking awful sitting here constantly saying help help i need help. and you guys cant help. its really hard and i think its something thats ignored a lot when mental health stuff focuses on it 8eing okay to ask for help or the "are you ok day" shit. the reality is that asking for help doesnt fix the pro8lem and the people who love you and want to help might not 8e a8le to

[nahalism]

im a diff anon but i wana jump off of that question you got if thats ok. yknow when it comes to all the mental health world would you personally trust a therapist to help you and to know better what is going on inside you? or do you hmm reject the dsm type of diagnoses and approach your ”issues” from a diff angle

(also potentially v controversial not sure if you were ever asked but do you believe personality disorders as we call and group them now do exist?)

heyy, i love these questions! — firstly, i dont reject the dsm, but i do think its limited in the same way that scientific approaches usually are when they attempt to understand and define the world through logical, evidentiary stances, without making room for aspects of existence that are felt but perhaps intangible, & are thus seemingly unprovable. i like to look at things more holistically, so find myself aligning most with traditional approaches to healing, not because i dont rate science, but because i like to lead with spirit and see how science proves it. the maths always ends up mathsing.

as for therapy, i respect good therapists and the notion of therapy. i think its a shame we dont give reverence to community, wise people, and to elders, because they were the original therapists. however in the modern world therapy has its place. i think its a useful supplement to facilitate our own inner work, mostly because i can see how in instances where someone doesnt have a clue where to begin or has reached an impasse / began to plateau, it could be a great starting point to get perspective or gain self awareness. ——— however, its not something that ive found life changing, useful as a longterm solution, nor realistic relative to the cost of each session. most therapists run their business like entrepreneurs and worse yet like a subscription service. ive always felt like if i have a problem that im paying to resolve, it should be resolved, not be a 'forever in process of being fixed' situation. i think the dynamic of 'person with knowledge' vs 'person in need of being fixed' is an issue in itself, and it relays to the business model that im referencing which, much like allopathic medicine, relies on its patients being unwell. to cure the patient is to be out of business... ima leave that there.

*side note. im not saying therapists shouldnt charge for their expertise, because they should. i am also aware that for as long as i live there will be room for healing and refinement, & so the process of working with a therapist could be on going. — however, i believe that the work being done alongside a therapist is meant to be a means to an end (the end being self regulation). i also, unfortunately, feel like every pro has a con. the pro and con being the fact therapists are impartial and often times not directly rooted in the communities of the individuals they serve. whilst that can make people more comfortable in coming forward and confiding those details that usually lead them to be judged and not asked for help, it also means that people can make use of the service as means to trauma dump, tell unreliable versions of events in a bid to be validated, and as such substitute self tutelage and understanding for enabling / codependency.

so yh. regarding personality disorders, i dont see them the way that a lot of people might. till humanity at large changes the way we relate to and function in the world around us, i dont think we will see a decline in the rates of those personality traits persisting. we often point the finger at these individuals as if they are the problem, but problems cannot survive or form in isolation. — i recognise that personality disorders are challenging to correct and work with. i also recognise that they require a level of self awareness and willingness to change that can be difficult to develop with such trauma responses, usually because confronting the trauma that caused the disorder feels like literal death, and because the ptsd holding it in place makes the stillness required to recognise there is a problem that needs solving hard, let alone finding the capacity and maturity required to actually heal it. — however, i do know that if the person is willing to do the work, there isnt a dis-order that love, patience, and the belief of others and in your self cannot cure. does that mean we should throw ourselves into the path of individuals still on their healing journey? no. does that mean we should take it upon ourselves to suffer at the consequence of the disorder in a bid to 'heal people'? absolutely not. but it doesnt mean we should write off those individuals either.

i know that was long and wordy but hopefully it answered your questions <3. love

[luvfy0dor]

Omg wait... so like imagine that Chuuya found someone new a few months or a year later; and in that span of time, reader changed a LOT (in a good way) but they still love Chuuya. So when they see Chuuya's new gf, they're like 'I can be a better girlfriend than her' and 'I can treat you better than she can' KSJASJDJ AHAHA

idk I've been listening to too much unrequited love songs recently 😭😭

“Once I Fix Me, He's Gonna Miss Me ♡” Chuuya Nakahara x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

Warnings; unhealthy mindsets, reader is obsessive (?), jealousy

Description; This is a part two of sorts of THIS fic!!! After seeing Chuuya out with someone after your breakup, you feel the need to change yourself for him and try to get him back.

A/n; IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG SILVER!!!! I hope it's acceptable 3: i dunno if it's exactly what you wanted but I hope you don't hate it or nothin 😮‍💨

Chuuya doesn't want any bad blood between the two of you after he leaves, but you can't help but feel abandoned. Even if the relationship only last a couple of months you're still heartbroken- you put all your trust in Chuuya and opened up for him, all for it to be tossed out the window. He told you he felt like the chemistry wasn't there anymore and that he'd fallen for someone else, someone who made his heartbeat speed up the way you had for about a week. You still wanted him though. Just the sheer memory of his beautiful blue eyes gazing into yours made your body heat up and everytime you tried distracting yourself with other people, your mind only wandered back to him.

While out on a walk one day in attempt to clear your mind, you found yourself wandering into a cafe for some coffee. While waiting for one of the baristas to make your drink, you spotted a familiar head of orange hair sitting in one of the booths. The same orange hair that you'd run your fingers through every night not long ago. He seemed to be talking to someone, an amused smile on his face. You felt your heart drop to your stomach, dragged down by the jealousy that you felt for whoever he was talking to. Your attention was pulled back to the counter when the barista handed you your drink. "Here you go, have a good day!" The woman has a smile on her face, one that no matter how hard you tried you just couldn't reciprocate. You huffed as you walked out the door and back to your apartment, and on that walk you decided that you had to do something, anything, to make yourself better. You were content with who you were before, but if Chuuya didn't like you, you also didn't like you.

You tried to attain a healthier lifestyle, eating more fruits and vegetables than usual and buying clothing that seemed to better fit his aesthetic. You started getting more sleep,whether it be out of determination to make yourself as good as possible for him or because you felt too depressed to do anything else. When you did have energy, you used it going out and hoping to bump into him. Sometimes you'd even look at his socials medias on burner accounts in attempt to find out his plans for coming days so you could 'coincidentally' show up at the same time and place as him. Stalking his socials only made you spiral more, your jealousy getting worse every time you saw that woman on his profile. Even if she wasn't in the pictures her comments would always appear underneath them, punctuated with an unnecessary amount of heart emojis. You wouldn't be able to admit without shame the amount of times it made you slam your phone onto a dresser or table. Sure, you had gotten healthier physically and dressed like you were doing well, but your mental health proved to be deteriorating. You came to realize that when talking with anyone but Chuuya became difficult and you got snappier. You knew it'd be in your best interest to get therapy, and you figured Chuuya would prefer someone who was more stable than not, so you made time in your schedule for it weekly. All of this just for him to like you again.

As a matter of fact, on your walk back home from an appointment, you were taking in nature when you spotted him at the end of the street you were walking down. Your eyes widened when you realized that he wasn't with his girlfriend. You had every possible meeting between the two of you planned out in your head, so you knew exactly how to start a conversation. Sure, it was real cliche and definitely embarrassing, but you did what you had to. You tripped and fell down onto the sidewalk, yelping at the impact. His eyes widened and he kept a steady pace, considering walking past you, but he decided to help you up. He held out a hand for you. "oh- Chuuya! Long time no see- thank you." You brushed off your clothing once you stood up. "Yeah, no problem." He gave a small smile and went to walk passed you in his way but you stopped him again. "Hey, wait- are you busy?" You asked. He poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue hesitantly but soon shook his head. "No, why?" You smiled and fidgeted with your fingers, a nervous habit of yours that he immediately recognized and smiled to himself. He didn't exactly hate that he still made you nervous.

"Would you wanna get coffee or somethin'? On me, I won't make you spend your money, I just think catching up might be nice." You say, trying to convince him to go with you, just for a moment. "It's a little late for coffee, don't you think? How about to a bar? You're not driving anywhere, are ya?" You shake your head. "I walk nearly everywhere." He nods, waving you along to walk with him to a bar. You followed with an excited smile on your face. "You're not either, right?" He shakes his head and sighs. "My motorcycle is in the repair shop, I just dropped it off, actually. That's why I'm out." You hum in understanding. "Oh, I'm wishing it a speedy recovery then." He smiles and nods. "And a cheap one."

The bar quickly comes into view and the two of you enter and sit down on one of the stools next to each other and order a drink. "So...uh, anything new?" You ask, sipping on yours when it comes. "Yeah, I'm seeing someone I guess." His gaze was averted to the counter top. 'i guess.' An unlikely mood booster. You had to hold back a grin from appearing on your face. "Oh, I hope that's well...I haven't met anyone interesting enough." You say light heartedly, making him laugh quietly under his breath. "The girl I'm seein' is great, just...we butt heads a lot, but she's a real sweetheart." He tells, clearly still trusting you enough to let on those details. Keeping your face neutral was difficult, but you kept it up anyways. The fact that he was praising her outweighed and happiness you got from the fact that he seemed to be questioning their relationship. "Haha, I'm happy that you're dedicated to her, it only took us butting heads badly once as for you to have enough." You said, trying to sound as not-bitter as possible. You swirled your drink in its glass.

His eyebrows furrowed and looked back over at you. "No way, it was definitely more than once." He says, accepting his drink from the bartender. "It was only real bad once, and I don't even remember what it was about." You say bittersweetly, feeling your mood deflate, regardless of whether or not you had him sitting with you again. "Yeah...come to think of it me neither." You say for a moment in silence. "Did you want to get rid of me that whole time? I offered counseling, so did you just not want me anymore?" He chewed on his lip and thought. "Maybe." You took a long swing of your drink. "I honestly think I was a great partner." He immediately replies, the gentleness fading from his tone. "I'm not saying you weren't." There's a bit of an uncomfortable silence. "You don't need to defend yourself, I know the end was my fault. Damn." He says, his patience seemingly having worn thin throughout the day. "I'm...I'm sorry if that was over the top. It's been a rough day." He says , downing the rest of his drink. "On you, right? I think I should get going." He stands up but you call after him, not wanting the conversation to end just yet. You slapped a fifty dollar bill on the bar and followed him outside, straightening out your jacket as you did so. "Why are you leaving?" You ask. "Is it just a habit or somethin'? Always leaving me?" You persisted, your anger growing inside of you with each second. He turned back to you and quietly but aggressively started talking.

"I am not gonna sit with you and talk about our past relationship, it's over, and if you think you can slide back into my life by buying me a drink then you really need to rethink your strategy. I know you better than you think and I know you still want me. I have a good woman to get home to, goodbye, y/n." His presence in front of you is punctuated by a strong glare before he turns and walks away from you. "I'm better than her and you know it! Why will you never give me a chance?!" You frustratedly yell back to him, but it does nothing to stop him walking away from you and only makes him pick up his pace. You bit your lip to hold back your tears and quickly walked back off to your own place, storming inside and slamming the door behind you. You collapsed onto the couch with an angry groan, making one of the few cheap throw pillows into a victim of your aggression, punching it a couple times before hugging it to your chest. Had this happened to you a couple of months ago you would have thrown and broke things out of your anger, but even if you wanted to right now you couldn't fathom doing anything but lying on the couch and crying to yourself. You felt pathetic, you didn't think Chuuya would see right through you like that, but having been with him for a few months he must've known just how persistent you can be. You sat there and stared at the ceiling, feeling your tears well up in your eyes. You had gone through almost every stage of grief when dealing with the loss of Chuuya in your life, and no matter how much you didn't want to, it was finally time to accept it.

A/n; see told you guys I'm on that request grind. I really hope this is okay silver 3:

[fieldsofsnapdragons]

month three of this process has led to some progress and some backsliding! i deleted most apps off of my phone. all of my games, reddit, tumblr, threads, all of them are gone. i took away youtube for a while but unfortunately i redownloaded it. i will probably be removing it again soon. facebook is still up and i am using it more and more often, which was not the goal. i feel compelled to keep it due to facebook marketplace, but i keep using it in ways that is actively harming my mental health, so i really ought to get rid of it.

i used to constantly be on my computer, and for the past few months i haven't, because it's been more difficult for me to go through the process of getting it set up (laptop that is usually stored away, i need to borrow a battery because i keep forgetting to buy new ones for my bluetooth mouse, etc) but i think im going to try to use it more often again, but not to the extent that i used to. generally i feel a lot more in control of myself when on a computer, and i am way better at writing my thoughts down.

the walks have slowed down in terms of frequency, which i was worried about in my last update, but that has been less because of either my partner or i not feeling up to it, but more due to weather concerns. where i live, it's been quite smoky out lately, and my partner is asthmatic, so going outside in general is not necessarily a good idea. also, the weather has been wildly oscillating between very very hot and very very rainy. i love the rain, but my shoes are not water-proof, and i have horrible sensory issues otherwise (yay autism), so our evening walks haven't happened as much lately. but something else has taken the evening place!

my partner and i have been making homemade meals SIGNIFICANTLY more, and it's all due to my mom making meatballs for me one day. see, my mom is a hit or miss cook, but she always makes amazing meatballs and noodles, along with really good lasagna (which im going to bug her about soon). recently, she gave me some meatballs and tomato sauce to bring home with me, and my partner and i made it for supper. the meatballs very quickly fell apart (i think it was user error, and entirely my fault), which left us with this really yummy vegetable meat sauce, which we then mixed the noodles into, and both my partner and i loved it. since then, we have been making meat sauce in pasta constantly, which is great in terms of saving money, and makes us feel super accomplished. the hope is that we can continue to add a few recipes that are similarly easy to make and take little time/clean-up, because it has led to us being incredibly happy. unfortunately, we couldn't buy much meat/veggies ahead of time due to the fridge completely not working, but that has a temporary fix and maybe a new fridge on the way, if the landlord wishes for it to be so.

each day isn't doing great, im still not in the healthiest state of mind, but these changes have helped me tons in terms of feeling more like an adult person, and less like a husk. now the challenge is to find more things for me to do to fill the space where before i had mindless social media addiction! because that really has been the struggle. finding things to do is difficult when it's hard to get out of bed, but i've been cleaning a lot more, and generally making myself useful. i also finished revitalizing a ttrpg system that i always wanted to play with friends as a kid, and fleshed out a lot of the system to make it more playable mechanically. i'll check in probably sometime next month, as i've unintentionally been very consistent with this!

i am so excited to go on my social media cleanse — once the semester is over, i'm deleting everything off of my phone except for tumblr and maybe facebook because i really never use it. i've been letting myself just get sucked into social media for way too long and now that i'm going through a lot of big life changes, i need to regain whatever attention i can give myself, ESPECIALLY since i can't afford my ADHD medication. im giving myself challenges through the next few months to unplug and do more fulfilling and rewarding things like making more art, reading more and going on walks with my camera. i'm even going to be trying to listen to more music (and i might update here how it goes through april! every week is a new theme for listening).

anyway this is just me being super excited to not be a super phone addicted drone. yay let's go personal progress!