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ryskyourheart · 1 year ago

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Hiraeth No More

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I never thought that someone who became one of the best friends I’ve ever had

Would so quickly become someone I wish I’d never met.

I don’t regret the time we shared. Or I didn’t think I did. But I start to regret it more and more each time.

I don’t know what you think I did. If it’s something that I don’t even know about. But clearly there’s something terrible if you claim you can ruin my whole reputation.

Ha. Not that I have much of one.

I can’t decide if I’d rather go back to the good times, and just enjoy them deeper and make sure I change my actions in the bad parts and at the end. Or if I’d prefer to just forget it all ever happened.

You would say I should pick the second one because the first one isn’t possible. And that I need to move on.

But I don’t think you ever considered that neither are possible for me. They’re both just fantasies. So why not dream?

I always thought I’d never had a nightmare. But if I’m not careful, you will be one.

How I wish you were just a dream. Not a bad dream. Just a good one that turned weird and bad in the end.

I don’t have anything to be afraid of. But I still am. That’s anxiety, after all.

I was so afraid of hurting you and then I guess I still did. I messed up. I wish I hadn’t. I was so careful. I guess we were never right anyway.

Hope you have the life you deserve, baby.

#hiraeth #hiraeth no more #queer heartbreak #writing by a nonbinary person #queer poetry #nonbinary #nonbinary yearning #nonbinary heartbreak #nonbinary venting #vent poetry #sorta poetry #i really hope you never find this

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ulteri0rm0tives · 2 months ago

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They sooo could've made Johnny romancable if they wanted to.

And I know technicalities were a big part of it, it being Keanu Reeves' face. But honestly I don't even think V and Johnny's romance would've needed a sex scene. I don't think I would've even wanted it. And I also know reception can play a big part of it too, with the fact half the dudebro fan base would've flipped the fuck out if they weren't being catered too, but. I don't know. I just wish the option was there.

The thing about Johnny is, I don't want a romance with him like I have with the other romance options. I'd want it to be something different, not necessarily deeper as I feel that just minimizes the other relationships you can have in the game, but definitely something forged through a connection that is literally quite not possible with the others.

Something just.. knowing. Something that if you choose the right dialogue options and actions, it's a slow natural build up to something unspoken, something that you know they feel for each other by the end of the game and the tragedy of that. Where the only 'physical' affection they can ever show each other is that lingering handshake at the bridge before V gives up the body.

Something to contrast with the other romances. Something that highlights the tragedy of not being able to physically exist with the one you love, the tragedy of knowing one of you won't be able to make it out of this, that one of you will have to leave eventually, always eventually. That one of you will have to sacrifice yourself for the other.

I wanted the lingering looks, the quick turn aways of being caught, the trail offs of meaningful dialogue, the cut offs of almost saying something too revealing. I wanted the subtle snark of jealous dialogue, or even possessiveness, the ones that are played off as jokes and teasing while V is with the other romances. I wanted him sitting on the couch during hangout dates with the others trying his hardest not to look bothered, distracting himself by playing music. I wanted Johnny saying shit with the same vulnerability as him admitting how scared he was for V at the bridge (the closest thing will ever get to a confession I swear).

Something to really, really drive home like a slap across the fucking face how much he changed, how much he learned about himself, how much he learned about how to genuinely care and love for others in ways that weren't just destructive and selfish, but in ways that were literally transformative and life saving, and how fucking sad that is that it comes at a time that's too late. That it's too late for him to do anything about it besides give up his life for V, or betray V, or watch helplessly as they give their life up for him when that isn't what he wanted.

Something. I just wanted something.

Like maybe they didn't add the option because Johnny being a romance option was never something they had in mind, but you cannot tell me Johnny and V's story doesn't play out like a tragic love story. That they weren't starcrossed, doomed from the start. Doomed from the moment they realized they started to care for the other or at least like each other in some capacity.

V would've never given Johnny the keys to the body again after the talk in the oil fields if they didn't start trusting the bastard, caring enough about him to help him find closure or make amends with his friends or reconcile with his past. Johnny would've never entrusted these tasks to V, or open up about them, or open up about how he finally saw how much everyone had hated him yet it seemed like V didn't. He would've never asked V for a second chance if he didn't think V could do right by him, if he didn't care about V. If he didn't trust them. If he didn't want that from them.

And the fact that none of that will matter by the end, how they feel about each other, because there will always be a choice to be had. Which of them will get to live? And which of them will have to leave?

If anything, it'd just make the choice all that much harder. Do you sacrifice yourself for the one you love, or do you sacrifice the one you love for yourself? Do you watch and stand by as the one you love sacrifices themselves for you, or do you try to convince them that it should be you instead? Is this a choice either of you could make?

There could've even been a secret option in Mikoshi if you had achieved a romance with Johnny just like the reaper ending if you had achieved a high enough affinity with him after selecting all the right dialogue. Where if it wasn't a decision either of them could make, or V didn't want to make, which one of them to sacrifice, that V could've convinced Johnny that they could both just leave behind the blackwall, that they both could be homogenized into Alt's code. At least then they could've been together. At least then, in some way, they could still live with and within each other for the rest of their digitally constructed lives. At least then, they could've been something.

(The calls from the others in the end credits could've been much like the ones you get in temperance too. Where it's either assumed V died or offed themselves or ran off, or that even Johnny took the body and ran off. Just a lot of accusations and assumptions and grief that could still come with an ending like this.)

Idk, I just wish we could've had the choice with Johnny is all.

#and b4 i hear oh so u hate pancakes #i get y others want a sex scene w johnny hes hot man theres no judgement there i get it i do #its just.#the tragedy of wanting that physical closeness with the one you love #and never able to achieve that. to never know their touch.#to never know what they feel like. to never have them close in the ways you want or need them.#is so heartbreaking to me. has so much potential. can add such an interesting layer.#if we got a romance with Johnny i wouldn't have wanted it to be like the other romances. id want it to be its own different thing entirely #cyberpunk 2077 #johnny silverhand #v cyberpunk #silverv #masc v #fem v #female v #male v #nonbinary v #cyberpunk v #ult speaking #writing 💚💚#bc it kinda got a little away from me in the end 😭😭😭#(god i hate these dumbfucks theyre ruining my life like im just making myself upset about what couldve been UGH 😭😭😭)

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future-crab · 1 year ago

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It's been said before, it will be said again, but it's still worth saying: the fact that art centering on straight romance is allowed to just be bad, but art with queer romance in it always has to be indicative of A Serious Problem With the Way We Tell Queer Stories makes being a queer person making queer art deeply stressful

#just saw smthing about red white and royal blue #and like i never watched/read that one so maybe everything ppl say about it is true #and i never watched heartbreaker or love simon so maybe those ones are also genuinely a sign of a serious problem #but idk. the fact that this happens every damn time makes me think that maybe queer stories are being held to different standards #and it's exhausting writing stuff while having a chorus of voices in the back of my head saying i'm misrepresenting my own identities and #making the whole community look bad by writing mediorcre romance #and knowing that even though i'm neither straight nor a girl there WILL be ppl calling me a straight girl fetishizing queer relationships #lgbt #queer community #writer stuff #idk what else to tag this #asexual #bisexual #nonbinary #venttag

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uncanny-tranny · 2 years ago

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Your fears that you don't have a body that will transition "well" are, sure, understandable, but there isn't truly such thing as a body that's unworthy of transition. Perhaps your changing body won't suit everybody's taste, but would you rather live for yourself or for the whims of random people who don't care about your happiness as long as they're attracted to what they see?

Transition is for anybody who wants it. It's okay to be fearful. It's okay to be uncertain. But it isn't the end of the world. You are in control, and if you choose to transition to any capacity, it should be at your behest. You and your body are worthy of transition. I hope you are able to seize transition and do what you truly want for yourself.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #have been seeing a small resurgence in some trans spaces that there is such thing as an 'untransitional' body #there are people out there who cannot transition for medical/financial/social reasons but that isn't what people often mean #kill the person in your head that says you need to adhere to cishet standards. it's okay to be trans and *look* it if you want #transition because it makes you feel happy or fulfilled. transition because it is something *you* want #while yes it's complex because appearing trans can be dangerous i ultimately want people to have the freedom to make decisions solely...#...on what *they* want y'know?#i have seen this idea that some people just aren't 'able' to transition because they won't 'appear cis' for years now and it's heartbreaking #like i used the whole 'i don't look cis' against myself because it's impossible for me *to be* cis...#...i will never be non-trans. i will never not be a transsexual and i used to hate that about myself...#...because i was taught that being trans is bad. i was taught that looking trans is a curse that nobody should EVER inflict upon themselves #and that the goal was to essentially distance yourself as far away from transness as you can #and it's okay for people to not want to 'look' visibly trans. it's neutral. what was harmful was the idea that TRANS was bad #there's a huge difference between 'i don't want to be visibly trans' and 'i think being trans and looking it is bad'

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yourfavebooklrsfavebooklr · 1 year ago

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some books with nonbinary major characters to read for international nonbinary people’s day!

Tell me how it ends - nonbinary major character. Fantasy. Reworking of Tangled, main character leaves her home (and abusive family) to try and use tarot magic to help save someone’s friend in a heist.

Running close to the wind - nonbinary love interest. Comedic fantasy where the main character accidentally commits treason and runs away on a pirate ship.

Baker Thief - genderfluid main character. Fantasy where magic-users are being used as batteries and the main character has to stop that and save her sibling.

The heart-break bakery - agender main character. YA magical realism. After a breakup, the main character accidentally makes brownies that cause future breakups and has to try and get the couples back together.

Dear wendy - main character questioning their gender. NA contemporary where the two main characters end up in a social media feud while becoming friends IRL

All systems red - agender main character. Sci-fi about a robot who broke free of its controlling module and has to keep humans safe.

The honeys - genderfluid main character. YA horror where the main character goes to a camp to investigate his sister’s death and finds that things are weirder than he’d thought.

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transbookoftheday · 1 year ago

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Agender Books To Read For Agender Pride Day

Happy Agender Pride Day! Here are some books with agender characters you should read:

Book Titles:

The Heartbreak Bakery by A.R. Capetta

The Evolving Truth of Ever-Stronger Will by Maya MacGregor

In the Care of Magic by Robin Jo Margaret

Our Bloody Pearl by D.N. Bryn

When the Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb

Something Spectacular by Alexis Hall

The Thread That Binds by Cedar McCloud

Werecockroach by Polenth Blake

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1asbrightasthestars3 · 1 year ago

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One thing I particularly like about the heartbreak high gang is that everyone there hates each other but they're like a big group of friends. (SPOILERS!!)

Let me explain.

Season one (1) . we got the obvious groups, Dusty, Ant and spider,

Amarie, Darren and Quinni,

Sasha, Missy and Harper etc etc

Then we can clearly see everyone's hatred towards Amarie, Spider refusing to sell her tickets and humiliating her every chance he gets, Darren first makes fun of her, Harper hitting her and not talking to her, Sasha and Missy not speaking to her and bully her as well , yada yada yada

But you can still see the moments where they are all together with her, it starts with Darren helping her fix her bangs, then we have Ant not being really mean to her.. more disappointed about what she did and the way he got in trouble with his parents, we got Malakai "befriending" her despite everything that's going on, overall you can see how despite everyone hating her they do help her when needed, for example the time dusty made that rumor about her and JoJo, everyone teamed up and helped. Another example of that episode is Amarie going over to Ant while he's working out and just demands him to buy snacks and shit, no questions asked. (+Missy & spider teasing him about eating at all)

And it's not just with Amarie, Spider protects Ant, Harper joking around with him about Darren and their fling, Ant and Spider hyping Missy up, all of them calling each other nicknames which simply will not happen if they didn't like each other at all, it will all just be mockery.

It's all very friendly when you really think about it. It's less like a class and more like a Hugh group of friends who hate each other but will secretly do anything to protect each other.

We also see it in season two (2) . For example Ant kissing Malakai's cheek, congratulating him about his new relationship with Rowan or Darren supporting Malakai after coming out and helping him figure out his feelings for Rowan. And after they break up we can see Missy coming over to Malakai, helping him get over the breakup although they aren't really close. Or them dropping everything to help Quinni (while I can promise you if it was my class they would leave her there to rot)

In conclusion, they are all very important to each other's lives and I find that really beautiful because at the end they do help each other when needed and if we're being real that wouldn't have happened in real life.

(tell me I'm not the only one who sees that.)

#heartbreak high #ca$h heartbreak high #spider heartbreak high #spencer white #rowan x Malakai #darren heartbreak high #rowan heartbreak high #amarie heartbreak high #quinni gallagher jones #ant x spider #malakai x amerie #bisexual #ace pride #bi pride #nonbinary #lgbtq representation #autism representation #found family

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starcrossedscreams · 4 months ago

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can't believe i'm going to therapy just because some woman's evil son wouldn't

#anxious attachment #autism #bisexual #heartbreak #its mental illness innit #me coded #me core #nonbinary #queer #rejection sensitive dysphoria #situationship #situationship breakup #so me coded #therapy #trans

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ulteri0rm0tives · 2 months ago

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It's every iteration.

It's every iteration of V that will always find Johnny. Every iteration of V that Johnny grows to care about. It's every iteration of each other, in every universe, that will always find each other. They'll always become inseparable, tied together in unfathomable ways. Ways they could never truly unravel from each other in the end, no matter the end.

They'll always be destined for one another. No matter what face is worn. No matter what universe. No matter what, they're always meant to be. No matter what, the stars will always align for them, just to come crashing down from the sky.

#am i taking the simple fundamental process of the game's character creation and giving it a thematic metaphor? LOL yeah. yeah.#they are soulmates that traverse time and space and the laws of the fucking universe and they will always find each other #they are written in the fucking STARS man UGH I CANT #i bring forth my case to the tribunal court that they are destined to be literal fucking soulmates for the rest of ever and beyond #(and my case is just a manilla folder with a green sticky note slapped inside with 'Diagnosis: Sick In The Head #'Treatment: Should Probably Take A Nap or Something IDK'#scribbled in red)#((i haven't slept and i cant get them off my mind rn 😭#need to actually be brought out back bc HOW TF else am i meant to get sleep like this😭😭))#JUST THINK ABOUT IT THO #it doesn't matter what v looks like. their background or their history. fuck even their gender.#it doesnt matter what brand of asshole johnny what hes done or said in the memories weve seen #they are always going to find each other in whatever variation of their lives they find themselves in #its. sweet. (and doomed and heartbreaking bc the story will always end the same too it means they'll also always lose one or the other #AND NOW IM MAKING MYSELF INCONSOLABLE 😭😭)#(***whatever special brand of asshole Johnny is*** i HATE mobile plz just let me edit tags here too 😭)#this doesnt even have to be romantic either. they're destined to be each others literal soulmate no matter the label we put on them #silverv #cyberpunk 2077 #johnny silverhand #v cyberpunk #masc v #fem v #nonbinary v #female v #male v #(clearing this from my drafts <3)#ult speaking #writing 💚💚#(bc why not)

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canonqueers · 7 months ago

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Canon Queer of the Day:

Darren Rivers

Darren Rivers is a supporting character from Heartbreak High! They are canonically queer and non-binary, and have a boyfriend named Ca$h.

#lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #nonbinary #queer #nonbinary representation #queer representation #darren rivers #heartbreak high #heartbreak high darren

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lgbtqmovierecs · 7 months ago

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LGBTQ Series of the Day:

Heartbreak High

Description:

After a detailed diagram of which students have been sexually involved is discovered graffitied on the wall of the school, all of the students whose names were on it are forced to attend a new sexual education course. The map’s creator, Amerie Wadia, becomes a social outcast after taking the fall for its co-author, Harper McLean, who has stopped talking to her following a tragedy at a music festival they attended.

Name: Heartbreak High

Genre: Drama

Age Rating: 15

Release Date: 2022-2025

Relationships: NBLM (Subplot) MLM (Subplot) WLW (Subplot)

Representation: Bisexual, Queer, Non-binary, Asexual, Lesbian, Demisexual

Episodes: 16

Running Time: 45-52 minutes

Country of Origin: Australia

Language: English

Starring: Ayesha Madon, Thomas Weatherall, Bryn Chapman Parish, Asher Yasbincek, James Majoos, Chloé Hayden, Will McDonald, Gemma Chua-Tran, Sherry-Lee Watson, Josh Heuston, Brodie Townsend, Chika Ikogwe, Scott Major, Rachel House, Sam Rechner

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aroaessidhe · 5 days ago

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aro & ace books: nonbinary/nonbinary relationships

The Thread That Binds - aroace agender MC x grey-ace agender MC qpr

The Tale That Twines - demiaroace agender x greyaro agender

Godly Heathens duology - demiromantic MC, nb/nb/m

The Evolving Truth of Ever-Stronger Will - agender demiromantic demi/greyace MC, genderfluid LI

The Heartbreak Bakery - demisexual genderfluid love interest, agender MC

#aspec books / aspec database / tumblr masterpost

info included here is brief! please see my database for full details of the books

#aspec books #The Thread That Binds #Godly Heathens #The Evolving Truth of Ever-Stronger Will #The Heartbreak Bakery #nonbinary books #not many for this that I've read huh!!! there must be some more around

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transbookoftheday · 2 years ago

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🍂 Trans Books To Read If You Love "Heartstopper" 🍂

Here are some trans books you should read if you love "Heartstopper":

Book titles:

Cheer Up: Love and Pompoms by Crystal Frasier

Always the Almost by Edward Underhill

The Passing Playbook by Isaac Fitzsimons

The Heartbreak Bakery by A.R. Capetta

Out of the Blue by Jason June

Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee

Beating Heart Baby by Lio Min

The Borrow a Boyfriend Club by Page Powars (comes out September 14, 2023)

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asi-nomas · 4 months ago

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i love being a soft transmasc, like let me hold you forever and give you a billion kisses while you rest your head on my chest and I tell you about all the dates I wanna take you on.

i love being a romantic and adoring you so intensely I cry every time I think about your beautiful face and being held by you.

i love making food for you and seeing you smile after taking the first bite.

i love knowing we exist in the same universe and that i get to witness your magic.

#things i wrote #transmasc #soft boi #soft masc #they them #nonbinary #queer #t4t #heartbreak #queer love #trans love #lovers

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fruitypiestims · 1 year ago

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