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my-stories-vault · 5 months ago

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Chapter 7 ~ Purgatory Series.

Pairing: American Dean Winchester X English Y/N L/N; American Dean Winchester X American Y/N L/N.

Blurb: Purgatory suits you, to be honest. Plenty of distractions to choose from, you can kill as many as to your heart's content. And your heart is one insatiable bastard—it'll do anything to keep the memories of your ex away. Until a face much similar to his struts up into your territory, looking for you, promising you a home you lost too long ago. Your heart melted once before, do you think you would be able to risk it all again for the same criminally handsome face?

Warnings/Trigger Warnings (18+): Supernatural Wars spoilers, major and minor character deaths, mentions of previous major character deaths, violence, gore, tons of angst, (sort of, but not really) love triangle, language, self-sacrifices (not exactly suicide), betrayals, etc.

Note: This was written four years ago and English is my second language - I've tried to edit without losing the past-me's "authenticity", but let's face it, spellings ain't my strong suit, and even Grammerly gave up, soooo all the mistakes are mine 🙂🙃.

{ Series Masterlist ; Main Masterlist }

Purgatory Series: Part 7.

Being in Purgatory via dreams while your face-thief yapped about how pertinent it was to save your soulmate was not fun. Watching other Universes crumble when you were just trying to get a few hours of sleep in was not fun. Losing all your family and friends because you were a monster was not fun. Hunting monsters as a job, which didn't pay, was not fun.

But this?

Dying to arrive at Purgatory?

Let's just say you've had better fucking hangovers.

'I'm never drinking again,' you'd growled under your breath as soon as you'd woken up and realised what had happened.

This was worse than everything bad in your life. Purgatory made it look like your life had always been filled with sunshine and rainbows.

You had but a faint recollection of how you got here. But surely, "I wish I had never pissed off a Winchester" made it up the ranks in your bucket list faster than the blink of an eye.

Oh, did you mention that you had been attacked the moment you had opened your eyes after dying back on Earth?

Once the initial shock had subsided, your hunter reflexes had been back in action.

Some hunter I am, you cursed yourself. Killed by a freaking human. Didn't even have the time to defend myself . . .

You wanted badly to blame it on how drunk you were - you didn't think your ego could take it otherwise - you still believed a tiniest part of you didn't fight on purpose.

You had a growing suspicion that the only fight you put up was to get a reaction out of that guy. Your drunk self had succeeded because if your face-thief from your dreams was correct, then the only way you were making it out was through the human portal, through the only human in this hellhole who could actually cross the said fucking portal. And it was that one human you hadn't wanted to save in the first place.

Okay, maybe there was no saving your ego - it was bruised; beaten black and blue. Wrecked, really.

Trotting through the woodland carefully, you had an ear out to listen for odd noises, which you had quickly realised that that could be anything in here. You were so tensed with the idea that any second now, anything could attack and devour you; it was puzzling to imagine how any human could survive this long - let alone two!

You had to admit, you weren't much better than humans, you barely had any power when it came to fighting off monsters because your only power was dreaming, and it wasn't exactly like you could just take a break and take a nap right now. Plus, let's face it, even with your dreams you didn't stand much chance against the monster folk in here. So, you were as good as a human, too.

Yay, fun times.

And to add shame to you're already limping dignity, you had to now go seek help from the namesake who you had been denying help for weeks now . . . Dammit! Could I be more pathetic?

You twirled almost mindlessly the golden dagger in your hand. It had been lying around on the floor and formed to be a good distraction from the continuous flow of war talk. Most of it was in the foreign language that you had only recently started comprehending.

This is so boring, Dean had whined in your ear.

Sh! It's important.

I'm dying here.

You'd shot him a bitch-face. You're a baby.

Oh, now I'm a baby? You called me old yesterday. Make up your damn mind.

I know what you're doing. It's not working.

What am I doing?

Riling me up.

Well, you do push me around so good when I rile you up, his sultry voice had whispered in your ear.

That had been a satisfying night.

You were indulging your happy memories until a few officials flooded into the room with urgent frowns.

'Human!' the one in the front exclaimed.

Your groan was involuntary. 'What'd he do now?'

The official gave you a distasteful look - and you honestly understood - Dwarves are territorial, it isn't fun to have a human on your premises, in the dead-centre of a war plan that's supposed to wipe your arch-nemesis' species' existence.

But he schooled his look, 'No him. Her. You. Y/N here.'

'No. Y/N here,' another little guy who had already been in the room said, pointing at you.

'No, no, no this Y/N. Y/N! She here!'

Hope bloomed in your chest and you couldn't believe that your look-alike actually died . . . She came to save Dean.

'Y/N, this only!' the person said, getting impatient. 'Dumb!' he then pointed at the official who had brought the news of the American.

'I think,' you interrupted before it could escalate. 'He meant my doppelganger is here.'

Nan-nan, the one who called Sav-ty dumb, looked at you like you were an alien.

'Dop—whaaaa?'

You had to repress a smile. Most of them were still learning English.

'—pelganger,' you completed, 'My look-alike.' You switched attention to the one who did understand your language. 'Kan-fir, it's her. She's here to save Dean.'

He nodded thoughtfully. 'Well. Bring in.'

An obedient nod later, Sav-ty gestured to the Dwarves behind him. In came a small group of marchers carrying Y/N, bound and gagged.

Her body wiggled and squirmed, trying to get away from the fingers of the small creatures that likely felt like insects crawling on the skin (personal experience). They dumped her on the ground with no gentleness, and you kinda got the feeling that she may have deserved it - if your past encounters with her were anything to go by.

They ripped off her gag, and the curses that poured out of her made you want to go back to Earth, go to a store, and buy a label on which you could write "Rated R, not recommended for children and dwarves. Interact with at your own risk."

'You!' she snarled with venom, her eyes falling on the one person her size - literally - given that she looked exactly like you, down to the last hair, and even the pitch of her voice. 'When I get out of these, you're gonna be the first fucking person I'm gonna find! I'm gonna gouge your pretty eyes out and shove them so far up your perky ass that your gonna feel how fucking slimy it is in your goddamn perfect mouth!'

You almost laughed at the self-appreciation she seemed to intersperse in with her threats. That's a new personality you were witnessing.

'Charming. Also self-involved,' you sighed. 'I think Dean can make you a better person.' You know your Dean had done it for you.

'My God! You're still on that!?' she let loose a manic laugh. 'Jesus. Talk about not being able to move on.'

You deflated as something dawned on you: 'I assume you died per an accident.'

'Obviously. Did you think I'd come to get your lover's whore ass?' she bared her teeth, an action bordering on animalistic.

'I mean, he did get around. He wasn't paid for it, but they should pay him,' you mused - quickly realising how off-topic you were. 'However, he's extremely loyal when he's with someone - that, I know.'

'I. Don't. Care!'

'Y/N,' Kan-fir called, 'Do kill we her?'

'"Do we kill her?",' you corrected. 'And no. Could you give us some privacy?'

'Sure?' he asked in doubt.

'Yes,' you flashed him a smile. 'And, untie her, too. She's not dangerous.'

'You're not dangerous!' she snarled.

But it was hard to be scared of a woman who wore the face of a person you've underestimated your whole life. Also, she was hilariously entitled. You realised that being as lonely and as isolated as she had made herself, it might have been bound to happen . . . Weren't you somewhat like that once?

You took her by the wrists, twisted her arms behind her back, and pushed her out of the cabin, walking on the thick gnarly bark of the elongated branch.

The American version of you wiggled, her feet tremoring, trees an uncharted territory. You'd been there.

You halted when she very nearly tipped over; your fingers flexed on her joint hands and her flannel collar. 'One thing: you need to stop squirming.'

'You're squirming!' she shot back.

'Two things,' you corrected yourself. 'You need to stop squirming, and you need better come-backs.'

'Your face needs a better comeback! Bitch!'

'I'm dealing with a twelve-year-old.' You interrupted before she could speak again, 'If you say, "your face is a twelve-year-old", I will slap you like I'm Connary.'

That seemed to pause her. 'How do you even know who that is?' she said instead. 'I didn't think he was in your world. Heck, I didn't think you knew what a T.V. was!'

'We had T.V.,' you told her. 'We also had Universe Travellers who could bring content from other Universes for the said T.V.' You paused, 'Even I've travelled, specifically through Y/Ns who share my scars - emotional and physical.'

She was exasperated: 'If you can fucking travel, why did you approach me? You could have just jumped into our world and all would have been sweet and dandy!'

You gauged her thoughtfully - did she not know about your visit?

'Excuse me?'

'You said you travelled through Y/N's - Hello!? I'm Y/N, travel through me like I'm your gate to my world, then leave me the frack alone.'

'You are a dreamwalker, correct?'

'No, that'd be your face!'

Considered, but you resisted slapping.

Your eyes fell to her rolled up sleeves. An expanse of smooth, creamy skin. No scar.

Shock rippled through your chest while your face remained an unchanged poker. You were sure you had hitched a hike in this Universe's Y/N. She had a scar, and that's what triggered your return to your own Universe.

My face-thief . . . I've been expecting you.

It took you under a minute to figure out what had transpired: you had jumped the body of a future version of this dreamwalker. No wonder the American Dean from that time was looking at you weirdly - like he knew you, and he'd lost you . . .

Suddenly, everything fell into place. You knew exactly what to do now. You could see the end.

'Let's go,' you said, a smile twitching on your lips. It was a smile of insanity, acceptance and peace. 'Let's go meet Dean.'

She smirked down at him in soft love. Her fingers went to brush his blood-soaked hair away from his eyes.Dean sighed, fluttering his world-weary eyes open, smiling a half-smile, his head in line with her ripped open stomach - one that she had just extracted the knife out of.Her legs were crossed under herself, letting Dean rest his head in her lap in the handful of breaths those two had left.

Your eyes sorrowed, you knew this couple - you had dreamt of them earlier. Just another world, another Universe for you - but for them, this was their life. And it was ending.

You hated it. You hated the goodbyes.

At least, this inevitable doom of theirs didn't seem to be deterring them from joking.

'Told you today was no good for an outing, Dean-o.'

'Yeah, well,' a cough, then some more, 'We had some fun killing monsters.'

A raised brow, 'Oh, sure, sure. Being stabbed and watching the love of my life being ripped apart slowly was the highlight of my day.'

'Finally, you've learnt to be an optimist.'

Both chuckled. Then hacked a few coughs. Y/N's hand came away bloody, a tear tracked down her cheek. Another sniffle, 'Do you . . . Do you think . . . Maybe in some another Universe—?'

'Definitely,' he cut her off, taking her hand and kissing the back of it. 'We have to be happy somewhere.'

She sighed, 'I wish we had a happy life here.'

'We did for a while.'

'You know what I mean.'

He locked eyes with her, understanding plaguing both of their features as fear chipped away at their last moments of solace they brought each other.

'It's been an honor loving you, Almost-Mrs. Y/N Winchester,' he winked.

And it never failed to clench your heart - the always almost. Everyone was always a couple, but never married - never really together. No kids, no real life - just a love that died.

'Likewise, Mr. Dean Winchester,' she chuckled airily as if her voice couldn't really decide whether she wanted to cry or laugh.

Another reason not to save your soulmate. Another proof that you wouldn't survive with him. Another sob story, another heartthrob - another way your relationship with him failed.

'Wake up!' a yell rung through her dream. It disoriented you - the voice - it was yours, just in a different accent. Blinks didn't get you anywhere for a few long seconds, until you focused on the wood beneath your palms.

Treehouse.

Purgatory. Death. English Y/N.

Your soulmate.

Right.

'We need to move,' she told you, without waiting for you to collect your thoughts.

She was already packing her things, speaking quickly and short. 'Werewolves scented me.' It was then that you noticed the huge gash along her side. 'They'll be here anytime now.'

'You're bleeding.'

'What an accurate observation,' she scoffed, shooting you an angry glance. 'Now, if you don't want to meet the same fate, I suggest you move your ungrateful arse!'

You obeyed. Handing her the requirements, and helping her stuff them in an already bulging bag. You grasped the bottle of the miraculous medicine, putting the bottleneck to her lips, 'Drink.'

Surprise flickered in her expression, doing as told.

'Since when do you care for me?'

You realised how out of character that had been for you. But cut yourself some slack - you'd just seen one of your other face-thieves die in arms of, and alongside, your supposed lover's lookalike.

You sheathed your vulnerability into a bitch-face: 'I don't. You're my ticket out of here.'

She nodded thoughtfully, like she was trying to look for some humanity under my brashness. You hoped she wouldn't see beyond your adversely insolent attitude. She should believe you didn't care.

'What's the plan?' you asked when you two left the house and started walking east.

'Don't die,' she snarked. 'And do what I say.'

You were nearing your one-week-death-aniversary and she had been giving you the same effing answer for a week.

'You're so hell bent on saving him; yet you haven't introduced us,' you said.

Your first attack yielded no response.

'You didn't tell me why you didn't just use me to get out like a portal into our world. Wouldn't have had the rest of the drama to deal with then, you know?'

Zilch reaction.

'What about those scars?'

You spied a twitch of an eye. Maybe it was your desperate imagination.

'You're hiding something,' you accused. 'I'm going to find out, you know?'

A sigh.

You called that progress.

Then again, you'd already covered all the areas you just mentioned - this was very little progress that you made every day. How do you press her buttons further?

You chewed on your bottom lip. With your patience running out and her endless capacity for silent treatment, you might have to resort to some dirty tactics.

'I don't know why you think I'll fall for him - I won't.'

She finally glanced your way, 'You talk big game, but I think you act this way on purpose - so that he doesn't love you, and you don't have to even bother pushing him away.'

Impressive.

'What do you know - I have a free therapist.'

'Lucky you.'

You breathed long through your nose. Do not kill the person who's gonna save your life - do not kill her.

'You think you're doing us a favor, aren't you? Say, we did fall in love - then what? It'll end. Like it always does. Either me, or him, or both-ah'-us - we end up heartbroken.'

'Or you don't. You know one out of a hundred cases - semantics.'

'You're delusional if you think there's even a one percent survival rate of this relationship. I don't know with what right you people call yourselves soulmates - you just end up destroying each other!'

'At least you won't be a loveless zombie then,' she replied, nonplussed.

It frustrated you how consistent she was in defending the one person who ruined her the most. You didn't get how loving and letting him go could possibly be better than never having loved him at all.

At least your heart was still beating merrily, but the reason for her heartbeats was gone.

'You mean, I won't be like you,' you retorted. 'A loveless zombie.'

She cut you a dark look. You got cocky with that reaction.

'Oh, wait! You do love a person,' you said. 'Here, in Purgatory. And you're gonna lose him all over again!'

You were pushed up against a tree so fast that the impact was almost non-existent, your focus immediately drawn to her furious e/c orbs, her height on par with yours.

She posed an intimidating picture. You kept your mouth shut because you knew she could take you down. You'd been in her mind, and it was pretty obvious she was resourceful. A cold tingle down your spine didn't fail to remind you that you may not be her only plan - just the best and the easiest.

'There's a line,' she warned. 'Don't cross it.'

You clenched your jaw in defiance. 'I was just trying to break the ice.'

'You don't want to do it, you're on wafer-thin ice,' her elbow dug into your neck which she was using to keep you pinned in a chokehold. 'You break it, and you won't need Dean to destroy you.'

Ego reared its ugly head. 'You need me.'

She released you. 'You know why I can't use you like a portal?' She pulled an arrow, noticing the protest on your face, which she replied with a punch, harshly grasping your face and aligning the pointy edge with your neck.

'You aren't meant to be a portal,' she deadpanned. 'None of us are. We can be replaced though, by the people you've met, or share the same backgrounds as we do. For example, I once took over the body of a Princess who had to hide her relationship with Prince Dean because of the other Royals, and she shared the scar that I have. You know when I could take over?'

You hardened your glare.

'When she died,' she enunciated.

Fear lanced your very being.

'And you . . . I've travelled in you before. Albeit, I was the problem of the future you who donned the scar. So, when I say I travel, I mean I hitch a ride. And if my vessel dies, I replace them, if only for a few hours.'

A dark smirk charmed her face, 'Unless you're already dead, then I can truly take your place. No one knows you exist, no one loves you. At least, Dean loves me back. So, if I were to kill you now, and wipe your existence from this planet completely - no one would know. And I'd be you. Do you really want that?'

Silence ensued.

Perhaps the adrenaline took over; you struck your leg in a brilliant swipe that took her off balance. You launched with the weight of your body into a sprint.

You didn't know who you were kidding. You were no match for her speed even if you had a good head start.

She tackled you to the ground within seconds, rolling the two of you on the grass, fallen leaves and crunchy branches under your body. Her far more agile instincts landed several blows to your face before you could understand what was happening. Black dots invaded your vision and fear choked you, your heart strained under overexertion.

What you did next was entirely instinctual.

You channelled the supernatural within you, letting your magic emanate from your finger pads which you pressed to her forehead, diminishing her barriers between her dreams and her wakefulness. Her nightmares became her reality. Her eyes rolled back into her head as yours started bleeding; she fell atop you like lead weight.

You whimpered in relief, thrusting her body away as you scrambled back, then you wiped your blood from your face. Your body sagged with exhaustion.

You'd done it, you'd defeated her . . .

But nothing made any sense.

She'd had so many chances to kill you - so many times in the last week when you were sleeping under her protection when she could have wiped you off the face of the Earth, but she didn't.

Was there more to the story than she was letting on?

Either way, you thought.

You stood, dusted yourself off. Hesitated.

You were a hunter for God's sakes, you couldn't leave someone to die . . . Could you?

She just tried to kill you!

. . . Maybe . . .

Or maybe you assumed that she did.

It bothered you a great deal.

You didn't know why it troubled you to leave her for the dead - the wolves would catch up and finish her off for you.

Then, an image of Dean flashed in your mind, and her words - Dean did love her. Not you, her.

Would he be heartbroken if she was gone?

So many heartbreaks plagued you . . . but they didn't have to plague him.

Cussing yourself out, you did the one thing that you could for her: you prayed to Cas.

'Castiel, angel of the Lord, blah, blah, blah, Y/N 2.0 speaking. Y/N 1.0 told me you were around, she's stuck her in darkest nightmare, you can rouse her with your angel-hoo. Raise her from the perdition or whatever else that helps your self-esteem. 2.0 out,' You saluted to an empty audience.

Good enough, you praised yourself.

You drew the line on waiting for Cas. You did your part - you tried to save her life like a good samaritan; you tried, and that was more than you expected from yourself.

Your Mommy would be proud. Moving on.

Now you just had to figure out how to not unalive.

You had a new begrudging appreciation for your English counter-part when you had failed to go a day without evading capture. This was the second time during your existence in Purgatory when you'd been captivated by a group of monsters. At least the first time you were relatively safe.

Now that you had managed to sabotage even that contact, you were bound and gagged inside a tree trunk of all places, under a strict gaze of the rotating schedule of fairy guards. There weren't many left, apparently. If you'd heard correctly from their heated discussions on whether to keep you alive or not, your face-thief was to thank for that development in their population.

You wondered if they'd been on the Earth long enough to heed to a classic quote: Enemy of my enemy is my friend. You hoped they'd listen to you pitch that angle before they decided you weren't worth their time.

Your eyes noted as another shift of fairies came to take place of the previous batch. You sighed through your nose again, straining your rope bindings again. It was useless. The first few hours you had twisted your hands till your skin shredded into raw wounds. Now, it was itching endlessly.

And that wasn't even what hurt the most on your body. You were on your knees currently and the pebbles dug into your caps. The wet gag was so tight around your face and hair, that it pained your jaw - to the point that when you went to close your mouth to stop the drool, you flinched.

Next were your thighs; all the muscles in your legs screamed to be sitting in the same position for so long. Begging for release - but the trunk they had stuffed you in was too small in width for you to even wiggle properly.

Then, it was your arms; your hands and upper body muscles throbbed from being pointed backwards.

All you wanted to do was stand up and stretch, and probably kick a few miniature asses with your big hunting boots.

You did none of that.

Your body grew weaker and weaker, grew more numb. Soon, your fatigued body fell back against the bark and you were called into the deep recesses of your mind. Alas, the numbness didn't extend to your dreams and emotions as you were popped into another nightmarish love tragedy.

You had several reasons to curse your fate when you woke up. For one, you woke up in a hammock hundreds of feet in the air, with no soft landings.

So, once the nightmare had decided to free you from its clutches and you woke up with incidence, you were already turning in your makeshift bed, ready to fall right into Death's arms.

But that wasn't the worst part.

It was the person who caught you.

Lo and behold, Dean Winchester became your savior.

You had yelped, but then your right wrist had slapped against his right palm. He risked his own safety to hold onto you. He hung from another hammock that seemed to have been stationed one foot adjacent to yours onto the friendly neighborhood branch.

Your body wiggled in the air, mostly in fear, and whimpers started escaping you whenever you looked down, his palm growing sweatier the more he held on.

'You need to stop wiggling,' he grinded out, looking down at you; and your eyes locked for the first time with your "soulmate".

He was as gorgeous as ever, you had to admit. He had forest fire eyes; treacherous golden amongst the loyal green. He could cut angles with that jaw, and a light stubble that aided his wild look. He was wearing a worn-out leather jacket, layers of flannel underneath, and a pair of washed-out jeans, but in your eyes, you only saw a Greek God.

Gods scared you.

'You need to climb up,' his voice was strained, and then you realized you had gone limp in his grip.

You reverted back to your senses with full panic. 'I-I don't know how to climb! Or get down!'

'Yeah, right!' he scoffed. 'This is no time to joke, Y/N!'

'I'm serious!'

His brows furrowed. 'What the fuck happened to your—?'

You yelled again as his grip on you faltered for the minutest of seconds and you almost slipped from his hold. His muscles flexed as he corrected it.

'You see that ledge,' he nodded near your feet and you just about pulled him down with you trying to look at where his gaze had landed. 'Foothold.'

'You're kidding me!'

'We don't have all day here!'

Your fingers were already slipping, your palms had grown sweaty and you didn't want to find out the limitations of your face-thief's special Purgatory healing concoction right now.

'Don't let me fall,' you whispered, letting your vulnerability slide into your gaze when you locked your irises with his.

His eyes smothered all your doubts: 'Never.'

You raised your palm to his jacket-clad forearm and leaned your bodyweight into it as much as you could, while strengthening your core to bend your body sideways until your feet reached the bark of the tree.

Nausea climbed up your throat when your eyes noticed the ground; hundreds of feet between you and your demise. You exhaled sharply, and used Dean's hand to push yourself backward till your back was pressed against the bark.

'Okay, what now?' you wondered in a rather high-pitched voice.

'You see that part of wood jutting out?' he nodded with his chin above your head. You noticed that it was at least one and a half meters away - just out of your reach.

'You're gonna hold that, flip one-eighty after letting me go and then—'

'Dude. Not everyone is a born giant!'

'Dammit, Y/N! I'm holding on by a thread here - literally!'

'Fine, fine! If I die, it's your fault!'

'Just do it, goddammit!'

Steeling yourself, you stretched all your muscles and tendons till you felt like you were being pulled on a Procrustean bed. You failed more than once, but Dean didn't complain anymore as he waited patiently for you to approach safety.

Seventeenth time was the charm.

You grunted, and whimpered as you felt the burn in your body at being stretched in such a weird position.

'Okay, good. Don't leave that at any cost. You need to whirl one-eighty now . . . you can do this, sweetheart.'

'Don't call me that!' you snapped. squeezing his free hand that was still in your empty one.

He scoffed, though you wondered if you were imagining the hurt.

'Look, just - when you turn, I need you to push off the foothold with as much force as you can. A'ight? You will need a little altitude to reach the hammock strings!'

'Okay. Jump. One-eighty. Hammock. Okay!' you swallowed. Trepidation infiltrated your body, and a lance of adrenaline went through you.

In a leap of un-faith, you let your foot slip and body twirl mid-air. You yelped for the jarring sensation, but you pulled with all your might to give you an upward momentum.

You missed the ropes by an inch.

As a scream escaped your lips, Dean acted fast, lending a placating hand on the small of your back that roughly pushed you towards the tree bark, and you scampered to scrape your feet against the woody surface till you had managed another boost, and you grasped the ropes!

'I reached! I reached!'

'Do you want a trophy?! Climb up!'

You huffed, and moved out of his reach into the warm and cocooning embrace of the hammock. Dean parroted your action into the opposite hammock, and sighed loudly.

The skin on his left hand looked raw and scraped with rope burns, almost to the point of blistering. You felt guilt trickle into your heart.

The gratefulness flooded.

'Thanks,' you breathed out.

You wondered about his intentions of saving you and how much the English woman had told him.

Did he know that your face-thief can replace you, but he saved you anyway? You would ask, but if he didn't know, you weren't gonna be the one to break that news to him like an axe to your foot.

All this speculating, and you didn't even know if he knew that you were his real soulmate.

'Sure,' he muttered, breathing deeply as if to calm himself.

'What happened to the fairies? Where are we?'

He frowned deeply, glancing about. 'I don't know.'

Your eyes bulged, 'What do you mean you don't know?'

There was a thread of irritation in his expression. 'I don't even know who you are.'

You scoffed, 'Then why did you save me!?'

'I wasn't thinking! One sec, I was thrown into a fucking tree, and the next I know you're falling off the damn hammock, like some cheap American knockoff of the woman I—' he cut himself off abruptly, averting his gaze losing a furious battle against the fifty shades of red.

I'm so stupid!

'Of course!' you breathed out. 'This is a dream!'

He assessed you inquisitively. 'Excuse me?'

'I just assumed that after those three Hellsites,' you referred to the three different Universes you'd just paid visits to, 'I thought I was waking up!'

'What are you talking about?'

'Well, I just didn't expect to be part of a scene!' you gestured between the two of you. 'I'm not usually with a Dean in my dreams - there's always a face-thief.'

He blinked at you.

You held up an index finger, and concentrated with your eyes closed. You tugged the strings of your imagination and merged it with your dream reality until the air around you was shifting, and Dean gasped.

When you could see again, you two were in a quaint cabin, far away from the unreliable hammocks. You shuddered once more when you remembered the height, and decided to address the confused man in the room.

'How'd you do that?' an edge of distrust spilled into the flow of his grittily smooth voice; like crunchy peanut-butter.

You knew you couldn't tell him the truth - he'd kill you. It was his dream after all.

Even as a dreamwalker, you'd never murdered anyone in your sleep - which was a possibility, you just never saw why you'd need to exercise it - especially when most of your dreams weren't really dreams but mere reflections of other worlds. No one could see you in other Universes.

In your Universe, all bets were off though. This is uncharted territory . . .

'I'm . . .' you desperately looked for a good introduction, but the whole of the English language seemed to have wiped from your brain. 'Oh, fuck,' you sighed. Before you could even begin to piece together an explanation, a knock sounded on the door, much to your shock.

'Who's that?' Dean sharpened his tone, looking at you with accusing suspicion.

'Dude, I know you worship this face, but news flash - no Y/N's got all the answers for you.'

The door was pushed in before either of you could acknowledge whoever had blissfully interrupted your awkward conversation.

You bit your lip when the replica of your face popped in.

Your face-thief grinned good-naturedly. 'Ah, figured you might be here,' she said with all the glory to her accent.

Dean's jaw dropped a bit, looking as shocked as a Winchester could possibly be with all they'd seen in their bizarro lifestyle.

'You're alive,' you leveled a dry look on her.

'So are you,' she countered with the same unimpressed gaze.

'How're you here?'

'Oh, darlin', this ain't my first rodeo. They taught us to use African Dream Roots when we were barely out of elementary school. After I woke up from the magically-induced sleep, I thought, what better way to find you than this?' Before you could strap on your sassy mouth, she turned her eyes to her lover, 'For the record, this was not how I was planning to tell you that your soulmate is here to rescue you.'

'Yes,' you sarcastically added. 'Moi, a tall glass of Americano, handmade for you.'

'She's a bit self-obsessed. Nothing you can't work on.'

'What the fuck is going on?!' Dean roared.

You shrunk a little, your copycat was unfazed. She gripped your wrist - you hadn't realised she had gotten so close to you - and pulled you towards the door.

'Sorry, darlin',' she jerked you into the outside world. 'Gotta borrow her for now. Will explain everything later.' The door shut in Dean's face.

White light color-penciled your visions. You groaned when you could see again.

'What's with you two and hammocks!'

Your companion sniggered. 'Chill. I figured you'd have a penchant for falling off of them so I brought us into a treehouse - even though we technically cannot die since this is a dream.'

'Hey!' you raised a finger. 'Have some respect for the dreams, dude. It comes from the darkest parts of ourselves - what you don't know can kill you!'

She chuckled again, 'Like the dream spell you put me under?'

You crossed your arms. 'I thought you were going to kill me.'

She mock-gasped. 'You don't trust me?'

'Oh, trust is oozing out of my pores - sweating it like bullets; why haven't you killed me?' you deadpanned.

'You saved my life by calling Cas. I can spare yours. Even-Steven,' she answered good-naturedly.

'I put you in danger!'

She hummed. 'Yeah, that was unpleasant. But I forgive you. Plus, we girls ought to stick together for Dean's sake, right?'

'You're a nut case! You just blew our cover by telling him that there's two of us! It won't take long for him to know that only one of us is going back.'

'Yeah, that was the ideal plan,' she sighed. 'But I have a back-up. So, don't you worry.'

You looked at your self-proclaimed saviour incredulously.

'You don't want to be saved, do you?'

The truth was just out of your reach - you could see it prowling in her identical e/c orbs behind a thin veil of smugness that only comes from being a messiah. When you looked closer, you could also read the darkness around the edges. A darkness that burned her up from the inside out; one that swallows a person whole; one that you were too familiar with. The worst kind of darkness to be seen in humans. The one that came when you hate yourself.

Perhaps, the only difference between you two was that hers was beyond repair and she hid it behind self-sabotage, while you hid behind arrogance and hollow self-entitlement.

'I want to be,' she amended softly. 'But no one here can save me.'

Your chest spasmed with pain.

She shot your fallen face a wan smile. 'I'm sorry for making you believe that I was going to kill you.'

'No, you're not!'

'No, I'm not,' she muttered in gleeful satisfaction. 'But I know what the pain of losing a soulmate is, I would never bestow such a fate upon Dean.'

'He doesn't know me. He doesn't care!'

Why were you doing this again? She was giving you a freaking hall pass! Your ticket out of here. Why the heck were you questioning that?

'That's where you're wrong,' she nodded. 'Y/N, you've seen death and destruction in our lives, but did you not see that there was nothing to destroy before.'

You squinted at her, 'Come again in English?'

She chuckled a bit. 'Let it be, you won't understand.'

'Humour me,' you were somewhat desperate to understand just why someone would ruin their lives for this!

Love was overrated . . . wasn't it?

She struggled to string a good enough sentence until you saw the bulb go off in her head. You disliked the grin that grew on her face, and even more the tears that began to shine in her orbs.

'It's simple: My Dean Winchester is my soulmate because he was somehow the beginning and the end of me.' You smiled: 'And only he can save me.'

You knew she meant it, she believed it, she lived by it.

You couldn't help yourself when you blurted, 'That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.'

'Told you: you wouldn't understand. Not until it happens to you, darling.'

You were about to offer an abhorrent platitude, with a side of denial and irritation when the treehouse shook around you.

'What's happening?' she leapt out of her hammock, prepared for a fight.

Your brows furrowed. 'I'm waking up. When you took me, you pulled me out of Dean's head who'd been sleeping or had been knocked unconscious. You pulled me back into my own head. Although you are only a temporary dream-traveller because of the Roots you took, you cannot be the host for my dreams.'

She frowned. 'Look, I wanted to talk to you because this may be the last time, and I want you to know that no matter what happened, and no matter what happens - I'm coming for you, Y/N.'

The world faded into nothing.

Pissed didn't even begin to cover the areas of your mind the rage had reached. You were planning and plotting fantastical murders. You were cursing and harking on anyone courageous enough to remain in your vicinity.

First of all, there was the constant headache. The pounding, hammers and nails against your skull; a side-effect of recovering from your personal Hell, if you will. You honestly don't remember much after you woke up. Nothing from your past that you didn't want to remember came to you. All you knew was that the American had put you to sleep, and Castiel had roused you.

You had decided to reach out to your doppelganger, the only way you knew that wouldn't freak her out. A place where she'd be comfortable enough for a chat with you, without feeling like she was under any threat. You vaguely remembered that part: only that somehow there was Dean, and something had gone seriously wrong during the endtail of your talk with the other Y/N.

Kan-fir (Cas had flown you off to the Dwarves' lair) had been happy to enlighten you that while you'd been a sleeping beauty, your look-alike had been kidnapped by the fairies, Dean had tried to save her thinking it was you, and failed, and now the American had been shipped off to Leviathans. You hadn't known any of that while you were sleeping.

You couldn't believe that she slipped from your fingers. You blamed yourself for her capture. You hadn't meant to scare her, but you did. She deserved to feel your wrath, if only for a second, you won't deny that - she really hurt you but you wouldn't kill her!

Whatever you said was true, yet, it wasn't enough to work. Even if you did replace her after killing her, which would honestly be too easy - and too good to be true - you couldn't truly replace her.

She'd always be the American Dean's true soulmate. Just like your Dean would be yours and only yours, and you would be his. You couldn't deny that even when you had American Dean with you, it had felt like a betrayal to your Dean. You were never complete with this one, never a whole like you had been with your Dean.

You guessed that just his presence in your life again was enough sustenance to ignore the ever-present void. If you could fool your heart and soul for even a second in the twenty-four hours that you had to survive - then even that was enough. Just that second of distraction had been allowing you to breathe before you were drowning again.

But how many days were you willing to waste for a meagre serving of those seconds?

It wasn't fair to Dean. Stringing him along like that when you couldn't give him your heart.

This Dean was a close second, but he was still a second to you. And he deserved everything best. He deserved a girl, a soulmate, and their undivided love. Their unbroken heart. Their untarnished memories. He should have someone who'd fight for him till the last breath. He deserved someone who'd love him for him, not because he was a good substitute.

And the thing was that no matter how much the monster Y/N resisted, no matter how much she evaded falling in love with him, no matter if she didn't care for him - you knew she'd do it all one day.

If there was a betting pool, you were going to put all your money on her.

Soulmates is no joke.

And it doesn't really matter if it ends good or bad - no one knows what's going to happen to that relationship. Nevertheless, it's going to start. It's going to commence, and it's going to flourish at one point. Then, the endings will differ.

Although you did hope that this one relationship was happier than the thousand other ones the American had seen fail. Probably you hoped that because you had met them both in person. More than once: now, and that one time when the past-you had met the future-them.

'We're here,' Castiel's grave tone calmed your turbulent thoughts till you were as calm as a hunter ready to jump their monster.

A path through the woods, scattered ashes, trail of blood, faint conversation. It was a site of a recent monster slaughtering - and the blood indicated a human. The only human in the Purgatory other than you was Dean.

'Are you sure you want to do this?' Castiel wasn't so sure himself.

'Do I have a choice?'

'He's going to be mad.'

'Any tips on how to handle him mad? I'm told you're pretty experienced.'

He side-eyed you, his resentment towards your uncalled for jab visible. 'Try to not make him angrier.'

You scoffed. 'Yeah. That's gonna happen.'

'Try.'

You walked ahead instead of responding.

Soon, they came in your sights. Bickering like an old married couple. Dean just had that Alpha, protector of the family vibe that automatically made him the impatient, arrogant, reserved but a caring husband of any duo he chose to be a part of. Everyone else in his presence automatically became that sassy wife who was done with his shit - it was rare to see the roles reversed.

Benny tensed as you assumed Castiel came on his radar.

You knew that he could sense humans too. But you were technically a defect piece. Not really a human of this world that gave you a weird stench which even actually faded into the surround smells of Purgatory. While Dean was still fresh meat, and originally from the planet of this respective Purgatory. His smell was too overpowering not to guise yours. A tidbit you'd earned as a courtesy of the Dwarves.

Benny turned, taking Dean's gaze with the twist of his body. The latter's mouth dropped, and his green eyes glimmered with a new surge of hope and excitement. His wound forgotten, he sprang to his feet, almost butting Benny who had been hovering over the older Winchester, and he rushed at you.

Before long, you were sealed into his warm and much welcomed embrace. His face nuzzled your hair affectionately before it took residence in the crook of your neck; his hot breath fanning your neck as he pulled you in tighter.

'You're okay,' he whispered to you, pressing a small kiss to the joining point of your neck and shoulders, 'you're okay, sweetheart.'

No, I'm not.

You patted his back, somewhat awkwardly, because you didn't feel as excited as he seemed to be.

'We thought the fairies whisked you away for good,' Benny commented.

Dean pulled away, blissfully unaware of your conflict. His grin wavered for a second, 'You scared me, sweetheart.'

Silence stunted your verbal facilities.

'Dean,' Castiel's low baritone saved you.

The blond-haired man noticed, for the first time, his best friend's presence, with an exclamation of the blue-eyed man's name, he was rushing to treat your partner-in-crime the same as you - with a relieved hug and nothing but a childlike exuberance.

Your e/c orbs fell to the last man standing, and they narrowed. Mutual distrust was communicated both ways in that one look. You knew what your problem with him was - he was an accomplice to the death of the love of your life.

What was his problem?

'Where have you two been?' Dean's question beat yours.

Castiel exchanged a fleeting look with you.

Dean missed it, 'We've been looking all over for you two! Then, a ghoul told me you'd been captured - and . . . I had a weird dream.' His lip wobbled, 'I thought . . . when I woke up, I thought the fairies must have taken you to the Leviathans because of their ties . . . .'

'We know,' you shrugged.

Anger danced across his features as his exhilaration quickly evaporated. 'Why did you leave in the first place, Y/N?' his brows furrowed.

'I need your help.'

Surprise flashed, then hurt creeped in. 'Is that why you're here? You needed my help?'

Castiel shot you a look: You've hurt him!

You rolled your eyes at him: Didn't make him angrier, did I?

Castiel seemed done with you.

You addressed Dean. 'I don't need it. But manpower would be appreciated.'

'Oh, yeah?' Dean spat out. 'Then, why didn't you go to your precious Dwarves?'

'They refused to help me.' Technically, they refused to help the dreamwalker - "potato", "po-tah-to", you figured.

'So, let me get this straight,' he stepped towards you, 'you run out on me when I need you,' another step, 'avoid me for months,' closer with each accusation, 'refuse to give me an explanation when I'm warding off all the monsters,' three feet, 'when all I want is to get us to safety,' two feet, 'and you show up like all that didn't mean anything to you,' he stopped in front of you, 'asking for my help?'

You maintained the eye contact, 'You could've just left.'

'I'm sorry, sweetheart,' venom dribbled, 'I don't leave the people I care about behind.'

You grimaced.

Your Dean's dead body and the battleground flashed into your mind's eye . . .

Go, darling.

I'm not leaving you, you'd cried.

Lara needs you, he'd said. Go save the world . . .

You did leave him behind.

You knew this Dean didn't mean your ex-fiancé when he said what he did; he meant himself. But you weren't leaving this Dean behind - you were saving him.

'Exactly,' you played into him. 'You'd want to help.'

Curiosity ruffled the forest of his eyes.

Interruption, 'We're not taking another detour.'

It was Benjamin this time. Your nerves were already grated because of him. You may have forgiven Castiel to some extent, but this Benny was still a sore spot. Truthfully, you were surprised that you hadn't jumped him and turned him to ash by now; probably the influence of your frenemy Castiel.

'I don't remember asking you,' you gritted without so much as turning your head at him.

'You can't be serious!' the Cajun groused. 'Chief, tell me you're not thinking about this. It's taken us months to reach here - find just the two of them. Do you really want to spend God knows how long trying to save God knows who while the Leviathans are God knows where.'

You circled on your heels, calculating his profile. 'It's a good thing then I have the address of the person and a plan, right?' You weren't really asking.

'Who is it?' Dean finally bit.

Do you give him a heads-up and let him be accustomed to the fact that his bratty soulmate had begrudgingly and forcibly come to save his life? Or do you let him try to guess and have a few moments more with him where he isn't looking at you weirdly?

No, you can't let yourself indulge in his warmth.

You replied with your resolution. 'The girl of your dreams.'

Dean scowled deeper. 'That really happened? She's real? She's really here to save me?'

'What am I missing?'

Castiel was the one who replied this time. 'The fairies really did take away someone . . . it just wasn't this Y/N.'

'There's more than one?' Benny inquired.

'She's Dean true soulmate. And she's here to save him,' you stated, squaring your shoulders.

'Fat lotta saving that Y/N's doing,' Benny huffed.

'How'd she even get here?'

'She died,' Castiel simply told before you could make something up.

'She's a monster?'

You winced, bit your lip as you bulldozed a glare good enough to kill at Cas, your frayed nerves bustling with electric anger. Castiel just opened and closed his mouth, an apology stitched into his deep blues.

'Isn't there a theory that two doppelgangers cannot live on the same planet?' Benny mused out loud.

Oh, fuck!

Dean's eyes snapped to yours in shock. 'Did you know about that?'

'Um,' you stepped back, laughing a little nervously, raising your hands in defence. 'You know what? This was a mistake—'

'You've been planning all along to not come, haven't you?' he accused. 'That's why you left!'

You looked away, jaw clenched.

'How could you do this to me?'

'Dean—'

Castiel was rudely cut off when a huge projectile crashed into him and he tumbled into the dry leaves with a boom.

The projectile grew in shape, opening its wide maw.

You realised your folly. You were standing too close to the recent battle-site.

'Leviathans,' you whispered.

A/N: Complicated, huh? I remember when I first wrote this chapter, lol . . . took me months to make it as less confusing as possible while keeping all the details in 😂🫠🙃.

Anyway, I'd like to apologize for delaying this by a day. I was sick, and in no condition to edit, heh.

I'm also very excited to bring you the next and last chapter of Purgatory coming week, hehe. Stay tuned and stay safe!

Tag List.

@hobby27 @stoneyggirl2 @globetrotter28 @aylacavebear @emma1998sblog

@stanzie

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sojirai · 7 months ago

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actually idgaf. i feel better temporarily but here's the text from my uber melodramatic breakdown about self sacrifice / "therapist friend"ing / emotional burnout from discord + me fixing it. for the jirai gang. under the . under the Cut , if you will.

ᓚᘏᗢ 🩷⠀ ━─ breakdown below

trigger warning just in general this sucks

• ───────────────── •

Turns out i as an alter greatly overextend myself socially and emotionally and compensate for my lack of deep vulnerable moments or true security that i constantly try to provide others by gathering egotistical praises about my personality or ability or how nice and good i am at serving and caring for others and the bottling up has turned into repression so i have been having panic attacks and breakdowns and lashing out and psychosis during my antispychotic medication and not knowing why and dismissing it but all along it was ... Giving out way more than i get back (i do it to myself mostly)

Being the new best friend who makes life so much better and always tracks and is fun and sincerely loving for like 8 people all within 4 hours everyday can make your head spin until you dont even know what YOU really want or who YOU are or what YOUR memories are because nothing nothing nothing matters only other people perfect friend best friend best boyfriend best husband housewife best daughter best son best employee. And then you forget everything. But your body doesnt. If you can maintain your composure and comfort and make jokes and compliment and work and fawn and stay quiet and apologize sit stay roll over come don't get upset when they bite you Defend them anyway loyal dog. And the drugs dont get you. And you sleep enough. And you eat. And you drink water. Because you think youre just your body. Your nervous system starts to kill you and breakdown. You start to go insane a little bit at a time. And people will watch. And frown and pat you and say oh oh im here for you. Im listening. You dont even know whats wrong, and if you do, youre not allowed to say. Its bad to say. Its probably not even true. Its just a selfish feeling. You have cluster b, dont you? Youre just being self centered again. Everyone does enough for you. This is enough. Maybe you need a break. Its probably a lie. Nothing is wrong. Youre just so good you overperform! Youre unable to take a break. You always have to be doing something. You have an episode. You take a 10 minute break. You come back. You never address the root cause. You leave for a few hours to do something you like for yourself. You worry about all the time youre missing with others. You come back. Everythings on fire and youre not in service mode. Youre scared and feel like it's your fault for not being there. Everyone says it's not. But just because they say it doesn't mean you couldn't have made things better or they're not all accustomed to your presence. That they all need you. Because you made them like this by always being nice unconditionally. You don't have a life anymore. It's for a bunch of other people. Your work and paycheck and time and energy and career and where you live and where you go are all gonna be for everyone else in your life and you're gonna say it makes you happy because you really do sincerely love other people and you love to be the perfect person and love to be devoted and WANTED. And you're gonna forget who you are because you never knew them. And be happy where you are. And you will have little moments of true vulnerability and that will be enough to go right back to the way you were for the next three weeks at minimum. Just one person you truly open up to and trust and some praise and validation and reassurance from everyone else that doesn't really mean anything like an OCD compulsion calmed down only to flare right back up again. Cus you were raised to be like this and now you're choosing to lean into it. Maybe it's all you know how to do to get people to love you. Something will always be wrong. And you will keep getting over the same thing every hour of the day until you die ♡

giggling. Im actively doing it all again. The endless passion for being kind and wanting to be the new best friend and make someone happy and not be the reason they feel disappointed or alone. Acting the most for them so that they have no doubt you adore them and everything they do. So they dont feel like you. Im actively insecure and need to cry for irrational reasons (i still cannot cry anymore. My expression is always blank / neutral when im upset these days). [redacted details for privacy].

The little things.

Spinning a little again. It wasn't me that realized this.

I panicked so hard that I texted [my partner]. Mentally bawling and wailing and clinging. One person. Another adult who tends to be direct and will respond if i call out when i think they're not or ask more. Good judgment. Kind to me. Always kind to me. In love with me but not blind. They help me clarify everything. I broke down and told them everything about what my mom has done and said and the events of when i attacked her. And Vanny [DID regressed alter] switched in because im. Emotional. And she started to talk about ...

"I think Joy has an anxiety problem... everyday... he kind of freaks liks a panic attack. And the psychosis is worse for him. He takes all the trauma. Hes responsible for all of us, and for a lot of other actual people, too. Is it hard, are you tired?" And she kept thinking and staring and talking and she dug it right out of me. Exactly whats wrong with me. "No shit. Dipshit. Bullshit. You're not evil or selfish; you're exhausted. You're a genuinely nice person. No wonder you're burnt out; look at what happens every day of your life with every single person and thing in it!" Every little thing

I didn't even know. I never address it. I push through it and I forget.

I did this all to myself and others and its all my fault for making myself a martyr but im a little angry somehow. That no one paid attention or thought about it or cared as much as i cared and if they did they didn't show it the way i show it they didn't push the way i push.

And that's selfish and stupid. I set the bar into the sky basically heaven for myself. No one else will reach it. I cant be angry they didnt (i never expected anyone to, but somehow im still upset). Theyre too exhausted to give me that attention or push hard, and im not complaining, im not letting everyone know, im actively hiding it. Why would anyone push? Why would anyone try as hard for me as i do for them when i convince everyone i don't need it and eventually stop showing that i'm distressed at all?

That no one. Overanalyzes as much as me and is constantly looking for things like this. When i always am

Ridiculous. Nothing to be upset about. I did that.

I'll get over it. I got a little suicidal but Vanny touched me and said no and it will pass and then everything will be alright again. Knowing i act out sometimes. And you guys are my friends and i'm not angry at anyone i was/am just lashing out. I always. Get over it. I'm a bit tired of getting over it But The Way The World Works really doesn't care how tired you are and crashing out as cathartic as it is always has an awful aftermath and i'm already unstable. So no. I'm keeping my composure again and not truly forever ruining my life or relationships (again. Something i think of multiple times a day and never do.) Mature and thoughtful and thinking long-term. Again. I wonder if I will die like this always keeping it together overall even if I crash occasionally. Or if one day I will snap and do something really drastic and end up in prison or dead from it and if I will take anyone down with me. Ok anyway

Sorry for making an ass of myself. That was all very delirious and intense and kind of rude. I apologize and I'm . Gonna take a xanax

Ok we're fine

I was given dopamine

ᓚᘏᗢ 🩷⠀ ━─ end transcript

#jirai #jirai kei #jirai lifestyle #jiraiblr #landmine #landmine blogging #lifestyle jirai

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radashes · 3 months ago

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Book Review: God of War by Rina Kent

Guys, if you know, I always tell you how irritating childish, spoiled female leads are to me. And I've got a perfect example to show. Ava Van Doren.

Setup:

Ava wakes up from an accident and has amnesia. Eli — the man she supposedly hated — is now her husband. She has no memory of falling in love or marrying him. Naturally, she wants answers.

Vibe:

Marriage of convenience

Broody hero x sunshine heroine (Spoiled)

Force proximity

Amnesia

Praise kink

Ava Van Doren: This girl gave me a migraine. Like, genuinely. I thought she was going to be this badass, messy, chaotic heroine with an attitude to match — especially after she smashed Eli’s Bugatti and said she hated him. That gave me hope. But no. She turned out to be the biggest disappointment of the book.

Spoiled? Absolutely.

Childish? Yes.

Petty? Constantly.

A doormat? Unfortunately, also yes.

She mixes with bad friends, knows they’re trash, and then acts shocked when people call her a brat. Jeremy and Eli called her out, and she cried victim every time. It’s not that she’s a sunshine girl — she’s a delusional girl.

She made threats like “I’ll destroy Eli,” “He’ll suffer,” “I’ll get my revenge,” and then spent the whole book eating candy, reading romance novels, playing dress-up, and begging for his attention. Where was the revenge? No, really — WHERE?

And the way she folded every time Eli gave her crumbs? Spineless. He could say the nastiest, most degrading things (I don't hate degradation kink, but his words were insulting), and she’d melt because he touched her thigh and said, “Mrs. King.” Girl, what happened to your dignity?

Every time someone tries to help her, she turns it into a power struggle. Even therapy couldn’t fix her at this point.

Also —I’m sorry, but the baby fever was suffocating. Every chapter she was crying about wanting a child. Yes, motherhood is a valid desire — but her entire character was reduced to it. It replaced growth. Replaced healing. Replaced everything.

Eli King: I thought he was going to be this dark, layered, dangerous guy. What we got was a flatline of a character with a God complex and a superiority issue, but no real charisma to back it up.

He was VILE. He said genuinely horrible things. He called women “holes,” treated Ava like trash, and the few “sacrifices” he made for her? We never saw them. Cecy told us about them in passing. No emotional impact. No POV. Just... here, feel sad because we said so.

He doesn’t grovel. He doesn’t redeem. He just takes up space, sulks, and growls “You’re my wife.” That’s it. His idea of love is controlling her outfits and telling her she’s being attention-seeking.

What Didn’t Land:

Ava’s entire character arc. She goes from brat to… slightly less brat. That’s it. And somehow we’re supposed to believe she’s matured.

The amnesia trope — wasted.

Dialogue was cringey at times. “Mrs. King” this, “stripper” that—no thanks.

Emotional healing = sex + vague apologies.

They’re supposed to be “forbidden soulmates” or whatever—but I felt nothing. More tension between me and my Wi-Fi router than between these two.

💬 Final Thoughts:

Rating:⭐ 2/5 stars

The book had the bones of something great, but the execution was straight-up awful. Even while I accepted Eli, I couldn't bring myself to connect with Ava at all. She would act irrationally on each page.

It would have been fantastic if the main characters had been a little more likable.

Would I recommend it?

👉 Only if you’re committed to finishing the series.

Will you yell “GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” 47 times while reading?

👉 Without question.

Will it entertain you?

👉 Maybe. If you're into really spoiled female leads.

Now excuse me while I reread 'God of Wrath' to heal.

#book review #bibliophile #female reader #book club #books #fem reader #booklr #dark romance #tropes #dark romantica #eli king #ava van doren #spoiled princess #enemies to lovers #king of war #legacy of gods #rina kent #amnesia trope #eli x ava

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blueskiesfillmymind · 1 year ago

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DUDE DUDE!!!!!!!!!

I WATCHED IT AND OML.... SO MUCH TO COVER !!!! SPOILERS AHEAD BTW !!

TW: S/A / INCEST !!! DNR IF SENSITIVE!!!

So part 2 centers around blue's relationship w/ 2 of his abusers [Lavender and Pink]

While pink is a case of abused became abuser, Lavender feels important to talk about first,

With this first memory sequence it shows blue looking through old photos / memories between him and his sister, and lemme just say they're so adorable when they were young--

Blue's lil strand of hair curling into a question mark is both cute and sad because of the amount of gaslighting lav pushed on blue, making him doubt his surroundings and his sister

But aside from wholesome memory lane. Comes these disgusting clips

Lavender is talking about the birds and the bees with her younger and more impressionable brother. And one where she asks him if he's ever jerked off before.. EEUFGHHH--- DISGUSTANG !!!!

Lavender is such a HORRIBLE sister when it comes to how she was in the past and how she is with blue now-- what the actual fuck is wrong with HER?????

I have a small hunch that it was because of lavender's horrid mindset that lead blue growing up to either want a sexual relationship or a small jumpstart at his hypersexuality. I myself had experiences like this but its sensitive 2 me so I'mma not mention em-

Because like- LOOK AT BLUE'S STAR GAZE- he was like "woah... my sister is so cool.." and shit- LIKE NNAHHGSHS

Also also look at the way blue is when he looked back at lavender,, he looked so upset..

and the fact that lavender gave him [I think it's a porn magazine] to help him jerk off is so vile.. like- girl dont talk about these with your own brother.. tf is u on???

And she looks like she was like 17 or 18 in that flashback so henceforth making that scene all the more disgusting..

Overall just super upset with how blue had to deal with such disgusting stuff from his sister..

But now we move on to pink's relationship with blue, which keep in mind either still stays sexual or its just- otherwise eeugh..

Since this episode deals with trauma bonding, blue is now still with pink and lavender, much to my dismay.. however it does show more about pink's relationship with her husband aswell!

Pink had likely opened up about her abuse with blue, since he did ask her about it in the past, now blue sees pink in that victim light [also pink's eyes are rlly pretty in a way,,,]

Seen a theory where with pink's lack of eyes is her "turning a blind eye" from her abuse in her marriage, she focused more on how happy she was during that day instead of trying to think of her abuse, so that's why she likely has her ring painted white instead of showing its true colors,

As much as I do sympathize with pink, she's still sorta iffy in my eyes, I just wish she could improve is all,, character development arc 4 pink maybe???

Anyways- so blue and pink are arguing, it's likely from blue's attraction to lilac, to which pink says "But you're so sexual" to which he's denying it?? It could be where he's saying "I'm a changed man."

But then pink is arguing with "if you make her cry then you'll be dealing with me."

Lilac and pink are likely either really great friends or they've met eachother way back when,, either way !! Pink's willing to sacrifice anything for her best friend and I think that's a pretty cute detail,, I guess??

So then blue blocks her out and walks away from the argument, maybe because of some.. disagreements or with blue being fed up with the fight? Either way he puts the glasses back on after it

A commenter said that with blue's glasses it's his way of thinking that pink still likes him, or whatever else the heart glasses mean,

lilac ends up getting fired because of purple.. for whatever reason? Does that make purple the department's boss or- idk what it means really,,but like- yuck.

Now purple is beginning to groom blue, And with clips of purple talking with lavender her tie is slowly turning blue aswell-... I swear if I see purple its ON SIGHT. ON EFFIN SIGHT. I WANT THAT BITCH DEAD.

Overall baby hotline 2 was very uhm... something- which makes this series all the more like- mind boggling because like holy crap the lore is making me go feral,,

Loved how pink was shown and I love how everyone else was portrayed, either way! That's it for my long rant, if you need me. I'm gonna be cuddling w/ blue and comforting him <3

#sa blue's story #blue story #victaton #blue's story victaton #tw s/a mention #tw s/a #cw s/a #s/a mention #asks!

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pico-digital-studios · 1 year ago

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Into, Across and Beyond! Scripting: X for Danger

This scene is a mini-crossover with @robovoidfrog's Funkinverse, a fellow Spider-Verse-based film fic based on FNF. Go check that one out if you're interested!

(The X is owned and designed by That_Frog_Robo)

In an in-between point between Many More Heroes and Cosmic Discoveries, EV!Sonic was guiding Benjamin down into the lower levels of Gust Planet.

Benjamin: The cell he's being held at is this deep down?

EV!Sonic: Yeah. Considering the threat level a hostile EXE can pose compared to regular villains, we can't take the risk and have to contain them down here where they can't hurt anyone.

Benjamin: So, while we're on our way down, could you remind me why you recruited me into the Quill Society? I mean, I'm not really one of you guys.

EV!Sonic: Maybe not, little dude, but you are the little brother of Hatsune Miku herself. Since she's one of the SEGA properties, alongside your skills as an angel in human form, that's plenty of good criteria in my eyes!

Benjamin: Hehe! I'm flattered!

EV!Sonic: Well, here's the chamber.

EV!Sonic opened the door to let them inside, where Grimbo/The X was waiting.

EV!Sonic: Well, X, hope you had a good rest right now.

The X: Ah, good! I must say, I'm quite impressed by your skills for a couple of teenagers. Well, early teen in your little friend's case, hedgehog.

EV!Sonic: You're lucky we even managed to get you detained, Grimbo. Took at least four of us to get you caught compared to the whole shebang with Speedy.

The X: I'm not sitting here listening to memories, rodent! Now, tell me, what have you come down here for?

EV!Sonic: It's about some of the mess you caused back in Benjamin's home dimension and the surrounding Funkinverse. Benjamin's Carol and Salty are still quite ticked off at you for what you did.

The X: Ah, yes. You're referring to my time causing mayhem for that OTHER Society, right? Oh, that was a lot of fun to do, hahaha! That said, I'm still displeased about the measures you took to lock me in here. I don't even look entirely like myself right now!

EV!Sonic: It had to be done so that your high levels of energy couldn't cause harm to anyone else, especially when you've been on the same threat level as the Spot and Crimtake.

The X: I took those measures because I need to be seen as a proper villain, not some low-lying EXE like the rest of them! If I can't have a nice life, why should anyone else?!

Benjamin: That doesn't excuse the harm you've done, X! My friend has been left colour-blind because of you, Agent Blueballs was trying to enable the deaths of others like LM tried, and Salty was almost left without one of his legal guardians! You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself, Grimbo!

The X's face changed into his namesake to show his increasing frustration. His voice was loud and booming, causing Benjamin to shake a bit on the spot.

The X: I tire of your lectures, you blue-haired prick! Consider yourself LUCKY you survived your encounters with those inferior demons!

EV!Sonic: Alright, alright! Time to cool it, X. Unless you want ANOTHER energy restraining.

The X: Hmph. Fine, but only since I've got nowhere else to be right now, anyway.

EV!Sonic: (Geez, and to think that evil super form from the Fleetway dimension was unhinged.) I already had a feeling you weren't going to listen when we came down here. You've been a big enough problem for the nicer Funkin' Society members. We don't need you being a problem HERE, either.

The X: It's always the same between these different connected multiverses, you know that? A version of the main hero dies in one universe, some batshit villain's plans drag in more heroes, Societies are formed under the guise of protecting the multiverses, only to undermine what you so-called heroes stand for through living sacrifices and locked-in fates!

EV!Sonic: It's different here, X. The Quill Society is trying to avoid those flaws as best as we can, including NOT enforcing canon events and putting preventing deaths from knowingly happening at high priority.

The X: Consider yourselves lucky I haven't started a killing spree proper before you captured me.

Benjamin: Honestly, I think it's time we get going. I've got my boyfriend and girlfriend to catch up with, and I've honestly had quite enough of this eyesore for one day.

EV!Sonic: Yeah, that's a good call. Elise, get ready to lock down X's cell in full.

E-21: Understood. The lockdown will be finished in 20 seconds.

EV!Sonic: We'll have our next scheduled talk next week, X. Until then, you'd better be on better behaviour.

The X: That much you can't exactly count on.

The two left as the cell returned to full lockdown.

The X: Urgh, pathetic. Because of them, I'm back down to square one. But mark my words, Sonic, for I'll eventually be free of these shackles you've put me in when you send me back to my dimension, and even if there's a lock in my dimension-travelling powers, I'll still find a way to take everything from them, just as they've done to me! After all, don't you know I am GOD? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(And here's the two unedited sprites I designed for The X. I know I couldn't get all his details, but I've done my best.) (Original sprites by TheCrushedJoycon)

#sonic exe #sonic the hedgehog #spider verse #sth #sonic #sonic fandom #sth au #sonic au #spider man #friday night funkin #funkinverse

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cowboy-robooty · 1 year ago

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Robooty Reviews: Royal Servant (3/10)

Read this way back in middle school... shared mangago lists with one of my friends and recognized this one and decided to reread. Lord. Who Likes This. The story is about Kyon and his master Lucaon and theres like some plot bullshit since in this world theres these guys who are royals and got these powers that they never fuckin use and live longer too and are strong n all that. and the only way to kill one tho is to give them this special poison that is completely undetectable and the only way to cure it is if the person who administered it fixes that shit. But yeah Lucaon hates servants and Kyon is a servant and Lucaon is a classic stoic scum gong and falls in love with Kyon but only starts being nice to him once Kyon literally spends 20 chapters on the brink of death lol bro got a fever and slit his wrists and fell into an ice pond and then got a fever again and pneumonia and Lucaon went "..... ok ill be nice to you now"

the art is good for this story dont get me wrong but its really really really stiff expression wise. maybe i'm just a little stupid and i need to see a huge cartoon tear drop to tell a character is sad but for realsies I do think that the art is pretty, but the expressions when bitches are fucking dying and shit could be a little more extreme. its okay to sacrifice their pretty boy looks for one pannel trust me..

The romance itself is just like whatevs. I will admit I am a fan of how kyon will just take anything like bro does not give a fuck okay cuz hes madly in love with Lucaon and doesnt care what he does to him. Im pretty sure in one chapter Kyon is just walking in the halls and Lucaon lunges at him and bites him until he bleeds and kyon passes the fuck out from the attack and its just like ok lol. LUCAON DOESNT GIVE A FUCK HES SO MEAN TO KYON UNTIL HES SUDDENLY NOT BECAUSE HE HAD HIS SCUM GONG REALIZATION WHEN KYON TRIES TO LEAVE HIM 15 MILLION TIMES AND ALMOST DIES IN EVERY INSTANCE OF TRYING TO LEAVE. the upside to kyon is that hes a simp and a pussy and he is a bit of a little bitch but he isnt a whiny bitch about it. like lucaon is his tormentor and he finds out that THERES A POSSIBILITY that he could be the cause of Lucaon's demise and immediately is like okay ill kill myself i need to get out of here and thats why he almost dies 10 million times trying to leave bc he only tries to leave bc lucaon's blonde ass brother is like dude. you might cause Lucaon to die since you're a secret spy with your memories wiped. AND ITS KINDA FUNNY BECAUSE HE STRAIGHT UP SEES KYON ALMOST DEAD IN BED AND GOES "GOD I WISH THIS BITCH WOULD JUST DIE ALREADY" LOL!!

When i was younger i was a fan of the pink haired guy (lucaons other brother) and his servant who is his boyfriend and treated as an equal and yeah younger me was right tbh kind wish the story focused on them instead. but ngl i hate the entire family drama thing bc like its the plot and all that but im like WHO GIVE A FUCK? this manhwa is just mid. mid as fuck. I'll admit when i was younger i re read the 20 chapters where kyon is on the brink of death like 50000 times over and over again because i loveeee suicide and i lovee when kyon tries to kill himself a million jillion times and Lucaon is like FUCKING STOP. theres like idk tiny hints of goodness. I can enjoy a good scum gong alright and I do like when Lucaon is like "brah... ive seen you cry more times than smile..... thats kinda fucked" MMMMMMM YES. FEEL BAD. FEEL REMORSE. but its just not worf it okay the manhwa sucks and its 100 chapters or some shit like that bruh moment. I also do like how at the end Kyon acknowledges that hes going to die before Lucaon and Lucaon needs to learn how to love other people than him because he doesn't want Lucaon to be stuck on him forever and ever. I think it was a nice bittersweet thing. In short. just not my thing. mid. equivalent to eating spoonfuls of peanut butter for dinner. Like you can... wont be very satisfying tho

#robooty reviews #yaoi review #rec #recommendation #recommendations #recs #Royal Servant

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obeymebutnotlikethat · 1 year ago

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Debt is the Soul

The streets of the Devildom were hushed within twilight. A horrible time to prowl the streets even with the Kingdom's lights blinding one as stars in the nearly never changing sky. Unless you ranked in high order even then the street ratted Demon's drunk on Demonus would've swung. They couldn't respect new money even when it fell from the sky or that might be the magic potion tripping them onto cobble roads.

Still, new money and power didn't feel as unwelcomed with their company at the side. They'd kill anything that came their way and for once the gutter hogs stayed away. Although, they could almost collect the soul searching hunger presented with pride at their arrival. A human soul is a delicacy but a fallen angel an appetizer.

"Solomon can't keep an apprentice," a man smirked.

"That can't be true. Everyone talks about him so highly. Even the Barbatos seem to like him," another chorted.

"So, you do get sarcasm," the man paused with a laugh, "That's because he hasn't gotten them killed or enslaved."

"Wait, Mammon."

They grabbed his shoulder, forcing them to slow down. An unbridle feeling sat between them and he couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"You've lasted long than any of his did, MC. Bet our time together is the equivalent of three partnerships or two pacts. Which I say is a call for a celebration. For some fuck up like me to keep you alive but a gotta-collect-them-all-pact-er couldn't, funny."

There was nothing but self-deprecation in his tone. MC recognized the mocking and hardened tone that shatter like limestone on concrete. They couldn't help it when their hand found his causing him to meet their eyes.

"Three partnerships... We haven't known each other for long," they whispered.

"Powerful people move quick, well, once you can't give them anything else. Luckily, Lucifer doesn't hold us for that," Mammon's playfulness returned, "Think of it as a pet switch. Uh, Henry dies and instead of letting him summon Lotan we switch it out before he notices. Is that right?" He rubbed his neck in thought.

"Is this your way of saying we need to buy Levi a new goldfish? This is the reason you're risking my life?"

"Eh? Yes-no, we're going to a brewery."

"A brewery? I can't defend myself or you, Mammon. I have one shoe I'm willing to sacrifice," they huffed.

"It'll be fine," they caught his frown, "we're meeting a-uh friend. Yep, a friend."

They swore they caught sight of stress sweat rolling down his body.

"You're going to sell me, aren't you? That's why you said don't tell Lucifer."

They almost snickered at his stricken look. No matter what timeline, it seemed nothing changed. They were the same beings as before: stubborn bolts refusing to change course. The angel, Simeon, explained it was a fear of faltering. Of course, that was before the publicists and vanity spread like wildfires in the Devildom. Devilgram caught the sin tinting their wings an ugly coal. Such as the night of the resistance. Now it seemed a perception issue and fan base?

"They don't know, right? Then again they have to know cause we're here," they heaved through a snicker, "and we're going to separate."

"Stop talking nonsense. Half of them are too busy looking in a mirror or ignoring a dead lady in an alley. My plans don't involve you departing so keep a lid off whatever fleeing you dream about," Mammon curled his lip.

"Who is this friend, anyways? Is it a witch? Or is it Solomon?" They crossed their fingers, please don't be Solomon. Anything but his weird over excitement and wishes to feed them.

They cringed at the memory of Solomon literally trying to feed them his cooking skill gifted to him by Death. Hopefully, it was a witch.

"Are all you humans this annoying?" Mammon groaned.

"Says the guy trying to bed this annoying human," they shot back.

"Oi no-ah it's cute when you stop asking so many good questions," he muttered.

"This is so much different than the comic books," they sighed at the ground, "Or at least the Bl manga's."

Mammon knew MC would've fled if he told them. Considering, his reputation with such beings resided over his higher court status here. Course, he was indebt to some of them or cheated at poker or any card game. He couldn't help it if he needed the money and had no desire in letting others take it from him. It was his first! Just like MC and he wouldn't let anyone take them away. No, his eyes sharpened and his body pulsed with power, he wouldn't let anyone take them away. A grin twisted itself upon him,

"Weren't you saying something about a Bat guy or something that got his sidekicks killed off but kept reviving the guy who killed them? Think of this like that."

"That's an awful thing to tell such a fragile thing," a sultry voice floated through the air.

He narrowed his eyes towards at the newcomer and pulled MC into an embrace. Their bodies awkwardly holding each other as MC tried to lock eye contact with the guest. They were too cat for the curiosity and he was ready to pounce.

"Powers off," he snarled in warning.

"Powers off would equal death, Demon," a taunt followed.

"Thank God, it's not Solomon," MC could almost weep from joy.

"You're forty-five minutes late," the being sighed into a glass, "shouldn't have expected much from you. Not the most faithful out of the seven or worthwhile. Unless you're blessing me with your money."

He hated the jovial laughter ringing in his ears a sign of his losses. A fang flashed: he hated losing and they were celebrating and their fingers were twitching and...it hurt. He knew agony from the fall, from the punishments by Lucifer, and the beginning of his debt.

"Tsk. Once you let a dog off its leash it learns to disobey," the being shook a finger at them, "Not surprised the little tamer you have is useless. Perfect match. Shame I heard so much from the girls' about the praises the human acquired. Yet," they flickered their eyes to MC, "they can't even complete one little task."

"Well, you failed too..." MC chimed in annoyance.

Their eyes swept over Mammon whose body was taut with sweat and subtle twitches. This being couldn't be trying to cut them down when they apparently controlled him first. Though, their eyebrows scrunched together, it was a sentiment they wouldn't parade around after this long of an acquaintance. This wasn't like Solomon's defined weirdness.

"Little mouse has the misplaced bravery of a lion," the being cooed as it wrapped its talons around a bread loaf.

"No, it's not fair you're blaming me for something you failed to do. I haven't done anything and I'm not trying to. Your work, your problem, your fault." They nodded knowing they were going to die.

"We...we came here for the debt," Mammon croaked with a tightened hold on MC, "Not a fight."

"Terrible," it smirked.

Mammon lowered his eyes to MC's with a plead to be good. He would fight for them but his family's reputation couldn't be ruined like this. Couldn't be ruined because of a witch.

MC smiled knowing he was going to sell them.

Mammon offed a grin in response of their shared understanding that everything would be ok. That they would return home together.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #fanfics #fanfiction #fandom #mammon

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violentdad · 24 days ago

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I'm glad you enjoyed my little tale, I don't get to talk about them often, but I feel like parts of me live in those memories. It's definitely nice to revisit, like leaving flowers on a grave in a way, and sharing that space.

Oh, we've hit a sweet spot now— pretty freaking FERAL for Halloween and October. Everything around that time is dying back, but it's the time when I feel most alive (more like myself outside of spring.) It kinda goes without saying that I enjoy the entirety of that aesthetic. It's the time when I'm super busy, scurrying to do everything, and savor it before the last leaf turns gold. I unfortunately haven't gotten to enjoy it as much the last few years— too busy trying to find a place that felt close enough to home. I think last year, when I had time, I would go from store to store trying to find the damn cast iron cauldron that was a stock pot (of all things to fixate on lol.) I obviously like to play witch in the kitchen. I love when the stores smell like cinnamon and clove, and have those weird brooms. All the good movies and shows are playing on the TV. Everything seems right in the world (at least for a little bit.) I even still dress up— I don't give a fuck if I'm an adult. We're drinking wine while carving pumpkins. If I'm working? I'm setting the damn mood. I was unsurprisingly a witch for work last year; we're talking black dress on purple velvet corset + a basket worthy of red riding hood filled with a skull and treats for whoever crossed paths with me that day. I think my favorite costume though has to be when I was a vampire— all satin red with the same blood colored corset and black lace with a golden cat mask that I could see out of (but others couldn't so they mistook me for a doll lmao.) I let people take pictures with me too, so they're floating out there somewhere. If you think Dark Soul boss? Yeah, that was me lmaoooo. I also kind of pride myself on the fact all that shit is just regular pieces from my closet. I haven't bought a Halloween costume since I was a teenager.

It goes without saying I feel the same sentiment for Halloween 💀🖤 I'm going to ask what your favorite things are about the Halloween season? Favorite candy? Movies? Things you like to do?

Also it's the only time I can get away with covering myself in fake blood too. Like middle of the night, blasting music— suddenly in a nurse outfit covered in blood for fun. Sorry to whatever soul walks in on me trying to play Silent Hill nurse or murder. At least I get to put my makeup and fx certificate to good use.

I'm glad you enjoyed the tattoo artists I mentioned! I know the exact piece you're referencing, and fuck did it take my breath away when I saw it. Somehow, someway the pain would be worth the money and sacrifice of getting a piece by them. I already have something in mind, but for now I shall hold that secret to my chest with hope.

Ah Binx, I believe that's a reference to Binx from the original Hocus Pocus?~ Firstly, good fuckin' taste (love the original.) Secondly, funny you mentioned it, because I was Sarah Sanderson as a kid one year. I don't mind if you want to switch between names— Strays always go through so many names, and I'm known by many. Rarely do I ignore when called as long as the intentions are good.

Ah, almost-objects? I know them well, but I think of them painted with a hint of sadness— Perhaps I'm just greatful to have crossed paths for a moment, and I shall think of them as an endearing friend. They were never ment to be mine, so I let them go, and hope they find a nice place to rest. Besides, better to have loved and lost compared to not at all. The tape measure I am most regretful about, but the blackened patella... Well I can't take something like that where I plan on going. In a way it's for the best. As for the tug or what it meant? I think some was just curiosity, but the human bone was something else... To say that I felt an electrical shock is almost an understatement, but I'm not suprised— bones always do feel as though they hold a lot of energy and memories. Maybe it's because I have Pluto in the 8th house, but death always notices when I walk into the damn room like an old love. We've met a million different ways, and yet it's never the same. It's persistent, it whispers in my ear, and yet I can't stop getting a bit too curious for my own good. God only knows how many of the supposed nine lives I've got left.

I'm not surprised you noticed me mentioning witchcraft as if it isn't oozing out of most of my life— half the time I'm trying to cover up the cracks, but I guess we can't choose the path we're given. It always calls, and I come running.

I suppose the interest started in early childhood... you come across a hippy woman that's talking about chasing the end of rainbows, crystals, aliens, tarot, and the phases of the moon. It's sort of hard to ignore that kind of whimsy as a kid. I looked up to her, was always excited when she came around to visit my Mom. Especially, because at that point all I had been raised around was Christians and Catholics. Church never felt right to me, I always felt out of place— like I wasn't ment to be there. Instead I was more busy paying attention to sensing incoming storms or watching butterflies die on concrete. I think nature taught me more than church ever could. It's not to say I hate religion entirely, but I want truths under scripture— not the sugarcoated feel good they try and sell. The only interaction of "witchcraft" I had in my younger years (outside of films like The Craft) was watching someone have a psychotic break (and to no surprise, because living in the south at the time they whispered witchcraft was to blame.) Of course that would scare the fuck out of any kid to stay away? However, I got into crystals, astrology, and tarot in my late teens and early 20s. You get deeper into herbalism, you are going to find things that link back to witchcraft, and in a way it was all inevitable— I happened to meet a witch online, and we happened to live near each other. She taught me things, I listened and fell further from my parents good graces. Lilith was an energy I liked working with back then, but it was more business. Transactional, and not one of worship. Glamour magic was my favorite to use, and I was a bit too good with it...dangerous when you use it with psychology. Even more so when you take someone looking for love in the wrong places... Instead I became a bit of a sadistic femme fatal in games of cat and mouse that I'm not proud of. I warned that my love was sacred, but they fell into lust when I met their eyes from across the room and smiled. Of course I'd leave with a sweet whisper and blood on my hands— I took satisfaction in crushing egos, but it was sometimes hard to tell if the blood was mine or theirs.

Hmmm, outside of that I kind of learned off instinct. I was never one to go by rules, and the witchcraft I do is more wild. I love fire, herbs, bones, tarot. There was a time people would come to me for spells or tarot readings; love, more money, success— all so meaningless. In the end I realized that the thing that had singled me out was death. Something I had tried to ignore for as long as possible. I avoided hospitals like the plague, because I feel too much. I can sense someone is dying before the sweet stench hits my nose. I keep bones like I'm the keeper of whatever lingering life energy is still there. There's this weird balance between healing and dying, and perhaps that's where my craft is. It's Ouroboros eating it's tail. It's shadow work and light. It's uncomfortable and ugly at times. However, I'm grateful for the lessons and the journey. - 🐈‍⬛

You say parts of you live in those memories, and I believe you. I’ll admit, I’ve reread your story more than once. It was just too beautiful.

And October? Of course that’s when you come alive. I relate. It’s the thinning veil, the way the world starts cracking its weary knuckles. I love that you dressed like a Dark Souls boss. Had to look it up. Very cool. I love that you carved pumpkins with wine-stained hands and hunted down a stock pot like it was some grail. That vampire costume; red satin, black lace, the gold cat mask hiding your eyes? That’s cinematic. That’s unforgettable. I’d have taken a photo, too, just to prove you existed.

I have the same reverence for the season. It’s not just about candy or costumes, it’s a shift. The scent of rot sweetening in the cold. Horror films playing on TVs while the world pretends not to believe in spirits. I like the rituals of it. I like walking at night when the trees look skeletal. I like fake blood under my nails and candles that flicker. I like the decor inside my house, and driving down roads to look at peoples' yards all dressed up. People get so creative. I love the halloween music playing in the background of fall videos. I love watching Darling Desi. She's got a wholesome salem witch vibe to her, and I love it. You should check her out.

As for your question; my favorite Halloween indulgences? I always make time for horror films and classic fall movies. Halloweentown, Hocus Pocus, Halloween, Scary Movie, Evil Dead, The Lost Boys, Practical Magic, Scooby Doo, Texas Chainsaw, Pumpkinhead, Jeepers Creepers, Wrong Turn, etc etc. I could truly keep going. I like my horror gorey and slow, even better with someone that will fetch me a beer and lay their head on my lap. As for candy, I am absolutely obsessed with white chocolate reeses. Can't get enough of it. Kit kats as well. And I like watching other people dress up. I want to see what masks they choose when they’re finally allowed to wear one. I wish I could rotate through scary masks year round without it being tacky. I love carving pumpkins. I love pumpkin patches. My inner autumnal white girl absolutely takes over, and I could survive off pumpkin spice, apple cider, and hot tea.

You were right about Binx! Hocus Pocus is such a nostalgic movie.

You mentioned glamour magic. That you were good at it. Dangerous, even. I won’t ask for your secrets, not yet, but I do want to know: if you were to glamour someone now, with all the lessons you’ve learned, what would you want them to see? Apologies, I'm not too knowledgeable about the craft. My sister dabbles, but I don't know much past my sun, moon, and rising. Speaking of, in that order, it goes Cancer, Pisces, and Virgo.

I look forward to learning more, Scratches! This kind of thing is fascinating.

#🐈‍⬛ anon

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two-bit-socrates · 4 months ago

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Content Warning I talk a little about personal child abuse trauma

to be more accurate of my character im a Luffy Sun Usopp Moon Sanji Rising [heh heh]

oh to be sandwiched between captain morgan and zoro against the post

You: do you mean zoro or you against the post

Me: Yes <3

[my ships sails in all directions ;)]

That little tater tot of a kid i love her!! now that is some grade a girl understander character writing! Fuck your fascist navy law ima feed this green hot edge you got locked up! Eat shit pork rinds!

this is what we mena when we say no good cops, that navy pawn still followed daddy's pound puppy's orders [whose not even enlisted] but has the nerve to apologize to that girl as if it means something - WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR CHIN CONSCIENCE

My boy the human catchers mitt [heh heh]

i love you zoro of course you wouldnt disrespect that kids rice balls. sweet rice balls are valid!

I miss my friend hes a stubborn spirited soft spot too. actuilly that describes more than one but im referring specifically to the zoro one though i dont think i ever got to see him cosplay that one. obliterated memories can be like that - somehow you know you've seen the life among the stars but you can't recall their face.

THAT FUCKS NAME IS HELMOPPO FUCKING DORK

jesus christ zoro is hot god damn. my friend wanted to learn martial arts from one of my former care givers but i didnt know how to tell him that guy is an abusive bastard and a creep and i didn;t want the dogshit to hurt him so i had my friend ask him himself cause i knew dogshit would verbally abuse him. back then i was convinced that no one ever listened to me or understood something was wrong not just because of the gas lighting but from being failed by so many adults who didn't do their fucking jobs let alone basic human care.

once a classmate said she saw me running outside in my underwear. i didnt know how to ask her how she missed one of my former caregivers chasing me with a woodplank. im on the schizo spectrum yet i seem to see things more clearly than others. guess maybe that's how i ended up on the schizo spectrum.

anyway back to zoro being hot as fuck and threatening nepo babies on their asses at cock level

I think if someone had told my friend he could have the skills of a master swordsman if he strung himself on a post for month he'd do it. watching the way he'd play ddr flying at demon speed for MAX 300 was mesmerizing you'd think the machine promised him all the worlds love if he'd can get 100 percent. God his knees must be glass by now. I hope he's okay.

MY BOY LUFFY DOING THE PEOPLES WORK PUNCH THAT PENIS HAIRTIPPED FLAT FUCK

I wonder who my friend promised not to die in a place like this, hopefully himself.

god zoro's hot even if he has tunnel vision on morals and ethics. pirates are evil My Man you dye your hair green.

Who's that guy, your new captain my good green bitch!

Do you think morgan ever accidently cut his dick off like he did his jaw? one can only hope

'The slightest speck of dirt or scratch on me is tretchery against me' - me when im cleaning my glasses

coby theres hope for you yet ope wait never mind you still have star bangled stripes in your eyes also what kind of sailor takes more than a minute to untie a knot

do you thin morgan upgrades his axe arm to be bigger whenever he's feeling insecure?

'I always fought alone unlike you soilder bastards using cronies' my man zoro you're so correct but lemme introduce you to affinity groups.

Fuck self sacrificing yourself thats just handing fascists a victory. My man Luffy said fuck your bullets i got the power of writers and anime on my side. When I was in single digits I would be haunted by the idea that I was suppose to sacrifice myself for people i don't love let alone believe in. I always thought i'd be shot defending someone else but the idea turned into being shot defending people I care about. Now its a matter of staying alive to dance on the graves of those yet to be buried while Making A Way to the Better World.

#bear watches high seas #one piece #ep 2

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shampaisthinking · 4 months ago

Text

Thousands of girls walk with tears in their eyes,

letting go of their beloved's hand silently—

for one reason—

a "good girl" will always think of her family first.

No one asks her,

who did she love?

How much was her heart broken?

How many nights did she cry silently,

under the weight of a decision?

She smiles on her face,

but inside—only a crematorium!

Her love is an idol of sacrifice,

and her family?

They think, "That's what's good for her."

No one knows,

she buried all her dreams one day,

just thinking—

so that her parents wouldn't suffer!

Maybe one day,

a letter will be found in her diary—

where it will be written,

"I loved her very much,

but my love could not lose my family."

There is so much to lose,

Either you stay for me...

Just as the firefly burns alone in the night,

So I burn in hope for you,

I walk alone,

Yet I hold your hand in my heart.

An empty house, a lonely window,

Still searching for your scent in the air,

If you were there,

This loneliness would not exist!

I put aside all the illusions of the world,

I have become a beggar for your love,

Either you return,

Give light to my empty life.

Someone loses, someone gets lost,

Either you stay on my forehead,

There is so much to lose,

Either you go as me!

In this city of sadness,

Come as a flower to my city!

Come as light in the dim afternoon,

Touch the pains as the wind.

This city is tired, this road is full of dust,

Even the people seem to be emotionless!

If you come, maybe a little color will spread,

Maybe a little love will awaken!

Maybe your touch will reduce the emptiness,

This lonely night will also end,

Give me a little blue dream,

May the city full of sadness be colorful!

But if you come, don't leave,

The sadness of this city can touch you too!

You are the last light of hope,

If you are lost, I will be lost too!

Two sleepless eyes at night know,

How terrible it is not to be able to forget the past!

The pillow gets wet with silent tears,

But no one even notices!

The moonlight shines through the window,

Like a forgotten memory,

When I close my eyes, I see—

A lost face!

It's as if the words are stuck in my voice,

Only my breaths are heavy,

I hide the pain,

But the darkness of the night understands everything!

Oh, if I could erase the days I left behind,

If I could make this heart understand,

Some people, some stories,

Only become the past!

A good friend—the medicine that cures depression,

Even if I can't smile, when you're by my side, everything seems to be okay.

All the broken pain in life—

When you look into the eyes of a good friend,

How does that pain become lighter!

Even if you don't say a thousand words,

When you look into their eyes,

you understand,

"There's a storm raging inside you..."

When everyone moves away,

they still stay by my side,

Because there are no conditions in friendship—

All you need to survive is someone who understands your heart!

Staying up late talking,

Laughing, crying, and also being at home,

You tell me—Where can I find a more expensive medicine than this, brother?

Everyone is looking for love, and I'm looking for

A friend—

Who understands my pain even while sitting quietly!

I have learned to control myself because I cheated,

I can walk with my head held high because I didn't cheat.

I have learned to recognize the wrong people,

who are yours and who are not—now my eyes don't wander when I see them.

The pillows soaked in tears

still teach me courage.

When someone comes close,

I don't pull them to my chest—

I wonder, what if they hurt me again!

Like I did once,

when I really thought—

everyone would be like me.

I have been cheated on in love,

and even in friendship, I have received the impression of betrayal.

However, I have not hurt anyone,

this heart still cries for the next.

Now I don't break anymore,

I have learned to build after being broken—

I have become stronger because I cheated,

so I didn't cheat—I live with this belief.

Can you stay away if you love?

Don't you want to touch the person?

Don't you get a fever in your body from the anxiety of hugging?

Don't you feel restless every night when you wake up?

You're far away, what more can I do?

I rubbed my face at your picture, holding back my tears.

I wake up in the morning, afraid to even breathe without you.

Is love so easy?

If I don't touch you, how will I understand your heart?

My hands pull back, I feel like I'll hug you today—

But where is the courage? You belong to someone else now.

I used to fall asleep at the sound of your voice,

Now only tears are heard in the darkness.

Don't you understand,

Love doesn't mean being close—

Love means being one even from a distance.

Yet the mind doesn't understand,

If you're not by my side,

Everything feels empty—

The mind says,

If love is true,

Then how was it possible to be far away?

If there was love in it, even for a little while,

Otherwise, who would waste so much time, to break my heart?

Maybe I misunderstood,

I thought I was his world—

the address of laughter, tears, and all happiness.

But his time is now tied to someone else.

There was maybe a little bit of illusion deep in some of his words,

but still, why was he so perfect in acting,

to the point of breaking my heart?

If he didn't live at all well,

then how did he learn to act like he was crying in those eyes?

If there was nothing in his mind,

then why did he search for me every day?

I understand today,

Love is not only in the name of getting,

it is also hidden in losing.

And even if someone pretends to break my heart,

still,

there was a little bit of love inside him—

that's why, he was able to break it so beautifully.

Shampa....... ✍️

#writers on tumblr #creative writing #poem #love poem #poetic #poets on tumblr #original poem #poetry #writers #writeblr

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imakemywings · 4 months ago

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Listening to Bastille's Remains and thinking of Double Agent AU Solavellan reunion in game-period Thedas and I'm going to bury myself in the backyard

When all of our friends are dead and just a memory And we're side by side, it's always been just you and me For all to see

you mean like now where they're some of the only ones left and no one else remembers what they fought for or what they sacrifice for their freedom or who they even were

When our lives are over And all that remains Are our skulls and bones, let's Take it to the grave And hold me in your arms, hold me in your arms I'll be buried here with you And I'll hold in these hands All that remains

Because they're never going to get the post-war life they kept hoping for so they might as well be buried together because it's the only peace they'll ever have

I don't want to rest in peace We can haunt each other's dreams

They can they have and they will

From dusk to dawn, my unheard screams Grow silent in defeat I know you're just a memory But you used to taste so sweet As you fade away, I realize It's all over And nothing stays the same The skull and bones remain

They are both convinced the other one died during the raising of the Veil and Lavellan's had centuries to try to accustom herself to that idea and accept that it's really over, he's really gone

#double agent au #rambling

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rookthegremlin · 1 year ago

Text

Your love shouldn't hurt me this much

When I think about you and the relationship I wish we had,

There's this aching feeling deep within me.

This aching empty longing

I only ever wanted you to be proud of me

To want to know every facet of my existence

But I can't tell you anything.

I can't say a word in my own language to you

Because you would hate it and call it evil

You would look at me with a perturbed glance

A furrowed brow

Shifting eyes

Why do you hurt me?

You want me to be something I'm not

You want me to be the perfect little girl who never tells you no

Who wears what you want and goes to church

Who grows her hair long and listens to hymns

Who reads her Bible and believes that her parents are without flaw

That God loves her

Loves us

All of us

Unconditionally

But God doesn't love me

I've known since I was thirteen

There are some that God loves

Gives his ear, his time

But he has no time for me

No love

No kindness

And I've come to associate God with you

You only have time for me when you're lonely

When you feel separated from those you love

As if it wasn't your choice to go so far

And it hurts every time I think about you

It hurts how much I want to crawl into your lap

That I just want to hear you sing me to sleep again

Even though your voice could never hold the tune

You could hold me.

For a brief time.

And now, it's been so long

I think if anyone held me the way I needed them to…

I think I would break

Into a million pieces that could never be put back together

This cracked, unstable vessel that you created

That you designed

You brought me into this world

You could take me out of i

Couldn't you?

Won't you?

Oh, but you already do

Little by little, you pull at the threads of my heart and being until I'm threadbare

Like an old blanket that's been washed too many times

Ran through the mud

Trodden underfoot

But still screams to keep others warm

To keep you warm

But I can't

I can't keep anyone warm anymore

Not you

Not my friends

Not even myself

The worst blanket ever made

Wasted potential

I was meant to be your accomplishment, right?

Your prize

Never my own

So I'll sit here, and I'll work until my bones are weary

Until my hands are weathered

Until my muscles ache like the pit inside me

The void that I fill with the corpses of the people I could have been

The people who might have pleased you

Pleased me

But nothing's ever enough

I'm never enough

This perfection I've chased is not one that I want

It's yours

But what am I if not chasing your dreams?

Your hopes?

Living under the crushing weight of your "sacrifice"

Will I ever be free?

Will I ever be warm?

Will I ever know love?

Will my skin ever not itch when it's touched?

Will it ever not burn at the memory of your absence

When I needed you the most,

You were cold and distant

Beautiful

Terrifying

And without compassion

But full of love that hurt like ice in my eyes

Like the snow that creeps in the tops of my boots

Soaking my feet through

Like the wind whipping into my face, mercilessly

But then, the clouds break

And the sun is there

And I feel the beginning of warmth

And I feel alive

Like there is love and light after all

But in the blink of an eye, it's gone again.

I'm alone again

With you.

I fear that I cannot tolerate this cold with you any longer

I cannot endure your winter.

No matter it's beauty and whispered, "I love you"s

For I know

It is not me you love,

But the idea of what I could be

If what you think I could be

And I simply cannot be that

I cannot be yours

Mother, I am not your daughter

I am not your child

I am not your son

I am myself

And that is enough

Not for you

But for me

#existential poetry #poetry #my writing #my thougts

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sakuraswordly · 2 years ago

Text

BB: Why didn't you tell me earlier that....you are.....

Gilgamesh: My childhood has already ended. I don't have a right to replace my brother's life. He has a will to live by his own freedom.

BB: You're really are "Punch Whalen".....the one I knew on that Boiling isles!

Gilgamesh: And you're Chara Dreemurr, Asriel Dreemurr's best friend. Your original came from the world game like Aveyond. But because the Boiling Isles dimension can create unreal to becoming real. Both You and Frisk can live outside the world for the first time. You and Frisk are just A.I.

BB: ...............................................I planing myself to sacrifice myself to save Frisk and my senpai...even this "Sakura" is not me but still..........

Gilgamesh: What about Sans? He wants to save you too, you know?

BB: Saving me is unnecessary. What's necessary is saving everyone else! Then, the moon cell will perform a lookup to find a new management software. And Hakuno......Frisk...and you can be free!!

Gilgamesh: Why now?

BB: Huh?

Gilgamesh: You said you hate me and want to delete me remember? Then why do you want to save me?

BB: Even though I realize late but that doesn't change that you're my friend, "Sonic"-san!

Gilgamesh: ..............!

BB: I still remember on the fake world when you as Sonic. You also help me and be by my side. I still remember you. The fake blue hedgehog wants to destroy the fake world and stop the end of the world from Kujaku.

Gilgamesh: But because I destroyed the fake world, you and Frisk never be free and born as real humans ever again.

BB: But the time we spent together......I won't forget. Because we're like memory matrix computers we can able to remember what happened to the fake world. I know how much you're suffering that's why.......when I met Hakuno Kishinami for the first time....

I thought she was you, Sonic-san. But now I know why you two are very close......we really are the same....aren't we?

Gilgamesh: Umm...I won't lie about that.

BB: --------*Sob* I want to be by your side. I want to see your smile. I want to gaze at your face forever.....why.....why fate is so cruel.....what they had done to you....even the moon cell want me to destroy you...why....your life so sad.....

Gilgamesh: But now......I'm alright.....now...I will never be alone. I want to say to you when I was Punch back then. "Thank you for being my friend"

BB: --------*Sob*

Gilgamesh: Don't try to sacrifice yourself. Don't forget Asriel. You still had your family waiting from the outside world. That's why this night...the final battle....I waited for you....outside this building.

BB: I'm really glad that I let you go and not make a big mistake kill you, Sonic-san.

Gilgamesh: Well then.....it's really time.....Chara.....are you still trusting my master's decision?

BB: Of course.....after all....she was already belongs to you.......no...you and Senpai's hearts are the same. So I believe in Senpai.

Gilgamesh: My stupid brother also said the same thing as you........

BB: But it seems I've already reached my limit. Oh jeez, how totally lame. I can't laugh at the white one after this. I hope that the comedian comes here quickly. Oh well, Sonic-san. Please hurry and send this blessed person on her way.

Hakuno: ..........? (Sonic......?! Is that Gil's real name?!)

BB: So very far away. Far enough that my hands won't reach her. Far enough that she'll lose sight of these lingering attachments and dreams.

Gilgamesh: I assure you that I hear and I will grant your wish, Chara. The blossom of the moon, which emerges from its cocoon in its final moments and disappears. Exhaust all that you are, and vanish without regrets.

BB: Goodbye. "See you again"...huh.....Those days were so much fun...on that sunset................Oh, that's right. There's one last thing I forgot to tell you. If you asked me why I didn't want to come to save you......It's because I didn't want to look lame the last time you saw me..........

Hakuno: ..........................!! Sakura!!

Source Character:

BB is a backup AI created by Sakura containing her feelings for Hakuno Kishinami. During the preliminaries, she, who had her freedom unleashed by the hands of Kiara Sessyoin, could not control that abnormal status and caused an overload. Because the NPCs cannot do anything but routine work, they ignored Sakura who began to disintegrate as something "nonexistent" and since the Moon Cell's check was performed only at the end of the day during the preliminaries, Sakura was in a crisis of being extinguished. Upon laying his/her eyes on such abnormality, Hakuno called out for her saying "Are you all right?" By receiving the observation from another that "I'm right here", Sakura recovered her unconsciousness that was on the verge of being extinguished and acquired a clear ego of "I want to be here" due to the subsequent nursing. She escaped from the extinguishing of her ego.

Chara, also known as the fallen human, is the first human to fall into the Underground. Chara is their "true name" on the naming screen, though their name typically varies on what the player enters. They are distinct from the eighth fallen human, who is the protagonist of Undertale. Their primary role is in the backstory of the Dreemurr family, though they also appear at the end of the Genocide Route to erase the world. Both of these make them a major character in Undertale. Chara can be first seen during the introduction scene of Undertale, climbing Mt. Ebott, tripping over a root and falling into the Ruins. During the fight against Asriel, a continuation of this scene can be seen, where Asriel helps Chara lift themself up after the fall after hearing their call for help, and takes them to his parents.Chara was taken in by Toriel and Asgore as a second child and was treated with respect equal to their biological son. Chara and Asriel became not only siblings, but also best friends, and monsters spoke of how Chara filled the Underground with hope.

Explanation 13(Analysis)

Note: Thanks to Camila Cuevas(@camilaart), she did help me finally find out why Chara isn't a bad person, thanks for creating Glitchtale.

While both BB and Chara(Undertale) give off an evil inclination, she is described as "not as bad a person as she seems"; at worst, she has good intentions which accidentally create more problems than they fix. She claims that this is why she has Chaotic Good as her alignment, because she does evil things to ensure a good outcome. BB frequently claims that she hates humans, but when pressed she admits that as an AI she cannot help but admire her creators and genuinely wants to help them succeed; secretly, she also considers helping human. The same way for Chara as well, even Chara hates Humans but you can see in True Pacifist Route, that Chara comes to help Frisk but in Genocide Route you make Chara remember why she hates humans that's why Chara never hesitate to kill and hunt you in the end of Genocide Route. Chara and BB share the same personality.

A wicked and cute little devil heroine who throws humanity into confusion. Even if she flubs her condescending manners and speeches, both BB and Chara(Undertale) are a wire pulling girl who plunges forward as she is. Her main personality points are introverted, confident and active.(Like Chara want to stay with Asriel and never wants to go back to the surface or see Chara's cloth that are the same as Asriel's. You did see that Chara's kind.) Although she originally had a reserved character that did not move forward before, if it is for the sake of her beloved one, she will devotedly become active as the personification of a love’s awakening.(That's why Frisk can "Save" Asriel you can see how powerful "Save" is. That shows how much Chara cares for and loves Asriel.(True Pacifist Route))

Meekly from the start, she was a gentle AI that performed health care on Masters, but by having acquired “love”, she woke up to the fact that she “cannot save anything just by enduring through things”, so she threw away everything for the sake of her beloved one, a hard working-type heroine who resolved to fight. The strongest case of that is terrific when it is a young docile woman who erupts to a large degree.

Her little devil characteristic stems from here. Additionally, since she is an enduring-and-enduring-only-to-later-explode-type, she displays a dreadfully extreme sadism during the moments when she shows that type of person she is. In the middle of playing out the part of a villain, she gets into a kind of high of “This is to-tal-ly fun!”, but withdrawing to the backstage and becoming composed, she becomes troubled to the point that she is in low spirits, saying “How embarrassing… Even though I planned to perform it more stylishly…”, and this series of events is a one-set course of events for her. Her desperate choice to utilize the Evil of Humanity that is "All the World's Desires" began to corrupt her, however, and eventually she lost sight of why she sought to take control of the Moon Cell entirely. It is only Hakuno's intervention that reminds her of the love that she held for them and reverts her to her normal self.

Without tearing down her wicked underclassman character, BB sincerely serves as a Servant. There are no personal romantic feelings in that. Although BB’s misanthropy is not any different, she loves the “good humans themselves” as gratitude to the person who once taught her about love. (Thanks for information from typemoon.fandom.com)

Chara's failures as a sibling were tied to the trauma they suffered on the surface and that their desire to become invincible wasn't just because they were self-serving, psychopathic or just plain evil. So, in the end, Chara is just like every other character in Undertale: far from good, but also not a terrible person either.

In Tsofph Season 12(Chapter2 CCC world)

Frisk and Chara's story will be similar to Devola and Popola's story. The Devola and Popola models got thrown out for supposedly letting it happen but it's far more complex than that. The ones in Replicant aren't solely responsible for it and they're not villains either. Frisk and Chara are the A.I. that can exist by their own free will. But they will never be free of what they have been programmed to do.

"Because we were born without souls. This world is too lonely for one without a soul. There's too much...emptiness. Our souls are missing, but our tears still work. That's kinda weird."

In Tsubasa of Phantasia, Frisk and Chara are gender female. Frisk and Chara were blamed for the failure models and in turn, the remaining models were reprogrammed to harbor constant feelings of guilt. The twins were treated as pariahs in the Resistance Camp and were often given the most gruelling tasks. Because they have to be punished for their failure. The Moon cells judge them to be reborn and wipe their memories to become new NPC characters within the Moon Cell's virtual world. Frisk without hesitation sacrifices her determination and her power to Chara. Frisk changed and was reborn as Sakura Matou. Because the NPCs cannot do anything but routine work(that makes Chara become a ghost, all she can do is watch and stay with Sakura), they ignored Sakura who began to disintegrate as something "nonexistent" and since the Moon Cell's check was performed only at the end of the day during the preliminaries, Sakura was in a crisis of being extinguished but was found by Hakuno, who managed to help her hold onto existence. In an attempt to save them from their inevitable death in the Moon Holy Grail War Chara held them in a time loop for 69 days; however, she realized she was being selfish and ended the loop voluntarily. To be free by her own memories, she instead chose to seal them away within a backup body. Furthermore, the backup she had made to store those memories became self-aware, renaming herself BB and abducting Hakuno, Sakura, and several other Masters to the Far Side as her way of protecting Hakuno.

"Let's say, there was a small rock that had fallen by the roadside. And the rock was screaming something. But the people walking down the road paid it no mind. Because humans can't hear the voices of rocks. To start with, not even the rock itself knew what it was trying to say. It was something that was just there. But then some strange person happened to pass by. Is that you...Sonic-san? I thought she was him...because she saw me....she picked up the rock and earnestly strained her ears in order to hear it just like back then in the fake world. The rock raised its voice all the more and conveyed feelings even it didn't understand. That strange person made an even more earnest face. The rock became frustrated, ashamed of its own ineptitude. The rock thought, "If only I were better, a proper human again, then I could convey my feelings clearly in words." And that's when the rock realized: That the rock had been screaming because they have always yearned for such things. And the girl who had the same as Sonic-san's heart heard that wish and said"Then let's go together" Just like in the fake world, Sonic-san acted like me was her friend and equal. He treated a worthless rock on the roadside as its own individual. Who would have thought...I got a second time of miracle. I don't think any instance of it is recorded in the Moon Cell either. And that's why, this life is for you. Though it only lasted a moment, you showed me a dream where "I was" I will use the love(life) I gained for your sake, Hakuno-san....Sonic-san."

Thanks for Fate/Extra CCC Source from @mthkera

#sakuraswordly #tsubasa of phantasia #Extra Sakura Chara #Fate BB #BB #chara au #analyze the characters #character analysis #chara did nothing wrong #tsofph Season 12(Chapter2 CCC world)#Tsofph Gilgamesh #the shining stars who give hope.

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