#now when IM uninterested in what you have to say it’s a problem?

[sefynarose]

what’s funny is that this is coming from the same person who earlier today I was excited to tell my new novel idea too and I was like “can I tell you or do you not care?” in a joking manner and they literally responded “i don’t really care”

[lydiasfalling]

SWEET CREATURE !

percy jackson x aphrodite! reader

➸✧˖*°࿐ taglist : open!

˗ˋˏ warnings : use of y/n, nothing else really ˎˊ-

‧₊˚✧ lydia’s yap fest ! ✧˚₊‧

happy valentine’s day everyone! hope you guys enjoy this. could possibly make this a series if it’s liked enough. love ya!!!

walking around camp half blood at this time of year seemed to mock you. the fellow aphrodite’s kids seemed to be focused on finding a valentine. now, dot get it twisted. you wanted a valentine. bad. the only problem with this was, well, your intense and completely obvious crush on percy jackson. something about his confidence and charismatic aura drew you in and ruined you for anyone and everyone else.

there was another problem with this. percy jackson happened to be your best friend. you had tried everything to get these feelings to go away. dating other camp members, having different flings, setting percy up with other people, and tartarus, you even had people give you love potions. nothing worked. it was getting unbearable for everyone surrounding the two of you. in particular, annabeth and grover seemed the most annoyed.

the pair had also tried to help you guys understand how perfect you two would be together. however, you and him both refused any sort of insinuation of romance. it’s not that you didn’t want to be with him. quite the opposite, actually. you just didn’t see the point of wasting your friendship by risking him not feeling the same way. keeping him close as a friend was better than loosing him.

infact, you had encouraged him to ask another camp member out. this led you to your current predicament, watching him as he walked with kailey ( a girl from cabin five ). this had been his choice—he insisted she was ‘interesting enough’. you could see by the look on his face that he didn’t truly enjoy her company all that much.

“ya know, this could all be avoided if you just told him how you feel.” annabeth said from next to you, throwing a pointed look in your direction. you chose to ignore the sarcastic tone of her voice as she spoke.

“how i feel? i feel like he’s my best friend and i can’t jeopardize that. they look to be having fun.” the second sentence came out as if you were trying to convince yourself as well.

as if the universe wanted to mock you more, percy and kailey made their way over to you. annabeth looked at you, praying that you noticed the bored look on percy’s face. you gave her a look as to say ‘stop it’ before turning to shoot a smile in the direction of the approaching pair. kailey seemed to have a permanent scowl on her face while percy’s expression shifted upon seeing you. his uninterested features changed to those of contentment when your smile entered his vision.

“hey, y/n!” percy’s pace increased the closer he got to you, leaving kailey slightly behind him.

“hey, perce. kailey.” you nodded in her direction, warranting an eye-roll from the girl. “what’re you guys up to?”

“just, ya know. walking around. sat at the dock for a little bit.” percy responded. him and kailey stood an unusual distance away from eachother.

“percy, im gonna go. come fine me when you’re done with. . . this.” kailey rolled her eyes for what seemed like tenth time in the short period that she stood there. she brushed his arm slightly before turning and walking away.

“well isn’t she just a ray of sunshine.” annabeth snorted, laughing slightly.

percy agreed quickly, “she’s. . . something. that’s for sure.” he rubbed the back of his neck.

“not feeling it?” you asked. he shook his head no, moving to sit next to you. his arm quickly fell over your shoulders.

this made annabeth abruptly stand up. “well, as much as i would love so stay and chat, i have shit to do. see you two later?”

“mhm. later!” percy said.

“bye, annie!” you added. as the girl walked away, you turned in percy’s direction. “is she really that terrible?” you asked.

“she’s . . . okay, i guess. not really my type.” his arm fell from your shoulders, hand moving to hold your own instead. this was something percy had developed on the numerous quests you two had gone on together. his need for physical closeness was something that many found annoying, but you found endearing.

“oh yeah? and what might your type be classified as?” you laughed.

“oh, ya know. i like a girl who’s smart, kind, funny, caring. all the usual things. i also like a girl who sets me up on dates with other people because she doesn’t realize i’m hopelessly in love with her. that’s my ideal woman.” he shrugged as if it were nothing.

your jaw had officially found the floor. “i—i’m sorry. . . what?” you were sure you had heard him wrong.

“you know what i said, y/n.” percy’s face turned serious as he turned his entire boy towards you.

“do i? because it sounds a lot like a confession.” you tried to lighten the situation, laughing slightly before halting.

“y/n, you’re making this extremely hard for me.” percy’s face had begun to turn a shade of crimson.

“how so?” you kept a serious face, struggling not to crack a smile.

“y/n. . . i’m completely and utterly in love with you. the way you laugh, the way you smile, the way you laugh again because, dam, i love that sound, the way you twirl the strand of hair by your ear when you’re nervous, the way you stick your tongue out slightly when you’re focused. i love the way that you talk about your niche interests and the way that you always put up with my bullshit. i love how deeply you care about everyone, even the people who don’t deserve it. i love the contentment in your eyes when we’re sitting at the beach. i love you because you’re you, and that’s the best person you can be.” percy didn’t once break eye contact through his speech.

it was official. this was the first time in your like that you had been rendered completely speechless. your palms became sweaty and your heart was racing. being a child of aphrodite normally meant you reacted better to love situations. this didn’t help you much now, though. instead, the only thing you could think of doing in that moment was leaning forward to connect your lips.

it wasn’t beautiful or a ‘sparks fly’ moment. it was quick and chaste, you moving away as quickly as you moved forward. once you pulled away, you looked percy in the eyes. his expression had shifted from one of fear to hunger. his hand came up, finding the back of your neck and pulling you into him again. his lips were warm and soft against yours. he tasted of sea salt and blue pancakes, a combination that only percy jackson could pull off. his free hand found it way to your waist, pulling you closer to him.

once the two of you could no longer breathe, you both pulled away at a slow pace. he kept his forehead against yours.

“gods, i have been waiting a millennia to do that.” percy laughed, kissing your cheek. his head moved from yours to the crook of your neck.

“me too, perseus.” your hand reached up, lacing itself into his hair.

“fucking finally! gods, i was starting to loose hope!” grover said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

“me too, honestly.” percy spoke, lifting his head to look at grover.

“you too?” you asked, confused.

“y/n, you’re literally the only person who didn’t know about percy’s massive crush.” grover explained.

you averted your gaze towards percy, who shrugged in confirmation. your face heated up. safe to say that you had managed to find yourself a valentine, though kailey from cabin five wasn’t too happy.

my masterlist

taglist : @lydiascabinsix @cowboylikemac @laufeysvalentine @raysmayhem-72

[mrsmikaelsxn]

I Can't Lose You

masterlist 1k celebration

pairing: harry potter x female reader

warnings: kissing, fluff, jealous and protective harry, a little bit angst

summary: a guy was hitting on you but you thought he was just being friendly. when harry sees and intervenes he was being a bit mean to the guy, which was unusual and when asked about it, he opens up to you - requested by @wildheart-666

a/n: i love this idea so much so thank you for requesting it! i hope you enjoy <33 also i realized that when i respond to asks privately it deletes it so this is based off my memory of your request, im so sorry lmao but i think i remembered everything

song: fade into you - mazzy star

Today was your date day with Harry. Once a week you go out together. The two of you have been happily dating since the beginning of your fifth year.

Now in your sixth year, you two were deeply in love.

Harry being Harry Potter, had lost a lot during his time at Hogwarts. He was rather cautious dating you. You were too special to him and it would break him if something happened to you.

You were in a cute but warm outfit since it was fall. You were sitting in The Three Broomsticks sipping on your butterbeer. Harry had excused himself for a little bit to go to the restroom.

Glancing around, you saw someone walk to where you were sitting and sat down next to you.

"Um, hello," you smile at the guy. He seems maybe a year older than you.

"Hey. I just wanted to say how good you look in that outfit," he leans into the seat and puts his ankle on his other knee.

"Oh! Thank you, that's very sweet," you beam at him.

"No problem. What's a pretty girl such as yourself doing alone here?"

"Oh, I'm here with someone," you tap your painted nails on the table.

The guy leans closer to you and you take another sip of your drink. "Mind if I keep you company in the meantime?"

"That's kind of you but-"

"Who are you," Harry says, sitting across from you as he glares at the guy.

"Noah," he replies uninterested.

"And why are you sitting next to my girlfriend?" Harry states coolly. You blink at the unfamiliar cold tone he's speaking in.

Noah raises his eyebrows, "Girlfriend?"

"Yes, so leave us to continue our date," he says emphasizing the word.

"Harry," you say as the guy scoffs with an eye roll and leaves.

"What a prick," he clenches his jaw.

"He was only being nice," you try to reason with him.

Harry looks at you, "Nice? That's what you call flirting?"

"Flirting? He wasn't, he was trying to make a friend. And he was only complimenting me," you sigh.

Harry's eyes soften, "Love, I'm sorry but I can assure you he wanted to be more than friends."

"Oh," you look down. "Why were you so harsh towards him? Darling, it isn't like you to be... well rude."

"I know. I'm sorry, love. It's just, I-I..." he looks down and you stand up. You touch his shoulder and see his glassy eyes.

"Oh, Harry," your shoulders drop. "Come on, love," you run your hands through his hair. He stands up and you take his hand, leading him out of the store.

You tug him behind the building where it's empty. "Harry, my love, what's wrong."

His lip wobble and you bring him into a hug. He breaks down in your arms and puts his arms around you, squeezing you tightly as he cries on your shoulder.

"I-I'm sorry," he whispers.

You gently grab his head and move it so he's looking at you. "Don't apologize," you wipe his tears and kiss his cheeks. "Now tell me what's wrong."

"I can't lose you, darling. I-I already lost so many people and if I lost you..." Harry sighs, "I don't know. Seeing you smiling at him, I got worried. I thought maybe I wasn't enough for you. I mean, I'm always bringing danger and trouble wherever I am, and you deserve-"

"I deserve you, Harry. Just as you deserve me. I know what I was signing up for when I became friends with you on the train first year. I love you. So so much. I would never leave you, I promise."

"I love you so much," he whispers and kisses your head.

"Why don't we head back to Hogwarts, I could continue reading to you by the fire," you suggest.

"Sounds wonderful. Sorry for ruining our date."

"You didn't ruin anything," you whisper and then kiss him softly. You link your arm to his and start to walk back to the castle, talking about anything and everything.

[ilikekidsshows]

I almost feel bad for the Marinette stans that are still fighting tooth and nail to claim that Marinette would never use Adrien's amoks

Like.. guys, what show are you watching? If Marinette knows an option exists, she will eventually justify maxing it out to her advantage. Sure, she wont do it willy-nilly for no reason, but I can easily see it happening that if Adrien were to now want to go back to working in his father's business because he's Gabriel's heir so he can take it over when he's of age to not lose the business his saint of a father built for them

Yeah, Marinette would justify using the amoks against him to change Adrien's mind to wanting to take over her parents' bakery for example because him going back is "wrong" and she knows what's "right". Adrien has no reason anymore to not wanting to go back to working in the Gabriel business. He thinks he owes his dead family to keep their legacy going. Adrien is all that's left of the Agreste's, s5 brought this up several times.

Marinette saying at the end of season 5 that Adrien "doesn't need to be as great as his hero father. She loves him anyway <3 (isn't she such a saint too? ^^)" is nice and well, but she also says that its HIM who decides what his future will be and that is laughably unlikely for Marinette to actually respect. If Adrien makes a big decision she doesn't agree with, she wont respect it. When has she ever?

Adrien has no reason to not decide to be his father's heir again and no way in hell will Marinette give anything resembling to a valid reason against it. She can't, it would require the truth and communication skills she refuses to work on.

I can even see it happening that Marinette will break up with him over this while going "I cant bare watching you do this 😔" hoping that itll make Adrien give in, and if he dares to choose his dead family over her she'll use his amoks "for his own good" cause "what was she supposed to do? 😭"

Or any similar situation. No, she wont do it at any little problem, but saying that Marinette would NEVER do it makes me wonder if these people like canon Marinette at all if they are so in denial about her massively flawed character.

Now, her doing it to CHAT NOIR is a different thing. Pre season 5, she would use his amok in a heart beat and claim its a totally level headed and a phenomenal battle strategy he needs to learn to respect her for. It would be sold as "he trusts her so MUCH uwu" and "she would never hurt him, it cant be abusive 😢"

Thats one of the only good things I can say about season 4 Ladynoir. At least Marinette didnt know Chat Noir is a Sentimonster. Knowing Marinette's disastrous writing in that conflict (she was rewarded for and held to 0 moral standards), she might have even refused to give the amok back to him and taken it with her "for save keeping because shes the guardian and she decided that him having his amok is too dangerous".

She would have raped his mind several times just to avoid any pushback or confrontation. She would have used "kind" phrasing to order him to shut up or to just stand there and do nothing but follow her orders.

She wouldn't have considered Chat's humanity one bit because for her hes already just some magical pet, and would have still only started crying for herself once anything might have asked her to realize what shes doing to him is wrong. Why should this factor cause a development in her that hasn't happened in Canon? Canon Marinette is a selfish leech in her treatment of Chat Noir. He cant have anything or anyone. She will abuse him however she likes, she gives no support back, she forbids him from existing as a real person, shes entirely uninterested in him as a person, she lies and uses him with a smile to prevent him from ever asks anything of her ever again the second even the tiniest consideration was expected of her, and then turns around and plays blameless cause "he didn't tell me 😢 im so pure he just isn't dedicating himself enough to me 😭" once she has to somewhat face that he wasn't treated well.

It is a god send that Marinette doesn't know that Chat Noir is a Sentimonster. Sure, she would show at least SOME restraint for Adrien, but even that has obvious limits once she doesn't agree with the big decisions he will make. But Chat Noir? Lord have mercy on that boy, she already barely allows him any true personhood and treats him like an animal and puppet to abuse, sacrifice, and posses to stroke her ego.

She would abuse the SHIT out of that amok and the show would paint her as "kind" and "loving" or "badass" for doing it over and over and OVER again.

But it's fine, cause she's doing it with love ❤️ and isn't her doing all that to him the proof he needed that she values him cause otherwise she would have long killed him like the goddess of justice she is? 😘

---

Oh, yeah, I have no faith on Marinette’s self control over the Amok if Adrien did something she found “bad” enough that she’d have “no other choice”. I think Adrien's career path would invoke this reaction if she couldn't badger, pressure and hound him into changing his mind first. She'd be crying while she does it about how she doesn't want to but she can't lose Adrien after they've come so far together and we’d be expected to think that yeah, she's totally justified, couldn't Adrien just do whatever Marinette wants because it's so sad when Marinette is upsette.

You're also totally right on how Ladybug would totally be controlling Cat Noir with his Amok if she had the knowledge and access. After all, Cat Noir gets mind controlled so often that it's just an excellent backup plan for Ladybug to have a counter mind control option. And it would be so convenient if she could just will Cat Noir to do what her plan requires instead of telling him to, because now the enemy can't hear her scheme. It's fine, because she's the leader and Cat Noir would follow her lead anyway. There's no moral conundrum here, because she's Ladybug and she decides what good and evil mean!

[ganondoodle]

okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"

and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)

whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character

if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me

i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal

and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid

i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him

i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really

(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)

[anonymouscheeses]

Exorcist gang! (I'm so sorry it took forever to get to your ask. I kind of dropped the au for a long time and just now got the motivation to pick it up again.)

Right on the money! I just narrowed it down to three because I can't do anymore(lazy ahh). But they can't actually drive motorcycles because none of them have a drivers license so they just try to seem badass by saying they are a biker gang. All christian but they have no idea how it works and do things looked down upon by the christian community. Left Victoria. Middle Stephanie. Right Kamaria. Kamaria got a tattoo of the upside down cross to seem cool but she knows it's St. Peter's cross so it's kind of a double meaning for her. I also gave Kamaria three toned lips because I jst found out that exists and I had to include that in some character. Atleast one.

Maybe one day I'll draw them as angels just to do it.

For context, they are exes 😫

Are there still feelings? Kind of, they just aren't over eachother yet. Right now tho they are mainly enemies. Valerie(Vaggie) is kind of like Blitzø(relationships wise), but less of an asshole. It was mostly her fault they broke up though. She was uninterested and embarrassed by Kamaria almost all the time so ofc Kamaria doesn't stand for shit and ended it before it got worse. Valerie is like that with Charlie in some ways, but of course that's for growth purposes.

Oh also Valerie dated Lute too before she dated Kamaria so it's just this entire problem within the group bro.. Like, Lute is not over Valerie and not in a "I am in love with u still." Way, but in a "I hate the way you walk, the way you talk, I hate the way dress-" ahh way(and in an i am still in luv wit u way but shh). Lute has no idea why Valerie broke up wit her ass and takes it out on Kamaria. Kama takes no shit and bounced out that place quickly. Good for her ig. She still an asshole too, anger issues ahh, everyone except Charlie(until the vee accident 😏)deserves a kick in the ass.

Pretend Charlie is in her human form. I'm still workshopping it right now! 😔 so yeah nobody else except Valerie knows she's a demon jst so you know!

Chaggie aren't dating yet! But they will one day 😈

For now it's kind of just pining. On both sides ofc.

"So it mine el" we say in unison.

PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE GETS THE REFERENCE?? THIS IS SO AWKWARD NOW...

Helmets and glasses off! I think they look pretty nice but im not great at making my own character designs from ground up. Which is why I havent shown my actual own OC's. Victoria is trans because I said so. Kamaria is probably Lesbian but she doesn't know yet, it's kind of a label she uses until she knows for sure (so me). And Stephanie is Stephanie (she don care. She don kno 💀). I FORGOT THE FLAME ON KAMARIA'S JACKET RAAAA.

They also all have a picture on the back of their jackets that's jst wings and a halo. So do with that what you will.... if u wanna make fanart that is..... pls..... I'm begging..... jk but it would still be cool lmao.

They used to be in a gang with Adam and Lute but after Valerie was beat up real bad by Lute they all decided to just part ways. Not on good terms... So it's just Adam and Lute now who jst act like they are all that when they cant pack a punch at all 😒. I'll show Adam and Lute's designs in the next update (or somewhere) but that's all I have right now. I can't wait to draw the duo ughhhh‼️‼️‼️

(I have also changed a few things from my original idea, so if your a hxd au og from the first like... 3 posts I made abt it then ya... there's major changes. I'll go through them deeper in my next updates on this au!)

[bonefall]

OHHH OK now im curious. bc of this ask: https://www.tumblr.com/bonefall/729548700508160000/could-be-like-my-cousin-shes-100-percent-deaf-in?source=share about dovewing being deaf. do cats in the BB AU have a signed form of clanmew? or is it basic gestures/just the written form of clanmew for deaf/HOH cats?

signed,

someone who really loves languages (hoping to god i spelled everything right/actually used the right words. ive been rewatching 3 hour psych lectures sine 6am...)

They have a rudimentary writing system! Clan glyphs be upon ye

It's not phonetic Clanmew, it's glyphs. Snowkit, before his tragic death saving Tawnykit, was actually OBSESSED with these. If he'd survived, he would have built these out into something he could use to communicate with. He was actually a really interesting kid.

But, unfortunately... that passion went with him. Whitewing is the next cat born with a hearing problem, and she's really uninterested in them. She isn't the same creative person that he was, and struggled with the fact that her family seemed to imply she had to "live the life he couldn't."

(note: in BB, dovewing is lionblaze's adopted daughter and bio-niece.)

I think there's going to be a big of a tragedy at play, here. Whitewing has figured out her own methods of communication. It's not a full language, but she's able to communicate basic intent with "rudimentary signs" she's created on her own.

She was only ONE degree of separation away from Dovewing (as Birchfall's, Dove's mentor, mate), but...everyone was forcing Dovewing into what THEY felt she needed. More hunting practice, more glyph practice, more lip-reading. Dovewing wasn't allowed to set her own pace or learn in her own way.

And her response was to bolt, taking all the possibility with her.

IT was the right choice for Dovewing, I think. She thinks that too. But, it wasn't the ONLY choice, you know? There's always things left unsaid and things you'll never be able to try when you make such a big decision. Who knows what could have been?

Maybe Dove and White would have ended up creating the start of a brand new dialect of Clanmew Sign Language, or changed the glyph system in a way that fit them better. Maybe that's not what matters; maybe they would have just been able to make each other feel less alone.

But as it is...

Every deaf, HOH, and mute cat in BB is currently disconnected from each other. They can't pool their skills except at Gatherings.

So Fallowfern, Dovewing, Whitewing, and Stoneclaw all have their own unique way of communicating.

There are tail signs which are used for battle, and glyphs which are used for writing.

Info: Those who go deaf later in life are still usually able to speak. Those who were born deaf often have a harder time. (Clarifying because this is apparently not common knowledge?)

OH! Bonus! Here's how each of those four tend to communicate!

Dovewing

She's REALLY frustrated by everyone forcing solutions on her. I think part of her actually really likes that she can say whatever and then not hear the response. It's like, "Deal with it. Show me you care with your actions if it's so important."

ZERO patience for people who just try to talk over her. She will immediately respect you if you listen to her carefully; only then will she give you the time of day to try and talk back. She kinda treats it like a privilege to talk to her, and she WILL revoke it without remorse.

People who have earned this privilege;

Heartstar. Naturally. And all of their children.

All of the Guardian cats, especially Antfur who is her best friend.

Violetshine, weirdly enough. She visits ShadowClan now and then and Dovewing is very fond of her and her wife and husband.

Strikestone and her new family

Squirrelflight

Briarlight

Alderheart and Sparkpelt

Twigbranch

Fernsong (BUT HE IS ON THIN. ICE. As Ivypool's husband.)

Her preferred method of being talked to is glyph writing. Heartstar is really creative with them, and it's super endearing. She improvises signs a lot and draws full pictures, making whole "doodle pages", even writing little "love letters" in the dirt before Dove wakes up. Literally peak romance, Dovewing loves her wife so muchhh

Whitewing

Also has low patience, but in a more "quick" way. She doesn't like people who take a lot of her time trying to phrase something simple and act awkwardly around her. Time is prey to Whitewing-- cut to the chase and communicate what you need her to do.

Interestingly, this leads to her really disliking Bramblestar as a leader. He's very inattentive to her needs when he organizes patrols on his own. She has very strong opinions and bad synergy with some of her Clanmates, and if she's forced on a patrol with them it ruins her day.

(She's really relieved when Squilf is reinstated post-BOTTE, Squilf knows about this quirk and accounts for it.)

Her love with Birchfall was actually a long time in the making. He really sees her, and something about the way they communicate just clicks. It's easy. They were friends, then partners, and then eventually mates and have been close their whole lives. Their body language just makes sense to each other.

She's been deaf her whole life and only knows a few very important words, but won't "speak" words if she doesn't have to. She does have a habit of making noises when she's happy though, beeping, meowing, and meeping when she's surprised and "not in work mode."

Whitewing is the kind of deaf cat in those videos who sees their human is home and goes "MEEEEEEEEEA." She would walk into a bathroom and wail so she could feel the vibrations on her paws. Vocalizing feels good. She is NOT a quiet person unless she's hunting.

Her preferred method of communication is mostly modified tail signs, but ThunderClan broadly uses glyphs, but she doesn't want to correct them on it. She feels bad telling them it's frustrating that they take so long to draw.

Stoneclaw

She has selective mutism. Her vigil was the night of the WindClan Massacre, and while sitting outside the camp with her temporary silence, ShadowClan attacked and killed her sister Thrushwing in front of her.

At first, WindClan thought it was nobility, that she'd "carried out her vigil to the bitter end." But it never healed. It's not a choice, it's trauma. She can speak when she's extremely relaxed but it's a really rare circumstance.

But, the legacy is to her benefit. She's the granddaughter of Tallstar (through Flylight, his adopted son), has an honorable story, and is a strong and confident warrior... in the daytime. She never hunts at night, when the sun sets, so does she.

(Clan cats are crepuscular, working in the morning and in the evening, but Stoneclaw only takes daylight shifts.)

Glyphs serve her fine, but she really dislikes using tail signs to communicate... brings up really bad memories.

She would REALLY benefit from someone making an effort to "legitimize" some sort of CSL, it would be like a support club to her. SO if it ever happened, Stoneclaw would jump at the chance to join. She's probably friends with Fallowfern though, once SkyClan arrives. Stoneclaw lives to become a very old girl.

Fallowfern

Mom of the Road Safety Man, guy who knows a million words for vehicles, Rabbitleap, and best friend and co-parent with Hawkwing, Plumwillow, Fallowfern is an old cat who ends up losing her hearing later in life like Dovewing!

I'm actually not entirely decided on her personality, but I'm feeling that she'd make a really good "glue" to hold everyone together. Like some kind of organizer-type person, someone who's very good at networking. She's really upset to be losing her hearing, it signifies a lot of really negative things to her.

She suddenly can't talk with a lot of people... even the ones who are reaching out to her are doing exactly that. Reaching out to her.

She likes being the reacher-outerer. It feels like being old and washed up.

SkyClan is a very good, connected Clan, with bonds notoriously VERY strong in comparison to the other Forest Four because of shared persecution... but

She's got this awful feeling that everyone's just coddling her, being nice to her, sending her to the elder's den like a trinket on a shelf.

"Does this mean... does this mean I'm going to lose music? Will anyone dance with me ever again? Do my babies want me to join them, or... or are they just tolerating stinky old mama <:( ?"

They're NOT, btw. Of course not. She's Fallowfern and she means a lot to them.

So I think at the VERY least, she finds a fondness for Stoneclaw at Gatherings. Elder friends, girlies who bond over making little grandma bracelets, but I'm not sure if it's HIT them yet that they can do something very cool together.

In fact it would be kind of funny if they weren't even aware of each other's disabilities at first, like they just started hanging out quietly. Fallowfern assumed that Stoneclaw just doesn't have anything to say and Stoneclaw figured Fallowfern was respecting her silence.

Like something just gravitated them to each other in the most natural, orbital way.

And then Snapstorm, Stoneclaw's wife, bumbles up like "Hey babe who's your friend :) ?" And Stoneclaw smiles, nods at Fallowfern to introduce herself, and then Fallow's like... "Oh I can't hear you, honey."

Stone: !!! (Taps self and makes a crossing motion over her throat)

Fallow: O_O "Ohhhh"

BUT, anyway,

Her preferred form of communication is unequivocally glyphs. I imagine SkyClan might have more written characters than other Clans, simply because they used them a LOT during their time apart under Spiderstar's Plan. Plus, they used to see a lot of road signs which they may have just adopted as glyphs.

Hmm... yeah, seems very cute that The Road Family's traffic theme continues, lmao

[pigeonwheel]

I read your rant and HOLY SHIT YOU GET IT

A relationship shouldn't feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time, maybe at the start but that's a whole other thing. No one should feel like they have to tell their partner every tiny miniscule little thing – and being told that you don't communicate if you don't.

There's silent communication absolutely everywhere if someone would bother to look.

And there are so many things that they tried to just. Shove down my (OUR) throats.

Like. I get it. They're autistic and wanna talk about their fixation. But EVERY SINGLE conversation was either hours of them ranting and rambling about the same thing over and over or was a whole bout of drama that no one but a professional can really help with.

Like. You're allowed to rant, you're allowed to feel upset or uncomfortable. But if that's all you ever do, then like... idk. It's selfish, but it's like "when do I get to talk?".

YES. YES THIS EXACTLY, BABE. THIS EXACTLY.

Its like, yes, I get it, you're hyperfixated on one thing and one thing only, but sometimes you've gotta read the room and think: "have I said this before?" And hey, maybe even ask the person you're interacting with if they're comfortable with the topic or if you've said this before!!!

Like, I understand, it's hard to be able to tell if someone is uninterested or something, but come on dude, at the very least talk about something new, make it interesting, switch it up every now and then! Because not everyone wants to hear about JoJos Bizarre Adventure or Disco Elysium or whatever it is every. single. conversation!!!

And yeah, I know, hyperfixations consume your brain and grab you in a chokehold, BUT LET OTHERS TALK!!!! LET THEM HAVE FUN TOO!!!!!!.

It kind of came to the point whereas I'd be actually dreading having a conversation with them because holy shit. It's the same fucking thing every time. I felt like I was stuck in a neverending loop that I couldn't get out of. Like, a conversation would start normal! It would be normal! Like,

Them: "how are you?"

Me: "I'm alright, mainly existing. I found this cool fact out about *insert whatever it is I'm hyperfixating on*"

Them: "Cool! *listening for like, a minute before they cut me off and switch it to JJBA, leading into me standing there and listening, trying to add my own thoughts while also trying to engage in this seemingly ONE SIDED conversation.*"

Like. I get it. I really fucking do. But really? Really???

I understand hyperfixations, I do, obviously. And sometimes it's hard to keep it in. BUT THATS WHY I PERSONALLY RANT FOR LIKE, AT LEAST A HALF AND HOUR AND THEN I MOVE ON. AND WHEN THIS IS HAPPENING, I LET OTHERS CHIME IN WITH THEIR OWN PERSONAL INTERESTS. BECAUSE I RESPECT PEOPLE THAT WAY AND I WANT THEM TO FEEL COMFORTABLE AND INCLUDED. AND IF THEY DONT UNDERSTAND THE LORE, GUESS WHAT? IM EXPLAINING, BUT ONLY IF THEY WANT ME TO. IF THEY CLEARLY DONT, THEN I BACK OFF. HOLY FUCKING SHIT PEOPLE.

And yes, especially with the venting!!!

Like, they'd start venting or ranting about a problem out of nowhere and I'd be forced to stand and listen, even if I didn't want to!!!

At some point they started fucking ranting about something and they got to the point where they were like, raising their voice and storming around. I couldn't fucking provide the comfort they needed. because. What the fuck do I say in that situation.

I kept apologizing about not being able to provide what they needed and yeah, they said it was fine, but even so. It was just. I was scared. I'm not going to lie to you, I was scared.

I kept fucking flinching every time they raised their voice, and it was quite clear I was physically and mentally uncomfortable, but they STILL continued. And yeah, sure, I could've told them, but THEN ID LOOK LIKE A FUCKING ASS.

Okay, I'm sorry, I went on a bit of tangent. But. Like. You get where I'm coming from, yeah?

[fagcrisis]

i read another bad YA book: when will my suffering end

my dear friend and long time training partner viki is obsessed with the arc of a scythe series by neal shusterman, and she forced me, literally at sword-point to read the first book. it seems that my fate is to forever read bad books about teenagers where nothing really happens

scythe takes place in a world where humanity has defeated death. nanotechnology allows people to stay young forever, or old forever if they so choose, and revives people from every kind of death if their corpse is recoverable. overpopulation becomes a problem though, as humanity cannot leave the planet, and so a special group of people called the Scythes are tasked with "collecting" people to keep the number of people down. scythe faraday chooses two teenagers, citra and rowan to be his apprentices, however there is a deadly challenge awaiting the two at the end of their apprenticeship. only one of them can become a scythe, and their first task will be to collect their fellow apprentice

*i read this book in hungarian so im translating a couple of things on the fly, if i mess anything up dont tell me i doubt any of you care about this book that much

THE WORLDBUILDING is bad. the initial concept is actually fascinating i can never get enough of a post scarcity society, and the way people grapple with a utopia. as a fan of ursula k le guin i think in many cases a real utopia and its ramifications can be a lot more interesting than a dystopic world, but you could have gone the giver route with this and revealed the rot at the core of a world pretending to be perfect.

well, scythe does absolutely none of that. despite the fact that everybody is LITERALLY IMMORTAL, people still work, mostly jobs they dont even like. children go to school and are raised by their birth parents, a man and a woman. gay people exist and so do sentient robots? but neither concepts really get explored deeper than a throwaway mention, and a joke. Now, i think it could be really interesting to explore a society thoroughly frozen in a 21st century late capitalistic state, but scythe does not do that. the book takes place hundreds, possibly even thousands of years into the future and Nothing Has Changed.

I have some lore based gripes with the book, the way the scythes and their reason for existing is just not explained at all, the offhanded genocide mention, and all that but in all fairness im yet to read the second book (i will have to viki is making me) so maybe they explain all of this then.

What really does bother me though, is why do death like this? People kill themselves for fun in the world of scythe, why not just let them die? scythes are explicitly forbidden from killing people who ask them to do so. this is a world where individiual choice has been completely taken away from people, except for a select group of a few hundred who have the absolute power of gods, and cannot even be controlled by the benevolent god-king-mother AI, the thunderhead. why not use the nanobots in peoples bodies to choose who lives or dies? why not limit the number of resurrections somebody can have? why let the scythes choose who they kill and how they kill them? why let them grant immunity to people?

I think much of this book is politically uninteresting and borderline stupid at points, especially the thunderhead. the way its completely unquestioned and thought to be benevolent and perfect above all else is just absolutely crazy, but lets run with it and say it does absolutely know what is best for humanity. why let people do the killing? maybe the second book will pull some insane twist on me that explains everything but i highly doubt it will

one note about the worldbuilding that annoyed me but isnt really significant: shit is just europe and america and whatnot with stupid fucking names. lazy as hell. if u just wanna keep shit as it is, do that. dont call things EuroScand or whatever. Also the racial dynamics are so bad in such an uninteresting way, like the book literally goes "race doesnt exist anymore everyone is like suuuper mixed except for this black dude who is evil and this mystical asian man. but everyone else. super racially ambigous"

THE CHARACTERS are bad also. rowan is so completely uninteresting i skimmed his chapters for lines where anybody else spoke, citra has a tiny bit more depth but not by a lot. their romance just so completely does not work, and listen. i am ready to accept that they were into dying for eachother after hanging out for like a month and kissing one time. i love unreasonable unstoppable romance. they had NO chemistry. they hated each other when they first met, for no reason at all, and then suddenly they were in love. barely spoken to each other for 2 months and then rowan is making a vow to die for her.

scythe faraday and scythe curie are much more interesting people, but scythe faraday goes away for 2/3rds of the book and curie isnt allowed to be anything interesting before citra basically ditches her. the fact they were involved doesnt come out of nowhere, but i would have appreciated a little more on that because it was way more interesting.... why arent the scythes allowed to date each other anyways. seems like an incredibly stupid rule. theyre immortal. theyre not jedi. yet another nonsensical worldbuilding detail

goddard and his crew were one dimensional and boring, it would have been great and interesting if he was actually charming and charismattic and succeeded in winning rowan over, but instead of that happening the book tells you that he is charming and charismatic while only shows him being awful and unpleasant. volta was kind of fun and interesting but his suicide didnt hit hard enough due to the fact that he and rowans friendship barely existed, neal shusterman is bad at writing character relationships jesus christ

THE PLOT AND WRITING were really fucking bad. virtually nothing happens for the majority of this book. citra fleeing the scytheguard should have taken up way more time than it did, as it was one of the only fun and engaging parts of the book. instead of that we get endless scenes of rowan seeing goddard be evil, citra walking around doing nothing and generally things not happening. way more time spent on training sequences than was strictly neccesary, and too little time spent on explaining anything that was happening or characters spending time together.

The chapters didnt flow extremely well, the pov switches were annoying and would happen multiple times on one pages, sometimes in the same paragraph. too many important worldbuilding details were glossed over in favour of scenes of rowans man pain or just kind of random irrelevant bullshit. there were a ton of characters who didnt really end up mattering, because the book was so badly spaced out. i would have loved spending a bit more time with scythe mandela for example who ended up mattering actually a ton for the final couple chapters, but no because rowan needs to be tortured again or something!

Every plot complication and twist was resolved instantly, leaving you no space to try and figure it out for yourself, no tension or anything. the ones that werent were so easy to figure out that it also left you with no tension. scythe faraday dead? no he isnt! citra is cornered by a scythe on the bullet train? dont worry, she has help from a random guy. even the ending was like this. will rowan die because citra was chosen to become a scythe instead of him? dont worry, she gives him immunity and this has no consequences for her whatsoever. they were talking about putting her in forever jail just 5 chapters ago, but its fine she is allowed to become a full fledged scythe. will they at least jail rowan until his immunity is up? dont worry, he is batman now and hes fled due to his perfect skills in everything he is so sexy you guys

VERDICT: dont read this book its bad. really bad. i will be back with the second one though, because viki is making me

@chevengurian ik u enjoy my sufferings here u go

[riewritten]

listen rie, the problem with me is that, in fact i cannot narrate stories lol, i just come up and pitch ideas, thats only what my brain does. i wish i can publish a fully detaieled fanfic for erwin, my i feel like i will not do him any justice with my midiocre writing. BUT i have accepted my position in this, and i made my peace with it lol.

now don't mention my side blog for writing lol, those that i published, is the help with my my GOOD friend, we help each other thats how we do it.

but im in no way or form asking you to write this, i'm just sharing the idea with you, because you're the one of like 3 people that i like who write erwin in such a way that i made me just keep loving him.

in any way, i'm gonna leave the continuation now:

one early morning, erwin would go on a jog with his security on tow. and he passes by a secluded garden he always used to visit when he was young, he notices someone he thought he might recognize. and it was indeed someone he recognized as she stood up from her seat waving at a middle schooler. it was her. now its been YEARS since he saw her, and with his age, he never thought he'd see her again, and if he did he wouldn't recognize her... but he does.

she was as beatiful as he remembered her to be, but something was different about her. before he knew it, she was leaving, with someone who seems to be her little brother (he remembers the day she gave the news of her younger brother's birth to her).

so as soon as erwin reaches home he tells his mother about the girl. Her. whatever he said, his mother would act uninterested or she would grimace unintentionally. so he asks her about the atitude she was giving him. when he didn't stop pestering her about the matter, his mother tells him everything, how her family lost the the nobitly name when her father made some bad business decisions, and lost all the money. and thats why they had to move away to the country side to live in the only house that was left for them by her grandparents... his heart broke when he learned the truth. and he wished he could've helped her. he asks his mother why would she hide this, she says its to make him focus on his military training and his duty to become the next king.

harsh but it was the best decision was made for him at the time, he knew that. yet still, deep down, he couldn't help but get angry... at what? he didn't know.

he decides to seek her. he has someone he trust to find her whereabouts, her residence, what she does for living, and if she's in the capital. and find he he did.

one day he decides to take a stroll through the capital city with his security detail, no cars, nothing fancy, just old school walking through the city. giving the excuse of getting to know his people better. his people are shocked when they see their king just walking around, in casual clothing, but they dont bother him, they're too scared of the "ruthless" king they were introduced to when he stepped up to be the king. but i digress. erwin walks by a book shop, conveniently, and he sees her in her employee attire. his heart breaks again for her, for the third time.

erwin enters the shop to "take a gander on books" as his father would say, and "accidentally" introduces himself to her. and of course she recognizes him... but she has nothing but about this "meeting" for some reason...

now this is where i stopped thinking because honestly? i didn't think this idea would go anywhere lol, but i hope you enjoyed it. :)

LETS FUCHJKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO

here's the part 1 for our royal au lovelies out there 🤭

and yes my dearest jay i enjoyed it sm!!!! when u said u cannot narrate stories but outrightly throw such a beautifully crafted drabble like this help⁉️⁉️⁉️ you are talented my dear (and pls what is ur writing blog im so interested to follow ur writing journey :'))

i am so curious with reader's feelings on all of this, too! is it a one sided love? did erwin's mother pull her strings to ensure reader would never give back the interest erwin tries to give? 🤔 either way, i hope hope hope hopeee one day you'd get to publish this. i just know people would like it as much as i did!!

[nerves-nebula]

Re read Loose Stitches and it got me thinking about school experiences that made me realize something really weird my parents always said that stemmed into something that actively still a problem now that I’m in university, where I really struggle to admit when I’m struggling or don’t know something, even though that’s the point of school. My parents always used to say I shouldn’t ever say “I don’t know” and got mad at me for asking questions about stuff they asked me to do, and got reaaal snippy whenever I asked for clarification or for them to repeat what the told me to do. Stuff like that made me weird about getting help from teachers in any scenario, which I’m realizing is a whole avoidant behavior thing that fucks me up even when I do ask for help. Any way, I don’t know why I’m telling u any of this—I feel like my asks to u always get traumadump-y—but Loose Stitches captures a series of very vivid experiences which makes me think which is cool and I love it a lot, I guess.

sammeeee. well, sort of. they'd both get annoyed if i questioned them and my own self imposed anxiety + their bullying made me terrified to ask questions and look "stupid" but at least my dad is enamored enough by the concept of learning that he doesn't hate ALL questions. if you ask the right ones he'll even be delighted :D at least, that's what I remember. it's been a long time now.

I'm in my junior year of college and I've basically only just now realized that I should probably have emailed professors a lot more than I did. for help, advice, questions. i mean they're the greatest assets we have here, they have SO MUCH knowledge and I've just been too afraid of bothering them to ask.

y'know, loose stitches was never supposed to be about school or the education system or CPS or anything like that. in fact, while writing part 1 I was initially annoyed because I wanted to get to all the "cool" stuff that happens in part 2 and I needed to spend all this time in this setting i didn't care about (this weird hybrid CPS housing/college campus) in order to do it. but in having to flesh out that "boring" stuff in part 1, i've found that's not so boring or uninteresting after all, and it's gonna make part 2 way better as well when i dive into all the ways the system can and has failed people, not JUST our main two characters.

honestly, I still think the world of loose stitches is kind of underdeveloped, because the focus was never really on the world building for me so a lot of it is just life experiences and what I've learned from history with a slightly different nonhuman context.

ummmm that has nothing to do with what you've said here and i just realized im rambling. should get back to work now, thanks for the ask! I always love to hear what people think about my comic <3

[meringuejellyfish]

tetia is so interesting as right now shes the only apprentice with ultimately no backstory thats been revealed, yet the few moments that are focused on her are very telling of what kind of environment she may have been in before being brought in to the atelier. qifreys atelier and his apprentices have a very prominent theme of being problem children/troubled children (much like qifrey himself) which does have me wondering what tetias background is - im even more curious because of how long we have yet to see anything! also how it seems current arc is weaving tetia in (kind of?)

i love that 42.5 was a bonus chapter but also is one of the few bits of writing that is so telling for why tetia is the way she is and what she values. shes such a special character to me (which to be fair i very much say about all the apprentices) the spectacular thing about the apprentice writing to me is how you can somewhat slot them into specific archetypes (as in, "kind bubbly girl" "rival", etc) but what shines through is all these little things that make these characters feel, to me, very fascinatingly human and unique. people you may have known or been who learn and grow (one of my favorite parts in wha is when the apprentices' have epiphanies. quite wonderful)

but anyway ch 42.5 was crazy to read for the first time like oh this kid most definitely comes from an environment where she could not truly express herself in any way shape or form and cares so so deeply about self expression and making the world a better place. passion is so unbelievably important. she also may be looked down on for creating magic that doesnt seem all that "useful" to most. FOR reference the way that chapter 42.5 goes is tetia being excited about choosing a dress to wear for silver night festival and looking at all the different ones, to which agott is uninterested and says something dismissive - how its stupid, and i really like how tetia immediately goes off on her and talks about how its important to some people, how something small like a bow or a ribbon can change how the world views someone and how they view themself, and i Also really like how agott comes to apologize and takes a moment to form an appreciation for the artistry in her own way. how very sweet. (casual apprentice interaction as in interaction where they arent in a Stressful dangerous situation is something very interesting to me)

and i think agott was also a good choice to clash with tetia in this chapter in how agott has some deeply rooted issues with being perceived and approved of by others, of course contrasted by tetia who tries her best to stand up for herself no matter how unkind the world may want to be.

[wanderrlust0]

:s

im home now and im glad me and him got high today bc i dont think i wouldve been able to be okay emotionally and pretend like everythings good. i just read my last journal post and i just started crying. like i gave him till the very last minute to say i love you to me and he didnt so i whispered it as i got ready to get out of the car and he then whispered it back. like, he wasnt gonna say it if i hadnt said it. he just said it bc i said it but i can tell it was like empty words like wtf i feel like he doesnt really love me anymore rn and ive done absolutely nothing wrong like its unfair and im tired of it. he hasnt been himself since tuesday. first he wasnt himself when i saw him sunday. then i forced him to talk about it a little. then he was good monday, saying good morning, goodnight, using :3 a lot. then tuesday he just went back to the dryness and sounding uninterested. stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning to me. its now thursday (technically) we hung out. i texted in caps goodmorning bc he again just started saying stuff. i feel like he was only okay today bc he was high. he was touching me a lot but mostly my ass bc i wore a skirt. i didnt mind it ofc but i did sorta feel like he was mostly touching me in a sexual way and less romantic way. he is so fixated on my friend who he doesnt like and thinks id cheat with. bunny stop being insecure..honestly. i feel like its def that and his inability to fully trust me is what the main problem is. like he was barely loving meD: i can tellll when he genuinely does bc he shows it but today and these past few days just felt so casual and not full of effort. like why the fuck am i really crying right now like idk how im feeling bc im like ofc hurt and im confused and tired and annoyed and upset and sad and it feels less fun. i always end up doing most of the talking when hes like this bc itll make me so uncomfortable to sit in silence. like theres a good silence and a weird silence. i used the bathroom and left my phone on the table. ik he most likely scrolled thru my notifications. like im sure he def did. he was standing right there. even tho it was locked and he cant see the details of the notifs ik i have nothing to hide. the thing is how long is it gonna take for him to have some faith in me and stop doubting me and treating me like im a copy of everyones past mistakes. i think now im really actually not gonna act like things dont affect me and show more dryness or annoyance or distance. whatever i feel towards him ill reciprocate or stop pretending like its nothing. he didnt answer my text where i sent him a video that i thought was cute and funny and i wanted him to see it too. no acknowledgement from that. he hasnt sent me an ig reel in days. he stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning. he did now. the edible made him happier today and same with me. we drank and it made us both sleepy. idk what hes feeling towards me. he doesnt really share everything bc he thinks that it doesnt make a diff if we talk about it or not bc he feels like nothing will change and its pointless. i obviously disagree and i feel like we def have to talk, whether itll make a diff or not. it will do something. itll help us understand each other more. itll help us see things in a diff perspective. itll help us clear the air and get rid of the elephant thats lowkey in the room. i wish he wasnt so insecure in times like these. i wish he was more confident with himself. i wish he would really just love me unconditionally and not question our love. i wish i didnt have to tiptoe around the topic of my friend. i wish hed pay attention to whats in front of him and realize how great we can be. hes like a part of me now and i cant see myself without him and i desperatelyy wish hed just understand thatD; im trying and doing my best. i love him to pieces, but if i feel that hes losing interest, it makes me lose interest and i emotionally feel less of a connection to who he is. its like i love him and want him close by but his energy isnt the same person and i miss him againnn. hes back to caring less

[sburbian-sage]

Howdy there! Im a Knight of Blood, and a human, in the same session as those cherubs!

The sister went a bit cuckoo after she smashed her PC, and stayed up a few days in a row without sleepin, runnin from land to land grindin though quests like a maniac. Eventually one of us told her that her message went through on yer blog and youd responded, and she lost it even more when she read it.

But, ya know what? It actually worked out real well! I guess she hates ya more than her brother now, and that lets her manage to get through a conversation with him without losin it, knowin that he aint the *worst* person around.

Course, all the rest of us think yer pretty great. I think this coulda been a real nightmare of a session. To hear her tell it, all ya did was insult her, but I think she took some of yer points it to heart, even if she wont admit it. ;)

She and her bro still aint getting along all THAT well mind, and shes still a rough around the edges but were all putting in an effort, and I think shes startin to get it.

Anyway, shes too mad to talk to ya, and hes too embarrassed about draggin ya into this to wanna keep doin it. But I thought itd be real rude to not tell ya why they went quiet, and how all that hullabaloo ended.

…Also, im sure shes just talkin, but she says shes gonna hunt ya down out there. Not sure how shed do THAT, and im not sure if shes for real about wantin ya dead or just has some kind hatecrush on ya now (not sure how that works), and I think shes commin around anyway so I doubt shed really kill ya even if she thinks she means it, but figured id warn ya just in case she figures it out some day.

Oh dang! The Cherub Saga comes to its thrilling conclusion. Or at least it does for now, until I meet my own thrilling conclusion when I wake up with a knife in my back, apparently.

First of all, let this diplomatic powerball of an extended online social incident stand in defiance of everyone who ever told me that I'm "so horrendous at people skills and considering the feelings of others that I want to pin you down and peel you" or "good at giving advice as long as you stay away from anything interpersonal". Second, I'm glad not only to have been vindicated, but also to hear that things are going a bit better on their end. The power of friendship, while powerful, is ultimately contextual, but the power of hatred (and offloading all of your personal frustrations onto someone you've never met) is very potent and the time for using it is always.

Jokes (not jokes) aside, I am glad to hear that things are smoothing out for everyone involved over there. The only thing I can advise on now is not to "force" anything vis a vis getting along with people. Partially because that never works ever, partially because it will double-not work with her in particular, but mostly because there's a common tragic pitfall with situations like these. Someone will be a little rude, or unpleasant, or have a glaring personality flaw. It causes them problems with people in their lives, and so they take steps to improve. And then they become immensely fucking boring and uninteresting.

All I'm saying is that if ever she logs back on and checks out my blog again (probably while throwing knives at a dartboard with a picture of my face on it), all I'm saying is that less brother-murder/sublimation is good, I'm ambivalent towards the me-murder, and

I'm glad to hear the brother is doing fine as well. If he's avoiding contact for my sake, I'd say "don't bother, I can deal", but I appreciate the concern at least. My advice to him is that he should also sparkle on, and he's welcome back anytime.

[sttoru]

hi anya.. i saw you talking abt being good at giving advice to ppl, so,, wld you mind giving me some advice..?

rant: i've been an anon for this person for a while and, not so long ago, i came out of anon to talk to them on priv, bcs they said they wouldn't be active anymore, and they told me i could talk to them on priv, if i wasn't uncomfy.

i did take up that offer, bcs i rlly wanted to keep in touch. but, they make 0 effort to talk to me. i'm always the one sending the first message. they never reach out first. and every conversation consists of like, 3 messages from each of us, talking about our lives, then we don't talk for months until i reach out again.

now, they announced they would be active again, and they're back to posting, but they just won't send me a message. i don't know if i'm being pushy and annoying by wishing they would talk to me. idk if i'm uninteresting, or if they're anxious or forgetful, or what.

it's just been very one-sided and instead of making us closer (like i thought it would) it feels like it's driving us apart. the last time we talked was in march. when i sent them a happy birthday message. i haven't send anything ever since. and neither did them (as always). i saw them as a friend, but i don't think they care about me at all.

anyway: what do i do?? do i try and talk to them about it? (what if they're just busy and i'm overthinking??) do i ignore them forever, just as they have been ignoring me? do i send them an ask instead and act like i've never been out of anon? help.

haiii anon! im glad you decided to reach out to me w this ^_^ thank u & i hope i can be of help with the following advice below ! (i actually typed more than i intended bcs it hit home hehdnsnsnd)

first of all; i applaud u for being brave & coming off anon to keep in touch with that person! a lot feel too uncomfy to do so even if they desperately want to keep in contact with someone, so i feel proud, if i can word it in that way ahsha

soooo let’s start;

if i read this correctly: when you actually begun to reach out privately to that person, you are always the first one that tries to strike up a conversation. you feel like they could be uninterested in you & don’t consider you a friend like you do.

i’m sorry to hear that— especially the ‘reaching out first part’, because it can be super uncomfortable and could understandably make you overly anxious (like thinking they aren’t interested, are ignoring you on purpose, don’t want you talking to them or they’re uncomfy talking to u etc etc. it can cause a lot of anxious thoughts. that i get & it can be extremely upsetting).

this is also a huuuge problem i’m struggling with. you are NOT pushy or annoying for wanting them to reach out to you out of their own initiative. i think every one who struggles with this can agree with me and guarantee you that.

why? because feeling like your friendship is one-sided is not how most work out. that’s how most friendships FALL out instead, like you had stated yours was at the end.

march is a long time ago. the fact that they are active & posting means they are on their socials & are checking their dms etc etc. to say that they’re forgetful is really doubtful, because march is MONTHS ago & i’m sure that if they cared about your friendship — they for sure would’ve thought of at least reaching out to you once in all those months (as harsh as that might sound).

but, they didn’t — it shows that this is indeed very one sided. of course, as a busy person myself i could look at the other side of the story as well: maybe they could be busy or they could be anxious about reaching out first too!

i know people who do, at least. but the difference is that those people i know (who are anxious of reachig out first) always make an effort to keep the conversation going once i msg them. they are interested, send me random stuff & the convos can go on and on without stopping for hours because they put effort into continuing the convo i started.

now that is considered two-sided to an extent as well. but reading that your convo’s are short & usually only 3 messages back and forth — i’m… feeling a bit iffy. if they were anxious about reaching out first, but were still interested in talking with you, they would at least make the effort to appreciate you starting the convo & continue it. so, i personally don’t think they’re forgetful or anxious.

that rules out any more possibilities to be honest. the moment you said that they havent ever reached out first made me already go ‘well…’ in my head. and its been months since you last talked. if they wanted to continue your friendship like you want, they would’ve put in the same effort as you (or at least tried once or twice to show their interest). judging by your explanation of the story, i don’t think they want to put effort in talking further with you.

which—is not your fault, maybe not even theirs. some friendships aren’t meant to work out. maybe they aren’t feeling it? maybe they don’t feel the ‘click’, you know? once again, not your fault at all! it happens to me every time — and it even happens to the best of us.

as someone who’s been in this situation for over ten times in different ‘failed’ friendships, i say let them go. maybe see where it leads you. i don’t think they will reach out to you first since march was the last time you talked without you taking the initiative, but just let it go. if they at least want to keep the convo or spark between you alive, they’d reach out themselves.

as anxious as one can be about reaching out first, if they desperately want to feel a connection between the other person, they would find a way to do it. like maybe a simple ‘hi’ in dms or indirect post on dash.

but it’s also valid that you want to continue what yall had. if you choose to want to reach out again; here’s a different & more positive solution / piece of advice:

send them one message filled with your worries and feelings about your situation. don’t make it too long (could be a bother to read, might make you seem a bit too desperate to them?) — but also maybe not too short.

this could be included;

• ask them how they’ve been lately.

• out your feelings about the situation briefly (abt reaching out first).

• simply ask for a clarification. don’t demand it! ask if they maybe would like to continue talking.

wait & check their response to that message and be critical! if they ignore completely, red flag. if they’re dismissing your feelings, red flag. if they say ‘i forgot’ or ‘i was busy’, understandable, but see if they actually make an effort to reach out to you afterwards. if not—stop putting in the effort and let go (saying this in the nicest way possible. it avoids any more heart break / anxiousness, i promise)

though, it may also be your last message to them if they say that they don’t feel the same (aka dont wanna continue talking), so maybe prepare yourself for that too.

anyhow! it’s ok if friendships don’t work out, once again, don’t blame yourself! it hurts, of course, but once you get through the heart break — there are many more possibilities for you to make friends out here.

remember, relationships are the most healthiest when there’s good communication between both parties.

xoxo

[lovelylonelymuse]

2:15 am

You are my favorite person. You have become the first person I think to tell news to. You do make me happy. But you also make me so…insurmountably sad and confused. I don’t think you’re a bad person, or that you do it on purpose. At this point I’m just not sure you are emotionally willing to show up for me in the ways you claim to want to. Maybe you aren’t capable, and that’s not your fault. I’m so sorry if you ever felt like you couldn’t express your emotions or that they didn’t matter to people they should have mattered to. I really wanna tell you that all of this is okay, but it’s not. Your words and your actions don’t match up and it is deeply painful.

I want so badly to believe you when you say things to me, but then…you disappear or seem so cold and uninterested with no explanation, and that is triggering for me. My triggers are my own problem and my own responsibility, and I do my best to keep it in check, but sometimes I fall short. I’m sorry for that. I know it can be too much.

We have a pretty severe communication problem which usually ends in exactly this: me typing out my unbelievably loud feelings at 3 am and you getting overwhelmed because it’s a novel. But a lot of the time I don’t feel like I can openly communicate with you without you disappearing and avoiding whatever it was for days on end…I know that sounds a little harsh and critical but I’m not trying to be. I’m just trying to be honest.

I never expected you to be as disgustingly open and vulnerable as I am. Most people aren’t this way. I don’t know how to be any other way. I didn’t expect you to just hand over your trust or your time or your heart. I was willing to try and earn that. I just never felt like anything I did was good enough. I didn’t expect instant serious commitment or that we needed to be attached to each other 24/7. I like talking to you, I’m genuinely interested in what makes you you and how you live your life. I think a big part of my problem with being too much is that you do keep yourself so closed off from me, so when do share things with me it’s exciting and I just always want more of that. I apologize for that too.

I am…a lot. We both know that. I can be impulsive and thoughtless, reckless and selfish and loud and basically…insane. But im also really capable of truly, deeply loving someone, and being a safe space. I will always be that for you, just in a different sense i suppose.

I do wish we could figure this out. I wish I was more secure, less anxious and messy. I wish you felt safe and comfortable and able to trust me, and talk to me. I’m so sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t. I will always regret that.

This isn’t me leaving, I’m not doing that again. This isn’t me trying to attack you. I’m always going to be here for you and I’m always going to love and care for you. I just…can’t take the “you seem to want me one day, you don’t the next” anymore and I’m so sorry for that... I told you a few weeks ago that we could be friends who check in if that’s what you want/feel more comfortable with, and we can. But I think I need to draw some pretty severe boundaries with you, and god I hate that so much… this is turning out to be so much longer than I thought and I apologize for that too. I wasn’t sure when we would speak again and sending you all of this would be absolutely insane. being as this is where we started, it seemed fitting.

lol I’m gonna sleep now, okay byyyyyyeeeeee 🖤