#oracle and their writing
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yourtoobright · 10 months ago
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favorite stan twins characterization is that they're both equally insane. stanley just gets more air time to show it off. loosely inspired by a post i read earlier but here's some absolutely insane things both of them have done
stanley:
drugged a person and turned them into an exhibit in the mystery shack
had a vegas wedding to a prospector-themed novelty dispenser
gave mabel a grappling hook
failed to steal an animatronic badger
chewed his way out of the trunk of a car
punched at least three bald eagles
is multiply divorced, possibly even with the novelty dispenser
committed premeditated murder on a llama
faked a heart attack to get on Wheel of Fortune
took his clothes off in front of a live studio audience on Wheel of Fortune
has a rivalry with a fifth grader, a grandmother, and a man who exclusively dresses like a corn cob
stanford:
pulled a gun on a bus driver when he wouldn't let a pig on board
directly assisted in mind-controlling ronald reagan during his election in 1980
gave mabel a crossbow
got bitten by a vampire bat and subsequently began sampling human blood
owns contraband outlawed in 9000 dimensions; keeps it in an extremely flimsy plastic case
"accidentally" set a hawk on fire
has exes ranging from as normal as his old college buddy to as weird as a triangle and an alien with 7 eyes who put a metal plate in his head
wears turtlenecks because he's hiding multiple tattoos he regrets, including one themed around "all star" by smash mouth
is an Extremely wanted criminal across hundreds of dimensions; was completely kicked out of one for card counting
is, bizarrely, super into the band Eurythmics
can see shrimp colors
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shyjusticewarrior · 4 months ago
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Dick: This test is rigged!
Barbara: Calm down, ya big baby.
Jason: He taking that "which Justice League member are you" quiz?
Barbara: Yup, he got Batman.
Jason: *laughs*
Dick: Oh you think it's funny? Why don't you take it?
Jason: I already know how much I'm like Bruce. Plus I don't think the other Justice Leaguers are enough of assholes for me to be them.
Dick: Fuck you and your self-awareness. I'm retaking it til I get Superman.
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gothamite-rambler · 2 months ago
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Nightwing: I got stabbed in the hand. Should I take it out here or wait until I get home?
Oracle (on the comms): Go to the hospital.
Nightwing (ignoring the urgency, focusing on the knife): ...No. If I jiggle it a bit, you think it won't do too much damage?
Red Hood (answering on his comm): Probably should wait till you get home.
Red Robin (chiming in): How big is the dagger?
Nightwing (poking): A regular sized switch blade.
Red Robin (speaking from experience): Oh, just head to your place, bite down on a spoon and sanitize the wound in alcohol.
Red Hood: Yeah and sew the wound slowly. Then drink Jack Daniels. That's a good comfort drink.
Red Robin: I drink ginger tea.
Oracle (regretting knowing this man for a second): Thing one and two shut up. Seriously, Nightwing, go to the hospital!
Nightwing (cackle chuckle for a second): Oracle, you're so silly. Stop playing. If I pull it out now, apply pressure, then stop by a local gas station for gauze—
Batman tossed a goon across the floor like he was a pebble in the pond then pressed his own earpiece to talk.
Batman (on comms, father tone): GO TO THE HOSPITAL!
Nightwing: Yeah, but-
Batman (scolding for not listening): Nightwing.
Nightwing: What if I go home and patch-
Batman (disappointed father tone): Nightwing.
Nightwing pouted, stomping his foot saddened he'd have to call it a night.
Nightwing: Ugh, fine! I really hate going there; it always takes forever to see a doctor. If I wanted to leave early, it shouldn't be due to getting stabbed!
Batman: I've been through the same thing, but it's worth it. Okay?
Nightwing: Alright.
Oracle: You’re seriously going to listen to him over your own friend?!
Nightwing: Yeah... He’s Batman and my papa. Why wouldn’t I listen to him?
Oracle: Oh my God, that’s not a valid reason!
Batman (agreeing with his cause he's Batman): It makes perfect sense to me.
Oracle slammed her head onto her desk, groaning in frustration.
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multiverseworm · 1 year ago
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No because, I can totally picture Damian getting unsolicited advice from each of the batkids when they hear he’s going on a date. All of them having a completely different idea of what that entails😭
Steph: Remember to always offer your hoodie, even if she’s taller than you. We girls like that.
Damian: we’re in the middle of June, Brown. In what world do you think is appropriate to bring a piece of clothing designed for cold weather when it’s 90° degrees outside?
Duke: Everyone loves a good joke, it’s a good way to break the ice as well.
Damian: Thank you, Thomas. That also works as a great way to defeat Mr. Freeze if he ever decides to escape Arkham.
Cass: *explaining in full detail how to look for signs that his date is not interested anymore through body language*
Damian: *taking extensive notes about it*
Tim: Don’t forget to find out everything about her and her background.
Damian: *visibly offended* Who do you think I am, Drake? An Amateur? I obviously already did that. Full report is in the batcomputer files.
Babs: Just don’t do anything Dick tells you.
Damian: …
Dick: Did Babs actually say that? Whatever, just remember to be polite, make her laugh, pay for the meal and walk her home.
*makes a pause*
Dick: Bruce already gave you “the talk”, right? If not, this is about to get veeery awkward…
Damian: *mutters curses in Arabic*
Damian: Todd, do you have a minute? I need your assistance in getting intel for a mission.
Jason: Does this mission involve the date everyone else has been so eagerly talking about? *smirks devilish*
Damian: …
Jason: …
Damian: You read Austen, you have the greatest intel of them all to fill me in on this assignment.
Jason: Sit down and listen close, little spawn. Here’s what you’re gonna do if you want that girl to have the best date she’s ever gonna get.
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notrobinsomethingworse · 7 months ago
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Okay hear me out. Batfamily, ugly Christmas sweater addition.
Bruce Wayne:
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No doubt in my mind his children forced him into it. As soon as Dick mentioned wearing ugly sweaters on Christmas Day he found this monstrosity sitting in his closet. He chucked it out. He forgot about it. The next week it was back. He threw it out again. Two days passed. It was back. He tried shredding it, burning it, burying it in the backyard. It reappeared each time. Needless to say, it was still there on Christmas and he reluctantly wore it to the delight of everybody.
Jason Todd:
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He wanted absolutely nothing to do with what Dick had planned… at first. Then he realised it was a great opportunity to piss Bruce off. Funny enough, it didn’t work as he hoped as Bruce was just happy he was there.
Tim Drake:
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Wanted nothing to do with it and still wants nothing to do with it. Chose the first thing on the rack. Would’ve given Young Justice the chance to chose he sweater but he doesn’t trust them to NOT get him something horrendous.
Dick Grayson:
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Planned this whole thing just to wear this monstrosity he found while doom scrolling on Instagram reels (he has adhd and is a millennial, he sure as hell isn’t on TikTok BUT dopamine go brrr). His siblings hate him. He loves it.
Damian Wayne:
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This boy FOUGHT like one of those cats being forced into a costume. He clawed and begged and weaponised crying. Dick cackled at him until he had it on. He stayed on Dicks shoulders for the rest of the night. They did not talk for a month after.
He will stab anyone who brings it up.
Stephanie Brown:
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Okay picture this in hot pink. She immediately locks onto some sort of meme when Dick mentions ugly sweaters. She finds this ugly ass sweater and steals Bruce’s credit card to get it.
Cassandra Cain:
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Stephanie immediately calls Cass with plans. She happily agrees. She helps Steph steal Bruce’s credit card and proudly pulls Steph around to show the whole family their matching sweaters. A photo of them recreating the meme with their matching sweaters spreads around the web for at least a week.
Barbra Gordon:
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Along with this sweater, Barbs places a USB stick containing a compilation of epic patrol failures in each of the Bat’s Christmas stockings. She wants to keep them on their toes (and adequately afraid of her). It is effective.
Duke Thomas:
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Same vain as Steph. Instantly clocked in on memes and found this bad boy. Shows up with yellow temporary dye on his hair and old-lady sunglasses from the dollar store. Whenever he faces the slightest inconvenience he asks to speak to the manager. It becomes a bit where the manager changes each time and becomes crazier than the last.
Alfred Pennyworth:
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Motherfucker would not wear a ugly sweater no matter how much the children begged. And the children did beg (Damian had to pull out the puppy dog eyes for this one). Jason was actually the fucker who made him cave pulling out all the stops, “it’s my first Christmas with everyone since I… you know.”, “it would be nice to have something special to remember it you know?”, “I remember my first Christmas in the manor. I just want to feel that happy again.”
Jason comes prepared with the sweater and Alfred knows he’s lost (but he doesn’t really seem to mind when he sees all the smiling faces on Christmas Day).
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glow-in-the-dark-death · 1 year ago
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Food is Good for the Core
~
Jason met Danny months ago when he stopped by one of the diners,
Danny was on his lunch break about to eat his ecto infused food when he felt someone with a starving proto-core enter his dinner, his head snapped towards the entrance his gaze locking onto a rather tall man with the expression of someone who was hangry for lack of better words.
His core chirped a greeting, he felt the mans proto-core rumble a barely there response.
The man stumbled towards him his eyes flashing green
"Wha-who are you?"
Once he was close enough Danny grabbed his sleeve and pulled him down onto the seat next to him, pushing his food towards him.
"There you go Firecracker, you look like you really need it"
Jason was about to protest not sure what was even happening when the smell of the food hit him, next thing he knows he's swallowing the last bite.
He leaned back staring
Just staring
He had't felt this satiated and calm since, well since a very long time.
"My name is Jason not Firecracker , now what the hell was in that? Why did I react like that?"
"Well Firecracker, my name is Danny and please tell me that you know that you ..uh died?"
-Time Skip-
"-And so basically you need ecto to be healthy and happy, did you understand all that?"
"Where will I need to go to find that?"
"No worries big guy, I'll make you the food free of charge and in the future I'll start showing you how to properly make it. Also you need to be careful with the ecto food, normal humans tend to act weird even with just a little taste to our foods."
~
Danny & Jason eating together getting along
Dick: "My baby brother has a friend and didn't tell me!"
~
Danny & Jason cooking together: "Oh that's why they say food is the way to a man's heart"
~
Danny & Jason being smitten with one another & starting to unconsciously do ghost courting things.
Oracle watching from the cameras: "What the fuck?!"
~
Dick being nosy realizing that Jason's new boyfriend is putting something into the food Jason and he eat that goes into an extremely secure case.
Dick being suspicious and investigating, manages to steal a bite feels super loopy and weird for the next few days
Dick: "I've connected the dots!"
Jason: "You didn't connect shit."
Dick: "I've connected them!"
Dick thinks they're doing drugs
~
Dick slamming the door open: "Jason is doing drugs!"
Tim: "That doesn't sound like him are you sure?"
Dick on the ground wailing
Tim: "..."
~
Just an Idea
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teleportationmagic · 4 months ago
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Inspired by the latest Batgirl issue
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toyouhellohowareyou · 8 months ago
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Seyph has made fanart for my series Alterity and I love it so, so, so much. Look at this gorgeous style and framing and use of colour.
Can't stop, won't stop yelling about this.
She's not on tumblr and I'm posting here with her permission. Hit up her instagram for her other art.
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bluerosefox · 1 year ago
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Phantomish Rogues
Team Phantom get ripped from their home universe into the DCverse. With no money or real ID's in this world. Now thats a problem.
Another big problem is that Danny is badly injured and his core kinda put him into a deep cryo sleep. He needs to rest and gather ectoplasm.
Bigger problem Team Phantom have no clue how to get home because they don't know how to decode the Fenton Portal blue-prints, not even Jazz who at the time didn't pay attention to her parents portal work anymore by the time they finished it. The only one who does have an idea is Danny!
Biggest problem, they landed in a place called Gotham that seems to be overrun with actual villains and heroes? (vigilantes). And for some odd reason many of them seem to find them no matter where the Team goes to hide.
Until they can get their hands on a safe space, tech, and money, Team Phantom might have to go a bit Rogue/Villainous if they wanna keep Danny safe until he wakes up.
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bunny-jpeg · 5 months ago
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sinful sentences (seven)
max verstappen - "i don't think you've had enough already."
tags: smut/pwp, mad!max, crybaby!reader, norris!reader, lying & manipulation, drinking/intoxication, dubious consent, unprotected sex, dark themes, this fic is insane don't look at me, doggy style, baby trapping/breeding kink
sinful sentences catalogue
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hunger. that was all max could think of when he saw you. he knew that lando norris had a sister, he had even seen photos of you while scrolling aimlessly throughout instagram. but in the photos with your brother, you were often in baggier clothes. while they were trendy pieces, you liked hiding your figure rather than showing it off. so imagine the surprise that max had when during a sunny weekend at silverstone, there was you in a lovely sundress.
who would've thought you'd make mclaren orange look good. but when he saw you in that colour, he wasn't thinking of mclaren. he was thinking of home, thinking of himself.
and whatever higher power was out there happened to put you right where he needed you.
partying after a dizzying weekend felt good. and you were at the same bar he was at, without your brother however. he noticed you were with some other women, but you stayed behind once they left for their ubers. you were happy to be there, even as you got a little more wobbly as the night progressed. max watched you from his seat, you were too drunk to catch him staring. you weren't in that sundress anymore, but max couldn't help but still eye you.
and then like a siren's call, he was pulled from his seat and into the empty one next to you. you looked up from your phone and looked at him and jumped a little. there was a certain haziness in your eyes as you tried to process.
"max verstappen? what are you doing here?" then broke into a big, silly (drunk) grin before you put your phone down and had another sip of your rather strong cocktail.
"enjoying the night before the next flight to the next race. what are you doing here still?"
you finished the drink, "i was with my friends, but they left early. i was supposed to be picked up by lando... but i think he's either asleep or with that girl he's been into. some model, don't know her." you replied as you looked at your phone that you left on the shiny wood of the bar.
"a brother shouldn't leave his sister all alone at a place like this. someone could hurt you, and that would be on lando's head." he placed a hand over top of yours and said, "i guess i'll just have to look after you tonight." he smiled softly, the kind of smile that pulled drunk you in.
you giggled and tried to pull your hand away, "i can look after myself, max." but he tightened his grip on your hand on the bar, "after all, lando is your top rival right now." you tried to sound a little cheeky.
"then let me buy you another drink. i don't think you've had enough already." he said with what you thought was humor in his tone, but as the bartender made another sweet alcoholic drink, max had other intentions with you.
you ended up in max's car after one drink became two. you weren't paying attention when max asked for the drinks to have two shots in them instead of one. so sugar plus four shots of vodka in your already drunk system made you one tipsy little angel. by then you were a little more agreeable to max's offer of protection.
you wobbled a little more and clung to the front of max's t-shirt. you pressed your nose into the fabric of it and gave it a deep inhale. then giggled, "you smell good."
max held you by the back and guided you towards his car, "well, i can't be smelling bad, can i?"
you looked at him and pouted, "nuh-uh." then rubbed your soft cheek up against the softer fabric and exhaled deeply. except that exhale sounded a little like a moan and max felt his cock twitch in his jeans. you were just perfect, huh? max loved it, he loved the feeling of you up against him. it was hard to depart when he had to get you into the car.
and by the time he was in the driver's seat, you were looking at him with a frown and tears in your ears. max raised his eyebrows at you and you sniffled pathetically, "i thought you weren't coming back." and max near had to bite his fist to keep it together. holy fuck.
he reached over and cupped your face and wiped your tears with his thumbs, "aw, don't cry. don't cry. i'll make it all better." he said with a hint of love in his tone. but he wouldn't call the feelings for you loving. rather he carnally needed you. the way a hawk needed a rabbit. or a wolf craved the flesh of a deer. he tested the waters by kissing you and when you didn't recoil. he knew he had you.
it was only a matter of time before he had you in his hotel room. the skirt of your dress was pushed up and you were barely focused enough to get your heels off. when you bent over, you were uneasy as you tried to get the straps undone and max was rubbing up against your slightly exposed ass like a hungry animal.
"i should text my brother." you said.
"after, after." he wrapped a strong arm around you, "like you said, he is either asleep or busy. you don't want to bother him do you?" when he could, he kissed behind your ear and then said softly, "plus, i can protect you better. i won't leave you out to dry." his grip on you tightened, "you'll be good for me tonight, right?"
you asked, "what are you going to do to me?" your voice was uneasy.
"if your brother wants to take my title. then i guess i'm just going to have to take his sister." he felt you hold onto his arms around you and he kissed you warm, sweet flesh once more.
it was dizzying getting into max's bed. his large hands on you. you didn't realize how large they were until he slid one up the skirt of your dress and grope your ass. basically the whole cheek in his grasp as he pressed himself up against you. you both in bed together, his lips on yours as he slowly got your panties off. your brain was too muddled with liquor to properly consent, but you knew the feeling was electric.
all rationale was out of the window once he tossed the cotton panties over his shoulder then worked the dress off of you, it ended up around your waist. he then bit at your breasts through your bra. he said to you with a heated tone, "fat tits." he rubbed his clothed cock up against your bare thigh, "see, i know how to take care of you. bad, bad men out there." but not him, never him. even as he groped you until you whined.
"bad men?"
"yeah. those who wouldn't treat a woman like you correctly. take advantage of you." he said as he took the dress off of you fully off from around your hips. and it ended up on the floor. his hands were back on your breasts, "men who are more animal than human. monsters." he peppered kisses across your tits and rubbed against you further, "i'll take care of you. protect you. no one else can have you."
you were trapped under him but as he toyed with your clit, the thoughts couldn't fully form. the consent of all of this felt complicated, but as he teased you, your body seemed to submit to the dutchman. you couldn't tell that his obsession for you grew deeper as he bit heavy bruises onto your chest.
"do you think i can keep you safe? protect you, keep you safe from all those monsters." he rubbed his cock up against you for a moment long before he stripped out of his clothes, "i want to hear you say it." then pressed a hand around your throat, "tell me, i'm the best."
you looked at him with wide eyes for a moment and when he loosened the grip you said, "you're the best, max." your tone wavered due to the liquor in your system, "are you going to use protection?"
max just smiled after he got his shirt off. the kind of smile that made front pages, a winner's smile. he patted your cheek a little rougher and said, "of course. i said i'd take care of you, no? can't have little norris' running around." little verstappens were a different story though. the rustle of his belt and the zip of his jeans. he stripped of his clothes.
he got you onto your stomach and raised your hips to be leveled with his erect cock.
"condom?" you squeaked.
he looked at your wet cunt for a moment and replied, "already on." a bold faced lie as he sank into you, completely unprotected. call it a sick obsession, call it a need for claim. a small voice in max's head told him to back out now, before he got in too deep. but it was overshadowed by the larger urge to keep going. to bruise your poor little cervix with his cock, to finish right up into your womb and make sure it all took.
you were so out of it, your noises loud as he fucked you. his pace was quick and his movements were fluid. you felt like heaven, just as he expected. your cunt seemed to pull him in deeper. even in your inebriated state, your body knew what it wanted. five-eleven blond dutch driver with a cock that could ruin you.
his movements felt good to you, your noises weren't restrained thanks to high blood alcohol level you had. he took you from behind and made sure that your head was pressed into the covers. just in case you found out max's little white lie. he held you down by the back of your neck with his other hand on your hip. he pressed into you, as deep as he'd go.
his cock hit all the right places, slammed against your sweet spot that made you sputter out a sweet moan. you felt almost degraded, that he fucked you like an animal. on you knees he rammed into you and it left your brain feeling dizzy. the pleasure and the burn of liquor left your head cloudy and your words jumbled.
he was fucking you, as filth poured from his mouth. you could find little to react with. his breath hot against your warmed skin as he thrusted in and out of you. you couldn't process what he was saying, but the word pregnancy made your cunt clench at instinct. that only made him chuckle as he kept moving. you prayed that the condom would protect any mishaps.
when he spoke dutch to you, the confusion only grew. you didn't know a lick of the language. you learned french and italian, not dutch. so max's words went over your head, "you drive me crazy, little rabbit. the way you look, the way you move around the paddock. your stupid brother made a big mistake not picking you up tonight. letting me have you all to myself. maybe i'll send him a bottle of something expensive when i get his sister knocked up. how does that sound? out of mclaren orange and into proper dutch orange. would be fitting because when i'm done with you, you'll be at least nine percent dutch with how much i'll finish inside of you." his mouth ran and he sounded insane.
you sniffled as the flood of emotion made you cry a little. and max only shuddered from the feeling. he kissed your cheek as he rocked into you. you whimpered as you felt his cock just invade every inch of you. he fit perfectly, didn't stretch you too much that it would make you cry more. he fit in a way that made it hard to focus on much else. hence why your little cry-baby self was brought to tears from the feeling. when max asked what was wrong, you replied, "what are you saying to me?"
"nothing to worry about." he said, "you felt so good that i got my languages mixed up." he knew you didn't know the language, so it allowed him to speak more freely. his want for you. his intentions with your sweet body. he kissed your pulse point as leaned into you further. bodies flushed together like two halves of a whole. "you'll never need to worry about anything again." his words like a promise as he continued to fuck you.
"no more dutch." you whined drunkenly, "not fair!"
he let go of your neck and kissed you on the lips with your cheek against the pillow. the kiss was at an awkward angle, but it established dominance in a certain way. you were under him, taking his pleasure after he basically poured liquor down your throat.
he was mad for you. insane in a way that would shock most. max was a nice guy off the track. but tonight was fucking a fellow driver's sister raw. bad behavior, verstappen. that could land him a slap on the wrist! more community service for flooding your cunt with his cum. a penalty for getting you drunk. hell, even disqualification for touching what wasn't his. he should know better, but with a cunt like yours, the fia could throw the book at him! lando norris could choke his lights out, but that wouldn't make you un-pregnant. and max wasn't letting you raise the next best without him.
the pace quickened. his want for you grew with each heavy thrust. he could taste the pleasure like blood in his mouth. while he couldn't spew out filth, he thought about it as the sounds of your fucking filled the room. the scent and heat of sex was apparent as he ruined your sweet cunt.
a good pussy for him, keep his satisfied. he licked his lips as he kissed your back once more as his pace staggered. his want was apparent and his climax was near. you choked out more moans and even let out a few more tears. he shushed you and said, "don't cry, don't cry. doesn't it feel good? see, this is what being protected feels like. to be taken care of. am i the best?"
you nodded, "yes, max." your cheeks stung with heat and you could feel the twist in his stomach. you swallowed and asked, "is the condom on right?"
"it's on perfectly, now stop worrying." he thrusted all the way in and held his cock pressed up against your cervix for a moment. the pressure made you moan and your mind go blank for a moment. someone like you shouldn't be asking so many questions, it wasn't an endearing quality.
pleasure became all consuming quickly. your pussy could only take so much before you clutched onto the hotel sheets and arched your back as much as you could. your slick cunt held onto his cock, like it knew what it wanted and climaxed around him.
"that's it." he cooed, "perfect." his words were more intoxicating than the liquor. you felt in a haze as he continued to fuck you. you stopped asking about the condom so he let go of your neck and held onto your hips with both hands.
he moved quickly, he moved with a fever in his blood. and he tensed up for a moment before he relaxed as he finished inside of you. the damage was done and whatever happened next he'd stand by you. bright smile on his face and a protective hand on your swollen middle.
just as you should be. knocked up and tied to max in every way he could get you.
he got you onto your back with his cock only out of you for a second. but you weren't focusing on anything. your eyes were hazy and completely unfocused. perfect for him to sink back in, another round for extra measure.
-
the thing about hunger is that it always returned. and despite a night of unprotected passion with you, max wanted more. he wanted to feel the tight wetness of your cunt. so when you were shown tickets to the next race, you were more than happy to go see your brother.
and while max smiled when you said that, he only cupped your cheek and tapped your face gently with your thumb. soon enough, he thought, you'd be cheering him on in redbull's colours with a firmer slope in your middle. maybe it didn't work in silverstone, but there was more than enough season left to fully claim lando norris' sister. because once the hunger set in, max wanted nothing more than to keep sinking his teeth into your soft skin.
marked, claimed and owned by max verstappen. <3
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dickgraysonisnothereforthis · 4 months ago
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Everybody’s on the Call Line (Jason todd x gn!reader)
Humor, fluff, established relationship. whole batfam gets involved. Reader is a hacker
This happened because I read the latest coffee shop au from @jjenthusee (and you should too!) and I remembered that I can also write cute fluff. So here this fic is, straight from my drafts where it’s been languishing for months. Anyway.
Swearing, as always. No use of y/n. I don’t know how long this is
———
Jason eases himself carefully onto the fire escape, metal creaking beneath his boots. He stifles a groan. He’s taking a risk sneaking into your apartment like this, he knows he is. If you wake up and see Red Hood snooping around outside your window, you’ll probably call the cops. But he’s tired as all hell, patrol was long and stupid, and your apartment was closer. Jason will just slide in while you’re sleeping, stow his gear where you won’t find it, and collapse into your bed. In the morning, he’ll just say he let himself in with the spare key you gave him. Easy. All he has to do is disable the window alarm he’d gotten for you, and then he’s home free.
The alarm trips, and Jason moves to silence it but then realized it doesn’t matter, you’re still up, working at your computer.
He freezes as you glance over your shoulder, then turn around to face him. He still has his gear on. Shit.
“Uh, hi,” you offer, looking at him with a curious glance as he races to figure out an excuse. “I don’t think we’ve met before?”
This throws him for a loop. You’re reacting very well to a vigilante crawling through your window at 2:30 in the fucking morning. But you’ve given him an opening, and he’s going to take it.
“No,” he says shortly, wincing behind the helmet. He’s never spoken to you like this and instantly hates the tone he’s using, but he’s got a persona to keep up. Or something.
You nod, seemingly unfazed. “No worries. Do you work with Red Robin?”
What? Why are you asking about Tim? Do you have some secret Red Robin crush that he’s going to have to push Tim off a building for?
Dumbfounded, Jason answers, “Uh, sometimes?”
You nod again. “Do you think you could give something to him for me?”
What the shit is happening right now?
As if to help tip Jason’s world off its axis, you’re interrupted by a tap at the window. Jason looks to see Red Robin crouched on your fire escape. You wave him inside.
“Hey, Escher,” Tim says. “Hood.” Jason has no idea what the fuck is going on.
“I’ve got the script,” you say, holding out a flash drive to him, but Tim shakes his head. “No good. They updated the security.”
“Well, shit.” You turn and dump the USB stick into a glass of water on your desk. “It’s a paperweight now. Only took me five hours to figure out.”
“I know,” Tim says, clearly frustrated. “They keep outmaneuvering us.”
Wait, wait. Jason’s still three steps behind you. “Escher?” he demands.
Both you and Tim turn to look at him, frowning. “Like, M.C. Escher? But, spelled ‘emcee,’” you say, as if that explains anything. “It’s my screen name.”
“You two know each other?”
“Yeah, we work together.” Tim raises an eyebrow. “You didn’t know that?”
Jason shakes his head, and Tim looks at you for a flash of a moment before turning back to Jason. “Sorry,” he mouths, shrugging. Jason waves him off. He’ll deal with that later.
Tim turns back to your computer screen, but your eyes stay on Jason, narrowing. “What does it matter if we work together? Do I know you from somewhere?”
Shit. You were always too sharp for your own good. Jason’s tongue is glued to the roof of his mouth. “Uhh…”
You fold your arms over your chest. Behind you, out of your field of vision, Tim grins at Jason, delighted. Asshole.
“We don’t normally work with civilians,” Jason says, fishing for an excuse.
You sniff, rolling your eyes. “And yet, here you are. Which, the way, you haven’t explained. What are you doing in my bedroom?”
Fair. What is he doing in your bedroom? Would it freak you out if he said he was a burglar? Too late for that now.
“I told him to meet me here,” Tim says, pulling Jason’s ass out of the fire. “Sorry I didn’t tell you first.”
You shrug. “S’okay,” you say, spinning back around in your desk chair to face the screen.
Over your shoulder, Tim mouths, “you owe me.” Jason gives him the finger.
“Do you have a safe copy of the new security system?” you ask, looking at Tim intently.
He shakes his head. “Not yet, Oracle is working on duplicating it.”
You slump down in your chair. “Drat. I hate waiting.”
“Yeah,” Tim sits on the floor next to your bed, knees to his chest. “She said it’d be ready in a few hours.”
“Balls.” You fidget with a pen on your desk.
“Hold on. How did you start working with Red over here?” Jason asks. He knows you work in tech, that you’re a programmer, but he didn’t realize you were building code for fucking Batman.
Tim laughs. “I found them solving random problems on a Swedish forum.”
Jason blinks. Okay.
“Well, yeah. You found me there. Oracle found me hacking your comm links,” you grin, pleased with yourself.
Holy shit. “You got into the comm links?”
“Yeah,” you nod, satisfied. “I’ve done it twice now,” you add smugly.
“Don’t tell B,” Tim warns. “He doesn’t know. Oracle said she wouldn’t tell.”
Wow. You must be the real deal. He wonders if he can get you to fuck with Bruce’s plans, just to be a shit. "How long have you been working for the Caped Crusader, then?"
"I don't work for Batman," you say primly, as Tim sighs. "I help him out when you guys can't get your shit together."
Jason snickers under his breath. "Sore subject, huh?"
"They don’t like B," Tim confirms from the floor. "If you did it would make everything easier," he grumbles.
"It's stupid," you insist. "Come on, how is this a viable solution to any long-term problem?"
Jason laughs outright as Tim sputters. "He's a detective! He detects!"
"Then why does he have to dress up like that?" you point out. “You can be a detective in normal clothes, you know.”
"He needs armor, he keeps getting shot at!"
"Explain the cape, then," you shoot back. "Justify that monstrosity."
"It's fucking idiotic," Jason adds, piling on gleefully. "It'd be different if he could fly, but he just hops around."
Tim gasps, affronted, while you crack up in your chair. "Thank you. I mean, look at yourself, Red. You're sitting on my bedroom floor in a goddamn cape."
"It looks cool," Tim says defensively.
"No," you counter, "that looks cool." You point your finger in Jason's direction, and he feels his face heat up.
"Oh, come on," Tim scoffs. "You think his costume is cool?"
"Uh, yeah," you say, eyes taking Jason in as you nod. "Very cool. Very hot."
"Oh my god," Tim mutters. "It's tactically stupid. Why are his forearms exposed?"
"So I can see how muscley they are." You stare at them, eyes wide. Jason coughs awkwardly, and your eyes flit back up. "Sorry," you say, not sounding sorry at all. "I like leather."
"Of course you like his costume," Tim mutters under his breath.
"What's that supposed to mean?" you shoot at him, and Tim flusters. "Why do you care if I don't like your costume?"
"Yeah," Jason adds, letting some menace fall into his voice. "Why do you care if they don��t like your costume?"
"I didn't—I wasn't trying to—"
"I have a boyfriend," you interrupt, looking at Tim scornfully.
"They have a boyfriend," Jason parrots, grinning behind the helmet.
"Oh my god. I know you have a boyfriend. Relax," Tim pacifies you. "Relax," he adds, nodding at Jason. Jason grunts.
Before you can argue further, there’s another tap at your window, and Cass slips softly into the room. You light up. “Hello, my love!” you greet her excitedly. Cass raps you on the top of your head, and you beam up at her. Your hands twitch toward her before you stop yourself, folding them in your lap. Cass turns to Jason, placing her hand carefully on his arm. He bumps against her, waiting until she pushes back lightly. She then moves onto Tim, tugging gently on a lock of his hair, before depositing a flash drive on the desk. You snatch it up eagerly.
From Oracle, Cass signs.
“It’s O’s duplicate!” Tim plucks it from your fingers, driving it into your desktop.
“Be nice to her,” you warn, running a hand over your computer as the file loads. Strings of code write themselves across your screen. Jason moves forward to get a better look at you. He can’t help it, he wants to see you in action. Your face is scrunched up, tongue between your teeth as your eyes flash back and forth, following the cursor. “It’s incomplete.” You squint at Tim. “What gives?”
Tim tsks. “I don’t know. Let me get Oracle.” He puts a hand to his ear. “Oracle, come in.”
Barbara’s voice answers in Jason’s ear. “Here. I know, I know, it’s not all there,” she says, annoyed. “Let Escher know that I had to reverse engineer it from what we found.”
“She says she has to reverse engineer it,” Tim repeats.
You drum your fingers on the desk. “Okay, what else does she know?”
“What else do you—”
“Hold on, this is stupid,” you interrupt. “Can you, like, put her on speaker? Actually,” you click over to another screen, enter a command. “You’re broadcasting live, O.” Jason hears Barbara’s sigh through the speakers of your computer. “That’s three times,” you add smugly.
Jason let’s out a low whistle. Damn. You’re really good at this.
“We've got to stop meeting like this, Escher.” Barbara almost sounds amused. “How did you get in this time?”
“Hiya, babe.” You click back to your project. “That’s for me to know and you to never find out. I don’t want you closing your back door.”
Barbara chuckles. “Red and I will shut you out.”
“But for how long? I’m too slippery, baby.” Jason almost blushes underneath his helmet. It always trips him up when you talk like this.
“I had to reverse engineer the code from what it spit out when I tried to get in this time,” Barbara explains. “Can you fill in the gaps?”
“Some of them.” You type quickly, deleting code as you get error messages and retyping just as fast.
“Wait, here…” Tim points to something on the screen.
“Yeah, okay,” you back up to where he’s pointing and add something.
“There’s something about the updated security,” Barbara adds. “I think there’s a pattern somewhere.”
“Where?” you demand.
“I don’t know. Gut feeling. But I think I’m right.”
“Do you think there’s something generating new code?” Tim asks. “Like, a program that’s spitting out new security?”
“Oh.” Your fingers still on the keys, face relaxing. “Yeah. Good call, Red.” You scan the code again, scrolling back to the top. “Okay. This changes things.” You start from the beginning, erasing whole sections of Barbara’s work and typing out new code. “Well, shit,” you laugh under your breath. “This is some sexy-ass code we’re looking at.”
“You can fill in the blanks?” Jason asks.
You glance up at him. “Of course I can. I wrote it.”
“What?” Tim shouts. “This is you?”
“It’s me,” you confirm. “Guilty.” A small smile plays around your lips. “Sorry.” Cass steps forward, pinching your ear until you yelp.
“Fuck, Escher.” Tim rubs the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t know you were a traitor.”
“Chill, bird brain,” you say defensively, leaning out of Cass’ reach. “This was from, like, five years ago. I needed some cash.”
“You could be on B’s payroll,” Tim offers.
You snort as Barbara huffs a laugh over the comm line. “Fat chance, I’ve been trying to convince them for months.”
“I’m not a fucking lapdog. I play by my own rules,” you insist.
“Yeah?” Jason can’t help but push you. “And what rules are those?”
You cock an eye at him warily. “The rule of not tying my kite to some lunatic.”
Jason nods. Can’t argue with that one.
“Anyway,” you turn back to the computer. “Because I wrote it, I can build you the malware.”
“To get past the security or to neutralize the program spitting out new code?” Barbara asks over the line.
“Dealer’s choice,” you say, then stick your tongue between your teeth as you squint at the screen. “I can make both happen.”
The comm crackles in Jason’s ear. “Oracle, come in,” Bruce barks.
Tim whips his head toward you with a crack. “Nothing from you now, Escher,” Barbara warns. “I’m patching him through.”
You grin, eagerly pretending to zip your lips.
“Here,” Barbara answers.
“I heard from one of my informants,” Bruce’s monotone growl fills the room. Jason catches you roll your eyes and almost bursts out laughing. “They’re going to get into the controls for Blackgate prison.”
“This is Black Mask?” Barbara clarifies.
Bruce grunts as your eyebrows shoot up. “This is Black Mask?” you whisper, except you’ve never been very good at whispering. Tim slices a hand over his neck to silence you as Jason moves to your computer. He’s been eyeing the program you’re using to broadcast the comm connection, and he thinks he’s found the mute button. He taps a key and then turns his head toward you. “Off?”
You nod. “Off. Thanks. This is Black Mask’s security?”
“Yeah, he’s making a move against the jail. He’s going to get some of his guys out,” Tim explains.
“Hmm. Hmm hmm hmm.” You tap your fingers against your chin.
“What?” Tim folds his arms over his chest.
“I originally sold it to the Falcones.” You flick your hair out of your face. “Guess they sold me out behind my back.”
A security program that’s making its way through the mob? That’s…really useful, actually.
“Can you get in and stop them?” Bruce asks.
“Maybe,” Oracle hedges. “Hold on, I have to call in reinforcements.” She mutes Bruce’s line. “Escher, you’re up.”
“Wait, you want it now?” you say, aghast. “Christ, how long do I have?”
“Act quickly.” Bruce orders. “My intel says they’re moving at 3:45am.”
Your eyes fly to the clock on your monitor. “What the fuck!” you screech. “That’s in forty minutes! I can’t do it in forty minutes! I have to break through my own walls!”
“Escher,” Barbara starts, just as Tim says “listen, you have to—”
“I can’t, it’s not enough time!” you wail.
“Hey, hey,” Jason cuts in. “Easy. Don’t worry, love. You can do it.”
You look at him fearfully. “You haven’t even told me what to do!”
“Just get past the security,” Jason says patiently. “Don’t worry about shutting down the whole program.”
You nod at him, eyes wide.
“Deep breaths, now,” he instructs. “Come on, in for two, hold, out for four. We’ll do it together. Ready?”
You nod again.
“Okay.” Jason sucks in a breath, loudly so it’ll register over the modulator. You copy him, inhaling, holding, and exhaling on his rhythm. After a few breaths you shake your head, turning back to the computer.
“Alright. I can make it happen.” You resume typing, eyes narrowed as you focus.
“We’re alright, B, I’ve got someone on it,” Oracle says, satisfied.
Tim turns to Jason, clearly impressed. Jason shrugs. You’ve been together for a while now, he knows how to pull you out of a spiral.
He turns back to you. You’re ripping through code at a hundred miles an hour, hunched over the keyboard. Jason grimaces, he’s always trying to get you to sit up straight to help your tech neck. He’ll have to rub out the knots in your shoulders later.
Jason feels Cass’ eyes on him, and he tilts his head toward her. Less than forty minutes, she signs to him. I’ll have to take it back to the Clocktower.
Jason’s thought of that. He evenly points his chin in your direction. You can handle it, he knows you can. Cass nods.
Tim coughs quietly, and Jason raises his head to look at him. “You want the keys to the castle?” he mutters.
He means code you built that generates new security programs. Jason nods. “But that’s just between us, yeah?” It would be loads easier for Jason if he keeps the code out of Bruce’s hands. Black Mask has been operating in Jason’s territory, and Jason has a long string of investigations against him, well-beyond the scope of this Blackgate shit. Bruce needs to keep his nose out of it.
Tim scoffs. “Fine. Seems like you should get first dibs anyway.” He nods towards your desk where you’re still working stubbornly.
The room is silent, all three of them letting you work. After a few minutes, Tim steps toward you. “Here, you need any hel—”
Jason throws an arm out to stop him, just as Cass grabs his wrist and tugs him backwards, shaking her head. He holds up his hands in surrender.
Fifteen minutes later, you rap your knuckles on your desk. “Oi, peanut gallery!” You spin around in your chair, smiling wickedly. “I solved your case for you!”
“It’s not a case,” Tim mutters, and Jason scoffs.
“Don’t be jealous, RR,” Babs says over the line. “You can both be the prettiest.” Tim splutters as you laugh delightedly.
“Nice job,” Jason says, placing a hand on your shoulder. You grin up at him. He catches Cass and Tim share a look, sees her sign something too fast for his eyes to follow.
“Batgirl’s bringing it to you now, Oracle,” Tim says as you unplug the flash drive and hand it to Cass. You wave to her as she slips through the window.
“My backup came through,” Babs reports to Bruce. “They’ll be obsolete in a few minutes.”
“Copy.” The line fizzles as Babs cuts him off.
“Fuck yeah,” you grin in satisfaction. “Nothing like hearing that overgrown Bat say ‘copy.’”
Jason cackles as Tim rolls his eyes. “Oracle,” he says loudly. “Hood was in the dark about our friend here.” His eyes flick to you before he looks at Jason meaningfully.
And just what the fuck does he think he’s doing? Jason all but snarls at him.
“Huh. I could’ve sworn you were smarter than that, Hood,” Barbara admonishes.
“Shut up, O,” he grumbles. Jason glances at you to make sure you haven’t caught on to what they’re talking about, but you don’t seem to be paying attention; you’ve pulled up Steam and are scrolling through your game library.
“Maybe it’s time to clue them in. Take off your party hat,” Barbara says meaningfully. Tim nods forcefully.
“Butt out,” Jason says half-heartedly, but it doesn’t stick. He’s been thinking about telling you about Red Hood anyway; you’ve been together for a year and a half. He’s been…well, he’s scared. But maybe he shouldn’t be.
“We’d have to vote on it,” he says gruffly. Tim pumps his fist in the air. “In person,” he says meaningfully. Comm links aren’t safe, apparently.
“You have my vote,” Babs says confidently. “And Batgirl’s, too, she’s here.” Barbara pauses meaningfully. “I’m happy for you, Hood.”
“Me too!” Tim pipes up immediately.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jason waves them off, like his heart isn’t pounding. “Can you call everyone over?”
“Roger that.” Barbara seems pleased. “Hood is asking us all to meet near him,” she broadcasts aloud. “Sending you coordinates.”
Dick, Steph, Bruce, and Damian all copy. Jason steels himself. “Alright, RR, time to go.”
You glance at him as he moves toward the window. “Heading out?”
“Yeah,” Tim answers. “Got a big family meeting to get to.” He grins at Jason.
“Okay. See you around. Nice meeting you,” you say to Jason, before turning back to your screen.
“Uh, yeah,” he says uncomfortably, while Tim snickers. “See you later.”
The troops have already assembled two rooftops over. “Hood, what’s the situation?” Bruce asks sternly.
“The situation,” Tim starts happily, “is—”
“Hold on,” Jason cuts him off. “Disconnect comm links.” He watches warily as everyone takes them out of their ears.
“Compromised?” Dick asks with concern.
“Uh, yeah.” Jason scratches the back of his neck. “Listen, uh…” he looks at Tim helplessly.
“Jason’s dating Escher.”
“What!” Dick screams as Steph claps her hands together excitedly. “Why didn’t you tell me you were dating anyone?”
“Uh—”
“Fuck, yeah!” Steph interrupts. “This is great! Escher’s the freaking best!”
“Language,” Bruce says as Jason takes off the helmet to glare at Steph accusingly.
“We play Minecraft together,” she explains. “I didn’t know you two were dating!”
“Wait, hold on. I thought you all knew about that.” Jason shifts his glare to Tim.
Tim shrugs. “Only me and Babs knew,” he says.
“Timmy, why didn’t you share!” Dick groans, bounding over to ruffle Jason’s hair.
Jason pushes him away, trying to swipe his feet out from under him. Dick dodges easily, throwing a light right hook in return. “Wasn’t any of your business, now was it?” Jason says gruffly.
Tim looks at Dick, raising his eyebrows. “Didn’t want to get on his bad side.”
“Fair.” Dick grins softly at Jason, bumping shoulders with him. “Nice job, Little Wing.”
Jason blushes. “Yeah, yeah.”
“Congrats, Todd, but why are we all here?” Damian interrupts.
“I’m gonna tell ‘em,” Jason says simply. “About this. If it’s cool.”
“Fine with me,” Steph says instantly.
Tim nods, “seconded. Babs and Cass say it’s fine with them, we asked before we went dark.”
“Well, who am I to stand in their way,” Dick half-jokes, but he’s looking at Bruce with serious eyes. So is Jason.
“I’ll follow Father’s ruling,” Damian says stoutly.
That leaves the big man himself. Bruce smiles gently. “Of course, Jaylad. We’re all happy for you.”
Jason blushes all over again. “Thanks, old man.” He lets out a breath.
“But we have to ask Duke,” Bruce adds meaningfully.
“I texted him, he says it’s fine,” Tim says quickly. “But also, uh—” he holds his hand to his ear.
Warily, Jason puts his comm back in. “Jason, what the fuck!” you shriek. “What the fucking fuck is this!”
“I forgot to disconnect,” Babs says sheepishly.
“Jason, you ass! Why didn’t you tell me you ran around in a fucking costume?” you shout down the line. Steph and Dick keel over laughing. Jason realizes everyone has taken the liberty of putting their comm back in.
“Baby, please,” he says resignedly.
“Baby?” Dick mouths, beaming.
“Don’t you fucking ‘baby’ me!” you holler.
“Babe, you are a hacker,” he points out. “How come you didn’t share that with the class?”
That makes you pause. “Fair fucking point, I guess,” you mutter. Jason sees Bruce try to tug the comm out of Damian’s ear, but Damian dances out of reach.
“Uh, also, can you cool it with the swearing?” Jason asks. “There’s a kid here.”
“…if it’s Robin I am going to throw up.”
“Hello,” Damian says helpfully.
Your end of the line is silent.
“Hey, Escher, it’s Spoiler!” Steph cuts in. “Nice job shacking up with Hood.” She eyes Jason evilly.
“This is a fucking ambush,” you grind out. “Jason, you fucking ambushed me.”
“Language,” Bruce orders gently. Tim just about busts a gut while Jason waves frantically at Bruce, shaking his head rapidly. “Nice to meet you over the phone,” Bruce adds. Dick gives him a thumbs up.
“…likewise,” you say eventually. “I hope you’ll excuse me, but this has been insane, and I’m disconnecting. Jason, get your as— get back here after you’ve finished your family dinner.” Your end goes dead.
“They seem nice,” Bruce says after a moment. “We’ll have to talk about how they got into the comm links,” he looks at Tim reproachfully.
“See you later, Hood,” Dick says easily, nodding at your building.
Jason turns back to your apartment. He can already see you in the window, arms crossed over your chest. You’re trying to scowl at him, but he can see the smile trying to escape.
He shrugs his shoulders, grinning. You throw up your hands but beckon him anyway. Come on, come back.
Don’t worry, Jason’s coming.
455 notes · View notes
n0vazsq · 5 months ago
Text
Mi vida | FC43 x Reader
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pairing . . . franco colapinto x rbr!driver!reader
summary . . . What's better than one chaotic F1 driver? Two! And that's the story of how you got together with your boyfriend, Franco
request . . . no!!
word count . . . N/A
warnings . . . none! story set few days before monza! cringe-ish (??) dialogue at the end?
faceclaim . . . girls from pin!
alexavia yaps . . . woohoo!! finally wrote a smau again and its for my boy franco!!! kinda short but yeah i made franco and y/n gen z pr nightmares!! hope yall enjoy it <3
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yourusername
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liked by francolapinto, maxverstappen1, yourbsf and 2.3M others
yourusername look at my driver dawg he's losing this race Tagged: francolapinto
click to view all comments
maxverstappen1 he's in a williams
yourusername and?
maxverstappen1 him losing shouldn't be a surprise
francolapinto 😔
yourusername MAX DONT BULLY HIM
maxverstappen1 ill make sure to tell him sorry when i lap him
francolapinto what did i ever do to you max
maxverstappen1 say lewis is your idol
username1 i live for the rbr teammates and franco fighting
username2 raw. next question
username3 girl went to f1 and became a whole new person (cough franco terroriser cough)
yourusername i need to put him in his place, I AM the one with the redbull seat not him
username3 Y/NRPLIED HOLY SHIT
username4 praying for their pr managers
username5 i just know they made max's life a living hell
username6 i'm shaking for the interviews because i know y/n and franco will be menaces
username7 franco's f2 interviews and y/n's interviews now scream 'i will destroy your life'
username8 woah
username9 y/n please post more y/n
francolapinto who's that handsome man
yourusername me
francolapinto you can't be this beautiful
yourusername wow okay tell that to your next girlfriend because WERE DONE
francolapinto dont break up with me before my first f1 race ill ram you into the wall
yourusername ill crash in fp1
francolapinto noo mi vida youre so sexy pls dont die haha
yourusername forgiven 😊
username10 are we just going to ignore them breaking up in a comment section
username11 that happens like thrice every day just ignore them
username12 man i love them
username13 goats of f1 frrr
username14 theyre so iconic being the first couple in f1
username15 meow
username16 real
username17 screaming crying throwing up
username18 manifesting franco ends up in the points
username19 what about y/n??
username18 queen always ends up in the points
username19 mb mb
username20 franco calling her 'mi vida' MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS SHIT
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francolapinto
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liked by yourusername, alex_albon, bizarrap and 1.1M others
francolapinto life is hard (p12 in my first race) but at least mi vida got p8! and we did the track walk together 😊🫶 Tagged: yourusername
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username21 i REFUSE to believe franco typed that caption
username22 FRRR like its too innocent and peaceful
username23 their pr managers took over
username24 HOW IS HE SO PRETTYYYY
username25 my kind of love frrr
username26 no.1 couple argument closed
username27 sigh i wish i was a wag
alex_albon photo credits?
yourusername up my ass
francolapinto no mi vida only i can see up your ass
yourusername what he said
alex_albon tmi....
username28 theyre back!!!!
username29 i live for their chaos
username30 got me on my KNEES
username31 what id pay to be her
bizarrap ayyy ¿cuándo vas a hacer que nos veamos? (ayyy when are you going to make us meet?)
francolapinto pronto pronto (soon soon)
bizarrap dame una fecha exacta hermano (give me an exact date bro)
francolapinto cuando vienes al gran premio (when you come to the grand prix)
bizarrap vale vale (okay okay)
username32 I SEE THE AESTHETIC VISION FRANCO
username33 shes so pretty omgggg
username34 idk if i want to be y/n or franco
username35 holy shit hes gorgeous
username36 came here for franco stayed for y/n
yourusername woah youre so hot
francolapinto youre hotter
yourusername nahhh youre way hotter
francolapinto kiss me if im wrong but im hotter
yourusername then i wont kiss you because youre hotter
francolapinto fuck i didnt think of that
yourusername ill still kiss you just come over to my driver room
francolapinto 🏃🏃
maxverstappen1 should i be worried or....?
yourusername mind your business max
maxverstappen1 i'm the one who's going to here those disgusting noises not you
yourusername too bad
alex_albon i feel like i should be grateful its not happening in williams
francolapinto im here mi vida where are you i cant see you
yourusername im right here in the room??
maxverstappen1 WHAT IS FRANCO DOING IN MY ROOM
francolapinto shit wrong room
yourusername hurry up franco
francolapinto On my way!
maxverstappen1 let me leave the garage first
username37 man i love them
username38 HELP FRANCO GOING TO MAX'S ROOM???
username39 did max just expose them or
username40 i feel like im intruding reading the comments between them
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yourusername
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liked by francolapinto, maxverstappen1, bizarrap and 2.8M others
yourusername haters wish they were on our level fr Tagged: francolapinto
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username41 if being in a parasocial relationship with them was a crime id be executed
username42 THE PICS??? EXCLUSIVE SUBSCRIPTION??? EXCUSE ME???
username43 how are they both so good looking
username44 the face card is INSANE
username45 I NEED THIS SO BADLY UGHHHHHHH
username46 STOP not the matching glasses
username47 need a boyfriend who will take me on bike rides while i wear my redbull helmet and he wears his williams helmet
francolapinto i dont want to see my beautiful face i want to see YOUR beautiful face
yourusername but youre so pretty how can i not put your face more than mine
francolapinto mi vida your face isnt even on there
yourusername yes it is
francolapinto its covered by that ugly helmet
redbullracing 🤨
francolapinto this one is ugly i like her own customised helmet
yourusername aww amor 🫶 i love your helmet and i love you
francolapinto i love you more
yourusername no i love you more
francolapinto no
alex_albon if you continue with this sappy stuff ill vomit
yourusername okay 'goodmorning baby'
alex_albon SHUT UP
yourusername oi francolapinto we found his weak spot
francolapinto lets get ready to terrorise him
yourusername bet
username48 if they need a third im always available
username49 i want to see mother and father but theyre more like mommy and daddy
username50 erm
username51 if my bf aint like this ion want him
alex_albon ill admit this is actually cute
yourusername thank you!!
francolapinto we're not cute we're hot
yourusername we're both tho
francolapinto true
alex_albon why'd you have to ruin such a beautiful and innocent moment
francolapinto life
yourusername WORDS 🗣️ 💯🙏❗
username52 legit can't decide who's better looking
username53 oh how i need this more than oxygen
maxverstappen1 franco doesn't how to play padel
yourusername he beat me
maxverstappen1 anyone can beat you
francolapinto don't bully her like that
maxverstappen1 or what
francolapinto brazil 2018 pt2
maxverstappen1 DONT YOU DARE
yourusername ok max thats it go stare lovingly at charles or idk
maxverstappen1 ???
francolapinto we all know max dont worry
maxverstappen1 ??????
username54 so um whens the wedding
username55 man i need me a francoyn relationship
username56 did they just confirm lestappen?!?!??!?!
username57 im sighing dreamily at these pictures
bizarrap ah so youre the girlfriend?
yourusername yes yes i am
bizarrap y'know i cheer for you and not franco because you get higher places
yourusername im flattered 😊
francolapinto this is a betrayal you should be cheering for ME only
username58 THE PICS.
username59 giggling blushing and kicking my feet
username60 when will y/n post more y/n sigh
francolapinto how are you so gorgeous
yourusername i should be asking YOU that
francolapinto mi vida you are the prettiest girl i have ever seen in my life and you call ME gorgeous?
yourusername fuck yes
francolapinto i love you
yourusername love you more
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williamsracing
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liked by francolapinto, yourusername, alex_albon and 1.3M others
williamsracing can you spot the odd one out? Tagged: francolapinto, yourusername
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username61 how to kms no borax no glue
username62 people DIED (i'm people)
username63 they haven't commented yet???
username64 ikk it's so weird
username65 they usually hop on after like 6 secs
username66 its not a want its a NEED
username67 MILF = man i love franco (and y/n)
username68 i just KNOW their kids will be BEAUTIFUL
username69 face card never declined
username70 and never will
redbullracing don't go stealing around our drivers
williamsracing im just the admin 😔
redbullracing me too 😔
username71 driverS????
redbullracing that was typo
username72 IS FRANCO GOING TO REDBULL??????
username73 redbull admin x williams admin
username74 the otp fr
username75 the lack of franco and y/n is concerning
username76 WHERE ARE THEYYYYYY
francolapinto add more photos of mi vida i want to see her beautiful face
yourusername i want to see YOUR beautiful race
francolapinto running
username77 there they are
maxverstappen1 admin why now i have to hear them make out for the next 3 hours
williamsracing sorry?
username78 3 HOURS???
username79 theyre more chaotic than we thought
username80 aww y/n looks so cute
yourusername shit where's franco i want to see his face
williamsracing we want to see YOUR face
yourusername oh...😊 admin you make me blush
francolapinto admin?
williamsracing im sorry pls dont kill me
francolapinto i wont just because you take photos of me for mi vida
williamsracing i love you y/n
yourusername love you too admin
yourusername and you too franco
francolapinto love you more mi vidaaa
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francolapinto
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liked by yourusername, alex_albon, bizarrap and 1.1M others
francolapinto to mi vida, the love of my life, happy anniversary to us and i love you forever Tagged: yourusername
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username81 deleting all my socials after this
username82 they are SOULMATES vro
username83 this screams 'forever and always'
username84 'mi vida' OKAY BRO BYE IM LEAVING THIS EARTH
username85 legit fairytale vibes
username86 imagine being this in love
bizarrap ¡enhorabuena a los dos! ¡que sean muchos más! (congratulations to you two! here's to many more!)
francolapinto gracias hermano, lo aprecio (thanks bro, i appreciate it)
yourusername gracias!! (thank you)
username87 the caption is from a song i refuse to belive franco wrote it
username88 i am JEALOUS, ENVIOUS, GREEN.
username89 poetry fr
username90 they ARE the main characters
username91 FRR like everyone else is just a side character
username92 alex play 'that should be me' by justin bieber
alex_albon congrats to you two! least favourite couple i know!
francolapinto thank you alex!
yourusername thank you!!!
alex_albon did you just ignore my statement
yourusername yes we chose to ignore it
username93 this is the kind of love ppl write books about
username94 STOP NOT THEM CONGRATULATING EACH OTHER ON THE RADIO IN THE LAST RACE
username95 if they break up then love isnt real
maxverstappen1 you two deserve it! take care of my little sister francito
yourusername MAX STOP
francolapinto will do
yourusername i love my life
francolapinto and i love you
username96 i just know they are each other's ride or dies
username97 where to buy a franco asking for a friend
username98 if i could id just take over one of their bodies to experience this love
username99 im waiting for the fics
username100 straight out of romeo and juliet
yourusername i love you so much, and ive did since forever. you are everything to me, i could never let you go. you deserve everything, mi amor
francolapinto youre my everything too, and im keeping you forever, no takebacks. if I deserve the everything, it’s only because you’re MY everything, mi vida. every star, every light, it all reminds me of you. te amo más de lo que las palabras pueden decir (I love you more than words can say)
yourusername STOP IM GOING TO CRY 🫶🥹 I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH
francolapinto I LOVE YOU MORE THAN EVERYTHING MI VIDA
fin.
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taglist . . . @barcapix ,, @f1lover55 ,, @ilovebarcaaa ,, @httpsdana ,, @paucubarsisimp ,, @justaf1girl ,, @awritingtree ,, @freyathehuntress ,, @chilling-seavey (lmk if you want to join the taglist!)
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shyjusticewarrior · 4 months ago
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Tim: Can you proofread this for me?
Barbara: Sure, what is it?
Tim: A list for Bruce of things he shouldn't say to Jason.
Barbara: He ask for this?
Tim: No, I just think he needs one.
Barbara: Smart man. So what brought this on?
Tim: After being stuck in the nightmare realm with Jason, I've had moments of "Bruce should not have said that to him."
Barbara: Yeah, I've had those moments a lot.
Tim: Hence where you come in. My knowledge is pretty much limited to what I learned in the nightmare realm. Out of us, you're one of the people who knows him best.
Tim: Speaking of, you know where Dick is right now? I wanna give him a copy too.
Barbara: Good call, being raised by Bruce has made him rather fluent in communication issues. He should be here soon.
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yoonjae20 · 6 months ago
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5 Times people outside of the immediate Batfamily find out that B is married and the one time the world meets his husband [Bruce/Danny; Spirit Halloween]
Surprise, surprise! Due to immense positive reaction to the last Spirit Halloween Oneshot, I wrote another Oneshot interconnecting with the previous one. As you can see per the title it's a 5+1 Oneshot! Inspired by PaperPuffin's "Batman's Husband" over on ao3.
Read on ao3. Masterpost.
Previous. Next.
1.
Barbara stretches her arms above her head and winces at the pop her joints make. It’s well into the early hours of the next day and it has been a long night – there had been an Arkham outbreak which needed all hands on the deck. After 5 stressful hours every Rogue was captured and back behind bars – all that remained were the reports they needed to fill out.
“I’ll head off for the night, I want to get at least a little bit of sleep before I have to go open the library,” Barbara announces over the comm.
“Thank you for your help today, Oracle,” Bruce grunts and Barbara is about to put down her headset when she hears paper getting shuffled around before the distinct sound of ceramic being settled down echoes through the comm.
“Thank you dear,” Bruce’s voice is surprisingly soft and Barbara wonders who brought the man tea – Cass perhaps? There’s some incomprehensible murmurs before Bruce hums thoughtfully. “I’ll probably be done in about 20 minutes or so – just need to finish this report. You can go ahead to bed – I’ll follow you in a bit.” Some more unclear mumbles, but distinctly male before Bruce snorts. Then there is the distinct sound of lips meeting each other. “Good Night, I love you.”
Barbara feels like she intruded on a very intimate moment and she quickly logs out of the comm system before she bursts the bubble Bruce seems to have settled in. 
She places her headset next to her keyboard before rolling backwards and only then she lets out the squeal she had been holding in. Since when has B been in a committed relationship? She’s so gonna milk Cass for the details – she needs to know everything. 
2.
“Where’s Bruce?” Steph asks as she meets the rest of the Batfamily in the manor for movie night.
Normally the man never skipped out on those unless on an out of world mission.
“On a date,” Tim says absentmindedly as he scrolls through their selection.
Steph’s face scrunches up.
“As in Brucie?”
Jason snorts.
“Actually no,” he says. “Do you remember Bruce’s ring?”
“Yes?” Steph answers, uncertain where Jason is going with this.
“Yeah, apparently he’s married.”
“Wait, what?” Steph doesn’t believe her ears. Bruce Wayne? As in - brooding, stoic Bruce Wayne, who goes out at night in a Furry Costume to fight crime? “For how long?”
Jason turns to Tim who startles with all the attention on him. 
“26 years,” Tim states and Steph almost chokes on her spit. 
“No way.” Steph shakes her head. “That would mean he’s been married since well before like either of us all knew him!”
“Believe me, we were also quite shocked,” Jason mutters, before adding something under his breath. “Should have known that even his taste in men is quite peculiar.” 
Tim starts their movie, but Steph can’t focus for a single second. What the hell is ‘peculiar’ supposed to mean? 
3.
Lois opens the door to see Bruce standing before it – along with a gift bag where a bottle of champagne is peeking out of it.
“Bruce!” Lois greets him warmly. “I’m glad you were able to make it!”
The man grunts before handing her the gift bag and following her into the house.
“Clark is doing a little errand, but he’ll be here soon enough.”
Bruce just nods and Lois settles down the gift bag on her kitchen counter, pulling the champagne bottle out. Her and Clark are celebrating their 15th wedding anniversary and the latter had wanted to invite Bruce to a simple, quiet dinner in their house in Smallville. 
“Where are the boys?” the man questions when he sees that their table is only set for three people.
“Jon said he had a hang-over with Damian and Kon is on a mission with the Teen Titans.”
Bruce hums and soon Clark arrives back from his errand and they sit down at the dinner table.
In the middle of the meal, Clark opens the Champagne bottle with a loud pop before filling three glasses. Clark raises his own glass as he clears his throat.
“To another 15 years!”
Lois echoes the sentiment while Bruce nods stoically. 
Their glasses clink as they toast to each other and then they finish their meal. Bruce still sips on his first glass of champagne when Clark broaches the topic.
“This would have been even better if you also had someone at your side, Bruce,” the man says. “Doesn’t it get lonely?”
Bruce raises an eyebrow and Clark coughs at the man’s deadpan expression.
“Just imagine if we could have celebrated your 15th anniversary too!” the man tries to save the conversation and Lois snorts at her husband fumbling. 
“What Clark wants to say is that we wish for your happiness and that we sometimes wonder if a partner would achieve that,” Lois helps out and Clark shoots her a relieved smile. “We've never really seen you date anyone – and those headlines about ‘Brucie Wayne’ don’t count, you know?”
“That might be because my 27th wedding anniversary is coming up,” Bruce says as if he is talking about the weather.
Clark sputters while Lois’ eyes widen. 
Bruce raises his right hand and Lois’ eyes focus on the ring on his ring finger – it only now really registering for Lois. It had almost become invisible over the years. Bruce’s lips twitch into a faint smirk.
“Or do you guys think of this as decoration?”
Lois' eyes twinkle as she suddenly pulls out her notepad. 
“Tell me everything.”
4.
A knock on his window makes Jim pause in his reading. The world outside is dark and Jim groans when he sees the time displayed in the corner of his screen. 03:57 am. He had been supposed to be home more than a few hours ago to eat dinner with his daughter.
His joints creak when he stands up from his seat — walking over to the window. He’s not surprised to find a looming shadow lingering behind it — quickly letting Batman in.
The man enters, landing softly and without a sound before he hands him a file. Jim purses through it — quickly recognizing it to be one of his recent murder cases.
“Red Robin made a breakthrough,” Batman explains gruffly. “He wanted you to receive this as quickly as possible.”
Jim nods before settling the file on his desk, before sinking back into his chair.
“I hope you are not planning on going back on patrol.” Jim rubs his tired eyes as he shuts down his computer. “While you may be a Cryptid, even you need your sleep.”
Batman’s soft snort surprises James.
“Actually I wasn’t,” the man claims. “My partner was very adamant about the fact that I would deliver this file and then go straight back to the Cave no matter what happens.”
Jim pauses. ‘My partner.’ The way the Batman had said it so casually surprises Jim. 
He barks out a laugh.
“Good that there’s someone other than Agent A looking out for you then,” he teases as he watches the computer turn black. “You need it.”
Batman huffs out a breath and that’s as good as a laugh for the man than anything. 
“Update me on the case,” the man says in lieu of a goodbye before disappearing out of the room with a swish of his cape.
Jim leans back in his seat, snorting. He never expected anyone to tame the Dark Knight — but apparently even the impossible is possible. 
5: Wayne Enterprises staff 
The Board Meeting dragged on. It was one of those rare times that Bruce actually attended them - normally he left those to Tim, but the boy hadn’t had time this time.
Once again Lucius applauds Bruce’s ability to stay patient even when Tiffany from HR drones on about unnecessary gossip — only smiling politely and nodding once here and then. 
They had gone over the new developments and their future goals already and were well into their allotted one hour time slot. Most of them knew by now that these meetings often overrun and could go well up to two hours if no one (most of the time either Tim or his assistant) cut it short.
Normally Bruce is well versed in being the picture perfect CEO - kind and never once complaining. However this time Lucius notices the man glancing at both the clock opposite to him and his watch that he is wearing multiple times as they near the one hour mark. Lucius can even hear the man audibly grit his teeth and his left eye twitching once Tiffany goes on another tirade.
It’s 10 minutes past their allotted time slot that Bruce seems to have enough — he cuts off Tiffany's rant about one of their engineers with a firm, “Well if that’s everything — I have to get going. My partner and I are celebrating our anniversary.”
Then he promptly leaves the room after dropping that bombshell. Not a millisecond later when the door closes the room erupts in hushed whispers. Lucius doesn’t doubt that by the end the entire building will know about the man’s “mysterious” partner. Lucius quietly schedules a press conference for the next day.
+1
The media gets wind of it by the next day — because of course they do. Each headline is more extreme than the next and Danny has fun teasing Bruce by reading each one out. 
The interview Lois had forced Bruce and Danny into would probably go up either tomorrow or today now that the cat was out of the bag so to speak, but he probably would still need to address the general public in the press conference. Bruce silently thanks Lucius for his foresightedness in scheduling a press conference for today – Bruce had been tired yesterday, the exhaustion loosening his lips. While he didn’t want to hide away Danny now that he was back, he had wished for more time to announce it on his own terms. 
Bruce stands in front of the mirror as he adjusts his tie and Danny stands behind him, chin on his shoulder and arms around his waist. 
“You’ll do fine,” Danny cheers up Bruce. “Just deflect to the fact that an exclusive interview is going up soon and keep it short and simple.”
“You are not one who has to address them,” Bruce grumbles. 
“Do you want me to?” Danny’s voice is uncharacteristically serious. 
Bruce turns to see the man instead of looking at him through the mirror. Danny runs a hand through Bruce’s styled hair before settling it on the man’s cheek. A finger brushes Bruce's lips before Danny pulls him in for a soft kiss.
“You know I would do everything for you, darling.”
Bruce huffs out a fond breath and settles his forehead against Danny’s.
“I know,” he confirms, before linking their hands. “Together?”
“Together,” Danny affirms with a grin. 
Danny changes into a nice dark blue suit – complementary to Bruce’s blue tie and together they step on the stage to address the news. Both of them smile as they wave at the flashes of the cameras.
“Hello Gotham,” Bruce greets. “This is my husband – Danny.”
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needlesknick-knacks · 1 month ago
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my 'hottest' dc take is that dickbabs and dickkori are both interesting, complex ships which can be written to have one be endgame/one break up without reducing/mischaracterising any of the characters involved. It literally comes down to personal preference on which you like better. Can we stop fighting (and give babs and kori solo runs please)
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fantastic-nonsense · 2 months ago
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Dare I ask: what is Morrison's opinion on Babs and Kory?
feast your eyes on an answer that is both sexist and insanely OOC for every character involved!
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I've never been able to decide which part of this answer is the funniest (worst):
the concept that Dick is "happy-go-lucky" (much less to the point where "dealing with" a woman with baggage is a problem) and doesn't come with a metric shit ton of issues himself
Reducing Dick's relationships with either woman to how much "baggage" he has to deal with, as if that's a valid yardstick to judge how healthy, sustainable, or likable either of those relationships are
Kory being objectified and reduced to a "sexy model" and yet is simultaneously someone who has "way too many issues" to be a good romantic partner. This is an especially egregious comment considering she was a better partner to Dick than Dick was to her at multiple points during their relationship because of his issues.
the very idea that Barbara Gordon doesn't have trauma, baggage, and personal neuroses that rival Bruce Wayne himself (or that said trauma would be something that deters Dick from a relationship). Grant Morrison has never picked up a post-1980s Barbara comic in their life and it shows
anyway, once more with feeling: truly every time I stop feeling disgust and disdain towards Grant Morrison and start thinking ‘oh maybe I can forgive them for their many writing crimes someday’ some bullshit comes up to remind me of how much they SUCK
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