#out my brain. but like the main reason i dont is bc 1: ive made that post. kinda. in some way. im Sure. and 2: who tf even cares LMAOOO lik | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

its-koili · 2 years ago

Text

hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

#vent

9 notes · View notes

omegawolverine · 4 years ago

Note

I know you posted it days ago but you said something about wanting to rant about either karl or his fanbase and its been itching at my brain. Ive no clue whats happening or what is happening at all cause no one seems to be making clear points?? Or explaining anything?

Obviously you do NOT have to talk about it im sure it might be a sore point to rant because people can get SO needlessly rude to others over it. But if you want to idk explain? Just rant? Im definetly curious what it was over or about.

The "you dont need to talk about this" is amplified by the fact i am DAYS late and you are probably over it by now.

okay hi yes im happy to talk about this but i think i should preface with two things:

1) even tho it may seem like im biased towards him or being very defensive of him im actually a super casual karl viewer and the only reason i am super defensive of him sometimes is bc we act a lot alike irl and that is mainly because of our neurodivegency. when i say a lot i mean we share traits like "annoying" stimming (jumping around, making loud noises, repeating the same phrases until everyone is sick of hearing them), the difficulty reading situations, the very obvious issues with volume control and not just bouncing from subject to subject to subject as we fucking please. basically anything you've seen karl do on stream that is Very Neurodivergent ive done the same in my own way which is why i get defensive when i see people calling him annoying or saying they dont like him, usually for these types of reasons. that being said, when i say im a very casual karl viewer, i fucking mean it. i usually only watch him when he's streaming with other ccs i like or when he's doing chill alt streams bc even with the annoying donos, he's pretty relaxing and comforting when he's just fucking around by himself and he isnt trying to get as hype as he would on a main channel stream. so yeah, it may seem like im biased and sure, i guess i am on some level, but it's not coming from a place of me hyperfixating on him or me even loving him as a cc, it's coming from me being a neurodivergent who likes him just enough to get upset when i see people basically being casually ableist towards him.

2) i dont have all the facts or even a great understanding on what the fuck has been happening recently with his "drama"...mostly bc he talked about it on his priv, which im not on, and people are gatekeeping the tweets, as they always do, and basically making you "dm to see them" (which is already a problem in and of itself bc apparently in these tweets he said he didnt want them being ss and shared, yet they are being shared thru dms over and over and over again like. at that point just stop withholding the information and post the fucking shit, you clearly dont care that he said "dont share"). additionally, most of the threads ive seen on this situation havent actually explained the initial issue, just talked about his apology (a lot of people have said "it's bad" but havent said why and with no screenshots ((i havent asked for someone to dm me them and i still havent seen them posted, which is mildly surprising, but incredibly frustrating at this point)), i only have a few basic details i can actually assess it on) or they talked about the initial issue in very vague details so um. excuse me trying to explain this now, but ill try and make it make sense with how little ive actually pieced together.

(oh, also, here's my first rant about the ableism in this fandom which is way more broad. this is a pretty different rant from that one, but they're both pretty big reasons why i hate this fandoms treatment of karl)

so basically the problems started with mr beast being apart of a charity stream that donated either to autism speaks or to a similar company, im unsure on that part. im also unsure on if the people participating in the stream actually knew of this or not bc, from what i remember, the money was being donated to a separate organization that was like. under the bad company or some shit like that, idk how stuff like that works and also i read about this shit months ago bc this originally happened months ago and just sorta came to a head recently.

anyways, i think karl was supposed to be apart of this stream but pulled out of it right before (that or these were two separate streams and karl was supposed to participate in the first but pulled out while mr beast did both?? idk. regardless karl did not actually participate, just mr beast). from there people started doing the guilt from association bullshit they always do, this was also doubled by the fact that the chris being racist stuff came out sometime around then and basically he got dragged all over twitter for "being ableist" and "supporting racists" and i cant remember if he actually apologized when this originally happened or not. i vaguely remember him apologizing about something back then but i genuinely dont know if it was this or something else.

basically that died down eventually, a good chunk of people unstanned him but him and honktwt didnt end up getting the lovely lil technotwt treatment and they still havent yet, surprisingly. good for them honestly ajsksk

but now we get to the past few weeks and apparently something happened with him "laughing at someone saying the r slur" (it was mizkif, i believe), specifically when it was directed at other people, which is a big yikes, obviously, but when karl was called out for this a lot of people kind of. made this into a situation that it wasnt bc um. basically karl didnt laugh at it, he gave a few nervous giggles, as people often do when in a situation like that (and karl specifically said he does this in the one part of his apology tweet which i did stumble upon, although it wasnt the important part of the apology thread bc why would it be) and people fucking crucified him for it. they quite literally dragged a neurodivergent man for supposedly "laughing at the r slur" when he can literally reclaim it and also he was just nervous laughing.

and this is where the situation just gets really bad because they. basically forced him to admit that he was autistic on his priv to apologize for this. i havent seen the screenshots of him saying this, but i saw people discussing it and i am frankly so fucking pissed about this because sure, it was a bad situation, and i understand people wanting an explanation, but an apology? for a neurodivergent man nervous laughing at a slur he can reclaim? and then forcing the man to admit something he literally said in that tweet he didnt want people to know which is why people were being so gatekeepy about it while also LOUDLY discussing the situation, as if that wouldnt drive MORE PEOPLE to look for screenshots and ways to get ahold of this information? and then people had the audacity to call it a "bad apology" when they had quite literally just violated his privacy by forcing him to admit something that he shouldnt have needed to share in the first place if he didnt want to, which he didnt.

and this is why im so pissed off. karl is already constantly picked at and made fun of and called annoying for his neurodivergent traits, things which he literally cant help, things which are generally harmless, and now he was forced into a situation where he can now be further picked at and made fun of and called annoying bc they forced him to admit something private instead of just understanding and accepting that he had been nervous laughing at someone using a slur he has definetly been called for his neurodivergency.

tldr of my thoughts: yes i think karl needed to address this situation, it definetly looked bad, but twitter stans have this sense of entitlement with their ccs and because of that, they consistently take it way too far and harm the people they claim to care about so dearly. we've seen it happen time and time again with dream, but this is the first time ive seen them basically force someone to out themselves to make their apology "valid" and most of them still seem to not want to accept it anyways, which just makes me feel bad for him bc now that info is out their and people are just disregarding it to continue "holding him accountable".

anyways, i think that's all i can really say on this topic rn tbh, if anyone else knows this situation better please feel free to lmk clarifications and ill add them in since, like i said, i know fuck all thanks to twitter being so goddamn hush hush about the important details while simultaneously being the loudest mfers about how much they hate karl now instead of just fucking unfollowing and moving on.

thanks for the ask and im sorry if this is confusing!! i just think this is one of those weird situations where like. i think karl deserved some criticism for what happened and how he handled it or at least he shouldve been asked to address it but that just. isnt what happened, at all. he was harrassed. karl got harrassed and because of that he handled this situation even more sloppily than he probably wouldve and exposed private info about himself that he didnt feel comfortable doing and it just. fucking sucks tbh.

#shit self #asks #karl jacobs #discourse #fandom critical #mcyt fandom critical #dsmp fandom critical #ask to tag #ableism #only reason im even saying what he said in those tweets is bc this situation literally makes no sense otherwise and basically everyone on #twt already fucking exposed this shit to people in and outside the fandom by bitching #long post #bangerz

21 notes · View notes

bma-2020 · 6 years ago

Text

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

#out.#illness cw #health cw #food mention #ive been writing this since noon and its now two pm so this is great #i’s usually put this under a read more but... maybe most people dont deserve a read more rn lol #their behavior will keep being awful if its not pointed out to them so #im done im gonna go welt up from hugging my cat and cry for a bit because i feel mean

24 notes · View notes

mikiruma · 6 years ago

Note

okay i'm snapping what the hell is saints row about. who's the dude with the giant titties you keep thirsting over and who's the mcdonalds emo. i need some answers bc i don't know shit.

ill edit this w a readmore bc it got Very wordy and im on mobile but i promise you. this series is a mess, i live for it, i could go ON abt it for days but this response was long enough fhwkfhejhfnd

1) so basically the premise in most of the games is like. you are a member (leader as of sr2) of a street gang (the third street saints!) and though the story is tweaked slightly for each installment, the overall goal is the same- control different neighborhoods in your city, squash the other gangs, be badass. i *call* it a grand theft auto clone but tbh i havent played gta, the gameplay's similar enough though. the first two games are more uhh... grounded? than the later 3? the plotlines are darker, deaths & events are more fucked up in a heavier/moral sense, etc etc. but the last 3 are way more silly i think. the entire series is kinda packed with crude/sexual humour and essentially responding to a punch with a flamethrower, but it goes over the top in the newer games which is.. why i always liked em lol.

but its just funny in general to think of the plot progression. oh i witness a gang war so im recruited in a gang whose current leader... wants to end gang violence. oh that leader tried to kill me and arrested/killed everyone else so i am going to go apeshit on this city until i find him and kill him back. oh somehow we are international celebrities and do crime as publicity stunts, i am gonna ask mayor burt reynolds to help us with this zombie invasion. oh now i am president of the united states, time to get the earth blown up by an alien warlord and do it with whats left of my gang every survivor plus an ai in a ball.

ive seen Some Shit abt the general timeline but tbh ive always tried to piece it together like. ok these games take place in/around whatever year they were released. besides sr4 which would be... 2019 if my math is correct? i just felt like mentioning that bc i am not touching any canon timeline

OH ALSO the main reason i even got into the series. i literally bought sr3 because of the character customization. the body mods could.... use a lot of work imo but what you can do for your protags face is BANANAS... and changing voice pitch in sr4 was fun too bc male 1 was ok for my boss but having it just a teensy bit higher REALLY made it

tldr; i cant help you there i am just along for this ride

2) im assuming you mean johnny gat not bc theres any competition but like. theres so many dudes like that in this game

his role is actually pretty consistent in that he stays a lieutenant, and hes one of the rare characters (besides. the protag i think?) who's been in every single game. he's the designated badass of the saints and is really good at coming up with plans that involve lots of guns or blowing stuff up. if i typed everything i liked abt him right now this post would be a mile long but trust me he is an excellent man, even tho he might be the scariest motherfucker ever and i probably would be afraid of him irl, he fully deserves that. hes loyal to the saints and his boss which i absolutely respect. still bitter abt sr3 "killing" him bc cmon. he cannot die. does that count in the spoiler? its the literal first mission after u customize your character so i dont think so// whatever ive been posting untagged spoilers for the other games bc theyve been out for a decade

3) IM STILL LOSING MY MIND OVER THAT SJSDHADDHSI mcdonalds emo.... thats his legal name now....

but seriously matt miller is like. one of my fav characters from sr3. he's the leader of one of the rival gangs, the deckers, and they specialize in hacking & money laundering and stuff like that. matt specifically is 16 in his debut game which is really funny to learn bc imagine being a ballsy ass kid repeatedly nae naeing the us government because you can.

anyway i like him bc instead of killing the other gang leaders like usual, u just fight him in a vr world and ur both sick ass dragons and he decides "actually i dont wanna go brain dead. ill give u either weapons or car discounts" then he fucks off back to england. then it lets him come back for sr4 and yall are friends now :D yes yall tried to kill each other but whats past is past. i would be his friend irl honestly hes great. also im still firm on the autistic matt train bc of how often he shares his love for nyte blayde & im WEAK over the boss eventually getting into it as well

#response #groovenians #saints row #someone please help me out my sr1 knowledge is not as great as the other games #but yeah this series is peak me. funy s*x joke. hot dudes. organized crime. character customization. its great #ppl upload cutscenes and stuff on yt too if ur interested!!! but if ur more into story start with sr1 bc thats where it all starts #aaaand if u just wanna jump into the haha funny stuff sr3 or 4 are fun #gat out of hell technically is a standalone expansion but i LOVE the plot in that one. obv lots of religious imagery tho #what am i missing. oh yeah im not messin around w the first two games being darker #like it works in gettin u attached to characters but also. sr2 made me feel sick. if u dont want that PLEASE stick to the newer games

2 notes · View notes

marsixm · 7 years ago

Text

edit sorry this post is both long (if the readmore fails i am truly truly sorry) & longwinded im just reflecting and thinking; (another edit: u can probably just read the tl dr and get it)

anyway allow me to spin some very personally based theory here for a mo while i put off/warm my fingers up from the cold in preparation to email my therapist

so growing up i had, i think only, het ships, but i never quite had the ones you were (narratively speaking) “supposed to” have

in most media i recall when i was a kid, there were like, 2 diff structures of character romance plot arcs in media i consumed, there was the main lead and 2 best friends model, where thered be the star of the show who had outside romantic leads and the 2 best friends (who were always a boy and a girl) would have their secondary romance, OR there were ensemble shows where there was a more clear romance set up between the main boy and main girl, then side characters whod pair off in whatever ways ended up happening. in the first, see: hannah montana, the second, see: zoey 101. obv this isnt a hard rule and there were loads of exceptions but like, lets just say i tended not to care for the romances set up for the main girls in the trio models, or quite as hard for the main boy and girl in the ensembles, and in general if there was an obvious romance between two leads i either didnt care or outright hated it

basically i never liked the ships they set up for us in straight media, as a kid (namely, a girl) i liked being that “ew pink!” “i hate valentines day” sort of contrarian, but what i remember actually disliking was the predictability of it, because i clearly still shipped characters, so it wasnt /really/ that i hated romance, per se

looking back on it i think it was probably or at least to a degree more like that i hated the hetero expectation of it- i can nit pick down to more specific examples of why i disliked the main pairings (kataang, for example, i thought was weird bc katara acted like a mother/older sister figure to aang, and i didnt feel like there was romance between them at all except where it felt shoehorned in) - maybe it was also that i thought it made more sense for a main character to be with someone they clearly already spent a lot of time with and not some random new hot boy in town (i very distinctly remember shipping miley and oliver on hannah montana, and i believe that was the first time i ever read fanfiction @ age like... 11 lol) as is often the case w like these things.

theres another level to this though, which is that i notice i tended to ship characters who were more vaguely similar to each other, like, physically (ie, similar heights, or hair colors mainly) obviously this is funny now since my main pairing is johnlock which is such a physically different ship we can construct them from basic shapes and colors and theyre still recognizable as who they are, but i have some thoughts about this- but i think there might be two interesting things about this again in retrospect

first of all, this sounds silly ik, but shipping the vaguely similar ones as a child’s way of queering heterosexuality is an interesting concept and not that difficult, like, two boys are also vaguely similar to each other in a similar way a boy and a girl with the same hair color and height might be, which is something i thought of a while ago

the other way in which this is really interesting to me now, that i think might have been more actually pertinent to myself as a trans child, is that i think i shipped the characters i did in an attempt to morph the concept of boy and girl? to find the boy counterpart to every girl??? that second one makes more sense actually. anyway, i digress

2 start off i definitely had gender feelings starting from a very young age so i think these observations ring more true than just reflections, PERHAPS

so the first thing i remember shipping, ie wanting them to be together, thinking about it an inordinate amount of time outside watching the films, even imagining them eating ice cream together in their pjs (i was NINE DHFJGghfkg) was jack sparrow & elizabeth swan from potc (basically my franchise of choice as a kid bc i never read harry potter) now this doesnt quite fit the “visually similar” thing bc actually orlando bloom looks more like kiera knightly and is prob due to them like making out in one movie, but i think this works for the “shipping as gender expression” theory, because elizabeth swan dressed up as a boy, spent most of that movie wearing boy’s clothes, etc- meanwhile jack was a wacky pirate which like hello duh i’d want to be. so i wonder if beyond the fact that they kissed and flirted, there was something to this concept of me wanting two characters to be together, meant i wanted to marry together two conceptual things happening with two characters, or absorb the cool dude and the boyish girl characters into each other to make one whole archetype for myself? i likewise shipped aang and toph (toph who, normally doesnt really have anyone to be shipped with, since she likes sokka but he has a gf) who we all know is the VERY boyish girl character, so boyish im p sure her actually being a trans dude later in life is a p decently accepted headcanon (i dont actually delve into aatla fandom though so i can only hope)

another thing about this ship thing, is most of my ships had brown hair (like miley and oliver), just like i always have, and in certain cases the girl character would look a LOT like me (i also shipped logan and quinn on zoey 101, which to my surprise n delight actually came true later (although looking back im like... 11 yr old me is glad they made out a lot but adult me is like uhhh why were the kids on this show making out a lot? anyway thats another issue) and i def was a weirdo girl with glasses and long brown wavy hair) which sort of further fuels my feeling that this was an attempt by my brain to do 1 of 2 things, if my own involvement really was a greater motivating factor in this thing, 1. ship MYSELF with a boy (which is like def possible for my gay kinnie ass, but not quite my thesis here) or 2. morph these boy and girl counterparts by imagining them together, seeing them together, etc

for example, i realize now, when i was a kid i drew an avatar sona for myself and said sona looked an awful lot like how id imagine a katara/zuko fusion would be, and the fact that i shipped zutara (very hard lol) was what lead me down this thought path rn

i feel like even to me this concept sounds weird and far fetched but like, gem fusion made enough sense for someone to write with its clearly, usually, romantic implications and we all “get” that, so whom knows???

another thing ive noticed while writing this is for a good few of these ships you can argue the boys in them can be read gay, like jack sparrow and zuko and aang, which feels even more strongly like me trying to marry my gay boy feelings to my tomboy realities [thinking emoji]

the biggest reason i think this makes sense to me is because when i was 10 i became obsessed with the idea that this boy i was friends with and i were secretly twins separated at birth, like i was so into the concept that we looked alike, i like hoped and wished so hard for it to be true, i wished a christmas miracle would happen for fucking real and a magic door in my house would open and be his new room and itd all work out perfectly! and you might think this was a manifestation of my difficulties with my family and wishing to leave it, but in my dream world my parents were still my parents and he came to live with us- which makes me think the obsession of ME looking like this BOY was a manifestation of my gender feelings, which i think can maybe be traced to this concept of pairing a visually similar, possibly gay, brunette boy to every brunette and/or tomboyish girl

anyway. if you actually read all of this id love it if you lmk somehow (doesnt need to be a like) like this is clearly very long and strange but i hope it makes sense. i think i stop myself a lot from ever commenting on gender or theory or whatever but i am a living breathing trans person who has experienced things and i have opinions and i dont think im claiming anything destructive with this lol i think its not unusual to reflect on the way you interacted with the world as a gay/trans kid

also im obviously not saying that shipping straight things is somehow inherently queer, im not trying to retroactively claim something about straight ships, like, those two characters are still functionally straight, and i definitely also shipped probably all of them for normal shipping reasons (although, kid ones, so less “oh theres a lot of ACTUAL romantic subtext between these two” but rather “oh theyre friends and would be cute together!” (or like they kissed and i was like O: )) but im just trying to theorize about something its possible my tiny trans brain was trying to express- and who knows maybe im not the only one!

anyway i guess the TL;DR is: when i was a kid i had a lot of “unconventional” straight ships- i already observed that i eschewed the main canon pairings in kids media in what was probably my tiny baby brains rejection of hetero culture, but i also actively shipped side characters who looked like me, and also looked like each other (ie, both tall and brunette, a boy and girl counterpart of Each Other) OR characters who seemed to be a gayish boy and a tomboyish girl, and im theorizing that maybe the reason that was was my tiny trans brain wanting to gem fusion those two together because of my Gender Feelings and fuse the boy with the girl and this desire manifested in shipping therefore thinking about a lot these pairings of boy and girl counterparts

#please dont be weird about this post i hope its like understandable what im trying to think about here?#like i dont think its that weird to consider nor am i claiming anything bad or destructive about ppls lives n genders n whatever #purely an observation about myself and the way i consumed media ages like 8-12 #in reflection as a gay/trans adult and thinking about what those things might have potentially been expressing or something #i dont know any official queer theory stuff n i dont think that should stop me from thinking my own thoughts so here u go #also i am TRULY sorry if this readmore doesnt work

14 notes · View notes

gritwithbeef · 7 years ago

Text

captaindboss’ Hottest NHL Players Survey Responses

I’m demonkonecny bc it’s halloween!!! Happy Halloween!!! Anyway I’m finally posting the results of my hottest players per team survey, (it’s closed now so u can’t take it anymore, sorry) which included ur fav ugly hots like jack eichel and connor mcdavid. Y’all had some colorful write-in responses for me, I included my favorites! Anyway, as not to clog dashes I put it under a read more. If you have questions about how I compiled this data or how I organized it, feel free to ask! Also some of y’all didn’t put an answer for like half the teams???? who raised you.

Montreal Canadians

Carey Price (55.02%--126 of 229 votes)

Jonathan Drouin (23.58%--54 of 229 votes)

Shea Weber (13.10%--30 of 229 votes)

Other* (8.30%--19 of 229 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“PK Subban...oh wait...Lars Eller... Oh wait...Drouin...oh wait...Alex Galchenyuk...oh wait shit fine Shea Weber”

“Everyone who has escaped”

“their ‘attitude problem’“

Boston Bruins

Brandon Carlo (30.26%--69(lol) of 228 votes)

Patrice Bergeron (Cause y’all would kill me if I didn’t put him) (29.82%--68 of 228 votes)

David Pastrnak (yum i lov carb) (25.88%--59 of 228 votes)

Other* (14.04%--32 of 228 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

[About Carlo] “He’s a baby but also like has an ageless vampire quality which appeals to my ovaries, long conditioned by teen vampire novels”

“Brad Marchand's tongue (only the tongue)” [this ain’t it chief]

“I love my alien father tuukka rask” [r u ok]

Bonus, cause I’m weak:

“no one THINKS pasta is hot COME ON i hate us” [it’s okay, he is VERY hot, that’s why I put him lmao]

“Zdeno chara babey” [R U OK]

Bl*ckh*wks

Girl as if (44.80%--99 of 221 votes)

Jonathan Toews (22.62%--50 of 221 votes)

If you put pk*ne here i’ll come to your house and murder you*^/other (17.65%--39 of 221 votes)

hahahahaHAHAHA (14.93%--33 of 221 votes)

*= tie between Nick Schmaltz and John Hayden.

^= 3 people want me to come to their houses and murder them, unfortunately it’s still illegal to do so, therefore I will not be doing that.

Write-ins

“toews player portrait makes him look like a human condom”

“i live in chicago and am willing to take 1 for the team and take out k*ne”

“Bitch you funny but also Alex Debrincat”

New York Rangers

Brady Skjei (46.32%--107 of 231 votes)

Henrik Lundqvist duh (31.17%--72 of 231 votes)

Brett Howden is the right answer despite not being on the roster yet^ (11.69% (lol)--27 of 231 votes)

Other* (10.82%--25 of 231 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

^= funny enough, like 2 days after I made this Brett made the final cut lmao.

Write-ins

“Chris Kreider (have you seen the golf pic???) [LMFAO yeah I have (it’s probably too NSFW if ur in public fyi if u wanna google it)]

“i'm horny for like half the gd rangers roster!!!!” [lol girl I know, y’all actually have a few cuties I was a lil shocked]

“this is a hot team too bad they suck”

Toronto Maple Leafs

Y’all are demons okay Nikita Zaitsev is a fuckin gem idk why I was surprised about this but I was lmao.

Other* (39.37%--87 of 221 votes) [just know that I hate u all :/]

William Nylander (25.79%--57 of 221 votes)

Nazem Kadri (24.89%--55 of 221 votes)

Nikita Zaitsev (9.95%--22 of 221 votes)

*= Freddie Andersen.

Write-ins

“william nylander isn't a leaf, firstable, and second it's motch murner” [sjdhkdlsjdj everything about this]

“i'm putting rich clune even tho he's on the marlies. SOMETIMES HE COMES UP. he could benchpress ever leaf on the roster.” [ur valid, when u sent this I was like “FUCK they’re right.”]

“None they look like 25 year olds who smoke crack in the parking lot” [this is low-key mean but I still laughed, cause yeah, white dudes. But I’m not condoning drug abuse or jokes about drug abuse, as this person had no intention of doing, I’m sure. Just wanted to put that because I know some people might be concerned.]

Bonus, again, weak:

"Jxhn Txvxrxs” [jhkhfoij why did u censor his name sis??]

“nobody’s attractive on the leafs” [this isn’t true but I’m petty and it’s funny.]

Detroit Red Wings

I was so fucking offended by some of the dylan larkin SLANDER up in these write-ins, y’all can come to my house and fight me thx.

Dylan Larkin (48.23%--109 of 226 votes)

Henrik Zetterberg (im crying) (31.42%--71(CRYING) of 226 votes)

Other* (11.95%--27 of 226 votes)

Andreas Athanasiou (8.41%--19 of 226 votes)

*= 12 votes for “No one/Not Dylan Larkin” (yall r annoying lmfao), 10 votes for Filip Zadina (he’s a CHILD how dare u)

Write-Ins

“Luke glen denting is hot look at his arms and he’s not too old for ME” [girl when I tell u this shit killed me, I mean I SQUAWKED a laugh out and sent it to the fps gc, I was DEAD]

“I don't know what any of the red wings look like and it's probably better that way” [????????????????]

“ion know anyone on the wings except zadina and he scored a gwg against the bruins yesterday so my answer for this one is none 😤😤” [(this was in reference to a pre-season game) lmao sis yall are okay. it was yalls babies against our roster players, I would have offed myself had the outcome been any different lmao]

Bonus

“Does anyone actually play for the red wings” [no]

“filip "thot" zadina” [don’t....]

Los Angeles Kings

The only right answer is Alec Martinez (41.56%--96 of 231 votes)

Adrian Kempe (38.10%--88 of 231 votes)

Anze Kopitar (12.12%--28 of 231 votes)

Other* (8.23%--19 of 231 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“jeff carter would snort a line of coke with gritty” [uhhhhh WHAT]

“uhh wayne gretzky...” [jvfluhddsf sis...]

“I couldn't name anyone on this team if you PAID ME” [fjldfdhfh god I wish that were me, sorry annie u know I joke....]

Philadelphia Flyers

Claude Giroux (44.78%--103 of 230 votes)

Travis Konecny (HAHAHAHAHA that’s my ugly hot gremlin) (24.78%--57 of 230 votes

Other* (22.17%--51 of 230 votes

Wayne Simmonds (8.26%--19 of 230 votes)

*= Nolan Patrick is apparently who y’all think is the 3rd hottest flyer, even tho he Looks Like That rn lmao. fuckin’ lettuce head.

Write-ins

“Gritty's googly eyes are the windows to the soul”

“andrea helfrich” [ur right]

“tk, because country boy i LOVE you 😛”

Bonus

“hey don't make threats abt gritty like that” [I put “if you put gritty i’ll block you”]

“My hellspawn son [Gritty,] is beautiful can’t believe Voracek and G had a son tho” [HDKUHEDKJFHD BITCH]

Pittsburgh Penguins :(

Kris Letang (55.17%--128 of 232 votes)

Other* (19.40%--45 of 232 votes)

Not Sidney Crosby [this is the option for Sidney Crosby] (16.81%--39 of 232 votes)

Tristan Jarry (8.62%--20 of 232 votes

*= different variations of “none” won but only by one vote, the person right behind was Jamie Oleksiak.

Write-ins

“the penguins roster came into my home and killed my entire family, but jamie oleksiak is 6'7" 255 lbs of A Man” [NDKFHSJRFDRBSKRFH valid]

“no penguin has ever been hot. As soon as they put on the jersey the hotness evaporates. Tragic.” [wow look at all that truth right there]

“as a heterosexual i chose letang, and as a flyers fan i choose the penguin mascot” [lmao girl letang is not the answer either]

St. Louis Blues

Colton Parayko (67.11%--151 of 225 votes)

Alex Pietrangelo (17.33%--39 of 225 votes)

Other* (8%--18 of 225 votes)

Ryan O’Reilly (7.56%--17 of 225 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“this [’other’] box shouldn’t exist there are no valid arguments against the angel colton parayko” [tru, but the blues have other hotties so I made the box to be fair to those of us who don’t like Big Blonde Sexies]

“uh valid i guess? idk any of the blues lmao” [LMAOOO I think they meant Vladdy, but “valid” cracked me up]

“ROR can lay me down” [ur so valid lmao]

Buffalo Sabres

Jeff Skinner (60.18%--136 of 226 votes)

Rasmus Ristolainen (17.26%--39 of 226 votes)

Other* (14.16%--32 of 226 votes)

Jack Eichel (8.41%--19 of 226 votes)

*= Inconclusive results. [Y’all big mad that I put Skinner on here. HE’S HOT!]

Write-ins

“Idk but not these lmao” [*instert that gif of the kardashians like “DON’T BE FUCKING RUDE”*]

“Why is Jeff Skinner an option he looks 12″ [who else tho sis. I looked at the roster!]

“If anyone says eichel i will come to their house and steal their toothbrushes. Its conor sheary.” [I took my own survey and picked Eichs but I still have my toothbrush so I guess......... I’m right.]

Bonus:

“Rasmus Ristolainen kinda looks like a creepy half-alive Ken doll, but I'll stand by my choice. Hire an exorcist.” [JDFKHRFWEH GIRL]

“They lost their only cute player when O’Reilly got traded sorry” [boom. roasted]

Vancouver Canucks

Brock Boeser (67.56%--152 of 225 votes)

Other* (13.78%--31 of 225 votes)

Jake Virtanen (12.44%--28 of 225 votes)

Ben Hutton (6.22%--14 of 225 votes)

*=Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“[about Jake Virtanen] all that ass...........” [sjdkfhdkfhdkhfi yeah]

“the city of vancouver” [?????????????????????]

“I keep forgetting that the canucks actually exist” [I’m reasonably sure this is annie lmfao]

Bonus

“I don’t know how any of this team looks either” [idk if I follow Nucks blogs or what but how do u not know Boeser???]

“i don't care enough about this team to even attempt to answer” [this is my brain @ me on the last 5 questions of an exam]

New York Islanders

Mat Barzal (67.69%--155 of 229 votes)

Tito Beauvillier (14.85%--34 of 229 votes)

Jordan Eberle (10.48%--24 of 229 votes)

Other* (6.99%--16 of 229 votes)

*=Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“you say put full names but then u go and say tito??” [LISTEN I was tired at this point and forgot that I was trying to be at least a little bit professional about my thirst survey alright? yeesh]

“Its Matt Martin my dude” [LMAO u funny]

“idk how anyone pays attention to mat when tito is always there looking better barzal looks like every attractive jock ive ever met and i dont trust that”

Calgary Flames

Noah Hanifin (37.95%--85 of 224 votes)

Elias Lindholm (32.59%--73 of 224 votes)

Matthew Tkachuk (20.54%--46 of 224 votes)

Other* (8.93%--20 of 224 votes)

*= Sean Monahan wins 4th hottest.

Write-ins

“[Hanifin] looks like the bad guy in a teen movie. the guy the Main Girl is dating in the beginning but is a real dick to her. you look at him and you KNOW he has a trust fund and votes republican. god he's so hot though” [hanny......... yeah.... yeah....]

“Why do I find Tkachuk attractive? I don't know but I love him” [me too]

“James 'The Real Deal' Neal” [lol I got this answer multiple times]

Washington Capitals

Tom Wilson (31.33%--73 of 233 votes)

Andre Burakovsky (29.18--68 of 233 votes)

Braden Holtby (24.03%--56 of 233 votes)

Other* (15.45%--36 of 233 votes)

*= Michal Kempny and Nicklas Backstrom tied for fourth hottest.

Write-ins

“literally no one, i s2g if i see anyone say ovi is attractive..... jfc god help them” [.... but ovi is dad-hot, also he got 3 votes]

“YOUR STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS! Everyone btw just a hot team of hot ugly men and Tom Wilson” [kskdjskdjksks]

“my sweaty swedish sweetheart; Nicklas Backstrom” [I’m too illiterate to read this right the first time thru lol]

Colorado Avalanche

Gabe Landeskog ( 55.95%--127 of 227 votes)

Other* (22.47%--51 of 227 votes)

Erik “Horsegirl” Johnson (14.1%--32 of 227 votes)

Mikko Rantanen (7.49%--17 of 227 votes)

*= Tyson Barrie won by more than double of all the other write-ins, but honorable mentions go to Nate MacK, Colin Wilson, Tyson Jost, Phillip Grubauer, and The Avs Tumblr People.

Write-ins - I (jokingly) got called bitch so much in these write-ins, y’all feel some type of WAY about this team lmfao.

“but also the tysons. i would buy a whole farm just so those boys could plow me into the ground.” [i’m SCREECHING. this killed me lol]

“only attractive b/c of his proximity to horses? maybe so.” [.... girl what]

Okay, so instead of a third quote, cause I couldn’t pick, I’m gonna put all the other funny EJ comments I was contemplating:

“ej is soooo ugly in the hottest way possible”

“erik "big horny" johnson”

“oh my god Ej was included for once I'm weeping tears of joy”

“What that mouth do EJ?”

New Jersey Devils

Miles Wood (36.12%--82 of 227 votes)

Taylor Hall (33.48%--76 of 227 votes)

Brian Boyle (19.82%--45 of 227 votes)

Other* (10.57%--24 of 227 votes)

*= Nico Hischier with the majority of the write-ins, even tho he’s still a CHILD (under 20).

Write-ins, aka Mostly Taylor Hall Commentary.

“Does Michael McLeod count” [YES girl i love that boy]

“Gucciiiiiii”

“DSL GUCCI”

“Nico Hischier (Taylor Hall I still love you)”

“i chose taylor and i don’t even need a gucci purse”

“If Taylor Hall gave me a Gucci purse I'd vote for him”

“catch me w/ a gucci purse, girl!!!! for real tho miles wood”

Dallas Stars

DISCLAIMER: I mean no disrespect to Katie, she’s fab and I made this survey a month or so ago. If you don’t know what I mean by this--do not ask me, I will delete the message. Thank you!

Tyler Seguin (46.96%--108 of 230 votes)

Katie Hoaldridge (im gay) (35.22%--81 of 230 votes)

Other* (13.91%--32 of 230 votes)

Stephen Johns (3.91%--9 of 230 votes)

*= Jamie Benn.

Write-ins

“tyler seguin has no upper lip” [I screamed, not exaggerating]

“You have to choose [Seguin] but I do so under duress”

“Im gay too” [hell yeah, this is a mlm and wlw friendly survey!]

Edmonton Oilers

Jujhar Khaira (28.57%--64 of 224 votes)

Other* (27.68%--62 of 224 votes)

Contract McMoney (he is hot) (25.89%--58 of 224 votes)

Darnell Nurse (17.86%--40 of 224 votes)

*= Leon Draisaitl won by more than 5 times anyone elses write-in lmao.

Write-ins ft. “The Draisaitl Quotes”

“McMoney’s money- just his money” [lmao ok sammie, HE’S HOT!]

“cannot mcwingames went off in the gq shoot i admit” [*annie voice* OHMYGOD]

“He’s [Khaira] like a romance novel cover like, f me” [tru]

Drai Quotes

“Drai but like lucic cause Momma needs a man that could kill me” [HDGFDHDGFHDH]

“leon dreisetl (is that his name, is this how you spell it?)”

“Leon Draisaitl and his contract that he doesn't deserve” [backhanded compliment lmao]

“the one w the longass name. dry saitl or whatever” [girl. lmfao]

Winnipeg Jets

Jets/laine fans are funny so I’m adding all the funniest ones instead of just 3 or 5. Sorryyyyyy I’m here to entertain.

Blake Wheeler (44.04%--96 of 218 votes)

Mathieu Perreault (but specifically in his newest headshot) (21.56%--47 of 218 votes)

Other* (19.27%--42 of 218 votes)

Connor Hellebuyck (15.14%--33 of 218 votes)

*= Patrik Laine, even tho I said NOT TO, demons.

Write-ins

“Their logo so I can fly away from this stupid team”

“Nobody but I just needed to point out Connor Hellebuyck looks like a stage magician and that is Not Hot” [i respectfully disagree with the last bit but the first parts made me snort]

“I don't know who windy pegg is”

“Boeing 747″ [sjdjsljlshgdu]

“they’re all second to jacob trouba’s dog Donnie”

“Patty Laine, but like, without the demon beard”

“Let me live my life! Laine has a good voice and i have a LANGUAGE KINK!”

“Laine WITH the beard because I don't fear death”

“Sorry, Laine but only with his beard” [I love the halfhearted apology]

“Goatboi”

“ALL HAIL THE GOAT DEVIL”

“laine come at me bitch lol” [denny’s parking lot. 3 am. be there.]

“laine looks like a goat”

“Laine’s Beard”

“LAINE I like the beard but hockey Satan is good to hellebuyck” [I really felt like I was tripping balls while reading all these but, ESPECIALLY this one lmfao]

Arizona Coyotes

Oliver Ekman-Larsson (30.32%--67 of 221 votes)

Jakob Chychrun (28.05%--62 of 221 votes)

Dylan Strome (26.24%--58 of 221 votes)

Other* (15.38%--34 of 221 votes)

*= Alex Galchenyuk, with the majority of the votes.

Write-ins

“pls date me Chych” [annie, that’s my BF!]

“ 🐼 there is no raccoon emoji >:(”

“[Chychrun] [a]lso has a vampire quality but like trust fund baby vampire who has no morals. I’m...into it??”

Honorable mentions: The 2 people who put Biz lmaoooo I love yall.

Carolina Hurricanes

Andrei Svechnikov [he’s a baby but I didn’t know who elseeee] (38.29%--85 of 222 votes)

Haydn Fleury (35.59%--79 of 222 votes)

Other* (15.77%--35 of 222 votes)

Dougie Hamilton (10.36%--23 of 222 votes)

*= Sebastian Aho wins the write-in vote [he ain’t it!]

Write-ins

“Justin Faulk (I’m old so svechnikov is out)” [ugh ur right I didn’t make this more inclusive to people not my age, i’m (genuinely) sorry!!!]

“Formerly Eric ‘the hottest Staal' Staal” [only on the cane’s write-in would I have this happen...]

“[Jordan] staal terrifies me but that's hot” [true!]

San Jose Sharks

Erik Karlsson (70.04%--159 of 227 votes)

Martin Jones (17.62%-- 40 of 227 votes)

Other* (11.01%--25 of 227 votes)

Justin Braun (idk) (1.32%--3 of 227 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“Daddy shark (doo doo doo)” [just so yall know this is, of course, annie, as in anzekopistar, an actual demon, she’s talking about Erik Karlsson :)]

“Brent Burns, you know im right” [are you tho?]

“Okay sometimes I have needs I think Joe Thorton sans beard could fill” [this is why joe shaved. he felt this person in the universe wanting him to, so he did, wow thank u joe]

Ottawa Senators (lol)

Matt Duchene (33.63%--75 of 223 votes)

The entire team (cause they’re a dumpster fire) (30.94%-- 69 [it’s that tkachuk fuckboi energy] of 223 votes)

Other (there are none)* (22.87%--51 of 223 votes)

Spartacat (12.56%--28 of 223 votes)

*= Inconclusive results (because a lot of you took my “there are none” joke a little too seriously and just chose that, no write-in lmao)

Write-ins

“[about Duchene] he's traitorous but it's like that sometimes i guess” [sjdhdjfhkdhf girl it’s okay.]

“.... we're a team“ [i-]

“the senator on their jerseys is p cute ig”

Bonus:

“oh so spartacat is an option but not gritty huh” [LISTEN the flyers are a HOT team, the sens are NOT. that’s why lmao]

“Just based on headshots I’m going with Ben Sexton like also how do you go wrong with that name”

Tampa Bay Lightning

Brayden Point (55.25%--121 of 219 votes)

Other* (22.83%--50 of 219 votes)

Mitchell Stephens (11.87%--26 of 219 votes)

Steve Yzerman (10.05%--22 of 219 votes)

*= Inconclusive results. Although there were a lot of responses none of them added up significantly sooo....

Write-ins

“am i the only one who thinks stevie y was a bit of a twink when he was younger?” [jdhslihdalskdjefh]

“Worst team in the league i hate them and theyre all hideous” [u sure bout that, bud?]

“Stamkos (I love his tiny eyes)” [????]

Florida Panthers

Aaron Ekblad (71.75%--160 of 223 votes)

Aleksander Barkov [r yall ok???] (11.66%--26 of 223 votes)

Other* (10.31%--23 of 223 votes)

Vincent Trocheck (6.28%--14 of 223 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“who are the panthers” [sometimes a team is a dog captain, a(n extremely hot) 27-year-old lawyer, and not owen tippett because the panthers hate me specifically]

“Roberto Luongo during Parkland speech” [... valid]

“barkov is literally the only player i know on this team” [shey would be happy to teach u about the panthers!]

Anaheim Ducks

Adam Henrique (52.47%--117 of 223 votes)

No one else (29.6%--66 of 223 votes)

Other* (10.76%--24 of 223 votes)

John Gibson (7.17%--16 of 223 votes)

*=Inconclusive results.

Write-ins-Ducks fans don’t @ me but i’m pretty sure half of these were submitted by y’all anyways....

“if i look @ anyone on the ducks roster for more than 5 seconds i BLACK OUT” [KSHDGJDHSKH Adam tho....]

“Quack Quack go lay your eggs somewhere else you feathered FUCKS” [sjdjfhdjsksj]

“legal 2 say kesler?” [no. go to jail]

Bonus

“Henrique is fine I have no qualms about your selections” [thnk u]

“jared coreau!!! GOOGLE HIM i’m right” [I said this, and we’ve talked, but I need people to know that I, after seeing this, subsequently found out that the Wings didn’t sign coreau back this offszn lmao]

Nashville Predators

Roman Josi (39.39%--91 of 231 votes)

PK Subban (37.66%--87 of 231 votes)

Kevin Fiala (13.42%--31 of 231 votes)

Other* (9.52%--22 of 231 votes)

*= Pekka Rinne for 4th hottest. [My mom loves him for his name lol. she says it’s “fun”]

Write-ins

“pk wears cool hats. I like that in a man”

“I don't find any of them hot (Josi used too be hot and then I learned he was illiterate and now I feel nothing but pity towards him)” [GIRL]

“preds are also ugly. pk subban would be attractive if he werent a pred” [lmao. what’d they do to u ?]

Columbus Blue Jackets

Pierre-Luc Dubois (50.22%--113 of 225 votes)

Zach Werenski (20.44%--46 of 225 votes)

Josh Anderson (16.89%--38 of 225 votes)

Other* (12.44%--28 of 225 votes)

*= Alex Wennberg is 4th hottest [lmao]

Write-ins

“Can I put werenskie and Anthony Duclair” [valid]

“Just to be clear CBJ is by far the hottest team exemplified by the fact that you left Seth Jones and Alexander Wenneberg off this list when they're like top 20 in hotness. Also Nick Foligino wins if we include looks and personality.” [I didn’t include them cause this is a mix of hot and ugly hot fam, the avs are 100% the hottest team in the NHL, and that’s coming from me, a Wings fan, destined to hate the Avs for my entire life. Also???? The hotter Foligno is def Marcus lmao]

“[About Werenski] only with the scar though otherwise seth jones” [GIRL scars don’t disappear??? WDYM only with the scar??? Are you a time traveler??? lmfaooo]

Minnesota Wild

J.T. Brown (46.46%--105 of 226 votes)

Other* (21.68%--49 of 226 votes)

Eric Staal (20.80%--47 of 226 votes)

Jason Zucker (11.06%--25 of 226 votes)

*= Charlie Coyle. Honorable mentions to Zach Parise and Matt Dumba.

Write-ins

“Charlie Coyle man! V hot, could kill you, gently waves at babies, 10/10″ [exactly my type! wow]

“ Not JT[,] Lexi is the hottest[,] Eric Staal from a few years ago is also hot” [I added commas to your thing cause.... girl it took me a sec to understand what u were tryna say. But also ur right it’s Lexi.]

“love a #wokebae jt” [yaaas]

FINALLY this legit took me like 10+ hours of work cause I had to transcribe all the info cohesively and then go thru all the responses lmao.

Vegas Golden Knights

William Karlsson (40.52%--94 of 232 votes)

Marc-Andre Fleury (30.60%--71 of 232 votes)

Max Pacioretty (16.81%--39 of 232 votes)

Other* (12.07%--28 of 232 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“[Karlsson] because he looks like young Bill from Mamma Mia” [shfhdjdhf girl]

“fleury isn't hot you absolute monster” [???????? drink ur bitterness tea somewhere else pls]

“let's find out just how wild this boy is” [pftd dtduftdhjfgdjfghdjf]

Bonus/Honorable mentions:

The TWO people who put “colin miller’s eyelashes” lmfaoooo

Alrighty this is The End! If you’d like to see another survey by me let me know in my messages/ask!!! Also sorry for stealing de la Rose from u, habs fans

#pkane tw #arizona coyotes #anaheim ducks #buffalo sabres #boston bruins #calgary flames #detroit red wings #philadelphia flyers #dallas stars #toronto maple leafs #pittsburgh penguins #new york rangers #new york islanders #carolina hurricanes #washington capitals #colorado avalanche #edmonton oilers #winnipeg jets

35 notes · View notes

just-some-random-blogger · 3 years ago

Note

good morning/day/evening, lovie! ig ive just burst (into tears) from the amount of love i felt to this gif. 'when its day FOR YOU' its 2:19 and ive had some drinks w/friends. yeah, we have fem, masc and neuter gender words. and it usually depends on the nouns gender its paired with. and the nouns gender depends on logic (like a girl is fem while in german girl is neuter) or just feelings nothing (night is fem). 'i typed my love actually so thats on google translate' 1)i figured you typed my love bc youd used it already 2) we say google translate sucks 3) musc is the main form of an adjective on its own so no wonder its translated like this. 'but theres no rap here?' idk TT i just love this speaking(?) part, we call it recitative but im not sure. theres one song that describes my taste in the best way possible. milyy (darling/honey). it has no eng subs (all the translations ive found are ugly) and it doesnt matter, just listen to the way it sounds and the music. i have no idea why theres a child in the vid bc?? ok the chorus literally sounds like 'Guess what ive been doing when you werent here? I was meeting my ex-lover. He promised me to show his new apartment And to try out his windowsills. And i put on my red gloves Despite him begging for stockings. Do you know, honey? (x2) Do yk what ive been doing while you were gone?' it doesnt really imply sex BUT it does have mentions of alcohol and the whole vibe isnt childish at all... but ok i love the song. 'you’ve made me like her again' a fanfact! i have such halseys last album (where those songs are from) vibes from all hotd fics. maybe all this royal aesthetic affects me like this. 'which is what her name is an anagram of' OMG fhsjd i never thought abt it! ig its not really a problem you couldnt read it as halsey. if it doesnt bother you too much, then its fine. your writings are still good shjs. and youre still big brained. 'thank you for reviving my interest in halsey' my pleasure<з you can take all the time universe gives us! yeah i put notifs but the main point is i dont have notifs in general HFJFKDH the sound is ALWAYS off so... my mom gets mad at me frequently and noone can contact me whenever they want. 'AND I LOVE THE SONG SO MUCH' IM SO GLAD. its so beautifel and also meaningful like the cartoon itself! i used to love su sm TT 'my child' meow meow, catmom. 'dont be so ok with it' well mindset ig. 'i cant even read the russian symbols' AHAHS IM SORRY i forgot to type a latinised version. its zapekanka. k is k its a simple one. and a is a. and з is z, i usually use it for <з. and yeah!! youre so right with p! what a big brain! 'she’s literally just a plot device without too much depth used for nada' oh its sad( actually its like 90% of russian classic literature and thats why i usually end up hating fem characters. or theyre just too... sweet and naive and all. i dislike all people with this type of character and its not my fault its 8/10 times women (in lit). i love characters that are interesting to me and it doesnt depend on the gender. ig im frequently seen as a sexist/homophobic just bc im judgemental... yeah not the best trait but i dont choose whos the one im going to hate based on THESE facts. yeah your face can annoy me, your voice can sound too pitchy for my liking or i just dont like your vibes BUT not bc youre a woman/man/gay or smth else. and MORE SO when you have a reason to dont like a person? it doesnt matter whos it. 'WHYYYYY>?' well i dont know ANY of them closely and im still judgemental. 'YOU GOT A MR WORLDWIFE TOO' YEah! pushkin is some kind of a literature hero here? well hes done a lot of things for it and the language and hes been a brilliant writer (hes called genius in schools). but he was SUCH a worldwife. hes written that he had more than 100 women. but he did have a wife closer to the end of his life. he also had a footfetish and put it in his most famous novel.. 'you keep saying cunning spain' well i like this image. meowmeow im glad you find it cute meowmeow. ig its all for the part 1 bc its already long. see you soon, my love<з

this is how my cat greats me sometimes T_T i miss my jinjin T_T MEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW T_T

ig ive just burst (into tears) from the amount of love i felt to this gif.

<3 <3 <3 thats great. idk if ive told you already, i feel like i have, but my teacher says its good to cry 2 a week to flush out the dirt from your eyes. on another note, i was chopping onions for my grandma this morning and i CRIED SO BAD IT HURT LASFHLKASHFKLHASFASH

'when its day FOR YOU' its 2:19 and ive had some drinks w/friends.

you went drinking!!!???? omg i hope you were responsible with it. i only recently tried drinking when it was my best friend's birthday. i want to try it again because being drunk is so fascinating but also i cant do that because T_T i would die on my way home

yeah, we have fem, masc and neuter gender words. and it usually depends on the nouns gender its paired with. and the nouns gender depends on logic (like a girl is fem while in german girl is neuter) or just feelings nothing (night is fem).

in german girl is neuter ???? ok then. i dont understand enough about fem/masc words cos filipino is neutral everything we just have siya which is he/she/it everything lolol HAHAHAHAHAH

'i typed my love actually so thats on google translate' 1)i figured you typed my love bc youd used it already 2) we say google translate sucks 3) musc is the main form of an adjective on its own so no wonder its translated like this.

#1 big brained for that #2 she trying google on her last brain cell T_T #3 makes sense. boo men 👎

'but theres no rap here?' idk TT i just love this speaking(?) part, we call it recitative but im not sure.

i see. thats nice to know. i figured that with all the music you sent me. i personally dont like it. i guess you like spoken poetry with background.

theres one song that describes my taste in the best way possible. milyy (darling/honey). it has no eng subs (all the translations ive found are ugly)

HAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAHA I FELT THE UGLY TRANSLATIONS HAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA i love the kitties and the cutie bb girl <3 if i had to guess what i means based on the song and the video, is it about wanting to growing up and like expectations as an adult? like 'i cant wait to be an adult' but also be careful what you ask for?

and it doesnt matter, just listen to the way it sounds and the music. i have no idea why theres a child in the vid bc?? ok the chorus literally sounds like 'Guess what ive been doing when you werent here? I was meeting my ex-lover. He promised me to show his new apartment And to try out his windowsills. And i put on my red gloves Despite him begging for stockings. Do you know, honey? (x2) Do yk what ive been doing while you were gone?' it doesnt really imply sex BUT it does have mentions of alcohol and the whole vibe isnt childish at all... but ok i love the song.

[jaw on the floor] my gosh boy was i wrong T_T WTF WHY IS THERE A CHILD HERE HELP T_T WHEN I TELL YOU MY JAW DROPPED AFTER READING THIS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SUCH A BIG BRAIN MOMENT FOR ME IM SO 💀💀💀💀

'you’ve made me like her again' a fanfact! i have such halseys last album (where those songs are from) vibes from all hotd fics. maybe all this royal aesthetic affects me like this.

interesting to know. i mean i think each of our experience affect us as a person so it goes both ways.

'which is what her name is an anagram of' OMG fhsjd i never thought abt it! ig its not really a problem you couldnt read it as halsey. if it doesnt bother you too much, then its fine. your writings are still good shjs. and youre still big brained. 'thank you for reviving my interest in halsey' my pleasure<з

nah it bothered me so much my brain was so frustrated i hated seeing her and her name because i kept reading it wrong. i read her as hasley in my head for a long time even though i knew it was wrong then i only shut up my brain by reading at loud and suddenly the world was silent again lashflashflasf and i wasn't bothered by her name anymore

this was the era of halsey that i could not pronounce HAHHAH

you can take all the time universe gives us! yeah i put notifs but the main point is i dont have notifs in general HFJFKDH the sound is ALWAYS off so... my mom gets mad at me frequently and noone can contact me whenever they want.

thank you i need all the time in the world cos school T_T. also ur so me fr tbh i personally dont care about notifs even though its on i just ignore everyone T_T HAHAHHA

'AND I LOVE THE SONG SO MUCH' IM SO GLAD. its so beautifel and also meaningful like the cartoon itself! i used to love su sm TT

ive heard it on tiktok before and i wondered where it was from so thank you for that <3 i love the cartoon too but i never got to watch it play out, you know, like on tv theyd play the episodes out of order and i just ??? yeah i never even learned about stevens mom whats up with her

'my child' meow meow, catmom.

'dont be so ok with it' well mindset ig.

DONT BE SO OK WITH IT

'i cant even read the russian symbols' AHAHS IM SORRY i forgot to type a latinised version. its zapekanka.

slay zapekanka

k is k its a simple one.

IT IS WOW I THOUGHT IT WASNT MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE actually idk when i started telling myself it wasnt a k lol HAHAH

and a is a. and з is z, i usually use it for <з. and yeah!! youre so right with p! what a big brain!

purr thank you for the brief lesson <3

'she’s literally just a plot device without too much depth used for nada' oh its sad( actually its like 90% of russian classic literature and thats why i usually end up hating fem characters. or theyre just too... sweet and naive and all. i dislike all people with this type of character and its not my fault its 8/10 times women (in lit).

SAME I HATE IT WHEN WOMEN ARE STUPID LIKE SIR HAVE YOU MET A WOMAN? AND HAVE YOU MET A man (derogatory) russian literature L for that 😞🍅thats why i like making my fem characters chew their male interests. feminism.

i love characters that are interesting to me and it doesnt depend on the gender. ig im frequently seen as a sexist/homophobic just bc im judgemental... yeah not the best trait but i dont choose whos the one im going to hate based on THESE facts.

T_T i think ur just judgy T_T your ire has no boundaries T_T HELP T_T you should maybe work on that ? but i totally get not liking weak characters

yeah your face can annoy me, your voice can sound too pitchy for my liking or i just dont like your vibes BUT not bc youre a woman/man/gay or smth else. and MORE SO when you have a reason to dont like a person? it doesnt matter whos it.

T_T 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀like i said, your ire knows no bounds

'WHYYYYY>?' well i dont know ANY of them closely and im still judgemental.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HELP T_T

'YOU GOT A MR WORLDWIFE TOO' YEah! pushkin is some kind of a literature hero here? well hes done a lot of things for it and the language and hes been a brilliant writer (hes called genius in schools). but he was SUCH a worldwife. hes written that he had more than 100 women. but he did have a wife closer to the end of his life. he also had a footfetish and put it in his most famous novel..

HE HAD A WHAT NOW actually i dont want to know more about his footfetish, you do you boo. BUT OMG he like rizal for real, although yeah he didnt get married he just 💀 then never had a wife cos he just 👻 but idk if his lovers reached 100 💀💀💀💀💀💀

'you keep saying cunning spain' well i like this image. meowmeow im glad you find it cute meowmeow.

T_T MEOW MEOW

ig its all for the part 1 bc its already long. see you soon, my love<з

YEs yes p2 <3

xxx

#anon ask #my beloved anons #modern!daemon anon #ask #modern!daemon nonnie

0 notes

nbdykez · 8 years ago

Note

What are your top 10 favorite animes and why?

this is like. an essay question on a test i feel like this is a quiz and if i fail somebodys gonna crawl in my window at night and egg my face.

10) Black Butler - LISTEN HERE PAL, we all had a fucking emo phase once and I refuse to apologize.

9) Tokyo Ghoul - At one point in my life this would’ve been my number one. Since then, it’s kind of disappeared, I just don’t hear about it anymore or think about it as much. I loved it when it came out. I moreso loved the manga but the anime was pretty cool too. It was violent. It was bloody. But it still has a plot. White haired Kaneki, with the mask and the eye looked cool and haunting as shit and I fucking loved that aesthetic. I was also one of those “Kaneki Ken did nothing wrong people” and one of the reasons it’s dropped to near the bottom of my list is because upon thinking about it that mentality was sort of awful, he did do a lot wrong, the main thing being the refusal to accept certain aspects of himself. And honestly I feel like that was good writing and a good tragic flaw, but I was sitting there doing the same thing and refusing to accept certain aspects of myself and when I started trying to rise above that personally the anime didn’t really mean the same thing to me anymore.

8) Zankyou no Terror - shit made me cry real tears. It ain’t easy to get me that emotionally invested in something. But I did.

7) Magi - It has a really interesting plot, can hold my attention (a miracle, for i have no attention span whatsoever), and has a lot of really interesting characters with really cool looking designs. It’s just nice.

6) Gintama - It’s stupid. It’s funny. It makes me laugh. It sometimes cheers me up when I’m not feeling the best.

5) Kill la Kill - It made me laugh. It made me cry. It held my attention until the very end. I just. Liked it a lot. Like a lot of people have a lot of problems with it and I get it but I still loved it.

4) No.6 - it’s been a while (several years) since i last watched it, but its one of the few things i’ve had the desire to watch (and have watched) all the way through more than once. but honestly i feel like it managed to be both interesting and beautiful and sort of ripped out my heart and drove over it with a bus but like in a good way.

3) Naruto - don’t get me wrong i think a lot of the writing is pretty shit especially later on and i have a lot of criticisms of it and its fandom. HOWEVER, its also nostalgic as hell. I watched it for so many years of my life, and I looked forward to watching it on tv with my dad and shit and honestly naruto and yugioh were probably the ONLY things i looked forward to as a child bc i had a lot of shitty things happening. this shit got me to adulthood, man.

2) Yugioh - Idk if y’all count yugioh as an anime but like, shit man. I like all of them, some more than others, for varying reasons, and contemplated listing all of them separately but figured thats probably cheating my way out of this question because like half of it would be taken up by yugioh but just know. it all makes my top ten. i just kind of love it. and gx and. whatever the fuck the. regular yugioh. is called bc my brain is elsewhere rn, are super nostalgic for me because this shit was my childhood. I watched this shit whenever it was on, i grew up with it, and it was important as shit to me, same as naruto.

1) Mushishi - idk why this is number 1, i dont think ive ever actually finished it, I watch it when i’m in a really awful fucking place mentally, and it makes me feel a little bit better. I remember when my aunt died I was fucked up as hell about it and i didn’t sleep for weeks but the day i found out my mom stayed up with me and we just sat there and watched mushishi and. i was okay for that moment. I don’t know when and why it became my coping anime but it is and for that it hold a lot of importance to me. It’s gotten me through some of the worst, lowest points in my life.

#i got super personal here but it ended up feeling kinda good to explain shit i never would irl #Anonymous #answers

3 notes · View notes

belowstandrd · 5 years ago

Text

aaaaahhhhhhhh

hi im back i dont know whats going on with myself all i know is that i conflicted inside and it literally feels like a ball of yarn knotted up inside my chest. i think ive needed to sort this out for a very long time, like at least a few months, but i keep pushing it back and really understanding whats going on with me and how im feeling.

um i dont know my head says break up and i feel like thats what ive been wanting to do for the past few weeks, but my hearts says no dont break up. but also a part of my logical brain says no because of all the good moments and the GENUINE connection we have - its so good and it makes me so sad to cut that off so i really hope if we do break up that we still remain best friends.but im also crying now thinking about breaking up. AAAHHH i dont know

but it feels like weve been dealing with the same thing for months, but i guess i come up with another reason every time. the real problem i think is that hes not TALKING to me how i want, and the level of effort im wanting - i want meaningful messages and romantic kinda energy, messages that show me he thinks about me and loves me bc i need that kind of reassurance and security. i think i've been doing a lot in terms of messaging him first and initiating convos, and i guess in a lot of aspects. by nature hes very caring and loving, but he just doesnt show it and he doesn't let me know how hes feeling. a lot of the reasons why i sometimes i become insensitive and send mean messages is to evoke him to reply to me, because he never opens up to me and tells me how he feels, so when im mean i sorta push the boundary to see if he'll react but he doesnt really so i keep going. it also feels like because he isn't reacting like i expect him to - like arguing back - it makes me feel like hes not paying attention to what im saying or my messages, like hes not grapsing the full meaning of my messages, like as if he just glanced at it and didnt really care. because if someone i cared for said some means things to me i would be very hurt and try to argue back and prove it wrong with a lot of effort, but i dont see that from him??? he just keeps apologising and saying he will do better - that line has sort of become like an excuse is how i see it, because hes not arguing back hes just accepting it and saying that line because he just isn't that bothered ???!!!! and i also dont like how this relationship has just been me unhappy and him doing what i tell him to do to make me happy, i get that he tries really hard to make me happy but its the fact that i have to tell him what to do and so everything feels like hes doing it just because i tell him to. its sorta annoying how he can;t really think for himself?

it feels like a constant loop of me being unhappy, him apoligising and saying he'll do better next time and i just have to accept it and hope he'll change.and at this point im already impatient so rn i feel so exhausted and have no patience because it feels like this has been happening for so long and the main issue i have isnt being solved even though he has made improvements to other things. i think its just the 1 thing that is bothering me.

i feel like my patience has already been worn down by my past relationships and ive just gotten used to being let down and im SICK OF IT. in theory he sounds amazing, but i think its the fact that he promised that he would show me how im supposed to be properly treated. we obviously have different meanings of high standard.

anyways just had the biggest realisation - totally changed my mood- BUT guys who play league arent fucking men. like out of all the things they could be doing, thats what they choose. and raves are just a secret gathering of league players basically. so at this point all the guys i know are just boys.and the fact that boys think talking to us everyday and listening to us is treating us good. men rly aint shit.anyways im over this, he can read this and see what he thinks. if we end up breaking up, i know my heart will be broken, but it is what it is and just remember men aint shit - like if hes not giving you what you want or expect then he is not worth your time, you shouldnt have to stay out of obligation or just to be fair. because he isn't what i expected, it is really deteriorating me and how i contribute to this relationship - if i was happier, i would be a lot more loving and treating him better than i already am. i think i need to find respect for him, and he needs to learn how to communicate and open up. and i think i need to share more of what ive been listening to/watching so we can have something to talk about - but i always feel so annoyed when i talk to him about these things bc i feel like its the not important and maybe that goes back to the lack of respect thing.

i know its hard for him to open up, and ive tried to be patient for so long, hes told me somethings, but i feel like it should be easier for him now that we have been together for a year, but i guess i shouldnt push him. but its sorta unfair that i so easily share what im feeling/thinking to him - but maybe i need to filter that to stop hurting him ???

#14/5/2020

0 notes

gilmoregirlsbigbrother · 6 years ago

Text

EPISODE #1

As the cast get settled into the Dragonfly Inn, tensions arise between a few guests. Personalities don’t always mesh and alliances are formed quickly in the first few days of the game. Let’s check in on the houseguests as we begin our journey on Gilmore Girlssssss Bigggggg Brother!

Andrew

Lov it is lit rally 6 hours ahead of est in italy and like my dummy dum dum ass was like oooooo lets play this fuckin game that starts in the middle of my italy trip?? so i love that for my brain. i saw the post, saw clash and dan got the twist thingy, talked to some people for a little bit, and then went the fuck to bed

Isaac

This cast fucking blows.

Randy

5 of the cast are women, 16 are bitches ding ding is it bad that i dont see myself not making it late game like i thought i had an uphill battle but these bitches accepted me so easily so this is gonna be easy

Chelsea

Hi everyone! I'm gonna try to stay on top of my shit but no promises. There are a lot of people that I don't know at all in this game, but so far Randy, Clash, Nick, and Dani have been the people to message me. Dani and I played Guyana together and did well, so it's nice to have her as someone to talk to this early on.

I don't really see any obstacles yet, it's all a matter of how i bring my game to the table and who i learn does it better. This is my second BB game so I have a little bit of learning to do since the gameplay is a bit different than Survivor.

I love the idea of going to Friday night dinner. Not only do i love dinner and Friday nights, but i think it's completely fair and chill. Your decisions may or may not help you and that's what I like. I enjoy seeing how advantages work for different people and how people make weaker ones work in their favor.

I joined this game last minute when I wasn't planning on playing for a while, so I'm still trying to get mentally prepared for the conversations and challenges ahead. I hope that doesn't put a target on my back.

Nick

https://youtu.be/KKrQn3xNd1A

( a little while later)

Still no reply from Karen but according to Randy, Karen has a premade that she plans on sticking with all game. Randy also told me he wants me to win hoh but I don’t know if I really want it.

(a little while after that)

Karen messaged me which is a yay! I’m hoping he was just busy and didn’t see my message but who knows... can’t wait to play this first hoh and get last in it probably!

Andrew

at this point with the people left who can still win hoh.....i think theres a chance that dani or madison could put me up just bc idk them and im having very boring, fake conversation with them lmao. i love being a meninist! anyway-- i think id be fine with everyone else? i hope. so likeee fuck this hoh ig. i dont need it. if i somehow get it, ill just put up the people that ive talked to the least? also im lowkey worried JG would put me up just bc we arent talking a lot. i should talk to him more huh.. anyway i would hope im good w everyone else. nick - who i was worried about - even told me im good with him if he wins hoh and i told him same. so wow oh wow ive made my first deal of the game

Head of Household commences and Clash is the Head of Household after a water balloon fight. Alliances begin to form as a obvious friendship of Karen, Isaac, Ricky and Andrew is spotted by another emerging friendship of Nick, Madison and Randy. But, is everything as it seems?

Liana

Hi first confessional here. I've been struggling with playing 2 games at the same time it's hard to keep up. Now i get some quiet time to catch up this lovely morning. This cast is fun and varied. I was excited to see some people I've played with in the past (Drew, Karen, Isaac, Andrew, Dan, and Ricky) and meet some new people. I'm finding it hard to message people because I hate the awkward small talk in the beginning but I don't want to get targeted. While I know those people from the past, they're also obstacles because I know, according to timestamps, Karen and Isaac targeted me in the HOH and they're probs definitely working together. I'm hoping I can stay under the radar for now and let large groups go after each other until I get a chance to build more relationships.

Madison

Let's review

In the past 24 hours I have: -implied f2 with Dan -implied f2 with Nick -f2 with Clash -Alliance with Nick and Randy -implied alliance with Bobby and Nick -alliance with Randy Adrian JG Clash

Nick

Clash winning HOH is acceptable! I think he trusts and likes me and he wanted me to win hoh when I was still in which shows something. On top of that we both had the same sorta idea to put Isaac and Karen up which I’m just here like “bye bye bitches” and these inactive players will hopefully learn how to speak some English.

Dan

Clash winning hoh is like a damn Hawaiian vacation for me. I don’t have to worry about being nominated, I still don’t have to talk to these crackheads, and I can maybe get noms how I want them. I love being pretty

Ricky

My first night in the Dragonfly Inn was riddled with terrible associative experiences in my real life, .org life, and romantic life. So....not great.

Adrian

im here and im ready to dominate

Drew

Right now i don't have a game, Andrew and I keep talking about maybe deciding to start playing but then everyone else who's like old school PI type people that we could tap (Ricky, Isaac, Karen) keep sucking massive ass

so the plan is to be just barely known enough to survive and then we'll reassess in like three rounds when i start wanting to win challenges

aka when the cast gets normal sized

Andrew

i mean im gonna work with isaac and ricky for sure i think bc we're a power trio and can fuck shit up when we put each of our single brain cells together. i like also wanna work with karen and/or drew and/or sammy bc they all me friends. i usually dont trust karen or drew for too long in games but like this is bb and not survivor and i play these 2 games v differently so we'll see what happens. madison and nick were really giving me nothing to work with night one even tho i wanted to have more indpeth convo with them. dan and jg i wanna try working with. clash..... we're gonna manipulate xoxo

clash has been involved with a lot of drama in this community and to be real i still dunno how i feel about him cuz like,,,,,ive only hosted him? and hes kinda immature but like also ig i can work close with him in an actual game and get better bearings on who he is.. maybe he can be a good ally? maybe i can just manipulate the fuck out of him and get him to say he loves me after knowing me for 6 days?

(a little while later)

me to dani: yeah it’s hard being in everyone’s pms haha Also me: rapid fire texting every single houseguest all the way from the homeland

(a little while later)

I'm tryna talk to everyone just so I'm not nominated because for whatever reason I have a bad track record of getting nommed week one? I only wanna win veto comps if I'm actually on the block. HOH rn is dumb and I'm just gonna do the bare minimum to keep myself from being nominated lol

(a little LATER after that)

okay so im gonna make a list from 1 being who i wanna mcshoot to 11 being no pls i dont wanna pull the trigger piglet

1. Madison ew smelly 2. Dani kinda smelly dont trust it 3. JG i like dunno where i stand w him 4. Clash i think he trusts me but that would be crackhead hour 5. Randy same with Clash but less hormonal(?) 6. Liana dont think she'd put me up.. 7. Karen same with Liana but im better fwiends w her uwu 8. Nick we made a deal so like? stick to it?? 9. Adrian a cool man that I wanna get closer to 10. Isaac we tryna power trio w him and Ricky 11. Ricky I think he'd have a better chance at beating Isucc

1 is take em out chief and 11 is sweet bb boi owo

(jesus take the wheel the cameraman gets super tired but Andrew keeps speaking)

Dear diary, clash won hoh today, and I hope he doesn’t put me up. If he does, then I’ll just bully him by constantly posting the screenshots of him confessing his love to Madison kimrey in the house chat. Till next time! Andrew <3

also yikes I guess dani assumes I’m the one who took her out in the challenge but like there were 8(?) of us left and lit rally lov we’ve talked for like 5 minutes so I could not give less of a shit lol

I could use Dani’s passive aggression to fuel a nuclear power plant

After the nomination ceremony where Isaac and Liana are nominated, tensions brew between Bobby and Isaac (which makes Isaac concoct a lie to make Bobby feel bad for being mean). The houseguests start to form alliances on late night calls, notably Madison’s two alliances Weiner Hard and The Chipettes.

Nick

VL Cast Assessment/Opinions:

Adrian - We don’t exactly talk often but I feel quite safe with him... he gives me laying low type player vibes and I’m gonna let him do his thing! Overall like him a lot and there’s potential with him as an ally in the game.

Andrew - He’s quite chill! He and I talk a lot and I personally really like him and his attitude. I think he doesn’t scream threat but late game he may be the main social player and threat to win. I consider him a worthy ally

Bobby- I LOVE BOBBY! He’s overall really fun and has a great personality. We are definitely close in this game! The one issue is he makes it very clear he hates Ricky and that could put a target on him and possibly me if they think we are close. He’s someone who I will 100% have their back in the game

Chelsea - She’s sweet... nice personality and doesn’t seem to have any enemies. I think she’s a super nice person and there’s really nothing negative to say about them at the moment besides I wish we connected more sooner.

Clash - CLASH IS AMAZING! We knew each other way before this and we already had the bond but we never worked together... hopefully this time it will be different and we can work with each other long term!

Dan - I love him but the house thinks otherwise... people see him as a kind of a crazy over the top player based on past games... but in my opinion it’s better to have those types of people on your side rather than against you in these types of games... sadly he might be a common target in this game.

Dani - Dani is so kind and I love her so much! We talk all the time and the only issue I have with her is that she’s after Madison who I also like and trust. Their feud might ruin my game long term!

Drew - I like drew but I feel like he automatically thinks I’m with him because we know each other... we haven’t talked a ton but when we do I enjoy the talks a lot as he’s genuinely a good and funny guy!

JG - Same a Clash where I knew him before this and I trust him but we never played together! I think everyone likes him and he is someone who I gotta trust or I’ll fall out of the loop.

Karen - Rocky start but we actually talked a bit and connected a bit. I’m hoping for more but as of now I don’t trust Karen that much.

Liana - Chips wife omg I love you. they are nominated right now and I’m worried people will evict her because if she “puts the baby down” as some say, she may be really threatening long term in the game.

Madison - Hate this bitch... obviously joking but she can be trouble long term if I don’t keep an eye out for her... she’s going to create and be in drama and I gotta be ready to deal with the aftermath. Trust and love her but she can ruin everything for me in one day if she wasn’t in the right head space

Randy - This bitch is so funny! I want to work so bad with randy and I think it may actually happen! He is someone I hope I can count on long term in the game!

Sammy - We are slowly making connections and he reaches out to me very often so I’m happy to see someone is reaching out to make a bond with me rather the other way around! I’m excited for what’s to come!

Isaac - He might as well not talk to anyone at all because he’s basically inactive... he didn’t even speak to the hoh when they made nominations then got mad when they went up... it’s annoying that you think you deserve to stay over Liana who’s putting work in.

Ricky - I like him! He talks with me which is nice and I’m just overall looking forward to more conversations because I find him funny and interesting!

Andrew

I wasn’t nominated which was lit and clash said I’m one of his closest allies.. dunno if that’s true or not but I’ll run with it for now. Liana being nominated im neutral about but isaac could be an issue bc I’m supposed to be working with him. But sometimes he’ll go inactive in games? And idk why. I guess his aunts in the hospital which is a yikes but also he shouldn’t be surprised if he’s on the block. Also calling clash an incel and Bobby a dick in the chat is a look but also Bobby kinda WAS being a dick so like understandable. PS - who has the social tact now miss isaac? ... ily

Madison

Idk if I could trust Nick fully because he's already backstabbed Randiddy and my keeping things from both him and Bobby is just easier for me. I'm gonna keep my mouth shut this time and not cause too many fights but I also wanna fight most of these people. The noms are also sexy as hell and I hope Liana goes because she has a child to take care of and she should go back to that

Randy

https://youtu.be/QZC4skhewkg

The veto commences, and Sammy reigns victorious in the Word Ladder challenge. Isaac and Liana remain final nominees. But will rumors of the “premade” on a house call seal Isaac’s fate?

Ricky

literally not one single person has spoken to me today except sammy and he said hello and nothing else so i’m not doing shit until i am told anything

Randy

youtube

Andrew

so i think isaac is dying and people are coming to me like "i know hes ur fwiend uwu" and im like well im obviously not gonna be a dumb dumb bubblegum lookin ass bitch and rock any vote when im tryna play this UTR friendly to everyone game. my game rn is based purely on conformity and being a wallflower. so if isaac has to get sent down the river then bring me a boat bitch

Madison

i can't wait to evict all these boring ass people

0 notes

maahistrash · 7 years ago

Note

all of them >:3 all the asks

OH WOW THIS BLOG’S FIRST ASK !!!!! OKAY VERY LONG POST AHEAD🕸 1. Who’s the oldest character of yours that you still use?vincent and francis! my boys have been through a fuck ton of development, from halloween of 2015 to now.. they used to be youtuber ocs, and.. well.. yeah i love them both with all my heart!!!⭐️ 2. Who’s the oldest character of yours, defunct or not?a pegasus named raven who is highkey defunct (mlp oc oof) but lmao her story makes me think i should give her an arc, and maybe put her in another form.. 💡 3. Has creating a character ever made you realize something about yourself?a bunch of times this has happened actually.. vin made me realize im not straight, nargis made me realize im not cis at all, and vin/nate really made me realize how much i self-project, esp in vin’s case🦋 4. Any minor characters that have either taken over or branched off into their own stories?nar was originally supposed to be a very side character, but his concept hit me right in the spot and i wanted to make him a main oc! and kenny has branched off into his own story, so has alde!🐲 5. Do you prefer to make human, animal, monster, or _____ characters? Why?i like humanoid ocs better bc its a more familiar thing to me? its easier for me to write human-like ocs than animals, but monsters are also REALLY FUN. demons are fair game, usually my ocs are humans with powers, or humanoids as i say.elves also play a big role in my stories but i guess that also counts as humanoid!🎨 6. When creating a character, do you come up with the visual concept or the written concept first?it really depends on the kind of oc itself but usually i write up the backstory before i even try designing. that way its easier for me to add elements of their past in their appearance, for consistency i.e. scars, birthmarks, style, etc.📌 7. Do you have characters that you know you’ll never use, but can’t bear to get rid of/recycle?elijah :( i dont think i can fit him anywhere in the big story arc and that makes me sad bc i really love his concept! (he’s a half-swedish half-american water witch with gay moms) (and his last name is jerkeryoff… he was a joke oc i fell in love with)💖 8. Is there a character that embodies your good traits, or traits you wish you had?fran or nar have traits i wish i had. theyre both sweet, helpful, unselfish, and though fran’s slightly more a pushover than nar, they’ve both gone through hell and come back shining and stronger. i wish i could do that. i hope i can.💔9. Is there a character that embodies your bad traits? Several characters? Which ones and what traits?i put a bit of myself in all my ocs, and it shows sometimes. vin has a lot of my bad traits (mentally ill [badly], prone to addiction, self-doubt, actually self-loathing really) and nate does too (selfishness, aggressive, mouth runs before brain does)rip♨️ 10. Is there a character that explores your interests or fetishes (orrrr is that just all of you characters)?interests? yes. vin does music, which im VERY interested in, and fran is really interested in space and astrology, like me! fetishes? ………….maybe…. talk to me to find out :^)✒️ 11. If you have characters that embody certain traits of yours—good or bad—has writing them changed how you view those traits? Has it affected you in any way?yeah. it’s been both, tbh. vin’s family drama and stuff and how it affected him kinda helped me, or is helping me, get through shit. it’s changed my view on divorce. not really elaborating but yeah. fran’s anxiety also worked this way, and his shyness too. the more i wrote of these things, the more i realized how much i empathized. then i realized i self project lmaO💭 12. Do you fantasize about being any of your characters, or are you more detached?if i was detached from my kids would i make a separate blog for them and have tags……… i love them and i think abt them all the time,,, fantasizing is the #1 reason i have any backstories whatsoever!🎵 13. Do you create playlists for your characters?ive been WANTING to for a WHILE but theres so many ocs and not enough time. one day i will .. i can’t use spotify because its banned where i live so maybe youtube or 8tracks? idk but when i end up making these lists i will share them!!!🎇 14. When writing for specific characters, is there anything you have to do to get into the right mindset?oh yeah def!! i need to be able to relate to the character, and see myself in their shoes, otherwise it’s hard for me to write them properly !!🌻 15. Which character is your guilty pleasure?cam…. for sure audsdafhnai he’s what i aspire to be honestly🌩 16. Is there a character of yours who’s a real struggle to write/draw? Why do you think that is?nobody really, i have a good time writing/drawing all my ocs! 🔑 17. Which character is the easiest to draw/write?the ones ive had for a longer time, i find, are easier for me to write.. so fran/vin, honestly. ive had growth with them, it’s kinda like we went through development together, and we did!!💎 18. Is there anything you really wish you could do, character-design-wise, that you feel is outside your current skillset? A concept that you wish you could pull off but are uncertain about?yeah… i wish i could pull off demons and stuff related to them. i want to make my lore super deep but then it’s not easy bc i barely have time to give, and demons in my universe would be super immersed in the lore. or um.. yknow, ships within my own ocs, instead of other peoples.🏆 19. What’s more important to you: visual design, unique personality, a trendy character aesthetic, etc? If you’re not sure, then what’s the first thing you usually nail down in a character?the first thing i nail down in a character is how theyre related to the big story. this means how they can be linked to other ocs, relationships, familial or friendly, or even past romances. then i figure out their personality from these things, and then i make the design! to me an in-depth personality is more important than anything, it’s a key to character development. people think cool designs are all that matters, but to grab attention, a complex character makes sense. of course, i feel this because i’m planning to write a book, not make comics. visual appeal does exist ! and i believe in it. but i link personality to looks, and making the personality complex is more realistic and it’s easier to avoid mary sues then.🎬 20. Do you ever plan to do anything (comic, animation, etc) with your characters? Or are you just happy to have them?originally i never wanted to write a book with my kids! i was content just roleplaying. but one of my friends said that they have potential in a story arc, and that the way these people are connected is interesting (this is 2016, with my first three, and oldest ocs, fran, vin, and nate) i was really happy to hear that and got interested in writing a book, hopefully a series, with my ocs! and i plan to make this happen!!!thank u for asking, droki!!

#asks #mayonnaise #ur tags apply here too ok #everybody #dev

0 notes