#overfunctioning

[messyhuesofhealing]

That’s a powerful and honest reflection—and a very valid question to ask.

Here’s a direct breakdown of what might be going on, based on what you shared:

🔍 Is it really one-sided?

To find out, consider these questions:

Do the people in your life initiate contact, care, or effort as much as you do?

When you stop trying, does the relationship stall or fade?

Do you feel emotionally fulfilled or consistently drained after interactions?

If the answers lean toward you doing most of the emotional labor, it likely is one-sided.

🧠 Or is it your trauma brain?

When you’ve had to over-function as a child (especially in unsafe or neglectful environments), your brain might now equate being needed with being loved. You may:

Feel compelled to earn connection.

Struggle to feel secure unless you’re proving your worth.

Be hyper-aware of any signs of distance or disconnection.

That survival pattern can trick you into staying in imbalanced relationships—or believing you're the only one who should be giving.

✨ Here's what might help:

Track effort: Pick one or two relationships. For one week, track who initiates, listens, supports, and checks in. This gives you data—not just feelings—to reflect on.

Set a limit: Try giving just a little less than usual. See what happens. Do they notice, step up, or fade out?

Notice your internal alarms: When you pause or say no, does it feel unsafe or wrong? That could be trauma speaking—not truth.

You’re not wrong to feel this way. Whether it’s old wiring or current imbalance—or both—you’re allowed to want reciprocal, real connection.

Would it help if I built a quick self-check tool or worksheet for you to sort this out over time?

[thelovebudllc]

How to Know if You’re Doing Too Much: Recognizing Overfunctioning and Avoiding Burnout

by Israa Nasir, therapist and author of “Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time and Emotional Energy in a World That Always Demands More” We live in a culture that prioritizes productivity over taking care of yourself. So, it becomes easy to overdo it—without even realizing it. This can lead to overfunctioning—when you take on responsibilities and tasks that are (1) not necessarily yours to…

[eatmangoesnekkid]

When you have a female body and don’t exercise (yet are capable), so much of your energy goes to your mind due to the separation between you and your body. Lack of movement is responsible for the overthinking, overprocessing, addictions to social media, overfunctioning, sex without a heart connection, and obsessive shopping and consumption of booze and the like. The female body is a nuclear powerhouse, the portal that nourishes souls from heaven to earth. If that powerful energy you innately possess in your body is not channeled, it will almost always lead to something destructive. -India Ame’ye, Author

[luigisleftshoe]

Husband Luigi Headcanons

Ugh i just have to start with a proposal bc he would be so stressed all day. Like the man would be on the edge of his seat the entire day and you ask him what's wrong and he's just like “what! Me! Nothing! Why would you think that🤨?”

He would want the proposal to be very private just the two of you but also very special. He's shy ok? What if you say no? Who would say no to him? Honestly he would probably propose on a hike. But like not a normal hike it would have to be both of your special nature spots and he would be like “let's do a picnic there” and you do and boom he proposes. 

Ok lowkey i feel like he would want to do an elopement like something very intimate just the two of you and then like on your one year anniversary he would do the actual wedding party with friends and family. Because like yes he wants to celebrate with friends and family and such but he also feels like this should be a private sacred moment ya know? Like just the two of you with the officiant, no one there to mess it up, no stress of putting on production, just two people that love each other. Then, on your one-year anniversary, that’s when he’d throw the real wedding. The party. The family celebration. The toast. The formalwear. The photos. But the vows? The real vows? Those were for just you and him.

But the actual married life part! WOWWY be prepared for your health nut husband!

He cannot stop calling you “wife” like it's a new pokemon he just unlocked. The man MILKS it. Say “my wife” instead of “you” even in private. Correct people when they say your name: “You mean my wife?” You cough once and he's like, “Careful that's my legally-bound domestic soulmate right there.” its like 40% a bit and 60% disbelief that he actually got to marry you

He overfunctions so hard the first week it's almost stressful. Rearranges the spice rack three times. Researchers optimal mattress firmness. Unironically joins r/BestMattresses4MarriedCouples reddit. Uses a leveler to hang photos at 11:45 pm. And when you tell him to chill, he's like: “I just want everything to be perfect. For you. For us. Is that a crime??”

He doesn't sleep unless he's touching you. Not in a sexy way (ok sometimes it is). But mostly in a soft grounding “if you're not here i literally cannot turn off my brain way.” Grabs your arms in his sleep. Spoons you like, his life depends on it. Mumbles in the dark: “You're not leaving, right? Not like, in a dream way. Like in a literal way.” When you say no he instantly relaxes like a switch. 

Nonstick pans are banned in your house. Everything that he's health conscious about for himself he's suddenly about you and he's like “we need to be the healthiest longest living married couple to ever exist.”

He will definitely randomly spiral about being enough. Like you'll be folding towels and hell go quiet, and then out of nowhere hell be like “You don't regret this right? Like marrying me. You'd tell me if you did?” And he's not doing it to fish for compliments, it's because under the weight of being so deeply loved and in love scares him. When you come down and hug him saying “you're the only thing that ever made sense.” Hes sat. 

He flirts like an absolute menace even more so. Fixes the sink shirtless and says “who needs plumber when you've got a husband with pipes?” Flexes while carrying groceries: “Bet you're glad you married this.” But the second you say “I am. You're so hot.” He malfunctions like “error 404 not found.” and is like “Oh–uh. Thanks. Wait. no. like–yes. You too. I mean. Fuck.” 

He turns cleaning into an olympic sport. But only when you're watching. Will vacuum in full athletic shorts, blasting music, dancing like an idiot, and pausing to point at you mid spin like: “Tell me i'm the hottest man alive. Dont lie.” (He knocks over a lamp and apologizes to it. Not to you.) 

Hes not materialistic at all but he is DEEPLY deeply sentimental. He keeps your first grocery receipt, a cork from the wine you drank watching Shrek 2 the night after your elopement, and your old hoodie tage from when you gave it to him in college. Labels them in a little box under your bed. Refers to it as “our marriage museum.”

The way he never lets you carry heavy grocery bags. You could be holding a single loaf of bread and he’s yanking it out of your hands like,“No. You’re the delicate one. You’re precious cargo.” Meanwhile he’s stacking six grocery bags up each arm, refusing help, almost knocking over a grandma in the parking lot and almost pulling his back again.

He sends you ridiculous voice memos when you’re apart. Like 40-second rants about how the grocery store is out of your favorite yogurt. Or him dramatically whispering,“The guy at Starbucks called me 'boss.' I feel unstoppable. You married a legend.”

Cooking turns into flirt battles.You try to flip a pancake? He sneaks up behind you, wraps his arms around your waist, and tries to "coach" you like a horny Food Network contestant. Whispers dumb shit like:“You’re so hot when you cook. Bet you’ll be even hotter on the kitchen counter.” (He 100% burns the second batch because he’s too busy trying to kiss you.)

He's too competitive about dumb couple activities.Escape room date?He’s mapping the entire room like it’s a Navy SEAL mission. Mini golf? He’s trash talking you under his breath like,“Hope you’re ready to get destroyed, Mrs. Mangione.”

His ultimate weakness: you wearing his last name casually. You call to set up an appointment and say "Mrs. Mangione" on the phone and he hears it from the next room, immediately trips over his own feet getting to you. Blushes for an hour after.

Babe is like deeply deeply empathetic to like a fault. Like he will pick up on your moods instantly and it will get even more immediate when your married. Senses you're stressed = immediate forehead kiss. Senses you’re sad = wraps himself around you like an emotional scarf. Senses you're mad at him = quiet slow spiral until you talk it out because he cannot handle "weird vibes."

Gym bro tendencies, but only for the validation. If you call him hot after he works out?He will literally flex like: “This is all for you, baby. All these gains. Yours.”

Ok i know i said hes very much not materialistic but he would buy one item of random “husband” merch and wear it unironically. Like a tshirt that says #1 husband. Apron that says “kiss the husband” in comic sans. Or a hat that justs says “married” across the front. He thinks its hilarious and hell wear them out in public with no shame. Itll become his new BALI shirt.

Has a “wife playlist” he only plays when he misses you too much. Not public. Not shared. You catch him playing it on the speaker when you’re out of the house too long. You tease him and he turns bright red like: “Shut up. It’s an emotional regulation playlist.”

He leaves you stupid but sweet handwritten notes in random places. Not "good morning" ones, weirder ones: “Congratulations, you found the secret note! The prize is a kiss.” (taped inside the fridge), “Husband still loves you. Update: More than yesterday.” (inside your laptop), “Do not panic. You are my favorite.” (on the laundry detergent)

You joke about a baby once and he laughs a little too loud. But deep down? He’s spiraling like “Could I even be a good dad? Would I mess it up? What if I’m too immature still? What if I disappoint her?” He is incredibly terrified of having kids. Not like he doesn't want them but like He trusts himself. He trusts you. But he doesn’t trust the outside.The economy. Climate change.Violence. All the things that could hurt something he helped create.And it gnaws at him in a quiet way — not when you’re laughing on the couch, but when the news is on at 2AM and you're asleep on his chest. He doesn’t tell you that immediately, but you catch him absentmindedly rubbing your back while zoning out. If you bring it up casually, he jokes it off at first. “Yeah sure babe, let’s just throw a kid into this apocalypse. Sounds great.” (Said half-joking, half-aching.) Or:“You really want them to grow up eating protein powder and vibing in a collapsing society? Babe...” (He smiles but it’s tight.)

His biggest fear is that he wouldn’t be able to protect them — or you. Not "I wouldn't love them." Not "I don't want them." But "I can't promise they'll be safe. And that kills me." He doesn’t say that outright until one night when you’re half asleep and he mumbles into your hair:"I’d do anything to protect you. I’d do anything to protect them too. But the world’s bigger than me, babe. And I hate that."

If you ever convince him? It won’t be a decision made lightly. It’ll take years of trust, love, hope-building. You’ll have to show him that even if the world burns, you’ll be a family inside the fire. And once he’s in? HE’S IN.

Fixes stuff around the house while muttering about “future-proofing for little feet.” (You catch him once researching how to child-proof cabinets before you’re even trying for kids. He slams the laptop shut in shame.)

[asadstatue]

"dysfunctional"? Sir, I think they'd be OVERfunctional if you may-

[pacific-rimbaud]

Blowing right past the exit for Girlboss Protagonist and heading straight on to Overfunctioning Woman who is Tired of That Guy’s Shit™

[ghostly-bat]

I saw you mentioned that you work with kids like months ago. And I'm genuinely curious to understand your introspection on what Damian lacks that normal kids are supposed to have when growing and why those affect Damian as a kid.

Along with Jon because with what he through it really should have messed him up.

I think about this a lot — especially because I work with kids, mostly kindergarteners but also children from 1st to 5th grade. When you spend time around developing children, it becomes so clear just how essential certain needs are — and what happens when those needs aren’t met.

What children need while growing up:

Children don’t just need food, shelter, or academic learning. They need things like:

Emotional attunement: A caregiver who responds to their feelings with empathy and consistency.

Safe environments: Both physical safety and emotional safety, where mistakes aren’t punished harshly and emotions are allowed to exist.

Healthy attachment: Knowing that the adults in their life will show up, again and again.

Social interaction: Opportunities to play, share, communicate, and resolve conflict with peers.

Room to explore: To ask questions, make mistakes, pretend, and play — because these are how kids make sense of the world.

Without these foundations, children are often forced into survival mode — and that’s what we see with Damian.

Damian was raised by the League of Assassins, which by design is a high-stress, hyper-survivalist environment. He didn’t just miss out on affection — he missed out on basic emotional development. He wasn’t taught how to name emotions, trust others, or rely on support. His self-worth was tied to performance, perfection, and obedience.

What that leads to, psychologically, is:

Hypervigilance — always alert for threats, real or perceived

Emotional repression — feelings are a liability, so they get buried or redirected as anger

Difficulty forming attachments — trust becomes a threat, not a comfort

Shame and identity confusion — who am I, outside of what I can do for others?

Children who don’t get emotional safety often learn to control their world instead. That’s Damian. Control through skill, through detachment, through pushing people away before they can hurt him.

So when Bruce and the Batfamily take him in, they’re not just parenting a kid — they’re reparenting a child who’s had to skip entire stages of development. It’s like trying to teach someone to walk who’s spent their whole life running on uneven ground.

Jon is a really different case, but no less complicated. He had what Damian didn’t — two loving, present, emotionally supportive parents who gave him space to grow, explore, and just be a kid. That early attachment is crucial. It gave Jon a stable internal foundation — a sense of safety and self-trust.

But then he was taken to space, and eventually was left alone in a terrifying situation for seven years — including being trapped in a volcano and forced to survive with an evil version of his father. That is extreme, prolonged trauma.

The difference is that Jon had developmental security beforehand. So instead of being formed by trauma, he was shaken by it.

What we often see in kids like Jon — who experience trauma after forming healthy attachments — is:

Suppressed distress — they “seem okay,” but that’s often because they don’t want to burden others

Overfunctioning — trying to keep the peace, be the strong one, or hide their pain

Delayed emotional impact — symptoms may show up later in adolescence or adulthood when there’s finally space to process

Jon’s not untouched by what happened. It likely manifests as anxiety, people-pleasing, guilt for surviving, and maybe even a subconscious fear of abandonment. But because his early years gave him tools to regulate and recover, he’s able to mask it more easily.

Damian and Jon are both victims of trauma, but their timelines and support systems change how that trauma takes root. Damian’s trauma is formative — it built his entire worldview. Jon’s trauma is disruptive — it fractured a worldview that was already grounded in love and connection.

Both of them deserve softness, space, and the freedom to be complicated. And both of them — in very different ways — are still figuring out how to be boys when the world keeps trying to make them weapons.

[jyotishdiaries]

Purva Ashadha Moon

“Soft heart. Strong spine. More resilient than people think.”

Purva Ashadha is ruled by Apas, the deity of cosmic water which already tells us something important: this Moon is about emotional cleansing, spiritual strength, and quiet depth.

These natives carry a private intensity. You might not always show how much something means to you but when it does, it moves through every part of your being.

So a Purva Ashadha Moon is a Sagittarius Moon, but with that extra nakshatra-specific flavor: not just adventurous or philosophical, but emotionally resilient, idealistic, and internally focused on purification and growth.

And because it's ruled by Venus, there's a hidden love for beauty, refinement, and grace even if it’s wrapped in fire-sign directness.

What It Feels Like:

Emotionally private but deeply idealistic. you dream big, but you don’t always share those dreams out loud

You can be surprisingly optimistic, even after difficult experiences

You’re often seen as the strong one, the friend who always bounces back, the one who handles it

But underneath? There's a sensitive core that needs gentleness

You tend to overfunction emotionally like giving too much, too soon, or trying to “stay above it” even when hurt

In Relationships:

You crave connection that feels inspiring and emotionally clean

You do best with people who are emotionally intelligent and independent

You may need to unlearn the idea that you have to "rise above" your feelings, healing comes through feeling, not bypassing

Try:

Being honest when you’re hurt. not just when you’ve already processed it

Releasing the pressure to always be composed or graceful

Letting go of the fear that showing vulnerability = weakness

This Moon carries the energy of a river carving through stone. It's patient, powerful, and destined to reach its truth

Do you have a Purva Ashadha Moon? How do you experience that blend of softness and strength?

[helslastangel]

Cancer Juno Observations 🦀

♋️ People with Juno in Cancer don’t just want commitment. They want belonging. Like, deep, soul-level, “this is my safe person and I will defend them with my whole chest” type love. Their ideal partnership isn’t built on status but on emotional security.

🥛 These are the “I saved your voice notes” people. The “I made you soup when you were sick once and now I’ll do it every time” people. When they love you, they make all your problems their problem. And sometimes… that’s the problem.

🥛 Juno in Cancer individuals are fiercely loyal and quick to notice shifts in their person's tone or behavior. Sometimes, even before the other person notices themselves.

🥛 Overfunctioning can be their biggest downfall in relationships. They become the caretaker, the peacemaker, and the emotional filter, but then who is taking care of them? They carry these burdens for both parties until one day they implode because they haven’t felt truly nurtured in years.

🥛 Cancer Junos often latch on to people they feel for, whether they're truly compatible or not. They don't always vet for alignment because they're attracted to vulnerability and people who need them. "I can fix this broken bird." That evergy is strong with this placement.

🥛 The idea of starting a family (biological or chosen) is often important for someone with Juno in Cancer. Even the most independent among them may secretly want an intimate domestic connection of some kind. Home-cooked meals, quiet routines, and private traditions go a long way with this placement.

🥛 The shadow side of this placement includes codependency, clinginess, or a tendency to guilt-trip. If they’re not emotionally mature, they can weaponize their sensitivity instead of using it to build closeness. If they are mature, though? Absolute relationship gold.

🥛 These people love to feel needed, but what they need is a partner who doesn’t just take without giving back. They thrive with someone who offers security and encourages them to step out of the emotional caretaker role and let themselves be spoiled once in a while.

🥛 Ideal partners for Cancer Juno types are emotionally present, dependable, and intuitive. Someone who respects their moods, notices their effort, and isn’t afraid to share affection (in private and public) will win them over faster than a dozen roses ever could.

🥛 Commitment with a Cancer Juno isn’t loud. It looks like running errands for them after a bad day, memorizing their comfort foods, or holding their hand when something awkward happens in public. That’s what makes them feel chosen.

🥛 Juno in Cancer people can take a while to let someone in fully, but once they do? You're in. You’re part of their inner world now, and they'll probably never stop caring for you. Even if they move on, they will never forget.

𓆩♡𓆪

↤ go back to the masterlist

[scoobydoodean]

so i’ve always been annoyed by the belief that “sam and dean are toxically co-dependent, especially dean!” like it just baffles me once i remember all the times they’ve been apart without one of them being dead (and actually including post swan song to an extent), but i’ve never been able to properly articulate why i think dean at least isn’t really co-dependent on sam. like there’s a difference between being (co)dependent on somebody and dean’s parentification right? thanks!

I'll preface this by saying I am not a medical professional nor have I studied academic literature on codependency in great detail. That said, "codependency" is usually just a buzzword used colloquially to describe people who are obsessed with each other anyway. I address the colloquial use and how Sam is much more unhinged here. I'm guessing the colloquial use is really more what you mean, but if you're looking for something different or a little more specific than that, I can probably write or point you to some other things I've written if you give me something more specific to go on.

That said, there is something about the way fandom talks about "codependency" between Sam and Dean that bothers me, and I think by reading around about codependency today after I got this ask, and finding out that this term is controversial among mental health professionals as well... I finally figured out why.

I think to a lot of people, "codependent" has become synonymous with words like "needy" and "suffocating". However, the WebMD type articles I started with, suggest that the partner of the codependent party is the one whose needs seem to constantly overshadow and outweigh the needs of the codependent partner in the relationship. While the codependent partner can exhibit negative behaviors, the primary problem of the codependent party is that in being a caretaker, they can lose all sense of their identity and boundaries, and don't know who they are outside of being a caretaker for others. However, this is a more modern take on the term. Because these articles I started with mentioned academic controversy, I then found a few academic papers to skim, and this proved to be even more helpful in understanding why I... don't like this term very much.

First, the historical origins of it are... off-putting. The term "codependency" first emerged in academic literature in the 1940s to describe wives with alcoholic husbands who behave as "enablers" [1, 2]. I probably don't have to point out how different things were for women back then, and how rampantly sexist that context makes this first wave of literature sound, but it's discussed extensively in this article. Second, there is more stigma associated with the term partly because Alcoholics Anonymous (shocking /s) latched onto it starting in the 60s and 70s:

The influence of the AA culture in shaping the concept of codependency as an illness offered the idea that people who were close to the substance user were themselves suffering from an illness (O’Briean and Gaborit 1992). These people were viewed as enablers and coalcoholics (Cotton 1979). [ 1 ]

I... think I am probably not the only one who finds that utterly rancid to read (some academics writing on the subject certainly seem to):

According to Gus Napier, a noted family therapist, it is "ridiculous" to label codependency as a disease, because it is a culturally conditioned response of an overfunctioning person in relationship with an underfunctioning person (Meacham, 1990-1991). [2]

Some researchers who have pushed the term "codependency" as a diagnosis have actually suggested that literally anyone who is living with someone with an addiction should be called co-dependent by definition, regardless of any behavior they may exhibit, which tells you a lot about the lack of consensus and how meaningless the term can be [2]. The term (especially within the disease model where codependency itself is a from of addiction) has been criticized by many researchers for the misogyny through which the term originated, for unproductive negative labeling and pathologizing of people (especially women) dealing with incredibly difficult situations with their loved ones, for victim-blaming people (especially women stuck in abusive relationships) for the actions of their partners, for tangentially—negative stereotyping about people with serious addictions, and for conflating addiction with interpersonal problems, and in the extreme case—for suggesting separation from ones family is the solution to addiction and supporting someone with an addiction somehow always enables them [1, 2].

Since the original stream of literature related to addiction, codependency has rebranded and expanded into literature on family experiences with abuse and mental and physical illness. Which is where we get articles like this one I already linked. The codependent party is still a caretaker in these settings, caring for the needs of a loved one who is ill. Still, "codependency" is not an official medical diagnosis (i.e. not in the DSM-5). It's a term that has been used in academic literature by mental health professionals, when trying to describe a range of behaviors within dysfunctional families. These researchers do not agree on the term's meaning or on whether it even is or should be a diagnosis. Many are interested in it only from an interpersonal or personality perspective, which is also where we should stick.

Taking all of this into account though, I think the very first thing we have to ask ourselves is what exactly we get out of using the term "co-dependency" to describe Sam and/or Dean when the term doesn't even really have an agreed-upon meaning. Is the intention to write interesting character analysis, or is the intention to glorify or criticize using a term that has historically stigmatized understandable human reactions to troubled family situations? I think the goal has perhaps too often been the latter.

That said, I've already been referencing it, but I think this article does a good job of summarizing much of the literature, and then actually focusing on people who do choose, of their own accord, to identify with the term "codependent" because it is helpful for them in understanding their own lived experience and their patterns within relationships. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to explore this as it relates to Sam and Dean with the right motivations. If you read the accounts of the respondents who choose to identify with the term, you'll see shades of Sam and Dean I think (I have written something pretty close to the chameleon-self about season 1 Dean, and I can apply that one to Sam too through his attempts to fit in at Stanford). When it comes to my experience with these characters however, I just don't find that I personally see any value in analyzing Sam and Dean through the word "codependent" given it's lack of agreed-upon meaning professionally and colloquially.

It seems to me that the term itself leads to more confusing conversations instead of less confusing ones because of the lack of clear definition, and the potential for negative stereotyping instead of actual edifying analysis is extremely off-putting to me. It just doesn't do anything for me personally. The issues to which it relates I think are interesting (especially parentification which is a term I do find useful), and I think criticisms leveled against the term are also useful to read in understanding ones own struggles with how fandom tends to frame Dean as a caretaker who they believe is actually somehow responsible for everyone else's decisions. But I think that perhaps I prefer words and concepts that are better defined than the muddiness of the term "codependent".

Lastly: Even if I'm not a particular fan of the term, the fact is that the actual show uses the term twice—in season 5 (shoutout to butch--dean's transcript search engine). Once in 5.11 "Sam, Interrupted" (to Dean):

DR. FULLER Well, to be frank, uh, the relationship that you have with your brother seems dangerously codependent. I think a little time apart will do you both good.

First, this dude doesn't really know what's going on and thinks Sam and Dean are having delusions. However, in season 5, Sam's experience with demon blood is repeatedly paralleled with drug or alcohol addiction, and Sam is someone for whom Dean has been made to feel responsible for most of his life. This episode addresses Dean's overly burdensome responsibilities in other ways and it's also come up in the past in 1.12, 2.09, 2.10, and 4.05. I prefer to discuss this theme with much more specific terms. In this case, I would say Dean has an "overactive sense of responsibility to others", originating first with his childhood experiences with parentification. Sam also has a tendency to try and make Dean shoulder responsibility for his decisions when they backfire, and does so multiple times related to the demon blood (4.04, 4.21, 5.05). Cas and Zachariah also both blame Dean for Sam breaking the last seal because he didn't stop him in time (5.01, 5.02) and Bobby criticizes how Dean responds to Sam's addiction (4.22).

And then again in 5.18 "Point of No Return", specifically when Zachariah (my favorite manipulative angel) tries to get Adam to be on his side by basically calling Sam and Dean creepy incestuous weirdos:

ZACHARIAH So you know you can’t trust them, right? You know Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other, right?

This one honestly to me is just Zachariah doing Zachariah things. I'll reach these episodes on my rewatch fairly soon though, so we'll see if I end up talking about it more then.

Bacon, I., McKay, E., Reynolds, F. et al. The Lived Experience of Codependency: an Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis. Int J Ment Health Addiction 18, 754–771 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-018-9983-8

Anderson, S. C. (1994). A Critical Analysis of the Concept of Codependency. Social Work, 39(6), 677–685. http://www.jstor.org/stable/23717128

[thistlecatfics]

ted tonks feels like the last person in the world who needs therapy, but it's always the quiet ones who need it most... curious how you'd handle him showing up in your office

oh my dude does need some therapy! I'm with you -- he's just a very solid, grounded person in a lot of ways. but also could use some therapy. (I feel like my first set of these were a lot more thoughtful and now I'm getting messier with it but oh well.)

different life stages

and I'm just going to go with my beloved trans masc ted tonks because I can -

Ok let's say he's at Hogwarts. Gender nonconforming 'girl' who is also working class and muggleborn?? Lots of identity stuff. Like he's confident in his identity in a lot of ways -- but some of that is just a front. a solid enough front that he believes it. but there's something fragile and scared underneath because how could there not be? and therapy might be a good place to acknowledge that fear, especially as the war builds.

I'd love to just offer him a lot of space, a lot of validation, not a lot of pushing at all.

And then he starts having this secret relationship with Andromeda BLACK?? ahhh. like as his therapist, I'd just be assuming it's going to end in disaster and heartbreak for him. and also, potentially, legitimate danger. I'd want to safety plan about dangers her family could put him in, though I imagine he'd not want to do that because he'd rather pretend it's all going to be fine -- or that it's not that serious.

(I very much headcanon that Ted's relationship with Andromeda is not 100% cheery and happy. I think it's kind of fucked up to enter into a relationship with someone who does not see you fully as a person! and so I think Ted would be working through a lot of that stuff in therapy as well.)

But then he makes it out and it works! it would be one of those moments as a therapist where you want to talk about it with everyone but you absolutely cannot and that's why supervision exists.

Interwar years -

Ted's got postwar trauma. And he'd deny it too. "Not that bad, not like we were actually fighting." But he was living in fear for years and years, and it took a toll. I think Tonks becoming an Auror would feel really triggering too - putting herself in unnecessary danger.

This would be an interesting area because on the one hand something like EMDR around beliefs around safety might be useful to reduce some of the worst of the hypervigilence etc. on the other hand, I'd want to make sure we're not doing that annoying gaslighting thing in therapy of like 'oh you're just being paranoid, marginalized person. you're actually fine and safe now!' Because muggleborns obviously aren't. The key would be helping the body find a sense of safety while also naming the real systematic dangers and threats.

I also think that if he's a child of an alcoholic (which I hc him to be), there's also be some of that classic adult child of an alcoholic overfunctioning/feeling like you need to earn love stuff going on. which is always a classic in therapy. this would be another area where I think EMDR would be useful, once the dynamics have been named.

And then the relationship with Andromeda! I can't imagine the two of them exist the war being anything less than extremely codependent. I imagine their world shrinks to each other (and their child) so much that each of their senses of self get a little dissolved.

So boundary work! Ted, you're allowed to have needs!

and also in that individuation process - I think this is where his gender feelings would come up more. once a sense of safety has been established. once it feels ok to individuate, then I think the focus would be on his gender feelings.

I'd love to refer them to couple's counseling. There are a lot of couple's therapists who specialize in working with cross-racial or cross-class couples, and I think a therapist who specializes in working with couples connecting across vast difference would be a great fit for them.

[valentinsylve]

I know that for me, there was a real head-trip regarding the right to be ill. If I wasn't suffering all the time, then was my depression real? I was constantly questioned about it by people close to me. "If you're depressed, how come you went dancing?" and things like that. I did things like that because they made me feel better, of course. They didn't mean that I wasn't suffering from compound trauma and depression.

It's very easy to get a voice like that in one's head. If the world around us doesn't validate our pain, there can be a counter-impulse to Get Worse. Underfunctioning is a manifestation of anger, just like overfunctioning. Helplessness and hopelessness are two major psychological mainstays of depression. They are a default setting. Working around those settings takes a lot of practice and a kind of determination that can't always just come from inside. If I couldn't get therapy, it would be a lot harder. When I couldn't afford it, being surrounded by people who had lives and wanted to live (and loved me and wanted me to live) was a helpful stopgap for several years. Not that I treated them like professional helpers, but they were a reminder that the bleakness inside me was not normal and that another kind of life existed, something worth healing for. They were also people to do things with -- activities which brought joy and literally gave me a reason to get up in the morning.

I remember my grandmother. She had depression and trauma which lingered for the rest of her life. She kept herself going for other people, but more than that, her activities gave her joy, which I think was her central source of strength, even more than helping others.

We don't have a cure for depression, so finding healthy ways to live as well as we can with it is the thing we've got to do. Be a verb, I guess.

not to be rude but some of y'all need to look on the bright side sometimes. like, yeah sure the world is fucked and people suck and we all die whatever, sure, but like. go outside.

[eatmangoesnekkid]

Everyone in my family just knew I would want to be a mother. Growing up I was the go-to person for everyone's babysitting needs. I was being trained to be a "good mother " when I was was 10 years old like many girls of African mothers are. By the time I was 12, I knew how to burp a baby, cook a meal, do laundry, clean house, and babysit a few children at one time. Thankfully, sports begin to take up much of my time and showed me other options for my life force beyond childcare and preparing for motherhood. But I'm also grateful for everything my Nigerian/Ibgo mum taught me because I know her wisdom and nurturance helped me to be a more loving woman to myself (my cells) . And I'm also grateful that I know a little something about mothering from culture and spending time as a caregiver/nanny where the Nigerian mother of the Ghanaian-Nigerian-American child worked in another country and I was her live-in support and the child's legal guardian. I took this position after going through a rough break up and deciding I never wanted to work with other adults indoors under florescent lights ever again after spending 4 years in leadership at a food co-op. I think a lot about mothers and even though I am unashamedly grateful I don't have children, my own work and lifestyle are very mother-centric, currently filled with early bed times, slow mornings, warm sun, a little exercise, lots of dancing and walking, ongoing pleasure, and working on projects in-between. Below are some charms I believe can be of service to mothers, especially new moms: Mothers must create lives that are more mother-centered and work in ways that support the physiological needs of the mother and child, like having the opportunity to have more skin-to-skin contact with little infants or creating village/ mothering communities where one or two moms will caretake all the children and give the other moms a break/breath/space for a day or two. Mothers have to stop putting themselves last and normalizing overfunctioning in life with very little nourishment and nutrition. Mothers have to stop believing that their only means of work are jobs and businesses that extract from their life force and provide very little life back in return. Mothers must become more humble and be willing to let go of control and ask for help in places that they don't think they can afford or deserve to be supported in, especially domestically. Cleaning support. Cooking and meal prep support. Laundry support. If mothers have businesses, tech support. Emotional support. Pelvic floor care. Etc. Mothers can get together and organize community cooking where one person prepares a healthy homemade meal for the entire group on a day-to-day rotation schedule. That's one reason why living outside the Western system can be so valuable because these kind of opportunities are more affordable, expected, or readily available, and less shocking exceptions. Sometimes just re-imagining a new reality, one full of generous help, care, and support can be the hardest thing to do, but mothers must be willing do it, despite what their present-day environment presents. And lastly, mothers have to stop martyring themselves for the family and create more space in their lives for their health and spine-arching pleasure. Mothers, more than anything, need to receive and emote from the depths of their wellsprings. They need to cry deeply, especially during intimacy and some really incredible breasts-bouncing, booty- jiggling sex which deeply relaxes the female body, including loving booty smacks and booty massaging, neck play, kissing, deep penetration, and cervical orgasms. In contrast to many fathers, most mothers do pretty much everything in the family and are deeply exhausted and burned out in their tissues because of it. But I have observed with my own eyes how mothers who were born into a different programming from Western society or are simply willing to take their hands off the wheel or let go and be more supported and helped by life live entirely different realities. -India Ame'ye, Author

[ao3feed-undertale1]

Eclipse Brothers On Therapy Lane

read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/66869131 by nursingbohnes THEME: EXPRESSION X REPRESSION INTRODUCING: Sol (Swap!Dream) and Moon (Swap!Nightmare) in a modern setting AU, seeking therapy with Lucia over toxic sibling relationship — overprotectiveness and lack of clear communication — due to childhood trauma. With time jumps, focused on therapy sessions. AKA "Therapy porn". Lucia is my therapist OC. The other characters are not: they're just my interpretation of them. Written along with AI in co-op style. See Series Preface (first work of this series) for more detail. Words: 3270, Chapters: 2/?, Language: English Series: Part 2 of Down On Therapy Lane Fandoms: Undertale (Video Game) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: Gen Characters: Sol (Swap!Dream), Moon (Swap!Nightmare), Lucia (Original Character), Lord Chickenshire (Original Character) Relationships: swap!dream/swap!nightmare Additional Tags: Human AU, AI Usage As A Writing Prop (see this series preface), therapy sessions, Therapy As Main Plot Device, Dialogue driven, Dialogue Heavy, Lucia Is The Standard Therapist, Complex PTSD Themes, Covert Emotional Abuse, Gaslighting, Invalidation Disguised as Affection, Emotional Manipulation, Enmeshment And Infantilization, Coercive Control, Trauma Bonding, Power Imbalance, Overfunctioning Caretaker, Weaponized Kindness, Manipulative Behavior, Possessiveness, anxious attachment, Avoidant Dynamics, Consent (questioned and reestablished), Disassociation, Internalized Guilt or Shame, Emotional Volatility & Meltdowns, touch starvation, Performance as a Defense Mechanism, Stillness as a Survival Skill, Reparenting Oneself, Real-Time Emotional Regulation, Moon Is Stoic But Not Emotionless, Healing by Being Present, Mutual Healing, Emotional Exposure Through Letters, Emotional Vulnerability, Mature Conversations (with Silly Recoil Moments), Miscommunication, Trans Character, Transsexuality, Deadname (Brief Mention), Gender Dysphoria in Youth, Brief Gender Dysphoria Flashback, Queerness & Queer Expression, Flamboyance That Is Not a Joke, Soft Masculinity, Symbolism, a lot of metaphors, Emotional Metaphors in Dialogue, Pop Culture References, Easter Eggs from Other Stories in the Series, realistic ending read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/66869131

[closuretherapy]

When Patterns Become “Me”

Hypervigilance feels like intuition / Numbness feels like apathy / Shutdown feels like “I’m just not emotional” / Overfunctioning feels like “I’m just a giver”.

These may not be who you are. They’re who you had to be. You didn’t choose these patterns. But they may still be choosing you.

[neurolearn]

Who’s behind NeuroLearn?

It’s just me.

And this is where I’m at right now:

• Brain fog thick enough to cut with a knife

• Bone-deep exhaustion that sleep won’t touch

• That weird mix of feeling everything and feeling numb

• Cancelling plans I actually wanted to keep

• Wanting connection but withdrawing because it’s just too much

• Overthinking every small decision until it becomes no decision

• Masking? Can’t. Even if I tried.

• Overfunctioning when I can manage things, then crashing right after

• Minimising my needs so I don’t seem “too much”

• Feeling like I’m failing at doing life “properly”

• Don’t feel like cooking, cleaning… nothing really

How about you?

I’m not sharing this for sympathy.

I’m sharing it because I want you to know that NeuroLearn isn’t some polished company with a social media team and a 6-month content plan.

It’s one late-diagnosed autistic woman trying to untangle her own burnout while making tools for other people doing the same.

I make this stuff because I needed it. Still do.

So if you’re here reading, scrolling, surviving…

just know: You don’t have to “get it together” to be worthy.

You’re not broken because you’re tired.

And if you’re crawling instead of walking today, I see you.

We’re still allowed to take up space. Even on the hard days. Even if it’s just on the couch.