#ramblings and musings

[piinkchocolat]

Just realized that akios office has big window arches, allowing anyone to see in, but most importantly, for akio to keep watch. It's a show of status and power.

It also made me think of how anyone could see in, but it's so far up you would need to be looking really closely to really know what's going on. Something something how this relates to akios abuse of anthy, and abusive victims in general. Something something untrained eyes don't recognize abuse

[soleil-in-retrograde]

Idea I've been turning around in my head and thus need to make others suffer from:

As a god, Apollo could basically check everyone ever's 'status' whenever he wanted. Not even glance at them to see how they're doing. Just a background hum in his head or a constantly little chatter.

Then suddenly he's mortal and there is no chatter. No warm presence on the periphery of his consciousness. No little light in the distance indicating his loved ones. He is a singular thing existing at one point in space-time.

He falls into a dumpster and spends his first few hours as a mortal lowkey panicking because for all he knows every mortal he loves and cares for is dead.

[12th-shavie]

After experiencing the cancer cell arcs once more, I can't help but Feel™ about it

The way the cancer cell is so enraptured by U-1146 to the point where he calls a friend the guy who killed him twice (or his kind-hearted killer)

The way he says he has so much he wants to tell U-1146 despite actively working to end the body's life, which will kill them both

The way he calls U-1146 a contradiction........ caring so much but only capable of killing for the body's sake

How he cherishes the one time his life was saved............. And then stabs his once saviour once killer only to prevent him from having an active role in battle, thus taking away the one thing U-1146 can do to fulfill his duty and making him experience the powerlessness of a normal cell (the container even looks like one of those glass-like tubes where we see the cell duplication previously)

And to stab him he even took advantage of his kindness, targeting Killer T and exploiting U-1146's protective reaction.

I could even overanalyze the puppets and wings he grows as the companionship he could never truly have and the freedom he seeks with the end of their world... but I won't do that.

Unrelated but this smug-ass face is killing me

[four-rabbits-in-a-trenchcoat]

"the hot glue on the scales of justice failed" sounds like a metaphor for the fundamentally flawed nature of human institutions of justice or something, but it's actually just a description of the theater prop repair i did today

[sargasmicgoddess]

I'm sorry.

I should have made more of an effort to be communicative. To tell you what was unfolding.

I'm very happy to see you thriving.

Hi~

It took me a second, but I think I may know who you are. If you are who I think you are, then thank you for this kind message, my friend. I greatly appreciate your thoughtfulness now, and apology accepted ❤️

Internet friendships are a funny thing. They are intimate and real in ways that many IRL friendships aren't. Yet internet friendships are often extremely cursory when it comes to basic things we usually take for granted in IRL friendships--like last names, phone numbers, regular forms of contact, having access to mundane knowledge--like the daily events that pop up in a friends life. You may see someone's bedroom and know their intimate thoughts, yet never know their real name. I've been fortunate enough to have actually gotten to know most of my close friends from here, but even then, there are always some mysteries that remain with some. (It's always that thin line between being invasive and curious....🤣)

And sometimes, they disappear without warning.

I've always asked the few people I've gotten close to here to please at least let me know, if they can, that they are leaving. And that they are OK. I appreciate the fact that real life is messy and unpredictable and that this may not always be possible or feasible. However, I always hope that they will at least do me the courtesy of letting me know...if not when it happens, perhaps some time in the future. And...I'm thinking this may be the latter...? If so, I'm flattered I'm still a thought. ❤️

My worst fear is not knowing that something happened to a friend and then just assuming the worst. I've thankfully not had that happen very often, but it is a thought that haunts me from time to time. (Yes, I'm one of those sentimental ones, lol)

This is a roundabout way of me saying that I understand that internet friendships often don't come with the same expectations that IRL friendships may--but it is greatly appreciated when someone makes the effort to be considerate. In this case, I was very appreciative and touched to get this message. I have to say I wasn't expecting it and it was a lovely surprise. I hope everything is well with you too. Please know that you are always welcome to say hi, should you wish to ❤️. I appreciate this gesture, and there are no hard feelings.

The close friendships I've made here hold a special place in my heart. I often wonder where these friends may be, years from now--the sentimental, connection-seeking part of me always hopes that they will still be around. I've always been a firm believer that connections that are meant to be will always remain, in some shape or form.

And if I was totally wrong about who you are, and you have no idea what I'm talking about....then...well...whoops. My bad. 🤣😬 What I said about internet friendships still hold true...and I apologize for any confusion 🤣

[eldestdaughterbryanrust]

my excuse for my freaky weird theories and headcanons is that I’ve been a writer for a long time and my brain is naturally wired to come up with them with ease, ok.

I see it, I weave my plot, and I execute.

[scummy-writes]

I am feeling nostalgic lately because I am trying to just sorta look into reasons that I write and why I struggle with some things concerning it, and in doing so I've been doing the Terrifying task of reviewing things that gave me a lot of anxiety, such as like...m*sme days.

I wrote a Lot for that fandom, I believe. A lot to me, to where if I compared it to how much I've written this past year, it feels like it wouldn't have even been a third of the writing for m*sme. I mean, I just finally broke over posting more fanfics for vamp than m*sme recently on ao3 recently, whereas m*sme had a ton of hcs and etc that I posted too, since I used to do more requests back then.

I was a part of two zines. One, i was asked to be a part of as a guest, and I have the physical version of the zine still on my bookshelf. My writin, printed out!!! With artists and writers that I enjoyed and admired, I am inbetween shared pages with them.

Another, I spearheaded with the help of friends and managed to raise almost $800 in charity for, even the company reached out and sent a nice lil RFA booklet for it.

And I've been having bouts where I think of those years and compare to Myself. Like "man, past me wrote so much, whats Wrong with me now?", "i was able to do so much more back then...", and now I sit here and analyze it even moreso.

I was quite literally the most depressed I had ever been during that timeframe. I had some awful struggles with my family, I was learning about a lot of personal struggles as well, fandom drama had me in a choke hold it felt like, I was having to live with my grandma due to the family issues, I was alone with barely any time to see irl friends since i worked nightshifts (and my irl friends were an hour away or so), and I lived in a small town that was hateful in many ways. Etc etc...

And now its...what...smaller fandom with less drama (thank god), less pressures from toxic friend groups, family issues are not 100% but are WAY better.... lived with friends the past couple of years and currently living with a friend I met through ikes*ries fandom, and I'm looking back at those fandom days with m*sme and I'm like. Maybe I am just still recovering from all of that. Maybe this is just me slowly building up the ability to write and love it all again.

[dracopias-bloodbag]

My writing process is really just, 9 tabs open: pinterest (for setting inspo), italian fic writing guide 1, 2, and 3 (all curtesy of the lovely @foxybouquet :)), thesatanictemple.com, guide to moon phase meanings, google translate, site on witchcraft history, google doc of outtakes, and the doc with the chapter I'm actually working on

[confessionsofatvjunkie]

I really, really need us to define what "fully remote" means... I believe if you have ANY kind of location requirement, even if I'll never have to step foot in the office, then you should not be able to list it as fully remote.

It's a waste of your time as a job poster, and my energy as a seeker, to get all these listings in my search parameters and most of them I can't even apply for, because you decided to list you post at "fully remote... except,"

Signed, a very frustrated job seeker!

[piinkchocolat]

Trying to explain utena to someone who doesn't watch it makes me feel insane

"Yeah the car is a metaphor for sex. Yeah that girl turns into a cow for an episode. What? Is the Cow a metaphor? No. Maybe."

[thesargasmicgoddess]

An idle mind is the devil's playground....

I have nothing due tomorrow (well, technically today now). No high stress meetings. No crazy commitments. No work travel, speaking engagements, or press interviews. And here I am, 3am, wide awake and going through potato chips.

You'd think that having less to do would help me sleep, but my brain is apparently confused by the sudden lull in activity and stress level....and is looking for distractions 😂

Like, wtf? My brain has forgotten how to relax. God. I'm so weird. And wired, apparently, for no reason. 😂

now...to masturbate or work....?🤔

[12th-shavie]

Octopath Traveler II delayed playthrough blogging

[10 hours in]

Contains light spoilers of some early chapters I guess

I started the journey with Agnea because she looked like a sweetie (and she is) and she really has the most jrpg "leave of this small village to see the big wide world to make your dream come true" beginning

I got her to allure a villager that replenishes SP with every dancer skill she uses and she's been the cornerstone to most battles ever since

The second traveler I got was Partitio and he's a funny lad, I love his vibe, hat, jacket, and speech ! Also, the atmosphere of his storyline was a nice dramatic change of pace after the cozy first one I got

I headcanon that Roque's betrayal was in fact very much a divorce with Partitio's dad and I cannot wait to see how that applies to future chapters (I do hope it ages like fine wine rather than milk)

Partitio's combat performance was pretty solid despite a lack of AoE but the weapon variety for breaking was the early highlight

I ignored the fork in the road that lead to Hikari in favor of recruiting Castti because I wanted a healer and I feel slightly guilty (but also not at all)

Castti is literally so nice to people I can't wait to see if she really has an extremely shady past that will torment her for at least 1 chapter before she decides that she's going to be a good noddle in spite of all

Her concocting is pretty fun but I wish I had more diffusing serum (I can make do with latent power for now but it'd more fun to let her do some fun nuking)

Castti is also extremely tanky (she's the only one I have with over 1k HP so far) so she was a very welcome addition to the party

The next step in the journey was recruiting Osvald (I wanted to start with him but the 2 forced chapters made me decide to instead make him the reward for reaching the eastern continent) after I ignored the boat that lead to Ochette and wandered around until I stumbled upon a boat that lead really close to Osvald on the map and eventually found him face-down in the snow (which makes my decision to no start with him even better)

His first two chapters cemented him as one of my favorites beyond the visual vibes I got from the first selecting menu, and his skillset was a cherry on top

AoE magic nuking when I already have some buffing and BP donating in my party ? I'm sold. Free weakpoint reveals every battle ? Even better ! Osvaldo battle voicelines ? Yes please !

After that I found the scholar license and decided that Agnea should also learn to buff spell intensity to make my Osvaldo nuking engine even stronger (she's been doing great and I'm very proud of her)

Since it was on the way to Agnea's second chapter for which she was at the recommended level, I went on to recruit Temenos and he did not disappoint ! He really gave me an impression of being a seemingly upstanding fellow who is in fact not only shady but just the right blend of ambiguous tease with genuine words thrown in (props to his voice acting that really sells it)

His detective moment was also pretty cool, especially after seeing the duality of his abilities to get people to follow him without risk of failure and his (very shady) coercing to get more intel

I considered replacing Castti with him as my party healer but he is very squishy compared to her, and she also has weapon diversity and more consistent debuffing over him so for the time being he's just chilling at the tavern waiting for a party composition that makes him shine

On my way to the big city I found the inventor license and could simply not resist giving it to Partitio it simply fit him too well (and more weapons to break with is very nice), although I'm thinking of changing it later to try a Temenos build that would allow him to break even more and coerce better

Now onto the big city to recruit Throné and let Agnea's story unfold further !

[neigepomme]

cw // NSFW. caleb loves when you control him.

caleb's a big man — in more ways than one. however, when he's near you? just an oversized ragdoll for you to manhandle as you please.

the first time he realized that, you were pointing at something for him to see. unfortunately, his attention was on something else, and after losing your patience, you tug at his necklace for him to lean down.

poor guy almost came on the spot. the action wasn't even remotely sexual, but the fact that you felt comfortable enough to boss him around, control him? oh that did caleb in.

somehow, you also caught on. his nervous smile and red ears were telltale signs that he was impacted, and boy, it was bound to be lots of fun for you.

so you tried it out more often. just some inconspicuous stuff to gauge his reactions! no harm in discovery, right?

when he was leaving for work, you'd roughly grab his face with one hand and bring him down to your level to press a kiss on his puckered lips. 

“have a lovely day at work, baby. go get 'em colonel!”

you spoke with the sweetest tone you could muster, and caleb's flushed face and lovestruck smile was a delight to see so early in the morning. wishing you a good day as well, he heads over to the fleet — only to find out he has a hard-on. caleb deals with it in his office, before heading out to train the cadets (who realize their ever so scary colonel is capable of sporting a smile).

the next instance was when you two were out and about in a supermarket, picking out the ingredients for hot pot tonight. you stare at caleb when an older gentleman heads your way with his cart, wobbling around — and a mischievous idea quickly forms in your head. you quickly tug caleb's arm, pressing his body against yours when you flash him a smile, “oops. a cart was headed your way. ”

the pilot can't maintain eye contact, his pants suddenly feeling way tighter than usual. you were going to be the death of him if you kept going, but caleb would be lying if he said that dying to your hands wasn't the best way to go.

the time that cemented it in both of your minds, though, was when you were straddling his lap and making out with him on the living room couch. caleb was taking over your mouth, kissing you like a starved man, and you desperately needed to catch your breath — so you tugged on his hair, hard, in order to separate him from your mouth.

his hips bucked up into yours when you did that, and as the realization hit him, a vicious red blush took over his face.

“fuck pips, you can't keep doing that.”

funnily enough, his words didn't exactly match his actions. when you tugged a little harder in response, his hands grabbed onto your hips and dragged you against his, your clothed core rubbing against his growing bulge. you moan against his ear when a sound between a whimper and a groan comes out of his mouth.

“hmm, but i think you love it, don't you?”

that might be the understatement of the century, caleb thinks. he doesn't just love it, he adores it when you play rough with him — so teasing and unfair, it makes him want to push your buttons, so you keep on doing it.

and that's exactly what he plans on doing when he throws you over his shoulder and starts walking towards the bedroom.

“i do. love it when you control me.”

🍎 pomme's notes — h.. hey.... alexa put on control me by colde....

[sargasmicgoddess]

Hi. Not cerebral, but have you ever made a random connection with someone so strong on a night out or whatever where you’ve just had to follow it up somehow, or take action there and then?

I have this devil/angel inner-voice trauma in those situations and the angel always wins so I’m always left with wondering ‘what if’. One day I’ll have the balls to just say ‘fuck it’ and see what happens. Sigh.

Ever seen the movie Before Sunrise?

That's what I always think of when I think about random connections that just work.

Most of my life, I've followed my passions. Of the mind and of the heart. Professionally and personally. "What ifs" haunt me, and I've consciously tried to live a life where I don't have to say that a lot.

Granted, it takes me to other places that have made me say, "WTF is WRONG with me?!"* And "Am I clinically, diagnosably, INSANE?!"**

Other times, I get hurt wearing my heart on my sleeve by being vulnerable with connections, but that's a willing risk I take. I'd rather feel too much than nothing at all. But at the end of the day, I'm almost always happy I took chances.

I regret nothing. It has shaped me into the person I am today.

Obviously, idk your specific situation, so use your own best judgment.

But more than ever, I've embraced unexpected connections, experiences, and moments in my 40s. I hope you can find your happy medium too!

* everything. But I'm cool with it 🤣

**debatable. I'm sure you'll find me in the DSM somewhere 😬

[wolgraugorimilir]

This is a letter I wrote to a friend, regarding Tepwat Manu. Stick around for rambling musings on ancient Egyptian culture, and my life

“It's a fascinating point you made that “lightness of the heart” means frivolity, rather than rightness, in our culture. I've never thought about that, nor have I ever recognized that the imagery of the weighing of the scales is something that exists, too, in Hebrew scripture.

Of course, that makes a lot of sense to me. After all, famously, there were close connections between Hebrews and Egyptians.

That you mentioned our relationship with the concept of lightness of the heart illuminates what I consider to be a very important difference between Ancient Egyptian culture and our own. Ancient Egyptians conceptualized morality (maybe better translated as “rightness”, symbolized by the feather called Ma'at), as comfortably fulfilling your role in society. Full stop.

“Rightness” meant that it was right for healers to heal, for farmers to sow, for scribes to write. Fulfilling your social role - being “right”, or perhaps, “moral” - was something that would feel effortless, and pleasurable. Living your best life was light-hearted, even perhaps in our sense of the word.

Something I have always struggled with growing up with Christianity is the pernicious idea that rightness has to hurt. That pleasure and ease are sinful. I grew up around mostly protestants.

I think there is wisdom in the belief that living within your means, and doing whatever is most natural, is “right”.

Of course, It's also a dangerous belief. For the Ancient Egyptians, it was right for a warrior to kill, and for a king to enslave.

I'm so so happy to hear you're in, and I'm so flattered that you were able to engage with my writing on such a deep and insightful level.

Henry was my brother. He died when he was a baby. I was 6. It opened my eyes to death. All at once, god became something cruel, and unjust.

That feeling is something I shared with the ancient Mesopotamians. They loved their gods, of course, like I do, but they didn't think of their gods as beings concerned with morality. The gods were as capricious and cruel as the natural forces they embodied. The oceans, The Earth, death. They were not above the people's reproach. A common refrain in Mesopotamian prayers was to curse their gods, to try and make them feel pity, and change their minds.

If a child died, his mother would say to her gods - those who wielded the tablets of destiny - who had set down in clay the proclamation that her child should die:

"Why did you do this cruel thing to me, when all I ever did was love you?"

I don't feel like we've ever come up with a very compelling answer to that question. The gods have certainly been quiet.

[confessionsofatvjunkie]

When life (Target) gives you lemons (a way bigger “mini” watermelon than you expected resulting in a surplus of fruit for one person) make lemonade (spice watermelon margaritas)