#reality game shows are a valid learning source

[skybluekagikun]

Even tho I've watched multiple seasons of Hells Kitchen I still can't describe food for the life of me 😭 rip in pieces kghr chef au you'll just have to continue to live rent free in my head for the rest of time (or until I can bs it enough)

[emblemxeno]

I saw that my ask had gotten eaten by this hellsite, so I'll repost it again. Lucky you, I had it saved!

I think the thing that pisses me off the most about FE fans... is how much they often feel like they miss the point of the series.

"According to the developers, the Fire Emblem series' central theme revolves around the inherent humanity of the characters, who have more to them than just being chess pieces. The games also encourage a lot of individual growth and players using whoever they like the most, due to the emphasis on the humanity of the cast and the sanctity of each life. This, it seems, is sadly lost on the portion of the fandom that takes the Nintendo Hard difficulty as a reason to rigidly adhere to using characters within the lens of strategic elements based on immediate gains. Add that to how a lot of the series locks behind character potential through supports and the fandom's reluctance to actually learn more and state their opinions on it without adopting an extremely binary morality view (see below), and the community clearly enjoys the game, if for much different reasons than what the devs intended. Can't get more of a dissonance than to have a theme song loudly blare The Power of Friendship and people not understanding that the characters are humans within their own rights. Matters are not helped by virtue of people wanting to validate themselves within their "correct" opinion of the story, not taking into consideration how others may see differently or the fact that there's only losers in war for all sides, a theme that Fire Emblem Fates and Fire Emblem: Three Houses bash you on the head with." Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/MisaimedFandom/FireEmblem

Like, FE has always, always been about love, bonds and the power of emotions triumphing all in a simulation RPG. The bonds of who you use, who lives, who dies, who marries who, that has been the heart and soul of the series by treating the various cast members as their own people with their own lives, will to live, and inherently diverse views on how the world works. There being so many ways to play FE and so many strategies that if you make it work, that just shows you overcoming the game's challenges; you can use Seth or Titania to solo most of their games, but just as much use Amelia or Rolf to do that if you so want to. And the difference is that while there's often restrictions for said characters, you can and often do are able to make it work by playing on those inefficiencies and use whatever strategies you can to overcome the challenges in a simulation RPG. It's inherently about subjectivity, and inherently about love, hope, and kickass swords! The broad strokes and worldbuilding of the series yet sheer richness of the story and sheer randomness for how your runs may turn out leave so much to headcanon and worldbuilding, letting YOU play the way you want to play and nobody else. It makes for a truly amazing storytelling experience that isn't rivaled by any other FE game in the series. It's inherently subjective, straight from interviews, no less:

“I think it’s because of the focus we’ve had in recent games on having you develop affinities for the characters,” Maeda says. “You choose the characters you like out of a large stable, you’ve got a lot of freedom to build them the way you like, and each player has their own characters they’re fond of.” [...] “It looks a bit like you’re moving players around in a chess match at first, but in reality, each one of them are human beings, with flesh and blood,” says Intelligent Systems director Kouhei Maeda. “As the player, you don’t want to lose them. You love them as a real person/character, and you want to make them stronger.” Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/fireemblem/comments/plrmlt/i_found_a_really_interesting_interview_on_the/

NOM: So the purpose was to make it simple but fun, but what does that mean, exactly? Narihiro: When it comes to Simulation, it is actually difficult to think that there are too many visible components. Each component alone is simple, but variation increases based on the combination of these components. By combining a multitude of simple components, it means that each person can play in their own way. For example, individuals who say, “I want to fight using only female units” or, “I only want to use bows!” can play according to their own desires. (laughs) Source: https://kantopia.wordpress.com/2020/04/21/fire-emblem-path-of-radiance-staff-interview-highlights-nintendo-dream-june-2005/

FE is truly unique, special and amazing for the sheer empathy, warmth and humanity it exhibits, and it taught me to value the meaning of human life and all it values. And I'd have no problems if people actually realized how geared FE is to inherent subjectivity regardless. But that's not what happened. The FE fandom is reclusive, reactionary and territorially aggressive to even the slightest bit of self-expression or non-curative fanlore, being so utterly obsessed with being "objectively correct" they invented stuff like 'Personal Experience Means Nothing' despite the inherent subjectivity of the series and bashed anyone for having the "wrong opinion" while taking what's fundamentally a simple yet fun gameplay experience and not only tried to outright compare it to chess, but had the shitting temerity to act like they were qualified to "teach" the centralized way of playing FE at college communities. (https://twitter.com/lucky_lunatrick/status/1790562171207696517). This is a fandom that revels in excluding people while continuously gaslighting anyone who dares protest this abusive relationship (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlIOI057L0g) while shitting on anyone for daring to show emotion to the story as "bad taste" (https://youtu.be/DInHAC3FIL4?si=xIWiekGECP_McfLk, https://youtu.be/p2k24l-c13w?si=BGzqZr6eGx5RO3Xa). All while they are so dedicated to "fighting misinformation" in the fandom, while being blind to their own biases in story and spewing open misinformation or misinterpretation of the story or coming up with ideas of what they're like. They take a game series fundamentally about subjectivity with many right ways and tried to make it as objective as possible with there being only "one" right way of playing the series. They took a series that bashes you on the head of the humanity of all sides yet they only see from their perspective and try to act like their side is automatically right while all others is evil. It's cartoonish how much they miss the point of the series. It's like saying My Little Pony supports Nazi beliefs like /mlpol/ tried to argue, when that's just objectively not true. Given it involves openly hacking the game for 0% growth runs or playing in blatantly rushing elements, it feels sincerely like they're playing for factually the wrong reasons, and I don't use that term genuinely. Worse, they actually think this hyper-fixation on being "objectively correct" means they can exclude others!:

>"Players feel excluded when their gameplay doesn't reflect community standards" This is a non-issue. Not everyone needs to be part of every discussion. I keep bringing this example up in these threads, but if I play Smash Bros casually and there's a competitive tier list thread going on, I don't feel the need to participate. I can read it and it's fun to learn how competitive people play and how they see the game, but at no point do I feel like I need to butt in with my uninformed opinion. The problem is people wanting to be included when they have nothing of value to say. Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/fireemblem/comments/16q6tnu/how_efficiency_has_warped_the_fe_community_and/

Like, to give an idea how fucking unhinged this is; Smash Bros. is a metagame that, doubtlessly as you know, has an extremely in-depth and complicated metagame of ways to play the game and the best ways to win a match-up. Everything is usually fiercely defined by usability and with clear winners and losers. This is okay, because there doesn't need to be anything other than that, because Smash Bros. is at a competitive level on a fundamental level that doesn't need that. The skill ceiling is very high and only the best of the best will win you the day. Which is fine... but FE is a single-player strategy RPG. A game that explicitly has it so that you're strongly encouraged to play the way you want to play and emotionally invest in the characters you love, and ultimately use that gameplay to help them change their fate and earn them a happy ending through the amount of emotional investment you provide them. All while still not applying any kind of media analysis on FE or what its story means.

The fandom absolutely hates having to dig for any story context even when it's there in the game and loudly screeching at the player, because if it's not lore dumps or blatantly spoonfeeding context to the player, it's useless. People hated Fates because it so dissatisfied this completionist/"true gamer" mentality because it was emotionally unsatisfying for them because they refused to dig deeper. While 3H gets praise for them removing that fundamental self-discovery and personalization element of the series and spoonfeeding it by forcing it to the player as unsubtly as possible to tell them what they think. In almost any other fandom this would be seen as ridiculous, but the FE community is so ass-backwards they think this is good writing and gobble it up while shitting on Engage for being "back to basics" (which I didn't like like you did OP, but I respect what people love about it so much).

FE is a fandom that willfully and ignorantly twists the series's sentiments to its own self-justifying perspective while having a superiority complex over a fucking anime JRPG. And gets mad when you point out how pointless it is and only exists to be exclusionary! And I'd be fine with it if it was one sector of the fandom, but this shit is fucking everywhere. It's like if Fallout only had No Mutants Allowed as the only place to go for the fandom when you don't think the Bethesda Fallout games are the devil (well, not me and 3 anyways, that game slapped), while the shitting on people's tastes is so omnipresent it makes me wonder how anyone tolerates them IRL because they're the kinds of people who will die alone because nobody would put up with their above-average midwit brainiac egotist Brian Griffin-lookin' ahh.

Point is, while there are fandoms with a reputation as more toxic (e.g. Steven Universe pre-porn exodus, Danganronpa, Undertale, etc.), I cannot think of a fandom that's as exclusionary or downright missing the point of the series on an objective level (and again, I avoid using absolutes as much as possible!) as the FE fandom. The kicker is that people loved Fates and you consistently have luck with people who adore the story and its characters outside of these mainstream communities, but the hardcore fans are so utterly toxic they shame anyone for daring to express it despite the fact it didn't become the second best selling FE ever out of thin air. I think you cannot get more closer to missing the goddamn point of your own series than if you made a mecha show that's fundamentally anti-war and say "Wow! Cool robot!".

this was the long post, guys.

the post where i was frustrated with this website, was applied to this

[glitzreyasblog]

Hi girl! Well i want to manifest high grades in my exams but sometimes when i pass the exam and then the teachers returns my papers i find them bad...and then i give up persisting, how do i fix that? It Also a problem with changing my past grades, it just the 3d circumstances triggers me and that would make me think that it impossible to change my grades. I Hope you see my Ask and thank you 💗

hey, anon, thanks for asking ! ♡

first, nothing is impossible. the truth is everything is available to you and everything is possible. so even if you don’t always believe everything is possible, know that the truth is that every possibility is at your fingertips.

I understand that the 3D can be triggering, I mean, of course it is! if it’s in your face 24/7 how could it not annoy you? but at the end of the day, as long as you realize that the 3D and it’s circumstances literally mean nothing and can’t do anything to impact your manifestations— you’re good.

also, the 3D is neverrrr a source of confirmation or validation. don’t look to it and take whatever it says as the last word. it’s not in the 3D, so what? keep going. There’s no such thing as giving up since you’re always manifesting, giving up simply means persisting in the assumption you don’t want.

the 3D always look at you for validation anyways. everything in the 3D comes from you because the 3D is you, there’s no separation! so don’t believe that the 3D can create on its own or that whatever happens in the 3D is set in stone. keep doing your thing and the 3D has no choice but to follow— that is a guarantee.

I really recommend reading these posts by @etherealkissed88 , as soon as I saw your ask, her posts popped into my head:

indifference towards the 3D

applying the law while experiencing the 3D

(I rlly recommend her blog too! it’s been incredibly helpful for me and allowed me to find success in my loa journey 🫶)

don’t look at your grades in the 3D and take that as a sign that “it didn’t work”. don’t take anything that happens in the 3D as a sign of anything. the 3D literally means nothing, so don’t let it stop you. the only one who can change your reality is you, so dont give up just because the insignificant 3D shows you something.

ps, it’s perfectly okay to have doubts. lots of people manifest even with doubts, anxiety, negative thoughts, etc. once you’ve decided that you have it, it’s done. nothing can take that away from you. so do whatever you want, interact with the 3D, while knowing you already made the decision that it’s yours.

and remember, the 3D can only change once there is a change in self.

aside from my advice, I’d also like to share my experience, because I used to be in a similar situation. I depended on the 3D for confirmation so much it’s not even funny. I’m proud to say that now my mindset is completely different and i couldn’t care that much about the 3D if I tried. what helped me the most was learning and understanding the significance of imagination. learning the importance of imagination and self was what changed the game for me. I was able to give myself everything I wanted in my imagination, I was able to fulfill and change self with ease and I had never felt more free doing so. It also made me a million times more sure in my decision that I had what I wanted. because why would I care about the 3D and what it was showing me if i had everything i wanted in the 4D— the real reality. so, if your 3D grades are bothering you then simply have fun in the 4D! what do you desire aside from the grades? Is it the satisfaction of achieving such high marks? Is it the pride you’ll have in yourself once you get the top score? Is it relief you want to feel? Do you want to impress your peers? Or is it academic validation you want? Whatever it is, give it to yourself within. and don’t just do that for the sake of change in the 3D, for the sake of getting something, do it because you’ll feel how you want to feel. do it because you’ll feel confident in the assumption you have high marks.

give yourself something to fall in love with in imagination.

another ps (I swear I’m almost done just stay with me😭😭) it’s also worth mentioning that you as the outer man can do absolutely nothing to change the outer world, nor should you strive to. the only way to change the 3D is to change self, change imagination. to create a new assumption which then turns into a new identity.

at the end of the day, it all comes back to the inner world. a change in the 3D can only be created by a change in the 4D. so you either make the change or get stuck in the cycle that is putting the 3D on a pedestal. the choice is yours.

[hyacinthusmemorial]

The Power of Children's Stories: Why "Kid's Book" Should Not Be Considered an Insult

I do this thing when I'm walking, I listen to Kids from the Stranger Things Soundtrack and I imagine Apollo fighting Python, but then I imagine all the heroes that came after him because in a way--Apollo is the archetype of the hero. He's a child, a baby god, four days old in some stories and he's not stealing cows, he's killing a serpent. Then I imagine all the demigods that came after him, and I'm stunned because there's a reason we give children the ability to slay monsters in media when they normally are not expected to do so in real life.

I read a post by @apollosgiftofprophecy, which is a valuable critique of derogatorily labeling something "kid's book". This post I'm writing in no way disregards that, but rather highlights something similar, but different. Rick Riordan's books are powerful (recent discussion about his characterization and stories aside), and just because they are targeted at a younger audience doesn't mean they aren't powerful for everyone. I'm guilty, I called them Kid's books in this post, but to me, Kid's Books are a powerful medium and not a lower one or even a derogatory one. To me, Percy Jackson is a one million times better character than Jon Snow in Game of Thrones because GOT takes its source material so, oh so seriously that it never explores the themes of his childhood in any meaningful way. Percy Jackson on the other hand as well as Apollo because I adore those books too--they use a narration style that is clear, entertaining, and bright and humorous to express very harsh realities of life. I identified with Apollo more as an adult because he uses humor to mask his darkness, which is very much something I do (and honestly anyone in healthcare or who deals with death daily does that), but I adored Apollo because he was hiding.

Clearly, I don't write for middle grade level when I write, I write adult content, but I wanted to validate "kid's books" --not "Just kid's books." Kid's books are powerful.

Examples:

Responsible for combatting Racist views! Absolutely one of the most powerful books ever written, and it teaches CHILDREN and ADULTS to turn around and save someone even when its not the "right" thing to do, but it absolutely is. It challenges conscience. It does this while telling joke after joke after joke.

Another Example:

Another "Kid's books" but not "just kid's books"-- gosh, I could go on and on about LOTR and its themes about power. This book is important for all ages. I still analyze the hell out of it, and so do my friends. Its hopeful, not because its less of a book than its counterpart "its all quiet on the western front," but because its illustrating powerful lessons without despair. Everyone makes it home, everything is beautiful, they rebuild, the Shire endures through the darkness. The Ring is destroyed even though it still very much exists in our world.

What about the Giving Tree, or Dr. Seuss books like Yertle the Turtle or the Sneetches, Artemis Fowl, and all those "kid's books." Star Wars is for "kids," but talking about Cycles of Abuse! Luke means Hope, and he breaks his families cycle of abuse. That's powerful, and its for kids!

I would argue that Kid's books are powerful BECAUSE they are targeted for kids, not in spite of it. Stories are how we TEACH. Grimm's Fairytale's existed because storytelling was a medium through which kid's learned vital truths--they have to be dark, kid's understand darkness, they understand monsters, and while our society sanitizes death away, kid's very much should learn how to understand death too.

I read an article about how a tribe, I think perhaps one of the Inuit, uses stories instead of physical discipline and how they find that this is the superior way of teaching children and adults. Everyone listens to the stories, not just the kids. When someone makes a mistake, they develop a story to show what happens if that mistake is oft repeated. I think about our ancestors gathered around fires and they told stories, and the kids were front and center, but the adults were there too, listening, learning, remembering.

On a completely different note: when a book is "targeted" towards an audience, that's marketing. It has nothing to do with content or value. We need to separate the concept of marketed, and marketing, from the whole value of a book as a means through which to tell a story that discusses important themes.

I very much use my story as a means through which to express truths about personal issues, and I think it resonates. But, those themes and truths are universal in their basic nature, a child can understand what it means to be hurt as much as an adult. A child can understand what it means to be free as much as an adult.

[mochabloom]

Advices or reminders that I often times forget but would like to recall

• be so rooted in your own presence that anyone’s absence or presence doesn’t affect your inner world and it’s peace

• what other people think of you is an aspect you can never control so learn to let it go

• learn that not everyone has a heart like you and treat people accordingly

• being selfish is a skill you need to develop cause you will find people who will try to make decisions for you so learn to look after you

• learn to fight for yourself

• boundaries lead to happiness

• learn that you have the power to shift your focus from negative to positive

• you don’t need anyone’s validation to be happy for any kind of matter

• learn how to leave situations that no longer benefit or work for you

• being alone is nothing to be ashamed of if it saves you from being with people who don’t make you feel your best

• you can be someone’s friend but that makes that you their friend remember that

• learn to not get swayed away by emotions regular you’ll find yourself in uncomfortable situations

• learn that the best revenge is indifference

• no guy or girl can ever define you as a person or your worth they don’t have that kind of power and will never have it so don’t base your life and happiness in someone’s hand which aren’t capable enough to hold them

• learn to enjoy your own company and keep busy it helps

• you can’t make everyone happy understand that so make yourself happy and if someone is unhappy it’s not your business

• learn that karma is real

• someone treating you like shit has absolutely nothing to do with you it’s on them honey and not you people can be real assholes but we take care of ourselves and leave them be

• don’t let anyone’s emotions or behaviour have an impact on you if it does don’t show most people love to play those games so best not engage

• you stopping your selfcare won’t help any situation

• learn to clap for yourself

• you were not born to make people feel comfortable

• be strict with your boundaries as they are a real source of growth

• we need make decisions that don’t look good but are in reality good for us it doesn’t matter how they look

• learn to catch and release don’t hold something so hard and it makes you broken

• rise above drama

• do things for you and not to impress anyone as that shit will tire you out

• boring decisions and choices are also needed for self improvement and happiness long term

• being lazy will make you feel shitty

• learn to not takes things personally as that will save you from a whole lot of pain

[groundcontrol21]

2 for the ask game! And... could I hear your 7 opinions on Aramis?

2. what in your fiction has turned out differently than you expected when you began? what has always remained the same?

Well, since this came from the general section of the questions, I’ll answer more broadly: I never expected to be writing solely for fun. I started writing as a kid/preteen for fun, yes, but always with the goal of being a published author very firmly in the back (or front) of my mind. When I won my first national contest at 14, that was just enough to make it seem like this goal could actually be a reality, and to ensure that for the next four years, I almost never wrote anything purely for fun again. I tailored everything I wrote to what I thought other people wanted to see, and in large part it worked: I won contest after contest, won money for what I wrote, got pieces published in magazines and even wrote a whole novel that got published through a small indie publisher. But because I was writing purely for external validation, I began to view it as a chore, as something I had to do bc I was “the star writer”, and that’s all.

Now whether you all think any of those accolades were deserved based on the quality of writing I share here is another story 😂 but also please know that I do not share that type of writing here. I agonized over every word and plot point, edited and edited again to the point where many times I was an inch away from deleting the whole thing and starting from scratch. Not all of this obsession with perfection was bad; I learned very valuable techniques and style choices that I still use to this day, but crucially, I can now use them in a way that satisfies me and no one else. Obviously I still plan and edit my work that I share here bc I take pride in it, but the process is so more relaxed. I have found a joy and freedom in creating (both on here and on vanilla fanfic) that I don’t even think I had when I started writing as a wee child.

Maybe one day I’ll write something and have it published again, but I’ve gotten to the point that I can honestly say I’m fine if I never do. That’s what’s changed, and for the better. I take pride in my writing, that part has stayed the same through it all, but the source of it has changed from how others value my work to how I value it.

(oops kinda deep for a snz blog)

7. do you have a favourite scene of theirs in canon, or in your own work? what scene have you always wanted to see or write for them?

Psh, “can you hear my opinions on Aramis”. I will give my opinions on Aramis whether they are prompted or not! (though thank you so much for asking ofc, and hyping up my obsession). So favorites, bc in my mind there are 3 subtly different versions of the guy that I love:

Book: The mf dropped-handkerchief-intro-scene, for obvious reasons (may have a bit of a handkerchief fetish on top of it all) but also since the little verbal sparring match he gets into with D’Artagnan here contains, in my opinion, some of the funniest lines in the book. Also love the part where he gets shot and tries to be brave about it but can’t carry on

Movie musical: the part where he sings and sniffs the damn handkerchief, my god, you absolutely insane man.

BBC show: The absolute whump-filled angst fest that is episode 4, because I am a terrible person.

In terms of my writing, though, I really love him in”A Routine Occurrence”, being a good friend but not being at all happy about it. Especially when he says he thinks he’s getting a fever 😈

In terms of what I’d like to see, though perhaps not write myself bc I’d be so out of my depth, would be what I’ve sort of danced around in my fics: him in bed with his mistress, getting a little spicy only to have to put it all on hold bc he’s dreadfully ill. Or, him picking up a cold from a lady who swears she’s recovered but really isn’t after all (but of course it’s all worth it to him, the daft man).

[janethepegasus]

About Jane, the shameless self-insert

When she arrived to Twisted Wonderland, apparently she magically de-aged to be 16 years old, which absolutely shocked her when she found out. Her actual age back home? Around her early 20s. Though she’s mentally the same as before.

Of course she’s not gonna be romantic with a majority of these boys, they’re 16-18 anyway and even if she’s in that age range in Twisted Wonderland, it just doesn’t sit well with her. Though the only people she would possibly feel comfortable dating is Leona (he’s 20), Malleus, and Lilia.

She’s actually kinda mature for her “age” and there are moments where she shows this maturity (such as her offer to Azul in Episode 3)

She’s autistic, showing few traits of it sometimes such as fidgeting. Though a lot of students interpret this differently.

In moments in complete distress, Jane would go into an emotional meltdown, feeling the crushing weight of the fear, sadness, and hopelessness from whatever situation caused it.

She has knowledge of the various interests she has back in her world. She even shares some of this knowledge to some people (sometimes reference these things too)

However, she’s silent about anything Disney, especially about the villains the dorms are based off of. The reason why is one, she doesn’t wanna cause a mass panic and have several people have a midlife crisis for looking up to these people, and two, she just assumes in Twisted Wonderland, the Great Seven are just “villains who are misunderstood”

Because of her already existing knowledge of these movies, she doesn’t see the usual dreams MC/Yuu see. Instead they’re more symbolic and surreal, tying into whatever’s going on in reality.

Personally-wise; she is generally nice, showcasing her kind and joyful nature to others. She can also be a little mischievous and playful, cracking jokes if she feels like it.

Sometimes Jane can be a little hyper, everyone on Happy Beans Day witnessed the wrath of an adrenaline-high Jane who’s having WAY too much fun in a simple game of tag.

Though as she adapts to her life in NRC, she slowly changes as a person. She starts to become bold, more assertive in what she says, she adapts to how students at NRC can be and uses it if she feels like it’s necessary, and she learned to be courageous in dangerous moments, especially during Overblot fights.

Speaking of Overblots, a strange little coincidence keeps happening in the aftermath; the Overblot monster falls over her and lands on her, a wave of blot covering Jane and the Overblot victim. Jane would find herself in an odd dark space, essentially the mind/heart of the person. This is where she tries to learn the source of their behavior, what caused them to resort to whatever actions they did, she learns of their past and all the pain they went through, and from there, she tries to comfort them, validate their pains, and try to guide them to a path of healing. She calls this odd phenomenon, “Diving into the Heart”

She would find herself making a ton of friends at NRC, some more closer than others. She greatly appreciates having all these people who care for her and the same with her, in a way, they’re almost like…..her new family.

Additional notes;

Out of all the First Years, Jane is like the mom of the group. Constantly trying to keep these kiddos under control whenever they’re all together.

She goes to the Board Game Club, she felt like it suited her best after seeing what every club had in store. On some days, Jane would try to outsmart Azul while he playfully teases her for trying, meanwhile Grim and Idia just…watch.

She sees Ramshackle Dorm as a home away from her real home. She tries to keep it as clean as possible, but no amount of cleaning would hide the fact the building is crumbling apart. She tried SOOO many times to suggest to Crowley to renovate the building, only to be dismissed with a “perhaps I’ll get to that but not now!” She’s starting to bribe Azul to invest fixing the place.

She got a phone from Cater for her birthday, since then she’s been using it for two things; to be in contact with all her friends and Magicam. Her Magicam account is best described as a jack of all trades. With various pics and videos of whatever Jane felt like posting; from actual good pics of random spots throughout the school, to pics of her and any of her friends, to pics of her art, to simple jokes (such as a parody of Riddle’s Magicam posts with a picture of Grim)

[thisdreamplace]

Hi! So I am really conflicted about manifesting sometimes. Before I learned about the law, I would never tolerate someone cheating on me or treating me poorly. But after learning about the law, I have to brush it off and say they’re only treating me poorly because of my own thoughts…It just feels so conflicting because my friends all dislike my SP and don’t want me to get back with a guy who treated me like that. I’m the only one who knows about the law so to them I seem dumb for justifying and forgiving his shitty behavior. It’s just hard to believe in the law sometimes because it feels like I’m just allowing someone to treat me badly. And I know I shouldn’t be reaffirming that they treat me poorly but sometimes I feel like I’m being delusional by affirming that everything is perfect. Because a year ago when I didn’t know about the law I would’ve just dropped someone like that right away and never looked back. I want to believe in the law, but at the same time if it’s not real I’m being an idiot for justifying shitty behavior and blaming someone else’s actions on my own thoughts. Sorry I’m kind of just venting but I’m also wondering if you have any advice for someone who sometimes feels conflicted!!

It only feels that way because on a level, you're misinterpreting the teachings. You still feel like a victim to life, otherwise it wouldn't feel like you're "allowing" poor treatment. You would feel more powerful and trusting. You can't take responsibility for your life and feel bad about it... because that still shows the victim mentality that you are operating from. I have been there plenty of times and it's important to truly step into responsibility, from a place of power.

This isn't a blame game. It's not their fault or your fault. But it is about taking actual responsibility for yourself and standing confident in knowing you have the power to change it. It's about seeing both them and yourself through the eyes of unconditional love, because that's who you really are. God of your reality, unconditional love at your core. And you no longer feel like a victim to the actions of others, because you know how that person isn't actually hurting you. You've just created the illusion of such. Everyone is love at their core and it's up to us to allow that lovely version of them to shine through, but we must begin with ourselves.

I think Dylan James explains this kind of issue soooooo well. In one video he explains how, this isn't a ticket to endure undesirable behavior. Everyone is you pushed out isn't an excuse to lay down and take abuse, disrespect, or anything else undesirable. What it really is, is a ticket to take back your power, take back responsibility, and to get what you want because you deserve exactly what you want. Period. Dylan says how you don't need to pacify this behavior. You don't need to argue with your friends to prove how your sp is worthy. Once again, this is coming from a victim mentality. Because if you were confident within yourself and in your sp (which would just mean even more confidence in yourself, as eiypo) then you wouldn't need their validation or approval. You don't even need your sp's validation. You just need yours.

Dylan says how, when you understand this, you can leave it alone more confidently. He says something along the lines of, "I am not accepting any undesirable behavior. You are going to show up respecting me, loving me, and adoring me because that's how I feel about myself and you have no choice but to show up that way for me. So I am going to go and enjoy my life, and when you're ready to show up the way I know you will, then we can talk. But until then, I'll be over here enjoying my life, not entertaining any undesirable behavior." See, that's the mindset to take on. Not this, "well, you treat me badly but I guess it's my fault so I guess it's okay if you act this way because it's my fault anyway so I guess I have to deal with it." No, you get yourself together and you trust in your desire that it's going to come and match you. And it must, because your desires are a promise. They are meant for you. When in the victim mentality, you're just perpetuating the old story. Plus, your friends are a clear example of how you truly feel about yourself. Everyone is you pushed out works through everyone, and your friends are clearly mirroring the judgment you feel on yourself about this entire situation. They're not looking down on you, you're looking down on you and they're mirroring that.

It's good that you were able to see undesirable behavior before and walk away from it. The problem with that approach is you still allowed the source of the behavior to stay alive, because it was you who that experience came from. We don't deal with the circumstances by making a change in the 3D. Remember, we cannot change the mirror by force. We turn within ourselves and we make the change we wish to experience. The difference is now, you take responsibility and you don't ever have to walk away from something you truly want. Even if you walk away in the 3D, you know within you how it's all working out perfectly and your desires are meant for you. They will make their way to you in the way that you desire them to. They are already perfect for you. Trust in that.

Here's the Dylan James video, by the way. I truly recommend you watch it because it aligns so well with your issue right now.

You don't have to feel sorry for venting! You're allowed to say how you feel, especially with such a complex topic. The law isn't always the easiest to apply and understand and it's normal to think in these kind of conflicted ways at first. As you persist, it's going to click more and you're going to feel more confident in yourself and your power. Hopefully this helps! 💖

[mbti-galaxies]

hello! sorry if this is bothersome, but i was wondering if you could help me distinguish between infp and isfp?

i’ve thought i was an infp for years now, using cognitive functions even. im definitely no expert, just kinda vaguely know what each one is, but i went through it using several sources i and was like “oh yeah oh yeah this is it” but i dont think it’s It anymore ??

i got diagnosed with adhd in december and ive been taking medication, so it’s been a lot easier to be able to distinguish what’s actually my personality and what kind of just comes from adhd. i think that i might actually be isfp. i think i related a lot to high Ne because with adhd youre always bouncing around restless wanting to do all the things, and youre brain’s always on rapid fire mode. but since ive been on meds ive been less like that and more grounded (i still do drift off a lot ofc cause that’s just how it is). and ive been able to realize that i dont actually get caught up in my thoughts a lot,,,,like i dont uhhhh care very much,,,i am not concerned with the future very much? i think im very in the present, and i kind of just do whatever is in front of me. whatever im in the mood for. sensory stuff. i love piano, ukulele, video games, drawing, etc. doing stuff with my hands. im also a dancer; it’s very fulfilling to be able to engage in something so physically stimulating and be creating art at the same time.

anyways this is so long but im very very leaning towards isfp. it’s crazy cause i used to think i was so head in the clouds but actually??? i love to be grounded?? i love to feel and see and observe things instead of be imagining and thinking about abstract stuff?? im very in the present and i Do Not think about future stuff at all? i really dont think about the big picture at all?????

i know you dont know me so you cant really tell me what my type is, but any input or other differences between infp and isfp would be so helpful!! i also just dont really trust myself and im seeking validation or correction lmao. thanks so much for reading this i appreciate you a lot

Hey!! You're not bothersome at all, I love getting asks and talking to people about their types so thank you so much for sending this!

Obviously I don't know you personally so I'm not going to claim I'm 100% sure of what you are, but right of the bat I can tell you that based on your explanation you definitely sound more like an ISFP rather than an INFP.

(I'm gonna put the rest of my thoughts and stuff under a read more cuz my response is long too lol)

First of all the fact that you mentioned being diagnosed with ADHD is actually really helpful because over the years learning about psychology (I'm majoring in it in college) and the MBTI Personality Theory I've definitely noticed that neurodivergency/mental disorders/mental illnesses play a huge role in how people interpret their type. It's really hard sometimes to tell the difference between whether a trait is your actual personality or something else going on in your brain. This is one reason why a lot of extroverts mistype themselves as introverts because they have social anxiety disorder, a lot of sensors mistype themselves as intuitives because they have ADHD(like your situation), a lot of thinkers mistype themselves as feelers because they have depression, etc.

Alright so now let's get into the major differences between ISFP and INFP.

Assuming you're pretty sure that you're at least IxFP, I won't get into the specifics of every single letter and function here, I'll just discuss the differences between having Se or Ne as your second function in the stack. (Fi-Se-Ni-Te vs Fi-Ne-Si-Te)

Compared to INFPs, ISFPs are much more grounded. Of course they still can drift off and daydream, but they tend to focus on the present more than the future and focus the majority of their stimulation on their physical environment rather than focusing the majority on their inner world.

This seems to match up with what you said: "i am not concerned with the future very much? i think im very in the present, and i kind of just do whatever is in front of me. whatever im in the mood for. sensory stuff. i love piano, ukulele, video games, drawing, etc. doing stuff with my hands. im also a dancer; it’s very fulfilling to be able to engage in something so physically stimulating and be creating art at the same time."

ISFPs also tend to be more practical overall. They can definitely see value in abstract ideas, but they don't spend hours thinking about the big picture and wild concepts like intuitives do. ISFPs may not care as much about the meaning behind something, they care more about how it makes them feel or affects the world around them. They're much more based in reality compared to INFPs, and because of this they also tend to be a little more easygoing and willing to try new things. They like to explore and observe and need outside stimulation a bit more than their intuitive counterparts, and because ISFPs are introverts, this stimulation tends to come from creative and sensory activities such as music, arts, games, etc. (In comparison to ESFPs, who might also need social stimulation in addition to these activities)

This makes sense with what you said: "i love to feel and see and observe things instead of be imagining and thinking about abstract stuff?? im very in the present and i Do Not think about future stuff at all? i really dont think about the big picture at all?????"

Some other differences between the two:

Both ISFPs and INFPs have strong moral compasses from their dominant Fi, but ISFPs may be the less strict of the two, or they may be able to change their opinions on something a little bit faster. This is because INFPs have a major tendency to overthink everything, so when new information comes in they basically have to reevaluate a lot of things. ISFPs on the other hand don't necessarily have to think through every little action that they do, if something feels wrong or they learn that something they do is wrong it's a much quicker turnaround since they don't get caught up in their head as much.

ISFPs aren't as idealistic as INFPs. Sure they have wants and dreams for themselves and the world, but they have much more realistic expectations overall.

ISFPs display their passions and feelings through actions primarily. They focus on displaying and expressing things (show not tell perse). INFPs display their passions and feelings through words and meaning primarily. They like thoroughly discussing or thinking through the why, figuring out patterns and connections.

So with all that in mind and your own thoughts about yourself and your type, I'd say you're an ISFP. Feel free to ask more questions if you have any or if I missed something! Thank you so so much for the ask and I hope you have a wonderful day!

[phynali]

Canonization and Fandom Purity Culture

I wrote a 1k-word twitter thread (as proof that I am Not made for Twitter and it’s goddamn 240-character limit) and am pasting it here with edits and updates (it’s now 2k words). 

I have thoughts to share (which I know have been stated more eloquently before by others) about this trend of demanding/obsessing that certain ships become "canon" and how it overlaps with the rise of fandom purity culture.

Under the cut.

Here in 2021 there is a seemingly large and certainly loud and active contingent of online fandoms who desire (or even demand) "canon validation" for a given interpretation of a source material. This is more true with shipping than anywhere else.

First, it is important to note that the trend is not limited to queer ships or to any single fandom. In the past few years I've seen it for Riverdale, Voltron, Supernatural (perhaps most extreme?), The 100, etc., and less recent with the MCU, Sherlock, Teen Wolf, Hawaii 5-0, etc. It is a broad trend across ships, fandoms, and mediums.

So if it is more common for queer ships, it is hardly unique to them. Similarly, pretending that it is about queer representation is a clever misdirect to disguise the fact that it is most often about ships and shipping wars. If you ever need proof of that, consider that a character can be queer without being in a given relationship or reciprocating another character's affections. Thus a call for more/better queer rep itself is very different than a call for specific ships to be made canon.

Also note that when audiences frame it as wanting to recognize a specific *character* as queer, it is almost always in the context of a ship. Litmus test: would making that character queer but having them *explicitly reject* the other half of the ship be seen as a betrayal?

(Note: none or this is to say we shouldn't push for more queer rep and more *quality and well-written* queer rep! Just that that isn't what I'm talking about here, and not what seeking canon validation for a specific interpretation or a specific ship is almost ever about.)

Why does this matter?

the language of representation and social justice should not be co-opted to prop up ship wars

it is reciprocal with a trend toward increasing toxicity in transformative fandom spaces

Number 1 here is self-explanatory (I hope). Let's chat about 2.

Demands for canon validation correlate with a rise in fanpol / fandom purity culture. What is fandom purity culture (and fandom policing)? This toxic mentality is about justifying one's shipping preferences and aiming to be pure (non-problematic) in your fictional appetites regarding romance and sex.

Note that this purity culture is so named as it arises linearly from American Protestantism, conservative puritanical anxiety around thought crimes, and overlaps in many ways with terf ideologies and regressively anti-kink paradigms.

It goes like this: problematic content is "gross" and therefore morally reprehensible. Much like how queer sex/relationships get labelled as "gross" (Other) and thus morally sinful, or how kink gets labelled as "harmful" and thus morally wrong. The Problematic label is applied by fanpol to ships with offset age or power dynamics, complicated histories, and anything they choose to label as "harmful". As such, they would decry my comparison here to queerphobia itself as also being harmful, because their (completely fictional) targets are ~actually~ evil.

(The irony of this is completely lost on them).

This mode of interacting with creative works leaves no room to explore dark or erotic themes or dynamics which may exist in fiction but not healthily in reality. Gothic romance is verboten. Even breathe the word incest and you will be labelled a monster (nevermind Greek tragedy or GoT).

As with most puritanical bullshit, fanpol ideology only applies these beliefs to sex and never to violence/murder/etc, proving what lies at its core. It also demands its American-based values be applied to all fictional periods and places as the One True Moral Standard. It evangelizes – look no further than how these people try to recruit others to their cause, aim to elevate themselves as righteous, and try to persuade (‘save’) others from their degenerate ways of thinking. 

“See the light” they promise “here are our callouts and blog posts to convince you. Decry your past sins of problematic shipping, be baptized by our in-group adulation and welcome, and then go forth and send hate to others until they too see the light.” In many ways “get therapy” by the antis is akin to “I’ll pray for you” by the Christian-right (and ultimately ironic).

(Although it has been pointed out to me that these fans are likely not themselves specifically ex-evangelicals, but rather those who have brushed up with evangelical norms and modes of thinking without specifically being victims of it. In many ways they are more simply conservative Christian in temperament and attitude without necessarily being raised into religion by belief).

What this has to do with canon validation is that these fans look to canon for approval, for Truth. On the one hand, if it is in the canon then it must be good / pure or at least acceptable. The authority (canon) has deemed it thus. It is safe and acceptable to discuss and to enjoy watching or consuming. In this way, validation from canon means a measure of safety from being Bad and Problematic. 

For example, where a GoT fan could discuss Cersei/Jaime's (toxic, interesting) dynamic in depth as it related to the canon, fans who shipped Jon/Sansa (healthy, interesting) were Gross and Bad. The canon as Truth provided a safety net, a launch point. "It's GRRM, not me, who is problematic." It wasn’t okay to ship the problematic bad gross incest ship, but it being in the canon material meant it was open for discussion, for nuance, for “this adds an interesting layer to the story” which is denied to all non-canon ships labelled as problematic.

(Note: there are of course people who have zero interest in watching GoT for a whole slew of very valid reasons, including but not limited to the incest. That’s a different to this trend. A less charged example might be The Umbrella Academy, where a brother canonically is in love with his sister and antis still praise the show, but if you dare to ship any of the potential incest ships then you are the one who is disgusting).

On the other hand, a very interesting alternate (or additional) explanation for this phenomenon was raised to me on twitter. (These ideas aren’t mine originally, but I wholly endorse them as a big part of what is likely going on): Namely, as with authoritarian individuals in general, they see themselves as right and correct, but the canon (which has not yet validated their ship) is not correct, and is in fact problematic, and so they can save the canon from itself.

As mentioned, these fanpol types see their interpretation as Good and Pure. So if they can push (demand, bully) the canon into conforming to their worldview and validating their interpretation, then they have shown the (sinful) creators the light and led them to the righteous path. This only works if the canon allows itself to saved though, otherwise the creators remain Evil for spurning them.

How is this different from fans simply hoping for their ship to be canon?

For a second here, let’s rewind to the 90s (since Whedon has been in the news recently). This “I want it to be canon” thing isn’t 100% new, of course. We saw this trend then for the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but it was different then. At the time, fans who hoped for a ship to be canon might have been cheering for a problematic one to begin with (Buffy/Spike). So shipping was still present, minus vocal fanpol.

(And Buffy fans learned that canon validation...can leave a lot to be desired. A heavy lesson was learned about the ways that fan desires can play out horrifically in canon, and how some things are best left out of the hands of canon-writers).

These days, this is still largely true. Many fans hope for their ships to go canon, as they always have. There are tropes like “will they/won’t they” that TV shows may even be designed around, which a certain narrative anticipation and a very deliberate build up to that.

But while shipping *hopes* occur for many fans, almost all ships fans that *demand* to go canon and obsess over are now the ones deemed as Unproblematic, or as Less Problematic. I’m talking here about the ships that aren’t necessarily an explicit will/won’t they dynamic but do have some canon dynamic that leads them to being shipped, but which the creators aren’t necessarily deliberately teasing and building up a romantic end-game for.

These ships often have fans who are happy to stick to fandom, but there has also been a huge uptick in the portion of fans who are approaching shipping with an explicit lens of “will they go canon?” and “don’t you want them to be canon?” and now even “they have to go canon” and “the canon is wrong if they don’t make this ship canon”, to a final end-point of “if the ship doesn’t go canon, the source material is Wrong and Bad.”

These latter opinions are the one we see more by extreme fans (‘stans’), hardcore shippers, but especially by fanpol-types, the ones who embrace fandom purity culture at least to some extent.

Why them?

In pushing for canon validation, fanpol types seek to elevate their (pure) interpretation of canon. As mentioned above, it’s validation of their authority, a safety-net, and a way to save the canon from itself if only they can bully the canon into validating their right and good interpretation. 

There’s also another reason, which is that canon validation is a tool to bludgeon those seen as problematic. They can use it to denounce other (problematic) ships as Not Being Canon and therefore highlight their own as Right and Good, because it is represented in the True Meaning of the Work.

Canon validation then is a cudgel sought by virtuous crusaders to wield against their unclean enemies. It is an ideological pursuit. It is organised around identity and in groups sometimes as insular as cults.

How does this happen?

Fanpol tend to be younger or more vulnerable fans, susceptible to authoritarian manipulators. As many have highlighted before, authoritarian groups and exclusionary ideologies like terfs are very good at using websites like tumblr to mobilize others around their organizing beliefs. Fanpol tend to feel legitimate discomfort, but instead of taking responsibility for their media engagement, ringleaders stoke and help them direct their discomfort as anger onto others; “I feel ashamed and uncomfortable, and therefore you should be held accountable for my emotions.” Authoritarian communities endorse social dominance orientations, deference to ringleaders, and obedient faith to the principles those ringleaders endorse.

As these fans attach more and more of their identity to a given media (or ship), and derive more and more validation and more of their belongingness needs from this fanpol community, they also become more and more anxious about being excluding from this group. This is because such communities have rigid rules and very conditional bases for social acceptance. Question or "betray" the organizing ideology and be punished or excommunicated. If that is all you have, you are left with nothing. Being labelled problematic then is a social death.

What this means is that these fans cannot accept all interpretations of a media as equally valid: to do so Betrays the ideology. It promises exclusion. And, in line with a perspective around ‘saving’ canon and leading others into the light – forcing and bending the canon to their will is what will make it Good (and therefore acceptable to enjoy, and therefore proof of them as righteous by having saved others). As was also pointed out to me on twitter, endorsement from canon or its creators also satiates that deep need they have for authority figures to approve of them.

Due to all of this, these fans come to obsess over canon validation of their own interpretation. In a way, they have no other option but to do so. They need this validation -- as their weapon, as their authority, as their safety net, as their approval, as their evangelical mission of saviorship.

Canon validation is proof: I am Good. I am Right(eous). I am Safe.

(In many ways, I do ache for some of these people, so wrapped up in toxic communities and mindsets and so afraid to step out of line for fear of swift retribution, policing their own thoughts and art against the encroaching possibility that anything be less than pure. It’s not healthy, it’s never going to be healthy.)

In the end, people are going to write their own stories. You are well within your rights to critique those stories, to hate them, to interpret them how you will, but you can never control their story (it's theirs).

Some final notes:

This trend may be partially to do with queer ships now being *able* to go canon where before so no such expectation would exist. Similarly, social media has made this easier to vocalize. Still, who makes these demands and the underlying reasons are telling. There are also many legitimate critiques of censorship, queerbaiting (nebulous discussions to be had here), and homophobia in media to be had, and which may front specific ships in their critique. But critique is distinct from asking that canon validate one's own interpretation.

[seddm]

One Sentence Recaps - S2

Season 1 Here

My New Wand - Glossaryck uses Marco’s naked body to teach Star that love is the key to any door. Star proceeds to keep her love behind several doors for the rest of the season.

Ludo In The Wild - Ludo’s healing process begins when he lets go of his past life, but his old dealer won’t let him.

Mr. Candle Cares - Star gets emotionally manipulated into having an existential crisis; Marco’s appreciation for Star’s individuality redeems Tom, saves the day.

Red Belt - terrified by the idea of not moving forward as a person, Marco teams up with middle aged loser to gain a tangible symbol of growth; Star learns a lesson about struggling in the most stupid of ways.

Star On Wheels - Glossaryck’s roundabout lessons and total disregard for human life reinforces Star and Marco’s mutual trust and support; Oskar loses a car, finds a band member.

Fetch - after having been stalked by a homeless person, Star uses her personal experience to teach a dog that you can’t avoid responsibilities forever, but that support and relax are fundamental.

Star Vs Echo Creek - Star commits a felony, considers murder, and ultimately values being close to her loved ones more than freedom.

Wand To Wand - Star destroys the Diaz household and learns that emotions are the key to faulty magic, and Marco is the key to emotions; Ludo learns that masochism is the key to faulty magic.

Starstruck - when her childhood hero turns out to be a lunatic with a penchant for bloodlust and dictatorship, Star takes further steps toward being a different kind of ruler.

Camping Trip - River’s midlife crisis saves Star from being left along with Marco and her feelings for him; Marco’s overwhelming appreciation for Star leads to first degree burns.

Starsitting - while babysitting the litter Ludo kidnapped, Star and Marco come to a new understanding about the balanced dynamics in their relationship, while a board game laments how dense they are.

On The Job - ready for anything to feed his family, Buff Frog shows us the side of Mewni where heist plans, torture and burning alive are standard fare to get some food on your monstery table.

Goblin Dogs - the gang seeks the tastiest hallucinogens in the multiverse while Marco shows how bad he is at handling his finances.

By The Book - Ludo starts slowly descending into an abusive relationship; Glossaryck has to use the full extent of his omniscience to break through Star’s aversion for conventional learning methods.

Game of Flags - when Star tries to prove her maturity at a family event, it’s up to Marco’s wisdom to help her draw a line at murdering relatives and challenge tradition once again.

Girls’ Day Out - Star and Janna bond over their shared disregard for rules while Marco humiliates himself in front of loved ones and civil servants alike.

Sleepover - when the threat of disembowelments pushes Marco to have a moment of self insight and confess his crush, Star has to use the full depth of her own obliviousness to save her friends.

Gift of the Card - Star’s thoughtfulness and Marco’s indecisiveness result in impending death, but their obliviousness to the true desires of their hearts are stronger than capitalism and lizard assassins.

Friendenemies - through the power of friendship and boy bands Tom learns a lesson about not being a manipulative fiend, and bonds with Marco.

is Mystery - Buff Frog discovers what Ludo has been up to while Toffee uses him to further his plan to make Mewni free for monsters again, by enslaving monsters.

Hungry Larry - when browsing the internet leads to a while neighborhood being eaten alive, it’s up to Rafael to remind kids that there are things scarier than non-canon episodes.

Spider with a Top Hat - while Marco and Star try to make up for not having been fully digested during Halloween, her spells learn a lesson about believing in themselves, and about guns making all monsters equal.

Into the Wand - in his quest to find indirect ways to teach his student, Glossaryck helps Star learn something about her family’s past, almost lose her sense of self, and further delay her responsibilities and problems.

Pizza Thing - when Pony Head gets sucked into a vortex of disgustingly pure friendship, Marco uses the full force of his compulsiveness to make a second generation immigrant lose his job.

Page Turner - duty comes knocking while Star enjoys illegal readings, and it’s up to Glossaryck to resist the plot advancing; Moon finds new understanding and respect for her daughter when a man with no pants scolds her.

Naysaya - due to Tom mistakenly believing Star and Marco not to be that dense, Star has to remind Marco not to let obstacles prevent him from achieving his dreams, so he humiliates himself in front of the school as a whole and scores a date.

Bonbon The Birthday Clown - Star runs dangerously close to having to look at her own feelings when Marco is buys being all handsome with Jackie. Just when accidental stalking pushes her close to the edge, Ludo saves the day by distracting her with something else to be sad about.

Raid the Cave - Star’s attempts at making up for fourteen years of recklessness in a single day leads to assaulting innocents, awkward parental conversations, genuine moments of effort.

Trickstar - slightly traumatized by her recent losses, Star ruins a birthday party while battling the idea that sadness might be an unavoidable part of life.

Baby - faced with her hardest trial to date, Star gets belittled by a bulimic cat until, supported by Marco and his catering service, she proves one can be proficient even without fitting the mold.

Running with Scissors - when he has to make up for the consequences of a lazy day, Marco gets roped into a lifetime of adventures and paper thin fulfillment, until he gets reminded that lack of responsibilities and duties come with a lack of Star.

Mathmagic - Star finds the strength to try doing something she doesn’t like when reality as a whole starts unraveling and a mystical entity of order urges her to learn some math.

The Bounce Lounge - Star projects her fears for the future on a club. Marco gets weirdly prophetic while enjoying being outside his comfort zone.

Crystal Clear - Star gets kidnapped by Glossaryck’s worst child when he misses the source of Toffee’s corruption by a dimension; they bond over being underestimated.

The Hard Way - Ludo has a second chance at happiness when he gets clear, achievable goals of self improvement and guidance, but Toffee isn’t going to have any of that.

Heinous - Marco finds renewed appreciation in the values of individuality Star taught him when an old lady who has lost everything forces the Diaz family to strengthen their relationships.

All Belts Are Off - Marco learns that real validation comes from inside, and not from others, especially not from sad loners who should never be trusted with educating kids.

Collateral Damage - Star realizes she’s the sanest person in school while learning a lesson about accepting your past mistakes and grow up by moving forward; meanwhile Marco hides to protect his mental health.

Just Friends - Star regrets her skills as a wingman when the sounds of kissing distracts her from a concert; regret over missed chances destroy both a billboard and Star’s denial.

Face the Music - her relationship with Marco and the kingdom’s political balance get jeopardized when Star tries to put a personal spin on tradition; Ludo’s traumas and mental issues get a face.

Starcrushed - Star’s friends and fears try their best to relapse her into running from problems, but Oskar, Toffee and two seasons worth of development help her acknowledge duties and feelings alike; Mewni’s best get wiped out by a bird with mental health issues and a dead lawyer. Marco fears change.

[thepowerofsecret]

Kabbalah Of Love Ii The Secret Power Of Ego

THE KEY TO TRUE LOVE

Do you long for love?

Most of us do. The intimate touch of another soul is the most powerful antidote for the all-too-human experience of aloneness. It may be the most compelling and pleasurable experience there is.

So why do we spend so much of our time and energy avoiding intimacy by defending ourselves, being angry, critical, closed and judgmental – in short, blocking the experience that we most deeply want?

DEFENDING THE EGO GETS IN THE WAY OF LOVE.

The answer is that we are wired to constantly reinforce our limited ego-based identity, our sense of who we are.

This ego-based identity plays a very important role in human life, but it does not have the power to love. Ego is all about the self. It can and does experience need, and need is often easy to mistake for love. And it can certainly love how another person makes it feel.

But these things aren’t true love. True love and intimacy doesn’t come from the ego. In order to experience the power of true love you have to get in touch with a different part of yourself – the part that lies beyond ego.

THE TRUE NATURE OF EGO.

This process is easier when you understand the true nature of your ego-based identity: It doesn’t really exist.

Although it functions as if it’s the most real thing about you, in actual fact your ‘identity’ is only a perspective. It’s kept alive solely through the stories you tell yourself about life, others and yourself.

You could literally say that your ego is all talk – an incessant monologue whose sole purpose is to reinforce your sense of self – who you are and who you aren’t.

Most of the time it goes something like this: “I’m better than he is, uglier than she is, smarter than him, richer than her, worse than I should be. I can do this, I could never do this, I shouldn’t have done that, they shouldn’t be that way. Life is good, life is hard, he’s right, she’s wrong, I’m great, I’m no good, it’s my fault, it’s their fault…” and on, and on, and on…

Just as a whale identifies its location through bouncing sound waves off nearby objects, your ego pinpoints its own presence – defines itself – by relating to the people, ideas, and objects around it.

This process is continuous. Your identity must be continuously reinforced or you will quite literally lose the sense of who you are.

That’s why it can be so very threatening to have something or somebody confronting your ego – your beliefs about yourself, others or the world. Since the ego is actually made out of these beliefs, perspectives and opinions, and you identify the ego as ‘you’, when your beliefs are threatened it can feel just like a threat to your very survival.

Quite simply, the more you get to be ‘right’ about things, the more real and solid you feel, and the more you have to be ‘wrong’, the more threatened and diminished.

WHO ARE YOU REALLY?

This would be really bad news if not for the fact that there is another part of you. This part – your core essence, your authentic self – has an intrinsic reality. Unlike your ego-based identity, its existence is not dependent upon outside circumstances or stories. And unlike your ego, it’s not threatened by someone else’s success, or enhanced by their failure. In fact, the opposite is true.

You could visualize your ego/identity as like the surface of the ocean; changeable, vulnerable, reflecting the sun, sky, and clouds, affected by every wind. Your core is the vast, calm, still, deep water beneath. Those deep mysterious waters teem with every kind of life and potential, but this life is invisible from the surface.

All transformation involves a process of seeing beneath the changeable surface and connecting with the vast deep life-giving waters beneath. This process usually involves a level of discomfort as your identity is shaken out of its placid solid form and made to expand and reflect a deeper level of reality.

But it’s worth it.

MY LITTLE WAKE-UP CALL

Last year I had a very typical experience from which I learned an uncommon lesson.

I was upstairs in my bedroom. My husband was late getting home and had failed to call me to let me know. I wasn’t really worried about him, but I still began to get more and more agitated by the fact that he hadn’t come home when he said he would.

The later he become, the angrier I grew. By the time I finally heard the door downstairs I was in a fury. (I realize that this doesn’t show me in a particularly positive light – but the truth is, that’s exactly what happened.)

Like a balloon inflating with hot air, I got ready to blow up at him.

But then something happened. In a moment of unusual lucidity, I saw the future before my eyes. This is what it looked like:

First, I’d blow up. I’d express some righteous indignation (in a loud voice). I’d persist until my husband (generally a pretty nice, easy-going guy) admitted that his behavior had been rude and inconsiderate. Then, once my anger was properly validated, I’d forgive him and we could be friends again – but only after I’d temporarily diminished his ego and inflated my own.

In that one lucid moment I realized that I could simply skip the whole thing and go straight to being authentic and close. I saw a new possibility – the possibility of refusing to be a slave to my own ego. To choose from a deeper, calmer, more authentic part of myself.

I was overwhelmed with a sense of how massively stupid, predictable, automatic and ridiculous this whole pattern actually is.

What part of me saw that new possibility? The part that peeked out through the surface of my ego – a little piece of my core.

EGO AND PURPOSE – THE STAGES OF CREATION

The world was created in three basic stages.

In Stage One, G-d’s* Infinite all-pervasive essential light was shining without limit, filling all space. There was no place devoid of it, and therefore nothing could exist aside from it. This is the stage of Infinity.

In Stage Two, G-d concealed His Infinite light in order to create an apparently ‘empty space’ in which other things (i.e., the universe, us) could exist. This concealment of the truth is Stage Two. This is the stage of the finite, where it became possible for myriad creatures and myriad perspectives, each with its own limited boundaries and parameters, to exist.

Stage Three is the merging of infinite and finite. It involves the transformation of the finite inhabitants of the universe. They must move from a state of being which conceals their infinite Divine Source to one which expresses and reveals it.

Like a game of hide and seek, G-d conceals Himself in our finite world and waits for us to find Him. Through this process He can endow us with the greatest gift there is – to exist as finite individuals and yet experience a truly intimate relationship with our Creator.

Your ego is central to this process.

Like everything in the physical world, your ego hides the light of your essence. It is what allows you exist as a separate individual. By blocking out your intrinsic connection to

G-d, your true nature and purpose, and the essential oneness of the universe, your ego allows you to function as an individual. It allows you to have a personal perspective and a personal experience of life. Without it you’d be simply a part of the whole.

But this is only the beginning the process. The ultimate goal is that through your ego – your role as a limited individual with a limited perspective, you will find your way back home.

HOW IT WORKS

We have entered the Era of Transformation. This means that you can train your ego-based identity to recognize and align itself with the voice of your authentic self. The ego doesn’t have to be defended or suppressed – it can be transformed. Your ego can be used on behalf of the purpose for which it was created in the first place – to allow you to enhance your relationship with your Creator, express the potential of your essence, and fulfill your purpose here on earth.

Your defensive ego-based reactions will probably not go away for now. But instead of being a slave to them, you can use them as the impetus to connect to these deeper parts of you. The moment you choose to observe yourself rather than react, to question your own defensive instincts, to genuinely see another person’s point of view, to admit where you may be wrong, to connect with something higher, to be generous with your time, money or resources when you don’t have to, you have made your ego your ally.

In fact, whenever you choose use your body, your mind, your time, your relationships or your possessions to fulfill your authentic purpose – to do something intrinsically good or G-dly – those things, for that moment, are Holy. They have been used on behalf of the purpose of Creation. You have created a bit of light through which the world’s darkness and concealment will be transformed.

[sibyl-of-space]

havent angsty long-posted on here in a while lol it’s like i am in 3rd year of college all over again

Well, no thanks to fast and reliable testing, I am at least fairly sure I actually do have Covid. I still haven’t gotten my test results and it’s been a week, but I have a headache typing this because I over exerted myself by performing the highly taxing tasks of... taking a shower, cooking something, and sitting upright instead of lying in bed (as I have been largely doing for the last 2 weeks). So at the very least I’ve been able to communicate with my workplace and am now at an understanding that I should just take this week off too because if sitting upright for extended periods of time makes it hard to breathe, that is perhaps, slightly concerning.

So instead my anxieties now are about the fact that literally contracting Covid was actually in the long run beneficial for my mental health because I’ve been able to just... rest, and play some video games, and rest some more, and sleep, and edit photos, and watch other people play video games. I’ve gotten to just. Relax. I haven’t had the chance to relax since before the pandemic started, because I work at a nonprofit that helps homeless people and that shit doesn’t stop being necessary in a crisis. And it’s compounded by the fact that I work in IT and we had to basically throw together enough band-aid and duct tape solutions to get everyone set up to work remotely, which was hard as fuck to do, and now we are still going in part of the week to help serve meals shifts because we don’t have any volunteers.

(That is like 90% definitely how I contracted it, a few weeks ago I worked a meals shift with someone who was not-so-subtly coughing into his mask next to me and it was not the phlegm-y cough but the ‘ah i am just clearing the old airways’ cough. Why are you working a meals shift to serve the homeless if you have symptoms OH MY GOD. Anyway.)

My workplace is not organized in the best of times, which made it interesting but lively and was largely endearing even if it was somewhat frustrating. But now, it is just driving me up the wall. I have felt at the end of my rope mentally for about 2 straight months with no end in sight. And now the more literature that comes out indicates it could be YEARS before the USA is able to approach anything resembling normal because of this, and I do not think I am mentally capable of handling this kind of environment for that long.

My team is GREAT. I love them. This organization put out the only legitimate IT starting position that did not require 3-5 years of previous experience, paid me MORE than a fair starting wage, and is just all around great at treating me like a person and I’ve learned so much from them. I am so thankful. But the organization as a whole is managed like, well, basically a shit show that makes me honestly miss the well-oiled shitty corporate bureaucracy that was my first job out of college. I’ve been considering applying elsewhere for ages now, but... well first of all I feel like I need to at least have worked a full year here before moving on (it’s been about 7 months presently) for it to count for anything, and also, well it has been very nice actually being treated like a person in a 9-to-5:30 office position and I don’t know how much I’ll be seeing that if I sell out and work for some tech startup or whatever the hell.

Up until now I have had a sort of... promise I’ve kept to myself, where if I am not fulfilled and start to actively dislike and resent my job when I wake up for it in the morning, that I will move on from that job. I have held on to that. My first job out of college was an excellent source of stability for me as a recent college grad, but when it reached a point it was stressing me more than it was supporting me, I moved on. I then worked minimum wage (note: minimum wage was $15/hr at this point so my income was only actually decreasing by $4/hour because administrative assistants do not get paid what they are worth. Now bay area cost of living is fucking stupid, but minimum wage in this circumstance was actually livable for me with the bonus of having my parents’ health insurance.) at a fabric store - I stayed there for 2 years, longer than I’ve ever held a position, and while partly I left because I had more or less finished learning what I had hoped to learn from my coworkers, the store was transforming away from that kind of community DIY vibe it started out as and turned into a kind of etsy wine mom vibe that didn’t click with me as much anymore, and also I was turning 26 and would lose my health insurance through my parents.

So I took the next several months taking my first real break from constant responsibilities/employment since pretty much ever, focused on speedrunning Tales of Symphonia and eventually started studying for a baseline IT certification so I could try and get a job that was more appealing to me than administrative bullshit, which I hated so much. My closest friends I made in my first corporate job out of college were people in QA and IT, so I decided to try and make that a reality. I studied my ass off for a couple solid months, took both tests for the A+ certification, passed, and started applying to jobs. And now here we are.

My frustration stems from the fact that I want to continue working with the people who took a chance on me when I was very green and had no experience, just 2 tests under my belt and a willingness to learn. I really do want to continue learning and growing here. But the environment, through no fault of anyone’s, has been just grating on me. I honestly believe that if I quit they would all completely understand, but I don’t WANT to - I want to stick it out, partly out of pride (this organization has such high turnover, I have already outlasted over half of the new users I’ve onboarded.....), partly to repay the team that has invested in me and treated me like a human being, and partly because I know more experience is necessary if I want to land another job anywhere else.

But boy, am I drained. I was literally hoping I had Covid because it meant I could get 2 weeks off work. And here I am, finally got Covid, am taking 2 weeks off work, and yet I still feel bad about it because a damn test hasn’t come back making me feel validated about it and I’ve still partially convinced myself I’m being a drama queen.

And this break from work is just making me dread the prospect of YEARS of this kind of uncertainty. It’s been so nice just kind of being able to do things at my pace, but it took me actually contracting The Plague to actually get this kind of relief.

Anyway, a few bright sides... first, my tortoise is adorable and doing great, so there is that. (Just looked over and saw her doing something cute. I love her.) Second, I will continue to rest this full week, and next week there is a good chance I will feel more empowered to tackle a workday with the perspective of fresh challenges as opposed to just some monotonous daily grind, after having this time off. Third, if I continue to feel nothing but dread and frustration regarding work, I think I should stick to that promise to myself and give a deadline to when it’s time to start looking elsewhere and move on, because no organization is worth my mental well-being. And lastly, I’ve re-visited OoT for the first time in a really long time (handhelds are about all I can do at the moment), and that was really special.

I’m still fucking pissed that there is pretty much no chance I’ll be able to go to France this Christmas with my roommate and girlfriend. I was so excited to have a paycheck where I could afford to do something not just for myself but for the people closest to me, I routed our flights so we had layovers that would let us connect on the main flight together and paid extra so we could sit together, I was SO excited about this because I spent almost EVERY Christmas in France as a kid because of my family and I miss it SO MUCH, I was so so so excited to share these intimate memories with people I really care about, but the USA is a fucking dumpster fire shit show so who knows when I’ll be able to actually do that now. I haven’t cancelled the flights yet but I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m going to have to do so. Hopefully I can get a refund and we will just have to go next Christmas, but I’m still really fucking upset.

Not even going to comment on how much of a shit show the USA is in general. I feel completely helpless. Another 4 years of Trump is literally a catastrophe we can NOT permit but the current DNC platform looks like it is going to fix about, oh, FUCK ALL, so at this point it feels like there is no hope unless we literally start busting out the guillotines. Every time I see an Elon Musk fanboy on Twitter some of my remaining faith in humanity crumbles. Then I think about how people have been protesting EVERY SINGLE DAY for the right of Black people to LIVE and NOTHING is being done about it. It’s both exhausting and terrifying.

In conclusion, I would like to stop living through a major historical event, please and thank you.

[expshared]

this season was kind of whack, but at least we had Eizouken

Heya Camp is just kind of a lazy reminder that Yuru Camp exists, and will continue to exist in the future. You remember these characters?? OK good, just making sure. That said, did I immediately feel the tension release in my entire body when I heard the OST? Duh. Did I sing “it’s coffee time” to the ending not knowing these were the incorrect lyrics? The entire time.

I don’t know what to do with Isekai Quartet because like, objectively, I should hate it. I do not enjoy like 2.5 of the shows involved, and the addition of Shield Hero was not a welcome one. Turns out it doesn’t matter anyway because it was just Isekai Quartet and also Naofumi is Sometimes Scowling in the Background and that’s about as much of him as I want to see anyway. And yet? I do enjoy this Disney Channel Original Crossover. There’s something inherently fun about watching these characters from disparate shows interact with each other, and no matter what the original stakes were in their respective series, they’re all just doing homework and getting part time jobs and that shit’s funny when a big skeleton man is doing it.

After its first episode, Asteroid in Love was kind of a slog. This is your typical seasonal CGDGT show, and apart from that, I really can’t think of anything to say about it. I didn’t learn anything about the Extremely Niche Topic these girls are doing, and it wasn’t even that gay. Disappointing. 

I was really looking forward to Toilet Bound Hanako-kun because I am a big fan of the source material, but I was pretty let down by this adaptation. It seems that they prioritized the art style and the color scheme above everything else, but that essentially just meant the entire project ended up being colored manga panels. I wanted to see them move around! There was not a single moment of animation that justified it being an anime. You might as well have been watching a PowerPoint. I can’t think of anything nice to say. Let’s move on. 

Bofuri is my power fantasy. I want to play a video game so cluelessly I break it into tiny pieces and bumble into being the most powerful player in the world’s nicest MMORPG. Maple turns powercreep into powersprint. What Bofuri lacks in character development or plot, it makes up for in outrageous Maple feats. She holds the entire world in the palm of her hand and she doesn’t even know it. She named her OP pet turtle Syrup and then turned into an alien abomination unknown to the world and went on a killing rampage. This anime was Maple Crossing Online. Love you, Maple. Wreck shit, Maple. 

If My Favorite Idol Got Into Budokan, I Would Die walks a thin line and what separates it from being a slobbering idol otaku engine preaching how Cool it is to Be an Otaku and an Idol Show Watamote is the fact that Eripiyo is a girl. That’s it. If you took her and replaced her with your average Joe Schmoe-san, this show would be insufferably creepy. Every time I was waiting for it to topple over, Jenga-like, it managed to right itself and straddle the tightrope. It’s not a particularly subtle piece of media, nor does it do what I was hoping it would do and engage in any sort of conversation about the obsessive nature of idol otakudom, but you know what it does a good job of doing? Portraying being an idol as a job. Just some adults putting on underground shows and selling the same CD of like two songs over and over again. I was also hoping it would address what happened to Eripiyo, maybe talk about why at the beginning she’s dressed like an office worker and apparently gives that all up to follow this kinda-shitty idol group, why this fanatic escapism is preferable, or even maybe address how gay it is? Not in the cards, though. Honestly Budokan was, despite itself, pretty enjoyable? There are some great background lesbians. Also can we talk about how consistently good the production values were on this show? Why did this have such great dance sequences? Why did this look better than Love “Has More Money Than God” Live? Actually no I take everything back this show was kind of just Idol Otaku Watamote

Hey, let’s talk about the other idol show airing this season: the completely unhinged 22/7. This show is Whack. This show operates on an entire different plane of reality. I know nothing about the actual band, so I came into this blind and oh my god. Hey guys, the plot of 22/7 is that a Wall tells some girls to form an idol unit.  A sentient Wall whose orders absolutely must be followed. Why? Dunno! What happens if you don’t follow its orders? Never elaborated on. (Actually, is this a reference to Pink Floyd? I have no fucking clue.) In any case these eight girls, summoned by a letter from the Wall, are all invited to become an idol group, and then they’re magically an idol group. It’s unclear how they become successful, how they book gigs, who’s keeping the lights on at the agency, how they’re getting paid, who HR is, how their gorilla man agent found this Wall and determined that all its directives Must Be Followed, but shit, man. What follows in 22/7 is a one-member-per-episode serial that quite frankly stumbles far more often than it succeeds. One girl’s grandma died and that’s why she came to Japan. One girl had a traumatizing experience where she got lost in the woods for a week and it broke her family apart and now things just suck forever. These things are equal. One poor girl’s entire episode was about how she didn’t want to put on a bathing suit for a photo shoot and how uncomfortable she felt about it, but in the end she was made to apologize for dragging her feet for so long and takes her photo for a pin up. Yuck. Gross. Bad. The only valid girl is Jun, end of discussion. None of this even holds a candle to the finale-- wherein the girls are directed by the Wall to disband, and, defying an order for the first time, the girls return to their agency and throw shit at the Wall until it breaks down. It’s revealed that the Wall isn’t supernatural-- behind it are tv monitors, photos of the girls as children, records of their activities. A person or people are behind this. Why??? Are they being groomed?? Is the Wall a metaphor for the Industry? I’m so concerned. The girls aren’t, though, because after a little side eyeing, they ascend a staircase and wow! A Stage! Our fans are all here for our reunion tour! And then they’re fine and I guess their idol group is back together or something? Did I mention the stage where they perform? It’s at a zoo. I can’t tell if this is the most scathing condemnation of idol culture I’ve ever watched or just completely oblivious. The characters don’t engage in any sort of thought about what they’re being put through, but they are performing their final song, the lyrics of which are about how life is just too hard to keep on living, at a zoo and I don’t think you can have that sort of thing happen unless you’re trying to make a point. Right??? RIGHT?!? Dance and sing, monkeys.

Smile Down the Runway was another show completely divorced from reality. So you got your main character, Chiyuki, whose thing is that she’s Too Short to Be a Model at her father’s very prestigious modeling agency. Which, like, is valid! Let’s see some variation in the modeling industry. Let’s shake it up. Let’s lead the charge for alternative models with bodies outside of the very narrow requirements of the fashion industry. What’s that, Chiyuki? You have no interest in that? You want to be a Hypermodel? I don’t know what that shit is, I think you made it up. Our other protagonist is Ikuto, the destitute, put upon, bobcut boy with a dying mother and 3 younger siblings who is trying to pursue his dream of becoming a fashion designer. Are you beginning to sense the problem here? There is a fundamental imbalance in the presentation of these characters’ goals and situations. Also? Emotions are at an eleven, always. Characters are always acting as if they’ve just seen someone get murdered in front of their eyes even when it’s like. There’s a messed up seam. They are constantly being mortified, crushed, and having their dreams ripped away. One time, two different assholes offered Ikuto magical mom-fixing blood money when he was struggling to come up with funds to pay off his medical debt at the cost of giving up his spot in the fashion show. Wildin’ 

Haikyuu didn’t exactly come in like a lion, but I’m sure it’ll be more organic upon rewatching. We were laying the groundwork for much of this season so I’m expecting it to payoff later, but the beginning definitely lagged. Every time Haikyuu hints at a women’s volleyball tournament, I want a volleyball anime with girls. Man, those ten minutes we got with Kiyoko? Those were great. 

I don’t have too much to say about Somali and Forest Spirit. Abe’s “Make Children” agenda feels at least a little more like a narrative choice in this anime, and I enjoyed Somali and the Golem’s relationship and their travels were in equal turns harrowing and heartwarming. And I did tear up at the end so you got me there, anime. 

In/Spectre has some balls being an anime. It’s existed as a light novel and a manga and those are both superior mediums for it because let’s put all our cards on the table here-- In/Spectre is a show about talking. Five whole entire episodes take place in a car. The finale is winning an argument in an anonymous 4chan chatroom. That said, I have such a fondness for In/Spectre. I think Kotoko rocks. I think a show willing to do nothing but talk at you for two hours is badass. Sitting through this anime is like watching a podcast. I think the show engages in some great dialogue about human nature and how we prefer stories that are theatrical, narratively-driven, and have a logical cause-and-effect, instead of the truth, which is more often than not grim, and disappointing, and illogical. I like that Kotoko’s only function, in-story and out of it, is to bullshit so hard she invents alternate realities. Anyway In/Spectre is good. 

There’s no praise I can lavish on Eizouken that hasn’t already been said. It’s powerful, it’s strange, it’s energetic, and it’s packaged with such love. It’s repurposed the CGDCT template into something deeply affecting. It’s an anime for people who love animation.  I hope everyone watches Eizouken.

[memoriesofthefuckingbullshit]

I’d like to preface this with a personal note:

I do not want to write these posts. I absolutely hate that there is a need for it and it’s been chewing me up. It’s taken me the better part of a month to round up all the evidence (I had to be sure and double-check my sources) and to put this together, in bits and pieces so as to not overwhelm my own mental health. 

I loved the Underfell Fangame community. I briefly met Mania at ATLANTALE early 2018, before I even knew about the project. I became a patreon supporter because he seemed to genuinely love the community and Undertale and the game he was working on. I joined the Underfell community in March and made a second home there. 

I considered him a friend. Looked up to him as a fellow creator, game developer. A fellow community admin. And I thought it was really cool the way he did the whole community server events Ink vs. Error stuff. I loved the concept and have been passionately involved in it since its start over a year ago. I’m closely involved in the development of the comic series based on these server events, called Memories of the Multiverse War and have spent countless hours dedicated to expanding the world our comic takes place inside the Doodlesphere.

I have since learned much is a horrific farce. And I’m really unhappy about it. 

But if I don’t do or say something before I go I could never live with myself. 

There are so many victims already. And more than a few look up to me like their big sib. 

There are good ways to make the audience cry.

This is not one of them.

It hurts me knowing the other Event Masters put their heart and soul into creating fun content, intended for people to enjoy, while Mania twists their work into ways to torment people, and even drags them to emulate his behavior. How much more will get swept under the rug, if I don’t speak up? 

It boils down to: 

Mania knowingly emotionally abuses server members, most of whom are children between the ages of 13-19. 

He shows no remorse for it. 

Our Mental Health is a Joke to Him Part 1*  (xFrisk debacle; please take trigger warnings seriously) 

Our Mental Health is a Joke to Him Part 2  (Fallout from the xFrisk debacle)

Ink Was Never Going to Die  (He just liked fucking with us)

No, He Really Hasn’t Changed, And Won’t Be Anytime Soon*  (xPapyrus introduction, and all this matters)

*If this much reading overwhelms you, prioritize this post and starred pages above.

Important:

Event Masters are not the ones at fault here. They’re just doing as they’re told to play out the story Mania calls for, and probably do not even realize the impact their actions have on people since they’re told it’s all just for pretend. When they are aware, they’re under threat by Mania to keep quiet.

Abuse through role play is particularly insidious. Yes, the server events are a form of role play, by definition. Pretending to be a character, or otherwise assuming the role of as a way to interact with others is fundamentally role play. 

In terms of power balance, the server events are more like a D&D campaign than traditional online roleplay. We even have “Event Masters” to parallel the “Dungeon Master” who has nigh god-like power over what happens in the dice-based roleplaying game. 

There are dozens of articles about proper DM etiquette, and how to tell a uniquely engaging story to invoke high emotions in effective ways:

There's no shame in manipulating your players' emotions, because that's part of your job as a storyteller. But, like anything else, it requires a deft hand. Be mindful of how your players react, and be careful not to go too far. If anyone at the table starts to feel uncomfortable about the situation you're presenting, it can quickly start to take people out of the game. Be mindful of your players' limits, and give them the option of saying when something isn't going over well with them. But once you start to get the hang of it, you can turn a night of goofy dice-rolling over drinks into a tense situation, or provide a moving, emotionally honest moment for your characters.

In short: It was mere storytelling until the moment the characters reacted to and responded to the players. At that point, it is role playing and the concept of consent comes into play, because real people with real feelings are part of the story, which, curiously, is canonically enforced: 

And it’s it’s our fault for taking hurtful things that characters say and do personally?

Jerking player emotions around for laughs isn’t just an asshole thing to do; it’s straight up bad storytelling. 

There is no excuse for choosing abuse.

End of story.

I am hesitant to come forward with this, as I do not have evidence compiled other than the threat itself, and considering the nature of the issue there are privacy concerns regarding the victims. He has a tendency to target 17-19 year old girls, as a 28-year old. This was sent to me while playing minecraft while in server voice chat on June 16th, 2019. 

I’m including it because this is a perfect example of how he’ll backtrack and play upsetting things off like a joke. The threat has since been deleted so I’m glad I grabbed a screenshot while it existed. He has a habit of deleting things that could be used as evidence. 

hahahahahahaa no sir you do not get to drop a threat like that on someone and then play it off like a joke, particularly when “if you didn’t hear it doesn’t matter” 

It does matter. 

They matter.

All those kids are important. They matter and so do their feelings and all the grief they’ve experienced at your hands. The event may be more like a D&D campaign setting, in terms of balance of power, but this article does a great job breaking down the cycle of online roleplay abuse. 

Here’s an excerpt:  

Some people roleplay to heal their wounds, others play for fun or to escape. Any way you cut it, a good chunk of roleplayers have personal investment in their roleplay.

The human brain is a curious silly fickle sort of thing, a person who is capable of empathizing can empathize with anything that has human traits, be it a brave little toaster, a cartoon dog, a character in a book,crying at a movie, or screaming at the little man on playing sports ball on the television. People feel empathic sadness from witnessing sadness of others,people can feel empathic excitement by watching sports, in some cases to the point of violent outbreaks after their favorite sportsball team wins the big game.

Human beings are capable of immersing ourselves in the situation of others, and we are capable of feeling a wide variety of emotions as we endure the human experience of whatever we immerse ourselves in. This experience of emotional stimulation is not just a flaw in emotions or an inability to tell in character from out of character. Feeling this way does not make someone insane, weak, or flawed.

It is, in fact, a physiological chemical reaction in the human body. It’s chemistry, it’s oxytocin, it’s cortisol, it’s adrenaline, it’s dopamine, it’s serotonin, it’s estrogen, it’s testosterone, and who knows what else. When things happen in online roleplay we really feel it. (This is why consent is so important.)

In both roleplay and interpersonal interactions in online communities, and the feelings we feel when engaged in these things are real,are chemical, and they are not in our head.

Online community narcissists engage in their own flavor potentially insidious psychological abuse and manipulation, and it can cause real life distress, depression, anxiety, all in a situation where people are trying to escape, to relax, to have fun, and to heal wounds.

More importantly, this serves to validate the feelings of that the narcissist’s victims, be it ex-roleplay partner or a storyteller silenced.

You are not overreacting to a video game. Your pain is valid. The people you are interacting with on the other side of the screen are real; you are having real interpersonal interaction. The emotions you are experiencing are real chemical reactions in your body not a personal flaw. You are not crazy or stupid.

It is okay to cry about stupid online drama. It is okay to talk to your therapist if you have one. Know that even if you feel isolated and alone, even if you think everyone hates you. The truth is that outside of the narcissist’s circle, there is going to be people who do not even know of you let alone hate you, who do not care or believe the bullshit the narcissist tried to feed them.

—Credit to @zanpyr​. Thank you for this wonderful article.

Now. All of you, on the server, who’ve been subjected to all this fucking bullshit over the months or years you’ve been in the community: It’s not your fault. Your feelings and heartache are valid. You matter, and you deserve better than how we’re made to feel through this series of fucking bullshit. You’re not weak for caring about these characters; caring about characters is WHY we loved Undertale so much. You’re not stupid for getting hurt by someone you trusted and considered a friend. You can get through this and you’re gonna grow up and do great, okay? 

And any other adults who’ve been emotionally manipulated too: It’s not your fault. You’re no more at fault than the kids for falling for his tricks because guess what: you’re human and you have empathy. Those aren’t bad things. 

I know from personal experience that online interactions can be clinically traumatic, as in, diagnosable trauma response symptoms that should be taken seriously. I’ve already been talking people through their thoughts and feelings about this stuff and I recommend you do the same. Sorting out all the self-blame from guilt-tripping is important and if you have signs of trauma related to this event, please please please seek treatment even if it seems silly to be that affected by “a fucking discord event.” Gaslighting from any source messes with your perception of reality and doubting your ability to perceive the world can have lasting effects that topple like a domino effect. 

Once you’ve developed trauma response symptoms, you become more vulnerable to developing further symptoms by more common disturbing events. Don’t do like I did and let it go untreated for over a decade of accumulating traumas and Traumas. Many of you are already suffering with depression, anxiety, and existing trauma. The sooner you seek treatment the better. 

Outside Sources:

Quoted/Linked in Article: 

How To Manipulate Your Players (Into Having Emotions)

Wikipedia  - Gaslighting 

Abuse Through Online Roleplay 

Adventures In Random Roleplay: Safety/Consent Tools in Gaming

Additional Reading:

Lovebombing, Gaslighting, Benching, and Ghosting

Three of the Easiest Ways to Manipulate Someone

Gaslighting Definition, Techniques, and Signs of Being Gaslighted

Emotional Abuse in Non-Romantic Relationships

Signs an Abuser is Twisting Your Reality

Trauma: Big “T” and little “t”

20 Tips For Becoming A Better DM: Lessons Learned At The Table

One final addendum: 

As vindictive as I may feel after slogging through so many horrific conversations, I absolutely do not condone any attempts to actively harass him. Hold him accountable for his actions but do not send him hatemail, threats, or any other shit like that. He’s a fucked up human being but he’s still a human being and this whole effort has been to call attention to how much online interactions affect our mental mental health. Don’t do that shit to anyone, even if you think they deserve it. And don’t be a flying monkey, please.

Okay, that’s it. 

Stay safe everyone. 

[thelawyerthatwaspromised]

We Really Need to Talk About the Forehead Kiss Scene

Consider this another iteration of the Sansa and Jon “Would that be so terrible?” scene that I covered a little while back.

For a lot of people that believe that Jonsa will happen, the scene on the battlements in “The Winds of Winter”, the finale episode of the sixth season of Game of Thrones, is the starting point of that belief.

It’s unusually sweet, as Jon and Sansa scenes tend to be. It’s almost semi-unnecessary to the plot. It’s the last we see of Jon before it’s revealed that he is the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, making this decidedly un-sibling like interaction with Sansa a bit less suspicious except upon rewatch. (Sidenote, imagine if this scene took place after we learned about R+L=J...)

But a lot of Jonsa skeptics (I’ll call them that though there are obviously varying degrees of this such as “venomous”) seem unable to understand why this particular scene feels so different from just about every single other scene on the show. To me, there are multiple factors that make this particular scene unique from any other on the show.

It’s an almost perfect example of a “romance setup” from multiple angles.

1.) It didn’t really advance the “plot”

For some reason, this scene was included among the 10 most crucial scenes of the series by HBO pre-season 7 buuuuut not a lot happened at face value.

Jon had just banished Melissandre for burning someone alive (inquisitive emoji) and was watching her leave on the battlements. He’s approached by Sansa. She says she’s sorry. He credits her for winning the battle. They say they need to trust each other. They leave. So why is a “recap of events” considered a crucial scene? Why was it on the show at all? Viewers wanted to know what Jon was going to do about Sansa arriving with the KotV and if they were going to have a conflict about it. Except that part took about 5 seconds. And the opposite happened. 

Similar to the Littlefinger choke scene in season 7, this didn’t really directly affect the actions of the characters in any way. Even if a scene doesn’t advance “plot”, it’s meant to advance the “story”. What happens here between Jon and Sansa? It revealed something between the two of them that wasn’t revealed simply through the dialogue. It’s inclusion in the show at all should leave you wondering about its purpose, but the added layers of the length, framing, and use of reaction shots should make it fairly obvious that it’s a romantic scene.

2.) Both characters are pleasantly surprised by each other’s tenderness towards the other

I think to really grasp this scene, you have to get inside the heads of each character.

Normally, any surprise in Game of Thrones is a bad thing. The strange quality of the battlements scene is that it’s an inversion of the normal routine. We need to take a step back and evaluate the psychology of Jon and Sansa as they’re entering.

Jon has just banished the person who resurrected him. He’s just won a battle that he knows he should have lost. He’s clearly been quite introspective about Sansa and what she meant and her importance in winning the battle since he’s already preparing her chambers. Somehow, the tent scene is magnified in its intensity because this scene is its exact opposite and it’s where we last left off with Jon and Sansa.

Sansa pleaded with Jon to listen to her.

To be fair to Jon, it’s hard to understand what Sansa is saying but instead of trying to understand her more, he allows them to be dead locked and unable to finish their thoughts.

and it ends with Jon’s sad resignation that he desperately wants to win but he’s not sure if he can.

So this was the last time they spoke privately before the battle. Jon feels guilt for failing to listen. Sansa feels guilt for calling in Littlefinger, an option neither she nor Jon would have wanted.

Then - their relationship suddenly became stronger because of the weakness they revealed to each other. Instead of punishing each other, they forgive each other. Instead of gloating, Sansa reaches out and expresses to Jon that she never wanted it that way. Instead of holding it against Sansa, Jon reaches back and validates her importance in multiple ways.

The most rewarding part is how they each give wonderful gestures to each other in turn without being prompted.

He’s publicly affirmed her place as the Lady of Wintefell...

She objects but only because she thinks he should be seen as the head of the family...

Sansa tells him he should take it. Jon responds with a sad smile and says he’s not a Stark. And then Sansa gives Jon the most gentle but meaningful affirmation that he’s ever gotten on the show...

“You are to me.”

(I decided halfway through this to leave the text off the gifs because I want the focus on the micro expressions of the actors because...damn...)

What else could anyone say to Jon that would mean more to him at this point? His entire life has been marked by his non-Starkness. Sansa is working to undo the biggest source of his sadness without his ever asking for it.

Jon’s gift to Sansa is recognition and it comes in two parts;

1) “You’re the Lady of Winterfell.” He was right there as Lyanna Mormont referred to her as a Lannister and a Bolton. He was right there as Lord Glover looked right into her eyes and told her that House Stark is dead. No. Jon is determined that those statements are to be corrected.

2) “We’re standing here because of you.” He’s not just “gifting” her the position and the lord’s chamber. She’s earned it in his eyes. Her place is meant to be elevated above his at this point. This is before he was crowned as king. He was content for her to be in charge until he was thrust into the position of command.

So what does Sansa do? He’s just basically said “you were right” and she has a chance to respond. Does she gloat? Does she say “well yes I suppose I am the last remaining Stark (that we know of) and so I should rule our house...I also command the loyalty of the Vale”? None of that, she apologizes to him. She’s still expecting his anger and disappointment and feels she deserves it.

And it makes sense. Leave aside that it was absolutely necessary for Sansa to bring in the KotV and ask yourself “when was the last time Sansa was ever actually rewarded or treated gently by someone she thought she wronged?” She’s existed in a constant state of punishment since Littlefinger betrayed Ned in the throne room in season 1. Misery is her expectation. Her expression as Jon approaches confirms this exactly.

Part is her actual guilt, and I’m sure part of it is an expectation based on her experiences...and to her pretty obvious surprise, Jon does the exact opposite.

HA. You’ll have to wait for the kiss gifs because I want to change gears now.

The entire last section was explaining why this scene was so unexpected given the context of the setup. Both characters had reasons to treat the other harshly. Jon for his stubbornness. Sansa for not telling Jon about the Vale. All the components were there to reinforce an ongoing feud between the two. These were the factors commonly cited by those oh-so-brilliant Starkbowl predictions leading up to season 7. 

Yet despite that tension, we didn’t get a shouting match and glares and future plotting. We got a moment of clarity for once...and a whole new set of questions about these two. The beauty of their quiet moment together was in its simplicity - but also in the way that the writers indicated that there was so much more going on than we could have ever known.

Yet all of this information is packed into a scene that’s so quiet and slow. It’s in the romantic pacing.

3.) The Pacing

Jon and Sansa have had always had a distinct strangeness to their scenes in that they’re almost all completely different from any other. Their reunion was a moment of triumph for any Stark fans as they were the first two reunited since the pilot episode. Their fireside chat started incredibly sweet and ended with the heightened stakes of Sansa attempting to convince Jon to re-take Winterfell. The Pink Letter scene is the realization that their little oasis was about to meet the realities of a harsh world that still viewed both of them as threats. 

The cloak scene where Sansa gifts Jon a Stark cloak after Jon takes keen interest in Sansa’s new dress is another moment where each took the initiative to validate the other without any prompting. 

They argued twice, while at the encampment and in the tent before the battle, but each scene was unique as Sansa indirectly criticized Jon’s decisions to follow Davos considering Stannis’ ultimate failure, and Jon mostly tried to tune Sansa’s arguments out - while the tent scene is where those complaints came into a direct collision. 

Then they met on the battlements and it was equally emotional but in a total reverse of tone. 

Simply put, this scene was about “Jon & Sansa” as an entity and not about “Jon” having a talk with “Sansa”. It’s all in the pacing and it’s all in the framing.

We already know the setup. Now comes the payoff. Jon has already told Sansa they need to trust each other. That would be the “plot” purpose of the scene. As far as things happening that affect the story directly, it could have ended right there. “It’s ok Sansa. We’re a team now.” Or, alternatively, Jon could have kissed Sansa’s forehead and THEN said they need to trust each other and the tone could be viewed entirely differently. Instead, the show disposed of the “textual” purpose of the scene and continued right through with the “subtext” (which also continued into season 7) which is: what exactly is the nature of Jon and Sansa’s relationship?

It’s not just the forehead kiss. It’s not just the romantic back drop. It’s not just the setup. It’s not just the micro expression of the actors. It’s not just that the whole scene is relatively unnecessary. It’s all of that mixed together.

This is where the pacing comes into play. Let’s recap the scene to this point...

Sansa gets about 13 seconds of an entrance before Jon tells her he’s having the lord’s chamber prepared for her.

Sansa waits 3 seconds before answering “mother and father’s room?”

Jon waits about 3 seconds before he says he’s not a Stark.

Sansa answers “you are to me” almost immediately.

Jon has roughly a 5 second reaction shot. 

There’s about a 5 second pause after Jon gives Sansa credit for winning the battle before Sansa starts apologizing.

Sansa says sorry and Jon waits about 6 seconds before he even starts walking over to her.

There’s about 3 seconds between Jon saying they have enemies and him reaching up to kiss her.

Jon gets roughly 3 seconds to kiss Sansa and about 4 seconds of gazing at her (and her gazing at him). They make this moment last.

Then they transition into a micro expression that juuuuust says everything.

The second Jon closes his lips, he looks down and abruptly starts to walk away. But his mood has immediately turned almost melancholy or sort of a confusion. It’s not normal to kiss someone tenderly and then just turn around and leave. Even if it were entirely platonic. There’s something left unsaid...especially since the camera focuses on the post-kiss for almost 6 seconds altogether before Jon starts to leave. Viewers aren’t the only ones left a bit bewildered. 

Sansa’s reaction tells the same story.

She stands in the same position, almost frozen. She’s internally probably as confused as Jon. She came to Jon to apologize (remember, she approached him) - which I’m assuming she would have been dreading. She got her apology, and he delivered his form of “there’s nothing to forgive” which would normally signal that her part here is over. Yet he initiates physical affection for her when positive physical affection is something that’s a very complicated subject for her.

And it stuns her. As he begins to leave, we see her expressing that she doesn’t want the moment to end.

It’s ridiculously beautiful. Sansa finding a reason for Jon to get one last look, right after he had turned away in sort of Byronic melancholy, only to have her call him back again is extremely romantic given what we know about both of these characters.

The immediacy of Jon’s response in turning back towards her and the utter-seriousness of his look again makes the end of this scene a twist of its own. 

“Winter is here.” That phrase is of course a play off of “Winter is coming” the words of House Stark and the ominous warning of fear and looming destruction echoed throughout the entirety of the series. Those words should mean “fear”; real “fear”. (also take note of her deliberately deep breath as her eyes scan Jon again..)

And how do they react to this potentially terrifying threat? By being adorable again!?!?

Well of course they do. Because winter is here and they are home. Think about this. Being together (moments after entering a scene which they both began reluctantly) is enough to make them smile sweetly as they acknowledge the coming storm.

And the end really cements Jon’s view of Sansa as a noble lady.

And the pure joy Sansa feels as the scene concludes.

To wrap up...the scene didn’t have to happen in the first place. The setup made you wonder if there was going to be fracture. It was tender. It was warm. It’s pacing made you sit and take notice. It didn’t waste any time - it took its time.

We were meant to see not just the displays of forgiveness and validation by Jon and Sansa towards each other. We were meant to see them expecting the worst and getting something beautiful instead. We were meant to see them wrestling with the confusion of where the scene was heading. We were meant to see them completely comfortable in each other’s presence in this very moment - and we were meant to see a very subtle but also very unsubtle indication that the direction of their relationship is causing (and must cause) them inner conflict before it can truly provide them fulfillment. 

They weren’t a royal couple in this scene but I’m fully confident that after the finale season has concluded, this scene will be the one everyone can point to and say “this is where Jon and Sansa ending as king and queen truly became possible.”