#really cant until payday ^^;

[i-love-cartoons]

Please, donate to my family, I urgently need money🙏🏻💔😭

I'll get paid tomorrow, and then I can probably donate a little bit! Everyone please share and donate if you can; this is a vetted fundraiser

[livewiretabletop]

Multimedia storytelling!

Although it sounds like some nonsense corporate jargon designed to sell more AI waifu apps to kids, its kind of my main deal and what i intend to one day make my full time job. This post is going to roughly explain what it is, how i do it, some ways you can apply it to your own work, and some cool examples of multimedia stories that i really like.

So: multimedia storytelling is exactly what it says on the complicated non-euclidian tin. It is a method of storytelling in which the author combines multiple mediums of art to tell the same story. I tend to apply this mostly in the form of a single setting in which multiple stories of different mediums (podcasts, roleplaying games, short, short stories, books, drawings, ect.) take place. The most common multimedia stories are a bit less complicated than that: a comic book that goes along the story of a video game and adds some details, augmented reality games that follow analog horror series, and movies or shows that take place in the universe of a video game or book are decently common these days and are pretty solid examples of multimedia stories.

Infamous (2011) was a video game that had a comic series along side it that added details and expounded on empty moments in the games.

Payday 2 (2013) was a video game that had a live action trailer series that basically became a small tv show for awhile

Uuuh five nights at freddys? Has books? I think that counts

Dungeons and Dragons (please hear me out) has the TTRPG, the MMO, the movie (Honor Among Thieves), and several video games in its setting

The Magnus Archives (2016) is a podcast with a tabletop roleplaying game

The way i put together multimedia stories is very much the D&D way of things. I read a bunch of the Dragonlace books at a super young age and it got me into the whole “one world, one hundred stories” way of thinking, from that point on all of my writing followed that sort of path, multiple narratives in the same setting, occasionally these stories crossed over or took place regarding the same events and sometimes they didnt.

Then ARGs happened. I love the sort of interactive storytelling ARGs employ, websites, videos, phone numbers you can actually call in some cases its just so fun and engaging.

So! What I do is as follows:

I build my setting, writing pages and pages of world building so that all of my stories have a setting bible to cling to.

I start planning stories, if one would do better in an audio format i go grab my microphone and write the script, if it would do better as a short film i grab a shitty camera and a group of friends and go film something.

I always, ALWAYS, build a tabletop roleplaying game that fits my setting, i dont change my setting to benefit game design, i simply make the game fit my world. If i like how the game came out i force my friends to play it.

I then write as many short stories as i can, small stories about simple boring characters and large narratives about important events. If i like how one turned out i keep expanding on it until i cant anymore.

Now! The part you guys actually care about; doing it for yourself can be really hard, but only if you stretch yourself too thin. I only engage in art forms that i actively want to do if an idea feels like it would make a great podcast episode but i hate my voice that day im gonna just move on for the day.

If you want to draw something in your story draw it, dont force yourself to write it if drawing is what feels best that day.

Your art is at its best when you let it be what it wants to be.

If im only in the mood to write about merchants im just gonna write about merchants otherwise i could crush my love for the art entirely.

[d13b1tch]

hii so im broke and really need help until next payday. i have $5 in my acct rn:) so literally anything will help.

k0fi

dm for v3nmo/c@shapp

and please share if you cant help im desperate

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Ritchie Herron

Published: May 23, 2024

Today is a day I can't really ignore, because whether I want to mark it or not, my body reminds me regardless.

Six years ago, conflicted, but optimistic, i thought I was doing the right thing getting 'Sex Reassignment surgery'.

A Long Story 🧵

I transitioned as an adult, I was 26. Me and my fully developed big brain thought this would be a good idea.

I had severe OCD and a myriad of mental health problems. I mean even then I be head tiltin'...This was me at age 25, pure giga chad

Soon as i found out transition was an option, I went in full force, like a bat out of hell!

I had become obsessed with the idea that my body was being poisoned by testosterone, that every masculine trait needed to be annihilated, for i was a true and honest woman after all. 

As a child, I was soft, loving, quite literal and I loved to sing, dance and dress up, but i also loved my diggers!

Me at age 10 before I went to sing karaoke with my friends family. You cant see it but my friends shoulder is on the right, he was a year younger too! I was tiny!

When I came out to my family, in isolation they all asked the same question when I told them I had something to tell them: "You're gay, aren't you?"

"No! I'm a real transsexual!" I said. Convinced I was the truest of the true. Genuinely born in the wrong body and all that noise. 

It was 2013 and I had found a supportive online community that helped me get on the right path to transition.

Facing a 15 month wait for the gender clinic. I found out I could start the blocker (And stop the 'poison'!) if i had two private diagnosis of transsexualism. 

So off I fucked to Scotland for a private diagnosis, as i waited to be enrolled for the gender clinic.

I was on a low income so I did the only thing i could, and got a payday loan. "Fuck debt, its this or death!" I reasoned.

Two days later I got the full diagnosis for £500. 

It took until April 2014 for the Gender Clinic to agree to give me the Goserelin Zoladex implant (testosterone blocker).

When I got it, I was so happy the poison was about to stop. At first, I looked a right state. I did the opposite of blend in. 

By January 2015, I was finally enrolled into the gender clinic and after a while, the blockers were showing some effect. Though, I wasn't committing to it at all.

I found myself desisting from the idea of estrogen/transition all together and just thought I'd live as just some androgynous looking guy.

It all changed when i went to the gender clinic. The very first question I got asked by the psychiatrist was: "have you given any thought to gender reassignment surgery?"

I said honestly, I wasn't sure, I dont think i ever had that type of dysphoria, besides i really want to see the therapist. 

They agreed to refer me to a gender therapist in March 2015. In total I would end up have 97 gender therapy sessions with them.

Gender therapy is not like normal therapy. It helped defeat my doubt, and also helped me defeat others who were doubtful. 

In July 2015, the Psychiatrist asked if i had given any further thought to the surgery.

I said I wasn't sure, and i'd like to find out more. Thats when i realised NONE of them had any technical knowledge about the surgery, what it does, etc. It suprised me. 

I got refered back to the place in Scotland, since I already went there for the pre-diagnosis.

I took my mother, she wasnt convinced.

The therapist told her, infront of her grown ass 28 year old son, if she didnt affirm, he'd kms. 

She told me the surgery would make myself feel better, and that regret was extremely low (I was worried about regretted it) and bleeding.

I have a huge fear of bleeding, I'm a wuss! yes... 

Once the surgery referal came through in late 2015, i panicked! Too quick i said!

"It'll be there for when your ready." The psychatrist said.

But all I really wanted was therapy. 

I said no several more times, I forgot exactly how many times they asked, but it was constant.

By 2016 early 2017, life was still chaos, but blending in felt easier, I wasn't getting noticed really and most people gendered me as a woman.

I was happy enough as I was, but back at the gender clinic in 2017 I was delivered an ultimatum. Accept surgery referral or get discharged.

That would also mean an end to the therapy, and it was keeping me stable.

I bit the bullet and said no once more. 

My gender therapist, also somewhat co-dependant on me as a client for now 60 odd sessions, didnt want to let me go either. He reasoned that i did have dysphoria and surgery was probably the best option.

So i called the psychiatrist back and asked to be refered back for surgery. 

I've went over it in my head 1000's of times.

Why did I go along with it? Why didn't just stop it?

It just felt like a ride i couldnt get off, and it got faster and faster.

Everyone was routing for me. 

Day of surgery, may 23rd 2018.

After staying an extra 3 hours in theatre, i finally woke up around this time. 4:00pm ish.

I was still bleeding and had lost nearly 2000ml from the surgery and drains.

A friend helped snap this.

I apologise for the haram photo, but this is what the area looked like a few weeks after.

I had Lichen Scoloris, which was ignored and is now inside the hole and around the entrance. I had a constricted urethra and both my scar lines on both sides split open, which would get infected.

I won't share anymore, but i have a lot of photos that are far more grim.

It's what happened I really can't show you.

The depression, the pain, the insane pain oh my god. Not being able to pee, to feel anything.

Feeling betrayed 

SO I GO BACK TO MY GENDER THERAPIST THREE MONTHS LATER....and i say "Hey, I think i made a mistake, i think i regret this."

"No you dont." He said.

I went back every other week and told him, i regret it. He said no. 

One year of this back and forth. I was refered to a psychiatric team, that said i didnt have regret, I had Unstable Personality Disorder and severe Obsessive compulsive Disorder.

And then I was discharged in January 2020.

It was the worst time in my life, those years. I was very angry at myself, and everyone I talked to reassured me that I didnt have regret and if i did, it was my fault anyway.

But I resisted...And in 2022 I spoke out after desisting 

I'm 37 as of Saturday... and I'm facing life ahead of me as a castrated male. It's not easy territory, but if i want one thing to come out of this, it's to give others a chance, a warning about surgery.

But i wont stop anyone. Just don't try and stop me.

If you would like to support my work, please consider liking/retweeting. I do it for free but will happily accept tips for sausage rolls.

Also consider checking out my substack where i write a lot of shit and youtube where i talk even more shit t.co/tQSunLfhVk tullipr.substack.com

I really needed to get that off my chest so thanks for reading. It's appreciated

[mbat]

my wow subscription ran out literally earlier tonight and i let it on purpose because its my dads money and i dont wanna spend it all, and i always feel so obligated to make the most of it when i do have subscription, so i always just play the game and do basically nothing else blah blah blah

and anyway i obviously enjoy my time on the game, but i get so exhausted of it by the end of the month. i want to play other games and do other things and not have this feeling like im wasting my dads money

my brother, on the other hand, who has always been interesting about money, insists that its only 15 dollars and i simply shouldnt feel obligated to spend all my time on the game.

if it was my own money, i wouldnt care about 13-15$ a month. but its not my money. and my dad acts like if he has to spend his money on anyone but himself, that hes going to be so broke that he wont be able to afford existing until next payday. even when its not at all true.

but because theres this whole felcycle secret going on right now, my brother is INSISTING i need to get my sub back for it. i was lucky to have it for the pet battle shit, but im severely hoping there wont be anymore stuff hidden behind subscription mechanics. honestly, if there is, im probably just going to give up. fomo is a capitalist tool and i really dont feel like spending more money just to get a fictional item that i cant hold in my hands. whatever

my brother is 2 things. hes someone who doesnt know how to take no for an answer, and hes someone whos very unaware of the feelings of people around him unless its an actually serious situation.

so me saying that i hope i can finish this without needing more sub makes him respond with 'you know they dont give a single fuck about you if you arent paying them money, right? theyre totally gonna have more stuff behind the paywall and youre going to need to pay 15$ to get it. its just 15$, just get it lol' and i dont know how to express how much my insides are on fire with irritation

i try saying 'its about more than the 15$' but i know he wouldnt understand my reasons, so why bother telling

[cryptidloganlerman]

Analuisacorrigan Thank you to everyone who came to my gender reveal!!! It's a balloon!!!

[izzy-b-hands]

Really need this upped dosage of Lexapro to start letting me sleep. Don't get me wrong, my sleep schedule is always....something...but as of the last few weeks and having upped the dose, it's ten times worse and I'm either sleeping waaay too much or not at all (the latter last night) and this is killing me on work days. I'm so fucking tired.

[asbestieos]

hiWOW the desktop layout really is ugly. anyhow!! my account was charged for an months-old expense i thought was already paid. SURPRISE!! IT WASNT PAID!! AND THEYRE CHARGING ME TODAY!! LOL!! im opening up some commissions to try and cover this before i get overdrafted. i am Broke broke rn and itll be one week until my second job's payday. please consider rbing this post!!

shit i can do (open imgs in new tab for better quality + zoom)

i draw holy cow do i draw. sketches $10 (left), full art $30 (right), backgrounds add +$5, no additional price for added characters. no limits here i can go crazy and draw whatver you want ill draw your oc ill draw your sona your furry your mecha your faves your faves slorcking each others sundays etc etc :thumbsup:

ref sheets!!! with block text (left) and handwritten text (right)!!! im not very good at making them look good or aesthetic so ill charge $20 flat for all ref sheets

i like to call this the ENSTARS SPECIAL. aka ill edit/draw in the enstars art style for you. i can draw emotes, cg/card art, live2d sprites, character profiles, character icons, chibi sprites, enbasic! chibi sprites, fake song album art, The List Goes On. I will Do it for you. base price for any of these will start at $5 and will increase by complexity, subject to my discretion. cg/card art starts at $30.

non-negotiable clause: in great fear and awe of the mighty HappyEle, all enstars-styled commissioned work will be watermarked as a fan-made work. also a disclaimer, my work will never 100% match the official enstars art, litrlly a Whole studio full of hundreds of artists draws these cards!! but i do my best to emulate the style!!

i currently can only take payment thru my p4yp4l and k0fi !! thank you so much for reading i really appreciate. it wont be the end of hte world if i cant get enoguh money but i got bills to pay and this sudden expense will stack on toppa them u_u

[stinkykittypet]

today is my bday and that means i get to tell you abt my day. we went to walmart (this is a special outing for my family). i picked up some donuts bcuz cookie cake is expensive. i saw tmnt mutant mayhem pizza. i saw some other tmnt merch (socks, shirts, etc). i saw a sally face poster. i went to the book isle and got overwhelmed with emotion (i love books so much). i saw a book that i really wanted but cant afford so i gotta wait until next payday to get it. insanely sad abt the book. but very excited for next payday bcuz i get to get the book then. my kitty's birthday is also today. he is one year old. we got him cat toys. i saw a treehouse on the way home. very cool. we are going to have spaghetti. i am very happy with how my day is going so far. :)

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

I hate this but

My sick leave is finally going through but because of Reasons it's being processed late and I won't receive it until next payday, 2 weeks from now. I've almost maxed out my overdraft, I have roughly £40 in bills to come out, and my family is going on holiday next week so I'll have no funds to buy food for myself.

Here's a link to my kofi, if anyone can afford to chuck me a fiver or even just boost it would be hugely appreciated. I cant work right now due to depression and other health issues and I'm. Trying. Really hard to improve things and get a better job, but...I gotta get through this rough patch first.

[dat-soldier]

idk if there’s that much of a point of putting out art out there when it barely gets attention. Either here or twitter, or instagram, or whatever. It’s just getting pitiful notes, likes or whatever.

Yeah maybe its a bit Extremely online of a thing to worry about, but it’s my main feedback and reward when i put out a piece. If it’s a commission i dont care about the clout, it’s so i can get groceries. but when i take time and motivation i can’t really spare to try and make something special, like a personal piece or a fan art and it gets a fraction of what someone posting an anime girl gets, idk. it gets to me. like the heist movie poster/ series that took me a grueling 2 months along with commission work, that kinda bombed. maybe the target demographic isnt there, maybe im just insanely out of touch. maybe my art style is not really appealing. i dont know. i just know it doesnt make me want to put in 8 hours in a drawing for next to no attention. 

i know other artists are going through this too. i’ve been going through it since i started putting content out in 2006. sometimes i feel like i havent really made any progress, or reached a plateau. maybe im not doing things right. either socially, or pleasing an algorythm, or just making drawings that catch the eye. guess i cant wait to finally “make it”, lol. maybe i peaked in 2017 with the payday 2 freelance work. 

i just feel that no matter what i do, it’s not good enough. friends and kind indivuduals will say my art is fine, not to worry about numbers and all. but like, i dont feel its normal i’m stagnating this badly. i try new things and it just doesnt change much. i feel if i started drawing titties, i would plateau pretty quickly too.

lots to think about. in any case yeah that’s why there’s been a slowdown of art recently. thank you to everyone who reblogged, commented and added lovely and fun tags to my pieces. Youre golden~

 Hope i can put out more ambitious art soon so it can reach 437 notes and nothing else and the cycle will continue until the next burnout.

[angustully]

sallie mae payment got taken out this morning but i got paid for both jobs today so miraculously... i still have a comma in my bank account? like even after i did some christmas shopping last night and got myself food a few times this week i still have money? and like, enough of it that i can spend a little bit until the next payday and not worry that i cant cover any other bills??? this feels really great i might start crying lol??????

[tigerdrop]

LMAO well okay. i think that my interpretation of his behavior will probably bug some people judging by a lot of posts i see flying around lately but yall asked, so

so like right from the jump, tommy reads as a, like, naive and good-mannered person. and, you know, he is a little naive! he gets bought out with fucking beyblades. but hes also very insistent that he knows what hes doing a lot of the time, even when gordon is being condescending as all shit and implying that hes a child. (see: the line where hes like “im not playing in the water! im testing the viscosity!”) and im inclined to take that at face value - presumably you dont get hired at black mesa without at least being on the level of, you know, a 27 yr old fresh out of MIT, like gordon freeman

and in that light, i think its really easy to read a lot of tommys behavior as straight up passive-aggressive/condescending towards gordon. gordons like, a decade younger than him, and hes going around cracking jokes about how tommys basically two kids in a trenchcoat. like, some examples:

whether or not tommy calls him “mr freeman” or “dr freeman” is a little inconsistent, but a lot of times tommy will be calling him “dr” right up until gordon makes some condescending comment toward him, at which point he switches to “mr”. it was probably not intentional at all, but its really funny and kind of demeaning

theres a moment where theres like, a laser/electricity/whatever, and tommy says “it cant hurt you if youre smart!” when gordon worries about it hurting him. it would hurt gordon, tho. this reads as a fantastically backhanded burn to me LMAO

theres another bit where theyre all just straight up calling gordon stupid. (he is a little stupid for being such a puffed-up MIT boy.) tommy will also sometimes just completely ignore gordon when gordon says something demeaning to him, like hes just turning away and thinking “i am not getting paid enough to deal with this guy”

tommys clearly spiteful at times: when they get fucked with the the military, tommy immediately jumps to suggesting they take one of the soldiers hostage, and when theyre robbing the casino in the payday stream, hes like “ive already lost 20$, let’s rob this place”. its not much of a stretch to interpret him as being spitefully condescending to gordon, too

anyway the point i am getting at here is that its not like wildly inaccurate to read him as just wanting some fucking respect. gordons really, really bossy and talks down to them a lot and sometimes literally talks to tommy like hes a dog. id think that just about anybody would get fed up with that

in that vein, please consider: tommy finally getting stern and reminding gordon that he is a 37 year old with a goddamn doctorate (maybe even multiple!) and that its dr coolatta, thank you. sure, he might like gordon, and they might be friendly towards each other, but gordon ought to show some fuckin respect for once instead of being so demeaning all the time. and, you know, gordon having a really embarrassing reaction to being put in his place for once

some other tidbits that dont really go along with this but that i feel compelled to point out anyway

tommy swears! he says “fucking” almost right away! and he doesnt stutter very much if at all. i think that, like the “gordon feetman” thing, the whole schtick of him never swearing and stuttering a lot is like a fanon thing that got latched onto really hard fsr

hes, like, really fast, and one of my friends headcanons him as having been a track runner at one point, which fits really well IMO

tommys probably an excellent researcher if he makes a point to reference how many OSHA codes and wikipedia articles hes memorized, which makes it even more funny/painful how much gordon lays into him for being childlike

tommy makes the sweet voice colors rhyme what they actively do some of the time, but definitely not all of the time. i know it can be fun to try to come up with clever rhymes for sweet voice, but the pedantic and obnoxious poet in my brain is begging ppl to just not force it if it sounds awkward. if youre gonna do it, you oughta make sure it actually rhymes, and that it scans correctly, too. sorry this is insanely nitpicky but it drives me Nuts and ive had people wonder why i would make one of benreys sweet voices orange when it doesnt rhyme with anything. it doesnt have to! dont worry about it!

[imkarkaren]

u uSo... this is my very first post. Im writing this because I have nobody to share this with and I dont want to be that kind of person who I can share this with.

So, since Im anonymous here, I decided to be very real and just let these things get posted here.

So, to start, Im here in my room, alone. Sitting here with one more cigarette to lit.

Today is payday. Maybe some people are so excited on paydays but not me.

I mean, Im single with no kids. Most people think Im totally fine financially since Im the youngest and on top of that, a damsel. But you know, fuck it.

Im been thinking, am I gonna be like this until the end of my time? I mean am I gonna keep supporting my family financially? Do I have to be always be that child that her mother can lean on financially and mentally? I dont know.

I work 40 hours a day, nightshifts but Im not even able to buy things I want. As a matter of fact, I dont even know what I want anymore.

You see, Im thinking "you know what, I like to have my own upgrade gadgets like iphone12 and a macbook laptop but nah, I can even save anything because I have to provide for my family".

Sometimes I thinking, should I rebel? I mean Im 28, can I not just go somewhere that my family dont know about then I'll just cut them off from my life? Yeah -- I can do this, right? If I really want to, I cant but I dont wanna do that.

I dont want my mom to worry about where I am. I dont want her to get sick because of worry.

My mom means soooo much to me. I get annoyed when she texts or calls me and ask if I have money because she has someone she needs to pay off her debt. I get really really really annoyed and sometimes I despised her for being like that but then again, I cant help it but still provide.

She raised me and my sister alone from high school to college, and I understand her sacrifices. But sometimes thoughts like "do I owe her these sacrifices? its not like I asked her to birth me".

Is it my obligation to provide for them and be their leaning wall just because I have a stable job and she and my sister is not that capable of doing that? When will I be able to spend my money on my own accord? When will I be able to just do whatever the fuck I want to do?

I love my mom and my sister the most but Im soooo tired of being the breadwinner. I didnt graduate college and live so I can live for them my entire life. I want to be able to be alone and not think that I have them to worry about.

This is so tiring. Is this how fathers feel on paydays? This sucks sooo much and I so tired of being in thai situation.

[knamjooned]

I cant get tickets until tomorrow, and I REALLY cant get tickets until Friday or the NEXT payday. 😬 if nothing else, I'll have June 3,4,5 off for a staycation?

[bowerykept]

this is the scene for the goddamn arms race // @strategiic​

          from here on out, murphy will no longer agree to do favors for tim until she knows what the favor is. all she wants is to pull her hair from the tight updo, kick off her stupid fancy shoes, and BURN the tulle and satin  m o n s t r o s i t y  that she’s forced to prance around in for a couple of hours. 

         yeah, a couple of hours. hours she has to spend with the kings and queens of gotham’s high society. murphy can’t tell if that’s what makes her skin crawl, or the scratchy fabric of her dress.

         and the only person who can tell that her teeth are BARED in place of a smile is the same one that brought her here. they’re there on one of his cases, something about some league of evil losers and the world probably ending. really, the stakes never really concerned her. all she needed was her mark for the bait and switch, and the rest was up to tim. 

         ❝ hey, murph, are you listening ? ❞ tim probes. they had barely stepped into the crowded ballroom, and murphy was already losing it. she really, REALLY didn’t fit in here. these were all people she saw as targets for a quick payday. and as she looked around the room, circling back to tim, she racked her brain trying to figure out how tim fit in with these people.

         on one hand, he DEFINITELY had the class. tim was stuffed full of etiquette and charm. he was smart and fancy and he really looked the part. and, okay, he was loaded. on the other, he was kind, and he looked out for EVERYONE. put his own life on the line for the greater good. he took care of murphy.

         but the people that surrounded them ? the money was ALL they had going for them. all of those other qualities were bought for them. for tim, it was natural. so he belonged, but didn’t. 

         schrodinger’s red robin.

         ❝ hmm ? oh, yeah. just, uh, lemme know what i should be lookin’ for. ❞ her voice was kept low, a whisper only for tim. they both knew that, when push came to shove, murphy could barely pass for gotham’s elite. if anybody looked too closely, they would see the cover-up on her skin to hide her tattoos, or notice the spray paint crusted in her fingernails. if they heard the way she spoke, or the slight lilt of a bowery cant, she’d be outed in seconds.

         and discretion was KEY. murphy wasn’t going to ruin this for tim, even though she hated everything about this.

         tim’s little smirk and slight shake of his head reminds her that, yes, he’s told her this MULTIPLE TIMES, and yes, he knew she was never really listening. ❝ his name is walter fischer. he’s about six-foot one, a hundred and ninety pounds, ❞ her eyes scan the ballroom, looking for the man who meets tim’s description. 

         and her gaze gets caught. murphy cuts him off, rushed. ❝ is that him ? ❞

         tim follows her line of sight, then SNAPS back to her face the second he catches on.

         ❝ murphy, that is the buffet table. NOT our mark. ❞

         murphy looks back to him, eyes big and round and PLEADING. ❝ b-but how will we KNOW ? like, really, really know, unless i-- we question it ? ❞

         either tim has much more patience for murphy than there are stars in the sky, or that FISH GUY wasn’t here yet and tim already knew it, because he holds his elbow out for her and rolls his eyes.

         ❝ FINE, but don’t make yourself sick. ❞

         murphy holds on to his arm and lets out a giddy victory squeal as they head over to-- oh my god is that a CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN ?