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worlds-we-write · 2 months ago

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Sweet on You

Chapter 1: Bread and Butter

pairing: Jackson!joel miller x baker!reader

Summary: You spend most of your days elbow-deep in dough, trying to stay invisible in a town that’s only ever half-safe. But when a snowstorm traps you inside the bakery — and Joel Miller comes back to check on you — the walls you’ve built start to crack. And Joel? He’s more than willing to crawl through them.

WC: 7.4K

Rating: Explicit (18+) MDNI

Tags: Joel Miller x Reader, Jackson Era, Age Gap, Bakery AU, Snowed-In, Protective Joel, Abusive Ex, First Time, Oral (f receiving), Praise Kink, Dirty Talk, Aftercare, Soft Dom Joel, Emotional Tension, Smut & Comfort

Series Masterlist

The first light of morning bleeds through the frosted bakery windows, casting long shadows across the flour-dusted countertops. You’re already elbow-deep in dough by the time most of Jackson is still stirring under blankets. Your hands move on instinct — knead, fold, turn, press — the motions steady, repetitive, almost comforting. Almost.

The radio in the corner crackles with the latest weather warning. Snow’s rolling in faster than expected. Maria’s voice, stern and clipped, advises nonessential workers to stay inside.

You keep working.

The heat from the ovens hasn’t fully kicked in yet, and your fingers are stiff with cold. You blow into your palms, flexing them as pain stabs through the joints. The skin on your knuckles is raw — half from the dry air, half from where your ex’s grip had been a little too tight last night when you tried to walk away.

You’d brushed it off. Said something about catching your hand on a doorframe. You lie easier than you used to.

You glance toward the window, hoping no one will come by this early. Hoping he won’t come by. He’s unpredictable that way. But even thinking about it makes your stomach churn.

Instead, you focus on the one thing that helps: work. Baking. The soft resistance of dough, the smell of rising yeast, the way cinnamon sticks to your fingertips like sugar-slick sin. It’s your rhythm. Your armor.

The door jingles at 7:32 a.m. sharp.

Your heart skips. You freeze, hands full of dough.

But then—

“Morning.”

His voice. Warm gravel. Low and rough like coffee at sunrise.

Joel Miller.

You don’t even have to look up to know it’s him. He always comes in at this time on Thursdays. Like clockwork. Orders the same loaf of sourdough. Pays in full. Sometimes talks. Sometimes doesn’t. Always looks at you just a little too long.

You wipe your hands on your apron, trying not to notice how your pulse jumps. “Hey. You’re early.”

He tilts his head slightly, mouth twitching. “You’re open early.”

“Some of us don’t like to sleep in,” you mutter, reaching for the wrapped loaf already waiting for him. You’d made it automatically. Without thinking. That part makes your cheeks burn.

Joel steps up to the counter, wearing that damn brown jacket that clings to his shoulders too well. Snow dusts his hair. His glasses are fogged slightly, and you swear he lowers them to peer at you over the rim — just to mess with your head.

“Cold in here,” he murmurs. “You alright?”

You hesitate.

You could say yes. That you’re fine. That the cut on your wrist is from the oven. That you’re not shaking because of him. That Joel’s eyes on you don’t make it worse and better all at once.

But instead, you just nod. “Yeah. Cold front’s coming in fast.”

Joel takes the loaf, but his gaze lingers. Like he knows there’s something unsaid. His hand brushes yours when he takes the bread. It’s nothing. Barely a second.

But it sets your nerves on fire.

You avoid his eyes. He doesn’t push.

“Be careful out there,” he says.

You don’t reply. Just watch him go.

As the door swings shut behind him, you whisper it too late:

“You too.”

You think that’s it — just another Thursday morning, another few seconds of Joel Miller brushing against the edge of your world before disappearing back into his.

But fifteen minutes later, the bell above the bakery door jingles again.

Your brows pull together. It’s too early for your regulars. And Joel? He never comes back the same day.

You wipe your hands on your apron again — a nervous habit you haven’t been able to kick — and turn toward the counter just in time to see him step back inside.

His hair is a little more damp than before, snow melting against the curve of his collar. His jacket’s still zipped up, and he’s carrying… what looks like a small crate of canned goods.

You blink. “Did you… forget something?”

He shrugs, but his eyes scan the room, lingering on the prep table behind you, the woodpile beside the stove, your thermos of half-drunk coffee. He takes his time.

“Figured you might need this,” he says casually, setting the crate on the edge of the counter.

You glance down — it’s stacked with preserved fruit, two bags of flour, and a few canned items you’ve been out of since last week’s trading haul. It’s the kind of stuff you usually have to beg Tommy to scrounge up for you.

“I—Joel, I didn’t ask for this.”

“I know.” He slides his hands into his jacket pockets, eyes never leaving your face. “Heard you mention last week you were running low.”

Your lips part, but no sound comes out. No one ever listens that closely. Not unless they want something.

Joel doesn’t say anything else. Just watches you, waiting.

You force a smile. “Thanks. Really. That’s… sweet of you.”

His brow ticks up. “You don’t gotta call it that.”

“What? Sweet?”

“Yeah.” He looks down, almost self-conscious. “Ain’t a word most folks use for me.”

You stare at him. At the way his jaw tightens slightly. At the soft crease in his brow. He really doesn’t know how he sounds when he says these things, does he?

Your fingers twitch at your sides. You want to ask him why he came back. Why he’s really here.

But instead, your mouth betrays you. “You didn’t need to bring this.”

“Didn’t need to,” Joel agrees. “Wanted to.”

Your throat goes dry.

The silence stretches for a second too long. You reach to move the crate off the counter, but when you do, the cuff of your sleeve pushes back just far enough for the healing bruise on your wrist to show.

Joel notices.

You see it the moment his eyes drop to it — the way his expression stills. Sharpens.

You yank the sleeve back down quickly. “Banged it on the oven door.”

His voice is quiet. Careful. “That so?”

You nod, too fast.

Joel doesn’t press. Doesn’t call you out.

But he lingers.

“You staying here through the storm?”

“Yeah,” you say quickly. “I usually do when it’s bad. Easier than trying to haul everything back and forth in the snow.”

He’s still watching you like he’s trying to read between the lines. Like he knows there’s more to it. Maybe he does.

“I’ll come by later. Check in,” he says finally. Not a question. Not an offer. Just a fact.

Your heart flutters in your chest. “You don’t have to.”

“I know.”

And just like that, he turns and walks out again — boots heavy against the wooden floor, the door closing behind him with a gust of cold air that feels far too empty once he’s gone.

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding.

Your fingers graze your wrist, brushing over the dark mark that’s just starting to fade.

You’re not sure which man scares you more.

The one who bruises you in the dark. Or the one who looks at you like he already knows — and gives a damn anyway.

The bakery is quiet again after Joel leaves, but the warmth he brought with him lingers in the space. You can still feel it in your chest — the way he looked at you, the way his voice softened when he asked if you were okay. He doesn’t ask like other people do. He actually wants the answer.

You try to shake it off.

There’s dough to shape, pastries to glaze, loaves to prep for the lunch crowd that may or may not come with the snow already starting to fall. Your hands get back to work, but your head is still replaying that moment — how close he stood. How easily your wrist fit in his hand. How badly you wanted him to pull you in and stay.

The bell over the door rings again.

You freeze.

That’s not his walk. Joel’s heavy but measured. This is lighter. Quicker. Familiar in a way that makes your stomach twist.

You don’t turn around until you have to.

“Morning, sweetheart.”

His voice is low and syrupy. The pet name lands like a punch.

You force yourself to look at him — your ex. Smiling like he owns the room. Like he still owns you.

“Didn’t realize you were open this early,” he says, stepping up to the counter, hands stuffed in his coat pockets like he’s just passing through. “Thought maybe I’d stop in. Say hi.”

You grip the edge of the counter tighter than you mean to. “I’m busy.”

He leans in slightly. “I can see that. Must be a lot of work keeping this place going all by yourself.”

You nod once. Don’t give him anything more.

There’s a long pause. He doesn’t leave.

You know this game. He’s waiting for you to break the silence. To give him space to wedge something sharp between the cracks. You focus on the cinnamon rolls instead — brushing them with egg wash, pretending he’s not watching the way your hands move.

Then he does it.

“You and Joel Miller seem real friendly lately.”

Your body stiffens.

He notices.

“Saw him bring in some supplies earlier. Thought that was sweet.” He cocks his head. “You baking him something special?”

You don’t answer.

“I mean, I get it,” he says, voice dipping lower, a sneer barely hidden under the sweetness. “Big strong guy like that. Bet he knows just how to handle a woman like you.”

Your chest tightens. “You need to go.”

He laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Relax. I’m just saying — wouldn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. People talk.”

You finally look up. Your voice is calm, but shaking underneath. “Leave.”

Something flashes behind his eyes — something darker.

And then, too fast to stop, he moves around the counter.

Your heart kicks into overdrive. You step back, but he grabs your arm, fingers digging in too tight, his breath hot and sour against your cheek.

“You really think a man like Joel wants someone like you?” he snarls. “With those thick thighs and soft arms? C’mon. You think he’s not just playing the long game, waiting for something younger, tighter?”

You wrench your arm away, voice low and panicked. “Get out.”

He doesn’t budge. “You don’t belong with someone like him. You belong with someone who knows how to handle you.”

Your blood runs cold.

He leans closer, his voice a whisper now, just for you. “You’re lucky I still care enough to keep you in line.”

You shove him — hard. He stumbles back a step, startled.

“Touch me again and I’ll scream.”

He looks at you for a beat, and something in your eyes must finally register — that you mean it this time.

He straightens his coat. Smiles like it’s all been a joke.

“See you around, sweetheart.”

And then he’s gone.

The door closes softly behind him, but the tension stays — soaked into the floorboards, the walls, your skin.

You lean against the prep table, shaking. Your wrist aches where he grabbed it, and you rub it with trembling fingers.

You stare at the cinnamon rolls, now cold and glossy, untouched.

Your appetite’s gone. But your rage is just starting to simmer.

The snow starts falling harder by midafternoon.

It comes in slow at first — thick, drifting flakes that cling to the bakery windows like static, soft and silent and deceptively gentle. But you know better. Jackson winters aren’t subtle. When the storm hits, it hits hard.

You hear Maria’s voice come through the town radio again, clear even through the walls: “All residents are advised to head home and stay in for the night. Scout patrols will halt after sundown. We’re expecting a full whiteout.”

You don’t respond. Don’t call in. Don’t leave.

You pull the blinds instead. Turn off the storefront lights. Lock the front door even though it’s hours before closing.

The kitchen stays lit, oven humming quietly behind you. You move through your routine like a ghost — stacking trays, folding dish towels, setting out a cot in the corner you keep hidden behind the supply shelves. It’s not the first time you’ve stayed here overnight. Probably won’t be the last.

You tell yourself it’s the storm.

Not the bruise on your wrist. Not the echo of his voice in your head. Not the fact that the apartment you live in is only two doors down from his, and you haven’t slept soundly there in weeks.

You pour yourself a mug of chamomile tea and sit at the tiny prep table, trying to ground yourself. The cup trembles faintly in your hand, and you stare at it like it might give you something solid to hold onto.

He touched you today.

He grabbed you.

You swallow around the lump in your throat.

The bruise is blooming slowly — deeper than the last one. You know how this goes. He pushes until you flinch, then smiles like you’re the one who started it.

You could tell someone. You could tell Maria. You could… tell Joel.

Your stomach flips at the thought.

Joel saw it. The bruise. You could see the tension in his jaw. The way his gaze dropped to your wrist and lingered. The way he didn’t believe you when you brushed it off.

But he didn’t push.

God, you wanted him to.

You finish your tea. Try to distract yourself with prep work — organizing supplies, checking your limited pantry. The crate Joel brought sits near the corner of the kitchen like a quiet promise. You glance at it more than once.

He came back for you today.

No one does that. Not for you.

The wind picks up outside. The walls groan softly. Somewhere far off, a patrol dog howls and the sound is swallowed up by the snow.

You light a few candles when the power flickers — just in case. There’s a thick blanket tucked under the cot, and you pull it around your shoulders, huddling on the small bench by the fire oven.

You don’t expect company.

You definitely don’t expect him to come back.

So when the knock comes — three quick raps against the bakery door — your heart lurches in your chest.

You’re halfway across the kitchen before your body even catches up with your brain, pulse racing, feet bare against the cold wood floor.

You unlock the door, pull it open a crack.

And there he is.

Joel Miller. Covered in snow. Brow furrowed. Eyes locked on you like he’s been waiting to see your face again.

Joel stands just beyond the threshold, snow clinging to his hair, his shoulders, the folds of his coat. His scarf is half-soaked, pushed down around his neck, and his gloved hands are tucked into his jacket pockets like he had to stop himself from knocking again.

You blink at him in the cold air spilling into the bakery.

“You came back.”

His brows lift, like he’s surprised you’re surprised. “Told you I would.”

You step aside silently, letting him in. The moment the door shuts behind him, the sound of the wind fades, replaced by the warm hush of the bakery — the soft crackle of the fire oven, the faint clink of mugs on the drying rack, and the flutter in your chest that just won’t stop.

He stands in the center of the kitchen like he’s unsure where to go, snow melting off him and pooling beneath his boots.

“I was just… checking supplies.” You gesture vaguely toward the pantry shelves, your voice quiet. “Didn’t want to risk walking home.”

Joel’s eyes trail over you — not in a leering way, but like he’s taking inventory. Making sure you’re whole. Untouched.

His gaze drops to your wrist for half a second. You feel it like a spark.

“You didn’t call in,” he says finally. “Maria’s been tellin’ folks to stay in.”

“I’m in,” you say simply.

He hums low in his throat. Removes his gloves, tucks them into his pocket. “You eaten?”

You shake your head. “Didn’t feel like it.”

Joel looks around the kitchen, then back at you. “Mind if I sit?”

You gesture to the bench near the prep table. “Go ahead. Want some tea?”

He nods once. “Yeah. If it’s not too much trouble.”

You busy yourself with the kettle, grateful for something to do. Something to stop your hands from shaking now that he’s sitting barely six feet away, his big frame hunched slightly from the cold, elbows on his knees. Watching you.

You pour the water slowly, grab two mismatched mugs, and hand one to him.

“Thanks,” he mutters, fingers wrapping around the cup like he hasn’t felt warmth all day.

You sit across from him in silence, both of you nursing your tea. The bakery glows softly in candlelight, the fire casting long shadows on the flour-dusted walls. You can hear the wind howling again just beyond the windows, but in here it feels quiet. Tucked away. Like a snow globe, sealed off from the rest of Jackson.

Joel shifts, finally breaking the silence.

“You ever stay here before?”

You nod. “Couple of times. Storms like this, I’d rather not risk the walk. The apartment’s drafty anyway.”

He eyes you for a moment. You wonder if he knows the truth — that it’s not the cold you’re avoiding, but the man who waits two doors down.

He doesn’t ask. But something in his expression hardens just slightly.

“Wasn’t sure you’d want company,” he says.

“I didn’t,” you admit. Then, softer: “But I’m glad it’s you.”

That gets his attention.

His head lifts, and for the first time since he walked in, his eyes meet yours fully. There’s no heat behind the stare — not yet — just a deep, quiet focus. Like he’s listening to more than your words.

“Earlier today,” he says, voice low. “When I came in. You looked... shaken.”

You go still.

“I’m fine.”

“You keep sayin’ that.”

Your breath hitches.

He sets his mug down carefully. Leans forward. “You want me to leave, I will. But if you’re scared of somethin’, someone—”

“I can handle it.”

His jaw ticks. “Didn’t say you couldn’t. Just don’t think you should have to.”

The words land heavy.

You look away. Down at your hands. “He was here today. After you left.”

Joel doesn’t ask who. Doesn’t need to.

“He grabbed me,” you whisper. “Said some shit. About you. About me. Made it real clear he’s still watching.”

Joel is quiet. Too quiet.

Then: “He touch you again, I’ll break his fuckin’ hands.”

You look up sharply.

He’s deadly still. Not posturing. Not trying to be dramatic. Just stating a fact — calm, final, and terrifying in how much he means it.

Your chest tightens. Something behind your ribs begins to unravel.

“I don’t want you to get involved,” you say, but it sounds weak, even to you.

“Too late for that.”

He stands, slow and deliberate, walking around the table until he’s standing in front of you. Not crowding. Not threatening. Just there — solid and steady and burning at the edges.

His voice softens. “You don’t gotta tell me everything. But if you’re gonna stay here tonight… you shouldn’t have to stay alone.”

Your breath catches.

He reaches down, fingers brushing your blanket-covered arm. “Can I stay?”

The wind howls again outside, but in here — it’s warm. And for the first time all day, you feel like maybe you’re allowed to exhale.

You nod.

Joel doesn’t smile. But something in his shoulders eases.

He pulls up a chair beside you, and the silence returns — but now, it feels like safety.

Like something’s shifting.

Like tonight might change everything.

The heat of the tea fades, but neither of you reach for more. The mugs sit forgotten on the table, half full, as you and Joel fall into a heavy quiet. Not uncomfortable — just charged. Like static building in the air before lightning strikes.

Joel sits beside you now, not across from you, close enough that his knee brushes yours every time he shifts. He’s peeled off his coat and scarf, now just in a henley and worn jeans, both still clinging to the chill he brought in with him. You can feel the warmth starting to return to his skin — slow and steady, like everything else he does.

You glance over, catch him watching you from the corner of his eye. Not in a hungry way. Not yet. Just… studying. Like he’s learning something he’s never been allowed to look at this long.

You feel his eyes trace the curve of your cheek, down to your collarbone, then flick quickly away. You swallow.

“You always show up like that?” you murmur. “Right when I need someone?”

Joel huffs softly — almost a laugh, but not quite. “Wasn’t tryin’ to time it.”

“But you did.”

He looks at you now, fully. There’s something behind his eyes — something heavy and unspoken, just waiting to be said.

You press your lips together, turning your mug in slow circles between your palms. “You don’t have to keep checking in on me.”

“I know.”

“You barely know me.”

He shifts in his seat. His voice is low, thoughtful. “I know you get here before sunrise every damn day, even when there’s snow on the ground and half the town’s still in bed. I know you’re polite to everybody, but you don’t really talk to most of ‘em. I know your favorite apron’s the one with the little burn hole on the hem. And I know you flinch when you hear a certain man’s voice outside the window.”

You blink. The air leaves your lungs like he knocked it out of you.

“I know enough,” he says, quiet but firm.

You set the mug down. Slowly. Your hands have started shaking again, and you hate that he can see it.

Joel leans forward, forearms resting on his knees, his voice gentler now. “You ever talk to Maria?”

You shake your head. “I can’t. I mean, I could. But if I do, then it becomes real. On paper. Everyone will know. And he’ll know I told.”

Joel watches you. Not pushing. Just there.

“I don’t want to be a problem,” you whisper.

“You’re not.”

“But if you’re seen with me more…”

“I don’t care.”

You blink up at him.

“I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t care what he thinks. He lays a hand on you again and I won’t be talkin’ about it — I’ll be dealin’ with it.”

Your throat tightens.

You look down at your lap. Your voice barely makes it out. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Joel doesn’t answer right away.

Then: “Because I’ve been where you are.”

That surprises you. You glance sideways, catch the shadow in his expression — the weariness in his shoulders. Like he’s carrying things he never let anyone see.

“And because,” he adds, clearing his throat, “I look at you, and I don’t want to look away.”

The silence thickens.

You exhale shakily. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll start believing you mean it.”

Joel shifts closer. Just enough that you feel the heat radiating off him now. His knee brushes yours and this time he doesn’t pull away.

“Maybe I do.”

You look up, eyes locking with his.

The moment stretches — long and loaded, heartbeats rising, breaths catching in the quiet between you. You can smell him now: woodsmoke, clean cotton, snow and earth. His hands are resting on his thighs, strong and calloused and so close. You wonder what they’d feel like on your hips. On your waist. Between your—

You stop yourself, but the thought lingers.

Joel’s voice drops, deep and low. “You cold?”

You shake your head slowly. “No. I’m—fine.”

But your voice betrays you.

And Joel? He hears it. All of it.

His eyes drop to your mouth.

The tension turns molten.

He leans in, just a little.

And you don’t move.

Not away.

The space between you shrinks by the second.

Joel’s gaze is on your mouth — heavy, deliberate, and hungry. He hasn’t moved more than a few inches, but it feels like gravity is tilting the entire room, pulling you into his orbit. And you… you don’t want to stop it. You don’t even try.

“Joel,” you whisper, unsure if it’s a warning or a plea.

His voice is rough when he answers. “Tell me to stop, and I will.”

You don’t.

Your breath catches as he reaches up — slow, like he’s afraid you’ll spook — and brushes his knuckles along your cheek. They’re warm now, calloused, trembling just slightly.

“You’ve been on my mind,” he murmurs, “every goddamn time I walk past this place.”

You swallow hard, heart hammering so loud you’re sure he can hear it. “Why?”

He huffs out something close to a laugh. “Why?” he echoes. “You really don’t know what you do to me, do you?”

You can’t answer.

Because the truth is: you’ve felt it too. Every lingering look. Every “just checking in.” Every time his voice dipped a little lower when he said your name. You just never let yourself believe it meant anything.

Not when he’s him — older, guarded, heavy with grief you don’t have the right to touch — and you’re… you.

“You don’t want me,” you say, voice small. “Not really.”

Joel goes still.

His hand drops from your cheek, only to settle at your waist instead — big and warm and grounding.

“Don’t say that.”

“I mean—look at me.” You gesture weakly at your body, your soft curves wrapped in a worn sweater and flour-dusted leggings. “I’m not like the women here. I’m not— lean. Or… easy.”

Joel’s expression darkens, but not with anger. With something else. Something possessive.

He leans in slowly, until your noses nearly brush. His breath ghosts over your lips, and his hand on your waist tightens just enough to make you shiver.

“Baby,” he growls, “you think I don’t notice you? You think I don’t lay awake some nights wonderin’ what you taste like?”

Your breath stutters.

“You think I don’t look at those pretty thighs and imagine ‘em wrapped around my head?”

A sound escapes you — half gasp, half whimper.

Joel smirks. Barely. But it’s there.

“You think I haven’t fucked my hand thinkin’ about how sweet you’d sound moanin’ my name?”

You feel heat rush to your core, thighs clenching instinctively.

“Still think I don’t want you?” he murmurs.

And then he kisses you.

It’s not gentle.

Not rough, either — but there’s no hesitation. No uncertainty. His mouth crashes into yours like he’s starved for it, like he’s been waiting far too long and won’t waste another second. His hand slips to the back of your neck, holding you still while he devours you slowly, thoroughly, like he’s memorizing the shape of your lips.

You moan into him — soft, needy — and he groans in return, pressing you back against the prep table without breaking contact. You don’t even remember moving, but suddenly you’re sitting on the edge of it, legs parting instinctively as Joel steps between them.

His hands settle on your hips, warm and possessive.

“You feel this?” he mutters between kisses. “How fuckin’ hard I get just touchin’ you?”

You do.

God, you do — the ridge of his cock straining against his jeans, pressing right where your body is beginning to ache for friction.

You whimper. Joel swears.

“Tell me if I need to stop,” he rasps, voice raw. “Tell me now.”

You grab his shirt and tug him closer.

“Don’t you dare.”

The kiss leaves you breathless.

Joel pulls back just enough to look at you, his chest rising and falling like he’s holding back everything — every word, every groan, every instinct that’s telling him to lay you down on the prep table and wreck you.

His thumb brushes your cheek. “You okay?”

You nod, lips swollen, head spinning, heart doing somersaults.

But then it hits you — hard and cold, like a bucket of ice to the chest.

The kiss. The way he touched you. The look in his eyes.

It felt real.

And that’s what scares you.

Your hands slide to his chest, lightly pressing — not to push him away, but to breathe, to make space, to speak.

“Joel,” you whisper. “This is probably… a mistake.”

His brow furrows. “Why?”

You look down, suddenly unable to meet his eyes.

“Because you’re—you’re you. And I’m…” You gesture vaguely at yourself. “I’m not what you want. I’m not what makes sense.”

“Sweetheart.”

“I’m younger—way younger. And not in a fun way, in a why-is-he-looking-at-her kind of way. People in this town already talk about me. You really want to give them something else to whisper about?”

Joel says nothing, but the air around him shifts — sharpens.

You press on before you lose your nerve.

“And it’s not just the age. I’m not… easy to love. I’m not quiet. I’m soft and curvy and I overthink everything. I cry too much and I shut down when things get hard. And you—”

Joel cuts you off with a hand on your jaw, gently forcing you to look at him.

“Stop.”

You blink up at him, stunned into silence.

“I don’t give a single fuck what anyone in this town thinks,” he says, voice low and deliberate. “You hear me?”

Your throat tightens. He continues.

“I’ve had enough years and too much loss to waste time worryin’ about gossip. I don’t want some perfect little thing with nothin’ to say. I want you.”

Your lip trembles.

“I want your messy feelings and your soft thighs and your smart fuckin’ mouth. I want the way you light up when you’re talking about bread and the way you shake when you’re scared and still get the job done.”

You let out a shaky breath, and Joel steps in closer, crowding into your space with purpose.

“You think I look at you and wish you were someone else?” he growls. “Fuck no. You walk around this bakery like you don’t know what you do to me.”

His hand slides to your hip, squeezing gently.

“You got no idea how many times I’ve had to walk out of here before I said somethin’ I couldn’t take back. But tonight? I’m not walkin’ away.”

Your heart is beating out of your chest.

He leans in, mouth brushing your ear. “You don’t need a boy who flirts with you. You need a man who knows how to make you feel.”

Your thighs clench. You can’t help it.

He pulls back just far enough to look you in the eyes.

“I’m not gonna ask again,” he says, voice ragged. “Do you want this?”

You don’t speak — you grab him, dragging him back into a kiss that’s messier this time, desperate, all teeth and tongue and years of longing collapsing into one breathless collision.

Joel groans into your mouth, like he’s finally letting himself feel it.

You barely register it when he lifts you off the floor, your legs wrapping around his waist, the prep table bumping against your lower back.

“I’ll show you how wanted you are,” he mutters against your throat. “Every goddamn inch.”

And you believe him.

God help you, you believe every word.

Joel lays you back on the prep table with careful hands, like you’re made of something breakable — but his eyes say otherwise. His eyes say he’s wanted this. Planned for this. His pupils are blown wide, jaw tight with restraint, and his voice is already dropping into something darker, deeper.

“You’re so fuckin’ pretty when you’re flustered,” he murmurs, hands coasting down your sides, fingers squeezing just a little too firmly at your hips. “And you don’t even know it, do you?”

You try to sit up, but his hand on your sternum stops you — firm, grounding.

“Stay there,” he growls. “Wanna look at you.”

Your breath catches.

He starts slow — tugging your sweater up over your head with practiced ease, tossing it aside like he’s done this a thousand times. But his eyes stay locked on your skin like it’s the first time he’s seen anything worth touching.

“Jesus,” he mutters, voice low and reverent. His palms skim the curve of your belly, not rushing. “Soft everywhere.”

You flinch slightly — out of habit. Out of shame.

Joel notices.

“Uh-uh,” he says, firm. His hand comes up to cradle your jaw. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” you whisper.

“Shrink.” He leans in, brushing his lips against your ear. “Not when I’m about to show you how fuckin’ perfect you are.”

Your pulse stutters. His words — slow and deliberate — feel like a weight settling between your legs.

He kisses down your neck, unhurried, dragging his scruff along your skin until you’re squirming. Until your thighs are rubbing together on instinct.

“Joel—”

“Shhh.” He kisses along your collarbone, nips at the skin just hard enough to make you gasp. “I’m takin’ my time. You’re gonna lie there and let me enjoy what’s mine.”

You whimper, and he smirks against your skin.

“That’s it. That’s what I like.”

He pops the clasp on your bra like he’s done it blindfolded before — pulls the straps down your arms slowly, watching your chest rise and fall.

“Fuck,” he murmurs. “Look at you.”

His palms slide over your breasts, thumbs brushing your nipples until they’re peaked and aching, the heat in your core building to something unbearable. But still — he doesn’t go lower.

“You ever been taken care of properly?” he asks, not unkind, but rough with intention. “Or just used and left?”

You can’t answer. Not out loud.

But your silence is telling.

Joel’s jaw tightens. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

Then his hand dips — finally — to the waistband of your leggings, and his tone shifts.

“Gonna ruin every memory he left behind.”

He peels your leggings down, slow and steady, eyes locked on your thighs as they spread for him — unthinking, eager.

“Mm,” he hums. “Just like I fuckin’ dreamed. Thick little thighs I can sink my teeth into.”

You whine.

“Joel—”

“Oh, now you’re impatient?” He grins, leaning over you, one hand still gripping your thigh. “You wanted a man, baby girl. Not some boy who comes in two minutes and apologizes for touchin’ you too hard.”

His fingers slip under your panties. You arch.

“And this?” he rasps, rubbing gently over your soaked core. “This is mine now.”

You can’t breathe. Can’t think.

“Say it.”

You shake your head, too shy, too overwhelmed.

“Say it,” he demands again, voice low and commanding. “Say it’s mine or I’ll take my sweet time and leave you beggin’.”

You bite your lip. Whimper.

“Yours,” you whisper. “It’s yours, Joel.”

He groans.

“Good fuckin’ girl.”

And then he drops to his knees.

As Joel peels your leggings the rest of the way down, his breath hitches — not in lust, but something sharper.

His hand stills against your hip.

You follow his gaze and feel your stomach drop.

Bruises.

The ones you thought were fading. The ones you tried to cover. But in the warm glow of the bakery light, there’s no hiding them. Faint finger-shaped marks blooming along your upper thighs. A deeper one on your hip. And the fresh, angry purple smear still curling around your wrist.

Joel’s whole body shifts — tightens, coils.

“Who did this?” he says, voice low and dangerous.

You open your mouth. Close it.

His fingers ghost over the mark on your thigh, gentle, reverent, as if afraid he’ll hurt you further just by looking.

His other hand curls into a fist on your knee.

“Tell me.”

You swallow, throat dry. “You already know.”

Joel exhales slowly through his nose. His jaw flexes so hard it looks painful.

He stands, just enough to lean over you, one hand still braced on the table beside your head.

“You listen to me,” he says, voice barely a rasp. “That man ever touches you again, I don’t care who he is in this town. I’ll put him in the fuckin’ ground.”

You don’t answer — you can’t — but something in you cracks open. Not in fear. In relief.

Because finally, someone’s seeing it. All of it.

Joel lowers his forehead to yours, breathing hard, shaking with the effort it’s taking not to act on what he just saw.

“I wish I could go back,” he whispers. “Wish I could’ve stopped it before it ever touched you.”

Your lips tremble.

“You didn’t know.”

He pulls back just far enough to cup your face in both hands. His thumbs brush away tears you hadn’t realized had started to fall.

“I know now,” he murmurs. “And I’m gonna take care of you, baby. However you need.”

You nod, barely.

“I want you,” you breathe. “I want this.”

Joel’s eyes darken again — the hunger returns, but now it’s laced with something deeper. Something devotional.

He kisses your inner thigh — right above the bruise — soft as a secret.

“Then let me show you,” he whispers, sinking slowly to his knees, eyes never leaving yours.

“Let me make it better.”

Joel settles between your thighs like he’s meant to be there. Like the space was carved out for him and no one else.

He kisses the inside of your knee first, then lower — dragging his scruff over sensitive skin and watching the goosebumps rise in his wake.

“You’re already shaking,” he murmurs, voice thick with pride and hunger. “Ain’t even started yet.”

Your breath hitches as he hooks two fingers under your panties and pulls them down — slow, deliberate, savoring the way you squirm and bite your lip. When the fabric slips past your knees, he tosses them aside and stares down at you like he’s been starved for years.

“Look at this,” he growls, eyes locked on your soaked core. “Drippin’ for me already. So fuckin’ sweet.”

You try to close your legs, overwhelmed — but Joel grabs your thighs and holds them open with both hands, firm but gentle.

“Don’t you dare,” he says, voice gone ragged. “You let me see you. All of you.”

Your body obeys him before your brain does.

Joel leans in and presses a soft kiss to your inner thigh, just above a bruise, then another — and another. His hands trail up, warm and rough, one settling on your belly, the other resting possessively over your hip.

And then his mouth finds your cunt.

You gasp.

His tongue parts your folds like he’s memorizing every line, every texture, every breath you take. He moans into you, low and deep, like you taste better than anything he's had in years — and maybe you do.

“Fuck, baby,” he groans against you. “You’re better than I ever imagined.”

You whimper, hips twitching, but he holds you still.

“Stay right there,” he murmurs, voice a little hoarse. “Let me take my fuckin’ time.”

He licks a slow, deliberate stripe from your entrance up to your clit, then flattens his tongue and drags it again. Each pass is slower. Wetter. More intentional.

Then he starts talking.

“Gonna eat this pussy ‘til you can’t remember your own name.”

You cry out, grabbing a fistful of his hair — not to pull him away, but to ground yourself. To remind yourself this is real.

“Joel—”

“That’s it,” he growls. “Say my name while you soak my fuckin’ face.”

He sucks your clit into his mouth, tongue flicking just right, and your hips lift off the table. He growls again — this time into you — and you nearly scream.

He pushes two fingers into you without warning — thick, slow, curling deep.

Your back arches.

“Oh my god—”

Joel laughs softly. “Ain’t even close to god, sweetheart. But you keep makin’ those noises and I’ll do my best.”

His fingers fuck you slow while his tongue circles your clit, every movement precise — like he’s listening to your moans, cataloging them, using them as a map.

“Y’taste so fuckin’ good,” he groans. “Could spend the rest of the storm right here. Let you ride my tongue ‘til you’re cryin’.”

You already are.

Your body’s trembling, vision blurring, muscles tightening around his fingers.

Joel lifts his head just long enough to rasp, “C’mon, baby. Let go for me. Show me what a real man can make you do.”

Your whole body locks — and then breaks apart.

You cum with a sob, thighs clamping around his head, back arching off the table.

Joel doesn’t stop.

He keeps going — licking you through it, fucking you slow with his fingers until your legs are shaking and you can’t breathe.

You whimper something close to “too much,” and he finally slows, easing you back down, licking you gently until your thighs fall open again and your body goes slack.

Then he kisses the inside of your thigh, right where the bruise blooms.

He looks up at you — flushed, chest heaving, eyes wide.

“Next time?” he says, voice wrecked. “I want you on my face. Gonna make you cum so hard you forget you ever let that piece of shit touch you.”

Your throat works as you try to speak. You can’t. You just nod.

Joel stands slowly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He kisses your cheek, your temple, your shoulder — everywhere healed.

You’re still trembling.

He kisses your lips and whispers: “You did so good for me, baby.”

The storm rages outside, but inside the bakery, it’s quiet. Soft.

Safe.

Your body feels like it’s floating — half air, half jelly, skin still buzzing with the ghost of Joel’s mouth, his voice, his hands. You’re vaguely aware of him moving, but you don’t open your eyes. Not yet. You’re still too overwhelmed, too raw.

And he seems to understand that.

There’s no rush. No awkwardness.

Just the sound of running water.

You blink your eyes open slowly to find Joel back by the sink, damp towel in one hand, the other wiping down the prep table like it matters to him — like cleaning up the space where he touched you is part of how he honors it.

He glances over when he sees you stir.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Still with me?”

You nod, cheeks flushed, voice barely a whisper. “Yeah. Just… floatin’.”

A flicker of a smile ghosts across his face. “Good.”

He walks back over, towel now warm and wet in his hands. He pauses, waiting — not assuming. Always waiting for your yes.

You sit up slowly, and Joel eases between your knees, lifting your chin with two fingers. “Can I?”

You nod.

He starts gently — wiping between your thighs with slow, careful passes, his touch clinical but tender. Like this isn’t about sex anymore. Like it’s about you — your comfort, your body, your trust.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he murmurs, eyes searching yours.

“No,” you breathe. “God, no. You were…” You trail off, biting your lip. “Perfect.”

That look in his eyes — soft and unreadable and so full — it makes your chest ache.

He presses a kiss to your forehead, then gently lifts your sweater from the floor and helps guide your arms back into it. He helps you off the prep table like he’s afraid you’ll break, one arm wrapping around your waist to steady you.

You don’t let him go.

He hesitates — like he doesn’t want to move too fast — but then you lean into his chest and he exhales like he’s been holding his breath all night.

Joel wraps his arms around you, holding you to his chest.

“You did real good for me,” he says quietly, voice thick. “I hope you know that.”

You nod into his shirt. “I do.”

He strokes your back for a while, slow and steady, like you’re something worth calming, worth keeping. You don’t realize how tense you still are until the shaking in your limbs finally starts to ease.

“I don’t usually let anyone see me like that,” you admit, voice small.

“I know.”

“And I’ve never…” You pull back just enough to look up at him. “No one’s ever touched me like that. Not like I mattered.”

Joel’s jaw clenches. He doesn’t say anything at first.

Then: “They didn’t deserve you.”

You look at him, searching his face.

His voice softens. “But I ain’t makin’ that mistake. Not once.”

You exhale shakily, leaning forward to rest your forehead against his.

Outside, the wind howls, rattling the windows.

Inside, Joel holds you like he isn’t going anywhere.

And for the first time in a long time… you believe him.

AN: this was supposed to be a slow burn and then joel said “you don’t need a boy, baby—you need a man” and suddenly we’re feral in the bakery 💀

Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist so you don't miss future updates! 💌

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youryanderedaddy · 11 months ago

Text

tw: female reader, obsessive behavior, captivity, fantasy lore, abuse, murder mention, suggestive (?)

"You seem to be upset."

He's leaning against the window not too far away from you. Not too close as well - just far enough for you to feel at ease.

"Aren't you a mind - reader." You respond under your breath, trying to focus on the book you're currently reading - but the letters are escaping you, and you find yourself re-reading the same paragraph for the third time. He sighs, much like a disappointed father, before stepping towards you. And if you flinch just slightly, he doesn't pretend to notice or care.

"What is wrong, my flower?" The man gestures theatrically, soft velvet voice unbecoming of the monster he is flowing easily into the open air. You don't know what to say, really. It's been two years - or so you think, there is no way to keep track of time in this kingdom, not that time goes the same way in the elfen world as it does in the human, yet the part of you still capable of logical thought seems to think so. Two years, and there is very little you haven't already said. Very little left to be said, so your conversations are mostly rehearsed repetitions of what you already know. What you already fear - that you're going to die here. Or even worse. That you've become incapable of aging, so very consumed by this foreign land you detest that you've given up death for a life of boring, purposeless immortality.

"Don't I shower you with lavish gifts?" The noble moves closer, stalking towards you - observing you as if you're a butterfly pinned to a wooden frame under a microscope. "Don't I buy you the shiniest jewels? Not even the queen herself owns such sparkling emeralds." He scoffs, painfully used to your lack of response. You clear your throat, turning a new page - having little to recall about the last. It's completely meaningless just like all the other pages in all the other books you read. How funny, you think. In that distant, dreamy past of yours you were too busy to read - busy with work, busy with family, busy with friends. Busy with life. Now nothing gets in the way of your reading, you have all the time in the world - but there's no one to share the knowledge with. No one to spoil the ending. No time limits. No goal to it all, no final destination. So you read, and you soak the pages with salty tears not remembering a word.

"I am grateful for all the treasures you give me, my Lord." You answer nonchalantly, keeping your pointer at the end of the paper in a desperate attempt to find the sentence exactly where you left it off. You can feel him move closer to you - and the only indication of your growing fear are the shivers that travel down your spine with the beat of your violently full, thumping heart.

"Don't I provide you with all the entertainment your little human heart could possibly bear?" The duke clicks his long sharp nails together once against the other - an ugly metallic sound echoes deep into the ceiling reminiscent of a dying forest clow. "There has never been a lack of wine or music or dance in my court. I've gifted you more golden dresses than you can wear in this life. I've written you more poems than you can read." He keeps going, describing every little thing he's done for you, despite the fact that you've never asked for any of it.

"I admire your taste for indulgence, my Lord." You repeat almost automatically, the praises sitting on your tongue just waiting to be spilt from parted honey lips. Your eyes are glued to the book, but you've given up on reading long ago. Now you're simply trying not to cry - focusing your eyes at one word at a time and blinking repeatedly, manically, feeling as if the world with end the moment you let him see your weakness. You can't believe you still have so much pain in you - enough to feel loss and anger and, what's even worse, hope. Hope that one day you'll be free again.

"And tell me, flower—" His fist wraps around your low ponytail, forcing you to look up at him and meet his eyes for the first time tonight. What's staring back at you might as well be the bottom of the ocean itself, misty and dark, cold and unknown. Human eyes convey so much affection - so much care that you can never mistake it for anything else. With elves it's different - you can spend centuries looking for a hint of kindness, and you'll only get lost in those beatiful bottomless pits. Shiny and sparkling and completely empty. "Don't I give you love? Don't I embrace you tightly every night?" His voice lowers dangerously, barely above a whisper.

"I don't understand what more you could possibly want. Should I prove myself to you? Should I slay a dragon for you? Perhaps I could tie the heads of your enemies with a pretty bow and give them to you as a wedding gift, hmm?" He's babbling incoherently, nails digging into your scalp with unyealding grip. "Would that finally, finally make you happy, beloved?"

"No, no, please let go." You cry out in agony, wriggling out of his hold - but he's too strong, too massive to move. "I'm happy, I'm—" You sob pitifully, weakly pushing at his chest. "I'm happy with you. Please, you make me so happy, just please let go. And please don't hurt anyone."

He slowly pulls away, chest heaving in and out wildly. The scariest part is always his face. It remains unbothered - cold and defined like a statue of a god, his true feelings hidden by a mask of barely contained rage.

"You're happy with me?" He raises an eyebrow, foot stomping on the ground impatiently. You nod hesitantly, too shaken up to comprehend what you're even agreeing to. "Then prove it. Show me just how happy I make you." He grabs your wrist, pulling you face-first into his hard chest. "Do it, and I might reconsider my other more... inhumane methods of courtship." His lips twist into a cruel smirk. "And may the Gods help you."

As you sink to your knees you try to think of what book to read next - but no title comes to mind.

#yandere #yancore #male yandere #male yandere x reader #yandere elf #yandere elf x reader #yandere oneshot #yandere x you #yandere male x reader #yandere oc #yandere oc x reader

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theesterianempire · 4 months ago

Text

Can't Sleep - Spencer Reid x Y/N

When no one's heard from Y/N in over a week the team begin to get worried so Spencer pays you a visit to find out what's going on.

Trigger Warnings: Depression, Taking Anti-Depressants

Word Count: 2124

Tick… tick… tick…

You sigh, rolling onto your back to stare at the ceiling.

Tick… tick… tick…

You grab your phone from the night stand and stare at the blank screen wondering when the battery died.

Tick… tick… tick…

You drop the phone next to you and sigh, yet again.

Tick… tick… tick…

You stare at the ceiling.

It was a repetitive pattern you’d fallen into most nights. Staring at the ceiling, staring at your dead phone, sighing heavily as sleep eluded you. The ticking of the clock becoming the sound track to your sleepless nights.

You felt your stomach gurgle… when was the last time you’d eaten? Had it been today… yesterday… half an hour a go..? Time meant nothing to you now.

You should go and eat something, or at least drink some water because who knows when you last did that either.

But you couldn’t. You couldn’t get up, you couldn’t leave, hell, you couldn’t even bring yourself to move that god forsaken ticking time bomb of a clock. So instead, you just lay there, staring hopelessly at the ceiling.

You were so lost in your sleep deprived mind that you missed the knocking on the door, the sound of keys in the lock, the sound of footsteps getting ever closer to your room.

“Y/N?” A voice called, a voice you knew all to well, “Y/N..?”

You willed yourself to move, to acknowledge his presence but the energy was not there and simply begging your body to move was not enough.

The shadowy figure made its way into your eye line, looking down at you, right in front of you, yet you couldn’t make out any features.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” The figure loomed closer, “Y/N, I need you to respond, just a blink… Y/N?”

You could hear the worry mixed with a sense of calm composure due to needing to address the issue at hand.

You felt your eyelids flutter closed and open again. It was an automatic response, really, but still the movement seemed to drain you further.

“Okay, Y/N, I’m going to sit you up.” The voice explained.

The next thing you knew you were being hauled into an up right position, propped up against a pillow you didn’t even know had been moved.

“I… I’m sorry…” You rasped through dry lips as the shadowy figure filled out to reveal Spencer sitting before you.

Spencer sighed, running a hand down his face. “…Y/N…”

Spencer stood up, disappearing from your sight for a moment, you wanted to watch him walk away but you couldn’t move, even if you wanted to… which you really did. It didn’t matter though as not a minute later Spencer reappeared in your line of sight, a bottle of water in hand.

“You need to drink something,” He spoke softly as he unscrewed the cap and slowly brought it to your lips.

As the liquid passed your lips it felt so cold and so soothing on your tongue.

Spencer made sure not to tip the bottle too much, just creating a steady enough stream of water to satisfy you but not too much that you’d choke. You swallowed just a few mouthfuls when Spencer slowly moved the bottle away from you, replacing the cap and putting it on the night stand next to you.

“Y/N…” His eyes looked at you with concern and pity, “What happened to you?”

You wanted to talk, to explain the state he’d just found you in but you couldn’t. The words just wouldn’t form.

“You’ took a leave of absence from work. No ones heard from you in over a week. We’re all worried about you,” Spencer paused, taking a shallow breath, “I’m worried about you.”

“I…” You started as tears began to pool in your eyes.

“Hey… hey…” Spencer soothed, quickly moving closer to you.

He raised his hand to rest it on your cheek, wiping away the tears that began to fall with his thumb. It was fruitless, there were too many, yet he tried anyway. Nevertheless, it was comforting, so comforting that you found yourself leaning slightly into his hand.

“I can’t… I can’t do this anymore…” You spoke, voice cracking as tears fell faster.

Spencer removed his hand from your face, shifting on your bed so that he was next to you, pulling you into his arms.

“It’s okay…” He soothed quietly. Holding you firmly but not too tight as if he was afraid you might break under the pressure.

The pressure helped and soon enough your tears dried up, leaving you more exhausted than you were previously, if that was even possible.

“Oh, Y/N,” Spencer sighed.

“It was the last case,” You whispered, “All I can see if her, if I close my eyes… she’s there, every time, it’s like she’s following me.” “It wasn’t your fault.” Spencer said confidently, adjusting so he could look at you as he spoke. “It was her choice to go with her husband, to warn him he was caught.”

“But I was the one that got their first, that spoke to her.” You spoke carefully, “If I had done something differently, said something different then maybe she wouldn’t have…”. You trailed off.

“Y/N, her husband was a master manipulator, you couldn’t have undone what he did to her. It didn’t matter what you said. What does matter is all of the lives you saved, the people you got out of the way as you ran in there.” Spencer took a breath, “When was the last time you ate?”

You paused at the unexpected question.

“I… I’m not sure.” You say slowly, “I…”

“It’s okay.” Spencer soothed, “I went to the shop on my way over.”

Spencer slowly got up, making sure you were properly seated after you’d been leaning on him. Then he left the room returning what felt like minutes later with a bowl.

He carefully sat down next to you placing the bowl, full of soup, in front of you. Before you could move for the spoon Spencer picked it up, bringing the spoon up to your lips. You hesitated for a moment, feeling silly about how he was spoon feeding you. Even so you opened your mouth, letting him place the spoon on your tongue.

You slowly swallowed the warm liquid as he pulled the spoon away, swiftly bringing another spoon full up to your lips. He repeated this action a few more times before you gently turned your head away.

“No… I… thank you,” You muttered quietly and embarrassed.

“Y/N, you need to eat. Please, just a little more?” He asked gently,

“No… I uh…” You mutter, “I don’t feel well.”

As if all of your energy returned in one swift second you shot up, running into the bathroom and collapsing by the toilet, retching painfully.

Spencer didn’t miss a beat and was right next to you sweeping your matted hair away from your face, gathering it all in one hand and placing his other hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles.

“It’s okay…” He muttered, “You’re okay…”

The retching continued for a few more heaves before you collapsed back into Spencer, all of your energy leaving you once again. He moved his arms and wrapped them around you, holding you softly.

Your chest rose and fell heavily as you caught your breath.

“I��m sorry… I’m sorry…” You whispered between breaths.

“It’s okay.” Spencer replied gently.

As Spencer sat there holding you, letting you catch your breath, he glanced around your bathroom. It was quite small and simple but there were pieces of you all over it through your forest green towels, jasmine scented shower gel, a little framed picture of flowers hanging on the wall next to the mirror. There was something else that caught his eye, just next to your toothbrush on the sink.

“Okay, we should get you back into bed.” He said softly, “Do you think you can stand?”

You nodded slowly.

Spencer removed his arms from around you and stood up, before reaching down and helping you up. As you reached an upright position a wave of dizziness washed over you. You would have hit the floor, hard, had Spencer not been there to catch you. Without missing a beat he swept you up into his arms and carried you into the bedroom, gently placing you on the bed.

He pulled the covers back over you from where you’d thrown them off to run into the bathroom.

“Are you okay?” He asked after a moment of silence.

“Yeah…” You spoke quietly, uncertainty in your voice.

You and Spencer fell silent again before he sucked in a deep breath.

“Y/N, I uh…” He began, “I saw the bottle by your sink. You uh… I didn’t know you took anti-depressants.”

You raise your eyes to meet his. His eyes were gentle but full of concern.

“I haven’t been.” You admitted quietly, “I got the prescription refilled when we got back to Virgina but I… I’ve not been taking them.”

“How long, Y/N?” He asked,

You look away from him, not willing to look him in the eye, you couldn’t bare his worried gaze on you when you did this to yourself.

“About a month…” You whispered, “I… one day I went to take them and I realised it was the last one. The we got called away and I couldn’t refill the prescription. Then we got back and I forgot all about it until…” You meet his gaze again, “Until we got back from LA and I needed them, I knew I did. But then I was home, all alone and I just… I couldn’t bring myself to take them, to do anything really.”

Spencer gently laid a hand on top of yours.

“Y/N, you know you can’t just come off them like that. Especially when you’re not ready to.” He explained gently,

“I know… I know… I just…” You felt tears well up in your eyes again,

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not mad at you.” He quickly spoke, “But you need them, okay?”

You nod.

“They’ll make you feel better.”

Spencer then pulled out the orange tube and opened it, tipping out two white pills. You didn’t even see him take them from the bathroom but there they were, in his hand.

“Will you take these for me?” He asked, you knew it wasn’t really something you could say no to so you held out your hand, taking them from him.

You placed them both in your mouth as he grabbed the water bottle he’d placed on your night stand earlier. He swiftly opened it before bringing it up to your lips, letting you get a mouthful before he pulled it away.

You swallowed, allowing the pills to pass down your throat.

“Thank you,” Spencer said with a small smile.

“Why are you thanking me?” You asked, confusion lacing your voice.

Spencer just gave you another small smile, placing the bottle back on the side.

“When was the last time you got proper sleep?” He asked, ignoring your question.

“I’m not sure…”

Spencer stood up slowly and walked over to your window, pulling the curtains shut before turning back to you.

“Why don’t you lie down?” He suggested.

As you began to move lower on the bed he moved the pillow that was propping you up so you could lie down properly.

After you’d settled on your side, Spencer watched you for a moment before speaking up again, “I’ll just be in the living room if you need anything…”

He began to walk to the door but you spoke up.

“Spencer?” You called quietly,

“Yeah?” He turned back to you.

“Will you lie with me?” You asked.

Without another word he walked around to the side of your bed, slipping off his blazer as he did. He gently laid it over the chair in the corner of your room before removing his tie and placing it with the blazer. Next he rolled up his shirt sleeves before softly laying down behind you. He gently pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you.

“Thank you…” You whispered.

“Any time.” Spencer said gently through a small smile, “Now try and get some sleep.”

For the first time in who knows how long you felt somewhat comfortable in your bed. The incessant ticking of the clock wasn’t bothering you, instead the sound of it was covered by the soft thumping of Spencer’s heart and the gentle sound of his breath behind you.

You let out a long sigh of content before letting your eyes flutter closed as his warmth enveloped you, allowing you to settle into a deep slumber.

#spencer reid #x yn #spencer reid x reader #fanfic #comfort #tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #tw depressing stuff #spencer reid comfort #hurt/comfort #yn fanfic #criminal minds

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queers-gambit · 3 months ago

Text

Fútbol is Life

prompt: Dani Rojas always says "fútbol is life," but it wasn't supposed to take precedence over you in Roy's. when he stands you up, disappointment and repercussions ensue. -> or when Roy forgets a date with you

pairing: Roy Kent x female!reader

fandom: Ted Lasso -> no masterlist... yet

collection masterlist: Nights Like This

word count: 9.9k+

note: this is pretty tame in comparison to other angsty fics

warnings: obvious cursing, established relationship, feelings are hard, depiction and mention of anxiety, Lord's name in vain, some fluff, some angst, more so hurt and comfort, purposeful use of repetition. Coach Beard is Bestie and threatens arson, romanticized job promotion, use of Y/N, pet names for / from everyone! not edited, this fic got away from the author.

"You still in yesterday's clothes?" A deep grumble sounded from behind you; being so used to it, you weren't startled.

"Uh-huh."

"Why're you up so early?"

"Mhhhhmmmmm."

"You get any fuckin' sleep?"

"Right, right, whatever you say, baby."

A pause as the pitter-patter of a rapidly clacking keyboard filled the space.

"I'm thinkin' of wearin' Phoebe’s Elsa costume all of trainin' today, complete with the wig. Thoughts?"

"Uh-huh, sounds good, love," the clatter continued until the screen that burned your retinas suddenly closed, and should you not have retracted your hands, would've been the meat of a technology sandwich. "Oi!" You snapped, looking up to meet Roy's knowing glare. "What'd you do that for? You're lucky this automatically saves!"

"Sweetheart," Roy leered, lowering so he balanced his hands on the arm of the sofa you occupied, "you're not good to anyone half-dead. A single night isn't gonna do anything more than what you've already done the past months."

You deflected shyly, "I'm just editing."

"At 95 words per-fuckin'-minute?"

While Roy glared, you expressed sheepishness, "I just - it needs to be perfect, okay? Today can't be anything less." He growled knowingly, handing you the perfect cup of coffee you didn't hear, smell, see, or realize he made with a kiss to the top of your head. With a smile, you bid, "Thank you, lovebug."

He grunted and took the seat beside you. "Right, then. Let's see it," he gestured for your laptop.

"You're not gonna understand what it says, it's all corporate lingo and statistics and - "

"Don't fuckin' matter - hand it over."

You slowly, cautiously, placing the computer on his lap. He flipped the lid and scanned the 60-some page document swiftly, skipped through the paired PowerPoint, nodded with his usual growl, then slapped it shut and pushed it onto the coffee table. "Fuck's sake, Roy!" You protested, trying to lean forward to take it back.

"Nope," he caught you beforehand and pulled you back to rest together against the cushions. He even reached around you to one of the many fuzzy pillows you decorated with, giving it a fluff, then situated it behind you comfortably. "We're gonna sit here for a moment, let you decompress. Like I said, you're no good half-fuckin'-dead. Just take a fuckin' breather, love, c'mon."

You deflated, pouting at him. "I just wanna do well."

Roy stretched his arm around your shoulders, letting you curl into his side. "I don't know what you're so stressed about. Hardest Goddamn worker I know, they'd be fuckin' idiots to pass you over for this promotion."

"You call them idiotic, unqualified, pampered wankers everyday," you giggled.

"'Cause they fuckin' are."

"Yes, yes, I know. But with me in this new position, maybe I can change things up so we're not all fuckin' wankers, hey?"

"Promotion or not, you'd never be like them," he mused, "you're too fuckin' pure, so innocent; sometimes, it makes me sick."

"You bloody romantic," you snickered, leaning your forehead to his temple.

"Just don't tell anyone, I've got a reputation to uphold. Still need a ride today, doll?"

"No, 's all right, baby, I hate makin' you late. Thank you, though, Sully's gonna pick me up."

"Know I don't care 'bout punctuality - 'specially when it's t'help you."

"Yeah, but you know I hate being dependent on or inconveniencing others."

He hummed, "You hear from the garage yet? How much longer they gonna keep your car?"

"They said probably in the next day or two, so, you'll officially be relieved of chauffeur duties very soon," you lifted your head to peck his fuzzy cheek.

"Oh, shut it - know you love me drivin' you 'round."

"Guilty," you grinned. "Makes me feel like a princess."

"Good, not doin' my job if you don't. So you wanna tell me why you're doin' work before actually goin' inta work?"

You shrugged meekly, readjusting so your legs were tossed over his lap, taking your own pull of coffee before answering, "I'm just makin' sure everything's in order, I'm a bit nervous to present all this."

"Darlin', it's as perfect as you are. And fuck the presentation, you're gonna make it your bitch and smash it. Should those twats in suits not think so, just call me... I'll set the bastards straight."

You hummed, smiling at him brightly. "You're a regular knight in shining armor, aren't yah? Who's just lookin' for reasons t'yell?"

"Always," he grunted, sipping his coffee, "every princess needs a knight, don't she?"

"Not a prince?"

"Nah, princes are over-fuckin'-raided, spoiled, pampered li'l spineless bitches."

You eyed him for a suspicious moment, quipping, "You or Pheebs come up with that?"

"Pheebs," he growled with a proud smirk. "Feel sorry for any bloke that comes her way."

"No you don't, you relish the idea of beating the shit outta anyone that remotely shows interest in her."

Roy chuckled gruffly, "I'm a man, I know how they think. So, if you figure out another way to keep her safe, feel free to share. Now, what time you gotta go?"

"Uh," you checked your watch, "Sully should be here soon, I should probably finish getting ready... Or start getting ready, I mean."

"Could save time and shower together," he smirked.

With laughter, you shook your head, "As tempting as that is, baby, we're on a time limit."

"Don't matter, I'll just drop you at work - they can't start until you're there anyway."

"Yeah, but you've got trainin' t'get to, love."

"So fuckin' what? I can be late. Ted'll understand - since he fuckin' adores you for whatever fuckin' reason."

"Because I'm fucking adorable," you snickered before leaning in to kiss him with another smile. "I appreciate you, baby, but I've got it. Thank you for offering and, you know, driving me everywhere the past week - but I really, really can't afford t'be late today."

Roy heaved a heavy sigh, "All right. Fine. C'mon, then," he grunted under his breath as he stood, "let's get you dressed."

"First time you've ever said that," you laughed, snatching his hand to lift onto your feet; following him to the bedroom. In tandem, you both prepared for your days at work; and while you didn't need to offer any vote to his fit - being the same monochromatic look everyday - you consulted his opinion on an appropriate fit for that day's presentation.

"You don't think that's a bit... Too sexy?" He asked, eyeing the heather grey pencil dress from where it hung on the closet door. "Tits look fuckin' spectacular in that - maybe too good for work."

"Kinda figured if I get nervous and fuck up orally, the way I look will be enough to distract," you smirked. "Or should I wear that little white number - "

"No, no, fuck no, you wear that for me and me alone," Roy grit, making you snicker and drop your robe; revealing a matching set of lingerie. His head cocked, eyeing you up and down, "I buy you that?"

You glanced at the bralette, sending him a smirk, "Not this one, but it is new; thought a matching set would give me a confidence boost. You like it?"

"Fuckin' love it," he mused, "not loving that you're wearing it for work, though."

"Well, maybe you should take me out tonight so it doesn't go to waste," you beamed, tugging the clingy material over your body; adjusting it as needed.

"Fuck yeah, I'm gonna take you out tonight. Fuckin' hell - look at yah! Not 'bouta let this look go to waste, gotta show you off."

With a smile, you informed, "I'll be out 'round 4."

Roy smirked, watching you debate shoes. "Them blue ones, there," he pointed to a pair of Tiffany blue heels that laced around your ankle; the aglet being a fun puff ball to add a hint of whimsy. "Right, how's 'bout dinner at Bordeaux? Drinks at Johnny's after?"

"You don't drink durin' the season," you reminded, dropping to the bed beside him to secure your shoes. He pulled your legs to his lap, sliding the heels over your feet and lacing them.

"Yeah, but I'll make an exception t'celebrate your new promotion. Hey?"

"That sounds really nice," you agreed. "Let's pray we're drinking in celebration and not in dejection."

Roy scoffed, "Fuck off. You've busted your arse for this, it's gonna go exactly as you plan."

"You sure you got trainin' today? Can't come with me, be my personal source of confidence?" You pouted, leaning into his side with your chin on his shoulder; hand finding his to lace together. "Maybe bully the higher-ups a bit into accepting my proposals?"

"Don't need me," he soothed in a rumble, "your work speaks for itself. You're just nervous, love, but it'll go away once you get your ball rollin'."

"Pun intended?" You smirked, earning a deadpanned expression. So you groaned and stood to finish getting ready, snipping, "Well why can't they just read my reports and such? Why do I have to present it?"

"Because they like it when you dumb it down so they don't have to actually fuckin' think. They only run the company 'cause they bought their way in, didn't earn it by merit - like you will."

"Oh... Thaaaat's right," you grinned, leaning into the mirror to push earrings through your piercings. "Love, could you hand me - ah, thank you," you smiled when he appeared behind you, hand splayed to present your usual jewelry. "Right," you finished latching the clasp, turning in the mirror to get a full look at yourself, then facing Roy. With your arms held in bravado, you quipped, "Well? What do yah think?"

"I'd buy any-fuckin'-thing you're selling," he nodded, arms sweeping around your waist.

"I'm not selling anything but myself as president of the very company I helped get off the bloody ground."

"I stand by my statement."

Your phone buzzed, smartwatch lighting up with notification. "Sully's here," you sighed, latching your arms around his neck, "and you've gotta get goin'."

"Hm," he growled, leaning in to press his lips to yours in a sweet kiss. "'S gonna be a great day, doll, can feel it for yah."

"Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend? He's not usually so optimistic."

"Ha-ha," he grit, but the smirk on his lips assured he knew you were only teasing him. "C'mon, love."

Roy waited at the front door as you finished flitting around the home, grabbing your laptop and work purse, phone, chargers, keys, whatever you needed for the day; scampering out the door he held. Your coworker-slash-bestie, Erica Sullivan, a.k.a. Sully, waited in her BMW on the street, watching you walk Roy to his car.

"Bordeaux at 4:30?" You checked, him peering down at you fondly.

"I'll be there, baby. Now," he growled, "kick today's arse, and kick that meetin' every harder - always go for the crotch. Hey?"

"Mhm," you smiled, nodding in agreement. "Have a good day," you whispered, letting his lips drop to yours, "be nice to Coach Lasso - oh! - and tell Beard I finished our book and next is either Dinner At The Homesick Restaurant or Things Fall Apart."

"What's that fuckin' matter?"

"We bet who finishes each book first, winner chooses the next."

"Can't believe you're in a fuckin' bookclub with him," he scoffed slightly, looking mildly annoyed; which made you grin.

"You can't be jealous, I invite you each time!"

"Whatever," he scoffed, checking his watch. "Right, we better get goin' - "

"One more, one more, one more," you pouted, "for my nerves."

He chuckled and slid his hand across your jaw to romantically hold the back of your neck at the base of your head. "Got plenty of those, love, c'mere," he muttered, bringing you in for another kiss that made your head spin. His tongue swept against yours slowly, honestly riling you up versus calming you down - and it would've progressed if Sully didn't lay on her horn.

"I love you both but I need coffee!" She shouted from her window when you broke apart to glare at her car. "Let's go! Hurry the fuck up, you can dick her down anytime! We've got a real job t'get to!"

"Might honestly strangle her," Roy muttered, rolling his eyes, redirecting your attention to him. "Listen t'me, don't fuckin' worry 'bout today - you know you're prepared; you're gonna fuckin' kill it. Don't ever second guess yourself about what you deserve."

"Thanks, baby," you whispered, smiling, pecking his lips one more time. "All right, go, go, go, you gotta get gone or Beard'll give me that unnerving stare next bookclub."

He sighed heavily, but relented, "Love you, doll."

"Love you, too, handsome." You turned to leave, but Roy pushed off his car to ease his arm around your shoulders as you headed for Sully. "What're you - "

"My girl doesn't touch doors, you know this," he answered easily, gruffly opening the passenger door of the BMW. He took your purse, offering his hand to ease you into the seat; leaning down to set your belongings at your feet and nod at the driver. "Sully..."

"Fuckface," she smirked.

He growled in the back of his throat while glaring at your snickering bestie; looking at you softer, "Good luck today, sweetheart."

"Thank you, baby," you whispered with a growing grin; always entertained by Sully and Roy's competition and feigned distain for one another.

Never minding the fact that Roy personally saved her from a horrible date once - it'd ruin their power dynamic.

With one last glare to your snickering best friend, he grunted and lifted up to properly shut the door. You tried to watch him back to his car, but Sully was already zooming off.

"Nervous 'bout today, lovie?"

"No shit," you frowned, "considering the biggest promotion of my life really rides on this."

"I know, but I guess you're kinda supposed t'be nervous since you're goin' for an admin position. What was Fuckface's reaction?"

You pinned her with a sideways glare, answering with a sigh, "Supportive, as usual. We're goin' to Bordeaux tonight either to celebrate or drown my disappointing sorrow."

"Oh, fuck off, you've been working on this for, what? 6 years? And no, I'm not just saying that 'cause you got me a kickarse job."

You corrected with a snicker, "Might as well be 6 bloody years, all the God forsaken hours I've put in."

"Breathe, babes," she beamed, "you're gonna fuckin' kill it."

"You sound like Roy."

"Ah, fuck, can't have that. Even though he took the love of my life," she scoffed slightly, making you coo obnoxiously.

"Oh, babes, know you're my first and greatest love."

"Better be," she grumbled, "put over two decades inta yah, better be your first choice."

"Not my only choice?"

"Well, I can't give you babies... You know, I don't produce sperm - stupid fuckin' biology and shit."

"That fickle bitch."

She hummed in agreement. "Now... I know it's your turn to buy coffee but I got it, bit of a treat for your big day. But when you get that promotion, you're buying for a month."

"Deal and deal," you laughed.

After the most successful day of your career, your walk to Bordeaux was spent dialing your family to relay the news. Your mother squealed and cried with joy, repeating her pride and calling your father on a three-way; and your siblings pleaded for bragging rights as you were officially one of the youngest female presidents of any company. They also began rattling off expensive Christmas and birthday gifts they've longed for. Naturally, you mockingly scolded them for spending money you didn't have yet, but secretly took note of their suggestions before telling them to stay off social media until the official press release was published. That way, you controlled who knew.

Arriving at the prestigious French restaurant around 4:15, you put your name down for two; accepting a place at the bar until a table was available. The dining room was fully packed with patrons, waitstaff zipping around in perfected synchronization.

"Hello, love," the kind bartender greeted, "what can I get started for yah?"

"Oh, uh..." You scanned the drinks menu, "um... Maybe just... A Merlot?"

"Hmm. Are we celebrating tonight?" The young lad pressed, sensing your indecision.

"Yeah, just a job promotion," you couldn't fight your grin, "but my partner's not here yet, so maybe no champagne yet."

"Understood," he nodded.

"You know what? I am celebrating," you beamed confidently. "So, I'll have whatever you recommend."

"Any preferences?"

"I like sweet wines - oh! And mojitos!"

"Then you would've hated the Merlot - but not to brag, love, I make a mean coconut mojito."

"It's like you read my mind," you agreed with a bright smile.

By the end of your drink, your table was ready... And it was going on 4:30 in the evening; so you texted Roy there wouldn't be a wait, that you got a table. After following the hostess, you sat facing the restaurant to catch Roy's arrival; purse hanging on the back of your chair, gingerly fingering the flowers nervously as the minutes began to tick.

So, you waited. And made up elaborate backgrounds for the strangers around you.

Understanding training could go overtime, you didn't want to press Roy yet; so you enjoyed an appetizer, knowing he wouldn't mind you starting before him, and a second mojito. You even ordered a nice bottle of imported champagne, letting it chill on ice in a bucket beside the table; feeling a little pathetic uncorking a bottle by yourself.

You waited. And impulsively treated yourself, buying your Amazon cart.

Catching sight of few people sneaking pictures of the Great Roy-fucking-Kent's girlfriend, you tried to act as unbothered, natural, and aloof as you could in the spotlight of scrutinization; feeling humiliated, foolish, so bloody stupid.

You waited. And checked your email.

By 5, you ordered an entrée you knew Roy would enjoy and checked your phone. There were several messages from your family, new work emails, a few push notifications... But nothing from Roy.

You texted him again: did i get the wrong time? thought we said 4:30?

The complimentary basket of bread was replenished as you called his number - but it rang, and rang, and rang until his voicemail picked up.

"Uh, hey, it's, like, 5 and I'm sitting in this fucking restaurant alone, Roy. Where the hell are you? What's going on? Could at least text me if you're gonna be late. I already ordered for us. As annoyed as I am right now, I love you... Please call me back, or text me, or better yet, please, walk through the bloody door."

You waited. And doom-scrolled social media.

Your leg bounced from anxiety, something sinking your stomach to your feet the longer the minutes ticked. Unsolicited tears filled your eyes but refused to fall in public; skin feeling prickly and sweaty, ribcage made of iron, not bone. Looking around the hoard of patrons enjoying their dates, you had to mentally beat jealousy off with a stick riddled with protruding nails. It hurt something fierce seeing so many other people who weren't stood up; their sideways glances cast as if you were a social pariah and they pitied you.

Pity was the last thing you ever wanted, so you pretended to look busy to give the impression you were alone on purpose.

With each glance to your message thread, you grew increasingly uncomfortable seeing so many blue bubbles; a divide between the texts that delivered and those that didn't. Roy knew you had abandonment issues stemming from your parents and general anxiety; so the idea he was ghosting you filled your heart and mind with lead; mixing in your blood to pump through your body and weigh on your soul. He's never behaved such as this before, so while you knew in your subconscious he wasn't ignoring you, the little devil on your shoulder hissed Roy had enough of you and set up this date only to get you out of the house so he could pack his shit in peace. Heat flushed your core, worried he fell out of love with you and didn't know how to say it - but on the off chance he did show up at this point, you remained in your chair.

So, you waited. And played Candy Crush.

Calling him again, and again, and again; all going straight to voicemail. On the fourth redial, you left another message: "Roy, seriously," you snarled quietly, "where the fuck are you!?I've been waiting for you over an hour! They're gonna ask I surrender the table soon if you don't show up soon. Please, call me back or send a bloody text."

You were served two meals about 45 minutes later - long wait due to the overwhelmed kitchen - thanking the waiter with a meek, watery tone; emotional from sending so many unanswered texts and several voicemails. Your appetite paired with coconut mojitos cascaded into the void of mortification, nearly sending the plate back - but you felt that was horribly rude and a waste of time, money, and energy from the toxicity of self-deprecation. Instead of the divine-smelling roasted duck ordered, your stomach filled with panic, wondering why you were even still here!? You began to reprimand yourself for prolonging this situation and causing your own hurt; thinking you should've left within half an hour of his ghosting, not endure silent humiliation that was sure to end up in tomorrow's tabloids.

Why am I still here? Why am I still here? Why the fuck am I still here?

Because you knew the devil on your shoulder was wrong. Roy would never do something like this maliciously, and selfishly wanted to have a rare on-season date night. You weren't known for giving up; and after his experiences, refused to give up on Roy no matter how upset you might be with him at any given moment - so you began mentally gaslight yourself by designing excuses and giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Your heart rate escalated.

Your leg bounced with an entirely new anxiety than you started the day with when 6:30 rolled around, feeling something akin to devastating realization he wasn't coming to this overpriced, always-booked restaurant that was supposed to be a date to celebrate you. Then the thought suddenly occurred to you: what if something happened? Was he hurt? Was it his knee? A car crash? Some emergency? If there had been some kind of incident, shouldn't someone have called you by now, being his incase of emergency (ICE) contact? Did he get into a brawl with Jamie again, earning laps as punishment? Was there something going on with the team - was someone hurt? - and since he was captain, required to stay late to help?

You wondered how much longer you'd sit there, alone, looking like a lonely fucking prick.

Hating the anticipation and lack of communication, so you hit Coach Beard's contact while pushing food around the plate to give the illusion of eating. You cleared your sinuses and throat to mask the emotional turmoil. "I was just gonna text you my vote is Things Fall Apart, so you better not be calling to gloat, chickadee," Beard answered, "I know you won."

"Well, howdy to you, too, cowboy," you chuckled.

"Reach for the sky, bay-baayyyy!"

You snickered, "Careful, Coach, Disney doesn't approve of personal use of their propaganda."

"Only if they catch me," he chuckled dryly. "What can I do you for, twirly girly?"

"Oh, right. Listen, toots, uh, what's goin' on over there? How late are you gonna keep the lads?"

"Uh...? We're not, they're gone for the day."

You hushed, "Well, Roy and I had plans to meet for dinner 2 hours ago and he isn't here. Is he okay? Is he there? He has to be there, Coach, please tell me he's still there."

"Uhhhh... Well... See, what had happened was - "

"Beard, where the fuck is Roy? Is he hurt?"

"Um... No, not per se..."

"Well, what can you say? You better answer me or I'm tellin' Jane 'bout Halloween."

There was a long pause, hearing him sigh, "He's with the team, they went out."

"Wait, wait, wait - w-what? Out? Out where?" Your heart plummeted, throat constricting in white hot emotion.

"Hang on, honey." His voice sounded away from the receiver, "Hey, Coach?"

"Yeah, Coach?" You heard Ted.

"Where'd the guys go?"

"Oh, some new bar down the way that stays open past closin' time. Which is considerably early compared to America's 2am curfew."

"Hear that, pumpkin?" Beard spoke into the phone.

"It's a pub," you corrected automatically, "and yeah, I heard."

"What's goin' on?"

"Is that my sunshine!?" Ted was heard. "Put 'er on speaker! I wanna say hi!" You smiled despite the disappointment racking your mind, body, and soul as Beard obviously did as bid, the American coach cooing, "Hey, buggaboo! How you doin'? I'm sure you look real pretty today!"

You chuckled, "Hi, Teddy."

"Know what? I never liked that nickname 'til you started callin' me it!"

"You like anything I do, you overly supportive sap."

"Awh, you sure know how to flatter a guy. What's goin' on, sunshine? Ain't'cha out with the boys?"

"No, Coach, I'm actually sitting alone in a stupidly nice restaurant - apparently being stood up by my boyfriend who'd rather go out drinkin' with his mates without a word to me."

"HE WHAT!?" Beard yelled, making you flinch and jerk the phone from your ear. When you brought it back, you caught the tail end of his rant, " - and he'll run laps all day tomorrow! No breaks! Or I'll burn. This place. DOWN!"

"Beard? Honey?" You waited patiently as Ted was trying to calm his friend down, too. "Honey? Hey, you listenin'?"

"Yeah," Beard grumbled.

"Both you boys listenin'?"

"Uh-huh, what's up, sunshine?" Ted answered. "I got my hand on Beard's mouth, he ain't gonna interrupt yah. Go 'head."

You paused, taking a breath, "I got the promotion."

"YOU WHAT!?" Ted now yelled, Beard heard echoing right after; them obviously celebrating. You chuckled sadly, feeling ashamed over telling them first over Roy - but it wasn't like he was answering his phone, no way of relaying this life changing event. "Holy guacamole, sunshine! This is - wow! Just wow! Congratulations! Oh, my good golly all mighty! You got the job!? Oh, man! We gotta celebrate!"

You perked up a little, "Well, uh, if you're interested, I'm... I'm at this French place and might've already ordered a bottle of champagne. Would you two like to join me? I think it's a bit sad t'drink it alone."

"Hell, yes! We're on the way, peach!" Beard declared. "Ted - Ted - Ted, your bag."

"Oh, right!"

"And keys."

"Where - ah, there they are! Got 'em!"

"And phone!"

"Ah, dang it!"

Beard told you, "We're on our way there... Wait, where's there?"

You chuckled and promised to text the address so he just had to click it and follow the iPhone GPS. You asked them their order before hanging up; asking your waiter to box Roy's food and put in for their meals, also requesting your meal be reheated and brought back at the same time as the others. You finished another mojito by the time they arrived around 7, an extra chair being brought to the table; both holding bouquets of flowers they bought from a local shop on the way.

Standing to hug the two Americans, you thanked them repeatedly for being so kind and supportive; all sitting to enjoy the cuisine and pop the champagne. Despite their silliness and good-natured ways that was obviously exaggerated to distract you, the coaches couldn't miss the way your eyes were dimmed from your boyfriend's antics even if they tried.

"You know, I'm sure Roy ain't mean to forget. The boys thought they'd go out to this, uh, this new place to celebrate a real good day. It's some bar - "

"Pub," Beard corrected, nodding at you.

"Right, right, they went to this new pub down the way," Ted nodded. "Apparently, Richmond drinks for free and them boys wasn't gonna let that pass."

"Well," you huffed, "good to know."

"You all right, sunshine?"

"Oh, for sure," you snipped, downing the last champagne in your flute; Beard instantly refilling it. "I just love being stood up, simply adore bein' forgotten."

"Well, we're here to celebrate you - with you," Ted grinned. "C'mon, now, tell us all about this new gig! Spare no detail! We want it all!"

"Do you even know what position I was goin' for?"

"Nope, but I know it was mighty important."

"President," Beard answered, Ted gasping.

"And you got it!? Oh-ho-hooo! Awh, man! This is cause for dessert! Coach?"

"Absolutely. Pumpkin?"

"Oh, what the hell! Crêpes on me," you grinned. "Actually, think I could ask you two a favor?"

"Anything."

"Whatcha need, sunshine?" Ted snickered at Beard's stoic posture and deadpanned expression whilst still conveying support.

"Think you could arrange a meetin' with Rebecca for me? I know she's all busy but I could use some advice as a woman in power - and some style inspiration, if I'm honest."

"I thought you had her number?" Beard asked.

"I do, I just kinda hope she'd be more inclined to agree meetin' me if from you lot...?"

"Well, as far as I've seen, she likes you a helluva lot more than us - "

"Done," Ted chirped, already pulling out his phone as the waiter approached the table. Beard chuckled at Ted before ordering dessert for everyone. Coach Lasso then wondered, "Hey, you try textin' any of the other guys?"

"No, I called Beard when Roy didn't answer, thought trainin' went overtime or someone got hurt, that there might've been some situation," you shrugged. "And honestly? I don't think I really want t'talk t'him right now. Feelin' a bit..."

"Angry?"

"Abandoned?"

"Flustered?"

"Rattled?"

"Forgotten?"

Your head volleyed between the two, nodding, "You two are scary perceptive. Yes to all, but for what it's worth, this is a helluva consolation celebration."

"Cheers to that," Ted beamed, hoisting his glass over the table. You and Beard followed, "To Sunshine! And her shiny new job! We're real proud of you and can't wait to see what you do!" He looked to Beard pointedly.

"To our friend - the very best of us."

Three glasses clinked together.

"Thanks, youuuu guys - ugh, such sweetie-peaties!" You sang, arm slung over Beard's shoulder as he and Ted walked you to your front door; the taxi idling on the street, your home being too far to walk from the restaurant. "I could've gotten to the doooooor."

"Uh-huh," Ted chuckled when you stumbled, "and miss the chance to see where y'all live?"

"Why? Need home decor inspiration?" You teased. "Ah, fuck," you glared at your keys, "why do I have so many!?"

"'Cause you're big and important," Beard reminded you, earning a giggle of agreement.

"I gotcha, gimme that," Ted mused as Beard supported you upright. "All righty, let's see here - nope, not that one... Uh, this one? No, no... This one! Aha!" The door swung open to a dark home, Coach Ted Lasso mentioning, "Huh, guess the guys are still out."

"Fuck 'em."

"Atta girl," Beard mused, "step carefully, there you go. Easy, easy." They helped you into your home, letting you drop tiredly on the couch. "I got the leftovers," Coach Beard mentioned, moving into your kitchen as Ted propped your feet to the cushion and unlaced your heels.

"Hey, you still awake, girlie?" He shook your knee.

"Mh," he earned a grumble and swatted hand.

Ted couldn't help but chuckle lightly, "All right, well, I'm settin' your alarm, okay? Rebecca said she'll meet with yah tomorrow - so, don't you worry."

"Mmmh, but woooooork," you groaned.

"Uh-huh. Who should I text 'bout that? Don't think you're makin' it in tomorrow, sunshine."

You grumbled unintelligibly, Beard returning. "I got it," he plucked your phone from Ted's grasp. "Siri, text Sully: Won't be in tomorrow, will explain later, love you."

As Ted covered you with a throw blanket, the phone beeped to indicate the message was sent. "Y'all, like, secret best friends or somethin'?" He snickered with shock. Beard shrugged. "Well, now that's just dangerous," Ted continued, "can use anyone's phone to do anything, huh?"

"Eh," Beard shrugged again, leaving your phone on the coffee table and ushering Ted out. They felt bad about leaving your door unlocked, but figured Roy would be home soon enough - considering the time of night and his position as captain. He was usually more responsible than this...

The taxi had just pulled around the corner when Roy's car pulled in; oblivious to the pain he caused via his empty pockets, phone forgotten in his cubby. It had been a particularly good day where everything alined properly during training - which put the whole team on a high - prompting Issac to recommend they go celebrate. Ted thought it was a great idea for bonding; loving that the team had grown together as of late and encouraged any activity or amount of time outside the Richmond facility as possible.

He didn't know until later he should've reminded Roy of his promise to meet you for dinner and drinks before they left... But the Captain's relationship wasn't the Coach's responsibility.

Still minimally tipsy, Roy rushed for the front door with the intention of cuddling you until morning, nearly stumbling in; not expecting it to be unlocked. However, he slowed his roll when he spotted you on the couch; dead asleep, heels left on the floor, work bag leaning against the coffee table, and in the kitchen, bouquets of flowers on the counter. He knew you loved florals and often decorated with fresh blooms so this wasn't abnormal and didn't so much as tickle a memory. Roy just bent at the waist to kiss your forehead, rummage in your purse for your phone charger, plug it in, then stumbled off to bed. For the past three months, it was common to find you passed out on the couch - so this, too, wasn't a flag in his mind.

Roy wasn't usually so oblivious or forgetful, but as Dani Rojas says: fútbol is life. And sometimes, football distracted even the great Roy Kent.

By the time he woke the following morning, he wasn't near hungover but found water and tablets on the side table you preemptively left. He half expected you to be cuddled into his side, but the bed was still made - indicating you hadn't crawled in whenever you woke up. Grumbling, Roy made it downstairs only to discover the living room empty and cleaned up, but found a note on the kitchen counter.

Eat the leftovers so they don't go to waste

No signature, no drawn heart you usually attached, nothing sentimental or affectionate to your words. He tried not to think much of it, but in truth, Roy felt anxious about your lack of decoration or pet name; checking for his phone but after being unable to locate it, figured he must've left it at work. With a growl, he got ready and headed out; not liking his days that didn't start with you but tried to ride the high from yesterday. It didn't work.

When Roy entered the facility, he was surprised to see you at the far end of the hall, walking towards him in stride with Rebecca, chatting. "Hey, darlin'," he greeted, earning a glare from the owner of the team and not even a single glance from you. "Oi? Why aren't you at work? The fuck's goin' on? You were gone before I got up, could've drove together if I knew you were comin' - "

"We're busy, Kent, and you need to get moving," Rebecca snapped, looking to whatever you were showing her on your phone after; matching stilettos clacking through the hall as the pair passed him by.

"The fuck?" Roy muttered, brows furrowed in angry confusion; not understanding what he did to deserve such treatment. You next to never gave him the silent treatment or cold shoulder, so this felt alarming. "Baby! Hey! Did somethin' happen? C'mon, doll, talk to me!" He watched you disappear around the corner, growling to himself. He stormed down the hall, making several club attendants leap out of his warpath.

"Woah," Sam shied out of the way when a fuming Roy came barging into the locker room. "You all right, Captain? Ah, is it because Y/N couldn't make it last night? Didn't you see her? She's here today! She looks very pretty - "

"Captain," Beard snapped before Roy could respond, standing stoically in the doorway of his office; arms crossed. "Change of plans. Get in here."

Roy bared his teeth and begrudgingly followed Beard into the office where Nate and Ted were trying to look busy - but failing as they were obviously listening. "What's up, Coach?" Roy grit, not in the mood for any more shit now that he knew you were obviously pissed - at him.

"You're not gonna be part of training today," Beard snipped with a glare, feet lifting to cross on his desk.

"Come again?"

"You're gonna run laps the whole time." When Roy opened his mouth, Beard snapped, "No, it's not up for discussion. Now go. Get out, get ready."

"The fuck's up with everyone today?" He snarled, shaking his head and returning to his locker. With vigor, he searched for his phone - finding it locked in the cubby - dead. "Fuck's sake," he scoffed, glancing beside him to Sam. "Got a charger, mate?"

"Oh, uh, no, my phone is fully charged every night," Sam winced. "Richard might."

It took Roy a few minutes, but eventually Colin pulled his charger out and Roy left his phone plugged in on Ted's desk; changing for that day's session, stalking out of the locker room behind the rest of the team. On the pitch, the others began warming up - but Beard was glaring behind his sunnies directly at Roy, waiting for him to get going.

"You fuckin' serious?" Roy barked.

"Go. I wanna see knees-to-chest," Beard grit, arms crossing as Ted and Nate were to the side; talking quietly as if to avoid interfering with Beard's plan.

With a heavy sigh, Roy pivoted on his toes and started at a jog - earning several harsh blows of Beard's whistle to, "pick up the pace, knees-to-chest, remember!?". It was brutal on Roy's joints and lungs, his kit soon drenched in sweat from the prolonged exertion; the only real saving grace being Nate's offered sports drink each time he made his rounds. The longer he ran, the more time he had to mull over possible reasons for this punishment - but his mind was so jumbled with anger that he couldn't think straight.

His gaze often lifted towards the windows of Rebecca's office; seeing her figure, your's, Keeley's, and Higgins' all milling around at different intervals. He missed each time you paused at the window to watch him run those horrid laps.

When Ted blew the whistle that signaled the end of practice, Roy grunted as his legs turned to jelly to land on his chest in the grass. He was exhausted in body and mind; heaving for breath, letting Issac and Dani pick him up by the arms to sling around their shoulders. His feet dragged as they moved slowly, face contorted in pain; your glare lessening with sympathy from the areal advantage the longer you watched.

"You all right, babe?" Keeley asked, joining you at the window.

"I know I'm pissed - "

"Rightfully," Rebecca nodded from her desk.

"But fuck's sake, look at him," you sighed, hands slapping to your thighs. "Think that was punishment enough, Coach worked him pretty hard."

"He deserves it," Keeley scoffed.

"Right, right, right," your eyes rolled. "Rebecca, think I could pick your brain about a few things now? I'm sorry I took up all this time to complain."

"You needed to vent," Higgins spoke softly, "and this is a safe space."

"He's right," Keeley smiled with encouragement, "know we're all here for you, babes."

"Right, yeah," you cleared your throat, not entirely used to the supportive nature they've all adopted since hiring Ted Lasso. "But, uh, I do kinda need to speak with Miss Welton - not that I don't adore yours and Leslie's input, but it's kinda her wheelhouse."

"Oh, of course!" Keeley agreed, ushering Higgins out; all three ladies ignoring the dejected expression he wore over not being included in whatever matter you needed Rebecca's private ear for.

"Could I get you a refill?" Rebecca offered as you dropped to her couch with a sigh.

"Please," you agreed, letting her take your teacup. When she joined your side, she questioned what more you needed from her. "With this new position, I'm feelin' a bit insecure about my attitude towards the people I've worked beside for years. I mean, now I'm the big boss and that's just intimidatin' and a bit confusin'. Plus I'm worried about how I'll be received by the men I'll be surrounded by; also about now, with all this added responsibility, how I leave work at work and not bring it home. So I was wondering if I could pick your brain 'bout those bits. I mean," you took a small sip of tea, "you're the baddest bitch I know, figured there's nobody better to ask - pardon my language."

"No, no, I quite like it," she smirked, leaning into the back sofa cushions. "I'd steer clear of foul language around men, though; they tend to shy away from women with mouths."

"Not in my experience," you chuckled, earning a small snort from her. "Sometimes I feel like I'm only heard when I curse, partly blame Roy for that one."

"Oh, yes, that too - but don't let them rile you up to that point. It'll give them the wrong impression."

"What's the right impression?"

"Strong and capable," she smirked, sipping from her own cup. "Mh," she hummed with a broad smirk, "and just so you know, for future reference, I'm much more inclined to agree to you directly rather than Ted or Beard."

Downstairs, Keeley and Higgins paused at the bottom of the stairs to watch Roy basically be dragged into the locker room - sharing a knowing look and taking pity. "Think we should say something?" Keeley asked.

"Probably, there's the possibility of this turnin' violent," Leslie sighed, the two entering; discovering Roy had been deposited under the cold stream of water in the showers. They were given an opening to scamper into the manager's office and shut the door.

"Well, hi there! Just the two people I wanted to see come through that door! Well, that's a lie, I was hopin' for Sonny and Cher, but hey! This is even better!" Ted grinned, placing his phone down. "What do we own this pleasure? Oh! Is this is a Diamond Dogs situation?"

"Kinda, yeah," Higgins nodded, sharing a look with Keeley. Luckily, all Dogs were already present; but the Coaches and kitman still did their silly little howl.

"All right!" Ted beamed, drumming on his desk. "Whatcha got for us, Higgy, and honorary Pup?"

Keeley preened at the title while Higgins asked carefully, "Are you aware of what transpired between Roy and Y/N?"

"Oh," Ted glanced at a glowering Beard, "yes, uh, we are very much aware."

"Is that why you made him run laps all day?" Keeley asked pointedly yet with amusement.

"That was all him," Ted pointed at Beard; eyes wide like saucers. "Yeah, uh, you know, we might've... Might've let our emotions get the better of us this time."

"He deserves to be punished," Beard growled, staring at a single place on the floor.

"What's that, now?" Keeley asked in clarification. "Well, look, we ask 'cause she's upstairs with Rebecca, all kinds of upset. I mean, shit! She's the youngest woman to take over this type of position and her own boyfriend stood her up when they were meant to celebrate the news? I mean," she scoffed, looking around the men, "what the fuck is that shit!?"

"Yeah," Ted sighed, "Beard and I met her for dinner last night. Guessing Roy left his phone here..." He glanced at the device on his desk.

"She called you?" Higgins asked Ted.

"She called me," Beard answered stiffly, "wonderin' where Roy was. She worried he was hurt or something happened."

"Right, well, she's feelin' a bit better," Keeley nodded. "So, uh, maybe one of you could clue Roy in so they can hurry up and make up. Him bein' this oblivious isn't doin' nobody any favor."

"Nothing's really in order if those two are at odds," Higgins nodded nervously. "I mean, we all remember their last fight."

"Oh, God, yeah, that was brutal," Keeley winced.

"Roy came in and immediately headbutted Jamie so hard, it broke his nose," Nate recalled with a grimace. "I know he's a prick, but even Jamie didn't deserve that..."

"Yeah... Yeah, that was real bad," Ted agreed, sighing. "All right, yeah, I'll tell him what's up when he's done showerin'."

"Might be awhile," Nate winced, "he was in pretty bad shape comin' off the pitch."

"Good," Beard snarled quietly, crossing his arms tighter and glaring harder at the floor.

"Right, well," Keeley cleared her throat, "remember, she's upstairs. Yeah?"

"We got it, Kee-Bee," Ted nodded, eyes shifting over Beard. "You'll have to excuse Coach Beard - he and Y/N are apparently secret best friends and he's taking this hard."

"As he should," Keeley smiled, patting Beard's shoulder. "Good call makin' him run so much."

"Thank you," he preened at the praise.

The two coaches (and Nate) remained in the office even after all the players vacated. Out of worry, Ted asked Nate to check on Roy, who reported he was still in the shower; the trio waiting patiently, letting the kitman draw out new plays for them to discuss. At long last, Roy emerged from the showers with a distinct limp, pausing at his locker to finish drying off and dressing; giving the guys just enough time to mutter their final plan of action.

"Hey, Cap'n!" Ted called happily when Roy straightened with his usual duffel in hand. "C'mere a second, would'jah, please?"

He glared through the window, sighed, then slowly limped into the doorway. "What now?" He grit, "More laps?"

"Nah, nah, nah - oh, well, speaking of, that was some real nice hustle today," he tried to compliment. "I was impressed!"

"Fuck the both of you for it, can't feel my fuckin' calves and my knee's fucked. You fuckin' satisfied?"

"Right," Ted cleared his throat, Beard's jaw clenching. "Well, uh, there's actually a reason for your... Um..."

"Punishment," Beard provided stiffly.

"Why? Because the lads went out last night?"

"Actually, kinda, yeah," Ted leaned back in his chair. "Uh, Roy, I wanna apologize for makin' you run all them laps all day, but honestly, Coach Beard and I wanted you to hurt."

"The fuck did I do!?" Roy snapped, glaring at his coaches. "Everyone's been fuckin' weird today; and now you're punishing me for some shit I don't even know - "

Ted startled when Beard jumped to his feet and rounded on the Great Roy Kent, snatching his phone off Ted's desk to shove it into his chest. "You stood her up," he growled through clenched teeth.

"What?" Roy's head shook, doing a double take at his lit phone screen; quickly scrolling through the barrage of texts and voicemails from you.

"Last night... You were supposed to meet Y/N at Bordeaux's to celebrate her promotion - but instead, you went out with the team. Any other day, we'd make you run laps for skipping out on something like that, but yesterday, it came at that sweet girl's expense. She called me, asking after you - concerned you were hurt! You left her - alone - for hours - so Coach Lasso and I met her instead."

"Any of this ringin' a bell, Roy?" Ted wondered from his desk, watching the glow of his phone shine light on Roy's growing realization.

"FUCK!" Roy bellowed, neck veins straining and bulging. Beard nodded in approval as the Captain turned and rushed as best he could out of the locker room.

"She's with The Boss in her office!" Ted called helpfully after him.

When Beard turned, his angry expression had dropped and shrugged, "We'll give him tomorrow off to make up for today."

"Yeah, I was thinkin' the same," Ted snickered. "Think they're gonna be okay?"

"Oh, yeah, they have to be," Nate nodded, "those two are made for each other. He could kill her cat and she'd be the one to comfort him."

"That's... Not healthy," Ted cocked his head.

"But the sentiment is understood," Beard ended.

Roy charged from the locker room like a man on a mission, but hesitated at the stairs leading to Rebecca's office as if it were Everest. He was determined, though, not to disappoint you again; trying to climb without bending his knees - proving damn near impossible. He was grunting with strain, panting even as his body protested to the three-stair climb he managed; but his saving grace, as usual, came in the form of you suddenly appearing at the top with Rebecca.

You barely had time to process the sight before Roy was gritting, "No, no, just listen - please, don't ignore me again. I'm so fucking sorry, Y/N. I absolutely forgot about our date last night and fucked this up, hurt you, left you waiting in worry - I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, doll, please, I swear, I'll even swear on Phoebe’s head, but you gotta believe me. It's no excuse, nothing ever could be, but... My explanation is I just got so in my head and fucking forgot - "

"Well, you shouldn't've! But please, pray tell how the hell you managed to forget? Did you suddenly pick-up American football, got a concussion?" Rebecca snarled in a defensively clipped tone. "What kind of a man stands up his own girlfriend!? Forgets about a date he arranged? Forgets about her on one of the most important days of her life? I mean, just look at her! She's fuckin' fit! She's not someone that anyone should, could, or would forget!"

"I fuckin' know all that, Rebecca," Roy growled, stationed on the third stair still, "and I'm trying to fuckin' apologize to my lady - not hear a play-by-play of my colossal fuck up from my boss! I know what happened, I'm the one who did this."

As Roy grimaced in pain, hand gingerly going to rub his trick knee, Rebecca shot back, "One of the consequences of fucking up is never living it down and to be reminded and guilted for it - "

Your hand flew to Rebecca's bicep in a silent request she stop talking once you noted Roy coddling his knee. "Holy shit, are you hurt?" You interrupted in worry, sharing a guilty look with Rebecca; both aware how running effected the footballer. She nodded and pet your shoulder, letting you hustle down the stairs to meet him in order to hash out this predicament. Though she loved you, Rebecca recognized it wasn't her place to interfere with your relationship(s) "Is it your knee again? Oh, for fuck's sake, Roy - "

"Doesn't matter, what matters is my apology."

"Yes, yes, I've heard you," you snipped, glancing up at the platinum blonde woman; earning a thumbs up before she disappeared to give you a lick of privacy. "Roy... I know this sport is your fuckin' life and normally I'd never complain - but how the fuck could you forget me?"

"'Cause I'm a fuckin' arsehole."

"Well, yeah, but - "

"Like I was saying before, there's no excuse, baby," he frowned, supported by the wall behind him; you facing him on the step, leaning on the railing. "Just - yesterday went real well, right?" You nodded slowly. "The lads were hyped, it was a good day and I guess I got swept up in the energy. Issac proposed goin' out as a team without the coaches and we all just rolled with it. I fuckin' forgot I was t'meet you... And I'm so fuckin' sorry. I didn't do it on purpose, sweetheart, but that doesn't change the fact I fucked up and hurt you."

"Well, like Rebecca said, what kinda man does this sort of shit to the woman he loves?"

"A complete fucking bellend who doesn't deserve his lady."

You shrugged meekly, "Hm, I had a more colorful and vulgar term in mind, but bellend works. But you know what? At the end of the day, being angry doesn't do any good, so it's o - "

"Don't you dare say it's okay, 'cause it's fuckin' not!"

"Okay, know what? You're absolutely right, it's not okay that you stood me up! That you forgot me, forgot what yesterday meant to me; that you got swept up in the energy of a good day at my expense! In truth, having good days on the pitch is much more common than getting a promotion! Mhm, yeah," your eyes narrowed at his surprised expression, "that's right, I got the job and all I wanted to do was share it with you..."

"You got the job," he whispered, "officially? Seriously?"

"Fuck yeah, I did! Youngest female president! You were supposed to be one of the first persons I told, but now it feels like you're the last. I called and texted you all fucking night, could've at least done the decent thing and communicate with your girlfriend where you were going, date or no - "

"I left my phone in the locker and it died. Swear on Phoebe."

"Don't bring her into this, and it doesn't negate from the fact that you should've been there with me - whether you had your phone or not! I'm not saying put me above your career - I would never - but I expect you to respect me and contribute to our relationship! God, it was so mortifying just sitting there alone for 2.5 hours! It felt like everyone could tell I was being stood up - they were pitying me, Roy! I need you to be more present, Roy, I can't date myself anymore, I can't do one-sided effort; I've been as understanding and flexible as I can, but you gotta meet me halfway. But whatever, it happened, nothing can change that - we can only learn from it - but I hear your apology, so... Fuck it, it is okay; it's fine. Beard and Teddy met me, actually; we had a nice night so it wasn't a total waste."

"Should've been different," he snapped, "should've been me."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"I'm so fuckin' sorry, love. I didn't meant to hurt you - it's the last thing I ever want to do."

"Well... I saw what Coaches made you do all day," you pouted your bottom lip dramatically, "my poor Lightning McQueen."

"Fuckin' deserved it."

"You really did," you agreed, grabbing him by the leather lapels and yanking him straight; releasing a muffled grunt of discomfort. "But I think runnin' that many laps is punishment enough and made you feel as bad as I did last night. So, c'mon, I'm tired of being angry, let's just move forward and get you home to an ice bath."

"Nah, we're redoing yesterday - we're goin' out. You wearin' another matching set?"

You scoffed with a small chuckle, shaking your head, "Roy, you're in no shape to go out, let alone have sex."

"I'm in pristine fuckin' shape."

"Oh, yeah? All right, fine, we'll go out if you can just walk down these three steps - "

"Fuck off," he grit, "we're redoin' last night, no discussion."

"Fine, but we're goin' home, can cook for me if you want," you shook your head. "Don't think it'll be a very good look for either of us t'be seen in public with you like this, hey? They'll start gossiping 'bout your retirement." He growled and let you get under his arm, one arm anchoring his wrist dangling over your shoulder and the other coiled around his waist. As you attempted to conqure the stairs, you quietly encouraged with strain from his weight, "Easy, easy, there you go... A-All right, sure, I guess that's one way to get downstairs... Oi, hey, careful! C'mon, bend your fuckin' knees, Roy!"

"I fuckin' can't!"

"Jesus fuckin' Christ," you laughed, "they really fucked you up today, huh?"

"'Cause they fuckin' adore you and were rightfully pissed."

"Good," you mused, now behind him on the stairs to aid his unbalance. "Though I'm unsure how to feel about my boyfriend's coaches adoring me more than my actual boyfriend."

"Oi! Don't say or ever think that bullshit. That's not ever fucking possible," Roy snapped, eyes wild and ablaze in offense, "nobody adores you more than me - I just fucked up but I'm trying to rectify it."

Once on flat ground, you remained on the first step, speaking softly, "Hey..." Roy turned to you; the height difference letting your arms wrap around his neck, his hands seizing the meat of your hips. "Please don't do that again. It was... Nothing short of humiliating sitting there alone on a date you set up."

"I know, baby," he sighed, "and I'll be apologizing even after it stops botherin' yah. I can't promise I won't fuck up again, but I'll never stand you up again, doll. I'll tattoo every fuckin' date of ours on my body if I have to."

You caressed his cheek, "Not necessary. Just don't forget me again, please. That... Really fuckin' sucked. But fútbol is life and the consolation company was top tier, so, I guess I shouldn't complain."

Roy sighed and let his head drop to your sternum, giving you a tight squeeze. "Nah, fuckin' do what Rebecca said: never let me forget what the fuck I did or let me live this down."

"You'll regret that - know I'm gonna bring it up every fight."

"Which is why we're never gonna fight again, you've already fuckin' won 'em all."

"Oh, I quite like the sound of that," you teased, fingers sliding under his jaw to perk his head up. "Hey... I forgive you."

"Don't - not just yet. Gotta let me make it up to you first. But I just need us to be good."

You shrugged, "Nah, we're good, sweetheart." You tightened your arms in an embrace, pecking the top of his head. "You know, grudges ages you and you know how serious I am about my skincare and my feelings on wrinkles. But if you wanna spoil me until your guilt lessens, I won't stop you. Just not a new car, I'm gettin' a company Mercedes."

"Good, all right, yeah, noted," he smirked, "'cause I'm gonna lay it on fuckin' thick; thicker than Tart's ego."

"Maybe worry 'bout your knees first, Casanova," you winced. Roy growled and pulled back, reaching for your hand to hold as you hopped down the step to his side. You easily wrangled his keys from his pocket, snipping, "Yeah, you're not driving - can't even bloody walk, my poor boy. I'll get you out of tomorrow, you need the rest."

"Hm," Roy growled. "What would I do without you?"

"Probably run a normal amount? Have a proper trainin' session?"

"Sounds miserably boring."

"Then what's all this, then?"

"Love," he grunted, keeping you under his arm as he shoved the facility doors open to the carpark.

requesting rules and masterlist

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ask-shrimpo-dandys-world · 1 year ago

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🔥 pinned updated to include a link to the post which has the in-depth google doc. i'm headed out for the night. take care of yourselves.

HELLO TUMBLR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM SHRIMPO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ASK ME THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUST LIKE THE OTHER TOONS I AM STILL FAMILY FRIENDLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT SEND ANYTHING WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S ALL. NOW GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I, blog mod, do not have any affiliation with BlushCrunch, nor do I support Rox's actions. It's 11pm at the time of editing this, and whether I will or won't change or pause this account is unclear. Separating art from artist is hard. There might be a better way to say that but again, it's late. This is my first rodeo, please be kind.)

(If I ever need to say anything OOC on this blog, I'll be using 🔥 before my text)

🔥 I may be a wee bit off, for I am not a Shrimpo expert. I think it's just funny to have Shrimpo on tumblr interacting with other blogs.

🔥 check out @numberonehatershrimp to getting an active shrimpo blog before me probably and my friend @dreambigwithastro for inspiring me to don shrimpo)

#NOT AN ASK #mod talks!#important #🔥 told my folx about this and that i thought it'd be chill because the other person could be knocked off the team.. but then QWEL..........#“You had faith that the right thing would be done and it wasn't.”#🔥 said one of them.#🔥 and i did. i really hoped i could enjoy this #🔥 i hope i still can. i don't support both of the creator's actions. no one should automatically assume i do because of this blog #🔥 maybe i should state that in every post? it'd get repetitive but so is adding every other tag. what's one more on the forefront?#🔥 mod is mentally exhausted. mod thinks mod will mod sleep mod like mod right mod now.#🔥 night everybody

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kindaasrikal · 9 months ago

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I love thinking about children looking like their parents, what with the Ninja looking so much like their own.

Do you think Lou has to make sure he doesn’t accidentally call Cole Lilly because he’s the spitting image of her? Do you think once, after Lilly had first died and Cole hadn’t been sent to his school yet, that Lou accidentally called Cole ‘Lilly’ and Cole thought that she was back, she was there and here with them and when he glanced around to see her he realised that his father was looking at him in guilt? Do you think ever since then, before Cole found peace within himself, he looked at the mirror and only saw his mother? His mother’s face, her smile and kind eyes, reflected on his own?

Do you think when Cliff Gordon held Jay, the new born baby of Libber, that he only saw her face reflecting back at him? The adorable freckles and the curly hair? Do you think when Libber died, Cliff Gordon couldn’t look at the last thing Libber ever left him, and had to give Jay away less he broke down?

Did Wu look at Lloyd and see his brother’s young face reflected back at him? Do you think Wu wonders if Lloyd is what Garmadon could’ve been like?

Do you think Misako looked at Lloyd and saw her husband’s innocent face staring back at her, a lost memory that could never be her present or future?

Do you think Garmadon looked at Lloyd and saw all the things of Wu and Misako and knew that when the day came that he saw himself in Lloyd all he would-could- do was cry?

Do you think Kai looked and Nya’s young face, freshly orphaned and alone, and saw his mother’s gentle eyes and comforting softness? That when he would wake up, blurry eyed and tired, he would look at Nya’s face and have to make sure it isn’t his mother finally coming home?

Do you think Nya only barely remembered her father, so when she looked at Kai, old enough to actually remember and recall, she automatically thought he was her father?

Do you think Dr Julien looked at Zane and knew that this child was everything he could, and couldn’t be?

How many times did Chen look at Skylor, only to look away is disgust once he saw a face he wished he could never recall?

Man, i rlly need to stop with the do you think bull, its getting repetitive 😭

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airybcby · 2 months ago

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જ⁀♡⊹｡° make me feel like someone else

( shidou ryusei x fem! reader )

♡ a/n — part 5 in my seven petals, all poison series!! ( masterlist )

♡ word count — 1.3k

♡ content — shidou ryusei x fem! reader, lol i swear this one has a happy ending, suggestive content ( not explicit ), all characters are 18+!!, set it where shidou still plays for Paris X Gen (PXG), forbidden relationship, unrequited love, secret relationship, not proofread!

♡ synopsis — when shidou finds himself under the care of the team’s new personal trainer—you—what starts as a dangerous game of lust turns into something far more complicated. Shidou begins to question if all-consuming want can slowly turn into love—and what it means when the one thing he never believed in starts to feel real.

── .✦ feelin' your lips on my cold neck , magnetic everything about you

You're used to athletes. The rigid discipline. The sweat and soreness and endless repetition.

You're not used to him.

Not used to Shidou Ryusei.

The first time you meet, you’re crouched beside Karasu, checking the strain in his hamstring, when Shidou’s voice cuts through the gym.

“Yo, sweetheart,” he calls. “Think you could give me a little hands-on attention when you’re done with crow boy over there?”

Karasu sighs, already too used to it. “Ignore him. It’s how he says hello.”

You do. For the first week. Maybe two. But Shidou is persistent. Not in the sweet, slow-burn kind of way. He’s all jagged edges and reckless heat. He likes to flirt like he plays—aggressively, unapologetically, like there’s nothing off-limits.

But you’re his trainer. That should make you off-limits.

And yet—

It starts small. Too small to even notice at first.

A cocky smirk when you correct his form during a lift. The way he groans during stretches, a little too deliberately. “You tryna kill me, babe? Or just like having me under you like this?”

You roll your eyes, but the worst part is… your hands linger. Just a second longer than they should.

It’s supposed to be routine. You’ve worked on plenty of players before—wrapped ankles, iced shoulders, reset joints. But Shidou comes in one afternoon with a low groan and a wince that doesn’t look entirely exaggerated.

"Quad’s tight," he grunts, hopping up onto the table. "Probably from carrying the team all morning."

You raise a brow but say nothing, reaching for the massage oil and gloves. Your focus is automatic, almost detached—thumbs working along the inner thigh, then outward, across the line of tension built up from too many sprints.

“You gonna talk to me, or just keep pretending I’m a mannequin?” he mutters, voice low, half-laughing.

You don’t answer, just press deeper.

Then—

He breathes out hard. A sharp inhale, not pained. Something else.

You mean to move on. Your hand should leave his thigh.

But it doesn’t.

Not immediately.

Your fingers hover, press again—just barely. You don’t look up, but you can feel his gaze burn into you. Your thumb traces the same spot, once, twice, and then you pull back. Flustered. Disoriented.

Shidou doesn’t say anything. Not at first. But when he finally speaks, his voice is different.

Low. Almost amused. Almost reverent.

“…You feel that too, huh?”

You freeze. Your heart kicks up. And you lie.

“No. I don’t know what you mean.”

But it’s already happened.

You both know

The line is gone.

The worst part is the way he looks at you—like he knows something you don’t.

Like he sees past your professionalism and into something hungrier.

Something you’re trying to ignore.

The moment everything shifts is quiet. Stupidly so.

It’s late. The facility’s almost empty. Shidou’s the only one still around, half-sweaty from his extra reps, bruised and breathing heavy. You should go home. You tell yourself that.

“Don’t suppose I could get a massage,” he says, smirking. “Got this knot in my back that’s been killing me. Might need your magic hands, doc.”

You sigh. “Fine. Shirt off. Face down.”

You try to stay clinical. Professional. But his muscles are tense under your palms, and his breath hitches every time you press too deep. And then—

“You’re good at this,” he murmurs, voice low. “Like, really good. No wonder the team keeps you around.”

Your hands still. He lifts his head to look at you, and there’s something in his eyes—soft, curious, dangerous.

“You ever get tired of playing by the rules?”

“Shidou—”

He sits up, sudden. Inches from you.

“Say my name like that again,” he says, voice rough, “and I’m gonna forget you’re technically not allowed to fuck me.”

You should walk away.

Instead, you kiss him.

It’s fire. All-consuming. All teeth and want and months of suppressed tension snapping free. His hands are rough, desperate, dragging you into his lap. Yours grip his shoulders, nails digging in, anchoring yourself to him.

You shouldn’t. You do.

You don’t talk about it. You pretend it didn’t happen.

Until it does again. And again.

It’s always behind closed doors—your office, the locker room, his apartment. You tell yourself it’s just physical. Just lust.

But he remembers the things you say in passing. Brings you snacks when you forget to eat. Slows down during sets because he knows you’ve had a long day.

It’s not love. Not yet. But it’s not just sex anymore.

He touches you like he wants to claim something.

He kisses you like he’s starving.

And you—stupid, soft, already too far gone—you let him.

It sneaks up on Shidou.

Not during sex—never during that. It’s always too heated, too consuming.

Lust is easy. It’s natural for him, primal and wild.

But love? That’s foreign. Love is quiet. Love doesn’t punch you in the face.

It happens on a random Thursday.

You’re sitting beside him in the recovery lounge, hair tied up, scribbling on a clipboard. There’s an energy bar between your lips, forgotten as you focus, your brow furrowed in that way you do when you’re double-checking reps and schedules.

He watches you. Not because you’re hot. (You are. That’s a given.)

He watches because you look tired. And you’re still here. Still helping him, even after a fight the night before—words exchanged too sharp, boundaries blurred too far. You’re still here, in his space. Looking after him like he’s more than just your job.

You glance over, catch him staring.

“What?” you ask, frowning. “Did I mess something up?”

He shakes his head slowly. Something stirs in his chest—ugly and soft.

“No,” he says. “You just… look good. Being all smart and shit.”

You roll your eyes, biting the bar between your teeth. “You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah,” he mutters. “But I think I’m in love with you.”

You freeze.

He hadn’t planned to say it. It slips out like a truth that’s been dying to breathe.

You look at him slowly, wide-eyed, mouth half open.

“…What?”

Shidou scratches the back of his neck, then shrugs. A small, crooked smile.

“I’m serious. You make me wanna be… not better, but like—less shit. You know?”

There’s no poetry to it. No flowers. Just Shidou, stripped bare.

He thinks you’ll laugh. Or worse—leave.

Instead, you reach out, touch his knee, gentle.

“…That might be the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

He grabs your wrist, tugs you into his lap with a grin. Kisses your temple like it’s his first time doing anything carefully.

“You’re mine,” he mumbles, breath warm against your skin. “And not just in that filthy way.”

You kiss him slow.

Maybe lust brought you to this place.

But love is what’s going to keep you there.

Rumors start.

Whispers in the halls. The captain gives you a long look one afternoon after practice. Teammates make jokes that hit too close to home.

“You spending a little too much time stretching out our striker, huh?”

Shidou brushes it off. Winks. Grins.

But you’re not smiling.

“This isn’t sustainable,” you tell him one night, your hands against his chest. “If anyone finds out—”

“So what?” he shrugs. “They do. Let ’em.”

“You don’t get it. I could lose my job.”

“Then quit.”

You blink. “What?”

“Quit PXG. Come with me. Wherever I go next.”

“Shidou…” You can’t even breathe.

But he just looks at you—calm, steady, real. The first time he’s ever looked like that.

“I want you,” he says, quiet. “Not just for this. Not just behind closed doors. I want you. All of you.”

You don’t say yes. Not right away.

It takes weeks. Time apart. Time to realize what life looks like without him in it. You miss the chaos. The fire. But mostly, you miss him—his laugh, his heat, the way he’d always meet your eyes across the gym like he was just waiting for an excuse to touch you.

Eventually, you reach out.

It’s raining. You find him at his place, hair wet, mouth curled into that same wicked grin you’ve always hated loving.

“You said you wanted me,” you whisper, voice low. “I want you too.”

He doesn’t ask if you’re sure.

He just kisses you. Long. Deep. Gentle for once.

And this time, it’s not just attraction.

It’s everything.

am i insane for making shidou have the only happy ending in this series ( so far ) ? perhaps. do i regret it? hell no.

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

❀ tags: ❀ @kenyuukissme ❀ @irethepotato ❀ @kiyy0mei ❀ @x3nafix ❀ @sugacor3 ❀ @ohagiyo ❀ @reigensuperstar ❀ @nevvynevnev ❀ join the taglist here !

❀ tags for this series: ❀ @silverwings920 ❀ comment to be added to this series taglist!

#★ · airybcbyy #airy posts #blue lock #bllk x reader #bllk #blue lock x reader #shidou ryusei x reader #ryusei shidou #shidou x reader #ryusei x reader #bllk shidou #bllk shidou ryusei #blue lock shidou #blue lock shidou ryusei #airy's series!#airys series: seven petals all poison

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agatalunar · 6 months ago

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new year, new me… ㅤㅤ𖤓 · What will 2025 bring you? ㅤㅤ· 𖤓

merry christmas everybody 🤍🎄 sorry for the delay, I hope you enjoy this last reading of the year, and as always thank u for your support… it would be a pleasure for me if you let me know if the reading resonated with you so do not hesitate to send me a message, comment or reblog, it will make me immensely happy

- choose the one with which you feel most connected -

Pile 1… 2… 3…

ㅤㅤ

𖤓 Pile 1

cards: five of pentacles, six of wands, five of wands, nine of pentacles, five of coups

Independence is a great word for this year that is beginning. You are going to start facing the world on your own, so you must act with certainty. It is a year of a lot of personal growth in relation to how you want to present yourself to the world, what you offer.

“Adult life is no longer a game.” You may be a very, very young person or you may not have had the opportunity to do things on your own, but if you really want the things you want, it is important that you take action.

It is a year in which your soul is going to take very different paths in relation to the past and all of them will be good if you know how to choose them and know how to handle them. For some reason it is as if you are embarking on the path of being a CEO/ a type of boss (?)

Getting out of your comfort zone, recognizing your potential and having security and confidence will lead you to success. Use your mind but also your heart, do not let greed or ego guide you. You may want this to help your family's finances, but you are also doing it for yourself. You deserve to get everything you want and the universe is helping you get it in 2025. Be patient and don't despair. Everything comes at the best time.

Things that may resonate with you or are significant:

Happy than ever - Billie Eilish, This will be - Natalie Cole, “we don't play around”, Let me - Zayn, Whatever - Oasis, “Im freeee”, applause, decisions, “all action is reaction”, being latinx or latin descent, depend on others financially, Cuba or Miami, 565, 6, 3, 333, “I used to pray for what I have today”, Simple - Kali Uchis, Jenny from the block - Jennifer Lopez, emigrate-migrate, vision board

Thank you for your time and energy, dear pile 1 ♡

𖤓 Pile 2

cards: eight of pentacles, knight of swords, the moon, knight of cups, the dead

2025 brings you a lot of internal learning. Your guides want to communicate with you. Dive into the spiritual sea of your soul and life purpose. Dare to see what has been hidden for a long time.

You will know and recognize yourself from a deeper perception, you may need to connect with your past lives, understand where certain repetitive patterns come from, your soul needs to be healed and there is no one else who can do it but yourself.

If for a long time you have wanted to buy crystals, tarot cards, learn more about astrology, meditate... 2025 is the perfect year to carry all that out.

Do not set expectations, enter that path with a blank mind. "Reborn." You will become the most authentic version of yourself when you manage to recognize the spirituality in which you live. Do journaling, automatic writing, guided meditations... etc. And remember that healing the soul is also about eating well, surrounding yourself with people who have positive intentions, not being hard on yourself and just taking life easy.

This process will also change your style, you will want to dress differently, your observation of yourself will change completely and everything will be for your highest good. Your spiritual guides can't wait for you to take that big step... "do it, do it baby"

Things that may resonate with you or are significant:

Frailty - Violent vira, 18, 8, “save yourself”, third eye chakra, role models, Very special - Chris brown, Nobody - mitski, Conquest of Paradise- Vangelis, watch things on the laptop at 3 am, Chachachá - Josean Log, Blueprint - Tyler Jane, blue light

Thank you for your time and energy, dear pile 2 ♡

𖤓 Pile 3

cards: the chariot, the magician, knight of cups, eight of wands, the moon

“Just take it easy, baby, enjoy it”. Literally just have fun, 2025 is a year where you shouldn't think about things so much, “don't overthink it”. Act like a child, enjoy the moment, don't worry about what might happen. But just because you let yourself be guided by the universe doesn't mean you have to leave your inner voice behind, use your intuition, have faith and trust but act consciously.

DANCE, connect with your inner child. Don't care what people might say, it's your life and you decide how to live it. Dare to challenge the rules you've been forced to follow. Connect more with music, it may be a way for you to heal or simply relax.

Be your best friend, no one will know you as well as you know yourself. Take care of yourself in all aspects, physically, energetically and above all emotionally and mentally. Transform nostalgia into healing potential.

Just as you act when no one is watching, act the same way when everyone is watching; 2025 will be a year of great satisfaction for you, the universe embraces you and pats you on the shoulder so that you take the next step.

Things that may resonate with you or are significant:

BTBT - B.I, 222, False starts - Zayn, “trust me, you’re not gonna crash”, butterfly, Felling good - Nina Simone, wings, Alma mia - Natalia lafurcade, cherry, strawberry, makeup for children, 2000s, Deceptacon - Le Tigre, blue shirt with white stripes, party decoration, dancing in the kitchen, rock, music from your childhood or what your dad listened to, Rock you like a hurricane - Scorpions, As it was - Harry Styles, “be a diva”, You & Me - Jennie, Opera House - Cigarettes after sex, Modern Love - David Bowie, The breakfast club

Thank you for your time and energy, dear pile 3 ♡

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colorlessjay · 1 month ago

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I was thinking, there should be a Supernatural game. Like an open world one where you can do world or side quests/case or commissions.

John's journal could be where you can see the quests/case. Maybe there's a page there that's just all about the monsters you'll encounter.

Collect items to upgrade, maybe there could be a "this week's monster". The more stronger or boss level monsters can be, like, the Leviathans or other big bad ones they fought on the show.

Maybe there's like a thing or points where you can save up to unlock other characters.

Idk why you're telling me, a non-game developer, this, BUT

[Cracks open my idea book]

Hear me out

There are two games: The first one takes place from season 1 to season 2, and is more so a small-scale concept of the game

Think Phasmaphobia, but instead of just identifying the monster in one night, there are types of investigation you can choose from:

Stake out - Where you go to the scene of the crime and use John's journal and little tricks to figure out what monster you're up against. Not a guarantee you'll pinpoint the exact monster, but it's the least suspicious and you may find extra weapons

Interviews - You go around town talking to people, trying to find clues. You get WAY more information that you can cross-reference with the journal, and have the opportunity to visit shops and gain extra equipment. However, you have to keep suspicions low and avoid getting sussed out, which can lock certain interactions

Police Files - Sneak mission. It's repetitive, but a guarantee you'll get all the info you need to identify the monster. It is difficult, though, as it requires you to break into the police station, navigate it, avoid guards, get the files, and sneak back out. Getting caught is an automatic fail, so it's a high-risk, high-reward.

In the Investigation Section, you get the opportunity to explore and find collectables. References to the show during the era and added information in John's Journal

The next stage is the actual monster fight:

Depending on what you find out about the monster, you have to pack what you need in a single dufflebag, choose your next location (Graveyard, house, forest, etc.). If you guessed the monster wrong and chose the wrong location, it goes to a cut scene of the brothers going back to the motel after a bust, and another victim is taken. It gives you an extra clue as to what the monster could be, BUT your final score for the hunt does take a hit

If you DO pick the correct location, you then have to find and hunt the monster. I'm thinking a Silent Hill style fight. Maybe Death by Daylight esque where you either choose to fight the monster head-on, or sneak up on it

A game like this, I feel like HAS to be a multiplayer where one plays Sam and the other plays Dean. And you both work together to take the monster down

If you fail, it's just game over. If one of you gets deathly injured, the other brother has a chance to heal them (video game logic). The game only ends when you both die

If you win, it jumps to a cut scene of the salt and burn, where Sam and Dean recite to you what you did and your fuck ups. If you get a perfect hunt, instead of the salt and burn, you get a mini cut scene of the brothers eating at a diner, grabbing a beer, relaxing at their motel, or just on the road again.

Then the game repeats, randomizing what monster you get and where you are. And there's a difficulty slider that gives you more monsters to fight in one game, makes you remember random facts from the show itself to identify them, and forces you to be smart about your attacks

The second game, or more so the sequel to this one, would take place around season 8 and beyond, where they gave the bunker ad more allies

THIS ONE would be a semi-open world because I don't think it's a good idea to have a game that gives you the opportunity to explore THE ENTIRETY OF AMERICA

So, instead, you choose the location of your next hunt using the Map Table in the bunker, and it loads you to a small, randomized town/city in that state.

The bunker, I feel would act as home base that you can kinda decorate depending on if you play as Sam or Dean. You can decorate your own room, add collectibles to the walls, and utilize parts of the bunker

Unlike the previous game, you can upgrade Sam and Dean's skills. You can work out at the gym to gain strength (Makes your melee attacks stronger), read lore from the library (Unlocks new information about monsters), go to the shooting range (Better aim, stability and less recoil when using guns), or do fun activities like watching movies, cooking, or hanging out with NPCs like Charlie, Kevin, Castiel, and more (Improves social skills and gets you more information through interviews), or explore the towns outside the bunker and unlock certain cutscenes and character interactions. And more stuff like speed and durability

The actual hunting gameplay is similar to the first game, but with some major changes.

Instead of a monster of the week, you actually have a storyline to follow. Definitely a condensed version of the actual series' story beats cut into chapters/seasons. Each chapter has you fighting a big bad, be it the Leviathans, the British Men of Letters, Lucifer, and more. You have to investigate where they are, what they're up to, and what to bring to stop them, meeting new characters along the way, and having to fight minor enemies

It's definitely less replayable than the first game, focusing on upgrading Sam and Dean and defeating Chuck, the final boss. It's more story-focused, and I'm imagining something similar to GTA where people can and will definitely notice Sam and Dean acting off, and there will be times when you HAVE to run away and hide before the cops get you. There are more cut scenes, more customization on what the brothers wear, and where they can go.

Game two has a DLC where you can play as Castiel on his own, and it's a side story fetch quest where you need to go around trying to obtain certain ingredients for a spell

You get to fight monsters still, but you don't upgrade Castiel. You only have Cas' angel blade and grace as your weapons (Grace being used to either attack or heal yourself mid battle, but you have a limited supply. It replenishes over time). Your final boss is like a monster/villain we haven't seen in the show, and defeating it gives you a cut scene of Cas coming back to the bunker

Sam and Dean are all like, "Where have you been???"

And Cas just drops what he's got onto the table and says, "There was a road bump."

And it turns out they didn't need it anyway, so they store it in the storage room and the game ends with Cas laying in bed watching shitty TV

------

Anyways, thanks for listening to me ramble about a game that's never gonna exist

#dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #spn #supernatual #video game that will never exist

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zais-zafu · 1 year ago

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🫧 every manifestation technique & when / why to use it 🫧

this post is going to focus on law of assumption techniques. since there are a lot out there, I figured creating this post will help in knowing which techniques suit u and for what situations to use.

btw, you can find my routine for manifesting here. now, let's begin!

🫧 building ur self concept (sc)

creating a new identity or theme around yourself where you know you are powerful, limitless, and worthy of all your desires.

this is more of a framework than a technique since it relies on different techniques, such as affirming and journaling to acheive it.

I think it is worth mentioning improving your sc cos I believe that it is the foundation of powerful manifesting, yeah some might say "you don't need a high self concept to manifest" & I am not here to disagree w u but consider this: u believing that ur sc doesn't matter is literally part of you sc so u are essentially affirming for sc every time you say that

"you don't need a high sc to manifest" is equivelant to "I am enough as I am" and "I deserve everything I want, just because," which are sc affirmations.

🪷 use this if you wanna

work through your limiting beliefs

instead of having to affirm for sp, friends, family, etc. all the time, why not fix your self concept around love and step into your worth once and for all?

become an automatic manifestor of good things

think of successful people who've never heard of loa, how did they do it? they built an amazing sc about themselves. that is what we call confidence or charisma.

become happier, more confident, and stable/at peace

also, improving one's self concept is a foundation of therapy, coaching, and other non-loa disciplines that are concerned with improving one's life

🫧 affirming & affirmation tapes

repeating postive statements through thinking them, saying them (affirming), or hearing them (tapes). could be done with focus / feelings (focused affriming) or without (robotic affirming).

🪷 use this if you wanna

focus on a specfic desire & aligning to it

sc is general & that's great, but affirming is better if you wanna be specific

reprogram both the conscious and the subconscious

this method helps reprogram the subconscious through repetition but also your conscious through discipline and observing your thoughts meticulously

regulate your nervous system + be reminded that you already have it

I will talk more about regulation later, but affirmations can help you when you are feeling anxious or doubt since they divert your focus and serve as a good reminder of that which is true.

use an effortless way to manifest

affirmations are the easiest method to try because you can do it anywhere, anytime, and anyone can use them (if you have trouble visualising)

🫧 mirror work

basically you face a mirror and speak your affrimations, typically done around topics such as self worth/love

can be done using a timer or a pre prepared script or for however long you want

🪷 use this if you wanna

build your relationship with yourself

mirror work is one of the most effective ways to build your foundation of self love. it will help you get used to how you look, your smile. & it will also build your confidence

speaking the affirmations while facing yourself creates a deep connection with yourself and the words you speak. I really can't reccomend it enough cos each session will have you feeling more loved, limitless, & grateful

work on your self concept

since mirror work deals with self love & confidence topics, it really helps build your self concept.

and ofc you can speak your desires affirmations when doing mirror work, but even that feels different. it will feel like speaking worth and confidence into yourself, which ultimately builds your self concept! (esp. in that specific area of manifesting, for example money, love, beauty, etc.)

feel your affirmations

you don't have to feel them real, but it does make things easier/faster. speaking to the mirror helps the affirmations actually reach you + makes them feel personal

🫧 subliminals

they are affirmations layered over another sound so they become inaudible & pass right through to your subconscious mind

🪷 use this if you wanna

have 'unrealistic' & fast results

since this technique deals with your subconscious mind which readily accepts whatever it is given, the results are much faster & mindblowing

listen to affirmations but can't or don't want to

so if you're busy with life and can't find the time to affirm or if you wanna multi-task (practice loa + work), you can use subliminals since you can play them in the background whil living your life

you will also find that they work as an excellent manifesting tool as they don't require effort, focus, or intent for them to work

saturate your mind with mulitple topics

this is one of the techniques to use if you have mulitple things you wanna manifest but wanna affirm for all of them since you can listen to as many subliminals as you want

+ a single, very short subliminal can list out numerous benefits since it also utilises layering and speeding up the affirmation to allow for more repetition to occur

🫧 scripting

basically, repeatedly journaling about what you wanna experience as if it already manifested

🪷 use this if you wanna

visualise but prefer thinking in words

I use both visualistation & scripting. both have their perks. sometimes scripting helps me soak myself into the narrative, it helps me understand what I want & how the materialisation of the desire will look like.

it really helps me get into the zone since I love journaling like I am talking to someone about all the good things that already happened

(the interview method could serve as a link between both scripting and visualising & it is a method I really like!)

🫧 inner & imaginary conversations

along the same lines, you can utilise inner conversations (basically positive self talk) or imagined ones (basically the interview method)

ngl, I love talking to myself & it is probably how I used to manifest a lot of things before I learnt of loa.

I also like using ai. basically I open a chatbot and have a conversation with it about my desire like I alr have it, rampage with it, or practice gratitude using it

🪷 use this if you wanna

use a fun way to manifest

we all love making scenarios in our head, so instead of having imaginary arguments in the shower, make these scenarios/conversations favourable to your new story

work on/correct ur mental diet

your mental diet refers to the collection of natural thoughts that you think throughout the day.

the difference between a good & a bad mental diet is the difference between an optimist & a pessimist, a confident person & an insecure person

if you watch the inner conversations you have intently and correct it whenever it doesn't algin with what you want, you will start having better thoughts involuntarily, which will help you automatically & instantly manifest good things into your life

🫧 visualisation

basically daydreaming with intent, so you decide what you want to visualise (usually a short scene so you can loop it) + practice experiencing it from the first pov to generate the feeling / idea that you are truly experiencing it

I know some don't like visualising cos they can't do it, and I want y'all to know that visualisation is a practice. it takes time to be able to visualise vividly and feel like it real, so practice! you might not be able to do it at first but you will get better with time.

for me, my visualisations used to be much more hazy, unclear, and mostly audible but now I can see & feel with my five senses what I wanna visualise + before, I was only able to visualise in 3rd pov but the more I practiced 1st pov, the more naturally it started coming to me

there are several other visualisation techniques to apply, such as SATS, mind movies, and vision boards. I will talk more on them later.

🪷 use this if you wanna

understand what u desire much deeply

like scripting, this method helps generate feelings, which could help aid you in understanding what is it that you want to manifest & why, like what is the real end goal here?

live in the state of wish fulfilled

our minds can't tell the difference from between a real image and imagined one so vividly visualising helps in impressing the subconscious mind into believing that it already happened.

it also allows you to have fun in imagination, experience the good feelings that come with your desires with just the power of your mind, and thus helps you stop relying on the 3d for validation; thus you are now in the state of wish fulfilled!

🫧 SATS

this is a specific form of visualisation that Neville coined & you do it right before sleeping, aka the State Akin To Sleep or SATS

what is most important about it is to do it until you sleep, you live the scene as if it is real, and you loop it.

there's a variation of it called the lullaby method, which is about repeating a single affirmation until you sleep. this can be helpful to those who prefer affirming over visualising (but like I said u can always get better at visualising!)

🪷 use this if you wanna

manifest insanely quickly, for emergencies, time crunches, etc.

this method is basically a shortcut to your sub mind. so when I say it works insanely fast I mean it, like you will see results the very next day.

I like to use specific scenarios / manifestation that I want to happen super quickly

be efficient

this method is quite efficient due to the short time it takes to do (just a few minutes before you sleep) compared to the results you get.

ease the resistance

you might find that you have specific topics or concepts (such as revision) that you feel are "harder to manifest." SATS can be a great technique to use in that case since it impresses the subconscious much more easily, allowing you to feel less resistant / dysregulated.

🫧 mind movies / vision boards

a vision board is a collection of pictures which includes the experiences / things you wanna manifest. I have a whole post on how to create much more effective vision boards that you can check out!

a mind movie is similar to that but, instead of a board, it is a video of these pictures with narration, affirmations, or music accompanying it.

🪷 use this if you wanna

have preestablished visualisations created for you

instead of starting to visualise from scratch you can use those techniques as inspo + you can (esp. w the mind movie) just watch / look passively consuming the pictures, without having to actively imagine anything

incorporate visual subliminals

the post I mentioned above talks about visual subs in vision boards but basically you can add affirmations in low opacity, small font, or ones that quickly disappear, which you won't consciously see but your subconscious mind will register them.

provides the added benefit of incoproprating subs.

🫧 list method

you create a list of all your desires and then you affirm for the entire list using affirmations such as "my list manifested," "I have everything on my list," etc.

🪷 use this if you wanna

affirm but got numerous desires

instead of affirming for each of the million desires you got, affirm for your list. it will help remove some of the anxiety with feeling like you are not affirming enough for a topic or the dreadful choice paralysis of what you need to affirm for next.

script in a bullet point format

the list method is similar to a very simplified script, but you seperate the desires using bullets.

🫧 nervous system regulation (nsr)

this is not one technique, rather, it encompasses a lot of healing practices such as journaling, eft tapping, meditation, exercise, breath work, etc.

🪷 use this if you wanna

stabilise & ground yourself so you can feel happier and more peaceful

these techniques help you feel in alignment and be in the state of wish fulfilled

it can also help when you are experiencing upleasant feelings or unhelpful old stories

become more grateful for what you have

when your mind is cluttered and you trying to manifest desperately, it could cloud you judgement from seeing how beautiful your life is rn. NSR aims to remove that clutter and allows you to see reality for what it truly is: ever changing and honestly really not as bad as you make it out to be

as long as you are doing fine in this present moment, you're good (would recommend reading the Power of Now for more)

better understand your thinking patterns and any unconscious core beliefs

sometimes we wanna work on building a better self concept, becoming better people, understanding ourselves, or being much happier but we just don't know what exactly is holding us back,

NSR can help you with that, as you allow your mind to speak for itself or allow yourself to relax into your body you can better understand yourself and what you need to change.

🫧 void state / self hypnosis

they mean similar things as far as I am aware, which is the meditative state where your body is asleep but your mind is awake and receptive to whatever affrimations it receives

🪷 use this if you wanna

relax

it could serve as a great nsr technique, I personally used self hypnosis a lot before learning of loa because I found it hard to relax and short meditations weren't effective.

now I am able to relax so easily that I can do short meditations + a lot of health problems born out of chronic stress have disappeared

become highly suggestible

like I said your mind is awake but has slowed into a relaxed state, allowing it to accept any affirmations or assumptions it hears without judgement, it won't deny whatever you are saying to it & will accept it as truth causing you to shift/manifest instantly

🫧 revision

revision is technique used to 'revise the past,' which is not only about changing how you look at your past, but what actually happened too. there are numerous stories of people revising death and other unfavourable situations so it is quite powerful. I don't personally use it a lot (beyond affirming once for what I wanna revise) because I prefer focusing on the present (& the future)

🪷 use this if you wanna

change the past

pretty self explanatory, just affirm, visualise, and meditate on the revised story until it shows up

change your (limiting) beliefs & state

like I said, part of revising is changing your idea about what happened, this happens through changing your beliefs to know that time is a construct and that changing anything, at any point of time, is possible + shifting your state (feelings + thoughts) about what happened

self regulate

since you're shifting your state around something unfavourable, you're practicing regulating your mind + body & actually shifting to a more relaxing and fulfilling timeline

affirm in past tense

honestly affriming in past instead of present tense feels really powerful sometimes so even if you don't wanna revise anything, just affirming in past tense can make the affirmation sound more natural, like it has always been that way

🫧 acting as if

acting as if is basically thinking, feeling, and behaving like the person who has all of your desires aka your highest self. this is one of the most basic ways to building SC and it is a fun way of roleplay that will help you become the best version of you automatically. one thing I like about this technique is that it helps in detaching from the 3d and understanding that it is not the world that has to change for you to be happy, but rather you (your internal state has to change)

🪷 use this if you wanna

stop self-sabotaging

when you start acting like the desired version of you, you will come face to face with all the ways you're NOT yet being that version of you, which is the first step to stop being sabotaging your own success. through journaling and other techniques, these unfavourable habit of thinking, feeling, and behaving will be dropped

prepare yourself to be the person who can and will live this life

in relation to self sabotage, sometimes we subconsciously don't feel ready for all of the success and happiness we want. we don't believe we're worthy of it. as a result, we don't allow it to happen. but if you already lived as that version of you who you believe would have achieved it you will build a very solid self concept that such doubts and fears won't hold any truth any more.

detach

like I said, when you live as if this is your dream life, you realise that your dream life is not the keeper of your happiness, but rather it is you. you decide if you want to be happy, you decide if a circumstance has any meaning, whether positive or negative.

get better at visualising

in my experience, acting as if allows me to better visualise since I am seeing the world from the eyes of the highest version of me. it feels like my daydreams automatically align to what I wanna visualise and I can visualise at any given time of day, with my eyes open even

this all for the techniques, hope you enjoyed this post. I got an epiphany for it last night at like 2 am and started writing lol

on a last note, I'd like you to know all of these methods are connected and can overlap so make sure you are nourishing each area of manifesting (sc, alignment to desires, nsr, etc.) to live a fulfilling life while also getting what you want!

🫧 see u soon, loves 🫧

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