#scared of commitment

[myun-saidthoughts]

But once the feeling passes, I question "was this feeling ever real?" When it fades, so does the importance it once held:

What is internal emotional permeance and emotional object constancy? (Disorganized attachment style edition)

Individuals with a disorganized attachment style or Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often struggle with these concepts, but in this post, I’ll focus on a different manifestation of these patterns. Instead of seeking constant verbal reassurance or relying on continual acts of love to confirm that someone cares for you, I’m exploring how this dynamic unfolds internally. It's about the emotional barrier between you and your mind—where you can only care about or desire something or someone if that feeling is constant and always present. This habit can influence your emotional responses toward yourself and others; it may even bleed into your way of thinking and how you process emotions, on some days you might even experience moments of despair or hopelessness, but once the intensity of those feelings fades, so does their significance. In those intense moments, nothing else feels real, and no words or actions can alleviate them. But once the feeling subsides, the desire to understand it further also dissipates. This can cause a sense of disconnection from your own emotional experiences, leading you to question their validity or reality. When the emotional intensity drops, there's a difficulty in maintaining a "mental representation" of that feeling. This leaves you with a sense of emptiness or confusion, as if the emotion evaporated or never mattered to begin with. If your emotions can feel so real one moment and vanish the next, it's hard to believe in their authenticity, which feeds into a fear of abandonment. If you can't trust your own feelings, it's natural to worry if what you are feeling is real or true. This uncertainty makes it challenging to desire or pursue romantic connections, even though there's a part of you that longs for them.

When you struggle with this, it's not just about needing reassurance from others-it's about needing reassurance from yourself that your feelings are valid, even when they change.

In essence, it's the inability to feel something unless it completely consumes you. Subconsciously, you don’t allow yourself to want, care, or love another unless the emotion fills every part of your being. You start to question, doubt, and dismiss any thought or feeling once it fades. You may find yourself questioning your authentic feelings toward someone because "you can’t feel it anymore." The overwhelming emotion is no longer occupying your mind or causing that deep sense of longing, leading you to wonder if it ever truly existed.

It's when you meet someone new and don’t feel an instant spark or longing, you may dismiss them altogether. You tell yourself, "He can't be important—there's no immediate desire, so I can never truly want him. If he leaves now, no part of me will care." Instead of letting them in, you list every reason why they won’t fulfill your unspoken needs, and the cycle continues.

Then, when you do find yourself drawn to someone—when they check every irrational box on your list—the feeling suddenly vanishes one day. You ask yourself, "Do I even want him anymore? Why don’t I care as much as I did before? And why does it feel like I’m no longer attracted to him?" Any sense of permanence or consistency with them withers away, leaving you stuck in a state of stagnation and detachment. You think, "These feelings aren’t consuming me anymore, which must mean he was never important. If he were, my emotions would remain constant, and I wouldn’t be questioning my desire for him."

It’s the same when you listen to a song that stirs something deep within you—a hopeless emotion that lingers in the back of your mind. In those moments, all you feel is intensity lurking in the shadows. But once the song ends, so do the emotions it brought.

It’s like sitting on your bed, the weight of the world pressing down on your shoulders. In that moment, you feel nothing but despair, as if there’s no purpose, no meaning, no desire to continue. The heaviness is real, present. But when it eventually passes, as all feelings do, you can’t grasp it again.

You dismiss those feelings, telling yourself, "I feel okay now." The weight is gone, so you question whether you ever truly felt it at all. If an emotion can fade, you convince yourself it was never significant to begin with.

And so, the cycle continues.

You tell yourself that feelings must be constant in order to be real. "I have to always feel this way," you insist, "and if I don’t, then the feelings were never meaningful."

These habits quietly build walls around you, creating emotional barriers that prevent you from desiring someone—or something—deeply again. But allowing emotions to consume you isn’t realistic or healthy. Instead, your mind constructs defenses that hinder your ability to genuinely care, often rooted in past wounds and a lack of self-trust. You find reasons why a person isn’t right for you or downplay your emotions once they start to fade. Yet, this only distances you further from what you truly crave: connection.

At some point, your trust was broken. The love you gave went unrecognized. The safety and care you longed for never arrived. To protect yourself from pain, you’ve learned to see emotions in black and white. If a feeling isn’t always present, you assume it was never real.

Now, without realizing it, you move through life with a mindset designed to keep you "safe." But this self-protection creates a deep internal distance. You long for partnership and security in another’s presence, yet something always seems to stall the connection from forming. You search for a soul who can bring you the ease you’ve never known, yet even when you find someone who offers it, something within you resists. If you don’t recognize these subconscious patterns—the ways you undermine yourself—how can you ever break free?

As humans, we long for love and connection. We seek bonds that provide security, warmth, and belonging. Though certain emotions may seem fleeting, they never truly disappear. Instead, your mind tells you, "It’s time to let this go." But in reality, the feeling doesn’t vanish—it simply fades from conscious awareness. The question remains: how can emotions that once consumed you seem to dissolve so completely? Whether in longing for love or battling internal turmoil, if the feeling came once, it will come again.

This is especially true for those who struggle to find a partner. You seek connections that won’t leave you questioning. You search for eyes that whisper, "You won’t lose feelings for me." This is a self-protection tactic—your body’s way of shielding you from the fear of caring for someone who might ultimately leave. You worry that the person you choose won’t choose you in return. So, you set impossible expectations for yourself, thinking, "If they can meet these standards, then I’ll feel safe choosing them. If they can withstand my emotional shifts, they must be significant."

Accept your desire for connection. Acknowledge that part of you longs to be held. It’s okay to care for someone, even if your feelings fluctuate in the beginning.

Connections are meant to be built—they take time. You can’t expect to instantly know someone, especially if their presence alone is your only reassurance of safety. Trust their actions. Trust your gut. You may crave a love so deep that no one else can recognize it, but the expectation of constant yearning only distances you from those already choosing you. If you question your feelings for someone, acknowledge the emotions, but also examine their roots.

Where is the hesitation coming from? Is it fear? Is it past abandonment? Is it because the person you once chose ended up choosing another? Is it because your mother never loved you the way you needed? Is it because your father withdrew when you needed him most? Is it because your emotional needs were never acknowledged? If so, recognize that those past wounds triggered a defense—a switch inside you that tells you to run before it’s too late.

Healing is not linear, and it won’t happen overnight. The first step is awareness—recognizing that part of you is still operating from fear.

You are not alone, and you are not broken. You can change. Your soul is asking to be seen. Grant yourself the grace and validation you seek; that is where healing begins.

[vvunderkind]

don't go yet

[bittsandpieces]

my polyamorous nature vs my love of sexualizing obsessive/possessive behavior

[sacredashes]

Male characters don’t seem to inspire this kind of public venting and vitriol.

Mythal (& Solas) // Anna Gunn's I Have a Character Issue

[evilherehotel]

ok admittedly they are startign to grow on me

[ifmasonbasonwasawriter]

Note game anyone?

Please go a little easy on me I’ve never done one of these before

1 = I’ll journal about some world building questions. (This is just a excuse I’m gonna so it anyway)

10 = I’ll answer as many character fleshing questions as I can! :ddd

60 = dedicated break because I like the number 6

100 = I brainstorm for an hour. (I need to do this because I’m usually writing while listening to YouTube I need to be bored D: )

200 = I’ll be forced to finish my story info for you guys to read (I’m so sorry I’ve starved you guys runs away)

210 = I’ll finish the character info too… (I’m scared for this one because my ocs all feel similar..I’m scared.)

Red = to do.

Orange = in progress

Green = done

I hope ts is fun

Tags : @oros-ash3s @inspirationallybored @luxfuxxvii @write-with-will @gay-hoe-boy @eon-tries-writing @overwhelmedfernfrond @justasillyliltransman @kairamisu-satou @kitab00m101 @xunfix-writes @vyuntspakhkite-l-darling @blissfullyunawares @1nhal3r @angel-can-write @icantthinkofablognameatm I hope I just tagged my mutuals gulp

uhhh guys comment if you wanna be on my tag list because I’d actually hate to tag people who I think are close to me and be wrong (or vice versa) ;m; (if you don’t say anything I’ll assume you don’t wanna be)

[artuurle]

I don't have a silly cheeky comment for this one besides it leans heavily on my headcanons and stuff on Grujaja. (that's how you know ur in the tranches for a character.)

^face of a guy that keeps hurtin his bonds w anyone close to him. Bonus doodles i made while drawing this that are semi related due to being tied to my Gr headcanons unda the cut lol:

[wojtekaneko]

Get bonked silly librarian man

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

I genuinely really fucking hate how some bisexual women do not view relationships with women as valid in the same way m/f relationships are.

A bisexual woman at my work recently got married and she told me that she's told her husband "if you fuck up, my best friend (a woman) is on stand by, just so you know" and I KNOW she would never fucking say something like that about a man. She would never tell her husband that he better behave because she has another man on the back burner if he doesn't.

When I was in high school, one of my friends went back and forth between questioning and identifying as bisexual. Eventually she outright asked me if I wanted to have sex with her so she could explore that part of herself. That's an awkward spot to be put in no matter what, but it was made worse by the fact she was in a serious relationship with a man (as in, she is still with him to this very day). When I asked her why she'd make such a pass at me while having a boyfriend, she said that "he's okay" with her exploring that part of herself. And it's just like. Lmao. Okay. Tell him you want to explore with another man and tell me what happens. What is there to even explore? You are with HIM. Clearly you've made your choice. Your exploration is over, boo.

I know there are so many other examples out there. Some bisexual women outright say they will never marry a woman and would only ever fool around with one. It's sickening. f/f relationships are not lesser than m/f ones. Treat your female partners better (ESPECIALLY if they're lesbians) or don't disturb them at all.

[myun-saidthoughts]

Disorganized Attachment Style: What Happens When Someone Becomes "Consistent"

One thing no one talks about with a disorganized attachment style is the way your brain will automatically block and suppress feelings for someone once these feelings don't mirror the same pain you once felt growing up. Once they become somehow consistent for you, it can feel worse when they come to you because suddenly they don't fill your deepest void, and you'll ask yourself "do I still care?" "why am I not overly attached to this outcome anymore?" "I don't feel fear but I also don't feel this intense need for them, do I even want them?"

Struggling with a disorganized attachment style with abandonment issues creates this idea in your head where those questions causes deactivation and the desire for them, somehow vanishes.

The intense lows and highs that once persisted must always be there or the lack of will showcase a less desire for them.

Therefore a lack of fear = lack of interest.

You feel comfortable with the scarcity mindset, you feel comfortable with "'needing" someone, you feel comfortable with sitting in the uncertainty mindset with another, and so when you don't have that experience, there's a part of you that feels like they won't be able to give you the "fulfillment" feeling you think you always need in order to like someone.

The second they don't represent the self-belief that you are "not lovable," a part of you will flinch. You'll start to feel disgusted, sick, and even nauseous. This is the part of you that has never had the chance to look into someone's eyes with complete and utter trust; this is the part of you that hasn't held someone's hand with complete blissfulness and openness, and this is the part of you that hasn't looked into someone's soul without having fear being brewed in-between your bones.

The truth is, that "feeling" you are holding onto is just a "comfort zone" for you and this "comfort zone" keeps you from letting that one part of you that desires a true partner, out.

That feeling of not needing is something you're not familiar with, that feeling of being safe has been something you never had the chance to hold onto and so with it brings up the need of past patterns that you once subconsciously or consciously always held onto.

It's okay to not need someone, it's okay to not have this black or white mindset with other souls, and it's okay to just be okay in the moment and not have a constant rollercoaster of emotions embody you.

This "desire" you think you always need in order to feel emotionally safe is only because now it doesn't represent the home or care you received as a child.

You're comfortable with the highs and the lows so when someone you once felt you could lose no longer gives you that fear, somehow that need for them dissipates.

Now if you experience this, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or that you can't fall in love, it just means you now are experiencing love or care in a way that you feel is unsafe because it's the love you've never had the chance to hold onto.

It's okay to not need someone.

[s4pphicyearning]

sometimes i feel bad that i dont switch but then i remember there are beautiful gorgeous handsome dashing sexy stone tops out there that will let me kiss their face and run around them like an excited lovesick puppy and play video games with and binge watch shows with and frolick in the fields with and pick flowers for and suddenly life is beautiful again

[rimatsu]

a long-suffering eddie sitting through two separate 'We Agreed On Taking It Slow This Time Around But Whenever We Lock Eyes I Hear Wedding Bells Ringing In The Distance' conversations a few months post-bucktommy makeup would heal me

[spacebubblehomebase]

"Say My Name."

Tumblr "Poll Results" for my #HHStargazersAU are out and so I'm releasing ALL the currently available titles of my future posts for this story!!! Though to not completely spoil the plot for everyone, I redacted some parts on the list. Just know that, while I DO have plans, they could always change and not everything is complete. But if you're still willing to be patient with me, here's a taste of my writing and art! Nothing serious. Just to see if it's to your liking. I won't always stick to such style, but there WILL be consistent world building as it's my favorite part of starting any AU! And if you like Chaggie or queerplatonic Radioapple centric stories then you're in luck because that's EVERYTHING I'm here for! It'll take a lot of effort, but GOD will it also be a LOT of fun! XD Still a show is nothing without an audience and according to my list, it's time for an INTEREST CHECK, so what say you? 👀✨️ -Bubbly💙

(For more context, check out "Part One" of my story! "A New Day Will Dawn...")

[seiwas]

Of course I forgot to send in the cute birthday celebration challenge forgive meee 😭 (but omg no pressure to answer if the birthday girl isn’t feeling up for it!!)

But let’s try…

Sun + Moon for our blasty boy Bakugo 👀

you catch katsuki in the in-betweens.

he’s grown suspicious of it—you know he out of all people would notice; but you neither confirm nor deny that it’s intentional.

there’s something about katsuki in that sliver of space and time right before sunrise and sunset—right before the shift into something new.

“someone’s excited,” you sneak up behind him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as you kiss his cheek.

he grumbles before giving you a side-eye, cheeks turning a shade darker under the twilight. his lips part slightly as if he’s about to say something, but he tuts instead, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth—no sharpness, no bite.

you look at him curiously, hanging on to the stillness of the hour.

today is supposed to be a busy day—the start of a long trip for you and katsuki; the start of his first ever long trip, actually.

“somethin’ on my face or some shit?”

you snap out of staring, gaze falling straight into his—vermillion red softened into a deep mauve amidst the blue light.

this is why you do it—

the perpetual frown on his face is gone, the tightness of his jaw loosened. there’s a look in his eyes that tells you there’s been something on his mind for a long, long while.

—this is why you catch katsuki in the in-betweens.

you give him a small smile, a little mischievous as you lean in and peck him on the nose.

“now you do,” you giggle as you inch closer on the wooden step.

he rubs his nose immediately, checking for smudges of lipstick, “fuckin—“

“just all my lovin’,” you tease.

you’re half expecting him to get back at you for it—to tickle you or smother you in kisses of his own; katsuki can be aggressive in love, a fact you’ve come to know well over the years.

but he doesn’t.

instead, he stares. a few paused seconds that feel slowed down to eternity. there’s the look again, like something’s been on his mind, combined with the look people say he only has for you.

suddenly, you feel nervous—for what, you don’t know, but your hand searches for his out of instinct. it’s damp when your palm sticks against his, his fingers intertwining with yours like a habit of his own.

he turns your clasped hands over, catching view of the back of yours.

it stays quiet for a few moments—a side of him you only see in times like this. you know there’s a war waging on in his head, a decision he’s been mulling over just waiting to be spilled out.

you know because katsuki only ever sits out before sunrise when he has a lot on his mind.

“you okay?” you whisper.

he hums, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb, “just thinkin’.”

“you can tell me…” you nudge, “…if you want,” the butterflies in your stomach flapping harder.

you hold your breath.

he chuckles, that damn attractive half-sigh, “don’t know how yet.”

and you think you know what it is—a conversation you have every now and then, always with open-ended conclusions. katsuki has his issues, and so do you—

“just say it how it is,”

you never pressed him for answers, fully content to live at the pace he wanted because you loved him and that was enough.

—but when katsuki looks at you like this, like you’re everything gone right in his life, it’s hard not to think about the possibilities of more.

tears begin to collect along your waterline as he leads your hand into his pocket, your fingertips grazing a small velvet box.

you choke up, tears falling as you pout.

“woke up in the middle of the night with a fuckin’ god awful migraine,” he starts, wiping your tears with his thumb, “so i thought i’d go for a run, y’know, sweat it out and shit.”

you nod, listening.

“but when i got out of bed, you started mumblin’ my name,” he takes a deep breath, “thought you were awake, honestly, but you didn’t say anythin’ when i asked what you needed.”

“looked like you had a nightmare, so i went back to bed, and—” he pauses, collecting his words as he breathes out, “—you hugged me n’—”

his eyes gloss over as he tucks you into his side.

“—you told me you loved me.”

it’s not anything new—you both know that; you tell him you love him all the time. but—

“fuck, i’m ramblin’,” he half chuckles again.

“i love that about you too,” you sniffle, half-giggling as you nudge his chin with your nose.

you intentionally catch katsuki in the in-between’s because you love the side of him that comes out when he’s a little loose-lipped; a little less tense from all the day’s worries. you love the way he rambles, how he goes off on a tangent when he’s especially passionate about something.

he gives you a look so soft, your heart swells.

a small smile makes its way to katsuki’s face as he grips your hand tighter.

“couldn’t go back to sleep ‘cause all i was thinkin’ about was how to keep it this way forever.”

you’ve pictured this moment a few times before, all in different scenarios, situations, locations—always with the note that even if it didn’t happen, you’d be okay.

but now you have this: you and katsuki, on the wooden steps right by your garden bathed in twilight.

“decided on it for a while, just didn’t know when would be right,” he fishes the box out of his pocket, fiddling with it as he takes your hand in his other one.

“i know you said that lovin’ me was enough, but forever’s a fuckin’ long time,” he half-chuckles again, a little choked up, “you didn’t think i’d let you waste that on some loser who won’t even ask you to marry him, did you?”

you don’t think you’re coherent when you respond, a mess of tears and all the love you can pour out. katsuki doesn’t even get to show you the ring before you tackle him, nodding into his chest.

it doesn’t matter, anyway—

it was more than enough that he even asked.

n/a: thank u for sending this prompt erika!!! i am so rusty but i am writing this with all the katsuki feelings in me, my heart could burst!!!! sun & moon = twilight just because of the presence of both during that hour; i also just think it’s such a delicate balance to have—which i think also describes their relationship! katsuki has commitment issues 🥲 sorry, i love writing him in the process of healing ajkdndkd also !!! i also think katsuki can be romantic in his own way like wdym he reads all those shoujo mangas … there is stored romance in that boy . maybe not the smooooothest but yk. it works. and also, he wasn't rlly planning on proposing at this moment (more during the trip) but !! just felt right yk?

[lunarriviera]

Oh my god!

Is this picture from episode 30?

You said "NO". What did you mean by that?

I'm going crazy until next week…! 😢😒 I'm really curious!

i am ALSO going crazy until next week so that makes, like, ten of us. (although tbh one of the best things about jitd finally airing is that so many of you will now play tuoys with me!! when for like 2 years i’ve just been sitting alone in a corner with my zhoudu dolls, crying. now there’s gifsets and meta and ASKS, i’m so FED???)

okay anyway so what did i MEAN BY THAT, look at his FACE, in this particular moment he is very much NOT OKAY—

the only good thing about ep 30 is that, once we survive it, we can fully appreciate how both mains, who have honestly already handed in some of the best acting i've seen outside of film, are about to pull out ALL THE STOPS. just go HAM on this. just completely BATSHIT.

well no there is one other good thing too—which is how priest so loved her only begotten son fei du that after she finishes torturing him, she gives him EVERYTHING, to make up for what she put him through during 6 books. she gives him not one, but TWO cats (i doubt the drama will have time for this, but fei qian is real). she gives him new PARENTS. she gives him the finest straight friend, plus also LU JIA. and she gives him her best, her CHOICEST gong, the one whose name she (usually) remembers, the one who wears an apron when he cooks, the one who fusses at fei du to quit working and go to bed on time and nags him to stop drinking wine and coffee and then bends him tenderly in half all night long.

…for the rest of his life.

because zhoudu are forever and i think that's beautiful. :')

[warydoom]

BatLantern Headcannons

(Inspired by the wonderful @caesyy)

Alfred is the one who *actually* manages their schedules to avoid overlaps on patrols if possible. He once let them patrol together for a week as an "experiment." The crime rate didn't drop, but reports of "two idiots in capes arguing loudly over the best way to eat a hotdog while a mugger got away" skyrocketed. Oracle had to mute their comms twice.

Bruce, despite his initial (and ongoing, to some degree) paranoia, has a designated coffee mug for Hal in the Batcave. Alfred insists. Hal, of course, uses a different one every time just to see Bruce twitch, but the existence of "Hal's Mug" (usually one with a ridiculously cheesy pilot slogan) is a quiet admission of acceptance. Hal also sometimes pucks Damian up from school. Usually when Alfred is just too tired. He has designated nicknames for each one of the kids.

Bruce won't verbally gush over Hal's cooking the way Hal does for his sandwiches, (sometimes Bruce making breakfast in bed for Hal ends with them forgetting to actually leave bed). But he will pointedly leave an extra-large portion of whatever Hal made for him "for later patrols," which Hal knows is Bruce-code for "this is amazing, I want more." He also actually eats what Hal makes, a high compliment from a man who often forgets meals.

Hal once tried to help bruce make the super special breakfast sandwich. It involved screaming, extra grease, and Alfred calmly handing Bruce a fire extinguisher. Hal is now banned from breakfast preparations. He still helps Alfred in the kitchen at all other meals.

Bruce, being Bruce, has rules. Hal, being Hal, considers these rules more like "strong suggestions" and delights in finding (or inventing) loopholes. This leads to many "discussions" where Bruce is trying to maintain his stern composure while Hal argues like a particularly smug lawyer.

Bruce: "Jordan, the rule was no constructs in the dining room." Hal: "Technically, it was a cutlery construct, Bats. For eating. It's thematic!"

Their civilian bickering is legendary at Wayne Manor. It's less about life-or-death mission stakes and more about who left the cap off the toothpaste, whose turn it is to choose the movie (Hal always picks something loud and dramatic, Bruce picks mystery movies to make fun of them), or Hal "helpfully" rearranging Bruce's meticulously organized bookshelf "to give it more personality." Alfred just sips his tea.

Bruce has an internal catalog of Hal's petnames for him, ranked by annoyance level. "Spooky" is mildly tolerable. "Batsy-Boo" elicits a death glare. "My Caped Crusader" gets an eyeroll. But he never actually tells Hal to stop. It's just… Hal.

No matter how much Hal bratted, or how stern Bruce had to be, Bruce's aftercare is meticulous and unwavering. It's often silent – cleaning up, tending to any marks, holding Hal. Hal, for all his bluster, sinks into it like a cat. This is where a "Sweetheart" might slip out from Bruce.

Hal is on a perpetual, often failing, mission to make Bruce laugh. This involves terrible puns during patrols, ridiculous construct shapes (a giant rubber chicken to whack a minor inconvenience villain), and attempts to get Bruce to dance at quiet moments. Bruce's lips might twitch upwards sometimes (once in a blue moon), which Hal counts as a monumental victory.

At Justice League meetings, Hal will make tiny, almost invisible construct distractions that only Bruce (with his hyper-awareness) would notice – a tiny green bird pecking at Superman's cape, a miniature race car zipping under the table. Bruce's jaw will clench, a silent promise of a "debriefing" later. He never does this when the situation is *actually* serious, though.

Bruce rarely raises his voice, but when he drops it to that low, gravelly Batman tone, specifically for Hal during… negotiations… and calls him "Jordan" with a certain weight, Hal practically melts, like an ice cream on a hot day. It's the auditory equivalent of a firm hand.

Alfred Pennyworth ( the human, not the cat) has a soft spot for Hal. He sees the genuine affection beneath the bickering and appreciates that Hal can sometimes make Bruce forget he's Batman for a few hours. Alfred always ensures Hal's favorite snacks are stocked and might "accidentally" leave out photo albums of a younger, slightly less broody Bruce when Hal visits.