#sensitive writer problems

[ladybracknellssherry]

if people don't react to my art and writing with enthusiastic praise, i think it sucks.

if people react to my art and writing with enthusiastic praise, i think they're lying.

[gemmasdeadwife]

Pre-post disclaimer that I’m absolutely not someone who ships either markgemma or markhelly to the exclusion of the other, or wants one out of the way. I hate that shit and both relationships are extremely important. I do like to speculate about them without that burden of being pressured to pick one and shit on the other.

A lot of people are talking about how Mark and Gemma are now too different for their marriage to ever work again. Which is totally valid and makes sense, and something I’ve thought about a lot myself. It’s such a normal, everyday tragedy for relationships to be broken by trauma, distance, change. But… what if it’s actually the opposite…?

Which I know is a mega fucked thing to say about endless torture! But idk… I think for Mark it could put their struggles with infertility into perspective. Obviously that was huge and traumatic, but maybe there was no need for it to eclipse their marriage- there was so much more to it than that. And I think he’s learning (VERY SLOWLY) to confront his obstacles head-on instead of running away and lashing out at his loved ones. I think it would be hard for him to ever take her for granted again, and if he started to slip that way, it wouldn’t take a lot of reminding for him to shape up.

Gemma of course didn’t really need to change- that’s the bigger part of the problem here to me. Maybe she was a little naïve for getting into the Lumon stuff that she did, but how could she have possibly known? She was just analyzing interesting little puzzles, a welcome distraction from feeling so hopeless. If she did display any naïveté, I think there’s pretty much zero chance of that ever cropping up again after what she’s been through.

The biggest issues still are the trauma and how much they’ve each changed. Is their trauma around each other, and their pedestalization of each other while they were apart, too great for them to have a relationship again? I think it could go either way. For one thing, the trauma is going to be difficult with all of their relationships going forward, including Mark and Helly too. I don’t believe that the deeply traumatized can’t love properly- it just takes a fuckton of work.

Changing over time is also a problem in any long term relationship, though it’s harder when you’re not together through the change, and this is more unusual and fucked up than being apart during a deployment or something. I think they will have to get to know each other all over again very carefully, gently and gradually. It’s natural if there are some missteps along the way. They aren’t the same people they were before the “death,” and they aren’t the idolized versions of each other they pined over through separation, either. And that will either result in falling in love in a whole new way, or else realizing romance doesn’t make sense between them anymore, but remaining family- I think that bond between them is too strong to become nothing, but it could transform.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

unfortunately reoccurring phenomenon in my life where i will overestimate my own limits and read a fucked up fic that leads me into genuine distress so i have to delete all traces of it and block the author

[thebibutterflyao3]

ADHD, Writing, & Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

One of the hardest things about writing is taking critique from people who clearly don’t enjoy your writing style. I have ADHD. I understand not having the attention span or interest in reading through two pages of scene description or internal monologue. I get it, which is why I tend to limit myself to simple, memorable descriptions only when necessary.

Yet, it’s still hard not to take it personally when someone doesn’t like your work/style. As an artist, I pour my heart and soul into my writing and sharing it in its rough draft phase is quite a vulnerable thing for me to do. So, even though seven members of my critique group loved it and complimented my descriptions, the one voice of dissent is what my brain fixated on.

This fixation is due to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and is a common aspect of ADHD and other neurological disorders.

Be kind to yourself if this is plaguing you too. I am so thankful to have people in my life who help me battle this fixation by asking, “What did everyone else think?” and “What did you want to say to this person?” It really helps me gain perspective and reclaim control of the narrative, even if that voice continues to annoy me for a while.

Much 🫶 to my fellow RSD sufferers!

[likegemstone]

a message to all the independent writers and artists out there who feel like they are shouting into the void:

maybe you've spent hours, days, months or more on a piece, carved out a little piece of your soul and sent it out into the world only to have it be completely ignored

maybe a story means everything to you, and seems to mean nothing to anyone else

maybe every time you check on your work online and it has no new views/likes/comments/purchases, you feel like your heart is being wrung out

maybe you're scared every time you post/share anything new because you know that's only going to hurt you too

maybe you don't even share anything new any more because you can't handle being hurt again

do not stop.

do not stop creating. do not stop sharing. i mean, obviously take care of yourself--if sharing is majorly triggering you and you need to get to a better baseline, gather some better tools, and develop some better skills to deal with very big and very valid emotions before you start sharing again, please do that. but if you're the person who just needs one thing to hold on to, one person to tell you it's worth it, let this post be the thing and let me be the person

because it IS worth it. you are worth it and your work is worth it. it SUCKS when you share something so personal and meaningful and it gets completely ignored. it feels awful, especially if you've got rejection sensitivity issues.

but every time you share, and it hurts, and you take care of those feels and move through them and realize they didn't kill you, you get a little less afraid, and the next time it hurts a little less.

and then, one day, someone's going to see you. someone's going to see your work and hold it and love it and cherish it. you deserve to have that happen!! and your work deserves to have you believe in it! and it can't if you just hide it away!

you can do this. we can do this. i'm writing this mainly to myself 😂 but maybe it will help some others as well.

if anyone would like me to talk about some tips and habits that have helped me work through this, let me know and I'll make a follow-up

[jaymir]

HELP its kinda urgent

i have to finish it until tuesday

i messed up I mean something that the teacher will actually find interesting help lmao. YKWIM

chat this is going to be a lot of work if you choose the first one. I already started researching just in case. im so cooked this is not enough time

Im uploading the essay soon (its silly)

[feralboo-the-weirdo]

I'm no longer angry. I'm just tired.

Brain numbingly tired.

it's hard to focus because I'm just so tired and I just don't care anymore. I should have empathy, but I just can't anymore. I'm exhausted at the idea of caring.

So so tired of eggshells.

so tired of waiting.

I just want out.

But I'm scared I'll do this with everything else too. I'll tire of that eventually, like I have with my life here.

But most people don't even know this is happening. They don't see how scared I am of my family. They don't understand why, because it's "not that bad" but they haven't seen it when it is that bad. People seem so angry when you talk about going no contact, but they don't understand that speaking with those members of your family is like ingesting poison.

Parents aren't supposed to feel like school counselors.

They chose one child to protect and it wasn't me.

And I'm tired of them pretending that sibling "isn't that bad"

Even though I feel sick at the thought of interacting with them because I never know if today is the day I get murdered.

[from-izzy]

ADDRESSING MY HEALTH AND WRITING

fun fact: i'm rereading this post as careful as i can because i wrote ~90% of this post with my eyes closed!!

hi everyone!

the title of this post seems so serious but also not so serious at the same time...? 😅

anyways! this is just me updating a little bit of my health and how it's been affecting my writing.

on january 31st 2022, my psychologist wrote a letter to my school addressing that he 'has...identified that [I have]...Sensory Processing Disorder' (words quoted by the letter that was sent out). as far as i'm aware, i specifically have sensory modulation disorder.

i'll try to keep this concise and to the point. in terms of my spd in general, four of my five senses are hypersensitive with my top two being visual and hearing.

i recently just found out an important info by quite literally timing myself. i stayed in my room, lights out and in the dark for 20 mins. during that time, i did nothing but just stare at the ceiling (or i don't know, the spider that went past too) and jammed to some music. after, i started to write.

there is small time gap of 14 mins before i felt a twitch in my right eye. there is a small 1 min gap after when i started to get a headache. for me, i knew this before but i was afraid to admit it especially when i love writing so much but it's clear now that i am hypersensitive to lights.

that's why (at least, i personally feel like this) my writing quality has decreased drastically and writing errors are more apparent than ever. i get people to proofread for me but i'm really bad in asking for help so i usually just try to do it myself to the best of my abilities. the way i explain scenes have also been more boring and bland, and i want to tell you that if you think so too, you're most probably right! it frustrates me more than anything.

i'm trying to find ways to counter this or at least make the time gap bigger. i recently found out that writing in the dark, phone brightness down to the lowest helps and i was able to write for about ~40 mins before i started to get a headache. but unfortunately for my sleep hygiene, no technology should be in my room (i even moved my piano out of my room because of this) and so, i am trying to find another way.

another way i found is that closing my eyes works. fun fact: i'm rereading this post as careful as i can because i wrote ~90% of this post with my eyes closed!! yes it works but you can imagine how hard it can be.

if i can be fully honest, it's actually really hard for me to both read and write these days as well because there is no way i can make out the words without any form of light. when the headache strikes, it strikes and walking in a straight line can become difficult sometimes. the reality is that it's hard to write without reading and it sucks that i can't support anyone's work at the moment, especially when they have supported me so much (i'm so sorry to all the writers out there). there is nothing much i can do right now but to remember and learn the stories in my head as references when i write.

i'm still exploring for more ideas but if you have any ideas, do tell! i would love to try them out!

but i'm not going to stop writing! not when i have ideas to write and stories to share! it's just going to be slow and i'm planning to take it in a pace where i can handle. like i've mentioned before, i don't want to release stories that i'm not proud of.

thank you everyone for the support so far! 'double a decade' reached 100+ notes in less than a week! that's so crazy for me, thank you 😭💕

[iridescentgleam]

broooo i just checked the bookmarks on a fic i wrote like a year ago and one of the comments under the bookmark said "could be better, but nice" and like, hellllll nah

Like yes, it could ALWAYS be better, nothing is perfect, and you are absolutely allowed to dislike a fic of mine, but publicly bookmarking a work with a comment like that is wild ass behavior. I don't care that much about it but like please remember that there is a person behind the fic you just read who is writing this FOR FREE, like i am not a paid author or even a content creator, man.

[spookysalem13]

I'm a highly sentimental being ✨️ it's in my nature as an empath. I'm also a writer. Often times when I give someone a note, it's more than just words to me. It's my heart, poured out onto paper. Otherwise I would've just sent you a text.

That's why when people give me a card, to me that's handpicked with love and intention. Or when they write me a note, no matter how simple the message. It has intent, thought and meaning behind it. So I keep each and every one.

[clchandler-writes]

What is the opposite of a sensitivity reader? I need some of those. People who just totally don’t understand the isms, to see what the heck they get out of my stories…

[theradicalace]

fun fact about my tags in that previous post is that i might actually end up having to do some restructuring of the docs depending on how i decide to handle flippy+fliq

[petiolata]

Finished with the current active WIP 😴the rough draft ended up being 12.2k. So about what I expected. Took 5 days to write it.

Will probably takes 5 months to edit it lol. It wouldn't surprise me if it ends up being 20k in the end. I write lean (action and dialogue) and tend to flesh everything out in the editing process.

IDK why I wrote it tbh, idc if anyone reads it. Like yes it was fun to write but that's over now, and it's not the kind of fic I'll want to reread. It's not bad writing. I wouldn't post something I thought/knew was bad. I've ran this kind of story of mine by betas before and they confirmed the stories were...fine.

And I've seen other people write and post these kinds of stories. Stories that are...fine. That are competently written. That you can pass time with well enough. But they lack a certain specialness. A certain emotional punch. Maybe it's an issue of stakes or not enough interpersonal relationship drama. Regardless. My enjoyment of the story is over. All that's left is lots of work and no reward.

My main motive in cleaning it up and posting it is...I'm sick of all these raw ugly rough drafts piling up like mountains of trash. It feels too self-indulgent? pointless? selfish? to do only the fun part (writing) and then skip out on the hard work and the parts I don't like.

I should probably make a spreadsheet of all my finished rough draft fics and try to systematically work my way through them and get them all cleaned up and posted. But that kind of organizing is a problem for another day.

[acurtist]

I am so sensitive that I'm having anxiety about dropping my ice cream for the third time. 🥹

Somehow, I was able to recover after the first two fall outs. 😵‍💫

Talk about Holiday cheer. 😼

Like why is my grip so loose? lmao. 😂

[wundergeek]

It turns out having an agent pass on your manuscript after they've read the whole thing sucks a lot worse than getting a rejection after they've only read a couple chapters.

[slowwshoww]

i think too many writers use the word giggle for characters who would... never giggle....