#impostor syndrome

[stutterhug]

The one that never goes away..

[autisticshadowthehedgehog]

"Why Would You Bother With Me?" - An Analysis of Kitsunami, 09/07/2024

tw: major discussions of abuse, the cycle of abuse, re-traumatizing situations, toxic and abusive relationships (non-romantic)

so like when I first read this panel my reaction was just to joke with Cori that this is a "get out of my school" moment (iykyk) but I've been thinking about it a lot recently because I... couldn't remember any specific beef Kit had with Tails?

Last we saw of them interacting one-on-one, Tails was talking Kit down from fighting, and Kit's beef with the squad later was more with Sonic than him. Tails didn't take down Surge in #56 or even affect the fight in any way, and Sonic was the one who told Kit that Surge was dead beforehand. At least that I could remember, so I went back to those comics. Indeed, in #56 he shows no animosity towards Tails specifically, nor when he talks to Surge in #55.

Then I went back to #54.

See, he does seem to blame Sonic entirely for the Surge death fakeout, and he thinks that Sonic is literally trying to kill her when he walks in. But he does have one (1) reaction to Tails, right at the end of the interaction.

In the previous issue, after Sonic and Tails saved his life, Kit immediately switched on his subservient personality and was desperate for any kind of validation from the hedgehog. We only see it for a few panels before he is told about Surge and sinks into a depressive state, but it's made very obvious.

And when he leaves to help?

Kit's conditioning under Starline means that he is excessively codependent on Surge– and if Surge isn't around, on anyone who is nice to him. The hypnotic repetition shown to us was "You live to support Surge. You'll do anything for her." Kit's sole purpose in life is to be a Support party member.

Kit's conditioning was to be the new Tails.

Starline wanted Surge and Kit to replace Sonic and Tails– that much was obvious from the get-go. But what was also obvious was his fundamental misunderstanding of Sonic and Tails's dynamic and how that negatively impacts Surge and Kit's relationship.

Starline completely misses the strong sibling bond that Sonic and Tails have. To him, Tails is just there to support Sonic, to provide the brains and tech that Sonic lacks, and so Kit needs to be there to support Surge in the same way. He sees it only as a business partnership, and not a mutual relationship built on trust, love, and shared experiences. Starline only saw other people as tools, so obviously he projected that onto Surge and Kit, hoping that they would immediately take up the closeness that Sonic and Tails did because, well, they served the same purpose to each other, right?

Except Surge and Kit don't have that relationship. These two children were forced into the same proximity and made to work together. They're coworkers at best, being told to act like a family.

Obviously their dynamic is super toxic, with Surge clearly holding a lot of power over Kit, but it's also clear that this isn't because Surge wants to beat on the kid. She was made to be Sonic, and so she has his arrogance (and possibly Shadow's, considering IS1 showed his image when Starline was talking about stealing abilities), but, as Boom!Sonic says, "Without any of the awesomeness to back it up." Okay, wrong, she's plenty awesome, the correct phrase is "Without the experience" and, most importantly, "without the altruism that makes Sonic Sonic." Surge wasn't programmed to like the people she saves, because that would conflict with Starline's goal to take over the world. So she's only made to be competitive and to want to best Sonic, anyone inbetween them be damned. This clashes with Kit's programming to not only be liked, but to be liked by Surge. Surge was also programmed to believe fully in herself in order to enhance the arrogant trait, and Kit was made to give her the help that she doesn't want.

To Surge, Kit represents everything holding her back. And she's not built to view him as a person, because Starline doesn't view him or her as people. Obviously this doesn't absolve her of her treatment of him, and later issues showing her getting more and more aware as she becomes more social is definitely going to impact the way she views him– or, if it doesn't make her reconsider Kit's personhood, it'll serve to make her more antagonistic for the viewer.

But the point is, Sonic trusts Tails because he knows and respects him as a person. It isn't just because Tails can help him, but because he knows Tails will. Surge, at this point in the comic, not only doesn't view Kit as a friend, she doesn't even care what he thinks or feels.

And despite the brainwashing, I don't think Kit is oblivious to this. He knows how bad their situation is, but he is so conditioned to accept it that he can't escape it whatsoever. In both fights with Tails, Tails talks him down easily because Kit doesn't want to hurt anyone. Kit only reacts violently when Surge is brought up, because he's meant to do anything she wants.

Like he said to Belle, he was made for Surge. And what he says directly after– "Sonic can use me, too." Kit doesn't even view himself as a person, only a tool– that's how far Starline's brainwashing went. It's clearly even affecting Surge, who realized in the latest issue, #72, how fast she and Kit fell into their abusive patterns again once Clutch took over– they were conditioned to be tools. Clutch claimed to want to help them, but really he was just using them for his own ends, just like Starline. So they went back to the familiar.

And speaking of familiar– pain is familiar to Kit, specifically pain in service to others. In his breakdown in #50, he says that Starline made him happy he'd been hurt. And in Imposter Syndrome #3 and #4, we see that him and Surge hate Starline and want to usurp him... but also are still trapped in the patterns he implanted in them. Surge still wants to kill Sonic and outperform everyone else. Kit still can't do anything but what she wants, to the point he becomes near catatonic when he believes she's dead.

Another pattern Kit is still trapped in is the idea that he has to be okay with his own suffering.

The only sense of home or family Surge and Kit have is in each other, but they fundamentally can't work together, at least as they are currently. Kit is expected to take Surge's anger, and Surge isn't expected to treat him like his own person.

And this, I think, is Kit's problem with Tails.

He was made to be Tails, and he knows this, but he can never have what Tails has. He can never live up to Tails and do what Tails can do, despite that being his entire life's purpose.

He doesn't hate Tails because he was programmed to– as he says to Surge, he only wants to destroy Sonic because she wants to. When he first encounters Tails, he refers to him as his target- a simple, unemotional term. He doesn't have the deep ingrained hatred for him that Surge does for Sonic.

Instead, he hates Tails because of what he sees in him. He sees Sonic and Tails interact, he sees how much Sonic trusts and relies on Tails, and he sees how he also loves and respects him. He sees how Tails has his own motivations and opinions, and he's experienced Tails's genuine compassion that was in part fostered by the hedgehog that raised him. In turn, Tails is loyal to Sonic, but not because he has to be– because he, in turn, loves Sonic and wants to be with him.

Kit only wants to be with Surge because he was forced to. Starline wanted to use Surge and Kit to stop Sonic and Eggman's cycle, but he made a whole new one instead. Kit is trapped in a cycle of pain, knows he's trapped in it, and is helpless to escape it.

Tails isn't, and Kit sees that in Tails. Subconsciously, he sees Tails and only sees how he fails to live up to his life's mission, and how he'll never have what Tails has.

After all, why would anyone bother with him? They already have Tails.

Is he a target? I like it here now.

[akindplace]

Whenever my anxiety says I’m not doing enough, that I am not enough, that trying is silly and that I am an imposter and that im not good at anything, I have to remind myself that is not actually “me” saying or believing those things, it’s my anxiety trying to make me believe in them. I am not this anxiety, and I am not what it tells me I am.

The only imposter here is anxiety, and I know it exists to help me avoid dangerous things, but trying and failing, as I’ve come to realize, is not a dangerous thing that will only break my heart, because at least I tried, and gained experience. I still can try again. It also turns out I am good at a few things, and I’m not pretending, so, as I said, the only imposter here is that anxiety. Maybe I should get on with life and think about something else, then, or have a nap or eat something to see if it helps, and finally, do the stuff I want to do scared.

[cosmiccripple]

stood up in the shower today because i thought "you know what?? maybe i am faking this". nope nope nopity nope whoopsies that was a bad decision, restart body, error: stupid arse decision *siren wailing in distance*

[aroaceconfessions]

a word of advice to any worried aces or aros:

One experience or one exception (or really even a couple) to your usual lack of attraction does not automatically cancel out your identity. You're allowed to continue to identify the way you have and have that one case that's different. The only time you "need" to reconsider your label is when it no longer comforts you. Attraction is a weird and nebulous thing, and it could randomly decide it wants to bug you when it never has before. You're not a bad ace/aro for continuing to identify with it if you experience some attraction. You are not using the rest of us. You are with us, just as you had been.

Submitted May 26, 2023

[deebrisbyfish]

Heidi and I met Tauhid Bondia, creator of the AMAZING comic strip CRABGRASS, at the CXC convention in Ohio last year and have been friends online prior. In the lead-up to all this, after both getting nominations in different categories, we may have had a conversation or two expressing... anxiety. When this happened almost exactly as depicted here, I KNEW I was going to have to get his very generous permission to make a strip out of it. Also, Lynn Johnston is, in fact, AWESOME!

[mishellyuser]

Androids!

I know that they're all cyborgs, but when I say androids you instantly know what I'm talking about so no harm done

THE ORIGINAL IMAGES:

Our plan, your vision, my artistry! 🖼️✨ If you’re interested in your own personalized pieces, I’m open for commissions <3 <3 <3

[akarisandraws]

Haha rair pairs go brr ⚡️🌹

[st4riiknight]

☆ having imposter syndrome with my cane is weird☆

I went into Costco with my cane and I felt like I didn't even need it at all. I was really sitting there thinking I was faking being disabled or something. But then, when I was walking to my car and standing at the checkout, I felt like I was DYING!

I definitely need my cane, but only sometimes, like when I have random POTS flare-ups. It's so weird!

Am I the only one???

[adhd-chaos-queen]

Sometimes I can't get myself to do things even if I took my meds...

It's just so frustrating, because it makes me keep spiraling into that "what if I'm just lazy?" question.

If I can't even do it with a high dosed, brain chemnistry changing medication in my bloodstream, I couldn't do it if i was neurotypical either, right?

I have this diagnosis, I know where my difficulties lie.

I was always under the impression that I do not have Imposter syndrome.

Maybe I have it?

But what if I'm only using the imposter syndrome as an excuse???

I really and truly have no idea what is the case here.

I'm just so fruatrated, and I want to get the work done but I can't and I hate it so, so much...

[polybiiuss]

surge is so me like yes i am a green tenrec howd yknow

[k25ff]

"Kinda sus that my therapist is asking if I want to vent."

Sometimes thoughts enter my brain. This is usually regarded as a bad move. (1443)

[etherealspacejelly]

it still feels a little uncomfortable to call myself disabled. im trying to work through it but. idk i still feel like im Not Disabled Enough. perhaps because i do well at school, or because i have a disabled older brother who struggles a lot more than me, or maybe its just the internalised ableism.

at this point, i basically have a diagnosis. i just have to wait to see an actual psychiatrist. the university says there is enough evidence to provide me with additional support. on my learning support plan it says "Robin is diagnosed with ADHD and Autism". and yet it still doesnt feel real

im so used to saying "i think i might have ADHD and autism, im not sure tho!" to placate the anti-self-diagnosis crowd that now having official documents that confirm it feels. wrong.

i have autism, i have ADHD, i am disabled. i have got to get used to saying that. because it is true.

[heardatmedschool]

“Knowing that basically everyone feels the same way, even the people I always thought were better than me, is reassuring, but, shouldn’t we question why it is so commom? What is wrong with our environment that we’re in that makes us all feel like this?”

About impostor syndrome in medical school.

[wronghands1]