#sometimes I put things in drafts to remember later

[bookwyrminspiration]

went looking through my drafts and. what do i even say to this.

[silentheiss]

It starts with Shang Qinghua, as many unpleasant things do.

“Come on, Cucumber-bro,” He whines, lying on Shen Qingqiu’s floor and eating Shen Qingqiu’s snacks. “Do you have to go? You promised you’d read my draft, remember?”

“I do.” Shen Qingqiu says. “And I will. Later. I promised I’d help Binghe with his hair before he has to leave for his trip today.”

“You gotta get all the way back to the demon realm just to do his hair before he leaves again?”

“Yes.”

“Aw, bro. I’m sorry.”

Shen Qingqiu snaps his fan shut. He doesn’t like his tone.

“Why?”

“What?” Shang Qinghua blinks up at him from his position on the floor.

“Why are you sorry?” Shen Qingqiu repeats, slowly.

“Well, because you have to interrupt your evening to placate my clingy son?”

Shen Qingqiu isn’t sure what exactly about Airplane’s wording bothers him so much, but he doesn’t let it stop his ire.

“You think I prefer your company to my husband’s?” He hisses. Shang Qinghua sits up abruptly.

“Oh, shit, bro.” He mumbles, sounding apologetic. “I didn’t mean it like that. I know you love him and all.”

Does he? Not that Shen Qingqiu cares, of course, but- does he?

“Do you?”

“Yeah, it was hard to miss with all the rage comments and well, uh. Suicides?” Shang Qinghua laughs awkwardly and Shen Qingqiu opens his fan once again. “It’s just that I get that it must be hard for you to put up with his quirks sometimes?”

What quirks! Shen Qingqiu grips his fan tighter. Sure, Binghe can get a bit sticky and is prone to crying, but what’s so quirky about it? And who’s talking! As if Mobei-jun is a completely normal choice of a partner. Shen Qingqiu scoffs and moves to stand up.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He snaps. “Binghe’s perfectly normal. I enjoy spending time with him.”

“Of course you do.” Shang Qinghua nods hurriedly, also scrambling up to his feet. “Don’t be mad, Cucumber-bro. I didn’t mean to offend you!”

Shen Qingqiu know that. He didn’t mean to offend him, no. He meant to commiserate. Because, apparently, he thinks Shen Qingqiu must be tired of Luo Binghe.

“I’m leaving.” He says and promptly turns around and walks out of his own house. Binghe wouldn’t like it that he left his martial uncle in bamboo house unsupervised, but it’s either that or beating Shang Qinghua and Shen Qingqiu hasn’t yet formulated a reason inside his buzzing and spluttering mind for why he needs to do that.

Shen Qingqiu is still trying to understand what exactly about the conversation with Shang Qinghua addles him so much as he walks towards the designated meeting spot. Luo Binghe should be there soon to pick him up and take them both to the underground palace. When they last talked – just that night, in a shared dream – Luo Binghe asked if he could visit Shen Qingqiu in their bamboo house as he has some free time before he has to continue on his business, but Shen Qingqiu wanted to be alone with his husband for the short time that they would have, and he’s rarely left alone while on Qing Jing Peak.

“Shizun!” He hears, as almost reaches the stairs. He slows down, allowing Ning YingYing to catch up to him, but doesn’t stop completely. Binghe might already be waiting.

“What is it, YinYing?” He asks, smiling indulgently at his disciple.

“Why is Shizun leaving?” Ning YingYing pouts. “Didn’t he say that he’ll stay for a few days more?”

“Your Shizun will be back shortly.” Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes, but his smile is still present. See, Airplane-bro? All his disciples are sticky! Luo Binghe is not worse than anyone else. Well, if only just a little. “This Shizun just has a meeting with your shidi.”

“Ah, A-Luo is back? When will this one get to see him?”

“Luo Binghe is very busy, so he won’t be coming to Qing Jing Peak just yet.” Shen Qingqiu says, stopping at the top of the stairs and looking downward. Binghe isn’t there yet.

“So he’s stealing Shizun all to himself?” Ning YingYing pouts again, but this time her eyes are sparkling with amusement. “Isn’t A-Luo the sweetest?”

And then it dawns on Shen Qingqiu. He quickly sends Ning YingYing back and starts his trip down the stairs, lost in thought. He’s taking Shizun all to himself. You have to interrupt your evening to placate my clingy son. They say it as if it wasn’t Shen Qingqiu who insisted on meeting somewhere else, so they could be alone. As if he didn’t insist on being interrupted whenever Luo Binghe had a minute to spare during his trip.

Because even if they know that Shen Qingqiu cares for Luo Binghe, they are certain that Luo Binghe cares for him more. More to the point of being annoying, even?

Shen Qingqiu sees red. He’s furious with Airplane, of course, because he started it, but most of all he’s furious at himself. Sure, he isn’t as shameless as his husband to declare his love left and right, but did he really let his cold and aloof facade lead people to believe that he is not madly in love with his husband?

Did he lead Luo Binghe to believe that, too?

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t notice the stairs end and almost stumbles, when his foot meets the ground sooner than he anticipated. A strong arm catches him around the waist.

“Shizun.” His husband breathes out and draws him closer, hugging him as if they’ve been apart for months instead of days. Shen Qingqiu is frozen in his arms.

That’s it, isn’t it? Luo Binghe never hesitates to show his feelings. But Shen Qingqiu’s thin face is not an indicator that he loves his husband less! It’s just that-

“Shizun?” Luo Binghe leans away, arms still circling his waist. His brow is furrowed, just a bit. Starry eyes are already watering from Shen Qingqiu's lack of response. How on earth could someone not love this man with their whole heart?

“Binghe.” Shen Qingqiu says, unable to hold the question back a moment longer. “Do you think you love me more than I love you?”

Luo Binghe’s arms drop. He takes a stumbling step back. His perfect, beautiful face freezes completely, not showing a single emotion. A second later tears start rolling down his cheeks.

“Binghe?” Shen Qingqiu takes his husband’s hand and squeezes lightly. “Are you okay?”

“Shizun said-” Binghe chokes, still looking at him without as much as blinking. “He said he loves…?”

Then, the dam breaks and Luo Binghe starts sobbing in earnest. Shit. Has he ever said the L word before? Shen Qingqiu swears on his own grave – on all of his graves – to never let the shame overtake him again.

“So, you do?” He asks, heartbroken and ashamed. He truly is an abominable husband.

“I do!” Binghe cries. “Of course I do. How can there be a love greater than my love for Shizin?”

How? Shen Qingqiu would love for Luo Binghe to see his old room right now. That’d show him how.

“What about my love, huh?” He snaps, fighting an urge to stomp his foot. “Why can’t it be greater?”

Binghe must realize his mistake. He hastily wipes his face and shakes his head.

“Of course this one knows Shizun cares for him! Shizun’s shown this one so much kindness, has been so generous, and-”

“No!” Shen Qingqiu feels his cheeks grow hot. “I don’t just care for you. I love you. I love my husband.”

Luo Binghe stares at him and doesn’t say anything for a very long time.

“Shizun?” He says, finally. “Did you happen to come across any interesting plants recently?”

Oh for fuck’s sake!

“I’m not under any influence!” Shen Qingqiu huffs.

“Do you mind if I…?”

“Go for it.”

A second later Shen Qingqiu feels the blood parasites start fretting. It’s not the most pleasant feeling, but if it’ll make his husband stop humiliating him, he’ll take it happily.

“Shizun is healthy.” Luo Binghe says dumbly. “But then why would he say that?”

“Because it’s the truth!” Shen Qingqiu cries. “Why is it so hard to believe? Why do everybody, including my own husband, keep suggesting that I don’t feel as strongly about Binghe as Binghe does about me?”

“Did Liu Qingge say something?” Luo Binghe asks, eyes narrowing.

“No!” Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes. “But I’m sure he would, if he had a chance. Because apparently, I don’t look in love!”

Luo Binghe’s face is quite red, Shen Qingqiu notices.

“But they’ll see.” He continues. “Ang you! You’ll see too, Binghe.”

“I’ll see?”

“Yes.” Shen Qingqiu nods decidedly. He knows how to fanboy, okay? Binghe’s cooking and fretting and gift lavishing won’t stand a chance against Shen Qingqiu’s skill. “Take me home this instant. I have posters to paint.”

“Posters?”

“Now, Binghe!”

Luo Binghe squeaks and reaches for Xin Mo. Shen Qingqiu jumps through the portal before it even fully opens.

[lazysoulwriter]

you don’t have to do it all today. - pedro pascal.

requested! thank you. ♡ content: mentions of ADHD symptoms (overwhelm, procrastination, distraction), comfort, soft domestic Pedro, emotional support, no cure — just care.

---

There was a pile of clean laundry at the foot of the bed. Your laptop was open to three different tabs — all deadlines, all blinking cursors waiting for magic that just wouldn’t come. Your phone was next to you, but you hadn’t checked it in a while. The guilt of ignoring texts was tangled up in the shame of having done… nothing today.

And still, your brain was running. Loud. Fast. Useless.

You stared at the email draft you’d rewritten five times and still hadn’t sent. The cursor blinked like a dare.

“Baby?” Pedro’s voice floated in from the kitchen. Soft. Careful. Like he knew. “Did you eat?”

You blinked again. “What time is it?”

“Almost 3.”

Shit.

He appeared in the doorway a second later, a little furrow in his brows as he looked at you. You knew that look. You hated that look. It was gentle, but it always made your eyes sting.

“Did you get stuck again?” he asked, already walking toward you.

You nodded before you could stop yourself. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

He crouched beside you, hand sliding gently under your chin to tilt your face toward his. “Hey. Don’t do that.”

“I just— I want to do it. I do. But I open the file and then I remember I need to send that other email, and then I forget what I was doing, and the laundry’s there, and now it’s been hours and I’m still doing nothing and—”

“Breathe.” He placed a hand on your chest, right over your heart, grounding. “It’s okay.”

You breathed. You didn’t cry. Not yet.

He pressed his forehead to yours. “You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. Your brain’s just got a lot of tabs open.”

You gave a breathy laugh at that. “So many tabs.”

He smiled. “Alright. How about this — I’ll put on a timer. Fifteen minutes. We do one thing together, just one. You pick. Then we take a break.”

You hesitated. “Can it be the laundry?”

He nodded. “Perfect. I’ll even fold if you let me hold up your underwear and dramatically guess which pair’s your favorite.”

You groaned, but smiled. “Fine.”

He kissed your cheek. “There’s my girl.”

And maybe the work would still be there tomorrow. Maybe the emails would wait a little longer. But Pedro’s patience — his understanding of a brain that didn’t always cooperate — was the first thing in days that made you feel safe enough to try again.

And sometimes, that was everything.

---

✦ please do not copy, repost, or translate this work. © lazysoulwriter // i write with a lot of love and care, so please respect that.

[livelaughloveluffy]

Hiiiiii!!! I love ur writing :DDD

can I request a fic where reader is gender neutral and they always are super happy/hyper about seeing their boyfriend (monster trio) but they are quiet around others and super adorbs :)

oki thank u if u do get around to writing this :) <3

(I am feral for one piece men) 😭😭

shy reader with monster trio

a/n: thank you so much for your ask!!! i'm so sorry it took me so long to get around to, i've been buried in a bunch of drafts and busy with finals and finally remembered how long some of these requests have been sitting in my inbox 😭😭😭 i'm so happy to hear that you enjoy my work!! hopefully i do some justice to your request!!

a/n: again, i'm so so sorry for how long this took but i had lots of fun writing this!!

nothing but fluff here 💗

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monkey d. luffy

-luffy isn't the most observant people when it comes to social cues, so for awhile he didn't exactly notice how shy you were around the rest of the crew. the captain is a very busy man, and with his short attention span it wasn't often that he gets completely focused on just watching you from afar.

-when he really thought about it, he always pictured you with a wide bright smile on your face. your body practically vibrating with excitement whenever you say his name. it was hard for him to imagine you any other way.

-luffy only noticed after you were telling him a story at breakfast time, animated and giggling, suddenly become shy and soft spoken when one of the other crew members chirped up to ask you a question. his mouth full with food, watching as you diverted eye contact, lowered your voice, and bashfully answered.

-he'll immediately point it out once he notices. luffy practically chokes on his food, gasping as he shouts out "since when are you shy?!" you explain to him after breakfast that you were always shy, but somehow just not around him. he's so excited that he's the special person to bring you out of your shell, peppering your face with kisses as he tells you how adorable that is.

black leg sanji

-unlike the captain, sanji notices this trait of yours immediately. and he can't help but find it adorable. when he's not busy in the kitchen or directly spending time with you, sanji loves to just watch you do your own thing, whether that's hanging out with other members of the crew, reading on the deck, practicing combat, or anything in between.

-so when he's approaching you and robin to offer some afternoon beverages while you read, the sound of your voice, which was softer than usual, stands out to him. when the two of you are together, you're confident, not afraid to loudly proclaim in what you believe. so imagine his shock and surprise to see you meekly address your thoughts on the novel you and robin were discussing.

-seeing this other side of you is a happy surprise for sanji, and a sight he savors and commits to memory. he'll definitely bring it up later when it's just the two of you, curiosity getting the better of him.

-when you finally explain to him "i've always been pretty shy, sanji. there's just something about you that makes it so much easier to not be." sanji is so honored to be a safe space for you to be yourself, he'll kiss you on the forehead and reply "i'm happy to help, mon amour."

roronoa zoro

-he would notice instantly, but wouldn't really bring it up. zoro is the type of guy to really pay attention to his significant other. always watching them from afar, silently paying attention to their little quirks and taking note of them.

-zoro loves to sneak up on your in conversations, silently watching you while you don't notice his presence. watching as his usually bubbly partner is shy and soft-spoken without him. he'll walk over to you, putting his arm around your shoulder or on top of your head, and make some playful teasing comment about it.

-sometimes he gets a little surprised when he sees you get nervous, because he's so used to seeing you so open and honest with him, unashamed, and so utterly proud of yourself. zoro definitely makes a point to praise you and build up your self esteem. he really loves watching it pay off and slowly grow confident without him.

-zoro loves every single side of you, he has no preference to whether or not you're a bit shy. as long as you're happy and comfortable, so is he. zoro is also super good at meeting you where you are, being able to match your own vibe with ease.

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tags ♡: @3v37773 @irethepotato @dindjarins1ut @dreamcastgirl99 @acesdiary @beansluvsmilo @erose-0707 @vamphoria @twiishaa @peachycat17 @sanji-soup @lilypadmomentum @ermbehindyou @erose-0707 @suga-tofu @thepotatocatto;

want to join the taglist? click here!!

a/n: enjoyed this fic? here's my masterlist!!

[thornescratch]

It just felt good to me. My dad was right, it’s a great city, a great organization with some incredible players. And I just wanted to be a part of something special. To play in the big games in front of a packed building. I knew that was possible in Washington. Almost right away I knew I made the right decision. That summer, before the preseason started, I was at the rink getting some work in with the guys. It was great meeting everyone and the staff were amazing to me. But I remember everyone kind of saying under their breath, like, I think he’s coming in today. He might be here today. He should be here soon. I was just like, Who? And then Ovi busts in. Huge smile on his face. Looking like the happiest guy on the planet. He walked around the gym and just gave everybody the biggest hug. And, I don’t know man, he’s just bigger than life. He sets the tone. He’s Ovi.  Surreal gets used too much. But that’s the word. I remember being a kid and just being amazed by him. The smoke visor. The yellow wax laces. The jersey flying in the wind. The goal on his back. Kissing the fingers and pointing to the sky. I remember when he scored his 50th of the season in March 2009. My neighbor was actually at that game down in Tampa and she came back a few days later and ran over to our house to tell us about it. She put a stick down on the ground and did his “Stick on Fire” celly. She’s bouncing around, heating her hands on the stick.  We were all cracking up.  He was just that guy, right? Bigger than the game, in a way.

Dylan Strome just casually tossing out how he'd been at rock bottom and affected by how his draft class seemed to be blossoming without him, and then getting all excited about his new forever home and going BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY TEAMMATES AND COACH WHO ALL LOVE ME NOW, just stab me in the heart why don't you.

Bonus:

Our team, you know, I’d be lying if I said we weren’t trying all season to help him break the record. It’s been a big thing for us. We wanted him to get there so bad. Because he’s our guy, right. Even through his injury, for him to come back and just find a way to be the best player on the ice so many nights, it’s incredible. I swear, man, sometimes with Ovi it’s like, he’s more excited for you to score than when he does it himself. He’s just got this generosity to him. And we all wanted to pay it back.

Caps all season: Blah blah blah it's a long season we're totally not focused on the goal record chase. Caps: You know, we said, like liars :D

[arminsumi]

growing up with gojo satoru.

NOTE: it's a trash draft abt growing up with gojo and he had a crush on u since ever or smth idk i think it's a potential backstory for a fic?? 👍🗑️

you and satoru have known each other since you were toddlers because the gojo family and your family are very close. he was born just two years after you.

growing up, he was the richest and snobbiest and snottiest. but he could be charming if he needed to be. formal when he needed to be. just not to you, his closest friend. his only friend growing up.

satoru greatly enjoyed picking on you. he annoyed you to death. chasing you down the halls while your parents had tea together. tripping you. ruffling your hair. stealing your sweets and putting them above his head once he had hit that big growth spurt and you could no longer reach them. "accidentally" spilling tea all over your new kimonos. bringing bugs to you just to freak you out.

but that was just all the annoying childhood memories that you dwelled on. if you asked your parents, you'd hear stories of how you and satoru were inseparable; jointed at the hip, the one never strayed too far from where the other was. where you went, he followed without missing a step and vice versa. often you'd be holding hands without realizing. you remember your grandparents laughing and teasing the two of you about that many times, and then you and satoru would throw each other disgusted looks and let go of each other's hands — only to resume that fingerlocking a few minutes later. it was subconscious for him to stick so close to you.

dwelling on the bad memories detracted you from remembering all the good memories.

the times satoru comfortingly slept at your side when you stayed the night during a thunderstorm at his house. all the times he stood up for you and faced off with that brat sukuna. how suguru would console and hug you while satoru threw fists with the other boy; always, always emerging victorious and bearing a triumphant, almost cocky smirk at you. albeit with blood dribbling out of his nose. you remember sukuna always picking on you, but not in the way satoru did; he had a malicious way about it, but satoru's teasing was playful and even cute. he was tasteful with his jokes, never falling victim to crudeness or vulgarity, never genuinely offending you.

and satoru's mother really liked to bring up that satoru had a "boyish crush" on you around the ages 10 - 14. she mentioned it at dinner all the time, when he was reaching the ages of 16 - 18 it really annoyed him.

"i did not have a crush on bugface." he would always deny it. ah, that ancient nickname, the one that still got on your nerves. and it came to be all because a bug landed on your cheek one day at the riverbank and you didn't notice until satoru pointed it out and burst with laughter.

satoru was gifted. you know, a child prodigy. he was the strongest. and growing up with him, he always used his gifts and strength to protect and care for you, whether it was physically or mentally. throwing fists with people who picked on you, acting like your bodyguard at times even if a boy simply wanted to ask you out on a date. studying with you until you aced your papers so that the both of you could go to the same high prestigious high schools.

albeit he was a bit enigmatic with how he showed his care. it was in the little things. helping you out the river when you fell in when you were twelve, confronting sukuna while you cried in suguru's arms about what he had said about your family, or picking blossoms out your hair.

that last one was something he continued to do through his whole life. whenever a blossom or leaf tangled into your hair, or got caught on your clothes, satoru would very gently pluck it off. he did it so smoothly that you never noticed he was doing it. though sometimes, you'd look at him suspiciously and ask why he was standing so close to you. he'd flick his brows up and hum "nothing."

[friendship-ditch]

Enamored

Carol Aird x Fem!Reader ✼

Summary: You're Rindy's babysitter, though recently you've been finding yourself getting closer to her mother, Carol.

Warnings/Notes: None really. Slight age gap? Child with divorcing parents? Harge being an asshole? Tipsy Carol? I don't know anything about 4 year olds.

Word Count: 3420

  “They’re fighting again…” Rindy’s lips pursed into a childish pout. She clung to your sweater as you carried her up the stairs. 

  “I know, honey.” You pushed the door to her room open, closing it afterwards with your foot once the two of you were inside.

  Carol had warned you earlier that day that Harge might show up to fight with her on who got to have their daughter for Christmas. You were expecting him to come later, maybe after lunch, but the bastard snuck in without a sound and before you realized what was happening, the arguing began.

  Harge had always treated you just fine–you started babysitting Rindy right when the divorce began, after their maid left, and they were still working out who would live in the house–but you knew an argument was impending and that Rindy didn’t like it when her parents fought. Plus, Carol had mentioned to you once, during sort of an emotional burnout, that Harge was not a pretty sight when angry. You’d heard them fight before, but never like this.

  It was as if an opera was going on just below your feet in the kitchen. You couldn’t quite make out the words but you could hear them both shouting.

  Rindy’s mood dampened even further. At the age of 4, she obviously wasn’t quite sure what was going on, she just wanted her family to be how it was, happy. Now it was a blessing if she could have both of her parents at once for an hour without tension. They did their best for her sake but cruel glances and tight lips were inescapable.

  “Did you finish your Christmas list?” You watched as Rindy sat on her bed. The paper was on her little desk, scribbled in orange crayon. You told Rindy to make a draft and then the two of you would make an official, fancy one to send to Santa.

  Rindy perked up a little at the mention of the holiday, though her mood was still glum. “I think so…” Her eyes fell to the paper in your hand. “There's something else I want. But I can’t remember.” 

  You scanned the paper again. “You can’t remember?”

  “No…”

  “Hm…” The paper was covered in various toy names. You’d tried to help Rindy write on the lines but half of the paper was unusable from an apple juice spill so the writing was a bit janky. It would do, though. “Was it another toy?”

  “Yeah.” Rindy pouted again.

  There was a particularly loud shout from Harge downstairs. Rindy shuddered.

  You reached to close the vent to hopefully muffle some of the sound when the little girl spoke.

  “Are adults on the naughty list too?” Rindy asked.

  “If they behave badly, then yes.” You looked outside. “Why do you ask?”

  “Daddy told me Mommy is on the naughty list.” Rindy said in a softer tone. “But Mommy isn’t bad.”

  You couldn’t help but frown a little at that. What else had Harge been telling Rindy about Carol? You were about to ask when Carol’s angry voice sounded from downstairs and a new idea came to mind.

  “No, neither of your parents are bad. Sometimes people just say things they don’t mean.” You bent down in front of the girl and set your hands on her knees. “How about we go for a walk? You like walks in the snow, right?”

  That seemed to cure Rindy’s worries as she nodded with a silly grin.

  The two of you got dressed for the weather and left. You made a point to interrupt the fighting, which had now subdued to both of the adults standing in awkward, tense silence, Carol’s fingers to her temple and Harge pinching the bridge of his nose. They just nodded when you told them what you were doing, though once the two of you were outside you could hear them fighting again.

  The walk tired Rindy out and when you returned. Harge said goodbye to her and left, then you put the little girl to bed.

  When you finished, Carol was standing in the kitchen and staring into the sink. She heard your footsteps across the wooden floor and turned to look at you with tired eyes. 

  “I can’t thank you enough… for everything.” Carol murmured defeatedly, checking her watch. “I’ve missed my lunch…” She’d hired you to come over for the day to watch Rindy while she went out to lunch with friends but that clearly wasn’t going to happen now, not after the whole ordeal with Harge.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. You had nothing to do with it.” Carol shook your head and turned to face you. She looked exhausted. “I suppose I’ll have to call… tell them the car had a flat.” Her voice was low as she pondered an excuse. “What a horrible turnout… it’s Gabriela’s birthday…”

  You watched quietly as Carol struggled to piece together what to do. It wasn’t your place to ask questions, but you’d never seen her this way before. “Are you okay?”

  “To be honest, I’m a little frazzled.” Carol admitted softly. She smoothed her hair down and leaned back into the counter. “Dealing with Harge… it’s draining, truly. He’s been getting angrier every time I see him.”

  “What did he want?”

  Her eyes darkened. “To take Rindy with him to Florida for Christmas. His ‘mother’ requested it.” She scoffed bitterly. “As if Rindy’s own mother is lesser than her. You might as well just tell me to my face that I’m not worth anything to her.”

  “That’s awful…” Your frown deepened. 

  “Isn’t it?” Carol forced a smile. “I’m sorry you have to deal with this, I should be paying you extra at this point for everything you do. No normal babysitter puts up with this…”

  “I don’t mind.” You assured her quickly.

  “I do.” Carol sighed and turned to face the sink again as if looking in your eyes was too much to bear. “Why do you do this anyway? I’m sure my burdens are the last thing you want to carry.”

  You hesitated, thinking over the question. Carol had a point. Half of the things you did were way above your paygrade, and they certainly kept you up at night… So why did you do it?

  You couldn’t admit to her face that Carol herself was the reason you stuck around. You’d been enamored by the woman ever since you first set eyes upon her, and she’d been so kind to you, taking you in with open arms. She’d grown more distant since you first met but you couldn't blame her. 

  With everything going on with Harge, Carol was more exhausted than usual. She’d often forget you were supposed to come on certain days but welcomed you to stay for the sake of it either way. On those nights, you’d head home with a free paycheck, and usually some cookies. 

  And on the nights where she did go out and would come home late, the two of you often spent some time speaking in low voices in the living room, you offering comforting words and her soaking them in like water in a desert. She’d confessed things to you she’d told nobody else during those late nights. Instead of Harge, you’d come along with her to things at Rindy’s school or fun activities out of the house. You were there for both of them even more than Harge was.

  You liked being there for Carol, being the one solid thing she relied on.

  “Rindy’s the best kid I know.” You said instead of confessing it all. “I really like hanging out with her. I’d feel awful to leave her.”

  Carol was satisfied with that answer. Her brows softened and she took your hand into hers, giving it a firm squeeze. “You’re a sweet thing, you know that?” She murmured in a low voice. “I don’t know where I���d be without you, Y/n.”

  Heat spread across your face and you couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across your face. “It’s no problem.”

  “Look at you… an angel, truly.” Carol’s voice softened to a whisper and her eyes fell upon your face as if truly taking you in for the first time. Her gaze was so intense, like it was filling your lungs with cotton, you had to look away to breathe. When you looked back, she smiled too and squeezed your hand once more before letting go. “An angel.” She repeated, voice so soft you wouldn’t have known what she said if you weren’t gazing at her lips.

  You ended up staying until dinner before heading home. 

  It was around noon the next day that Carol frantically phoned you, going on and on about an important event that night that had slipped her mind. When you agreed to watch Rindy you could have sworn she was glowing with relief.

  You hardly saw Carol when you arrived as the second you came inside, she was out the door. But she did give you a quick kiss on the cheek, a habit she’d picked up when you were especially life saving.

  You and Rindy had a fun night of board games, mac and cheese, and her favorite movie that you caught on tv. She was out like a light at 9:00 and soon you had the house to yourself.

  When you put Rindy to bed you settled down at the piano in the study. You could’ve sworn you heard the door open but when you called, nobody replied, so you focused your study on the instrument. 

  It was only after you finished the song that you noticed Carol stood in the doorway, watching. She wasn’t sober, clearly. Her eyes were red, her dress a little rumpled and lipstick smudged, probably from downing multiple cups of rich champagne.

  “Oh, Carol, I’m sorry.” You got up quickly. “I didn’t hear you come in… how was it?”

  Carol’s hazy eyes met yours. “It was… horrible, truly. Long, exhausting speeches with no point. Crowds packed like sardines. Stupid, stupid people…” She muttered to herself, trailing off. Then suddenly: “I didn’t know you played the piano.”

  “Just as a hobby.”

  “You’re quite good.” Carol pressed her head into the frame of the door, clutching it tightly as though seeking out the cold from the wood. “I’m sorry… I drank more than I realized. I’m not the best with alcohol.”

  “Oh, it’s alright.” You were at her side within seconds. “Can I get you anything?”

  “Just… help me to the couch. I’m a little dizzy.”

  You quietly guided Carol into the living room, hand resting firm on her back. She sank into the cushions with a breath of relief, head falling back. 

  “Thank you. I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to return like this.” Carol mumbled, draping a hand over her eyes. “The champagne was too tempting to pass up.. I cannot survive a party with my nerves as frayed as they are… goodness, can you get me some water?”

  You got her a glass of water and she took it shakily, lifting the rim to her lips.

  “Much better…” Carol drank half of the glass, then set it aside. She’d sobered up a bit since sitting down. “How is Rindy? Is she asleep?”

  Just as you were about to respond, there was a thump from upstairs. Rindy had a habit of restless sleep and would often roll out of bed without even waking up.

  The two of you exchanged a glance and Carol began to rise but you set your hand on her arm. “I’ll do it.” You murmured. She didn’t bother arguing.

  You went back upstairs and, as expected, Rindy was now asleep on the floor, wrapped tight in a fuzzy flannel blanket. You scooped her back up and tucked her into bed.

  You stopped on the stairs back down, fingers quietly clasping around the railing. Carol was standing now over by the window. Her shoulders were shaking softly and you could hear whimpers. 

  You knew that you should probably go back upstairs and give her a few minutes of peace but you couldn’t. It was like your feet were glued to the stairs… and when they weren’t, you were walking towards her.

  Carol didn’t turn to face you this time, one hand clasped over her mouth to muffle her sobs.

  Her sweater was warm beneath your hand. You traced your thumb across the pattern, feeling the soft grain of it. She pressed her back into your palm and sniffled.

  “I don’t know what to do…” Carol whispered to you, sounding fully sober now. “Everything’s falling apart.”

  “Is it Harge?”

  “Harge, Rindy, Abby, everything…” Carol’s voice cracked. “Anything I do only makes it worse. Maybe… maybe Harge is right… that I’m not good for Rindy.”

  The simple admission sent her bursting into sobs. Broken, pained and guttural sobs.

  “Don’t say that.” You slowly slipped your arms around her, holding her from behind. You’d hugged her before but this felt more intimate than ever… you just hoped she couldn’t feel your racing heart.

  Even if she could, Carol said nothing as she leaned back into you. She looked over her shoulder and sniffled, mascara running down her face. “You don’t need to lie to me, Y/n… I-I know what’s best for my baby, and it’s n-not me.”

  “No, no…” You cooed softly, squeezing her middle as you held her tight from behind. “Carol, Rindy needs her mother, and you’re the best mother she’s got.”

  The older woman sniffled, then gently grabbed your arm. You loosened your grip around her and she turned to face you, then pulled you into her arms and buried her face into your neck.

  You held her as she cried, rocking her from side to side as you rubbed her back. She sobbed her heart out, a little more emotional than usual from the alcohol in the system, but mostly because of the exhaustion of the growing weight on her shoulders. There was nowhere else she could go, nobody else to turn to, but you.

  “I’m horrible…” Carol whispered against your shoulder. 

  “Not at all.” You murmured softly, moving one hand to gently twirl the ends of her hair with a shake of your head. “You’re wonderful.”

  “You’re just lying to make me feel better.”

  “No. I’m not.”

  Carol slowly lifted her head to meet your gaze, her eyes teary and red. “Why… Why are you so good to me?” Her whisper was broken and sad. “I-I don’t… I don’t understand.”

  “Because you’ve only ever been good to me.” You whispered soothingly. Your hand slipped beneath the sleeve of your shirt and you wiped the tears from her face with the fabric. 

  “I’ve deceived you as well. then.” Carol whimpered pathetically. “I’m horrible, y/n. I’m so sorry…”

  “Stop it with that.” Before you realized what was happening, your palm was against her warm, damp cheek. You weren’t sure if the blush across her face was from crying or your actions but you didn’t pull away. With your thumb, you gently caressed the side of her face. “You’re not horrible.”

  “I-I…”

  “You’re not.” You insisted. “Say it.”

  Carol’s lips trembled and she pressed her cheek further into your hand. With a sniffle, she opened her mouth. “I’m not… I’m not horrible.” She choked out weakly.

  “There you go.” You smiled. You brushed her hair out of her face and smoothed it back down. “It’s easier to believe if you say it.”

  The older woman hiccuped softly and closed her eyes. A few more tears fell down her face and were quickly wiped away by your caring hand. She took a deep shaky breath, then opened her eyes again to meet yours. “...drinking makes me emotional.” Her words were half truth, drinking did in fact make her emotional, but even without the drinks she probably would’ve broken down.

  “That’s okay.” You chuckled, loosening your grip on her waist. She was about to let go of your shoulders but stopped.

  Her face was inches from yours, her soft, trembling breath on your face as she stared into your eyes with an odd look on her face, as though you’d just taught her something unheard of. Her lips trembled again and she blinked rapidly, then leaned a little closer. 

  “Y/n…” The tip of her nose brushed against yours. One of her hands found the back of your head.

  “Carol…” You whispered in return, feeling your heart lurch. You shouldn’t be doing this, really. This was the last thing Carol needed. She was tipsy and an emotional wreck, you were just an outlet for her to take her pain out on. You should pull away.

  But you couldn't bring yourself to do so. The desperation in her eyes was clear. She was begging you without words, yet you could hear just what she’d say in your mind.

  You’d never been kissed before. You slowly leaned your head forward until it was hardly an inch away from hers, then you stopped.

  Taking the hint, Carol closed the gap between the two of you.

  You never wanted to pull away from the kiss. The second her lips found yours, your eyes fluttered shut and she sank into you like every bone in her body turned to liquid. It was a sweet kiss, warm, longing, yet oddly affectionate. Your heart nearly leapt out of your chest and if you weren’t responsible for keeping Carol from falling onto the floor, you would’ve swooned.

  Her hands found their way into your hair, gripping the locks gently and holding your head against hers. She kissed you with a strange ferocity, both velvet and electric. If she hadn’t run out of breath, she wouldn’t have pulled away.

  Carol slowly and reluctantly broke the kiss, straightening herself back up. There was a different look in her eyes now, the haze of worry and depression now replaced with the softest lust and the warmest relief. The kiss rejuvenated her. She could stand on her own now, though she kept her hand on your arm.

  “Thank you.” Carol whispered before planting a kiss on your forehead. She offered you a small little smile and dusted herself off. You fixed her hair. Then she took a step back, a little wobbly once more. “I should… go to bed. I fear I’ll be rather sick tomorrow.”

  “Drink lots of water.” You finally managed to rasp, earning a laugh from the older woman.

  “I will, I promise.” She nodded. “Your money is on the table… should I call a cab?” Her eyes fell to the window. It was snowing outside. Most cab drivers weren’t fans of driving from here to the city and back in this weather. “Perhaps it would be best if you stayed.”

  If it weren’t for the tone in her voice, you wouldn’t bat an eye. You’d stayed over plenty of times before when the hours slipped past you, often falling asleep on the couch and waking up to a blanket over your body or gratefully accepting her invitation to stay in the guest room. But this time it was different.

  Carol’s eyes lingered on you a moment longer than necessary. “Would you be a dear and stay, Y/n? I’m sure I’ll be a wreck tomorrow… having you to take care of Rindy would be a blessing.”

  “I’d love to stay.” You nodded.

  “Sweet thing…” Carol murmured, grip tightening on the railing of the stairs. She pressed herself into the wall for a moment. “I don’t suppose you’d bring a glass of water and some pain killers to my room? I need to lay down…”

  “Go lay down, I’ll be there in a moment.” You nodded. Carol called a faint ‘thank you’ before ascending upstairs to her room. You quickly grabbed the items of her request and followed her trail, hesitating in front of her door. Then you nudged it open.

  Carol was laying in bed in a nightgown. She smiled sleepily as you stuck your head in the room and beckoned you with one hand. “I haven’t had the time to tidy the guest bedroom.”

  “That’s alright, I don’t mind.” You set her treasures down on the nightstand, reaching to tuck her in.

  “I do.” Carol’s fingers lightly wrapped around your wrist. “Stay… won’t you?”

  How could you deny her? Every word from her mouth only enamored you more. With a soft smile and red face, you joined her in bed, feeling yourself get enveloped in the lavish sheets and warm arms.

[lemonstars8583]

hello 😈😈 uhh ppl are gonna see this and be like “huh” but i don’t ❤️ care very much at all ❤️

so remember that CTW AU is posted abt well here’s where bonbon is 😭 !! hooraaay!!

there’s that weird minigame in into the pit (the game) that has bonbon so i was like okay in this AU millie isn’t even dead so like. that minigame wouldn’t exist but what if… bonbon… in real life instead..

so Oswald finds bonbon deactivated in the weird ballpit world (and yes i have an explanation for this i’ll leave it under the cut as well as some extra info), accidentally wakes him up, and bonbon does not fucking like him but he’s like “okay you’ve been here before and left?? let’s make a deal i’ll help you survive and you get me the fuck out of here”. so it’s like a reluctant alliance turned eventual friendship.

TLDR: Freddy gets in a fight with baby, badly injured, thrown out, taken in by Jeff’s Pizza when it was a bit more popular, kids climb on him daily and eventually break his arm off, bonbon falls into ballpit and freddy can’t find him. he gets thrown out again because kids have trashed him. a few years pass while he’s stuck in the junkyard and bonbon is unconscious in the ballpit world in the past. Oswald finds him and they

If that sounded interesting here’s the full ramble ⬇️⬇️

Considering one of bonbon’s functional purposes on funtime freddy being a lookout (bonbon is described as “parental tracking/360 pivot” on freddy’s blueprints.) I think he’d use that to help Oswald and act as a lookout, keeping track of where threats are and informing him when one’s coming closer and from what direction. he would try to trick him sometimes out of pure mischief though.

also i think bonbon himself probably wouldn’t have that “kill kids when they’re alone” programming just because he’s so small so he wouldn’t get the job done quickly, he would probably only tell freddy “hey nobody’s around, get that kid” so with freddy not even there he isn’t much of a threat to Oswald unless he chooses to be.

AAANYWAY how bonbon got in the ballpit ❤️ keep in mind a lot of this is entirely from my brain. at this point we’re getting into “entirely canon divergent” levels of AU so be warned

i thought it would be funny if freddy and cb got into a fight and cb just beat the shit out of him. based on 2 things: 1. the fight when they kicked baby out of the ennard hivemind and 2. a roblox rp i was in 😭😭 LOLL it wasn’t a serious rp (at least not on my end, i think the person playing CB was being for real) but it was so funny i loved it

SO anyway i figured the only reason they were able to beat baby was because it was all the funtimes working together and because they were kind of all equally distributed in ennard. i think if it was just funtime freddy trying to fight circus baby he would 100% lose she’s like a foot taller than him

so freddy gets his shit rocked, and management is like “we’re done with this guy he sucks” and throws him out. Jeff’s Pizza picks him up like “hell yeah weird mascot thing” and puts him in the ballpit room to stand there and let kids climb on him. eventually because he’s still pretty broken his arm breaks off from the weight of a bunch of kids hanging on it and it falls into the ballpit. later on he goes looking for his arm and bonbon and can’t find either of them.

the pizza place ends up throwing him out because the kids are just trashing him and he ends up in the junkyard where millie’s grandpa finds him years later. I’d imagine in that time he would become an urban legend of sorts, wandering around looking for things nobody can find, and taking the life of the occasional kid who’s out past their bedtime. He’d become more jaded and cynical instead of his former silly self during this time too.

HI GUYS FUTURE LEMON HERE i had this in drafts and now im looking at it again. there’s a detail i forgot! while time passes in the ballpit world, no time passes in the real world 😃 fuck! SOO that kinda fucks this story up but ALSO. this is an AU. i can do what i want. and i don’t think the story will be too horribly affected if i just disregard that? so that’s what im doing 👍

[moviememokeeper]

this is mostly self indulgent but--

im a person who has really bad memory and ive been thinking about how ironic it was that i liked reca (major understatement) since hes a memokeeper who probably remembers everything hes ever known. so ive been thinking: what if he had a s/o with really bad memory? this has probably been thought of before but i THINK i have only seen few things about it.

hed be perfect honestly and damn if i dont need someone who can and will remind me of everything i forget like taking my very important meds. or preventing me from accidentally skipping meals. or even sleeping at the right hour because i completely lack a sense of time.

but it also feels super bad to forget everything and even things you actively want to remember like bonding moments. so he would definitely take SO many photos and videos of you and keep them in a super secret stash to show you later. or put 200% of his effort into making the most love filled movies about you and him painted in the most beautiful light- and his bias toward you really shows because theyre always the movies people discuss the most. (i dont know if he would be That biased but its a silly thought. if you want to make it sillier imagine him putting so much effort that he comes home physically disheveled lol)

feel free to add thoughts... its 4 am and im so sleepy it took me 30 mins to make this coherent enough to undsrstand but reca is roaming in my brain rrrrg mr. recaaaaa...

So, I wrote a response to this back when I first received it, but then my dumbass forgot to save it in my drafts 😭

ANYWAY

This is honestly so real, I’m forgetful asf as well 😭

- He’d leave sticky notes all over the house in places he KNOWS you’ll find it to remind of you of important stuff

- the sticky notes also contain a lot of little heartfelt messages <3

- And SO. MANY. NICKNAMES. He’s the type to constantly call you “darling” “love” “sweetheart” etc. he also comes up with very ridiculous nicknames sometimes to make you laugh, they get worse as times goes on

- little texts/phone calls throughout the day to see how you’re doing and remind you of stuff

As for bigger events

Like you said this man definitely has a huge stash of photos and videos

- he keeps little things he finds during your dates (for example a pebble, a keychain, etc.) as little reminders of what you guys did together

- he also compiles all his pictures into a scrapbook

- It details when the picture was taken, what you guys were doing, his thoughts on said day, and a whole lot of compliments

- he doesn’t get upset if you forget something, he just thinks of new ways to help you remember y’know

- ALSO with him being a memokeeper, what’s stopping him from playing his own memories of the event like a movie for you to watch?

This man is a hopeless romantic I swear

[alibasnur]

My Friend's Widow

Pair: Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Words: 700-ish

Warning: Written in Sebastian's POV, angst, mention of sexual act, major character's death

Author's note: This has been sitting in my draft and i impulsively decided to post it before going to bed

“Today, I brought in some flowers for my friend’s widow. I cut them a little messier, just like how her blind husband used to do when he was alive. 

It was always both of them in that little house as the couple had no child. I remember how she used to tell me that she wanted several of them. But her husband despised the idea of having any at all. She must have loved him so much that she had a change of heart.

 

I wished she had given me the same mercy back then. She used to be my betrothed before she was my friend’s wife. I loved her and I treasured her in the best way that a foolish boy could do. I made a grave mistake of falling back into a deed that I had promised her not to step in, which also caused me and my friend to have a falling out.

Two years after that, I received the news about their marriage. I had never seen a bride so beautiful that it hurt me. A precious, blushing bride laughing in his husband’s arm. So beautiful, but she wasn’t mine.

It grew unbearable to simply look her in the eyes. I didn't stay much longer, just a simple congratulations and then I set off.

But I was glad. My heart sank so much that I didn’t have the strength to pick up a wand and set that wedding arch on fire. At least I didn’t make that mistake anymore. 

I knew what I’m capable of in my worst temper. But that time, I didn’t want to be the reason for her to cry. I wanted to be good for her. No matter how much I’m aching and suffering for it. 

I could be Merlin had she asked for it. But no, she wanted him instead.

I got struck by a high fever and in my sleep, I called for her name. A few days later, I picked myself up, forced myself some stale pieces of bread and water and I didn’t know why and what for.

Sometimes, It still terrified me to see her in the finest witches I came across. It was a bitter reminder that somehow I still belonged to her. She could live a life without me and I would be the one trying to numb myself from the hurtful thought of what things could’ve been.

At one point, a few years later, I could open the drawer and see the ring that she had so coldly returned with only a little sentiment. I thought that I had made up my mind. I thought that I could listen to someone speak of her, and feel no sting.

But as soon as the news of my friend’s passing was at my door, I came as quickly as a gust of wind. I found her, looking at me behind her mourning veil. Her arms reached out to me, and as I held her, I could feel every single wall I had built shatter. She said that she needed me to stay. So I stayed. 

She would call for me on her loneliest nights, I warmed her bed when it felt cold and empty, and I’ll do it gladly. After years of suffocating, I got to breathe her in. At this point, I would take anything. Her lips, her loving gaze, her skin that I could caress, even though she would call for her late husband’s name as I drove her to the peak. It felt like a stab through the chest, but I said nothing. The heartache that she inflicted on me felt as if it redeemed me, that maybe, i would be deserving of her again.

I would wait so patiently, until she comes to love me again. If not soon, then the year after. I would try to read the look on her face, behind that black, sheer lace of a veil, searching for a sign, waiting for it in every word that ever came out of her lips.

So I counted days of the year, but as my heart started to grow weary, today, she put her mourning dress back into the wardrobe, and she stared at me so lovingly that I couldn’t be mistaken.”

[0viraptoraskblog]

I really admire you for your fanfincs! And I really want to write my own ones but I'm really insecure about my writing skills, do you have any advice?? (I love your blog)

Thank you so much!! ^^

First off, my main advice would just be to start writing. Remember that the first draft can always be changed/made better later, it doesn’t have to be good to begin with! So write anything— word vomit your thoughts onto the page. Maybe that’s bullet points of what you want to happen, maybe it’s random thoughts, maybe it’s one scene that won’t happen until chapter 3; you can’t edit a blank page. Try and remember that it can and will get better as you go! Also, you don’t necessarily have to post what you write— you can write for yourself! But any kind of writing is practice, so you can’t go wrong with starting.

Remember, fan fiction is something you do for fun, for free, either to share with the fandom or just for your own hobby. That means it doesn’t have the same standards as a published book. What I mean is: fan fiction is allowed to be ‘bad’. I don’t think any writing is ever bad, there’s just different skill levels. You don’t have to be the best writer on earth to make fanfic. No matter your skill level, everyone starts somewhere, and taking the leap of starting means you’ll only get better from now on!

I know it can be intimidating to put your work out there for others to read, sometimes I still feel that way (there are a lot of times when I don’t think my writing was good enough either, but if I have no better ideas, I just go for it). But generally the fanfic community is very welcoming and supportive of all kinds of writers!

Some general tips I have as well:

Read other people’s stuff! Reading work from others, especially fan fiction, can help you get a feel for the tone you want. Don’t copy it directly of course, but use other people’s writing as inspiration! It’ll help you figure out what format you like best (first, second or third person, present or past tense, etc).

As for wording, I definitely recommend wordhippo! It’s a website that can help you with all things vocabulary, including finding synonyms and rhyming words.

(If you’re planning on posting your fics) if it makes you more confident in the end product, maybe consider finding a beta reader! That’s someone who goes through your work once it’s done to look for typos or offer any last minute advice/changes. It might help you be more ready to show it off to a larger audience. It’s not necessary though— if you’d rather do it all yourself, you can! That’s what I do, and I just have multiple courses of editing.

Ultimately, I can’t tell you how to feel about your writing skills, but I can say that you’re probably better than you think, and everyone starts somewhere! I’m rooting for you ^^

[adachimoe]

A long and meandering post about Adachi and the Investigation Team

I have no idea what to title or describe this as. This is a long ass rambling 2.5k+ word post that consists of like 5 drafts I had sitting around that all felt somewhat related. It starts with the part where the Investigation Team tells Adachi to get over himself, then devolves into talking about Adachi punching himself in the face repeatedly (metaphorically), before ending by exploring the idea of Adachi as the Investigation Team's collective Shadow. it rly is tl;dr.

Adachi will remember that

At one point in Magatsu Inaba, the Investigation Team takes turns responding to Adachi in verbal turn-based combat. They all have varying responses and levels of understanding of him.

Chie doesn't understand why Adachi even became a cop, Rise thinks he's full of shit, Kanji tells him a 2008 version of "go kys" (tbf, he's never been eloquent with words), Yukiko tells Adachi that he sounds like a kid, Naoto calls him out for finding life annoying while being a damn annoyance, and Yosuke tells him he's just a criminal.

What Yukiko says to him in particular appears to sting Adachi, evident by how he "!" emotes in reaction to her. Or idk maybe he's secretly into getting bullied by women. I think Yukiko has Adachi's number here, and he knows that. After all, part of his schtick is that, "Oh, you stupid fuckin' kids, you don't know what I've been through or how I feel! Get off my dungeon lawn!!!" And yet, one of those stupid kids is able to tl;dr his life, and even says, "no u -- you're the stupid kid" back at him. He later even repeats what she said back at Sho during Ultimax.

What Yukiko says here, I think, stands out in particular not just because of Adachi's reaction but also because it resembles a sentiment found in other media: The contradiction of being alive while not "truly" being alive. This often goes like so: A character can be alive in that they are most certainly physically living and breathing, but they are largely closed off from the rest of the world and going through the motions. Thus they are said to not truly "be alive".

In the context of Persona 4, I believe Adachi fits in with this trope. As Yukiko has assessed, life sucks, but it's not like he's in any hurry to die. From what we see of Adachi in the plot, he's going through the motions. He wakes up, goes to his job, goes to Junes to bum free air conditioning, and sometimes gets dragged over to Dojima's house.

I don't think it's bad that people fall into these routines by default. Some find them comforting, some appreciate the simplicity, and some make up for the monotony of adult life with the more fascinating things they do outside of work.

But this doesn't feel like it applies to Adachi because he openly groans about his life and job. He seems to want to live and fit in with society, but he wants to do so with more than what he has right now, yet he also seems unwilling or unable to get what he wants. He also seems unwilling to put in the effort - he tells us he's lonely and wants a girlfriend, but when the old woman from his Social Link tries to hook him up with a girl, he finds it all annoying. He thinks of himself as an elite detective who is above Inaba, but he is regularly made out to be incompetent, sloppy, and careless.

It's like he's stuck but not doing anything to become unstuck. Following the tropes, Adachi would move from being a character who is "alive without really being alive" to "Truly Living" once he figures out how to get himself un-stuck. If he truly wants to be a hotshot detective in the big city with a smokin' hot wife, then something needs to change because he won't get those things as he is now.

But how does Adachi approach the subject of "change"? (Spoiler: Not well.)

Maybe the world really is just a shitshow?

Adachi being exposed as the murderer is a major turning point for the murder investigation. And after the Investigation Team chases him into the TV, one of the many things he talks about is "change", or rather a lack of change.

As far as Adachi is concerned, the world can't / won't / doesn't change. He criticizes the world and its inability to change, how society works, and how people will latch to whatever you tell them as the truth.

Some things he says might resonate with us, especially nowadays with the spread of social media and misinformation. However, despite these criticisms, it sounds like he still desires to be part of society. (Yes, I know, this sounds like that one "We should improve society somewhat" comic, but Adachi did not want to "improve society" lbr LOL.) He has been trying to blend in as a normal guy since April despite being a murderer. I think it's worth reiterating that his complaints about his life weren't anarchist but more like, "I don't have a cute girlfriend who cooks for me." Furthermore, he was trying to take advantage of misinformation to get away with murder by pinning it on Namatame.

Adachi doesn't like the current world and doesn't think it will change. Thus, he is forcing it to change in a completely catastrophic way. He really is throwing a tantrum: Like, what, you can't get away with murder? All right, throw the whole world away. With this approach, it is not Adachi who must change to fit in with the world, but rather the world that must change to fit Adachi.

Change isn't a good subject with him, which, honestly, is relatable. Change is easier said than done. Even within Persona 4 itself, after getting Magical TV Powers, an event that feasibly might add spice to one's life!!, the same old routine still runs Adachi's life. What has changed is that he's now waiting for Namatame to kill someone. Showing up looking for a dead body in the shopping district is simply a new part of his routine.

This topic of Adachi and change gets wrapped up after the fight against Amenosagiri. Adachi challenges the Investigation Team: >>>If<<< they think they have the power to change the future, then do it.

After entering the TV World, Amenosagiri responds to Adachi's wish and makes his wish come true as the dungeon deadline bad ending shows. That was Adachi's own so-called power to change the future. So what is the Investigation Team's?

Yosuke then replies that everyone has the power to change their future. As in, you don't need special powers from a gigantic disco eyeball inside of a TV to do that. In context, Yosuke is telling Adachi, "This is a 'you' problem," or "Skill issue." And tbh, I think Yosuke is more or less correct here.

In which we revisit the topic of "dumbass" and effort

In some ways, this topic might seem odd to approach. Everyone on the Investigation Team - besides Chie - seems to have a better life situation than Adachi had when he was their age. Are they punching down? Perhaps it feels like a hollow reflection of the collectivist culture that the solution to these antagonists who go "BUT SOCIETY IS WHAT IS WRONG" is always to beat them up and force them to conform--

…..but hold on. That line of thought would be giving in to what Adachi says before his boss battle. And, based on how he quits talking about how "waaah society is unfair" afterward, I find it difficult to think that is what he genuinely believes about his situation.

When I suggest that Yosuke is correct, I don't mean this in a "You aren't special, Adachi, everyone else's life sucks too, just deal with it" kind of way. What I have in mind is how the game seems to support that this is an Adachi problem, not an everyone else problem. Throughout Adachi's Social Link, his other interactions, and what Atlus has said as meta / Word of God answers, you get the idea that people were trying with Adachi, but he wasn't meeting them halfway.

For example:

This entire post is about the effort the MC puts in just to get called a dumbass (though I'd bet that the protag considers Adachi calling him a dumbass to be like a Badge of Honor). Even their gay ass Fever Time in P4D tells the story of Yu trying to reach out and Adachi going, "No!!!"

The old woman in his Social Link is trying to wingwoman for him and hook him up with women in Inaba, but Adachi seems unwilling. Instead, he tells Nanako and the protagonist that he's never getting married. Despite his loneliness, he justifies himself by saying, "Marriage is the graveyard of a man's life."

The Dojima family and Adachi interact briefly throughout the game, both in the story scenes and in his Social Link. As his letter at the end of the game shows, Adachi felt lukewarm about their interactions because he wasn't quite aware of what he had with them until he no longer has their company.

The way I see it, when Adachi rants about the world not changing, he is not actually bitching about the world. Rather, this feels more like a form of projection. He says the world doesn't change, but perhaps he is talking about himself and his own inability to change. Which would reframe it as more like… He knows he's the issue that holds himself back - his own worst enemy, perhaps - but he says the world is wrong to justify himself.

You learn a bit about Adachi through his Social Link. During rank 6, in dialogue that can tragically be missed, Adachi will admit that he is lonely, but he also thinks it's easier that way. And really, easier is just another way of saying "less effort".

On one hand, this might show Adachi's annoyance with other people. But at the same time, for him to call the protagonist a dumbass for investing so much in him and their relationship, for him to pass up the matchmaking from the older woman at Junes while complaining about being single....... I think the unspoken bit here is that Adachi does not think he is worth the time or effort to begin with. His lack of effort isn't just him being annoyed with people or not giving a shit about things, it's a lack of effort into himself. I'm no expert, but I think the majority of us would wager that this is depression.

As the game's timeline unfolds, we really only know Adachi as the pathetic, silly murder guy. Did he start distancing himself from people and quit caring about the effort he puts into himself because of the "oops, I murdered someone" part? Or was he like this even before then?

When he talks more about his past, he doesn't go into a great amount of detail. But, going with my gut here, I get the feeling that Adachi's obsession with Mayumi - something from before he became a murderer - suggests his distance from people is not a new thing for him.

Consider: Meeting people? Forming relationships? Possibly getting rejected? Having to make someone else happy? Wh-What if he has to ch-change something about himself? Like, even before we talk about romance, how the hell do you even make friends as an adult? (The answer is BL btw. Go find some girlies who ship the same pairing.) I think Adachi said fuck it to all that bullshit. It'd be easier - less effort - for him to just be alone and not have to change anything about himself.

But… What if the magical TV just tells you exactly who your soulmate is? Well, shit, that's easy. For the lonely guy who just got transferred to Inaba and generally keeps his distance from people, I imagine it would be quite convenient to just be told, "This is who your soulmate is; the person you're meant to be with".

And that wouldn't be the last time Adachi gets a freebie from the TV. It happens again in December, as Adachi finds an again "easy" solution that does not involve changing himself or doing something annoying that requires effort from him. Having been enabled by the magical TV, Adachi is something of a static character.

Adachi is the Investigation Team's Shadow

In the P4G Premium Fan/Fun/Fsomething book, Atlus defines the Shadow by the Jungian definition, then talks about how the Shadows in-game represent "alternate possibilities" for the characters. The specific example it gives is how Chie's Shadow holds a great deal of animosity towards Yukiko. The real Chie doesn't feel this way towards Yukiko; in fact, she treasures her. Thus, Chie's Shadow is an alternate possibility.

When you look at Chie and what she says about accepting her Shadow, her Shadow seems to be born from a real insecurity (her jealousy of Yukiko) and part of it really does resemble Chie. But part of her Shadow is also this… caricature-esque thing. Hence why Atlus calls it the "alternate possibility". In turn, Chie accepts that she is jealous of Yukiko, but she does not accept the Banana Hat Dominatrix trying to exert control over Yukiko. She even realizes that rather than Yukiko needing her, it was actually her who needed Yukiko.

(I refuse to carry on with this train of thought further than talking about Atlus's own example with Chie because it would inevitably mean having to talk about how Atlus sees Kanji and Naoto's issues/Shadows/dungeons, and I'd need like bottles of wine to get in the mood to even type a paragraph of that.)

During her P4G winter Social Link scene, where her Persona evolves, Chie brings up Adachi and how she could have become him. She continues that anyone could have turned out like him.

Indeed, Adachi very much feels like a, "this could happen to anyone" character. He is an everyday normal guy who accidentally gets involved in something beyond him: a Like a Dragon side story NPC stuck in a game about high schoolers and friendship. Based on how you see these characters, you can correlate many of their issues to Adachi's own issues.

Really, in some ways, he feels like he was written to be the sum of the Investigation Team's insecurities, all bundled into one guy. In the case of Chie in particular, just as she was jealous of Yukiko and other girls, Adachi is jealous of what others have (especially Namatame, it seems), and he reflects that aspect of Chie.

As Chie's Shadow twisted her jealousy of Yukiko into a desire to control Yukiko and showed an alternate possibility for who Chie could have become if she had let jealousy consume her, perhaps Adachi shows an alternate possibility for who all of them could become.

As Amenosagiri later reveals, the truth torments the Shadows. Your party identifies that is what causes the Shadows to attack people.

When we consider how the game has gone until now, then those moments where the Investigation Team told their Shadows, "You're not me!" must be the moment that Amenosagiri was describing. The members of the Investigation Team come face to face with a being who claims to be them and seems aware of the same issues that gnaw at them. But these beings pervert their issues issues in a direction that doesn't reflect who the Investigation Team really are. And so they challenge that this being is truly them. They, sigh, "reach out to the truth", and it causes their Shadows to go nutso and attack.

And, of course, these repeated scenes where they tell their Shadows all lead up to the last time we see this kind of sequence...

Just as the Investigation Team had to face themselves and pick apart the truths from the caricature, they, too, come to face Adachi and cut through the bullshit, deny his attempts to justify why it's okay for him to merge the TV World into reality and screw everyone over, and reject him just as they did their Shadows.

That said, though, if we are to compare him to their Shadows, then we must acknowledge that, much like how the Investigation Team's Shadows come from their own real insecurities, Adachi's frustrations with the Investigation Team and with the world at large must also come from something real.

On this screenshotted line in particular, he even uses the more masculine "ore" as his pronoun in Japanese. He usually uses the more boyish "boku", but he seems to swap to "ore" to indicate that he is speaking quite genuinely--or perhaps speaking from the heart.

While he is a whiny murderer throwing an apocalyptic tantrum, I'm sure there are circumstances that made him the person that he is as an adult. Tbh, I've already made a lot of posts talking about the factors that might have contributed to *why* he feels like this, so I won't drag this out further.

By Arena Ultimax, Adachi has come to accept the murder case as the inciting incident that causes him to change as he finds himself finally owning up to his actions from the previous year. He's no role model lol, but life now has more meaning to him than just something you go through every day. Perhaps it's at this moment that he can be said to have gone from merely being alive to living.

(Let's be real tho, jail gives you 3 non-cup noodle meals per day? Damn. It's like he's living his best life. Speaking of which, food feels like such a fitting metaphor for his emotional nourishment.)

In the aftermath of the dungeon and the almost-end-of-the-world, Adachi agreed to start playing by the rules, and became more of a dynamic character. At the beginning of Ultimax, Adachi's commitment to this gets questioned as Yu, Yosuke, and Chie find him allied with Sho (like 5 cutscenes after Yu is so confidant he's behaving himself too, tsk tsk). But Yu reaches the roof, hears Adachi's cringe ass dialogue (I'm pretty sure that Adachi would not have said half that shit if he had known Yu was standing around the corner), and reaffirms his belief that Adachi was genuine about his promise to play by the rules.

The Investigation Team are not on the best of terms with Adachi. Regardless, they went into his dungeon, called him out on his bullshit that had been mixed in with his own real shortcomings and insecurities, punched him, and as we can tell by Ultimax, came to accept him in their own ways as they did their individual Shadows. As Yu says, perhaps they have strangely enough decided to trust in Adachi.

[bubblyi3]

Eventually, Summer PART 6 | MYG

"sometimes love leaves quietly. sometimes it stops texting back.”

pairing: yoongi x female reader

genre: coming of age, grumpy x sunshine trope

word count: 2.8k

content warning: fluff, angst

summary: you’re the town's ray of sunshine. always smiling, always talking, always trying to make people feel at home in your little seaside café. min yoongi? not so much. when a local community project forces you both to co-run a weekly open mic night at the café. yoongi starts to open up. slowly. grudgingly. beneath his cold, quiet exterior is a guy with big dreams, old scars, and a love for music he hasn’t touched in years. and behind your sunshine smile is someone who’s just as scared of being left behind.

author's note: so dedicated that i decide to publish this on my lunch break at work:’) i have the last part in my drafts and might post it later today <3 pls send me feedback, thoughts, opinions. would appreciate it heaps:)

© disclaimer: please do not copy, translate or reproduce any part of this work without my permission. thank you!

PART 1 || PART 2 || PART 3 || PART 4 || PART 5

You were his past, the love that he couldn’t let go of. He had tried and he had convinced himself that he needed to move on. That he needed to focus on his career, on the group, on the life he was now living. He had been living a lie for so long. He told himself that he was happy. That he was doing the right thing. That this world, with all its noise, would be enough to drown out the emptiness in his chest. But nothing was enough. Nothing except you. He missed you every damn day

Every time his mind wandered to you, he couldn’t help but feel that you were still the one who held his heart. But that wasn’t something he could bring into his new life.

Not with everything he had built. Not with the expectations he had to meet.

Yoongi's POV:

He hated goodbyes. Always had.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t text you until he was already past check-in, past security, standing still while the rest of the world moved around him.

The others were talking. Laughing a little. Saying things to keep the weight off the moment. But Yoongi barely heard them.

His hands were in his pockets. His eyes on the floor.

And his heart was at your doorstep.

The message he sent you was simple. Too simple.

“I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye. But I didn’t want to make it harder either. Thank you… for everything.”

He stared at the text after he sent it. Wondering if it sounded as empty to you as it did in his head. He could have said more. Should have said more.

But how do you put years into words? How do you say “I love you” and “I’m sorry” and “wait for me” in the same breath?

You don’t. You just leave.

All of a sudden, a shout cracked through the air like thunder.

“YOONGI!”

His head snapped up. He knew that voice, even before he saw you. You stood behind the glass doors. Eyes wild, breath heaving, like you had just fought the whole town to find him.

His name on your lips shattered everything. Time blurred and the voices behind him slowly starts to fade. Yoongi didn't think, he just moved. He pushed through the checkpoint without permission. Going past security, past the staff trying to hold him back. He only stopped when you were right there in front of him. So close he could see the tears in your eyes.

“I thought you weren’t coming,” he said. His voice cracked. His throat was dry.

“I almost didn’t,” you said softly. “But I couldn’t let you go without telling you—”

He couldn’t even breathe. He hadn’t realised how badly he needed to see you until you were right there. Hoodie half-zipped, hair messy from the wind, lips trembling from the rush. He wanted to remember you just like this. So he reached up, pulled the chain from around his neck. Held it in the space between you.

“I want you to have this,” he said. You stared up at him.

“Yoongi…”

“I’m not giving it to you as a goodbye.” He stepped closer. “I’m giving it to you because I’m coming back for it.”

Your hand shook when you reached for it.

“When I come back,” he said, softer now, “I want you to still have this. I want us to still be… us.”

The words burned. Quiet and sincere. You nodded, blinking hard. And something in him unclenched. The part that had been afraid you’d moved on. That you wouldn’t come. That you didn’t care. But you did. More than enough to run through an airport for him.

He reached out, touched your cheek, let his fingers drift to the strand of hair that always fell out of place. He tucked it behind your ear gently, like he had done a hundred times before.

“Eventually,” he said. It was a whisper. A promise and then he turned and walked away. He didn’t look back because he didn’t need to.

You had the necklace, and his heart. One day the season will turn again and he’ll come home for both.

Months Later:

Another city and another sold-out crowd. Also another hotel room that didn't feel like home.

The cheers from the stadium still echoed in his ears as he sat on the edge of the bed. Fingers threading through damp hair, heart pounding from the aftershocks of adrenaline. And something else he couldn’t quite name.

His phone buzzed beside him.

[You]: Did you eat after the show?

He didn’t even hesitate.

[Yoongi]: Not yet. You?

A pause. Then the typing dots.

[You]: Instant noodles and a lot of missing you.

He smiled. Small. Real.

It had been like this for months now. Stolen moments in different time zones, quiet calls at sunrise or midnight. Late texts and blurry selfies sent from green rooms and taxi rides. No promises. No labels. It was just you and him. Still trying and still choosing each other.

He leaned back, eyes fixed on the ceiling. The city lights spilled in through the curtains, and for a second, he let himself imagine you there. But you weren’t here. And neither was the necklace.

You still had it. Wore it, sometimes. He could tell from the photos you sent when you weren’t paying attention. It peeked out beneath your collarbones like a secret. One that belonged to both of you.

He missed you in ways he didn’t know how to say. It was the kind of missing that sat in his bones. That followed him on stage, in interviews, during flights.

Sometimes the members noticed.

“Thinking about her again?” Jimin would tease, elbowing him in passing.

Yoongi would grunt, shrugging it off. But they all knew. Especially now. After everything with Seoyeon ended.

That relationship had always been for the cameras. Clean. Polished. Manageable. They were never in love. Not really but the image made sense on paper. Two rising stars. Two brands aligned. And then her mixtape dropped.

It was honest and raw. Full of heartbreak and verses too sharp to be fiction. People speculated and Yoongi didn’t respond.

Why would he? That was never the story that mattered. This one, the one with you in it. It was quiet, private and real. Even if no one else saw it.

He looked down at your last message again, heart tugging at the soft way you always said missing you instead of miss you. Like it was something ongoing. Something that was still happening.

His thumbs hovered over the keyboard.

[Yoongi]: I saw a girl wearing your perfume earlier. Thought I was going crazy for a second.

[You]: What’d you do?

[Yoongi]: I looked around. Like an idiot. Hoping it was you.

Another pause. The typing bubble appeared. Vanished. Reappeared.

Then finally:

[You]: I would’ve looked too.

He swallowed hard. The ache was back. That familiar press against his ribs. The kind of longing that felt less like sadness and more like waiting. He wondered if you still read his messages with the necklace curled in your palm. If you ever pressed it to your chest when the silence got too loud. If you still believed he’d come back for it.

For you.

The door to the room opened. Namjoon stepped in, raising an eyebrow. “You coming down? Late dinner with staff.”

Yoongi nodded absently, rising to his feet. But before he left, he sent one more message.

[Yoongi]: Save some summer for me.

And this time, when he walked out, he kept the smile on his face. Because even if the world kept spinning, and the cities kept changing, one truth remained steady in his chest.

It was that he hadn't let go and neither had you.

Two Months Into Tour:

The plane touched down in Paris. The weather was moody and gray with light rain. The kind that soaked into your hoodie if you weren’t fast enough. The city buzzed around him like static, elegant and cold.

He stood at the window of his hotel room, earbuds in. And your voice playing from a voice note you’d sent the night before.

"You said you liked the rain… So here’s some from Daegu. Thought you’d want to hear something other than screaming fans and your own heartbeat for a change."

He smiled faintly. You always knew. Even through the screen, even when the world spun so loudly around him that he forgot where he was or what day it was. You were there. A grounding wire in all his chaos.

After a Show in Berlin:

He peeled off his ear piece. The crowd was still echoing in his blood. But the green room was quiet. His thumb hovered over your name.

You hadn’t replied to his last message. Just “seen.” It wasn’t like you. He told himself you were sleeping. Or busy. Or maybe the time difference caught up to you both again. However, it gnawed at him.

He stared at his reflection in the dressing room mirror. Sweat-damp hair, eyeliner smudged, a version of himself the world loved, but only you ever really saw. He took a photo. No filters. No stage lights. Just him. Tired eyes, soft frown.

[Yoongi]: Wish you were here.

He hit send. Then locked his phone and tried not to check it again.

He failed.

Mid-Tour Break in Tokyo:

They had two days off. A miracle. The rest of the members made plans. From sushi bars, vintage shops, to a private karaoke night with their team.

Yoongi stayed in. He ordered food and played the piano in the hotel’s suite. He thought about how he used to write with you. Inside of his little studio back at home. Your feet tucked under his thigh, your head resting on his shoulder, humming nonsense lyrics just to make him laugh. He missed your version of silence. The kind that wasn’t empty and the kind that made space feel full.

His phone lit up.

[You]: Sorry I’ve been quiet. Been a rough couple of days. I didn’t want to unload on you while you were on tour.

His heart twisted.

[Yoongi]: You can always unload on me.

There was a pause and then you replied back.

[You]: I just miss you.

[Yoongi]: Me too. Constantly.

He waited for you to respond. The text bubbles coming and going. Yoongi didn't wait for long till he decide to type.

[Yoongi]: Every day.

Night Before Final Show in Toyko:

The tour was almost over. The world had screamed his name in seven different languages. But in the quiet of his hotel room, with the city glowing outside, only one name lived in his chest.

Yours.

He opened his DMs, scrolled through your thread. Photos. Voice notes. “I miss you” typed out in a dozen different ways, none of them ever enough.

His fingers hovered.

[Yoongi]: I want to see you so bad.

[You]: Me too.

Final Weeks of Tour in Los Angeles:

The hotel bed barely felt real anymore. Yoongi collapsed onto it, his hoodie soaked at the collar with sweat from rehearsal. They were prepping for the last stretch of the tour. Press, encore shows, fan events, interviews stacked with barely an hour in between.

His phone buzzed.

[You]: Call me when you land x

That was twelve hours ago. He hadn’t replied.

Not because he didn’t want to. But because he couldn’t. Not properly. Not in the way you deserved. His chest felt tight. Lately, everything did. The door slowly swing open with a knock. It was Jimin.

“You haven’t eaten.”

Yoongi groaned into his pillow. “Later.”

“It’s been two days.”

Yoongi turned over, squinting at him. “I’m fine.”

“No, hyung,” Jimin said, voice softer now, “you’re not.”

Namjoon peeked in from behind. “You missed two interviews, and Seokjin hyung called just to check if you’re alive. Are you really okay?”

Yoongi sat up slowly. “I just need sleep.”

They didn’t buy it. None of them did but they nodded anyway. Because they were exhausted too. Just… not like this.

Three Days Later:

He forgot to message you goodnight.

Then forgot to reply to your meme.

Then missed your call.

Each time, he told himself he’d make up for it later.

But later never came.

[You]: Are you okay? You feel far away lately.

He stared at the message while waiting backstage, the roar of fans vibrating through the walls. He almost typed: I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I miss you but I feel like I’m crumbling.

Instead, he just put his phone face down and exhaled through his teeth.

Seoul:

“Yoongi-hyung.” Taehyung called out. Yoongi didn’t respond.

Taehyung sat beside him on the cold metal bench. “Are you still talking to her?”

Yoongi’s shoulders tensed.

“She’s been messaging me. Said she’s worried. Said you haven’t replied in days.”

“I’ve been busy,” Yoongi muttered, eyes fixed on the skyline. “It’s not like I forgot her.”

“No one’s saying that,” Taehyung said gently. “But you’re not really here either.”

Yoongi closed his eyes.

“It’s like the closer we get to the end,” he whispered, “the worse it gets. I thought finishing this tour would fix everything. But I feel more… empty. Like when I stop moving, everything catches up to me. Including what I almost lost.”

“Then don’t stop,” Taehyung said quietly. “Just slow down. Go back to what matters. She’s not asking you for everything. Just for you.”

Two Nights Later:

He scrolled through your messages.

The last one said:

[You]: I don’t need much. Just don’t shut me out. Please don’t disappear on me.

His hands trembled. Not from exhaustion. From fear. Because that’s exactly what he’d been doing. Not intentionally. But in his desperation to hold everything together, he let go of the one thing that was keeping him sane.

You.

He pressed the voice memo button and started talking.

“I don’t know how to explain this without sounding like a mess. I’ve been pushing myself too hard, trying to finish strong, but instead… I’ve just been falling apart. And the worst part is that I think I was scared. Scared of coming back and realising I don’t deserve you anymore. That you moved on. That you're sick of waiting.”

He paused. His throat burned.

“But I’m still here. If you’ll still have me when this ends. I want to come home. I want to come back to you.”

Your POV:

The phone buzzed against your chest. You’d fallen asleep curled up on the couch again, the empty mug of tea cold on the side table.

You squinted at the screen.

Voice memo from: Yoongi Received: 2:13 AM

You sat up slowly. Your fingers hovered over the play button. Part of you hesitated. It had been days. Days of silence, of second-guessing every memory, every smile. Days where you convinced yourself maybe he’d already let go and just didn’t have the heart to say it.

But you pressed play.

His voice crackled into your ears, low and unsteady, like he’d been holding too much inside for too long.

“I don’t know how to explain this without sounding like a mess…”

You pulled your knees to your chest, clutching the phone like it was him. Like it was his hand on your back, his whisper in the dark.

As the message went on, your vision blurred with tears.

“But I’m still here. If you’ll still have me when this ends — I want to come home. I want to come back to you.”

You didn’t hesitate this time. You opened your keyboard and typed:

[You]: Always. Come home, Yoongi. You'll always have summer.

Yoongi's POV:

It was the night before the last show. The rest of the members were winding down, joking, playing games in the suite next door. The air buzzed with relief and fatigue.

But Yoongi sat alone, your message glowing on his screen.

He read it once. Twice. Ten times. It broke something open in him. Yoongi hadn't realised how deeply he needed your words. How the silence between you had slowly started to eat away at him. For weeks, he was convincing himself that finishing the tour strong would fix the aching in his chest. But now he knew better.

Because you were the thing he missed most. Not the quiet of home, not the warmth of Korea.

You.

A few days later:

"You okay, hyung?"

Jungkook stood by the door, concern in his eyes. Yoongi offered a tired smile.

"I will be," Yoongi replied.

"You sure? You looked half-dead at soundcheck."

"I was," Yoongi chuckled softly. "But I’m better now."

"Did something happen?"

Yoongi glanced at his phone before turning to gaze out the window at the Seoul skyline.

"I remembered why I’m doing this."

Later that night - BTS Group Chat:

Jin: You better cry tomorrow, or I’m disowning you Tae: Already crying tbh Jimin: Let’s make this the best last show. For us. For ARMY. RM: Couldn't have done this with anyone else Yoongi: Let’s finish this.

[s-s-spinning-coins-s-s]

Spinning coins do YOU want unsolicited writing advice? Well you are in luck because I've got some! Here's a

Basic Guide to Starting a Fanfiction! (or just writing in general)

The first thing you are going to want to do is ask Questions!!! These questions are

The Who - which characters will be a part of the scene

The What - what are they doing

The Where - where are they doing it

The Why -

The why is a little more complex because there's the Narrative Why, the reason why the characters are currently doing what they are doing, and the Meta Why, the reason why this scene exists. Now, there are multiple reasons any given scene could exists, but let me tell you a secrete. In that list of reasons why, it should always say because I like this. You can get more specific like, because I like the humor or because I like the ideas being presented, but that doesn't matter so long as you LIKE some part of it.

Now, you can answer these questions in any order when drafting ideas, but at some point ALL of them should be answered. You can start drafting the scene at any point as well, there's no reason you can't be like "I'll figure that out later".

That brings me to the idea of Skipping! Sometimes you don't know how to end or start a section, or maybe there's just one line that you know needs to be there in order to make the plot work, but it's just not happening. YOU CAN SKIP IT!!! Just pretend it doesn't exist and then write what you know! Sometimes an idea that fills the gap will just come to you, sometimes you will need to stair at the doc for a while, sometimes you can't think of anything and the entire thing needs to be reworked or scraped. It depends!

Also, I recommend saving anything that you cut. You never know when an unused scene or line may come in handy.

Sometimes, a chapter is just one scene. I recommend starting here as multiple scenes in one chapter can start to get confusing, especially if there are flow or tone issues.

SO! You got your scene blocked out, you did your homework so you know what it's about, so now it's time to actually write it. Going from summary to an actual chapter is different for everyone. Some people write descriptions first and leave dialog blank, some (me) write dialog first and descriptions later. Some people write it all at once in one big chunk. It doesn't matter what you get down first, just write what comes easiest, no care for how it looks or sounds.

After you get it down, congrats! That is your rough draft! You are OUT of the purely an idea stage!

I recommend sleeping, eating, just walking away from your device for a while after that. Once you come back, reread what you wrote. As you read, fix any mistakes that you see. Punctuation, spelling, bad grammar, and formatting should be fixed first. After that, start adding in anything that you skipped in the moment. Or if that doesn't work, just refine what you already have down. Maybe reword a sentence, add or delete a line, it's all up to you.

I recommend having a thesaurus open in the tab next to your work. Genuinely useful if you get sick of putting the word 'said' everywhere.

Once everything is patched up, it's technically finished! You can post as is or you can go over it again. You can keep going over it until you are happy, but be careful. The longer you try to perfect something, the worse you will feel about it. Do not be fooled by this feeling. Having a beta reader can help with a lot of this. A second set of eyes that says if something is good or not is a very good thing to have.

If you want to get a beta reader but don't have anyone that you know IRL, I recommend shooting a DM to any of the authors here on Tumblr. Most authors also have worked as beta readers, so they know what to do. Remember, the worst that they can say is no, so don't be afraid to ask!

Last but not least, formatting on Ao3. Ao3 uses HTML for it's formatting, so you have to learn it if you want to have anything like bold or italicized or colored font! You can completely ignore HTML, as Ao3 will add all the spacing stuff for you, but I recommend at least looking at what's possible.

Great Ao3 HTML guide

This is very helpful and I will be using this info! Thank you for the advice- usually I just guess what works and end up lost so having a plan a structure is always helpful!

I already took @the-spam-specialist ‘s advice to write plans for future chapters but this will definitely help with narrowing down scenes.

Thanks again!

[perplexingluciddreams]

friday we moved house. here is some things that happened. not all in order because my sense of time is bendy.

i did swing on morning of move day. i watched The Bloody Irish DVD. and part of Celtic Woman Emerald DVD. both with Lisa Lambe. (very important special interest).

mum said say bye to old room. i had a long look at it to say goodbye. i remember when it used to have a pink wall and butterfly wallpaper. and furniture in different places. different bed.

then 2 hour car journey!

at new house we got there before the moving trucks. so no furniture. and no heating for a while. so was very cold.

new house is big. much bigger than old house. mum and dad showed me around. even after days i still feel a bit lost... it will take time to learn.

i was so tired so i lie down on the floor and mum put hoodies under my head as pillow. and blankets over me. i had snacks and listen to my "fills brain just right" playlist of safe songs. then when my bed gets here, i went to sit in my bed.

[Image description: Ezra lying on his back on the floor. a few hoodies and a white cushion under his head. he is covered with blankets. he has his hood up and two teddies, one under each arm. his AAC device is on the floor next to him. his phone lays on his chest. his face is covered with a purple blob. end ID.]

[Image description: Ezra lying on his side on the floor with teddies cuddled to his chest. the same white pillow under his head and his phone in his hand. his eyes are closed. end ID.]

i told mum i feel safe and happy at the new house. and mum told dad. and dad came to me and said i gave him "sweaty eyes" (crying a few happy tears because he is glad i feel happy and safe). dad barely ever cries!

friday i had pasta for dinner out a weird bendy measuring container. we couldn't find bowls. but we had forks luckily.

no Internet since friday. the Sky people messed up and cancelled our Internet!! 😡 it was supposed to be monday we get wifi. we have to wait until the 6th of january. mum got me more mobile data.

i used my mobile data to do duolingo, check fitbit app, and check tumblr every so often. i saved posts to my drafts to reblog later. now that i have more data (thanks mum!) i will post all those reblogs.

i watch lots of DVDs. beauty and the beast. DVD was so glitchy from so much use in the past! Belle is my favourite princess since i was little. because she loves books and reading like me!! i watched that film so so many times over and over. almost couldn't watch it this time from so much video AND audio glitch! mum asked if i want a new copy, i said yes please :D

then sleeping beauty and maleficent (in that order). flash gordon, half of tinkerbell (got bored of it), tangled, the jungle book, muppets, the incredibles. camberwick green, bagpuss, mr benn, cult kids classics.

and of course i have watched my Celtic Woman and Lisa Lambe DVDs several times each! they are safe.

and read kindle. i got new books - Saxon Stories series by Bernard Cornwell. it is a long series so mum bought the first 6 for me (they came in a bundle together). these books is what The Last Kingdom is based on! so i hope for more Brida 🤞🏻, she is my favourite!! 😁

i listened to some Alex Rider audiobook too! i figured out how to connect headphones to kindle. sometimes (often) my brain goes on a tangent louder than the audiobook. i have to rewind lots. but i like it!

and i play games on phone. and listen to downloaded music on Spotify.

there was almost a disaster (aka meltdown). because no swing! friday night didn't sleep well. body restless and very stimmy. tense with buzzing energy.

then after dinner on saturday my body got super restless and antsy. and started pacing up and down the long corridor of upstairs. because just HAD to move. couldn't control it. couldn't stop it.

used to happen like this a lot, before i did swinging regularly. in school corridors, around bedroom, walking outside just keep going on and on and on, can't even control direction, my body just goes. even when i am exhausted and aching and legs feel like they are not there anymore. i can't stop it.

same with rocking and swaying and spinning and hitting wrists on hips. and slamming body into walls or bed or furniture. and shaking and flapping hands and arms (often at same time as i walk). all stims just out of control bursting out of me. so much dysregulation.

often would get worked up more and more and end up in meltdown. or sometimes get "lucky" and tire myself out so much then can't move for hours. still felt intense awful inside, but at least not have meltdown AND get in trouble told off punished for meltdown behaviour.

anyway, this time dad saved the day and put (temporary) swing up in living room. from the metal things up high! while i waited mum helped divert my path to my room and helped me stay rocking on my bed instead of pacing. then i did proper big swing. and calmed down. and slept really well that night. crisis averted. swing prevents so so many meltdowns!

[Image description: two pictures of Ezra in his swing. it is a hammock style swing. the first is from further away and you can see where the swing attatches to a metal beam high up. in the first image, Ezra slumps to the side a bit and looks down to his left. in the second picture, Ezra smiles but doesn't look at the camera. he is wearing black headphones. end ID.]

my legs muscles got so tight and sore from the pacing. and from bigger house means more walking. especially sore left (weaker side). my usual walk is quite shuffle-y and slow with short steps, but it was even more like that! and even more dragging left leg than usual.

since i was little i wish to be able to walk more. walking was always hard. tiring, painful. but instead of getting more with time, it got less and less. harder and harder. everything got harder. it is frustrating. i want my body to do so much more. and it is just not able.

i will get a wheelchair assessment here. don't know when. and mum and i talk about walking frame (posterior walker) possibility, to help walking around house. mum says she will ask the wheelchair people because they will know.

stairs are another challenge. bedroom upstairs, swing downstairs. stairs are huge hard work for me. it is possible, but exhausting. painful. especially painful on top of muscles already sore and fatigue from pacing. and few times a day for even a few days, means i get super much fatigue face flush. and sore aching body. drains ridiculous amounts energy. worry about crash.

i go down stairs sometimes sitting on my bum. but sometimes standing and go down one step at a time, always left foot (weaker) first. then for going up it is opposite, right foot (stronger) first and pull a lot with my arms on the banister. but already i crawled up the stairs a couple times. whichever way i do it, it is a huge workout for my whole body. at first i got help going with stairs, but last few times i did it on my own! i feel proud.

mum will call the stairlift people soon. but i don't like stairlift ☹️. even though i need it to be able to use precious energy for nice things (that is how mum says it). i just wish my body would do what i want and not have fatigue and pain like this. also much worry about stairlift makes even stronger "barrier" threshold.

when i can do it with my own body, i get less stuck. because it is more like follow a motor path. there is still a threshold, but my momentum can (usually) carry me over. if stairlift is there, it creates a point where i have to physically stop and change my action/task. that is where i am more likely to get stuck. and stairlift also has a bunch of steps to the task of using it. so if i can't even think of the steps or the order, i can't do it. and if that means i need help - it has to first occur to me that help is an option, occur to me that it is possible to ask for help, think how to ask, ask, and so on.

don't know for sure how it will be, but worry about all that.

bath is also different. harder work. mum keeps routine and order the same though. that helps. it is hard that it is different.

lots of things are a bit different. lots to get used to. water tastes different - at the old house the water was very very soft, here it is harder. it makes juice taste different. and lots of other small things. they add up.

sister came on tuesday night! she was at university but now she will live with us at this house. because it is close to her university. her bedroom is directly across the hall from mine.

i am very bored from lack of wifi. and from not able to get to swing as often. swing is my only physical outlet and my only way to get enough stim to regulate. and need a LOT of swing every single day to stay regulated. have to use so much of my limited energy to swing to avoid meltdown. i am really trying to be good. trying not complain. don't want to be any more a bother.

but i really like the new house. and hope hope hope 🤞🏻 with time it will get even better and better. 😊👍🏻

[study-core-101]

How to do Visual Supports/Aids for an Oral Presentation

A Power Point, a poster, a Canva presentation. It is so easy to get them wrong to the point they end up being more an annoyance than a helpful tool. There are a few things to keep in mind to avoid these:

1. They are VISUAL, not blocks of texts

When you are doing the presentation, your visual supports helps your audience connect the ideas you are explaining (with arrows, diagrams, etc) and help you remember what you should say next. If you forget what you have to say, the information needs to be easy to find in your visual support. This means:

NO blocks of text

NO small text

NO hard to read font

NO extra information

NO compressing of information

NO images as background

What you should do instead to make it easier to find and read:

Use a big and undertandable font

Use arrows, diagrams, concepts maps, etc. Anything that isnt a block of text

Separate ideas with font size. Title: gigantic. Primary ideas: Major big. Secondary ideas: big

Only write the nessesary information, dont overwrite (we'll revise this later)

Look at these. If you were in front of your professor and needed to quickly check for a number, a word or a concept you forgot, which one would you rather find when you turn your head to your visual aid?

It looks hard to make your aids look like that, but there are a lot of pre-made presentations you can use. I personally like Canva for that but if you know how to use (really use, the whole tricky trick thing) Power Point/Prezzi/LibreOffice are literally heaven.

2. Dont put unnesasary images

They dont help you. You ignore. Your audience ignores it. At most, it makes you waste seconds when you try to look up the info. Why is it there? Because there is an empty space and you want to fill it. Because the presentation is a block of text and you want to make it look more presentation-like. If you wont use it, dont put it. Save the space for graphs or symbols that help identify what you are saying (ex: you are talking statistics, put ten symbols of people and paint them in different colors according to your numbers). Negative space is better than a distracting image that turns away your focus of the important stuff

3. Only write important information

This is probably the hardest thing to do. In your presentation, time and space is limited; you cannot explain everything, you have to pick. And in your visual aid, specially so. My way of picking what to write is the next:

Divide your presentation in the big topics. Like, the titles of all you are covering.

For each title, think what are all the important concepts (or ideas) you have to explain in your presentation. Shortly, a few words each

Define those concepts. Not more than a line or two

Is there ant other information you cannot miss at all?

Now you have all the parts. Write only these and not even that. Sometimes, you dont need to write Point 3. When you are speaking, you can should expand the concepts, add examples, etc but in your visual aid, a few words/sentece is all you need

4. Keep it topic-appropiate

When you are preparing you aid/support, of course you are going to use different colors and add some shapes to keep it dynamic. But! if you are presenting consequences of child abuse for your psych class, adding the rainbow of colors and flowers may be a little bit insensible. Keep in mind what you are presenting, use appropiate colors/colors that fit (scale of greys for sensible topics, greens for nature, blue for corporate/bussiness and like that).

5. Have a secuence

Both your presentation and your visual aid have to be organized. There needs to be a logical order and no repetition. For your presentation you should have a draft/guide and that order should be the same for you aid. If you are presenting a problematic, you start talking about the causes and your first slide has to be the causes. Next what it involves so your slide has to have the topic and like that. The order in which you speak and the order in your aid have to be the same and they have to be organized

Now that we covered the basics, go luck with your presentation!