#sometimes its too much to handle | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moafleco · 10 months ago

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i hate that duality that your mind can be your safe heaven that helps you get through some difficult things, keeps you going and brings you happiness at the worst of times. and at the very same time it could be your worst tormentor that won't let you rest and won't let you breathe, literally for no particular reason at all. and you can't leave or silence it. can't get it to stop when it gets dark in there. can't get the light in when you desperately need to feel a respite instead of suffocation.

#its so difficult #sometimes its too much to handle #yeah particularly today im just.. screaming internally #and the inability to do something YOU LOVE due to your brain having one of those bad days so everything feels fucking BAD is just so unfAIR #its frustrating #the only thing you can do is sob apparently #my room doesnt feel like my room anymore all i feel is fear and dread #i just dont understand why and how it came to this point i want out #nothing grounds me to reality or to my normal state and im afraid #instead of watch fav movie to get better ill count the duration time and decide thats its too long i dont have that much time #i will be painfully aware of numbers and wb scared of them and then ill just not move at all immobilized at place #i cant #all i could do is desperately bother my friends trying to connect to them and hiding that obvious ache #i dont have capacity to soothe myself with my favorite guys and gals from games and movies i dont feel anything at all #and i hate that but also i cant do anything im so idk what i feel like but like im not anything #i lost myself i lost my favorite things to do and my hobbies and my spark and everything i dont even know anymore #on small bad days you could conjure a good thoughts and watch somethinf and think about what makes you happy #theres a void in my head now that just counts and counts and counts and cant do nothing #i will just open up a chat w friends and look at empty textspace i want to connect so badly but i wont send anything just freeze still #i dont feel that im in here but i want badly to be here and yet i cant grasp anything to still keep myself real #and like i have a feeling that in next 2 hours I'll just vanish spmething bad will happn carcrash orso i cantbe spendin much timeon anythin #i hate this #suddenly your brain just want you dead and fills you with dread unimaginable and my dumbass thinks that it's right #that my brain is right and im inclined to believe in this shit. im not but deep down i kind of is so thats why this anxiety causes me probl #ms for the whole week i didnt done anything i just could not i want it to stop #its so sure of itself that i will pass away in couple of hours by unknown reasons that it imagined so why even try

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corcjell · 2 months ago

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The gort. He sits...

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seventh-district · 6 months ago

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Figured I'd try my hand at some Redacted character post/text edits!

[ 1 / ? ]

Credit to @/sainthowlzon for all the Listener icons, and to @/elisacaleisa for their google drive with all the canon icons!

(slightly alternative version of the Solaires' GC edit below the cut bc i had a lil too much fun with what Vincent would name his contacts)

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redacted memes #redactedverse #redacted sam #redacted darlin #redacted vincent #redacted honey #redacted guy #redacted azmidi #redacted sweetie #redacted david #redacted asher #redacted treasure #redacted porter #redacted alexis #redacted william #*slaps post* *flextape meme guy voice* now THAT's a lotta characters!#good Lord these were hard to figure out ALT text for. anyone more experienced with describing images feel free to lmk if i did it wrong #i'm trying to both give credit to the images source (when there even is one. text screenshots are usually source-less when i find them)#And to explain what the original images said. And how I edited them. And who's speaking in what message and aaaaaaa ...i Tried #breaking away from my old style of edits by actually changing the OP's handles to suit the characters. but i'm not creative enough to think #-of cool ones so it's just gonna be their names most of the time probably lmao. but i'll leave the original ones unedited if they happen-#-to fit like the Darlin' one did. and sometimes there Is no handle/url in the image to begin with so. i'm playing it by ear #still gonna put credit to the OPs in the ALT text when i can tho. anyways. that's enough overanalyzing meme edits for one night #i spent way too much time on these so i sure do hope that some of y'all find them funny #and as usual with these kinda edits i really hope i'm not accidentally making any that have been done before!#if i ever make a duplicate of someone else's i swear its not intentional i just dont have time to scour the fandom for every existing edit #also i know that's not how iMessages are formatted but i had to find a way to make it clear who's POV we're seeing the convo from so yeah

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cowboy-robooty · 4 months ago

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im not going to lie i have an illuminati type theory that fanfiction has gotten so fucking bad recently as yet another consequence of the pandemic

#because like we all know how the pandemic caused fandom and a lot of more geeky things to become more mainstream #at least in the US #and thats why fandoms are so fucking shite now because everybody isnt weird and cant handle weird shkt #and also everybody stopped having reading comprehension too because of the sudden rapid uptick in content creation and such #like u guys already know what im talking about #theres a reason why i havent seen an actual meme in years #like im talking a real meme. have you seen anything even remotely close to what a meme was like before the pandemic?#its honestly a real shame because i feel like now saying meme feels kind of cringey but it was something genuinely uniting and a wonderful #cultural thing online back then but also maybe thats just my nostalgia coming in since i was a kid back then #but yeah i think as another consequence fanfiction has become significantly worse #because i dont know maybe im looking in the wrong places maybe its a natural development of my taste becoming #more refined #but i feel like its impossible to find good fanfiction these days #like hetalia ao3 has been notorious for sticking out as the only fandom ever that somehow has so much fanfiction and none of it is good #because even when i was in the oukibo trenches i found some good shit in there that id memorize like bible scriptures #but now it kinda feels like every fandoms ao3 is like the hetalia ao3 #i thought it was just my taste refining further until i found one good fanfiction recently and IT LIKE #ITS NOT EVEN THAT GOOD. BUT YOU KNOW HOW THERES THAT TYPE OF FANFIC THAT IS JUST #COMPETENTLY WRITTEN AND THE CHARACTERS ARE IN CHARACTER #ITS NOTHING BEAUTIFUL OR SOMETHING YOUD BE LIKE OHHH THIS SHOULD BE A FINE LITERATURE PUBLISHED BOOK #BUT ITS GOOD #ITS A GOOD STORY THAT FEELS LIKE IT WAS WRITTEN BY SOMEONE WHO WATCHED THE SHOW #AND HAS ALL THE BASIC NEEDS TO BE A COMPELLING READ #LIKE DAMN I HAVENT READ SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN FOREVER #bc a lot of good fanfiction isnt the 400k novels that are intense and beautiful #i love those but there can only be so many of them #the majority are these fics that are fun as hell to read and sometimes even stretch to be like 50k words. but they're definately not #intense beautiful prose. it's a fun story made by a fan who wanted to explore an idea or make some scenarios #and i can never find that shit anymore #its always page after page of the most asinine shit with not even the general aura/sprinkle of anything pertaining to the og source in sight

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anxiouslowercase · 7 months ago

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sas rh: let eoin survive the fall au » the astronomer philosopher, the earth and the moon

#sas rogue heroes #sasrh:canonau #augustin jordan #eoin mcgonigal #paddy mayne #although it is true paddy orbits eoin like the moon does the earth (moreso after the first jump)#and that everyone knows theyre basically attached at the hip (however you wish to interpret that)#it is *also* true the more the sas wins and advances the more david is requesting paddys presence for important matters #(and *yes* david's quite sure LT mcgonigal can handle waiting outside the tent on his own paddy hes a big boy alright now get in there)#HOWEVER #paddy starts noticing that ACTUALLY eoin is not waiting on his own so much cause theres another fucking lieutenant #who keeps orbiting around almost like moth to flame #and its weird but its no big deal at first - eoin is a social guy anyways so it makes sense even if this ones french ?#(plus paddy keeps his one on one time so no notes there)#BUT #suddenly they're sharing looks and smiles and sort of digs at each other and paddy knows damn well the way eoin is teasing #and apparently frenchie goes along with it adding his own brand of *something* and what the fuck #and then it seems like they have almost inside jokes and sometimes paddy gets out of his stupid briefing #and jordan is walking away all too pleased and eoin is all to calm smiling up at him like he didn't just maybe spent an hour #talking to a fucking french of all people. THIS ONE french of all people.#but then eoin is very good at distracting him and hoarding his attention away from other things #especially when he grabs his arm to drag him to the piano #(and in truth what nags at paddys brain is that he doesn't *hate* this necessarily ?? even if the knowledge picks at his brain)#(it... gets his attention it makes him think and wonder and he gets a little grumpy sure cause thats his eoin BUT #he doesn't hate it necessarily. and *that* should be a problem or something)#anyways back with my all have two hands agenda !!! look how cute they look together !!!

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mimorobo · 4 months ago

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Hi ! I have a question, what's your favorite au after TS!underswap ? :3

HIII! :3

Okok I should've seen this coming...

.... Uh, UTY probably doesn't count does it? It's more like an... Alternate timeline? I'm not too sure, but it's definitely one of my favs!!

BUT!! Since we're also talking about non fangames!! I love FORGETTABLE AU!! Awesome comic!! Style!! Concept!! EVERYTHING!!

I also really really love Dr Megalo, a really cool take on the dusttale au!! Absolutely fantastic!! It's just SO PEAK!!?? AND COOL???!!!

Also, it's not that well known, but Fallen Flowers is ABSOLUTELY amazing!!! It really feels like it could be a full on tv series with all the stuff that's going on and the artstyle is SO GOOD!!!!?? SUCH A COOL COMIC!!!

Uh, yeah those are probably my all time favs, if I'd HAD to pick which one goes after TS!... It'd probably be Dr Megalo? I found it recently and no other Undertale au has ever made me feel the things it has, very peak. Still a hard choice.

BUT THATS NOT EVEN MENTIONING OTHER FANTASTIC WORKS LIKE GASTERS RETURN OR OVER THE VOID OR OR-

#there's a lot #a lot a lot a lot #sometimes the pure epic peakness gets too much to handle #everything is just SO COOL!!#mad respect to everyone who makes comics or an au like this #its crazy awesome!!#hopefully answers the question!#answered ask #utmv #rambles #:D

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lostinquisitor · 2 days ago

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kind of funny to think that spite is elandhris favorite veilguard-era spirit companion at the lighthouse

#it likes manfred but also it's trying to work and manfred keeps moving things which is VERY annoying #the caretaker is nice but gives it uncanny valley vibes sometimes so it tries to avoid them #the wisps also like to move shit too much for it to handle when it's stressing out...........#determination is close kin to dedication so you'd think it would hate spite as being a sort of funhouse mirror of its own corruption but #honestly? spite itself is still closer to being dedication than not. neither like to give up on anything and elandhris is smart enough to #be able to guide that impulse into something useful rather than antagonistic; and ofc remembrance is at the bottom of the list adfsf

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smrtnik07 · 2 years ago

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#yall not rocking with my adventure time art?!?? /j #i felt like going back to pixel art for a bit. havent in years #ishmael lcb #limbus company #project moon #art i made #pixel art #im still keeping my distance from indulging in projmoon work too much. its hard when its been a very big influence on me #and also a special interest #its been hard but i think im finally coming back to my old interests #sometimes i hate being nd. like pretty often actually. but what can you do #sorry for the rant yall #but to me losing a special interest/big source of comfort felt worse than a major breakup. idk how other nd people handle it

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cottoncandywoof · 9 months ago

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ok so, i just want to comment a little on 2003 splinter. @purplepixel and i are on season 1 still, and im REALLY liking it thus far, but theres something i want to complain about.

why on Gods green beautiful earth is splinter annoyed at his kids for "breaking stuff" at aprils and being like "this is what i live like every day". like i get it. hes an actual rat. he doesnt know any better and thats a point i made in later episodes, but... bruh.

why am i mad? well, because the kids quite literally feel bad and offer to fix it. THEY dont know better either. they think this is the best way of doing it and are overconfident in their skills, but feel bad and offer to glue the plates together. yes, it doesnt do much, but... i dont know, im not saying it should be changed or anything, but something about a parent being annoyed at something THEIR KIDS WOULDNT KNOW NOT TO DO really just rubs me the wrong way. TEACH THEM BETTER THEN SPLINTER!!! like, mikey i get, but the rest? come tf on

yeah thats all lmfao

#overall 03 has been really good so far #very very good way of showing certain personalities #i LOVE raph so much #i love how they handle his anger issues #and his feelings #✨️Depth✨️#im scared of the future though #heard it might not be as good?#i like fun bad though #so well see #i know a lot of 03 fans are intense about it #and being the best show #but then complain about the subsequent shows?#is it because 03 fans are like we just want FIGHTS #and BOY STUFF #or whatever that means #because the writing is actually p good #the characters are relatively deep?#they have Emotions #and its beautiful #if they were flat id understand #not liking non-flat characters #theyre kids too #sometimes they dont but like.#they kinda do sometimes #i think its good writing!!#but i fear thats not what 03 fans like?#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #ccw rambles

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kingofcomedy · 5 months ago

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most of these messages so far are just dan begging phil for help to get out of different social situations he's soooo me

#only like 8 minutes in how many more messages like these are yet to come #sometimes you just need an excuse okay #like its just too much to handle one way or another #so i totally get it #dan and phil #phan

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wackywatchdotcom · 4 months ago

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man, i have to go do something in a minute here, but i am CONSTANTLY think about like... how long DOES the average circus member last before they abstract?

we dont have a lot of information about the passage of time in general in the show (which is infinitely painful to me, who likes to know about technical details very in-depth. but i understand writing wise why its like this) other than that the first 4 episodes take place over the span of 4(? or 5, depending on how you interpret the ending scene of episode 4) (which this also intrigues me that 8-9 days will pass over the course of the show... and also makes me curious about just how eventful the average day truly is in the circus!) days and that everyone in the circus has likely been here for at MINIMUM 2 years

(i say that because jax says "weve been stuck here for years" which implies that all of the people there at the time have been there for more than one year and because of the plural years, a minimum of 2. maybe. he also could just be oversimplifying things but unless given reason to think otherwise im interpretting the line this way)

we know of a at least ~18 people whove been in the circus total, but i frankly think its more than that. we know ribbit abstracted before kaufmo, but we dont know when ribbit joined the circus, or how much time was between these

it also depends on how long you think the circus members have been trapped for. i personally think this has been going on for at minimum 10 years (i have my own hcs abt it being ~16 years, but thats just hc and based on a bunch of my interpretations of random details) but we dont really know this, and how long this has been happening, and how long kingers been here, and whether or not kinger has or hasnt been here the longest of anyone whos ever been in the circus

like if its been like 5 years thatd mean like... 3-4 people join the circus each year (on average). if its 10 years thatd mean 1-2 people join the circus each year (on average). and we dont even know how many people the circus has in it at one time on avg!! like theres the theory it floats around 6, but thats just a theory and not smth we know for sure. point being, we dont even know how often people join the circus and that effects a LOT of things

idk..... i guess the question really is 'how often can a person last in the circus before they literally cannot take it anymore' which is a much sadder question. we dont even know how long ago queenie abstracted, or ribbit abstracted. did zooble know ribbit? did ribbit get here before or after zooble did??

it just haunts me a little

#tadc #i perssonally dont think kinger is 'the' creator of the game. its a theory i see often but dont personally ascribe to #though i think him having worked on it is obvious. but i dont know if i think the game was 'his'#im also of the mindset that queenie was also working on the game which isnt smth i see much?#i think ppl assume she was an entomologist but imo that was just a passion of hers #not her job. but thats getting into hc territory #anyway i just think about like. the time frame a lot #they get up before 6 each day though..... or at least sometimes #if they ever get out (um. maybe.... not to sound bleak but erm. my hopes arent high)#their sleep schedules gonna be so weird they have not experienced a normal night-day cycle in years #but also #its too hc-y for me to include in the post proper #but imo a person typically maybe lasts a few months. people more predisposed to not being able to handle it prob abstract relatively 'early #but people who are more likely to be able to tolerate it long-term can pass that benchmark #i imagine the time spent is not often some middle pt. i think it likely lingers around the extremes #...actually thats probably WHY the people whove made it so long are so so very unwell #like yeah being in the circus is traumatizing and makes it worse #but people who already have problems nd stuff are. prob more used to a degree of despair and arent as easily struck down by the situation #tho if taken to the extreme obv they would abstract early on #theres probably some weird fucked up sweet spot of 'deeply unwell but not too much'#that enables a person to survive the circus for a really long time #as best highlighted with kinger #its less of an adjustment #...thats probably why ep 4 almost took gangle down actually. for a variety of reasons ofc #too mentally ill for the real world not mentally ill enough to abstract just mentally ill enough for the digital circus (/ref #of something but i cant figure out to look up what its a ref to...)#anyway i gotta make a tag for me talking abt like... meta stuff or smth #cus i do it a lot and i have fun #OH and also imo one persson abstracting prooobably puts others at greater risk of abstracting :(#what with how the show is emphasizing the role of Having People With You in making the circus survivable

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pikslasrce · 8 months ago

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*guy waiting to get an aneruism any moment voice* the mysterious clump that appeared behind my ear a few weeks back has disappeared and my head hurts. in that area. which could mean nothing

#if its meant to be it will be i have too much shit on my mind i cannot handle being thrown off by medical mysteries #dying even sounds like a favorable option 💀 in contrast to living with disrupted plans 💀💀💀#ofc what im saying is bullshit but uh. well. sometimes......#piksla.txt

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kang-yo-han · 18 days ago

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I just binged the entirety of Weak Hero Class 1 in one afternoon/evening/night and my heart has been reduced to shreds

#it did the same fucking thing as D.P.!!#(just season 1 to be specific)#(and there were lots of familiar faces from D.P. too!)#the first half(ish) handles dark subject matter but doesn’t feel *too* heavy; there’s high tension but not much despair #then the second half is just pure nonstop trauma.#EVERYONE suffers to some degree; NO ONE comes out unscathed #beautifully written and brilliantly shot and perfectly acted #Park Jihoon was a fucking revelation in this #the hallway scene in the s1 finale…#the raw despair on his face and in his voice after he punched through the windows was absolutely *gutting*#it’s easy to forget sometimes how raw and terrible a human voice can sound when its owner has reached their emotional and physical limits #but I was reminded the moment he screamed ‘What the fuck do you want?’ at students and teachers alike #just fucking devastating #how am I supposed to sleep now #I’ll start s2 tomorrow night #(and try to pace myself better this time…)

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elytrafemme · 2 months ago

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my brother is trying to set up a facetime this week between me my sister and my mom which to be totally honest seems like a measure that would only happen if something was seriously wrong because i cannot fathom a less desirable thing than, like. that.

#Im making such an effort to text my brother more dedspite the fact that interacting w him is sometimes triggering of Trauma #I do NOT want to get on a facetime call bc i just know so damn well its gonna involve serious life shit #And i like. Cannot handle serious life shit rn there's too much of that chat

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darabeatha · 5 months ago

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/ Okokokiedokiearchiedokie I'll be trying to cut back to my regular fate shenanigans to not flood up the dash, but thank u all for entertaining the silliness even when we are not in april's fools OITRUOTURTU

#;ooc #ooc #tho this made me realize how much i missed actually writing and #not having to be so obsessed over being overly poetical or stressing about symbolism #as well of whether what i write would work to form a dynamic that 100% works with the other character- sometiems characters clash !#trying to come up with the most suitable blorbo to put in x situation #when it could be just whatever guy and the resultbe up to however that develops #sometimes the chemistry is justnot there and thats perfectly fine! i tend to worry about that so much #on the other hand; sometimes one just wants to write a guy being a silly guy and thats pretty much it!#i missed that feeling in rp! well not in rp as in community wise but more so in my personal regard and how i handle my blogs #i always take rping soooo seriously!! as if it was my job! that is why i always take aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages to reply #im simply too much of a perfectionist and i want everything to fit the way i imagined and get frustrated when I cant convey the emotion #im trying to put on the table; be it because of struggles with sentence structure or bad English days or etc #either way; i'll try to adapt that spontaneity back to my most current blogs lil by lil #so i can as well enjoy it from my end #because do not get me wrong i absolutely love reading u guy's replies; makes my day! get me giggly!#SO YEAH!#i'll be having my separate h.etalia blog so its easier to just pick ur fruits and vegetables #just like with all my other non f.ate blogs; like my j.ojos my h.sr ones; my swords ; etc they all have their lil ... whats the word-#world (?)#anyways live love laugh a.rjuna #(that doesnt make any sense but u get the idea)

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foolishfalls · 5 months ago

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having a bad time

#can’t stop thinking about how bad i feel #both emotionally and physically #and then when i try to stop thinking about it and just feel it #it becomes completely unbearable #keep thinking about how i’ve ended up so alone/lonely again #and how much i cannot comprehend or accept or tolerate that #and then i’m just like well all this pain is too much for me to bear #so i wish i just didn’t exist instead #i will probably never get out of feeling this way #and like i knowwww i will eventually and feelings pass and pain passes or at least changes #but i will end up back in the same feeling or at least a similar one #that is inevitable #and i feel like i’ve not only reached my limit with myself #but like the world has reached its limit with me #i feel like there is nothing left for me unless i create it myself #maybe that’s just reality #but i feel like no one else cares about what i create #and maybe i’m wrong but i’m too scared to share it or even TRY to do it #because i can’t handle more of the same #humans NEED each other right?#but i have just been left behind too many times #and i can’t go through this again and again #i’m too tired #sometimes i really wish my health scare last summer just killed me for good #sorry for all of this lol #i hate being so traumatized that i can’t fucking function at a baseline #i hate being so sick nothing i do mattwrs #even resting is impossible #i rest in hope that i might not get worse and that’s the only illusion of control i have #the idea of getting better feels like a pipe dream at this point

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