#somewhat related this is kind of what happened to me and being nonbinary too

[handsmotif]

idk if it’s funny or sad that the “tenna has bpd” jokes made me realize i probably also have bpd

[rma-au]

the “RELATIVELY MASSACRELESS ARTIHUNTER” AU

or for short, the RMA AU

this is a kind of mini au i’ve had sloshing around in my brain for a while. it’s really just my self indulgent take on Artihunter but it’s an au since it has big changes from the canon (namely, Artificer does not commit mass genocide, and Hunter isn’t going to die from the rot). it’s called “relatively massacreless” because, in this au, Artificer doesn’t actively seek out hundreds of scavengers to brutally massacre. it has more changes than just that and it does have more to it than just artihunter, but that’s the basics

more info about it below the cut! (lots of text so be warned)

—

WHY DID I MAKE IT?

i think Artihunter is cute, but with my interpretation of Hunter (sees death as unfortunately necessary due to predators and their diet, but sees excessive unnecessary violence to be cruel and disgusting) i couldn’t see them liking canon Artificer, if anything they’d probably hate her. so i sort of cultivated this little au in my head for how they would work and then i thought “what if i share this with people?” and now this blog exists. tbh i didn’t really need to make a whole sideblog for this but like. Why not

ABOUT ME?

not really related to this blog, but me the owner. my main is @fatickono and i kinda just post/reblog whatever on it and sometimes post art. i use they/he pronouns and i’m nonbinary. i like bugs :)

TAGS? #not rma - exactly as it says. posts unrelated to the rma au

#cw romance, #romance, #shipping, #rw shipping. all those tags will be used on posts i have that have shipping/romantic content in it, so if you’re romance repulsed then feel free to block those tags

#rma art - art related to the rma au

#rma lore - if i give more lore to it and stuff then i’ll use this tag

#rma au - generally related to the rma au

#rma asks - asks i get for the au

#reblog - when i reblog someone else’s post. will mostly be rbing artihunter stuff if i do

WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENS IN IT? (warning. lots of text ahead. basically explaining the entire au)

before i rant:

Artificer in this au is female and uses she/her pronouns and mainly feminine terms (though she doesn’t mind being called handsome and similar things)

Hunter in this au is nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns, although they aren’t super bothered by others being used, and they don’t really mind any terms (although mainly uses neutral/feminine terms)

anyways!

it diverges from canon after Artificer’s pups die. in this AU, she does Not commit mass genocide. she probably enjoys killing scavengers a little too much, but she doesn’t actually seek them out and purposefully hunt for them if they don’t attack her first.

the Garbage Wastes toll sees her as a threat and thief after her pup steals from them, and they send a hunting party the cycle after to kill her. she obviously defends herself and most of the hunting party is killed in trying to slay her.

word spreads throughout the tribes to kill any maroon slugcat with an eye scar on sight because she’s a murderer and thief so now she sort of has a target on her back wherever she goes. meanwhile, she’s just trying to make it out of major scav territory because she never wants to see another scavenger in her life and she wants to grieve in peace. she’s NOT karma locked in this, although she is dangerously close and one wrong step could easily send her spiraling into what her canon self did.

she finds the ID drone after happening into the scavenger treasury (the same you start off in ingame) while trying to escape a hunting party.

anyway, she generally just lives life within Five Pebbles’ retaining wall as best she can, trying to deal with the loss of her children and avoiding scavengers as best as she can. she has not met Five Pebbles (yet)

by the time Hunter’s campaign comes, scavengers have somewhat calmed down on sending hunting parties after her, but they haven’t stopped entirely.

the reason they haven’t stopped is because in their eyes, she is a murderer and thief and her story has been majorly twisted from what originally happened (pup stole pearl, forced to defend herself from attacking scavengers) to a horror story (she purposefully stole from the scavengers and slaughters any she sees) that isn’t true. most tribes don’t know any better though so the rumor isn’t going away any time soon.

(btw quick note: the scavengers aren’t really supposed to be the “bad guys” in this au [although i suppose you could see them as that], as there aren’t really any bad guys except really the original few who killed her pups and spread the rumor that she’s a violent merciless monster who attacks unprovoked. because of that rumor, the rest of the tribes are fearful of her and attack because they genuinely, truly believe she will kill them all if they don’t strike first)

anyways back on track. we are now in Hunter’s campaign so

Enter: Hunter

Hunter’s campaign sticks to canon up until they meet Artificer in Industrial Complex. Arti offers to help Hunter in their journey to save LTTM since it’s a welcome distraction from her life. Hunter reluctantly accepts as long as Arti promises not to slow them down from their mission and the two journey to Moon together and slowly get to know each other more and more. as they travel they get closer and Artificer eventually develops romantic attraction for Hunter and a little bit after that Hunter develops a crush on Artificer as well.

they grow ever closer and often comfort each other through hard times, especially when Hunter’s weird symptoms of unknown origin act up…

anyway they finally make it to Moon and save her. Hunter translates to Artificer what Moon says since Arti doesn’t have the mark. Hunter and Artificer, even though they already somewhat knew it, take the news of Hunter not having much time left very badly. they cry, sob, etc. for a while before waving Moon goodbye and going to shelter.

they probably confess to each other somewhere around this time? or sometime along their journey to Moon i’m unsure

they eventually form a plan. iterators are very powerful (according to Hunter, and Artificer agrees after learning they are the huge metal structures in the sky) and they figure maybe, just maybe, Moon’s neighbor Five Pebbles could help them, or at least buy them enough time to get back to NSH.

they make the grueling climb up FP with Artificer along the way helping her. they both notice scavengers are even more prevalent along the Wall than on the ground and have to be very cautious on the way up to avoid them. they finally make it up to Five Pebbles and meet him.

this is one of the ways this au diverges further from canon, since in this Hunter has A) more cycles left than they should in canon and B) Five Pebbles is able to buy them a lot more time than 5 cycles.

Five Pebbles gives Arti the Mark, heals Hunter to the best of his ability, and activates Artificer’s citizen ID drone. he lets Artificer know she can now enter his city as his citizen, however in this au he does not tell her to go kill all the scavs in it. he instructs them both how to ascend (and warns Artificer her karmic balance is rather unstable and to be careful) and then sends them off.

they choose not to ascend and they instead head for NSH’s can in the hopes she can save them (offtopic NSH uses he/she/they and in bigender in this au. sorry i don’t make the rules). the rot is beginning to overtake Hunter near the end of their journey, but they finally make it to NSH and NSH is happy Hunter made it back alive.

he explains the rot was a complete, freak accident that resulted from the several genes involved in quick-repair mutating right before Hunter was done forming, and NSH hadn’t spotted it until she had sent Hunter out and it was too late to make them come back. NSH heals Hunter as much as he can (just like FP did) before he breaks the news that he can’t cure Hunter.

Arti and Hunter are both devastated by the news, but he informs them that while he can’t cure them, she believes she could try to cultivate a medicine that would keep the rot at bay if taken often.

excruciating cycles pass in NSH’s city (since NSH let them in) as Hunter’s condition slowly worsens cycle by cycle until finally NSH calls them to his can. she tells them she think she finally made a medicine that could work if Hunter takes it daily and makes sure to never skip.

Hunter begins taking it and doesn’t have high hopes as at first nothing seems to change. however, they slowly notice their symptoms easing, and major rot cysts shrinking and some even disappearing completely. Hunter is not cured and still continues to struggle with their symptoms … but they are alive and will be for the foreseeable future.

Artificer and Hunter just relax on NSH’s can for some cycles just enjoying being together. they visit Moon whenever they’re back in FP’s retaining wall (most of the time to deliver stuff to Moon anyways)

i’m considering doing something with them traveling to the Scavenger Chieftain to try to tell them to dispel the rumors and call the attacks on Artificer off, but not sure on it yet. it’s kinda semi-canon to this au i guess

after the events previously discussed, they kind of just live their life and stuff and this is where this blog will generally take place on the timeline i guess. this blog’s like art and stuff will generally take place after those events have all occurred.

—

asks are tentatively open for now but might close soon. for now i just kinda want an excuse to make more art and stuff for this mini au so they’re open for now

that’s all for this blog! i’ll probably just post ship art, reblog some, idk! might do some writing, but it’s not super likely. yea idk i just made this blog impulsively and i’ll see how it goes i guess

[drdemonprince]

Interesting to read yer response to that last ask about yer history exploring gender + transitioning. I guess it’s p relatable to me even tho I think we feel somewhat differently about our own gender. I’ve always felt a very strong internal sense of gender, it’s quite clear to me and it’s definitely not neutral, it’s quite intense. I’ve identified as nonbinary for a long time. But I’ve found the closer I’ve gotten to being in touch with it, the more confused and unwelcoming the rest of the world has become. So I spend all this time thinking about how im perceived and how to navigate that and balancing what I internally want vs trying to manage reactions to me. This is where I see our similarities. It’s gotten especially bad recently as I’ve felt a new connection to manhood and I’ve wanted to explore that but I’ve felt the backlash way stronger cause I feel like people feel much more confident to tell me that I’m failing being a man than being nonbinary. So it’s getting to the point of like, what even is being a man. (Feels like failure is a pretty core aspect of it lol) Like you talk about making these choices to join queer men’s space, which is where I’d feel the most connected to manhood, but I feel like I’d have to make pretty big changes to how I move through the world gender wise to be even allowed or welcomed there. I don’t feel an apathy like you describe, but I can totally see how this constant weighing of expressing yerself vs being seen how you want would end up in apathy

I don't know your situation, but I'd give those queer men's spaces a shot. A lot of them are far less transphobic than you've been conditioned to think. There are trans men in the queer men's spaces around you, there are people who are read as cis gay men who are themselves very much not so, everybody's fucking pansexual and nonbinary these days it's fucking crazy dog. besides, what transphobic bias does exist against trans mascs in men's spaces is so fuckin mild compared to what trans women typically confront in wlw spaces. the worst i've ever had happen to me was someone befriend me on the dancefloor and then helpfully recommend that we all head to a lesbian bar. and he wasn't even being insincere, he just didnt know what kind of person he was talking to. beyond that it's been like a total nonissue even long before i passed. so you should give it a shot, you will learn more about yourself and other people from it. and it has generally for me been pretty positive!

the problem is. finding acceptance into the little gendered club meant there was still a whole lot of Gender there. and i'm so sick of it. this is also an asexuality thing for me too. im so fed up of people being into my body or my appearance. im so sick of the obsession with bodies and appearances and the gendered projections made onto those things. it grosses me out so much. i just feel like putty that everybody's hands have been all over. im so sick of people trying to leave their mark on me.

[mejomonster]

on episode 9 of the l word and i'm starting to see some of the lets say... biphobia, and just 90s/early 2000s kind of fucked up views. i grew up in 2000s and while thankfully by the time i was in college a lot of people were past some of those fucked up views, i do remember running into some shitty people in high school (and older adults) with not great opinions at times.

there's a scene where alice hooks up with lisa, and just does not want to respect lisa viewing herself as a woman. lisa leaves mad (so i guess at least the show wrote lisa as realistically upset to be misgendered during sex?) alice has no idea why, i think the writing expected the audience to relate to alice also being confused? but like idk, i'm nonbinary, if a lover kept calling me a woman during sex i'd fucking leave, so i get the reaction lisa had. but like... i do remember being a teen and people didn't even understand gender... so i'm not surprised it's handled this way in an old show.

also alice is bi, and her friends kinda just frequently invalidate that and call her a lesbian. the show's writing is a bit confusing about this? because on the one hand, alice IS being written as attracted to men, so she's being written as bisexual pretty genuinely, but then her friends just say sucky stuff. when i grew up, i was repeatedly told bisexuality didn't exist, i was fake etc tons of biphobic shit from straight and gay people, so the way her friends talk is realistic. and honestly nicer than a lot of ppl i knew around the time the l word was popular. on the other hand, there were a few shows being kinder to bisexuality around then. mostly i am guessing the show just went for... realistic at the time, and didn't care to reflect more on the matter? maybe

ah and jenny. i've never seen the show Girls, but i heard it was full of unlikable women who do realistic flawed things, and that's kind of the point - somewhat realistic. I imagine The L Word is, for the most part, attempting to do something similar: it's glamorized queer women since they're in LA, have art careers and are successfully employed mostly, so they're living the dream. But they also have realistic flaws and relationships: early as episode 1, Bette and Tina have very normal distant-emotional issues, Alice has normal issues with her mom overstepping boundaries, Shane has normal issues with jealous people and trying to keep a job, Dana has normal issues with dating and navigating work stuff. So I don't think the show is trying to portray "perfectly good" queer women, it's trying to portray realistic women. Bette is NOT a perfect sister to Kit, and vice versa. The women are flawed.

And oh jenny. jenny jenny jenny. i hate her lol. But i do realize some people are going to like flawed women, that's kind of the point of a show like this with realistic characters, and hey i liked evil queen regina in Once Upon a Time so to each their own. jenny sure is something. i've dated people like jenny and maybe that's why i'm like Big Yikes get her Off Screen lmao. ToT I've been Marina going 'i would just like my crush happy, what does she need,' I've been Tim going 'why did she lie?' and like. lol 'jenny's a writer she craves experiences' if that doesn't summarize a particular kind of girl you may date in your life. Hell, we might all have been Jennys too in the sense of dating someone like Marina who then tells us "yeah i'm in an open relationship, i'm telling you NOW (that we are already together too)." And yeah it sucks Marina didn't communicate that sooner... but also with Jenny 1. cheating on her bf, 2. not trying to communicate with Marina earlier to clarify things (because that would've required jenny to say something like admit she is AWARE she's cheating on her bf and making a concious choice instead of simply being 'tempted' uncontrollably by Marina which is what Jenny keeps insisting happened).

Well with Jenny not trying to communicate honestly with anyone she's hooking up with, I'm not surprised she didn't talk to Marina enough to FIND OUT Marina has a partner. I kinda think it's Jenny's fault. Jenny could've at any point idk Talked to Marina about their two's relationship, other possible partners, their wants out of this thing. But then Jenny would've had to admit she was purposely choosing to pursue Marina, and did all that lying to Tim on purpose. Also Jenny... oh Jenny... she cheats on Tim, they break up, he tells her to move out, so she goes to Marina expecting to move in. I imagine Jenny as the kind of person who only leaves a relationship once she has another lined up, and immediately rushes into the next one, very rarely just being single. I suppose I'll see how she acts later on. i think it'd do her a world of good to BE single... if for nothing else, so she can just be honest with herself and others for a while. I can see why some people like her, and hate her, and i just am like yikes the drama she brings ToT but hey, that's part of entertainment i guess lol. Also i suppose, being kind, a lot of young queer girls do what she does - without any malicious intent. They have a bf, for whatever reason, then they like a girl - and aren't ready to face that they like women but still WANT to pursue her. So a mess happens. I know, I dated girls like Jenny ToT

And now like, Shane. So there's a comparison there in a way: shane sleeps around, jenny does too. But I guess for me, Shane simply communicates more, and is more honest if people ask her. If a girl asks her, Shane will be honest she doesn't plan to be in a relationship, and she'll honestly say she slept with other women before. I can't relate to Shane lol, but her just being basic ass level honest makes her make more sense to me lol. Plus she is (at least so far) a good friend: she tells her friends if a partner they date is disrespecting them, backs up her friends if it's important, goes to hang out with her friends sometimes and is not only focusing on flirting. It's easy to see why she's in her friend group.

I think right now my favorite characters are Kit (I love her), Tina (I love her AND I low key think she and bette are just like Modern AU Gabrielle/Xena), Alice and Dana. Oddly, I remember hating Tim wayyyy back when I was in college and tried to watch the show once, probably because I was sick of seeing another guy/girl couple on tv especially when I'd been purposely seeking gay shit out. Now that I'm older, he annoys me less, and mostly I just notice Jenny's yikes factor to me lol. I still am awaiting Tim leaving the show mostly though, because i don't need to see any straight relationships in this ToT, but i thought he was fine ish.

[celepeace]

A monster-taming game recommendation list for fans of Pokemon

Whether you're a pokemon fanatic obsessed with all things pokemon past and present, or a veteran fan disillusioned with GameFreak's recent adoption of monetary philosophies and strategies reminiscent of other major game publishers, or looking for a monster-taming fix as you await new Pokemon content...

I'm compiling here a post of little-known games in the genre that Pokemon fans are likely to enjoy!

Under readmore cause long, but some of these games really don’t get the attention they deserve, so if you have the time, please read!

(I am also likely to keep updating and editing this post)

First up is Temtem!

Temtem is a game made by and for Pokemon fans, from the spanish indie developer Crema. Temtem is currently in early access on Steam and PS5, and is likely to remain in early access until sometime late next year. Full launch will include a Nintendo Switch release, too. Despite this, it has plenty of content to explore before full release. The developers are active, release new content on a semi-regular basis, and are responsive to the community as a whole and individuals if you happen to come across a bug you want to report.

Temtem boasts a wide variety of monsters to collect and train. It takes place in the Airborne Archipelago, a system of floating islands that orbit their star, the Pansun. The monsters inhabiting the archipelago are called Temtem, or tem(s), for short.

As far as game mechanics go, it has many similarities to Pokemon, but also many important distinctions. The biggest one, in my opinion, is that the element of chance has been removed from battle entirely. Moves cannot miss, have the same power constantly, and status afflictions have an obviously displayed countdown to when they will wear off (for instance, sleep lasts as long as it says it will last. Not 2-4 turns). PP does not exist, either. Your tems can battle for as long as their HP holds out. In place of PP, a new system called Stamina exists. Stamina is an individual stat, like HP and Attack. Each move costs a certain amount of stamina. If you go over the amount of stamina your tem has, the deficit is detracted from your health instead, and that tem cannot move next turn. Stamina passively regenerates a certain amount each turn, and items and moves exist that can heal stamina. All battles are also double-battles, you and your opponent will typically have two tems on the field at a time. This is just a few of the differences Temtem has from Pokemon, but they're some of the biggest ones.

Temtem is also a massively multiplayer game. You complete the storyline independently (or with a friend through co-op!), but in the overworld you can see other, real players moving around and interacting with the world. There is also public and area-specific chat you can talk to other players through. Despite this, all multiplayer functions are (currently) completely optional. You do not need to interact with others to complete the game.

Overall, Temtem is suitable for the Pokemon fan who is looking for a more challenging experience. Temtem is not a walk in the park you can blaze through with a single super-strong monster. For one, individual tem strength is more well-balanced than it is in Pokemon. There are very few (if any!) completely useless tems. Even some unevolved tems have their niche in the competitive scene! Aside from that, enemy tamers are scaled quite high, and you typically cannot beat them just from the exp you get from other enemy tamers. You have to do some wild-encounter grinding if you want to progress.

Temtem is a very fun game and I've already gotten over 100 hours out of it, despite only 3/5-ish of the planned content being released!

However, I do feel obligated to warn any prospective players of one thing: the current endgame is quite inaccessible. After you complete what is currently implemented of the main storyline, there is still quite a lot left to explore and do, but much of it is locked behind putting a lot of hours into the game. You kind of have to get perfect temtem to do the current PVE (and this is also somewhat true for the PVP too). By perfect I mean you have to breed a good tem and then train it to get the preferable EVs (called TVs in temtem). This takes... well, for a whole team... tens of hours. Of boring grinding. Some people enjoy it! But I don't. Regardless, the game was still worth buying because the non-endgame content is expansive and fun.

So overall, pros & cons:

Pros

Battle system is more friendly towards a competitive scene

Cute monsters

Lots of gay characters, also you can choose pronouns (including they/them) independently from body type and voice

Less difference between the objectively bad tems and good tems than there is in Pokemon

Lots of stuff to do even in early access

Most conversations with dialog choices have the option to be a complete ass for no reason other than it’s fun

Having less type variety in your team is less punishing than in Pokemon due to the synergy system and types overall having less weaknesses and resistances

At least one major character is nonbinary

Cons

Falls prey to the issue of MMOs having in-game economies that are only accessible to diehard no-life players

Related to the above point, cosmetics are prohibitively expensive

Endgame CURRENTLY is inaccessible to most players unless you buy good monsters from other players or spend tens of hours making your own. However I must add that the grind is great if you like that kind of thing and is quite easy and painless to do while watching a show or something.

Here is their Steam page and here is their official website.

Next is Monster Hunter: Stories!

This is a spinoff game of the Monster Hunter franchise released for the 3DS in 2018. If you're anything like me, and you've played the core Monster Hunter games, you've often thought "Man, I wish I could befriend and ride these cool dragon creatures instead of killing or maiming them!"

Well now you can! In Stories, as I will be calling it, you play as a rider rather than a hunter. Riders steal monster eggs from wild nests to raise them among humans as companions and guardians. And yes, egg stealing is a whole mechanic in of itself in this game.

This game works pretty differently from most monster-collecting games. You do battle (usually) against one or two wild monsters using your own, except you fight alongside your monsters too. With swords and stuff. There's armor and weapons you can smelt to make yourself stronger. Type match-ups also kind of don't exist in this game? Except they do? But not in a way you'd expect?

The vast majority of attacking moves you and your monster use fall into categories reminiscent of rock-paper-scissors. Moves can be categorized as power, speed, or technical. Speed beats power, technical beats speed, and power beats technical. The matchup of your move vs your opponent's determines how a turn will go down. If one move beats the other in matchup, then the winner's move will get to go and the loser doesn't get to do anything. If you tie, you both get hit, but for reduced damage. There's also abilities and basic attacks, with abilities basically being the same as pokemon moves, and basic attacks just being "I hit you for normal damage within this category". Also, you don't control what your monster does all the time in battle. You can tell it to use abilities, but what kind basic attacks it carries out is determined by its species' preference. Velicidrome, for instance, prefers speed attacks, but Yian Garuga prefers technical. Stamina also exists in this game in a very similar manner to Temtem.

Overall this game carries over a lot of mechanics Monster Hunter fans will find familiar (how items and statuses work for instance). You don't have to have played a core Monster Hunter game to enjoy Stories though! It's fine and is easy to understand as a stand-alone.

The story has some likable characters and is rather long (it was actually adapted into an anime!), for those of you who enjoy a good story.

I'd really recommend this one especially. If it sounds fun to you and you can drop $30, just do it. I bought it on a whim and I got a few weeks' worth of playing almost nonstop out of it, and I didn't even get to do everything! (I got distracted by Hades, oops)

Stories is also getting a sequel later next year on the nintendo switch! How exciting!

And yes, you do ride the monsters.

Pros & cons:

Pros

Large variety of cool monsters to befriend and raise

Pretty lengthy story

Every tamable monster is also rideable

Deceptively simple combat mechanics, easy to be okay at, hard to master

Incorporates some mechanics from early turn-based party rpgs like Final Fantasy for a nice twist on the monster collecting genre

Cons

Many monsters are objectively outclassed by other ones, making what can be in an actually good team more limited than you’d expect

3DS graphics inherently means the game looks like it was made 7 years before its time

Here is the Monster Hunter Stories official 3DS product page.

And here is Monster Sanctuary!

Monster sanctuary is a game that just had its 1.0 launch- meaning it was in early access and no longer is! Although the devs say they still plan to implement a few more things into the game in future updates. It is available on Steam, Nintendo Switch, Xbox One, and PS4.

Monster sanctuary is a metroidvania twist on the typical monster collecting game, meaning it is also a sidescrolling platformer in which you use abilities you gain throughout the game to explore the world around you. The abilities in this case are the monsters you get! Every monster has an ability that helps you traverse the sanctuary.

Speaking of the sanctuary, the game is set in one. The monster sanctuary is a magically shielded area, cut off from the rest of the world, created by an order of monster keepers, people who befriend and protect the mystical monsters inhabiting the world. Humankind encroached too far on the natural habitat of monsters and were hostile to the native wildlife, so the keepers created an area of varied environments to safely protect and preserve the remaining monsters of the world.

Unlike many other monster collecting games, this game only has 5 types: fire, water, earth, air, and neutral. However, the types themselves do not possess resistances and weaknesses. Instead, each monster has its own assigned weaknesses and resistances. And yes, this can include things like debuffs, physical vs special attacks, and the typical elemental types.

All battles are also 3 vs 3! And unlike in pokemon, where you can only hit the enemies nearest, all monsters have the ability to hit any opponent they want. Turns also work a little differently in that speed doesn't exist, you just use 1 move per monster in your turn and then it goes to your opponent's turn. Your monsters hit in whatever order you want them to.

There is also a quite important combo system in this game, where every hit builds a damage multiplier for the next. Moves often hit multiple times per turn. Healing and buffing actions also build this combo counter. So what monsters you have move in what order really counts!

But the main mechanical difference between this and other games in the genre is how it handles levels and skills. Instead of learning a set move at a certain level, this game incorporates a skill tree, and you get to allocate points into different skills as you grow stronger. And jeez, these skill trees are really extensive. Monster sanctuary is a theorycrafter's dream. Each monster has a unique, specially tailored skill tree, making every monster truly able to have its own niche. You can make use of whatever monster you want if you just put thought into it!

And like Temtem, this game is not made to be beatable by children. I'm sure a child could beat it, but it's not made to be inherently child-friendly like pokemon. It's honestly quite difficult.

On top of that, you are actively encouraged to not just be scraping by each battle. Your performance in battle is rated by an automated system that scores your usage of various mechanics like buffs and debuffs applied, type matchups, and effective usage of combos. The rating system directly influences the rewards you get from each battle, including your likelihood of obtaining an egg from one of the wild monsters you battled (no, you don't catch wild monsters in this game, you get eggs and hatch them). If you're not paying attention to how the game works and making good, effective use of your monsters, you'll have a hard time expanding your team!

The music is also really good, it's made by nature to be able to play over and over and not get old as you explore each area, and the composer(s) really did a good job with this. Some area songs, namely the beach one, I especially enjoy, so much so I've actually played it in the background while I do work.

This is a game I would really recommend. If I made it sound intimidating, it is by no means unbeatable, you're just gonna have to put some thought into how you play. At no point did I actually feel frustrated or like something was impossible. When I hit a wall, I was able to recognize what I did wrong and how I could improve, or I could at least realize something wasn't working and experiment until I found a solution. It's challenging in a genuinely fun, rewarding way.

Pros & cons:

Pros

Extremely in-depth combat system

I genuinely don’t know if there’s an objectively bad monster in this game

Evolution exists but is completely optional, as even un-evolved monsters can be great

Entire soundtrack is full of bangers

Large and diverse variety of monsters to tame

Cons

Story is a little lackluster, but passable

That’s the only con I can think of

Here’s a link to their Steam page and the game’s website.

A kind of unorthodox recommendation is the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon series!

Likelihood is that everyone reading this has heard of this series already, but just in case anyone hasn't, I thought I'd include it! I would categorize this as a hybrid between the mystery dungeon genre and the monster collecting genre, because you recruit pokemon as you play and can use those pokemon on your team!

If you're unaware, the mystery dungeon genre is a small subset of dungeon crawler games where you progress through randomly generated levels called mystery dungeons. Throughout the dungeons, there will be enemies to fight and items to collect. The challenge of these games is mostly due to the stamina aspect of them, in that you have to manage your resources as you progress through the level. If you go all out in each fight, you will inevitably lose quite quickly. You have to learn to win against enemies while balancing your use of items and PP, so you have enough for the next fight, and the fight after that.

Pokemon mystery dungeon in particular is famous for its stories, the likes of which isn't seen often in Pokemon games. They are hugely story-driven games and are notable for the emotional depth they possess. It's pretty normal for the average player to cry at least once in the span of the game. There's lots of memes about that specifically.

This entry in my list is also unique for being a series. So, which one should you play first? It actually doesn't matter! Each storyline is entirely self-contained and requires no knowledge of prior entries. The quality of each entry varies and is a point of contention among fans. I say you should play all of them, because they all have their merits (though some more than others.... coughgatestoinfinitycough). They're mostly distinct for the generation of Pokemon they take place in. Rescue team is gen 3, Explorers is gen 4, Gates to Infinity is gen 5, Super Mystery Dungeon is gen 6, and Rescue Team DX is a remake of a gen 3 game but has the mechanics and moves of a gen 8 game.

My only real caution is that you play Explorers of Sky, not Darkness or Time. Sky is basically a combination of the two games with added items and content. It's an objective upgrade over its predecessors, and I honestly wouldn't waste money on the other two. 

I’m not going to include a pros and cons list for the PMD series because I’m incredibly biased and it wouldn’t be an honest review.

Next is Monster Crown!

Monster Crown is a monster collecting game that seems to take heavy inspiration from early-gen Pokemon games in particular. It is currently in early access on Steam and is not expensive. I learned about it through the developers of Monster Sanctuary, when they recommended it on their official Discord.

The game has lots of charm and interesting creature designs, and an entirely new take on monster typings as well. Instead of monster types being based off of natural elements like fire, water, electricity, etc. Monster Crown uses typings that seem to be influenced by the personalities of the monsters. For instance, Brutal, Relentless, and Will are all monster types!

It also captures a lot of the charm many of us look fondly upon in early GameBoy-era games. The music is mostly chiptune, with some more modern backing instruments at times, and the visuals are very reminiscent of games like Pokemon Crystal in particular. Monster Crown is definitely the monster collecting game for fans of the 8-bit era!

The thing that stands out the most to me about this game is the breeding system. Instead of one parent monster passing down its species to its offspring, you can create true hybrids in this game.

However, it is very early access. I would consider the current build as an alpha, not even a beta yet! So temper your expectations here. I have not encountered any major bugs, but visual glitches here and there are quite common. The game also could definitely use some polish and streamlining, and is quite limited in content currently. But the dev(s) seem quite active, so I fully expect these kinks to be worked out in time!

The reviews are rather positive, especially for being in early access. I'm all for expanding the monster collecting genre, so if you're looking to expand your horizons in that sense, I would recommend you at least give this one a look! I personally had quite a bit of fun playing Monster Crown and am going to keep an eye out for updates.

Pros & cons:

Pros

Charming artstyle, appealing monster designs

Faithful callback to a bygone era of gaming

Controls are fairly simple and easy to get the hang of (and are completely customizable!)

Cool breeding and hybridization mechanics

There's a starter for each monster type!

You can choose your pronouns, including they/them!

Cons

Inherent nature of being very early access means can be clunky and unpolished at times

Also not much content as of right now, see above

User interface could use some redesign in places

Here’s their Steam page and the official website!

Here’s an oldie but a goodie, Azure Dreams!

This is one I actually haven’t played, mostly because it’s really old and therefore only practically accessible if you play it on an emulator, unless you're one of those old game collectors. Azure Dreams was developed by Konami and released for the PS1 in 1997. My impression of it was that it either didn’t sell well or only took off in Japan, because it’s actually really hard to find any comprehensive information about it on the internet.

Azure Dreams is a monster collecting - dating sim hybrid. You can build relationships with various characters and can pursue some of them romantically, although that isn’t the main draw of the game. There is also a stripped-down version that exists for the GameBoy Color, which forgoes the dating portion of the game entirely.

Azure Dreams is kind of like a mystery dungeon game in that you progress through a randomly generated, ever-changing tower using the help of the familiars you have accrued throughout your adventure. Similarly to Monster Hunter: Stories, you yourself also take part in the fighting alongside your monsters. Each time you enter the tower, your character’s level is lowered to 1, but your familiars keep their experience. Thus, progression is made through strengthening your monsters. To obtain monsters, you collect their eggs, just like in Monster Sanctuary (which, turns out, was at least partially inspired by this game!)

Due to this game being very old and on the PS1, the visuals leave a lot to be desired... but if you can get past that, Azure Dreams has lots of replayability and customization to how you play the game. To this day, it appears it has a somewhat active speedrunning community!

If you don’t mind the effort of using an emulator, and like old games, Azure Dreams just might be that timesink you were looking for in quarantine.

Honorable mentions:

Pokemon Insurgence (or any Pokemon fangame/ROMhack, really!) is a Pokemon fangame that introduces Delta Pokemon, which are really cool type-swapped versions of existing Pokemon. It’s sufficiently challenging and has a lot of variety in what you can catch in the wild, so you can pretty much add whatever you want to your team! The story is quite good, and the main campaign is multiple times longer than a typical Pokemon game’s campaign. Download it here!

ARK: Survival Evolved is NOT a monster collecting game BUT you do get to tame and fight alongside a lot of really cool extinct species, including but not limited to the dinosaurs we all know and love. This game is genuinely fun as hell, especially with friends, but I must warn you: never play on official servers. I highly recommend singleplayer, playing on a casual private server, or making your own server. Here’s the Steam page.

[coulson-is-an-avenger]

kisses 21 jm!

For the prompt “we’ll face this together” kiss. TY SAHAR!!! OKAY I accidentally had one (1) jonbinary idea and then it ended up being SO FUCKING LONG (like 2.5k long) so uh. yeah. Warnings for descriptions of dysphoria, mentions of kidnapping and self loathing, and Jon getting pretty close to a panic attack. Also disclaimer, although I am nonbinary, I’m not transfem, so if there’s any critiques surrounding that, don’t hesitate to let me know. Stay safe y’all!

Jon’s face itches as he faces the mirror like an old foe. It’s long held an image that hurts him to see; aged by unfathomable horrors and dotted with marks like a canvas before a child’s paint tipped fingers, and these days he can’t even be sure that his reflection looks away from him when he turns his head. But, the devil it holds at the moment is the simple reflection of his short beard, and his face itches at the reminder of it.

It isn’t a physical itch. It lurks under the skin, poking and prodding at his senses, rubbing him the wrong way as he lays his cheek on his pillow, leaving a distracting echo when his chin brushes against Martin’s during a kiss, scraping at the inside of his skin as he stares at himself and takes in the sight of it covering his chin.

He scrubs his fingers over his eyelids. He isn’t ignorant, he realizes the discomfort he feels is most likely somewhat gender-related, but it’s… his relationship with his gender is complicated. In a lot of ways, it’s been such a mundane concern recently that he’s somewhat lost track of where he stands with it, but he remembers how it felt to first wear a skirt into the archives, all those long years ago. How gentle Sasha had been with him back then, even if the memory pinches the back of his head and grins with too many teeth and a short haircut that he knows now was wrong. But the Stranger cannot take that act of kindness away from her, even if it took away the face he remembers sharing it with.

He had felt like he was becoming something new, then, staring at a new path, freshly paved in his life, open to the possibilities of self discovery and certainty. Then his life had been riddled with worms and his friends had been carved out, one by screaming one, and he was on the run and set alight and kidnapped and disabled and nearly killed and kidnapped again and nearly killed and—

Jon remembers, vaguely, a flash of what had happened in the month he was… gone. He doesn’t remember most of what happened in that place. Probably for the better, he tells himself, but he does recall one thing. One very simple thing, really; that he hadn’t been able to shave, and he remembers the itch being all he could focus on for days at a time.

One of the first things he had done after stumbling through Michael-now-Helen’s door-not-deathtrap was drag himself to a sink and shave his face raw, burned hand be damned. His skin had suffered afterwards, nicked and irritated beneath its smoothness, and he had taken some strange, morbid comfort in the blemish he was able to inflict, after so many days of hearing hollow voices sing of its beauty.

This is a dangerous line of thought, he realizes, hands pressed against the bathroom sink, his heartbeat starting to pound in his ears. He desperately does not want to think about that, not here, and preferably not ever again, if he can help it.

He tries to bring himself back to the here and now, grounding himself in the feeling of porcelain under his palms, but the victory over his mind is a hollow one, unfortunately, as it brings him right back to the itching under his skin.

He’s not sure if this itch is exasperated by his own self consciousness, or by the lingering sting of the Lonely that threatened to separate him from himself, but it builds until its all he can feel in his skin, on his face, and he finds himself lunging across the counter, knocking things over in an attempt to hunt down Martin’s razor.

Jon had lost his own somewhere in the chaos of living in the archives, but he’s sure he saw Martin trim his own short beard when they first arrived at the safehouse, so it must be here, he thinks, ripping open drawers, it must— aha!

His fist closes around the razor, hidden under the sink next to a small bottle of shaving cream and Martin’s testosterone shots, and he barely gives a thought to what he’s doing before raising it to his dry cheek, just needing this thing off, and—

“Jon? You know that’s not how to do that, right?”

Jon whips around like lightning, his back to the sink and the razor clenched in his fist against his chest like a talisman, breathing heavily.

Martin had been smiling slightly as he entered the bathroom, but the expression quickly falls from his face as he takes in the panicked look on Jon’s face, and the erratic motion of his free hand, clenched into a fist at his side and twitching in an attempt to calm himself. Martin steps forward quickly, outstretching a hand.

“Jon, love? Are you alright?”

Jon fixes his eyes on Martin; kind, beautiful Martin who still goes a bit grey at the fingertips and the eyes when anxiety seizes him, Martin who has always been there, always been there, ever since the beginning. Jon anchors himself as he looks at that familiar, beloved face, and tries to take a breath.

“I-I don’t know,” He manages, because this all feels very silly now. He’s a grown person standing in the center of a bathroom, clutching his boyfriend’s shaving razor like it’s a weapon, for God’s sake, all because of what? Some facial hair? Good Lord, he’s being ridiculous. ��Probably, I just… um.” He trails off, gut sinking as emotions spiral through him, too fast to pin down and name.

“Okay,” Martin says gently, shuffling a step closer. “Why do you have that?” He gestures to the razor in Jon’s hand, and Jon twitches, holding it closer.

“I need to borrow it,” He explains, stumbling. “I can’t- I need-“ He makes a frustrated noise and tries to get his thoughts to align. He inhales deeply and tries again. “I need to …shave. This-“ he gestures jerkily towards his face. “This is too much.”

Martin nods carefully, eyes glued to Jon’s face. “Too much?” His question is as gentle as his eyes, and Jon has to glance away for a moment, overwhelmed by being seen.

“It’s… complicated,” He begins, the fist pressed to his chest beginning to lighten up. “It… it just itches, all the time. Like- like a thousand ants under my skin, w-which is ridiculous because it doesn’t actually hurt or itch or- or anything, it just…” he glances back to Martin’s eyes, furtive and desperate for him to understand. “I need it to stop.”

“Oh,” Martin softens even more before Jon’s eyes, his face melting with understanding and sadness. “Oh, Jon. I didn’t realize you were having dysphoria.”

At the word dysphoria Jon glances sharply up, uncertainty fraught on his face, and Martin backtracks quickly.

“Or- s-sorry, I didn’t mean to assume. Is it-”

“N-no, Martin, it-it’s fine.” Jon waves Martin’s nerves aside and finds that he finally has a decent enough hold on his own to lower the hand that had been pressed against his chest. He turns around in the bathroom and sits down on the edge of the bathtub, sighing heavily. “It might be dysphoria, I don’t…” He hesitates, chuckling slightly. “I’m not quite sure I know it well enough to place it. Gender hasn’t exactly been… a priority these days.”

Martin nods and follows him deeper into the bathroom, setting down the lid of the toilet so he can sit on it and listen to Jon blunder through his feelings.

“It might be? I mean… I know I’m not a man, per say, but it… I mean, it could also be so many other things at this point. It’s just- I know it’s stupid to overthink, but—“

“Hey, hey,” Martin cuts him off, extending a hand to brush against the side of his knee. “It isn’t stupid, Jon. You don’t have to have a label or a reason in order to be uncomfortable. It’s- you’re allowed to call it just that; uncomfortable.”

Jon nods, looking down at the hands clasped in his lap.

“I know. It just hit me so suddenly, I-” He sighs, rubbing a hand over his forehead, careful to avoid brushing any of the hairs on his face. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Martin murmurs, and his hand rests more solidly on Jon’s knee. “Is this alright?”

Jon nods mutely, and lets himself expel some more of the tension in his shoulders as he focuses on the motion of Martin’s thumb sweeping softly over his knee.

“It reminds me of the circus,” Jon breathes after a moment of silence, and Martin’s hand stills against him, attentive and horrified. “When- when they…” He inhales sharply, willing his voice not to break. “Well, I couldn’t very well shave it,” He clenches his hands into fists again, still holding the razor tightly in his right. “Got it off as quickly as possible once I could.”

Martin exhales. “I remember that. I thought you just… I dunno, just really nicked yourself. I didn’t think about… yeah.”

“Yes,” Jon agrees, keeping his gaze on the hand on his knee. “I-I mean, I definitely did, nick myself that is. I wasn’t really thinking about doing it properly, I suppose.”

“Like just now?” Martin asks, kindly, gently, not judging. Jon feels his chest pinch anyways.

“Yes.” He admits quietly. Martin leans down to press a careful kiss to Jon’s knee.

“Okay, well, this time we’ll do it properly,” Martin raises himself from the toilet seat, reaching down into the cupboards to pull forth the shaving cream and a towel, and holds them out towards Jon.

Jon blinks, looks at the objects and then up at Martin, unsure of what’s being offered. “Sorry?”

“You still want the beard off, right? Let’s just make sure you don’t upset your skin,” He cracks a humorous smile. “Then it’ll actually start itching.”

Jon takes the can from his hand, but still frowns. “Us?”

“I- yeah,” Martin shifts his weight, fidgeting with the towel. “I can help, if that’s alright with you. You don’t… always seem to handle mirrors the best? And I’ve helped shave another person before so… yeah. If you want.”

Jon’s world stutters to a blushing halt. Martin’s right, he doesn’t like to linger on his face in mirrors even on the best days (of which today is certainly not one) and as much as he’s accustomed to doing this himself, what Martin is promising is intimate; an extension of vulnerability and the promise of a care that he hardly takes with himself. The more he considers it, the more finds himself tentatively wanting it, and he nods carefully. He trusts Martin, he’s decided a thousand times by now.

“Alright,” He agrees, and smiles.

Martin smiles in response. “Alright. Do you want me to um-” He gestures with the towel in his hand, and Jon nods.

Martin makes quick work of running the towel under the tap until it’s warm, and then wringing it out so it’s ready to actually use. He takes his seat again and tips Jon’s head back with a hand to lay the towel gently overtop, letting the warmth seep into his skin. It’s more effort than Jon usually puts in, or used to, when he did this more regularly, but he finds it’s a nice feeling, and he almost misses it when Martin takes the towel away again.

“Right,” Martin continues, looks pointedly to the can of shaving cream in Jon’s hand and Jon hesitates.

“Ah. Maybe not that part? Th-the actual shaving is fine, but-”

“Oh! Yeah, of course,” Martin nods, not questioning, and reaches forward instead to gently take the razor itself from Jon’s fist so he can use both hands to get the shaving cream on his face. Jon surrenders the razor, forcing himself to trust it in Martin’s hands, to trust that Martin won’t just leave him hanging.

He tries not to think too hard about the feeling of the cream on his skin. It’s a far cry from lotion, so it doesn’t bring up any sense memories, thankfully, but it’s still an uncomfortable texture, and he focuses on the sound of Martin’s breathing to keep himself from slipping.

Fortunately it doesn’t take long; soon enough Jon’s finished, wiping his hands on his trousers, and then Martin’s shifting closer, taking Jon’s face in his hands like it’s something precious, something to be loved and cared for. He is very close, his dark brown eyes nearly black with focus as he gently reaffirms that Jon’s sure about this, and then the cool razor swipes across Jon’s cheek.

Jon’s heart lurches in his chest, a messy combination of nerves and gratefulness, but he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move at all, and just watches Martin focus with gentle certaintly as the blade passes over his cheeks again and again in careful, confident strokes. His fingers whisper at Jon’s chin when he tilts up his head and swipes the blade carefully up the top of his throat, brow furrowed and tongue poking out of his lips in concentration.

Jon holds his breath, wills his heart to still, but it’s alright, with Martin it’s always alright. His hands are warm as they cup his cheeks, tilt him this way and that, thorough in their task, and his fingertips are gentle as they lift his chin and brush away foam and ghost over his throat. He never even comes close to nicking him, and Jon feels a great warmth unspooling in his chest, stinging his eyes.

“All done,” Martin finishes triumphantly, his face breaking into a grin as he hands Jon the towel again, lets him wipe off his own face.

There’s no coarse texture as the fabric touches his face, no itching or discomfort as it drags over his chin, and the steady drumbeat of wrongness that had pervaded him for weeks finally, finally dissipates, unblocking his lungs and releasing the tightness from his shoulders. He runs a hand over his chin, and finds a shy smile quickly taking over his face, affection and relief filling him up from the inside out and spilling onto his features.

“Thank you,” He breathes, and Martin matches his smile with one of his own, and nods, nothing but respect and affection in his eyes.

“Any time,” Martin says seriously, before reaching out to take Jon’s hand and slowly bringing it to his lips, giving Jon ample time to pull away. “You don’t have to struggle with this stuff alone,” He murmurs against Jon’s knuckles. “It’s easier together.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Jon’s response is quiet, and Martin kisses his hand then; gentle, and full of reverence. Jon finds that he could melt right into the floor and be happy for the rest of his life.

He reaches up to pull Martin down into a kiss, gentle and insistent and grateful, lacing his hands in his hair and sighing against his lips at the sensation, noting how nice it feels to kiss his boyfriend without his itching skin pressing at his thoughts.

The kiss stays chaste, and eventually Jon pulls back just enough to press their foreheads together, keeping his eyes closed, reveling in it. “Together, then.” He affirms, and Martin smiles.

“One way or another.”

[himboarcher]

reasons i've seen folks say that grad critics hate grad:

they hate travis (in fairness, i’ve def seen some comments of people shitting on trav for the sake of shitting on trav, but it’s not super common and typically gets downvoted into oblivion on reddit.)

it's not balance / travis isn't griffin (???????)

they hate neurodivergent people (again, in fairness, i have seen a handful of comments that could come across this way! but most of the time when travis being ADHD or his NPD is brought up, it's by defenders saying that criticizing travis is ableist because he's neurodivergent or, in one particular comment, infantilizing him bc of it and literally comparing grad to putting a kid's artwork on the fridge. there were some comments early on that pointed to him being a narcissist as the reason for things people disliked about grad, but everyone seems to have realized that that's a shitty train of thought and left it behind.)

they're just toxic haters (again, there are a small handful of people like this because this is the internet, but the genuine criticism greatly outweighs their bullshit. i 100% think that the people, which is mostly just one dude who is also insufferable on reddit, who have been responding rudely to positive tweets under the episode announcements lately are out of line and need to stop. there's been an influx of that lately, presumably because people are frustrated that after over a year of grad going on, there's been no improvement to most of the major issues. that's still no excuse to be a dick to folks, though.)

vs some of the actual reasons i don't like grad:

the racism / racist tropes, and the way that they’ve straight up ignored this criticism and will likely never acknowledge it. pretty wild considering a core tenet of their brand is their willingness to acknowledge when they’ve messed up and do their best to course correct.

clumsy attempts at inclusion that are shallow and often end up being fairly offensive ("...ask me about my wheelchair," anyone?)

on a related note: i don't think that travis had bad intentions, but as an nonbinary person, it feels othering to me that travis only has enby characters give others their pronouns unprompted. i'm thinking specifically of kai here. having listened to their introduction, i don't think it's as bad or awkward as some people have said, but i can't remember travis ever having another NPC tell the PCs their pronouns, especially not a cis character. it's not a huge deal, but it's something that rubbed me the wrong way. admittedly, i don't think it would bother me so much if travis hadn't dropped the ball so much with performative inclusion in the past.

okay i'm putting the rest under a read more because even without getting into all of the problems i have with it, this got Long.

little to no player agency. player choices are ultimately meaningless and have little to no effect on the world. even when he seems to go along with a plan they come up with, it always ends with them having to go back to travis' pre-written script (see: subpoenaing the xorn, but not really because they had to go with travis' original plan of "send the xorn home through the rift".) the players repeatedly get told things about what they think or feel or what they've been doing to an unnecessary degree. fitzroy is the only one who really gets space to play and decide things for himself, and that's only because travis has decided he's the main character.

the NPCs are all too nice and willing to give the PCs anything they ask for and more, unless the PCs are trying to follow their own plan and then the NPCs are completely useless. but honestly, aside from gray, all of the NPCs are just.... nice. travis refuses to even let his antagonists be mean or cruel or even more than just slightly rude, because that'd be a bummer and we don't want that! the "twist" of gordy the lich king actually being polite and chill is not a twist at all because everyone is like that in this world. the NPCs are also wildly overpowered, but then suddenly absolutely useless when the PCs actually want their help.

too many cliffhangers that are dropped immediately at the beginning of the next episode. i feel bad for travis because so many of these cliffhangers actually set up good momentum and seemed like things were gonna get interesting, but almost every single time he just dropped them at the beginning of the next episode. like when althea showed up to interview the boys and the next episode started with travis being like "actually you went to sleep, she said she'll be back tomorrow!"

that time travis specifically said in his exposition dump that the thundermen left their horses behind because they thought the centaurs might be offended by them riding horses, only to later on rag on them for being surprised that the centaurs had horses they could ride.....

also the centaur arc in general, but i already listed racism above, so.

the way that the toxic positivity and parasocial tendencies in the mcelroy fandoms have made a large portion of the fandom take ANY criticism as a personal attack on travis and/or on themselves for enjoying something others consider bad, either morally or just quality-wise. it’s okay to admit that something you like has problematic elements or just isn’t as good as it once was. you can and should engage critically with the media you consume.

related to above: the way travis has handled genuine criticism, which is to throw public tantrums on his twitter or make weird passive aggressive tweets & ultimately ignore all the genuine criticism and advice he's been offered by claiming it's all subjective, even after he specifically asked for it and set up an email for folks to send in genuine, objective advice for him (after he threw a tantrum on twitter and replied to someone's criticism publicly, which resulted in his followers dogpiling on that person bc how dare they insult their internet best friend). while i was writing this last night, he actually announced that he’s taking a break from Twitter and acknowledged that he’s been using it as an echo chamber where he can easily get validation from folks, and honestly i’m happy for him that he’s recognized this problem and is stepping away for a while! i hope he’ll genuinely use this time to reflect on how he’s been behaving and find a more healthy way to use social media. i’m leaving this point in because i think his Twitter being such a positive echo chamber was encouraging him to do stuff like this, and him somewhat acknowledging his behavior doesn’t mean it can no longer be discussed.

rainer. extremely cool concept in theory and i was very into it until that awkward "does anyone want to ask about my wheelchair?" moment. also when travis had her use her mobility aid to RAM INTO A DOOR instead of just fucking knocking???? also all the times travis has tried to force a romantic relationship between her and fitzroy, despite fitzroy displaying no interest in her in that way. also, just to clarify: as an ace person, i don’t think this is aphobic! (and it’s kind of a stretch to call it that imo, especially since griffin never explicitly said that fitzroy's aromantic!) i just think it’s weird and awkward and a little uncomfortable for me personally, mostly because it reminds me of the times i’ve been in similar situations.

less of a problem than a lot of the other stuff and more just bad writing, but the forced emotional moments. in general, nothing in grad feels earned (why are the boys heading a war? when they have multiple actual heroes with combat experience on their side and a supposedly powerful secret organization? and the thundermen are like 21 years old max and have only had like ~10 fights in the entire campaign?) but there've been a couple times where travis has tried to force unearned emotional moments, presumably because he knows people enjoyed those with the last campaigns. but the difference is that in balance, the big emotional moments happened because they were earned. in grad, it's just travis throwing a baby pegasus at us for a few minutes and then the next time she shows up, it's supposed to be a tearful goodbye.

there are absolutely no stakes. remember when the thundermen got told that if they left, gray would kill 10 students? and then they left and came back and it turns out that what gray actually meant was, "i'll tie ten students who are mostly nameless NPCs to a tree and throw some dogs at them that you can easily stop in time, then throw a tantrum because how dare you but i'll leave before you can really do anything to hurt me lol" travis did have fitzroy's magic get taken away, but like. it didn't really do anything? also all he had to get it back was be coerced into using drugs by an authority figure and trip in the woods?

we're told that the school is weird and the hero system is corrupt, but the world of nua is still presented as more of a liberal utopia than anything? althea getting fired because of a corrupt villain is the only time we've somewhat seen corruption, but even then, she was still allowed to get (what seems to me, anyway, but admittedly i don't know for sure bc nothing about the HOG makes much sense) a fairly important job from the very people who stripped her of her hero license or whatever the fuck heroes need?

travis doesn't actually seem to understand how capitalism or bureaucracy works and just chalks up everything to "red tape." also more on the rest of the boys than him specifically, but the "let's destroy capitalism!" thing turning into just pushing some filing cabinets over................... okay.

and one last piece of extremely subjective criticism: it's just kind of.... boring. i think a lot of people, myself included, would be willing to overlook 90% of the problems with graduation if it didn't feel like such a slog to get through.

also people saying that we can't or shouldn't criticize graduation because it's "free" is absolutely absurd for several reasons. first, something being free does not make it above criticism. second, there ARE people who directly financially support the show with monthly donations. three, there's a difference between something being free and something being not for profit. podcasting is their full time job. they make their living off of money made from TAZ and MBMBAM (and probably their other shows to a lesser extent). this not a fun home game that they are graciously recording and sharing with us. it is a product they are producing that they make money off of, both from ads in the episodes and merch & books based off of these podcasts. they have marketed themselves as professionals, and both griffin and travis have been on panels where they are marketed as professional DMs and appear alongside other professional DMs (which makes it incredibly frustrating when people say that travis is just a newbie DM and we can't criticize him because of that. if he's a newbie, then he should not be taking part of panels as a professional DM where he speaks as an expert). TAZ is free in the same way that an episode of NCIS is free. i may not pay for it directly, but the creators are paid to create it and profit off of me consuming this product. so saying we should be grateful for any mcelnoise that the benevolent good boys share with us and that we're not allowed to criticize it "because it's free" is absolutely wild.

[loversarcanas]

9, 10, 11, 12!

thank you aurora <333

9. headcanons on the girls' gender/orientations?

anne: shes the ONLY ONE I have a solid unchanging headcanon for and it's that she's a trans lesbian and uses she/her and it's so FUNNY to me bc literally everyone else I heard talk about it agrees chshvsjvvjs

sasha: i've gone back and forth on her the most i think, but lately i've been enjoying she/he genderfluid lesbian sasha! though i go back and forth on whether she's a lesbian or bi still sjhsjdjhs. also somewhat related but i like the idea that sasha keeps her long hair bc she deserves to have a manbun

marcy: I go back and forth with her a lot too, between she/they nonbinary lesbian or nonbinary aroace mostly I just haven't been able to settle on one lol. either way none of them are cis or straight in my mind

10. do you think that the show will actually confirm any of the girls' ships?

it's hard to say, and I think it all depends on what matt and the crew put through disney's censors. if a ship were to be canon IN SHOW, based on context clues it would be either sashanne or marcanne. though if there's any possibility of sashannarcy being canon, with poly ships still being seen as 'taboo', I think it would be a korrasami kind of ending. maybe there a timeskip to the three girls sharing an apartment, or spending time together in a way that could be read as either romantic or platonic, and then confirmed by matt post-show. it'll be interesting to see what happens regardless!

11. episodes/moments that you think are underrated?

this discussion came up a couple days ago and I didn't realize that a lot of people don't like cracking mrs. croaker? which doesn't make sense to me personally, since it's one of the funnier and memorable filler episodes for me. i love mrs. croaker a lot (she's probably my 2nd favourite wartwoodian after maddie) so finding out she's a kickass old lady with a nemesis is hilarious to me! and we also get anne calling her hot and her and polly looking at pictures of hot croaker which just SENDS me

12. characters that you think are underrated?

i actually really like felicia sundew, and grew to like her even more after ivy on the run! not only does she show to be a good mom who does genuinely keep her daughters interests in mind, but damn can she kick ass too <3

[davidmann95]

Comics this week (3/10/2021)?

cheerfullynihilistic said: Comics this week (03/10/21)??

adudewholikescomicsandotherstuff said: This week’s comics?

Anonymous said: Comics?

Anonymous said: 3/10 NCBD?

Non-Stop Spider-Man #1: The lead story was fun, the backup was dopey, I’ll give it another issue or two to see where it goes.

The Immortal Hulk #44: While it was too late for this week I’ve taken Hulk off my pull list, so the store won’t order any copies specifically for me and therefore my future purchase of the book won’t support Joe Bennett’s presence, just the store. This issue is typical of some of the books’ weaker installments of the last year or so - feels like well-done regular superhero comics instead of Immortal Hulk - but those last couple pages bring it back around.

Daredevil #28: Holy cow, those King In Black issues actually mattered. God this book is still so fuckin’ good in so many ways, everything every dumbass street-level superhero ‘deconstruction’ wants to be when it grows up.

Children of the Atom #1: Sucks real bad! This weird combo of ‘hip new young Marvel heroes!’ trappings and soulless X-Men lifer comics execution that feels certain to appeal to neither group.

Eternals #3: Of the listed Deviants I imagine I’d relate most to Annoyed Veug.

Commanders in Crisis #6: While I remain without the ability to weigh in on this objectively, this is the issue that to date most feels like it lives up to the promises of the series premiere.

The Wrong Earth: Night & Day #3: Little disappointed personally with the reveal of what the third world is - I assumed it was going to be more of a straight take ‘modern’ version to the other two’s flavors of throwbacks - but this series still rules. And that ending.

Home Sick Pilots #4: Okay, I think I can follow what’s happening at this point, still enjoying it.

Proctor Valley Road #1: I review these books in the order I present them to my dad since he likes DC/Marvel/Other to each be lumped together, but make no mistake: this is the last of the three Morrison books to read this week, because this is what comes next for them. A return to their roots - 70s kids way into music and dealing with the weird, girls adventure stories of the kind they apparently grew up reading - this feels like a refinement of their mid/late-00s Vertigo work in the same way they’ve been iterating on their superhero material for decades. The horror is sold excellently, whether by their own efforts or thanks to cowriter Alex Child this is their most fluid, ‘real’-sounding dialogue perhaps ever, and Franquiz with Bonvillain are instantly among their all-time best collaborators, perfectly capturing the shifting tone and character acting necessary to best put Morrison’s big ideas over in a way a number of their collaborators haven’t lived up to over the years (and speaking of the visuals, Jim Campbell does the lord’s work with that lettering trick near the end). Ritesh Babu and Sean Dillon have a lot more to say about the book and how it already acts as a darker, more honest take on your Stranger Things and the like as a commentary on its times, but I’m already loving to see this particular return down to Earth for Morrison and company and I’m glad to hear this is selling really well compared to their previous indie work.

Dead Dog’s Bite #1: This actually came out last week, but Ritesh recommended it so I figured it might be worth a look. A so far intensely low-key missing persons mystery with a touch of surreality around its edges, this already looks to be the best “look! A nine-panel grid! Fancy!” comic since Mister Miracle, really lived-in and emotional for as little happens in this debut. Very curious where it’s going.

Rorschach #6: I continue to like it.

Batman: Urban Legends #1: Glory be, a good Jason Todd comic - at last, you noble stubborn weirdoes living off of like six nonconsecutive panels all these years, you may lay down your burden. Not all you’d necessarily hope from Zdarsky tackling Gotham after what he’s been doing with Daredevil but rock-solid work regardless; the Harley story is fine, Outsiders is a letdown after Thomas’s shockingly good showing for them in Future State but it’s still fine, and the Grifter stuff is fun.

The Joker #1: I thought the advertised ‘a Joker story from Gordon’s POV’ angle was an interesting one even if I was concerned this book would in practice be pure editorial mandate, but in reality? Tynion has managed to pull the wool over DC’s eyes and do a full-on Jim Gordon book (one predicated with him being off the force to make it reasonably comfortable read in 2021) with Joker as the barest of pretexts to get it out the door and selling for as long as he wants to continue it. He even said in interviews that when the book was first pitched to him that his response was that a Joker solo book was a dumb unworkable idea until he had an idea for a ‘different way to approach it’, he knows exactly what he’s doing and I salute him. And it’s a darn good Gordon book even if the Punchline backup is predictably tepid, I’m in the tank for Gotham’s perpetual whipping boy dealing with weird noir international crime with Joker sort of hanging around in the background menacingly to justify the nominal premise.

Anonymous said: Hey, so I figure one random anon won’t change your mind, but like you I was disappointed by New Frontier’s immortal Wonder Woman, but I still got the new issue of Wonder Woman cause Wonder Woman at Valhalla still sounds great and I actually liked it! I think I’m gonna get at least the next issue, so there’s at least one recommendation for it

Wonder Woman #770: This combined with the store still putting it in my pile prompted me to give it a try after all, and whether because something here clicks better or if they’re simply not trying so hard without the pressure of doing a ‘final’ story for Diana, Cloonan and Conrad do in fact do substantially better on the main book than they did with Immortal Wonder Woman. Some fun, some fights, some mythology and intrigue, gorgeous landscapes and generous servings of beefcake from Travis Moore - this isn’t going to be sweeping the Eisners, but this is as enjoyable as a Wonder Woman comic has been in a good long time. My only concern is that the joyousness on display here might dissipate somewhat once Diana fully returns to herself, but in the meantime this was a very pleasant surprise (especially with the the Young Diana backup by Bellaire, Ganucheau, Goode, and Carey).

Superman #29: PKJ’s Superman thus far has been a story of overcoming initial worries of mine - in this case, my concern that he’d have a bad Scott Snyder-ey case of “if you’ve read the interviews you’ve pretty much already heard the dialogue of the comic verbatim”. In practice here most of what he’s had to say about these issues are distilled down really succinctly and poignantly in the midst of a fun little upper-atmosphere adventure portending something grimmer, and while I know it didn’t click with everyone I thought Phil Hester’s work here was a perfect accompaniment. The Tales of Metropolis backup wasn’t nearly as enjoyable, but hints at some interesting worldbuilding I’m hopeful will pay off in the main run.

The Green Lantern Season Two #12: The final Grant Morrison DC comic. One of two anyway, but if the next story I discuss is their broader final (non-Klaus, hopefully) statement on the superhero subgenre and a bridge to what they’re doing next, this is the one that’s about being The Final Grant Morrison DC Comic. A mélange of pretty much all their other DC finales into a shamelessly self-reflective meditation on the limits of what they can accomplish in shared universe storytelling where Green Lantern saves the universe through collective action and then fucks off to do his own thing elsewhere while the kids take over the ongoings. Weird and kinda perfect, and if nothing else this series took Liam Sharp from “really? This dude is drawing the last ever Morrison DC ongoing?” to “HOLY FUCKING SHIT LIAM SHARP”.

(The panel folks blew up over I think can be read multiple ways, but not in a ‘it’s open to interpretation!’ way so much as the storytelling/framing being unclear. I personally read it as ‘this is what neighbor versus neighbor looks like now’ rather than ‘calling someone a TERF or a Nazi is as bad as anything the other side does’, because oldster and out of touch though they may be I can’t see Morrison seriously saying that, especially after coming out.)

Wonder Woman Earth One Volume 3: At long last, after a hideous misfire kicking the series off and a second installment best described as ‘well, at least it wasn’t the first one’, this while not without elements I want to see femme and nonbinary critics discuss critically lives up to what you want to see out of ‘Grant Morrison’s Wonder Woman’. Big utopian fiction breaking the typical boundaries of superhero stories with aplomb in implicit conversation with a ton of their previous work, a bridge from what they’ve done to what they’re doing next, it’s an imperfect (especially with Paquette’s art, which while gorgeous and majestic in the way this story demands really doesn’t living up to the ‘acting’ necessary here in a way thrown into sharp contrast by Franquiz in PVR) but shockingly passionate statement of intent - if the last two volumes felt like Morrison struggling to have something to say with Wonder Woman in the same way they did with Superman and Batman, this feels at the close like them at last finding in her a way to do everything left with the cape and tights crowd they wanted to but couldn’t manage anywhere else under the Big Two umbrella. Odd and lovely, a fine sendoff.

[edwardjamescoplin]

Plot Wishlist

This is an old list of plots I wanted to do but never got around to. I’ve described them in m/f, f/f pairings but am open to nonbinary characters as well! 

Disclaimer: I personally have never written a nonbinary character and don’t want to disrespect anyone without properly researching when doing so, but will be more than happy if you’d prefer to play one! 

If you’re up for playing one of them out, simply send me a message or like this and I’ll come to you! I’m more than excited to write with you!

Discord: edwardcoplin#7261

A plot with a woodworker -  maybe a lady was sent to look over this guy because he was running the business himself and he has a business deal with a company where he isn’t meeting deadlines. They send her in to push him to complete the agreed upon orders and she discovers he’s not doing too well mentally/emotionally. She has to straighten him out and in order to keep the deal going he has to obey her. This of course leads to silly arguments and they don’t get on well. He feels that she ruins all the fun because she walks in when he’s goofing off with friends and picks fights with him, so he blames her for his inability to finish the job. This could turn romantic or just be a petty partnership of showing each other up. 

Subject A started having seizures a month ago. Doctors have not given A any type of diagnosis and A is having to adjust to life rapidly changing. A can no longer attend school due to being a distraction as well as not being able to make it throughout a class without being in pain, feeling left out because he/she is not at the same place as the rest of his/her peers with classwork, and of course the seizures are ‘distracting’. Over the span of a month the entire school has blocked A out, slowly halting with newsletters to events and games, rallies, etc. Subject B has had seizures for over two years and has been out of school for a year. He/she was never given a diagnosis and still continues to go to doctors in hopes of finding out something new. A and B meet in the waiting room at one of their therapist appointments, not knowing the other shares a similar experience. They are just two normal people. They talk and bond over common interests but neither tells the other of the crippling effects of their seizures. A and B split and go to their sessions and then leave noting to swap numbers. Over the next six months they trade texts, emails, late night half asleep phone calls, and weekly meet ups at their therapy appointments. The can share their favorite books and movies, old games, etc.. They tell their parents about each other and their parents stay in contact with the belief this connection is healthy for the two of them. A and B have to plan ahead for anything they want to do outside of their appointments. They go to the mall, spend time at each others place, and of course they both find out about the others condition. They don’t use that to bond though. They focus on who they were before the seizure started and who they are now. They try to make the best of things through health scares. Both A and B spend endless amounts of time molding their friendship and doing the things they feel comfortable doing. They don’t push each other, but they kind of protect each other and offer an understanding.                                                     This is just a rough draft idea. I definitely want to develop this more and figure out the exact details of doing it. This is somewhat of a personal experience and I like the idea of normalizing different health conditions. 

Two girls that are best friends and they don’t necessarily click in the way that they wanna fuck and shove each other into doors trying to get the other out of their clothes, it’s more of a co-dependency relationship/friendship. They aren’t dating, but they both get jealous when the other is in a relationship with somebody else. They’re both popular in school/their own crowds (college based), and maybe one of them is head cheerleader for the college/university and the other is a huge science nerd. But they grew up together and they’d never let the differences between cliques come between their friendship. At least they try not to. I want there to be late nights where one is running over to the others house/dorm, even though they should be sleeping, because she needs somebody to hold her while she sleeps. And I want there to be fights and melodramatic little quips. Maybe the nerdy one has a bigger mouth than the cheerleader. I want there to be screwed up make out sessions and then they just pretend like it never happened. It’s nothing more than a friendship. They do everything together. One of them is focused on moral rights and the other is focused on just having a good time, but they have long talks and lose sleep trying to put the pieces together in life and they make dumb plans and just everything is focused on them and growing and learning and finding out who they are and what their friendship really is. I want the craziness of it all. {this plot would most likely include smut, so please 18+ only}

A girl is a serial killer and her parents put her into a mental institute, and the workers at said place are really violent/cruel. They torture her physically and use electric shock/other methods to try and fix her and stuff. Pretty much they do it so much that she’s mentally trapped in a coma state. So, while in this coma, she dreams and makes up this whole other world. She meets a boy/girl and they get on well and basically it can either go in the direction of him/her being a serial killer and they’re killing people or she creates this whole world where they’re just normal people and she imagines him/her up. Another turn it could take, twist here, the boy/girl is actually a serial killer and the people at the institute tortured him/her and killed him/her several years back and now he’s/she’s in her dreams and it’s just really fucked up ok.

Two kids who grew up together and were very close/or maybe not even friends but they’ve met up ten years later and one is like rich and famous and the other runs a library and somehow in business deals they get paired together and have to travel to a place neither is familiar with. They work together to navigate through the entire thing and kind of get to know each other. They could like each other or hate each other, doesn’t matter.

two people, both from different religious views. They’re pushed together for some reason. one of them is really big into Christianity but the other is atheist and the religious one falls for the other and the entire time that person is pushing them away because they don’t believe in love or anything and this related to the song angel with a shot gun, give up religion for em all that jazz.

“I was once told I like people because I enjoy trying to fix them. I’ve learned, now, that there is no way to fix people, and you should not try to fill yourself in between the cracks of their uprooted scars. Upon being told this, I began to see things differently. I watched myself from the outside, captivated by the way I would fall in love with the trivial flaws and misconceptions in a person’s everyday life. I watched as they would walk across the street, dressed for work and bound for disaster at the swallowing of a coffee all too hot, and I would fall into a transitional relation with them. I found home between the curves of their words. They were like silk in my mind. I would find companionship in the alternate spirals of their every step. Their thoughts were like ink to me. I could write down every single one of them. Their tears were like drops of rain filled with the temptations of curiosity in the form of stories. Every single detail became an art piece for me.”                                                                        I wrote this a while back and I really want to create something off of it. Maybe like a m/f goes to the same cafe every day with his/her journal and they write stories about the people they see and like fall in love with people all the time just by watching them.

"Fingertips leave the soft tinted stain of your body against mine. They wrap in rafting waves over the hills of my spine."                                          I would also love to make a plot off of this little bit I wrote a while back.

two angels are paired together by god to walk the earth and do jobs, but then they get in trouble and lose the powers/advantages they had. They get trapped on this universal plane and have to work among mundanes to figure out how to get back to safety. (honestly this is similar to the show Lucifer now that I look back on it)

a cynical lawyer works for a psychotic model

a hunting trip turns into a fight for life with no connection to anyone outside of the woods

"you’re not supposed to look back, you’re supposed to keep going." Maybe something that isn’t necessarily dealing with running away but overcoming some sort of obstacle. I don’t know.

{f} is a dancer, always has been. She’s been in love with it since she was little. She’s never taken a class, just taught herself the choreography to dances. She choreographs her own moves and teaches a hip hop class down in town. {m} has been to dance school, worked all of his life to do whatever his mother wished upon him. He’s dealt with riches and galore, promised to marry a girl from his class, but recently decided to go in other directions. He dreads dancing, however, he’s been sent to teach one class recently. Since joining said class he’s met {f}, who has undeniably brought out the joy in his dance. She pushes him to go after the things he actually wants in life, so long he promises to remain as head in the one class at the studio they both work at. He doesn’t know what to do apart from follow what she says. Something about her makes him see the beauty in the things he hates.

“I would anger angels for you.” — SIX WORDS (2/3/14)                               a plot based off of this, or to use it as a quote for a character

[eye-of-enigmatic-thought]

2019, a retrospective to this year and decade

Long post in-comin’

I’m gonna be honest, I’m not really sure how to describe this year and by extension, this decade, I guess that’s to be expected in a way, so many things can happen in 365 or more days to the point of a information overload, but I suppose the best way to describe this year was ‘complicated yet also stale’. Not much happened in the beginning aside from therapy and support group appointments, which were pleasant albeit I don’t remember much from them aside from drawings I’ve done that I showed to the other members, nothing of significance happened that I can recall during the middle of the year, and around near the end I took part in art therapy groups that I managed to make a few friends out of (though I sadly don’t chat with them often), at September I was beginning to try and get into college after being out of education for a year and managed to enrol (though court issues made me miss the first five weeks that I had to quickly catch up to), most of my memories of this year actually came from college.

College has been going good, so far! I have been learning a lot and my tutors are very kind, of course it can get stressful due to the long days I have and also due to some of my more rowdier peers, but I’ve managed to also befriend a few others that I am very happy to have met. Currently I’m in my break and I will use it to advantage as much as I can to post as much art as I can.

Also, I’ve just recently been exploring my gender, and well, I’m now transmasc rather than a demigirl, I still go by whatever pronoun and still see myself as nonbinary, but I am more masculine leaning now? I guess I might be a ‘demiboy’ but I still feel a bit more ‘fluid’ than that, sooo... masculine leaning demifluid? I dunno, but overall I’m not a girl anymore! :D

Rebirth is still being rewritten, admittedly I haven’t been focusing entirely on it due to some things in the way, but some of that is now gone so really my only enemy is my lack of motivation and poor time management, but even times where I’m not writing and/or editing the rewrite I’m still thinking of how I want certain scenes to go or what things I want the characters to say, so it’s still being worked on! I do feel incredibly bad that I haven’t been doing a lot of my Undertale-related stuff lately or even attempting to at least finish off the HS’ blog’s first arc (I at LEAST wanna finish that arc before I go on a official hiatus to fully know what to do with it), but you can rest assured that I have NOT forgotten about it and I do want to continue on with it, I guess that’s probably one of my goals for 2020, ‘more Undertale fanart’, yes, good, very good, mwahahahaha.

And now, a little something more personal, mostly in regards to this decade as a whole. Warning for mentions and discussions of pedophilia, bullying, suicide, and trauma for the next three or so paragraphs.

(Warning starts here)

My memories from around the beginning of this decade are hazy, but very notable, I’m not going to sugarcoat it by saying that from 2010-2013 were some of my worst years of my life, I was only 11-14 around this time, but when I wasn’t going through awful bullying at school that the teachers did nothing about, I would come back home to a toxic friend circle on DeviantArt that was filled with constant irrelevant drama and some REALLY creepy adults that would do smut rps with the minors in our group. Thankfully I never was a victim of this due to mostly staying in my corner and didn’t interact with others much, but I saw it happen to many of the other minors in said group, it left me disturbed but I rationalised it by thinking it was just some ‘teenager thing’ that I was too young for (because I was a little cretin that lied about my age and said I was 13 when I was really 11 when I first signed up haha), it was only when I was late into being 17 I realised ‘Oh my god the people who I called my friends and RP’d with were pedophiles and groomed the other minors what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck’. 

This whole shitty ordeal with that dA friend circle and the constant bullying I went through in secondary school were so bad that it literally led me to have a suicide attempt at the age of 13, I survived of course, and I’m really glad I did, because I wouldn’t have met friends that through them I would manage to get away and abandon the old dA group because ‘fuck you guys I have BETTER FRIENDS NOW!’ Unfortunately all of that dA friend circle are now deactivated or are no longer active with all the evidence deleted so there’s no use making a callout or name dropping any of them or even searching for the other minors in attempt to rekindle with them (and I don’t think my heart would be able to handle it in that regard...), but I did find out that one of them who was a pedophile apologist at one point commissioned a ton of Darkrai pregnancy porn with one of it being fucking mpreg, so I can at least get a laugh from that shit, doubt she’s reading this but if you are... 

You may be gone, but your darkrai mpreg porn will live on FOREVER... Forever for ME to laugh at!!! >8DDD  So anyway get rekt and suck my non-existent dick you fucking creep.

(Warning ends here)

Phew alright, all that nasty stuff out of the way...   2014 was where things began to improve, I had moved secondary schools and I switched from a mainstream to a specialist school for other autistic children and I found the people who would become my closest friends, through one of them I also got a tumblr blog, and when Undertale came around (so late 2015 to around 2016 when the fandom was most active), through it’s fandom I managed to gain really kind and lovely friends that I love dearly, it’s somewhat strange to me, in the beginning since childhood I never had any close friends and the only ‘close’ ones I had were ones that either kept me around out of pity (because I was a awkward autistic kid), kept me around to constantly bully and push my buttons, or (in this case with the dA friend circle) were potential predators that I thankfully was never THAT close to, and actual close ones I lost contact with too quickly, to this day I’m so thankful for these friends and I dunno if they’d be comfortable with me namedropping them here, but if you’re reading this, you know who you are <333.

I of course had rough patches throughout the years, recovery from my traumas wasn’t easy and I was constantly having issues with pretty much everything from my mental health problems to environmental factors that were out of my control, I’m not going to go into detail on this one because this post is long enough already, but I am much better now than how I was when I was younger, I still have a long way to go, but I have definitely improved and I hope I can still improve, hell, I’ve even improved my art! Wanna see an example?

I drew this back in 2011 on mspaint on a mouse! Yeah! Can you believe that? Whilst to me my art right now isn’t exactly ‘artist goals’ I have definitely improved a lot since!! And I’ll keep on improving forever because that’s what this decade was like anyway! I’m not sure what the future holds, but I want to set these goals for next year:

Create more digital art Finish my unfinished short comic ideas and parodies Continue to chip away at Rebirth’s rewrite and finish Hissterical Scientist’s first arc. Work on my original stuff Continue to improve my mental health Get proper time management skills Learn to do commissions (I be gettin munz lol) Thank you to all my friends and family who have helped support me and stuck by me throughout all these years, I am so happy I get to spend a life with you and I hope we’ll continue to go through the future together, you mean so much to me and I can’t say thank you enough. Thank you to any followers who have sticked by me for so long and if you’re new, I hope we’ll make memories together! 

Onward and upward, and leave behind the pain! <3

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

Please tell me more about Autistic Syd, I thought I was the only one who had this head canon, I just can't place why I do

Hi!! I need to make more Syd gifs but for now, this one works for everything Syd related tbh because I love it.

Okay, I guess this is my excuse to finally write a meta for Syd. :) First off, all of this rambling about my headcanons for them has to come with the giant warning that because we don’t have a ton of information about Syd except through their relationship with Elena, I’m well aware that this is conjecture and hunches and I can’t always point to specific aha! evidence as to why I interpret them the way I do. In some cases it really is as simple and as complicated as ‘I’m on the spectrum and this thing feels like me, ergo Syd seems Autistic too but you won’t exactly find the thing in the diagnostic criteria.’

Okay, so what do we know about Syd? They’re big into social justice, nerdy fandom, and Elena. They’re also not super good at reading nuanced or complicated social cues, a potential Autistic clue. A lot of what we see between them and Elena when conflict arises is that they either expect Elena to know what they mean even when they’re not expressing it very clearly (Benihana’s), or they misunderstand Elena’s behavior and from it draw the wrong conclusion (the cookie, the lockdown). Now, granted, miscommunication happens to neurotypical people too…but it’s definitely an Autistic flag for me, especially when you can see it in Syd compared to Elena, who is also a social justice and fandom nerd, but who trips herself up in other ways (usually anxiety and inexperience).

What about social norms more broadly? We know that Syd is homeschooled, though we don’t know why. It could be their parents’ choice for all kinds of reasons, or it could have been decided that homeschooling would be the best way to educate Syd and/or their brother for reasons having to do with the kids. We don’t know, because we know nothing really about their home life. Either way, Syd is a loveable weirdo but capable of getting along with others, including new people. They may approach socializing in an unconventional way (see Alex and the zombie video), but they clearly make online friends well enough and seem fairly comfortable among groups of people (like Elena’s family).

It’s impossible to tell whether their quirkiness makes homeschooling a good fit for them, or if being homeschooled helped make them quirky. But I’m not willing to rule out the possibility that Syd’s parents chose homeschooling to support their Autistic needs and sensitivities while they were growing up. The reality is, older Autistic kids aren’t always the media cliches you see of people who rock in a corner and don’t respond to others. Everyone’s different, and a lot of us develop strategies to pass as somewhat neurotypical, or as close as we can manage…and especially those of us assigned female at birth (which it seems like Syd was) who are less commonly diagnosed than Autistic boys, we can get really good at it. I spent my entire school career being considered a freak–overenthusiastic, incapable of controlling my emotions and thoughts, different from everyone else in a thousand tiny ways that nobody could have pinpointed but everybody recognized–but nobody ever thought I might be developmentally disabled. I navigated things well enough that I was just ‘weird.’ With a caring and supportive home environment that also doubled as school, Syd might have reached the same place by the time they were sixteen.

Also, while Syd is comfortable around Elena’s family and in public places like the school dance, they seem pretty introverted too. Faced with a party, they’re more likely to dive into a magazine or escape to the balcony as they are to make small talk. Their interactions with Alex, one-on-one, seem much more comfortable, but that may be because they already have the established common ground of Elena that makes it easier for them to engage in conversation. Introversion also does not automatically equal Autism, but being Autistic can look a lot like introversion, in a social context. I hate small talk and tend to be quiet at parties until I find one person I actually want to talk to, and then I tend to be very animated and never shut up. Sound at all like Syd with Alex, once talking to Elena fizzled out?

Something I’ve found to be true in my own experience is that Autistic people, who have to learn social norms that come easily to other people, are capable of seeing them for the arbitrary boundaries they are. The fact that gender is a social construct is something that’s always made perfect sense to me, because as a society we make all the rules up–and the less sense they make to Autistic people, the more aware of that we are. Breaking them is a choice, rather than some kind of defiance of a perfect higher order. In other words, if Syd is Autistic, that might have helped them become as comfortable as they seem to be in their own skin and identity, accepting their nonbinary nature rather than feeling the need to fight it.

Syd definitely fits the Autistic traits of having specific interests and being logically oriented. They’re not especially rigid or obsessive about them, though, that we see. Their reasons for not telling Elena their sexual history before they’re in the hotel together follows Syd’s own internal logic, whether it makes sense to anyone else or not. And they have some intense interests, that span a range of geeky fandoms. But we don’t see any narrow focus and deep well of knowledge about one area. I certainly know from personal experience that fandom can be a special interest, and if we knew more about Syd outside their relationship with Elena, we might learn that they do have one passion that they’ve spent years fixated on. The big ask shows us that they’re creative in an eccentric, enthusiastic way, which always gets my attention for potential spectrum qualities.

We don’t see any obvious sensory issues with Syd. They don’t show any unusual sensitivities to foods or clothing textures, loud noises, etc. They do have a slightly unusual voice, a little flat in tone with less expressiveness, which can be an Autistic trait.

One other trait that codes Syd as Autistic is their relationship to honesty. Unlike Elena, who sometimes lies, Syd is persistently honest. The traits that make them unusual, even ones that might seem unflattering, they are nothing but upfront about. And they’re trusting, taking others at their word as well. After knowing Elena for months and never once hearing about or meeting any of her friends, they completely believe her lie that she’s popular at school, when other people would have been naturally suspicious. This could be because they are young and in love and want to see the good in the world around them…or it could be because they tell the truth and expect the same from everyone else. When you go from ‘likes to believe that people are honest’ to ‘never even considers the possibility of lying as something people could do,’ that’s a significant spectrum quality.

Now, honestly, based solely on what we see of Syd in canon, are they Autistic? It’s kind of impossible to tell for sure. We just don’t know enough about their home life and how they are when they’re not with Elena, to say with total certainty one way or the other. If they are Autistic, they definitely only display mild traits on the show. No repeating words a lot, stimming, avoiding crowds or small talk, etc. But since every Autistic person is different, and lots of spectrum kids grow up with behavioral therapy support now and learn much better coping mechanisms than I did at Syd’s age, it’s entirely possible they could be Autistic even without showing more intense, ‘classic’ signs in their limited screentime.

So personally, I like my headcanon that Syd may be Autistic. Because whether they are or not, they are definitely a giant, wonderful nerd–and the kind of character I would enjoy sharing a common experience like Autism with, when it’s so often portrayed on TV in ways that are hurtful or unrealistic.

tl;dr Syd definitely has some traits that could be read as Autistic; we don’t see them enough to know for sure; I claim them as one of ours anyway because they’re awesome so I say you can too, if you want :)

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Meat ch 18-27 [Epilogue 4]

So that happened.

In this chapter: a struggle over narration itself.

Dirk Strider has assumed control of the narration. Not unprecedented - Homestuck loves to put its narration in-voice for various characters - but in this case he’s making out that it was him all along, which has like, consequences I guess?

chapter 18

Dirk is narrating, and John actually notices sometimes - when Dirk uses words like ‘functional necessity’. But because Dirk has control over his internal monologue, the plot presses on.

It seems that just about the entire Furthest Ring has gone into the black hole, except for John maybe? Dirk narrates that John starts to blame himself for all this, and thereby decides not to go back to Earth C. He then directs John to find his dad’s wallet, floating in the void.

Despite what Dirk has said, he certainly has a different narrative voice to the preceding narration.

It’s notable that John seems to have some independence from Dirk’s narration. He can directly respond in dialogue to Dirk’s declarations, including to challenge them. Dirk’s power as narrator seems to be limited, not equivalent to the full powers of the ‘author’.

chapter 19

Dirk continues to narrate Jade giving an economic presentation to Roxy and Callie, on the subject of how Jane wants to basically recreate capitalist hierarchy, but on the new world, and that’s a pretty dreadful idea. She actually says the words “capitalist hierarchy”, and declares “none of that stuff works”... Homestuck’s politics seem to have changed, at least somewhat. (Perhaps due to Cephied’s influence..?)

Roxy is reluctant to get involved in politics, and concerned for Jane... and Dirk says something which I think will be important.

In the spirit of full disclosure, Roxy’s the only one left I haven’t been able to crack. Her mind remains a total enigma to me, just like it always has. If I had to guess, it’s her Void powers that make her invisible, even to increasingly omniscient parties such as myself. For all intents and purposes, it’s like her thoughts don’t exist. She’s the same person, as far as I can tell. She still wears her heart on her sleeve. But the bottom line remains: Roxy Lalonde is still utterly fucking inscrutable.

Anyway, then something else significant happens... Callie says they’re nonbinary.

CALLIOPE: yoU are absolUtely not an asshole!

CALLIOPE: i didn’t mind being called a girl. i still don’t really mind, it’s jUst not exactly... accUrate.

CALLIOPE: bUt i did take comfort in “being a girl” for a very long time. this is something i’ve only recently decided.

Roxy likewise says they’re enby too... this causes Dirk to have a bit of a meltdown.

I never would have guessed. Not that I’ve spent much time contemplating issues related to gender. I’m pretty secure in my expression of masculinity, and...

You know what? Fuck this. I don’t owe anyone an explanation of any sort on this topic. I’m confident with who I am, what I am, my gender, as well as my understanding of the concept. You want my honest opinion? It’s fucking fantastic. Good for them. Both of them, I mean, but also, both of them in a singular fashion, since each one can now individually be referred to by the conventionally plural word “them.” I’m ecstatic for this personal development they’ve embraced, for the people they are, the lack of gender they identify with, and the pronouns they prefer. I’ve got no problem with it whatsoever, and frankly, it’s fucking insulting anyone would ever imagine otherwise.

So yeah, I’m gonna allow it.

‘secure in his expression of masculinity’ was not the impression I had of Dirk personally, but I guess we’re going with this characterisation here.

For the rest of this chapter, Dirk keeps misgendering Roxy and Callie in narration - seemingly not deliberately, he swears and corrects himself shortly after.

There’s another interesting conversation where Calliope talks about how ideas of gender were, ‘circuitously’, transmitted to Calliope/Caliborn from watching Earth, and how these shaped Alternia (ok this one’s a little confusing because they didn’t make Alternia? though of course Doc Scratch did affect Alternia). So the system of gendered social relations is literally a “copy without an original” - Baudrillard was more right than he knew!

Anyway Dirk interrupts this discussion to narrate that Jade has a sudden vision of the black hole, and passes out...

chapter 20

Jade ‘wakes up’ in the furthest ring - was there a Dream Jade out here? i thought all the dream selves died but I don’t really remember anymore. Over here, she’s injured - she’s got a big piece of ‘the absence of a future’ skewering her.

Dirk narrates how she’s drawn towards the black hole - ‘the dead cherub is making her move’. At one point, his orange narration is interrupted by red text - the word ‘come’.

Of course, we now know that this dead Jade will fall into the Candy universe, where it will be inhabited by alt-Calliope. I am rather confused about how this came about though. Who’s this almost-dead Jade floating in the Furthest Ring? Why did Jade’s consciousness get shunted into her body?

chapter 21

Dave and Karkat are witnessing the first brood from the Mother Grub. Dave figures it’s kind of gross... and Karkat agrees after ribbing Dave a bit for being insensitive.

Anyway they’re here to try and win over Rose and Kanaya to the election campaign, only, they’re being predictably very Dave and Karkat about it, which is fun. Dirk’s narration is almost taking a backseat here... though occasionally stepping in to point to a trait of characterisation as why he’s going to win.

It’s nice to have Kanaya give some proper dialogue! She talks a bit about troll reproduction, the latent potential for fascism in both Jane and... Feferi. Which, fair.

Anyway Kanaya is rightly pissed about Jane’s plans for troll eugenics.

Dirk occasionally editorialises. Morality, he declares, is a cultural construct (complicatedly true so far as it goes) - it’s “pure ego” for them to think their morality will guide them to the “most effective” laws (that’s also a cultural construct you fucking idiot!)

Dave, continuing in his capacity to make everything as maximally awkward as possible, starts speculating about ectobiological ‘Rosemary babies’ (Kanaya has apparently not considered the term ‘Rosemary’ before, and declares that she hates it).

Kanaya gets concerned and calls Rose - and Dirk reminds us that she’s unconscious on his floor, and answers for her, but explains nothing. Because “John’s doing something important to the plot again” - and Dirk has to be there to narrate, I guess.

chapter 22

Keen to complete his full assumption of the role of ‘anime villain’, Dirk’s narration starts talking about breaking down the boundaries between people to become gods - to become ‘one god’.

Anyway, in this chapter, John bumps into Meenah’s ghost. She steals the Ring of Life that he previously took from Aranea while performing his current spate of retcons, and jumps into a ‘server’. (What did the servers do again? I don’t remember... ok apparently they’re just there in the Furthest Ring, as places people can store such things as wizard fiction and ~ATH programs on them...)

anyway it seems that Meenah can go through the door in the server somehow. presumably ending up in the Candy universe? idk. The wiki didn’t say a lot about what these servers do.

chapter 23

Not much narration, just dialogue. Kanaya arguing with Dirk, specifically. She’s not impressed by Dirk’s excuses (Dirk briefly interrupts to declare that she doesn’t really ‘understand’ Rose, even though she loves her) and sets out to retrieve Rose. Dirk keeps this a secret from Rose...

chapter 24

Minimum editorialising from Dirk this time. John floats around endlessly, and runs into... Terezi! Sure am glad to have her back :D

chapter 25

Dirk and Rose have an argument about... intimacy, identity, and other such philosophical things. Kirkegaard is name-dropped, and it comes out that Dirk (like me lol) gets most of his knowledge from Wikipedia, because obviously he grew up in a post-apocalyptic world...

ROSE: Who exactly were the academic cognoscenti of your era to determine which sources were deemed respectable?

DIRK: That would be me, obviously.

ROSE: Ok.

DIRK: I suppose you’re going to tell me you haven’t read enough Wikipedia articles on loads of scholarly shit to fancy yourself an elite academic by 25th century standards as well?

ROSE: No, I guess I have.

ROSE: I’d be one of the top intellectuals by that measure.

ROSE: A measure set by, I guess, literally one solitary self-absorbed teen boy for the express purpose of making himself feel clever.

DIRK: Absolutely correct.

They agree to have an ‘amateur philosophical debate’, which comes around to whether ‘free will’ exists. Oh boy. Dirk gets Rose to try to stand up, but then doesn’t ‘narratively allow’ it.

Dirk lectures her on the origin of her condition: the disappearance of boundaries in the ‘ultimate self’ amounts to an ‘unbundling’ of experiences (subjectivity, I guess) and the physical processes connecting to it. Dirk, supposedly, is strong enough to withstand this - so he offers to support Rose as she opens her ‘other eyes’, seeing what Dirk sees - presumably the ‘entire story’ that they’re in?

In this state, Rose is also able to see across into the Candy story. She describes both branches as a kind of ‘gross conceptual clumping’, comparing it to congealed sugar in a drink.

Dirk invites her to ascend - that she won’t be ‘her’ anymore, but ‘better’. This is described as an intimate process of perfect knowledge of the other person... and leads Dirk to start speaking possessively of Rose, his daughter in every respect, including ‘soul’.

Oh no Rose... this isn’t ideal :/

it’s funny, I have written before about such a ‘coming together’ of people, of ‘ascension’ in a similar sense, in my story ‘hacker’. but that wasn’t about assuming an ‘ultimate’, godlike form - the gestalt was a different person with different concerns, but not a ‘perfect’ person. here it’s a much more negative thing - a way for Dirk to take control over the ‘ultimate’ Rose.

chapter 26

Dirk’s narration seems to be perceptible, at least in some sense of inner monologue, to Jade. He’s trying to persuade her not to descend into the Black Hole (which, we now know to mean, the Candy universe) through his ‘metatexual’ messaging.

But he’s not succeeding. Alt-Calliope once again interrupts the narration at one point - and Dirk previously did not seem to recognise that it’s her doing it, but now he does.

In Dirk’s eyes, what he’s trying to prevent is a suicide. We know that going into the black hole is not suicide, but going to the Candy universe.

Notably when Dirk has the narration outright declare that something happens, that does not mean it takes effect in the way he describes. He is literally an unreliable narrator.

chapter 27

At this point, alt-Calliope and Dirk are outright fighting to contradict each other in the narration. (i’m gonna keep using ‘she’ pronouns for alt-Calliope, since to my understanding she’s a different person than Calliope)

alt-Calliope’s descriptions are adorably alien - referring to the ‘layers of flesh over her skull’ that maker her ‘expressive’, for example.

Apparently it’s not Jade occupying Jade’s body back on Earth C - the Meat!Earth C that is - but alt-Calliope. Alt-Calliope starts lecturing Dirk in the narration of the corrosive effect of his ‘megalomaniacal’ intentions. Somehow, she pretty much entirely shunts Dirk out of the narrator role. Dirk’s text - complaining rather than narrating - shrinks, and ultimately disappears.

There’s a fucking amazing moment when alt-Calliope gets Dirk going on a whole rant about katanas and how she’s supposedly metaphorically using them wrong.

But ultimately, what she’s going to do is just... ignore him. Or rather, talk about him like he isn’t in the room; use his metaphors, but do not allow him the dignity of response.

experiences such as the sensation of presiding over a vast, empty ocean. his ocean, which terminates with his horizon. it is a barrier, not real, but psychological, symbolic. no matter how much power he achieves as a man, he knows there are horizons he perceived as a boy which he may never cross. and yet i have crossed mine, with the express purpose of perpetually and eternally reminding him of his limits, and of enforcing them. limits, which like his vast, empty ocean, serve to remind him that he is phenomenologically, if not literally, alone. that he has experienced loneliness intimately and absolutely, just like i have. but unlike me, he is terrified by it. and i, unlike him, understand all too well that the children left alone are those who most despair at being ignored.

Epilogue 4, in summary

Damn. I can see why they call this the ‘meat’ route.

So.

Dirk has found some way to assert control of the narrative voice. In this capacity, he’s run roughshod over the various events trying to mechanically arrange them to achieve... some kind of end. But his carelessness in attending to the specific characterisations, instead of relating everything back to himself, somehow left him vulnerable to be excluded from the narration by alt-Calliope.

Whatever Dirk’s plan is, it seems to require... Jane and him to assume rulership of Earth C, and... what else? Well he wanted Jade to go into the Furthest Ring, but not to enter the black hole (because ultimately that allowed alt-Calliope to enter the narrative). He wanted John to do various ‘plot relevant’ things, like... presumably hand over the ring to Meenah, acquire the wallet, and meet Terezi.

Where’s all this going? Fuck knows lol!

We can try and talk about all the issues of identity, ‘free will’ and so forth towards the end, and the interesting attempt to connect that to gendered subjectivity, once we’ve taken in the story as a whole.

[fatalism-and-villainy]

gender:

so, funny story. back in 2014, when my blog was pretty new (but i’d been lurking on other people’s blogs for like a year before joining tumblr), I made some ~relatable nonbinary feel~ personal post. (I can’t find this post now, and don’t want to dig too deep into my embarrassing four-year-old posts). And my memory is kind of disjointed regarding the circumstances of making that post - I must have known I was nonbinary before that? maybe even had a conversation with my sister about it, because I specifically remember telling her? but I don’t remember the moment I actually realized that I was nonbinary. In my memory, I “started” being nonbinary, my gender was reified, by making that post.

Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of trans people (specifically of the trans men, transmasculine, etc. variety) talking about Clueless, Obviously Trans moments they had before they had that Realization. And they’re all about men and maleness, wanting to be boys, wanting a penis, etc, in ways that align very clearly and uncomplicatedly with masculinity (even from nonbinary people). And I don’t think my experiences fit into that slot at all. 

The thing is, when I was very young (I’m talking grades K-3), I was actually very feminine. In kindergarten, I wore dresses every day. My mother wouldn’t let me have long hair because I was too young to take care of it myself, but I remember being so jealous of other girls’ long hair. Throughout my childhood most of the creative stories I wrote were about girls. I was big into “girl power,” antagonistic gender jokes, etc. Pretty much all of my "self insert” characters in my daydream scenarios were girls (though many of them were based off of male characters whom I changed to girls so I could be them, which could be read either way lmao). 

But on the other hand? Despite my secret fascination with makeup and such, I was VERY against enforced femininity. I identified as a “tomboy” on various occasions. I strongly rejected romance and romantic expectations (because, duh, aromantic, but that feels very connected to gendered expectations for women). I fantasized about being accepted into male friend groups as “one of the guys” and entirely through high school was saddened that I could never make this happen. I started reading feminist blogs in high school, and despite finding them interesting and informative and feeling angry about the injustices chronicled on them, I felt somewhat removed from what they described, never thinking to apply it to myself, and knowing somehow that I wasn’t the kind of “woman” they were talking about. 

Thus, (some of) the conflicting evidence on whether or not I was comfortable being a girl (that I mentioned in my post about “born this way” rhetoric.) There’s certainly room for argument that I wasn’t happy as a girl, but I didn’t have this urgent need to drop that identity. 

And yet, thinking back, none of this related at all to whether or not I wanted to be a boy. I never fantasized about being a boy, thought that life would be better if I should be a boy, etc. I never wanted my genitalia to be different. I never saw two men kissing and thought, “that should be me.” (Fuck knows I’m there now, but I wasn’t back around the first time I was first accessing gay content and stuff.) Like, any kind of identification I have with “masculinity” now is something that I’ve cultivated as a result of actively exploring my gender, and I still don’t want to “be” a man (I have sometimes longed for a body type commonly seen as “male” while being nonbinary, if only for more visible communication that I am, in fact, trying to fuck with gender, tyvm, but I have very little desire atm to take horomones to achieve this kind of body.) 

All this is to say - I kind of am that strawman transm.edicalists talk about who “only realized they were trans because of tumblr”. And if you wanted to twist and contort everything I’ve said here into “just a girl uncomfortable with gender roles,” you could, but that would be ignoring how incredibly good and right nonbinary identity feels to me right now, and how wrong and restrictive identifying or actively living as a woman feels. Because I really do feel as though I’ve fundamentally changed, a lot, from the person I was as a child, and it’s not an existence I want to go back to. 

I don’t have an entirely coherent conclusion to this, except that - it’s really weird, just on a personal level, that I’m suddenly seeing so many other nonbinary people sharing narratives that don’t match up at all to my own history, and it’s got me thinking about how weird and varied and arbitrary identity really is. And I think it’s great to circulate stuff like that, but “stop invalidating my identity because I spent [x] childhood years suffering because of my gender identity” has merit as an argument, but history shouldn’t be the sole basis of respect and acknowledgment. We have to accept and celebrate what existence people are living out in the now, without necessarily needing to draw a coherent narrative line throughout their life.

[sailonmylittlehoneybeesailo-blog]

SAIL ON, MY LITTLE HONEYBEE, SAIL ON...

                          YOU’RE GONNA KEEP ON SAILIN’‘,    

                                                TILL YOU FIND YOU’RE HAPPY  HOMEEEE.

                                                                        ─ albion lailoken cedersen

Hey, did you see that guy? I heard he’s named [ALBION LAILOKEN CEDERSEN]. He’s said to be the nonbinary, demiboy son of an influential beekeeper, born and raised on his fruitful farmlands, but really though? He’s not from around here, he’s from that other side of town named Avalon. He’s in reality much older, around 53 years of chronological age, and is just like anyone there, a fairy, a being of fair background, as he likes to call it. He is their messenger, their mentor, to some extent. He calls himself an Avalonian Melibech, a mixup of both the Greek word ‘meli’ meaning honey, and bech, meaning beehive, in old Irish. Have you ever got the feeling like something weird is happening with the bees of San Francisco? Like you keep getting stings, even if it's mid-winter time? That’s because he, alongside his ‘assumed’ fatherly figure, is the reason for that. They are said so, at least, to change into literal bees when they fall asleep. Other than that? Albion and his father seem pretty harmless, they say they can do weird things with honey, also that they just freaking love it, but besides that they just say they are extremely wise, like they act as if they know EVERYTHING. But do they really, though?

Hey, I’m Leonidas, or just simply Leon. I’m really new to everything tumblr and tumblrrping, so please treat me with kindness and support to go through this but amazing hellhole.  I’m gonna play Albion, an oc based on a mythical bee concept I have had for ages, but it’s just a type of fairy, ofcourse. I’m from the netherlands, so my timezone is CENTRAL EUROPEAN TIME. I accidentally wrote my characters name wrong in the app, so let’s not hope that this is an indication of my future here. Ok enough about me, let’s talk about Albion.

Albion is a seemingly appearing 23-year-old  Cal-Berkeley veterinarian doctoral student. As long as the assumed fake story goes, he was born and raised in a farm nearby a town not so far away from San Francisco, where his assumed father took care of bees as an influential beekeeper.

Little do they know, the story is much weirder. His father is in fact, a far related cousin of his. They’re what they call the ‘Avalonian Melibech’. They come from the fairy realm of Avalon but are destined to leave semipermenantly on Earth,  basically to tell the mundane the stories of the unknown beauty of their homeland. In ancient times, those fairies were bards in Celtic Europe, but in modern times they tell their stories differently. They write fantasy novels, tell stories to kids on the street, or go round houses to tell them about a powerful overlord named Oberon.

Albion, just like his cousin that appears to the public as his father, are blessed with two personalities, so to speak. Their true fairy form is a somewhat larger than average honeybee queen that may fool you into thinking they're a bumblebee by appearance. This fairy form always reveals themselves when the normally human-looking personalities they gift themselves on earth, will fall asleep. Meaning that once their humanoid personalities fall in any sort of natural sleep (except from comas, death, and true unconsciousness), they’re true fairy personalities take the turn, making mischief and chaos as long as the humanoid form doesn’t wake up yet. If they do, the bee form disappears in a magical poof, and the awoken humanoid personality is back in control.

Next, to this, Albion’s fairy type isn’t simply called the mentors of the fairies for nothing. They share a mental hivemind, a connection to every past and present family member. This means they can access the current thoughts of their brothers, parents, first-related cousins, and so on, and in addition, they can access any memory, thought, or knowledge a past family member had for themselves, for up to 3 centuries of generations further down the family tree. Albion can also control honey, a substance he can’t get enough from.

PERSONALITY

He’s trying to be an extreme goofball, but he has a lot of trouble understanding jokes and hidden messages. Imagine it like Brainy from Supergirl. Smart, but entirely useless in keeping secrets or understanding the thoughts behind an expression.

He has, like me in real life, but a lot lesser, a lot of autism spectrum disorder traits, possibly suggesting a kind of Asperger‘s.

He has a great fascination of nature, which is often troubling his mission to write and tell stories instead.

He might be a little too headstrong, somewhat denying views on various subjects of many sources strictly, at least those that aren’t from his ancestors.

He’s truly naive sometimes, rather feeling like a free and cheering but annoying little kid, than a responsible, full-fledged well-adulted individual.

He’s into anything geeky from Earth, comics, movies, pulp fiction, tv shows, he’d probably be hella active on tumblr too, having a lot of online friends to share his fanfiction and slampoems with.

[thinking-upside-down]

A Range of Negative Trans Emotions (Part Two)

1.16.19 I was going to edit the original post today since I didn’t have the time to write everything I wanted to say, but it is actually gotten more notes than any other post I have ever written, and I don’t want the people who saw before not see the additional stuff. I also would like to add that I don’t have the same experiences as other non-cis individuals. Some people identify as male but like to appear feminine. Some people are nonbinary but tend to dress in a masculine way. Just because I do not have these experiences does not mean that they are not valid or real. First of all, a person does not need to feel a certain amount of dysphoria in order to be considered trans. You don’t have to have body, mental, and social dysphoria. Also, for anyone who needs definitions: body dysphoria - discomfort someone feels with their physical body and the way it functions mental dysphoria - discomfort someone feels when their thoughts and emotions are at odds with their sense of identity social dysphoria - discomfort someone feels by how they are seen socially Definitions from http://whenevebecomessteve.blogspot.com/2015/04/different-types-of-gender-dysphoria.html There are some times when the bad feelings (dysphoria, self-hate, etc.) take over a person’s mind without ANY CAUSE. That is a thing that does exist. Sometimes everything is fine in the environment and mindset of a person, and then it just . . . isn’t. I don’t know how else to explain that. It also doesn’t have to be focused on something (pronouns, dress style, etc.). Sometimes it is about everything. Every part of a person, possibly without warning. Sometimes it isn’t about anything. Erm, well, the source of the emotions isn’t clear (”I’m having chest dysphoria” would be clear). AND, if your mind is like mine, it may try to make you feel as though all your emotions are made-up and that your transition will never happen. It will try to convince you to give up. For me, I want to have both top and bottom surgeries, start testosterone patches, get a binder (and possibly a packer), and I want people to refer to me by my preferred name and pronouns (which will hopefully be my legal identification at some point). That’s a lot. And sometimes it seems like too much to bother people with. Lots of money being spent, lots of terrifying medical meetings and introductions with doctors, the thought of actually coming out to my parents. I want you to know that life is meant to be lived, and you can’t live it to the fullest if you’re uncomfortable with yourself constantly. You deserve to be happy and loved by people for who you are, not a mask or a fake version of you. The entire point of transition is to make it easier for you to be happy. That being said, make sure that you definitely feel either (a) like a certain gender or identity and/or (b) feel wrong in the gender you were assigned at birth on a somewhat frequent or frequent basis. Gender fluid individuals, for example, may be okay with their birth sex at some times and not at other times. All of these paragraphs are really long, I’m sorry. Here’s my advice for anyone feeling this way: - Develop healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with waves of this kind of thing in public (focusing on something else, breathing strategies, meeting with a guidance counselor, taking breaks, picturing a happy place, etc.). - Develop healthy coping mechanisms for negative gender-related feelings at home (warm baths, doing a hobby, discussing/spending time with family members, journaling, etc.). - Piece together a playlist that will help you improve your mood or soften the blow of these feelings. - Get a therapist. Do some research on what a good therapist is, local therapists, and pricing for different offices. Try five sessions and decide if the therapist is a good choice for you. From my experience, a good therapist is someone you want to talk to. Get a new one if it seems like they control the conversation most of the time, you get into off-topic conversations often, and/or you don’t trust or like the therapist. - Find a hobby that involves little thought, like knitting or drawing. You can watch movies, have conversations, and listen to podcasts while doing this and can use it as a coping skill. - Don’t allow people who bring you down, don’t accept you, or make you feel these ways be major parts of your life. Friends especially should make you feel good when you’re around them, not rob you of joy. - Try to find people who are going through similar experiences. Others who also feel trapped, restricted, or inauthentic concerning a part of their identity can have meaningful conversations with you. - Find people who post or vlog about similar experiences online. (Hi there.) - Come out! But only if you feel 100% ready - no regrets, no indecisiveness, no “what if”s - and it’s safe for you to do so. In this case, your safety is more important. - Move away from unaccepting (and possibly hostile) communities and family members once you are able to (legally, financially, mentally, physically). - Find a way of expressing yourself. - Don’t lose hope, and remember who you are and that you are valid. There is an answer; good luck finding yours. - Thinking_Upside_Down