#source: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

[overheard-at-hogwarts]

Neville: Sorry, I don't do competitions. I'm anti-dexterous. Ron: ...Huh? Neville: It's when neither hand is good at anything.

[hopeinthebox]

easy mistake to make

[totally-correct-star-wars]

*over comms* Fox: Is the equipment secure? Thorn: Check. Fox: Weapon loaded? Thorn: Check. Fox: Did you have breakfast? Thorn: What? That's not on the checklist. Fox: I added it because I care about you. Thorn: No, I did not have breakfast. Fox: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket. Thorn, pulling out a granola bar: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this! Fox: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

[fearibays]

Erza: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me.

Natsu: Okay, but in my defense, Happy bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

Erza: That’s not what I wanted to-

Erza: You drank SHAMPOO?!

[batfammeetsspidergang]

Peni: So, I grabbed a healthy breakfast-

Noir: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?

Peni: Breakfast burrito, but yeah.

Noir: I pity your dentist.

Peni: Joke's on you. I don't have a dentist.

[the-guild-codex-and-other-things]

Lienna: I wasn't injured, I was lightly stabbed.

Kit: I'm sorry, you were stabbed?!

Lienna: Lightly stabbed. I didn't want to worry you.

[totallycorrectsonic]

Tails: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me.

Sonic: Okay, but in my defense, Knuckles bet me 50 cents I couldn't drink all that shampoo.

Tails: That's not what I wanted to-

Tails: You drank SHAMPOO?!

Can someone draw this I think it would be so funny lmao

[cassiebird]

Bruce, helping Cassandra break up with Kon: I visited www.ladiesgoodhealthmag.com/sex-relationships/867599940/9432%20.htmi. Do you know that site? Cassandra: No. Bruce: Well apparently, it's less painful if you acknowledge the dumpee's feelings. Cassandra: Ew. Bruce: But don't worry, we'll practice. I'll be Kon. Go. Cassandra: Kon. I think we should break up. Bruce: That makes me feel sad. I am sad. Cassandra: Your sadness is noted. Bruce: I feel acknowledged. Thank you for breaking up with me. It will take me eight minutes to collect my things. Cassandra: Bruce: I think that went well. Cassandra: Me too.

[rodneyfuncomiccollectiontwo]

Life is a party and I'm the piñata.

Parappa

[incorrect-anything-quotes]

Kitty: (wearing a t-shirt that says "Kitty told you so")

Kitty: Have you read it?

Dudley and the Chief: (roll their eyes)

[incorrectdisa]

Gretta, scowling: What makes you think I'm upset? Dwight, wary: That giant hole you carved into the table.

[overheard-at-hogwarts]

Dumbledore: It's just that you can be a bit judgmental. Snape: What a stupid thing to say! Name one time I've been judgmental. Dumbledore: Okay... Snape: [in the Pensieve] What a stupid thing to say! Snape: ...Ah, I see. Mere seconds ago.

[the-faketiccit0by]

Solar: Unless... I didn't want to do this, but I do know one way we could get the money

KC: you'd make a decent prostitute

Solar: I'd make an amazing prostitute.

[totally-correct-star-wars]

Anakin: I have one day to win this guy over. How long did it take for you guys to start liking me? Obi-Wan: Couple weeks Ahsoka: Six months Rex: Jury's still out Anakin: See? "Be myself." What kind of garbage advice is that?

[incorrect-undertronic-quotes]

Chronos: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me Cider: Okay, but in my defense, Zephyr bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo. Chronos: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

[incorrect-ionians]

Dash: There truly is nothing better than coming to the local diner after a long shift. It's like Cheers, where everyone knows your name!

Eli: A place where everyone knows your name is Hell. You're describing Hell.