#system host

[dreamers-collective]

Reminder that you can wholeheartedly love your system and sysmates and still have days where you feel tired of being a system. Sometimes being a system makes hard days easier, but sometimes it makes them harder, and that’s okay too.

[syshostcultureis]

host culture is being confused what kind of hunger games voting happened for you to be declared the host

.

[skulls-n-soup]

Being a system and a minor is crazy because yes I just had a horrible flashback but also I really gotta finish this English assignment

[shatteredbydesign]

002: SWITCHING

You’re going about your day when, suddenly, a little fronts. Fear washes over them—shaky breaths, a racing heart, maybe even tears. They don’t know where they are or what’s happening.

You stop what you’re doing. Deep breath. Stay calm.

Gently, you whisper, “It’s okay. You’re safe. It’s [year]. The bad things aren’t happening anymore.” You grab a blanket or a stuffed animal, something small to help ground them.

At first, they just curl up, silent. But after a moment, their breathing slows. A tiny voice finally asks, “Really?”

You give a soft smile. “Really.” And for now, that’s enough.

[honeybixed]

some shots i took today!

[masquerade-flags]

Primary Host, Secondary Host, Tertiary Host

Roughly synonymous with host and co-host, however these are just the terms we prefer. A system could have multiple of each.

In our system we usually define it as, primary hosts front everyday or nearly everyday for an extended period of time, secondary hosts front more than half the days in a weeks for an extended period of time, and tertiary host several times a week for an extended period of time but less than half the days. Though obviously it defined differently based a different system's switch frequency.

For colors I(-V) went with pink and gold because I associate gold with "being in view" if that makes any sense, and pinks with frequent fronting(I don't know why). The other are meant to look like less "active" version of the first. I wanted them to kind of like a spectrum

[techcompanysystem]

How i feel registering 15+ new alters cause my brain didn't let almost all of them properly form until I did something about it

- host

[clutching-our-plurals]

Can you explain your stance on endos a bit more? /genq, we can't tell what your stance is, and we LOVE hearing about others with more nuanced stances! Plurality is too complicated of a topic to be fully anti or pro endo imo, nuance is the way to go!

Absolutely! I have no idea how long this has been sitting in our askbox collecting dust because I have no memory of getting it, but hopefully it hasn't been long! Lmao.

You are incredibly right about plurality being too complex to simply say "yeah endos exist" or "yeah no they don't," hard agree.

The nuances of our beliefs actually deviate a little from person to person in our system, some of us have our own little theories and opinions, but here are some things we all agree on:

1. Endogenic formation probably isn't a thing.

2. If the common summary of current research one day shows definitively that it is? We'd be totally chill with that.

3. regardless of whether endogenic system formation is real, harassing or fakeclaiming ANYONE is revolting behavior. I don't wanna see nobody doing that shit. Cause I'll call ya out.

4. I am civil with endos and will not invalidate their experience of plurality because my own beliefs. Will I debate with an endo? Totally, if they initiate first. If an endo says something incorrect about plurality will i correct them? Yes. Will I go and call somebody names and shit over being an Endo? No. People identifying as Endo does not affect me, or you, for that matter.

Okay. As for the more detailed thoughts, you can have those beneath the cut. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

So there seems to be two schools of thought within endogenic circles.

A. I am endogenic and disordered

B. I am endogenic and experiencing functional multiplicity.

I believe this discrepancy can simply be explained by endos not realizing that they have trauma on account of having the "don't remember, be plural" disorder. A truly shocking side effect of having a disorder that separates parts of the brain with literal amnesia, the "don't remember" disorder, is that you... don't remember!

Also, if you are familiar with the dearly beloved Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, the first stage of grief is denial. When you are traumatized at a young age, you grieve a lot of things. A childhood, your sense of normalcy, your ability to live life without fear? You grieve. That is okay. It is never wrong to grieve, my friends.

To put my own system forward as an example: I, as our host, did not know where the system came from for many, many years.

I will try and keep this vague for you, but this is a conversation about domestic abuse, please skip to the next word in RED if you do not want to read that.

As terrifying as it is, I know I may only know part of the story, even now. Before I knew what we were, I had been denying the domestic abuse I witnessed at home, and the abuse I had been subjected to myself within that home, as I had accepted those things as a normal part of my home life.

There were also great portions of my suffering that I didn't remember at all. The worst, most identifiable parts of the abuse I faced were completely wiped from my memory. How was I meant to know? Easy! I was not.

Were we endogenic because I did not remember? No, of course not. We just... didn't remember. And if you don't remember, how will you know that you don't remember?

RED

So, do endogenic systems exist? More than likely, no.

But, do they deserve disrespect and subjugation for believing they are endogenic? No, absolutely not. That's just ridiculous. Denial, is part of grief. Not remembering, is part of who and what we all are. Why would we deny someone's experience of plurality over experiencing the goddamned symptoms of it? Do y'all hear how stupid that sounds? Everyone firestarting over this is making us all look like fools.

Should endogenics be in system spaces?

Complex question, but I appreciate that about the question. Is it beneficial to endogenics to be in plural spaces, yes! The sooner they are exposed to nuanced opinions and fellow plural folks, the sooner they're likely to realize that not knowing where their system came from isn't necessarily causation, it's correlation.

Is it beneficial to traumagenics for endos to be in plural spaces? Probably not. These people are in a state of denial, and most traumagenics are looking to achieve a state of acceptance with their plurality. They don't need people in stage one holding them back.

Or maybe... the real problem isn't that at all... maybe it's more complex than just... people considering themselves traumagenic or endo...

I'm gonna spoil it for you: It's kids.

The issue isn't traumagenics vs endos, it's kids who are unable to process or form complex opinions vs adults who can. (Endo kids and traumagenic kids) Kids need to stay out of system spaces. I don't wanna see you in a space about mental health that isn't 1 on 1 with your therapist unless you are 16 years of age or older!

A. If you're younger than 13 you really can't tell all that well if you're plural or not. Your brain is still putting that shit together!

B. If you're 13 or older... you're a child! You don't need to be announcing that you are in a vulnerable mental state on the internet! You're. going. to get. Groomed. People. Are. The worst!

I would just like to say that even if you're 16 or older, you need to watch yourself in spaces like these. You are not mature. You are not the smartest in the room. You do not have the high ground, Anakin. That comes from a place of the utmost love and 20/20 hindsight, not a place of superiority or "holier than thou" attitude, I promise.

Are full grown adults (25-28 is when your brain is finished, so we'll call that full grown) also incredibly stupid sometimes? Yes. Do they have no excuse? Also yes. Will we always have people who can't form a nuanced opinion based off of fact in spaces online? Again, yes.

So what do we do about that? Block. Button. Use your block button as the Tumblr gods intended, people, please!

That's pretty much my whole stance on it. Feel free to drop more questions in my ask, no question is a dumb question, no question is too specific or too niche.

[wildflowersys]

why is all of the masculine cottagecore inspo i find all long sleeve ??!

i just want to be a handsome, bug loving, cottage boy, but when its summer time and about 80 - 100 degrees outside everyday, i dont want to suffer just to look nice 😭

i am not creative enough to find solutions to this issue and figure out what masculine clothes that are short sleeve would fit the cottagecore aesthetic, but if anyone has any ideas that arent more goblincore leaning, i beg you to tell / show me 😭

gimme pastel colors too !! not just dark browns, blacks, and creams. i want colorrrr !!!

- vinny / hannah ( he / she / it / sun )

[multiplicity-positivity]

Any advice on how to be less controlling as host?

Hey, I’m the host of our system, and I’d like to think that I’ve made a lot of progress in not being as controlling over my fellow alters. For me, the things that caused that shift were:

Therapy and outside support. Our therapist has had a huge positive influence on our system. He really encouraged me to start viewing my alters as people with wants, needs, and desires of their own, rather than just aspects of my own identity for me to dictate and control how I wished. I really learned to start viewing my alters as both parts and people, and learned that I was no more important than the rest of my system due to his guidance and advice. Our partner system also was really helpful with this, as she took a keen interest in getting to know my parts and asking how they felt whenever I made a big decision. So having that outside support was really helpful for me.

Noticing when I was being controlling. Our system functioned for a very long time with me lashing out at my parts to keep us masking and safe. This may have been necessary when we are a child in physical danger, but as an adult in a safe place, it became a maladaptive coping method. So the first step in changing that was just trying to notice when I was being controlling or when other alters got scared around me. I asked my parts to be honest with me when they felt like I was unfairly influencing their decisions. I didn’t try to consciously change my behaviors right away… I just spent time keeping track of when I was causing harm.

Asking myself “how would I feel if I was being treated the way I treat my alters?” How would it feel to not be able to play the games I wanted, pursue my passions, dress how I wished, engage with other people on my own terms? How would it feel if someone was micromanaging me and forcing their own say into many aspects of my life? How would I feel if, when I tried to do what I wanted anyway, I was belittled and shouted at? Not good. Not good at all. This was a huge eye-opening moment for me, and I was able to start making small changes after I realized how my controlling nature has been affecting my alters.

Talking to my alters. I tried to get to know them for who they are, not who I wanted them to be. I tried to have an open mind, and to the credit of many of my parts, they were patient and understanding. They told me about their roles, their identities, their ideas about the world, their goals and wants. They reminded me that we each had a purpose in our system, myself included. We had lots of conversations just trying to start over and get to know each other as individuals. Eventually I apologized to every part I could access individually for my past behaviors. I still wasn’t perfect and I definitely slipped up sometimes, but I was making real progress.

Attending in-system meetings. As soon as we started having them, I did my best to remain focused and present. It showed me a whole new side to my system I had never really considered. During our meetings I got to really understand the complexities and unique differences between us. It made it easier to compromise. It made it easier to humanize my alters, who I had spent many years treating like trash. It made it easier for me to step back and listen to them (I tried to make a concerted effort to not speak, only listen, during meetings at first).

For me, coming to terms with my trauma history was also important. In the months and first year after our syscovery, I was adamant that we had no significant trauma history to speak of. Being in denial of my trauma made it easier for me to deny the validity of my alters. It was a really difficult road, and even now I’m not aware of the full scope of the trauma we endured as a child. But I know and accept that we suffered, even if I don’t have access to those memories. And accepting my system’s trauma, accepting my status as a survivor, and understanding how trauma has impacted the whole collective… that also helped me step back and let my alters live their lives in the ways they want. We formed to protect each other. We are a team, and it’s important for us to care about each other. It’s not their fault they exist. It’s not my fault either. But they’re here, they do exist, and they deserve to heal and live their lives on their own terms just as much as me.

Damn this got long. I’m sorry. There’s just a lot that went into me being able to change my attitude and behaviors towards my parts. At this point I can say with pride that I’m just one of the guys, and it took a lot of effort and hard work to reach this point. Idk if everything that worked for me will be applicable for you, but I hope something could be useful. Sorry if you weren’t able to get through this whole post due to the density. But there was a lot of stuff I felt I needed to say on this topic.

[ancient-alienss]

Sometimes being in a system with alters who have crushes/partners is ANNOYING.

Like stop giggling and getting excited I don't love this person?! But I feel this emotion too cuz YOU'RE IN FRONT.

-Venus (Post idea by a friend we had a convo abt)

[syshostcultureis]

host culture is taking personal offense to anything saying hosts are "more important" or "more real" than other alters.

[the-lightbulb-network]

When I (the host) casually come back to front thinking it's been maybe a few hours... it's been 3+ days, we cut our hair, we have like 2 or more new alters, and someone went dormant... WHAT IN THE DISASSOCIATED HECKING HECK HAPPENED?!

[redacted-coiner]

Host, Admin(link), Co-Host

Soother(link), Caregiver(link), Comforter(link)

Protector(link), Gatekeeper(link), Persecutor(link)

Some system roles!

DNI is listed within my pinned post. Please go read it before interacting with any part of my content. Ask to tag!

[honeybixed]

“why are all of your pictures warm” why are YOURS COLD!

[clutching-our-plurals]

When the old gay dads in your head are listening to shit like "sugar sugar" by the Archies and "more than a woman" by the bee gees and dancing and having fuzzy feelings about each-other...