#this is post shower thoughts extremely sleep deprived thoughts

[bklily]

Do you guys ever think, VERY VERY early on, right after baby Adrien was born and Emilie started going down the long painful journey of "deathly motherhood disease". Do you guys think that. That Natalie like. Hated baby Adrien. Like. For a split second. She looked at the sparkling white crib hosting the most tiny golden perfect angel baby, who looked so much like Emelie, who was faded to slowly but surely syphon away her life, and for the tiniest of moments she glared at him. Because who else was she meant to resent? Emilie? Gabriel? The baby? ... probably Gabriel would be the safest bet actually. And then baby Adrien just smiled at her and held her finger and his eyes shone so much like Emilies and she knew she was doomed forever.

Do you guys ever think

[hotnbloodied]

Yan!Loser X Reader

!Warning! This post contains yandere themes and topics that may be uncomfortable to people who are sensitive to the topic, read at your own discretion.

TW: kidnapping, drugging, non-con kissing and touching, stalking, mentions of axe body spray.

!!READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!! MINORS DNI!!

Pt. 2

It was around lunch time and you were on your way to your university’s canteen. You normally had lunch a little later to avoid the crowds but today you couldn’t hold your hunger in at all and you needed to get something to eat. In doing so the canteen was packed and by the time you had gotten some food all the tables seemed full. You scanned around for a little bit before noticing a small table that only had one person sitting at it. A guy with a small frame and black baggy clothes with messy unkempt hair. Without thinking too much about it you walked over. “Hey sorry to bother, would you mind if I could just sit here and eat?” You asked.

He looked like he jolted a little and looked at you like he'd seen a ghost. “Y-yeah…” Not much of a response, but that didn’t stop you from going ahead and sitting down to start devouring your food. After you were finally satiated you looked over cause you felt like someone was watching you and needless to say, his eyes were glued on you.

“Uh, do I have something on my face?” You asked him. His face whipped away. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to stare.” You laughed and told him it wasn’t a big deal. “What’s your name anyway? I’m (y/n), majoring in (major).” He raised his head to look at you again. “I’m Lester, I’m a biology major…” “That’s awesome!” You look at the time. “I should probably head out, my next class starts soon. See you around though!” Little did you know that your small act of kindness would come back to haunt you.

A couple of weeks pass and you seem to be seeing Lester more and more around campus. (Totally not because he’s trying to learn your schedule at all.) You don’t pay too much mind to it though considering a new friend is always nice. (As if he’d allow you to just be friends with him.) The two of you exchanged social messaging information which turned into an easy way for Lester to keep tabs on you. (You really should be careful about how you share your information.) You didn’t notice the increase of interaction from Lester, you were too sleep deprived and worried about school to notice which he’s grateful for since it’ll make it easier to make plans. Lester was a patient man, he knows how to make a pay off extra sweet.

You learn a bit more about Lester, even though he has a messy appearance he actually is a relatively neat person. He seemed to shower regularly and his clothes weren’t being reworn, but he only chooses to use axe body spray at his age for some reason. He doesn’t seem to have many friends cause, shocker, he’s an extreme introvert; Which makes you pity him which he fully knows and uses to play into to get your trust. With that trust he invites you over to his house, apparently his parents are in the science field as well and as long as Lester keeps his grades up they’d let him do whatever. The two of you would hang out and study at his place.

Six months had passed in a blink of an eye and the two of you were watching a movie together, it wasn’t that late but you felt extremely sleepy for some reason. The two of you just ate dinner that Lester cooked. “Hm? What’s wrong (y/n)? Are you tired?” “Haha, yeah I don’t know why. Maybe I was more tuckered out with finals than I thought.” “Why don’t you stay over? You’re more than welcome to spend the night.” You didn’t reply to Lester, it was because the sleeping pills he slipped into your drink worked like wonders and you were out like a light. Lester slowly dragged your body to his room and laid you on his bed. Chains were ready for you as he securely bound you to them. He loomed over your sleeping body in his bed, he couldn’t keep the excitement in his pants at bay. He took advantage of your lips and dry humped your leg, imagining what it would be like to finally be able to become one with you. Oh if only you knew how love sickness ran in his family. How that’s how his mom ensnared his dad and how having his ground and alibi covered was a learned family skill. No one will find you and you two will live happily together, forever. <3

Pt. 2

Lester <3

[ovwechoes]

Supports & Guilty Pleasure Headcanons Sort of the same vibes as the bad habits and ‘home’ hcs i did a couple posts back, but with guilty pleasures instead! My asks are open and if you have any opinions, thoughts or suggestions I'm all ears c: they're under the cut & enjoy!

Ana Amari: Ana's definitely the type of woman who knows all the gossip, reads tabloid magazines, and is already aware of drama unfolding in the celebrity world before you do. It's her favourite thing, and she likes to feel detached from her life through the lives of celebrities.

Jean-Baptiste Augustin: You can't tell me Baptiste doesn't eat up reality tv shows where all the contestants are conventionally attractive, and they're trying so hard not to eat each other's faces constantly (Love Island, Too Hot To Handle, etc). It's his favourite thing to watch when he needs something to numb his mind, and is something he rarely shares with his co-workers out of embarrassment over how invested he gets into them.

Brigitte Lindholm: With Brigitte, she has a good grasp on her impulsivity and has an astounding level of self control. She's disciplined and she's careful with her food, especially if it's not a cheat day. However, she's not one to stray from snacking late at night. Angela's seen her standing in her PJs eating cheese out the bag at the fridge, and it's something she will never live down. When asked, she'll simply tell you she's listening to her body and she can't control when she's hungry (in a joking way). It was something she especially did growing up, as Torbjorn will tell you anytime the topic is brought up.

Illari Quispe Ruiz: For Illari, I can imagine her best and most fulfilling guilty pleasure is sleeping in. She works herself to death, with most of her nights being cut short due to the work she has to finish ASAP. She prioritises her work over her health more often than not, so she rewards herself with a decent lie in every once in a while. Because of how sleep deprived she'd be though, she would end up sleeping 15hrs straight, waking up to a whole new level of drama unfolding at HQ.

Kiriko Kamori: Guilty pleasures are something Kiriko used to struggle with - she's had every one you can think of at least at one point in her life. Currently, it's shopping online for non-essentials. She's had several apps and websites blocked from being accessed due to how much she was spending on items. They weren't even for herself most of the time; if she saw something that reminded her of a co-worker in Overwatch, or knew they were wanting something of a specific nature, it would already be bought and getting prepared before they can consider getting it for themselves. It's sweet, but also makes her bank account shiver every time she gets paid.

Niran Pruksamanee / Lifeweaver: Daydreaming is one of Niran's worst guilty pleasures in the sense that you'll catch him doing so at least once a day. He loves exploring his imagination, and loves to let himself get drifted off into his daydreams when he's supposed to be focused on something else. When he was in Uni, he was often questioned by his roommates about if he had MDD (maladaptive daydreaming disorder), because of how often he would be found daydreaming without a concern for the real world. He didn't but it made him self conscious about his daydreaming, so he rarely talks about them and when he does daydream, it's usually in private or where people won't notice he is.

Lúcio Correia Dos Santos: Lucio loves to sing in the shower - it's something he's always done and it helps him enjoy something mundane in his routine. However, when he does it's extremely loud, and he usually has a speaker that's way too loud and echoes throughout HQ. He's been warned about it before, but he doesn't see the harm in it.

Angela Ziegler / Mercy: When it comes to guilty pleasures, she tries not to indulge in them and have some restraint when it comes to habits. However, she admittedly loves desserts and will often eat desserts first or as a main meal of the day instead of savouring them last. It's something she'll never change, and if you try to tell her otherwise she'll purposely eat dessert first for a week straight just to agitate you (in a light-hearted way).

Moira O'Deorian: When Moira's not working, she can be often found in loungewear, planted on the sofa of Talon HQ, watching a nostalgic show she used to love as a teen or young adult. She hogs the tv, and is surrounded by snacks when she watches them. She loves the nostalgia, and it's a form of escape from work and the physical stress on her body from her experiments. It's the best way for her to unwind, in her opinion, and she encourages people to join her (even though she's taking up 90% of the sofa, and they'd have to sit on the floor to watch with her).

Tekhartha Zenyatta: Zenyatta's main guilty pleasure that he would talk about is watching cute animal videos on youtube or facebook. He enjoys the comfort in the innocence of the animals, and he'll go in depth on how it's cleansing for the soul, it's nourishing for the mind, things of that nature. He enjoys the time spent relaxing, enjoying something that's not negative or necessarily pointed in a certain way (like political, for example).

[rabbittf2x]

Arg okay so- I recently got a hyperfixation on this 15 year old game, and have been desperately searching around for content like a hungry raccoon. I can not understate my excitement when I found this blog was active, so preemptively, thank u for posting in general 🫶

I would also like to say that I am extremely touch deprived, and usually avoid affection, that is until I’m super tired or drunk. Then I start confessing my love like a poet in a bad historical fiction. Like I just can’t help how in love I am with this person and don’t have the energy to hide it. How would the mercs be with someone like that? If you don’t feel like writing all of them just Sniper, Scout, and Miss Pauling. Thank you so much for ur time ❤️🫶

Ur very welcome!💖 sorry this took so long or if it’s weird😵‍💫 been busy and a bit uninspired🥴💖 pls enjoy!

TouchStarved!Reader confesses to mercs and Miss Pauling

Includes: Scout, Sniper and Miss Pauling

Scout💖

You could tell Scout liked you. To his awkward touching to poor flirting, all the way down to his constant attempts of impressing you (which almost always resulted in him dead). You liked him back, but didn’t know how to tell him. Work always got in the way

One night after taking a shower, you trudged back to your room in your pyjamas. You swung the door open, so ready to sleep when you spotted a certain someone sitting on your bed

“Oh, hey, Scout. So weird! I thought that this was my room!” You gasped sarcastically

Scout laughed nervously, and you smiled back playfully. You crept over and sat next to him on your bed, placing a hand on his shoulder

“What’s up? You have a nightmare again?” You continued to tease

Scout sputtered bashfully, trying to ignore your hand on him. You both liked it though. You loved how warm and toned he felt

“You’re real funny. Ya know that?” He chuckled. “But no. There was something I actually wanted to ask you…”

Your tired eyes slowly blinked, and your hand on Scout’s shoulder slowly slung around his neck. He seemed surprised at your gesture, cheeks growing red

“Me too…” you whispered

He stared at you wide eyed, but you were too sleepy to meet his gaze. Craving his warmness, you moved both of your arms around his neck and inched closer to him

“I know I don’t show it all the time, but I do like you. You’re sweet.” You smiled tiredly

Scout sputtered for his words again, but didn’t get very far. You let out a soft chuckle, inching closer to him

“Really? That was… kinda what I was gonna tell you.” He finally managed to choke out

You grabbed one of Scout’s bandaged hands, and gently placed it on your waist. He quickly got the memo, and immediately wrapped his arms around you. You hummed in content, feeling as if you could fall asleep right there

“Really.”

You pulled Scout into a desperate kiss, cupping his face and not letting him get away for a second. Not that he wanted to… you loved the way his hands slid up your sides, feeling you up before finding their way into your hair

Sniper💖

You and the whole team were celebrating a great win one night at the base. Well, almost the whole team. Sniper was missing, hiding away in his van outside. After sharing a few drinks with the others, you finally mustered up the courage to go retrieve him

You stumbled out of the base, walking towards the old camper van out front. Your fist bashed against the door, hearing an annoyed grunt from behind it

“Sniper…” you called

The Sniper’s footsteps shook the van momentarily until he stopped at the door, swinging it open to find you there smiling

“What do ya want?” He demanded

You swayed slightly from the alcohol, but caught yourself on his van. “Why aren’t you inside? Everyone’s in there having fun!” You asked

Sniper rolled his eyes with a groan, moving to slam the door shut. Before he could, you forcefully pushed it back

“Wait, wait, wait!” You protested

He growled your name, “what?” He spat

“You don’t have to be mean to me. I just… miss you.”

Sniper opened the door fully, making you stumble forward before catching yourself. He looked down at you with a frown, but then sighed

“Fine.” He grunted, turning back into the van but leaving the door open

You scampered in after him, watching him sit back down on his messy bed. You swayed there awkwardly for a second, before moving down to sit on the floor

“Just sit here.” Sniper interrupted, patting the spot next to him once

You quickly obeyed, perching yourself next to him. He stared at you for a few moments, finally noticing how drunk you really were

“Go back inside.” He said

You shook your head. “No, not without you.” You touched his arm, but was quick to recoil back

Sniper’s shoulders slumped and he rolled his eyes. “You don’t need me. Go back inside.” He repeated sternly

“But I like you. It’s not the same without you.” You frowned

The dark van was silent as you stared at each other. Sniper sighed again, and planted a hand on your shoulder. You nearly purred in response, inching closer

“I do, you know? I really like you.” You whispered

You gazed lovingly into his eyes, setting a hand on top of his that still sat on your shoulder. Sniper stared back, but with a more surprised look on his face

“Yer drunk… ya know that, right?” He said

You laughed breathlessly, leaning in even closer and setting your other hand on his thigh. “I know what I’m saying.” You purred

Sniper took his hands away and cupped your face with them. He ran his fingers through your hair, and you were practically melting at the touch. He leaned in to press a small kiss to your lips, not letting it linger for too long. Even though you wanted it to last forever…

Miss Pauling💖

Miss Pauling came to visit you and the other mercs at your base. You were pretty tired from working all day, but toughed it out to hang out with her anyway. You knew she liked wine, so you snatched something red from Spy’s smoking room

It was late and all the other mercs had gone to bed. You and Miss Pauling sat at the blackjack table alone, laughing together. You had your chair pressed up against hers just a little too close, but she didn’t seem to mind. You took a sip of your wine as she giggled about something, but you were too tipsy to understand what

You just glanced back at the women, setting your glass down with a smile. She stopped laughing after a bit, meeting your blurry gaze. The dim light above you flickered ever so softly, giving your lonely eyes a dull twinkle

“Miss Pauling…” you whispered

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, trying to get the drunken words out. They didn’t come though, and it all went quiet. You glanced back up at Miss Pauling, noticing that she had been staring at you the whole time

You felt so cold and alone. You craved the girl’s touch as you knew it would be sweet. Instead of speaking up again, you just went in for the kiss. Miss Pauling almost immediately leaned in as well. You couldn’t believe she was so keen to kiss you back. You had no time to tense up or be shocked though. All you could do was melt into it

Miss Pauling placed her hands on your chest, then slid them up to wrap her arms around your neck. You made a happy noise into the kiss, in which she smiled in return. You wasted no time to slip your arms around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer

You were desperate to kiss her forever, but you had to pull away to catch your breath. You gave her small, gentle kisses as you did so, keeping your arms around her

“Miss Pauling, I…” you breathed, gazing into her green eyes

Miss Pauling blushed and fixed her crooked glasses. “Yeah…?” She smiled shyly

“I kinda like you.”

You felt dumb saying that now. It was quite obvious, how you were practically on top of her. Miss Pauling’s smile widened, and she brought a hand up to stroke some hair from your face. You nearly purred, leaning into her touch happily

“I kinda like you too.” She giggled softly

[panfluidme]

Incorrect Quotes

Do note that all of my DC knowledge comes from friends, text posts, and three shows (Young Justice, Teen Titans, and Teen Titans Go)

— Damian: I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm — Tim: I’m fine Tim: It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired — Damian: Do you think that marrying penguins made some kind of statement? Tim: Yes Tim: The statement was that you're really lonely and you need a pet — Jason about Dick: Suspect is... obnoxious and irritating, even from a great distance —

Dick: I'm too young to die and too old to eat off the kids' menu Dick: What a stupid age I am

— Robin!Jason: Look. I might not have been a saint, but it's not like I killed anybody. I wasn't an arsonist. I never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground Batman: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that

— Alfred after setting up one of the Batkid's birthday parties: I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good. So I simply did myself — Jason: I came up with hundreds of plans in my life, and only one of them got me killed — Jason after acting like he was Tim so he could stay up later: Why do bad things always happen to mediocre people who are lying about their identities? — Bruce: how did you get my children to gang up on me like this? Alfred: I asked them if they wanted to embarrass you, and they instantly said yes — Bruce: Until I was 25 I thought the only response to ‘I love you’ was ‘Oh crap' — Tim extremely sleep deprived: You know what’s weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he’s getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about? Jason drunk out of his mind: Jason: I've never thought of it like that— — Jason: It hurts my Jason’s apple! Tim: For the last time, it’s not named after each individual man! — Tim: You didn’t cry when Bambi’s mom died? Bruce: Yes, it was so sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer

[pajarosypalabras]

My first month at site

Tuesday marked one month at site. I haven't written a blog post in way too long... for several reasons: 1. being sick with everything under the sun (food poisoning x3, ringworm (I had no idea how bad ringworm could be), pre diabetes (yup, you read that right), a cold, nutritional deficiencies (I haven't eaten a vegetable in weeks), and my daily stomach ache. 2. complete laziness and 3. the crazy emotional ups and downs of Peace Corps. My community is around 400 people, with no grocery store, no pharmacy, but thank god, a bus. I'm right next to a national park, a beautiful yet incredibly contaminated lake, and another volunteer (my saving grace). Every morning I wake up and my first thought is "Oh God, what am I doing here?". It's summer break and 100 degrees every day, so every one in town, including myself, is moving slowly.

My site presentation is next Wednesday. I've invited nearly everyone from the community and all my bosses will be here from Asuncion. I'll be presenting on myself and then Peace Corps staff will present on the organization. As the first volunteer in town, it will be nice for people here to hear Peace Corps' mission and hopefully feel inspired to work on projects with me. I'm also very nervous!!! Public speaking is one of least favorite things to do, especially in a second language.

Recently, my best friend from my cohort, Emma, told me this story about a married couple who said they wouldn't bring up the word "divorce" in the first 5 years after having kids. No one is capable of making such a permanent and scary decision, while sleep deprived and experiencing a huge change. Emma told me that the Peace Corps equivalent to this is not allowing yourself to consider early termination for the first six months of service. So here I am, trying my hardest not to think about quitting.

Of course, it hasn't been all bad and I didn't do Peace Corps expecting it to be fun all the time. I did Peace Corps for the experience and rewarding work. I have good moments, and if I'm lucky, good days. My best days are spent at my aunt Erna's house with all her kids, sitting under a tree, drinking cold terere, and talking about the parakeets she's rehabilitating. She's using the top of a fan with the blade taken out as a make-shift bird cage. All you need to be an environmentalist is some twine, parts of a fan, and injured birds. She's my hero (because anyone who saves birds is my hero) and truly my biggest supporter here.

A lot of experiences are so ridiculous that I just have to laugh. A few days ago, I tried to find the house of one of the teachers at school and was greeted by her shirtless 70yr old husband, speaking pure Guarani. After about 10 seconds of a completely nonsensical conversation, although conversation is a strong word, I said "bueno, ciao ciao" (ok, bye-bye) and walked away. I laughed at myself walking down the street and my host grandma was cracking up when I told her the story.

Yesterday, my grandma made me empanadas from rotten meat that had been sitting in the fridge for two weeks. When I saw them on my plate, my first thought was "how am I gonna get out this?". I waited for my grandma to leave the room, so I was alone with my extremely old and entirely confused 90yr old grandfather. I picked them up, pretended to take a bite, opened the screen door and threw them in the bush. Then, when my grandmother returned, I told her how delicious they were.

One of my 2025 goals is to write down one delight every day (Ross Gay style). Some of my delights this week have included:

watching someone perform "Dancing Queen" on Paraguayan TV but not knowing the words and singing gibberish. No one else watching TV noticed

showering and sitting in front of the fan. I'm incredibly grateful every time I go to shower and the water is on, which is once in a blue moon these days

talking on the phone... in English, God do I love to talk and talking not as fun in Spanish

Going forward, I hope to write a blog post every month!

[alexcheshiregame]

The benefit of decluttering unnecessary items and optimizing what you have.

I've noticed an interesting effect: increasing strength by reducing the overall number of things, even if they only came in handy once or twice a year.

I've come to the conclusion that in this era of AliExpress and 3D printers, it's possible and important to replace 2-3 items with one multifunctional item, and not to give up but to continue experimenting if a specific multifunctional purchase doesn't work out or isn't convenient.

In the end, it pays off when even important items decrease in volume several times over.

From my experience, it makes sense to invest in various-sized boxes that you can buy at the post office, large labels, a notebook, and a good quality pen that evokes positive emotions. Downloading an app for voice-activated list search and organizing all items into groups, then into large boxes according to the box system (box 1 containing boxes 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, etc.) This frees up space in the closet, and occupied shelves will be filled 100%, not just 20-30%, as is usually the case due to fears of something slipping or falling out upon the next opening or the inability to reach the necessary item. This also organizes your understanding of how many items you have in each group and where you need to prioritize replacing them with multifunctional ones.

Personally, I usually find it sufficient to have 25-40 items in each group.

This approach also provides a clear understanding that there are separate boxes for "possibly give away" and "possibly throw away," and items that are difficult to part with initially go into one of these boxes. Months later, during periods when your biorhythms and hormonal balance give you the greatest clarity of thought and decisiveness (usually when you've caught up on sleep after serious sleep deprivation, intentionally inducing or alleviating it, or when you've eliminated chronic sleep deprivation and after a week of sleeping for 4-5 hours, you wake up refreshed and ready to "tear and throw" because your body is back to normal), you find the strength to part with the excess. At this moment, it's important to have a pre-planned and prepared set where such items are already sorted into the two groups.

You create a reward and comfort for yourself in the form of treating yourself to a new cup or plate, and on the way, you take the box labeled "possibly throw away" to the trash can and leave the box labeled "possibly give away" next to it, then go for the planned comforting bonus.

P.S. Accumulating cups like this goes well with the hobby of making your own creams from plants on the windowsill. Try planting aloe in spare cups, and after morning yoga, shower, and self-massage, you'll have a more energetically beneficial cream from the lower, larger parts of the plants growing in your biofield, which you care for by filling a simple auto-watering system once a week (from the same Ali or any other trading platform) and by removing the lower leaves, which are extremely beneficial for you.

[crazy-nerdy]

So Hello!!

If you’re seeing this, you are probably here from AO3, so you probably know of or are reading Hireath Of the Forgotten!

This story has been a huge labor of love for me, and I’ve poured so much time and energy into building this. And I am really happy to be sharing it.

So. Tumblr! I’m not new here, so I thought: why not? but I also really wanted to find a way to share things I can’t through the Ao3 notes and to find a more interactive way to communicate with all of those who read the story. Posting what I write is pretty scary sometimes, but any sign of support from all of you has been extremely rewarding and motivating.

What’s the story about?

In case you’re new, new Hireath Of the Forgotten follows Maer—a girl lost in her own identity,with no memory of where she came from, she’s caught between the home she’s built on Berk and the pieces of a darker, more dangerous truth.

There’s mystery, heartbreak, Norse-inspired world-building—plenty of dragon chaos. Plus, a slow-burn connection with Hiccup (we love a good slow burn, don’t we?).

This story is inspired by pinterest pictures with beautiful words, shower thoughts, no internet data while on the bus thoughts, sleep-deprived moments of epiphany, and entirely fueled by that one person who said if you can't find the story you want to read, write it.

What I’ll share here:

There’s a lot I don’t get to show you in the chapters themselves.

Behind-the-scenes world-building (there are spreadsheets—so many spreadsheets)

Norse mythology influences as well as old norse customs I’ve integrated into the plot (or tried too)

Character designs and headcanons

Scrapped scenes and prompts that didn’t quite make the cut

Updates (maybe), answer any questions, anything else that comes up!

How to Train Your Dragon has been part of my life since childhood (I think it was one of the first movies I saw in cinemas).

I’m beyond grateful to have readers who’ve enjoyed Maer’s story. This is a story about grief, identity, and the messy, beautiful search for belonging, and having you along for the ride means more than I can say.

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[gwydionmisha]

Mystery Solved and Jesus Fuck is it stupid and pointless.

We solved the sling. It is all to stupid for words. The first two weeks post op are crucial for correct recovery. We wasted them on needless pointless torture because I am fat. We'll find out the extent of the catastrophe tomorrow afternoon.

She did this terrible, nightmarish dangerous thing to me without examination or measuring me based entirely on her first glance at me from the hallway. I could have lost some fingers or the whole hand. I could have had nerve damage. I have no idea if the bones healed right.

I suspect they were treating me at the surgeon's office on Friday like I was crazy and hysterical because the things I was telling them made no sense. It was likely inconceivable to them that a PT would over ride a surgeon like that to do something so pointlessly damaging to a patient, so clearly I must be saying it wrong.

We were planning for Squirrel to come into the appointments as a third party to explain things since I am not in great shape from two weeks of extreme sleep deprivation necessary for holding my arm as still as possible and keeping the arm from falling out of the sling and the constant battle to keep massaging blood into my hand.

We are still doing the Squirrel talks to the doctor thing because "PT knew the surgeon had messed up when she saw I was fat from the hallway" can't sound anything other than insanity. I'm keeping the sling fitting appointment because I have now directions for things like proper strap and arm position for the normal people sling only the special fat people torture device one which I don't trust for obvious reasons.

How did we solve it you may ask? I was taking things out of the bag from the hospital to put away, retrieving the papers with things like sleep directions, when I looked down and saw my entire arm had slithered out of the sling for the second time. I must have been holding the Forbidden Sling at the time. In my alarm, I put what I was holding down and went to get Squirrel to fix the arm issue.

It's black. I set it on the canvass back pack next to wear the bags go. Camouflage. The arm thing was so dramatic since I wasn't used to having to manhandle it back in constantly yet. I thought I was doing something wrong because they hadn't mentioned how easy it was for the arm to fall out of an immobility sling. I had intended to put the forbidden sling next to the sink to use when I showered. When we couldn't find it anywhere I thought I must have misremembered things given I'd had my bones stolen earlier that day and anesthesia recovery.

When the forearm began to deteriorate precipitously I searched again in hopes because I thought that having a sling that would hold my wrist at a natural angle and not restrict blood to the hand might help, and my normal sling had likely slid between the desk and the filing cabinet and I was struggling to cope with the pain the jostling from breathing was causing, so crawling around on the floor trying to keep the arm from falling out of the sling while the arm felt like it was being stabbed, flayed, and set on fire all at once. I couldn't do a thorough search because of my condition.

By Sunday, my neck, back, shoulder, and arm muscles were exhausted from almost two weeks of having to constantly try to hold the arm still without help from the sling. Keep in mind I wasn't meant to be using the shoulder at all if I could help it because you are supposed to give it as close to complete rest as humanly possible, but because of the special fat person torture sling that wasn't physically possible. Even the trick of sitting at my desk using a pillow in my lap to take some of the weight off my shoulder and trapping the arm between my stomach and the desk couldn't help any more because the shoulder muscles were just done.

I could think a little better with the Millennial altered sling because my hand was better and if I kept my wrist still enough it didn't hurt that much more than the surgery. I hadn't seen the bags during the Friday search, but the little table where things going to the car like bags go is cluttered, and had a lot of extra stuff I'd forgotten to stow in the hectic couple of days before surgery. I decided to see if I'd left the sling in a bag by accident and found it on the back pack.

Squirrel put me in it and built the stabilization nest before leaving for game. Millennial altered sling went into the wash as I wanted to run that after Goth Millennial bathed me so I could produce it in evidence for the doctor and explain why we had to alter it and why everything had gone to shit and why we went against medical orders and had me wear the Forbidden Sling.

So I'm lying there using meditation to try to unclench the muscles I'd spent all that time training never to relax, and I notice what feels like darted fabric against my forearm skin similar to the Millennial alterations to the other sling. O.o. So I felt the parts of the sling I'd never seen because I was looking from above. I'd had a neural block so there had been no chance of me feeling the dart in the couple hours before it had been confiscated because I was "too big." (She kept talking about how big I was and how that that was a problem to me and the nurses. I'm short. There is no ambiguity here.)

The sling had been carefully hand altered.

If it had really been the wrong sling it would have been generic.

They'd measured me for the sling at a pre-op appointment. It had been carefully altered to match my arm which was why it was so small. It had been a size large because you need more fabric to do alterations, so she replaced a custom fitted sling that had been cut down from a large so as to do essential work in the crucial first two weeks with a generic extra large I could have fit both arms plus random cargo into that compressed my hand and held my wrist at an angle it can't go without a lot of force and immobilizing hand and wrist and providing almost no support for a shoulder that had literally just been replaced.

Every other sling any of us had ever seen had let the thumb and fingers poke out, but the hole for that was in my armpit in the Special Fat Person Torture Sling. She either didn't notice or didn't care.

She kept looking at me like she'd never seen a fat person before and acting like there had never been one in short term post surgical. This was certainly not the case. I've had surgery there a lot. I've seen plenty of people a lot bigger than me. Squirrel works there and is like yeah they have plenty of bariatric supplies and there are other fat patients in the hospital all the time so them not having any experience with fat people at the hospital is exactly as weird as it seemed to recovering from anesthesia at the time. (To be clear there is nothing wrong with being fat. I'm not ashamed. I'm mentioning the range of fat people they help regularly to try to convey how weird it was that no one seemed to have any kind of training to deal with not skinny people and that I was not remotely unusual. If I had required bariatric equipment, I still would have deserved to be treated like a person. Everyone deserves to be treated like a person. I'm visibly queer and other staff were using pronouns. I can't remember if she got mine right or not. I can't rule it out, but she never mentioned it, whereas she made clear repeatedly that she was doing this because I'm big).

She could have examined the sling, but she would have had to see me as a person instead of assuming all fat people automatically needed an XL sling for all medical situations regardless of size. She could have measured me to see what size sling would be normal for a person my actual size, but she'd have had to look at and touch me to do that and she could barely force herself to do that during the confiscation. She could have called someone more experienced who'd seen a shoulder replacement sling and/or a fat person before to ask if the sling looked wrong to her. She could have checked my chart. She could have called upstairs to ask if they were sure they had the right sling. She could have called the surgeon or surgeon's office. She could have looked at the custom sling properly while cannibalizing it for a belly strap. She could have actually looked at the fit after hastily and squeamishly putting it on me and thought, "Shouldn't I see fingers?" and stopped to think for a minute.

It took me about a minute to think of all these options that would have been simple and common sense. She couldn't take even a minute to think of one of them.

She did this dangerous horrifically damaging and painful thing without a single thought. Not a one.

I'm sure nothing will happen to her. She'll likely never even be told what she did so she would know not to do it again.

I spent two weeks in hell just because she glanced at me from the hall, saw I wasn't thin, and never noticed or thought through anything after.

None of it was necessary.

I wish I could find out right now how fucked I am on arm recovery. Afternoon feels a long time away.

I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to post something this personal about my health, but I think people need to know because shoulder replacement is a pretty common surgery once you pass a certain age.

Did I mention I had to talk her into letting me keep the forbidden sling. She was really reluctant. She almost threw it out.

[thebomb-thebird-andtheburntbitch]

all three heartbeats

bakugou katsuki / f.reader

genre: married au (husband/wife), angst, hurt/comfort?, fluff, katsuki being a sap in lowercase

synposis: katsuki works full time as a prohero, but his time working to ensure the publics safety kept him busy- far too busy at times.  he seeks comfort in you and his newborn little girl because the both of you keep him grounded and keep him fighting. he just wishes he could find a way to feel like a better father and husband. 

w.count: 3.6k

a/n: hi hello i aint never written for bnha before and i thought i would never write anime fics again but here we are years after (it has been actual years, someone save me LOL). what better way than to start back out with blasty amiright? 

It was one of those nights.  Katsuki had just walked into his home at an ungodly hour and as he shut the door behind him, he leaned his back against it, He flicked all three locks of the front door shut and dropped his duffle bag at his feet before he tipped his head back to rest on the wood.  He closed his eyes, sighing as he had the urge to just sink to the floor of the entryway landing and power nap. 

Lord knows when his phone would buzz or ring again- his seemingly never ending work calling him to clock in again. It seemed like recently he never clocked out of his job- always working, patrolling, fighting petty villains trying to commit petty crimes and occasionally stopping more dangerous situations that kept him on edge and busy for hours to days on end.  

The duffle he dropped at his feet was full with his gear and his hero suit that was in desperate need of washing and minor repairs- things that if he even muttered to himself about, you would happily offer your aid. 

His closed eyes opened and his chin dropped back down, the back of his head coming off the door as he pushed the rest of his body off it as well.  He heeled off his shoes and ruffled his hair as he finally walked into his home, leaving his duffle at the door as he made his way to the bathroom.  

In all honesty, Katsuki wanted to go immediately to the room he shared with you where he knew you were asleep. He desperately needed a shower though, and he wasn’t planning on crawling into bed to hold you smelling like sweat, smoke and hero work.  

You told him before you didn’t mind his post-work scent, in fact you told him it was charming in it’s own way since it was proof that Pro Hero: Dynamight worked harder than anyone else to one day be the No.1 Hero he’d been dreaming of his entire life. 

Katsuki never told you, but he’d think about that almost everyday and it always made him smile when he did. 

The shower he took was brisk and quick because all he wanted to do was go to bed.  He couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t just taking power naps on the couch at the agency. He couldn’t remember the last time he got to go to sleep in his own bed. Katsuki couldn’t remember the last time he got to hold you and it was starting to really piss him off.  

Since graduating UA, getting engaged, married and then having a child with you, is tempter had considerably settled.  He wasn’t entirely tame by any means, he was still a quick fire with insults, refused to use people’s names and stuck to stupid nicknames he thought of, cursed like a sailor and exploded when something mildly frustrating ticked him off- but he wasn’t like he was before.  

When Katsuki can stand to be in the same room as Todoroki and Midoriya and not blow a giant fuse within the first sentence exchange, anyone would call that progress.  

It was no shock that you were a large factor in his settled image- he had to start leaning self control and how to manager his attitude.  The one extremely rocky point in your relationship with Katsuki back when you both were third years and you threatened to leave him if he didn’t shape up made him change.  It wasn’t easy, but the arguments and fights you both had back then serve as a reminder of how far he had come according to you. 

When Katsuki stepped out of the bathroom, he sighed- feeling refreshed- as he walked to the bedroom with a towel around his waist and another over his head drying his hair.  It was way too late to be running the hairdryer, he’d risk waking up his child that he knew was otherwise dead to the world in their crib.

Twisting the doorknob as quietly as he could, Katsuki stepped into the bedroom and his eyes immediately looked to the bed, seeing your body’s shape beneath the comforter of the giant, Alaskan king bed you insisted you absolutely needed.  

He felt his lips twitch as he left the door cracked to let in a small amount of light from the hall without stirring you.  He went to his dresser and snatched a pair of shorts and a tank top and threw them on before he left the room as quietly as he had come in. 

Katsuki went back to the front door and picked up his duffle bag, moving it into the living room and setting it on the couch to fiddle with it in the morning. He grabbed his phone from the side pouch of the duffle and began to shut the lights off and retreated back down the hall.  

Before he went back to the room you slept in to join you, he stopped first in the room that was directly across the hall from his and yours and as quiet as a mouse crept in.  

The nursey was painted in a pale yellow with sunflowers painted on the walls (curtesy of the bakusquad who insisted they were in charge of nursery decorations). Against the wall was a shelved cubby for toys and items for the baby and beside that was a changing table.  Across the room was a tall dresser filled with way too many baby onesies and outfits for the future. 

Katsuki walked to the white, wooden crib at the back of the room as the room itself was glowing in the soft, blue light of the baby’s nightlight.  He leaned over the crib side and looked down to see his child sleeping just as quiet as can be.  

He smiled as he reached down and stroked her chubby cheeks with the back of his knuckles.  She was warm and soft. 

“Hey there, Girlie,” he whispered, barely audible. Just watching his little girl sleep so soundly made his chest warm. God, he loved her so much.  He frowned as he thought about how tough it might be on you while he’s away looking after her by yourself.  She was barely a few months old and he hasn’t even had a weekend with you two yet.  

Katsuki bit his lip to keep from letting the disappointment he felt in himself slip out in the form of growls. 

He stuck around in the nursey for a few more minutes, just petting and admiring his child before he snuck back out and finally, finally went back to his room and as carefully as possible slid into bed.  

You slept in the center of the bed that could easily fit four sleeping bodies, and Katsuki shuffled in further towards you before he was right behind you.  He stared at your back in the dark room, his eyes adjusting more and more as the minutes pass.  

Katsuki lightly grabbed your shoulder before he was pulling you to your back and then reaching over you to lay on your chest.  On an ordinary day, Katsuki would be happy just holding you, but he felt especially worn out and drained. So, for once, even if you were sleeping, he just wanted to be held instead. 

His cheek pushed into your chest, listening to your steady heartbeat beneath his ear. His right arm stretched over your shoulder to rest by your head and his left stayed beside his own body, his right leg hiked over your waist to be as close to you as he could get. 

He felt his eyes roll before he shut them, finally feeling comfortable and warm and safe for the first time in days.  He was finally breathing easy and all he wanted to do was stay here, in your arms, for the rest of his life. 

As he started to finally doze off, his eyes fluttered open at the feeling of something carding through his hair. 

He heard you take a deep breath before you were shifting just a bit to curl around him more and he felt your chin push against the top of his head. 

“Go back to sleep,” he muttered, feeling your sleepy gaze on the top of his head.  The small, sleepy chuckle that left your chest hummed against his cheek. 

“Welcome home,” you whispered, sleep laced heavily in your voice as he felt your lips push against his scalp.  “How was work?” You ask so innocently, but the question only made Katsuki burrow his face into your chest further. He doesn’t answer you, so you prompt him further. “Katsuki?” 

“Don’t wanna talk about it,” he muttered, lifting his face just enough to speak clearly then pushing it back down again.  

You say nothing at that and instead return to just carding your fingers through his semi-damp hair as you bask in each other and the silence of the house.  You glance over to the alarm clock, seeing the time 4:03 am in orange, glowing numbers. 

You feel like you have loads you want to talk about with Katsuki, things you want to share with him that had happened and things you want to have him tell you that’s happened, but it’s too quiet and too peaceful to bring them up.  They’d have to wait. 

“’m sorry,” he suddenly spoke from where he lay on your chest.  Your fingers stop their mindless fiddling in his hair and he grips onto you tighter. 

“What for?” 

“Not being here.” 

You felt your heart crack at the tone of his voice.  He’s always been more open and mushy around you- as much as he denies it and he only get’s more open and more mushy when he was sleep deprived and just plain exhausted.  

“I’m always working, always gone, always away doing fuck-knows-what out there and not here.  I’m not home and that’s gotta really fucking suck.”  He’s silent for a moment but you dare not speak. You feel like he’s been holding a lot in recently and if he’s choosing now to let it all out, you would silently encourage him to do that.  

“I mean-” he scoffs at himself, “we’re married for fucks sake.  We have a baby and I’m basically leaving you home alone day after day to raise her by yourself.” 

“What?” Your shocked to think that’s how he feels.  “Katsuki, that’s not-”

“It feels true,” he whimpers. “I feel like if I keep doing this, keep leaving you and Misuzu alone,” his voice cracks at the sound of his daughter’s name leaving his lips, “then you’ll both just disappear and I won’t even have the balls to go after you two.” You think you feel something wet seep through your sleep shirt, but you don’t say a thing about it.  “I don’t feel like a husband and I don’t feel like a father. How can I feel like a hero if I can’t even spare the time to be with my god damn family?” 

“Well,” you start.  In truth, all you want to do is console him, but for all you know that could make him feel worse. You had to figure out what he wanted first. “What do you want to do then?” 

He took a deep breath before he let it out again. 

“I think I’m going to take some time off,” he concluded.  It had been on his mind recently and now was as good a time as any.  He just wanted to be home. “Maybe a week or two.” 

“If that’s what you really want to do, then I think that’s a great idea. Just don’t forget to tell Eijirou or else he’ll blow a fuse if he just think’s your late because the great Dynamight is always punctual.” 

You got a hearty puff of air and smile out of him for that little line.  it was no shock that when all came down to it, Kirishima Eijirou and Bakugou Katsuki ended up working in the same agency. 

“I’ll just text the bastard.” 

“You need to tell the agency too, you dolt,” you lightly whacked him on the bed as he groaned.  Getting time off wasn’t going to be hard for him considering the god awful hours he’s been forced into the past however long.  Just going into the office to get that time off is annoying and a process he wish he could get someone else do to for him. “Just head out in the morning and let both your partner and your agency know. It won’t be so bad.” 

“Whatever,” he huffed.  “Just, go back to sleep.” 

You glanced back at the clock to see that only about half and hour had passed.  You sighed as you closed your eyes happily ready to return to sleep before Misuzu woke up. 

You swore Katsuki was out before you. 

-x-x-x-

You woke up three hours later, just after 7 am to the sounds of your daughter’s crying from her nursey. When you opened your eyes and sat up, your husband was no where to be seen.  

You frowned, knowing that he was awake somewhere and he had only slept a few hours. Shaking your head, you got up and went to Misuzu’s room to get her from her crib and bring her into your arms.  

You shushed the infant in your arms as you left the nursey and walked around the house.  Katsuki was no where to be found and his everyday shoes were gone from the shoe rack next to the door.  He must’ve went out already. 

Not thinking much of it, you moved to the kitchen to grab one of Mizusu’s bottles from the fridge.  One plus of pumping was getting bottles for the future- but that was one of the only pros among a number of cons.  

With Misuzu being still so young, she didn’t do much beside nursing, napping and diaper calls.  She would coo and whine and clutch onto your fingers and clothes and hair, but her energy was never prolonged.  

After nursing, burping and playing with her she was yawning again. You left to place her back in her crib in her room as you let he sleep a little while longer. Flipping on the baby monitor, you left the room and went to the kitchen.  Your daughter had breakfast, it was only fair that you got something to eat too. 

As you scrambled the last eggs in your fridge, enough for Katsuki just in case you saw him this morning, you heard the front door open and shut again.  You smiled as you heard footsteps come treading into the kitchen and you looked over your shoulder to see your husband.  

You smiled at him as he rubbed the back of his head. Dressed in jeans that tore just slightly in the thighs and a t-shirt, Wwhen he saw you, he immediately started going towards you. 

“Good morning,” you told him as he was at your side looking over your shoulder. “Welcome home.” 

“Mmn,” he hummed at you. 

“Where’d you go so early in the morning?” 

“Agency.” 

“You should’ve slept in a little bit more.  You didn’t sleep long.”  

“I didn’t want to wait any more to just be able to stay home.” 

You smiled at his answer.  You brought one hand up to pat his cheek as he leaned into your touch.  

“Why don’t you go get comfortable if you’re staying home then?” 

He hummed at you again, nodding before he kissed your shoulder and sauntered back into your shared room. He took his time getting changed and getting into more homey clothes, because when he came back into the kitchen you were placing your food on plates for the both of you. 

This time, when he came to you, instead of standing beside you, he latched onto you from behind as he buried his face into your neck.  You could tell from the feeling of his eyelashes tickling your skin that he was still tired. You had half a mind to tell him to just go back to bed and he could really wake up and eat later. 

The way he tightened his grip on your waist and started to sway ever so gently back and forth in the kitchen made you stay silent though.  It was a serene moment between you two and you just closed your eyes and basked in it.  It had been so long since you just got to bask in him and him in you. 

“You hungry?” You asked as softly as you could muster. He nodded but made no effort to try and move away from you.  “Do you expect to eat with your face hidden?” You teased. 

“Just a little longer,” he muffled, his breath making your skin rise with gooseflesh as it tickled.  

Half and hour later, you were taking his plate from him as he cleaned it of food and went to put them in the sink.  He jumped from his chair at the table before he was gently moving you away from the metal hole in the counter where you were about to wash the dishes you had dirtied this morning. 

“I’ll wash them,” he insisted. 

“I don’t mind doing it.” 

“Don’t be so damned stubborn.  You cooked, so it’s fair.” 

You shrugged as you relented. “If you really insist. Thank you, Katsuki.” You placed a small, short kiss on his cheek before you moved back to the table to sit.  

As he cleaned up the dishes, you sat at the table and fiddled with your phone, scrolling through apps to see what you missed and then flicking occasionally to watch Katsuki’s back.  

“I feel you fuckin’ staring,” he spoke as he shut the water off, shaking his hands before he dried them on a towel.  The dishes all sat in a plastic draining rack as he turned around and leaned against the counter.  You placed your chin in your palm as you laughed at him. 

“Yeah? Got a problem with it?” 

“Not necessarily.” 

You both jumped when a small whine was heard over the speaker of the baby monitor you had sitting on the center of the table.  You pushed your chair out, but before you could even stand up, Katsuki was up and down the hall to check on Misuzu. 

When you made it to her door, he had already lifted her out of her crib.  She had reached up and snagged a tiny handful of her father’s hair as he hissed. 

“Listen you little brat, just because your my baby doesn’t mean you can yank on my hair.” Her small fist only yanked down on his hair more as if to say ‘I can and will’.  You chuckled as you walked into the nursey and started to detangle her hand from his blond hair.  

Katsuki watched as her fingers released his hair and instead wrapped around your finger as you bounced it slightly. Her tiny arm moved in tandem with your finger bounces. 

“Hey,” your soft voice calling him suddenly brought him out of his own mind. You gently pulled Misuzu’s fingers off you as you pushed your palm against Katsuki’s cheek. “Why are you crying?” 

Was he? God, he hated crying- especially in front of you.  He clicked his tongue, whipping his head to face away from you as he used one of his hands to quickly swipe under his eyes. 

“I’m not.” 

You smiled at him, holding back a laugh as you pushed your husband into the living room to let Misuzu play on the floor.  Katsuki sat on the living room floor cross legged as you watched him play with her as she lay on her back.  

Occasionally he would glance at the time and remind you to pump, as if your tender chest wasn’t a constant reminder anyway.  You always just nodded and told him you would when you needed to. 

The three of you spent the morning in the living room until the infant began to yawn back to back and rub at her eyes clumsily.  You let Katsuki put her down for her nap in the afternoon since he never really had the opportunity to.  Through the baby monitor you could hear him mutter and coo at her to go to sleep. 

When she was down, Katsuki came back into the living room and sat himself beside you on the couch.  He sighed, throwing his head back against the couch and closing his eyes, obviously ready for a nap himself.  

“Why not try and sleep while she’s down?” You had planned on getting him to rest while you start to go through the duffle bag you had relocated to the corner of the room a while ago to see what all he needed done with his hero equipment.  

He opened one of his eyes, seeing you eyeing towards his bag and he frowned.  He shifted his body, snatched your waist and threw himself back to lay on the cushions, you following in tow to lay on top of him. 

“Katsuki!” You scolded in a hushed tone as to not wake up your daughter who just went to sleep.  

“I’ll nap here and you will too. No objections.” He brought one of his hands up to start stroking your head. “Just let me take care of my god damn wife for once.” You just shook your head and pushed your cheek further against his chest to get comfortable.  When he says it like that, you can’t really bring yourself to oppose him.  

“Hey,” you whispered. You felt him hum in response to you. “I love you.” 

His legs shifted and his arms wrapped around you tighter, getting more comfortable. He let out a deep, comfortable breath as you felt him push his cheek into the top of your head. 

“‘Fuckin’ love you too.” 

[thewhitefluffyhat]

Thoughts on Harrow the Ninth

Similar to my post on Gideon the Ninth, this is a questionably organized collection of impressions, opinions, and a recounting of my experience in reading this book!

Note: This post also includes marked sections where I compare certain Harrow the Ninth plot elements with first the When They Cry series and then Madoka Magica: Rebellion, because that’s just the way my brain works. Those sections do contain spoilers for the other stories, so feel free to skip or read them accordingly!

.

After finishing GtN, a few months passed. For various reasons, I found I had to go on a long family roadtrip and needed something to do in the car… and I thought “hm. why not.” and bought HtN.

(So yes, there was Poster Child For A Liberal City Girl aka Me casually wandering around some deep red rural parts of the country with “the necromancers are back, and they’re gayer than ever” emblazoned on the book I refused to put down. Probably made for an amusing picture!)

Anyway, it was a good thing I wasn’t called on to help drive during that trip, because I started the book in the morning and was only barely able to put it down for meals and checking into the hotel. Oh, we had to get up early to drive the next day? I didn’t care, I just waited for everyone else in the room to fall asleep and then stayed up until 2am curled up on the tiny bathroom counter to finish it.

Like a Smart Person, I’d also neglected to take my copy of Gideon the Ninth with me on the trip, and I didn’t have internet access either. And as mentioned, I’d marathoned GtN over the course of a single night several months prior. In other words: my memory of the events in that book was extremely unreliable, which, I have to say, only enhanced the surreal atmosphere of HtN. I was just as confused and uncertain as Harrow, and it was delightful.

And after finishing, I continued my tradition and proceeded to gush incoherently about it to my younger brother the next sleep-deprived morning. (I do wonder what his secondhand impression of these books is, haha.)

Luckily I had brought other books with me to read; I don’t know how I would have staved off my cravings to dive into fandom analysis otherwise. But first things first: my thoughts on the book!

I Swear This Book Was Made To Appeal Directly To Me??

-Yeah, so remember that “I’m a sex-averse-ish ace” thing I mentioned in the previous post? And how I really wanted Less Swords More Bones Please And Thank You? Needless to say, Harrow won me over as a protagonist instantaneously. And that’s without getting into a whole bunch of other really weird, really specific things about her/HtN that were precisely my thing.

-For example, I am neither neurodivergent nor mentally ill (afaik), but I still related so hard to Harrow’s food sensitivities, her touch-shyness, her obsessions, her completely broken sleep schedule… I mean, oh gosh, the thing with John’s tea and biscuits? I have never before read something that so perfectly captures the feeling of someone giving you food and you would like to eat it to please them but you just. Cannot. And the sheer uncomfortableness and background radiation of polite disappointment that entails. Especially when they keep trying! Gah!

-Another random, tiny moment that stood out to me: Gideon’s response to waking up in Harrow’s body. See, even relatively tame and mainstream anime (Shinkai’s “Your Name” springs to mind) still feel the need to kick off their body switching plots by having one character immediately and nonconsensually grope their love interest’s body when the switch happens.

But instead of doing that, Gideon keeps apologizing, desperately trying to protect Harrow’s body, and even declaring she’ll take showers fully clothed. Is it over-the-top and did I laugh? Absolutely. But the point is also that she’s determined to be considerate of Harrow’s privacy, even to an absurd degree. It’s a strong way to show that Gideon genuinely cares about Harrow, serving as a welcome contrast after an entire book of every other character ignoring and often actively trying to erode Harrow’s boundaries.

-Last but the opposite of least: I actually really love Second Person POV! If anything, that’s often the most natural POV for me to write fanfic in, for whatever reason. But it’s specifically second person where the “you” is a defined, in-universe character. Second person where “you” is meant to be You The Reader, You The Self-Insert makes me instinctively roll my eyes. (A bias that is definitely not related to my thoughts on Frisk vs Chara vs The Player in Undertale, what are you talking about, ahaha.)

So reading a whole book in that POV? YASSSS. And then the reveal of Gideon as the first person narrator on top of it? Incredible. Genius. Honestly I would recommend this book just for the utter brilliance of that twist.

I’m admitting my own ignorance here, but this is definitely the first long-form genre work I’ve read in First Person Direct Address POV. Heck, this is the first time I’ve ever run across that term! *narrows eyes at my creative writing teachers* And oooh boy I am dying to give it a spin myself in fanfic, it’s so good.

Harrow the “Unreliable” Narrator

Backing up a bit, though, I think I can pinpoint the exact scene when I knew I would love this book: the conversation between Harrow and Ortus, with the wham line of “You see, I am insane.”

Because my first thought on reading that was: oh hell yes this is going to be a RIDE

Quickly followed by the second thought: hang on, was this… was this true for Harrow during GtN as well? She was potentially dealing with hallucinations and unreality this whole time and we (Gideon, the audience) had no idea? oh, Harrow… TT_TT

And indeed, the rest of the book lived up to the dual promises of that moment - of the free-fall into the depths of horror and paranoia that comes with a narrator who’s not just unreliable, but knows they can’t even trust themselves. And of Harrow being a wonderfully compelling protagonist, equal parts heartbreaking meow meow balanced out by raw, unrelenting determination.

Then there was the final payoff to all the narrative shenanigans: the dawning reveal that actually, Harrow was right all along. And oh, I loved it when I read it and I still love the concept now! The idea of presenting the reader with the hoary old trope of an "insane," unreliable narrator, and then having the twist be that they were perfectly reliable where it counted? Beautiful. Amazing. I couldn’t be completely certain until I read the note from the author at the end, but threading throughout the fantasy trappings, this read like a book that came from a very personal place, and had some very sharp things to say about people who get dismissed as “insane.”

(On that note - are there any moments where Harrow outright hallucinates? I certainly took the “a few out-of-order bumps in the temporal gyrus that might have been there already” line as leaving open the interpretation that she’s genuinely schizophrenic in addition to the wacky supernatural nonsense she has to deal with…)

Harrow Would Make a Great When They Cry Character, Prove Me Wrong

An unreliable narrator? A fantasy-infused murder mystery in that lovely mindscrew “is it magic? Is it mundane? Is it a hallucination?” mode? There’s a surprising amount of Harrow the Ninth that reminds me of the best parts of When They Cry novels.

(Look, just because I’m not actively participating in the fandom doesn’t mean my WTC brainworms have gone away. :P)

To the first point, I would absolutely argue that Harrow gives Rena and Shion and other WTC characters a run for their money at Best Unreliable Narrator. In particular, if you enjoyed moments like Rena trying to logic through her paranoia in Tsumihoroboshi and only digging herself deeper, or Rika dissociating and wishing to erase part of herself in Saikoroshi - this book is for you.

Meanwhile, Harrow’s internal conflict - that “Is somebody trying to kill her? And if they succeeded, would the universe be better off?” from the summary blurb still haunts me! - evokes some of my favorite When They Cry character beats. “Why was I born?”/“I’m sorry for being born.” are lines that keep recurring throughout the WTC series, and for good reason. The regret and tragedy of a monstrous existence sure makes for some excellent character drama!

After Higurashi Sotsu left me hanging with its poorly-written antagonist, I was desperately craving something that did a complex, Beatrice-like character well, and I found that in Harrow. Though it’s perhaps less surprising of a jump than you might think; both Umineko and The Locked Tomb series are heavily influenced by gothic literature. Something something kids messed up by the crime of their conception, something something continuing the cycle of violence by taking it out on the only other person who might have helped them instead.

If only, I were… Never born to begin with at all; More smiles may have blossomed, But we'll never know now

If only, I were… Able to cease my own breath, Maybe some could have lived on?

Surely, even these feelings Will soon lose their form— But can we walk on ahead As if nothing ever happened?

(Umineko’s “hope” is too soft and peaceful of a song to truly fit Harrow’s gremlin energy, and yet… hm.)

Finally, here’s some mood whiplash: in other WTC news, Ianthe has managed to steal the title of Best Worst Girl from Furudo Erika. Which is no mean feat! I love her. I can’t wait to see her get worse. I especially love that the fandom is entirely on board with her being The Absolute Worst. <3

Dream Bubble AUs, Unburying Your Gays, and PMMM: Rebellion

The Madoka Magica: Rebellion parallels are much much more tenuous, but boy oh boy do I have Feels about them. Homura dreamt of a world where she and Madoka could both live cheerful lives as magical girls - not one where she stole and sealed away Madoka’s powers. Harrow dreamt of worlds where Gideon had comparatively more freedom and power - not ones where she was the shackle binding Gideon to the Ninth. In both cases, idyllic fanfic-influenced dream AUs are used as a clever means of portraying the more equal dynamic a character actually wants from a relationship vs the deeply broken and possessive dynamic they had with that person in reality.

It’s just such a fascinating storytelling device that accomplishes so many things at once!

-By contrasting these happier universes with the characters’ reality, it deftly underlines how strongly the characters have been warped by their traumas into their current selves, without the result feeling maudlin or unearned. -Because the setting is a character’s mindscape, any setting details are also implicitly characterization details. So it’s a rich opportunity to explore the dreamer’s unfiltered and most heartfelt desires - and a whole lot of other amusing quirks besides. (Was Homura a fan of magical girl shows? Was Harrow thinking of Pal’s ridiculous novel when she came up with that Ball AU? Why are both of them so fond of coffee??) -By specifically invoking fanfiction tropes, it also becomes a sweet and positive way to acknowledge the power of transformative fandom, and the value of sharing and reimagining stories to grapple with our own identities. -And finally, by giving the audience a taste of “what could have been,” it makes a fraught relationship that much easier to root for - an implied preview of “what might yet be.”

I also have even MORE Feels about disaster lesbians spectacularly rejecting the idea of a Bury Your Gays so hard they shatter their own minds and even reality itself in the process. Because, look. In both HtN and Rebellion, the main character arc seems to be heading toward a conclusion where the protagonist finally faces reality, regains their memories, and bittersweetly accepts their love interest’s heroic sacrifice. But in a last minute twist, the protagonist says “screw that” to the obvious ending and doubles down on rejecting their love interest’s death as the world collapses around them.

After so, so many stories where lesbians are killed off for tragedy, it’s an incredibly striking and resonant choice! To have a character put their foot down, tell the rest of the universe to go to hell, and say No. To look at a neat and perfect heroic sacrifice and refuse it in favor of a messier, more imperfect conclusion - but one in which their love interest has a chance to live. That was the powerful moment of catharsis that made me love Rebellion despite its problems, and it’s executed just as, if not more beautifully, in HtN.

(“There’s a difference between keeping a shred of a dance card,” said Harrow Nonagesimus, and saving the last dance.” - MY HEART. “It’s love!” all over again!)

Now, I’d like to say that the difference that puts HtN ahead is that Rebellion portrays this reversal of expectations in a negative light while HtN is more triumphant. But if I’m being honest… they’re both extremely ambiguous and nigh-incomprehensibly symbolic in their cliffhanger endings! (And in both cases the love interest is not a fan of having their own choices overwritten…) But I made peace years ago with the ambiguity in the last act of Rebellion, so it’s not like I minded it much in HtN either.

Still, it does make me wonder: will Nona+Alecto pan out better than the upcoming Rebellion sequel? My money is currently on the former, but with neither out yet, who can say?

Speaking of which…

Concerns for the Sequels?

As much as I’m invested in Griddlehark (and I am VERY invested), I could just as easily see it not happening. Of course, Muir’s writing has been strong enough that I’d like to think that whatever happens instead will at least be interesting. Plus, it’s not like Gideon and Harrow need to be in a romantic relationship with each other to be lesbians! Though whether the books will stay the course in not shoving them at male love interests at the last minute is something I sincerely hope but just cannot bring myself to trust after so many bad experiences with other authors.

However, it’s not shipping that’s my main concern.

No, the aspect that actually gives me pause is the Christian slant of the books. And I’m not talking about the Spoopy Space Catholicism worldbuilding or Bible allusions. Those are cool! Rather, it’s in the subtle little things, like how Muir describes Gideon forgiving Harrow so quickly as the moment Gideon “achieves grace.” When I read it, I personally found Gideon’s trauma being resolved so neatly and easily to be odd and underwritten. And if major plot and characterization beats are going to be resting on a religious rather than character-driven base, then, well… I’m worried that the final result may resonate with Christian audiences but I’ll simply find it alienating and unsatisfying.

Of course, it’s not that there’s anything wrong with writing books shaped by one’s religion. But that would be a signal that these books are fundamentally not for me, and I should find another fandom.

It’s also why I’m perhaps less on board with “flowers will die on necromancy’s grave” (although that certainly is a nicely poetic turn of phrase!) than it appears most of the fandom is. I’m very wary of themes of restoring the world/society/people back to some inherently “natural'' or “divine” order. One of the few things that could still completely ruin the series for me would be a swerve where now that False Idol John has been killed and the River is Fixed™, everyone abandons their witchcraft to go back to worshiping Real Christian Jesus as they were intended to. Or a conclusion where everyone dies and that’s portrayed as a happy end, because they’re With God so it’s all good, right?

I have no particular love for Christianity, so to me, an ending along those lines would read as though the series abandoned its anti-imperialist themes and replaced one empire with a return to another, even crueler one. No thank you!

(Not that I think those things are especially likely to happen. Like with the queerness, I've just been burned from some very weird prior experiences, haha.)

I'm also surprised by how universally the fandom assumes John will be the endgame villain. I'm a cynic, and I could quite easily see the series doing a disappointing swerve in the opposite direction, valorizing and "redeeming" God and his empire once we have more insight into his motives. A similarly universally-reviled character got that treatment in my last fandom, and hoo boy did it ever set the discourse (and the story in general) on fire! Another development I'm not keen to experience a repeat of!

Fandom and Future Things

Well that was dire, let’s go back to talking about fun things instead!

So, new obsessions tend to sneak up on me slowly. I don’t just finish something and immediately know it will consume the next few years of my life. The true story is, when I got internet access again, I read through the #tlt tags on some blogs that I remembered had occasionally posted about it, and then I went about my business.

And that could have been the end of it.

But the beginning signs were already there. In between assembling IKEA furniture, I spent the rest of the trip daydreaming the threads of what would become only the first of many, many fic ideas.

Since then, I’ve read a lot more analysis, and even more fanfic. So much fanfic. This is also the first time I’ve felt comfortable going through a fandom tag with the blanket policy that yes, I will be reading explicit fics too. (Honestly: the porn has been less weird than I expected.)

Of course, I’m quite late to the party on this fandom. And I’m not sure how much I’ll both be able and want to contribute. I probably won’t be writing weekly analysis posts and committing myself to a long fanfic like I did for Higurashi, at the very least. That was exhausting.

However, I now have 25 pages of saved fanfic links to convert into bookmarks, oodles of tumblr posts to reblog, and some 150-odd pages of post ideas and fanfic plot bunnies of my own. I doubt much of the latter will ever see the light of day, but the point is: I’ve been having fun.

So yes, I think it’s safe to say I liked HtN. I actually liked it even more than GtN, following the exact same pattern as my feelings for Higurashi/Umineko and PMMM/Rebellion. The first work interested me, but the follow up stole my heart and then ate my brain.

In conclusion: GtN intrigued me, but HtN inspired me. And oh. It feels so nice to be excited and hopeful and creative again.

[thatgirlwritingficsatnight]

Gift exchange

It’s Christmas Eve, and you’ve forgotten about your Christmas company party. Even worse you forgot to get a gift for the “not so secret Santa” - your company’s tradition. Wanna top it? Make it even worse? No problem. The person you were supposed to get a gift for? Your crush. Defsoul - the most talented, kindest and hottest person alive. What are you going to do now?

pairing: Lim Jaebeom (Defsoul) x reader

genre: smut, fluff, Jaebeom is a producer, Y/N is a manager

warnings: smut: daddy kink, light choking, ass play; foul language (please don’t read it if you’re not old enough)

words: 4989

A/N: TFW you try to write a GOT7 reaction, and you end up with one-shot. I know I’m kinda late with whole christmas theme but i wrote it last night and figured out I could post it anyway.

***

You barely got to shut your eyes before your alarm tore you up from your dreams. It was nine in the morning, and you went to sleep at six AM because of your work. You groaned as you shuffled in bed cursing your job, three hours of sleep was not enough for anyone. Being manager of K-pop girl group was hard enough but being the manager in December when there was award show after award show and festivals - that was a nightmare. To other people December was equal to Christmas, gifts, parties, New Year's Eve but to you, it was synonymous with constant state of tiredness, your biggest wish right now was to spent Christmas break alone, just you and your bed. You sighed as you dragged yourself to shower. Girls had only slept for 5 hours, and you felt bad for them — not only were they invited to each award show that existed they also just have had a comeback. You could see how exhausted they were and yet your superiors still pushed for them to go to some stupid TV show on Christmas Eve. You got yourself ready and went to pick them up and get them to set.

The recording went smoothly, and you were already daydreaming about coming home early and passing out on your bed. It was six PM already, but you still had to drive girls home and step into the office for a bit. You sighed you'd be home eight PM at best - well it was still better than coming home at two or three AM. You were about to go and thank everyone for their hard work when your phone vibrated. It was your best friend and coworker.

"Hey Inha. What's up?"

"I wanted to check if you remember about the company party tonight."

You hit your forehead and groaned.

"OMG! You forgot! Have you bought a gift at least?"

"No..." you whined. You wanted to die. You had so much work lately that you've absolutely forgotten about that party — it was for staff only and each year you'd drew lots to pick the person you were supposed to give a gift to. It wasn't even secret Santa your boss simply came to conclusion that gift exchange would help out with forming friendships...

"Girl... Do you at least remember who you drew?"

Of course you remembered. How could you not. This was your lucky year, you got Defsoul the hottest, kindest and most talented person working for your label. You had a small crush on him since that day he gave up his coffee for you. You were falling asleep standing while girls were recording their vocals, and he chuckled at you before telling you to sit by him and drink some coffee. It probably meant nothing to him but that was one of the most stressful weeks in your life, and you weren't sleeping at all during that time — ITZY were about to make a debut, and you couldn't stop worrying over it. You remember how touched you were by this simple gesture, after all no one ever gave you coffee, usually you were the one getting it for other people. His looks certainly didn't help with your hopeless crush. He was H O T and not even simply hot, more like "I-look-like-an-idol" hot. He had a black mullet, piercing under his eye, he also had his nose and ears pierced to make matters worse for you he also had most hypnotizing almost feline-like eyes. Honestly you wondered why didn't he become an idol with a face and talent like that. After that one time, he would buy you a coffee whenever he had seen you and you two became somewhat close - you'd swing over his studio when girls had to train and talk about everything and nothing. He told you about his cats, his favorite restaurants, his passion for taking pictures and well you mostly told him about your job since you basically didn't have any private life - it really felt pathetic. He even took your photo once - telling you that the picture would help him later when he would be looking for inspiration (it is a mystery till this day how you haven't fainted that evening). One day you were waiting for girls to finish up their dance practice and fell asleep on one of the benches — it was difficult day for you since you haven't slept for twenty hours already (you had to fight off some crazy sasaengs and didn’t sleep whole night keeping an eye on their dorm — some would say you were overdoing it, but to you members of ITZY were like your little sisters). You woke up in his studio on his couch. He carried you there while you were asleep and tucked you in, covering you with his jacket. You were extremely embarrassed, apologetic and thankful at the same time. He chuckled at you before saying that it was okay and forced you to promise that you'd oversleep to work the very next day. Inha claimed he had a crush on you since he never treated her with the same kindness or anyone really. But you knew better, he was a good colleague. A good, extraordinarily attractive colleague you wanted to kiss and lick and...

"Hello? Earth to Y/N??" your friend snapped you from your thoughts.

"I have to go Inha! Thank you for reminding me! Love you!" You checked the time, there was no way you'd manage to drive girls back, buy a gift, get ready for a party and do all that without being late. You sighed you will have to improvise. You drove off girls and came back rushing straight to your apartment. The party started at 10 PM and you had to shower, somehow fix your sleep-deprived face and figure out how you're going to apologize to Def... You were home a few minutes before 8 rushing into your bedroom - at least you knew what you were going to wear. That would be the most expensive, or more like the only expensive piece of clothing you had — a birthday gift from girls. It was an oversized tuxedo jacket from Alexander Wang and you haven't worn it yet. You tried it on, it had quite deep cleavage, and exposed a lot of your legs, but you figured it would be ok for tonight. You smoothed out black velvety material before stepping out of it. You still had to shower and do your makeup. An hour later you were looking at yourself in the mirror — the mask Inha got you really helped out with bags under your eyes. You did good with makeup as well: it was soft brownish smoky eye, orange toned lipstick and some shimmers here and there — you actually looked healthy and well rested (a true Christmas miracle really). You looked even better after getting in your outfit — Ryunjin was right, the tuxedo like dress fitted your vibe. You even wore some black heels which didn't often happen since you always chose comfort over looks when at work.  

Fortunately you got to the party on time even though you couldn't catch a taxi for twenty minutes or so. People inside were already mingling and drinking, and you decided to grab something to drink before looking for Def. You located a small table with champagne in the corner of the room. You downed two glasses as quick as you got there, and were already grabbing a third one when a voice spoke up startling you so much you jumped a little.

"Rough day?" Defsoul was standing next to you, whiskey in his hand, smirking at you. You immediately blushed and gawked at him. He was so handsome it was simply unfair. This man clearly woke up today and chose violence. He was wearing a silky black shirt — and it was quite unbuttoned, so you had a chance of seeing his broad chest (you were currently having a heart attack), and slacks he also styled his hair so that his forehead was exposed with one defiant streak of hair falling onto his brow bone. You wanted to groan. You fucked up — this could've been your chance to get him to like you more...

"Y/N? Are you alright?" he was genuinely concerned, and here you were, basically salivating and staring at him like a starved, nasty man. That was so embarrassing. You cleared your throat and looked away.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm just really tired today..." He smiled at you warmly, and you wanted to punch yourself for not getting him something, anything.

"That's great!" You gave him a confused look, and he bit his lip nervously while scratching the back of his head. He was so cute you could kiss him. Well to be fair you felt like you could kiss him any time. Why...why did you have to forget that bloody gift...

"I mean it's not great that you're tired... It's just… ah, shit I suck at this. Here." He handed you a plastic card, and you read it absolutely puzzled. Lifetime pass for coffee with Jaebeom — it also had a cute chibi character that looked just like Def, except it had some cat ears.

"Now you can get coffee whenever you want. I mean I know you can have it whenever you want anyway, I just thought that maybe you'd like someone to get it with... I mean get it for you… It's ok if you don't like it really, oh by the way I'm Jaebeom, I don't know if I already told you my real name or not…" he was rambling, and you were screaming inside your head. That was so cute. So kind. You wanted to hug him and kiss him so badly. "Ah, shit. I really do suck at this." he said more to himself than to you. You finally looked at him and grinned.

"I love it." you said and his eyes turned into big orbs before light pink colored his cheeks.

"You do?"

"I do. It's a perfect gift." you smiled, your heart swelled with happiness. You could technically go on a date with him whenever you felt like with this handy piece of plastic. That is if he wouldn't start to hate you in the next few minutes for forgetting his present.

"I'm glad." he grinned and it took your breath away. How come he was so perfect? You got even more nervous looking at the gift from him.

"Ah... I was your not so secret Santa as well…" you started.

"Really? So what did you get me?" he was genuinely interested, and you wanted to go back in time and kill yourself for forgetting about this party. You looked up. His eyes were gleaming with curiosity — you were fucked.

"It's me! I'm your gift!" you joked and looked down to cover your nervousness. You were about to say that it was just a stupid joke and apologize before he spoke up.

"I love it." his voice was deeper than normally, and you looked up shocked by it. He was checking you out, his hungry eyes traveling up and down. You've never seen him like that. You could feel warmth spreading on your cheeks under his intense stare, a tight knot forming somewhere near your core in excitement.

"Y-you do?" your voice faltered, and he chuckled while moving closer to you. He smelled musky with a hint of citrus. Your legs were about to collapse under you.

"I do." he hummed he was so close you could feel the warmth radiating from him. His hand brushed against yours as he bent down to reach your ear. You were sure your skin was burning where he touched you. "So, tell me Y/N, when can I unwrap you?" his tone was dark and dangerous and when he straightened up you've seen this gleam in his eyes as he smirked. Your legs felt like made from putty and you'd collapse if his hand weren't already wrapped around your waist. You couldn't believe it was happening. Your heart was beating so hard it was about to spring off your chest — you were wondering if he could hear it. You certainly could even though blood ringed in your ears. You felt your throat going dry and your panties getting moist.

"Def…" you started weakly. Shocked by your own voice — it sounded so needy.

"Call me Jaebeom.." he purred. "Would you like to go to my place? I don't think I can wait any longer to enjoy my gift…" You quavered from excitement, his voice was laced with a promise of sleepless night.

"Yes, let's go." you said and he smiled at you. You were sure you lost any oxygen you still had in your lungs at that moment. His hand left your waist, and you wanted to catch it and wrap yourself with it again. Instead, he grabbed your hand and interlocked your fingers with his, smiling at you sweetly before he led you outside. You couldn't focus on anything else, but his fingers wrapped around yours. His hand was warm, and he held you firmly, his skin soft and delicate. You managed to quickly catch a taxi and through whole drive Jaebeom's hand lazily travelled up and down your thigh. His gentle fingers sending sparks to your core every time he brushed the inside of your leg. You glanced at him, eyes filled with desire — he shivered, and it made you feel a different kind of excitement — you didn't know that you had this kind of effect on him. You got out of the taxi and his hand was instantly on yours, he was almost dragging you skipping every other step as he rushed upstairs to his apartment. He opened the door and let you in. Immediately three cats came in and brushed against your legs. You smiled softly.

"They like you.." Jaebeom murmured against your neck while taking off your coat for you, you gasped at the feeling, and he released low chuckle before he started planting soft kisses against your neck — each time his lips touched your skin your muscles clenched with anticipation. You couldn't wait any longer. You turned around and looked at him, his eyes were glued to your lips and excitement bubbled somewhere below your stomach.

"I waited so long for this..." he started but never got to finish as your lips were on his in a second. Even his lips felt like cotton, and you sighed against him when he kissed you back. He was clearly enjoying slow kisses. You grew impatient once again and licked his lower lip, he gave you access you asked for, and your tongue brushed against his hungrily. You could already feel how wet you were, arousal making your panties stick to you painfully. Jaebeom's hand travelled around your back dropping dangerously low now and then but never grabbing you — you really wanted him to hold you and take you roughly. Once again you grew impatient this night. You took his lower lip in between your teeth, you bit it hard and moaned. That seemed to make him lose his cool, he let out a growl that travelled straight to your core.

"Bad girl..." he said before he turned you around and pushed you against the wall so that your back was facing him. His tongue already on your earlobe, you sighed and shivered when he licked it and let out breaths against wet, sensitive skin. "I wanted to take it slowly, but you're so eager, so impatient…" he was purring into your ear, and you were aching down there more and more with each syllable.

"Jaebeom..." you moaned as you pressed your ass against him. He sucked some breath in when you pushed down against his hard length, his body working on its own accord, one hand already on your hips pressing you harder when the other one cupped your breast. This is not how he envisioned tonight, he thought that he'd at best confess his feelings not have you here crumbling in his hands while moaning his name. Your hips bucked against his by itself as soon as you felt how hard he was. His hand grabbed your clothed breast, and you regretted wearing anything. You wanted to feel him against you naked skin not through layers of clothing.

"Jaebeom-ah..." you moaned his name again, and he rewarded you with sucking on your neck — it was painful yet pleasant, and you almost forgot what you wanted to say before he licked the fresh mark and kissed it. "Didn't you say you wanted to unwrap me?" You said in weak voice still affected by his mouth on your neck. He laughed against your skin, and you thought that's how paradise would sound like.

"You really are impatient... do you want me to fuck you so bad?" he asked rubbing into you, his dick almost in pain from the friction.

"Yes...please..." you panted out, and he let out some animalistic sound upon hearing how needy you were. He made you face him and unbuttoned your tuxedo-like-dress before he tossed it somewhere behind him. You shivered under his stare. He pulled you into him and his hands immediately travelled to your ass, grabbing it and lifting you up without effort. He began kissing your jaw, neck, collarbones, and you tilted your head, so he could have better access. He carried you to his bedroom and laid you down carefully on the mattress before he took a step back. His sheets smelled just like him, and you sighed in pleasure, sinking deeply into his fragrance. He bit his lip seeing you in his bed, wearing nothing but lacy underwear. However, you didn't want just lay and wait, you got up and reached out to his own shirt undoing the buttons hastily, but he didn't let you, he was in control. He held your hands and pushed you back on bed. You bounced and your hair created a sort of crown, spreading around your face — it emphasized your features even more, and Jaebeom felt as if he was making love to some kind of goddess. Your lips, eyes, hair, body everything was perfect. He wanted to taste you already.

"You need to ask me nicely." He smirked at you and you pouted a bit before a mischievous gleam appeared in your eyes. You let one of the straps fall from your shoulder and gave him an innocent look before taking off the other one as well. Just one move and Jaebeom would see your torso naked. He bit his lip unintentionally, when you pushed your breast closer while also moaning.

"Pleeeaaase... undress already and fuck me... daddy." He groaned - you'd be the end of him. He quickly tore any clothes that were on him leaving only his boxers on, and you stared him down hungrily. Saying he was beautiful was and understatement. He was perfect. His skin was light and smooth, it gleamed in the moonlight that illuminated the room through a small window located right above the headboard. It was still dim, but you could clearly see the outline of muscles on his stomach, and a tempting v line, waiting for you to be licked on his abdomen.

"Take off your bra." he ordered and you obediently followed. His eyes devoured your glistening breasts, two darker beads already hard and inviting him in. He licked his thumb and brushed it against your nipple watching intently for your reaction. You didn't disappoint him as you arched your back hungry for his touch. He took another one into his mouth, his tongue making circles around it for what felt like forever. The sound of his wet licks and your quickened breath feeling the silence of the room. You squeezed your legs looking for any kind of release, it didn't help much. Your core was aching and since you could only wait for him to bring you pleasure you closed your eyes and focused only on the sole path of his tongue. It was almost like a torture and Jaebeom seemed to enjoy it greatly, lazy licks, circles around your nipples, blowing cold air on them to hear your whines. And so when he finally sucked on your swollen nipple you moaned his name so loudly his neighbors could hear you. His dick twitched in his boxers. He couldn't wait for much long either, you were the most beautiful person he ever saw, and you were squirming under him, waiting for him to fuck you. He was honestly shocked he didn't take you against that wall in his hall when you pushed your ass against him. He smirked at you, he haven’t even fucked you yet and you were already having this kind of expression. His lips travelled from your breast lower and lower before his face hovered above your panties, hot breath on your wet, clothed pussy sending you almost over the edge. You looked down at him, his eyes were full of lust. He was so beautiful you felt like it was just a dream, not reality. When he pressed his nose against your wet folds you moaned again. He inhaled it a few times as if it was the most ravishing smell in the world.

"You smell so good I might go crazy." He actually was going crazy as his cock let out a bit of pre-cum only upon him smelling your pussy.

"Daddy... please..." you pleaded looking him in the eyes, he couldn't take it any longer. In one swift move he tore the panties off you, they were soaked, and he sniffed them one last time before throwing them out.  He took off his own underwear, and knelt between your legs his cock in his hand already.

"You're so wet for me. Such a good girl, I'm going to fuck you so good." he purred out, and you could go off his words only. He put on condom quickly and teased your entrance before sliding into you slowly. He was watching your face intently as he didn't want to cause you pain.

"Just don't move for a second, you're so big I need to get used to the stretch." It was painful a and pleasant at the same time - the way he filled you up. He didn't buck his hips as you asked, instead he kissed your lips, your jaw, neck, and you kissed him back with passion. Soon he started rocking into you and you moaned into his mouth.

"Harder." you managed to say between the panting and kissing. He straightened up and increased the tempo, sweat building on his forehead.

"Harder..." you said and his hand went to your throat while he almost crushed into you. He choked you lightly, and you felt the orgasm building already.

"Daddy... harder..."

"You dirty girl. On all fours." You obediently followed his order and soon he was fucking you doggy style, his hand spanking you lightly. "You like that? You like when daddy takes you hard?" His voice was so low you shivered under him.

"Yes, daddy." you moaned out when his huge dick filled you with each thrust.

"You're so dirty and good to your daddy. I will reward you and play with your other hole." Before you could say anything he spat on your ass and his finger danced around the other entrance. Just that was enough for you to see white. Your toes curled and your head went back, you screamed his name like it was the only thing keeping you alive, and you could feel how he twitched inside you when you clenched around him in orgasm spasm.

"Y/N, ah... I'm cumming, I'm…" he said through gritted teeth while pounding into you. You both reached your highs and fell onto the bed. He discarded the condom and started kissing your back lazily.

"Do you want to shower together?" he asked.

"Yes, but I don't think I have enough energy to go for another round…" you said while turning his way. He was looking at you lovingly, his expression completely fucked out. He was beautiful, the most handsome you've ever seen him actually. You sighed when his fingers brushed off hair from your face in sweet gesture.

"That's ok, I'll just shower you and we can go to sleep." You nodded, and he took your hand and guided you to his bathroom. He switched on the shower and pulled you under the water when it was warm already. He was so delicate with you, soaping your body, shampooing your head. You smiled at him warmly, and he chuckled.

"You're really cute." he said with a smile after making and weird shapes out of your shampooed hair.

"Stop it, I'll blush." you said while getting under the water, he was quickly spooning you, kissing your back almost with devotion.

"Good, you're even cuter when you blush."

You both towelled yourself dry and Jaebeom even brushed your hair for you before pulling you back to bed. You cuddled your face into his chest and he closed his arms around you. You didn't know if it was one-night stand only, but you'd worry about your possibly broken heart in the morning since his scent was already inviting you to the dreamworld.

You woke up to some rumbling. You opened your eyes and shot up, fear washing over you — that wasn't your bedroom. Memories of last night came next, and you fell back to the sheets squealing quietly into his pillow. That's when the realization hit you. What if it was just one-night stand, and you were rolling around his bed happily in love like an idiot? You sighed but before you could do anything, the man in question came to the bedroom smiling at you warmly.

"You finally woke up sleepyhead." He sat next to you and bend down to kiss your cheek. You looked down. "What's wrong? Have I done something?" He looked concerned.

"I.. no." You said sitting up, and he raised his brow on you. Ugh, he was looking great wearing a plain gray hoodie. You sighed.

"Was that one just for one night? If it was a one-night stand tell me now before I do something stupid."

"One-night stand?" He looked at you offended. "One-night stand?! Do you even know for how long I've been crushing on you? It was few years of my desperate attempts to ask you out, buying you coffee, looking for you constantly. Hell, I even made Yugyeom exchange the stupid lottery draw with me, so that I could give you that card. I actually thought that would helped me out with asking you out. One-night stand?! Jesus, Y/N, he made me basically his slave for a day, and you're asking me if it's one-night stand?" He was angry, and you looked at him shocked, you have never seen him like that. "Do you want this to be one-night stand?!" he raised his voice again.

"No!" you answered him immediately.

"No?! Great, then you can... wait you said no?" He cleared his throat, and you could actually see him smiling like an idiot before he cleared it again. "Well… good because I made us lunch already, and it would go to waste otherwise." He tried to act cool. You giggled at him and pushed him down before sitting on top of him.

"You're cute." You said and he blushed looking away.

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. You are the cutest actually." He groaned in response getting even more red, and you giggled once again. It was the first time you got him to blush so much, usually it was just light pink appearing on the apples of his cheeks. You kissed his face leaving pecks all over it, he chuckled before speaking again.

"I don't want this to be one-night stand. I like you I was actually planning on asking you out yesterday."

"You were?"

"I was. So would like to go out with me?" he wiggled his brows at you and you grinned before nodding.

"Mmm. I'd love to." you answered and he pulled you for a lazy kiss.

"Come, I prepared some food for you. It's hardly festive, but it's something"

"I'm sure it's great. I just need to put something on myself first."

"You can have my hoodie and sweats." he said while looking through his cabinet. "Here." He handed you clothes and blushed once again mumbling that he will wait for you in the kitchen. He got embarrassed — that was just too cute.

You slipped in his clothes, his smell wrapping around you. You got out of the bedroom only to be greeted by three cats purring and brushing against your legs. You smiled and petted them, scratching them on their chins. Jaebeom was just standing and staring at you, still not believing his luck. You were wearing his blouse, it was hanging on you like a dress basically and his heart ached at this picture. You looked up and grinned.

"They like me!"

"I'm pretty sure they're going to like you more than they like me." He chuckled. "Now come, let's eat."

You nodded and entered his kitchen, there was kimchi jjigae and rice prepared for both of you. You smiled and sat down already salivating because of the delicious smell.

"Merry Christmas Y/N." He said looking up from his dish.

"Merry Christmas Jaebeom." You smiled at him lovingly. "So what did Yugyeom made you do?"

"Don't even ask." He said and you giggled. Let's just say you didn't get to spend the Christmas break alone in the bed like you wished.

[dewitty1]

Fic Recs Wrap Up - March 2021  (ノﾟ∀ﾟ)ノ⌒･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*☆

(No one reads like Gaston!)

Isolated Thunderstorms and Scattered Showers by triggerlil @triggerlil

Post-war, Harry needs space. Everything is too much all at once, and time and time again, he finds himself pulling the invisibility cloak over his head, just for a bit of peace.

Returning for eighth year is hard, especially when you’re considered a war hero, and your name is Harry James Potter. It’s just that things go a little wonky when Harry starts following Malfoy, and finds that he can’t (or doesn’t want to) stop. Rec Post

Whatever May Come by charlotteschaos

The trio discovers that Draco Malfoy is hidden away at Spinner’s End and Harry recruits him to be a member of the team. Rec Post (there is N S F W fanart that reminds me of this story here, here and here)

If I could only forget by Craftybadger1234

A class accident leaves Harry with no memory of anybody. Including a beautiful blond boy everyone hates, but Harry wants anyway. Rec Post

Bed of Nails by Alysian_Fields

Harry and Draco return to school for their sixth year, their lives drastically changed for the worse. However, they begin to see each other in a whole new light. Featuring a very angst-ridden Harry who’s acting out and a very repressed Draco who doesn’t know what he wants. Rec Post

The Business of Shagging Harry by ad_libitum

Draco is an elite purveyor of adult wizarding entertainment. When a fake memory of Harry Potter in flagrante delicto becomes a sensation, Draco sees an opportunity to make a killing — if only he can get his hands on a real one. Problem is, no one is giving up the goods. What’s a self-respecting pornographer to do? Rec Post

Touch Me Fall by lq_traintracks (lumosed_quill) @lqtraintracks

Malfoy was such a ponce. And he was a complete snob. And he was so fucking fit Harry wanted to jump him where he sat. It would be too easy to forget his objective tonight: to really, really, really get Malfoy out of his system. Rec Post

Haunt the corner of my eye harryromper @harryromper

Harry’s life is very much on track. After a successful career as an Auror, he’s set to become the youngest ever Minister for Magic. But strange things are starting to happen at Grimmauld Place. Items he doesn’t recognise are appearing left and right, and somehow he never feels quite alone. There’s only one thing Harry knows for sure: it has something to do with Draco Malfoy. Rec Post

Draco Malfoy, It’s Your Lucky Day by Faith Wood (faithwood) @faith2wood

Even though he’s unarmed, injured, lost in the Forbidden Forest, and facing a possible murder charge, Draco Malfoy gets lucky. Rec Post

The Standard You Walk Past by bafflinghaze @bafflinghaze

On returning to Hogwarts for their Eighth Year, Headmistress McGonagall decided to room Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter together. She may have hoped for a leading example of house unity; the other students fully expected insults and fights. But nothing happened.

That was, until Harry sleepwalked into Draco’s bed. Rec Post

Here’s a few other fics you may enjoy!  ✩°｡⋆⸜(ू｡•ω•｡)

Sleight of Hand by Anonymous for@hd-cluefest

It’s another one of those horrid Ministry affairs, and the only interesting thing is twinkling from Draco Malfoy’s finger. Can you really blame Harry for being fascinated by the gorgeous emerald ring and those long, elegant hands, especially when he’s certain Malfoy is up to something? (reveals April 4th)

in this together by M0stlyVoid @bonesliketambourines

Harry's reforming the DMLE in his position as the youngest Head Auror in history. He takes the weight of the world on his shoulders every day and does it gladly.

Draco's the only one he can trust to lift that burden for him.

Sensitive, Desperate, Unrestrained by OTPshipper98 @rockmarina

Draco fucks Harry senseless. Oh, and they're in love.

Away Childish Things by lettered@letteredlettered

Harry gets de-aged. Malfoy has to help him. Art post 1, 2 by@rama-thorn

"Dad says" by GallaPlacidia

Eleven-year-old Scorpius starts writing to Harry. Harry starts to fall in love with Draco through his portrayal in his son's letters.

Featuring an extremely remorseful Draco living with muggles and working at a second-hand book shop, an isolated Harry, and a Scorpius who's dreading going to Hogwarts because he knows he'll be bullied there. Art post by@swymsuyt

Turn by Saras_Girl

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently. Meme fic recs by@rockmarina

In The Hand by aideomai

Two months after Harry went missing, when Hermione was frantic with fear and panic and sleep deprivation, Draco Malfoy cornered them outside the Great Hall before breakfast. Art post by@apitnobaka

Foundations!verse by by Saras_Girl -

Reparations - Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places. Art post by@faevorite-main-blog

Teenage Wasteland by GallaPlacidia

Draco never thought he’d end up as the sole guardian of a troubled teenage girl. Harry never thought he’d end up a werewolf. Being twenty-two is hard. Art Post by@fictional

I hope you enjoy these as much as I have! Happy reading, y’all! Thanks, as always, for following, the likes, and the reblogs!

xoxo Carey

(◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*� 💜💙💚💛❤💕💖

[bl--ankhaeji]

Johnny (timestamp)

Pairing - Johnny x Reader

Genre - Smut 

Warning - Oral sex Fem! receiving, basically making love, unprotected sex, kinda poop ending because I did not have the mental capacity to come up with more rn and I wanted to get it posted today

W.count - WOop WOop Lookie I looked at it today so you get one after forever 2.1k exactly 

AN - also kinda semi edited look at me go,, Yea that post I made like two day ago in the middle of the night about the idea well....I picked Johnny

12:30 a.m.

The sound of the front door shutting softly echoed throughout the connected room as the tall male stepped into the house; the low thump of his footsteps against the floor and the jingling of his keys were the only thing to be heard in the deathly silent house. Hanging his jacket on the rack beside the door and putting his bag in the closet he leisurely makes his way to the hallway bathroom, figuring you must be asleep already he didn’t want to wake you by using the en suite bathroom in your room.

After showering he walks inside your shared room clad in a single towel wrapped around his waist only to see you sound asleep with the blanket pulled over you. A gentle smile filled with a radiant warmth appears on his face as he stands silently watching you sleep peacefully. You always take on somewhat of a childlike innocence whenever you sleep. Shaking his head he steps into the closet changing his clothes as quickly as humanly possible so he can jump right in bed next to you. 

He walks out of the closet, eyes immediately darting to look at you as he walks over to the bed and cradles your cheek in his hand. His soft lips land on your forehead giving you a lingering kiss before you start to squirm under the covers. Fearing he has awakened you he steps back as he watches you throw the covers off of your body revealing your bare lower half as you let out a needy whimper. 

You had been wearing nothing but a big t-shirt that had ridden up exponentially under the cover. It’s then that he notices you cuddling the teddy bear plushie he had gotten you a few anniversaries ago. Memories of him handing it to you telling you to use it whenever you missed him flashed through his mind. The happiness in your eyes once you saw it was something he would never forget. 

The rustling of the bedspread filled the room again as you let out another wanton whimper, your legs slightly opening. He could see the wetness from where he stood. How dare you dream something so filthy whilst looking so innocent. He could feel himself twitch in his sweats as he watched you open yourself for the whole world to see so lewdly. 

“Johnny,” dripped from your lips like honey in a breathless moan. Said male whipped his head to look at you upon his name being said. If he wasn’t hard before then he was as hard as gemstone now. His name acted as the straw that had broken the camel's back because as soon as it was spoken it made way for a series of sultry moans to leave your lips like water flowing from a stream. 

Your hips rolled as you opened your legs wider for the dream him. A rough “Fuck” left his mouth as he watched you grind your hips lightly into the air. With all traces or thoughts of sleep gone from his mind Johnny makes his way in between your spread legs. His hands land on your thighs gripping them for dear life as he lowers his head to your wet core. His lips touch your lower ones as he takes in your scent. 

Tongue slithering out to have a taste he feels your body convulse upon contact and seeing your hole clenching on air so ready and waiting for him causes the man to break. 

Awakening from your more than sweet dream about your boyfriend you feel something moving in between your legs. Raising your head slightly you see the same view that you just woke up from, “Oh shit- Johnny yes right there.” You let out when you feel his tongue enter you. At the sound of your voice the man in question raises his eyes to look into your now open ones. 

Disconnecting his head from your private parts he crawls up the span of your body. Eyes meeting yours as he hovers directly over you. “You had a nice sleep princess?” He asks with a tilt in his voice, his lips lightly grazing yours, as you angle your head just the tiniest bit so that your lips can connect, before he moves away, not giving you what you so desperately need. You let out a deprived cry at the now amused man as you feel just about ready to beg. Your dream had left you extremely horny and very wet and all you wanted was for Johnny to fuck the life out of you, but you couldn’t even seem to get a measly kiss.  

“You’re such a needy baby. First having a wet dream about me, spreading your legs for anyone’s viewing pleasure and now you’re so desperate just for a kiss.” He works his hand back down to your dripping heat running his fingers up and down your slit, gathering your wetness and spreading it around. “You feel how soaked you are baby, all that just from a dream If I wanted I could fuck you right now with no prep.” At that he quickly sticks two fingers into you with no hesitation at all, moving his fingers at a brisk pace. A low moan resonates through the air as you instantly try closing your legs, the feeling of the wound up band in your stomach becoming tighter. 

“Always so responsive for me baby.” He leans down and finally gives you what you want by melding his lips with yours. A shaky breath leaves your mouth as you feel his tongue that still tastes of you invade your mouth. He curls his fingers up, rubbing them against the roof of your insides. 

Pulling away from your lips he starts to make his way to your neck using it as a landscape for his own creative use. His teeth on your skin mixed with his hot breath feels euphoric as your breath gets caught in your throat. His lips and tongue work as one leaving a burning trail of hickies on your body. 

His hands move to lift your shirt just enough so that his lips can latch onto your breasts leaving his mark on the expanse of your boob. His teeth nip at your areolas causing your nipples to itch with want. Looking up at you he lets his wet tongue lick the area of one of your nipples as slow as he possibly could enclosing his mouth around the bud until he lets go with a pop. Working his way back in between your legs, “I want you to be as still as possible for me princess.” He places his mouth back onto your wet core as he dives in like a man starved. 

The sounds of Johnny taking the soul out of your body reverberates throughout the room as his tongue and fingers work your insides. “S-shIT.” you squeal out stuttering on the ‘s’ “Johnny I-I’m close please baby.”  You put your hands on his head, the bed sheets rustling as he tightens his grip on your thighs roughly pulling you closer to his working mouth. Your hips move uncontrollably, forgetting about what he said and just trying to reach that peak that inches closer each second, then he stops. 

Looking up at you, his head moving to nibble at your thighs,“Babygirl I thought I asked you to be still for me, huh?” Your eyes start watering as you feel the impending orgasm slowly die down. You’re just about ready to throw a tantrum at the missed chance as you mewl out an I’m sorry Johnny. “Now will you be a good girl for me and stay still like I told you?” 

“I promise I’ll be a good girl. I’ll be the best girl ever just please keep going.” You rush out ending with a breathless moan. Instead of going back to the place you needed him, his lips continued to lay heated kisses on your thighs slowly moving closer to the center of your thighs. Groaning you look the teasing male in the eyes silently begging him to stop playing. A deep chuckle resonates from his chest as he finally gives you what you want.

Fingers entering you once again his tongue lays flat on your clit licking it so that you can feel every single taste bud rub against you as he speeds up answering your prayers. Shakes wrack your body as the orgasm hits you suddenly, unexpectedly. But he doesn’t stop, his mouth works harder as he forces another smaller orgasm out of you. 

His grip on your thighs only gets tighter, so tight that you know for sure that there’ll be handprints as he feels you try to close your legs on his head. ”Johnny, I want you in me.” You whine out as your hips squirm trying to get away from his mouth.

He stands up,”Okay baby.” Pulling his pants down he makes his way up the bed. His brown eyes make contact with yours as he shifts his body against you. Your hand grabs his hard shaft the weight of it weighing on your hand as you feel the heat radiating from it. Slowly sliding it in you can feel his dick opening you the stretch feeling otherworldly. “Fuck,” you breathed out in a sigh.

Johnny sat there reveling in the warmth, “Shit, so fucking tight baby.” His hips start rotating moving in and out of you slowly. He can feel you clenching and unclenching on his engulfed cock. Your legs wrap themselves around his waist, heels digging into his ass you roll your hips in time with his. Lowering his head down to kiss your lips Johnny starts to lazily kiss you, his soft lips caress yours as his tongue invades your mouth gliding against yours. One of his hands makes its way from the bed onto your body as he slowly fondles your breast.  

His hands and mouth pose a stark contrast to his hips as he slams himself deeper into your entrance. Johnny’s pace is gentle yet brutal, loving yet animalistic, but he somehow manages to still kiss you softly as if he wasn’t fucking into you like a beast. You finally break the kiss for air only to realize there is none. All of it has left your lungs, you can barely breathe yet somehow you’re able to let out screams and moans of nothing but Johnny’s name. He has invaded you so much so that you can’t seem to think of anything other than the man who is balls deep in everything you have. Incomprehensible words flow out of your mouth as Johnny starts to pound your G-spot head on. 

Your hands palmed at his broad shoulders looking for something to ground yourself. Anything to keep you on this earth because Johnny was trying to take you to outer space. His moans didn’t go unnoticed as he stuck his head in the crook of your neck attempting to mute the sound of them. “Johnny, baby.” You move one of your hands to grab the side of his face positioning it so that he is staring directly into your soul. 

“Baby-” you violently fling your head back onto the pillow as a rough groan spills from your moist lips, “Oh-O I’m about to cum Johnny please cum with me Ohmygod please.” His hips stutter as you unknowingly clench around him. He spits out a shit as his hips start to piston inside of you. His forehead lays against yours as his hips stutter once again, “Oh shit oh fuckkk” he almost whines out as the most violent orgasm he’s ever had in his life zips through his body. You arch your back so far that you almost resemble a contortionist as a silent scream leaves your mouth. 

You don’t come back down until what felt like hours but was only a few minutes later. You lay immobile fading in and out of consciousness as mini orgasms still fly through your body. Johnny lays next to you chest heaving as he still tries to catch his breath. His arms encircle your body as he pulls you closer landing a kiss to your forehead cuddling up to you. You don’t even want to think about moving as you think about the mess you’ll have to clean up later on when you wake up, so you don’t. You lay in post orgasmic bliss glad that you have the real thing to cuddle instead of the bear version as you let yourself slip into unconsciousness. 

[lancermylove]

Sleep? What’s That? (HC)

Fandom: MLQC

Pairing: Victor x Reader, Gavin x Reader, Kiro x Reader, Lucien x Reader,

Warning: Gavin’s hc gets a little suggestive. 

Requested by: Anon

Prompt: Hello!! Can I request an MLQC headcannon with an MC whose like “haha, sleep? Never heard of it” because she’s working at the company, and helping out other people? Maybe fluff? Haha- I think it’s quite fitting because of your name- be as creative as you like and alter whatever you need to do! Thanks in advance ✨

A/N: Hi! I wasn’t sure which guys you wanted, so I picked the main 4. Haha, I just went with my blog’s name for this hc’s title. I got a bit carried away with Victor’s hc...is my bias-y showing? XD

——————————————— 

Knock. Knock. Knock.

You thought someone was trying to break down your apartment door.

KNOCK. KNOCK.

Picking up your pace, you flung open the door, ready to give the visitor a piece of your mind.

"Ms. Chips! Are you okay?"

You were shocked to see Kiro standing at your doorstep. He was out of breath, and small beads of sweat covered his face.

"Kiro? What are you doing here?" You stepped aside to let him into your home.

"Savin told me that he saw Willow's post about you not sleeping enough! I rushed here as soon as I could."

You watched your boyfriend place a few bags on your coffee table before plopping onto the sofa.

"Kiro, what's all this?" You couldn't help but wonder why he was carrying so many bags.

"Well, I thought you could use a little help," he started taking the items out of the bag and placed them on the table, "so, I got some chamomile tea, melatonin gummies, a few fruits with magnesium, lavender oil, passionflower tea, a few vegetables that have glycine, and over-the-counter sleeping pills."

"Kiro, did you buy the entire grocery store?"

"Sorry, Ms.Chips, I wasn't sure which item would help you, so I just got everything." He flashed a toothy grin, causing you to laugh.

You couldn't help but hug your sweet boyfriend. "Sorry for worrying you, Kiro. I have been extremely busy with the company and helping people around town."

"Princess, you need to sleep!" Kiro placed his hand on his chin, "You know what? I have an idea."

He pulled out his cellphone and dialed Savin. "Hey~! I am going to take the rest of the day off, take care of everything, okay? Thanks!"

Just as Kiro was about to hang up, you heard Savin screaming from the other side, "KIRO! YOU HAVE A LOT OF COMMITMENTS TODAY!"

"Kiro, are you sure that was a good idea? Wait, why do you want to take the day off?"

"Savin will handle everything. Ms. Chips, let's go to bed and not wake up until tomorrow. Actually, I don't want to hear anything...we are sleeping for the rest of the day, and that's final."  

Kiro left you no choice as he threw you over his shoulder and carried you off to bed.

No getting sleep was nothing new to Victor. After all, he was the CEO of a very well known company, and on top of that, he had a reputation to maintain. 

When Victor learned that you were not getting proper sleep, he wasn't surprised. Whenever you emailed your reports, Victor made a mental note of the time. 

The first few times, Victor didn't think much when he saw 1 am, 3 am, 4:30 am. He assumed you were procrastinating, but when this became a frequent occasion, he began to worry.  

One day, you received a text from Victor asking you to come to his office asap. No excuses. 

You immediately thought that Victor was going to reprimand you for not sending in a proper report, but when you walked into his office, he seemed more worried than upset. 

"Victor, is something the matter?" 

"Yes. From now on, I want you to send in your report before 10 pm."  

You expected Victor to give you a reason, but instead, he remained silent, awaiting your reply. 

"T-That will be difficult to do." You bit down on your bottom lip, knowing well that your response was not going to go down well with your boyfriend.

"Why is that?" His face remained expressionless.

"Well, you see..." you started but decided to stop. 

"Why are you always tired?" He asked and examined your face, "Your dark circles have gotten worse, and it seems as though you've lost weight."

Victor opened the top drawer of his desk and pulled out a stack of paper. He looked straight into your eyes before placing it in front of you. 

"V-Victor, I..."

"You were in the hospital last week. Did you truly believe that you could hide this from me?" 

"I am s-sorry. I knew you were busy and didn't want you to worry." 

"Why are you not getting enough sleep?" 

Taking in a deep breath, you told Victor the truth, "I have been volunteering, and there is a lot to do around the company. Anna has been sick, and Minor has to take care of a sick family member, so I have to do their work as well."

Victor sighed, "Did you think that I would get angry at you if you told me the truth? Your well being is more important to me than anything." 

"Victor..."

After making a few calls, Victor turned his attention to you, "For the time being, you will solely focus on your company. I have asked Goldman to send a few employees of LFG to your company. As for volunteering, you will take a break from that."

"But-" Before you could make any excuses, Victor interrupted you. 

"There are others in the city that can volunteer in your place. Also, you are still responsible for sending your reports in on time."

You were waiting for him to say this, but what Victor said next caught you completely off guard.

"Send your report to Goldman in bullet point form, and he will convert that into a formal report." 

"What?" You gawked at Victor, thinking that you may have misheard his words. 

Victor chuckled, "Dummy." 

He rose to his feet and made his way to your chair. Victor picked you up and walked to the sofa in his office. 

"Now, I want you to rest." He gently lowered you onto the black and white sofa before taking off his suit jacket. 

Victor covered you with his blazer and took off your heels. He leaned down and placed a tender kiss on your forehead. 

After a few minutes, Victor turned his attention from his laptop to you only to find you sleeping peacefully. A rare smile appeared on his lips, "Sleep well, my beloved dummy." 

After what felt like an eternity, you finished your volunteer work. Anna had warned you to think carefully before working on a show that required you to volunteer. You couldn't help but think that you should have listened to her. 

The clock read 1:10 am, and your report was far from being finished. You were almost tempted to call your employees and ask for their help, but you decided against it. After all, the company was your responsibility. 

You decided to take a break and walked over to your open window. 

"Having trouble sleeping?" 

You nearly lost your balance, but Gavin caught you. 

Even though this was usually Gavin's way of visiting you, for some reason, you could never get used to it. 

"Gavin? What are you doing here?" You regained your balance and wrapped your arms around his neck. 

"You have not been sleeping for the past few days." 

"Huh? How do you know that?" 

"I come to check on your every night." He gave a smile. 

"You do? Are you that worried about you?" You pecked his lips. 

Your action caused Gavin's cheeks to turn red. He averted his eyes and cleared his throat before speaking, "I always worry about you. Would you like to come out with me?" 

"Well, I have a report due, but..." 

Gavin smiled and lifted you out of the window. "It won't take long." 

The night air was crisp and refreshing. The moon's brightness made the ocean shimmer. The cool air brushed your cheeks, causing you to wrap your arms tighter around Gavin's neck. 

"Cold?" He asked with a hint of concern in his voice. 

"No, the air feels good." 

By the time you got back, you felt so calm that you were able to finish your report in no time. 

All the while, Gavin sat on the sofa and watched you with a smile.

After you finished, you took a shower and changed into your nightclothes.  When you walked out, Gavin couldn't help but stare at you with wide eyes. 

You had completely forgotten that Gavin was still there and had accidentally worn your revealing nightwear.

Your boyfriend rose to his feet and slowly walked towards you, taking in the beautiful sight in front of him. 

"Gavin, will you be staying? It's pretty late." 

You failed to notice the mesmerized look on Gavin's face. He wordlessly lifted you and carried you to bed. 

After placing you on your bed, Gavin brought his lips closer to your ear and whispered, "You look beautiful. Don't let any other man see you like this." 

After saying those words, Gavin quickly walked into your bathroom. 

In your tired state, you had failed to notice a tent in Gavin's pants. 

The next morning, when you saw yourself in the mirror, you realized what Gavin meant. Luckily for you, your dear boyfriend wasn't there to see you turning a hundred shades of red. 

It was 3:45 am, and you were typing away on your laptop. Your mind was too preoccupied to hear a knock on your apartment door. 

The sound of your text notification nearly made you jump from your seat.

My dear kitten, I know you're awake. I can see the light under your door.

You were confused for a second, but it suddenly hit you that the only way Lucien can see the light under your door is-

Rushing to the front door, you opened it to find your beloved boyfriend, smiling. 

"I have been knocking for a while. You had me worried."

You let Lucien into your apartment while explained that you were too focused on your report.

"Dear kitten, sleep is an important commodity. Do you wish to impair your brain functions?" 

"Of course not, but Lucien-"

"Have you forgotten that I am a neuroscientist? Sleep deprivation will negatively impact your body." 

"But Lucien, your awake as well, and you don't sleep enough." 

Your straightforward response startled your boyfriend. "I realize that, but my dear kitten, I do sleep. It does not seem as though you have slept recently." 

"I have just been so busy, and I need to get the report in before morning!" You sighed and rested your head on Lucien's shoulder. 

"Then shall we get your report finished?" 

Though Lucien was a firm believer of "one has to do their own work", his concern for your health forced him to make an exception. 

With the help of your genius boyfriend, you managed to get the report finished in half an hour. As soon as you submitted your report, Lucien carried you to your bedroom and placed you on your bed. 

"Do excuse me for a second." He made his way to the bathroom, and after a few minutes, he returned. 

"Lucien, are you staying here?" 

"But of course. How else will I be sure that you receive adequate rest?" With those words, he got into your bed before pulling you close to him. 

Your comfortable bed, Lucien's warmth, and his comforting scent were enough to help you relax. Soon, sleep began to consume you.

Lucien gently ran his fingers through your hair as he studied your sleeping face. "My love, do take care of yourself. You worry me more than you realize."   

———————————————

➣ MLQC Masterlist ➣ Buy me a Ko-fi or Commission?

[addercharmer]

Izumi had slept next to Keigo again, he had woken just after midnight with a scream and both Izumi and Nezu had raced their way into his room to find the boy curling up as small as possible under the desk in his room. 

It took half an hour for the stoat to coax Keigo out and back into his bed, where the elder had shuffled around blankets and pillows until it felt more like a true nest. 

Nezu then had Izumi climb into the base of the bed, Keigo had quickly snuggled into her side, Nezu then climbed into the nest and settled above their heads. They had all fallen back asleep and no other nightmares had woken them. 

Izumi's inner alarm woke her and she groaned a little at the weight that was sprawled on her chest. A squeaking laugh from near her head had Izumi sighing at the fact that Nezu now would have photo evidence of them sleeping together. 

"Morning dad." Izumi croaked out, then she started to wiggle her way out from the nestling. 

"Bathroom, then we gotta talk." She tells him, there hadn't been any time the night before. Nezu had gotten an emergency call to do some analysis on a well known villain group of this time. 

Izumi stumbled to the bathroom, she emptied her bladder and washed her hands, before making the snap decision to take a shower. 

She didn't let herself linger under the spray no matter how much she wanted to, she washed her hair and put in the conditioner to soak in as she washed her body, then rinsed out the creamy substance. 

Wrapping her hair and body in towels she then scurried to her room. Izumi had no plans to do anything today unless it involved her rosefinch so she pulled on a pair of black leggings and a lightweight sweater dress. She stopped in the bathroom long enough to grab a brush and hair ties, and hang her towels up to dry. 

Skipping down the stairs Izumi was greeted with the mingling smell of coffee and tea, in the kitchen there were cereal boxes and a half liter of milk already on the table, along with bowls and spoons. 

Izumi sat quickly and combined the cereal and milk into a bowl, she dug in with a hum of enjoyment at the sugary meal. Nezu slipped a large cup of coffee on the table by her elbow before taking his own seat. 

"I didn't get to tell you, but some stuff happened at the mall." Izumi started the conversation after they had both finished their food. 

"When we got the preening brushes I suggested we look at the ones for hawks and Keigo flinched pretty hard." Nezu's eyebrows scrunched a little and he let out a hum. 

"The specialty stores for physical mutations had hardly anything for winged people, but when I was little originality my mom was friends with fashion designers...if you were okay with it I could try to make contact, they were family friends and I could maybe tell them that Inko is my sister, aunt Mitsuki never had the best memory, and if we could find and doctor some photos it would work as evidence." Izumi rambled, she was a little nervous about suggesting this, but at the same time she believed it could be good for the future if she could put herself in an older sibling or aunt role for some of her friends. 

"Good idea, what would you say about wanting to get back in contact?" Nezu asked her. 

Clearing her throat a little, Izumi thought carefully as she sipped her coffee. 

"Aunt Mitsuki has always had a huge soft spot for kids, not that anyone could tell. Inko from what her medical history says had been in and out of rehab for the last four years, it's caused a lot of problems with her mental health. It would make sense to say that you adopted me after you found me bleeding from being bullied at a foster home, and not in Inko's care." 

Izumi sighed deeply. "But that's more the in depth story, in reality I could simply explain I am Inko's sister trying to get in contact with Mitsuki because I remember she was into fashion and I need help with my newly adopted siblings wing mutation." 

"Hmmm, good good." Nezu's tea cup clacks when it's put back on the table. "Let's go braid your hair and we can work more on the back story and get those photos ready." The stoat directs already moving to the living room.

Izumi followers close on his tail, sitting in front of him after putting the hair brush and ties on the couch. She's also pulling the coffee table and her laptop closer so she can find pictures as her dad works his magic on her hair. 

"Lay out your life as Inko's sister." Nezu tells her as he starts running the brush through her hair. 

"Well, I was a sickly child, I spent most of my early life in hospital. It wasn't until I was ten that I got better, I was back in my parents care for a year and a half before the accident that took their lives happened. I was quickly placed into foster care when Inko refused to take me in, five months later you found me and adopted me. Then we can just say the truth from there. My quirk developed under extreme stress, I had a lot of healing, I finished school within six months of living with you, I have several degrees, I am a fashion disaster, and now you are adopting a severely abused boy." As Izumi speaks she's hacking through Inko's computer, phone and cloud account for photos.

Nezu is finished braiding her hair into twin tails when there are feet thumping their way down the stairs. Nezu gets up and goes to help Keigo in the kitchen as Izumi starts doctoring the photos to include her. 

She can hears dishes flatted as Nezu loads them into the dishwasher, then he's dragging a box into the kitchen, it's one of his case file boxes that he gets from the police force to help solve crimes. 

 

It takes two hours for Izumi to doctor the photos, replace the originals with hers in both Mitsuki and Inko's devices and cloud account. When she's done Keigo is just sitting down next to her with his hair and wings still wet and a towel in his hand. 

"Let me help rosefinch." She laughs lightly. 

Gently she rubs the towel through her hair, it's not as thick as her own so it takes less time to get it only damp, with his wings she carefully runs it down in the same direction that his feather go, it takes time but soon they are only slightly damp as well. 

"Give them a fluff and a shake for me." Izumi tell Keigo, she had looked up some care tips before she first went to bed last night. 

Keigo follows her direction without any hesitation, when he's done he looks like a fluffy baby bird and Izumi falls a little more in love. 

"Go get your oil and comb, I'll give you a preen before we figure out what to do today." Izumi drops the towel she had been using over Keigo's head and it earns her a laugh before the boy is sprinting away.

He's back faster than Izumi thought he would be, just before he sits again Keigo fluffs his wings and Izumi spots his hair fluffing up with the feathers, Izumi has to work hard to stop herself from laughing. 

Once the oil is in her hands and the comb is sitting on the couch between them Keigo stretches his left wing out, Izumi opens the bottle noticing it's a light vanilla scent as she posts some out into a cupped hand. 

Snapping the bottle shut again she puts it beside the comb and then runs her hands together. 

Making her hands into loose claws she starts at the joint where wing meets skin, she takes her fingers through the feathers twice just to be sure she has them all coated before moving on to the rest with the same care. Izumi needs to recoat her hands with oil three more times before the whole wing is finished. 

Next she picks up a wide toothed wooden comb and starts to drag it through the feathers again, realigning any with her free hand as she goes. Izumi does this twice before she and Keigo switch sides to do the right wing. 

The longer Izumi presents Keigo's feathers the more relaxed he becomes, little chirps and coos leaving him. 

"All done." Izumi tells Keigo, she hands him back the preening items and gets up herself to clean off her hands. 

"Nee-chan, what are we going to do today?" Keigo asked Izumi from the stairs. 

"What do you want to do?" Izumi asks right back, as she starts pulling out things to make sandwiches. "Lunch first though. You too dad." 

Izumi quickly puts the sandwiches together and on one big plate. Keigo had come and grabbed smaller plates for each of them to use. 

"Can we play a game after?" Keigo asks as he grabs a sandwich. 

"What kind of game? I know my friends picked a few out, those should be in your room. But we can go outside too." Izumi eyes Nezu who still hadn't taken a sandwich, as he hits to reach for another paper Izumi taps his paw and pointed looks at the food. 

"Really?" Keigo asks, sounding more excited about being outside than he had about playing a game. 

"Mmmyep, I even know where the park is." Izumi tries to sweeten the deal, and with all the cyber stalking she has done on Endeavour she knows that Rei takes the kids there every Sunday afternoon. 

Nezu must hear something in her voice that has his head snapping towards her, she lets her grin turn a little feral. 

"Mmm dad will even come, I saw a family there, two children had ice quirks and one had a really powerful fire quirk, the fire user looks about your age." Nezu's answering toothy grin is enough for Izumi to know she was understood. 

"I haven't been to the park since I was taken." Keigo says with a sad sniffle. 

"Why don't we make it even better and I can invite my friends too, then you can meet Oboro and Nemuri." Izumi offers, she knows that it's going to be hard, Keigo had been deprived of so much that everything was going to be a new experience again. 

"Shō-nii and Zashi-nii?" Keigo perks up a little, and Izumi is so happy that her little rosefinch liked them. 

"Yep!" Izumi says back just as chipper. "I just have to message them and ask, dad has to clean up his papers and the dishes."

Mouse?Bear?Human?: My rosefinch hasn't been to the park since the commission took him, he would like to play with you all. 

IBreakGlass: be there in under 2 hours gotta finish my chores ಥﭛಥ

FemFatale: shō and I will be there in 30

LoudAssCloud: u sure? 

                           : I just mean what if were 2 much?

Mouse?Bear?Human?: He will be fine, he loves Zashi and Shō. 

                                        : He's already dubbed them Zashi-nii and Shō-nii, and I'm sure you will be Obo-nii soon enough. 

LoudAssCloud: (　-_･) ︻デ═一 ▸

                           : (*ฅ́˘ฅ̀*) .｡.:*♡

                           : be there when I can

LoudAssCloud is offline.