#unhinged post

[the-most-humble-blog]

Dad told Ahsoka I used to sniff her panties after training. Not in a gotcha way. Not even as a joke. He said it like he was reading off a maintenance report:

“Yeah, he used to shove his face in ‘em like a stormtrooper checking for carbon scoring.”

Then sipped his coffee. Like nothing was said. Like he didn’t just out me as the galaxy’s most emotionally constipated pervert in front of my crush, my mentor, and the woman I’ve been mentally undressing since I was 15 and stupid with Force hormones.

And she just sat there. Didn’t even raise a lekku. Didn’t flinch. Didn’t laugh. Just looked me dead in the soul with judgment and said:

“Was that before or after you started jizzing into my socks?”

I choked on my caf. Spit on my muffin. Dad said nothing. Just nodded.

But I could tell he had his usual shit-eating grin.

Like a man who knows what betrayal tastes like. Like this was his revenge for the Death Star.

And yeah— fuck that guy. Not just for saying it. But for being right.

Because I did. I still do. And she knew. Because Jedi laundry doesn’t just vanish. She left them folded. Pressed. Still warm. Still moist.

Like a dare. Like bait. Like... revenge.

And now I gotta sit here in this goddamn brunch booth, my dick basically performing Order 69 in my pants, while Vader sips from a travel thermos like he didn’t just narrate my origin story as the galaxy’s most pathetic panty-sniffing Force user to the woman I still literally dream about pinning me to a training mat and saying:

“Call me Master while you beg.”

This is for those who've ever had a crush that could murder you with a single thought…

Yeah.

Reblog if you’ve ever folded your dignity into a sock drawer and liked it.

[dawgdayze]

if i were a sacrificial lamb i wouldn’t even have to be restrained tbh. just saying i’d go willingly. the priest would whisper sweet nothings in my ear and my throat would fill with nectar as the knife kisses my pulse like a hummingbird. i would walk without needing to be led to my deathbed disguised as a cradle and maybe i’d wonder if it was possible to love something without bleeding it dry. but the point is if i were a sacrificial lamb you wouldn’t even need to convince me. doesn’t that prove im the best lamb for the sacrifice? do you know what i mean? i wouldnt even argue, wouldn’t protest. all my sweet, lovely little lamb voice would be used for is to call out to them, tell them i love them for putting the knife to my throat. and the crazy thing is when my blood poured out, when my guts unfurled like yarn spun into gold, i think i would love you even more. isn’t that a good thing? that’s what you want, right? after all, don’t i only exist to be punished for your own sins?

[onedayatatime333]

Just drank cranberry juice. I need someone to taste-test this coochie.

[average-hyperfixator]

I'm just thinking about the time I was explaining Gary lore to a friend of mine, and ofc I was mentioning his birth, and for that I need to bring up the second death ritual, and for that I need to bring up the infant sacrifices, and when she was like "where do the babies go?!?!" I was just "idk" and then the following interaction happened;

*me quoting the game*

"After several days of sacrifices, something happened"

"😦"

"a tiny hand reached out"

"😲"

"we pulled out a baby, it looked like a regular human, just like you and me. We named it Gary"

"GARY ATE THE BABIES?!!?! 😰😨"

cue several minute long laughter from me and then a moment of "wait that might be right" followed by more laughter

everyone needs a friend not in their fandom to hear wild theories from

[asexxxualerotica]

Fun fact about primates!

In those species where a single male has domination over a large family of females—as in lemurs and orangutans—the need for superiority in terms of reproductive organs wanes, resulting in smaller phalluses across the average.

In fact, mountain gorillas—which are the most well-known species to implement single-male multi-female mating groups—have the smallest penis size relative to their body out of the entire primate tree, being on average only one inch in length compared to their approximate 5’6” standing height.

…food for thought…

[wake-up-get-up-get-out-there]

i can't fully explain it but i fucking hate "want to be close" because it's so damn THUMP THUMP THUMP but also it's catchy and it must be catchy because it gets stuck in my damn head every time i so much as think about it??? it's the definition of catchy to me...i'd never fucking listen to it for fun

[myheartisonthetrain]

more old drafts because they're funny and i swear i posted this when it happened but i can't find it so i'm gonna say it again

one time 🐼 was joking that i was a cat and ß was like if you're a cat go eat food out of a bowl and walk on all fours

and i said yes sir.

#killingmyselftomorrow

[storm2rain]

keep me locked up daddy

[smallestflowtree]

PSA for fanfic writers

[the-most-humble-blog]

Had breakfast with Dad, again. He told the waitress my pancakes looked like “emotionally unstable nipples.” Then asked if my hair was a “Wookiee pube tribute or just a cry for help.”

I wasn’t hungry after that. Just... pissed.

Thanks, dad.

📦 Reblog before the algorithm buries this under 9000 soft-filtered fan edits and Bo-Katan moodboards.

[snakebites-and-ink]

"I want him" not sexually not romantically but a secret third way (squeaky toy)

[corer]

There is something about biting someones head off in a brutal display of feral bloodlust that speaks to me.

[onedayatatime333]

Idk if I could talk to any sort of Creator about anything it would be suggesting that uteri come with a “remove and express by hand option” in the next carnation.

[kensatou]

deepthroating a gun without breaking eye contact...... he put his entire gongyussy into that | SQUID GAME 2

+ the video because the sound he makes when he puts the gun in his mouth? [redacted]

update: he improvised that. the man really said i'll go full slut.

[kumeslaboratory]

i can’t wait to hide my pregnancy from the world 🤰🏿

[therapyangel]