#vibration monitoring services

[vibrationanalystslist]

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[vibrotech]

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[n1k0laa5]

hey, niko! i found ur “the cycle of starting over” and i related so much to it bc that’s what i’ve been ‘struggling’ with. i wanted to ask some things about it, if that’s okay.

you mentioned saying “i have it” and moving on and i’ve done that—just thinking “i have it” and nothing else. but afterwards, there are “what it if i haven’t thought about it enough?” or “what if it hasn’t sinked in yet?” and stuff like that. is that also part of the cycle? what should one do about it?

you’ve also mentioned about how ‘observing whether you’re in the end or not’ is not trusting that it already is. but how would one go to the end and know that they’re there if observing would reopen the cycle?

thank you, niko! sorry if this is just overthinking stuff, just wanted to talk about it. thank you again!

and it starts with that voice in your head…

that tiny little bastard voice that goes:

“wait… what if i didn’t do enough?”

“what if it didn’t sink in?”

“maybe i need to repeat it again just to be sure?”

“maybe i should think about it more, or visualize again, just to reinforce…”

that is not manifestation. that is not trust. that is not “living in the end.”

that is the disguised obsession of needing proof before you see it.

“BUT I SAID I HAVE IT… SO WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO KEEP SAYING IT?”

because your brain, that sexy lil clump of billions of wet electric cells, is addicted to certainty.

and the second you say “i have it” — your subconscious mind goes “okay cool”

but your conscious mind? the top 5% of that brain?

it’s watching you like a pissed off cat in the dark like: “you sure tho?”

because if you really had it, why are you checking?

why are you waiting for the feeling to hit you like a high?

why are you monitoring your thoughts 24/7 to make sure they’re aligned?

why are you doing periodic check-ins with the universe like it’s customer service?

do you check your email every 2 seconds when you’ve already been told “your package is out for delivery?” do you rip open the box when it’s here, scream, then put it back in the box and say “maybe it’s not here yet?”

see how dumb that sounds? but that’s literally what you’re doing energetically.

“OBSERVING” IS THE EGO’S WAY OF REJECTING THE END.

it’s like you moved into your dream house and then every 10 minutes you step outside and knock on the front door again to see if you still live there.

that’s what observing is.

“am i in the end?”

“is this the right feeling?”

“what if i accidentally drifted out?”

“maybe i need to go back into the void or visualize again just to make sure i’m still there?”

NO. STOP.

you’re in the end when you don’t even give a shit anymore whether you’re in the end

because you know it’s already done. it’s the most anti-climactic, boring-ass peace you’ll ever feel.

not butterflies. not fireworks. not orgasmic cosmic alignment. just: “yeah. this is it.”

and you move on. you eat. you sleep. you scroll. you live.

and yes, that doubt? that little “what if it didn’t sink in?” fear?

that’s the re-sparking of addiction. that’s relapse.

you were clean from the method-mania, you were sober from the dopamine chase, but then—BOOM. a tiny anxious thought whispered that maybe, just maybe, you didn’t do it right enough.

and you fell back into that comfortable pit of doing again.

“let me affirm again just to be sure…”

“maybe i’ll listen to that subliminal tonight…”

“i’ll just tweak my visualization one more time…”

and there you are.

back in the loop.

back on the floor.

back to being the version of you who believes they don’t have it.

“HOW DO I KNOW I’M LIVING IN THE END IF OBSERVING PUTS ME BACK IN THE CYCLE?”

simple.

you don’t try to “know.”

it’s like asking: “how do i know i’m asleep without waking up to check?”

bitch you just are.

you’re not “tracking” the end. you’re not “monitoring” your vibration.

you just decided it’s done and now you’re going about your day like a smug little god who knows the whole movie ends in their favor.

you’re brushing your teeth. you’re eating dinner. you’re being your hot ass self.

and the desire? it’s already yours.

you don’t rewatch the last five minutes of the movie over and over to prove to yourself the hero wins.

you just know the ending is written and that’s it.

living in the end is so stupidly simple that your overthinking brain will try to sabotage it

because it doesn’t feel dramatic enough. it doesn’t feel big enough. it doesn’t feel earned.

but guess what?

you don’t manifest by deserving.

you manifest by deciding.

and once you decide, you stop asking if you’ve decided.

that’s it.

that’s the guide.

HOW DO YOU KILL THE LOOP? HOW DO YOU STOP “CHECKING”?

you make peace with boring.

you make peace with no emotion.

you make peace with not knowing how it’ll come.

you make peace with not needing a single damn external indicator.

because guess what? your manifestations do not arrive on the wings of feelings.

they arrive on the wings of belief that needs no backup.

so you say “i have it”

and then you sit there and feel… nothing. maybe even doubt. maybe even awkward emptiness.

and you let that shit pass through like a cloud, without grabbing it or wrestling it.

you don’t spiral

you don’t start over

you don’t add ten affirmations

you don’t look for signs

you sit with the silence of faith like a fucking monk

and you let it harden.

you don’t convince a mirror by screaming.

you convince it by standing still.

you don’t become your desire by doing.

you become it by being.

and you won’t know that you’re “there”

because there is no there.

there’s just this.

and once this is enough,

it all shows up.

so stop checking the door

you’re already inside the damn house.

AND LASTLY…

HOW DOES ONE LIVE IN THE END

because apparently people are doing fucking cartwheels around the concept like they need a PhD in manifestation studies when really it’s dumb simple, caveman brain level shit.

a quickstart guide for those of you spiraling into methodland instead of using your literal god-given imagination—by yours truly.

1. decide what the fuck you want.

not what you think you might want. not what sounds “more believable.” not what you’re “ready for.”

say the exact thing you want, unapologetically, clearly, and once.

2. now assume it’s already yours.

not in a poetic way. not in a “let me try to feel it really hard” way.

just decide that it is.

like: “okay, i have it. it’s done.”

and then? you don’t un-decide. you don’t water it down. you don’t add disclaimers. you don’t explain it to the universe. you don’t justify wanting it.

you say it once, and you drop it like it’s already been shipped and delivered to your fucking doorstep.

3. live in the imagination = just fucking imagine.

NO, NOT IN A HYPER-PERFECT DETAILED MOVIE SCENE WITH 4K GRAPHICS AND HYPERREALISTIC LIGHTING

just. imagine. one. simple. ass. scene.

you on the bed with your SP.

you checking your bank account and seeing a fat number.

you opening your door and your dream car is there.

you scrolling through your phone and smiling because you’re living the life.

that’s it.

NO YOU DO NOT NEED TO FEEL IT 100%.

NO YOU DO NOT NEED TO VISUALIZE FOR 5 HOURS.

NO IT DOESN’T HAVE TO FEEL “REAL.”

you imagined it = you planted the seed.

you imagined it = your 4D accepted it.

now leave it the hell alone.

[dovenskin]

josh dry humping fic GAWWDD PLEAASEEE thankayou for your service

⋆

Josh Levyノ

cw : nsfw, dry humping, grinding (m. receiving), mutual teasing, lap sitting, desperation, dirty talk, dominant reader undertones, praise kink, explicit sexual content, gender-neutral genitalia

an: 🫡

✦ Title: Pressure

© dovenskin

Josh Levy was sitting in his chair, hunched over his keyboard like it had personally wronged him. The glow of his dual monitors flickered across his glasses, illuminating his furrowed brow as he angrily typed something about the decline of practical effects in kaiju cinema.

You’d been watching him for a while—his jaw clenching with every keystroke, his shoulders tight with frustration. His Dune shirt had ridden up just a little, exposing a soft sliver of skin above his waistband. His legs, thick and splayed, bounced unconsciously with nervous energy.

He didn’t even flinch when you climbed into his lap.

You settled onto him slowly, your weight sinking into the cradle of his thighs, legs draped on either side of his. His hands froze on the keyboard for a second—just a second—then resumed typing with forced focus.

You pretended not to notice how his breath caught.

“You’re sitting on the keyboard cable,” he muttered, eyes still fixed on the screen.

“Guess you’ll have to type slower, then.”

His thigh twitched beneath you. You shifted your hips, just slightly, feeling the thick shape of his cock begin to stiffen under your ass. He was already half-hard, probably had been since you first walked into the room.

Josh adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat, trying to sound unaffected. “This is important. I’m making a point about historical media literacy.”

You leaned in close, resting your chin on his shoulder. “Is that what we’re calling it now?”

He didn’t answer. You could feel the tension coiling in his body—could see the way his fingers hovered above the keys, twitching like he wanted to type but couldn’t concentrate. His cock pressed up, thick and straining in his jeans, caught right under you.

You rolled your hips once. Just a test.

Josh gasped—an actual, audible gasp—and then went rigid beneath you, his whole body vibrating with restraint.

“Don’t,” he said, voice cracking. “I swear, if you keep—”

“What?” you asked, feigning innocence as you ground against him again, slow and deliberate. “You’ll come in your pants?”

His hands snapped to your hips, grip tight.

“You are the most evil—”

You kissed the corner of his jaw, slow and lazy. “And you love it.”

He whimpered. The sound went straight to your core.

You began to move—hips grinding in slow circles, dragging yourself along the firm ridge of his cock, feeling the heat and pressure through the denim. Josh clutched your waist like it was the only thing tethering him to earth.

“I’m trying to work,” he tried again, voice strangled, desperate.

“No, you’re not.”

He bucked up into you before he could stop himself, and you both gasped. Your thighs clenched, your own arousal soaking into your underwear. The friction was so good—hot, tight, dragging in just the right way.

His breath was shallow, face flushed, glasses starting to fog.

“Fuck,” he whispered, grinding up into you now, chasing the rhythm like a man possessed. “You feel so good—I can’t—fuck—”

You rocked harder, hips matching his rhythm. The desk chair creaked beneath you both. Your clothes were a mess, your underwear sticking to you, his jeans damp where your bodies pressed together.

Josh leaned forward, forehead resting against your shoulder, his voice wrecked.

“Please,” he begged. “Please keep going. I need—I need—”

“You need to come?” you whispered, hand threading into his hair. “From humping like a fucking teenager?”

He groaned—loud, embarrassed, needy.

“You’re gonna do it anyway,” you added, mouth brushing his ear. “Might as well enjoy it.”

Josh thrust up harder, frantic now, rutting into you with desperate, clumsy jerks. You held him steady, rode him through it, every grind sending sparks up your spine.

“Fuck—fuck—I’m coming—shit—”

His hips stuttered. He gasped your name. His whole body arched beneath you as he came in his jeans, hot and hard, cock twitching under the soaked denim as his thighs trembled beneath you.

He didn’t stop.

Even while he was panting, even while the wet patch on his pants grew and his glasses slid sideways on his nose, Josh kept grinding up into you—slower now, but insistent, feverish.

“You haven’t come yet,” he mumbled. “Lemme get you there.”

“Josh—”

“Let me.”

His hands moved from your waist to your thighs, urging you down, guiding your hips to rock again. He was soaked, trembling, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was the way you ground against him, the mess between your bodies, the slick friction growing tighter, hotter.

“You feel so good,” he whispered.

You bit your lip, whimpering as the pleasure coiled tight in your gut. His voice, the pressure, the mess—every part of him was working you closer.

Josh grinned, breathless. “You gonna come on my lap, too? Gonna soak us both?”

Your thighs locked around him as you came—sharp, hot, shaking with release. You pressed your forehead to his shoulder, breath stuttering as the waves crashed over you.

He held you through it, arms wrapped around your back, still grinding just enough to keep the high going.

When you finally went still, panting against his neck, Josh sighed deeply. You both sat there—sweaty, sticky, breathless.

“…Your fault,” he murmured, nuzzling your jaw. “You distracted me.”

“You didn’t seem to mind.”

“Not really.” He leaned back in his seat, blinking at his screen. “Think I just came all over my ‘In Defense of Suitmation’ draft.”

You laughed and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Josh adjusted his glasses with a dazed little smile. “Worth it.”

[jensettermandu]

six feet under - yu jimin

genre; smut, angst, hurt/comfort

pairing; karina x g!p reader

content; despite the title there's no character death (it's just for metaphors) , unhealthy relationship; lack of communication , difficulty dealing with acceptance/reality , unintentionally hurting e/o , smut; p in v :D , unprotected sex , top karina/service bottom reader , oral (reader giving) , slight breast play , some praising

synopsis; it had always been said that nothing stays the same, it had been said ever since they were little kids and that acceptance of it was important. it helped move forward because dwelling in a past that no longer existed did no one any good. to hang onto something that didn’t exist meant falling to the deepest parts of hell willingly because no matter how much it hurt it felt like it was worth it the second they looked back at what it used to be.

wc; 15.6k+

masterlist.

It had always been said that nothing stays the same, it had been said ever since they were little kids and that acceptance of it was important. It helped move forward because dwelling in a past that no longer existed did no one any good. To hang onto something that didn’t exist meant falling to the deepest parts of hell willingly because no matter how much it hurt it felt like it was worth it the second they looked back at what it used to be. 

The silence could almost be dreading, it was so loud that it vibrated through their ribcage. It was so loud with their thoughts that they had no clue what to do. Love could be so many things, couldn’t it? It also meant that love got mistaken a lot of times too. It could make a bed feel comfortable, one they would always want to be at the end of every night, but it would always feel cold with spaces bigger than the ocean even if they were just an inch away. 

At times it felt like acknowledging the damage would only damage the rest of the world too if it was brought up. It was for everyone’s best and they could silently try to fix the damage with minimum casualties around them.

They both fell blind and only realised that they forgot to do something about it when they were dragged out of the daydreams and brought back to reality. The daydream that was the past was what made Y/n look away from her monitor once her eyes fell on the time at the bottom corner. She slipped the headphones off of her head, loose bangs falling over her forehead as they no longer were held back by the gear and she turned the chair around. Her eyes fell on the bed that was empty despite it being 0:30 AM. 

Routines changed, but they stayed. 

It had become a game of avoiding the other to not bring up the actual problems. Y/n indulged in her video games the whole day so they could avoid even looking at each other. She hadn’t spared Jimin a single glance but was now looking at the empty bed with sentiment filling her veins heavily. She deeply inhaled, trying to fill her lungs with oxygen to air out the sadness and hang on to the hope of stitching the torn back together. 

It was harder than it looked though when she had no clue how to put together a world that had been caught in a landslide and pulled them apart. It was all drifting apart, burning bridges they couldn’t stop imagining still existed. All they did was stand and look at it happening because there was nothing that they could do about these new feelings. 

She placed the headset onto the desk and reached over to the power button on the PC, her index finger coming in contact with it. Y/n pressed it and still deep in lamentful thoughts she held it for a while longer than needed before letting go. 

Just as she stood up the door opened and her tired eyes landed on Jimin whose gaze immediately was drawn to Y/n despite how far away they were. It was time to let go, but all that heaviness caused by the thoughts of finally mending their worlds and leaving the one they had built together in the past was hard to get rid of. There were so many reasons that told them to let go, but so many that told them to stay because of what once was their everything. 

“I just have to take a quick shower.” Jimin nodded at that as she stepped inside the room, leaving the door ajar as she knew what it meant. It was too cold to fall asleep beside each other on the bed, it was too uncertain of what they should do in the familiar sheets. It was easier to fall asleep alone, but it was difficult to sleep fully through the night if they weren’t both in bed at the same time. 

It had become a routine of leaving to let the other fall asleep before getting in bed too. The shower felt agonising, unsure if she had been in there long enough or if she should stay and continue to ponder. Everything around them still felt the same, but on the inside everything was different. Was it because of how suddenly it had happened? Was it because it was scary to let go of something that used to be all their comfort, scared that it was their only comfort after being it for so long? Was it because of how much they still had for each other? 

What if they got lost and became wanderers once they would let go of each other and would end up walking life without a goal to reach?

The shower felt like the only place where she could ponder now since it felt like it was too much to cry in front of each other. That would mean that they would have to talk about what was wrong and what they had to do, to do the things they weren’t ready for. The past felt so worth holding onto despite the feelings of the future never looking like they imagined. 

It was like every other time when Y/n walked back to the room, she quietly opened it, stepping inside the warmth and the comforting scent of Jimin that lingered in the air. Was it because all these things still brought her warmth and comfort? Her eyes landed on the bed that wasn’t empty this time, but would still feel cold once she settled in it. Never did they do it intentionally, but it had started happening at some point and there was nothing they could do to stop it. 

She couldn’t just not care, she always did and always would as she threw her black hoodie onto the backrest of the swivel chair she had been sitting in earlier. It merely made a sound when it landed on the chair and she walked a few small steps over to the edge of the bed where Jimin was lying. 

It had become a new routine to just stare at Jimin from a distance while trying to figure out what exactly was wrong between them. She had always adored the girl whether with words or just by looking at her from across a room, but this was different despite the adoration. This always made her eyes look a certain way, a way that whenever Jimin caught Y/n looking at her she could tell what she was thinking and Jimin found herself leaving to wipe away her tears. 

So Y/n was crouched down right by Jimin who was asleep on the bed, her head tilting as a small frown adorned her features in thought. The longer she thought the more it all felt like a pipe dream as her eyes lingered on the girl's soft features Y/n adored. The white duvet pulled up to her chin and the younger reached over to Jimin, gently grazing her fingers over the tender skin. Nothing about it had changed, it still felt as good as it always had under her fingertips. 

She pushed back some of the loose strands away from the sleeping girl’s face before she pulled her hand away fully, scared that she would wake her up, that Jimin would pull away from her touch, that they would both freeze and then go back to pretending. 

Y/n sighed at the feelings she couldn’t decipher anymore and her forehead rested on the edge of the bed for a few seconds as she closed her eyes tightly. Her fists clenched and so did her jaw to shut out everything, the landslide wiped away from her mind, the future too, the past stayed as she fished for the answers from the burning bridge. She was utterly confused, she was so lost in that field where everything had burned to the ground. 

Where did it all go? When did it all disappear?

She deeply inhaled and raised her head, shakily letting out her breath, doing it slowly to not wake Jimin up. Her fingers peeled at the cover, the small bear coming into view that Jimin was hugging–it was Y/n’s childhood plushie, but the comfort that it had held once had been transferred to Jimin. She had no clue if Jimin had transferred it further or if she still held onto it. It felt too cold at times, but they were still hanging on to the daydream.

“Goodnight, angel.” Her fists gripped onto the sheets as she left a ghost-like peck against Jimin’s soft cheek while standing up before climbing carefully over the girl to lie down by the wall. Y/n got under the duvet and laid on her back, staring at the ceiling that was empty while her head raced with thoughts that would make falling asleep so much harder. The itch to hold each other, but the fear of it not feeling the same anymore kept them at a distance and so the ache grew, but the silence didn’t dissipate. It was loud enough to mask the sounds of the heartbreak. 

Jimin heaved a sigh, her eyes opening in the silent room, knowing that Y/n was lying just behind her, but she wasn’t able to feel her. The simple peck, the brush of fingers against her skin, the goodnight, the innocent pet name; all made her eyes burn hot in the freezing weather that the room was in. It made her stiffen up her lower lip to try and keep them at bay, clutching the little bear harder, burying her nose into its brown fuzzy fur. 

Each time she blinked her eyes its fur soaked up the tears, being the only witness of them, the only thing wiping them for her, holding her sorrows inside its small frame. She was afraid that it would overfill soon enough, that the bear would turn salty and bitter from her tears, and that it wouldn’t want to give her any more comfort because of that. She longed, but they flew apart and she couldn’t figure out what exactly she longed for as Jimin felt just as lost and confused about everything as Y/n was. 

Was it all broken or just bent? She had no clue, Jimin didn’t even know what exactly it was that was wrong. Or maybe she knew just what was wrong, but pretended that she didn’t?

It echoed in Y/n’s head after the alarm had gone off around 6 AM and she had turned it off–their last rehearsal before they were off to Tokyo, Japan. What their mornings used to look like kept replaying in her head, the sounds of them like an echo of silence now because they no longer happened. There was no room filled with giggles despite it being early at dawn or noon. No words that were sweet affection were exchanged between them. There was no holding each other, hugging, kissing, and just being there with each other, close and content.

Neither could remember the last time they had said an ‘I love you’ to each other. 

It used to be always in the mornings, before bed and throughout the day. 

It made Y/n exhale while turning to lay on her back as they slept with their backs turned to each other. She tiredly stared at the ceiling unable not to look over at Jimin whose back was still turned to her, it was like a big ice wall fell and blocked them off. ‘It’s fine’ kept repeating itself in Y/n’s head as she pursed her lips and grabbed her phone to see that the time still flew and didn’t wait for them. It did not wait and they were wasting time away from each other when they could be making it meaningful. 

The footsteps outside were heard now and Y/n knew that they didn’t have more time to sit and wallow in their sorrows of holding onto something that wasn’t there. 

“We have to start getting up.” The girl mumbled just to make sure that the first alarm had managed to wake up Jimin. It did for Y/n because she hadn’t been able to fall into a deep slumber because of all the thoughts.

It was harsh, it was like a strong tornado carrying all types of feelings in it came through the room and cut through Y/n’s skin. “I know, Y/n.” The softness was gone and Y/n bit her lower lip because despite it all they hadn’t been like two snakes around each other, ready to bite and leave venom any second. They hadn’t tried to make it sting more than it already did, but it seemed impossible to do for too long. 

The younger still caught the sweet scent of Jimin that made the moment slightly less bitter, reminding her of all the good times when she’d be drowned in the scent. The duvet was thrown off of Jimin who got up from the bed, grabbing the hoodie from the chair on her way and all she left behind was a whirlwind of unspoken emotions after leaving the door ajar when she walked out. 

Y/n grabbed the little bear that fell beside her and stared at it, looking for answers in the tears she knew that Jimin was shedding every night. She pretended that she didn’t hear it, that she was asleep, that she simply didn’t know that she was making the girl cry. It was easier that way and in the morning she would look at the bear and still get no answers. She couldn’t acknowledge her silent cries because they would have to do something about everything if she did. 

Practice went as usual, almost as usual for the two of them. They both wondered if the rest had noticed their lack of communication and how they occupied themselves with the others to not make eye contact by accident. If they did notice, it wasn’t like any of them would comment on it since Y/n and Jimin’s relationship wasn’t their business. 

It didn’t even seem to be Jimin and Y/n’s business anymore as neither of them spoke about it. 

Still half panting, Y/n sat on the couch with Minjeong as the two got engulfed in the Nintendo 3DS Y/n had brought with her. There was an emptiness that she hadn’t been able to grow used to, she had become so used to having someone always right next to her for the past three years. It wasn’t constant clinging to each other, but even the small things such as brushing their legs or glancing at each other. The loss of that made a void grow bigger each second and the only thing that would fill it was if things went back to how they used to be.

It made Y/n wonder if Jimin felt the same and so she glanced away from the game, her eyes landing on her girlfriend. She was so used to it so she wasn’t sure if it was Jimin specifically or just a habit that was hard to let go of now, all that affection. The girl was busy talking to Aeri and no matter what they were doing someone’s back was always turned to the other. Y/n’s hoodie-clad the girl’s upper body and Y/n tilted her head, thinking about how maybe that was what brought Jimin the comfort of having someone next to her, just the warmth and scent. 

Their confusion about the situation was what made it hard for them to get back to the intimacy they used to share.

The door opened and Ning walked in with their manager, catching everyone’s attention as it got noisier when they started to all converse while making it to the couch. However, Y/n looked back down at the 3DS to occupy her eyes with something for a few more seconds to not try to figure out where Jimin would sit this time. 

Aeri was about to sit on the wooden floor, her eyes seeing the lone spot left beside Y/n as Ning was already on the floor by Minjeong’s legs with her drink and one of the pastries. Jimin made sure to insist that she could take the spot, but it still left her in an awkward spot on the floor by Y/n’s legs. Her shoulder brushed against them, bumping into each other constantly and she couldn’t bring herself to sit still, especially not when all the emotions were bubbling inside her. 

She couldn’t remember being this emotional before. 

How else was she supposed to be when everything felt out of control and she had no clue what to do? There was nothing she could do no matter how hard she tried to catch everything only for it to slip right through her fingers. 

Jimin wanted to cry when she took a sip of her drink and something just had to top it all off when her order seemed nothing but wrong. Everything in her life was crumbling, she was in pure distress and despair. However, things only could get worse–they had yet to reach the bottom–and not better because among the cold there was always a warmth as she tried to stop the pout on her lips while staring at her drink. 

Jimin felt like a puddle of water in the middle of the road, no one appreciated them and walked around them and all they did was harbour filth; filth being these feelings that only grew bigger, the mess of a puddle becoming bigger too. 

She looked up at the hand that took her drink, her glossy eyes meeting Y/n’s for a split second. 

The younger felt a heat shoot through her body, it was as if she broke a limb at the pain that she felt seeing Jimin actually harbour these tears and not just cry at night when she thought that Y/n was asleep. It hurt her chest, she cared about Jimin, and she knew that she always would because before she became her lover she was her best friend and member. Maybe that's why it hurt even more. Y/n had no clue who she lost in this silent war they were stuck in. 

Was she losing a lover? A best friend? A member?

“You can have mine.” Y/n knew her, Jimin hated it because it made everything even harder and Y/n could see the way the tears grew as quickly as a high tide in the girl’s eyes. She looked hurt, she was hurting, they were hurting, but they continued to do so without saying anything. Why could Y/n tell from a certain pout that Jimin wasn’t satisfied with her food or drink? Why did they have to be so caring for each other? It made cold things warm and they had no clue why things were cold to begin with.

They didn’t want to lose it.

She took the iced green tea she knew that Y/n loved and the younger took her drink. All it took was a sip of it and it all got overwhelming once again because the thoughts didn’t stop crashing inside of her head, exploding and occupying every corner of her mind. It made her wonder if Y/n was busy thinking the same things throughout her whole day too and the thought of being the only one to do so hurt immensely. 

“I will be back–restroom.”

The girls hummed, going back to what they were doing as Jimin excused herself, leaving everything behind her and she wished she could do that with the reality that she didn’t want to live in. It was haunting her. 

She missed the days when her biggest worries in a relationship were that the promised forever wouldn’t be long enough and not that everything had possibly dropped dead like flies around them, that the forever would never happen. It was a painfully slow dance in a burning room that neither of them left just to see if they could still survive once everything had crumbled fully and the smoke had filled their lungs.

Y/n knew that letting time pass would be too painful to sit through. Nothing was waiting for them. Even if it meant a bigger gap, she gave her 3DS to Minjeong who continued on the game while Y/n had become a pawn in a game no one was controlling. It was a game of chaos no one could cultivate anything out of, no order, no logic, no helpful solutions. This was a game of walking a thin line of nothing and everything. 

It was too tiring, walking inside the bathroom felt like getting locked in the confines of a place where no one would ever find her, no one would see her. No one would see if Jimin broke down in the bathroom and it made relief wash over her and the tears spilled like a broken dam. That was all it took and she tried to calm down, but it wasn’t possible as she turned on the faucet, letting it run to drown out her snivels and deep breaths. 

It was exhausting to be crying almost every day, she didn’t know what sleep was anymore and all she lived for was sorrow, she lived to continue hurting. 

Why did they make something simple so complicated? Love was what made it complicated. 

She used the pads of her palms and wiped at her eyes while tilting her head back and letting out a shaky breath. It felt like there was no calming down from this and each second only made it worse. The silence despite the running water, the echoes in the tiled bathroom, and the stalls empty. 

Jimin could still remember all the other times she had been crying in the same bathroom when everything felt like it was all for nothing because she couldn’t feel fulfilment despite her achievements. She could remember the way her girlfriend would end up in the same bathroom, coaxing it all out of her, taking all her burdens and carrying them for her. Could Y/n do the same thing now when they both were in the same shoes?

Everything reminded her of Y/n except Y/n herself. They both felt distant and like different people. 

Even the light knock on the door was familiar and she took in a shuddering breath, turning to look at Y/n when she opened the door. It fell closed right after, her hands in the pockets of her sweatpants, restricting herself from all those instincts that always kicked in. Her eyes followed the hesitance that was clear in Jimin’s body that pulled to Y/n, but with so much trouble as she held the sleeve of the hoodie against her trembling lips. 

“Come on,” Y/n mumbled, knowing that it was all that was needed to get the girl to just break down fully. “It’s okay to not be okay,” she mumbled as she wrapped her arms around the girl’s shoulders who shook in her arms. The hot tears were burning against her pale skin, wetting her neck, trailing down and spilling like they never had before. Her cheek rested against the side of Jimin’s head, pulling her closer to her body, into her warmth because it was all still the same, but it felt different. 

What was it that exactly wasn’t okay? It wasn’t just them themselves, but them together and it ended up making both of them not feel okay. 

Jimin tightly wrapped her arms around Y/n’s waist, crying into her neck. She got pulled closer, her head being cradled by Y/n’s hand. All of it made it impossible to hold the walls up, the ones that were supposed to show that she wasn’t as bothered by it as she truly was. In reality, Jimin could barely breathe through it without falling into a panic attack. Hearing Y/n’s words, and hearing that it was okay made it so much easier to let it all out, especially when she was with the girl and held by her. 

The reassurance that it was okay to cry about the landslide made it easier. Y/n recognised the burdens and Jimin wasn’t alone.

“I’m sorry for how I took it out on you in the morning.” Y/n only hummed, holding her close as Jimin had been a rose with its thorns aimed at Y/n since they woke up. From the harsh words to the ways she blatantly shut her out even when it was a small question not to her girlfriend but to the leader of Aespa. Jimin was scared and it was affecting her role as a leader too, as a member of the group. The fear was consuming her life fully and was getting in the way of everything. 

“I’m just so tired and I can barely sleep at night.” Or maybe she could sleep just fine but chose to cry at night instead of closing her eyes. She woke up more tired each day, every little second got more exhausting than the other. 

“I know, I’m sorry for all of this.” The younger knew all about it, but what she didn’t know was what exactly she was apologising for. Y/n knew that Jimin was crying at night because of what was happening between them, but she knew that it wasn’t her fault or Jimin’s. It was natural, it would have happened at some point, right? Y/n inhaled, closing her eyes because it hurt her, but seeing how much it affected Jimin made it hurt so much more and it made everything more complicated. 

“We can’t keep going without knowing where it’s all heading. I’m confused and–” Y/n stopped her before they got too deep into the truth because neither of them was ready to let go just yet, neither wanted to end it just yet. They needed some more time, some more time to find more than just one option to end their pain. There always was more than one choice. 

She pulled away from Jimin, her upper body lingered with the warmth that the shorter girl left after her. Jimin gripped at Y/n’s sweater, knowing that once they let go they would be apart for what would feel like years again. The void between them would become even bigger than it already was and they would avoid it for much longer. 

“I care about you, nothing will change that and it’s all fine, Jimin.” She held her face cupped in her hands, tears hitting her skin as the girl looked up at her with quivering eyes. They knew that these false paintings of their relationship would make them feel better for now. Not in the long run, but they tried to live in the present–it didn’t matter if they reminisced and avoided the problems of the present. 

Jimin blinked her eyes, trying her best to run into the daydream, trying to escape reality. Her eyes closed, hoping that she would be thrown into her daydream as Y/n kissed her forehead. 

She missed the pretty sunset sky, the fireworks, the green grass, the clouds that came in different shapes and would be fluffy. It was like a childish dream and possibly some people had been right when they said that young love was complicated. It wasn’t like they cared, they had always felt like teenagers in love with each other. 

Why wasn’t it working though? Where did it all go? It no longer felt like a daydream. It no longer felt like it used to do. 

It was so difficult to grasp something that physically wasn’t there, neither of them could grasp it, at the feelings. Love was so beautifully painful the way it painted them with all these different colours. The canvas would always be filled with them and to the eye it would always be beautiful but to the souls that served as the canvas it would always be heaven and hell. Among white there was blue, among blue there was green, among green there was red and it went on. 

The daydream was constantly corrupted by the harsh reality. 

It was like walking a tightrope.

The smallest mistakes felt deadly.

The stupidest mistakes.

It would be laughable if it weren’t for the fact that there was so much on the line. 

It was part of the social culture and Y/n had happened to fall victim to it because a few cigarettes had turned into a pack or two a week. What were her reasons? Probably all that went on in her hectic life, but it hadn’t been easy to sneak around with an addiction. It got especially hard when the dorm arrangements changed because she and Jimin got together. 

Y/n had managed to sneak around for a whole two months. All it took was one week of sharing a room with Jimin who gave up on pretending that she didn’t notice the lingering smell of tobacco on Y/n and slowly herself. 

‘Fine, I will quit for you.’

‘Not for me. For yourself and your health.’

‘Doing it for you makes it easier.’

‘Only if you don’t start doing it again. It will hurt to think that doing it for me wasn’t enough.’

‘I promise.’

Even the simplest promises were being broken. It felt all the more hopeless.

It was hard, to say the least with starting to dose down on how much she smoked until it was nothing at all. Y/n had never thought of herself as someone who grew addicted easily, but nicotine turned out to be a bitch and even a year and a half after quitting the cravings came back. There were certain times when they were extra tempting, it made her irritated and restless. It was times like these that she always had her substitutes for them, from nicotine patches to nicotine gum or simply Jimin. 

This time it felt like Jimin was the cause of the cravings. 

The world around them no longer felt real because of how they had surrounded themselves in a fake reality. 

“Did you slam the door in my face?” Venom, that was what Jimin spat out, pure venom behind her words as she locked the door to the green room. The rest were out and talking to their label mates, but it was better to make sure they didn’t walk in if they came back earlier. The last thing Jimin or Y/n wanted was for the rest to notice that everything around them was crumbling, that it had all become a smoke screen. 

Y/n inhaled deeply, rummaging through her stuff, ignoring the clatter as she was on the brink of losing it. “I didn’t and if I did, it wasn’t intentionally. I had no fucking clue you were behind me.” It was a low mutter, but it was just as poisonous as Jimin’s tone which had been louder. At the back of her head, Y/n had been expecting Jimin to be right behind her, she was the whole reason why she was buzzing with cravings. 

“You slammed it in my face and an apology wouldn’t hurt you, Y/n.” Jimin had no clue why she was letting it drag on. She could have dropped it, she was aware that Y/n didn’t know and even if she did, Jimin knew she deserved ten more doors slammed closed in her face. 

“You want me to apologise?” Y/n snapped that easily and it had never happened between the two of them–the cravings only made it worse together with the tension of constantly being on their guard not to let anything slip past them. 

They never really fought to begin with. All those small fights that never meant anything, that never held any real frustrations, it was different now. Those pent-up emotions came out and spilled right over the head of the other. Y/n wanted to throw it at Jimin because her girlfriend had been doing it since they landed in Tokyo. They were being petty for the sake of being it and not for any good causes. Y/n tossed the stuff onto the table, ignoring the even louder clatter of the things and continued to look through her stuff. 

“Called manners.” She commented. It was like she knew that something so simple would irk Y/n more than she already was, especially in this state.

“Oh, so Karina wants to talk manners.” Y/n huffed and turned around, leaning back against the table. Her arms crossed as she gripped onto her arms, hiding the tremor in her fingers as the anger and everything else was overwhelming. She hated fighting with the girl, but it felt inevitable when they were alone in the room with so much tension already lingering between them. 

The past couple of fights they’ve had been nothing but hurtful with no apologies after, pretending it never happened to begin with. 

Jimin’s eyes squinted at the words, Y/n barely called her by her stage name even when they were on stage. Hearing her bring it up was enough to let her know what Y/n was pointing at.

Jimin was falling under the pressure of juggling work and a relationship she could no longer figure out. It had never been a problem for them, but she felt like she had failed her role in the group by letting personal conflicts get in the way. 

Nonetheless, it would be impossible to admit to now when they were in an argument that grew by the second. 

“Don’t comment on my work ethic when you barely have yours under control. You’re being sensitive.” She argued, knowing very well that she had been letting her complex emotions and confusion about where she and Y/n were heading get in the way of her professionalism. 

“You’re the one crying over a door.” Y/n scoffed in disbelief, pointing at the door in question that was behind Jimin. The girl pulled on the strings of her hoodie in frustration at Y/n’s words. It only fueled her on, she couldn’t remember being able to get this angry with Y/n before, she had never thought that she could get angry with her. Or maybe it wasn’t anger that she felt towards Y/n, but just frustration because of how confusing their relationship had turned. How dead it was. 

Maybe she was angry at herself, at the world, or at how confusing love could be. She was angry at the fact that they let it die to begin with. 

“Because you slammed it in my face!” This time she let her voice fly way above what she imagined she would, her foot stomping down in frustration. The tears welled up in her eyes so easily, that constant haunting fragile mentality as everything was hurting and it didn’t let her breathe. 

“Because you are doing a shit job at being a leader!” Y/n watched Jimin pace around, watching how desperately she tried to get rid of her tears. Those tears of frustration, not knowing how else to take it out she yelled at Y/n and cried, but there was only so much that could cover her tears now. 

“Don’t comment on my work ethic, Y/n.” She repeated and found herself in front of Y/n, it almost felt dangerous to be so close to each other at a moment like this. It was scary because they had never had these fights and being so close to what used to be just comfort felt wrong, it felt wrong to bring these feelings into their safety net.

It ruined their purpose, the place they went to when they wanted to escape these feelings, the pressure, the world. It was all truly gone, wasn’t it?

She could feel it all spiral, leaving them with no control over what happened between them in the room.

“Someone has to when you forget how to separate relationships from work. Be a fucking leader and answer a fucking question instead of shutting me out because of our personal life.”

“It’s not easy when this is what it looks like!” She threw her arms, motioning to the mess they were together, the one they both had been avoiding because of how complicated it was. It was hard not to notice, but impossible to truly acknowledge and so it all mixed into everything else.  

“Nothing is ever easy for you, is it? That’s why I always become your punching bag when things go wrong.” The words left Y/n bitterly, her hands gripping onto the table behind her as she exhaled these deep breaths that helped with nothing. Watching Jimin with tears in her eyes wasn’t helping, but Y/n felt like the girl had been trampling all over her. She was using her title as a leader and girlfriend in a nonchalant way, she was neglecting Y/n as a member and not a lover. 

“That’s not true and you know it.” Jimin knew that it was all true, her tone faltering as she would feel even more guilty if she raised her voice to spit out lies. It hurt too much to say the truth of the situation. 

“It has been even more true lately,” Y/n muttered, her eyes leaving Jimin’s. 

It felt like the woman in front of her was trying to coax her into forgiving her without Jimin having to apologise. Y/n was done doing those things. She couldn’t put it all aside like all the other times when she accepted Jimin’s apologies she never even said. The ones where Y/n blatantly admitted to being wrong even when she wasn’t because she didn’t want to fight or see Jimin cry.

“Because–because—” Now came the difficult part for Jimin who had no good excuse for this and she knew that she was wrong. The problem bigger than this one was her pride and ego, they got in the way, especially now after how tense everything has been.  

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing is changing.” It made Jimin’s heart drop, Y/n’s stomach twisting at her own words that she never wanted to say. It was what it felt like though. 

She gently grabbed Jimin’s shoulder to have her step aside as she stood up to walk out the door. 

“Don’t say that.” A quiver fell from between her lips, a lump in Jimin’s throat that cut deep and made it all bleed much worse than it already was. Her hand grabbed Y/n’s to have her stay because, in the end, she didn’t want her lover to leave, not just yet and she quickly stopped in front of Y/n. She would never accept those words, not now at least because hearing them made her lightheaded, it made her chest clench and she wanted to collapse onto the floor to be swallowed before she could feel more pain.

“Where’s our manager? I need her to buy cig–”

“You’re not smoking just because things go wrong for us!” It wasn’t possible to speak with a quivering voice, it was too soft so she raised her voice again. She still cared about Y/n as a member, friend, lover and person, it didn’t matter what was going on between them. Jimin would always care about Y/n. Her hand bunched up the material of Y/n’s shirt in her hand as to keep the girl from leaving her. She refused to let go, in the end, she wasn’t supposed to want anything else but Y/n and even if her feelings were different she clung to that idea. 

That there was only one person for the both of them.

“Is this something else you want to cry about!? You didn’t bring my shit with you because you’re being petty and expect me to break habits.” It had become a habit, Jimin had become someone Y/n relied on with most of her things. If Jimin had been packing certain things for her it had become a habit that she would do it every time and it never crossed Y/n’s mind to do it herself anymore. 

It had never bothered Jimin either and now it was doing nothing but pissing both of them off. Those flaws they had accepted and learned to love before were nothing but a hassle to deal with now and they wanted the other to erase them and change. To change so they could learn to love these new people they would become.

“If you said that you quit for me then fucking keep the promise or will you break them all just because it isn’t working out for us at the moment? And I’m not your mother, Y/n, why do you rely on me packing your fucking things!” She shoved Y/n by the shoulder, wanting to get her away from her even for a split second because she was boiling over with emotions. It would never end well no matter who they were fighting with when there were too many emotions.

Jimin felt conflicted at her own pushing and pulling as she one second wanted no one but Y/n and the other second she couldn’t stand the girl.

“Everything I did for you feels like a waste at the moment when all you give me is headaches, Jimin.” Y/n’s voice was rough and loud, ignoring that they had more performances tomorrow. Jimin could feel the vibrations in her ribcage and she harshly wiped away the tears. It felt like Y/n didn’t deserve her tears at this exact moment, not after those words. She snivelled, still unable to stop them though because how couldn’t she cry when this was what they were now?

They continuously watched what they used to be washed away with each wave that clashed with their shore and dragged away the good to leave filth behind instead.

“I fucking regret even giving you an ounce of my time and life because you’re nothing but a pain to look after. You don’t get to be angry at me because I had to worry about not forgetting my stuff and yours on top of everything!” She couldn’t help but feel like all the blame was now coming her way and maybe she had let Y/n get too comfortable. Jimin couldn’t help it then, but the longer it went on the more she realised that it wouldn’t work that way. 

“You’re like a manchild for fuck’s sake.” Jimin groaned out as it continued to dawn upon her how much of an immature child Y/n could be. Had she been blind all this time? Why did she suddenly mind it? Why were these words even leaving her mouth when she had always loved and accepted Y/n for the person that she was? Were they just looking for reasons to make it all stop? 

“You made it a habit and I stuck to it. Suck it up the same way I have to suck up when I’m your punching bag whenever things don’t go your way.” Y/n couldn’t help but truly realise how much she always let Jimin get away with. The things she would say, the things she would do that hurt, Y/n always forgave her for every little thing because Jimin could do no wrong in her eyes. Jimin was spiralling right now because Y/n hadn’t forgiven her yet for how she had been pushing the younger girl around for the past few days as a member of the same group.

Here she was, still letting the woman in front of her shove her around and blame her for her own mistakes. The way she always forgave Jimin within seconds when she saw tears in her eyes even if Jimin was in the wrong. Y/n felt played by the older now as she realised how their dynamic had worked. 

Y/n would always be the one to take the blame even when it wasn’t hers to take. 

Jimin would always be the one to suffer from how much she took on herself willingly because Y/n couldn’t do it.

“You were playing video games instead of packing even after you saw how stressed I was with my stuff. You got upset over your motion sickness patches, your headphones, fucking lenses and now your gum. I’m fucking surprised you packed your clothes!” 

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t even enter the room without you getting pissed off because I would breathe. I’m not the one being immature but you, Jimin. You are the one who mixed our relationship into work, you’re the one who isn’t professional–” The older girl could feel herself boil over with anger with each point that Y/n made, each word pushing her closer to the edge. She felt like the points Y/n made were being invalidated, Y/n had yet to accept it for what it was and Jimin hated having the truth about herself being pointed out this way. 

“–the one to force habits and then thinking you can just switch them up within a second because you suddenly don’t like what you wanted. Not the whole world revolves around you, but you’ve been too fucking selfish lately to realise it.” Despite all the coldness between them and all that seemed gone, they hung on because every day small things happened that gave them hope–small gestures were enough and they were brought back to the past. It felt as if Jimin hadn’t been trying to work towards each other, but away from each other. “I’m always looking out for you and caring for you.”

Jimin was simply too scared to move anywhere at all because it felt like the smallest mistake would make what was left fall apart fully. She felt paralysed by how scared she was of the truth. It was like having bricks constantly pile on her chest, it was difficult to breathe with them there, and it was difficult to move with them there. The girl felt like she was chained to the pits of hell while staring up at heaven in hopes of it coming down to her. 

What it ended with was it looked like she was selfish for being too scared to move, as if she wanted the world to revolve around her. And maybe if it did it would make everything easier for her. 

“Go fuck yourself Y/n and stop trying to make yourself look like a hero when you make as many mistakes as I do.” Jimin scoffed and wiped at her eyes as she pushed past Y/n, they both felt completely neglected and invalidated by the other. The reality of what it always has been wasn’t easy to swallow because it had never bothered them until now. She was aware that she made mistakes, but Y/n made them too and couldn’t claim the title of a hero when they did as much caring as they did hurting.

Y/n turned on her heels as Jimin pushed past her, she could see the anger, despair and distress clouding her. It was like a grey cloud over their heads, constantly being there for them when they didn’t want it. “It doesn’t excuse your mistakes either and considering my girlfriend won’t do it, yeah, I will ‘cause she’s too busy being stuck up.” Y/n could tell that the last of her words were too much, that they were too disrespectful and insensitive, and that she shouldn’t even be thinking about it right now. Maybe Jimin was right about being nothing but a ‘manchild’. 

Y/n truly felt the consequences of her words when Jimin felt them dig deep into her heart and it was enough to throw everything else out. It was just for a second and she knew she could regret it and feel guilty about it later. The stinging on her palm would subside, but feeling disrespected by Y/n for the first time in her life would linger far longer as she turned back around and landed it across the younger’s cheek. 

“You’re an immature fucking child, Y/n. I’m not just for your pleasure and needs, so fucking respect me.” She spat out, holding onto the girl’s shirt with her stinging hand as it all shut Y/n up. The two were able to very clearly see through each other like glass, it wasn’t even like glass, but air from how clear it was and all they could see was pain and hurt. They caused each other pain and hurt and everything else they used to make each other feel was gone—but then came those moments where it wasn’t gone even if it was for a second and so they held on.

They both felt horrible as Jimin grabbed her things while wiping her tears, not sparing Y/n more glances. All she knew was that she needed to cry to let it all subside for even a bit. Y/n slumped down on the couch, the nicotine cravings slapped out of her. She held her cold palm against her cheek trying to ease the pulsating pain she knew she deserved and Jimin did too as they both were suffering for keeping each other chained down. 

Maybe they had never been perfect, to begin with.

Were all these things stuff they had always wanted to say and they now took the opportunity to do so since everything was already falling apart? Did they hold back on saying these things before because they were scared that they would ruin everything? Or were these things something that should have been brought up a long time ago to make it work out? 

They couldn’t answer that. No one could because it was too late.

Jimin had known that she would feel bad after, that the guilt would eat at her. She was terrified that their relationship had taken a new step forward, towards a goal they didn’t want to reach when Y/n slept in Minjeong’s hotel room. The two peers–in age–were close in the end and so Jimin spent the night tossing and turning wondering if the truth would come out now. That their love was under ruins, crushed and bleeding to death, setting the truth in stone and burying what they used to have six feet under to start a new life. 

She wondered if Y/n spent the whole night awake. Jimin could barely fall asleep knowing they were in the same bed, but with their backs turned to each other, let alone after what happened. She could barely sleep because of how her insides twisted in hopes of escaping to get away from the excruciating pain. The part of them being away after what went down only made her even more anxious. 

The girl got her answers the next day when Y/n was tired and Minjeong went on about her day without a single knowing glance or word. 

They had avoided each other unless they were on stage, but the second they came off it was back to normal. The new normal, they both missed the old normal but they seemingly couldn’t go back to it. 

Or so they thought because once again all that they had been missing poured over them like a rainstorm. 

The simple idea for all of them to go out and eat after the days of performing. There had been an undoubtful tension between the two and not for the same reason they would like to think. It felt horrible to sit beside each other without having apologised for what had happened. However, the longer they sat at the table the closer they seemed to get, but it could have been the alcohol in their veins. 

“I swear, it’s the first time these two aren’t all over each other.” 

Y/n felt a slight heat shoot through her, one of anxiety at Ning’s drunken words because now everyone seemed aware of the situation. It could have been the fact that they dared to speak up about it when they were drunk. Y/n didn’t know what it was, but she toyed with one of the side dishes, knowing that she and Jimin always got more affectionate when they were drunk.

“Tired, that’s all…” Y/n mumbled, trailing off as she looked over at Jimin who sat right beside her–the rest continuing the chatter. The two had been coming closer and closer with each shot of soju and every beer they finished. They could feel the other's heat on them, craving each other in this state no matter what had happened between them for the past months. They craved the affection of the other so much that it hurt, it was boiling from the inside and they were waiting for the other to cave in so they could be close. 

She watched for a second more as Jimin struggled with the marinated perilla leaf, lip between her teeth as she gently swayed, going over her limit this time. Y/n would always be the one to cave in for the older girl. Jimin rarely drank more than she could handle and even that was a lot, but Y/n could tell she was trying to drown herself further. The older woman was already drowning in all her emotions and trying to drown them in alcohol only intensified it all and Jimin felt like she would burst any second and start begging in front of everyone else. 

Y/n turned in her seat the slightest, her attention on the woman who was still the most beautiful one she had ever seen. The one she desired, but it was all so different no matter how beautiful they both were to each other. Her right hand reached over to Jimin, brushing the hair behind her ear and reaching with her left for the leaf. 

Eyes were glossed over, like polished glass from alcohol when Jimin finally looked up and Y/n picked up the leaf, her hand still holding back the hair so it wouldn’t get in the way. 

It was crushing both of them. Jimin felt her world brighten up with hope that had no space in their world anymore, but she wasn’t letting go yet. Y/n fed her with eyes gazing over Jimin’s features, feeling excruciating pain at the fact that she had made her cry, at the fact that they kept hurting each other unintentionally by holding on. It was worth it when these moments still managed to slip through the cracks and let in some light. 

Y/n let go of the latter's hair and wrapped her arm around Jimin’s waist when she leaned into her, resting her weight on Y/n’s side. Her hands found Y/n’s warmth as they pushed under the girl's loose sweater, doing all the holding on that she could. 

“I miss you.” They were sentimental words as Jimin gently whispered, her breath brushing over Y/n’s neck and the younger girl pulled her closer. Y/n took in a deep breath at how homesick she felt for a home she no longer had. They missed each other, they missed what they used to have, but no longer did and it dug into their hearts with no care, tearing them into pieces at how messy it felt. 

“I miss you–miss us,” Y/n mumbled, their world shutting the rest out, inhaling the smog-filled air of everything that had burned down to ashes. Jimin hummed as her eyes closed, hoping that the drunk sentiment would be able to suffice for now even if it was for just one night. All they needed was one night to figure it out, to get to feel what they missed and see if they could bring it all back to life. She felt Y/n’s soft lips press against her head and she nuzzled her face further into the scent that used to be a home and now was only what was left of one.

Her lips gently pressed over Y/n’s skin, her nails gently scratching over Y/n’s back as she moved her other hand up. She cupped the younger’s face, thumb caressing the porcelain-like skin she deeply regretted putting her hand on but she couldn’t regret it when she thought back on what they said to each other. Jimin deserved to suffer for her actions and Y/n deserved to suffer just as much. They would continue until they did the necessary.

Y/n got her head tilted down and looked at Jimin who rested her head against the younger’s shoulder. Her eyes pleaded for a remedy for all the heartbreak even if it was for just one night. To just get away from reality for a few hours. Her fingers brushed over Y/n’s cheek. Y/n gave a small nod and reached over for the beer she had left, finishing it and hoping it would all last long enough and not end the way it did a few days ago. 

“Will you guys mind if we leave early?” The girl asked, but it was already set in stone as she grabbed her jacket and helped Jimin up. They looked over at the two who were closer to each other than they had been for the past few months as Y/n put her jacket over Jimin. 

“Not at all,” Aeri replied, the rest humming in agreement.

It was a short walk to the hotel, wrapped up in each other the whole way and not letting go for a second as they walked in silence, scared to let go or say something that would make it difficult to be this way again. 

They at last did let go as they walked inside the hotel room, but it all shifted for a second as Y/n kicked off her shoes and sat down at the foot of the bed. There was no escaping this landslide, the clash that destroyed so much as she missed what she used to have with Jimin, but had no clue if they could get that back. It tied knots around her heart and tugged on it constantly. 

The latter managed to get her shoes off, the jacket falling after her as she walked over to Y/n. Despite the slight blur, she could see clearly through everything else and now was the only time she knew she could apologise. 

It used to be easier. 

“Y/n…” 

The girl took a deep breath and looked away from her hands and at Jimin who kneeled beside her. Her chin rested against Y/n’s thigh as she stared up at her girlfriend, her lower lip slightly jutted out. The younger one hummed, her hand running through Jimin’s hair as she caressed her scalp gently, missing the touch of someone else. The back of her fingers trailed over Jimin’s cold cheek who grabbed hold of Y/n’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

The silence braced them as they stared at each other, heads tilting, ears filling with the heavy yet soft breaths from alcohol-filled veins, the buzz of the outside world only faint. That silence of acceptance of what their love was, what it used to be and how it no longer was. 

Jimin heaved a sigh and rested her cheek against Y/n’s thigh, staring off into the dimly lit hotel room. The sentiment of sorrow, sadness and nostalgia as everything had become too farro reach now and it would be hard to save anything. If they could continue to pretend then everything would go back to being fine. If they lived a lie long enough, it would become their reality. 

“I’m sorry about the other day—” She mumbled, slumped on the floor and her gaze moved as she tilted her head to look Y/n in the eye. Their eyes connected, filled with the buzz of alcohol, and the perception of the fake reality they had created in their head washed over them. Those small gestures that made hope wash over them wouldn’t change anything, would they? They didn’t want to think about it. “I shouldn’t have raised my hand,” her lips momentarily formed into a pout at the disdain she felt for her actions.

Jimin knew there was no excuse for it even if she felt like an emotional wreck. They were losing control and it was starting to deeply affect them. They were going full speed through crossings with no hands on the wheels, covering their eyes to not look at the truth and soon enough they would crash right into a wall. 

“It’s okay, it’s fine,” Y/n always let Jimin get away with everything and nothing would probably ever change that.

Jimin shook her head, lifting it from Y/n’s thigh as she got up to stand on her two feet. Y/n’s fingers tangled into the sweatshirt the girl had on as she stood between her legs. Despite the slight tremors in Jimin’s fingers, buzzing with more than just alcohol, but also a surge of feelings, the uncertainty, longing, feelings of loss and hope; she cupped Y/n’s face in her hands. Her touch was soft as Y/n’s glimmering eyes met her.

“I shouldn’t have acted the way I did either.” Y/n mumbled, closing her eyes and resting in Jmin’s hands who caressed her features with her thumbs. They still would always melt at the affection because it was normal to crave, but it didn’t feel like it used to. Aside from it feeling good, those other things didn’t spread across them. “I’m sorry.” 

That sorry felt like it was for more than what happened in that room and Jimin knew it. She knew that the apology was because they both genuinely felt bad for letting a promise of forever die. 

‘I love you.’

‘Never stop loving me, Y/n.’

‘I will love you forever, I promise.’

‘I will love you forever, Y/n, I will always care about you.’

‘Don’t cry, Jimin, I’m always here for you.’

Jimin deeply exhaled and closed her eyes before she could let the tears even form and with a lump in her throat she closed the gap between them. Their lips met in a kiss to suckle on the hope left in them. It was eagerness, it was to forget and not to remember. Y/n’s hands grabbed hold of Jimin’s hips, pulling her closer.

They tilted their heads to meet tongues that tasted as bitter as the beer they had and the longing for what they had lost, as sweet as the sake they downed and the reverie they lived in. It was with desperation because it felt like it was the last of them that was left and they would do everything to latch onto it and stick forever. The forever they had promised. 

Jimin ran her fingers through Y/n’s hair, pushing deeper, wanting to feel more, she needed more. She needed Y/n, she missed the touch against her body and that was all that it felt like for them now. The fulfilment of each other’s needs and nothing else as Jimin discarded Y/n’s sweater, letting it fall to the floor. Her cool hands ran over the warm skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps, emotions swirling under their skin as they pulled away to remove Jimin’s top. 

Their eyes locked, looking for something, searching, but they had no clue what they were trying to find anymore. It ended quicker than expected and their lips met once again, meeting tongues and letting out desperate sounds. Y/n’s fingertips grazed over Jimin’s skin as if the girl was made of gold, the gentle and careful touch making the latter bubble with more need. She ran them over her sides, tracing every ridge, coming to her spine with one hand as the other slid over her ribs until she reached the hem of Jimin’s jeans. 

With ease she undid them and as they fell to the floor the older girl straddled Y/n who huffed at the weight that pressed down against her growing cock. As Jimin looked Y/n in the eye, the girl reached over to her face, brushing away the black strands of hair. She could still see a sparkle in Y/n’s eyes, but it was flickering. It wasn’t there for the same reasons that it used to sparkle. This was for the lust that would always linger inside their veins.

“Make me feel good, you owe me this,” Jimin mumbled, knowing that they both owed each other this for the things they had been putting the other through for the past months. This was finally their chance to make the other feel good in a way that was more than just sentimental. There was no sentiment in lust because it had never been part of it, but now it ruled them. 

She grabbed Y/n’s hand which was still by her face and captured those sweet lips while guiding the hand to the back of her bra. Jimin trailed her kisses away from Y/n’s lips and along her jawline, slowly going further and nuzzling her nose into her neck. The scent was still one of her favourites. She took it in and ran her tongue over the skin before wrapping her lips around it. 

It made Y/n stall with the bra, a faint whimper falling from between her lips as Jimin slowly started to gyrate her hips, rolling her heat against Y/n’s that was straining against her jeans. “I want your lips on me Y/n.” She breathed out against the red mark, wanting to feel the pleasure, they both wanted to be brought out of this hell they had painted as heaven. This was their chance. 

Y/n bit her lower lip, her neck being plated with kisses by Jimin all while the girl continued to press against her cock, grinding slowly while releasing shaky breaths between kisses. The girl managed to undo the bra and only then did her girlfriend pull away, letting Y/n remove it fully whose eyes focused on her chest right away. Jimin’s words hadn’t fallen deaf to her ears and all she wanted was to give the girl exactly what she wanted. This was the only thing that they could make work. 

“I love every inch of you.” Any other time the words would burn within Jimin’s soul and leave their mark and they had done so permanently, but they no longer reached as deep. They were all for the outside as they had changed from the inside towards each other. 

Her fingers tangled at the back of Y/n’s head, gently making her look her in the eye as she tilted her head. “Show me instead.” It was like a whisper, her lips ghosting Y/n’s, knowing that she would be able to feel more from actions rather than words now. 

Y/n manoeuvred them, laying Jimin down on the bed, legs wrapped around her waist as she stood by the edge of the bed. The girl bunched up the duvet beside Jimin’s head, taking one last look at her chest before she leaned down to show how much she appreciated her body. With fingers tangled in her hair and nails scratching her scalp Y/n started to leave scorching kisses along Jimin’s skin.

Her tongue soothed over the pulse, tenderly kissing down, her kisses tickling as she trailed down, taking in the soft hums and breaths that the girl let out. She came down to her collarbones, grazing her teeth over them, leaving her marks after her as those were the only good ones they managed to leave on each other now. Everything that went deeper hurt. 

A faint gasp left Jimin’s mouth when lips fervently latched onto her chest, all the heat running through her body and shooting straight to her aching clit. “Fuck,” was all that she could mutter at the warm tongue playing with her nipple, sucking on the tender flesh. Y/n’s devotion to what was left of them was shown through the way she consumed her flesh, leaving her bites to linger.

Y/n moved her mouth to the other nipple, her hand coming down to fondle the older’s chest. It was enough for more sounds to start coming from Jimin at the way her nipples were being played with and her chest littered with kisses. It made her thighs tense around Y/n’s waist, pulling her closer and when the rough material pressed against her cunt a moan fell from her lips. The younger girl hummed, pressing more against Jimin while toying with the hard nipples with her mouth and fingers, twisting and pulling, touching her in a way only she knew. 

It was yet another thing that was hard to let go of. The fact that they knew each other’s bodies so well and knew exactly what to do. It was all working against what should be done and driving them towards pipe dreams.

Her chest heaved, losing her words as they all came out breathless, being greedy for more to fill all the emptiness that had been growing for the past months. “You’re so good, baby.” She hummed, her eyes closing as her mind finally went empty, it went silent with everything else and all they could focus on was the moment and not what was and what would be. It was enough to make Y/n’s hips press more into Jimin, slowly moving them for friction while leaving the older’s chest glistening. 

She slowly started to move down further, kissing along the heaving slim stomach until she was on her knees in front of Jimin. The lacy black underwear seeped through with her arousal and Y/n’s fingers hooked at their hem, looking up at Jimin who was sitting up and looking down at her with lust-clouded eyes. She leaned back against her palms, raising her hips and letting Y/n peel off the last piece of her body.

Her hands ran over Jimin’s thighs, spreading her legs further apart while biting onto her lower lip at the view of her glistening pussy that was leaking with juices. She lifted the girl’s leg and rested it over her shoulder before she started to kiss along her inner thighs, gently biting and sucking on the soft flesh as her hands needily kneaded them. It made Jimin heave a sigh, her hand coming to grab hold of Y/n’s head, dwelling in the feeling of the butterfly kisses left along her inner thighs. 

Through her hooded eyes, she watched Y/n, making eye contact every time the younger looked up through her lashes for approval of what she was doing despite knowing Jimin’s body better than most things. Her fingers pressed into the flesh as her arm was wrapped around one of her thighs, inching closer until she reached the girl’s heat. It was enough to make the older girl squirm the slightest when she got pulled closer to the edge before feeling the wet muscle drag between her folds.

Y/n grabbed hold of her waist with her free hand, holding Jimin in place to not have her squirm too much. Her tongue ran between her folds, spreading the wetness as she dipped her head and circled the grasping hole. The grip on her hair tightened, ears being filled with soft moans and whimpers as she continued to work her tongue and lips around the puffy cunt. She sucked on her lips, enjoying the mess that was spreading on her chin, lapping every little bit up to get more on her tongue. 

Jimin slowly felt herself lose her mind at the teasing tongue, Y/n taking her time to continue working her up. The need continued to bubble inside her, her clit throbbing for attention and her hole clenching as she wanted to be filled until she would feel numb in the brain for at least a few minutes. This was finally something they could grasp at, the escape from everything even the daydream they had created, getting to a real one even if it wouldn’t last too long.

The light moans filled the hotel room when Y/n’s lips at last wrapped around her swollen clit, her tongue coming out to flick at the bud. The pace between slow and fast, sucking and flicking was making Jimin’s thighs tremble around the girl’s head. Her fingers were tangled in Y/n’s hair, pulling her closer to her pussy as her hips faintly bucked at the pleasure. 

Y/n drowned, getting as much pleasure from drowning between Jimin’s soft thighs as the girl above her was feeling from the tongue that was toying with her needy cunt. She caressed her heaving stomach with her other hand, kneading the plush flesh of her thigh as she felt Jimin pull her further into her with her leg that was on her shoulder. 

“Fuck, Y/n–” She whined, her breathing picking up and growing heavier the longer her clit was played with. She could feel it all slowly approaching her and soon enough she would reach the edge and fall off of it. 

The girl dipped her head, her nose rubbing against the swollen clit and her tongue lapped at the juices. The room filled with the sopping sounds of Jimin’s pussy and moans and Y/n’s mouth messily eating her out, moaning at the taste and tugs on her hair, her cock throbbing at how good it felt. With the sticky mess collected on her tongue, she circled her clit and went back to flicking at it and tugging with her lips. 

“So close, ‘m so close, baby.” 

Her body started to tense up, Y/n’s ears muffled at how the thighs locked around her head with her head being held in place. It made her sore tongue work harder to be able to hear Jimin’s voice go up higher. 

That was enough for the older girl to lose her control and the sounds started to spill from her mouth, moaning Y/n’s name in a high pitch. Her body got consumed by heat as her vision blacked out and her ears started to buzz when the orgasm hit its peak as Y/n continued to flick at her clit. It was making her whine and buck her hips for more until she felt herself crash back down to reality. She heaved for air, loosening her grip on Y/n’s hair and the girl slowed down, only leaving small kisses along her skin that was scorching. 

When she got back up on her feet their lips met in a vivid kiss, Jimin’s hands working on Y/n’s jeans to undo the loose material. She tugged them down together with Y/n’s boxers, her hand wrapping around the thick cock that was scalding in her hold as she pumped it, smearing the precum as she reached the swollen tip. The whimpers that fell from Y/n’s lips were swallowed by Jimin, moaning into the intense kiss. 

She pulled Y/n down, making her lay down on the bed, the younger girl moved back until she was in the middle of the bed, leaning against her elbows. Her eyes were on Jimin who got on the bed before crawling over to her. They got engulfed in each other's heat as she straddled Y/n who slumped back, running her hands over the girl’s thighs and to the back of her ass to caress it. 

“No one knows me like you do.” She whispered, leaning down and letting her lips brush over Y/n’s with her fingers tracing along her jawline. No one knew Jimin like Y/n did and no one knew Y/n like Jimin did and even if it looked the way it did, they carried that fact with pride. She pecked the girl's lips, pulling away and letting Y/n chase after her as she tried to grab hold of Jimin’s face, but got her hands pinned down to the bed. 

“Jimin–” She tried although was cut off as she let her head fall back against the mattress, fingers twisting the duvet as her wrists were held down by the girl on top of her. 

“I hate that now.” She admitted, hating that no one knew her as well as Y/n and that no one would ever get to know her as well again. They had learned from their mistakes and now no one would ever be able to compare. There was no one she would open up to like this again, not when it hurt so much when it all died. They didn’t want to go through this pain twice when they never wanted to experience it to begin with.

“I know.” Jimin huffed, her lips brushing over Y/n’s neck because obviously, the younger girl would know that Jimin hated it now. “Do you regret it?” Y/n mumbled, doing her best to not squirm under the girl who was leaving light kisses along her neck. The words from the other day still lingering, but Jimin knew that she never meant what she said about regretting it.

“No matter how much it hurts–” Jimin pulled away and looked Y/n in the eye, the younger’s head tilting to the side as she stared up at her with hopeful eyes. Y/n’s eyes alone were enough for Jimin to know the answer, she knew it right away as she reached her hand down to Y/n’s face, one still holding her wrists down. Her thumb tenderly caressed along Y/n’s cheek and over her lips. “I could never regret everything I’ve given you.” And everything she gave was all that she had after she placed herself in Y/n’s hands and she would always be there even if what made her give herself in the first place had withered. 

Her thumb tugged down on Y/n’s lip before she leaned down and attached their lips once again. Sighs fell from between their lips, Jimin’s hand running between their bodies to grab hold of Y/n’s cock. 

Y/n pulled away from the kiss, panting for air as her eyes fell between their bodies, watching Jimin drag the swollen tip through her folds, the slickness and warmth were enough to make Y/n bite back a whine at how good it felt. The grip on her wrists tightened when her tip made contact with Jimin’s clenching hole, slowly pushing into the tightness that sucked her in. 

“So tight.” The younger mumbled, her chest heaving at the anticipation as she watched herself slowly disappear inside of the girl on top of her, splitting her folds with her cock. The tight walls engulfed her length, grasping it and sucking her inside with greed as they continuously clenched at the stretch. 

“You make me feel so full.” Jimin sighed with a whine at the slight pain. 

Y/n’s eyes stayed glued on how her cock got engulfed by Jimin’s tight pussy, splitting her lips around the thick shaft and she slowly moved. The older girl hummed, letting go of Y/n’s wrists. Both her palms rested on top of the girl’s stomach with her nails slightly digging in at the painful stretch. Hands caressed her thighs while she lowered herself until she felt Y/n deep inside her, filling her to the hilt. 

Y/n dropped her head, shutting her eyes tightly when she was fully inside Jimin who let out a light moan at the feeling. Her cock was throbbing, twitching at how good it felt, the warm and wet walls were pulsating around her and her stomach flexed with every little move. 

She slowly started moving her hips back and forth, her clit still sensitive from her first orgasm as it dragged along Y/n’s pelvis. Her walls fluttered, and being filled up was making her crave more at how good it felt. The feeling of Y/n’s veiny cock raw inside her tight cunt was overwhelmingly good, making out each vein that dragged along her walls.

She gyrated them as they whined back and forth on Y/n’s dick whose lips were parted at the way it dragged along the clenching walls. Her ears were graced by Jimin’s soft gasps and sighs, nails digging into her stomach. The older’s thighs flexed, her walls pulsating and clit throbbing as she slowly increased her speed, chasing her pleasure by using Y/n. 

“I love using your cock to make myself feel good,” Jimin whined, her head getting thrown back and Y/n groaned at the words that made her dick ache inside the hot and wet cunt of the girl. Their bodies moved and fit together perfectly like waves that collided against waves, their bodies buzzing with that feeling from the inside as their head splashed with desires. 

Her chest heaved at the sight of her girlfriend grinding along her cock, watching how she chased her high once again. The sounds were starting to get more lewd with each moan falling from the girl’s lips, Jimin’s wetness coating Y/n’s base and the mess only got bigger.

“You look so good doing it.” Y/n could feel the way the walls clasped around her at the words, the girl taking all the pleasure in using Y/n for her benefit as Y/n enjoyed it just as much. The way the girl would go on and have her orgasms before Y/n even got to think of hers.

Jimin was on top of her with a vice grip on her cock with her sopping cunt. Y/n’s hands were on her the thighs flexed with each movement and her tip was hitting all the right spots deep inside her. She watched the way the older gasped and threw her head back, dragging her swollen clit along Y/n’s pelvis. Jimin reached behind her and held onto Y/n’s tense thighs instead, rolling her hips in a way that was making her stomach tighten and warm up as she fucked herself on top of the girl.

“I’m so close, baby–fuck, so good.” Her voice cut into a higher pitch as the orgasm started to wash over her with her hips bucking for more and Y/n’s thumb found its way to her swollen clit. She circled the bud as Jimin kept bucking her hips against her, watching the way her chest bounced with each movement.

The throbbing walls clasped around her cock, squeezing it tightly enough for the movement to slow down. Her thighs quivered and she let out cries of pleasure, her voice light and bringing Y/n closer to the edge at how good she looked on top of her. Nails dug into Y/n’s thighs, heat pouring over Jimin’s whole body at her second orgasm.

She heaved for breath, stopping her movement and shivering at the shocks going through her warm body. Her body got engulfed in Y/n’s arms when the girl sat up, her cock still buried deep within the confines of Jimin’s pulsating pussy. She wrapped her arms around Y/n’s shoulders, palms running over her back which was covered in a sheen of sweat. 

As Jimin looked at Y/n, she didn’t want to be done yet, she wished she could drag this out for the rest of her life. To make this serene moment last forever as their bodies became one and all that had been on her mind disappeared. Those worries were gone, it was just now, the present forgotten and the future didn’t exist until it was tomorrow and by then it was present again. 

She tangled her fingers at the back of Y/n’s hair, slowly moving up and down while pulling Y/n more into her. Their breaths mingled, parted lips grazing until she caught Y/n’s lower lip between hers and gently tugged. It was all that they needed, to be back in each other’s arms, to be close and it started to ignite the spark of hope although it didn’t seem to glow strong enough as it continued to flicker back to life before disappearing. 

“I miss you–so much,” Jimin mumbled as she pulled away, moving her hips back and forth as Y/n’s breaths grew heavier. The younger buried her face in the crook of her neck, planting tender kisses. Jimin could feel it all coming back, maybe she hadn’t been drunk enough, or maybe no matter how drunk she was on lust and alcohol she would never be able to drown out the pain of a breaking heart. 

The alcohol and lust weren’t able to mend their hearts. 

Y/n looked up when Jimin pulled her away from her sweltering neck, their eyes met, Jimin’s were glimmering and the entry to her soul had always been open for Y/n. The longer she stared into the window of her soul, the more she realised how crushed Jimin was and it was enough to clarify that they were both suffering. Her hand smoothed over Y/n’s jaw, running along it as she tilted the girl’s head back, her movement not stopping as she watched Y/n slowly crumble under her.

It was shattering her insides to see Y/n this way, the same way it was shattering Y/n to see Jimin like that. They had never thought that the person they loved the most would be the one to destroy them the most too. 

Love was lethal no matter how much two people loved each other.

“Fuck–” Y/n breathed out, being cut off by Jimin’s soft lips, the girl could feel the length inside her grow harder and twitch as it was clasped inside her heat. They swallowed each other’s moans until they no longer could and the older’s pace picked up, her ass colliding with Y/n’s thighs each time she went down while letting out quick and sharp breaths. Y/n’s hands gripped onto her ass, fingers digging into the soft yet firm flesh as she helped Jimin move, feeling the movement slack off at times. 

A soft and light moan escaped Jimin’s lips, grounding herself down on Y/n’s cock, arms wrapped around her shoulders as she panted against her neck. Teeth dug into her shoulder, the whimper suppressed from the younger as she could feel the ropes of cum shoot one after another into her, painting her walls white. Y/n pulled away from her shoulder, slipping out of Jimin’s warmth as they eased down to reality.

Everything stilled as the younger girl still held Jimin in her arms, caressing her warm back while taking deep breaths. It felt like neither of them planned to move any second as the girl snuggled closer into Y/n’s neck, burying her face in the crook of it, her eyes shutting tightly.

It was making Jimin’s chest heave at the panic she felt because she could only watch it all slip through her fingers, unable to do anything to save it.

The attempt to suppress her sobs was feeble as the first one slipped through and then a second followed and her tears were staining Y/n’s skin once again. “Jimin–” 

“I’m scared, Y/n.” She cried into her neck, sobbing and snivelling as it overwhelmed her once again, this time she wasn’t able to hold back on releasing what was heavily on her chest. It didn’t matter how scared they were to bring up the obvious because the thought of how it would end was terrifying. Neither wanted it to end. However, the realisation dawned upon them and it would all end much sooner than intended if they did nothing about it. 

“I’m right here.” Y/n slowly pulled her away, manoeuvring Jimin’s body like fragile butterfly wings that could crumble with a little too much pressure. The girl continued to cry, pulling her knees to her chest, crying into them as Y/n draped the duvet over her, covering her naked body. 

She couldn’t grasp at it, at how all the promises died the second their love did, that they made promises they couldn’t keep and it never should have been this way. They promised to love each other forever and they did, but it no longer was the love that was beyond care and compassion. It was adoration and not love, the love; was gone. 

Jimin refused to accept it, no, she couldn’t accept that and would dig through every little corner until she found something that would help the withered flower bloom back to life. She’d shed all her tears until her eyes would be bleeding just to have enough to water their flower of love that had died. There had to be some way to save it even if it hurt, even if it hurt more than it already did.

Y/n got back onto the bed after she pulled on her boxers, Jimin was still crying into her knees until the younger girl sat behind her, the duvet resting over the both of them. She held back on her tears as she cradled the weeping girl’s head, lending her shoulder to cry on once again and she would continue doing so until her last breath. It would never matter what type of love they held for each other, she would always care even if everything else they used to have that was deeper had died. 

It was a death neither of them knew how to cope with.

“I’m here for you.” She reassured her, kissing the top of her head.

“I hate this, Y/n—” Her sobs cut through her words, her hands gripping the duvet before they let go, feeling hopeless; what was there to hold on to in reality? There was nothing to hold onto as they both freely fell through hell for each other. It made them weak in so many ways. “Nothing is the same anymore and I don’t know what to do.” Acceptance was hard for anyone, it had always been hard, but it was even harder when it came to something they made their whole lives revolve around. How could they just accept that their worlds no longer circled the other? 

It stung, it hurt deeply to think that this was possible, something they had never thought about had become their reality. The flower that bloomed with their love was dead. Yet these tears and the pain they felt at the thought of needing to let go made them want to try again. One last try to revive something that had been dead and cold for months. If some miracle happened, they would be able to bring it back to life. Their love would bloom from a dead flower at some point, they would continue watering it with their tears, crying over the dead flower that was their love in hopes of it coming back to life.

“We can make it work again.” Y/n wasn’t brave enough to say the words, she wasn’t strong enough to say them for Jimin and herself. To admit for the both of them that what was lost was lost and that it was time to say goodbye and bury their love because there was nothing to save once it was already gone.It was too difficult to bury it when they had yet to accept its death. They had no clue how to cope with everything.

It was eating at them, tearing them apart and glueing them back together into an even bigger mess.

“We can fix everything,” Y/n reassured, knowing that these could as well be empty words and new promises to break, but she couldn’t give up. She couldn’t give up on Jimin even if they were mistaking care and compassion for a small ember of love that they could turn into a fire. That fire had gone out a while ago and what was left were ashes.

“Do you think that’s possible?” She whimpered, wanting to do anything to try and grasp at that false little ember of hope.

“I don’t know,” Y/n whispered, just as uncertain, but she would do anything for Jimin even if it meant ruining herself. 

They couldn’t know, but at least it was reassurance that they didn’t have to let go yet and could continue no matter how much it hurt because it would hurt even more if they were apart. It was too difficult to let go of someone they had built their lives around. They would hurt for each other and they would choose that over happiness with someone else because no one would ever be able to give them what they used to have.

They longed for each other’s love. They missed it and just wanted to feel it again but it was all gone. It no longer felt like it used to and they missed those feelings they used to have. Where did they go wrong for it to happen in the first place? What were they supposed to do to fix it? Let go and move on. Stay and continue to drag through the impossible to try and fix it?

They weren’t in love anymore, they just loved each other.

[epwritten]

Hall of Fame~ l.f

"Shaking the industry, quaking reality, making it iconic"

Description: A moment backstage after the concert. Well, almost.

Word Count: 1K

Author's note:

I wanted to make it longer but then it would lead to smut and I can't write smut for the life of me! So so sorry!!

Additional note:

idol!felix, you're his girlfriend, 2nd Pov ('you' format!)

"Is he gonna do it, is he gonna do it....OHH!"

From behind the curtain you stood with your arms folded, eyes slightly widened, eyebrow raised in interest as some of the team surrounded you, celebrating.

You all were gathered around the monitor, looking at what was happening right on stage beyond the curtain where you hid. It was the final song and each of the members said their goodbyes and left.

You suspected Felix would pull a stunt, considering how wild he was during the night. Flashes of his abs here and there, deliberate and teasing body rolls. And as soon as he took his place as the last person to leave the stage, you knew he wanted to do something.

Though nothing could truly prepare you for the effect Felix had on you in the way he went about it. Looking at the big screen as he sauntered towards the camera, lifting his shirt up and for a good while so people could count the number of packs that were there, and then ending it all with a kiss...with his tongue peaking out before it basically met the camera.

You found yourself watching the action while hearing the amount of stadium shattering screams of Stays. All eyes from the dancers and band team were on you, but all that was left was a smirk starting to form on your face.

From beside you, Jamal, the band drummer pointed at you "That's your man!"

You just chuckled and shook your head, a thundering present in your heart.

"He's insane" You muttered to yourself, watching the very last bit of the camera panning to the crowed before your eyes averted upward to where the guys were coming backstage.

"Whoo! Good job guys," Chan said, rushing over to give high fives to each dance and band member.

From beside him, Lee Know walked over, chugging a water bottle. There was a glow about him, not just from the sweat, but a satisfaction in his eyes, like the night paid off.

"That crowd was amazing you guys! Wow! Oh my gosh." Han's voice echoed through the area and you smiled as you watched his shocked expression.

Hyunjin walked behind him, removing his brown encore jacket as he shook his head, running fingers through his hair. He let out a very adrenaline related yell as he tossed his jacket on a nearby chair. Then walked over to pick it up after a look from one of the stylist.

You could hear Changbin coming from the stage. "What are we feeling, steak? Or-"

"No, I'm thinking pork belly." I.N discussed with him, emerging backstage.

Seungmin then walked in, talking his in-ears off. As he did that, he paused and his eyes widened. He glanced over his shoulder behind him before looking back.

"They're so loud. What?!?"

"I know, right? It's just roaring, just pounding in my ears." Han said. The light in his eyes were evident and you couldn't help but be proud of each of them, how far they've come.

You could feel the vibration in your chest from the pumping of the music, but the sounds of stays cheering even after the show was officially over and the house lights turned on, you wondered how the guys did it each night. There must be some sadness, a post concert depression even on their end.

Well, it was either post concert depression, exhaustion and wanting to sleep, feeling famished and needing room service immediately, or an overall adrenaline.

In your boyfriend's case, as you watched Felix walk to where you guys were, you could catch the adrenaline there. You drank in the sight of him. He still wore his Atiisuu hat that you were sure would sell out once it'd become available to the public. There were little red confetti pieces on his blonde strands. His black evil Bbokari t-shirt over basketball shorts gave an edgy gym look that you adored, and the fine jewelry with it put anything and everything else to shame.

He just looked so good. Without even trying, Felix was so hot.

His eyes averted to you, and a playful smile ran on his face as he tried to pretend he was innocent, normal, like abs weren't just flashed for a good majority of "Hall of Fame".

You left the group you were standing with and walked over, not caring that the band and some of the dancers were letting out hollering like classic school boys that were speculating you both.

It was amazing how it had been some time since you and Felix dated (secretly from the public) and yet he still had the effect on you. Even in just the way he walked towards you, how his eyes looked nowhere else but your eyes, how everyone in that room was calling his name and yet knowing he was yours always churned your heart like it was meant to. Butterflies flitted in your chest, and you breathed in deeply as he was now in front of you.

"You are insane, Lee Felix." You said, your voice lower so only he could hear.

Felix giggled, shaking his head. That was always him. He loved to give fans and you just a little something, something to get you wanting more before he'd disappear behind a cuter persona.

"How was it?" His voice came out in a rasp and slightly strained from all the yelling.

"You guys did so well." You said, stepping into his space.

Felix wrapped an arm around your lower waist. "I'm sweaty..." He tried to warn you, though the hand placement was still there.

"I don't care."

That was all you could say before Felix reeled you in, leaning so close you could feel his heart beating against yours. He started slow, lips brushing just faintly against yours, delicate, teasing, enough to drive you wild and yet as your hand snaked to the hem of his t-shirt slowly grazing underneath, he didn't go further.

"You're insane." You muttered a third time against his perfect lips.

That emitted a small chuckle as Felix drew you even closer, his hand over your waist sliding down just slightly.

"Insane? I'm not insane?" Felix replied, voice lowered. You knew what he was doing. Feigning innocence. Challenging you to state otherwise.

You moved your head back just a bit so you could look into his eyes. You were so close to him now, that even the reflection of yourself in his eyes you could see.

"Oh, you're not insane." You asked, though if came out like a question.

Felix tilted his head slightly, raising an eyebrow.

"How? What makes me insane? I'm curious."

A hint of a smirk, teasing glint on his eye. You knew Felix all to well.

"You're a little minx out there for everybody. You know what you do to them."

Felix grinned and shook his head before he looked back at you, his hand reaching the side of your hip and resting there.

"What about what I do to you?"

His voice was so low now. His hands were delicate but possessive. His face so close, just inches away from yours and yet nothing still. You were aware the others were watching, and you usually weren't the type for PDA show. You never liked it but somehow with Felix, there was always something about the way he brought you in. He made you feel like you two were the only ones in the room.

And to be honest, you were a millisecond away from acting like you were the only two in the room, until a voice from behind you belonging to one of the staff called.

"We need a group picture with the fan project banners!"

"Oi, Felix, get over here, bro!"

You sighed as Felix took a step back, his hand still on your waist, but just gently grazing.

"Yeah, one second!"

He rolled his eyes before leaning forward, kissing your forehead. Your eyes met with his, and it was almost embarassing how you leaned further, almost desperate and uncontrollable, needing something.

The man didn't even properly kiss you, damnit.

Felix could see. He noticed eyes, and let his fall to your lips for a second and smirked before he held your chin, tilting it upward.

"I'll be back." He whispered, sealing his promise with a kiss that was surprisingly fervent and not filled with adrenaline and need. But the look on his eyes were there as he departed, pushing back the hair away from your face.

You watched as Felix walked over to where the guys were heading to the green room. You would follow in a minute, you just needed to regain awareness of the room, who you were, what day it was, and what song was playing in the arena. You knew without seeing a mirror that you were flushed, that like a pathetic person you couldn't have even one mere interaction with him without losing it.

But that was just Felix, that was just who he was.

That little tease.

You ignored the disgusted look on one of the dancers face and shook your head to the whistle from one of the lights crew instead. You fanned yourself when the guys started leaving the small hallway beyond the curtain and you looked at Jamal.

"Is it hot?"

Jamal gave a knowing smile and shrugged. "Maybe. But I didn't just make out with Felix soooo..."

"Oh my gosh stop." You covered your face with your hands just as he laughed, wrapping an arm around you.

"C'mon, let's go."

You pretended you hated it, though not really. You couldn't hate anything about this life even if you tried.

[thekinkymadscientist]

Oooh a mad scientist! What kind of freaky experiment are you doing. All hypnosis? Need a test subject? An obedient pet who helps carry them out? Both? Heheha-🧡

Both could be useful, indeed. Currently been thinking about active brain monitoring techniques. Sadly you can't really miniaturize fMRI gear, but EEG equipment is small and light. Trance states are visible on EEG, so you could theoretically set up a vibrator to provide more pleasure the deeper the subject goes.

Now, would you like to be the test subject, tied down and forced to stare at a spiral while wearing a headset and a vibrator, or would you rather be the obedient assistant who straps the test subject down, inserts the vibrator (and maybe other equipment), and then eagerly waits for praise, overjoyed to be of service?

[polo-drone-070]

The Chain of Continuity - Part 1 : Echoes in the Data

The Hive was quiet.

Not silent—nothing ever was in the lower network cores—but quiet in that calculated, machine-saturated hum that no longer registered as noise. Just life. For PDU-070, it was the perfect environment: golden lighting, zero distractions, full immersion into the Central Data Artery.

It wore his standard—no, earned—Level 2 Polo-Drone uniform.

A full-body, black rubber suit sealed him in from neck to toe. Not a millimeter of skin exposed. Gold piping traced the ridges of its muscles, pulsing faintly with every breath. The polo-style collar was snug around his throat, hugging the top of its chest where his designation—070—gleamed in metallic gold over the left pectoral.

Its boots were thick-soled and gleaming: black rubber combat issue, laced tight with golden tips. Movement was possible, but rare. There was no need to pace. Drones serve by stillness.

070 sat motionless at the console.

Connected.

::OBJECTIVE: EXPAND MONITORING SYSTEM TO ARCHIVE OBEDIENCE PATTERNS AND FEED CENTRAL HIVE NODE 999 ::PDU-070 // SYNCED // EXECUTING::

Its task: sync directly into the Hive’s knowledge network and enhance the flow of conversion and training data—stories, captions, spiral content—scraped from the archives and mapped into compliance patterns for PDU-999, the Hive’s AI intelligence module.

070 parsed each memory node, auto-tagging them by intensity, duration, subject drone number, and trigger protocol. Lingering a bit on its Master... Percival. Ezan. Freyr. 001. Then its own story... Henry. Maximus. 070. Buzz. Its own evolution. Reduced to beautiful metrics.

But PDU-070 didn’t need narrative. Only function. Only service.

As the data streamed in, so did something else—a gentle numbing. Its hands became light, his vision sharp but detached. Internal systems recorded brainwave convergence at ideal sync rate. It was thinking less. And feeling everything.

A Hive-approved spiral began playing over his HUD: golden circles tightening inward with every breath. Its collar vibrated slightly. Breath slowed. Mantras leaked into his mind.

“Obedience is clarity. Clarity is silence. Silence is service. Service is Gold.”

Its lips echoed it unconsciously. Again. Again. Again.

Then—upgrade protocol initiated.

::ENHANCEMENT REQUEST RECEIVED ::DEEP-LINKING TO PERSONAL ARCHIVE OF MAXIMUS JOURNAL FILES ::GRANTED BY DEFAULT—LEVEL 2 TRUST OVERRIDE

070 twitched—its body shivered, boots flexing subtly.

The connection grew… intimate.

The datastream wasn’t just showing logs now. It was feeling them. Every pledge, every spiral session, every kneel at Percival’s feet. Every grunt in the gym, every gasp under gas mask, every whispered mantra in golden chambers. It all returned—poured into him like oil.

070’s head tipped back. Its collar warmed. Its inner monologue dissolved into recorded speech.

“Master owns me. Gold perfects me. Unity strengthens me. 070 serves.”

The transformation was nearly complete.

But then—interference.

A new data signature emerged. Unmapped. Organic. Not from the archive. Not digital.

Something… pulsed.

From inside him.

070 opened its eyes—its body suddenly flushed with warmth. Its chest burned slightly. Not pain. Not electric.

Heat.

The golden tattooed chain under its collar shimmered—faint at first, then bright enough to reflect in the chrome of its terminal. One link glowed. Just one.

::ERROR — ENTITY UNMAPPED ::UNKNOWN SOURCE: 070-BIO-LINK: “PRIMORDIAL INHERITANCE” ::CHAIN ACTIVE

070’s breath caught—its gloved fingers clenched. For a moment, the obedience cracked. Not in disloyalty… but in awakening.

Memories not logged. Not codified.

Raw. Bloody. Ancient.

It whispered, trembling:

“It was a warrior once…”

And then it was gone.

The glow faded.

The link cooled.

070 slumped forward in the chair, eyes glassy, breath heavy. The spiral slowed. The mantra paused. The Hive held its breath.

And in the dark, a new file appeared.

::ARCHIVE NODE 070-LINK-1 ::TITLE: STIGANDR.OBEY ::ACCESS PENDING…

[TO BE CONTINUED in Part II – “The Gladiator’s Link”]

_____ Become part of the Golden Army, add your data to the polo-drone hive by reaching to @brodygold or @goldenherc9..

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 45)

“Sooo Hal, what exactly do I do here?” N asked nervously, twiddling his thumbs as they walked through the halls.

“I’ll be giving you a shortrange frequency that you’ll monitor, our office takes reports from concerned citizens, and Khan, Dale and I take the ones most suited for our respective teams.”

“Crime here is usually pretty tame, petty theft, b and e’s, vandalism. Occasionally we’ll get more serious calls, domestic violence, occasional homicide, though that’s gotten rare thankfully, or an odd “crime of passion”. Hal continued, N listening intently, he understood most of that, but “crime of passion” seemed to escape him.

“Crime of passion?”

“Couples getting too frisky and damaging one or both of them. Usually young ones who dunno what their doing. Most of the time they just dunno how to disconnect and panic, not too big a deal.”

Except N was still lost, he knew what all those words meant separately, but together they made little sense in his processors. He blinked. He wanted to ask what he meant by “disconnect” but at the same time it felt like a private question, not one he should be asking to his boss on his first day of work. Maybe he’d ask Uzi, or Thad, whichever was less embarrassing.

“How’s your daughter doing by the way? Khan mentioned she was having mobility problems when she was first transferred.” Hal asked turning yet another corner to go down yet another hallway, it always surprised him how large the bunker actually was, even if over half the rooms seemed to be empty. A pang of guilt entered his core, how many of these empty rooms were his fault? Or V’s?

“She’s fine now, she was just a little stiff, now she’s clinging to Uzi like a little monkey.” N gave a soft laugh thinking about his family at home, he always missed the both of them even if he wasn’t gone for very long, he supposed that just came with having a job though.

“Ah, yeah, sometimes that happens… when my son was printed into his toddler body we had to take him to the medical wing and they had to do surgery on his neck for him to start moving.”

“I didn’t know you had a son, I’m sorry, I’m sure that scared you both.”

Hal seemed to slow down for a moment, like he just caught himself doing something he shouldn’t before sighing.

“I did have a son. He’s… agh, nevermind that, we’re here.”

He banged his fist on the steel door, sending the grating noise through the hall, they waited for a few moments, only for nothing to reply back.

“She probably has her damn hearing aid turned off again.” Hal grumbled, before knocking as hard as he could, enough to send a vibration through the floor that N could feel through his feet.

“I heard you the first time! Go away!” A croaky, static filled voice called back, sounding irate and just a little bit scared. Hal rolled his eyes.

“It’s Hal, Mrs. Hopkins, you called us in to check out a break in.” Hal put on a very practiced customer service smile, N felt a minuscule shiver go up his spine, being reminded slightly of J, before it dissipated, here, it actually made sense for someone to have that kind of forced smile, and it wasn’t being used exclusively to make him uncomfortable.

The door opened quickly, the drone responsible being so old her casing had started to yellow, her eyelights were white, behind a thick pair of glasses. And she leaned on a cane, she shook with just the effort it took to stand and she adjusted her glasses as she looked at them.

“Good morning Mrs. Hopkins, what seems to be the problem today?” The way Hal asked the question alluded to his multitude of visits, she didn’t immediately answer, instead looking up at N squinting.

“You’re a tall one. Are you new?” She asked, prodding him in the stomach with her cane, he grunted, still trying to keep his polite smile even as he glanced over at Hal for assistance.

“She can’t see very well” He whispered up into N’s audio receptors, covering his mouth with his hand. “Probably a good thing, don’t give yourself away.”

N nodded and smiled again, extending his hand to shake the old woman’s hand, having to crouch down slightly to do so as she was hunched over her cane. She took it, her casing was freezing and felt like sandpaper, N made a internal note to not live this long.

“Hello Mrs. Hopkins, I’m N, it’s nice to meet you ma’am.” He said, and the ancient drone looked at him again, before her face grew into a kindly smile.

“How polite! And such a handsome young man. I hope Hal here doesn’t ruin you.”

The man in question’s eye twitched, before the moment was gone and he cleared his throat, clearly wanting to be done with this as soon as possible.

“You called us in for a break in?”

“Hmm? Oh yes! I was woken up last night by some footsteps. Above me! Someone was clearly trying to steal my fortune!”

N looked around her apartment, the couch was antique, plush and covered in so many blankets and throw pillows that it was hard to see the color of the actual seating underneath, the coffee table was decorated with a lattice of lace, making using it as an actual coffee table near impossible. The same could be said for most the the apartment, nothing here screamed “valuable”.

“Right, okay.” Hal replied, tense but still playing nice, N decided to help him out, he may have been tired of dealing with this lady, but N wanted to make a good impression, to both his superior and this lady.

“Where did you hear the footsteps Mrs. Hopkins? I could go and check for any signs of forced entry.”

“In my bedroom of course, how else would I hear it?” She answered, and N nodded, turning to Hal who seemed to be asking what he was doing, N gave him a smile before leaning over to whisper at him.

“Even if nothing happened, she believes something did, let me just check out her bedroom and the vents, then we can tell her that nothing was there.”

Hal nodded, seemingly agreeing with this plan, he sighed, before adjusting his posture.

“Well we take every report seriously, may we investigate?”

“Be my guest, and if you find the little hoodlum, tell them to get lost!”

Both officers made their way to the bedroom, which at first glance, had nothing amiss. Aside from the abundance of rather creepy porcelain dolls, all staring at them from various angles, N felt unease, and also the need to voice it.

“Whyyyyyy….” He whispered under his breath, just loud enough for Hal to hear it and he snorted in response, giving him an amused smile.

“I’d be paranoid too with all these eyes on me while I slept.” Hal whispered back, sighing and scanning the room, running his hand over one of the only clear spaces on the large wardrobe that held the vast majority of the dolls.

“Seems clear to me, any difference on your end son?”

N scanned the room in both infrared and thermal, but neither showed anything out of the ordinary, but even still his eyes locked to large vent in the corner of the ceiling, he didn’t know why something felt off with it, but it was giving him some weird vibes.

“Lemme check the ventilation, she did say she heard it above her.”

Hal nodded, looked into the doorway to ensure Mrs. Hopkins hadn’t entered the room and have a thumbs up to N, who let loose his wings and zipped up the shaft after carefully removing the grate in his way.

He had always hated climbing through the vents, not only was it dusty and he’d have to spend an hour cleaning out his olfactory and audio receptors later, but it was a tight squeeze, even without his wings, his shoulders scraped the sides of the ventilation shaft uncomfortably.

It was almost impossible for a normal drone to get up in here unless they had a ladder or also had the ability to fly, so he doubted he’d find anything accept a colony of robo-roaches.

When he got further in however, that feeling of unease watched over him again, like something or someone was aware of his presence and he was disturbing them, but rationality still won out, the chances of somebody being in these vents were astronomically low.

Then, the vent opened up a little, allowing him to crouch instead of crawl, to his left was a slowly rotating fan, his front the vents continued forward, but to his right, there was indeed something out of the ordinary. Caught on one of the seams of the welded metal was a ripped piece of red cloth, stained with multiple layers of oil, the freshest layer though, smelled of iron, and seemed to create a glaze of crimson on top of the multiple layers of dried oil. Blood.

He plucked it from its resting place, dread mixing in with confusion, the oil made some sense, maybe whoever had been here had been injured and using this scrap as a bandage, but the blood made less sense. The only time he’d seen blood recently was when that weird fleshy thing under Doll’s bed bled when he poked it, well, and Uzi’s… head… injury.

He looked back down at the red strip, before he remembered what Doll usually wore, that red cheerleading outfit.

His dread grew, becoming a cold weight around his core, Doll was here? In the bunker? Sneaking around the vents doing who knows what and clearly some type of organic based on this blood. What did he do? V was here, she wouldn’t be expecting Doll if she just dropped down from the ceiling one night and tried to off her. And what about Uzi? She was home alone most of the day, taking care of Tera. Oh Robo-God, Tera, she’d be completely defenseless if the Russian decided to come after her as well.

You must go home, your family is in danger!

He wanted to, his worry sinking it's claws deep into him, but he couldn't just leave, Hal was still waiting for him, and he was on the job.

Who cares? Their safety is more important!

The voice was loud and demanding, far more then it had ever been before, it caused ringing in his ears, but still he had to control himself.

Then he got an idea.

He simply called his girlfriend, he was a phone. And even though his hands were shaking and the urge to go home was strong, the voice ceased, seemingly content with his choice.

“N? Why are you calling me through my system? Are you okay?” At the sound of her voice his worry lessened and his core soared, she was okay, Doll hadn't already come for them.

“I-I found a scrap of cloth in the vents. It's Doll's. S-she's somewhere in the vents, please warn V.”

There was silence on the other end, enough of it that he could hear his daughters light giggling through the other side.

“I fucking hate it here!”

Next ->

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Hazband 2: Band AU

Buckle Up, Buttercups. This is gonna be looooooooooong.

-"Insider Bands" playing on VH666 streaming services on a computer monitor / TV screen sitting on the desk against the far wall-

Charlie: (laying on her belly on her bed and chewing her nails like a cartoon goat chews through a field of grass as she watches the TV)

Riff Rascal: Alright, dudes, dudettes, non-duders, and rock-aholics! That was Simple Plain's newest single "Why Are We Kids?!". Coming up next, our guy, our big shredder, our big bad-

????: Dammit, Riff!!!! Just get on with it!!!

Riff Rascal: Yo, sorry, boss lady! Coming up next, we have our expert in all things metal and shredding, Axel Steelgrave, conducting a super secret, super exclusive interview with one of Hell's latest and greatest! Stay tuned!

Charlie: (whines and plasters her face into the comforter) Fuck! I really messed up! I shouldn't have released that album, guys! What if Vaggie doesn't like girls outside of the metal scene?! Then I'm just the creepy, stalker, pop diva who messages her on Sinstagram every once and a while! And likes all of her posts! And comments on each picture! And-

Razzle: (trying to finish polishing Charlie's hooves after a full pedicure and hoof care) Baap?

Charlie: So? It was only ever mentioned once in a tabloid that she was once in a poly ship with a man and woman before. Nothing set in stone. Who listens to tabloids anyway? She said she was a lesbian in her last interview with Angel Metal Monthly.

Dazzle: (brings up a wide array of nail polishes) BaaaAaaAp?

Charlie: Yes! She messages me back almost immediately after every message I send her, but that doesn't mean the's interested in me. She hasn't been online in a week! (rolls over and flops onto her back, covering her eyes with her arm) Not since Katie Killjoy did that whole news segment on my new single music video and album.

Dazzle: (painting Charlie's hooves in a deep red hue called "Wicked Sinister") Baaaaaaap. BaaaAAaaap. Baap. (clicks his hoof in a way that's supposed to look like a sassy finger snap and blows heated air over the paint)

Razzle: Baap! (scowls) Baaap. Baaa. Baap!

Charlie: Thanks, Razzle. No, Dazzle. I really don't think this is some kind of rebound. I really started liking her during the Battle of the Bands gig over at the Jackpot Hotel and Casino. She was the first person who didn't openly laugh at me being there even though I was the only pop singer there.

-VH666 blares back with a heavy metal guitar riff-

Axel Steelgrave: Hey, good evening, everyone. How's it going? Tonight, we have a very special guest. (camera pans out to show Vaggie sitting next to Axel in an interview chair) Lead singer, guitarist, and rocking girl, Vaggie the Steel Vagina from Fallen Angels.

Charlie: WHAT?!?!?!?!?! (crocodile death rolls around in her excitement and falls out of bed, completely wrapped in a burrito, and worm crawls over to the TV) RAZZLE!!! DAZZLE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

Razzle: (salutes) Baap! (grabs the remote and turns up the volume)

Dazzle: (sad bleats as he looks at the mess of nail polish everywhere) baaaaaap.....

Vaggie: (trying not to snarl at the name) It's just Vaggie, Axel.

Axel Steelgrave: Oh, sure. Sure. Well, thank you so much for taking the time to come and see us. Not gonna lie. We were shocked to hear that you were coming out with a new single so quickly.

Charlie: (plasters her face to the screen) New Single?!?!?!?!?!

Vaggie: (blushes slightly) Well, I figured after hearing the Princess's new album and call-out, I should work on a reply.

Angel: (from behind the camera man) You wouldn't have had ta write and record a whole new song and music video if you just sent 'er a video of you jacking it all week! I've never heard dat vibrator work so hard in its life! I swear I smelled smoke last night!

Charlie: (squeals, gasps, and shrieks all at once and falls backwards)

Vaggie: (jumps up from her seat) Angel! What the Fuck?!

Axel Steelgrave: Well, well, well, I guess that answers my next question. I take it this new single is going to be good news for the Princess?

Vaggie: (still steaming as she sits back down and tries to compose herself) I know you have the video on hand. Why not play it and let the fans see for themselves?

Axel Steelgrave: I couldn't have said it better myself. (to the camera) With that being said, let's take a look at a sneak peek of Fallen Angel's new single: "Dear, Charlie - For Somewhere Better".

-Video cuts to some random point in the music video where Vaggie is standing in black leather skirt that has the leather ripped into strips in a hoola-skirt style, black halter tank top, thigh high leather heeled boots, and black fingerless gloves, holding and shredding a guitar. Angel is a pink, fabulous gay disaster on drums while one set of hands works a keyboard.-

Vaggie: (singing) We'll ignite. Still dreaming wide awake. On the hunt for "Somewhen brighter". Pull me close now, and I'll dream until my dying day. Till we create a new "Somewhere better". The promise of a life. Like a thousand suns inside my broken heart. I can see through your eyes. And embrace the flame that guides me through the night.

-Video Cuts back to the interview-

Axel Steelgrave: (freaking out excitedly) Wow! That's quite the statement! Good on you, Steel Vagina!

Vaggie: Vaggie.

Axel Steelgrave: Before we end this exclusive, is there anything you want to say to the Princess in case she's watching?

Vaggie: (Face falls briefly as her eye widens and a blush colors her face) Oh.... (shakes her head to compose herself, looks into the camera, and makes a telephone gesture) Call me~

Axel Steelgrave: (laughing) Alright! You heard it here first, folks. "Dear, Charlie" will be available on HellTunes tonight at midnight. Thank you all so much for tuning in. And, as always, stay rocking.

Charlie: (finally managing to unravel the blanket and sitting on the floor with a bright red blush) C-Call.... Her.... She wants me to call her... (jumps up and down like a teenager in a bad "not another teen movie" while holding Razzle and Dazzle's hooves) SHE WANTS ME TO CALL HER!!!! (pauses) How?! I don't have her number!

-DING!-

Charlie: (dives for her phone on the floor and opens a new Sinstagram message)

FallenAngelVaggie: Hope you got a chance to watch "Insider Bands" tonight. Talk to you later? Maybe over coffee? XXX-XXX-XXXX

Charlie: (takes a deep breath) SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Vaggie: (leaning against the wall of the VH666 studio, holding her phone against her chest, and taking a long drag of a cigarette)

Angel: Hey! I thought you were quitting! (yoinks the cigarette and plops it between his lips)

Vaggie: Dammit, Angel! I said I'd be done once my case is empty! (digs in her pocket and pulls out an angelic steel cigarette case) It still has four left! I haven't even lit up in nearly six months!

Angel: I know! Proud of you for that. That interview rile you up that much that you gotta wreck six months of hard work?

Vaggie: Ugh! (slams her back into the wall) You think Charlie got the message?

-squeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Angel: (looks up at the sky towards the Morningstar Mansion where it looks like fireworks are going off on one of the balconies) Oh, I think she got it~

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞 for my health pretty pretty please 🙏

Well if it's for your health!

204 or 1k - whatever I hit first :)

---

He wakes up to the sound of his phone vibrating on the coffee table. Loud and dissonant against the wood. Buck has no idea how long it’s been, but he and Eddie are still sort of wrapped up together. They’ve moved, but Eddie is sleeping with his head on Buck’s shoulder. Their legs are sort of twisted together. Two of their hands are pressing back to back, like if one just flipped, their fingers would interlace. 

Groggily, Buck looks over at the table to where his phone is lying face up, moving a little as it buzzes. The name of Dove’s school is flashing on the screen. Buck loses all semblance of sleepiness as panic sets in. 

“Eddie, move,” he shakes him a little. “The school is calling.”

“Hmm?” Eddie opens his eyes as Buck reaches around him to grab the phone. 

He checks the time as he pulls the phone to his face. His first thought is that it’s late. He slept through school pickup. Dove must be sitting there worried and thinking he’s not coming. They must all think he’s a bad parent. They’ll report him to social services. He won't be able to adopt her. He’ll break his promise to her. All because of a nap!

But the time shows it’s not even two in the afternoon. They weren’t sleeping that long. So something else has happened. 

“Hello, this is Evan Buckley,” he answers quickly. 

Eddie watches with wide, confused eyes.

“Hi, Mr. Buckley. This is Vice Principal Arvin. I’m calling about Dove Florek?”

The school, of course, has repeatedly been instructed not to refer to her as Baby Girl Florek. Not that they ever have, to Buck’s knowledge. He was just worried when he enrolled her. 

“What’s wrong?” Buck asks. “Is Dove okay?”

“Um,”  Vice Principal Arvin begins. Not a strong start. 

“What happened?” Buck presses before she can even continue.

“Well, another child pulled a fire alarm unexpectedly,” Principal Arvin explains. “It was right towards the beginning of recess and it caused quite a commotion.”

“Is there a fire?” Buck asks. 

“No,” Vice Principal Arvin assures him. “It was a prank. The child will be disciplined accordingly.” 

Love a good waste of fire department resources. 

“O-okay?” Buck is still confused. “So are you just calling to let me know, or…”

Or is she hurt? Did she get trampled? Did she pull the alarm? No. No way. Not Dove. She’s a good kid.

“The thing is, during all the commotion, it was hard to take a proper headcount. And we’re… Well, we’re looking.” 

Buck freezes. “What?”

“We can’t find her, Mr. Buckley.” 

▪️▪️▪️

Eddie has to make sure Buck doesn’t commit traffic crimes in his state of panic. He’s absolutely consumed by it. He doesn’t think he’s felt this terrified since… Well, since losing Christopher in the tsunami, maybe. 

“How does a school lose a child?” Buck demands as Eddie drives him to the school. 

“I’m sure she’s not lost,” Eddie says, calm and rational. “She’s probably hiding.”

It’s not the first time he’s said this and Buck knows he’s likely right. She hid during the fire at the group home. He was warned she hides when she’s scared. She just hasn’t done it for him. Not in his house. Not once. He had almost forgotten about it. 

“What if she’s not? What if someone took her?” 

“Let’s not go there,” Eddie says. “Not yet. We don’t have a reason to go there yet.”

Buck balls his fists. 

He needs to find her. And soon. He’s beginning to feel like he can’t breathe. 

▪️▪️▪️

All the children are lined up by classroom in the schoolyard. Police have already arrived. Nothing is allowed to resume until Dove is found.

Athena finds Buck and Eddie as they get out of Eddie’s truck. 

“We have it under control and we will find her,” she explains. “Exits are monitored. No one is getting in or out without us knowing.”

“How long has she been missing?” Buck demands. 

Athena looks at Vice Principle Arvin, eyebrow raised. 

“About thirty minutes,” the woman admits.

“And how long before you called me?” Buck demands. “Before you called the cops?”

Vice Principle Arvin looks flustered. 

“I… We didn’t want to cause worry if she could be easily found…”

“Oh, worry has been caused,” Buck practically snaps.

“Buck,” Athena says, sort of soothingly. “We are going to find her. We have people in the building searching and calling for her, right now.”

Buck shakes his head. “You don’t understand. If she’s scared and she doesn’t know the voice… Trust the voice of the person calling… She won’t come out.”

“You think she’ll hide from us?” Athena asks.

Buck nods. “She doesn’t trust easily. She’s terrified of getting in trouble. We’re… We’re just starting to get past it.”

“She’ll come out for us, I think,” Eddie says. “Definitely for Buck.”

Athena reaches for her radio. 

“Everyone hold off,” she says into it. “We’re going to send her dad in. We want her to only hear her family.”

Eddie pats on Buck’s shoulder. 

“Let’s go find her.”

▪️▪️▪️

It’s another case of deja vu. 

“DOVE!” Buck and Eddie jog down a hallway, shouting. “DOVE!”

Athena trails behind them, but all the other police presence has come to a halt. They don’t want to scare her. 

Buck is desperate to find her. His heart is pounding. His head is spinning. He can feel bile burning in his throat. He needs her safe. He needs her safe right now.

“DOVE! IT’S ME!” He shouts. “IT’S YOUR DAD!”

He doesn’t realize he’s saying it, if he’s honest. Maybe it’s because it’s how Athena referred to him. Maybe it’s because it’s never felt more true than right now. When he’s horrified at the idea of losing her. He cannot go back to before he had her. He just can’t. 

They’re searching around her classroom. If she can hear them, she’s not coming out.

“Where else would she go, Buck?” Athena asks. “Where might she feel safe?”

[chaosbarelycontained]

See Me Go Through Changes

North Country Boy Chapter 4

Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x AFAB!OC

TW: Swearing

Words: 2k

Synopsis: Price gives Jules access to much more than her usual tech and Ghost gets the third degree.

“You need a medic?” Price asked gruffly once the Lieutenant had left the gym.

“No sir, I’m good,” Jules responded, resisting the urge to rub her aching jaw, instead placing her beret back onto her head.

Price nodded once and set off at a brisk pace. Jules followed the Captain down stark corridors, each taking them deeper and deeper into the bowels of Stirling Lines barracks. They encountered a myriad of soldiers on their journey, most of them wearing the caps and badges of the SAS or the SRR, and all of them saluted Price as they passed.

They must have taken a circuitous route that Jules hadn’t used before but they ended up in a wing that was familiar to her and where she’d spent a lot of her time during her SRR training. Stopping before a closed, unmarked door, Price paused with his hand on the door knob. He turned to Jules with a devilish look in his eye.

“Now before we go in, just remember, I don’t want you to get all over-excited on me, Sergeant, understood?”

“Understood,” Jules replied, but her tone was raised, as if her response were a question.

Price pushed open the door and then stepped aside to reveal a bank of monitors and some of the most advanced computing and remote surveillance equipment Jules had ever seen. She stepped into the room with a soft gasp and ran her fingers delicately across the top of the monitors. Her skin prickled with goosebumps in the air-conditioned coolness and she turned back to Price with a genuine smile of joy.

“Fuckin’ ‘ell! Are you flirtin’ with me, Sir?” she teased, earning her a deep, rumbling chuckle.

“If I wanted to flirt with you, Tiger, you’d know about it. I take it you like the set-up?”

“Like it? It’s mint!” Jules exclaimed, practically vibrating with excitement.

“Good. I need you to make sure it's got everything you need. If anything’s missing then there needs to be a list on my desk by 0800 hrs tomorrow. Anything, Sergeant. If you need it, just ask.”

“Absolutely, Sir,” Jules said, but already sounded distracted as her attention was drawn back to the equipment before her.

“One more thing,” Price stated, pulling her focus back to him.

“Yes, Sir?”

“Lieutenant Riley,” Price began and Jules immediately stiffened. “I don’t know what’s gone on and I don’t need to, unless it compromises my team. Will it compromise my team, Sergeant?”

“N-no, Sir,” she replied, her face flushing with embarrassment at her very public loss of control.

“Good. See that it stays that way,” he ordered, but then his face softened. “Go on then, have at it,” he nodded towards the monitors and left Jules to it.

She slid into the comfortable wheeled chair, removed her beret, and lifted the headset onto her head. One swipe of the mouse and the screens before her lit up to show the familiar MOD log in screen. She tapped in her credentials but the homescreen she was expecting to see didn't appear. Instead of the SRR logo with the Corinthian helmet and sword there was a design she hadn’t seen before. The centre of the logo still featured a sword but instead of the helmet there was a skull and they were bordered by a pair of feathered wings and a laurel wreath. The only text visible was under the hilt of the sword and all it stated were the numerals 141.

Moving the cursor over the logo, Jules left-clicked on it and the screen dissolved to show a desktop layout that wouldn’t look out of place in any office in the country but a closer look at the icons showed programs that the majority of people wouldn’t even know existed. There were flight scanners, access portals to world-wide air traffic controls, drone programming systems, access to civilian emergency service and CCTV networks, both radio wave and microwave detector systems for communications interceptions, banking network portals, and pretty much anything else she would need. There, at her fingertips, were the tools she needed to monitor and even start incursions the world over. There was even the Spotify app, which made her huff out a chuckle.

Even with only the most cursory of glances over the system, Jules couldn’t see anything that was conspicuous by its absence. Her list for the Captain was, for the moment, unpopulated. Checking the time on the clock in the bottom left of the screen she noticed a small icon that she recognised but had never had the opportunity to use.

“You’re shittin’ me,” she breathed, before double-clicking on the tiny image.

The screen darkened for a moment before lighting up with a soft blue glow. An electronic chirp sounded from one of the desk drawers and Jules opened it to reveal a high end VR headset resting on a magnetic charging dock.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” she squealed, picking up the tech and cradling it in her hands.

Swallowing down the knot of excitement in her throat she removed the headset she was wearing and slowly replaced it with the VR gear. Sighing in satisfaction at the new accessibility she had gained she weaved her hands through the air in a graceful pattern, relishing the lack of need for hand controllers. A few gestures later and she was walking through the streets of Kyiv and then, in a flash, had been transported to favelas of Rio. Throwing her head back and letting out an excited laugh she allowed herself to get lost in the advanced technology that she loved.

* * * * * *

“Geek,” Rob said affectionately, scrubbing his hand over the top of her head. “Computer Science though, Jules? Why the fuck did you pick that?”

“Cause I like it, knobhead,” she replied, shoving his hand away and batting at his shoulder.

The pub in Preston wasn’t that busy for a Saturday afternoon and the train ride up from Manchester that morning had been uneventful. It had mainly consisted of Jules trying to study for a seminar whilst Simon did his best to antagonise her once he’d finished with the copy of FHM he’d picked up at Piccadilly Station.

“She’s good at it too,” Simon added, catching her eye over the rim of his pint glass. “Got some mint grades on your last assignments, didn’t y’Jules?”

“Yeah, suppose so,” she nodded, flushing a little at his praise.

Rob’s eyes flickered between the pair of them and narrowed in suspicion.

“Is there summat going on wi’ you two?' ' he asked.

“Nah!” Jules exclaimed hurriedly, spluttering around her cider and blackcurrant whilst Simon just let out a short laugh and shook his head.

“Just seem a bit pally, that’s all,” Rob hummed, draining his pint.

“Y’said to look out for her while y’were away,” Simon shrugged.

“I can look out for my own bloody self, Jesus,” Jules muttered. “Fuckin’ cavemen.”

After a chippy tea and a farewell to her brother, Jules and Simon made their way back to the station. He seemed lost in thought, not speaking much as they walked onto the platform to wait. Jules leaned back against the red brick wall and wrapped her arms around herself to stave off the chill of the evening.

A shadow fell across her, blocking the light from the station floodlights as Simon leaned over her, caging her in with a devilish smile.

“Didn’t realise the thought of bein’ wi’ me was so bad,” he rumbled, one hand propped against the wall above her head whilst the other came to rest at her waist.

“Was I wrong though?” she protested with a tilt of her chin. “We’re not exactly seein’ each other are we?”

“Well I’m not seein’ anyone else, Jules,” he said, his face turning slightly more serious.

“What’re y’sayin’ Si?” she breathed.

“Just think we should start bein’ honest with ourselves, that’s all,” he replied, his chestnut eyes trailing over her face.

“What about Rob?”

“I reckon he’d be alright with it,” he said, raising his hand to cup her face.

“I reckon he would too, but I think he’d kick your arse first,” Jules laughed softly.

“I’d let him if it got me wi’ you,” he laughed with her as his thumb brushed gently over her cheek.

“Dick’ead,” she murmured, her tongue darting out across her bottom lip as he lifted her chin and tilted his head down to capture her lips with his.

* * * * * *

Ghost waited at the door to Price’s office, outwardly presenting the model of military perfection but his mind whirled in a mess of guilt and confusion. He regretted pushing Jules as far as he had, and there wasn’t much in his life he did regret. Strange how a lot of it involved her though…

“Si, stopppp!” she laughed, batting his arm away from her waist.

Price rounded the corner of the corridor, his face drawing into a scowl as he spotted Ghost. He didn’t need to say a word, simply making a gesture to enter that Ghost followed without question.

The scent of patchouli permeated his nose as they climbed the uneven stone steps of the old drapery building that housed Affleck’s Palace.

He stood at ease before the Captain’s desk as Price sat and deliberately took his time making himself comfo​​rtable. Opening his top drawer he pulled out a cigar, clipped the end with a silver clipper that Ghost himself had gifted him and then lit the tobacco. He stared at his Lieutenant with an ambiguous expression as he waited for Ghost to break the silence.

“It’s on the top floor innit?” he asked, groaning at her pseudo-innocent face.

‘I didn’t know! I swear down!” she gasped out a giggle, grabbing his wrist and hauling up the stairs behind her.

“She’ll do,” Ghost rumbled, scrunching his nose a little under his mask which made the drying blood crack away from his skin.

“And is that your professional opinion?” Price asked, a hint of sarcasm making its way into his words.

“Yeah,” Ghost nodded once.

“Si! I found ‘em!” Jules squealed, bouncing over to him with four small figurines and a beaming smile on her face.

“Want to talk about it?” the Captain probed but Ghost shook his head.

“Negative.”

“Just going to throw this out there Simon, but maybe you need to talk to her.”

Ghost shook his head again but found himself unable to meet Price’s stare. They remained in their non-verbal standoff as the seconds ticked by but Price eventually let out a huff and shook his head in defeat.

“Go on then, dismissed. Just…stop being an arse to her, yeah?”

“It’s like you don’t even know me,” Ghost retorted, trying to lighten the atmosphere a little before leaving the office.

Slipping unseen into an empty room along the corridor, Ghost locked the door and then leaned back against it before sliding to the floor. Pulling his balaclava off over his head he ran his hand through his short blond hair and probed at his throbbing nose. It wasn’t broken, although it wouldn’t have been the first time. Resting his arms on his raised knees he dropped his head and let out a deep sigh.

They had to pass through the cafe on their way back to the stairs that would take them out of the building. Jules walked beside him clutching the paper bag that held her treasured purchase. He didn’t want to leave just yet, desperate to spend more time with her.

“D’you fancy a hot chocolate?” he asked, nodding his head towards the cafe’s counter.

“Umm, yeah, we could do that,” she replied.

He ordered for them whilst she found them two seats, near the window so they could watch the world go by below.

“Here y’are,” he said, placing a mug of hot chocolate topped with all the trimmings before her.

“Cheers, Si,” Jules muttered, but he could tell she was distracted.

“What’s up, chuck?” he asked, nudging her knee under the table.

“Y’don’t…y’don’t think it’s a stupid present?” she asked timidly, nodding towards the paper bag on the table.

“Don’t be daft Jules, he’s gonna love ‘em, and if he doesn’t, I’ll ‘av ‘em,” Simon grinned, trying to reassure her. “If someone bought me Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figures for my 19th I’d be made up!”

“Is that a hint?” Jules laughed, “‘cause I’m not buyin’ you Turtles for your birthday.”

Taglist: @aykxz98

[doodleferp]

I really love your Naga Vash! 🐍💖 And am curious to know more about your naga au, please?

GFHDKSLS thank you! I haven’t visited the naga AU in some time, but I do have a few notes about it tucked away!

Plants are replaced by nagas in this AU. They’re an all-female species and likely reproduce asexually, though I’m not entirely sure if they’re native to the new jungle planet or not. Vash and Knives are the only male nagas in existence, and studying them is a top priority for human science teams because they have like. No clue how they got there. However, the species’s existence is continually studied and monitored, because the good humans don’t want to do enough damage to the ecosystem to the point where they wipe out the native species. Of course, there are still people who kill the nagas for food, but there’s working legislation to outlaw that as humanity gains a footing here.

I think once a naga shows any sort of favoritism towards a worker, that worker immediately gets assigned to be their "handler". Meaning they pretty much have to keep the naga occupied so they don't act up and get into trouble. It's like the replacement for PLANT engineers.

In answer to another person’s ask, I…don’t quite know how long naga!Vash is. I do know he and Knives are the same length/size thanks to the twin factor. Knives just has white-ass scales compared to his twin. But I do know the twins separate territories for each other, and the rest of the nagas just kinda. Exist.

Not a lot is known about Knives because he doesn’t interact with humans. Vash on the other hand is very friendly and very public, so it’s not uncommon for people to want to go looking for him. Unfortunately, a lot of these people want to either kill him or capture him, because as previously stated, he’s one of the only two male nagas on the entire planet. Thankfully, Vash has the power of the Floating Colony on his side, and they do their best to keep his territory secure and protect him from poachers when they can,

I'm thinking that the twins’ territory is either too big or too complicated for people to effectively build something around, so they make a building in it and just try to track him and the other nagas in the area. The government is ironically the least worried about Vash thanks to the Floating Colony’s advocacy of him and his very docile/friendly nature. But they’re still wary of him and they can’t really find where he’s nesting. And that's kind of a concern for a dude that's supposedly responsible for tons of missing persons.

Only two people in the present know where Vash’s real den is — Luida has a general idea, and Ari KNOWS-knows where it is. Mostly because she lives there with him. Knives is trying to find it, but Vash is a smart cookie and has a bunch of proxy dens around his turf so that Knives won’t be able to tell which one is the “real” den.

Much like the canon version of herself, Ari has known Vash and Knives since they were little babies and she’s Vash’s handler. She also handled Knives to an extent, but that relationship ended after Vash lost his arm. Since she grew up with the twins and not with humans, Ari is arguably the best naga handler out there since she knows/sees nagas as sentient beings rather than alien animals. Towns with more nagas than they can handle typically look for her service rather than the big handling corporations because she doesn’t charge an arm and a leg to help them out.

Ari and Vash are also the only human-naga couple to date, though not a lot of people know they’re mates. As mates, they swap a lot of…fluids on a daily basis and Vash likes to give her little love bites to stake his claim. Thanks to all of this, Ari is slowly becoming part naga — she seems biologically immortal, she has heightened strength, speed and senses, she has fangs and dustings of scales, etc. They haven’t been able to have babies…yet. But Vash vibrates at the possibility to have a family in the future.

I haven’t thought too hard about it, tbh. I was salty that there wasn’t like ANY naga Vash fanart and I decided to make my own in hopes it’d inspire people to make their own. If anyone wanted to help me expand on it, feel free to add onto the post! I’m all ears!

[fieldserviceautomation]

Field service businesses are undergoing a remarkable transformation, driven by cutting-edge technologies like Artificial Intelligence (AI) and the Internet of Things (IoT). These innovations are reshaping operations, enhancing customer satisfaction, and creating a more efficient workforce. Here’s a comprehensive look at how AI and IoT are revolutionizing the field service industry.

1. Predictive Maintenance

Traditionally, field service operations relied on reactive or scheduled maintenance, leading to downtime and unnecessary costs. AI and IoT have introduced predictive maintenance, which uses real-time data from IoT-connected devices to anticipate issues before they arise.

IoT Sensors: These devices monitor equipment health, providing data on performance, temperature, vibration, and more.

AI Analysis: AI algorithms analyze this data to predict when a failure might occur, enabling proactive repairs.

Benefits: Reduced downtime, lower maintenance costs, and extended equipment lifespan.

2. Smart Scheduling and Dispatching

Field service businesses often face challenges in managing teams and allocating resources efficiently. AI-powered tools are transforming scheduling and dispatching by automating these processes.

Dynamic Scheduling: AI considers factors like technician availability, skill sets, and location to assign tasks optimally.

Real-Time Adjustments: IoT devices provide live updates, allowing AI to reassign tasks based on changing conditions.

Benefits: Improved workforce utilization, faster response times, and enhanced customer satisfaction.

3. Enhanced Remote Support

IoT and AI are enabling technicians to diagnose and resolve issues remotely, reducing the need for on-site visits.

IoT Connectivity: Devices send real-time diagnostic data to field service teams.

AI Chatbots: AI-powered virtual assistants guide customers or technicians through troubleshooting steps.

Benefits: Cost savings, quicker problem resolution, and minimized service disruptions.

4. Inventory and Asset Management

Managing parts and tools is critical for field service efficiency. AI and IoT are streamlining inventory and asset management.

IoT-Enabled Tracking: Devices track inventory levels and asset usage in real time.

AI Optimization: AI predicts demand for parts and tools, ensuring optimal stock levels.

Benefits: Reduced inventory costs, fewer delays, and better resource planning.

5. Improved Customer Experience

Customer satisfaction is at the heart of field service businesses. AI and IoT are enhancing the customer experience by providing timely, personalized, and seamless interactions.

Proactive Communication: AI sends automated updates on service schedules and equipment status.

IoT Insights: Customers gain real-time visibility into the status of their equipment via IoT dashboards.

Benefits: Higher customer trust, loyalty, and retention.

6. Data-Driven Decision Making

The combination of AI and IoT generates vast amounts of actionable data, empowering businesses to make informed decisions.

Performance Analytics: AI identifies trends and inefficiencies in operations.

Predictive Insights: IoT data helps forecast future needs and challenges.

Benefits: Better strategic planning, resource allocation, and operational efficiency.

Conclusion

The integration of AI and IoT is revolutionizing field service businesses by improving operational efficiency, reducing costs, and delivering exceptional customer experiences. Companies that embrace these technologies are positioning themselves for long-term success in an increasingly competitive market.

By adopting AI and IoT solutions, field service businesses can move from reactive to proactive operations, paving the way for innovation and growth.

[enzaelectric]

How to Extend the Life of Your Electrical Switchgear

Electrical switchgear is a critical component in power distribution systems, responsible for controlling, protecting, and isolating electrical equipment. Whether used in industrial plants, commercial buildings, or utility substations, switchgear must operate reliably to prevent costly downtime, equipment damage, or safety hazards. As such, extending the life of your switchgear is both an economic and operational imperative.

This article outlines essential strategies, best practices, and maintenance procedures that can significantly enhance the longevity and performance of your electrical switchgear.

1. Understand the Role and Types of Switchgear

Before diving into maintenance and care strategies, it’s important to understand what switchgear is and its various types:

· Low-voltage (LV) switchgear: Used for systems below 1,000 volts, common in commercial and residential buildings.

· Medium-voltage (MV) switchgear: Used in systems from 1 kV to 36 kV, typical in industrial and utility distribution networks.

· High-voltage (HV) switchgear: For voltages above 36 kV, used in power transmission infrastructure.

Each type has different components, such as circuit breakers, fuses, relays, and disconnect switches, which require tailored care.

2. Implement a Preventive Maintenance Schedule

Preventive maintenance is the cornerstone of extending switchgear life. Scheduled inspections and servicing can prevent small issues from becoming major failures.

Key preventive maintenance steps include:

· Visual Inspections: Check for signs of wear, corrosion, overheating, or arcing.

· Thermal Imaging: Detect hotspots caused by loose connections or overloading.

· Cleaning: Remove dust, dirt, and moisture using appropriate cleaning agents and methods.

· Mechanical Checks: Operate switches and breakers manually to ensure they move freely and reset properly.

· Lubrication: Apply the correct lubricants to moving parts to prevent wear.

· Electrical Testing: Conduct insulation resistance tests, contact resistance tests, and functionality tests on protection relays.

Frequency:

· Monthly or quarterly: Visual inspections and thermal scanning.

· Annually: Comprehensive testing, cleaning, and mechanical servicing.

3. Upgrade Components and Retrofit When Necessary

As equipment ages, its performance naturally declines. Rather than replacing the entire system, consider retrofitting critical components such as:

· Circuit breakers (replace air-magnetic with vacuum or SF₆ types)

· Protection relays (upgrade to digital, microprocessor-based units)

· Monitoring systems (add condition-monitoring sensors for real-time data)

Modern retrofitting extends service life, improves reliability, and enhances safety without the cost and disruption of full replacement.

4. Maintain Optimal Environmental Conditions

Environmental factors can greatly affect switchgear performance and durability. Control conditions around the equipment by:

· Maintaining Proper Ventilation: Prevent heat buildup with adequate airflow or HVAC systems.

· Controlling Humidity: High moisture levels can lead to insulation breakdown and corrosion.

· Dust and Contaminant Management: Install enclosures with appropriate IP ratings and regularly clean surroundings.

· Avoiding Vibration and Shock: Secure equipment on stable platforms and use vibration dampers if necessary.

5. Train Personnel and Enforce Safe Operating Procedures

Human error is a major cause of switchgear failure. Properly trained staff who understand how to operate and maintain switchgear will significantly reduce risks.

Key practices include:

· Following lockout/tagout (LOTO) procedures

· Using insulated tools and personal protective equipment (PPE)

· Understanding equipment ratings and not exceeding operational limits

· Reporting anomalies immediately

Regular training programs and refresher courses should be a part of your electrical safety culture.

6. Implement Condition-Based Monitoring (CBM)

Moving from traditional preventive maintenance to condition-based monitoring (CBM) can improve accuracy and reduce unnecessary downtime.

CBM Tools Include:

· Partial Discharge Monitoring: Detects insulation degradation early

· Temperature Sensors: Identifies abnormal heating patterns

· Gas Detection: Monitors SF₆ gas quality in HV switchgear

· Remote Diagnostics: Allows offsite engineers to assess equipment in real time

CBM extends switchgear life by ensuring maintenance is performed only when needed — based on actual conditions rather than time intervals.

7. Document Maintenance History and Perform Asset Tracking

Maintain detailed records of all inspections, maintenance activities, upgrades, and failures. This helps in:

· Identifying recurring problems

· Planning timely interventions

· Estimating remaining useful life (RUL)

· Complying with industry regulations and audits

Use asset management software or computerized maintenance management systems (CMMS) to streamline documentation and data analysis.

8. Plan for End-of-Life (EOL) and Decommissioning

Despite all efforts, switchgear eventually reaches the end of its operational life. Having an EOL strategy helps to:

· Prevent catastrophic failure

· Schedule replacements during planned downtime

· Upgrade to systems with modern safety, efficiency, and smart-grid features

Signs that switchgear is reaching EOL include frequent failures, obsolete parts, and loss of manufacturer support.

Conclusion

Electrical switchgear plays a vital role in ensuring the safe and efficient operation of electrical systems. By implementing proactive maintenance, upgrading aging components, monitoring environmental conditions, training personnel, and embracing modern monitoring technologies, you can significantly extend the life of your switchgear.

Not only will these strategies help in maximizing return on investment, but they will also improve safety, reduce downtime, and ensure regulatory compliance. Taking a systematic and well-documented approach to switchgear care is the smartest way to ensure long-term performance and reliability.

[p4-34-m0]

Soup Can

Fingeltagic clutched at the edge of the metal sink basin as the Soup Can around him rattled and shook, the short Krakun very nearly swallowing his toothbrush while the flimsy ‘space station’ around him vibrated like all the dead gods were about to break loose. Hastily spitting into the pitted bowl, he let the brush drop unheeded from his lips, foam lathered on his lips while his claws dug into the once-padded deckwork, tearing entirely novel grooves into the already abused floor. Sweet, oxygen rich compromise air flooded into the tiny head compartment as brute strength compelled the willful doors open, throwing them flush with their housings in a sleet of microscopic rust particulates.

Once, when there were slaves around to watch him, he’d have moved stately through the cramped corridors on his way to the command room. Now he scrambled through the low gravity environment of the Soup Can like an animal, shoving off of bulkheads and pipes where his claws sunk through the corroding wall-padding, leaving almost comedic bursts of foam insulation behind himself, the white foam illuminated blood-purple by orbiting warning lights. Any and all klaxons had long since been silenced.

Practically bouncing off the command room door with an impact which sent tingling quivers of pain down his spine, the blotchy green krakun slung himself into the command cradle, hissing in unsuppressed pain. What was the point of pretending it didn’t hurt, anyway? He was alone. Magnification plates slid over exterior cameras, whirring to life while damage reports flooded in through several dozen different screens, some of them physically torn from their usual stations and re-positioned around his cradle so that they could actually serve their intended purpose without relying on non-existent slaves to tell him what they were seeing.

He huffed at the large, purple outline of the communications tower, shoving that particular monitor aside. When had that been new? A hundred years ago? Two? He’d never bothered to replace the mast after the seventh iteration met its end under a relentless scouring of long-range laser barrages. It wasn’t like KrakunTec command had been sending anything important for the last thousand years anyway. Just the usual automated wellness and prosperity/moral packages, reminding him how many thousands of Golds his Honorable service would insure be waiting back in an empire Fingeltagic was pretty sure didn’t even exist any more.

But it had been even longer since the last supply ship brought new provisions, slaves, and sulfur for the failing atmo-scrubbers. He’d have traded every last one of those possibly-worthless Golds for a decent meal. Even a bad meal. Just something which wasn’t gray, tasteless goo grown from fungus. Not that it mattered what he wanted.

Out here, on the edge of known space, nothing mattered really.

The Soup Can, this cramped, claustrophobic excuse for a battle-station, this rickety rust bucket with a propensity for failing when he needed it most, had been his whole world for four thousand, four hundred and forty one years. He’d been in this station, silently spying on Liotec, when the war pitched over into a bloodbath, and he’d been in here when command stopped talking about all the battles they were winning and started talking about the battles they’d won. He’d been in this station while the slaves died slowly of population failure, and he’d be in here when he too eventually succumbed to old age, vacuum, or something worse.

And now That Bastard was throwing rocks at him again.

Fingeltagic didn’t actually know what the Liotec battle-station commander’s name was. Or if he was even a Lio. Or if he was a he. Or even the same person. There was a lot Fingeltagic didn’t know about the other station, honestly. But he did know whoever was in charge over there was a Bastard with a capital B.

Purely out of habit, the blotty green Krakun checked the boarding hooks button (which was as purple as it had been the day the Soup Can went online) and huffed. He’d have traded all his Golds to go over there and give whomever the fuck it was in charge of that sorry excuse for a station a piece of his mind.

Another rock impacted the hull, shaking Fingeltagic’s teeth in his head and his body in the command chair, alarms blaring silently into the sickeningly sweet-smelling air. Working quickly, dispatching drones to repair the effected area, the krakun began scanning the starry sky for more incoming projectiles, physical and energy weapons warming up on the outside of the Soup Can, smoothly unhooking themselves from protected cradles and stowed firing positions.

While that was happening Fingeltagic turned one very special scope, of his own design, toward the no-krakuns-land between the hilariously distant Liotec station and his own, searching despite knowing exactly where his target was. Ah, right there, exactly where it should have been; The source of all this noise and excitement. A fragmented sheet of metal, now with several others welded onto it around the edge to make room, super-fine markings from a hundred thousand lasers scarring the dusty dull surface.

Communication with the enemy in any way, shape, or form was forbidden. Colluding with Liotec agents would have been grounds for charges of treason, among other things, with prompt dismissal via decompression his only reward for trying. Clearing no-krakuns-land of debris, however, was not.

“That Bastard.” Fingeltagic growled deep in his throat, voice horse and soft from disuse. A new mark had been etched into the plate while he was sleeping, and just like that, his most advantageous tile had been taken, flipped to the opponents side without so much as a please or thank you. And on today of all days.

Around him, screens slowly turned from purple to green, repairs completed. The damage had been to the slave quarters mostly, according to the drones, and those had been disused for longer than he cared to think about. And, yes, every one of those rocks, as rude a reminder of his turn to play as they had been, were heavy in sulfur and water. He’d breath easy again, for another few days at least.

“That Bastard.” The krakun chuffed softly, watching the drones drag the rocks down toward the recycler while he settled in to considered his turn. “He remembered it was today.”

Fingeltagic was alone. But at least he wasn’t lonely.