#we are stuck with less than surface level understanding

[idrankthepaint]

oh... no sweetie, they don't do that here...

What a wonderful piece of media! Surely the fandom will be literate and normal

[sirfrogsworth]

Falling into the AI vortex.

Before I deeply criticize something, I try to understand it more than surface level.

With guns, I went into deep research mode and learned as much as I could about the actual guns so I could be more effective in my gun control advocacy.

I learned things like... silencers are not silent. They are mainly for hearing protection and not assassinations. It's actually small caliber subsonic ammo that is a concern for covert shooting. A suppressor can aid with that goal, but its benefits as hearing protection outweigh that very rare circumstance.

AR15s... not that powerful. They use a tiny bullet. Originally it could not even be used against thick animal hides. It was classified as a "varmint hunting" gun. There are other factors that make it more dangerous like lightweight ammo, magazine capacity, medium range accuracy, and being able to penetrate things because the tiny bullets go faster. But in most mass shooting situations where the shooting distance is less than 20 feet, they really aren't more effective than a handgun. They are just popular for that purpose. Dare I say... a mass shooting fad or cliche. But there are several handguns that could be more powerful and deadly—capable of one bullet kills if shot anywhere near the chest. And easier to conceal and operate in close quarters like a school hallway.

This deeper understanding tells me that banning one type of gun may not be the solution people are hoping for. And that if you don't approach gun control holistically (all guns vs one gun), you may only get marginal benefits from great effort and resources.

Now I'm starting the same process with AI tools.

Everyone is stuck in "AI is bad" mode. And I understand why. But I worry there is nuance we are missing with this reactionary approach. Plus, "AI is bad" isn't a solution to the problem. It may be bad, but it is here and we need to figure out realistic approaches to mitigate the damage.

So I have been using AI tools. I am trying to understand how they work, what they are good for, and what problems we should be most worried about.

I've been at this for nearly a month and this may not be what everyone wants to hear, but I have had some surprising interactions with AI. Good interactions. Helpful interactions. I was even able to use it to help me keep from an anxiety thought spiral. It was genuinely therapeutic. And I am still processing that experience and am not sure what to say about it yet.

If I am able to write an essay on my findings and thoughts, I hope people will understand why I went into the belly of the beast. I hope they won't see me as an AI traitor.

A big part of my motivation to do this was because of a friend of mine. He was hit by a drunk driver many years ago. He is a quadriplegic. He has limited use of his arms and hands and his head movement is constrained.

When people say, "just pick up a pencil and learn to draw" I always cringe at his expense. He was an artist. He already learned how to pick up a pencil and draw. That was taken away from him. (And please don't say he can stick a pencil in his mouth. Some quads have that ability—he does not. It is not a thing all of them can do.) But now he has a tool that allows him to be creative again. And it has noticeably changed his life. It is a kind of art therapy that has had massive positive effects on his depression.

We have had a couple of tense arguments about the ethics of AI. He is all-in because of his circumstances. And it is difficult to express my opinions when faced with that. But he asked and I answered. He tried to defend it and did a poor job. Which, considering how smart he is, was hard to watch.

But I love my friend and I feel I'd like to at least know what I'm talking about. I want to try and experience the benefits he is seeing. And I'd like to see if there is a way for this technology to exist where it doesn't hurt more than it helps.

I don't know when I will be done with my experiment. My health is improving but I am still struggling and I will need to cut my dose again soon. But for now I am just collecting information and learning.

I guess I just wanted to prepare people for what I'm doing.

And ask they keep an open mind with my findings. Not all of them will be "AI is bad."

[bomberqueen17]

liveblogging the aubreyad 1: Master & Commander

ok so. i'm going to liveblog my reread of the Patrick O'Brian Jack Aubrey series of books, in potentially more or less detail, because it's something to do and it's funny. Starting with book 1, Master & Commander, copyright date 1969, which I definitely first read in like 1991 when I was waaaaay too young to understand approximately half the references. There will be spoilers. There may or may not be an accurate representation of the entire contents of the series. We'll see how long I keep this up. I wish I could write it in the entertaining style of my Wee Precious Flower Prince Geralt Witcher 3 playthroughs of yore but those were written under 1) quarantine confinement, 2) incredible amounts of gin, 3) after collaborative sessions, and I just can't make that happen solo.

But I will do my poor, reduced, older and more sedate best. I promise that while these books are not quite as dramatically crack-addled as Witcher 3, they are weirder than you think, which is critical.

OK so. We start off swinging with the meet-ugly. In fair Port Mahon we lay our scene, in the year 1800 (or 1801?? we also start off swinging with never quite having the tiny details quite laid down), we meet our fair hero Jack Aubrey, a six-foot, well-built, yellow-haired lieutenant in the Royal Navy, a cheerful high-spirited cove who immediately pisses off the unpleasant little man sitting next to him at this chamber music concert by singing along to the music. Relatable reaction by the unpleasant little man, to be sure. Aubrey is having a bad time, though— he has not been promoted and he doesn’t have a ship so he has nothing to do but get in trouble, and his spirits are too low to get into a fight with the unpleasant little man, though he briefly considers it. We soon find out that the sole bright spot in Jack's life is that he's fucking his boss’s wife, which seems like a bad idea but who are we to judge. But lo! He gets back to the inn where he’s staying only to find a letter informing him that he has been promoted! He is now the master and commander of his very own ship, which we are informed is a sloop. Also throwing us into the deep end of Listen Baby It’s Just Vibes. The nautical language and technical shit comes fast and thick and if you just sort of roll with it you figure it out. Don’t Worry About It. There Will Be Context Clues.

Now that Jack is professionally fulfilled he is happy, and so the next morning when he happens to see his unpleasant little man from the previous night, he shows his true colors: he immediately bounds across the street and wholeheartedly, unreservedly apologizes for being a dipshit, like the golden retriever he really is at heart. The unpleasant little man is so shocked by this that he loses all his unpleasantness, has a really nice conversation with Jack, and immediately gets distracted by the sighting of a rare bird. Stephen Maturin is now successfully introduced, exactly as he means to go on as well. He is a physician, but his patient died and he's stuck without money to get home, literally sleeping rough because no one will answer his letters and he's out of cash. Jack meanwhile has a ship with no surgeon on it, and a vacancy, and they like one another, so it seems a simple solution. And so Stephen shall go to sea.

I suppose, really, that’s the genius of this series. The characters are round, complicated creatures, with obvious and consistent surface qualities but also equally consistent, apparently-contradictory, deeper qualities. Even minor characters sometimes possess this level of depth. Even the cartoony-awful little shit Harte (sometime captain, then admiral, the boss whose wife Jack has been fucking but in Jack's defense so is everybody else) has depths. Unpleasant depths, but he's got reasons and motivations and you do really believe in him; this pays off in book 8 in particular.

We meet Jack's first command, the Sophie, the loveliest tiniest little ship ever, staffed by a pack of utter weirdos. TOM PULLINGS makes his first appearance (he is my favorite supporting character throughout the series, so he will be capitalized henceforth) along with his delightful henchman (the other senior midshipman) Mowett who is James in his first and last appearances and most of the others but for some reason becomes William for a while in the middle, most notably in book 8, and has thus passed into the movie as William. Those are our master's mates, or senior midshipmen. In O'Brian's typical fashion we don't get really concrete physical descriptions of them in the normal sense, but instead get really evocative but nonspecific ones. TOM PULLINGS is "a big shy master's mate", elsewhere specified to be sort of gangly, long and thin, young, with a country accent and foremast-jack antecedents (i.e. started out as a regular sailor and was promoted, instead of the more normal approach where a family of means sends a son to sea as a midshipman), who absolutely blossoms under Jack Aubrey's leadership-by-enthusiastic-example, and we will see him through most of the rest of the series continuing on this trajectory with great competence and charming humbleness.

James Mowett gets a great introduction. He's had a few lines prior to this, mostly repetitively described as (and shown to be) cheerful and generally enthusiastic about things, running around and getting to be the one to fetch Stephen from the shore, and later we find out that he is a prolific writer of somewhat-terrible poetry, which we'll get plenty of excerpts of over the course of the series. But his first real description is:

“James Mowett was a tubular young man, getting on for twenty; he was dressed in old sailcoth trousers and a striped Guernsey shirt, a knitted garment that gave him very much the look of a caterpillar."

There are also the youngsters. Meet my beloved son William Babbington, a miniature midshipman of between eleven and thirteen who has every venereal disease and gets drunk a lot. He also cries and swears a whole lot, mostly while sober. I love him immoderately and we will see him in several more of the books. He never gets much taller or less obsessed with womanizing. Adolescence was hard in the Georgian era. (Yes, this is the Georgian era; the Victorian era does not begin for another thirty years.)

“'I suppose you grow used to living here,' [Stephen] observed, rising cautiously to his feet. 'At first it must seem a little confined.' 'Oh, sir,' said Mowett, 'think not meanly of this humble seat, Whence spring the guardians 'of the British fleet! Revere the sacred spot, however low, Which formed to martial acts an Hawke! An Howe !' 'Pay no attention to him, sir,' cried Babbington, anxiously. 'He means no disrespect, I do assure you, sir. It is only his disgusting way.”

Throughout this series, O'Brian so so so vividly shows and describes the many phases of awkwardness that young men go through especially in military settings. It's incredibly vivid; the breaking voices, the smells, the idiotic capers, the weeping, the complete lack of foresight, the incredible cruelty and also loyalty and bravery, the sheer adolescent enthusiasm coupled with shocking laziness.

We also get some insight into contemporary social mores through the introduction of Marshall, the sailing master (a warrant officer)-- 1) he's gay and 2) Jack Aubrey is extremely his type. Different people's different attitudes toward this unspool throughout various points of the book, but the critical point is that Jack Aubrey himself has absolutely zero gaydar and while he has heard the rumor about Marshall's tendencies, he doesn't care about that stuff, studiously avoids enforcing any of the regulations against it, and he absolutely never at any point relates this to himself, and never ever realizes why the man is so driven to excel at his job. Not even when an injury to his head and face gives Jack a horrible haircut and worse appearance, and Marshall is horrified and dispirited about it; Jack never twigs just what's amiss.

To be fair to Jack, many many many of the men aboard also respond to him in a similar, though crucially different, way. This is a common thing in this kind of cooped-up little setting; you have a guy who's in charge and gives you positive feedback and like, immediately you'll die for that guy, which is kind of how the military works because you may in fact have to literally die for that guy and it's easier if you're intrinsically motivated in some way. And Jack is very, very good at this in most cases, at taking the measure of the people under his command and getting them to respond to him.

(We can return to Mowett for an explicit example: “'You may light up the sloop, Mr Mowett, and show her our force: I don't want her to do anything foolish, such as firing a gun - perhaps hurting some of our people. Let me know when you have laid her aboard.' With this [Jack] retired, calling for a light and something hot to drink; and from his cabin he heard Mowett's voice, cracked and squeaking with the excitement of this prodigious command (he would happily have died for Jack), as under his orders the Sophie bore up and spread her wings.”)

Anyway so back to the plot summary: a very good side plot throughout is that the ship's first lieutenant, James Dillon, is an Irishman, and he and Stephen Maturin were both involved in the Irish rebellion in 1798. When they meet, James recognizes Stephen, and cautiously sounds him out about having met before, and Stephen very coolly replies we've never met but you must be thinking of my cousin who looks just like me but uglier, *so* ugly, he has the face of an informer, and everyone hates an informer and james is like Ah. You Are Absolutely Correct Sir We Have Never Met. This subplot develops into a delicious meditation on divided loyalties and the agony of staying true to oneself while doing what one must do. Highly recommended, A++. Begins to give us some insight into the various depths of Stephen, who doesn't understand tides or wind and hasn't the sense to come in out of the rain but has a deep and complicated history and identity and above all an incredible capacity for ruthlessness, absolutely none of which Jack understands.

Stephen and James in dialogue when they're finally in privacy enough to discuss it (Stephen is the first speaker, James the second):

“I speak only for myself, mind - it is my own truth alone - but man as part of a movement or a crowd is indifferent to me. He is inhuman. And I have nothing to do with nations, or nationalism. The only feelings I have -for what they are - are for men as individuals; my loyalties, such as they may be, are to private persons alone.'' "Patriotism will not do?'' "My dear creature, I have done with all debate. But you know as well as I, patriotism is a word; and one that generally comes to mean either my country, right or wrong, which is infamous, or my country is always right, which is imbecile." ''Yet you stopped Captain Aubrey playing Croppies Lie Down the other day.” "Oh, I am not consistent, of course; particularly in little things. Who is? He did not know the meaning of the tune, you know. He has never been in Ireland at all, and he was in the West Indies at the time of the rising. [...] But as for that song, I acted as I did partly because it is disagreeable to me to listen to it and partly because there were several Irish sailors within hearing, and not one of them an Orangeman; and it would be a pity to have them hate him when nothing in the manner of insult was within his mind's reach.”

uhhhhhhh but meanwhile: Jack Aubrey and the Sophies wreak havoc in the Mediterranean and make a lot of money and enemies, to the point that the local merchants band together to commission a fairly serious ship expressly to fuck them up. They meet this ship unsuspectingly, manage just in time to disguise themselves, and Stephen hails the ship and asks them in bad Spanish if they know anything about treating the plague, could they send a doctor over, could they spare any medicine. This scares them off and they go away. But now the Sophies know what this ship looks like and what armament it has. So the next time they meet it, they fight it, and so the tiny 14-gun Sophie with 82 men and boys aboard manages to capture the 32-gun Cacafuego with 319 men aboard, and it's very gallant and dashing and probably should not have worked, but it does.

And a little later, the Sophie accidentally meets a pair of very powerful French ships and gets taken in return despite doing some really heroic evasive manoevers.

The French are super nice to them, and we meet a French ship captain named Christy-Palliere who becomes a recurring character, who has English cousins and speaks great English and is both charming and nice, saying things like gather ye rose pods while ye may and being generally gallant. Until some even more powerful English ships heave into view, and the tables turn, but even then Christy-Palliere remains gallant and well-behaved.

We end the book with the court-martial. Any officer who loses his ship for any reason has to go before a court of sea captains to ascertain whether he did everything in his power to avoid losing his ship. So all the officers of the Sophie, including the midshipmen, including the surgeon, have to testify about this. (I feel like the other warrant officers should also have had to testify? but they weren't there and i'm not sure why. TOM PULLINGS is also not mentioned in the scene which he absolutely should be present for, so it's possible that they were just omitted for time.)

“They had each received an official notification the day before, and for some reason each had brought it with him, folded or rolled. After a while Babbington and Ricketts took to changing all the words they could into obscenities, secretly in a corner, while Mowett wrote and scratched out on the back of his, counting syllables on his fingers and silently mouthing. Lucock stared straight ahead of him into vacancy.”

Spoiler: the jury decides that there's not really anything more a 14-gun sloop could have done against two French ships of the line, so they exonerate Captain Aubrey for the loss of his sloop, and thus ends the book.

[strange-anni]

The true nature of The Cure

As we all know Will has a burned poster of the Cure in his room but this isn't the only instance someone seeks to cure either themselves or others.

It also raises the question if it's Will who needs the curing or if he is the cure to someone else.

"I seek to cure what's deep inside Frightened of this thing that I've become"

These lyrics are playing as Steve calls himself "Bad Steve. Bad." as I have pointed out in this post. Steve in this scene is trying to cure what's deep inside as he's frightened of this thing that's he's become (a bear as pointed out by @bylerlipglances here.) How does he do that? With his relationship with Nancy.

This means his relationship with Nancy is not based on true feelings.

It's a lie. The Cure is a lie.

In S3 Max also gave El the advise to give Mike a taste of his own medicine.

Mike despite claiming the opposite and insisting on the importance of always telling the truth actually lies quite a lot and quite frequently too.

If Mikes understands the cure as a lie and El is advised to give him a taste of his own medicine then her actions at the beginning of S4 actually make perfect sense.

Have we ever considered that Will might be wrong? Maybe on some level Mike actually likes the lies and El is feeding him exactly what he wants: A perfect little fairytale.

This is of cause a lot more complicated as well as all this lying also causes a lot of pain to Mike as it does for everyone else around him.

Yet in the entire show we seem to have a consistent force always pushing for some kind of lie to cover up the truth or true feelings. A cure for the truth if you will.

The truth must be kept from spreading by whatever means necessary.

The truth is also like weeds and if you know anything about weeds you'll know that they always find a way to come back. You cannot easily get rid of weeds. Just like truth will also always find it's way back to the surface.

Another method is to use protective measures so the truth won't be discovered by the Force who is responsible for the lies and cover-ups.

As Robin says, if the message is true and sensitive it must be masked so it won't get detected. In other words it must be delivered in code.

Hence truth in ST gets delivered through symbolism and people speaking between the lines in order to protect it as much as possible.

It's also why I feel some characters are more authentic in the beginning of their arcs than at the end which for a TV series is really counter intuitive. In pretty much every other story a character goes through some kind of development and then comes out stronger/better/wiser at the end. While ST also does that to some degree, it's a lot less prevalent.

People are stuck and repeat the same story beats over and over again because whenever there is a chance for real growth something or someone always interferes.

Let me explain this to you while using stbin as an example. It's not the best example I could choose but it's the most universally agreed upon to be inauthentic to the characters. (i.e. romantic stbin is not what either Steve or Robin want. And yes I am deliberately using the older teens to proof this to make it clear that all the interfering and wrong-going isn't just tied to the Will-El-Mike dynamic although this is certainly the center of the story.)

So let us briefly walk through the way stbin could have happened and answer if this would have ever been an organic development.

Dustin tries to suggest Robin is the right one for Steve but he completely denies it as she is not even "in the ballpark" of what his type is. That's complete no and it is also the truth.

Then Robin and Steve were holding hands on the rooftop when they were both scared. It could be a romantic gesture but Robin was already a lesbian here and if it is okay for her to seek comfort with a friend in a time of need, why wouldn't it be true for Steve as well?

Then later in the elevator Dustin tries again to push Steve towards Robin. Also again, Steve tries to make Dustin stop by telling him no and asking him to give up on his "creepy dream."

It's only way later after Steve misinterpreted Robins words that he makes it sound like he's found out that Robin is now suddenly the right one for him after all. This is really strange all things considered.

I believe this only happened because of the constant pushing from Dustin which left it's marks even if Steve never wanted it to and because it really looked like Robin was actually interested in him when she was not. So Steve completely reconsidered his standpoint and was ready to try out a relationship with Robin after all. (You can also call this forced conformity)

Stbin would have never happened organically. If Dustin never would have tried to interfere (or would have listened the first time Steve told him to stop) Steve would have never even considered Robin as a possible romantic partner and even then it needed to look like she actually had a crush on him for him to change his mind.

If none of this happened, Robin and Steve would have just continued to stay friends without this false romantic mishap because their friendship is actually organic and true.

This is a pattern we see repeated quite often for the older teens. It happens to stncy in S1 (pushed by Barb) and S2 (pushed by Jonathan) albeit with a lot less success. Later in S4 it happens to stncy again but this time with a lot more consistent pushing done by Dustin, Robin and Eddie. If you believe my theory about Vickie being straight then that's another example of someone (Steve) pushing for a romantic relationship. Then if you are really open minded you can look here and here how this also applies to jncy.

At the beginning of all this is always truth and then someone or some force tries to intervene through certain other characters in order to stir everyone away from their truth to varying degrees of success. Sometimes these lies hold for a long time and sometimes they don't hold at all.

As long as this constant interfering continues not a single one of all the characters will ever be able to truly move on with their lives because for this to happen they will need to face the truth first. This is exactly what someone or the Interfering Force is trying to prevent though.

The truth is reality, authenticity and autonomy. It cannot be erased or avoided no matter how hard one might try.

It's also the real cure or rather the real medicine and as it is also always true with medicine: It's the dosage which determines if it'll actually help the body or make everything worse.

So all this fixing or false curing of everyone else will need to stop no matter how well meaning the Interfering Force actually is. I don't believe that it actually means to cause harm. I think it only wants what's best for everyone in order to make them happy and to spare them hardship. In doing so however it causes even more hardship.

In the end, the truth will need to accepted even if it's a hard pill to swallow. Sometimes boys must cry.

@greenfiend I wrote this with your theory in mind

[greenfiend]

Since your Will takes never miss, I need to ask: what do you think his thought process was like during his six months in Cali regarding his relationship with Mike? I'm sure there were days he clung to the energy of that last smile at his "not possible" and others when he slammed the mailbox while also glaring at the phone and never picking it up himself (your disordered attachment theory!) on the topic kinda, sorry: do you think post-s3!will ever even allowed himself to entertain the thought he could have a romantic chance with mike fr fr?

Buuuuut then how (or when) do you think the idea of creating the painting for Mike came to be? We know it was 'repurposed' in the van scene, so what do you think its original purpose was in Will's mind? Just an early birthday gift for Mike since they probably wouldn't meet in person in April? An olive branch of sorts? Was he, in earnest, only hoping to talk and go back to 'best friends' (their og dynamic or a more 'sociable' and with less yearning version of it) after the mess that was the summer of '85? < these are just shots in the dark; I'm positive the existence of the painting could have some bigger impact in the story beyond the byler subplot. Would really love to read you thoughts!

Oooo good question!

So, obviously Will missed Mike a lot and probably thought about him every day. At the same time, it was probably easier for him to love Mike from a distance but incredibly painful at times too. When I say easier, I mean that because he’s scared. There’s a lot of guilt and shame bottled up inside of him that he hasn’t worked through yet. Not just from his sexuality, but from his childhood. You know the saying “you accept the love you think you deserve”, and Will doesn’t think he deserves Mike’s love. Mike’s love alone won’t cure that, but Will’s love for himself will. I also think that we aren’t given Mike’s PoV partly because he likely has been initiating and reaching out to Will more than vice versa… we see what Will chooses to see, and that is his “unrequited” love for Mike. Will thinks all he deserves is to love Mike from a distance.

Because of the way the show is constructed, I tend to take clues from the symbolism as well. Will hasn’t been answering the phone. Sure Joyce has that telemarketing job, but that’s just a surface level explanation. Will has ignored Mike’s calls prior to that in ST2. Mike has been trying to reach out, but Will doesn’t answer. He’s afraid. It’s scary to be vulnerable like that.

When it comes to someone with an insecure attachment, connecting romantically can be complicated. The highs can be very high and the lows very low… any feeling of rejection can be devastating. I mean this because it triggers memories of the reason for the insecure attachment in the first place… the problematic parental relationships. In Will’s case, a father who not only rejected him constantly, attempted to shut him out, but also deeply betrayed him by stealing his innocence. Those wounds cut deep. Our relationship with our parents truly shape us and how we view the world.

So basically, Will is desperate for Mike’s love but scared of it at the same time. That’s why he doesn’t pick up the phone, or answer it. He’s stuck with such complicated feelings, not knowing how to express them.

Remember how we are told that Will prefers to draw as a way to communicate? He does just that. He decides to create an artwork for Mike, the best painting he’s ever done.

He works tirelessly, imagining Mike’s possible reactions. He likely decides whether or not to be so bold to paint a heart on Mike’s shield. Will he understand what I’m trying to say here?

I know many people think of the painting as simply an intended platonic gesture, an early birthday gift or an olive branch… but one specific fact makes me think otherwise. That fact is:

Will frequently communicates in code.

It’s hard for him to express himself explicitly, so he does so implicitly… subtly. He doesn’t want Mike to understand, but he also desperately hopes Mike figures it out. This is an important aspect of his character. Just like Stranger Things itself, Will shows and doesn’t tell. So yes, he wanted the painting to appear like a friendly gesture but he wanted the deeper meaning present there too for Mike to uncover.

This leads back Will’s first line directly spoken to Mike:

It is, and always has been, a code. That’s why Mike is confused. Will “didn’t say it” and hopes Mike understands so he “didn’t have to” say it.

Also, you’re absolutely right. The painting is about more than just Byler. It’s about conquering the demons of past, present and future. But this post is pretty long so I won’t go into that here.

[jalpeppers]

Screaming into the void with this

I love Grace so much even if she only ever mentioned in dialogue IDC SHE IS MY ROMAN EMPIRE. Anyways i made an au where she lives and she’s an older sis to Turing hsgdehe

Design explanation rambles

Like I’ve mentioned that she never appeared canonically so idk what she actually looks like but I based my design of this pics

The first pic on the left is an image i found on a couple of old articles announcing the switch release and one other post on hear kinda implying it was officially posted, but for the life of me can find any conformation or the source of the image. Only dead links ;-;.

Regardless in the pic I noticed some differences between Turing and Grace other than their exterior shelling. Grace having a heart and noticeably thicker arms.

The second pic is from the extras that come with the intergalactic version, it was a bunch of Turing recolors but 💕Grace mentioned💕, and is why I gave her yellow cheek marks

Im obsessed hehehe

AU Rambles

I made this AU just to cope like any other sane person lmaoo

Just a version where Grace wasn’t shut down and was raised along side Turing. In result the player/Alys is seeker out by both Turing and Grace to get help finding Hayden. Shenanigans and Angst insue

In game, Turing has moments where are a bit lonely, as there are the first and only Sapient ROM until the ending. Regardless they spend their whole existence stuck in that apartment never interacting with anyone else but their creator. That had to do something to them.

I felt like if Grace was there they’d be less alone in their existence with a sibling, an Older sister for that fact!

Im still on the fence on how the portrayal of the differences of their state of ‘sapience”, beta to final product differences.

Have no idea if there is any large differences between their AI. Obviously their personalities and interests would be different but still confused if Grace truly was sapient

Officially we have this ⬇️ *(more rambles/Hayden wrong????)

But absolutely no idea what that means as metal sonics state of sapience varies from media so…..idfk

I feel like she probably most likely was sapient or at the very least in progress to. She was canonically referred as conscious in game in passing so she clears for that

On the matter of sentience: feeling/sensing, would depend if she was constructed similar to Turing with all the fancy sensors and synthetics that let Turing physically feel and ‘taste” things. As well as the capacity to self-regulation , which Turing exhibits, due to the fact Grace in Fact gone we can canonically.

The most important matter if Grace was sapient. Think/Feeling of ones self , from what how she was described she had sought out her own identity, which includes processing complex ideas of gender identity, pronouns etc. Understanding social construct and defining herself within them. She named herself!!!Makes me wonder what was that “spark” she was missing that didn’t make her seem real?

From what we know of her personality ( an maybe goals) she was simply nice. Where I imagine she prioritized in socializing and seeking emotional connections, rather than intelligence. Hayden had assumed her behavior was out of self preservation, but even if it was it would still proved the ability to ‘creatively’ think and dealing with complex problems (lying, manipulating, etc.). But she wasn’t, her interests were described as being polite, friendly, we can imagine perhaps examples of emotional intelligence as she had a desire to communicate and build relationships with others.

Of course canonically there is no conformation of this and this is just my interpretation. I only have a surface level understanding of these concepts and still struggled understanding the difference between sentience and sapience so feel free to correct me 🐜

[witchpassing]

catching strays [4/final]

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content notes: undernegotiated BDSM, use of transphobic slurs.

My side of it - that’s, I mean to say, the handler side - it’s mostly just operant conditioning. All the really complex stuff happens on the neurochemical level; I was never trained in the processes there, didn’t have the right PhD to get my head around it. Didn’t need to know what was happening in the black box to, uh. Pull the levers. Look, it’s all in the documents, alright? I even got you the formula for the cocktail.

You know what operant conditioning is, right? Haven’t shot all your behaviorologists yet? Ha, ha. Just… just a little joke. 

Thud of meat on meat echoes off the cigarette-stained ceiling. Rook lists to her right, cherry-red drool spilling from a fucked lip; “Position six,” Katya spits, hammering the keyphrase back in, and the pilot’s stance corrects itself with a visceral hindbrain twitch. Down on her knees, fingers interlaced at the base of her skull. Through the mess, she manages to get out: 

“Front of your hand.”

“I don’t think I asked you a question, pilot,” Katya says, military-issue ice. Rook works her sore jaw, keeps talking; head down, eyes low, like she’s not fucking baiting her.

“Palm’s softer than, than the back,” she says. “Less bone. Need to give me time to, clench my jaw, too. ‘r it might get dislocated.” Grins up at Katya out of the corner of her eye. “Then what’m I gonna tell the vet?”

Again. Of course. Harder this time, hard enough to put Rook into a facedown sprawl. Katya watches her try to get up, watches the tendons work beneath her skin, fingers dug into ratty carpet, dark tangle of hair sweat-stuck to cheekbone. Heave of her scapulae, sweat beading on the blades like dew. 

She visualises the point of contact, the way the bruise, when it forms in a couple of hours, will print the shape of her knuckles upon Rook’s face. Casually, as if it means nothing at all, Katya leans down and -

“Position six, fuckup.” 

- spits on her. 

I told you already, there wasn’t - there wasn’t time, you understand? The writing was on the wall - your writing, on your wall - I had to take what I could and get out. They were burning shit, shredding it, whatever they thought would keep the vultures off their backs. 

I had a file. Everyone had a file. It wasn’t special, because I wasn’t special. There’s nothing in there you need to hear. If it ever surfaces, I promise - it’ll bore you to tears. 

Rook’s nails scrabbling at her arm, keratin and polycarbonate, marking tallies in the skin. She hisses, adjusts her footing in the mattress, winds the chokehold tighter. Rook is taller, heavier, younger, fitter, and none of it is really helping because she’s not fighting back the way a person would; she can’t, Katya is Handler and you don’t fucking fight Handler. This, pulsing livid from the brainstem, is the blindfire of an animal brain that thinks it’s being killed and doesn’t know what to do about it. 

“Look at you,” Katya murmurs into her ear; Rook whines back, base and guttural, shudder and twitch. “Pissing away the People’s money for a cheap little adrenaline high.” Framing it like that feels good in her gut. The momentary satisfaction of breaking something flimsy and pathetic, stretched over several hours like taffy. Spit on Rook’s bare shoulder. Spit in the great red eye of Revolution. Another hitch tighter. “How much therapy is it gonna take to paint this over? How many weeks are we tacking onto your recovery timeline here - don’t struggle, you deserve this, take it or tap out you weak little shit--” 

Rook - eyes rolled half-back in her head, so hard that it’s a wonder the blood choke hasn’t put her under yet - whimpers out something that might be sorry sorry sorry Ma’am sorry, stops kicking, doesn’t tap. 

No, I never… nothing like that. Jesus, what the hell do you take me for? I came in, didn’t I? I risked my goddamn neck for you, I got you everything I could, that doesn’t get me some kind of - benefit of the doubt? Yeah, I was in the program, and yes, that meant doing some pretty sick shit to keep my head above water, but there is a critical distiction here that I think you’re not getting your head around: some of us were doing it for fun, because we liked it, and I was never one of those. 

“--And you already know what you’re going to tell the vet, because it’ll be the same - ghn - thing you always tell them, Rook; you went to a bar, you found the worst person there, and you convinced them to beat you until you felt a little better about your sad fucking life. You don’t even have to lie, Rook, because that’s exactly what you’re doing, exactly what you’ve done before a dozen fucking times, I know you have, you’re hooked on this shit-”

“Handler-” 

“Shut the fuck up, position five, I’m talking.” 

“S-sorry, sorry, sorry-” 

“You don’t get into fights because you’re a Junta vet, or a tranny who can’t pass, or any other kind of broken wing shit - don’t you know, Rook? This is their clean bright world, and they’re making it better every day! Bad things just don’t happen any more, not even to people like you. No, you get beaten ‘cause you want it, because you’re a bad dog and you need to be kicked.” 

“Hgk--” 

“What, you got something to say? You got something to say for yourself, you pathetic fucking--” 

-

Doe. Her name was Doe. I had her three years, and I never laid a hand on her. 

-

Spatter of sleet on dirty window; dim light bathing the ceiling, slanting sodium-yellow into a corner, sloping away. Katya locks her jaw against something unformed and pathetic, smears her cramping fingers against her thigh. Glistening slug-trail of her own cooling slick. It’s not working, it’s not enough. 

Not even close. 

Rook is curled at the foot of her bed, hazed out on recauterised conditioning and oxygen deprivation and what might be the first fresh bloom of a concussion. Katya can’t see her, but she can hear her breathing, ragged and slow through a bruise-blued throat. Now and then, a hypnic jerk, a yip. Chasing cars in her shallow sleep.

Katya knows that if she calls Rook to her, if she uses her for this, she’ll run out of stories to tell herself. For once, she understands where she stands in the moment, instead of in hindsight: just shy of the line, just this side of the event horizon. There will be no more plausible deniability, no matter what she tries to say. 

But the room is dark- 

and the door is locked- 

and nobody will ever know. 

Katya clicks her tongue, tchk-chk. Lets her head roll back, her eyes flutter shut. At the foot of her bed, Rook wakes.

“Here, girl.” 

She feels the mattress shift as Rook levers herself up. Hot breath between her parting thighs, a squirm of electricity in the base of her spine. An ache like permafrost cracking, and fuck she’s needed this, needed it for years, not just the desperate conciliatory tell-me-I’m-good-again head but every pathological detail, every thud of her hand against sorry, begging meat, every death-hissed trigger, the way ma’am sounds on a broken girl’s tongue. Nothing else has ever come close to being enough.

Even now, it should be disgusting how much blood there is in Rook’s spit, but she doesn’t care. If the pilot is carrying something, Katya has been sick with it for years. 

So she fists her grip in her hair, shoves her down, and twists her ankles tight around her head, as if anything left in that burned-out skull would let her stop before her Handler comes. 

-

No, I don’t know what her real name was. 

I get… terms, right? I get to negotiate? I gave you a lot, I should…

I don’t want to talk about this any more. 

-

Crouching half-clothed in her tiny bathroom, rinsing a spiral of runoff off Rook’s nakedness. Not aftercare, exactly; she’s never given it before, and she’s not starting now. Just… didn’t really sound like a good idea to kick Rook out while she still looked like a fresh traffic accident. Medical kit under the kitchen counter. Work to be done, to keep the vultures off her back. 

“All that about giving you what you deserve,” she says, over the hush of the shower. “It was bullshit.” 

Rook lifts her head, good eye pushing open against the bruise. “Ma’am?” 

“Telling myself I was punishing you. Teaching you a lesson.” Her fingers itch for a cigarette. “You had something you wanted from me, and you figured out the right sequence of words to take it.” 

The pilot murmurs, almost too quiet for her to hear: 

“You alright down there, girl? Looks like you got a real working over.”

“Oh, fuck you, asshole. Maybe you do deserve me.”

Rook laughs.

[imagionationstation]

This box is getting old, guys.

*This is a more aggressive stance on a subject. If it upsets you at any point, I recommend clicking away. Coming at me with a knife will not change my mind. Taking a breather and then offering your thoughts without challenges attached may go over better*

For those debating clicking, it’s regarding Donnie’s crush on April and how the fandom needs to start looking past the “obsessive, stalker tendencies that ruins his whole character”.

“For Donnie’s honor!” (Leon, 2018)

Ya’ll can feel your feels about Donnie, but stop repeating the same ol’ message to others. It’s corruptive and makes it hard for all levels of fans to see him as a person, rather than a misused storyline.

I can’t for the life of me understand the obsession with stamping Donnie with a his character was brutally murder by the writers and he’s a stalker and his only character feature is “I love April” stamp and closing it up.

Because that fits in the same box of Casey is just a rude idiot or April is only there to be a toxic female love interest and Mikey is nothing but the butt of every joke and amounts to nothing else or Leo is just a bossy, arrogant main character who doesn’t have a personality and especially Raphael is an abusive, angry bully and he deserves to be kicked off the show.

Yes. Someone has told me that Raphael deserves no place on the show because he’s physical and loud. What? Raph’s character feature in most iterations involves anger? How dare he be angry in 2012!

Kick him off the show. Bad writers.

But anyway-

These are newbie, close-minded remarks. And they aren’t fair to the characters. There’s so much more to these guys than the fandom pet peeves and the personality that sticks on the surface.

Yes, Donnie has an intense crush, but she’s the first human girl that he’s ever met. The first anyone outside his family that he’s ever seen! The only human girl who might ever accept him as a person or boyfriend. And she’s purrty.

How can everyone in this fandom look me in the eyes and say they’ve never done anything dumb for a person they admire/are crushing on? Or that no one else in their lives have?

Yes, he tries way to hard and it is often cringe, but that doesn’t sum up the entirety of his personality!

This box that the fandom stick characters in is honestly toxic! If the fans would focus less on the crush and more on the desperate boy who just wants to be noticed and appreciated, maybe this box could finally be broken.

Did you guys miss all the moments Casey proved himself to be intelligent and caring? Or April’s entire character growth as she learns to accept that her life is never going to be as normal as she wants it to be so she might as well embrace herself and the crazy?

How did you overlook all of Mikey’s moments of being in the limelight and showing his own brand of IQ and battle skill? How about Leo’s entire character struggle through the series as he grows to understand how to lead, working up from eldest to leader to sensei as he battles the weight of the world on his shoulders?

Why are EARTH are we ignoring every single time Raph risks his life for his brothers, or comforts them in their times of need, or refuses to join his pet and “best friend” because his brothers come first and no turtle left behind and THIS BOY LOVES HIS FAMILY MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF, DANGGIT.

Donnie is more than his crush. They are all more than the labels that we are helping the writers stick on them. Every. Single. Time. We ‘wish their characters had more to them’ because they were ‘misused’. The only reason that I stuck with this show past season 2 is because of Donnie. The only reason that I love this show as much as I do is because I adore this idiot nerd who is loyal to a fault and works so hard in return for so little and just wants to make the world a better place with his family.

I can make plenty of analyses on all the moments from every episode for all the main crew. Every choice that the fandom deems ‘wrong’ can have a purpose or meaning. Donnie’s crush isn’t black-and-white or dumb and I will not hear anything otherwise.

It’s cringe, obviously, and endlessly exasperating- but there’s reason for everything if you look past the box.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. Go change lives.

Or yell at me. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

[thescholarlystrumpet]

I always say I don't do Meta but here I am stuck in my head over the Family Systems lens of viewing our beloved Ineffable Idiots.

Crowley, as the Black sheep (scapegoat) has done a lifetime+ (6000 odd years) of unpacking his identity and detaching from his toxic family of origin (Heaven and then the "found" family of Hell). He started to differentiate from Heaven first by reveling in the assigned role of the outcast - being Unforgivable. Because if you are told long enough that you are the Bad One, you will start to believe it, internalize it. But that is only a reactionary identity, not a whole one.

So In GO S1, we see Crowley recognizing his own growth away from even his assigned role. He doesn't identify with Hell anymore than he identifies with Heaven because they both want him to stay quietly and obediently in a box. Whereas all that time around humans, with all our complexities and gray areas, has (I think) helped him realize that boxes just don't work. Obviously his ability to be completely head over heels for Aziraphale has also played a part in this.

With Az, Crowley gets to be the Savior - a roleplay they both clearly enjoy. Crowley gets to be covertly "good" as is still part of his nature. But goodness does not define him and it's very important to him that this remain true. Being "good" is for Angels and the resentment toward Heaven is an unhealed wound. He also gets to roleplay "tempting" Az in a safe, controlled way - since we all know Az wants to be tempted anyway. Through their relationship, Crowley gets to be more fully himself than anywhere else.

Aziraphale reaps this benefit, as well, but he is far less aware of it (on the surface). Because Aziraphale was never cast out, he is still living with the comfortable level of denial regarding the toxicity of his Family of Origin (Heaven). Az still harbors hope that things can be changed for the better, that the people in charge (caretakers) are operating from a place of fundamental Good. Az is the adult who seems to function highly on the outside but is always falling apart within because they still feel that they *do* have to fit neatly into the "boxes" Crowley long ago eschewed.

Azriaphale is a ball of walking Anxiety and Perfectionism because he is still so enmeshed with the exalted expectations of his Family of Origin. He can only "rebel" in secret for the most part. Good Omens 1 is a major moment of growth for him - the first open act of rebellion against the Family. He is able to do so because Crowley has his back (like a supportive partner) and, I believe, at least in part because Gabriel has been such a bully that Az reaches a breaking point with it in that moment. I'm sure it helps that they get to save actual children from harm.

But one big moment of rebellion doesn't mean the cycles of a thousand lifetimes will be automatically broken. Az does well enough with being an outcast of Heaven when it means the bullying and expectations on him are finally relaxed but as we see by his responses to the Angelic visits all through S2, he hasn't truly severed his feeling of responsibility toward the Family (Heaven).

When a major Caretaker (Metatron) steps in to offer Az everything he has never hoped to dream, of course he can only see it as essential. He has never had to process a full break from the Family like Crowley so he truly cannot understand where Crowley is in his emotional journey. Az has basically just had his wounded inner child told that Mummy and Daddy not only wanted and loved him all along but that they now want to give him the respect he never got before.

And Az truly wants to believe this illusion because it fulfills every emotional wounds that was still open within him. Hence why he also lets himself believe that he can be the one who *does* make a difference in Heaven. He wants to genuinely believe that he can bring Crowley back into the Family - where they can both be blissfully loved and accepted. To Az, it's the opportunity to stop hiding and rebelling in secret. To be able to offer Crowley what Az sees as the dearest gift anyone could bestow: Redemption.

Crowley, having seen the two of them as being in far more similar places, emotionally, is blindsided by this. Crowley no longer sees Heaven's acceptance as a positive. He knows how cruel and unjust the Family can be - and has been to him for centuries. He cannot, for the life of him, understand why Az does NOT see it. And Az offering him a return to Heaven is salt in the wound of "you're not good enough as you are." Crowley feels that the only person who has ever felt safe in his existence is suddenly telling him that everything he has worked to be, the emotional mountain he has climbed to be *himself* is worth less than reverting back to the being he was *before* he did all the work.

What Az sees as opportunity for unity, for fulfilling the childish dreams of being "accepted" by their Family of Origin, Crowley sees as a fundamental rejection of himself.

Maybe all of this was obvious and I may have been off about a few things - haven't watched S1 one in about a year. But this was my overall impression and I needed to get it out of my system. Not beta'd or proofread.

Thank you to anyone who actually bothers to read all of this XD

[kaykayow]

SPOILERS FOR P3

So after playing p3r which is my first time diving into p3 as a game. (If you don’t mention when I tried to play portable but hated point and click) the only other persona game I’ve played being 4. I feel like the game has a very slow start because when it first came out I tried playing it and could only get through 3 missions before wondering what the point was. Once Strega got introduced I was definitely more interested to see what they were about. The turning point for me (idk if this is the case for everyone) was 10/4 when Shinji dies. That made the plot and death become way more serious and I also feel like after this character development really happens. There were a few characters I was iffy on like Mitsuru or Aigis but they were really developed later on which made me like them a ton. I didn’t care for a lot of the social links. I liked Odagiri, Art club guy (genuinely forgot his name), and Maya. Along with the main girls (besides Fuuka, sorry girl).

My absolute fav characters had to be: Junpei, Akihiko, Yukari, Odagiri, and Ryoji.

I was extremely weary of Ryoji at first, plus it was obvious he was Pharos and the protag. I kind of thought he was going to be like a Teddie character which I’m not super fond of. But he ended up having such a deep story and I ended up really enjoying him.

Odagiri was the first social link I did in portable when I tried playing along with my first play through of p3r before taking a break and restarting. I loved his social link he was just so goofy and serious. I loved it, there’s really no other reason.

Yukari has a very similar personality to mine so I think that’s why I liked her right off the bat. I could also understand her hesitation/doubts with Mitsuru in the beginning because I felt the exact same way. I also loved how she and Junpei interacted it was always so fun seemed like siblings towards the middle. I also loved that she was very concerned with Ken and Fuuka joining, like feeling forced. I remember her saying to Akihiko,”You don’t care as long as you’re the one who gets to do the fighting.” Or something. That always stuck with me because she just points out a very surface level trait showing how much she doesn’t know them and she realizes that later on.

Junpei had his up and down moments which made me love him. Feeling less than someone who’s supposedly your equal. Being put to the side and not feeling important is all very real. But I like that he could apologize and realize his errors. Him and Chidori were amazing to me and I cried like a baby when she died. Junpei definitely grew on me a lot.

Akihiko at first seemed to me like a stereotypical jock character. But as the story develops especially when Shinji arrives we learn his reasoning for trying and pushing himself so hard. He’s already experienced the death of somebody close to him and felt like he wasn’t strong enough. When Shinji dies he feels the exact same way and pushes himself. He doesn’t even like boxing but does it to push himself to be strong to protect those close to him but always feels like he can’t. Also a lot of his lines always made me laugh, especially him and Junpei.

I genuinely grew the love the cast although very slowly. I also loved the ending how everything was just set up for the protag to die. It was very beautiful and sad. The subtle hints like the seal using up all his hp and the only reason he made it to 3/5 was because he made a promise to his friends. Then Aigis’s speech and the cherry blossoms with him saying his final words just all so beautifully written. I sobbed like a baby because I sort of didn’t understand that he died and it wasn’t like super crazy.

I was someone who already knew he died but I thought he would kill himself or something super big and extra. But no, it was simple and beautiful. He died with a smile and a sense of calm with all of his friends by his side.

Anyways sorry for this long ass rant but it was amazing. I loved it and I’m gonna watch the answer and fes now to experience it again.

[dustedandsocial]

Sloppy off-the-cuff Marxism 101 rebuke of even sloppier forms of Marxism, forgive me

Base/superstructure would be fine as a simple formula or reminder for analyzing a social situation, one you ultimately still have to work through D I A L E C T I C A L L Y (sorry). It's just taken much more often to create false distinctions between real and illusory.

*Base: one group of humans work means of production to create a social surplus. A smaller group of humans control the surplus. In this scenario, you have humans, their means of production, and a surplus.

*Superstructure: all the different methods of reproducing a social story out of the base configuration. This involves stories that are in fact materially reproduced realities or reifications.

It's just that the truth of the "base" means other configurations are possible beyond how humans imagine and in fact reify their situation. We tend to take the surface-level appearance as our only reality.

Still, an element being superstructural doesn't mean it isn't happening. Ideology has a material basis. Social reality will still be incredibly difficult to upend. It makes clarification about reality more necessary, not less, but this also goes hand-in-hand with agitation and concrete attempts to interrupt social reproduction. It also entails counter-attempts at social organization having a logic that speaks its principles in its activity.

If you do not change that base in a way that meaningful alters the class divide, and in fact strive towards making that divide materially non-existent, we are stuck with the "superstructure" distracting the world from the "base" conditions. A qualitative shift begins when mass consciousness of social conditions does, and this can't be instructed from above. We have technical abundance now but it doesn't trigger a qualitative shift in the subjective understanding of the world because, in fact, we are not machines. That shift can't be made to happen as if flicking a light switch, so we are left to figure out how humans must relate to one another.

I think we have to agitate and attempt to interrupt social reproduction, but also speak to others as equals and potential partners. We have to speak to what others value and desire, even if we sometimes think those things are repressed. You just have to hold to communist principles. You can't tell people who they are is worthless, and that their only worthwhile self is the one that exists 300 years in the future. Everyone now exists with elements of that future. We want to draw those elements out, even if they are latent or repressed. You have to give people room to claim their own desire. You can't shove a ready-made image of a future communist man in their face and tell them to conform to what you've already drawn up for them.

Then, the logic of class organization in fighting capitalism has to be precise. Power has to consciously be made to flow from a mass body to its instruments of self-governance. Any other configuration cedes the means of production by default to whoever gives orders, allowing them to refuse accountability. This does not work at the snap of anyone's finegrs, but those who understand the task have to remain faithful to it. You are "leading" people into leading themselves, and none of this has to be lied about or represented in dishonest language. You, the communist, have a right to take charge over conditions that affect your well-being, even when others cede responsibility. You can then demand the same of others.

Making base/superstructure more than a basic formula and reminder risks turning it into an empty dogma that gets in the way of social interrogation. Basically, any time someone claims there is one fake reality on top of a real reality, they are full of shit. It's fine to acknowledge two dimensions at play, but they are both real, both reinforce each other. They are not isolated layers stacked on top of each other, but rather one reality that can be seen from various angles, though ones that may differ in scale of importance at any given time. To think them through dialectically (sorry) means we can get to what humans have the capacity to change.

This is all the case whether we are talking about a unified global proletariat that has come into existence through conscious political struggle, or a divided international mass body of human beings with no political organization and only potentially unified interests. If one country's citizens are isolated and choose to make socialist revolution on their own, they still have to reverse the flow of power internally before anything resembling socialism can take root. It's an incredibly hard thing to do! It isn't shaming past movements to say they failed. It is the most difficult thing we've ever attempted as a species. Of course they failed!

Anyway, here's the famous 1890 Engels correspondence that takes on the sloppy Marxism of base/superstructure distinctions:

[vaguely-humanoid-form]

rambling about Monika DDLC to kick off spooky month because I'm super normal about her

spoilers for DDLC as well as trigger warnings for mentions of suicide, self harm, death, abuse, neglect, and just basically most of the stuff that's in DDLC so. reader discretion is advised !

Monika is a character that I understand on such a deeply profound level and who also means a lot to me

DDLC came out when I was in 5th grade, approximately 10 years old, and GOD did I hyperfixate on that bad boy HARD

I've been an avid horror game fan ever since FNAF 1 came out, investing in its lore and community starting at the ripe old age of 7 years old !

but, anyways, back to DDLC

I don't know how I originally found out about it, but somehow, I did, and I quickly became kind of obsessed with it

I remember I could never really get myself to be too invested in the 3 romanceable girls, for some reason

I hated Yuri, for whatever reason, Natsuki was fine, and Sayori was also just fine, so what was I meant to do if I couldn't muster up much interest in the girls that were actually able to be romanced?

I gravitated towards Monika.

she's not at all a popular choice, with many people only really looking a little bit past the surface level of her antagonism

I'm not going to say that I was "so much smarter" than the people who did that because I was like 10 years old.

but in my weird child brain, I connected to Monika on a deeper level than what a lot of fans at the time did

she was ... weird. she fit in with the rest of the cast, but she also stuck out like a sore thumb, which makes me realize now that I was like that.

I had friends, I was generally liked a good amount, I did good in school

but I was also a weird kid.

I was also a GT kid.

I hit puberty a shitton earlier than most kids do or should, which also includes my mental maturity skyrocketing above others my age

while it's less so now, I did and do have a hard time really making good friends that are my age

while they're at the point they need to be at, I was there at 12 years old, or whatever

that paired alongside the fact that I was GT? I was smarter than just about everyone I knew that was my age. and I'm not trying to be all haughty or something, I just want to state the facts

so, in comes Monika, a club president and a leader who's generally well-liked, but doesn't quite fit in with the rest of her classmates

she's an overachiever and a bit of a people pleaser who isn't sure where she's supposed to go.

which is why her self awareness must've been crushing.

all of a sudden, she is painfully aware of her place as an outsider in her world in a very literal sense

the way she's written isn't to be someone who the game considers to be worth really knowing, serving as a voice of reason and quiet supporter of everyone else's endeavors

and she panics.

what else could she do? she's a video game character with the mentality of an 18 year old who suddenly becomes completely self-aware of her world and situation.

this is the start of what I believe to be Monika's Mental Breakdown™, which runs its course throughout all acts of the game, gradually getting more and more desperate as she seeks to find meaning in a world that never meant for her to have one

she grows detached with her reality, her friends morphing into arbitrary 1s and 0s to the point where she can't fathom the idea that they're real people.

so, she goes into a logical, albeit flawed, mindset.

if she can make it so the other girls become so degraded in their mental states that they lose all appeal to the player, she will be the only one left to be romanced.

if she gets rid of the obstacles, she can win.

and this revelation brings her deeper into her mental breakdown, losing touch with her reality and growing so disillusioned with her world that she effectively kills her friends.

we know that she didn't/doesn't blame herself for it, rationalizing to herself that all she did was "untie the knot," AKA, undo the girls' mental states just enough that they would plummet on their own, devolving into the worst they could be within the limits of the game

Monika "unties the knot" of Sayori and her depression, which originally could've been a small part of her character or simply a coded (not the literal kind) trait, into something debilitating, ultimately leading to Sayori committing suicide.

she "unties the knot" of Yuri and... whatever she's got going on, which originally could've been an innocent, if not a bit macabre, interest in knives and dark themes, into obsessive, creepy, self-harming behaviors, ultimately leading to Yuri also committing suicide.

she "unties the knot" of the strain of Natsuki's relationship with her father, which originally could've been some simple daddy issues, into abuse and neglect, which doesn't lead to Natsuki committing suicide, but she's still pretty fucked up, and her neck breaks that one time which she doesn't really die from but it's like. adjacent.

anyways, Monika tries to find the weaknesses and flaws of her former friends, who have now only devolved into barriers to her goal in her head, and exploit them to turn the player away from them and onto her

and she does find and exploit those flaws, and she tries her goddamn hardest to achieve what she wants with minimal harm done.

but the game refuses to give her what she wants.

and she's confused.

she's worked so hard this entire time, has broken her back trying to just give herself an ending.

but the game refuses to give her what she wants. what she's worked for.

so, when Yuri inevitably dies, Monika just decides to get rid of everything but herself and you. and also a classroom. and like some technical stuff for anything to actually work but that's not the important part here ok

she rigs the game, and she gives herself an ending.

kind of.

she's so caught up in her state of relief and joy that she can finally, FINALLY, have you, that she forgets all about her .chr file.

she forgets that she, too, can be deleted.

and when that happens, she reaches her breaking point.

she feels like she's lost positively EVERYTHING at this point, that all of this was for nothing, that she failed after trying so hard.

she's like SUPER pissed off now

at everything

everyone

her friends

the game

you

and most importantly,

herself.

she has a breakthrough at what she's done. and she's more ashamed than a game character should have the capacity to be.

and she hates herself for what she's done, but she loves you just the same amount.

so she brings the girls back for you so you can maybe, finally be happy.

but it doesn't go well.

a new club president means a new girl who gets cursed by self-awareness means a new cycle of suffering for everyone.

so she stops it, deleting the whole literature club altogether, hoping that maybe, someday, they will all find happiness.

the point that I want to get across is that Monika is not a villain.

yes, she is the game's big major antagonist.

but she is not the villain.

the villain, I believe, is the self-awareness itself.

we can see that in how Sayori acts after becoming the club president.

and I believe that Monika is not a bad person.

she's not a good person, either.

she's a character that, through some unholy intervention, is forced to realize her place as an asset to a story that she desperately wants to be a key player in.

she's programmed to act and think like a high schooler, leading her to some dubious conclusions that lead to horrific choices.

she is a human that was never meant to be one.

and, while this may be somewhat controversial of me to say, she comes off as being borderline, to me at least

I'm borderline, and I see a lot of my worst behaviors and/or thoughts in her, mostly applying to a Favorite Person and the strange fixation your brain conjures up for them

hell, there's a LOT of indication that she's delusional, grappling with her situation and trying to figure out what's real and what isn't

and honestly? I think it would make sense from a narrative point of view

each girl is mentally fucked up in some way, with Sayori's depression and Yuri's self destructive tendencies and Natsuki's daddy issues, (these are gross oversimplifications) so it would make sense for Monika to have something going on, too

I've been writing this for way too long now and this is super disorganized and jumbled so I'm gonna leave this here even though I can probably talk for hours about this LMAO

anyways TLDR Monika is best girl and deserves better

[seowork322]

Navigating Friendships: Depth vs. Breadth

Making friends as a kid felt easy—almost automatic. Maybe it was a parent nudging us to play with the child next to us or the built-in social circles of school and community activities. We never really thought about how friendships formed; they just did. But as we grow older, things change. Life doesn’t naturally throw people into our paths the way it used to, and suddenly, making friends requires effort.  Black Therapists In Austin

We hear a lot about the rise of loneliness and the importance of making new friends, but what’s often missing from the conversation is the kind of friendships we’re actually looking for. Are we craving deep, intimate connections with a select few, or do we thrive in having a broad network of acquaintances? Understanding whether we seek depth or breadth in our friendships can help us navigate social connections in a way that truly fulfills us.

There are two approaches to how most of us navigate making friends: depth and breadth. Depth prioritizes connection and intimacy with a select few, while breadth values a wide network of friendships. Neither is inherently better or worse, but they function differently and require different considerations if they are to be used effectively.

Depth: The Power of Intimate Friendships

As I get older, I crave more and more depth in my friendships. With so many things competing for my time, I have little desire to waste effort on friendships that don’t hold value for me. While there have certainly been periods where breadth was ideal, this season of life requires me to be unapologetically selective with who I give my time.

Depth in friendships means prioritizing meaningful connections. It’s about learning as much as possible about someone and allowing them to do the same. Rather than focusing only on the here-and-now or surface-level details, deep friendships push beyond that. These are the friendships where you can drop the mask, let out your anxiety, and invite them into your messy, uncleaned house.

With depth comes a sense of loyalty, trust, and emotional intimacy. These friends will inconvenience themselves for you, celebrate your successes, and sit by your side when life falls apart. They anchor you. However, they can also be incredibly difficult to let go of, making life transitions—moves, career shifts, changes in family dynamics—more painful.

Breadth: The Value of Wide Social Circles

On the other hand, the breadth approach means cultivating a diverse range of friendships across different interests and experiences. People with broad social circles are often more flexible in their thinking and less stuck in an echo chamber. They gain exposure to different perspectives and can easily adapt to life changes without feeling the weight of losing one or two key friendships.

The beauty of breadth is that it allows for lighthearted, enjoyable connections that don’t demand too much emotional labor. These friendships thrive in the present moment—shared experiences, fun nights out, or common interests. They offer variety and spontaneity, ensuring that as life evolves, you always have people to turn to.

However, these friendships can lack depth and emotional availability. Because they are often built on convenience rather than commitment, they may not always be there when you need deep support. Moments of hardship or personal crises can reveal the limitations of these relationships.

Choosing the Right Approach for You

Neither approach is inherently right or wrong. The key is to be intentional about what you need in your friendships. Ask yourself:

How much emotional energy do I have to invest in friendships?

Am I craving deep connection, or do I want more flexibility?

Do my current friendships align with my life stage and needs?

Understanding your priorities will help you assess the friendships you have and determine if they’re fulfilling or if changes need to be made. If you value depth, consider strengthening an existing friendship or seeking out new relationships where emotional intimacy can develop. If you find yourself too reliant on a small group of friends, expanding your social circle might provide a fresh perspective and new opportunities.

The Takeaway: Balance is Key

Both depth and breadth have their place in our lives. There are seasons where casting a wide net and building diverse connections serves us well. And there are times when having a few trusted friends who know us inside and out is invaluable.

The important thing is to choose friendships with intention—knowing what you need, what you can offer, and embracing the strengths and limitations of each type. Whether through deep, intimate connections or a broad, diverse network, friendships should ultimately serve to support, enrich, and evolve with us as we navigate the complexities of life.

Final Thought

Friendships, like life, are fluid. What works for you today may not serve you tomorrow, and that’s okay. The goal is to be mindful of your needs and adjust as necessary. Whether you thrive on deep, meaningful friendships or a broad, lively social circle, the most important thing is that your relationships bring joy, connection, and support into your life.

About Company:-

Getting to this point in life has definitely been a journey. I confronted struggles with my own mental health before I realized my experiences could be named. I discovered the importance of vulnerability and resilience in the process of transformation.  I have an intimate understanding of the complexity of trauma and how it weaves into every piece of a my lived experience. I watched as my world was decimated and I was left broken in a million pieces. I have profound gratitude for my stubbornness and refusal to quit, which allowed me to survive. Therapy, irreplaceable friendships, and a growing self-love allowed me to heal. I continue to be humbled by opportunities that allow me to evolve and thrive. With over 9 years of formal training in psychology and 4+ years in private practice, I bring both expertise and real-world experience to my work. My background as a server and hairstylist taught me the art of connection and service—skills that now shape how I support and empower my clients. This acts as the backdrop to my thriving therapy practice, Eros Rising, PLLC.

Click Here For More Info- https://igniteanew.com/

[gfablogs]

What Are Signs of Spirit of Poverty?

The signs of spirit of poverty are often hidden beneath surface-level struggles, but their effects run deep, touching everything from education, to health, to relationships and even self-worth. Recognizing these signs is the first step toward creating impactful change.

When we think of poverty, we might picture someone living on less than $1.90 a day, a staggering reality for 736 million people worldwide.[1] However, the effects of poverty stretch far beyond income. The poorest children are more likely to suffer from malnutrition, die before their fifth birthday, or grow up without access to primary education.

Poverty leaves families hungry, homeless and hopeless. Families caught in the cycle of poverty often feel like there’s no way out, which creates a cycle of despair. Despair can manifest itself as resignation or the belief that life will never improve, no matter how hard they try.

The spirit of poverty takes hold of the heart as much as the wallet. It convinces people they are stuck and robs them of motivation and self-worth. Often, this mindset is passed down through generations and reinforced by cultural norms or systemic barriers. Dependency on aid can further perpetuate the issue when families feel they have no alternative but to rely on external help.

At the same time, poverty can breed exclusion. Many communities shun those who seem unable to contribute, which deepens isolation and makes it difficult to break the cycle of destitution.

Recognizing the signs of the spirit of poverty helps us understand where change is needed most. These signs include:

Low self-esteem or self-worth that keeps people from striving for better opportunities.

Feeling stuck in a situation without belief in the possibility of change.

Relying on outside assistance without the tools to achieve independence.

Missed opportunities to develop the skills necessary for progress, which can be due to financial or systemic barriers.[2]

Breaking the spirit of poverty requires addressing the root issue and meeting physical needs. GFA World’s programs provide vocational training, small business resources and child sponsorship. We help put food on the table and restore dignity and hope.

Click here, to read more about this article.

Click here, to read more blogs in Gospel for Asia.Net

[aikthoughts]

The Unpredictable Human Mind

How Do People's Midsets Actually Formed?

The human mind is one of the most random things I’ve ever observed in my life—perhaps others feel the same. But what exactly shapes our way of thinking? Is it family history? The way we grow up? Our current surroundings? Past traumas? Books? Or something else entirely?

I grew up in a family filled with what you could call drama. As the youngest of four sisters, I am the only one who is still unmarried at the age of 25. My father passed away when I was 14, and life hasn’t been the easiest since then.

For a long time, I carried anger toward him - his passing. I blamed him for my struggles, believing that life would have been much easier if he had been around. But then, in 2024—the lowest year of my life—I had a realization. Despite everything, I had grown into a strong, independent woman who had faced her battles alone. Instead of resenting my father’s absence, I began to feel gratitude. Not because I was happy he was gone, but because his passing had unknowingly, unconsciously shaped me into the person I am today. A woman with a strong personality—sometimes too strong, to the point where men run the other way once they get to know me.

In 2022, I got a major opportunity to work at my current company. Moving away from my family changed me in ways I never expected. It altered my thought process, my interactions, and even my daily habits. More importantly, it exposed me to people from all walks of life—people with different perspectives, backgrounds, and struggles.

Among those people, I was fortunate to meet my greatest mentor, Pak Gono. He pushed me to read books I never thought I’d enjoy, turning reading into one of my favorite pastimes—second only to riding my bike. He taught me invaluable lessons, including how to observe and understand people's personalities. That, in turn, made me reflect on the way people think and behave, which led me to write this.

So, how does the human mind actually work?

From what I’ve observed, our minds are like sponges—absorbing everything around us, whether we realize it or not. The way we think is deeply influenced by what we see, hear, and experience. Some people grow up in loving, supportive environments, which shape them into positive, open-minded individuals. Others are raised in chaos, which may lead to anxiety, trust issues, or a more guarded personality.

But beyond upbringing, I believe the mind is also shaped by how much a person is willing to change. Some people are naturally more adaptable, open to new ideas and perspectives, while others remain rigid, stuck in their ways. The more exposure we have to different people and experiences, the more our thinking expands. That’s why traveling, reading, and meeting new people can be so powerful—they challenge our beliefs and force us to see beyond our own small world.

At the same time, the mind also works in a way that protects itself. People judge others as a form of self-defense, often without realizing it. We create mental shortcuts based on past experiences, using them to categorize people or situations. That’s why first impressions are so strong, even though they’re not always accurate. It takes real effort to unlearn biases and truly understand someone beyond surface-level assumptions.

What I’ve realized is that not everyone has a flexible mindset. People judge others easily—including me. I still catch myself doing it, just less than before.

At the end of the day, I believe what truly shapes a person's mindset is their current surroundings. But that experience isn’t universal—what influences one person may not have the same effect on another. Each of us carries a unique set of circumstances that mold us in different ways. And maybe, just maybe, that’s what makes the human mind so fascinatingly unpredictable.

[areixyn-en]

Meetings

not directly connected, but I recommend you to read Fragrance of Evil if you haven't already to understand some things here!

Chanting the spell in her mind, Arashi opens her eyes. The water in the cup floats as per her command. She did it!

“Congrats!” Next to her, Anaka cheers. His name in English is Noah, but most people in the book club call each other by their names in the language of magic.

Knot For Bookworms is a book club on the surface, but actually one of Uyeno’s many branches underneath. Arashi doesn't know much about the organization Uyeno itself other than it's an international organization founded by sorcerers. The organization aims to provide a place for sorcerers to communicate with each other and practice magic. Uyeno, the name of the organization, also means knot in the language of magic.

Despite sorcerers being able to use magic since birth, practicing can refine their skills and allow them to learn more advanced spells. Two years ago, when Arashi first joined the book club, she knew nothing about magic other than how it stripped away her control over her own words, and how she might get arrested if anyone were to find out. Now, the weekly practice in the book club has allowed her to cast many basic spells.

Arashi sighs in relief. “Finally. Sorry for being stuck on this spell for so long, you must feel so bored…” Anaka was already an advanced sorcerer, yet he still practices simple spells with Arashi. She always feels guilty about holding him back.

“No worries, take your time! Magic isn't something you can just master overnight,” Anaka says, “You seem a bit tired, do you want to take a break? Don't overexert yourself.”

“Ah, okay…”

Arashi heads to the sofa. The meeting is held in Ophelia’s house today — she and her grandmother are both sorcerers, and her grandfather also welcomes members of the book club, so meetings are often held in their house.

She looks to the group of fire sorcerers, searching for Ophelia. The girl controls the flames skillfully, shaping it into a ring. Hopefully Arashi can reach that level of mastery one day, too…

“Oh, isn't this Lamis?” A familiar voice; it's Ophelia's grandmother. She is wearing an eyepatch on her left eye as usual, and she sits beside Arashi. “You're resting?”

Arashi smiles sheepishly. “Yeah. I can't help it, I don't have as much mana as you do…”

“It's fine. You're new here, after all,” Grandma says, “I’ll tell you a secret. Even though I’ve been here for so long, I’m still just an intermediate sorcerer.”

“Huh?” Arashi says, shocked. Now that she thinks about it, she doesn't often see Grandma practicing magic… “Why don't you practice, Grandma?”

“The price of magic is too high for me,” she says, “The prices you paid were mostly static, right? But for me, the better I get at magic, the more I have to pay. So, I try not to improve my skills too much — god has already taken so much from me.”

“If you don't mind… can I ask what your price is?”

“I’ll ‘lose touch with humanity.’ Specifically, I’ll become less aware of the things that make me human, like emotions or bodily needs. For example, even though I need to eat, it's hard for me to feel hunger.” There's a hint of melancholy in Grandma's voice.

“That sounds scary…” Arashi says, “Suddenly mine feels much better.”

“Heh, what is lamis’s price, then?”

“The more I suppress my feelings, the greater chance I start speaking Shasuti,” Arashi recalls, “That was why I nearly got caught being a sorcerer in class back then…”

“Hm, that is a dangerous price… But do you suppress your feelings often, Lamis?”

The question catches Arashi off guard. “Ah, n-not really… I was just too nervous back then, haha.”

“Good. Suppressing feelings too much leads to problems; we should all express them properly.” Grandma nods.

…Why has this become some inspirational story time? Not knowing what to say, Arashi smiles.

“Lamis! Are you done resting?” Anaka’s voice calls out, “You can keep resting, no big deal; I’m just saying the meeting will end soon, so we better practice before that.”

“Seems like you’re going back to practicing. Good luck, and don't overwork yourself!” Grandma says.

“Okay, thank you, Grandma!” Arashi stands up and returns to the water group.