#working while neurodivergent

[unfilteredrealities]

The brain fog is so badly these days. I don’t even remember my name at times. I forgot how to do the most basic skills and at times I forgot these days how to properly do my job.

I’m so fatigued and everything is hurting. Everything is so tensed up.

While I ate dinner tonight it hurt so much to open my mouth bcs my jaw was so tensed up…

I do not know when I take vacation time. I need it dearly but I know the moment I have off time, my health is fucking me over.

Was an exhausting work day. 70 calls. Some rude customers.

[datamodel-of-disaster]

I just had my first formal project review at my new job.

It was all compliments.

No complaints. They were very satisfied with my work, felt my deliverables showed true analyst mindset and remarkable technical acumen, enjoyed cooperating with me, and found me pleasant to be around.

And I'm just...

The sheer difference, between working in a place where you are barely tolerated and one where you are appreciated.

I haven't magically become a better functional analyst in the last month. I was just as good at my previous job, where my bosses disliked me and sought out every possible reason to criticise me, ad absurdum.

Working in a place with bad vibes was such a mindfuck. Even though no one was outright rejecting or bullying me (besides one of my bosses, which was why I left in the end), I always felt faintly excluded and awkward. Unsafe.

You can tell when people don't like you, even if they're polite about it -even if they try hard to include you and be nice! Perhaps especially then. You can tell.

I had forgotten what it's like to work with people who like me.

In my head "having a job" had become synonymous with being in a state of constant, low-level distress and discomfort .

It's only now that I realize how awful my baseline had become. I'm constantly surprised at people being warm and genuine -especially because my new job is at a much bigger company with a lot less of a "we're all buddies here" vibe than my previous one.

Anyway. Guess I'm trying to say... sometimes it's not you.

Especially if you're disabled and have a history of professional failure/not meeting people's expectations/being too weird to have friends/etc, you are primed to accept people treating you badly, because well... you probably did something to deserve it, right? You should be grateful to have a job at all, right?

But sometimes it's not you.

Sometimes a place is just shit, and it's not because you're bad at the work or an unlikeable person.

So if you're currently hating your job and just biting your teeth because you don't think you'll be treated better elsewhere... this is your sign. Don't wait until you find yourself thinking about jumping in front of your commute train instead of getting on it every morning. There's better out there.

[cognitiveleague]

Work vent post for the day: Coworker please, it literally took more time, stress, and momentum out of my day to consider whether or not to argue with you about ‘making extra work for [myself]’ than it did to a) make a copy of an existing document to edit from instead of editing directly onto the document (2 seconds, no stress) and b ) delete a section from the copy that I figured wouldn’t be needed (also 2 seconds, no stress).

Like if your process is negatively affected by either of these things and you’d prefer for me to edit directly on the old version / leave the extra parts untouched because that’s better for YOUR workflow, say so, but now MY workflow has been interrupted by Neurodivergent Shutdown Mode over whether or not it’s worth trying to explain that the amount of work your way of doing things would in theory save me is so fucking negligible that there’s no reason to take it into consideration????

(The Shutdown is also over how much I instinctively Loathe the idea of editing over the old form and using the archived versions of the same doc in Docs if we ever need the old information instead of just. Fucking taking 2 goddamn seconds to make a copy of the old one, copy-paste a new bottom section on it from the blank form, and check which one has a more recent date on it if two versions come up when you search the client’s name??? I Hate the idea of the old version not being kept as a distinct file, it feels so unnecessarily unintuitive, as the bitch who has to do a huge amount of the insurance claim casework around here and sometimes needs to fucking know that a client got new insurance and what the old plan’s coverage was like…)

[spookyspeks]

Does anyone else feel like physically disabled people aren't allowed to identify with the very common and understandable thing of "nobody wants to work"

Like. "Nobody wants to work but if you're disabled you have to want to work or you must be faking. This thing everyone else feels isn't supposed to apply to you"

[phoenixyfriend]

An exchange from the groupchat:

Me: Neurobland people do not understand how ambiguous their responses are to be and then they get annoyed when I ask for clarification

Me, two minutes later: TYPICAL

THE WORD IS NEUROTYPICAL

Friend 1: no neurobland is better

Me: I couldn't brain the right word so I just went "well some people say neurospicy so let's go off of that"

Friend 2: Losing it I thought you were just being derogatory. Friend 3: neuromild Friend 2 again: Neurobland for when you're insulting and neuromild to be neutral…

[asairayn]

anyone else constantly searching for disability-focused fanfics?

WELL I MADE A GOOGLE DOC!

Over a hundred fanfics centered on disability (physical, IDD, mental illness, neurodivergence, and more!)! All in one place! Titles, authors, link, and summary all written out - you don't have to click on them to see the summary! Sorted by fandom! Almost 30 different fandoms! Over a hundred fics! Constantly being updated whenever I find more!

As someone who is physically disabled, I spend a lot of time searching for fics centered on disability. They tend to be very difficult to find, only from a few fandoms, and often... not great representation. So, finally, I decided to make a list of them!

The majority are about physical disability. I've done my best to find any focused on intellectual and developmental disability, but there aren't many of those because there just aren't very many of them. There's also quite a few focused on neurodivergence and mental illness, and those are highlighted in light blue. My personal favorites are highlighted in light purple and marked with a star emoji.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME MORE! I am constantly looking for more fics centered on disability! I will take any fandom!

[justaboutsnapped]

tumblr whites who haven’t listened to a lick of rap before not like us talking about a hugely influential black rapper who weaves politically poignant narratives about his own lived experience as a black person in america, systematic racism, etc: haha he’s so quirky he’s so petty he’s like a trickster god an old god a fae god oooooh he’s a dragon slayer get it cause drake-

[littleluscinia]

Hitomi, post Mizuki Route: Iris... I don't know how to tell you. But the truth is your attempted killer, So Sejima, ... is actually your father.

Osiris:

[ndcultureis]

HSP culture is no, I can't just "toughen up" and yeah I will fucking "cry about it". You can't tell me to "just grow up" when I've been this way for over a decade.

Also, neurod culture is constantly being told, "How do you expect to get a job/live in the real world if you keep acting like this".

.

[crossdressingdeath]

I think that part of the reason you've had more fun with Veilguard that a lot of other people is Percy. I know you've put a lot of character building effort into him but that started before the game released. Other players don't have the advantage of that connection with Rook. If you weren't playing with Percy, do you think you'd have as much fun?

Yes. You know how I know that? I've played characters other than Percy. I talk most about him and play him most because he has the most internal worldbuilding and he is my precious darling blorbo from my head (and also I am a mage girlie at heart and that orb/dagger combat is so good), but I've also played both Mercar and Ingellvar and I've had just as much of a ball with them (aside from not liking warrior combat all that much, but that is very much personal preference and nothing to do with the objective quality of it).

I've talked about this on discord before, but there are absolutely games that I play repeatedly because I like My Little Guy rather than because the game itself is really worth the time commitment to me. DAI and BG3 come to mind; I have never played anyone but Alaris and Kyvir in those and I likely never will. I've vaguely thought about playing other characters or romancing someone else, but then I've remembered how long that will take and put it off for later, or more likely never, because my desire to see that additional content doesn't outweigh the sheer amount of time I'd have to put into it. DAV is not one of those games. I keep coming back to Percy because I love him best, yes! But I also loved playing Mercar and getting the Shadow Dragon stuff and rogue content. The Ingellvar content is incredible. I'm taking a break from DAV at the moment (both to play other games and because I don't want to do what I've done with too many games and play myself into boredom with something I love), but I'm really looking forward to when I pick it up again and run through the other Rooks and romances and the companion paths I haven't done yet. I genuinely love the plot, the combat is actually fun, the characters delight me (there isn't a single companion I want to strangle to death which is. a first in this series). Percy adds to my enjoyment, but he's not the reason I enjoy it.

And I'm gonna be honest here. If people can't connect to Rook... that's a skill issue. Rook is a gem. Best protagonist in the series (you could also argue Hawke but I like Rook better and this is my post so it's Rook). And they're the best protagonist specifically because they're not a blank slate to project your character onto! They have an actual personality! They have character! There's plot hooks for them beyond "uh well you gotta do the thing because it's a video game and you're the player character and if you don't the world ends" or vague chosen one bullshit! They're not some piece of wood with a face drawn on it like Quiz was, they're charming and funny and awkward and they have insecurities and regrets and history and preexisting relationships that actually come up in-game and they are so damn good. I actually had to rework Percy a fair bit both pre- and post-release to fit him onto the character and canon backstory of Rook de Riva as I learned more about them, and it was worth it because the character Bioware came up with for this role is a delight. They stand on their own without having to headcanon a whole backstory for them while still leaving plenty of room for player freedom and headcanon, and that's something that I really think Bioware is not being given enough credit for.

[unfilteredrealities]

My health is plummeting downward at the moment.

My POTS is going brrr. I have 151bpm when standing and doing light walking.

My hand and leg joints are tingling and hurting and causing me numbness.

My psoriasis is itchy as hell.

My head feels like it’s going to explode.

I feel 24/7 as if something bad will happen to me.

Edit: I literally fell asleep while typing this and now my whole body is itching 😭🫠

[datamodel-of-disaster]

I need a work friend who is a real friend too.

Someone who gets that we’re both just there for the paycheck. Someone who doesn’t get annoyed at me taking breaks, who has my back like I have theirs, who knows it’s us against the bosses who are just looking for the right moment to fire us.

Like…

I can’t be the only one hanging on by the skin of my teeth. I can’t be the only one.

[byanyan]

hyperfixating on two things at once, please hold,,,,

[dykecharliee]

.

[starleska]

Just wanted to say that your whimsy and unironic enjoyment of things continues to be a passive inspiration for me: at one point today I thought "Damn I should really learn to calm down about this character. Shame I can never be as enthusiastic as I am about some of the characters I like because it's probably considered weird or cringe to like them." And immediately afterwards I went "No. Tumblr user Starleska doesn't live their life with 100% unrestrained enthusiasm and love for characters just for me to be a chicken." askdjhkjadkjdh

buddy!!!! you're going to make me cry, thank you so much 😭😭😭💖💖💖 i'm honoured to hear that!! y'know, over the past...ten? years or so, my goals in life have shifted a lot, as have the things i value. i realised at some point that i may never be able to achieve the kind of success most "gifted" (undiagnosed) kids envision for themselves...but i can always make things a little happier for myself and other people. being unapologetically enthusiastic about things is something i've always valued in other people, and it's a gift i want to pass on 🫡 my question for you is: what will you achieve by calming down about the things you love? the approval of some ignorant folks who equate enthusiasm with a lack of restraint, intelligence, or fake cool points? bro, who wants validation from people like that anyway 😂 and you never know when you yelling about the things you love might spark that same love in other people!! isn't that what fandom has always been about? 💖

[stephofromcabin12]

You think you’ve overcome your people pleaser tendencies until you have to cancel plans