#yes that IS a monty python reference

[cepetriwrites]

Into the Eye Chapter 48 is up!

[moociaoafterdark]

The last post was a rhetorical question, but, glad you guys want to hear me out!

Anyway, the Imperial Palace is haunted. "Haunted".

Surely, there are no such things as ghosts, right?

Except, when the Raven Guard Astartes began to report things disappearing when you don't look at them and also seeing pale ghostly figure stalking the hallways, people began to tense up, even though some just brushed it off as them confusing a ghost for one of their own. When the Custodes began to back up the Raven Guard's claims, the Primarchs got involved.

So, the main ghost hunting squad consists of Horus, Sanguinius, Corvus and Alpharius (and Omegon, but, shh). If we assign them the "Mystery Gang" roles, then Horus is Fred, Sanguinius is Daphne, Corvus is Velma and Alpharius is either Shaggy and Omegon is Scooby, or it's the other way around. No one notices the changes anyway.

A lot of their methods include things like a ouija board (from which they learned many interesting things about the ghost, particularly how many pickles it can shove up its ass), asking the ghost questions in the dark room, taunting the ghost (and screaming like little girls when the ghost retaliates), using a radio to try to communicate with it... That kind of stuff. A lot of the times, Corvus tries to negotiate with the ghost by offering Horus a sacrifice, much to Sanguinius' annoyance. Surprisingly, Horus doesn't really mind becoming a sacrifice (he thinks he can fight the ghost off) (he can't do shit). Alpharius and Omegon are both amused, however they initially didn't take the hauntings seriously. As time went on, though, they slowly started to plan their way out of the group.

The gang then turned to Lorgar for help. Their research led them to find out that numerous religions, in the past, had ways to ward off ghosts. Perhaps Lorgar can do something? Lorgar decided that a religious sacrifice could potentially pacify the paranormal ("No, Corvus, we are not sacrificing Horus"). He ordered Alpharius and Omegon to find and bring a small animal that they could sacrifice, while Lorgar prepared the salt, the candles and the prayers. Alpharius brought a little white rabbit from the Palace's kitchen. Sanguinius was sad to see such cutie get sacrificed, he made sure to give that rabbit some pats before the ritual. When the right time came, the Primarchs, all 6 of them now, stood in the circle made out of salt, in the room that was pitch black safe for some lit candles. Lorgar read the prayers and tried to stab the rabbit in order to kill it. The dagger, instead, bent to the side, as if the animal was made out of steel. The white rabbit then became possessed and jumped onto Alpharius, trying to bite through his helmet... And almost succeeding, had Sanguinius not grabbed and tossed the vermin out from the circle. Despite being tossed by a Primarch with full force, the rabbit didn't even break a sweat, instead preparing to pounce on its next victim. Thankfully it was put down by Horus and a couple of shots from his bolter pistol that he thankfully brought with himself. The killer rabbit was dead and Lorgar felt despair. Why didn't his faith in their father stop the malicious presence? He will make that ghost pay! Feeling wronged, he joins the ghost hunting squad and helps keep the group together and to coordinate the rituals.

Magnus thinks he can crack the case himself. He gets the photo evidence of paranormal activity, however, his recording skills are subpar. The photos and videos are blurry as fuck, as if Magnus covered the lense with a thick coat of vaseline beforehand. No one believes him or takes his evidence as, well, actual evidence... Except Jaghatai. His bike has been acting weird lately. Sometimes it turns on all by itself, drives itself for a good distance, sometimes it refuses to turn on, or strange things pop out on the display. Something is messing with his bike and the Great Khan is REALLY pissed at this. And, so far, he only trusts Magnus with this, so, they become a ghost hunting duo. Through the series of unfortunate events, the two have to race away from the pissed off ghost, with Magnus clinging onto Jagh and yelling "DRIVE FASTER, I'M SCARED".

The ghost also visited the Night Haunter himself. When Konrad realized he had an intruder he looked at the ghost, who decided to appear to him as a demonic looking old woman, taller than Konrad himself. Their eyes locked together and Konrad just... smiled, his rotting teeth revealed by a wide grin. He and the Night Lords were never bothered by the ghost again after that.

When news reached Roboute of what was happening in the Imperial Palace, he just made a shocked face and went "Oh no... Anyway!" and then went back to drinking the finest of wines you could find on Ultramar, while basking under Macragge's sun. Jackass.

Ferrus and Rogal were both working on the project together and didn't even notice the ghost. At some point, the ghost became a third participant: holding a hammer or shinning a light where it was needed. When Ferrus and Rogal realized what was happening, they just... Went back to work and continued to exploit the ghost. They would never say no to free labour.

[teecupangel]

I saw the Capybara ask and I was wondering if we could have Desmond who hangs out with potentially(?) dangerous animals and his ancestors just seeing him fine and not hurt while there is an obvious dead animal a few feet away from them

The Desmond becomes a Capybara idea for those interested.

I'm going to assume you meant that Desmond isn't an animal in this one but a Disney Princess that attracts dangerous animals XD

.

“Altaïr! Altaïr!”

Altaïr rushed out of his office at the sound of Kadar’s panicking, almost hitting the younger Al-Sayf when he opened the door quickly.

Thankfully, Kadar’s reactions have been honed by years of training, saving him from being smacked on the face.

“What’s wrong?” Altaïr asked quickly, coming off as rude but Kadar panicking only meant it was urgent.

“There’s a pack of wild wolves!” Kadar had to pause to catch his breathing, “They surrounded Desmond-”

“Altaïr!” Kadar shouted as Altaïr leaped out of the window, fear gripping his heart as he remembered this was the fourth floor.

Whether it was luck or Altaïr knew a wagon of hay would cushion his fall, Kadar wasn’t sure.

He was sure that wagon wasn’t there this morning.

Yet he could not do anything because Altaïr shouted at him, “Get backup!”

Altaïr was already running out of the fortress, not hearing Kadar shout back, “How many?!”

.

Desmond had always shone bright in his Eagle Vision, a swirl of gold and blue that was both vibrant and calming at the same time.

Contrasting descriptions but the most accurate Altaïr could be.

That was why it was easy for him to find Desmond, just outskirt of Masyaf, near one of the ruins that used to be a gate or an archway of some kind.

… Sitting on a rock as he cradled a white rabbit in his arms.

“Oh, hey, Altaïr.” Desmond greeted with a smile when Altaïr approached him.

Altaïr nodded at him as he greeted back, “Desmond.”

His eyes remained transfixed at the mangled remains of wolves a few feet away with Desmond’s dog, a dog named Connor, sniffing at them and dragging them to form what seemed to be… a line?

Even the bear cub that Desmond had found one day, a cub named Ezio, was helping the dog drag the bodies.

“Are you alright?” Altaïr asked instead as he prioritized.

… and ignored the weirdness that is Desmond’s ‘friends’.

“Oh, I’m okay.” Desmond grinned as he showed Altaïr the rabbit in his arms, “Oh, this is Jack.”

Altaïr stared at the rabbit with its bloodshot red eyes and…

Its white fur drenched in blood.

Making Altaïr wonder…

If this rabbit was not shivering because of fear but because of…

Bloodlust.

[polarity-disturbed]

Being in theatre—and being perceived as fem before I came out—means I’ve been repeatedly informed about the “cultural significance” of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Always with the energy of someone bestowing lost knowledge upon a humble peasant.

Any time I mention British comedy or Arthurian myth, there’s always someone who leans in like, “Wait, but—have you seen Holy Grail?” in a tone that assumes I’ve just emerged from a cave.

And It’s unfortunately kind of wrecked my relationship with the series.

BUT it is deeply satisfying to casually quote Life of Brian or something from the original Flying Circus and watch the confusion kick in.

And then I just smile and go,

“Oh no, you didn’t recognize that? I’m so sorry, I just thought you’d know it—you spoke so passionately about Holy Grail, I just assumed. That’s totally my mistake!”

I’m not a negative person by nature. I really do try to assume good intentions. I love when people are excited to share something they care about.

But something about being earnestly mansplained something I’ve already loved for years awakens this very gentle, very tired little gremlin in my soul. And they're polite. But they're also kind of a menace.

[hallucinateonpaperspines]

HELLLLOOOO EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!

I am here to give the Computer Saga Update! I cometh with bountiful news of both the blessed and regrettable variety.

Principly, the heir hath thus arrived! The slayer of the hiatus hath cometh at last!

Regrettably, it has cometh to my home address instead of my scholarly academic one, and I cannot afford postage at the moment. So, instead of tying it to an African Swallow and daring it to make the journey here (because of course such modern contraptions must be the equivalent of a coconut in weight) I must languish in waiting for my next venture homeward; the Easter Pilgrimage.

So, I’ll be back up and running in two weeks. Thank you all for your patience (I have stared day-dreaming about using a keyboard so I am also suffering) and the end is within sight.

Until then, I will be crying over the unboxing video sent by my siblings, whether it was a taunt or a comfort remains unknown, but my precious is alive and functional!

[shrimp-apocalypse-now]

do you think galahad and lancelot had a little gay thing going on?

[cynicalclassicist]

Even things like the rudderless boat and the killer rabbit. Medieval artists loved to put killer rabbits in!

For all its dumbfuckery, Monty Python and the Holy Grail is genuinely the closest a film adaptation of the Arthurian mythos has ever gotten to capturing how deeply weird the source material really is.

[qiu-yan]

a sphinx guards the road. in typical sphinx fashion, it will only allow the travellers who best it in a competition of wits to pass, and will eat everyone else. however, the sphinx is tired of giving the same few riddles to everyone it encounters - thus, it instead declares that, if a traveller wants to pass, then the traveller must give the sphinx a riddle that the sphinx cannot answer.

---

wen chao asks the sphinx: "what has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?"

"are you fucking kidding me," says the sphinx. wen chao is eaten.

---

wei wuxian asks the sphinx: "what has to be broken before you can use it? i’m tall when i’m young, and i’m short when I’m old - what am i? what has a heart that doesn’t beat? what comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years? the more of me you take, the more you leave behind - what am I? what can travel around the world while staying in the same corner? what has hands but can’t clap? i speak without a mouth and hear without ears; i have no body, but I come alive with wind - what am i? what gets wetter the more it dries? what is full of holes but still holds water?"

replies the sphinx: "an egg. a candle. an artichoke. the letter 'M'. footsteps. a stamp. a clock. an echo. a towel. a sponge."

"well damn," says wei wuxian, before he is eaten.

---

lan xichen asks the sphinx: "what is the air speed of an unladen swallow?"

replies the sphinx: "the airspeed velocity of an unladen European swallow is somewhere around 20.1 miles per hour; however, some may fly as fast as 46 miles per hour."

adds the sphinx: "also, monty python references are overdone these days."

"that last bit was unnecessary," says lan xichen as he is eaten.

---

jiang cheng asks the sphinx: "given the cone:

where a>0 and c>0 are constants, can you calculate the surface area of the cone, excluding the base?"

the sphinx scratches some figures into the dirt.

then, says the sphinx: "the area is as follows:

"how the fuck--" splutters jiang cheng, before he is eaten as well.

---

lan wangji asks the sphinx: "what does it mean to be a good person?"

the sphinx ponders this question for a while. then the sphinx responds at length, expounding upon all of the world's major moral philosophies, their similarities, and their differences. the sphinx discusses in great detail what philosophers such as confucius, laozi, aristotle, jeremy bentham, immanual kant, philipa foot, t. m. scanlon, and so on had to say about the matter.

after a lengthy and spirited discussion, lan wangji has to conclude that the sphinx has thoroughly addressed the question. therefore, lan wangji is eaten.

---

wei wuxian crawls out of the sphinx's stomach and demands another match. not seeing any reason to refuse, the sphinx gives him another turn.

says wei wuxian: "imagine that i give you three qiankun pouches: inside one of them is a lump of gold, while inside the other two are lumps of coal. after you pick one qiankun pounch, i (who know what's inside each pouch) open a different punch to reveal a lump of goal, and then ask if you want to switch your choice. should you switch?"

"i should switch," replies the sphinx. "if i switch, my chances of getting the lump of gold increase from 1/3 to 2/3."

"should've known it wouldn't be this easy," says wei wuxian as he is once more eaten.

---

jin guangyao asks the sphinx: "doha pz aol zxbhyl yvva vm mpmaf?"

the sphinx thinks about this for a moment. then, replies the sphinx: "hwwyvepthalsf zlclu wvpua glyv zlclu vul glyv zpe lpnoa, yvbuklk av zlclu zpnupmpjhua mpnbylz."

"well, it was worth a shot," sighs jin guangyao before he is eaten.

---

nie huaisang asks the sphinx: "can you tell me what my grandmother ate for dinner on this day 70 years ago?"

"she did eat dinner, yes?" asks the sphinx.

"she did.''

"then she ate food," replies the sphinx.

there is a long silence.

"well, i can't argue with that," says nie huaisang as he too is eaten.

---

wei wuxian again crawls out of the sphinx's stomach, and once more demands another match. the sphinx indulges him.

"if a barber only shaves every man in town who does not shave themselves, then does the barber shave himself?" asks wei wuxian.

"the barber transitions to female, so she does not shave herself," replies the sphinx.

"can an all-powerful god create a rock that is too heavy for god to lift?"

"i don't believe in god."

"what is the 130940119832th digit of pi?"

"it's somewhere between 0 and 9, inclusive."

"if you traveled back in time and prevented your grandparents from meeting, then how could you have existed to do it?"

"i cannot time travel."

"what's the largest prime number?"

"it's up there."

"motherfucker--" starts wei wuxian before he is again eaten.

---

jin zixuan approaches the sphinx. though the sphinx prompts him for a riddle immediately, for a moment he is silent. then, appearing rather downcast, he finally speaks.

"i really like jiang-guniang, but i've behaved so boorishly towards her that i fear she will no longer be willing to give me the time of day. how do i convince her to give me just one more chance?"

the sphinx thinks about this for a moment. then the sphinx thinks about this for another moment. then the sphinx begins to walk in circles, looking more and more frustrated.

finally, the sphinx speaks. "i don't know, man," it admits. "i think you might be cooked."

jin zixuan is allowed to pass. however, he does not seem happy about this at all.

[srbachchan]

DAY 5946

Jalsa, Mumbai May 29/30, 2024 Wed/Thu 1:53 AM

🪔 ,

May 30 .. birthday greetings to Ef Mahmud Chowdhury from London 🇬🇧 .. and Ef Heena Bhambhani .. 🙏🏻🚩❤️

work done for the cause of the general .. for the hopeful understanding of why it is being done .. of the desire to be assured that it may make some sense in the execution of some of the pointers spelt out ..

and then some more .. more ideas that have not been covered and not been drawn in the creative ..

I work for the campaign on Road Safety .. to be able to personally share some of my experiences on how this should be designed and brought to the people in general that have the right and privilege to use roadways , vehicles and the discipline and understanding that road safety in its execution may bring about a better discipline ..

It can never be a statement .. it must contain the psychological temperament of the viewer and the listener .. when you command for understanding it is often taken in the wrong spirit .. a lot needs to be put into the reason for the Campaign and the essential pointers that all motorists and pedestrians must believe and understand for a better temperament and safety on our roads ..

it shall be a long drawn battle .. but like all else, when the cause is understandable .. when the cause is right , then all else falls into place ..

It needs a continuous rendering ..

Talking about it in a formality and then forgetting it as 'job done' is the worst status of its bearing .. you have to persist , persevere , and determine a will that eventually shall work for the benefit of the reason it was done ..

So yes .. I commit myself to the fruition of the campaign .. and shall persist to the best for its victory ..

hand on heart to set the nature for the purity of the mission ..

salutations for them that support and volunteer to assist in the need ..

.. and have the great pleasure of my cute sweet colleague in front of the camera .. tresses and all .. 🤣

yes the moments in pictures are repeated .. for little girls be the sweetest of all ..

and the thoughts go back to that masterpiece of a film GIGI .. and the song

'Thank Heaven for little girls'

the song sung in its most inimitable rendition, by the great Maurice Chevalier .. and starring the most handsome man of the times Louis Jourdan !!

Ah .. those were the days my friends .. sadly lost in the speedometer of modernity and time ..

and my gratitude to the enviable Avinash Gowarikar for his photographic senses and the ability to capture you and make you look grand .. despite the flaws of age !!

I leave my liege

liege

"Since modern populations often ignore aristocracy (except in the case of tabloid coverage), many words once used for royalty are now unusual and obscure. Such is the case with liege. If you refer to someone as "my liege" you are probably playing a game.

Ah, the Medieval era, where we find the word liege as we know it, a term used by underlings for the lord of their land. The word was probably of Germanic origin, derived from the Medieval Latin laeticus. In an interesting etymological twist, the word at one time meant a leader of a band of free men — pretty much the opposite of its eventual meaning as a feudal lord. The word is not used much today, except in jest (see Python, Monty)."

Amitabh Bachchan

[nautiscarader]

The search for Nautiscarader's backstory, ep. 2, Endless Shmaltz

For those of you, who missed episode 1, I am trying to piece together the origins of my writing hobby by finding the oldest fics I've read, with the help of my extensive backup on a portable hard drive, and exploring my earliest ships and fandoms.

And boy, have I jumped the gun with the Monty Python gif in the og post, because this is already an order of magnitude weirder.

But first let's start with Minimax.

Minimax was a Polish(-ish) cartoon tv channel, which showed a hecking lot of cool cartoons (Magic School Bus, Code Lyoko, Lou!, Wakfu, yes, Wakfu, with Polish dub before the English Kickstarter! and many others) However, after hours, it gave way to gaming channel called gameOne, quickly renamed as Hyper. (Minimax itself had an edgy skater phase calling itself Zigzap, and then it became Teletoon+).

Now, if you are scratching your head, remember, we are talking about late 90s/early 2000s, early-internet, pre-Youtube era of TV. Gaming programmes were a thing. But aside from trailers and reviews, Hyper also showed a heck lot of anime, like Neo Genesis Evangellion, Record of Lodoss War, CyberSix (which is effing awesome!), and the topic of today's trip to the past, Gundam Wing.

This was not my intro to the mecha genre, General Daimos, which aired on Polonia1 was, but that channel is a story for a different day.

But most importantly, aside from big robots and political intrigue IN SPAAAAAAAACE, it also had...

...Relena Peacecraft (left), on whom I've had a huge crush as a 14-ish-years-old. In fact, this is also when I have discovered odd dissonances between anime openings and endings. Seriously, make someone new watch the og GW ending and try to convince them it's a space mecha show.

And so, once again, I went to The Internet to find fics about her and the show's hero, called... er, Heero. Yeah that was weird. Anyway, when I've started looking for GW fics, I have noticed a slight disproportion between number of M/F and M/M fics, in favour of the latter.

I would like to remind you, I am from Poland, which is, at low tide, 117% religious.

Anyway, this is how I've discovered yaoi.

But let's go back to Heero/Relena (or HxR, or 1xR, ships had these alphanumeric codes referring the pilots' numbers, AND THEY STILL USE THEM THIS IS SO CUTE @i-just-wanna-be-by-your-side)

I remembered exactly one fic, called "Do it in the road", and, sure enough, I had it saved.

But it was not the only file with that name...

You see, for SOME COCKING REASON, 16 YEARS OLD ME STARTED TRANSLATING IT INTO POLISH.

And this is where the fun trip down the memory lane turned into an existential roller-coaster, cos I've had no recollection of doing so!

...and why would I even do that?! Not to impress my classmates, nor, god forbid, my teachers, I was not going to publish it, and since I have started translating it, I obviously could enjoy it in English anyway. I say 'started', because I have not finished translating this one.

This one.

BECAUSE LO AND BEHOLD, I WAS ABLE TO FIND THREE MORE TRANSLATIONS FROM THE SAME PERIOD.

AND THESE ARE FINISHED.

And... I... er, I... find it difficult to explain! Can you even BEGIN to imagine the emotional whiplash I've experienced last night month when I've started writing this?! Now I know how characters in time travel stories feel, when they meet their older/younger counterparts. You should never meet your Heeros.

Now if you are insane inquisitive, you might ask about the quality of these translations. Well, they are... correct. I have mistranslated some idioms, and a few sentences have clunky structures. In other words...

...they could use...

...some...

...polish.

Now, this where I've hit a bit of a snag: it seemed this fic is gone from net. I had, however author's email - in pre-social media days it was customary to sign fics with them. Buuuuut since it's two decades old, I don't think I will eve-

NEVER COCKING MIND

So, I have managed to contact Beck and asked to reupload fic. Here is their FF account. At the moment it hasn't been reuploaded, so you cannot read it.

SCRATCH THAT

In fact, I have found an ooooooooooold lemon repository, called "Blissful Ignorance", and this is 100% the source of these fics for me. And here it is!

Oh, and one these fics lead to a slightly saucy fanart, which I have definitely saved.

(in fact, holy shit, I might have found it in the nick of time, cos the rest of the website 404s. In fact, two links there 404 as well. BACKUP STUFF YOU ENJOY, KIDS!)

Other fics from screenshots above:

Heero gets some!: https://anime2.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600021477

Lunch Break: https://blissfulignorance.com/Old/lemons/lunchbreak.htm

Waiting for tonight: https://blissfulignorance.com/Old/lemons/waitingfortonight.html

Power games: https://blissfulignorance.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?t=4260

WAIT HANG THE COCK ON

SO NOT ONLY IS BLISSFUL IGNORANCE UP AND RUNNING, IT IS NOT A DECREPIT HTML HELD BY GLUE AND WISHES BUT A PROPER PHPBB

and here is ANOTHER copy of "do it in the road": https://blissfulignorance.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?t=890

This... is truly bizarre. I thought I'd be finding a few dinosaur bones, and instead I found a working Jurassic Park.

W I L D.

And that would be it for today's internet history lesson! Not only have I found old fics, met their author, I have found an old example of another one of my hobbies - translations. Cos, yeah, I sometimes do them, just for myself, usually, I just like also comparing og lines with translations...

The funny thing is, I did remember name "Blissful Ignorance", but I thought it was a Sailor Moon fic repository, and... oh, but I shouldn't spoil what's coming in episode 3 :)

See you next time!

[kynaree]

My English Professor got me interested in arthurian legend so he lent me his copy of The once and future King which I’m slowly making my way through. And I bought Lê Morte D’Arthur and have been reading stories from it but they’re both so dense.

I wish I could just download understanding of Arthuriana straight into my brain so I can chat with the Arthurian tumblr community and understand all the beautiful art that @mortiscausa makes. I want to skip right to the obsessive fanart and babygirl-ifying the knights stage of this hyper fixation but instead I’m wrestling with T.H. White in the parking lot behind my uni’s liberal arts building

sketches and such from march to camelot

[overthestars-and-offtoneverland]

Olaf's Last Name

Look, I know he'll never have a canon last name and we've already gone through the "Labinski" fiasco.

I wanna go through several options I've been considering for headcanons and why each would possibly work (or not). Hell, Labinski can even stay because someone else has already mapped that out (Though I'm gonna be annoying and tell you why I personally disagree. If you like it, keep it. All power to ya).

Actually, you know what? Labinski is going first! Why? Because it actually kinda helps my case for the other options. Onwards!

Olaf Labinski (Credit to @snicketsleuth)

Pros:

As Sleuth pointed out, Olaf's first name and title appears to be in reference to the character of the same name in Theophile Gautier’s novel Avatar. So, hypothetically, it makes sense to give our Count Olaf the same last name.

Cons:

However, here's my personal issue. Doing that A. Feels a little like plagiarism and B. Doesn't fit Handler's literary reference naming convention because of point A.

Whenever a character has a literary reference name, it is never a direct one. Esme, for example, is named after a poem. "To Esme with Love and Squalor" and Jerome is named after the poet who wrote it (That's the J in J.D. Salinger). Note his name is not directly Jerome Salinger.

Mr. Poe's obviously an Edgar Allen Poe reference. But his name is Arthur. His sons hold the more direct reference names.

Uncle Monty's a Monty Python joke.

Hell, this is actually why I know for a fact that Charles' last name is not Baudelaire. Our leads are names after Sir Charles Baudelaire, yes. But it's no coincidence that the Baudelaire children are temporarily in the custody of two men who go by Sir and Charles.

The only exception to this I can think of is Georgina Orwell just being the feminization of George Orwell because it's a tongue in cheek about the hypnotism thing. But even then, it's still not one-for-one.

So, him being straight up named Count Olaf Labinski when that name already belongs to someone else's character doesn't fit to me. However...

Let's get into some other options

Olaf Gautier

So apparently some of the reason the Labinski thing happened is hypothetically because Charles Baudelaire and Theophile Gautier had beef. So, my proposal, Gautier does fit the literary naming convention because it pits rival against rival again in a meta sense.

Also, think of the comedy of Olaf having a French last name. I don't know if it's funnier if he pronounces it correctly or not ("Gautier" is usually pronounced in the US as "Goh-Shay" [Wrong] it's pronounced in with the "CH" sound "Goh-Chay" [Correct] in French. Source: Lived in a town called Gautier named after the family that founded it. Was classmates with the grandson of this family) The jokes write themselves. I personally think it's funnier if Olaf pronounces it with the correct "CH" sound but everyone else treats him like he doesn't know how to say his own name.

Olaf Von Bulow

Okay, so this requires a little lore. To those of you who don't know, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny get their first names from the attempted murder trial of Claus Von Bulow. Klaus, though his name is altered in spelling, is named after the defendant, who (allegedly, he was acquitted) poisoned his wife Sunny, and was prosecuted by a woman named Violet (The Violet source is a little fuzzy. I just know she's named after one of the lawyers involved).

Dude, how messed up would it be if Olaf's last name was still in reference to this trial? It would be a really messed up way to make him into a matching set with the kids.

Also Von Bulow, like Labinski, does fit the general geography of where a name like "Olaf" would exist

Take it all with a grain of salt, just felt like throwing my hat in the ring on some options that generally fit canon naming conventions.

And no, I will not be addressing the "Olaf Baudelaire" theory ^_^. Too much canon material is super against the idea that Olaf and Beatrice are siblings. One super big one I can point to is Olaf being listed by Lemony as one of Beatrice's potential suitors in The Beatrice Letters ("-or even O"). Really don't think incest is what he had in mind when he was talking about marrying anyone that would make her happy especially since he brings up that R is on the table even though same-sex marriage wasn't a thing at the time.

Love to hear any other options anyone can come up with!

[drconstellation]

Portable People

Muriel: "Can I...Can I take a book with me? I was looking at one earlier. They're like people, only portable." S2E6

Crowley's yeeting them around while stress-cleaning the bookshop, Jimbriel is trying to sell them to the investigating archangels, and Muriel just wants to read them all. Should we give a second thought to any of these books?

Er, yes. Yes, we should, I say.

In Crowley's case, both times he tosses the books aside (both in S2E3) it is adjacent to a conversation about memory.

In the first one he remarks to Jim that he doesn't remember why "they" invented gravity. He tosses the books - records of the past, records of (human) knowledge - then moves right back into the present, observing Rodney the Stunt Fly with Jim and then describing his Operation Lovebirds plan to him.

The same with the second GIF - Crowley has to make a decision between answering the phone (which is Aziraphale calling from Edinburgh) or the books. The present wins again, and he has the phone conversation with Aziraphale.

Crowley: Pffft. Humans. You don't let yourself get too attached. Aziraphale: No. No, I suppose not. Um… You haven't actually been selling any of the books, have you?

While we get the impression of Crowley not wanting to hang on to the past, as if its something that's hurt him before and he doesn't want to repeat that, on the other hand Aziraphale was having a lovely time remembering Mr Dalrymple the Scottish surgeon from 1826. This from an angel who hates getting rid of memories books, and we learn keeps a diary! Hmm.

I suppose the question is, is it a real memory problem on Crowley's side or an affected one to get around certain...awkwardness to do with his history? Such as not remembering working with Saraqael or fighting next to Furfur before the Fall?

Jimbriel, on the other hand, is more like Muriel. He is having a wonderful time discovering the delights of Humanity in the bookshop for the first time and is sooo excited to show it to the archangels when they arrive on Aziraphale's doorstep!

[btw, do you notice which side Jimbriel is standing on here? Its actually interesting to pay attention to which shoulder-side he is on in S2, because he is rarely on the left - even in S1, as well]

So while Aziraphale tries to, um, explain what humans do, Jimbriel "fans" one in Saraqael's face and then tries to (horror!) kill Rodney the Stunt fly with the Wicked Bible - the one with the printing error that says "You Shall Commit Adultery." *ahem* (not looking at you Jimbriel, oh no, not all...) Good thing it never works, Jimbriel declares, as the dust flies dramatically.

Edit: This book-banging episode is also a Monty Python reference! I found out over in my Assistant Bookseller meta that Jim's Fair Isle's style vest is a nod the Gumby characters, who all wear that style of vest and have the catchphrase "My brain hurts!" They also bang bricks together occasionally. *sigh* The things you didn't expect to find...Gabriel the Gumby...

The angels take no notice of Jim's antics. Since when do they take any notice of what goes on with humans, anyway? Oh, yes, they are going to keep a close eye on Aziraphale, but some idiotic human - nah! Don't care!

Then there's this travesty:

Aaah! The horror! Aziraphale reluctantly lets Maggie and Nina throw the books of human knowledge at the demons. But that doesn't work in the long run. Only the angel himself can solve this crisis.

[eri-pl]

Ar-Pharazôn's mother

(Lady not-appearing-in-the-canon*, I'll probably devise a name for her soon.)

(Late Numenor, but in terms of things explicitely mentioned we aren't going beyond speculated murder + some emotional abuse. Not a veeery long post, but long enough that it would get the cut even without the TWs.)

So, I was thinking about Pharazôn (as you do).

About how his father was a nasty, opinionated guy hating the Faithful and yet Pharazôn in his youth spent time with Amandil, Elendil, Miriel etc, in Andunie. Why? Who took him there, who let him?

Not his father, obviously, so I assume it must have been his mother. I don't think she was one of the Faithful (his dad probably wouldn't marry her in that case, also I think it would lead to Pharazôn being a better person… maybe?). But I think she was quite neutral on the Faithful-King's Men divide—as neutral as one can be—and was close friends with some of them, probably related to some, and keeping close ties with friends and family was important to her.

Technically Miriel (and, more distantly, amandil) was Gimilkhâd's (Pharazôn's father's) family, but knowing Tolkien's family trees (only first cousins are a clear "nope") I would assume his mother was also related to them somehow. Even if not, she clearly liked them enough to keep strong contacts.

And then she died. Yes, I think she died relatively early.

If she leaned (even socially) towards the Faithful, or simply grew old and Gimilkhâd wanted a younger wife… we're talking late Numenor. There were surely many plants and substances he could have used to make it look natural.

Or she may have died giving birth to a daughter (the daughters and sisters are rarely mentioned even if they exist), which would lead Pharazôn to dislike the idea of having kids in general. (I have some HCs about it but that's another thing).

Or, tbh, it may have been both.

Anyway she died and Gimilkhâd had nobody to stop him from "teaching" his son "proper Númenorean values". Which unfortunately stuck, even after Pharazôn left to Middle Earth to prove himself… I imagine Gimilkhâd as the kind of guy who is never satisfied with his son (think: Oazi to Zuko, kind of, but there's no Azula), and his own upbringing hadn't been great either (think: Azula). It was a whole chain of emotional abuse and expectations.

And then Pharazôn returned and his father was dead but at this point he had internalized enough of the legacy. He chose to make the memory of Gimilkhâd proud, or maybe to prove it wrong. Same thing, in the end.

But the friendships ignited by his mother remained alive until almost the end. Almost.

I wonder if Sauron, when he got to know Pharazôn better, slowly changed his voice, every day making it closer to Gimilkhâd's. OK, I do not wonder. He did. He absolutely did.

*btw Edennill, don't ever watch Monty Python, you'd hate it in more than one way. Probably. Anyway, I do reference it sometimes.

[tods-void]

Breaking fictional canon isn't inherently bad actually

Gonna write something out that's been on my mind ever since I watched a let's play of Fallout New California. For those that don't know about it, it's a prequel mod for New Vegas. It's mostly pretty good, starts off great, some of the companion characters are uhhh... let's just say they have a faint stink of "my precious OC" if that makes sense. The story itself is for the most part interesting tho near the end it goes into some Mary Sue crossfic bullshit that might turn some people off and turned me off at first. But after watching that playthrough, there was one small part that made me reconsider my opinion of the ending, as well as what canon means for a piece of fiction.

=SPOILERS FOR FALLOUT: NEW CALIFORNIA AND FALLOUT IN GENERAL=

So the story's big reveal at the end is that the area you play in is what will become the Divide in New Vegas and you are the Courier. And the story is about a top secret government experiment using some pre-war symbiotic organism discovered in the Marianas Trench (i think?) that makes you basically immortal. You're immune to disease, radiation, don't age, can only be killed by taking a nuke to the face, that sort of shit. And you're the child of a super mutant who somehow figured out a way to not be sterile anymore. Oh, and you're also genetically a clone of the Vault Dweller from Fallout 1.

Now I know what you might be thinking: this sounds so fucking dumb, it breaks canon in half, all in an effort to canonically explain why the game's protagonist can do the ridiculous shit they do, like surviving a headshot at point blank, not needing food, water or sleep, getting stronger ridiculously fast (i.e. leveling up) and tanking damage that would drop a normal person if not outright vaporise them. And overall it turns both your character, the Courier and the Vault Dweller from opportune shmucks whose accomplishments were a mix of skill, perseverance and luck, into deity-like figures whose accomplishments were genetically predestined or whatever.

And yes, all this is true.

BUT!

Hear me out: in the mod when you are faced with that revelation as the character, there's a Wild Wasteland dialogue option which turns into a reference of the Vader/Luke confrontation from Empire Strikes Back where the antagonist that tells you all this breaks the 4th wall and goes "Damn your canon" and it's kinda cringy but also it made me laugh. It's honestly kind of funny. And it was the devs basically laying out their mission statement "Fuck canon, rule of cool, canon isn't a divine gospel to be followed". And I like that. I'm a long-time Fallout fan and the series as a whole has some great writing and worldbuilding but it has a lot of dumb shit in it as well. Dumb shit that was put in because the devs thought it'd be funny. No, it doesn't make sense that you find the TARDIS randomly in the desert or come across a weirdo in a robe guarding a bridge and asking you to solve 3 riddles to proceed or a group of BoS knights who are LARPing as medieval knights from Camelot (both being Monty Python and the Holy Grail references) or the cast of the original SW trilogy chilling around a campfire or a fourth wall breaking cafe where characters from Fallout 1 are hanging out and talking like actors discussing their roles off set. But it's the exact kind of dumb shit as the revelation in New California.

There's more tho. If it was just funny, sure, it made me laugh but it would still be bad writing. A decent joke at the expense of the writing wouldn't negate that. I'm someone who hates Fallout 3's story and worldbuilding for shoehorning in super mutants, the Enclave and the Brotherhood of Steel just because they're "iconic" to the Fallout setting and barely giving them the justification to be there. Super mutants?

"Oh, there was a vault experimenting with FEV."

On the other side of the country. Meaning that the entire plot and worldbuilding of Fallout 1 went from something unique with long-lasting consequences for the entire Wasteland to a cheap threat you can find anywhere from Alaska to Florida.

Why are all the mutants stupid brutish savage cannibals that scream at you and keep human remains in literal gore bags?

"Uhhh... there's one super mutant who's smart, friendly and will join you as a companion."

Why's the Enclave here? They were destroyed in Fallout 2. They were literally nuked out of existence. What few of them remained off the oil rig would not have had the resources or manpower to A) mount an expedition across the continent and B) present as big of a fighting force and threat as they do.

"*cricket noises*"

Why are the BoS here? They were isolationist pseudoreligious weirdos who were almost wiped out by the Enclave. How the fuck did they get here and why are they the default good guys now?

"*vaguely gestures at internal schism*"

Okay to be fair, there is a tiny bit more justification for how and why the BoS are there and the way they are.

Why are there fucking deathclaws in Washington DC?

"*radio silence*"

You get the picture, you know the song and dance. Hbomberguy made all these criticisms and more years ago.

So why do I shit on these retcons for feeling cheap and cynical on top of ruining established canon but the bullshit in New California doesn't feel as bad?

Well, I have a lot of love for Fallout but I've also embraced the reality that Bethesda doesn't give a shit about the lore or art of the series, or the labor of its original creators, and will shoehorn in whatever they need in order to churn out a marketable inoffensive product. I have no faith that they can make anything as even remotely good as New Vegas or as stupidly sincere and sincerely stupid as The Frontier or, to a much lesser extent, New California. I don't need Fallout to be gravely serious or follow strict canon and relative realism (although that would be nice), what I want most is to experience something that makes me feel, something that was made by people who wanted to make it, who had genuine love and passion for what they were making, and the source material they were drawing from. Does it matter if it's fanfiction? Not really. Fallout London is technically fanfiction and it's one of the best Fallout games I've played. It's also the queerest Fallout game I've ever played and as a filthy queer, that matters a lot to me. (You can join a faction of punk anarchists who are actual political anarchists and not just the pop-culture bastardisation of what anarchism is. Play it, it's great). All this to say that merely breaking the canon of a piece of fiction doesn't have to be inherently bad. It matters who does the retcon, how and why. Even moreso if the creators have the balls to say "we know it breaks canon, we don't care, we just want to do it".

(Also should go without saying that retcons made out of bigotry are pathetic and "creators" who do that should be sealed in a vault with a panther)

[just-made-to-comment]

There is no pagan version of Arthurian legend.

There is no pagan version of Arthurian legend. The oldest mention we have of Arthur is from the 6th century at the EARLIEST. That is already post christianisation. However, some stories do include pagan gods or euhemerised versions of them.

However, there is a polytheïstic version. Diu Crône has multiple deïties that exist within its pages, like Lady Fortune, who may be Fortuna, her son Luck. She is explicitly called a goddess, and rules Ordohorht. Giramphiel also is a goddess, and is a villain, opposing Gawain. Throughout the pages of Diu Crône, Lady Fortune acts as a sort of patron deïty of Gawain. Gawain is a polytheïst, and polytheïsm is true within the narrative of Diu Crône. However, Jesus is also praised by characters who know Lady Fortune is real. This suggests that the narrative of Diu Crône is Christopagan in terms of lore.

Then let's talk about the work that started it all: Geoffrey of Monmouth's Historiä Regum Brittaniäe. Geoffrey includes the goddess Diäna in an earliër bit of his book where Brutus of Troy sails to Britain, beïng one of the first people to ever go there, and also founds London, calling it "New Troy." In this bit, he has a vision after sleeping in her temple that commands him to go to Britain and found a city.

Next, euhemerisation is the origin of a few characters. First, Mabon is Maponos, he shows up in "Culhwch and Olwen". Modron is also clearly Matrona. If you apply the sound changes from the Celtic language these names come from, Maponos becomes Mabon, and Matrona Modron. Then, Griflet is probably Gilfaethwy. His father, Do, is just Dôn in French, who is equivalent to Danu. Ydier's father is just what "Nodens" becomes in Welsh, (Irish Nuada). These are a bunch of originally gods but in the story they are mortal humans.

If you've ever read Sir Orfeo, you'd know how they refer to the Greek gods:

His fader was comen of King Pluto, And his moder of King Juno,    That sum time were as godes yhold For aventours that thai dede and told.

Also this is basically what Saxo did with Norse Mythology. This happened within Welsh sources too in the case of Arthurian legend. Culhwch and Olwen is a Welsh source, and yes he does show up as Mabuz in Lanzelet, so he's not some Welsh-exclusive figure like Culhwch. There's a bunch of weird stuff in Welsh Myth. Math fab Mathonwy baptises people. He is also around when people first get pigs from the fairies, so that would place it roughly 6,500 BCE as when Math is ruling Gwynedd.

The stories of Arthur are set at the very least after 410, because it has to be after the Roman withdrawal, and before 700, because by then the Anglo Saxons had already marched past the Severn which is the western border of Logres, which is Arthur's kingdom, although Pengwern was actually east of the Severn and they fought against the Loegrians according to Canu Heledd, but then again that's further east anyways, so that should just push then end time back further. Look, apart from Monty Python, it's always Sub-Roman Britain. By then it was thoroughly Christiän, yes, there was some paganish beliefs, but that would probably be categorised as folk Christianity which is still Christiänity, and people believed in fairies but fairies were conceptualised in a Christian cosmology where they basically were between heaven and hell in some way.

Actually. There probably is a pagan version written by somebody in the modern day. People never stopped writing it, and it's basically fanfiction all the way down anyway.