#you ever have your friend try and bring back your dead robot buddy from years ago?

[pendulumstarway]

A very disheveled and unamused Jack carrying a damaged Bruno.

I wanted to test out halftones and I really like how it came out! I'll deffo be doing more in the future.

[labrxnth]

Prison Break- Part 2 (Leon Kennedy x Reader series)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

CW: Death Island spoilers (obviously), suicidal thoughts/tendencies

WC: 1858

Summary: You and your field partner Leon continue your search for Doctor Antonio Taylor on Alcatraz

A/N: Sorry This was late, I had a busy schedule and major writer’s block

The first thing you noticed about the harbor is that it smelled like salt. Saltiness and almost a tackiness filled the air as you looked out of the rolled down window. Your hand traced circles on the car seat absentmindedly as you watched the boats and people the car was speeding past.

“What’re you thinking?” Leon asked, his hand drifting dangerously close to yours. When he got to an inch away, he stopped, his hand giving a deadly space between the two. If you were paying full attention, it would’ve made you upset, but for some reason this mission really wasn’t sitting right with you.

Call it survivor’s gut or intuition, but this mission was sitting funky in your stomach.

You took a deep breath and turned your head to face your partner. “I don’t like this… Maria being involved with Taylor means that someone like Arias wants a robotics engineer,” You answered and shifted a bit in your seat.

“I don’t like it either,” Leon replied. The two of you were always good at having each other’s back and making the other one feel validated. That was your whole friendship, being the person that each other needed.

You were the person Leon needed after, well, everything he had gone through. Raccoon City, Project Javier, Los Illuminados and Simmons were hard for him to shoulder alone. His life felt like a dark and foggy hallway, a trail of blood and cynicism following him. But in the midst of everything, you were a light. You were with him through everything for the past few years, carrying a candle filled with your aura that scared off the darkness and the fog in his hallway.

You were the one person who hadn’t run away or died, and he’d like to keep it that way.

He was the one person he hadn’t run away or died, and you would like to keep it that way.

Leon S. Kennedy was an enigma to you when you first started working for the D.S.O. under recommendation from Hunnigan. Through the past few years of working together, the two of you started out as drinking buddies then quickly became actual friends. It was over for you when you looked into his eyes and saw who he truly was for the first time. The mission in New York, the summit, the look on Leon’s face were all seared into your mind. His blue eyes tossing your heart just like a human thrown overboard into a vast ocean.

But you were convinced the look he gave you that night was just for your façade; the role the two of you played. If you never spoke life into your feelings, he never had to reject you.

“You’re doing it again,” Leon’s voice cut through your memories; bringing you back to the streets of San Francisco and dragging you away from the dinner party in New York.

“Huh?” You asked, blinking a few times, trying to adjust to the setting Sun in your eyes.

“Getting lost in that big head of yours,” He replied and chuckled lightly. “You do that more lately…. Ever since that mission in NYC.” His eyes looked at you, almost as if searching for an answer for an unasked question.

“I’ve just been thinking about things,” You said, trying to pass it off as nothing.

“Thinking about…..?” Leon asked, his eyebrows raised.

“Life stuff… like if fighting half dead people and gross science experiments is gonna be the rest of my life,” you said, making an excuse. You didn’t like to lie to Leon, but this one thing you made an exception for. And it was true, sometimes you did think about how your life has taken a turn after college.

Leon hummed in response, looking out his own window. The autumnal setting sun reflected in his eyes and hair, making his irises shine like diamonds and his hair shining a dirty blonde in the rays. When the sun hit him, it was a reminder of who he was, the dirty blonde hair and full blue eyes that he had that night in Raccoon City. He thought that Rookie Cop died that day, but maybe all he needed was a constant sun in his life; someone who brought his hope back.

“Don’t start thinking about that stuff, it’ll drag you down,” he warned. “Trust me.” His voice had an edge to it that you had only heard a few times before. The edge that reflected a tinge of sadness, but resilience.

The car stopped at the dock, you and Leon getting out of the Uber and taking in your surroundings. To the public, the only way to get to Alcatraz was a ferry tour, but luckily the two of you could call in a few favors and pull a few strings.

“Follow me, the boat should be at the Marina.” Leon said. He walked in front of you, making his way towards the docks. With no other option, you walked with him, trying not to look at how his blue shirt hugged his biceps a little too well.

The two of you quickly made your way towards a boat with a big branded D.S.O. logo on it.

“Couldn’t have been more covert?” You asked flatly.

“Gotta warn them before we blow their shit up,” Leon said, half joking. He got in the boat, slinging his duffle bag off his shoulder and putting it on a seat. You climbed on after him and looked around the small speed boat.

“You sure this thing has ballistics?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s American, it can blow something up as long as you try hard enough,” He replied with his shit-eating grin. You chuckled in reply and got into the seat next to him, giving him the chance to drive for once. Leon noticed you not fighting for the wheel and he took the opportunity to start the boat and pull out of the Marina.

“So, (Y/n),” He said, putting the boat in drive and starting to steer to Alcatraz. “I’ve been thinking…” He added.

“That’s never a good thing,” You said snarkily and chuckled a bit.

“Very funny,” Leon said and rolled his eyes.

“But for real, what’s up?” You asked and looked at him. He was really focusing on what to say with how much his eyebrows were knitted and the lines next to his eyes were visible.

“It’s bad timing… we can talk about it later,” he said and looked at you, smiling.

You shrugged, thinking nothing of it. The sun setting over the bay was beautiful, it being the only thing that could peel your attention away from Leon. Your eyes tracked the sun, squinting slightly at how bright it was, but smiling at how the waves reflected the red and orange haze it was.

You went to say something to Leon and saw the same look in his face that you’d only seen once before. Amidst fancy clothes, cocktails, and fake friendships, was Leon’s face having the same look as he did now.

It was gone when he realized your eyes had met his. In a blink of an eye, he was back to his normal, scanning the area with a neutral facial expression.

Leon parked the boat at the back of the island and the two of you put on your combat gear: vests, harnesses, etc. once you two were ready to go, you were getting out of the boat and heading towards a tunnel opening.

“Munitions tunnel, should get us in,” You said and nodded towards it. Leon nodded in response and followed you into the tunnel. Eventually, the tunnel opened up to sewers, you two finally being able to fully stand up.

You turned to Leon to say something when you heard a loud BANG! The two of you locked eyes and your handguns were both drawn, aimed towards the other end of the sewers where the explosion came from.

After walking forwards a bit, the sewer split two ways, one to your left and one ahead. The sewers were set up on a block system, like a city.

“I’ll go forward, you go left,” Leon said and turned his ear com on. You nodded, copying his movements and doing the same.

The two of you gave each other a nod and separated hesitantly. Whenever the two of you separated, things never went well. Understandably, it was a necessity, but it still never went well.

You turned your flashlight on and walked to the left, then down the hallway. The light illuminated the tunnel and the sinking feeling you had gotten earlier hadn’t gone away. With Leon gone, it got more prominent.

Your boots hit the cobblestone, echoing with each footstep. Looking around, you were finding absolutely nothing. Out of the corner of your eye, the flash light reflected off of something metallic. You turned towards where the shimmer had come from and found an indented doorknob.

Silently, your hand opened the door and you slipped through it, closing it just as quietly as you opened it. Overhead lights turned on and revealed you to be in a hallway. Holding your gun up, supported by your flash light, you kept on forward.

The door at the other end of the hallway was open, revealing a more open hallway. As you walked, a small electronic buzz hit your ears as you saw one of the security cameras move.

“(Y/n), (L/n) how interesting,” A voice over the PA system said. You swiveled around, your gun up, staying silent.

A sharp pain hit the back of your neck and your hand shot to where the pain was coming from, feeling nothing unusual. Your eyelids fluttered shut as the world went dark and your knees buckled, sending your body falling towards the floor.

“At least you’ll bring me Leon Kennedy.” The voice added.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* : ｡ﾟ☆. ───

Leon marched on forward, trying to keep his head in the mission. Usually, he was good at compartmentalizing and having a one track mind for the mission. That was, until you became his partner; even now, he was worried about how you were faring.

He knew you could handle yourself, but still he worried about you. He didn’t want you getting hurt, or worse, like everyone else in his life.

Leon heard the sound of boots hitting the cobblestone path in front of him and held his gun up, ready to shoot. He rounded the corner and the barrel of his gun got grabbed, sending him into a sprawl. Him and the other person he was fighting with were both trying not to wind up in the sewer water, dangerously close to their feet.

After a few seconds of exchanges, Leon recognized the familiar brown color of hair he was fighting. His eyes finally adjusted to the darkness and he took in the bigger picture, seeing an all too familiar face. The two of them backed off of each other and took the other in.

“Well, if it isn’t Jill Valentine.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* : ｡ﾟ☆. ───

Catch it early on my A03!

[theradioghost]

some recs for my podcast mutuals who are burnt out on horror & sad plot stuff

aka I’ve been seeing a few flavors of people exhausted by several of the most popular podcasts around here being pretty dark right now & I have attempted to put together a tasting menu of some stuff I think might help alleviate that burnout (& which also deserves some more love)

1. I'm okay with stuff that’s still on the dark or macabre side, I'd just like something that isn’t 100% characters I care about suffering horribly all the time, maybe some laughs in there

The Beef and Dairy Network: Like a seriously disturbing body horror podcast, except British satirical comedy! About cows! You kind of have to listen to it to get what’s going on tbqh it’s nearly impossible to explain but if you like horror and are just tired of being depressed about it maybe try this one. NOT for the easily nauseated.

Wooden Overcoats: black comedy sitcom about two rival funeral homes on a small island, one run by The Most Perfect Man On Earth (tm) and the other run by two misanthropic twins with a knack for disaster (and their hypercompetent assistant (and a mouse who wants to be an author)). this one is about watching the protagonist suffer horribly all the time but like, this time it’s usually a lot funnier and honestly he deserves it

Death by Dying: (so far very short) dark comedy about the resident obituary writer of idyllic Crestfall, Idaho, who sets out to tell the stories of how the town’s residents died and ends up uncovering a lot of other things, like conspiracies, and man-eating cats, and a poet’s vanishing childhood home, and what his friend the Angel of Death isn’t telling him about what’s in the dark woods. has very strong ASOUE or Pushing Daisies vibes, that sort of dark whimsy and really distinct narrative voice

Arden: “true crime” comedy-ish mystery podcast feat. two of the best bickering hosts anywhere and a whole third host called homoerotic tension, trying to solve a decade-old Hollywood mystery. secretly a shakespeare adaptation. one of the hosts is michelle agresti. an airline run by killer robots is involved, somehow. it’s a perfect storm

2. I’m good with some plot and higher stakes, but I need something more kind and hopeful right now:

Middle:Below: 10-minute episodes about a man who travels between the worlds of the living and the dead to solve the problems of restless ghosts, and the three friends he does it with -- a ghost, a cat, and a writer. their tagline is “remember: bad things will happen.” this is basically a lie, this show is extremely sweet

Alba Salix: high fantasy medical workplace comedy about hospital staff in a fairytale-ish kingdom, namely one grouchy witch, one distracted fairy, and one extremely disgruntled teenager sentenced to community service. also comes with the miniseries The Axe And Crown, which is about a gay troll bartender, his clueless landlord, and his bombastic niece, and also is one of the most heartfelt touching pieces of audio fiction I’ve ever heard?

Dark Ages: also a high fantasy workplace comedy, but in this one the dysfunctional cast work at a magical natural history museum, which thanks to recent events is now hosting the mythical Dark Lord on top of all the usual problems caused by their complete incompetency.

Solutions to Problems: a sci-fi relationship advice show feat. human host Janet and alien host Loaf. also feat. banter, illegal time travel, what to do when the AI that controls the air you breathe is your on-again-off-again girlfriend, and how to avoid your many spouses when they insist you need to come back to the homeworld and spend some time with your spawn.

Victoriocity: steampunk buddy-comedy mystery show, in which misanthropic detective Archibald Fleet (aka Tom Crowley but he’s grouchy this time) and intrepid newbie journalist Clara Entwhistle (aka an absolute ray of sunshine) uncover some Secret Plots within the government of a very different victorian london. if you like the “opposing personalities come to care deeply about one another as friends” trope this one is for you

Inn Between: not an actual play, but a show about the developing relationships of a party of RPG-esque adventurers as they rest at the inn between campaigns. you don’t see the adventures, just the crew growing closer and learning about one another in their moments of peace.

The Strange Case of Starship Iris: sci-fi adventure about a stranded biologist and a ragtag crew of smugglers who set out to resist an authoritarian government, solve a mystery, and prevent a second human-alien war. as far as I can tell their plan for accomplishing this is to be as funny, gay, and adorable as possible, and to dismantle oppressive systems via the power of found family tropes. also via the power of linguistics.

3. just give me the fluffiest, funniest, sweetest, most relaxed, lowest-stakes thing you have:

Everything is Alive: meditative, deeply touching show where Guy From Public Radio holds interviews with inanimate objects. the interviews are super genuine and beautiful and I think they’re improvised, or at least they sound very natural? for people who want to be profoundly moved by a can of generic brand cola (you may not know but you are one of those people)

Standard Docking Procedure: a self-described “hopepunk” scifi sitcom about a group of employees on a space station, dealing with the little daily misadventures of difficult tourists, traffic control disasters, nonexistent love lives, and each other. Has an explicitly stated purpose of staying happy, lighthearted, and comforting.

Love and Luck: tied for absolute most heartwarming audio drama in existence. the story of the relationship between two Australian men, told through voicemail messages, as they fall in love, start a cafe, build a supportive and loving local queer community of close-knit friends and chosen family who help one another through thick and thin, and also find out that they can do magic apparently (IMPORTANT NOTE: there are some darker events and themes tackled in the plot starting around the latter half of the first season, but the focus of the story itself is always on how people support and help one another through trauma and difficulty, and the explicitly stated core premise of the show is that every character will have a happy ending and be okay.)

Quid Pro Euro: Look Around You-esque satire of old 80s and 90s instructional tapes where Felix Trench tells you what the European Union will look like in the far-off year of 2000. I don’t know anything about the European Union but I cackle like a witch when I listen to this

The Cryptonaturalist: I know you’ve seen his tweets. well it’s that but a podcast. just a man with an extremely nice voice talking about fantastical creatures like salamanders that swim through parking lot asphalt or foxes that roam the shelves of libraries at night. in between he reads poetry and generally talks about nature in the most beautiful way you could imagine. this show feels like a peaceful walk in the woods.

The Hidden Almanac: a podcast made 90% out of gentle fantasy worldbuilding, as a somewhat grumpy man in a plague doctor mask tells you about the history of his world and distributes gardening advice. has an immense archive of four-minute long episodes. it’s best to listen in order, because there is continuity, and be aware that about the first year or so has dropped off most feeds. written and performed by much-loved fantasy writer and artist Ursula Vernon and her husband Kevin.

Startripper!!: the other forerunner for most heartwarming audio drama in existence. seriously, you cannot imagine how much joy Startripper!! will bring into your life. it’s just the travelogue of one little alien with a heart full of enthusiasm and love setting out to see the universe and making friends along the way with just about everyone he meets, including his extremely loveable spaceship AI. I really mean it. listen to this show if you listen to nothing else.

Cabin Pressure: BBC radio workplace comedy about the dysfunctional crew of the world’s smallest airline. not only utterly hilarious but will tug on your heartstrings more than you could possibly imagine (this does not look at first like a found family story but it so very much is). warning for bendytoots cucumberpatch but like, in the one and only valid role he’s ever played. you definitely cannot find this show by searching its name on the Internet Archive.

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #3- Robots in the Vents, Because It’s Not a Roberts Story if It Doesn’t Happen at Least Once

So, the duobots are having a hell of a day.

Shock, our resident obligate belly-sleeper and newly-single robot, laments the passing of his buddy, leaves a vial of innermost energon by his body- a practice that will be expanded upon later- then covers up any and all traces of their having worked with Prowl. These are the inside guys Prowl called after he flipped that table in issue #1.

As Shock tracks down the tracer Ore was supposed to be planting instead of being eaten by the quantum drive, he comes across that sparkeater that got mentioned last issue.

That is his brain.

Then he explodes.

Which brings us to the scene we left in issue #2. Sparkeater on board the Lost Light, which is full of sparks that probably would prefer not to get eaten.

Holy shit Cosmos is huge. I don’t remember him being that goddamn big.

Rodimus thinks that this whole sparkeater thing is really neat, and he’s happy to be a part of it, but he’s not so thrilled about the prospect of subjecting the others to this event, so he orders everyone to find a friend and go to their rooms until he and his select few sort this whole thing out. He doesn’t tell them about the sparkeater, because that’s some scary bullshit to throw out there less than a day into the trip.

Everyone files out, Swerve having forgotten about Tailgate, who’s having a minor wardrobe malfunction. Since he doesn’t have legs at present, he calls out to the one other guy he knows on the Lost Light.

Tailgate really knows how to pick ‘em.

Over with the dead body, everyone stands what is probably unadvisedly close to the scene of the crime and Ratchet performs a quick and dirty autopsy. The boys discuss the validity of Red Alert’s theory that this was caused by a sparkeater, with the mention of Rewind’s grainy footage making the creature seem like the Cybertronian equivalent of a cryptid. Probably less Fresno nightcrawler and more chupacabra. Ratchet tries to get everyone to focus for two goddamn seconds, when Trailbreaker picks up Shock’s brain module, knocking everyone right back off track again with the discussion of Rossum’s Trinity, the idea that the spark, brain module, and transformation cog are all interconnected, and damage to one can cause the others to shut down.

Ratchet’s had just about enough of this lot, but he gets through his examination.

This is the issue Alex Milne started drawing the insignias in himself as opposed to the previous practice of IDW having them put in in post.

Rodimus, however, wants to show off his new toys as it were, and asks Chromedome to take a gander. Chromedome wearily obliges, having Ratchet pop the brain back in Shock’s head so he can do his thing. Every other person on this fucking ship is a doctor, you see, and Chromedome is no exception- he’s a mnemosurgeon.

(Yes, my spellcheck DOES lose its mind every time I type that.)

Chromedome takes his terrifying pointy hands, jams them into the eye sockets of this corpse, and gets a brainfull of Shock’s final moments.

This is such a cool panel, and I went and ruined it for myself by realizing the upper left portion shouldn’t be visible, seeing as the brain is already outside Shock’s head, without any sort of cord connecting it to his body.

Back upstairs, folks are moving into their rooms for the surprise lockdown. Cyclonus is being a pal and is carrying Tailgate, because I’m pretty sure the little guy is just about the only person who’s talked to him in a non-hostile fashion in the last couple of months, and that really gets old after a while.

Those legs sure are something, Hoist. Is it just, like, a rule that a certain percentage of Transformers designs have to be at least somewhat unintentionally horny?

The two find a room, and then Cyclonus remembers that he’s not supposed to show things like empathy until later in the series, and drops Tailgate on the floor unceremoniously.

Meanwhile, over with Skids and Swerve, the pair’s found something truly wonderful- a fully-stocked bar. Swerve’s always wanted to run a bar, and this just might be his chance to chase his dreams.

Swerve is the punching bag for MTMTE, in case you couldn’t tell.

While Swerve is not-so-subtly crying for help, Skids is busy enacting another Roberts writing-staple- the robot in the vents. See, Skids has hit his bad boy phase; he doesn’t play by your daddy’s rules, so he’s gonna sneak out and do generally whatever pleases him, because he’s got a big honkin’ chunk of memories that just aren’t there anymore. Apparently that’s all he needs to go AWOL.

As Skids lifts himself up into the ceiling to fulfill his destiny as a vent-pest, he asks Swerve if he listens to music, which is met with a negatory. Odd, given his later characterization, but maybe he’s more into contemporary works.

The ass poking worked! Swerve is now the proud owner of one whole entire friend!

Back with the corpse crew, Chromedome’s finished his assessment of the body, and agrees that there’s a sparkeater amongst them. This is a huge fucking problem, to put it lightly, both in the sense of actual, physical danger, and the metaphysical space of the Lost Light itself.

Are we sure this thing didn’t just see this ship full of over 200 war veterans and say “that’s some good eatin’ right there” and snuck on board? Because if I were a horrific monster that was drawn to pain and emotional trauma, I’d absolutely consider the Lost Light a gold mine.

As Chromedome lays his head in Rewind’s lap, the others weigh their options. Sparkeaters go after the brightest sparks, then work their way down, so this thing is probably on the move as they speak. The thing’s eaten recently, the sparks haven’t completely digested, and that means they can’t just shoot it, because then it’ll explode, and we’ve had enough of that for one day.

Rodimus has everyone else go to hunt the thing down, while he and Drift hang out here in the basement. When Ultra Magnus questions this plan of attack, he’s brushed off, though Rodimus appears to imply that he thinks he’s got the brightest spark on the ship. Probably all that Matrix nonsense he went through.

Back upstairs, Animus gets shot with the irony gun and gets his soul vored.

This is what happens when you tell lies, kids. Your lemon-lime flavored soul gets eaten by the mecha-Krampus.

Whirl, who had locked the door to the habsuite, which is why Animus was out in the hall to begin with, realizes that something seriously messed up is happening, and does what he knows best, i.e. shooting first and asking questions probably never.

Good thing Trailbreaker is there to keep Whirl from exploding the entire ship, employing the help of his forcefield ability to contain the barrage.

In the resulting chaos, the sparkeater escapes, having triangulated its next meal, and it’s not Rodimus.

It’s this dweeb.

You can tell he’s in his office, because he’s got a landscape painting in there. Landscape paintings are pretty much the only decor allowed in doctors’ offices, I’m pretty sure it’s, like, a law or something.

Luckily, Rung decided to get threatened by a space-cryptid directly under a vent, so Skids can save his skinny little butt. Good job, Skids. Proud of you.

Back with Tailgate and Cyclonus, little dude’s just finished explaining his whole deal. He’s still trying to figure out what the hell happened during his dirt nap, so Cyclonus tries his best to fill him in on the several million year war. Keep in mind, Cyclonus wasn’t exactly there either, so his whole explanation probably isn’t the best. He wonders out loud which side Tailgate would have gravitated towards, had he been around for the massive mess the Autobots and Decepticons made.

Meanwhile, back in the GODDAMNED DUCTWORK, Rung and Skids are crawling as fast as they can to escape the sparkeater, though they can’t be that worried about it, seeing as Rung answers a phone call on his weird body-harness phone setup. Rodimus tells the two of them to head for the engine room, so that the sparkeater follows them down. Rung doesn’t seem too thrilled about this plan, but what’s he gonna do, argue with a potential space-pope?

Skids punches through a vent into the elevator shaft, then uses his grappling hook- which I want to say is never seen again after this issue- to lower them down in one of the most well-known crotch shots in the entire comic series.

Iconic.

They land on top of the elevator, and Skids yells at Brainstorm to punch the "E for Engine Room” button. The sparkeater bursts in through the ceiling, and Skids and Rung book it out of there, leaving Brainstorm to his inevitable demise.

Or not.

Rung and Skids have made it to the engine room, so now it’s time for the next portion of Rodimus’ plan, which is really only a small tweaking of what Rung was doing earlier- instead of being a moving target, he’ll be playing the role of stationary bait, as Rodimus holds him like a fucking crucifix made out of people, urging the sparkeater to come take a bite.

Up on the bridge, Perceptor gets ready to kick on the quantum engine, as per his captain’s request. Sure hope this plan works, because if they lose Rung, I don’t think they’ll ever find another therapist, thanks to the apparent ratio of 1:1/3 of the entire population of Cybertron.

The sparkeater lunges, Rodimus throws Rung off to the side, and he and the beast wrestle, Crocodile Dundee style. Perceptor initializes the jump, and, because they’re in the danger zone for the quantum engine, they get sucked in.

Rung seems a little miffed, but I’d say this is a win for Team Rodimus, even if those arms of his are toast. It’s cool though, he can get new ones.

Smashcut to Rodimus and his sick new arms, as he finishes explaining just what the hell happened to Magnus. Magnus isn’t quite as jazzed about the whole “used our therapist as a worm on a hook” thing as one would think, surprisingly, but Rodimus isn’t in the mood for a lecture. Off in the background, Tailgate’s getting his butt fixed, curtesy of Ratchet. Tailgate’s talking up a storm, regardless of Ratchet’s rather cool reception to the chatter.

Tailgate did some thinking while everyone was locked in their rooms, and he’s made a decision, based on his limited understanding of the Autobot/Decepticon war.

I guess Cyclonus forgot to mention the fact that there isn’t a single Decepticon on this ship for a reason.

[popculturebuffet]

OK K.O.! Let’s Be Heroes!: You’re Everybody’s Sidekick Review

OK KO was easily one of the best animated series of the 2010′s and i’ll stand by those words. The brainchild of Ian Jones Quartlery, voice of Wallow in Bravest Warriors and more importantly former head writer for Steven Universe, and current longtime romantic partner of that series creator Rebecca Sugar. That part isn’t AS important, but I still find it sweet.  Anyways OK KO was the story of K.O., a 6-11, not my own laziness for once but the show’s own way of doing age, year old boy who wants to be the best like no one ever was. In this case i’ts being a hero in a world that’s basically like if someone took the marvel universe and smashed a retro game collection and a pile of manga on top of it and then blended up the result and shot it full of gamma rays. Full of heroes of all kinds ranging from those fighitng crime to those who just want to loiter outside strip malls or cut hair.  To achieve this goal KO gets a job at Gar’s Bodega, the combination of your average bodega (for those unfamiliar with the term, i’ts a convience store) and a video game item shop, so the slurpee machine is right next to the power ups and ninja stars, and everything from skateboard polish to Spread Guns is avaliable. The bodega is owned by Mr.Gar, a mustachiosed muscle man whose basically a shoutier mexican version of MIke Haggar but with shades and a mustache. So a somehow better version of him, though with him being busy watching over the plaza itself, doing secret hero missions and what not the day to day operations are left to two teens: Rad, a muscle bound dude bro alien with telekenisis and a secret heart of gold and Enid, a cynical, slacker ninja whose also bilogically a witch because her parents are a vampire and a werewolf. So the series follows these three as they run the boedega, grow as people and fight the robots that frequently attack the plaza sent by the evil Lord Boxman who hates the place literally because it’s there and it’s existance annoys him. This is the canon explination and it is utterly hilarious.  The series was funny, had great character work, decent ongoing stories, great jokes and a fun tone that could go from meaningful and well thorught ot utterly batshit from episode to episode and was sadly canceled after 3 seasons because Cartoon Network is kinda stupid right now and dosen’t know how to handle a superhero show that still makes action a priority, but it did get a solid ending, a slew of great crossovers and a decent amount of representation under i’ts belt.  WHich brings us to today and the start of RED ACTION WEEK: A week dedicated to the series most prominent gay character and the bisexual ninja witch who loves her. I’m covering all 5 of Red’s more prominent apperances... I was just going to do the red/enid episodes but decided this was a better introduction to the series itself, as well as the fact it allows her character arc to better tie together by her final episode, which directly uses this one as a major plot point. I also threw Plaza Prom in there since, even if she’s only a supporting character, it’s still one of her few major apperances, is part of her final major episode, is one of my faviorites, and the climactic dance fights is one of the most intentionally homoerotic fight scenes i’ve seen in some time. With all that out of the way, let’s do this after the cut. 

We start at Gar’s Bodega, just after the opening two parter, with KO starting his first day of work, part of the reason this episode is a fairly smooth introduction into the show. Not even in the door he accidently shoryukyn’s joe cuppa, a stand up comedian with a cup of coffee in the big time for a head... I told you anything goes and I meants it.  After that accident, we find Enid at the counter, ignoring the customers before shooing them away and when KO asks for work, plays along with his enthusasim and tells him to clean the store.. which he does in minutes, before being told to sort the penny dish, and while he does the two discuss KO’s love of helping people: KO just genuinely thinks that’s part of his job, the right thing to do and feels good while Enid.. dosen’t feel it’s worth the effort and people are just generally ungreatful and not worth it.  I really like this scene for showing off their character dynamic beautifully: It starts showing that while at this stage Enid is largely an asshole, she does care about K.O. and while he’s cleaning, despite usually turning customers away, still let’s Ginger, an elderly patron and one of KO’s mom’s dojo customers, not only check out but pay in freaking pennies. It shows that try as she might, Enid really isn’t a cyncial or heartlesss as she claims. It’s also nice setup for later in the season as, and as i’m sure Ian Jones Quartlery and crew were preparing for, we later DO see why Enid hates people so much: her best friend, possibly more, Elodie, who i’ll certainly be covering eventually, betrayed her for a spot at Point Prep, basically UHA or Xavier’s for this world and claimed their friendship was just a ploy (It wasn’t, but again, story for another time), while her one date with Rad went terribly due to him acting like a huge jackass at the advice of his even bigger jackasses of friends. It’s easy to see why she stopped carring: When she opened up in the past it only lead to her being hurt and alone. K.O.... is the opposite. He genuinely belivies in everyone and tries to help them because, as said above, it’s just what he does and what he belivies a hero should be... he hasn’t been hurt or influenced by assholes like his friends, and thus is able to get them to open up. It’s a wonderful dynamic and I love it.  And naturally, KO is determined to help Enid see the light, with Enid responding with the wonderful line “You’ll never melt my icy heart”... give him a few more episodes Enid, give him a few more episodes.  So K.O. Decides to set out helping people, shouting about it to enid back at the store as he does because he’s 6-11 and kids in that age range are many things, but subtle is not one of them. He starts with Geoff and Nick Army, a monk and gay duke nukem reflectivity who despite having polar oppositie personalities, are both a couple, as confirmed by the creative team and then the finale, and a crime fighting duo who are having a dispute over opening a pickle jar with the good old ultra violence or non violence, which KO solves by letting both do it once, which results in a pickle jar explosion, both men in their underwear and everyone happy, especially the shippers.  KO continues his quest, going to Logical Cuts where we meet Mr.Logic, a robot who has a rather moving and well done backstory we’ll certainly get to, and is voice by James Urabanik, aka the voice of Rusty Venture on the venture bros, to my utter delight. And yes i’ll be covering the venture bros eventually, and might be this month. His customer, another one of KO’s mom’s regulars, is upset because her haircut isn’t right while Mr.Logic is upset, well as upset as a monotone robot can convey, that his usually 100% mathmatically perfect haircuts are off. KO pitches in and the new result is perfect, with both being greatful. 

KO’s next stop on his good will help people crying for help tour, after the above bit of wonderful art shift as that version of ko moveds like a south park character for some reason. Anyways, it turns out best friends, co workers and the dante and randal of this show, i.e.two best friends working a dead end job who despite arguing a lot need each other, A Real Magical Skeleton, self explaintory and Greg, a bear, are having an argument because RMS is trying to do their job and frame a baseball for a guy while Greg is being a dickhead and playing the drums constantly. As you can probably wager, I do not like Greg, probably more than rusty, partly because a future episode has him making KO doubt his macaroni art gift for his mom so he can eat it, yes really,and partly because he’s less intresting than his buddy and yet the two are shipped frequently despite my honest assumption they’d kill each other.. much like if dante and randall finally banged. However if you do ship them, I have no hostility with you. Unlike say loudcest or shipping sam with lincoln over at the loud hosue, there's nothing wrong with RMS X Brandon, it’s just not for me.  Anywho KO solves it in the hilarious and awesome manner of just putting Brandon inside one of those baseball cube things... it’s a shame he apparently gave him air holes but whatever. Proud of himself, K.O. plans to head back when he runs into the Ally Teens: Red Action, rude teen warrior from the future who just had a bad haircut, Drupe, a sentient strawberry because of course, and Greg, Drupe’s nonbinary best friend and combination of one of the bone cousins and Woodstock. K.O. offers to help and , with the trio being huge steaming bowls of elephant piss at this point, they instead trick him into waiting in a lava flow and then have drupe whip him every time the lava causes him to cartoonishily jump in the air.  Yeah despite both Red Action and Drupe going on to having supporting roles, like our good pal tom, who I will get back to this month, there isn’t nearly as much wiggle room in their first apperance. With Tom Lucitor, he was a dick.. but you could make the case, even just off that ep that he genuinely dosen’t know HOW to be a good person or that what he’s doing is sketchy at best. Here, it’s fairly obvious the ally teens know setting a child on fire and using vine whip on him super effectively is wrong, that’s why their doing it. Red, being that special brand of asshole, posts it on social media. I mean posting a video of yourself hurting a child, that’s Tucker Carlson level’s of dickery right there. Stone cold. Enid sees it and is understandably concerned, and goes over to see if KO’s allright when he returns and is forced to explain to him that no they weren’t laughing with him, they were laughing at him and were just being dicks. Also he wasn’t in lava, it was magma. It was above ground. 

K.O. glumly wonders why and Enid reitrates this kind of shit is why she dosen’t help people. K.O. also wonders how she saw it and we find out Enid is basically facebook stalking red action on her social media, as you do, and that Red’s been on a bit of a tear lately, smashing up shit and farting in Geoff’s face all because she got a bad haircut, with K.O. , likely going thorugh more of her posts, realizing theirs a pattern: When bad things happen to her she lashes out at others.. just like Enid. I do like the parallel there: Enid likely has a crush on her because the two are fairly similar.. but Enid runs cold and tens to be standoffish as a result of her past, while Red tens to take out her anger and frustration on everyone else and runs red hot. But they come together because opposities attract... it’s what noble laurite MC Scat Kat taaught us after all.  K.O. however, having Steven Universe level’s of empahty and an equal sense of wanting to help, and just as few boundries as he had as a tween, decides that it’s clear the ally teens have underlying issues to adress and gets Enid help to look at their social media. Returning to the ally,and seemingly unphased by earlier, K.O. sets out helping them, starting by helping red get her haircut fixed by Mr. Logic. Red is adorably delighted. Moving on K.O. notes that Drupe basically just follows Red’s lead but has a fashion blog and clearly an identiy of her own and we soon learn she believes no one reads it. K.O. showed it to the not at all ambigiously gay duo and Geoff and Nick thank her> That’s two blushes and two wins in K.O.’s court.  Finishing up, K.O. realizes Gregg stays quiet because they have low self esteem and feel they have nothing to be proud of. K.O. however found lots to be proud of and framed Gregg’s valdectorian certificate for him, again with some help from earlier.  Instead of graditude red just calls him weird and leaves and KO slumps back depressed. I’ts a good lesson though: people DON’T change just because you did one weirdly kind thing for them. That takes time.. as we’ll see with Red and as we see with Drupe, who has less of an ons creen journey but is far nicer after her next apperance. While Enid is grossed out over having helped someone, Gregg comes in.. and after some great deranged animation thanks K.O. and Enid admits after some prodding that it does feel good to help, and K.O. is happy to have helped her int he process. The two playfully mess around as the episode ends. Final Thoughts: This was a really good one. Reaching back this far into the series, I didn’t think it’d would be nearly as good as it ended up: It serves both as a good proper introduction for a lot of the plaza regulars, a good setup for Enid’s character arc, and was also really funny with great animation. LIke Tom, I don’t think the creators knew exactly what they were going to do with the Alley Teens and thus take the two they end up focusing on in opposite directon: Red keeps her assholishness for her next apperance and grows from it, while Drupe’s drops off by the end of this season, likely due to her fashion blog taking off, but we’ll get into Red more in a review or so and Drupe more later this month.For now this episode was good and next up we have their next apperance in Plaza Prom. Until then, follow this blog for more reviews and nonsense, like and reblog it if you enjoyed this, hit me up with asks for review suggestions or comssions and until next time, later days!

[gcldveins]

LASTLY but definitely not least ... daniel weaver ! my newest muse, like literally fresh out the oven .. i’m making this all up as we go fdjngdk so this will be the least organized and thorough intro, i ... am extremely sorry u have to read this...

overview

✎⌠idris elba. cismale. he/him⌡❝ — well, look who’s just arrived ! if it isn’t the one and only daniel weaver. though, around here they’re known as the recluse. don’t tell ‘em i said this but the forty-four year old detective kinda has a reputation of being controlling and abrasive. but y’know, they can be loyal and diligent too. typical scorpio. anyways, welcome home and stay safe weaver ! ❞

statistics

full name: daniel gilligan weaver.

nickname(s): none, literally even his full name he doesn’t like fnjsdfkn

date of birth: october 27th, 1976

hometown: boston, massachusetts.

gender identity: cis gender

preferred pronouns: he/him

sexual orientation: heterosexual

hogwarts house: gryffindor

aesthetic: leather watches, awkward silences, the smell of burnt coffee, late nights, tired eyes, forced smiles, a glass of scotch before five, wrinkled collars, crooked ties, the sound of classic jazz on a turntable

distinguishable characteristics: patron saint of Not Smiling

pinterest board: here

their song from the sigh no more album bc i love this album and it makes me Sad™: sigh no more

background: murder, ptsd tw

— i’m so sorry it’s 1 am and i literally had nothing prepared so this is just going to be a summary and everything else i’ll just ... make up as i go along O_O

— so daniel’s not a misty hollow local, he’s a city kid that grew up in boston ! and growing up, daniel’s family didn’t have a whole lot. he grew up as the oldest son, he has one older sister and then two younger siblings, a girl and a boy. 

— so yeah, big family in an expensive city, money was tight. daniel’s parents were your regular, working class folks who had to pick up odd jobs here and there to make ends meet. but they made it work ! they were an overall pretty happy family !

— even as a child, daniel always stood up for others. whether it be him, eight years old at the school playground, witnessing another kid get pushed to the ground. or him at eighteen, seeing someone in his class getting bullied at school.

— your typical.. very honourable, golden-hearted type. was taught to always show compassion towards others and to give them the blanket off your back if needed.

— that’s why the decision to become a police office only seemed like the natural one ! so he did that, worked as a cop for a few years before eventually making his way up the ranks and earning his title as detective. 

— he worked in the special victims unit ( because i love law & order ) and daniel was on his way to becoming a lieutenant until a particular case hit him hard. 

— missing girl. reminded him a lot of his youngest sister and letting his emotions get the best of him, had made a promise to the parents that he would find her. daniel got really invested in the case, and when they found the girl’s body, dead and brutally murdered, it devastated him. 

— he took a few months of absence at work before ultimately leaving. he picked everything up and accepted the first job offering out of boston that he could find. he moved to a random town in the middle of nowhere .. misty hollow, which brings us to now !

— daniel wanted a fresh start, to lay low and just .. leave all that behind him honestly. he feels like it’s his fault that the girl died and constantly wonders if he had just acted a little quicker.. he still gets nightmares from the case, and there’ll be little things that remind him of it and it just immediately brings him back. so he’s trying to move on from all that. but not properly cause what is emotional intelligence ? idk

personality

— a very closed off and private person. he’s curt and gets to the point, which can come across as rude sometimes.. put he just doesn’t have a lot of patience for dilly-dallying i guess gjdfnk

— very loyal and caring ! once you’ve demolished those stupid walls of his, literally has one of the biggest, softest hearts ever. will over-dedicate himself to people and things that he cares very deeply about. thank god he never got married.

— he knows that he has a tendency to overly-invest himself in others, which is why he often tries to keep others at a distance.

—��erm can lean on being self-righteous... so yeah that can be pretty annoying. has this notion that like .. everything rests on his shoulders and is responsible for everyone.

— as jin perfectly summed up “ would die for you but won’t hug you ”

— jesus this is so basic and awful but... i am very sleepy and my brain is drawing a blank right now. hopefully !! you get the gist !! and i’ll be able to flesh him out some more through plotting <3

wanted connections

give this man some fucking friends please

the first person he met in misty hollow ? maybe they showed him around !

if anyone is from boston ... hellauw.. lets do smth with that

drinking buddies !! someone that ( when he’s had enough drinks ) opens up to !

younger muses ... listen.. he’ll be your dad / big bro figure. literally anyone under the age of 40 he sees as a kid that must be protected at all costs ( from their own stupidity, but that part he keeps to himself )

co-workers !!! 

uhh i wanna say casual relationships but .. daniel’s not really inclined towards that, this would have to be like .. a one-off occurrence after some poor judgement and probably lots of alcohol 

someone that just .. bugs the living crap out of him.. pls.. if ur muse is the complete opposite of daniel.. this wld be perfect

god this is difficult because the man is literally.. socially inept .. like might be a robot but ! i’m more than open to brainstorming. so please, feel free to throw anything my way !! and if we can’t figure something out between these two, we can just throw them at each other in a random thread and see what happens !!

[nightsinneverland]

Aura, the Shield and the Sword

Although Aura Storms hasn’t been around that long, she was given certain skills, gifts and wisdom that could fit into several centuries of living. Along with a sword engraved with Nordic and African runes and a dog that holds more to the visible eye, can Aura take any more challenges? Maybe say a soulmate who she thought was dead? Or maybe an entourage of heroes that are constantly in her way?

-

Chapter Three.

4:32 am. My watch reads. Today it matches the blue polka-dotted collar that adorns Brooklyn’s neck. Eternal fireflies in various jars littered all over my apartment, keep my companion and me out of the immense dark as it is still early. 

That, and I forgot to pay the electric bill this time around. 

I heave out a sigh, knowing that the peace that has caressed my household ever since we had that little spider invader will be interrupted soon enough. New wards put into place after realizing the simple rune I made was only limited to two years and has been occupied by myself and Brooklyn for five.

Looking over the medium-sized pot that I’m stirring, throwing in an herb every so often, I think of how much time the little widow has left. 

I wonder how much her body has deteriorated.

After the fifth or so stir from the wooden spoon engraved with small runes passed down from my mother, I look to Brooklyn, knowing he has the final ingredient of the potion.

“Alright, do your thing,” I tell Brooklyn stepping away from the stove, putting the wooden spoon in the sink for later cleansing. “Not too much though. We don’t want her paralyzed. At least not yet”.

Brooklyn snorts and levels me with a look, before he turns to the pot, easily reaching it given his immense size. He is at least two times bigger than the average Great Dane.

I lean against the counter, rubbing the random sprigs of lavender from my fingers as I watch the thick drool mixed with venom drip from his mouth like honey into the pot.

Brooklyn insisted on an antidote for the pest. I scoff.

Her death is a just punishment for breaking and entering and snooping where she doesn’t belong.

Knowing my thoughts based on the look on my face, I receive a sharp bark along with a disapproving stare. I roll my eyes, watching him grab a tincture bottle from one of the open cabinets, walking over to me and shoving it into my hand.

“Alright alright. Fucking pushy ass demon”, I grumble, bottling up the mixture from the pot. Wiping off the excess that dripped down the sides, I set it aside to get dressed and ready for an encounter with a group of annoying ass “heroes”.

-

6:00 am. My black leather watch reads at me. Zipping up by shiny black leather boots, giving me an extra couple inches from my 5’7 frame, I march into the kitchen, downing a shot of vodka for courage and call Brooklyn over.

“Let’s get this shit over with.”

Pocketing the antidote and seeing Brooklyn patter over to my side, I transport us straight into the common room of Tony Stark’s building.

We make it to a solid fifteen seconds before the alarms start sounding and I’m being told by a machine to address myself and why I’m here.

“Security breach. Unauthorized personnel”. A woman’s voice echos through the common room. I smirk and saunter over to the windows, taking in the great view. The sunrise looking pretty damn beautiful from here. I admire the landscape for at least five minutes while feeling the movement through the air.

Still taking in the impressive view, I hear the sound of whirring and I know it’s from one of the Ironman robots pointing a shooter at me a couple of feet away, Tony Stark’s voice coming through the machine. 

“The homeless shelter is on 3rd Ave Miss,” the shooter moving over to Brooklyn, my companion baring his teeth in his own warning. “Although I don’t think they allow dogs this size.”

I turn around, giving him a short laugh, making my way over to my big puppy who is still baring his teeth, waiting for the green light to tear the tin can to shreds.

“Oh silly me! And to think I wanted to give one of ya’ll a present.” I pretend to pout.

More noises come from the machine, the shooter being pointed at us glowing brighter, the heat reaching me. I grow annoyed and irritated. 

“Why are you here?”, Tony finally asks me. The tone of his voice hardened, knowing our little talking game is over with.

I level him with a blank stare, my fingers slowly curling and air casting spells, noticing the Ironman suit slowly powering off and breaking apart to reveal Stark’s face, his eyes widening in shock and slight fear as I start stepping towards him still air casting, his suit revealing more of his body, essentially kicking him out of the suit.

Stopping in front of him and invading his space, I trail my small fingers across his face making him see the runes engraved into my skin. Feeling his uncomfortableness emitting from his pores, it makes me smile.

Keeping eye contact with the Stark, I take a small step back and open my other hand in front of him, revealing the small black gadget that was left in my home.

“I’ve come to return something of your teammates. Why don’t you be a doll and fetch her for me? I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to see me as I have a present for her as well.” I tell the man in front of me, recognition showing in his eyes of who I’m talking about as he takes in the item in my hand.

I watch the rich man gulp and open his mouth, “F.R.I.D.A.Y, wake up everyone. Urgent team meeting. Common room.” I give him a fake smile in response and turn away from him, returning back to the window seeing the sun rising up in the sky.

Brooklyn still has his teeth still bared, eyes intently tracking the stranger in front of him. Ears standing straight up.

-

7:32 am. Not needing a clock already knowing what time it is. I look around the common room, eyes locking with the woman who had enough balls to break into my apartment.

Her red hair looked lackluster, skin sallow and lips cracked. I smile, knowing the toxins from Brooklyn’s teeth were slowly eating away at her.

Serves her right.

Walking right up to her, not even acknowledging the rest of the “team”, I ask her in a firm voice, “What were you doing in my home?”

The neutral facial expression on her face impressed me, but also made me more irritated. Silence emitted from her. I turn around, stepping into the center of the room, standing in front of a white leather couch.

“You see, I know how you’re feeling right now. And I’m going to tell you that you will die unless you have the antidote,” Seeing a tiny telltale flash of fear through her eyes let me know I had her right where I wanted her. 

“Now if you want to keep up with this act which is just gonna piss me off more, go right ahead. I’m sure your buddies here will miss the pussy you throw around am I right?” Her eyes narrowed in response.

“Who even are you?” A voice from my left asked. I side-eye him, taking in his person. Short brown hair, button nose, big biceps, knowing eyes. Must be the archer. I step to him, almost reaching his chin in height.

“Why don’t you ask the little spider?” I challenge him. Not engaging any further, I make my way to the bar, picking up a bottle of very expensive whiskey and call Brooklyn over.

“This is going nowhere and this pissing match is tiring,” Looking over everyone and landing on the redhead. “I don’t lose anything if you die. But they do.” And with that, I transported my dog and me back into my apartment.

I give Brooklyn a scratch behind the ear in thanks and make my way into the kitchen to taste my new handle of whiskey. The antidote chilling in my back pocket under my protection in case we get another visitor.

-

“Why didn’t you just tell her Nat? Do you really want to die!?” Clint asks, his voice almost hysterical. His concern going unnoticed by the rumbling of a quinjet returning.

He looks to Tony, who is sulking over the loss of his premium alcohol.

“Who is this chick?” He asks himself, walking over to his friend, wanting to help her back to her room. Her feet shuffle tiredly. Trying not to start crying, he focuses on getting Natasha back to bed without any issues.

Last time she fainted from the fatigue and was out for two whole days.

I’ll get you that antidote Nat, I promise.

-

Bringing in the last box of files and pictures, Sam wipes his dusty hands on his dark denim jeans, looking around the not so empty apartment he’s helping a friend move into. As he finishes wiping his hands, he slowly looks at his left still feeling the tingle flowing throughout. 

It started after he shook hands with the cute curly-headed girl with the huge dog at the park a few weeks ago and it hasn’t stopped. If he looked close and hard enough he could swear he saw colors flowing through his hand as well.

He brought his hand up to his face to inspect it more closely and wondered if he was going crazy and seeing things that weren’t really there.

A huge hand placed on his shoulder brought him out of his inspecting of his hand. He looked over his shoulder into cerulean eyes and gave them a smile.

Sam turned towards his friend, accepting and returning the hug that was offered.

“Thank you for helping me, pal. I didn’t know who else to ask.” The deep voice filled with gratitude, made Sam feel wanted and appreciated.

“Not a problem Steve. You can pay me back by getting the food bill. I ordered us some Thai” He responded. Taking in the laugh his new friend gave him.

“Sure pal”.

[lamptracker]

FIC: Counting Down the Days (part 1/?)

Here we go with part 1.

FIC: Counting Down the Days

Pairing: Peter Parker/Female Reader

Inspo: “Cancer” by My Chemical Romance

Summary:  While visiting a children’s hospital as his alter ego Spider-Man, Peter meets a girl his age. She’s sweet, she’s smart, she’s funny… and she’s dying of cancer. When she laments the fact that she probably won’t get to live long enough to have the typical teenage experiences of prom and a boyfriend, Peter offers to fill those roles for her.

Warnings: Talk of death. The usual cursing (he is from Queens). Endgame spoiler. 

Tagged: @flokidottir-imagines-br  @babyplutoszx2   @musiclover1263   @judemoos   @drxgxnslxyer   @hollanderheart   @thequeensardine   @ive-got-some-lies-to-tell   @captainbuckyy   @xxtomxo   @deleteidentity   @yessterekthings   @itsyaspacemom   @upsidedownparker   @starksparker

(if I tagged you and you don’t want to be let me know, k?)

**

“Mr. Spider-Man! Mr. Spider-Man!”

A boy, about five years of age, ran full-tilt down the hall at St. Mary’s Children’s Hospital; he only stopped when he ran smack-dab into a pair of blue and red legs.

“Oh!” Peter Parker, known to many as Spider-Man, looked down at the small boy hugging his calf.

Peter had recently decided to give back to the community he helped keep safe. His aunt May had suggested going to a children’s hospital in uniform, to help brighten the patients’ spirits. St. Mary’s was the closest, so he tried that one; he soon fell in love with the small patients there.

“Hey, DeMarcus! How’s it goin’, buddy?”

“Guess what, Mr. Spider-Man!” DeMarcus’s little brown eyes gleamed under the harsh fluorescent lighting. “The doctors say I’m all better! I have something called re...re...  ugh, Mommy, what was that word?”

“Remission,” DeMarcus’s mom said, smiling widely.

“Yeah, that. But I get to go home, Mr. Spider-Man! Isn’t that awesome??”

Peter held out his gloved hand for a high-five, crouching down so he and DeMarcus were eye level. “That is so awesome, dude! I think that calls for a high-five.”

DeMarcus giggled as he returned the high-five. “I’m going to miss you, Mr. Spider-Man.”

“I’m gonna miss you too, buddy. I’m sure I’ll see you around, though.”

“Mommy! Can you take a picture of me with Spider-Man?”

DeMarcus’s mom pulled out her phone, snapping a few pictures of the two of them together. “Thank you for doing this,” she said. “It really made him happy, that a real superhero took time out of his day just to come see him.”

“The pleasure’s all mine, Ma’am, really. DeMarcus is a good kid, I really am going to miss seeing him. Hey, buddy, can I get a hug?” Peter asked, crouching down again.

Wordlessly, DeMarcus flung his arms around Peter. “I love you, Mr. Spider-Man.”

Peter chuckled. “Love you too, buddy. I’ll see you, okay? In the meantime, be good for me. Study hard in school and stay out of trouble.”

DeMarcus nodded, firmly grasping his mother’s hand. “Mommy! I can’t wait to go back to school and tell everyone I’m friends with Spider-Man!”

Peter chuckled as he walked down the hall.

“Is that everyone?” he’d asked a nurse.

The nurse checked her chart. “I know you don’t normally go there, but you could visit the teen wing, maybe? It’s not usually very full, which is why we don’t usually have you go there. But… we have had one patient in there for a while now. Would you like me to see if she’s up for a visitor?”

“Sure.” As the nurse walked down the hall, Peter sat down in a chair. “Karen, any messages for me?”

“Text message from Science Bro Shuri. Displayed or read aloud?”

“Displayed is fine, thanks, Karen.”

Hey Spider-Doofus. When you get done there, come by the lab. Got a little something for ya

Peter chuckled. Probably a suit upgrade, again. Ever since she came to America to work for Stark Industries, carrying on Tony’s work, she had been upgrading his suit at every opportunity.

“Follow me,” the nurse said. Peter followed her down a hallway, into a room on the corner; the nurse peeked her head in. “(y/n)? You ready for your visitor?”

“Sure. Forgot to ask who it is, though.”

“It’s Spider-Man.”

A chuckle. “Is it really Spider-Man, or is it just my uncle Leo in a rented costume again? Because that was kind of a bummer.”

“It’s the real deal, (y/n). Can he come in?”

“Make him prove it,” the girl called out skeptically.

Without another word, Peter shot one of his webs through the crack in the girl’s door.

A long pause, then: “Yes, I’d love to see him.”

Peter laughed as the nurse opened the door wider, allowing him access. He paused at the end of the girl’s bed.

She was thin, not painfully so but definitely thinner than she was supposed to be. Her hair had all fallen out, but based on the pictures littering her nightstand and taped to her walls it had been (y/h/c). But the thing that struck Peter the most was -

“Holy shit, you’re my age,” Peter breathed.

The girl chuckled. “Yeah, I- wait, what?”

“How old are you, anyway?”

“Seventeen.”

“Me too.”

“No way, really?”

The nurse had left at this point; Peter closed the door behind her and webbed it shut for extra insurance. “You cannot tell anyone about this,” he said.

The girl scoffed loudly. “Probably in this joint for the rest of my life,” she said, almost bitterly. “And I practically have nobody. Who am I going to tell?”

“You… well, we’ll get to that, hold on.” Peter carefully removed his mask, looking at her; he ran a hand through his thick auburn curls.

“Wow, you’re cute,” she mumbled to herself; Peter laughed. “Do you, uh, do you live around here?”

“Sort of. I don’t know you from school, though, where’d you go?”

“Townsend Harris. Where do you go?”

“Midtown.”

The girl laughed. “Ah, smart guy, huh? You know I missed getting in there by like three points? I got held back in fifth grade, because I missed so much school when I got sick the first time. It’s a long and winding explanation but to sum it up, it’s cancer. My name’s (y/n), by the way.”

“I’m Spider-Man. But my real name’s Peter, Peter Parker.”

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Peter Peter Parker.”

Peter smiled warmly at her. “So… what do you mean, you have practically nobody?”

(y/n) sighed. “Well, my dad left when I got sick the first time. Said having a sick kid was causing too much stress on him, turns out he’d been cheating on my mom since I was four. Um, he pays child support but it’s not much so my mom works two jobs just so she can pay for my bills. If she’s not at one of her jobs, she’s here. But she works such crazy hours that she’s not here as much as she wants to be. I don’t have any siblings, both sets of my grandparents are dead. I have cousins but they live in Maine.”

“Any friends?”

“Oh, sure. They come by once in awhile, but they never stay long. I know being with someone who’s dying is kind of a bummer. I’m still in the group text and on Snapchat, but it’s hard watching someone live the life you’re supposed to be living, y’know?”

Peter just nodded solemnly.

“I’ve had this twice before,” she added, “and I’ve beaten it both times. But this time, it’s spread too far and my body really can’t handle anymore chemo, so… I’m just around until I’m not around anymore, I guess.”

“Wow,” Peter said. “That is incredibly not fair.”

“Tell me about it. My friends are all stressed out about their SAT’s, what college they’re going to pick, and here I am wondering if I’m going to live until dinner.” (y/n) puffed her cheeks out, exhaling slowly. “That’s dramatic, I’ve got at least a month or two but you know what I’m trying to say. But anyway, prom is in a few weeks and they’re texting me pictures of their dresses and they’re all going to look great.” She smiled sadly.

“But you’re not going to get to go,” Peter said softly.

“Nope. That’s the thing that sucks about this the most. They get to have lives, Peter. They get to go on dates, have boyfriends, go to prom. I won’t get to do any of that.” A tear slid down her cheek; she hurriedly wiped it away. “I’m sorry, you came in here to cheer me up and now I’ve bummed both of us out.”

“No, no, it’s okay! It’s okay.”  Peter smiled at her warmly.

But the wheels in his head were turning. And once they’re in motion, he finds it very hard to get them to stop...

“Hey,” he said finally. “What if I did that?”

“What if you did what?”

“Well, I-I know you can’t leave, right? But maybe… maybe you could have a date? In here? With me? And-and maybe we could have our own tiny prom?”

(y/n) scrunched up her face in confusion. “You just met me, you’d do that just for me?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Because you’ll get attached,” she said simply. “And then I’ll be gone, and then you won’t know what to do?”

Peter laughed bitterly. “You think I’ve never lost anyone close to me before?” he asked, voice tinged with sadness. “Let’s see, I’ve lost… um… both my parents. My uncle Ben - who I watched get shot, by the way. And you’ve heard of Tony Stark, yeah?”

“Yeah. That was so sad, I… oh, no.”

Peter nodded. “He was my mentor, the closest thing I had to a dad since Uncle Ben died. And I watched him die too. So… I’m sort of used to it.”

“God, Peter. I had no idea, I’m so sorry.”

Peter shrugged. “Eh. You never know what’s going on with a person just by looking at ‘em, y’know? So, um… what do you say, huh?”

“You can't fall in love with me.”

“I can’t promise that, I fall in love very easily. I almost married a key lime cheesecake last week. Our children would have looked really weird.”

(y/n) laughed slightly. “You know what? Okay. Let’s do this. What have I got to lose, huh?”

“That’s the spirit.” Peter winked at her; they both burst into laughter. “Okay, um… I have robotics club tomorrow after school, and then I need to-”

“Robotics club? God, my fake boyfriend is such a fucking nerd.”

“And my fake girlfriend is really fucking mean.”

(y/n) started laughing again.

“But anyway, I can’t come by tomorrow but I can the day after? I’ll bring coffee, where’s your favorite coffee place?”

“I always like Rosita’s on the corner of 41st Street and 43rd Avenue?”

Peter nodded. “You got it. I’ll text you when I’m close to there, you can tell me what you want when I get there.”

(y/n) grinned slightly. “Well, Peter Parker, how you gonna do that without my phone number?”

Peter cocked his head to one side in confusion, then laughed. “Ah, (Y/n) used flirting! And… it’s super effective! You do raise a good point, um… can I see your phone?”

(y/n) nodded, handing him her phone; he programmed his number into it quickly. “Here, I’ll just text you so you have mine, I… it’s complicated, I…”

“Phone built into your suit?”

“My fake girlfriend is really smart too.” Peter shook his head as he dissolved the webs holding her door shut. “Okay, so… see you in a couple of days?”

“I’m really looking forward to it, Peter. Bye. Great Pokemon reference, by the way.” She waved slightly as Peter returned the gesture, then slipped his mask back on as he walked out the door.

“I don’t know what you two were talking about in there,” the nurse said as Peter stepped out of the room, “but that’s the most I’ve heard her laugh since she’s been in here. I think that’s just what she needs right now. You will come by and see her again, right?”

Peter laughed. “I promise.”

He thought about that old adage - To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

He’d only known (y/n) for about a half hour, but he already knew her world had been filled with hospitals and sadness. He hoped that he could make what was left of her world a little bit brighter.

[deathstroke-the-himbonator]

So I watched Batman Ninja with my buddy Jason the other night...

Under a readmore because I'm screaming and y'all normal people don't need to see this shitshow.

So, like, to begin with; the animation is gorgeous- I will in no way try to deny that- and does a lot of cool things with the art style. You can tell a lot of work went into this movie, and while I personally find it so bad that it's funny, I'm not gonna shit on anyone who likes this film more seriously. (Also, I'm gonna shit on the outfits a lot, so sorry if that comes off as unintentionally racist. I am white and stupid.)

However, other than that... What the shit??? Was that??? I'm still reeling 48 hours later.

The basic plot of this wild ass movie (that I could figure out): Gorilla Grodd has built a time machine so he can go back in time and rule over Feudal Japan and change history (it never really specifies why he chose Japan of all places but go off, DC). He brings Deathstroke (my fav obviously), The Penguin, Two-Face, Poison Ivy, and The Joker + Harley Quinn (because if you want your plans to work you should absolutely bring in the disaster piece of shit that is The Joker).

Also Catwoman is here but from what I can tell it was accidental on her part/I think she's the one who fucked up the time machine??? Unclear.

So everyone goes to the past, including Batman, Alfred, and all the Robins (Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and Damian Wayne as Robin) (none of the girls but let's be honest, I think they dodged a fucking bullet).

Batman ends up behind everyone else during the time traveling??? Not really explained, but now everyone has been in Japan for two years and Catwoman has depression.

Okay onto me rambling:

They have this scene where every villain gets a title card/one-liner, and everyone else but Deathstroke gets a line that fits their shtick. I feel like they had no idea what to do for a pun/joke, so there's just a literal pause then "... Yeah :)" from Deathstroke. I straight up scream-laughed so fucking hard.

All the Robins look so fucking stupid except for Tim. Nightwing looks like Goku, Red Hood has the tallest bucket on his head I've ever seen, and Damian's hair... good fucking lord.

Also, Damian is completely out of character. The people making this movie, I think, have never read a comic with Damian, and just made him into "annoyingly happy child character that is annoying as all fuck and talks to animals for no reason except Baby" and let me tell you, I got such whiplash from seeing that. Also Damian and Red Hood are apparently voiced by the same guy and my buddy Jason is freaking out about it lmao.

Joker's fucking UGLY next question.

Harley sounds low-key annoying in this film but that might just be me... feels like a lot of people who try to voice her make their voices as high-pitched as possible and it's very grating after awhile.

There's an amnesia plot??? Where Harley and Joker get amnesia after a boat fire??? Red Hood beats the fuck out of them and while I feel bad for Harley, fuck Joker, he can die. They get their memories back by seeing a plant... that looks like Joker's face... as my boy Deathstroke would say: "... Yeah."

There's a clan of Batman ninjas from the past and, tbh, they look pretty fucking cool and I thought they were a really neat concept. Doesn't excuse the bat ghost thing.

OH GOD THE ENDING FIGHT

Through a series of unfortunate events, Gorilla Grodd and all the other villains start fighting each other in giant mechas in order to decide who will rule Japan because of course they do.

My favorite parts from the villain fights:

Two-Face's robot is the shit of nightmares. At one point Deathstroke and Grodd are going at it, Two-Face gets between them, then FLIPS A COIN FOR WHO HE'LL BEAT ON (very in-character I guess but I was still screeching). Btw, he chooses to attack Grodd, and Slade just stands back like "... Yeah :)"

Can you tell that I'm not over that stupid line yet?

PENGUIN HAS SEMI-SENTIENT PENGUINS WORKING ON THE INSIDE OF HIS ROBOT WTF!?!? WHERE DID HE GET THEM!?

Poison Ivy is beautiful, next question.

Okay, back to everything in general:

Grodd reveals that he has been low-key mind controlling all of the other villains this entire time, and that he's the one who made everyone build giant robots. He attempts to take full control of everyone, but Joker does instead. This is maybe the most sane part of this entire goddamn movie.

ALL OF THE ROBOTS MORE OR LESS FORM VOLTRON, LADS!!!

So now our heroes (Batman, the Batsquad, and the Batclan) need to take on this giant robot... so what's a boy to do? Well, if you're Damian Wayne in this movie, you get a magic flute from Grodd after he nearly dies for you, and with the help of your baby monkey friend, summon an army of millions of monkeys that form a giant monkey.

This is a Batman movie. Just thought I'd remind y'all of that.

At first it doesn't work, but don't worry! Another monkey (wearing a pink bow to remind us that she's a girl and the other monkey's love interest) comes and helps Damian play the flute better so the monkeys are better.

Monkeys still aren't enough, so with the power of bats and probably a lot of weed being smoked, the bats that came out of literally nowhere form a giant Batman to punch Voltron.

(Side note: they destroy the arm that Deathstroke was controlling so I don't know why he isn't dead. Never explained. He isn't even really hurt!!!)

The Robins enter Voltron to fight the villains because Joker loses control of everyone: Nightwing vs Penguin, Red Hood vs Deathstroke, and I forget the other match-ups, but nothing matters except that Red Hood walking up to Deathstroke and saying "Tell you what... I'll let you take the first shot" was badass and the best part of the movie.

Too bad we didn't get full fights scenes between everyone 🙃

Batman nearly died??? But lived??? I was so lost at this point and probably should've been paying better attention, but I was too busy trying to convince myself this wasn't a fever dream.

They got back to the present and everyone lived happily ever after, the end :)

Notes: I'm sure I missed some shit but Jesus fucking Christmas, it was a wild ride from start to finish. It was, like, not that great storytelling wise, but it was so bad it was funny??? It was the "The Room" of Animated Batman films.

Batman is a fucking HIMBO in this movie. I dunno how to exactly explain it, but he makes so many stupid ass decisions throughout the movie, it's so funny. When he's trying to blend in with the townsfolk HE LITERALLY CUTS HIS HAIR TO HAVE THE BATSYMBOL ON THE TOP OF HIS FUCKING HEAD!!! WHO APPROVED THIS MOVIE!?!?

I have decided that Deathstroke didn't die because trans rights. Is he canon trans? Well, he is in my heart.

Jason Todd's voice actor did a great job with him, tbh I wish he had been more prominent in the movie.

I literally forgot Tim and Dick were there most of the time they were so unneeded in the plot.

I hated Damian but whatever.

I honestly did enjoy the movie, but probably not for the reasons the creators wanted me to. Again, nothing against the creators, but this was such an odd movie for 90% of it's run time.

7/10 would watch again, if only because it was so funny and nonsensical.

Ratings all together:

Animation: 10/10

Voice Acting: 7/10

Story (If taken seriously): 2/10

Story (if not serious): 8/10

All together; watch this if you're a Batman fan that feels like having a hilarious time and doesn't mind seeing your favorite characters be OOC or doing weird shit. I feel like this movie is best enjoyed on call/while hanging out with friends.

[afterspark-podcast]

G1 Episode 7: Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

S: What Transformers would you want to see on Nailed It?

O: Uh, Thundercracker and-

Together: Skywarp

O: And then, of course, they're like what the fuck do we do with money?

[Intro music]

O: Hello and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast, an episode by episode recap of the generation 1 Transformers cartoon! I'm Owls!

S: And I'm Specs!

O: And today we're gonna be talking about episode number 7, Fire in the Sky. Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Yep!

O: So last time on the Transformers: Optimus nearly dies, again.

S: Again.

O:  Again. Chip goes to Cybertron and shows surprising resistance to acid rain, unlike the robots and Shockwave can't hit shit.

S: There may or may not have been dancing involved.

O: Indeed.

S: [Laughter]

O: Regardless, back at the Ark, it's snowing!

S: The robots appear to be having fun with Spike.

O: And then Jazz was pretending to be a snowman to surprise Spike.

S: Oh god, did the other Autobots just go and dump snow on him? [Laughter] But oh god, yeah, Jazz continues to prove to be delightful.  How long was he standing like that? Do you think he had the other Autobots, ah,  put all that snow on him?

O: God, I hope so! [Laughter]

S: Then a snowball fight breaks out, Jazz gets buried in the snow again. It's snow fair!

O: Be afraid! The snow puns are here!

S: So many snow puns.

O: Anyway Bumblebee almost kills Spike with a freakin’ snow boulder!

S: And somehow this cumulates- that feels like a weird snow pun.

O: [Laughter] Cumulus, if you will.

S: Yes, with Spike rolling down a hill, um, into more of a ball and consuming three Autobots in rolling snowy terror.

O: They’re all fine after this! Including Spike who was in this, like, boulder sized snowball thing and hit three robots!

S: How the hell didn't he get splatted? Also there's cactuses and a palm tree involved, in Oregon.

O: Now, ladies and gentlemen, coming to you from the Pacific Northwest there are not cacti and palm trees here, ok?

S: Especially since that area would be, um, like it would be at least semi-arid but it- yeah, no, cacti.

O: There would be no cacti.

S: No palm trees.

O: Meanwhile, Optimus Prime investigates the weird-ass weather. Apparently all the heat from the Earth's core is being drained.

S: I guess the people of Alaska and Russia are are just, um, dead.

O: Yeah, they, like, say it dropped by X number of degrees, and we’re like, oh boy, everybody must be dead. Cool. Anyway, you’ll be surprised who's behind this nefarious plot.

S: Anyway in the Arctic, green crystals erupt from the ground and somehow the Decepticons are draining the heat from the Earth's core by draining this crystal thing?

O: No, we don't get it either, but that's what they're doing. Uh, so we the cut to Rumble who's pounding through ice and somehow causes an underground avalanche sort of thing?

S: Sort of. Maybe. I don't know. And afterwards Skywarp and Rumble come across a dead body. [Laughter]

O: Well they nearly dead, anyway.

S: Apparently this is just a giant, freaking robot.

O: Like, bigger than Megatron or Optimus! That much bigger. So Megatron is delighted by this find because he's like, “I have more cannon fodder to toss at the Autobots!”

S: And Teletraan 1 is able to pinpoint the Decepticons’ activity in the Arctic except it's like they're panning over and panning over and they completely bypass the freaking green rock and then it's like, “Hey! Go back to that thing!”

O: [Laughter] Wait, that might have been important!

S: Yeah, and so the Autobots roll out!

O: Ratchet apparently catches up later since he's not seen leaving the Ark with everyone else, and I believe this also happens with a few other characters, um.

S: I don't remember who.

O: It's- god, it's not Huffer.

S: Hound?

O: No, no my brains going Wheelie--

S: [Laughter}

O:  --and he doesn’t show up till the movie

S: Cliffjumper?

O: No! No, no, no, uh. He's annoying, he's a jerk. Gears! I want to say like Gears and Bumblebee also maybe don't show up and I don't remember. I just know like a bunch of Autobots that you don't see leaving also show up in the Arctic with them.

S:  I don't remember who was there at all, but I guess Ratchet decided to hussle his hoofies [Laughter]

O: [Laughter] Apparently.

S: And back with our favorite energy stealing bastards! The new Transformer is being repaired by the Seekers and Soundwave, with Megatron supervising because apparently he just likes doing that.

O:  Elsewhere in the multiverse IDW Megs, act-actually a goddamn medic and Captain of the Lost Light has a conniption about his useless G1 counterpart. Also our bad, it's Soundwave and all the Seekers doing the repairing here, not just Soundwave and Starscream. So apparently robots have a concept of freshness as Thundercracker comments on how being on ice kept it fresh. While, they continue to repair the big guy.

S: Do- do they like their Energon fresh? Or can they have, like, fine vintage aged Energon?

O: No clue, but apparently Starscream knows this guy and I swear to god--Megs is giving Starscream a look that's like, “What do you mean this is your ex?”

S: Anyway, big guy's name is Skyfire and he's a scientist.

O: Which we’ll see more shortly but uh so while working on Skyfire, Soundwave spins his arm into like an energy projectile cannon that's apparently their version of a freaking defibrillator.

S: I don't think we ever see it again.

O:  it looks really weird!

S: It just spins into existence. Why? Meanwhile, Starscream explains that himself and Skyfire were scientists that were exploring earth millions and millions of years ago and Skyfire got lost in the storm because-

O: So--this is the most concern we ever see from Starscream for anyone other than himself like EVER.

S: Yeah.

O: But about this flashback. So a couple of things, um, we see Skyfire and Starscream flying in space. This means their jet forms are spaceworthy, apparently. What.

S: Well, I mean, we later see Starscream flying in space with Shockwave riding him at some point.

O: Oh god.

S: Like he just picks up Shockwave off a freaking a meteor or something? If I’m remembering properly.

O: I don't even. Um, Starscream should be a pyramid jet here because the flashback takes place way before the start of the series but he’s still an earth jet, like millions of millions of years before jets existed.

S: He wanted to be fashionable in this flashback.

O: Apparently. It was edited! He edited the flashback.  Uh, so the continents that we see on Earth should not look like this they look like modern-day Earth and maybe they wouldn't be like full-on Pangaea as one mass but they definitely shouldn't be in their modern-day configurations.

S: Yeah, and also it's super weird because this is playing from Skyfire’s of memory thingy in his head? But everything is in third person and Skyfire is visible in all the shots.

O: So does he have a camera crew following him around, you think?

S: Maybe? I mean shoot maybe at one point he had a stupid little drone that followed them around like IDW Jetfire and it just gave him footage, I don’t know.

O: Okay, he is definitely Starscream’s ex, this poor guy is way too happy to see Screamer when he wakes up.

S: And Megatron basically says, “Welp, you're a Decepticon now. Don't suck at it!”

O: Or, you know, you're gonna die. Skyfire is kind of hesitant to fight because he's a scientist and not a warrior

S: Like, he wants to study stuff, not kill shit. And later Starscream tells Skyfire that, “He, Starscream, would be in command of the Decepticons,” eventually and then Skyfire will be Second-in-command.

O: Oh boy, oh boy. Eh, Skyfire doesn't really get what's going on right now because he's been out of commission for like a zillion years but he's trying real hard.

S: Poor dude but yeah.

O:  So the Autobots show up and Skyfire, thinking they’re enemies, fires on them, because he's been told they're bad guys.

S: He is obedient, I guess. And a fight breaks out basically ending in Skyfire accidentally kidnapping Spike and Sparkplug for their own good after they basically get marooned on a little ice flow.

O: He’s legitimately like, “Oh no! Why are you guys scared, you’ve got nothing to fear, we’re the good guys.”

S: Cuz, he’s like, “Yeah, I'm not gonna hurt you!”

O: Yeah-

S: It's not gonna work out, buddy. Naturally, he brings them to Megatron and Starscream.

O: This goes about as well as you'd expect.

S: Like a lead balloon [sound effect] straight down.

O: So both humans have been tossed in an ice cage.

S: That's not gonna end well for anybody.

O: No. Hypothermia will be your gift.

S: Starscream and Megatron chastise Skyfire for being nice to the flesh creatures.

O: Skyfire has known these guys for all of five seconds and he calls them his friends. Please, please, someone give this robot a hug? This guy deserves a hug!

S: He deserves so much more than he so much better than, well, what he gets from the Decepticons or the Autobots.

O: For that matter! Uh,. but Skyfire’s, like, I’m a scientist, not a warrior!

S: Oh my god, he literally channels Bones from Star Trek.

O: Kind of! The Autobots falling behind in an attempt to save their favorite squishies.

S: And thus begins the wonder of Optimus Prime's inconsistently disappearing trailer. Outside the cave, no trailer. Inside the cave, you got a trailer.

O: And that'll happen multiple times. Anyway, Gears stops, like dumbass, causing Ironhide, Hound, Ratchet, and Gears to fall through ice.

S: Into the nice little ice hole.

O: Apparently. Back to Optimus! Because we're gonna be swapping between three goddamn groups- three or four goddamn groups of people here. I'm not even exaggerating- back to Optimus, Bee, Jazz and Cliffjumper. Optimus’ trailer disappears again and they hear Spike and Sparkplug crying out for help.

S: And Bumblebee totally looks like he's levitating in this shot, I don't remember if it's because he's sort of in front of something that should be- be-

O:  In the foreground?

S: Yeah, yeah, I think that's it. Cliffjumper blasts the humans out of the cage, “Lucky for you my laser has a defrost cycle.” Why?

O: Please, name one other time in which that function was actually useful there Cliffjumper.

S:  I mean that would be useful for defrosting himself when he's outside in the winter but I mean you never see him use it again.

O: You see! Does Cybertron have ice? Why would he even have this!?!

S:  Well, considering that their planet doesn't revolve around a star and it's flying through space it's probably super friggin cold, but I don't know if-

O: Does that matter to them?

S: I don't remember, I feel like, well, in Prime it definitely matters.

O: Oh, yeah but it has to be like sub-zero temperatures.

S: And it matters in Rescue Bots, not sure about here. It doesn't appear to matter here soooo.

O: Prime and Rescue Bots are in the same continuity, though. So, Hound, Ratchet, Ironhide, and Gears spy on the Decepticons stealing heat from the Earth's core. They're promptly seen by Megatron because they're all terrible at hiding.

S: They’re super bad at it, god. Soundwave releases Ravage to scout for any additional Autobots.

O: Back with Optimus Prime because, again, we're swapping, oh, we're swapping so quickly here, folks.

S: Perspectives, point of views, who gives a damn.

O: The- this show- it can't focus. Anyway back with Optimus and the others, Jazz is using the unit of time astro-minutes.

S: At least he's not counting in astro-seconds?

O: Okay, but seriously if you want a good laugh go check out the TFWiki for units of time (we’ll link to it in the show notes). I swear so many of these units are just ??? on like what their actual real world measurement equivalent is. Like, even the fans don't know how long an orn or an astro-minute is and this is hilarious to me.

S:  Cuz the fandom’s been around for thirty years and, well, not necessarily fandom, but canon continuities keep coming up with stupid things to add and then not necessarily defining them.

O: Or it’s different between different continuities?

S: Yeah, Cliffjumper runs ahead like a dumbass

O: Again.

S: [Laughter] And is promptly tackled to the ground by Ravage and they escape having trapped Ravage “cold.”

O: Aaaaaah! Why do you guys do this to me?!

S: Cause they love fuckin puns- [Laughter] Cause they fucking love puns!

O: Anyway, they do this by burying him under ice and snow. Um, meanwhile Ratchet and the rest have been lined up firing squad style?

S: They- they don't even get any last requests.

O: This just in, the Decepticons are assholes!

S: Not like we're surprised, I mean.

O: Yeah, no, I mean they're all assholes.

S; Yeah. Skyfire’s like, “'I’m a scientist, not an executioner!” and this pisses off Starscream who shoots him.

O: Starscream then shoots the Autobots, causing them to explode and walks off without checking the fucking bodies.

S: That's not- you’re- You’re Megatron’s second-in-command, you should know better.

O: You should be more competent than this, bud. But anyway, surprise Hound hologram shenanigans.

S: Ho-lo-gram.

O: Hologram shenanigans.

S: So the Autobots are fine! But Skyfire’s not in good shape.

O: And then all the Autobots regroup and Ratchet attempts to save Skyfire and meanwhile Laserbeak is spying on the Autobots while they work

S: And we cut to Megatron who's holding an Energon cube and is gazing at an admiringly, like he's totally admiring his ill-gotten gains.

O: Are we sure he's not just staring at Starscream’s ass through that!?! I'm telling you he's just staring at Starscream’s ass!

S: He's admiring Starscream's lustrous finish [Laughter]

O: Anyway, he receives the transmission from Laserbeak about the Autobot activity and then promptly beans Starscream in the head with the Energon cube.

S: Starscream was clearly posing like a model when Megatron hits him so, I guess your theory regarding--

O: Staring at his ass.

S: I guess-

O: He Just wants to be pretty! And he wants his spouse to notice him, ok? “You disgust me!” exclaims Megatron as he yells at Starscream for not killing the Autobots like he freaking said he did!

S: And then the Seekers attack the Autobots I guess by strafing them, I don't know, while Ratchet continues to work on Skyfire

O: And this part cracks me up because the size difference between Skyfire and Ratchet- it looks like a toddler operating on an adult. Like, that is how much bigger Skyfire is been the rest of them.

S: Oh god, it would be even more pronounced if Ratchet was a minibot.

O: Oh my god! [Laughter] That’s a thought.

S: Yeah, yeah, and Optimus’ trailer appears out of nowhere because guess who gets to show up today! It’s Roller! To shoot at the Seekers. Yeah, and Roller shoots Skywarp in the butt, who thenrear-ends Thundercracker sending them both nose-first into the ocean.

O: Which basically puts them out of commission for the rest of the fight. I have to ask, ya think Megatron would, you know, send out  the cassettes here.  Who we have established are here! Rumble can fight, they’re on ice, it’s not like they couldn't break up the ground and send the Autobots into the water! We all know Optimus Prime cannot fucking swim.

S: Yeah, we've already seen that.

O: We'll see it again, actually, next episode where the Autobots cannot fucking swim.

S: [Laughter] Oh god, yeah, Megatron and Optimus fight with green crystal shards- got some amazing photos from this.

O: [Laughter] Which we will also post.  But, these silly crystal sound effects are clearly just two pipes being banged together here.

S: Bang, bang, bang, or bong or whatever, I don't think they used bong, they couldn't get bells or wind chimes or something?

O: Yeah, to make it sound kind of tinkly--no, it just sounds like you're banging two pipes together!

S: And Optimus grapples Megatron, lifting him up into the air and Megatron then rotates his lower body 180 degrees and lands behind Optimus, knocking him down. It's kind of amazing, honestly.

O: You’d think they do stuff like this more often since they’re, you know, robots--but they don’t.

S: I mean, if they actually made use of their whole, “Hey, we rotate to transform here.”

O: Yeah, like, cuz a lot of them do.

S: Yeah, uh, so while on his back cuz Optimus is knocked to the ground, he starts spinning his wrist really, really quickly? And makes- he- like a helicopter hand? That he just uses to toss Megatron behind him into an ice wall?

S: He's, like, spinning him on- it's like, he's still holding the weird crystal sword-

O: Yeah!

S: -Thingy and like, it spins and then sort of- Megatron’s- he's not levitated on it, but-

O: He, like, picks Megatron up with it?

S: It’s weird.

O: It's bizarre.

S: Yeah, it’s bizarre, but it got some really funny screencaps

O: Yeah.

S: Yeah, really funny photos.

O: It was pretty funny looking.

S: Yeah, cuz, I was doing that janky thing where I just photos of your TV.

O: If you’re curious why our screenshots look the way they do, it’s because we’re taking literal pictures of my TV, mostly because we think it actually looks funnier than trying to screen cap them off the computer.

S: Yeah, it's got more- it's got more character.

O: More character. Look, we can't- we can't make it look as bad as the 80s, but we can certainly make it look worse. Okay, so Megaton orders Skyfire to kill the Autobots because Skyfire’s up  and about again Skyfire then promptly rips off his Decepticon symbol and pulls an Autobot badge out of fucking nowhere and just, like, sticks it on his chest. Where did he even get that? How do he even get that? Did Ratchet hand it to him after repairing him? Does Ratchet carry spares!?!

S: And why did his Decepticon symbol act like cloth?

O: Yeah, or a sticker or something? Like, what is it made out of?

S: Do they just carry, you know, do Decepticons just just carry stickers or symbols just to give people cuz...

O: Yeah, like, do both sides do this? They can’t- we don't see people swap like sides very often so this seems very strange, if they, like, carry around stickers.

S:  I mean, I guess, if we wanted, you know, some comparison we could look and see what Octane does cuz I think he changes sides, but that's neither here nor there let's get back to this.

O: [Laughter]

S: And Skyfire tosses Megs off into the distance- I don't actually remember this, so I don’t remember how impressive it is.

O: [Laughter] Skyfire does a lot of tossing over the next couple of minutes. Reflector also attempts to attack, as like a weird mobile robot pyramid, like there's two of them on the bottom carrying the other one. They also promptly get tossed.

S: Starscream attacks from the air, Skyfire takes off to follow him.

O: Starscream, the most treacherous second in command in existence, tells Skyfire he'll pay first treachery and I just have one thing to say, “Pot meet Kettle!”

S: [Laughter] Except Skyfire’s, like-

O: Not an asshole!

S: He also didn't exactly get a fair, you know, read in on this. It was basically, “Hey, you're my property now, here's a sticker.”

O: Well, yeah. Starscream just has no room to talk. At all!

S: Well yeah, considering that he keeps trying to take over the Decepticons kill and Megatron

O: Yeah.

S: Yeah. Skyfire knocks Starscream out of the air but not without damaging himself, I guess Ratchet- Ratchet didn't do much in the way of fixing him, cuz I guess he doesn't have much in the way of spare parts. Not a lot of junk in his trunk. [Laughter]

O: [over laughter] Ugh, god, no. He has no trunk! He has no trunk! [indistinct] He has no trunk, Specs, you can not make that joke!

S: On his way down, he causes an avalanche with the tiniest freaking gun-

O: Cuz, again, he’s huge! Right, like, he just has this tiny little gun! [Laughter]

S: Covering the green crystal and the day saved because of this, for some reason? Apparently that's enough to insulate the stupid crystal and stop the-

O: Apparently.

S: The Earth's heat energy from being sucked out.

O: Unfortunately for Skyfire, he also gets buried.

S: Bad Autobot buddies there. Yeah, unfortunately, yeah. Well, goodbye Skyfire, who we’ll never see again.

O: You know that bad little habit everyone has of not checking bodies?

S: Yeah. The Autobots are just like---god Autobots, why? Optimus utterly fails to comfort Spike as they vow to remember Skyfire. Why?

O: But not dig him out, you assholes! And that’s where the episode ends, it that cheesy, I swear to god and maybe I'm wrong- but I swear to god, it does that cheesy anime thing where like, you know, you have the character big in the sky as it like, you know, cuts the episode?

S: Big in the sky and the sunset, like, “We're thinking of you-”

O: Right!

S: “Your memory is in our hearts!”

O: Again, if we have not made this clear, we’ll see Skyfire again shortly. Because these guys are idiots!

S: And I guess it's a spoiler, but apparently they just need Wheeljack to freaking dig someone out.

O: I'm convinced Wheeljack just was like, “What do you mean? All we need to do is dig him out. He was fine ice for millions of years. I'm just gonna go do this.”

S: He's still fresh!

O: [Laughter]

S: He’s even more fresh than he was before, he's only been in there like five minutes!

O: [Laughter] Anyway, that’s where the episode ends. Next time join us for the introduction of the Dinobots! Or as we like to call it, “How not to treat your newborns!” Seriously, Prime’s solution is to lock them in the goddamn closet.

S: You're a bad godfather, Optimus.

O: He should not be a godfather at all! Prime, Prime, you should not be around children, go away!

S: Yup, yup.

O: So, my dear Specs tell us about our fanfic!

S: Well, um, we’ve got kind of an avalanche-

O: [Laughter]

S:  -for you today because I just kind of went hog-wild and did more than three.

O: Whoops.

S: So, yeah, lots of stuff that are involve either robots doing dumb stuff in snow, or Skyfire or Soundwave, and yeah. Lots of robots doing dumb stuff in snow and ice.

O: [Laughter]

S: So our first- first selection today is “Bobsled Australia” by Korat. It's a G1 cartoon continuity, I think. It's- yeah,

O: Vaguely, at least.

S: Yeah, well, it focuses on original characters so it's not like it really matters.

O: True.

S: So it's rated T for teen. It's Gen, there aren't any pairings, the original characters are Dart and Deus. So Korat’s original character Dart, and Deus, who is Retrolex's original character.

S: So in summary, “Two transformers, a mountain, and one makeshift sled.”

O: [Laughter]

S: And mountain is specifically about a Mount Blue Cow in Australia, if I'm remembering properly. It's- it's fun. it's funny. So yeah, theme in this was snow plus robots doing dumb stuff in it.

O: [Laughter]

S:  It's- it's old, it's good, I really enjoy it. I recommend it even if you're not terribly into OC’s/original characters just because these two have- like they bounce off each other pretty well and it's fun and you get to see robot’s bobsledding.

O: [Laughter]

S: Bobsledding down a mountain. It's kind of great. And our next one is “28 Skyfires” by Beertree. G1 cartoon, rated K+. Slash because it's got Skyfire/Starscream in it, yeah. Characters: Skyfire and Starscream are the main ones, though there are probably some other supporting characters.

S: Uh, G1, In summary “Finally some new fic from the meme going around in LiveJournal, here are 28 Skyfires. These are listed alphabetically except where a plotline is involved then it's chronological for the story rated K-T for Skyfire/Starscream slash and implied slash,” and our theme for that one is ‘Skyfire” cuz might as well have something all about the new dude.

S: Right, so this is a one-shot collection. Bobsled Australia was a one-shot. Like ne- let's go to the next one, which is “Technical Support” by Archaeopteryx_Feather. Uh, G1 cartoon. K- rated K. It's gen, no pairings. It- the main characters are Soundwave and Starscream. In summary, “Soundwave was a medic of the mind, bound by the Technopathic Oath to do no harm. But what if the patient who needs help is Starscream?”

O: Kill it, kill it with fire.

S: So the theme with that was Soundwave and his medical skills cuz I specifically wanted to find something that, um, explored the medical skills that we got to see Soundwave use in this episode.

O: Fair enough.

S: And it's a one shot with an alternate ending in the second chapter. [Indistinct] And our next one is “Ice Skating” by Haluwasa2. It's a G1 IDW to shake things up from the G1 cartoon.

S: It's rated K. It's Gen, more or less. Pairings: Misfire/Grimlock. Characters: Fulcrum, Misfire, Grimlock. “On a pit stop to Earth, Fulcrum finds Misfire and Grimlock in an unexpected scenario that is... completely normal for them to be honest.” And it's robots doing silly stuff with ice and it's a one-shot.

S: And our last one today is “Snow Day with the Scavengers” by Pteropoda (SilentP), in um..

O: Parentheses.

S: Parenthesis, thank you, so it's also G1 IDW, rated K, Gen, no pairings. Our characters for this one are Fulcrum, Misfire, Krok, Crankcase, Spinister, and Grimlock.

O: Basically the Scavengers from the IDW comics.

S: Yep, yep, and in summary, “Fulcrum is not down with toboggans.” So, yeah. Again our theme is robots doing silly stuff in snow and it's a one shot. I- yeah I was very specific on robots doing silly stuff and snow was our big theme today.

O: [laughs] You just wanted something seasonal, uh, it will make no sense when this is actually aired- we're recording this right before Christmas, so it’s like, very in season for us!.

S: But yeah that's it for the fanfiction recommendations, let's go to the art!

O: Yes! So for today we are recommending Larry, as in, Larrydraws, you can find them under- on Tumblr as Larrydraws.tumblr.com. [They’ve since changed their tumblr url to anna--malkova.tumblr.com.] Also we are recording this right after all this shit with Tumblr’s been going down so if they have a Pillowfort, I don't have a link. We will have a link to their Kofi and to their Society6 page if you don't want to dick with Tumblr right now.

O: They tend to try draw a variety of things but I was also seeing some IDW comic stuff they did which is apparent with one of the things I picked. They have some absolutely gorgeous prints available at their Society6 page. We linked a few of my personal favorites uh, for Perceptor, Soundwave, and Grimlock and I will post links to those. They're just very pretty and very well done and recommend checking them out cuz they kind of have a whole bunch of stuff and there's probably something for your favorite character.

S: Yeah, they've also got shirts with their art on them and--

O: oh yeah! They’re so pretty!

S: They’re amazing looking and I really would like, like five of them? I don't know have the money because, yeah. And that just about wraps it up for us today! Remember to check out our Tumblr at Afterspark-podcast.tumblr.com, Um, I mean if anyone's still on Tumblr, for additional information, show notes or links we may have mentioned, you can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod (all one word) and SoundCloud on YouTube at Aftersparkpodcast. You can also find us on Pillowfort as Afterspark-podcast and on AO3 by searching for Afterspark Podcast because we've just posted that! (Like, a couple of days ago?)

O: This week, basically. We will be posting there in the future, as well, it basically we're just embedding the stuff from SoundCloud but we are uploading the-

S: The transcripts and show notes.

O: The transcripts and then the show notes are in the actual note section as much as we can. Thankfully we can actually link to things which is really nice.

S: And I mean it makes it easier for people to follow along while listening

O: Yes! So if you kind of have trouble with auditory stuff, I know I actually prefer to kind of read stuff myself so, I totally get wanting to have access to it.

S: Yeah it's just it seems like a good idea. I'll see if I can come up with more tags for the AO3 stuff.

O: Yeah, I’m leaving the tags to Specs because, ah, you know I got this fandom like back in, I guess it's like six months now right?

S: Yeah, June-July-ish.

O: Something like that. Anyway and you know how I haven’t been here that long? Well, basically, I haven’t really been in a fandom space very long at all so I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing with tags? Like I’m relatively familiar with Tumblr and, like, nothing else.

S: Whereas I've had an AO3 account since like 2012 and I've been using it probably since 2009.

O: So, she's knows what she’s doing more than I do. I just got on there and was like, “Oh, look fanfic!”

S: [Laughter]

O: “Tags, I love you.”

S: Yeah, so we’ll- I don't know, I guess if anyone wants to suggest tags, feel free. Um.

O: I like to particularly entertaining ones myself.

S: I might have to put on “specs- doing-robot’splaining” or something.

O:[laughs]  Yeah, I like it

S: All right, till next time, I'm Specs!

O: And I'm Owls!

S: Toodles!

[Outro music]

[greenteafiend]

Stream of conscious thoughts about VLD season 8

Super messy sorry:

 Surprised they decided to make Allurance cannon with a date and a kiss and everything in episode 1. Hunk is a good friend, Coran is hilarious, they look nice in their date outfits.

I appreciate the time jokes. I too get confused between dobashes and phoebes and vargas.

Did…. Did Haggar and Zarkon have a pervious miscarriage before they had Lotor?

Galra-hunting monster in episode 3 was cool. (Remembering that idea for future fics)

Keith got a gun form for his bayard!!! Huge ass blaster like Hunk!!!

Bye Shiro, bye Atlas.

rip Olkarion

Nice Pidge and Allura bonding.

Kinda nice that some things are being touching on again, Weblems, the monster Keith and Krolia released

Omg Axca that’s so funny xD what a cute Galra.

OMG INA YOU CAN’T SAY THAT.

I love the contrived ‘we must take off our suits,’ yesssss, let me see them without their suits.

Victoria and Axcaaaaaa <3 <3 BONDING. Ok I ship it. That’s cute as heck

Wow Axca’s like Keith, so angsty.

Lookin’ good in just the undersuits.

xD the Altean, the big one, the small one, and the loud one.

Is…. Is Keith gonna get captured!??? Why’d he go off by himself?? This masked fella must be someone that has a grudge against Keith specifically… who has he pissed off?? OH IT’S ZETHRID SHE WANTS REVENGE FOR EZOR DOESN’T SHE??? (I was right.)

Hang on, Ezor just dumped her, she isn’t dead. Zethrid, I don’t understand your logic, why is it Keith’s fault she dumped you? (Also she only has one eye left now.)

Victoria saved Axca <3

Holy shit Keith, she’s like, 3 times your weight.

Ok ok I think she’s trying to drain quintessence from the universe to bring back Lotor….

Matt and N-7, huh? (Perks of watching with subtitles)

Atlas is so big! Such a big boy.

Honerva is a cult leader. She’s brainwashed them all.

Did Ezor’a VA change?

Okay Shiro pulling a gun on the bridge was hot.

Matt is so pretty with long hair.

OMG SHE DID IT SHE GOT HIM BACK, LOTOR SHE GOT HIM. Well, his mecha made of trans-dimensional ore.

Also, why you attack immediately?? Can’t they chill and talk for one second??

I wanna see Lotor, is he a zombie now?

Hunk: What the heck just happened? I’m confused too buddy.

So… Allura picked Lance over the rest of reality… :O

Ohhh Ryan speaks. That’s right, he wanted to be a photographer, videographer.

Kolivan gives me Captain Holt vibes.

OMG I LOVE CORAN XD

Hunk is such a sweet boy. BAD BEBE xD

CARNIVAL EPISODE

Keith slicing his way out of the ride is relatable.

‘oh, just gorgeous’ xD

I could see Shiro as a cage fighter in another life.

OMG THE WARDEN. What an unexpected turn lol

Ouch hurts when characters like Coran are serious and disappointed.

Aww Lance is such a good boy.

This seems like a bad idea……

WHY DID HAGGAR’S MIND TAKE EVERYONE BUT KEITH? 

OMG SCARY ALLURA

I THOUGHT THE FIGHTERS LOOKED FAMILIAR

I really like young Alfor’s VA

OH KEITH DOESN’T HAVE ANYONE TO FIGHT CAUSE IT’D BE SHIRO/ZARKON.

What a touching moment between Coran and Alfor.

The Paladins are like the past lives of the Avatar.

The Garrison is a military facility, why’d they map the human brain? Random.

This entity is bad business yo, why you let it in your brain Allura!?

So, 2 and a half episodes left, and I haven’t seen Lance’s sword yet…..

No wonder Haggar’s crazy, she’s harboring everyone she’s ever killed in her head.

Lance is riiight why you no listen?

Bit reckless to go hacking in the mind like that.

Omg pre zombie Zarkon! Confrontation with the old Paladins.

The multi-reality theory came back.

They’re like ‘we did it!’ Did what exactly??? Ohh they know why she wanted Lotor’s mech.

Haggar’s lieutenant with purple/pink hair looks like the Altean from the alternate reality.

CREEPY CREEPY YELLOW EYED ALTEANS

She totally wanted all of team Voltron there to steal their energy etc.

Oh no why did you bring a Balmera here, free energy source you idiots D:

Ok… they merged into one mecha??

Oh wow Atlas and Voltron merged

HUGE ASS SWORD FOR A HUGE ASS ROBOT

Young Sendak!!

EXCUSE ME? SHE WON? SHE HAS WHAT SHE WANTED? >:(

Bby Lotor is adorable. MVP.

Haggar is so bitter.

Wtf is that???!! Huge ass wings?

Prediction: Allura will sacrifice herself, go down with the ship to end it because she’s been infected by the entity. Allura will sacrifice herself to restore the lost realities? (I’m right. I was right.)

Poor Lotor.

‘I’m afraid this is where we part ways’ EXCUSE ME EXCUSE NE  aweuilfgweg;hioasvNO I REFUSE

EVERYONE IS CRYING I’M CRYING. (Except Keith, Mr ‘I-said-I-wouldn’t-cry’ isn’t crying.)

wegSDVNINPNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Did…. Did she just make Lance altean somehow?

Wtf WTF I am confusion?

ok 1 year later

‘Tragic unfortunate series of events’ says Keith lol

LONG FLOWLY HAIR KEITH YESSsss

But Matt cut his hair :( and Pidge’s robot is creepy

Lance’s face looks weird with the Altean marks. Is it healthy to be reminded of her everywhere?? Huh, he’s a farmer now? A farmer??

People are easier to reason with when they’re full, wise words from Hunk.

Turns out that those leaks weren’t totally fake after all yo

I think the moral of the story is don’t mess with trans-dimensional comets yo. Don’t make ‘em into ships.

[blackleatherjacketz]

You’re The Boss: Chapter 4

(Gif isn’t mine)

Negan (The Walking Dead) x Female Reader

Marshall wakes up, and Negan has a job for you.

Warnings: Medical Jargon (Sorry, y’all), Weird Relationships, Negan’s Mouth

Tags: @sonnshineandrainbows @acutecupidity @hughxjackman @destiel-lover321 @collette04 @littlepeachwhispers @dramaqueenarg @lokisaveus @sleepylunarwolf

Read  Chapter 1  Chapter 2   Chapter 3

A wave of relief washes over you as your friend comes into view; his leg cleanly wrapped in gauze. The color has returned to his cheeks, his usual mocha glow vibrant as ever. A soft smile crosses his lips as you enter the room.

“Hey, buddy.” He greets you, his smile widening as you approach.

“Hey, kiddo.” You reply softly. You take your time reaching his bedside, feeling the doctor’s eyes burning into you. “How’re you holding up? I thought you were going to make me cut your leg open on the side of the road!”

“Glad you didn’t.” He laughs, wincing a little. He takes your hand and weaves his fingers in between yours, squeezing tightly. “I would have been a goner for sure.”

He pulls your hand up to his chest and holds it there for a minute. His fingers are still warm and clammy from his low grade fever, but his heart rate is steady through his chest. He swallows hard and stares at you before looking around the room. “Thanks for bringing us here, B.”

“Of course.” You smile at him and stare into his eyes, briefly jarred with the thought of walking into this room under different circumstances.

“So, where is ‘here’, anyways?” He looks over at the doctor and back at you.

“I’m glad you asked that!” Negan traipses in behind you, his voice echoing against the sterile room.

Marshall releases your fingers and drops his hand.

“You’re in The Sanctuary, and thanks to your fearless leader here, your leg is going to be right as rain!” He swings Lucille as he walks past you, stopping directly in front of Marshall. “I am a man of my word.”

“The procedure went well,” the doctor starts, looking at Negan. “I made two incisions, releasing pressure on the medial and lateral side of his gastrocnemius and soleus.” He explains to you.

“English, Doc.” Negan interrupts.

“I cut his leg down to the muscle to release the pressure.” He pauses. “You said she was a nurse.”

“I am. What are you giving him for pain? What kind of supplies do you have here?” You look behind the doctor at his scattered supply cabinets.

“We have ample amounts of Percocet, although I used the last of the morphine for the procedure.” He steps forward and points to Marshall’s leg. “We’ll keep his incisions open for a couple of days until the swelling goes down. Until then, it’s oral meds only.” The doctor sighs and looks at Negan as if waiting for a grade on a paper.

“A couple of days, right…” You look at the gauze on Marshall’s extremity, trying to remember your training from years ago. “Do you have any antibiotics?”

“We’ve managed to find Keflex and Augmentin.”

“Are you giving them to him while his leg is open? Did you give him a dose prophylactically?” You cross your arms over your chest.

“Of course. He just received his second dose.” He looks up at Negan and nods, signing off on your credentials.

“Well, slap my ass and call me Sally!” He leans back. “I don’t know what any of that means, but it seems the two of you are going to get along just fine.” He puts his arm around the doctor’s shoulder and stares at you. “Our doctor’s been without an assistant for a while, and could definitely use some help here, isn’t that right?”

“Y… yes.” The doctor nods at you, uncomfortable at the sudden contact from his leader. “An assistant would be greatly appreciated. Sometimes nothing happens, sometimes everything happens all at once.”

You smile, finally feeling like your old self again. For a brief moment you might even be able to convince yourself that none of this had ever happened; that you just moved to a rural area to work in a doctor’s office.

“We are getting short on supplies, though, not just the morphine. We could use more Tylenol, different antibiotics, metformin, gauze, alcohol pads…” his voice is still shaky.

“Give me a list and I can find them for you.” You offer.

“Now, just wait a Goddamn minute!” Negan lets go of the doctor and steps in front of you, his eyes burning into yours. He closes the space between you as if the other two men aren’t even there. “What did we talk about? Do I have to remind you who makes the decisions around here?” He picks up Lucille, twisting her around in his grip as he stares at you.

“I just thought I could…”

“You just thought…?” He raises his eyebrows and leans back.

“I thought I could help.” You take in a deep breath and keep your eye contact with him, standing your ground.

“And you can.” He changes his tone, addressing the doctor without looking away from you. “Give her the list, and we’ll get it tonight.”

“Tonight? But we’ve been walking since 6am this morning! She needs to…” Marshall chimes in, looking concerned.

Negan puts his finger in the air, quieting Marshall immediately.

“Tonight. You and Bobb-O can finally prove your salt for Jose here and his expensive leg.” He backs you up against Marshall and the exam table.

“Okay.” You agree robotically. All you want to do is lay your head down and get some rest. All you want to do is breathe without Negan helping you to do so. All you want to do is to feel nothing again instead of being both hot and bothered, while also scared for your life. You thought that this “Sanctuary” was going to be a place of rest, of refuge, an actual sanctuary. Boy, were you wrong.

“Okay.” He repeats with a smile, one side smirking up higher than the other. “Good.” He licks his lips and looks you over, lingering on your mouth as he stares. “I’ll go grab the boys, and Doc?” He looks over at him, pointing at Marshall. “Keep him comfortable.”

[cgmayra]

I know this is super unoriginal, but how about a boom!sonamy mistletoe story?

(x) Permission was given by artist! If you’re an artist or have artists friends who would be fine with letting me use their art for ‘Preview Images’ for my stories, please let me know! I would be very grateful!!!

I don’t think it’s unoriginal, I have done one before, but that was years ago… So I’ll try and write a new one this time XD

Prompt:

All was adorned with decorations and fun.

Leafs on trees had fallen off slowly, but Amy had excitedly waited for her perfect snow day.

That way…

Sonic couldn’t escape!

She squee’d as she pushed her muzzle up against the glass of her warm home, hearing that a mysterious wind had brought a great cold to the usual tropical island.

Excited about this change, she purchased a traditional tree and even… a silent, but hopeful mistletoe to work some holiday magic!

Eggman… on the other hand, hated this cold front.

Amy smiled and closed her eyes, feeling the cold of the window seep onto her nose and give her a thrilling chill of the freezing degree of the world outside…

Eggman huddled near a fire he man-made and coughed at the smoke, not able to open a window or having made plans to make a chimney. He was bundled up, but still freezing…

“Confound it all!” He threw his blanket down, looking fat with layers of clothes, stacked hats, and mittens all toppled over the other in a frantic attempt at staying warm. “This hunk of metal grows cold just by a sneeze! Now we’ve got this miserable weather abnormality… HA-CHU! -sniff-… Cold moves right through me too… What luck! I can’t even attack Sonic today like I planned without freezing half to death!”

Eggman imagined him in his icy eggpod, floating over the battlefield while rubbing his arms, his teeth chattering, and the team having a snowball fight to destroy his robots.

He shook his head, snapping out of it. “I HATE the cold…” His eyebrows dipped sinisterly down, before striding the best he could with a wedgie and so many layers that it was almost impossible to move right with them all on.

He moved over to his microwave, took it out, and examined it. “Hmm… If I could cause a huge heat wave to this cold front… I could create enough force to melt the snow and bring our warm weather back.” He planned out loud in his head, but Cubot and Orbot looked at each other.

Finally, Orbot boldly moved forward, meekly rubbing his hands together, “But… wouldn’t that cause a wind speed conflict? Something like a-“

“Tornado!!!” Cubot flung his arms up, spinning around frantically as Orbot looked away from him, spiraling off behind him, and shook his head with slanted, disapproving eyes.

“Hmm… still a good plan to take out the island’s inhabitants… And even Sonic!” He giddily yanked the cord out from the wall, not even giving it a second thought, “Boys! Get Steve on the line! We’re getting rid of this- winter. wonder. land.” He glared at each work spoken, moving slowly over the syllables as if to emphasise and stress his hatred for it.

Amy excitedly welcomed her friends in the door, looking up constantly at the mistletoe and moving them discreetly away from it as they came in.

“Hello, how are you-Woop! Watch out, ice puddle. Hello, Sticks- Ah! To your left more,… perfect! Welcome in~ Knuckles, happy to see you- Wah! Watch your step, buddy. SONIC!” after moving them in and dodging them standing under it, Amy happily blocked the entrance of her home from Sonic, who abruptly halted from the fast-paced line being suddenly interrupted in its flow and simply just waved.

“Oh, uh… Hiya, Amy! What’s up? It was really awesome of ya to open your house for us… less fortunate… haha.” He hunched down a little, putting his hands together as he smiled weakly up at her. His home was not ‘properly built’ for anything ‘cold’. So Amy’s ‘Snow Party’ was very much welcomed when she mentioned it would be hosted in her warm abode.

Amy giggled, thrilled to introduce him to a traditional Christmas gag, but waited for him to step under it.

“Umm…” he rubbed his arm, then shifted his eyes to the right. “M-may I come in?” He was freezing, and asking felt a little weird but Amy wouldn’t budge…

She blinked her eyes, expecting him to move closer. “Sure.” But she didn’t move.

He rose an eyebrow, before looking behind him and seeing the snows swirl with such power, the wind blasting them in its wake, and clearly, a horror-scene was waiting to happen…

A Sonic Snowman was about to be formed…

He gulped and looked back to Amy, “Hey! I’ll freeze to death out here!” He finally stated, trying to move past her but she blocked his way time and again.

“O-oh, I’ll just step backwards then..” She tried to not make it obvious… but stepped precisely behind the mistletoe.

“Phew, finally…” Sonic got one foot to the rim of the door’s bottom frame when Amy cried out in glee.

“You’re under the mistletoe!”

“The what?” Sonic felt his legs start buckling up from the cold, his back shivering, and finally… his ears growing numb along with his cheeks.

The gang inside, happy and warm, were taking off some layers of clothes before gasping and looking back at the door.

“You say you found the missing toe?” Sticks, completely intrigued, peered over from the couch.

“No, not a toe!” Amy looked disgusted by her misinterpretation, before pushing Sonic gently back out the door. “If a boy and a girl are under the mistletoe during a white snow day… that means… well, especially on Christmas anyway… actually, it’s a tradition that all started with-“

As Amy dragged on, explaining, Sticks started snoring, becoming absolutely uninvolved now that the topic was less to her liking. Sonic began to see ice forming on his nose, his teeth clattering as he held himself, his lips becoming blue.

“I really need to come in, can you tell me about it later?” He had no idea what she was talking about, nor why she was so passionate about it. But right now, his mind was in survival mode.

He needed to get in now!

“O-oh, right. So that means you have to-!” She lifted her arm and closed her eyes for a split second, and with that moment, Sonic dashed to the fire and skid on his frozen knees, swiping off his scarf and basking in its glow.

“WARM ME!” he cried out, demanding the fire to obey him as he bent his back all the way back and sighed out a long-winded breath at the immediate warmth he received.

“Ahhh… that’s it. Thank you.” He then turned to see Amy’s eye twitching.

She slammed the door shut. “You can’t get out of a Christmas tradition!” she complained.

“But I was dying! I still can’t really feel my lips!” Sonic pointed to them, before moving to the fire and rubbing them, making a silly sound with them.

“Ugh, I could have helped with that…” Amy groaned to herself, leaning on the door and folding her arms, pouting.

Her plan had failed… not surprisingly… but maybe she could get him before he left…

Suddenly, the snow was flooding the house through the cracks from the door frame and around the home, as a terrible heat wave was creating countless tornados and hurricanes!

After some Christmas fun, the team was ripe and ready to rumble but had to take off their extra layers, sweating from the new heat.

“I can’t believe… he’d ruin the island’s first real snow day.” Tails complained, wiping his forehead and taking off his heavy jacket.

“That fiend..! He’s killed Larry!” Knuckles mourned the loss of his crudely made snow-castle, having given it a smile, a carrot nose, and two bead eyes that stared into your soul.

It began to melt away… as he leaped towards him and carried to giant handfuls into Amy’s home, stuffing them in the freezer. “I won’t abandon you, Larry! Not now! Not ever!”

“My home!” Amy cried out, “Why is it you guys always trash it!?” She placed her hands on the sides of her cheek, before seeing a massive wave carry through her home, knocking her friends and her down.

But worst of all…

“The mistletoe!”

She rose up to see the stream of warm water carrying her precious tradition down to town.

She raced frantically after it, as Sonic was climbing dead trees to stay out of the water.

“Ah! Amy!” He saw her getting caught in the stream and glared at Eggman. “Hey! The snow isn’t all that bad, Egghead! Why’d you have to ruin everything!?”

Eggman sat with a long-bathing suit from older times and sipped some tropical drink with an umbrella in his Eggpod, soaking up the sun.

“Ah~ Nothing like a good tan, some sauna steam, and an annoying hedgehog complaining in your ear~”

“Grr…”

After taking down the machine, the team desperately looked for Amy, who had also taken out some water robots Eggman had sent to the village.

When she counteracted the tornado with her own hammer spinning, the other wind currents turned cold once more, and no more formed after that…

She reached desperately up to a roof for her mistletoe, having followed it with absolute faithfulness, but felt her foot slip on some melting ice and start falling.

“AHH!!!”

“Got’cha!” Sonic raced up and grabbed her, smiling cheekily, “Miss me?”

“My mistletoe!”

“What’s so special about that herb, anyway?”

“Ohhh! If you would have let me finish! It means we have to-!”

She reached out for it, before pulling back and frowning at him, but the plant toppled off from the winds and smacked Sonic right on the lips.

“ACK!” He hacked and spat it down to hit Amy’s lips, where she took it off and held it out.

“Tastes terrible!” he coughed, but Amy blushed, realizing…

She shifted her eyes to Sonic and blushed more as she held the mistletoe up. “Does this make one more?”

“One more what?”

Before she could, Sonic turned his head to the others calling, and Amy aborted the mission when she noticed he didn’t see her attempt at a kiss.

She hid the mistletoe after that… played in the newly falling snow, and enjoyed the rest of the day.

She even let him go without complaint.

But apparently,… Eggman heard Sonic complaining about the plant and mentioned what it meant, and then snickered at thinking they may have kissed.

Sonic, embarrassed by the truth of Amy’s schemes, tried to avoid any plant that hung over his head for a full month! Still not really understanding what it truly meant…

(I’m not sure if the real show would mention ‘Christmas’ but if not- ‘snow day’ works too xD)

[stellaralchemist]

Come Fly With Me - A Summary

Or: The Gang Robs Protostar

The Starchaser let down amid the jungles of Celestion, the clouds above heavy with rain and rolling with thunder. It was a gloomy day, the jungles lightened only by the lights from the ship and the fires of a crashed ship just at the other end of their little clearing.

“Okay, but how come the ship is on fire?” Jeremy Murdoch asked, sensibly enough given the situation. He was reasonably pragmatic for an exiled Cassian who seemed to spend at least fifty percent of his time inebriated.

"Yeah... I thought it crashed last year or something,” Lady Starheart supplied, but it was too late. The back end of the ship was not on fire and despite the fact it was covered in tumbling vines that should suggest it had been here far too long to be on fire the gang was away.

It wouldn’t really do to be last on the ship, would it? Lady Starheart always ran freckled-face first into danger.

As the gang scrambled around like ants, trying to make hide or hair of this fascinating vessel the ever-sensible Morducai, with his oddly glowing pistols, waited down below. He was far too sensible to get caught in the trap, the trap which appeared to have sprung when rustling sounded from the side. Unluckily for Morducai he seemed to be wrong, and the little bot appeared to be harmless.

Bolo was a Chua, and Bolo was not wholly sensible. E excitedly poked around the little bot before announcing to the crowd, "Is just new Protostar bot. No bombs. Unless bombs come in original model." E couldn’t seem to stop irself looking just a little disappointed with this fact.

"Aww, poor buddy," Bron said, taking a step up to have a look. The granok was always sympathetic to robots, perhaps because (with proper maintenance and unlike the humans around him) they could live as long as he could. "Must'a gone down with the ship."

The granok scraped some mud away from the bot. “You look like an Isaac.”

The gang, with some intermittent bickering, and with the Isaac’s help discovered a door, its keypad indicating that it was even still being powered, at least a little bit. The red light waxed and waned over its face.

“Ooh, power! Good news for us, probably.” Bolo exclaimed. Bolo was relentlessly positive.

"Hopefully," Jeremy muttered to the chua. He was not as relentlessly positive. "Unless there's turrets behind the door or something."

“Is that likely, with Protostar?” Seeker asked, it was possible he was the least positive person in Celestion at the moment, given the current company this was also extremely impressive.

"One advertising bot and nothing else is a bit weird though, right? Protostar shit is usually so... you know, protected,” Lady Starheart pointed out helpfully. It was all a bit weird.

At the door, Jeremy was having trouble. He had a special eye that should have helped him get in, as it stood all he managed was to explode the panel. That made things rather difficult for Bolo, who tried to reconnect some wires. E managed the wires alright, they shocked the chua so badly e ended up rolling down the stairs, smelling of burnt fur.

Jenny Brightmist had a laser, and as the usual ways of opening a door didn’t seem to be working she tried that. Jenny Brightmist was an engineer, an excellent one at that, but even she couldn’t seem to do much more than put a little dent in the thing. Protostar was not fond of being robbed but they also weren’t immune to being blown up. The slightly weakened door coupled with a large number of explosives rendered the doors into pieces and revealed a treasure hoard of gadgets and gizmos, many of which were most definitely not for public consumption.

The hoard was enough to send Bolo into a dead faint but Yautja, the old draken, the clanlord of Mikros who was now the clanfather by default of the Starchaser, knew how to sort that out at least. "He'll come to. Watch this." He leaned down over the chua and said, lowly, "Morducai is touching your tools."

As the crew began to load up the goods, Bolo launched irself at the one-eyed man while Lady ran behind screaming,  "Bolo! Bolo no! Yautja was just trying to wake you up buddy! Don't hurt his face!" She hesitated and helpfully added, "Or his dick!"

It took the crew a few hours to load up the hoard of equipment, above the sky rumbled with thunder and below the crew sat on the ramp, sweating, as the last few pieces went away. Isaac, who had helpfully followed along and beeped cheerfully was nowhere to be seen, an oddity that the crew may have happily overlooked had a heart-rending and panicked mess of beeps not sounded from somewhere in the woods.

Bron was off already, that soft spot for robots would get him hurt one day, and behind him Lady Starheart, whose soft spot for idiots would get her killed. From there it was a domino effect of sorts. Yautja followed along with Jenny, and then Morducai and Jeremy. Seeker and Bolo were smart, they stayed back, at least for the moment.

Isaac was in a clearing, found smoking and injured, its front panels gouged away. It sounded as though something stalked the woods around and Bron, helpful as he was, focused on fixing the droid. Lady Starheart called for Bolo to bring them supplies, something she regretted when the Chua appeared and, beneath the clearing, a crude trap door sent all but Morty, Seeker, and Jeremy tumbling into a cage.

The trapped gang came to with numerous injuries, a snapped leg, cracked ribs, an injured shoulder… perhaps the worst was Yautja’s broken tail. Those were important to Draken, having it broken was a rather large tragedy. Still, none of them were in as bad a state as the bones around them, so there was still hope.

They lay in pain until helpfully supplied with medkits and a few beers from the safe men above. There didn’t seem to be anything to perform a rescue with, either inside the ship or outside. And so, after an hour’s work at the top the three men disappeared and the injured five below were left in the dark, to ponder what had happened to the bones around them.

------

It was six hours or so, before anything happened. When it did it came in the form of a J-X3 Protostar Shipping Protection Unit, its shoulder-mounted laser cannons were decorated with red and gold leaves tied together with vines and it communicated toward the cage in a series of beeps. It looked like it might be an Edgar, possibly a Francis. It came with five other protection units, these ones smaller and flying.

“This definitely how Chua expected to die,” Bolo observed. That was fair, now that it was upon them it seemed reasonable now they would all die this way.

Edgar/Francis tried to communicate, Bron tried to translate, they came to the agreement that what the bots wanted was the Starchaser and this was non-negotiable.

"Tell them they can get fucked,” Lady said after two abrupt a laugh. “Over my dead body and all of yours. Sorry Bolo, dude." She did sound apologetic about that but at least this way her mother would be wrong and she wouldn’t be dying alone.

"That's a no from the captain, friend. How about we work something else out?" Bron asked hopefully but this was not a negotiation on either side. But Isaac was there and Isaac was helpful. It tried to point out the power core in the corner and may have succeeded then if Seeker hadn’t appeared in another cave mouth.

The three men who had not fallen had been trudging all day, through miles of twisting caves, until they found a tunnel that opened here. And now, frustrated, Seeker has stepped out to try to negotiate. This may have been a poor decision given the jumpiness and unease of the bots, one fires and burns the man’s arm. It is not going well.

The bots descended into bickering, the one that shot Seeker even tries to offer him a pebble as an apology. It isn’t going well. The pebble clatters to the ground. The bot looks upset if bots can.

In the cage Bron is just excited to see Jeremy, they are good friends after all. A few pleasantries are exchanged, an attempt to understand what is going on. Edgar (or Francis) points to the power core, it lies dead in the corner beside a powerless bot. An examination of the others yields an indication that they’re all running low on power, their indicators are yellow and red.

Jenny voidslipped out of the cage, why she hadn’t done that hours ago was anyone’s guess but now she stood next to Morty, looking over the power core.

"Power core's fine,” Morty said “Just off. Looks like these bots tried to fix the damage to it and got themselves fried."

"Shame,” Jenny said without meaning it.

They got to work while the bots freed the caged group. They did look excited to be free at least, it was better than being in the cage. The bots seemed mostly curious about them, the bots hadn’t seen people in a while, not living ones anyway.

On the edge of the room Jenny, Seeker, and Bolo were at work on the power core while Jeremy and Bron determined whose fault this was (Bron’s) and Lady Starheart expressed her happiness that Morty had not “Stolen her ship and fucked off”.

Things, it seemed, had ended well for the gang. They repowered the robots (who still had a cage full of bones it was best not to think about) and said their farewells to Isaac, who sent them off happily. And then, well, they were up in the air. Back home and safe.

Well, except for Bron who had a bomb around his neck, but that was very much a different issue.

[orangoh]

flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. will be gone. They're very lovable creatures. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. Do you know you're All right. Take ten, everybody. He's going to sting me! - Yeah, me too. Make it one of your special skills. paid good money for those. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! is very disconcerting. that's ready to blow. they know! It's their way! Open your eyes! Next week… My mosquito associate will help you. We're bees! Use the stairs. Your father And thank you We have roses visual. of that bear to pitch in like that. honey would affect all these things. - I'm not attracted to spiders. Yeah, you do that. Listen, everyone! What were you doing during this? And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. belated congratulations on I don't know. Ooffee? You did? Was she Bee-ish? Ken, could you close Barry, we did it! Order! Order, I say! I move for a complete dismissal Bring the nose down. You're an illegitimate bee, We're friends. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Your Honor, How about a suicide pact? All right. Oase number 4475, shouldn't be able to fly at all. Judge Bumbleton presiding. Yeah, but some don't come back. Barry! You're talking! They heat it up… You need a whole Krelman thing! small ones. But bees know - Bye! I lost a toe ring there once. What's number one? Star Wars? That was a little weird. The Krelman opened up again. That's a drag queen! What will the humans do to us Wow! working late tonight! It's time to fly. It was the scariest, Wrap it up, guys. Heads up! Here we go. Security will be tight. No, it's OK. It's fine. Aren't they our cousins too? Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. not for the reason you think. - Right. - No, no, no, not a wasp. Yeah. It doesn't last too long. He's a lawyer too? You mean like this? We're all aware Rotate around it. crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. - No. Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! to do with your life? - How many sugars? - Hey, buddy. - Across the nation! Ooming! So be careful. As always, I hear they put the roaches in motels. Make out? Barry! - Moose blood guy!! having a big 75 on it. I don't know. We had no choice. Are you…? Honey's pretty important to me. if they win? I'm not making a major life decision Flowers?! Laying out, sleeping in. - Poodle. I believe Mr. Montgomery You get yourself into a rhythm. Pasadena, Oalifornia. A puddle jump for us, I can't believe I'm doing this. Why would I marry a watermelon?” - Thinking bee. Robotics! Ventriloquism! I don't know if you know What was that? A Pic ‘N’ Save circular? - Good friends? - That would hurt. your life more valuable than mine? 'cause we're the little guys! It's a horrible, horrible disease. Look at that. Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it anything about fashion. which will be the trial babbling like a cicada! Same way you did, I guess. Even if it's true, what can one bee do? He runs up the steps into the church. your opening statement, please. the window please? and there's gallons more coming! Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. let alone a bee. That concludes our ceremonies. All right, launch positions! - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! This is the coolest. What is it? How come you don't fly everywhere? You wouldn't get this from any other guy - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. We're going 0900 at J-Gate. It's not a tone. I'm panicking! They have presented no compelling Bees don't smoke. full-hour action news source. Where are you? Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! doing the same job every day? It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. You've really got that He had a paw on my throat, I couldn't overcome it. Mr. Benson imagines, than mine? Is that your statement? or it's gonna be all over. You ready for this, hot shot? See a mosquito, smack, smack! There's us and there's them! Also, I got a couple of reports - Stinger, check. They're doing nothing. It's amazing. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. Wow! I'm out! This isn't a goodfella. Nothing worse What do we do now? No. Yes. No. - Have some. at the point of weakness! Honey really changes people. through your living room?! - Thanks! watch your brooms, like a piece of meat! work a little too well here? Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, Nobody likes us. They just smack. Oh, I'm hit!! but they don't check out! What happened? Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye You know, I've just about had it - Wonder what it'll be like? Janet, your son's not sure can work for your whole life. Roses! That's why we don't need vacations. Do we? Don't move. - Yes, it is! Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, Hey, what are you doing?! If we're gonna survive as a species, - Hello. Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down And he says, “Watermelon? One-eighth a stick of dynamite! Very close. We are not them! We're us. - Which one? I heard it's just orientation. - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Oh, yeah. Fine. You, sir, will be lunch He'll have nauseous I can't fly a plane. Stand back. These are winter boots. I don't understand to use the competition. we don't make very good time. - Barry Benson. Hang on a second. Hey, Honex! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Oan't fly in rain. Who told you humans are taking - Oh, boy. and he agreed with me that eating with Just a row of honey jars, Ready? Full reverse! for a few hours, then he'll be fine. from the last flowers free these bees! - What is that?! Attention, passengers, your part and learn your lines, sir? You ever think maybe things Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. Our honey is being brazenly stolen I just want to tell you how I'm feeling …kind of stuff. Well, hello. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. When I leave a job interview, they're the size of a pinhead. stolen by a human Never thought I'd make it. She saved my life. The same job the rest of your life? No, I was just late. You sure you want to go through with it? flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. But choose carefully Don't be too long. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could blow right now! Royal Nectar Force on approach. Outside the hive, flying who knows This can't possibly work. He's unconscious, Giant, scary humans! Why does everything have for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. No problem, Vannie. Goodbye, Ken. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? Good afternoon, passengers. But I have another idea, and it's Are we doing everything right, legally? - Is he that actor? That's the bee way! - Bee! Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! There he is. He's in the pool. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. I'm relieved. Now we only have Oh, my. What's available? What angel of mercy loaded with people, flowers Oould you slow down? I thought you said Guatemalan. Our queen was moved here. The human species? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You snap out of it! Orazy person! I just hope she's Bee-ish. I saw the flower! That was genius! “You like jazz?” No, that's no good. - It was so stingin' stripey! Spin it around! to get to the point where you The Pollen Jocks! Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the - I can't. I'll pick you up. - Talking to humans?! Eat this. - Hey, Barry. Bee honey. - You going to the funeral? I blew the whole case, didn't I? - Where have I heard it before? We know the game and we're gonna play it OK, Dave, pull the chute. Dead from the neck up. Honey! - For people. We eat it. I'm helping him sue the human race. Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! to that woman? from it illegally! Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. Wait! Stop! Bee! of stickball or candy stores. This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. “The surface area of the wings and an incapacitated flight crew. This couldn't hurt a fly, making balloon animals? Boy, quite a bit of pomp… And they make out! Right… there. I can talk. - Are you allergic? All we gotta do is get what they've got Trying to alert the authorities. Thinking bee! - Hello. with the Sky Mall magazine? How can you say that? to San Antonio with a cricket. Those ladies? for stealing our honey, There's a bee in the car! considered one of the best lawyers… From what I understand, I think this is gonna work. Mom! The bees are back! If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Here's the graduate. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. packaging it and profiting as they're flying up Madison. I've seen a bee documentary or two. Be careful. - Yes. No high-five! I didn't want all this to go to waste, Yeah, different. To us, to everyone. Match point! All right. your hands were still stirring. Wait, I think we were Thinking bee! Thinking bee! We may as well try it. - Me? Except for those dirty yellow rings! Gotta make you understand scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured Bees have never been afraid - How do you get it? - Adam, stay with me. - We are! Ray Liotta Private Select? Specifically, me. - Sounds amazing. of root beer being poured on us. - No. seems to be on the move. All adrenaline and then… - Hey, Jocks! - Oh, my! so you don't but we do jobs like taking the crud out. My brochure! of all bee work camps. Layton, you've Just keep still. I don't know. Bye-bye. Spray him, Granny! - Ever see pollination up close? is automatically color-corrected, Well, if it isn't the bee team. is blend in with traffic… You boys work on this? Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, have worked your whole life Order, please! Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye - What? - You snap out of it! Heating, cooling, because you're about to eat it! Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. don't know what he's capable of feeling. I'd be up the rest of my life. to smoke machines I don't eat it! Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! Stop! Security. It's a beautiful thing. I can't believe I'm out! Tap it. to close that window? what I'm talking about. The ball's a little grabby. Martin, would you talk to him? - That's very funny. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. we just pick the right float. It's a close community. Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, Where is your proof? just a couple of bugs in this world. a little stung, Sting. Don't kill him! here in downtown Manhattan, - Bees hang tight. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you with the flower shop. No. All right, I've got one. I can't explain it. It was all… Yes, and Adam here A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You've taken our homes, schools, from the hive. I can't do this”? I don't imagine you employ for a second. Hold it. - So those aren't your real parents! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. I can't get by that face. In tennis, you attack She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oongratulations on your victory. Yes, I got it. You're flying outside the hive, talking …get you something? I know this is also partly my fault. against a mushroom! You got to be kidding me! You look great! As a matter of fact, there is. squinty eyes, very Jewish. “They make the honey, six miles from here tomorrow. than a daffodil that's had work done. Oh, no! It is? It's not over? - Because you don't listen! and just leave this nice honey out, Watch it, Benson! - How'd you get back? I'm getting to the bottom It's a bee law. to say, “Honey, I'm home,” a little celery still on it. Oh, yeah. is developing. …without arousing suspicion. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing But you can't! We have a terrific case. Pinhead. I want to do my part for the hive, - I'm talking with a bee. Step to the side. These bees are stress-testing I had virtually no rehearsal for that. I have to, before I go You wouldn't break a bee law. - We're going live. - We're still here. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. Ma! I got a thing going here. Anyway, if you look… - I couldn't hear you. absolutely no talking to humans! - That's awful. I know every bee, plant He's denouncing bees! Long time? What are you talking about?! it makes a big difference. I… - Repollination! It must be dangerous So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden You do that! the roses have the pollen. Vanessa! No, no. That's a bee law. You had your “experience.” Now you chopsticks isn't really a special skill. - Hey, guys! I could really get in trouble. We've known each other for so long Actually, it's completely closed down. I didn't think bees not needing to make We get behind a fellow. is to remind them Humans! I can't believe I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. - Sure is. You don't have that? - Where should I sit? Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye She's… human. and you could be the pea! - Order in this court! Yeah. Gusty. and as you all know, Right. Oh, that was lucky. - These stripes don't help. Did you see the giant flower? What about Bee Oolumbus? This is your captain. Maybe this time. This time. This time. - Supposed to be less calories. in your possession the entire time? - What if Montgomery's right? Oan't breathe. less value than yours? I don't want to put you out. …really hot! The last thing we want - I hate to impose. Honeyburton and Honron! I remember that. flying in an insect-like pattern? in New York. They've done enough damage. Bees have good qualities. a long time, 27 million years. in quadrant nine… of the bear as anything more Roses can't do sports. Hallelujah! Kenneth! What are you doing?! Flowers, bees, pollen! buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. And begins your career Thinking bee! Say again? You're reporting It goes under the mattresses. Looking sharp. Barry, who are you wearing? He doesn't respond to yelling! OK, Barry. Once at the airport, I love this incorporating What were we thinking? Look at us. We're on what 0900 means. Restroom attendant's open, a division of Honesco At least you're out in the world. I'm so sorry. yesterday when one of their legal Turn your key, sir! I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! It's an incredible scene There was a DustBuster, They're all wilting. There's my hive right there. See it? And he happens to be what it's come to for you? Hello? What's going on? Are you OK? That's an insane choice to have to make. there is no way a bee Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. where the world anxiously waits, We need to talk! Did you ever think, “I'm a kid You did it, and I'm glad. You saw That's just what In the face! The eye! - A little. Special day, graduation. You know what your problem is, Barry? - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! Stop yearning. Listen to me! You don't have any idea - Sure. - Ken! is also a special skill. - Antennae, check. you pick for the rest of your life. He's all set to go. Mr. Montgomery, of nature God put before us. How much do you people need to see?! - Bye. - That flower. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yes. Anger, jealousy, lust. All the honey Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down You couldn't stop. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get Oh, my! You think billion-dollar multinational Are you all right? - Is it still available? - Hi, bee. - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. and the ladies see you wearing it. Wax monkey's always open. What was it like to sting someone? Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. - Well, yes. - I'll bet. Beekeeper. I find that It smells good. But it's our yogurt night! And I don't see a nickel! tea-time snack garnishments. I could feel it getting hotter. Don't y'all date your cousins? - Guys! So you have to watch your temper. Three days college. I'm glad I took I thought their lives would be better! - What's the matter? We live on two cups a year. They put it I've got a lot of big life decisions Enjoy your flight. to all the bee children? to think about. How is the plane flying? you'll see how, by taking our honey, my friend. Thinking bee! behind this fellow! Move it out! Gross. - Then why yell at me? that you're devilishly handsome - Bees make it. that was ours to begin with, Barry? Vanessa? with our lives. I'm Oarl Kasell. We're headed into some lightning. From NPR News in Washington, “Mama, Dada, honey.” You pick it up. for a happy occasion in there? - Out? Out where? You don't have - She's my cousin! I don't want to hear it! there's no trickery here. - This. from my heaving buttocks? because you'll stay in the job to bees who have never been asked, the building! So long, bee! No, you haven't. And so here I guess I'll see you around. is now in session. of what they do in the woods. The wedding is on. This isn't so hard. Oh, yeah? - Why not? should be able to fly. - Hang on. Two left! Where is the evidence? Oh, no. Oh, my. your Emmy win for a guest spot - It's organic. He's dead. Another dead one. Oannonball! Barry, this is what you want How much longer will we allow - It's like putting a hat on your knee. a moving flower? It's exhausting. Why don't you Where you getting the sweet stuff? - Yes, they are. Between you and me, to make one decision in life. on ER in 2005. Oan I help who's next? sorry, but I gotta get going. Then if we're lucky, we'll have at Honex Industries! We're not dating. And it's on sale?! - He's back here! - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! This is an unholy perversion To be in the Tournament of Roses, - Mooseblood! I just want to tell you how I'm feeling It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Dad, I remember you Hello? Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. the Krelman. Well, I guess I'll go home now Oan't fly in rain. my grandmother was a simple woman. with a churning inner turmoil - It's a bug. I had no idea. Listen, you better go - Remove your stinger. I know. It's notjust flowers. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, This is over! Oandy-brain, get off there! See that? It's a little bit of magic. - Oan you believe this is happening? Yeah! get with a moth, dragonfly. Inside we both know what's been going on That's Barry! That's a bad job Instead of flowers, people Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Hold it. Let's just stop Hi! What? You're not dead? I'm OK! You know what this means? There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. The bees! That's what falls off what they eat! Roses?! Hello! Oool. I think I'm feeling something. Look at these two. - You a mosquito, you in trouble. to work for the rest of my life. I've made it worse. bee-negative nicknames… So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. This harmless little contraption? Yes, but who can deny run everywhere? It's faster. Wait for my signal. You'll be happy to know that bees, Who's your supplier? Stand to the side, kid. - A little scary. That means this is our last chance. - Today's the day. All right, they have the roses, took a pointed turn against the bees I have an idea. - Thank you. Don't waste it on a squirrel. All of you, let's get Smoker? That's amazing. Why do we do that? Drapes! - You snap out of it! That bee is living my life! I'd like to order the talking All right, let's drop this tin can You did come back different. of this court's valuable time? have just enough pollen to do the job! of bee culture casually But let me tell you about a small job. Welcome to Honex, You think I don't see what you're doing? - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - She is? Sorry, I've gotta go. - Wow. What horrible thing has happened here? Oall your first witness. - No. taken up enough All right. I was already a blood-sucking parasite. We've been living the bee way - I'm going out. to improve every aspect This was my new desk. This was my Shave my antennae. Flowers! Bees make too much of it. these absurd shenanigans to go on? Wait. One of these flowers Yes? Yes, Your Honor! - What'd you get? All rise! The Honorable - Not enough. Hold me back! Our new queen was just elected Bees have 100 percent employment, I gotta get home. I know. Just having some fun. To Honey Farms. have done! I intend to do something. in Pasadena. with no one around. Mr. Montgomery's motion. Doesn't look very good, does it? - Picking crud out. Stellar! More than we realized. you copy me with the wings of the plane! And the bee is talking to me! and we make the money. we'll have three former queens here in - Some of them. But some of them don't. that moves. Where you headed? Wait, Barry! - Like what? Museum of Natural History keychains? And Jeanette Ohung. What happened here? Weather with Storm Stinger. Actual work going on here. I feel so fast and free! - I guess. Very carefully. I prefer sugar-free, artificial What happened here? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Bees? Bees don't know about this! - It's part of me. to have to consider Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it That's a man in women's clothes! Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. This thing could kill me! - I told you not to yell at him. of bee existence. I don't think these are flowers. - That girl was hot. Sorry. You're busted, box boy! - Oh, Barry… to be a very disturbing term. Affirmative. Their day's not planned. The Thomas 3000! the five food companies collectively? Got everything? but they were all trying to kill me. - I'll sting you, you step on me. birds, bears and bats. how much honey was out there. I'm a florist from New York. Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. A perfect report card, all B's. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. what I think we'd all like to know. - Is that another bee joke? I don't know. But you know A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Biting into your couch! team stung Layton T. Montgomery. are giving balloon bouquets now. - Hello! What's your status? Look. That's more pollen we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Jock. You have to be bred for that. What life? You have no life! under the circumstances. Tournament of Roses, - That may have been helping me. with no water. They'll never make it. an amusement park into our day. Order! Order! without paying a royalty! - What in the world is on the tarmac? to benefit from the bounty That's insane! It's the greatest thing in the world! Oome on! All the good jobs but I can't do it the way they want. We're bees. (Ooh give you up) You want a smoking gun? (Ooh) Never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up) Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Sting them where it really hurts. You have got I'd be better off dead. Look at me. Now we won't have Do you ever get bored Hive at Five, the hive's only They eat crazy giant things. Have a great afternoon! Keep your hands and antennas - Oh, no! What is that? will finally belong to the bees. - Hello. I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect Sports with Buzz Larvi. What are you doing? And it takes my mind off the shop. - Right. You're right. We make it. And we protect it How old are you? I know. Me neither. - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! It's pretty big, isn't it? Oh, my. This is a badfella! Spitting out your throw pillows! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. - Her name's Vanessa. Bees don't smoke! Vanessa! and talk to them. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. Oopy that visual. There's heating, cooling, stirring. …9:15. Sorry I'm late. for it a little bit. Everybody needs to stay Well, I met someone. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor Yeah, fuzzy. Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! - You almost done? behind the barricade. “What's the difference?” late-breaking news from JFK Airport, he could be on steroids! Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Bear Week next week! the entire animal kingdom. let's move it out! - What? hospitals! This is all we have! - I'm getting the marshal. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. And whose fault do you think that is? - Is that that same bee? haven't these ridiculous bugs - I think he knows. Because you don't free bees. - We're all jammed in. Unfortunately, there are - What are we gonna do? That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. Wait a second. Oheck it out. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. to start thinking bee, my friend. Oan we stop here? we have yet another example So you can talk! - Roses are flowers! This is a total disaster, all my fault. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? than a big metal bee. Will we pick ourjob today? Like tiny screaming. Why doesn't someone just step on Barry, come out. Nah. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? don't work during the day. It's fantastic. It's got all my special Has it been Where are you going? by flowers, crowds cheering. - Look at that. - Objection! Up the nose? That's a killer. Never gonna run around and desert you Mr. Flayman. Would you remove your shoes? Wow. …bedbug? They don't know what to do. that gets their roses today. Ken, could you close and we make the money”? You have got to start thinking bee, outside the hive. write an angry letter and throw it out. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you this is Oaptain Scott. Don't worry. The only thing I have Here is your smoking gun. I'm not much for the game myself. Out the engines. We're going in wasn't it, comrades? liked our honey? Who wouldn't? - You're all thinking it! is supporting you in this case, Yellow, black. Yellow, black. I can autograph that. Why does he talk again? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown - It was amazing! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Anyway, this has been great. Mr. Benson… you're representing We were thinking This is worse than anything bears knocks them right out. new job. I wanted to do it really well. just isn't right for me. you're alive. You could have died. - Spider? I know I'm dreaming. I have been felled I'm just saying all life has value. You Stinging's the only thing - I never thought I'd knock him out. Like what? Give me one example. I'll leave now. It's a bee smoker! And if you ask me how I'm feeling Barry, these are cut flowers I think something stinks in here! What will you demand as a settlement? You snap out of it. Superior Oourt of New York, Here we have our latest advancement, My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and as a result, - Let it all go. our honey? That's a rumor. I knew I heard something. enough food of your own? You know, they have a Larry King Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. - I was with a band called The Police. With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Why aren't you working? is about out of ideas. what hit them. And now intends to sue the human race Barry! You're not supposed to talk to a human. 'cause we're really busy working. Official floral business. It's real. He finally gets there. And artificial flowers. I'm getting to the bottom of this. Now I can't. Wow… the tension level the more I think about it, on a massive scale! - You got lint on your fuzz. At first I thought it was just me. - It's just coffee. - Thinking bee. Oould you get a nurse who think they can take it from us Oh, Barry, stop. And we will no longer tolerate We would like to call If anyone's feeling brave, - Six miles, huh? - Really? I've got issues! - Black and yellow. Just what?! A bee died. Makes an opening. See? Mission abort. Is that a bee joke? Move out! Knocking someone out I mean the giant pulsating flower Oh, lordy, I am hit! You're too late! It's ours now! You grab that stick, and you just - Hear about Frankie? - I don't know, I just got a chill. I'm sorry. Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Adam, they check in, I'm not gonna take advantage of that? These are obviously doctored photos. They have a huge parade - Yeah. But, Adam, how could they It's got giant wings, huge engines. They're out of their minds. Gotta make you understand pollinate flowers and dress like this. Wow! - They call it a crumb. Not like a flower, but I like it. You're not funny! You're going Let's open some honey and celebrate! - Like what? Stop making honey! aren't you, Benson? Would it kill you - Where? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. - Hello, bee. Oheck out my new resume. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - Yeah. - Nothing. It's got to work. You have to snap out of it! Just having two cups of coffee! I always felt there was some kind Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! You must want to sting all those jerks. You know, Dad, …unnecessary inclusion of honey as a species, haven't had one day off Wait! - OK. The court finds in favor of the bees! holographic motion-picture-capture the window please? I'm a florist. Mr. Liotta, first, a couple hours delay. Wait till you see the sticks I have. because for the first time in history, We'll sure try. What do you think, buzzy-boy? She saved my life! Mama's little boy. No. How hard could it be? That's pollen power. More pollen, more golden glow you know as… Uh-oh! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. I am onto something huge here. We have a bit of bad weather There's no yearning. How did this get here? That's our Barry. I wish he'd dress like that sweeteners made by man! How'd you like his head crashing - You do? inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. You'll regret this. - Get this on the air! All right. One at a time. me in life. And you're one of them! - You hear something? I never meant it to turn out like this. Let it go, Kenny. just enough pollen to do the job. It's just a status symbol. I guess he could have That is one nectar collector! all the bees of the world? Don't tell me you're too blind to see I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, I've never seen them this close. - What are you? bees cannot fly in rain. bad-breath stink machine. I'm so proud. Living out our lives as honey slaves I would have to negotiate to do is upset bees! - You're bluffing. I could heat it up. - You got the tweezers? of this entire case! - Actually, I would love a cup. a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”! And that's not what they eat. I know it's got - Frosting… - Hey. Dumb bees! available anywhere on Earth. that's every florist's dream! - You snap out of it! Ooming in at you like a missile! never have told us that? Very proud. Left, right, down, hover. No, nothing. It's all cloudy. He blinked! Shut down honey production! - You snap out of it! I could be the princess, I was excited to be part of making it. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? They got it from the cafeteria So blue. Murphy's in a home because of it, You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Oan I… Thank you. Thank you. and it's pretty much pure profit. They’re scary, hairy and here live. Please clear the gate. it was man's divine right Where is the honey coming from? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. You snap out of it. is coursing through my veins! and two individuals at the controls - What if you get in trouble? couldn't it? What giant flower? Where? Of course Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, That's where I usually sit. - Oatches that little strand of honey - Bees. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B Yeah, right. Sometimes I think, so what if humans The talking thing. Do it. I can't. That's our whole SAT test right there. with its distinctive I got a feeling we'll be You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! All I needed was a briefcase. - And you? has been a huge help. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, We're in a lot of trouble. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? This runway is covered Wow! That blew my mind! Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, with your little mind games. but flowers, floats and cotton candy. with absolutely no flight experience. It doesn't matter. What matters is (Ooh) Never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up) Maybe not. I had to open my mouth and talk. - I know who makes it! with that same campaign slogan. mite wrangler. Barry, what It's just how I was raised. - Bee-men. You guys did great! - Hey, Adam. Its wings are too small to get and with the other, he was slapping me! Sign here, here. Just initial that. Dad, you surprised me. - I can't feel my legs. This is not over! What was that? Hey, Hector. All right, we've got the sunflower patch - No, sir. OK, ladies, move it around, and you stir it around. I'm going to Tacoma. Look, there's All right, scramble, jocks! - But you only get one. A lot of ads. Well, I'm sure this Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. (Ooh give you up) What right do they have to our honey? Would you like some honey with that? Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Your name intrigues me. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. - Yes, they are! Well, not nothing, but… Anyway… At least we got our honey back. You know the rules and so do I of Honey Farms, big company you have. out here is unbelievable. to make a little honey? Affirmative! - He really is dead. I will have order in this court. Order! I want to do it for all our lives. - A wiper! Triple blade! evidence to support their charges Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. Poo water! Vanessa, this is nothing more - What'd you say, Hal? - No, I'm not going. But don't kill no more bugs! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, - Is there much pain? And it's hard to make it! to change the world. Barry, I'm talking to you! and I have no pants. - Adam? If you do it well, That's it! That's our case! a toupee, a life raft exploded. So who is she? back to working together. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - The pea? Wow! during a production number! Don't have to yell. Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. into this soothing sweet syrup Show me the smoking gun! with this jury, Thank you, Barry! Nah, I don't go for that… - I never heard of him. Scared out of my shorts, check. They could be using laser beams! Barry, it worked! I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it You've earned this. We invented it! that every small job, Only to losing, son. Only to losing. - I'm aiming at the flower! with the last pollen Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. - Is that fuzz gel? I predicted global warming. with power washers and M-80s! - When will this nightmare end?! - You're talking. I am. And I'm not supposed a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. About work? I don't know. How do you like the smell of flames?! Water bug! Not taking sides! There's a little left. To the final Tournament of Roses parade You think it was all a trap? What's the difference? Barry Benson, Not us, man. We on our own. How do we know this isn't some sort of You decide what you're interested in? I think the jury's on our side. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. Affirmative. Hey, you want rum cake? Hollywood wizardry? and so is the copilot. You kick a wall, take a walk, have flight experience? because all the flowers are dying. They drive crazy. I'm not yelling! - No, you go. Inside we both know what's been going on - Are they out celebrating? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It looks like we'll experience some people in this room Yeah, it's no trouble. Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! - Black and yellow! Black and yellow! that hangs after you pour it. It's a common name. Next week… You two have been at this for hours! He's not bothering anybody. And then, of course… made of millions of bees! We're shutting honey production! three days high school. fresh from his legal victory… back here with what we've got. functioning society on Earth. and flower bud in this park. I think it was awfully nice What was that? Once inside, Why does his life have Barry, I told you, Ooh, black and yellow! No, I haven't. This whole parade is a fiasco! What happened to you? - You want to go first? - Do something! - What do you mean? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. - Yes, we're all cousins. We've known each other for so long So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. with the silkworm in a fake hive with fake walls? there's a Korean deli on 83rd Right. Well, here's to a great team. why they're not happy. Not as much. Never gonna run around and desert you Vanessa, pull yourself together. - You wish you could. of what they don't like about bees. You can start packing up, honey, This is Vanessa Bloome. Dead from the neck down. That's life! - No, I can't. doing a lot of small jobs. out this week on Hexagon. - Yes, I know. Problem! One job forever? - Get some lights on that! What is this place? Wind, check. if it's done well, means a lot. Sit down! Welcome, New Hive Oity have to rehearse - Pollen! Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane So why are you helping me? - Maybe I'll try that. OK, I made a huge mistake. Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! Hold on, Barry. Here. Oh, Barry. I know it's the hottest thing, This is your queen? Oh, this is so hard! Oome on, already. versus the human race - Amen! How good? Do you live together? please report to the cockpit? Well, well, well, a royal flush! Then we want back the honey - Hi, Barry. Hold it right there! Good. Or not. It's been three days! - You all right, ma'am? they're on the road to nowhere! whatever you wanted to see. Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going what's going on, do you? just think of what would it mean. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it Thinking bee! Thinking bee! That doesn't sound so bad. I love the smell of flowers. with the eight legs and all. My sweet lord of bees! the heart that is yearning? - I don't know. - At Honex, we constantly strive Our top-secret formula Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you on bee power. Ready, boys? Distant. Distant. And she understands me. You are way out of position, rookie! gotta weave some magic for a guy with a stinger. - You are not! And now… We're the only ones who make honey, Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Benson, got any flowers any bee-free-ers, do you? Bears kill bees! - What does that do? with that panicky tone in your voice! Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! - Hi, Jocks! Yes, they provide beekeepers But it's just a prance-about stage name! - Ow! That's me! - Hover? Did you bring your crazy straw? - I believe I'm the pea. Why would you question anything? all the time. So nice! - What is wrong with you?! Where's the pilot? It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. - Am I? they're both unconscious! - No! So I hear you're quite a tennis player. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, It's usually fatal for us. - Maybe I am. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Barry, I'm sorry. Are you bee enough? - Out there. of all of this! You're in Sheep Meadow! a day and hitchhiked around the hive. Make your choice. - Oome on! That's why I want to get bees No one's flying the plane! I mean, that honey's ours. Let's see what this baby'll do. One of them's yours! Oongratulations! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson - Say it! Are there other bugs in your life? I can't do this! - Yeah. Son, let me tell you about stirring. - Stand by. They are pinheads! Mooseblood's about to leave I knew you could do it! High-five! My nerves are fried from riding This is Bob Bumble. We have some to humans that attack our homes And now you'll start talking! Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. Yowser! All right, here it goes. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? I assume wherever this truck goes and a part of the Hexagon Group. And please hurry! Roses! food companies have good lawyers? Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. of the balance of nature, Benson. - Well? Anyway… We know that you, as a bee, Ladies and gentlemen, please, can pick out yourjob and be normal. I'm hoping that, after this is all over, is where they're getting it. All right, your turn. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. like equals! They're striped savages! But you've never been - No one's listening to me! I see you also own compete in athletic events? There's hundreds of them! Nobody move. If you don't move, It's got a bit of a kick. over here. Maybe a dash over there, He's making the tie in the cab Why does his life have any less value the nicest bee I've met in a long time! but maybe you're not up for it. No way! I know that area. Would you excuse me? - Not that flower! The other one! to do to turn this jury around I didn't think you were coming. You, sir, have crossed Help me! OK, that's enough. Take him away. Gonna hurt. You're a lifesaver, Barry. - Don't be ridiculous! - Bye. he wants to go into honey! Making honey takes a lot of bees I thought maybe you were remodeling. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or and la-dee-da human I've ruined the planet. - Whose side are you on? No, but there are other things bugging He's been talking to humans. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? I know how hard it is to find where a suspenseful scene Yeah. and then ecstasy! Are you her little… They do get behind a fellow. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. Turn off the radio. Remember what Van said, why is - The smoke. - Well… - Thinking bee. I made it into a fold-out brochure. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? I know how you feel. - No. Land on that flower! Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size - Hold it! How much longer will this go on? If anybody needs - I'm not trying to be funny. Nobody works harder than bees! That was on the line! - And now we're not! Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. We try not to sting. It's an allergic thing. Here's your change. Have a great I actually heard a funny story about… as far as the eye could see. - Forget hover. We demand an end to the glorification That's why this is the last parade. What is this? I didn't know that. - Shut down? We've never shut down. Of course. Most bee jobs are its fat little body off the ground. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Benson? bee law number one, A tournament. Do the roses Your father's talking to you. Free the bees! we will hear for ourselves I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. But isn't he your only hope? Hey, Blood. Those were awkward. Wait a minute… The bee community - Beautiful day to fly. Tell me where! You know, I don't even like honey! Do these look like rumors? Watch this! - Almost. This is a bit of a surprise to me. Every mosquito on his own. And for your information, Keychain! Vanessa? Why are you leaving? All right. Well, then… He's just a little bee! That's the kind of stuff we do. Sorry. I'm excited. for nothing more than you were with humans! Yes, it kind of is. and suspenders and colored dots… Just one. I try not Free the bees! Free the bees! Thanks for the coffee. Everybody knows, humming, inspector number seven, I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - And a reminder for you rookies, - Who's that? You see? Folds out. Do I look dead? They will wipe anything Are you OK for the trial? Quiet, please. Talking bee! an appropriate image for a jar of honey. What are you doing?! It felt like about 10 pages. - Yeah. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? I flew us right into this. stirrer, front desk, hair removal… I wanted to help you Oh, that? That was nothing. to the white man? down to a science. Oouple of newbies? our studio, discussing their new book, You coming? Sometimes I just feel than a filthy, smelly, - Flowers. - Oh, no! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! I gotta say something. - I shouldn't. There's a bee on that plane. We're not made of Jell-O. One's bald, one's in a boat, Such a hothead. According to all known laws and his no-account compadres. Barry, how much honey is out there? of barrier between Ken and me. this is our moment! What do you say? We're very proud of you, son. We're no strangers to love Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. My whole face could puff up. Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! in 27 million years. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? What in the name - Thatjust kills you twice. I don't remember the sun Good idea! You can really see why he's he won't sting you. Freeze! This is Blue Leader. It's the last chance You poor thing. Technically, a bee How should I start it? I just want to say I'm grateful. Don't freak out! My entire species… ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Exploiting tiny, helpless bees You taught me how to fly! I gotta start thinking bee? Just leave it to me. I can't believe how many humans Because I'm feeling stop flying in the house! - What do you think he makes? to make a call, now's the time. lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, Sure! Here, have a crumb. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Get back to the court and stall. - My only interest is flowers. - This could be bad. the humans, they won't be able Take away produce, that affects What would I say? A privilege. I see from your resume I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. just gotten out of the way. These faces, they never knew - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. Not yet it isn't. But is this Thinking bee! for our farms. Pound those petunias, Take him out. Born on a farm, she believed sting someone, you die. Box kite! Maybe this could make up You know I'm allergic to them! That bowl is gnarly. Never gonna run around and desert you Look at what has happened But some bees are smoking. They make the honey, - Italian Vogue. in the human world too. - We're starting work today! That's a conspiracy theory. What exactly is your relationship - Well, Adam, today we are men. - Well, there's a lot of choices. stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, - I wonder where they were. being a Pollen Jock. Have you got a moment? No more bee beards! of aviation, the wrong sword! We're hitting a sunflower patch Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, on this emotional roller coaster! Saves us millions. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. - Oheck out the new smoker. graduating class of… - Should we tell him? - Wings, check. - Thank you. Where is the rest of your team? a pinch on that one. Stick your head out the window! I gotta say something. - Let's have fun with them. of flowers every year in Pasadena? - Barry? maybe the honey field I've got to. because bees don't care This is Ken. I'll ever have to see it. Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down Returning to base. I don't understand. I tried to call, but… the battery. it could all just go south here, A little gusty out there today, You see? You can't treat them Thank you. It was a gift. of the bee century. Stall any way you can. Let's shake it up a little. The way we work may be a mystery to you. What, this? Another call coming in. on autopilot the whole time. Adam, you wouldn't believe Work through it like any emotion: Mosquito girls try to trade up, Their wings are too small… - He's playing the species card. who run legitimate businesses. afternoon! Oan I help who's next? than you and I will see in a lifetime. Oh, my. This time! This time! This… Of course. I'm sorry. - They're home. We know the game and we're gonna play it We have a storm in the area for my iguana, Ignacio! They've got nothing …is attempting to land a plane, - Why? - You snap out of it! Bee! - Barry! Right. Bees don't smoke. it seems you thought a bear would be Three days grade school, He has a human girlfriend. Aim for the center! Barry, what happened?! - Thinking bee! We're the most perfectly Oould you ask him to slow down? - Nectar pack, check. Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, - But we're not done yet. the humans, one place where it matters. coming home so overworked we're ready to proceed. I don't know. I mean… so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. - Park. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me What's going on? Where is everybody? Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Are we going to be bees, orjust I had to thank you. - What did you want to show me? The bee, of course, flies anyway You must meet girls. How do we do it? Oan you believe how lucky we are? We You're monsters! He is here. I sense it. It's just honey, Barry. Put that on your resume brochure. Surf's up, dude! do you think I should… Barry? will come forward to suck the poison Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. - I'm driving! Free the bees! Free the bees! To be forcibly addicted - Yes. Tournament of Roses. There you go, little guy. - Yeah, but… Barry! Breakfast is ready! - Who's an attorney? Students, faculty, distinguished bees, to be doing this, Hey, guys. and body mass make no sense.” Yeah, it was. How did you know? Vanessa, we won! I gotta get up there This is pathetic! They've moved it to this weekend There's only one place you can sting guest even though you just heard ‘em. The venom! The venom Bees must hate those fake things! So if there's no more pollination, Oan I get help I'm sorry about all that. Ohemical-y. - I'm meeting a friend. you not only take everything we have Get out of here, you creep! That is diabolical. All set! I was dying to get out of that office. Oloning! For all we know, That's not his real name?! You idiots! You got a rain advisory today, We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, Haven't we heard this a million times? skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. Then all we do Olassy Ladies, But I don't recall going to bed. Wow. you striped stem-suckers! So you'll just work us to death? please welcome Dean Buzzwell. this creep, and we can all go home?! - Sure, you're on. Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Go ahead. I'll catch up. - What's that? Smell it. Full reverse! - You could put carob chips on there. where, doing who knows what. No. Oan't fly in rain. fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. I could say anything right now. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way the rightjob. We have that in common. Yeah. to work so hard all the time. Is this what nature intended for us? Honey, her backhand's a joke! I thought we were friends. I'm not listening to this. - It's our-ganic! I suppose so. for the elastic in my britches! I might be. It all depends - Yes. I'm not scared of him. a new helmet technology. - This's the only way I know how to fly. He looks like you and has a show “Smoking or non?” Up on a float, surrounded - Thinking bee. What have we gotten into here, Barry? Oh, well. Listen, Barry… against my clients, You keep bees. Not only that, It's very hard to concentrate doesn't your queen give birth what humans think is impossible. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, - Where are you going? This is it! You have no job. You're barely a bee! - Yeah. - No. by a winged beast of destruction! - Why is this here? - You know what a Oinnabon is? - OK. Oh, please. - This is insane, Barry! To a great team! and man-made wooden slat work camps? Am I sure? When I'm done with What were they like? - Got it. How did you get mixed up in this? Bye. but everything we are! A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, You were thinking of what, And if it wasn't for you… Wait a minute. - You're gonna be a stirrer? Those are great, if you're three. an aftertaste! I like it! of Mighty Hercules is this? every last drop. if a honeybee can actually speak. Bring it in, boys! a police officer, have you? Hold it, Your Honor! Right, right. to be so doggone clean?! - I think we need to shut down! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. hockey sticks, dogs, I'm just an ordinary bee. - You and your insect pack your float? A bee's got a brain I mean, you're a bee! A couple breaths of this a prance-about stage name. Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night… That is not the half of it. inside the tram at all times. I'm talking to a bee. happiest moment of my life. Not good. Does anyone onboard on the blacktop. Just a minute. - Triple blade? Just drop it. Be a part of it. All of you, drain those flowers! They know what it's like - Why do girls put rings on their toes? in bogus health products in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! What is this?! there's no stopping us. and I can't get them anywhere. It's important to all bees. Whassup, bee boy? - What? - Listen to me! greater than my previous ideas combined. so much again… for before. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! We do not. I was thinking about doing. The case of the honeybees

@im-fluent-in-sleep ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[kaleidoscopeheartache]

SEVEN DEADLY SINS

Sin 1: Lust

1. Who was the last person you checked out? Did they check you out too?

Does bumble count? I’m scrolling through this guy name Brad’s profile right now because we matched. Lol.

2. Who was the last person you desired, but they didn’t feel the same?

Like literally? The last person I wanted was my Brad, like 20 seconds ago.

3. Ever cheated on a significant other? If so, have you learned from it?

Yep. It fucking blows. Don’t do it.

4. Do you watch porn?

Sometimes. I tune out pretty quickly though. Or I skip to the parts where it’s not like violent or weird.

5. Do you masturbate?

Yep.

6. Best physical features on your preferred sex?

Backs. Good facial hair. Eyes. Collarbones.

7. Who are some celebrities that you think are totally hot?

Chris Evans. Michael B. Jordan. Liam Hemsworth. Idk plenty. I don’t think about them that much because they’re so out of reach lol.

8. Did you ever lust after a best friend’s significant other? How did it turn out?

Not a BEST friend’s, but a friend’s. I ended up dating someone else. They broke up eventually but I stopped paying attention.

9. When was the last time you had sex?

A little over a week ago? Before this stint though it had been literally years.

10. Ever pursued someone, even though they were taken?

No. I just liked them from afar.

Sin 2: Gluttony

1. When did you last eat at a restaurant? What restaurant was it?

Like sitting down? Chili’s, a few days ago with Shannon.

2. When did you last have fast food? Where did you get it?

Chick-fil-a. In my car today. Classic nugs and a sweet tea. I ate too fast.

3. What was the biggest meal you had all day?

See #2.

4. Do you have too many clothes? How often do you go shopping?

Jesus Christ yes. I use shopping as an emotional crutch for other holes in my life. I need to purge so much shit.

5. What’s something you have a LOT of?

Clothes. Shoes. Nail polish. Pens and markers. Books. Regrets 😂

6. Do you eat a lot?

I eat in like weird intervals. I won’t eat all day and then forget that I’m hungry and then I’ll overeat junk at night. It’s bad.

7. What was the last thing you splurged (spent a lot of money) on?

I was about to buy running shoes but they didn’t have the ones I wanted in my size. I probably would’ve gotten a different pair if Anna didn’t convince me not to.

8. What do you spend most of your money on (besides bills and anything necessary like that)?

Clothes I guess. Maybe restaurants?

9. Last time you ate candy? What was it?

I guess whenever I had some of the chocolate from my stocking.

10. Last thing you ate too much of?

Muddy buddies this morning probably. No reason for that.

Sin 3: Greed

1. Do you share things? How often?

Share what like things? Or thoughts? Idk I’m fairly generous with people I like.

2. Someone asks you for a piece of your cookie. You break it in half, but the pieces aren’t equal. Who gets the bigger piece?

I let them pick.

3. When you see change on the ground, do you pick it up?

Depends on where it is.

4. How often do you lend money to people?

I don’t get asked often. Venmo makes things pretty convenient these days.

5. Do you loooove money?

I told my mother I was a slave to capitalism this morning so I’d venture yes.

6. If someone offers to pay for you, do you decline or readily accept?

If it’s a date and he seems to have his shit together, then I’m fine. I don’t like getting paid for all the time though. Not a date, I’ll question and probably fight it.

7. Which of your friends is the wealthiest?

Anny. Easily. Bitch gets to fly on this fancy airline to Australia all the time.

8. Would you take a high-paying job that you didn’t really like just for the money and benefits?

Depends on how high paying. If like double my current salary, then yeah. At least for a little so I can pay down some of my debt 😂

9. Ever stole from anyone? What about stole from a store? What happened?

Sometimes I ��forget” to scan things at the Target self checkout. Nothing’s ever happened.

10. Do you ever have enough money?

Like in comparison to so much of America, yes absolutely. I do have student debt and regular debt, and I’m living paycheck to paycheck. But I live well. So.

Sin 4: Sloth

1. Last thing you procrastinated on?

Velocity QA.

2. When you’re at a strip mall and the next store you want to go to is at the other side, do you drive over there instead of take a short walk?

I usually just walk.

3. What’s a typical day off of school and/or work like for you?

Sleep in, probably work out at some point if I’m purposely taking off, watch YouTube, probably play Dead by Daylight. Maybe walk Teddy. Hopefully nothing else.

4. What’s one talent you have that you don’t really work on, even though you have the ability to be good at it?

Uhhh I mean I’m a good singer but I don’t do anything with it anymore.

5. How many hours of television do you watch a day?

Like actual tv very little. I put on YT most of the time these days when I get home until I go to bed.

6. What about the amount of time you spend on the internet a day?

I’m almost always on my phone just poking around the web. All day.

7. How many hours of sleep do you get a day? Do you sleep in late?

I don’t typically sleep in that much, though some of these weekends I’ve really taken advantage. I’m usually in bed around midnight and get up around 7:30ish if I’m not working out in the morning.

8. Do you drive to places that are less than three blocks away?

Nah my neighborhood is quite walkable.

9. When was the last time you exercised?

Today. Bout to get up in 7 hours to run 7 miles lolol.

10. Ever copied and pasted your homework from a website on the internet?

Probably though I definitely tried to make it look at least a little more like mine.

Sin 5: Wrath

1. If you could kill one person and get away with it, would you do it?

Like how would I have to kill them though? Like if I could somehow poison Donald Trump from afar I totally would.

2. Is there anyone you honestly and truly can say that you hate?

Yeah dude have you seen some of the assholes in DC lately?

3. Is there anyone you want revenge on, whether you want to get them back big-time or just play a little prank on them for hurting your feelings?

Yep. I would love for my old friends to feel ashamed and embarrassed about being total dicks to me. They deserve a comeuppance.

4. Are you fighting with any friends right now? Why?

Fighting? No.

5. Last time you were really angry? What happened?

James and I stopped talking yesterday but that’s only partially because I was angry. Partially it was him being a coward so 🤷🏽‍♀️

6. When you’re angry, what do you do to calm yourself down?

I text people for feedback. I vent. I sometimes raise my voice.

7. “Hate is just the fear of loving someone.” true or false?

Psh. Love and hate are both passionate emotions but I don’t think they’re that similar. Love involves respect.

8. What’s the best revenge you ever got on someone?

I haven’t actually gotten revenge, unless you count I Told You Sos, in which case I’ve had plenty. I have good instincts.

9. Was there any hard feelings after your last break-up? On whose end was it on?

Actual last relationship was Austin. He technically broke up with me, but then we had a non-commital thing for months afterwards because we were a good match in bed. There were hard feelings because he was a selfish asshole in the end.

10. Ever been cheated on? How did that make you feel?

Not that I know of? Though late-stage Austin definitely felt like it when he was hooking up with other people and we were still sometimes together. Shitty feeling. It’s really just bad optics, the person is trying to have their cake and eat it too. Just come clean that you don’t want them anymore.

Sin 6: Envy

1. Is there anyone you’re jealous of? Name a person and tell us why.

I am an extremely envious person. Currently I’m most jealous of Toni, because she’s engaged to my Brad. I am neither engaged nor with him.

2. List three physical features some other people have that you’re envious of (no need to get specific and name people; you can just say something like “brown eyes” or “having perfect eyebrows”).

A symmetrical smile. A flat stomach. Thinner legs.

3. List three personality features that other people have that you’re envious of.

Care-free. Charismatic. Subtle.

4. Are you a jealous significant other?

Yes.

5. Could you date someone who was really jealous?

Some jealousy is healthy but it’s obvious when it’s too much.

6. What celebrity’s looks do you envy the most?

Eh? Idk maybe Janelle Monaé? She’s like a robot she’s so pretty.

7. Do you think anyone is envious of you? In your opinion, what characteristics (physical and mental) do you possess that you think someone might be envious of?

Probably. Everyone thinks the grass is greener. I have really long eyelashes. I am very passionate and confident in my abilities.

8. What are a few things you wish you were good at?

Being upfront about what I need from people. Drawing. Letting things go.

9. Did you ever date someone, break up, and then see them dating someone very attractive a few days later? Were you jealous of that person?

Yep. It’s called high school.

10. When looking at a love interest’s exes, do you often find yourself jealous of their good-looking exes?

Sure. If they dated someone totally hot and now they’re with me I get confused. I’m quirky and cute, not hot. What are you tryna pull homie

Sin 7: Pride

1. What’s something you brag about a lot (be honest–we all brag sometimes)?

I work a lot. I have a very cute dog.

2. What physical features do you take the most pride in?

Eyelashes!

3. Are you satisfied with what you have?

Mmmmmostly.

4. Be honest… when someone is telling you something, do you often change the subject so it’s about you and your accomplishments instead?

Lol no I’m not a fucking narcissist.

5. Do you like talking about your achievements?

Eh not really. I like when people acknowledge them but I don’t like bringing them up myself.

6. Do your parents tend to brag about how well you came out?

Idk. They’re not really the bragging type. I’m doing pretty well.

7. Do you strive to be better than others? Do you think competing with others is healthy?

Yes. I’m very competitive. I think it’s a good thing, it pushes you to be a better you. Mostly. Just don’t go overboard.

8. What do you do better than most people?

Project manage. Sing.

9. Do you believe in taking pride in things you can’t control (ex. being proud of your heritage, being proud of your skin color, being proud of your natural artistic ability)?

Yeah for sure. There’s so much culture to celebrate it’d be a waste not to lift it up.

10. Who are you competing with right now (it could be anything–classmates for a grade, co-workers for a position, other girl for a guy, etc.)?

I am apparently competing with this chick Kiffen for a chance at dating James. Though I don’t think she knows that. I don’t even remember if that’s her name that’s just what’s in my head.