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So the world is going to start spinning faster apparently, but I will not be concerned about anything until I hear reports that the Waffle Houses are closing

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Trying to get rest but my sleep paralysis demon thinks it’s funny to use my septum against mine own skin like a door knocker… bich >:/

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Deaf people will never know the true agony of that weird ass scrape sound of a utensil on a plate or bowl. That’s why I fw them. Just wish they would chill on the gang signs it seems unnecessary :/

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Eating healthy comes with a cost!! My flatulence be stanky!!!! My ass is speaking languages even them ppl at the Tower of Babel couldn’t comprehend!

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No one will ever be so intertwined with me to even begin to comprehend my autistic mind… my dad just asked me for a cola with ice (Eddsworld reference) and I had to refrain from saying “okay Edd”

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The cops keep putting spit guards on me but my saliva is corrosive so I just lick a hole through each one and stick my tongue out at them. I wasn’t trying to spit at them or anything either I just started foaming at the mouth when they put the cuffs on.

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Happy Pride Month yall!! What crimes are my fellow queers getting away with this month?

Me personally, I’m an arsonist myself but I’m wanted in multiple states so I have to lay low. Think I might try some light vandalism instead ^_^

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You can only meet God once (sans death) but you must be off something crazy in the Popeyes restroom at approximately 8:32PM I don’t make the rules!!

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Shoutout @jadegrimm bc holy shit I cackled at the reblog and immediately went to make this <3

Found this little fucker outside, named him Connor. I love sluts 🩷

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*Initiating Cop Foreplay with you*

Heyyyy so like… that’s super illegal…

*you move slightly towards me and try to pull me closer*

THEYRE REACHING!!

*I proceed to pull a fully loaded pistol from my belt and shoot you unrelentingly*

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Found this little fucker outside, named him Connor. I love sluts 🩷

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The gynecologist just licked her finger and said “mmm” with a pleasant smile, what does this mean? (She was finishing a snack before she came in but will this affect my results? I didn’t study by the way)

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Explaining Fortnite to an 18th century peasant: Ok so this thing in the middle is called your crosshair…

The visibly confused Peasant: … Is it… like braiding?

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I’m going to have a manic episode, and not in a hot, cool and sexy way. I am going to scoop out my own eyes with my fingers.

Autism feels like this when you’re overstimulated btw

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Went to the grocery store and pulled out my list from my pocket which was actually my suicide note meaning the actual list is sitting at home next to the rope. Sigh.

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Update: As foreseen, it did, in fact, get worse :D

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I thought I was having a rough morning, then I looked in my rear view mirror.

Cybertruck. Star Wars themed.

As if my day could not get any worse. (It will likely)