111peaches

[111peaches]

ALMOST 4 MONTHS LATER, and inching closer to the the end…

I promise I was trying to make this a consistent thing…

It’s really crazy how much has happened in the past 4 months. I got maybeeee a bit too addicted to a stripper with a PHAT ass, let’s call her Tsu. Fully am embracing myself, got to hang more with friends at work, been up and down and yes and no on drinking.

Currently drunk off wine at the moviesss.

I’m watching the Materialists :D

So much has happened, and although things haven’t been perfect things have strangely been improving, maybe because I’ve been pushing myself to go out and make more friends and connections, and other stuff as well, who knows.

Like that one tik tok or vid that was like “Hey did you know if you drink more water and go out and actually do stuff you like, your life gets better?”

Tempted to spend all my money on some random girl.

Who knows…

But nah I won’t do that, I spent sooooo much money on that stripper and the furthest we went was my face in her ass, but like then I was like I can’t keep doing this, like I wouldn’t be broooooke but it would suck financially. So I gotta admit I cut her off hard and just stopped responding to her texts, which sucks cause she was so hot. God bless you Tsu, hope I can find another baddie like you.

Baddie as in not one I have to have romantic attachments to, but anyways I’m getting tired, so I’m gonna watch this movie, hope the no ones reading this are doing good.

Love you all, promise I’ll post more.

[111peaches]

AHHHH

Amber’s driving isn’t awful but even though she’s sober as can be, when you yourself are tipsy/drunk it feels like you are going crash rollercoaster style.

The turnnn, we going fast.

[111peaches]

It’s been longggg, but it’s been goooood

Is that a “That’s what she said?”, honestly still a bit tipsy right now but I needed to make myself write this out or it’d be another week or two before I remembered about this blog.

March 2025 has by far been the best month of not just this year but probably of my whole adult life so far.

I’ve gone out but not just by myself, with like others. I’ve actually fully accepted that Amber’s (my gf) friends are not just her friends but mine as well. AND AMBER REALLY LOVES ME AND I LOVE AMBER, I don’t need Honey, despite the fact that I miss her.

Who’s Honey? She’s an “ex”, I’ll probably get around to my story with her sometime eventually, but the important thing is that I’m alive and happy to be so.

I definitely gotta write a few posts about all the different things I’m feeling but like here’s a very short, no explanation recap.

Bad luck? No, NEW LUCK, new LIFE. Drinking at party, people are fun. Drinking with Mia, she hot but just friend. FRIENDS ARE AMAZING. Can survive without alcohol. I love movieessss, but I also love my sweet sweet Amber. Good thing we open though, cause I also love hot people. Strippers are so hot, also I’m good at flirting with people without using money or drinks. Definitely an ass man. Weirdly just always cheerful. Sex is great, friends are great, I love my family and my life. Even if, this , doesn’t last, I will make it through.

[111peaches]

The rain imprisons me

This might be a much shorter post, I’m currently at work but a different kind of work from my usual kind. That’s not too important, it’s raining and there really is no reason for me to actually do any work as it’s not busy, and so I’m hiding in an abandoned office room.

What are they gonna do fire me? Well yeah they could or at least give me some kind of point on my record or however it works. Honestly I don’t really care and am just in it for the money, as long as the basic needs of the job are met I’m not going above and beyond.

I shouldn’t have to. No one should.

I’m not saying people who do are fools, I actually have a lot of respect for them, but I should not have to work my life away or HAVE to strive for greatness and leadership in order to make enough money to just live. Boring regular everyday people need to exist in a society too.

I’ll find my uniqueness and creativity and energy outside of my job thank you very much. Anyways the rain is dying down so I guess I should get going. Be lazy at work and active in your personal life!

[111peaches]

(Drunkenly singing Automatic Stop by The Strokes)

I definitely don’t want this blog that no one reads to be just me being awfully miserable, so here’s a positive one, or just something a little different.

I love drinking as many people obviously do, but man oh man, I love trying to hook up with people while drunk. I feel like some insanely different person, no shyness or fears, I’m hot, I’m sexy, people want me, and those who don’t stop existing in my memory as soon as we stop talking.

I have probably gotten drunk and tried to hook up with people at bars and clubs at least once a week, and I’m pretty much attracted to most people I meet, which sucks cause most people I meet do not want to have meaningless hook up sex. EVEN in the rarer occasions where I am actually able to get the number of someone I’ve been flirting with, even if they verbally told me they want to see me sometime, E…VEN when they have been making out with me at the bar or club.

Not one of them has ever “been intimate” with me…I’ve never done it with any one of them is what I’m saying…

Usually the case is that they stop texting pretty much after one or two messages, I wish I knew why. I know that most times the reason is probably there isn’t one but still it would be nice to just be able to know everything.

Me and Amber have an “open/poly” relationship, and that is to say that I somehow messed that up early on and so the act of that being allowed again has been a very touchy subject. Story for another time.

I just wish I could have all the crazy meaningless sex but it just might not be a thing that will happen for me. I’ve been told I’m hot, I’ve been told I’m ugly, I’ve been told I’m cute, I’ve been told “no thank you! :)” as a response to flirting with the person. Life is crazy, people are beautiful, I want to be naked and lustful with most people I meet, and yet I’ll always just miss the mark of getting there.

[111peaches]

LOCAL LONELY MAN IS UNABLE TO EVEN KEEP UP WITH A BLOG

It’s honestly quite insane how discouraging my brain will make starting even the most simple tasks sometimes.

My life although not empty is often busy through the sheer fact that starting things and keeping up routines will always be difficult for me, still I try my best. The past week and some has been nice and very awful at specific points.

Me and Amber have spent lots of time together and yet it’s always hard to be with her when I feel no matter how much she tells me she loves me I will never truly feel happy deep down. Even if in the moment things feel nice with her, I feel awful. Chalk part of this up to my fear of abandonment and lack of social connections with friends.

Aside from Amber’s friends, (which Amber has “assured” me are my friends too), my list of friends is not one that many would call impressive.

This is not a critique of the people themselves but rather an issue I face in regard to their connection to me. Many of my friends are either too distant from me in one of three ways, location, scheduling, and commitment to attention. I have a dear friend of mine, Louis, who despite us not having an insane amount in common we do enjoy talking with one another.

Sadly that’s really all we do now, as he lives quite a distance aways from me country wise.

I have other friends who are some I enjoy spending a lot of time with but they all live very busy lives. So busy that they usually have to prioritize what little time they do have for themselves or with the people they would actually want to spend time with, (not me). I don’t blame them as when your amount of free time is short it only makes sense to spend it with your family, partners, and friends who are closer to you, as these friends too live some distance away although not too far.

Then there’s friends I have who spend their time most often at a place I feel tied to as one of my last few lines of social sanity, let’s call this place Cornerstone Coffee. It’s a nice place to meet people, lots of creatives, my friend Forest of which is one. Me and Forest have a relationship that I feel is very heart draining.

I’ve known Forest back when he was originally a she and actually had a crush on him back then before I really knew a lot about him or “her” at the time. Which is crazy cause we’ve actually hooked up and it was nice but however semi ruined by Forest having to leave to go coddle a crying ex of his.

This is not related too much to the point.

I’ve known him for a long time but despite this like many I’ve gotten to know at Cornerstone, they seem to enjoy my company for a moment or two until they can run off and talk with someone they care more about. Honestly this may have something more to do with a combination of attention disorders and the instant gratification complex of the community that hangs at Cornerstone.

When you live a life where you’ve been mistreated and outcast by society and many a time your own family, as many in the lgbt community have, it’s gratifying to find all these labels to place on yourself and to hear that the only thing that matters is your pursuit of happiness and having what you want no matter what.

I guess the issue I take with this is just that it seems that no one really cares to go out of their way sometimes or to take in account how this affects others because they just want to live more comfortably. I’ve stood by Forest time and time again and have reassured him I’ll always care and be there for him, and I have been for talks and rants and cry sessions. And he has said that the same applies to me but I feel like it isn’t true.

How could it be when every time we call it’s cut short, every time I run into you your attention is elsewhere, and even on the few and far between times where we schedule an actual day to spend together, you switch up last minute and either decide that you must take a nap or drag us to go hang out with your other friends instead of our original plans.

Ultimately it’s lots of “I miss you, we should totally hang soon” and when I make plans they don’t work or are canceled and when I tell you or any others to just let me know whenever you’re able to hang, it’s no response. No response, and of course posting week after week of all the things you’ve done with the friends you actually care about.

That’s all I have right now, I gotta sleep before I get too sad, sorry.

[111peaches]

A general day at work

Where I work, I guess I can’t say outright, not because I can’t but for the want of some anonymity. But I work at a campgrounds of sorts, doing various tasks and chores, think Mordecai and Rigby’s job from Regular Show!

I always have 8.5 hour shifts but I genuinely love it, the work ain’t too bad and I get paid moderately well, although still not enough for what people should be getting paid. Legitimately people should only need to work 25 hours a week to afford a regular life, working 40 hours should be for people really trying to save up for something big, and more than that shouldn’t be happening often because people shouldn’t be having to work their life away.

I work enough to save up what I need but I don’t like having to work more than I have to because what’s the point then? What am I saving up for? I want to have a fun and adventurous life right now not in 40 years when I’m too old to do anything.

Besides if I were to focus on solely work and saving money I most definitely would lose my mind way faster than I already am.

My lunch ends soon so I guess I’ll go, need to write another post tomorrow about friend stuff, depressssssingggg…but on the bright side tonight is Jazz Night!

[111peaches]

JAZZZZZZZZZ & anxiety…

Well once a week I usually go down to a local place downtown to spend time with my friends at a Jazz Night. I say “my friends” but it’s really my girlfriend and HER friends.

My girlfriend Amber is very brash and energetic, and I love her a lot, she makes me happy and she genuinely cares a lot about me. Her friends do too, they’re all very great, fun, and life loving people. It’s really just all in my head…OR IS IT??

kidding.

I don’t really talk about it with a lot of people but it just always feels like no one really cares about me, sometimes it’s not even something I feel like is true but still the feeling lingers in my mind. It feels like a huge wave of emotion, slowly filling me up until I can’t breathe, I can’t speak, I feel so awful, so awful that any thought of how unimportant I am feels so true like everyone is thinking it and just doesn’t wanna tell me.

No one really cares, people just tolerate me, no one’s interested or wants me, I’m just a place holder until they find the person they really care about and want to spend time with. i’m an afterthought.

That’s what it feels like, and don’t really tell anyone that, because I don’t want them to feel burdened and leave me or even worse, for me to find out it’s all true. No matter how much people tell me they love me and they’re caring for me, deep inside my mind refuses to let me believe it.

But Jazz Night was still nice, as it always usually is. I get drunk, I read whatever book I’m on, I listen to jazz, I spend time with all my “friends”. Bennie and Elizabeth, who’re Amber’s friends, are always chit chatting it up with me but also especially each other. They would be such a cute couple if Bennie didn’t get in his head all about all his crushes but also I totally understand.

Bennie is a really chill and funny dude who despite being a very “bro bro” is also very well informed and usually a very intelligent speaker. He wants to go thrifting with me sometime soon and I do too, whenever I’m able to find time apart from work and spending time with Amber.

Elizabeth is an amazingly talented artist who I always want to talk more with but am never able to spend time with. Every time I actually get to talk with her we’re always interrupted by someone else. Elizabeth is very pretty and also Amber really wants us to have a threesome with her but I also things are definitely a little iffy on stuff with me and Amber’s relationship which I’ll talk about another time.

For now I’ve written tooooooooooo much.

[111peaches]

I feel like a genius

Yesterday I went to go watch The Brutalist at 7:30, but this movie is like 3 and a half hours long, HOWEVER, there is an intermission exactly 2 hours from the “showtime”. So what I did was leave the theater and go home during that break and I got a ticket for today’s showing at 4:45.

I got off of work at 5 PM and had just enough time to handle some stuff at home before coming here and getting to the movies EXACTLY when the intermission started.

Saw the first half yesterday, and seeing the second half in exactly 1 minute, once this intermission ends.

I feel so smart, but also more super long movies need intermissions, they’re literally so useful.

[111peaches]

FIRST POST & I’M LOSING IT!!!

I’m sure I’ll make a real intro post to this blog sometime in the next few weeks, but I had to make this blog and post SOMETHING to get started or else I’d be stuck having nothing forever.

I’ve never been a particularly superstitious person, but this last year or so has done more than a number on my paranoia. Not to be dramatic but I do fear this year may be my last. I doubt I’ll be able to even survive past November, but I do everything I can to convince myself otherwise.

This blog will be an anonymous place where I can dump all my thoughts, shenanigans, and grief.

I want to be my truest self here.

But to be truly true I must stay, “a hidden peach”, so to speak. I will probably be overly personal about the details of my life but hope you may never find me by my use of aliases for the people in my life, including me. Hi, my name, as far as you know, is Durazno.

I promise not to stay so strict with the peach theme, I just need some sort of beginning of a mask to start this blog. I hope that if you ARE reading this journey of 2025 and possibly beyond of mine, that it does bring some good reading about the joys and sorrows I encounter in every day life.

Cheers to the year, an unlucky one I shall make the best of!