21silverlinings

[21silverlinings]

Rocking in the boat of uncertainty is me at 9 and you at 32 degrees; unbalanced. I stay in my corner to counter the weight of not ever really knowing who you are.

Night sweats impede me and I dream of you as two sides of the same cell but I am too young and too naive to decipher who is who.

I’m scared that when your flesh touches mine after all of this time, (Me at 27 and you at 51) We will become symbiotic again and that my life will - yet again - be yours.

nb / "the daughter's curse"

[21silverlinings]

The "closed mouth" hangs open silently, unable to reverberate its yearns. The presence of love tends to it - feeds it without a sound, sustains it without being asked, loves it as it is. closed mouths do get fed \\ nb

[21silverlinings]

Palpable is the tension between me and my self destruction - to fill myself with any and every antidote to forget you.

[21silverlinings]

I see my 6 year old self in the back of my mind - yelling at me to protect her. I put her in harm's way without a second thought. But she keeps forgiving me, over and over and over again, no matter how angry she is. She watches me at 27, going on 28 do the same for people who keep hurting me over and over and over, again, no matter how angry I am. My elder self looks at me with pity and understanding. My younger - rage and understanding. So I take the common denominator and put it on a platter for others to eat off of. They are satiated and full while it feels like my flesh is falling off of my bones to feed them. I siphon from the 6 year old in me. I hurt her to please others, and I don't even thank her for it.

[21silverlinings]

Jumping joyfully, just because - July is over. Jars of laugher and joined hands - are the jewels of life; juggling moments of light.

"Scraps of Joy" - send me ur mood and I'll write a poem on it

[21silverlinings]

Dormant, I've lain swept up in the ruse of sentiments that have forsaken me. My potential - scraped and junked - secondary to the nerves I mistakingly built a home for.

My wiser self guides me out of my sleep to fall in love with passion and creativity, again.

My eyes are closed shut but my mind remains open - fine tuned to bypass doubt and to find inspiration again.

"Guided Spirit" - send me ur mood and I'll write a poem on it

[21silverlinings]

When your character’s trauma starts hitting a little too close to home

[21silverlinings]

Q #1205

[21silverlinings]

I am my own #1, my favorite girl, my biggest inspiration, and my only competition

[21silverlinings]

I wanted to yell and scream at the world to show it how much misfortune emanated off of me; im aware. and im warning you.

I wanted to explain that this pain exists for this reason and this reason and this reason and this one -

but if it's one thing you taught me it's to keep my mouth shut and Bury the pain 6 feet deep to avoid someone grabbing the dirt and rubbing it into my wounds every chance they get.

Trust Issues // nb

[21silverlinings]

stepped away from a relationship with someone i loved but they were mistreating me emotionally and mentally. i still love them but know that i have to walk away from it. i feel numb and empty and hurt.

One thing I’ve learned is that two people can love each other dearly, but still cause each other an immense amount of pain. It’s hard to make the necessary decision for yourself, but incompatibility is a slow death. No matter how much you try to look past the things you don’t fully feel settled with, it will leave you in a state of wanting, yearning, and needing followed by disappointment and heartache. The more time you invest while ignoring yourself, the more engrained they become, the worse the heartache. I wish you peace and acceptance in all that you are facing. Know that you were loved, despite it all.

[21silverlinings]

i do unironically think the best artists of our generation are posting to get 20 notes and 3 reblogs btw. that fanfic with like 45 kudos is some of the best stuff ever written. those OCs you carry around have some of the richest backstories and worldbuilding someone has ever seen. please do not think that reaching only a few people when you post means your art isn't worth celebrating.

[21silverlinings]

write unpublishable things. it's good for you.

[21silverlinings]

If everything that I touch is a part of me you are, too. I seal my lips shuts because if I dare speak you'll smell the desperation on my breath - you'd fear the possessiveness etched into my nail beds. If I let you look too long into my eyes they'd hold your feet to my fire and you'd burn in my obsession - an everlasting flame too hungry to die as long as you're here (and especially when you aren't).

[21silverlinings]

in the midst of it i ponder how much more i can take on me wide shoulders strengthened only by prayer ability beyond my character still i wonder how long can they carry responsibility that wasn’t theirs

~how can i help?

[21silverlinings]

Ada Limón, “To Be Made Whole”, On Being with Krista Tippett

[21silverlinings]

I know that during the day, I love the flowers and I run from the bees; I compliment everyone's animals and pick fruits from my neighbors' trees. But then comes night and I drain my wounds for any ear that will listen just so I can get it out of me and fill whatever is missing.