3arbwire3abe - Tumblr blog

[3arbwire3abe]

at my moms house again...here alone and i feel my childhood selves haunting me. i can't believe i'll never be able to be a child again... i don't feel like this is permanent yet. it feels like i'm just visiting somewhere else and i'll be coming back. i can't relax i don't feel at home at my new house. i'm thankful for everything but im mourning. i'm still mourning so much. i sat on this couch and cried over my first love..... i learned to play bass here and how to do nails and hair and i watched this tv on this couch when i couldn't sleep. i got ready for my high school graduation in that room. i took depression showers in this bathroom....i sat at the table and painted..i sat at that dinner table and had dinner with my family. it's been so long since that tho. everyone's so busy. everyone had their own lives i wish i could turn the clock i wish i could go back. i wish i wish i wish. i can't even talk to my mom normally anymore i'm just silent. i feel miles apart from her even when we are in the same room. and i know she's hurting too. it's overwhelming me being here so i don't come here often. i've only been here twice since moving out. and i haven't seen my dad since moving out either. it just feels so heavy. i'm so tired i feel like i'm lugging around with the weight of the world on my shoulders. i feel like there's a scream constantly trapped in my chest and throat. i want to break glass. i want to be little and hug my mom really. i just don't want all this responsibility right now. i want her to hug me and sing to me like she used to i want nothing more than to be a kid again . i'm grieving my childhood. i don't know how to deal with everything.

[3arbwire3abe]

if anyone's been following along on the guy at work situation i want u to know he's extremely anxious and was so terrified of messing shit up and he's the sweetest most loving person i've ever met. our 1 month was a little over a week ago ! i've told him the insane shit i thought how i was gonna give up but then a ball w his name on it rolled out in front of me blah blah blah and he said he felt the same way since he met me. he said that the night after he DIDNT text me he cried bc he felt something so strong about me like i was supposed to be in his life and now he'd gone and messed it up and would never know me. strange. intuition... idk. the universe? maybe. we thank the stars

[3arbwire3abe]

shits so odd. not a virgin..for any of the 3 holes. if asked if i'm sexually attractive i say yes now ?? i'm at risk of pregnancy????? i could get an std ? the thing trippin me up rn tho is the pregnancy thing. fuck around and have a child.... cannot have that omg

[3arbwire3abe]

only in march and i've already changed so much as a person. thankful to be here

[3arbwire3abe]

i think of you and only you, my love

[3arbwire3abe]

i've always hated my name... but i get butterflies when you say it. for the first time in my entire life i like the way it sounds.

[3arbwire3abe]

"I knew from the minute I met you that I wanted you in every way a person could be wanted. I don't know how... I don't know why... I just knew if I couldn't have you, I might have lost my fucking mind. I just knew you would mean so much to me. From the begining, I just knew I loved you."

- Maegan M.

[3arbwire3abe]

i'll spend all day with him but it's not enough. i want to hold him and play with his hair while he sleeps. i want to make his clothes smell like me and i want to smell him on mine. i want to hug him for 3 hours straight never letting go never loosening up and never ever wanting to let go

[3arbwire3abe]

and if the day ever comes where we aren't together, i want you to walk away knowing we both have it our all.

[3arbwire3abe]

i want to give him the world actually. i want to make him feel like the stars was made for him and that he's the most amazing person on the planet.

[3arbwire3abe]

i want to be the reason you can trust and love again.

[3arbwire3abe]

[3arbwire3abe]

[3arbwire3abe]

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[3arbwire3abe]

[3arbwire3abe]

i guess love is seeing anything even remotely close to someone and instantly thinking about them, like your eyes are always trying to find a piece of them in everything you see