80slightningreviews

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Omega Man, The (1971)

The Omega Man is my personal favorite version of I Am Legend, but it takes enormous liberties with the source material. Charlton Heston grouses his way through the film--as usual--playing Robert Neville, a scientist trying to develop a vaccine for a plague that resulted from biological warfare. He remains the last known illness-free survivor. In The Last Man on Earth (1964) and I Am Legend (2007), the plague turns people into vampire-zombies, but in The Omega Man they become light-sensitive albino Luddites called "The Family," ritually attacking and opposing any technology that reminds them of their former selves. The film is silly and campy, the worst of which is Heston talking to himself in the first half of the film. The film also really bounces for 1971, with some really dynamic action sequences and a pretty quick pace. The 70s TV music-style soundtrack also helps this quite a bit. Not a great film, but certainly a fun one.

6/10

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Lawnmower Man, The (1992)

The Lawnmower Man is basically Flowers for Algernon for the cyberpunk genre. Pierce Brosnan plays a scientist who takes a mentally handicapped man and uses virtual reality technology to make him smarter with monstrous and unexpected results. While neither lead actor is particularly bad, almost the entirety of the supporting cast is just horrible--from the cops to the FBI agents to you name it. The FBI sub-plot is derivative, the dialogue is atrocious, and the CG effects are embarrassingly bad (I realize it's from 1992, but come on it's still bad). And there's just too goddamn much! The climax is so incredibly convoluted and full of holes that I couldn't believe they actually went with it. In fact, I think the only thing I really liked about the film is the concept. At least we got a few good shots of the soon-to-be Bond running around with a gun and a bag of explosives... which just reminded me how much I would be rather watching Goldeneye.

4/10

[80slightningreviews]

Barbarella (1968)

Barbarella psychedella! Barbarella is not a great film by any measure of the imagination, but it's a fun and groovy masterclass of camp. From the opening sequence (Jane Fonda undressing in her shag-carpeted space ship with bouncing animated titles) to the climactic battle, the film is packed full of colorful psychedelic effects, a fantastic lounge-psychedelic soundtrack (if such a thing can exist) by Bob Crewe and Charles Fox, and plenty of opportunities for the very sexy Jane Fonda to be in various states of undress. The plot is pretty thin: Barbarella is dispatched to find Durand Durand... and that's about it. The film is juvenile and doesn't really make sense, but that's kind of the point. It contains enough absurd moments, goofy characters, costume changes, cheesy lines, self-indulgent oil-wheel projector cascades, and tongue-in-cheek humor to keep pretty much anyone's attention for ninety minutes.

6/10

Closing Credits Theme

[80slightningreviews]

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

On Her Majesty's Secret Service is the most emotionally mature and heartbreaking of the Bond films, bringing the character to new highs (and new lows). While Bond's character is developed to a level rarely seen in any of the films, George Lazenby is a doofus, plain and simple. He's just painfully bland compared to the charm and swagger that Sean Connery spoiled us with. The film is a bloated 140 minutes, with much of the runtime dedicated to Bond uncovering Blofeld's rather idiotic plot for global domination--boring and childish. I like Savalas, but I found his Blofeld to be tiresome. The production is polished, with excellent action set pieces (great, but few) and some fantastic special effects (avalanche!). This may be the best Bond score John Barry ever did. And I'm hard-pressed to think of a lovelier, sexier, or smarter Bond girl than Diana Rigg. She's the only Bond girl I've ever become emotionally invested in. It's a shame they had to waste such an incredible production on such a lame Bond.

7/10

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Prometheus (2012)

Epic and gorgeous, Prometheus is a worthy entry in the Alien universe. On the flip side of that, though, is a certain element of narrow character development, nasty (although not entirely unwelcome) violence, and unanswered questions. My biggest problem with the film was that none of the main characters were likeable. The team of scientists (presumably) are not very much like a team and, despite the trillion dollar price tag of the expedition, seem to fall apart almost as soon as they wake up. With the exception of Logan Marshall-Green, I found the actors to all range from competent to excellent (especially Michael Fassbender), but again, their characters were irritating. The recurring "what I choose to believe" mantra was particularly annoying because you would think scientists 80 years in the future would set aside religious belief for objectivity, but the mantra also speaks to the plot as the foundation for the expedition has very little evidence beyond belief. The art direction, set design, and special effects were really fantastic. There were a couple splotches of bad CG, but overall I was really impressed.

7/10

PS: Forgot to mention. I thought the score was excellent.

[80slightningreviews]

Diamonds are Forever (1971)

Sean Connery's sixth outing as Bond is a shift from his first five. Instead of colorful, exotic locales, Bond's mission leads him to a rather cheap-looking Las Vegas where he uncovers a plot for global domination. Diamonds are Forever is packed with terrible dialogue, goofy scenes (the moon buggy chase scene through the desert), annoying henchmen (Mr Wint and Mr Kidd), and, well, general campiness. Tiffany Case (Jill St John) has always rubbed me the wrong way, but lucky for us, Diamonds are Forever also gave us Plenty O'Toole (Lana Wood). Despite Lana's inability to act, she's still one of the best looking girls in a Bond film. Charles Gray's Blofeld is a goofy mess, which I guess is something you could say of the film as a whole. Except for the music. John Barry's score (including Bassey's "Diamonds are Forever") is top-notch, containing brilliant orchestral arrangements, bombastic brass, and that lick of electric guitar characteristic of Bond in the 60s. Definitely a fun film, just not a great one.

6/10

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Caltiki, the Immortal Monster (1959)

Caltiki the Immortal Monster is beautiful schlock fare. While the plot is nothing to write home about, involving an archaeology dig and a giant unicellular blob that eats away flesh and causes its victims to go insane, the black and white cinematography is gorgeous. Cinematographer and uncredited director Mario Bava definitely left his mark on Caltiki through the use of the distinctive black-and-white style that he perfected a year later with Black Sunday. Even with a murky print, the high contrast, bold shadow style was a visual feast. It's too bad Bava didn't make any more B&W films after Black Sunday. The special effects were a mix of good and bad: while Caltiki itself was kind of cheesy being essentially a tripe monster, some of the miniatures were decent, and the eaten-away-flesh gore were pretty convincing. The dubbing is pretty terrible which is to be expected from Italian film from this era, but thankfully it didn't really get in the way. Caltiki is no masterpiece, but it's entertaining enough that it deserves at least a basic clean-up job.

5/10

[80slightningreviews]

Green Slime, The (1968)

The Green Slime is a hokey B-movie made by the Japanese with an all American cast in 1968. An asteroid headed to earth is destroyed by an experienced team of astronauts, only to have an unknown lifeform return to their base with them. The writing is incredibly bad causing a lot of unintentional humor, particularly when it comes to the macho posturing between characters Rankin and Eliot. Rankin is basically your run-of-the-mill no nonsense, prominent jawline, and dashing good looks all-American hero. The number of times he shows the ever-whining Eliot who's boss is incredible. The special effects are typical Japanese fare for the period--extensive yet shoddy miniature work and man-in-rubber-suit monsters. Aside from the fun theme song, the soundtrack sounds like they were sorely underbudget because a good majority of it consists of someone noodling one note at a time on an electric guitar. The Green Slime is entertaining but very silly.

4/10

[80slightningreviews]

Total Recall (1990)

Where do I even begin with this one? Total Recall is an action masterpiece. Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Douglas Quaid, a blue collar worker with a desire to go to Mars. Because his wife won't let him, he gets a memory implant of a Mars vacation--with himself as a secret agent. Something goes wrong, and we spend the rest of the time chasing a secret agent Arnold around not knowing whether he really was a secret agent or just living out his memory implant. Total Recall is a perfect storm of 80s talent: Arnold Schwarzenegger and Paul Verhoeven both in their prime, Sharon Stone in her hottest role (that pants suit!), Michael Ironside playing a deliciously mean henchman, Ronny Cox hot off of playing Dick Jones in Robocop, Rob Bottin doing makeup effects, a screenplay penned by Alien writers Dan O'Bannon and Ronald Shusett, and a percussive synthesizer-and-brass laden score composed by Jerry Goldsmith. The cinematography by Jost Vacano is dynamic and fluid, gracefully gliding through the scenes and accenting the action. On top of all this, Total Recall is a special effects powerhouse, a textbook film for 80s special effects, employing nearly every trick in the book: miniatures, matte paintings, prosthetics, makeup, puppetry, a generous handful of deliciously bloody bullet squibs, 80s lightning, and even a brief moment of CG. Clever, exciting, and brutally violent, Total Recall is the embodiment of the word "fun." Happy 22nd Birthday, Total Recall.

10/10 (but it's really an 11)

PS I forgot to mention the one-liners! The film is overflowing with great one-liners.

[80slightningreviews]

Frankenstein Unbound (1990)

Roger Corman's final film, Frankenstein Unbound, is an interesting yet flawed film. In the future, Dr Buchanan is testing a new laser weapon that creates a "time slip" as a byproduct, causing him to warp back to the 19th century where he meets Dr Frankenstein and monster. The progression and pacing of the plot is a bit slow and stumbles at the end. The cast is phenomenal, with John Hurt and Raul Julia playing the leads, and the aesthetic is lush and colorful like Corman's Haunted Palace. The film dips heavily into it's B-movie roots with moments of gore and violence that are inappropriately over the top. The budget shows when it comes to non-gore special effects, relying heavily upon cheap-looking light projectors and laser effects that are cool at first, then get old. A valiant effort by Corman and a fascinating take on the Frankenstein story, but despite it's ambition and cast, Frankenstein Unbound ultimately fails to be anything more than a polished B-movie.

6/10

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Strange Impersonation (1946)

A genuine B-movie from the 1940s, Strange Impersonation manages to take a pretty overused (and outlandish) revenge plot and make it interesting... then completely destroy it. The story follows a brilliant scientist who tests an anesthetic upon herself who has her face disfigured by a jealous lab assistant. Somehow, she manages to fake her own death, get plastic surgery, and begin a plot for revenge. Although they're pretty cliche now, I still find face swap stories to be pretty interesting. The two main actresses were both pretty good despite the film being a low-budget endeavor, and the direction was pretty good as well. The film is nothing particularly original, but for a good deal of the film I was entertained. What killed it for me--and the reason why I would suggest you skip the film--is the ending (spoilers ahead): It was all a dream. I should have expected it, but no matter how outlandish a plot is I hope that the movie won't resort to the ultimate cop-out like Strange Impersonation did. Disappointing.

5/10

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Zardoz (1974)

Zardoz, had it been done properly, could have been entertaining and maybe even thought-provoking. As it stands, it's a failed attempt at high-concept plagued by self-indulgence, camp, and sloppiness. Sean Connery stars as Zed, an exterminator that discovers he has a purpose among the seemingly foreign "Eternals" who are forever youthful psychics. But despite their utopia, there's trouble bubbling in their society. Connery spends most of his time gallivanting around in a bright orange speedo, acting as the Eternals' experiment and slave. In terms of style, other than the miniature of Zardoz, the film seems to go the route of low budget, lo-fi "effects" which causes some laughable moments. There was a certain sloppiness to the whole thing. I thought the underlying foundation of the plot/setting was fascinating and creative, but the execution was very poor. Zardoz is a film that unfortunately hangs between quality and camp. Not good enough to be good, but not bad enough enough to be funny.

3/10

[80slightningreviews]

Dracula, Prince of Darkness (1966)

Dracula, Prince of Darkness (1966) is the first direct sequel to Horror of Dracula (1958), and it's an excellent one at that. Four innocent travelers get stranded by their coachman and are "invited" to stay in Castle Dracula (despite being warned not to) resulting in the resurrection of Dracula. Christopher Lee reprises his role as the Count, but this time he doesn't say a word which ratchets up the tension. Andrew Keir stars as Father Sandor, a badass vampire-killer monk with a Scottish accent. While the film has one egregiously bad moment of "holding two sticks together and calling it a crucifix," Dracula, Prince of Darkness is probably the most faithful to typical vampire rules. Garlic, crosses, sunlight, coffins with dirt in them, and running water are all present in the film. With a strong cast and good production values, Dracula, Prince of Darkness is a highly entertaining and solid thriller that should be counted among the best of the Hammer Horror films.

7/10

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Heavy Metal (1981)

Chock full of impressive imagery and loaded with an epic 80s rock soundtrack, one would think Heavy Metal could do no wrong. Unfortunately, despite the ambitious animation, Heavy Metal falls flat. Told as several vignettes tied loosely together by an evil green orb, the film doesn't give itself enough time to develop characters, emotional investment, or even an overarching narrative. The framing of the vignettes didn't make any sense, and the inevitable destruction of it at the end was completely random. The creativity of the stories and settings is evident, and it was pleasant to see animation that was adult-oriented. The unfortunate byproduct of this surplus of creativity was a handful of irrelevant sequences to put the creativity on display. Another unfortunate byproduct of the film being "adult" oriented is that every woman gets naked and has sex with complete disregard for character, plot, or pacing. I know you're probably thinking "how could that be bad?" but after you've seen the first sex scene, the rest of them are the same. It just seemed like time wasted on juvenile self-indulgence.

5/10

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"Kolchak: The Night Stalker" (1974-5)

"Kolchak: The Night Stalker" is a television show from the mid-1970s that was basically the prototype for The X-Files. The quality of the show's writing and directing was pretty spotty overall, but the good episodes are quite fun. Darren McGavin plays Carl Kolchak, a wise-cracking quick-thinking Chicago reporter with a penchant for attracting supernatural phenomena. Each week he discovered a new monster/myth haunting Chicago. He tackled all kinds of things from vampires and werewolves to manifestations from the subconscious and a headless ghost on a motorcycle. Sometimes the resolutions were cop-outs (that damn camera of his saves him on multiple occasions as a spur of the moment thing), and other times the special effects were just too terrible to excuse (the lizard man in the final episode). The last quarter of the show took a serious hit in quality, but by then I think the production was falling apart anyway. Overall, a very fun show that I wish was held to a higher standard of quality.

7/10

[80slightningreviews]

Vampire Lovers, The (1970)

From Hammer Horror comes the first installment of the Karnstein Trilogy, a trio of films revolving around lesbian vampires. Ingrid Pitt stars as the beautiful Carmilla, a vampire with a lust for young women. She exudes a kind of predatory evil over everyone she haunts in the film. The young women she seduces are both silly airheads who can't act (sometimes to a painful degree). Peter Cushing is in the film for a little while, but the film focuses on the events that happen while he's away. The plot is not all that original, but the twist of lesbianism makes it fun/interesting enough to keep watching. Sometimes the film teeters on the edge of softcore porn, but it never makes a complete step in that direction. What's most disturbing about Carmilla is that she can bring both men and women under her spell, effectively giving her the ability to control an entire household. The film establishes the family of Karnsteins as what I hope will be a very interesting spine for the other two films.

6/10

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Haunted Palace, The (1963)

From B-movie production company American International comes The Haunted Palace (1963), directed by Roger Corman and starring Vincent Price. Based on the HP Lovecraft novella The Case of Charles Dexter Ward, The Haunted Palace is chock full of delicious gothic set pieces and some great necromantic sorcery. What stood out immediately was the color palette: bright blues and dingy browns but most distinctively was the hint of brilliant, sickly green that just oozes evil. Vincent Price gives a performance that is somewhere between pure evil and hammy (he seems quite comfortable with those kind of roles). Debra Paget is gorgeous as his wife. The supporting cast includes mediocre performances from Lon Chaney Jr. and Elijah Cook Jr, among others. Surprisingly, the budget doesn't show through much. Corman maintains an ominous atmosphere and peppers in a few nice shock moments. The film dragged a bit towards the end, but it's definitely worth a watch.

7/10