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Another one for the Jar 😖

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man, this game is gonna be the absolute shits. I might watch Wisconsin-Green Bay and Monmouth play basketball or something

😭

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The Jacksonville Jaguars are the only team in the NFL without a win and nobody knows who to blame. Maybe we can figure it out after listening to this week's 904 SAD: The Podcast!

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Trevor Lawrence isn't the type of QB that can carry the Jaguars to 9 wins on his own. There are a lot of pieces on the Jaguars' roster, but the huge contract Jax is saddled with makes firing Doug Pederson and Trent Baalke even more difficult. Can we really trust Shad Khan to hire the right GM or HC who will hire the right HC or GM? Methinks the answer is no.

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The Daniel Jones from the past game and 3 quarters probably hits the Jacksonville Jaguars for 400 yards and 2 touchdowns easy.

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Ladies and Germs... Stick... Figures." 🐜

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SUPPORT INDEPENDENT ART FROM CHICAGO NOT RELATED TO CALEB WILLIAMS' FINGERNAILS

More Intro...

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Oh, look, Christian McCaffrey just got a contract that reset the market for running backs. Looks like the 49ers know who the real MVP candidate was after all.

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Justin Jefferson just made more money today than every QB from 1920 to 1968 probably made combined. A WR is getting $110Ms guaranteed. He held out within the confines of the new rules and still showed his franchise what's up. The franchise realized they had a rookie QB in the wings and needed to stop playing games before it was too late. Solid business on both sides. The Vikings and their "we'll run when we feel like it and we dont feel like it" scheme will be better for it.

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The NCAA folding to NIL and never offering any real assistance during the era's rollout all but guarantees that high school sports are about to get screwed. Will public schools' principals force their Athletic Directors and Head Coaches to get educated on NIL and working with agents? Are Head Coaches going to stop tweeting like gurus and actually get put on game before it's too late? High School athletic departments in the majority of America is not ready for agents, managers, and other big dawgs to step in the game. To keep it a stack, a lot of Head Coaches are having problems with their own assistants. A lot of assistants are having beef with each other.

It's about to get bad, y'all. Try to tell your nephews, neices, cousins, and siblings the truth about college sports right now before they get caught up themselves. Nobody is being real right now. I think more lawsuits will be coming out sooner rather than later.

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CORE ARTIFACTS OF THE BASEDOLOGY CANON

Super rare based mixtapes by Lil B Based God himself.

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Loyalty Casket has to be a Top 25 tape in the Basedology Canon. Could be Top 20. It's tough because you have to include all the Colored Flames, '05 Fuck Em, Hoop Life 1, etc.

Lil B – Loyalty Casket (BasedWorld)

Lil B’s new mixtape Loyalty Casket is a gargantuan epic at three hours and 38 minutes long. He calls it a mixtape, but it’s really closer to a vintage radio drama rehashing the New Testament. If it sounds ridiculous, that’s because it is.

Instead of the Christ on the cross plot here we actually have no plot, but the difficult knot has all the Biblical mysteries. Some of the songs are narrated by Lil B (the Son), some by Based God (the Father) and some by their Unity (the Holy Spirit). Lil B is an apostle upon himself, a true weirdo revelation. With Biblical underlying motif, Loyalty Casket doesn’t come down to some po-mo rap mumbo-jumbo. Lil B resists the easy lure to write a gangsta Bible. For many a hip hop tourist it may seem like a straight game: the usual attributes of rap are all present here, from street gangs to freaky sex. Yet the frequent hip hop listener will understand that this is all pastiche. But pastiches now are all around us. It only works when it’s pushed to its extremes, the supreme form of pastiche. It doesn’t shout a weary cry “Look how hollow mass culture is!” It is way more critical: “Look, mass culture is hollow! So am I!”

Keep reading

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For everyone who thinks the MVP award should only go to QBs, imagine how much more dominant the 1972 Dolphins would have been if they had Christian McCaffrey as their change of pace RB. Honestly, he might have even been the starter running behind Larry Csonka. How would the Titans be right now with CMC? The Steelers?

Same thing with Tyreek Hill. Imagine if him and prime Antonio Brown were on the same Steelers teams. Actually, scratch that. Please don't put those two on the same team ---BUT YOU GET THE POINT!

If your vote isn't for Patrick Mahomes (who is honestly the most valuable player in the NFL every year), then look at somebody other than the starting QB for the team with the most wins. The MVP isn't Jared Goff, Jalen Hurts, or even Josh Allen. It's a position player.

Why is that so crazy for the AP and NFL voters to wrap their heads around?

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My Facebook Page's Comments Section Wanted A QB Rankings Article. Now You'll Suffer, Too

For the record, I hate QB ranking articles. I hate listicles. I hate blogs that force writers to do listicles (and still don’t pay flat fees for them). Unfortunately, however, I have fostered a community of degenerates, and us degenerates love a chance to spew hot takes from the fires of Lake Minnetonka. We love to see who has the balls to go out on a limb and defend themselves in the comments section.

We’re barbarians. Heathens, even.

As we revel in the hilarity, however, we also practice a slight bit of intellectualism. Here at 904 SAD, you can have any opinion you want.

Well, as long as you can back it up.

This is why writing an article about the best returning quarterbacks in college football is difficult for me. Shedeur Sanders was the best QB in HBCU football last year, but North Carolina Central’s signal caller (and his Right Guard) put on a clinic in the Celebration Bowl last year. Also, NFL wise, we can’t tell who is worse between Zach Wilson and Trey Lance. Mainly because Trey Lance never plays. All that aside, Zach Wilson and Trey Lance were superstars at BYU (a Group of 5 Independent) and North Dakota State (a 1-AA powerhouse). They both went in the Top 3 of the NFL Draft and each of their franchises regret the picks to this day.

So, pro-level projections aren’t gonna be a thing in this article.

A numbered list won’t be present either.

Instead, we are going to use the written word to find out who the *best* returning starter in FBS or FCS college football is. Sorry D2, D3, NAIA, and NJCAA gunslingers. I’m not being an elitist. Unfortunately, us small school alums know all too well that you’re just gonna end up transferring to a D1 school the first chance you get either way (Why, Austin Reed? Why?).

THE LANDSCAPE

is shit.

Even if you take out the pro potential of the guys available for evaluation, Caleb Williams probably shouldn’t have won the Heisman last year. Come to think of it, Drake Maye wasn’t even a finalist for the damn thing. Unfortunately, that happens when you go 9-5 with a Power 5 schedule. Meaning ya lost 5 games. Meaning it’s hard to be the best player in college football when you can’t beat the best players in college football at least ten times (Lamar Jackson Somewhere: Hey!).

Also, picking Caleb Williams or Drake Maye is too easy. I mean, after all, the correct answer is either one of them. One is being coached by Lincoln Riley and the other one is what Arch Manning is supposed to be.

To make matters even worse, there are a lot of pedestrian fifth-year seniors and pandemmy-waiver dynamos who haven’t even broken 5,000 yards in their entire careers yet. There's also guys like Bo Nix who had one of the best offensive lines in the world, put up some phenomenal stats his first year in a new environment, and still couldn’t leverage his years of SEC experience to make a real run in the Pacific 12. 10-3 ain’t a bad record at all, but Oregon has been pumping out future Hall of Famers and All-Pros for years now. Eventually, somebody has to do what Marcus Mariota did that one time (That One Guy In The Distance: make a fuckin’ playoff, you dorks!).

So, winning obviously has to be a metric when determining who the best returning starter is. Before you guys start: Yes, I’m about to be extremely hypocritical. I wouldn’t be a proper sports journalist (*DEEP COUGH*) if I wasn’t.

MARK GRONOWSKI - South Dakota State

This MF has already led SDSU to the FCS Championship Game TWICE. Once in the spring (that one pandemmy season) and once in the fall last season. Did I mention that Gronowski is going into his Junior year? No? Well, did I tell you that he’s 22-3 as a starter? No? Damn, did I tell you that he’s been a team captain since 2022?

This man is a WINNER, son.

While Group of 5 guys are stat padding in the basement of the Bowl Subdivision, this man is sending an entire state to a promised land it never knew existed.

Throwing or running for a TD against Iowa would have been nice (would have won them the game in a blowout, actually), but at least he didn’t do what sooooo many FCS guys do against Power 5 teams early in the season: completely tank his squad’s chances of winning. Also, you know a QB has the juice when he is winning for programs that are never televised (ESPN+ matters!), rarely have guys taken in the draft (i’m including RD 7, too), and are in parts of the country that have less than 900,000 people in the entire state. Yes, you read that correctly. There are more bandwagon Patriots fans left over from 2018 than the entire state of South Dakota has residents. Gronowski is doing the Lord’s work.

SAM HARTMAN - Notre Dame

Wake Forest would like a word. Sam Hartman is so honored to play for the great cathedral that is Our Lady in Christ, but he made his initial set of bones playing for a…wait…huh? That can’t be right.

How can a Deacon be from Hell?

Anyway, Hartman is a 17th year senior who has 12,967 passing yards under his belt. Unless he has a season BETTER Joe Burrow’s in 2019, he won’t be catching Case Keenum’s all-time record for career passing yards (19,217). HOWEVER, Hartman only needs a measly 1,112 yards to pass Rakeem Cato for 10th all-time in the history of college football. That certainly makes him a name my list should respect, as Hartman also has the chance to play for a program with the resources, tools, and schedule to make a run for the College Football Playoff. This means the Irish signal caller could net that elusive First Team All-American nod he needs to be eligible for the College Football Hall of Fame.

Storylines, people. Storylines.

SHEDEUR SANDERS - Colorado

HEY, why are you booing me??? I’m right!

Sheduer Sanders led Jackson State to its most relevant era on the field in a minute. Yeah, he lost both Celebration Bowls, but the developing star led his team to a 23-3 record while he was under center. Sanders also won the Jerry Rice Award (Best FCS Freshman), the Deacon Jones Award (Best HBCU All-Around Player), and the SWAC Offensive Player of the Year Award in 2022.

Look, you asked me who the best returning starters in the country were. I answered the question (lul).

Entering into his first Power 5 season, Sanders will have a lot to prove in the Pac-12. Like Sam Hartman, Sanders’ prolific production at his previous school was not enough to earn him a First-Team All-American honor. That means the Head-Buffalo-in-Charge (the Chief Buffalo is his daddy) will probably need to make the College Football Playoff for the first time as a starter to make the media tides swing his way.

JORDAN TRAVIS - Florida State

Mike Norvell probably gets fired if Jordan Travis doesn’t turn the corner last year.

After years of development and struggle, Jordan Travis tossed the rock for over 3,000 yards, led his compadres to a 10-win season, thrashed the Florida Gators (who had a Top 5 NFL Draft pick under center [LUL]), and won a bowl against….

Wait, FLORIDA STATE BEAT OKLAHOMA?!

AUSTIN REED - Western Kentucky

Former National Champion? Check (2019 for West Florida)

Bonkers ass single-season as a passer? Check (9-5 record with 389 completions, 602 pass attempts, 4,744 yards, 40 TDs, and 11 picks in 2022)

CUSA Newcomer of the Year Award? Check (2022)

Bowl game win WITH the MVP to match? CheckCheck (2022 New Orleans Bowl)

The resume speaks for itself. Yes, the National Title for West Florida was won in Division 2, but Reed made the MEGA D2 to FBS jump last year and did the best thing Western Kentucky (or any CUSA team for that matter) could hope to do - Win. A. Bowl. Game. And guess what, he’s suiting up for a college football team in 2023.

Which means….(Isiah Thomas: I fit the criteria).

CAMERON RISING - Utah

Played against the Heisman Winner in the 2022 Pac-12 Championship Game and blew the Heisman Winners’ Malibu doors off the frame and the hinges.

Was efficient and accurate all year with a 64.7% completion percentage.

20-8 record as a starter with 2 Pac-12 Championships to his name.

Uh, yeah. Cue the Isiah Thomas ad-lib again. (Isiah Thomas: I fit the criteria).

AFTER THIS BATCH OF GUYS,

the list gets murky.

Spencer Rattler was supposed to be the #1 overall pick. Then he sucked. Then he transferred to South Carolina and got…hmm.

DJ Uiagalelei got Dabo Sweeney to do something he’s never done before: Give up on his guys. Before we knew it, DJU was benched for a Freshman and Coach Sweeney started looking for new coordinators to replace his new coordinators. Damn, son; that ain’t good.

Bo Nix has a chance to break out (like, REALLY break out), but what will it lead to? Will pretty numbers be enough to win? Or will it all just lead to some team taking a “flyer” on him in the 4th round? We’ll see.

Jalon Daniels? Ha.

Jayden Daniels? Ha. Ha.

Tyler Van Dyke? Ha. Ha. Ha.

Emory Jones? HA. HA. HAAAAAAAAA.

SO, YEAH

The past 2 NFL Drafts have taken a lot out the sport. Even if I scour the rest of the FCS and Group of 5, I’m not gonna find a guy who’s better than Caleb Williams or Drake Maye. That means I have to make a decision based on the guys I already named in this article. And with that, I choooooooseee…

FLORIDA STATE QB JORDAN TRAVIS: The Man Who Saved Multiple Families From A Cold Winter.

Well, not Odell Haggins’. That man ain’t ever gettin fired.

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Southwest Guilford Cowboys x Under Armour. A match made in gridiron heaven.

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