a-sleepyblackcatyawning

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Imagine Gortash in Dishonored.

No really! Imagine it! Was he in the Academy? Was he thrown out or did he leave? What were his thoughts on other natural philosophers? Was he a witch? Did he help Jindosh? Where would he have been born? Was he still an arms dealer?

…fuck, now I want a crossover.

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

I finally realized what Cazador’s pre-fight dialogue with Astarion reminded me of:

Every argument ever with my mom.

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Okay, this is the second time, the second attempt trying to kill Gortash where he blows himself up. I’m beginning to think that this man has genuinely not thought out the use of explosives in a confined area. We’re two for two here, Gortash! I’m beginning to think you’re doing this on purpose!

This man needs an intervention.

Pre-tadpole Durge: Envie, I say this with with all the murder in my heart, this is not a good idea.

Gortash: ::pausing from installing his grenades and flamethrowers, climbing down the ladder he’s standing on and looking around the hall:: You’re right. Needs more explosives.

Finally decided to kill Gortash before the brain does it. Who gave this man explosives? He has like 10hp left because he exploded himself.

Cmon, Durge. You couldn’t have warned your bf about this? I got all souped up for a mega battle for no reason. Feeling cheated.

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

I like to think about characters meeting their younger selves and how that interaction might go. Most characters, like 99%, I can imagine having something to teach their younger selves or warnings to impart or even just affirmations to believe in themselves or some shit.

Then there’s Gortash. I’m convinced that if he and Enver Flymm met, they’d both smirk at each other and the interaction would go something like this:

Gortash: well now that you’re here, what are you planning on doing?

Young Enver: that’s for me to know and you to work out yourself.

Gortash: fair enough.

Gortash, thinking: If he can’t come up with his own plans, I’d immediately lose all respect for myself.

Young Enver, thinking: Anything he can do, I can do better.

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Finally decided to kill Gortash before the brain does it. Who gave this man explosives? He has like 10hp left because he exploded himself.

Cmon, Durge. You couldn’t have warned your bf about this? I got all souped up for a mega battle for no reason. Feeling cheated.

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people I knew early in my schooling.

Like the graffiti artist who dislocated his shoulder running from the cops that one night.

Or the kid who almost got his eye shot out from a pee-filled supersoaker at point blank range.

Or the kid who filled the supersoaker with his pee and shot our classmate in the eye.

Or the teacher who exposed her tits to us and asked if we needed help with long division.

Or the kid who was expelled for keeping fireworks in her locker.

Or the librarian who had The Story of O, Lolita and all of Anais Nin’s novels and short stories shelved in the Latin and Greek section.

Or the kid who tried to defenestrate our English teacher.

…To be fair to that last guy, our English teacher that year was a real piece of work.

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Living with OCD:

OCD: *poke poke*

Me, suppressing discomfort

OCD: *poke poke*

Me, uncomfortable and frustrated

OCD: *poke poke*

Me, suppressing anger

OCD: *poke poke*

Me, hulks out.

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Living with OCD is like:

Me, at ass AM after an internet binge: man, can't wait to go to bed. so tired. i'd put in exclamation points, but too much work.

*Blanket touches the floor*

OCD: AHHHHHH! ALCOHOL IT, STAT!

Me: ok, come on now. it just, like, touched the floor for less than a second. it's the floor of my bedroom, not a subway station toilet! the universe isn't going to implode if I don-

OCD: THE UNIVERSE WILL END IF YOU DON'T CLEAN IT, FILTH!

Me: i'm tired, i'm not doing this.

OCD: YOU'LL DO IT OR ELSE! DISCOMFORT! UNEASE! AGITATION! I WILL PROVOKE YOUR FIGHT OR FLIGHT RESPONSE UNTIL YOU COMPLY!

Me: Look. I have cats. I'm sure the cats' paws have touched the floor before they've jumped on my bed. Cecily is even sleeping on my bed right now! Why is it so much more terrible when it touches the floor but less terrible when the cats, who walk into poop boxes on the regular, do it it's fine?!

OCD: OH, PLAYING WITH LOGIC NOW, ARE WE?! YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT? HUH?? DO YOU, PUNK?! BECAUSE IF WE GO BY YOUR LOGIC, THEN YOU NEED TO PUT ALL YOUR BEDDING IN THE WASH, RIGHT NOW!!

Me: Alright, alright! Stop, I concede! I'll just...rubbing alcohol the part of the blanket that touched the floor! Sheesh, and all I want to do is sleep!

OCD: ACTUALLY, BY THE LAWS OF BACTERIAL FISSION THE CONTAMINATION FROM THE FLOOR HAS PROBABLY ALREADY SPREAD. BETTER RUBBING ALCOHOL THE WHOLE BLANKET TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE.

Me, begrudgingly complying: I hate myself so much. Why am I like this?

Me, finally in bed: I feel like I've been through a war. My hands are shaking, my heart is pounding, and all the water in my body has been secreted from my pores; I'm too keyed up to sleep. Fuck!

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

I've lived with my dad my entire life and I just found out he has curly hair!

It makes sense, since grandma (his mother) also had curly hair. But it's insane! I never knew that he had curly hair! He said that he was embarrassed about it, but I can't believe he managed to keep it a secret for literal decades!!!

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Intellectually, AFO knows that it’s best for a criminal mastermind to rule from the shadows. Unfortunately, he’s too narcissistic to ever allow some stupid front to claim the credit for his brilliant schemes. This started young and is the main reason the government is aware of AFOs existence.

Yoichi: Bro, maybe you shouldn’t brag about “raking in the dough” by smuggling stolen cars into North Korea.

AFO: Well what do you want me to do?? Not steal cars? They left the keys in the ignition! Think of this like tuition they paid to be schooled in not being an idiot. And where else was I supposed to bring them? Poland is too far away!

Yoichi: What about that previous statement was so hard to understand?! You are the dumbest smart person I’ve ever met.

AFO: I can’t hear you over the sound of how great I am.

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Struck with a thought in the shower. What if Yoichi was transmigrated into Louis XVI, well-known for his love of lock-making and machines?

Yoichi looked at his…friend? Could he consider Claude-Renee his friend? The man helped him dress this morning, entirely unprompted in a way that suggested he helped Louis XVI dress every morning. Surely if a man had helped another man dress, those two men were friends. That was the bro code! If Claude-Renee ever needed it, Yoichi would help Claude-Renee dress, if the other man wanted him to help and would not feel embarrassed at wearing his stockings inside-out.

Yoichi looked at his friend and decided to do his duty as king and future hero to the French people even though he longed to go back to bed and hide under the covers. “What’s lined up for today?”

“You have an appointment with Dr. Guillotin and Dr. Louis after breakfast to discuss issues with that English decapitation machine,” Claude-Renee promptly said.

Yoichi paused. What? “What?” He asked.

“Yes, after you gave your support for the creation of a more humane and equal form of execution, they found that the blade didn’t consistently behead. They were hoping you, with your knowledge of mechanisms, would offer some advice,” was the matter of fact explanation given.

Yoichi glanced into the mirror, hoping that he didn’t look as horrified as he felt. Poor old Louis Capet looked possibly even more horrified than he felt. Fair enough; he had a good face for looking horrified. Yoichi gulped. “Any…other matters?” He asked, sweating bullets.

“Ah, well, Marquis de Laborde wanted your thoughts on the creation of a pick-proof lock for his home bank vault. Something about-“

Claude-Renee continued to speak. Yoichi didn’t hear anything over the sound of his own internal screams.

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

I think I got hit with inspiration meant for someone else. I can't write this plot bunny (okay, I can but I don't want to. I'm still overdue on Faces and that has a damn outline!). Someone, please adopt it.

Plot idea:

If age and experience are the same, then TLJ has gone soft in his old age. His taste in romance books has veered away from tragic to happy endings. His new favorite author is someone going by the penname of 'Sword Shooting Towards the Sky', whose main MO is writing happy endings, even for the antagonists. TLJ's only disappointment in life right now if only this really is his only disappointment in life is that he doesn't know the person behind the penname. He wants to sponsor their works! He needs to know what happens next! He'll pay for faster updates! Take his money, damnit!

ZZL just wants his uncle to be happy. For all of his uncle smiles and jokes, he's rarely happy these days. Thus, ZZL has vowed to find and deliver this author to his Junshang. After all, ZZL has heard that the cure to a broken-heart is a new romance, and TLJ has said on numerous occasions that he loves this author.

MBJ has been wooing his QH for decades. He, MBJ, is QH's number one fan. He's loved all of QH's works ever since he found the first crumpled manuscript hidden under QH's blankets back when QH was an outer disciple. How brazen TLJ is to declare himself to be QH's number one fan! Has TLJ read all of QH's outlines? His unfinished WIPs? TLJ has not, only MBJ has. It is only due to QH's pleas that MBJ has stayed his hand despite this grave insult to this King by the former Junshang. However this does not mean that this King will sit idly while some ancient has-been and his grotesque general try to take what is his.

If SQH has learned anything from his transmigration into his own novel, it's that happy ending, slice-of-life is the way to go! Two dimensional villains? That was so last lifetime! No need to write himself into a corner! His antagonists are multifaceted people who deserve happiness, too! His most persistent fan is probably TLJ, not that TLJ realizes the An Ding Peak Lord and main distributor of Sword Shooting Towards the Sky's printed works is the author himself. He's flattered, really! But, no offense TLJ, you can't buy VIP status or chapters! No gifting torpedoes here! Can't explode this author's card, sorry, my King's gotten really moody over it for some reason!

Pre-Moshang w/ Moshang endgame. TLJ and SQH friendship w/ absolutely zero romantic interest in each other. ZZL has been and will always be TLJ's wingman. When TLJ realizes the Moshang shenanigans, he becomes MBJ's wingman and ardent Moshang shipper.

TLJ: Come, A'Bei~! Let Uncle Tianlang teach you all about human courtship!

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Headcanon: AFO wasn’t rendered completely bald after his fight with All Might. His hair grows in patchy due to scar tissue and permanently damaged follicles. He had to find a quirk that caused alopecia and take it specifically because of this. In the meantime, he had to have his head shaved.

AFO, trying to get a shave and a haircut for the first time after recuperating: The usual, please.

Barber: Dear god! Do you have mange?!

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Headcanon: Early on back when they first met, Shang Qinghua often found himself humming “Still Alive” after coming back from meeting Mobei Jun.

In a similar vein, when he’s not gushing over how cool Mobei Jun is or gibbering in fear from how frightening Mobei Jun is, Shang Qinghua is not so subtly creating “now you’re thinking with portals” memes featuring Mobei Jun’s shadow portal ability.

SQH: My King! I dropped all my paperwork down this inconveniently placed pit! Help?

MBJ tears open a shadowy hole in the fabric of reality so SQH can retrieve An Ding’s expense reports.

SQH: Now you’re thinking with portals, my King!

And:

SQH: Can you open this jar for me, my King?

MBJ uses his claw to open a little shadow hole over the jar lid.

SQH: Now you’re thinking with portals, my King!

And, finally:

MBJ: That attack sealed my powers.

LBH, brandishing Xin Mo: No matter. I got this.

LBH slashes a portal open with his sword.

MBJ: Now you are thinking with portals, Junshang.

LBH: …what?

MBJ: QH says this when I open portals. I think it is his hometown dialect for thank you.

LBH, looking like a depressed soufflé: How come Shizun never says that to me?

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Aha! So that’s the katydid I should base you on if I ever get around to posting that tribute fic!

Lichen Katydid - Markia hystrix

Katydids comprise a diverse group of insects particularly well adapted to survival in rainforest because of their exceptional camouflage. Most katydids are well camouflaged with brown or leaflike green markings. 

The Lichen Katydid, Markia hystrix (Orthoptera - Tettigoniidae), however, has one of the most incredible camouflages of all. It resembles the pale greenish-white lichens on which it lives in rainforest treetops. Not only does the color match the lichens, but the body and legs have a bizarre assortment of spines and points that blend well with lichens, in fact, so well that this insect is extremely difficult for predator to find.

This astonishing insect is known to occur in Central America (Costa Rica, Panama), Colombia and Ecuador.

References: [1] - [2]

Photo credits: [Top: ©Holguer Lopez | Locality: not indicated, 2013] - [Bottom: ©Robert Oelman | Locality: Colombia-Ecuador, 2007]

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Headcanon: So, historically and across almost all(? maybe all?) cultures, some colors of clothing and types of fabric and fur were reserved for the sole use of different classes. For instance, in Elizabethan England, Sumptuary Laws decreed that clothe of gold and ermine were for the sole use of the royal family.

This doesn’t mean much for the cultivators, who are part of the jianghu and don’t usually operate within the traditional boundaries of society. Cultivation is about defying fate! Following the Dao! Smashing the cycle of death and reincarnation! If a cultivator belongs to a Sect or a School or an Association or whatever, they adopt a uniform which gets fancier as they move up the ranks. 

Demons are outside the human jianghu but have their own culture and societies. Airplane, because of laziness a need for some semblance of order, color-coded the demons based on their element (the five elements), so Wood demons wear shades of green; fire demons shades of red; etc. It gets a little more complicated for demons whose roots are mutated, like the ice demons or the, sigh, wind demons (Cucumber-bro wrote a mini-thesis on how Airplane is a shitty worldbuilder for including air as a possible spiritual root. This world is based on ancient China not Greece!) or the Heavenly Demons. The Sumptuary Laws of the demonic realm differ based on location, but generally follow this pattern:

1. Royalty: Allowed to wear all the shades of that particular element’s color; usually wears at least four different shades to distinguish themselves from the other classes. 

2. Nobility and officials: Allowed to wear most of the shades of that particular element’s color;  usually wears at least four different shades to distinguish themselves from the other classes.

3. Trained artisans and craftsmen: Allowed to wear the main color and one other that’s one shade different from the main color, if not an adept or a master in the craft; masters or adepts are allowed to wear three colors, the main color and two others, one a shade off from the main color and the other two shades off from the main color. 

4. Peasants: Allowed to wear the main color and one that’s a shade different from the main color. 

5. Serfs (peasants tied to the land) and merchants: Allowed to wear the main color.

It gets more complicated with the addition of slaves, which, depending on the type of slave, might be allowed to dress in the colors of a serf or a trained artisan, depending on whether they were skilled slaves or not. 

This was never a problem for SQQ. SQQ wore so many layers in different shades of green, all demons think he’s royalty, but SQH wore as few layers as he could and still remain presentable, much to the confusion of all demons involved. 

Young MBJ was very confused upon meeting the not-yet!SQH. This clearly apprentice craftsman says he’s going to be a lord? Can humans change their caste so easily?

When SQH joined MBJ’s court, SQH’s An Ding Peak lord clothing confused the hell out of MBJ’s court because: he wears three different shades of teal. Why is this human who is clearly not an official speaking to them like equals? Is he MBJ’s slave? Why is MBJ allowing a slave to speak on matters of the court? 

SQH was confused as well: Should? he just...put on another teal layer? Wear his fancy-smacy official Peak Lord clothing? Take off a layer?? Like, which would be best here? Which one keeps him from dying?? 

MBJ eventually solves it by draping his fur coat over SQH during court one day. 

MBJ, nonchalantly dumping his coat with blue-ice dire wolf fur mantle over SQH, as though SQH were a coatrack, as he passes the cultivator to sit on his throne. 

SQH, with the coat dumped over his head, thinking: Am I supposed to hold this? Am I supposed to wear this?? Am I even allowed to have this on my person??? Didn’t I write that blue-ice dire wolf fur can only be worn by the royal family? Am I going to die?!

MBJ’s court: What’s going on? Did the King give the coat to the human to hold? It must be to hold, right?? This surely isn’t a proposal, right???

SQH: Ah, my King! This servant begs his King for clarification. Is this servant to hold his King’s coat? 

MBJ, thinking SQH would look good in the demonic royalty equivalent of boyfriend shirt: QH was cold. This MBJ gave it to QH to wear.

SQH: My King is too kind to this lowly servant!

SQH, thinking: Oh! MBJ did it so the cold doesn’t distract me from paying attention in court! He must have realized that the cold makes my handwriting shaky and difficult for him to read! Oh~ This is nice~ It smells like MBJ!

MBJ: QH shouldn’t refer to himself in such a manner.

SQH: ???

Court, thinking: It was a proposal!!! 

[a-sleepyblackcatyawning]

Headcanon: When he’s sleep deprived, Shang Qinghua can be just as vicious as OG!SQQ because exhaustion reduces his self-preservation instincts to zero.

Cang Qiong likes to send sleep deprived!SQH, QQQ and SQQ to deal with particularly annoying nuisances.

Also headcanon: on one of these missions, a sleep-deprived and angry SQH nutted another cultivator so hard that this cultivator’s balls were shoved back inside his body. His reasoning?

SQH to HHP elder: either kill me now and spare me your self-righteous griping or stay on the floor and whimper in agony. Anyone else wanna take a crack at this?! Because I haven’t slept in like a week and death is a more restful alternative to all of your shit!

SQH to SQQ, after sleeping for two straight days post-mission: oh, bro! I had the most cathartic dream last night in which I kicked a HHP elder in the balls! It was glorious!

SQQ: why do you think it was a dream?

SQH: haha? Because I don’t have a death wish??