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#family #time

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#me #and #my #beautiful #neice

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I'm fighting not to care..

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I met a really cool person the other day

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Be Still

I have to remind myself of my past routes that have misled me, it's easy to get enthusiastic about something new in your life and without hiensight you can fall into the same trap you've been in before. I've worked so hard to get to where I am, and it's been a journey that is just beginning and has had me shedding my my past mistakes off me one by one, for so long that it would be a huge mistake and shame to let it all go to waste for that one second of temptation. All it takes is a second, we 'insertion' ourselves into thinking it will be different this time and we need to remind ourselves that if the choice is solely ours, it isn't anointed by the one who matters, we need to take a step back, and that what I'm doing now. I need to remember my goal, my blurry, seemingly generic goal to have a totally contrasting life to what my history has been, and have a happy healthy life, this is where I find myself mellowing out, becoming a lighter shade of the previous me, but that's the only way I kno how to control the future decisions. I need to stay on this track and look back at the distance I've travelled. I'm proud of that distance. It could so easily go down the drain with my urges and emotions, and feelings, who ever comes before me has to be at the time when I, myself and ready, I don't feel ready so I check myself, I feel like I have a while to go before I can stand alone, a man to look upto, before I can accept any additions to my life. Note to self, patience.

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I struggle to complete my thoughts... So much in my head, so little of it thought through like unfinished melodies, Anxiety.

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Got a new cat

:)

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Indi

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Just watched meet joe black, always one of my favourites, I love the silent subtleties of Brad Pitts character. I find that appealing as a personality and I guess I've tried to imitate that sort of casual feel in my behaviour. It seems like a mannerism that suits all situations. Sort of like what Ryan gosling has been playing lately. Anyways in so tire and I'm so on need so once again I go to bed very grateful. Thank lord.

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Hurt people hurt people

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Feelin a lil like I need a change in location. Like if I moved closer to friends things would be easier, but also closer to town would be good too, have people over and stuff. Although a room mate would help fix that too, but friends can change, maybe if I buy a place, but then I'm stuck there for a while, if things go sour I'd have to move back with my parents, I would hate that. I need my own space. I want someone to live with. I'd like someone to share these experiences with, a love interest would be good. Love, it's been a while since I cared about that. I've been focusing on helping myself grow, doing me. I get worried that ill be boring and stay stationary, then I look for ways to change and arrange my life, I have to relax more and let go, I have to ignore these feelings, they just bring anxiety. I'm not missing out on anything, life has ups n downs and plateaus. I gotta bury this feeling. Get more productive and continue this journey. Maybe I'll invite a mate over this week, take my mind off things for a while. I see them a fair bit these days but I still feel distant, is it the distance, or... Things are fine, I've had enough contemplating, nothing's the matter, why am I making it something? I'm going on holiday soon and that will e great. Maybe when I get back ill find a nice cheap granny flat to move into. I keep thinking I have the solution to problems that don't exist, I gotta learn to let go and let God. I'll pray, yea ill pray.

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Always learning..

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