abakedpotato

[abakedpotato]

Coworker: I'm running the tour Friday night and then I'm done for the season. Me: I'm baking cookies for the Saturday night shift. Coworker: Coworker: So I'm working Saturday. Me: They're just chocolate chip cookies... Coworker: I'm not seeing your point.

[abakedpotato]

The difference between childhood and adulthood is amusing: Me at 10: Can I have another donut? Mom: No, you don't need another one. Have grapes if you're hungry still. Me at 30: I really don't need another donut but I want one. Mom: You're on vacation, have another one. Mom: Mom: While you're up grab me one too.

[abakedpotato]

*While channel surfing between “LOTR: The Two Towers” and “Star Trek: TOS” episode “Space Seed”* Me: How can, on two separate stations, everyone be letting people live that should really just die?! Dad: Well… Me: No, I’m serious. On one station we’re reviving Khan and on the other we’re letting Wormtongue live. What. The. Fuck. Dad: Humanity is like that. Dad: Dad: In this case though you’re right and they should just let everyone die. Mom: So we’re good on morality right now. I want a cookie.

[abakedpotato]

*Car alarm starts blaring* Dad: How do I turn it off? Me: It's coming from my car? I didn't know it had an alarm. Dad: Me: Don't look at me like that, in nearly 5 years it has never ever gone off.

[abakedpotato]

Someone bought 2 rounds of mini golf yesterday with a 2 dollar bill and 12 Sacajewea coins...

[abakedpotato]

My dad leaves my mom notes when he breaks from the usual cycle... I hope someday I can feel even a fraction of the love they feel for one another. Or, you know, be as caring a person as my dad in general.

[abakedpotato]

Drinking beer watching Chopped Junior while cooking dinner like "I hope my meatloaf isn't dry. I am so inadequate."

[abakedpotato]

Changed my facebook profile photo to me in a bikini top a bit ago and I have increased my words with friends games 10 fold. Correlation isn’t causation, but I can’t think of any other reason random dudes (predominantly) have been propositioning me for games suddenly. I could be missing something, I probably am, unless we’ve magically turned a corner where people go “Hey, she’s got a sweet rack, I’m going to challenge her killer word skills.”

[abakedpotato]

Me: [brother] flat out said "Your parents did a crap job at preparing you guys for adulthood." Mom: I'm not sure we did with you guys either... Me: We were never caught that off guard. And by now I think I've pretty much gotten it figured out. Mom: You can't support yourself. Me: No, I can't. But at my last job I could mostly.. Mom: You've never been paid what you're worth. Me: The plight of my generation. Mom: Yeah.. Me: At least I'm happy now. I love my job(s). Mom: True. Me: That was such a millennial thing to say. Mom: Technically that's what you are. Me: I know... not as bad as my coworkers though, I work with children. Mom: Stop talking like you're old. If you're old than so am I. Me: Can we go back to designing the alleged kitchen remodel? This is too real. Mom: I really think we have to go with shaker cabinets. And fake wood tile flooring. Me: Yesss, but what shade of wood do we go with?

[abakedpotato]

The other night I captured a vole in the kitchen, today I chased a chipmunk through the park building at work... There's too many rodents in my life right now.

[abakedpotato]

During my drive to work this morning my mp3 player shuffled from Anna Kendrick's "Cups (When I'm Gone)" to "She's Not There" by The Zombies... ...this was the highlight of my entire day...

[abakedpotato]

That moment when you're driving at night and go to turn your high beams on but they're already on...

[abakedpotato]

I’ve taken to selling rounds of disc golf by letting people know that hole twelve is a PokeStop...

Sales are up.

[abakedpotato]

"Your challenge today is to make a delicious meal without using the following: cumin, cayenne, curry, paprika, nutmeg, ginger, cinnamon, old bay, spicy peppers/anything with capsaicin, black pepper, and dairy. Please refrain from a boring Italian dish, fried foods, salads, or burgers - those are common staples and some variety in life would be nice." -Me, if I hosted a Food Network show For real though, I know I'm not the only one with an extremely limited diet. We'll have a show that's called "Don't Kill the Diner" and we'll all take turns getting fed.

[abakedpotato]

(after being out for the afternoon/evening)

Dad: We watched “The Door”

Me: I’m sorry.

Dad: ..yeah..

Me: It’s by far the most tragic, and that’s saying something. I’m glad you got there though, I’ve been alone in this until now. 

Dad: You couldn’t look away, it just happened.

Me: And you wanted to help. But it was always going to happen. It has always will have been going to have happened.

Dad: Yeah.. 

Dad: ...

Dad: We watched 4, 5, and 6.

Me: You still don’t even know.

[abakedpotato]

Me: It doesn't feel like 8pm on a Sunday. Mom: No, it doesn't.. Mom: Mom: ...that's probably because it's only 7. Me: I've had too much sun today. Mom: You work inside.

[abakedpotato]

I have a favorite work out song. I hate working out, so admitting this feels like I've been body snatched. There's just something about "Golden Years" by David Bowie that just makes things (namely step aerobics) suck a bit less.