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Had surprise surgery yesterday. Extreme - think nausea, crying, and fetal position - pain sent me to ER. Within a day I now have +4 incisions and -1 gallbladder. The doc said I had a stone “the size of a crème egg.” Yeah, “average” stones are measured in millimeters. Mine was in centimeters. “Huge” according to the interwebs is golf ball size. So I think I qualified in the “huge” category.

I have lots less pain now. Just incisional pain. Because, well, ya know, they had to get in through all the things to get to the bad thing. So an unexpected week off work, lots of care and attention.

My SO spent from 10:30p (he drove 40 minutes just to pick me up so I wouldn’t need an ambulance cuz I sure af couldn’t drive) until I sent him home at 4:00a with me - we were waiting on an MRI and that took a while so I didn’t want him uncomfortable and playing the waiting game. He reluctantly left but then came to see me afterward and, knowing I am not a big of flowers (“here, I spent a bunch of money on these pretty things that began dying the moment they were cut!”) he brought me a squishmallow to cuddle.

My mom is sleeping on her couch downstairs instead of going up to her bed in case I need anything. My step-dad stayed up almost all night last night too to play telephone operator and field questions/updates for me.

As much as I am often disappointed in the sex category with SO, he really comes in clutch when I need him. So I think I’ll keep him, lol.

I’m going back to bed. Love y’all for reading!

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One of my cats is named “Blue.” He was named before I got him because his eyes were very blue when he was a kitten. Now? Well… it’s a little bit a ways away from “Blue”. When I call them for their wet food I call him “Flute.”

Why?

Well. Names evolve you see. Started as “Blue”. Became “Bluebear,” which became “Bluebearry”. Then when he was always the last of the three to come running I started calling him “Three.” Cat one would go past, then the second, and I’d find myself asking, “Where’s three? C’mon three!” So he became “Three”.

Ok… so where did “Flute” start?

Ah, because after a while of calling, “c’mere Three!” I watched him skitter down the stairs and said, “and, with a flute up his nose…”

So now he’s “Flute.”

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Just found out that when I left him my ex-husband sent my nudes to: my step dad, my mom, my bio-dad, and possibly my younger brother. I knew he’d sent to my step-dad - that was one of the most awkward convos ever. But to find out like seven years later that there ^maybe^ was a group text? Wow. So. Yeah. Sorry for my tits guys.

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I saw a sign that said “mole and gopher removal” and my brain came to a screeching halt trying to figure out how one has a gopher removed from one’s face.

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Every time I see a fic in my favorites has been deleted I can’t help but hope it doesn’t end up in the AI boneyard of shittiness.

hey uh new type of ao3 spam comment just dropped. (I know it's spam because the fic they left this comment on . doesn't have chapters. lmfao). Report this kinda comment as spam and don't take it personally it is literally recycled bullshit

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93yo patient: “Now let’s see. I want to remember you. What’s your name… don’t tell me….” <squirrels revving up brain treadmill… confidence activated> “Anthony!”

Me <obviously not presenting as male in any way and trying to not laugh>: “Try again, what’s my name?”

Him, confidence high: “Anthony!”

Me, giggling: “Close enough. It’s Abstract.”

Him: “Ah, Abstract! You’re such a ray of sunshine in the middle of the night. I’ll remember that now.”

Me: “Aw, thank you. I try. Good night!”

Him: “Goodnight Anthony!”

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I just ran out of the slightest unfortunately.

does anyone have the foggiest

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Tomarry loves and darlins. It’s been bananas in my life lately. I have the equivalent of two full time jobs and a part time job and I’m getting ready for Convergence. I have not abandoned the fic and I know what the boys’ animal forms will be (thanks again for all the votes and messages!).

I just have no time or energy lately. I’m on night 3 of 4 at work but I have my PCA gig all day Monday and then I work Tuesday-Wednesday and do PCA and work Thursday. Add to that the fact that my mother is actively trying to sabotage my mental health while falling apart herself and I’m supposed to help take care of that… well, to be honest, it’s fucking hard to do anything right now. (Seriously, who begrudges and resents their daughter for losing weight? Just because she’s “worked so hard” for two years and I’m “cheating” doesn’t mean she should make snarky comments all the time. Seriously. She’s lost 70-75lbs and went from 3x to L/XL but because she limits herself to 900 calories/day and I don’t calorie count but am physically unable to eat a lot without getting super sick, she’s jealous. I’m down 45lb btw.)

I’ll come back to it. I just want to be sure I can devote attention and time to my writing. I don’t want quality to drop. I’m not saying I’m great by any means, but Yosemite Sam knows I don’t want to drop filler and nonsense.

Thanks all for the patience! You all rock and I hope my next fic chapter is worthy of y’all!

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Got a 1% raise.

Glad to know that my single-handedly keeping a unit of 12-15 patients functioning overnight on eight out of fourteen nights contributed so much that I was worth a whopping 1%.

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I am the best girlfriend. Not sure he always deserves it. Not sure he doesn’t. But he texted me because the Target that I can see from my house (if I stand on the roof) had a Switch 2 in stock according to the website. You can’t order for pick up and you can’t call to save one. Within fifteen minutes of his text that he was mad he was at work and couldn’t get there, I was there and asking an associate for one. In the time it took to do the transaction the poor guy had three calls asking for him to put one on hold and he kept saying he’s not allowed to hold one and that they should arrive ASAP because they only have one left (after my purchase). Yes, SO did pay for it (I don’t have $545 handy!) but I got it. I took a pic of it and I’ve gotten kissy faces and happy messages every few minutes since.

Now. He owes me Burger King and oral and he agreed.

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Patient: “First I gotta find my dick. He’s around there somewhere.”

Me: “At least we know the general vicinity?”

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“My back hurts” <— his reasoning why he shut down my trying to sext. My dude. It takes ZERO back muscles to text. And now my mood and plans for the night are ruined and I just want to cry.

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I have seen hundreds, maybe thousands of butts in the course of 17+ years of being an aide/nurse/PCA. That does, of course, count the same people multiple times but if I have to see your ass crack five times a night I’m counting it in my tally.

I have also seen a lot, and I mean a LOT, of nuts.

I’ve noticed two things as truths.

1. I don’t know at what age it happens but 95%+ of my little old men patients HAVE NO ASS. They look like a frog standing on its hind legs and wearing pants.

2. The older they are, the longer their balls get. How these guys don’t sit on them or have em dribbling out their pant leg, I have no idea.

Now it’s time for a syllogism. (A syllogism is a three part statement where if the first two parts are true then the last part has to be true as well.)

1. Old men have no butts. 2. Old men have long nuts. Therefore 3. The nuts are connected to the butts and act in the same way a face lift does - the balls drag the ass inwards and when they have no ass their balls are at their lowest.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, I will be taking no questions.

Go to 31:15 for the specific bit I learned this from. I recommend watching the whole thing though. 1991. I think I was seven or so. I LOVED the “inter-bed demented howling” and “lint-sucking, melting, coal mining stumps” bits.

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I have been informed that I am no longer allowed to sing to my patients on purpose. Everyone knows they can’t stop my … what do you call it…. not Tourette’s… not verbal diarrhea… verbal stimming? I dunno. Anyway. I hum or go “dee dee dee da da da” to tunes a lot unconsciously. But I’m not allowed to sing on purpose.

Why?

Because I don’t choose the songs I sing. Their names go in my brain and a song comes out my mouth. This particular offender was “They’re Coming to Get You, Barbara.”

Past selections included “Barbara Ann,” “Come Josephine in My Flying Machine,” “Stacy’s Mom,” “Who’s Johnny,” and “Dirty Diana.”

Another patient pointed out that every time I have to change his brief I hum the Indiana Jones theme song.

So yeah. That’s gonna be interesting to try to curb.

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First overnight PCA gig. My client is sleeping on the couch after some low alcohol wine and 2.5 mg of oxycodone. I’m watching The Love Boat… she wanted me to watch a specific two part episode where they go to Italy.

Four separate plot lines are going. A couple has been married for 50 years and instead of celebrating their 50th anniversary they’re contemplating an annulment. Ernest Borgnine and Shelly Winters. Weren’t they in the original Poseidon Adventure? And all I can think of every time I hear him is “Eeeeviiillll!” Mermaid Man!

One of the daughters was set up on a date and he turns out to be a gigolo but they start to fall for each other and now the pimp is butting in to their kiss.

The guy Gopher has been kidnapped by a doppelgänger that’s in love with the lady Gopher happens to be in love with.

The granddaughter (Marie Osmond) is in an arranged marriage but is in love with a guy she met on the ship.

So. To catch up. The granddaughter is running away from the guy she loves because she has to marry the other dude. Gopher’s doppelgänger had been found out but the lady in the middle is sort of looking like she’ll end up with Guido instead of Gopber. The old couple are being manipulated by the daughters into staying together. And the gigolo looks like he has real feelings.

Yep. She’s wavering and gonna end up with Guido … poor Gopher.

Kinda makes me want to see Venice more…. Isn’t that city like sinking?

Ok. Old couple stayed together. Lady went with Guido. Gigolo left being a gigolo to stay with the woman he was paid to be with initially. Granddaughter finds out that she’s been in love with the guy she was engaged to because he was testing her (I’d be mad I was being tested personally but this was late 70’s/early 80’s and she’s Marie Osmond and he’s good looking.) So 3.5/4 is happy.

And now you have a synopsis of two episodes of Love Boat, a show that ended before I was born and compared to some of y’all I’m ancient (and in dog years I’m dead).

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I have nothing intelligent to add (I won’t be catching the king’s eye!) but this is too good to not reblog.

fake relationship but its a king and his concubine that was once an amazing soldier but he couldn’t go up the ranks for whatever reason so the king was like listen. hear me out. you can be my strategy dude. u just gotta be okay w walking around shirtless a lot. and soldier dude is like man that’s an UPSIDE and yknow they end up falling in love