abyssal-system

[abyssal-system]

This [blank]'s host can't access headspace

[abyssal-system]

"this blank is separate from source" userboxes

[abyssal-system]

hearing other headmates only during stressful times is totally normal btw. also hearing headmates only during non stressful times & ur brain shutting them out during stressful times

[abyssal-system]

introject culture is watching each other's sources and going "haha i love this show" and dipper pines is sitting next to you like "that was the worst moment of my life"

[abyssal-system]

Hello everyone. It's been a while since I last updated the blog. Things have been very hectic while my system has been very quiet, so I haven't felt the need to post much.

I'm just back to say that I've noticed I was put on a list (still sort of unsure why, the post was a little confusing) and I've gotten a lot of followers recently. Unfortunately the person who had added me to the list was proship and I am extremely uncomfortable with that.

If you came from them and you are also proship, I would greatly appreciate it if you unfollowed and blocked me.

For those of you who aren't associated with them- welcome! I cannot promise I'll be very active, but I'm welcoming to all system types (even if this blog is mainly focused on traumagenic systems as that is what I am)

As a final note- please do not attempt to change my mind or argue. Please leave me be and I will leave you be. I do not wish to fight.

[abyssal-system]

Shout out to systems whose abusers tried their best, but failed.

It can be so, so hard to have the good with the bad. You’ll remember the good times — the things they did right, the stuff you remember fondly — and think “it couldn’t have been that bad, if I still have these good memories.”

It can be. Two things can be true at the same time. Your abusers could have loved you so, so much, and done so much right — and still fucked up.

Shout out to all those with a complicated relationship with their abusers. Shout out to those whose abusers did their best to love you, but never could the way you needed. Shout out to those who weren’t purposefully abused, but still suffered.

Your suffering is seen here, and it is just as valid as anyone else’s.

[abyssal-system]

Its is a normal experience for systems to have less active inner-conversations and/or longer switch gap when in a safe enviroment.

You’re all good. There’s no catch. You’re still not faking DID even if your brain is silent.

Taken from something i noticed in day-to-day living since months ago.

- j

[abyssal-system]

Shout out to persecutors who aren’t “reformed.”

You are in your system for a reason. You were split from blood, sweat, tears, and trauma. So much trauma. Someone needed to be mean. Someone needed to be the asshole. And you’re the person who got that job.

You may not like your job. You may love it. But regardless, it’s yours, and you are needed here.

You don’t need to be “reformed” - you don’t need to be good to be welcomed. Yes, the goal is recovery, the goal is to become better - but everyone is at different stages of recovery, and sometimes, that point of recovery just is not attainable yet.

Shout out to persecutors. You don’t get enough love.

[abyssal-system]

most of my OSDD comics are gone from the internet AFAIK but I thought this one would be good to reupload (also sometimes you have to google psychologytoday dissociative disorder to get the category to show up)

[abyssal-system]

this might be a hot take but i wish more systems on here werent so...black and white with things i guess? like from what ive seen its either "the dsm is 100% accurate and we have to use these specific criteria/diagnoses to tell if someone is a Real System" or "every single internal explanation for how alters form is accurate and trustworthy every single time and if you try to tell me otherwise you're ableist". like yea telling someone theyre a Fake System is always 100% a bad thing but also like, there are Real Physical Reasons for why our brains are like this and i don't think its very productive to chock it all up to fully paranormal shit

[abyssal-system]

Hello! You mentioned using the BASK method for tracking parts. Would you mind expanding on that? It sounds really useful!

the BASK model of dissociation refers to a paper that braun wrote on how you can track different parts in both DID (then MPD) as well as PTSD and general dissociation, basically.

To apply it to DID, it basically looks like this:

B: Behavior. How does this dissociated part's behavior differ from the rest of the system, if at all? (i.e. Being a more logical part vs. a more emotional and creative part)

A: Affect. How does this part's expression or feeling of emotion differ from the rest of the system, if at all? (i.e. Feels but cannot physically express anger, feels and physically expresses anger, cannot not feel and does not physically express anger)

S: Sensation. How does this part's feeling of physical sensation, or sensation of self and the world around them, differ from the rest of the system? (i.e. How do they feel pain, do they themselves feel real and/or connected to the world, etc)

K: Knowledge. What does this part know that may differ from the rest of the system? (i.e. Childhood memories, memories of work/school but not home, memories of home but not work/school, etc)

It can basically help you track patterns in your thought processes and behaviors over time that help you to track switches and parts over time. It's a part of the reason that journaling can help.

[abyssal-system]

It's late and we can't sleep so I thought I might as well use this blog for its actual intended purpose for once (a diary), so this post might be a little all over the place. im sort of stream-of-consciousness'ing this.

block the tag "#personal" if you dont want to see (potentially sad) personal ramblings / posts from us. be safe, curate your dash, i understand.

things have been very quiet system-wise lately. i think we have a new(?) alter but I'm not sure How new or why they split. I'm not even really sure if its not my imagination tricking me into mistaking an already established headmate as a new split...

i've been thinking about them for a little bit. They seem to go by Hadal (though thats also just a catch-all name for the system when we dont know whos fronting) and i have a sneaking suspicion that they've posted on this blog before.

I havent been dissociating as much lately which is good but ive also not been switching at all which is... not a bad thing really, i guess, but it certainly doesnt help ease my fears of Being A Faker.

i know that systems have quiet periods, and i know that me being frontstuck and also unwilling to change that (fear of loss of control is a pain) so thats probably the reason why, but its still unnerving being the only one around.

ive also been thinking about the logistics of getting a diagnosis... I have a lot of fears about the medical system and abuse within it, particularly being stuck in a mental health facility against my will with no way out. its prevented me from coming out as a system to my parents (who... I feel like theyd understand. not Understand, but im not in any danger if they know. i just worry itll change our relationship in some way, like they wont think im Me anymore) and its prevented me from seeking treatment and understanding of my disorder.

the online system community is also rife with toxicity and misinformation and i do not whatsoever feel safe interacting with people who seem to snap at others without warning, so I dont have many system friends out of fear of reliving past friend group drama

I imagine that the feeling of total isolation I feel is common among other systems, but it doesn't really help to know that. my near-debilitating anxiety controls every part of my life and prevents me from seeking help when i otherwise would have.

it also doesnt really help that the one time i tried to find a dissociation specialist, the only one i could find that said they were queer friendly was 4 hours away in another state.

... i might look again. I might just tell my parents so they can help me look for a therapist.

I worry about that though. I worry that since my plurality doesnt really impact my life all that much (i dont switch very often, I dont have amnesia barriers, and i dont lose control of my body fully when i switch out) that either means Im Faking or Its Not Bad Enough To Worry My Parents Over. Its Not Bad Enough To Drive Across The State To See A Therapist For It when i have a perfectly decent one less than 30 minutes away

... i dont know. it feels like i have all the pieces to get the ball rolling on ... Something? but im not really sure if its worth it. we barely have enough money to keep the pantry full for a week, let alone to switch therapists and drive for hours just so i can Maybe get coping mechanisms or something.

.... I dont really know how to end this. i hope this wasnt too negative for this blog, i know i try to focus on positivity and lighthearted subjects.

please be kind in the notes. there is a (very scared) person behind the screen and I am trying to be better about opening up about my worries. kind advice is always welcome though! if it doesnt help me it could potentially help somebody else.

[abyssal-system]

if you needed some reassurance that it's okay to not discover your system until later in life;

i'm 28 and we've only "known"(some of us know, some of us are still dealing with denial at times) for a couple months.

it's okay to not know; you aren't fake just because you only found out/realised later in life. you are valid no matter when syscovery happens for you 💖.

(no discourse on this post at all, i will smite you)

[plain text: no discourse on this post at all, i will smite you]

[abyssal-system]

Shout out to systems who experience emotional amnesia!

Amnesia refers to the loss of memories - but part of your memory is the emotions of the moment. Amnesia isn’t just losing time; it can also be the loss of the experience, the feelings of the moment.

Emotional amnesia can be incredibly difficult to cope with, and all systems who do deserve some positivity. Remembering what happened, but feeling nothing about that moment, can be just as painful as the moment itself in some cases. I’ve seen systems grapple with their emotional amnesia, stuck figuring out how they felt, if at all, about intense childhood trauma.

Emotional amnesia is real, valid, and difficult. Shout out to every system who deals with it!

[abyssal-system]

There's this very weird misconception I see sometimes in system spaces, especially DID spaces. It's never explicitly written out, but I've seen enough posts that I feel at least a little confident in pointing it out

So like, we all know childhood trauma is the leading cause of developing DID, right? This causes a lot of discussion to happen about this childhood trauma. Except... some people seem to have mistaken this focus on childhood as the idea that people with DID can only have trauma in childhood (or adolescence at best). As a result, bringing up trauma you endure in adulthood or the effects it has on your system is implicitly looked down upon, like when a system splitting a new member after childhood is seen as a "sign that they're faking", or the "just move out when you're 18" mentality that subtly shames adults for staying with familial abusers even when they have no choice.

I'm a little tired of this attitude in system spaces, so here's a reminder:

Becoming an adult doesn't mean all the problems from your youth magically go away

People with DID can have trauma in adolescence and/or adulthood

Systems can split after childhood

Adults can be abused

Adults can be neglected

Adults can endure trauma

Adults can endure ongoing and repeated trauma

Being an adult does not grant you access to a magic wand that can wave away all traumas you might experience

Becoming an adult doesn't mean all the trauma you were previously enduring suddenly stops on your 18th birthday

Not everyone can just go no-contact with an abuser when they reach adulthood

Some people do not have the opportunity or ability to leave abusive/neglectful family when they reach adulthood

Many forms of trauma, such as poverty and discrimination, do not care if you're an adult, and will affect you regardless

Let systems talk about their trauma, including trauma they get in adulthood. And please be compassionate to adults you know who are going through trauma, whether it's followed them from childhood or has only affected them during adulthood.

[abyssal-system]

I hear a lot about very vibrant, meticulously detailed headspaces, I've even seen people make beautiful art of them. But can we give more love to the ones that are just like a cardboard box or something. Ours has grown over the years but it still takes on a very "blank white or mono colored rooms with furniture tossed in after someone felt like adding something" vibes.

Also big love to the headspaces that are just nothing. Just a big void space you float or walk around in. Or nothing at all! Sometimes you don't have one or you have to build it yourself.

[abyssal-system]

happy Valentine's Day to people in in-system relationships!!

i hope you all have a nice day with your partner(s), whether you go on a date in the innerworld, do something while fronting together, or don't do anything special at all. <3