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friends come second

I know I’m no man

But I’ll love you harder than he ever can


I know I don’t feel for you

The things you feel for him

But can’t my love be enough to cover the sin

Of just being your friend?

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Girls/Boys

The girls

are captivated by a video of

some celebrity working out shirtless

and, try as I might, I can't pretend I'm interested.

The boys

ogle girls in the dance-line

and talk about their countless romantic pursuits

and, despite my efforts, I can't help but shudder at the thought.

The girls wonder why

I don't find their favorite actor hot;

I can define the word, but it means nothing to me.

The boys wonder why

I am so adverse to their advances;

They use the words 'friend zone' like a weapon.

I wonder why

a friend is such a terrible thing

and why

I seem to feel

nothing like

the girls

the boys

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An Ace Analogy

When I was first coming to terms with what it meant to be asexual, I viewed it as an orientation defined by “missing something”. This was how I was (indirectly in many cases) taught to view it by the way people in my life talked about relationships, love, and sexuality. If I were to have visualized the way I experienced these things versus how most people do, it would have looked like this, with the former being my palette and the latter being the palette of others:

Over time, I have come to accept that this way of thinking is neither true nor productive. If the way we all experience the world was to be represented with a color palette, mine might look like this:

and an person who isn’t asexual might have one that looks like this:

One is not better than the other. Both are beautiful in their own way, and both can create a colorful picture.

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no offence but i think a lot of us me included don’t actually want romantic love as badly as we think and really are just lonely and crave a closeness and intimacy that feels out of reach in friendships because of society’s emphasis on marriage and the nuclear family so we project that into the never ending search for a perfect love and a soulmate when really we all just want to mean something to someone

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[ace-references]

Canon Aspec Podcast Character List

Hi! For asexual awareness week, I put together a list of the audio-dramas I've heard with canonically aspec characters! I'm still updating as I go. They are in lead/major/minor/once-off, and then alphabetical order. This list is by no means complete, (there are a lot more out there!) just the ones that I've heard so far.

Fourteenth version (13/05/2021: Added The Vanishing Act, Added Morgan and Cass to The Underwood Collection) Will update as I listen to more! Check back to the original post for the latest version.

The Alexandria Archives: Tune in to Alexandria University's favourite late night radio show for all the local news, weird goings-on, and a special spooky story from The Alexandria Archives! Episode one was tedious and drawn out, but I'm very glad I kept going. Hilarious, spooky, and fun, though a persisting instance of cultural appropriation throughout (w*ndigo) that I'm really not a big fan of. Mini episodes with Gore and The Bobs are worth their own shout-out as well.

Character: "Morning Wood"/Allison Madera-Armitage, She/Her, Lead. Asexual. Explicitly stated.

ars PARADOXICA: A modern-day physicist accidentally invents time travel and finds herself deep in government conspiracies in the 1940s. Cleverly done, but if you struggle with time travel, you might have some issues. People tend to find this a bit hit or miss, but I really enjoyed it. Possibly my favourite take on time travel.

Character: Dr. Sally Grissom, She/Her, Lead. Asexual. Explicitly stated. 

The Beacon Podcast: Anxious university student Bee discovers she has fire powers and starts a podcast to try and find others like her. Chaos ensues when she discovers she's not the only odd thing on campus. Funny and endearing series with a wonderful cast of characters and some of my favourite friendship dynamics. The university setting is a great pick and I'm very hungry for more lore. 

Character: Bee, She/Her, Lead. Lesbian Asexual. Explicitly stated.

Girl In Space: The Girl in Space spends her days alone on a space station, running science, tending the garden, making cheese, and watching Jurassic Park. It's pretty great. Be a shame if somebody were to ruin it. Clever, funny, sweet, smart, and occasionally brutal, there's something about this podcast I find oddly comforting. Probably because the wholesome bits are so good.

Character: X, She/Her, Lead. Asexual. Hinted, Creator Confirmed.

The Godshead Incidental: In a city where gods are plenty and walk among people, an ordinary woman named Em writes a life advice column. Great writing, characters, audio, and lore, this podcast is in very early days but is already a favourite, and well worth keeping an eye on! 

Character: Imogen "Em" Chandra-Phankam, She/Her, Lead. Aromantic Asexual. Explicitly Stated.

Jar Of Rebuke: An unkillable (well, he can be killed, he just doesn't stay dead) amnesiac scientist investigates weird happenings around the town he lives in, eats a lot of tasty things, and makes some friends along the way. Taking the form of their audio journal, it has a great mix of intense, sweet, and really funny scenes, with fun worldbuilding and intriguing mystery! I'm already invested and excited to see more!

Character: Dr. Jared Hel, They/He, Lead. Greyromantic Asexual. Stated, Creator Confirmed. And Christine Torres, She/Her, Minor. Lesbian Asexual. Creator Confirmed. And Dr. Gia Castillo, She/Her, Minor. Pan/Demiromantic Pan/Demisexual. Creator confirmed. And Dr. Milo Lomax, They/Them, Minor. Aromantic Questioning. Creator Confirmed.

Less is Morgue: A peppy, nickelback-loving ghost and a skeptical, flesh-eating ghoul host a podcast in said ghoul's mom's basement where they talk about anything and everything. Humorous and a bit gorey, plenty of energy and very original.

Character: Riley Almanzor, They/Them, Lead. Asexual. Stated/Creator Confirmed.

Light Hearts: Three friends run a queer cafe/bar, and learn to live with the surprising number of ghosts haunting it. Another wholesome, feel-good, light-hearted and fun podcast. Only a few episodes out so far but a good pick-me-up.

Character: Kale, They/Them, Lead. Biromantic Asexual. Explicitly stated.

The Magnus Archives: Easily the most popular podcast on this list, The Magnus Archives is a horror podcast which takes a look into the strange statements given to The Magnus Institute, an organisation which investigates strange happenings, and follows the new archivist as he tries to make sense of it. Well written podcast, it is delightful to see all the seemingly unrelated stories connect up over time. 

Character: Jonathan Sims, He/Him, Lead. Biromantic Asexual. Alluded to/creator confirmed.

Mount Olympus University: A bizarre set of circumstances leads Pandora enrolled and in charge of campus radio at the prestigious MOU, where the students are gods and figures of legend. Issue is, she doesn't belong there. Cute and charming series with exciting characters and a fun take on some classic mythology.

Character: Pandora Wordsworth, She/Her, Lead. Demisexual. Explicitly stated.

The Sheridan Tapes: In 2018, famous horror writer Anna Sheridan went missing and left behind a collection of strange tapes. Listen along as a homicide detective goes through them to try figure out what happened to her, and winds up deeper into strangeness than he could've anticipated. Really fun horror-mystery with lots of great stories and engaging twists.

Character: Sam Bailey, He/Him, Lead. MLM Grey-Asexual. Explicitly Stated.

The Silt Verses: In a modern world where gods are both outlawed and commercialised, two devotees to an outlawed river god go on a pilgrimage. Beautifully written horror with great characters, tasty sound work, a healthy dose of body horror, and complex, engaging worldbuilding.

Character: Sister Carpenter, She/Her, Lead. Aspec. Stated/Heavily Implied.

Sidequesting: Rion is a fantasy adventurer like few others; they only do side quests! Fun, interesting, very queer, and ridiculously wholesome, this feel-good podcast does a new adventure every episode. Also very much suitable for children. If you need a pick me up, please, go check it out! Makes my heart happy!

Characters: Rion, They/Them, Lead. Biromantic Asexual. Explicitly stated. And Sam, He/Him, Minor. Aromantic Bisexual. Explicitly stated.

Station to Station: After her friend and lab partner goes missing, leaving behind nothing but some strange tapes and rapidly vanishing memories, biochemist Miranda Quan tries to figure out what happened to him, and ends up drawn into a bizzare conspiracy on board a north pacific research vessel. Really well made with a fantastic cast of voices, but left off on a cliffhanger!

Character: Miranda Quan, She/Her, Lead. Asexual. Explicitly Stated.

Wooden Overcoats: Rudyard and Antigone Funn run a funeral home in the island village of Piffling. Not very well, mind you, but that doesn't matter, because it's the only one. Well. It used to be. Hilarious, high quality, and an interesting cast of characters, with a classic british comedy vibe.

Character: Rudyard Funn, He/Him, Lead. So, apologies since this one is technically not canon, but one of the writers has said he writes Rudyard as ace, so I'm including it. 

Arden: A fictional, amusing podcast taking the form of a true crime series. The hosts (an ex-detective and a radio journalist) both have equally chaotic but very different energies which make for a fun dynamic. It does also cover and address some occasionally intense and serious topics, so it's not pure comedy. This podcast also includes a great conversation about what the character's asexuality means to her in context of relations and future, which I'm mentioning as it was really well done and cathartic to hear.

Character: Rosalind Ursula, She/Her, Major. Asexual. Explicitly stated.

The Blood Crow Stories (SS Utopia storyline): This is the storyline for season 1, Max shares the interesting tapes his thesis project is on! Listen as life aboard the SS Utopia, a luxury escape from World War 1 on the open ocean, dissolves into chaos and horror. Great if you like the "character listens to old tapes" layout as much as I do. Lots of really interesting interpersonal relations and characters, and I really like how it's put together. I couldn't get into s2, but I loved the S3 storyline and am curious where S4 is going. 

Character: Leo Moretti, He/Him, Major. Heteromantic Asexual. Explicitly stated.

The Bright Sessions: Dr Bright does therapy for the strange and unusual, which is to say, young people with superpowers! TBS is well made, written, and executed podcast with a great cast of characters. It's a podcast I'd recommend to anyone.

Character: Chloe Turner, She/Her, Major. Panromatic Asexual. Explicitly stated.

Campaign: Skyjacks: The only tabletop podcast on this list (because I normally can't focus on them), Skyjacks follows a small group of sky-mercenaries on their various adventures. Amazing worldbuilding, fun characters, gorgeous music, and giant birds. It's ridiculously fun watching the GM and players get excited and build the world together. Additional shout-out to their kid-friendly sibling podcast Courier's Call which is about apprentices to an airbourne delivery service because it's ridiculously cute and has even more tasty lore.

Character: The Broker, He/They, Major (Arc 2). Asexual. Stated/Heavily Implied, Creator Confirmed.

Hello from the Hallowoods: Severely underrated and sweet queer horror podcast that follows many people (in varying degrees of human, and alive) in their journeys in a strange land, and as they cross paths. Amazing lore and worldbuilding, delightful narration and writing, highly recommended.

Character: Walter Pensive, He/Him, Major. Heteromantic Asexual. Explicitly Stated. AND Friday, She/Her, Minor. Aromantic. Creator Confirmed.

InkWyrm: Mella, the new AI caretaker for intergalactic fashion magazine InkWyrm, finds herself the new assistant to it's editor as well. Lesbian sci-fi rom-com. Worth noting the recording quality of early episodes, and some of the SFX, are a bit rough, though it improves later (start with episode 1 (redux)). The writing quality is top notch and super funny from the start, and I want to give a special mention to this podcast, because not only do they say "aromantic asexual", it's not just a single offhand comment; Robert's asexuality is frequently referenced, and the subject (but not target) of various jokes in a way I found really validating as a listener. 

Character: Dr. Robert Alphelion, He/Him, Major. Aromantic Asexual. Explicitly stated.

Love and Luck: Queer Australian romance told in voicemails, it had me in love with the leads only a few short episodes in. Set in modern-day Melbourne, it features real community places and events. It also addresses real life issues faced by the queer community, so it has it's stressful moments, but is for the most part super wholesome, and gives off such a beautiful community vibe. I want a Best of Luck bar in my own city, dammit. Oh, and there's magic!

Characters: CJ, They/Them, and Ricardo, He/Him, Major. Alloromantic Asexual. Explicitly Stated.

Moonbase Theta Out: Logs, updates, and messages from Moonbase Theta as they prepare for station shutdown and return to Earth, but not everything may be as it appears on the surface. Interesting cast of characters, this show gladly delivers both wholesome and emotionally devastating content, and it's good fun to watch the situation reveal itself. 

Character: Nessa Cheong, She/Her, Major. Aromantic Pansexual. Stated. And Lark, She/Her, Once-Off (Before the Moon Episode 2). Wlw Asexual. Explicitly Stated.

Old Gods of Appalachia: Horror anthology podcast surrounding strange incidents around the Appalachian mountains. A folktaley vibe that builds to something epic and brilliant. Most characters are treated as very disposable but never disrespectfully, which is a dynamic I've quite enjoyed.

Character: The Witch Queen, She/Her, Major. Aromantic Asexual. Stated.

The Penumbra Podcast (Juno Steel): Noir-style adventures of a detective on future Mars. An exciting, hilarious, and exceedingly queer podcast, it is well made and a lot of fun.

Character: Jet Sikuliaq, He/Him, Minor/Major. Aromantic Asexual. Stated. 

The Penumbra Podcast (Second Citadel): The proudest knights in all the second citadel go on various quests to prove themselves and protect the kingdom. Amusing and exciting, well put together.

Character: Talfryn, He/Him, Major. Aromantic Asexual. Stated.

The Six Disappearances of Ella McCray: Shortly before her wedding, at a lunch with friends and family, Ella McCray vanishes. Everyone tells the same story, until the moment she vanishes, when the stories suddenly vary wildly, all becoming impossible, on the scale of aliens, time travel, mind control, etc. And the strange things continue to happen as they search for her. Interesting and engaging mystery with good sound work, but be prepared for a cliffhanger.

Character: Jordan McCray, He/Him, Major. Asexual. Explicitly Stated.

The Strange Case of Starship Iris: Violet Liu is the last surviving crew member of the Starship Iris, after the rest are killed in a shuttle explosion. Though probably not for much longer. After being picked up by a passing ship, she's thrown into a high-stakes adventure, and quickly has to come to terms with who she can actually trust. Fantastic show with a fun cast and delicious found family. 

Character: Arkady Patel, She/Her, Major. Wlw grey-asexual. Explicitly Stated.

This Planet Needs a Name: Humanity is sending ships out to terraform and colonise planets, to hopefully create better life for humanity. Here's what happens in a best-case scenario! Wholesome, thoughtful, and full of emotion and found family.

Characters: Izley Kolian, They/Them, Major. Asexual. Stated. And Cyrus Castillo Rodriguez, He/Him, Major. Demisexual. Creator Confirmed.

Tides: After being stranded on a tidal planet, xenobiologist Dr. Winifred Eurus must use all her wits and knowledge to survive, and gets a lot more work then she anticipated done along the way. Cleverly crafted, great worldbuilding, and a wonderful cast of characters. If you want to hear about cool alien life it is a must. 

Character: Dr. Robert Montague, He/Him, Major. Demisexual. Explicitly Stated. And Dr. Melissa Wang, She/Her, Major. Aromantic Asexual. Implied.

The Underwood Collection: Magnus Archives fanmade spinoff. American edition! The audio is not quite as high-quality as the original, but the writing is good, and if you're craving more statements, these are a mix of more silly and more scary than the original show, and take opportunity to explore the intersections of the fears. Also, more queer rep, and actually uses the words.

Character: Cassian Sedgwick, They/Them, Major. Aromantic Asexual. Creator Confirmed. And Morgan Gaiman, They/Them, Major. Biromantic Asexual. Creator Confirmed. And Lucy Murphy, She/Her, Once-off (Episode 8). Asexual. Explicitly Stated.

Ungifts: Four friends take off on a journey to find their fifth after she is possessed by a magic amulet. They are given powers along the way, but they really don't want them. Fun concept, can feel a little shaky at times, but I quite enjoyed it. The main 5 characters being voiced by just 2 people is an interesting effect. The banter is really fun.

Character: Trev, He/Him, Major. Biromantic Asexual. Creator Confirmed.

VALENCE: VALENCE follows Liam, a young magic user (or muse for short) in a city where magic is shunned and people are expected to suppress it. He's got a lot of problems in his day-to-day life, but his family is one he hoped he'd never have to deal with again. Until he receives a very intriguing offer. Slow but interesting start that moves into some of the most fun character interactions I've seen in a while. Very intriguing and entertaining.

Characters: Sarah Harris, She/Her, Major. Heteromantic Asexual. Explicitly Stated. And Grace Chen, She/Her, Major. Aromantic Asexual. Creator Confirmed. And Nico Salvai, He/Him, Major. Arospec mlm. Explicitly Stated.

The Vanishing Act: Absolutely wild podcast about a 1930's German set designer's obsession with a 200 year dead magician's last trick: making an entire room of people vanish into thin air. As he travels the world seeking answers (and trying to get laid) we encounter a whole host of wonderfully/concerningly eccentric characters including an American conman, a handsome British author, a German scientist, and a duck. Well done sound design and never a dull moment. But also, a fair amount of sexual humor.

Character: Lilith von Hitzler, She/Her, Major. Aromantic Bisexual. Creator Confirmed.

Greater Boston: Set in an alternate universe Boston, a man gives up living on a rollercoaster and another attempts to turn a trainline into its own city. Watch how these events affect the people around them. Well made and entertaining, surreal yet weirdly grounded. It's a bit slower, so my ADHD brain has trouble keeping focus sometimes, but it's genuinely a very well made and written podcast. Worth listening just for Malory.

Character: Melissa Weatherby, She/Her, Minor. Aromantic Asexual. Stated.

Station Arcadia: Stories from a radio station on a moving island, in a world where solarpunk, cyberpunk, steampunk, and dieselpunk exist side by side. Some stories are stand alone, some are ongoing, many are connected, all are full of good writing and amazing worldbuilding. Very queer and underrated. Shoutout to the first explicitly stated Queer Platonic relationship I've ever encountered in media.

Character: Alice Harlow, She/Her, Minor/Reoccurring. Aromantic. Implied/Creator Confirmed.

Supernatural Sexuality with Dr. Seabrooke: Dr. Seabrooke runs a radio show where people can call in to get advice on romantic, sexual, and gender related conundrums. The hook being, this is a world where magic and supernatural creatures are just a normal part of life and society. As a note, this show contains fairly frequent discussion of sex, though there is nothing actually explicit, and it's presented in a fairly informative (but not impersonal) way. I'm quite heavily sex-repulsed, and it caused me no issues. The conversations feel really organic, it's great fun to see how they've explored how supernatural elements would play into interpersonal relations and daily life, and there's loads of advice that can be applied in real relationships as well. 

Character: Alford, He/Him, Once-off (Episode 10). Mlw Asexual. Stated/creator confirmed. And Ava, She/Her, Once-off (Episode 11). Wlw Asexual. Explicitly Stated.

Also a shout out to all the aspec people I've met in the past year for 1) being super incredible people and wonderful friends, and 2) really broadening my (alarmingly narrow) perspective on what it means to be aro- or ace-spec. And to all my friends, aspec and otherwise, for just being generally supportive, patient, and cool people.

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[ Image Description: Two quote images. Both images have the same purple-hued marbled background with pale lavender text on a dark square. At the bottom is a dark purple band and the attribution: "Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex." The first quote reads: “Normal is often treated as a moral judgment, when it is often simply a statistical matter. The question of what everyone else is doing is less important than the question of what works for the . . . people in the actual relationship. It matters that everyone’s needs are carefully considered and respected, not that everyone is doing the same thing.” (The last sentence is bolded.) The second quote reads: “Difference can be a gift. Being ace can mean less interpersonal drama and more freedom from social norms around relationships. It is an opportunity to focus more on other passions, to be less distracted by sexuality, to break the scripts, to choose your own adventure and your own values.” End Image Description ]

[ace-references]

happy ace week my beloveds, i love being asexual 💜

available soon as a print here :)

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Asexual lockscreens with music and pianos for anon

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❤️💛💚💙💜Happy Pride Month❤️💛💚💙💜

Book: Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann

Characters depicted: Alice. Pronouns: she/her

Book’s LGBT+ rep: asexual, bi romantic

Artist note: While I’ve read many books with asexual characters, this is the first I’ve read of an asexual mc dealing with dating life. It’s a cute fluffy read and own voice.

[ace-references]

I find it fascinating that people who choose not to have children are generally assumed to feel really strongly about not having children (or even to feel really strongly against children, anyone’s children, in general). I am probably not going to have children, not because I REALLY REALLY HATE the idea of having children, but because I don’t really really love it. Out of all the major decisions I will make in my life, this one is the only irreversible one. I can sell a house, quit a job, divorce a spouse, whatever. I cannot unhave a child. I cannot opt out of being a parent once I become a parent. I can’t even take a step back for the sake of self-care or whatever, or else my child will suffer.

So for me, having children is fuck yes or not at all. The default will be to remain childfree. Having children should be an opt-in decision, not an opt-out one. Until/unless I develop really strong feelings about wanting to have children, I won’t have them, even if that means I never end up having them at all.

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happy ace awareness week!!!

i was worried that i wouldn’t be able to finish it in time,,,

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☾ planetary space ace moodboard ☽

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ASEXUAL LOCKSCREENS

I also made these on Canvas.

Like or Reblog if you save them.

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me, getting along well with my male coworkers:

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JUNE DESKTOP WALLPAPERS

Happy June ladies, gents, and non-binary legends <3 It’s pride month, it’s my birthday month, and it’s sadly also the month of finals for me… but no worries, I still have fresh wallpaper designs for you!

This month’s designs are:

circle flag design

inverted circle flag

abstract

quote of the month: “the truth is simply this: love is indomitable” (→ in Quotes folder)

I’ve included both Monday and Sunday start calendars, and for each design, there are multiple colors available (obviously), for 8 different pride flags (i tried to make as many as i could atm) :)

you can find the wallpapers here

✎ LIKE/REBLOG if you like and/or use the wallpapers so more people can see them :)

Do tag me in your posts if you post pics of them (#bulletnotestudies), I love seeing how they look on your laptop/tablet :) And if you have requests for July, let me know - new designs, designs you want to see again, new color schemes, any holidays you celebrate, all wishes are welcome!

Please don’t repost these or claim as your own, as i did spend a lot of time designing them, despite also having hardcore exams going on

and lastly, to all lgbtq+ people who aren't out for whatever reason: you are valid. the legitimacy of your identity has nothing to do with how many people you've told - you are here, you are you and you are enough. even if you're not entirely sure what your identity is or don't want to put a label on it, you're still a part of the lgbtq+ community. when (if) you decide to come out is completely up to you, not being out ≠ not being proud of who you are. this month is your celebration, too 🏳️‍🌈

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“Having a soulmate is not always about love. You can find your soulmate in a friendship too.”

— Unknown