adventuresoficarus

[adventuresoficarus]

My God

Today I wrote

I mean really truly, pencil to paper

And I wasn’t even afraid

- SCB

[adventuresoficarus]

I sit with paintings and I know that all they wish is to be admired, to be spoken to, to not be forgotten.

How very familiar. How very human.

To the paintings in the hallway, who made it into a museum that didn’t deem them worthy enough to properly be displayed,

I know your humanity. Through you, I have met and will remember the soul of your creator.

I will sit with you.

- SCB

[adventuresoficarus]

I am so very filled with such joy, gratitude, and whimsy.

Yesterday’s Goods:

I spent quiet time existing with my very favorite Maddi, she braided my hair, I spent time in a Barnes in Noble, I bought books I’ve been wanting without punishing myself for it, I told jokes with intention, Ren made me laugh, My roommate and I worked together to clean our beautiful cozy apartment, I had a delicious and healthy dinner that I got to share (I lit a candle and my roommate and I had intentional conversation), I got alone time to dance, I planned a date, I felt like myself and I was proud of it, I had food gifted to me, I laughed excessively, I felt incredibly attractive, I was grateful for the experiences and education that got me to where I am today

[adventuresoficarus]

Random words that I’ve heard recently that I dearly enjoy:

- Compassionate

- Wonderful

- Spunk

- Whimsy

- Skedaddle

- Clever

- The Conductor

- Arson

[adventuresoficarus]

Not in like a sad way but today and the past couple of days have made me so anxious and I could really use a lobotomy right abt now.

[adventuresoficarus]

Endymion (George Frederic Watts, 1872)

[adventuresoficarus]

Michael A Davenport, I Went Home and No One Was There (Charcoal on paper, 2024)

18in x 23in

[adventuresoficarus]

What did I dream about last night? Why do I feel like I’ve forgotten something terribly important…

[adventuresoficarus]

I recently moved and since I don’t have a whole lot of familiar people in easy reach, it’s been really hard to feel content.

As an extrovert, sometimes not filling out my social battery for a day genuinely makes me feel more drained and depressed at the end. It’s not even like I haven’t talked to anyone today - I just haven’t gotten the chance to yap and be myself with someone. Now I feel unsatisfied and like I won’t be able to sleep.

To try and mitigate this I’ve genuinely started going places by myself on the weekend. I’ll take my sketchbook and go to the art museum. I’ve reached out to people in a way that somewhat makes me feel like a desperate ex. I call my friends and wish I could be with them. I visit or ask my friends to come visit me but it feels too much like we have to do elaborate activities to make the time worthwhile. I hang out and yap with my roommate incessantly just to get some kind of release - when then sparks my anxiety because I don’t want her to hate me lol.

I’ve found new hobbies and revived old ones. I read all the time (it’s amazing), I’m drawing again (doesn’t make me feel quite like myself, but I think I’m getting there), I journal, I think about writing (thinking is progress too! I just need to make myself actually start), I play video games, I listen to music, I do my job, I learn coding languages, I cook, I try to save money, I force myself to go to the gym even though it’s hard. It’s just not enough. I need someone to understand me- or at least try to.

Any ideas on how to make friends in a new city?

[adventuresoficarus]

'Hypnosis' by Sascha Schneider, 1904.

[adventuresoficarus]

Art;

The part of myself that I’m the most scared to come back to,

But feel welcomed home when I do

- SCB

[adventuresoficarus]

It is a strange thing to miss you,

It feels like it should be natural to text or call

Even though there would be no answer.

I don’t regret losing you,

It has been so bettering for me-

Which leaves me to wonder;

Is it you that I miss? Or something else entirely?

Did I ever really know you at all?

It is a strange thing to miss you

When I would never desire to see you again.

- SCB

[adventuresoficarus]

It snowed the other night

And I can honestly say

That as I stood near naked in the flurries

I had never felt such joy.

This semester marked my steady, strenuous return to art

I knew it was my last chance

And along the way I found not only brushstrokes

But books that were hard to put down

I haven’t felt like that in years

And dancing,

I got it back. So exhausted my missed.

I guess you can say I found myself again

- SCB

[adventuresoficarus]

Inktober Day 21: Chains

[adventuresoficarus]

And there’s so much going on and there’s so much being missed

There’s responsibility and needs and more responsibility

Prioritize your health, prioritize school, your family, prioritize your future, your life.

How do I prioritize everything all at once?

And so the health slips

And I’ve been coughing for weeks now

School is draining and overwhelming

But I can’t afford to lose anymore of it

Family gets quieter, Family gets further and further away, harder and hard to define and find comfort it

Family changes

The world is around the corner but I haven’t been accepted into it

Why on earth would I need to be accepted into it?

Oh yeah, to survive.

There just isn’t enough room for it all

- SCB

[adventuresoficarus]

It’s 2014

And it’s raining

I’m on the bus on the way to middle school

My head is against the window

But I never watch the road

I’m always somewhere else.

What happened to that girl

Who thought and dreamt so much?

- SCB

[adventuresoficarus]

Every stupid human will believe other humans to be more stupid than themselves.

- SCB